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    Mabel's Fables

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    Chapter 12

    Sheriff Blubs arrived to Main Street with Deputy Durland in their police car to find people running away in terror as Merlin destroyed everything in sight. Blubs came out of the police car with a megaphone.

    "Hey, wizard guy!" said Blubs into the megaphone. "Cut that out!"

    "Have you brought your leader with you?" asked Merlin.

    "I'm the leader in these parts, and I'm telling you to take your behind home!" said Blubs.

    "And what will you do if I don't, fat man?"

    Blubs reddened. "Durland, get the tasers!"

    Merlin laughed.

    "Whatever those 'tasters' are, they're no match for…"

    Before Merlin could finish the sentence, he felt two sharp objects puncture his neck. Electricity then pulsated through his body, and he fell to the ground shaking as Blubs and Durland approached him.

    "What...kind of...dark magic...is this?" croaked Merlin.

    "You can thank our old friend Thomas Edison for that!" said Durland.

    "When...I find...this sorcerer Edison...I shall…"

    Merlin again struggled to finish his sentence before passing out.

    Dipper had just finished telling Stan what had happened while he, Mabel, and Soos were gone when Wendy entered the Mystery Shack.

    "Dipper!" cried Wendy.

    Wendy ran to Dipper and squeezed him in her arms. When she let him go after a few seconds, his face was red, and his legs were shaking like he was carrying something double his weight.

    "Do you know what happened to Soos and Mabel?" asked Wendy.

    "W-w-w-well, y-y-y-y-you s-s-s-s-s-see," stuttered Dipper.

    "We don't know," said Stan.

    "Dang," said Wendy. "I hope they're alright."

    The door to the Mystery Shack opened again, and this time, Soos' grandmother, known to Gravity Falls' residents only as Abuelita, walked in.

    "Oh, no!" said Stan. "It's her again!"

    Stan hid under his chair as Abuelita entered the living room.

    "Hi, Abuelita!" said Dipper, who had regained his composure enough to be able to talk normally again.

    "Hello," said Abuelita. "Do you have any news about my grandson?"

    "I don't," responded Dipper. "I'm sorry."

    "Dios mio," muttered Abuelita. "My tibuelo Bruno warned me of this. Once again, I am unhappy to see him proven right."

    Dipper raised an eyebrow.

    "What exactly did he tell you?" asked Dipper.

    "Oh, it was so long ago," said Abuelita.

    Abuelita closed her eyes, and she felt something she couldn't explain, even in her native tongue. If she had to describe it, she was somehow feeling the color green. Once she opened her eyes, she had a much better memory of what her great uncle had predicted.

    "He told me I would lose somebody dear to me," said Abuelita. "And to get him back, I would have to consult el padre de los ratones, the father of mice."

    "Father of mice?" repeated Wendy. "What could that mean?"

    "Sadly, I do not know," said Abuelita. "If you hear about Soos, please stop by mi casa and tell me. He's been gone for days without any of Abuelita's home cooking. He must be so skinny now!"

    Before Abuelita left, she turned around.

    "Tell Mr. Pines I said hello, as well," said Abuelita.

    Wendy kicked Stan under the chair.

    "Ow!" said Stan. "I mean, there's nobody under here! This is just your mind playing tricks on you!"

    Abuelita smiled before leaving the Mystery Shack. A few seconds later, Stan crawled out from under his chair.

    "What was that for?" asked Stan.

    "What was what for?" said Wendy, playing dumb.

    "You know what I'm talking about! That kick in the keister you gave me!"

    "Are you sure that wasn't just your mind playing tricks on you?"

    "Very funny!"

    Stan wiped the dust off of his pants before sitting in the chair.

    "Why didn't you want to talk to Abuelita?" asked Dipper.

    "She's been here every day since Soos disappeared, asking me the same questions. And I get it! It's her grandson, but that doesn't make it any less annoying!" explained Stan.

    "Do you have any idea who that 'father of mice' might be, at least?"

    "It's no one! It's a crazy old woman making stuff up! You should just ignore it!"

    Dipper sighed.

    "You might be right," said Dipper. "But I need something, anything to help me bring back Soos and Mabel."

    Wendy put a hand on Dipper's shoulder.

    "It's okay," she said. "We'll find them. Every mess we've gotten in, we've managed to dig ourselves out of, haven't we?"

    "Yeah," said Dipper. "But every time, I've had Mabel with me."

    "I know what will cheer us up! Pizza!" said Stan.

    "All right!" said Wendy.

    Dipper shook his head.

    "I'm not hungry," he said. "If it's alright with you two, I'll call it a night."

    Dipper went back up the stairs to the attic, and he disappeared into his room.

    "Poor guy," said Wendy.

    "I wish I could tell him how much I understand what he's going through," said Stan.

    "What do you mean?"

    "Nothing."

    It was late at night when Merlin finally regained consciousness. He was now in a jail cell, and he saw Deputy Durland sleeping in a chair across from it.

    "Big mistake," whispered Merlin as he pointed two open palms at the bars of the jail cell.

    The bars didn't move, so Merlin said a spell out loud in Latin while keeping his open palms pointed at them.

    "Why isn't this working?" grumbled Merlin.

    Merlin closed his eyes and said a transportation spell as carefully as he could. When he opened his eyes again and saw that he was still in the jail cell, he punched one of the walls out of frustration.

    "Why don't my powers work anymore?" wondered Merlin.

    Merlin stared at Deputy Durland in his chair.

    "Whatever he did to me must have crippled my magic," said Merlin. "I can't believe I was defeated by such a pathetic excuse for a human!"

    Deputy Durland woke up.

    "Sorry, ma! Didn't mean to wet the bed again!" blurted Durland.

    Durland then realized where he was.

    "You...didn't hear that, did you?" said Durland.

    "Oh, I heard every word," said Merlin.

    Durland sighed before standing up.

    "I'm happy you're alive, by the way," said Durland. "It was pretty touch-and-go there for a while. Sheriff Blubs bet you wouldn't make it, but I bet you would. Now that you're moving again, I get to cash out!"

    As Durland started to leave, Merlin grabbed the cell bars.

    "So, you're just going to leave me here?" said Merlin.

    "Yep!" said Durland.

    Durland thought for a moment, and then he grabbed a pack of cheese and crackers from his shirt pocket and threw it into Merlin's jail cell.

    "In case you get hungry," said Durland. "Last thing I want is for you to starve to death before I can prove to Daryl you're alive. BRB!"

    Durland went into the hallway, leaving Merlin alone in his prison cell. Merlin picked up the cheese and crackers and studied them.

    "I've never seen anything like this," said Merlin.

    Merlin licked the pack of cheese and crackers without taking the plastic wrapper off.

    "Strange what people in these lands are willing to eat," said Merlin.

    Merlin slid the cheese and crackers into a pocket inside his robe, and he sat on a bed in the corner of his jail call, thinking about everything that had led up to this, all of the loved ones he had betrayed just to wind up in this smelly dungeon without his powers on a world he knew nothing about.

    He thought about Arthur.

    He thought about Evelyn.

    He thought about the Big Bad Wolf.

    And he questioned whether all the pain he had inflicted on those he had once considered his friends and family would be worth it in the end.

    It had to be.

    Otherwise, he had become a monster for nothing.

    Dipper lie awake in his bed at 2 in the morning. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard Mabel's screams, those horrible screams. He hoped that she was alive and that wherever she was, she was being taken care of, but it ate away at him that he didn't know. As her twin brother, losing Mabel felt like losing a part of himself, and he had no idea how to function without her. He scanned the toys by Mabel's bed, hoping that having something to talk to, even a stuffed animal, would make it easier for him to relax. One of the toys immediately caught his attention: a plushie of Minnie Mouse.

    El padre de los ratones.

    "That's it!" said Dipper. "Walt Disney!"

    Dipper remembered the conversation he had with Bill Cipher while playing Rumpelstiltskin. Bill had told him that Disney visited the world of fairy tales long ago, which means if Bill was telling the truth, and Disney was still alive, and he knew how to get back to that world, they could bring back Soos. If they could back to that world, they could possibly find where Mabel is and bring her back, too. He knew it was unlikely, but it was the closest thing to a solution he had, and to his sleep-deprived brain, it made perfect sense. He turned off the lights, returned to his bed, and was asleep in seconds.

    Merlin woke up to the sound of a tin cup jangling through the bars of his jail cell.

    "Sorry," said Deputy Durland, who was holding the cup. "I've always wanted to do that."

    "What do you want?" growled Merlin.

    "You have a visitor. She says she's a big fan of yours."

    "Really? Interesting."

    Durland left, and a woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties walked in.

    "I...I can't believe it's you!" said the woman.

    "Who are you?" said Merlin.

    "Sorry," said the woman. "I'm Abigail Waybright, but everyone calls me Abby."

    "Well, Abby, what do you want?"

    "I wanted to know if you were really here. The police said you were being detained here, but I couldn't believe that after seeing those videos of you."

    "Videos?"

    "Yeah! That crazy stuff you did downtown is all over YouTube now! You're a viral sensation!"

    "Viral sensation? That sounds painful!"

    "Well, it isn't! It's great for you! I'm actually a part of a group, the Children of Merlin, that started online last night. We already have hundreds of members, and we're adding new ones every minute."

    Merlin scratched his chin, intrigued by what he was hearing.

    "These Children of Merlin, would you say that they worship me?" he asked.

    "Of course!" said Abby. "We think somebody like you is exactly what this world needs, somebody powerful enough and ambitious enough to take complete control, end all of the stupid fighting we see between countries, and just focus on making the world a better place."

    Merlin smiled.

    "Yes," he said. "That's exactly what I want, and I can accomplish it with the help of you and the rest of these Children of Merlin."

    "But, if you don't mind, can I ask why you're still in this jail cell? With what I know about your powers, it shouldn't be difficult for you to break out," said Abby.

    "You're right. I can leave this bloody place whenever I want to," lied Merlin. "But I won't, because when it's time to attack, I want it to come by surprise."

    "Of course!" said Abby. "I never should have doubted you."

    "That's right. While I'm in here, though, can you ask somebody in your group to monitor two children from this area?"

    "That shouldn't be hard. What are their names?"

    "Dipper and Mabel Pines."

    Dipper ran downstairs as soon as he woke up. Stan was showing customers around the gift shop while Wendy was behind the cash register.

    "Guys! Guys! I know how we're bringing back Soos!" said Dipper.

    "Alright, everyone out!" said Stan. "This is family business!"

    The customers left the gift shop visibly irritated, and Stan joined Dipper in front of the counter opposite Wendy.

    "So, you remember what Abuelita said about the father of mice?" said Dipper. "I think when she said that, she was referring to Walt Disney."

    "The movie guy?" said Stan. "Even if it was possible that it was him, he's been dead for close to 50 years!"

    "Wait a minute," said Wendy. "I have a friend who works at Disneyland, and she told me once about a rumor that Walt Disney never really died but was cryogenically frozen and stored in a secret chamber right under the Pirates of the Caribbean ride."

    "So, let's start there," said Dipper. "If we can find Disney, we can find Soos, and who knows? Maybe he can help us find Mabel, too."

    "This is nonsense! I've already had to run off my paying customers just to talk about this! I'm not closing down the Mystery Shack for days so you can look for a ghost under a pirate ride!" said an exasperated Stan.

    "Please," said Dipper. "If there's even a small chance, one out of one hundred, one out of one million chance that this is how I bring Mabel and Soos back, I have to try it."

    "No!" said Stan. "And that's final!"

    "Hey, old man, can we talk for a sec?" said Wendy.

    Stan and Wendy went into the living room while Dipper sat on a barrel beside the counter. Wendy made sure Dipper was out of earshot before she started speaking.

    "Listen, dude, we both know what Dipper is saying is crazy, but he just lost his sister," said Wendy. "Can't we just entertain him for a bit? Whether Walt Disney is there or not, he'll still get to have fun at Disneyland, maybe meet a cute girl his own age, and start to accept that he doesn't have all of the answers, and that's okay."

    Stan sighed.

    "All right," he said. "I haven't taken a break from the Mystery Shack for years, so maybe some time off will be good for me, too."

    Stan and Wendy returned to the gift shop to find Dipper still on the barrel, looking down at the floor dejected.

    "Chin up, brat," said Stan. "We're going to Disneyland."

    Dipper looked up at his great uncle with surprise.

    "What made you change your mind?" said Dipper.

    "You moping around here is bad for business," said Stan. "Just promise me that after we go to Disneyland, no matter what happens, you'll at least try to be more cheerful.

    Dipper nodded.

    "Also," said Dipper. "Can we bring Abuelita?"

    "Absolutely not!" said Stan.

    "She was told that she would be the one to talk to Disney about bringing back Soos. I want to make sure we do this right," said Dipper.

    Stan clenched his fists for a moment, but then he released him.

    "Fine," he said. "But she's driving in the back with you!"

    "Woo-hoo!" said Dipper. "I know you won't regret it, Grunkle Stan! I just know it!"

    As Dipper ran to the Stanmobile, Stan shook his head.

    "How much I wish I could believe you, kid," he whispered.

    Wendy followed Dipper to the car as Stan locked all of the doors around the Mystery Shack. Stan then turned on the Stanmobile and joined Wendy in the front seat.

    "Remember," said Wendy. "Stay cool. For Dipper."

    "Yeah," said Stan. "For Dipper."

    Stan took one last look at the Mystery Shack in the rearview mirror before driving off.

    • Like 1

    Mabel's Fables

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    bringing this back for febracadabra

    Chapter 11

    Ever since she was a young girl, Evelyn had been fond of mirrors. She would spend 20 minutes, 30 minutes, even an hour some days in front of the large mirror in her bedroom, trying out different hairstyles or dresses or just thinking with her large, brown eyes staring back at her. It was a habit her mother scolded her for as being vain, but it was one she would never lose. The morning of the day she was supposed to join Merlin and the Big Bad Wolf on a journey to the “secret realm”, the only world out of thousands out there that couldn’t be viewed on Merlin’s crystal ball, she looked in the mirror like she did every other morning, but this time, something was different.

    A single strand of white hair, a bold defector in an army of black, caught Evelyn’s attention. Merlin had used a spell on her that slowed her aging shortly after he captured the Kingdom of Germania, which he renamed New Britain. In the hundreds of years since then, looking into this same mirror every single day, she hadn’t seen one white or even gray hair. Not one until today.

    It’s okay, Evelyn thought. It happens to everyone eventually.

    It was something Evelyn hoped would never happen to her, however. Her youth, her beauty was all she had for so much of her life. It was what allowed her to escape the squalor of peasantry and marry a king, a king much older than she was whom she didn’t love, but a king nevertheless.

    One of King Phillip’s first gifts to her and the one she prized more than any other was a magic mirror Phillip had purchased from a witch. Instead of simply looking in the mirror like before, Evelyn asked the all-knowing spirit trapped inside the magic mirror who the fairest in all the kingdom was, and every day since she first looked into the spirit’s dark and expressionless eyes, the answer from the spirit was the same:

    “You, my majesty, are the fairest in these lands.”

    Then, on a morning Evelyn could recall even hundreds of years later, she asked the spirit the usual question, and at first, the spirit hesitated. This time, its reply was:

    “As beautiful as you are, my majesty, there’s a girl with skin as pale as snow I see. A girl who now, I’m afraid to say, is fairer even than thee.”

    Evelyn’s face turned red, as she knew exactly who the magic mirror was talking about. Her stepdaughter was now more beautiful than she was, and soon other daughters would be more beautiful, and it was only a matter of time before the king left her to marry one of those younger, more beautiful women. The thought induced sadness at first, and then that sadness turned into rage. The magic mirror became a victim of that rage, as Evelyn grabbed a shoe and threw it into the mirror, shattering it. The outline of the spirit that was trapped inside the mirror appeared above what remained of it for a few seconds before fading away, letting out a scream that sent shivers down Evelyn’s spine.

    King Phillip hurried into the room.

    “Evelyn, are you okay?” asked Phillip.

    “Yeah!” responded Evelyn.

    “What happened to the mirror?”

    “I-it broke!”

    That was one of the last conversations she would have with Phillip, as Merlin would be brought to the palace by the royal guard later that day, and the king would die at Merlin’s hands just a few days later.

    Evelyn made sure the white hair was out of view as she descended into the dungeon, where Soos lay on the ground with a bored expression on his face. Once he starting hearing footsteps, he sat up to get a better look at who was coming.

    “Queen Evelyn? What do you want?” asked Soos.

    “I just wanted to give you the good news: you’re free to go!” said Evelyn.

    “Really? You don’t want me to do anything first?”

    “No, the king has all he needs from those friends of yours.”

    Evelyn and Soos climbed up the stairs of the dungeon together, and as they reached the top, Soos tripped, causing them both to tumble into Merlin’s kitchen.

    “Watch where you’re going!” said Evelyn as she pushed Soos away from her.

    As they both got up, Evelyn noticed that her white hair was now in plain sight, and she quickly turned away.

    “What’s wrong?” asked Soos.

    Evelyn didn’t bother to try to hide the white hair this time and turned again to face Soos.

    “It’s this, okay? This white strand of hair! You must think it makes me ugly,” conceded Evelyn.

    “I don’t think that,” said Soos. “I think you’re as pretty as before.”

    Evelyn, who was holding back tears expecting a verbal berating like the ones her mother gave her whenever she did something improper, opened her mouth with surprise, not knowing how to respond. Before she could say something, Merlin rushed into the palace.

    “Good! You’re still here!” said Merlin.

    “What’s going on?” wondered Evelyn.

    “There’s no time! They’ll be here any second!”

    Merlin took a needle out from under his robe and pricked Soos in the arm with it.

    “Ye-ouch!” screeched Soos.

    Merlin squeezed two drops of blood from Soos’ arm into a small tube, and he ran into the dungeon with it.

    “What’s his problem?” asked Soos.

    Evelyn sighed. “I don’t know. Merlin told me and Big Bad to meet him at Charming’s castle after I let you go, but it seems he needs to do something with your blood in the dungeon first.”

    “What do you think it is?”

    Suddenly, the palace started to shake. The Big Bad Wolf ran into the kitchen, clearly terrified, and Evelyn grabbed him and rubbed his back to calm him down.

    “It’s okay, Big Bad. It’s okay,” whispered Evelyn.

    After the shaking stopped, the Blue Fairy appeared in front of the painting of the arch that led to the dungeon.

    “You!” said Evelyn.

    The Blue Fairy immediately recognized Soos.

    “You!” cried the Blue Fairy.

    “Me!” said Soos.

    “How are you here?” said the Blue Fairy. “I just saw you leave with your friends in the dungeon. Unless…”

    “That’s why he needed Soos’ blood!” said Evelyn.

    “A transformation spell,” groaned the fairy. “I should have known. Merlin did it. He tricked me. He won.”

    “And he...didn’t take me and the wolf with him,” realized Evelyn.

    “He abandoned me...just like my pack,” said the wolf.

    The Blue Fairy grabbed Soos’ shoulders.

    “Boy, your world is in grave danger,” said the fairy. “If it’s true that there’s no magic where you live, Merlin could face little resistance on his quest to conquer your planet.”

    “Wow, that sounds really bad!” said Soos. “Also, your hands hurt a lot!”

    “Sorry,” said the fairy, letting go of Soos to reveal patches in his shirt where her hands were.

    “How can we help?” asked Evelyn.

    “You two?” exclaimed the fairy with surprise.

    “Us two?” exclaimed the wolf with even more surprise.

    “Come on, wolfie,” said Evelyn. “Wouldn’t you like to get revenge on the king for leaving us here? Going to that new world and messing up his plans would be the perfect way to do that!”

    “No offense,” said the Blue Fairy. “But I don’t trust the two of you in the slightest.”

    “Fair enough,” said Evelyn.

    Soos felt a chill overcome him.

    “Does anybody else feel that?” asked Soos.

    “Feel what?” said the Blue Fairy.

    The doors to the palace flew open, and Grimhilde, a witch from the nearby forest, walked in.

    “Who are you?” asked the Blue Fairy.

    Soos gasped. “That’s the crazy candy witch from the forest!”

    “There you are, my little darling,” cooed Grimhilde. “I didn’t think you would be here. As soon as your garment led me to this palace, I believed Merlin was tricking me, but I’ve never been so happy to be wrong!”

    “His garment? You used a locator spell on this boy?” said the Blue Fairy.

    “Indeed. And in exchange for this spell, I taught Merlin a spell he coveted for a long time, one that would allow him to tether somebody’s life force to a wand.”

    As soon as the Blue Fairy heard this, she charged at Grimhilde with rage. Grimhilde simply touched the Blue Fairy’s neck with her wand, and the Blue Fairy fell to the ground, the glow around her now flickering.

    “That’s one thing I didn’t teach Merlin!” said Grimhilde, cackling. “You fairies are all so pretentious for what are essentially overgrown insects.”

    Grimhilde turned to Soos.

    “I see she did a number on your shirt as well,” said Grimhilde. “Here.”

    Grimhilde threw a piece of Soos’ shirt to him. The shirt was glowing so brightly that Soos had to squint as he looked at it.

    “Use that to keep yourself warm as we return to my house,” said Grimhilde.

    “No,” said Soos. “I’m not going!”

    “And why not?”

    “Because once we get there, you’re going to eat me!”

    “So?”

    “So I don’t want to be eaten!”

    Grimhilde shrugged.

    “We all have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes,” she said. “I didn’t want to come to this dreadful palace to retrieve you, but here I am. Whether you want to be eaten or not, you shall be eaten.”

    Soos looked down at the glowing piece of shirt he held, and before Grimhilde could react, he threw it at her eyes.

    “Oh, you brat!” cried the witch. “Once I get my hands on you…”

    Soos darted to a window, but just as he made it out, he felt a cold, wrinkly hand grab his ankle and pull him back in.

    “No, no, no!” said Soos, trying his hardest to pull himself back out the window.

    “Face it,” said Grimhilde. “You don’t have the Blue Fairy protecting you any longer. Your annoying little friends are nowhere to be found. There is only you and me now, and it isn’t even close to a fair fight.”

    Soos felt his grip on the edges of the window loosen, and his eyes welled up as he no longer had the strength to hold on. Soos fell to the floor and turned around to find Grimhilde looking down at him with a large smile, the smile of a predator that has finally captured its prey. Soos closed his eyes, expecting Grimhilde to pick him up and take him to his death. When nothing happened for several seconds, Soos opened his eyes again to find that Grimhilde was now frowning and Evelyn was standing behind her with a knife lodged in Grimhilde’s back.

    “It seems you forgot someone,” said Evelyn.

    “Do you know...what you’ve done?” said Grimhilde, struggling to get every word out.

    “Yes,” said Evelyn. “I’ve done something I should have done a long time ago but that my witch-sympathetic husband would never let me.”

    “With me...and Merlin...gone...there will be...nothing...to stop others...from invading,” whispered Grimhilde.

    “And how exactly will they find out?” asked Evelyn.

    Grimhilde glanced at the window she pulled Soos out of. Evelyn looked at it too and saw there now was a raven sitting there.

    “No,” said Evelyn, realizing that the raven had seen everything that had just occurred. “What will become of my kingdom?”

    Said the raven, “nevermore.”

    The raven then flew off, and Grimhilde, now with a satisfied expression on her face, collapsed to the ground as Soos got back up.

    “Th-thanks for saving me,” said Soos.

    “No, thank you,” said Evelyn. “I had forgotten what it was like to think about somebody other than me for a change.”

    Evelyn watched as the raven disappeared into the sky.

    “If only it hadn’t come at so great a cost,” she whispered.

    Mabel and Dipper walked into the Mystery Shack’s parlor and stopped in front of the fireplace. Dipper glanced at Mabel, and then he glanced down at the book he was holding with “Fairy Tales and Other Stories for Children” etched into its cover. He took a deep breath, and then he chucked the book into the fireplace.

    “Did we really have to destroy it?” asked Mabel.

    “We can’t risk Merlin finding a way onto this world,” said Dipper. “If the book is ashes, we won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

    “Yeah,” said Mabel. “But there were some good memories in there.”

    “Yeah, for you,” said Dipper.

    “You seemed to get along well with Mr. Thumb.”

    “He’s a storybook character, just like everybody else we met. The relationships we formed, none of it was real. You need to understand that, Mabel. Everybody here: Grunkle Stan, Wendy, Soos, those people are real, and we can’t put them in danger.”

    “Speaking of Soos, we haven’t heard from him in a while. You think he’s okay?”

    “As okay as somebody who spent days being held hostage in a dungeon can be, I guess.”

    “Where do you think Grunkle Stan is?”

    “Looking for us, probably.”

    Dipper sighed.

    “I can’t imagine what he’s going through,” said Dipper. “I have my suspicions about him, but he does seem to care about us.”

    Mabel nodded, then her eyes widened.

    “Ohmygoshiforgotaboutwaddles!” shrieked Mabel.

    “Huh?” said Dipper.

    Mabel ran out of the parlor.

    “Waddles? Waddles? Oh man, I hope Grunkle Stan fed him!” said Mabel.

    Mabel heard a familiar oinking from the storage room. She went into it and found Waddles sniffing at a large cardboard box.

    “I’m so sorry for leaving you, Waddles!” said Mabel.

    Waddles oinked at Mabel and then oinked at the box.

    “Oh, you want something from there?”

    Mabel used a hairpin to open the box, and Waddles climbed into it before climbing back out with an already-half-eaten apple in his mouth.

    “Don’t worry, Waddles! I’ll have you eating like, well...a pig as soon as I see what else is in this box.”

    Mabel rummaged through the objects in the box before taking out a golden chest with a picture of a frog engraved into it and blue, green, and pink gems on top of it.

    “Wow,” Mabel said. “It’s beautiful.”

    Mabel opened the chest, and she felt a powerful energy enter her body, causing her immense pain. Waddles ran out of the room as Mabel started screaming. Dipper heard the screams in the parlor and hurried out, being careful not to trip over a frenzied Waddles as he went into the storage room. By the time Dipper was inside, however, Mabel and the chest were gone.

    “Oh, no,” said Dipper.

    Dipper ran up to the attic and looked around.

    “Soos? I would have sworn I had seen Soos come up here,” said Dipper.

    Dipper heard a door open and close downstairs. He then heard a familiar voice speak.

    “I still can’t find them anywhere,” said the voice, which belonged to Stan. “I promised my niece I would keep them safe, and I couldn't even do that.”

    Dipper heard Stan sigh before walking into the living room. He knew that he should go downstairs and let Stan know that at the very least he was okay even if he didn’t know if the same were true for Soos and Mabel, but a part of him wanted to stay in the attic instead of having that awkward conversation with his great-uncle. Eventually, his better judgment prevailed, and he went downstairs, walked into the living room, and cleared his throat. Stan, who was watching television, turned around, and his jaw dropped when he saw Dipper standing in front of the staircase entryway.

    “D-dipper? You’re not a ghost, are you?” asked Stan.

    Dipper shook his head, and Stan raced to him to hug him, not bothering to stop the flood of tears coming from his eyes.

    “I’m so glad you’re safe!” said Stan. “Where’s Mabel? Where’s Soos?”

    “Uh,” began Dipper. “You see, what happened…”

    “We interrupt this program to bring you some breaking news!” said a reporter on the television. “A man dressed as a wizard has been causing havoc downtown and threatening to level the city unless he gets a meeting with the president!”

    “Wow, you don’t see that everyday,” said Stan. “Now, you were saying?”

    Dipper stared at the television screen, which featured Merlin shooting energy beams from his hands at cars and buildings, blowing them up. Dipper’s jaw had dropped this time, and Stan waved a hand in front of his face.

    “Hello?” said Stan. “Did whoever you were with the last few days steal your brain?”

    “You may want to sit down,” said Dipper.

    • Like 1

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    in Culture Shock

    Posted

    This is my thoughts on the movie, truncated from a longer blog post I wrote on my relationship with Spider-Man in general:

    Spoiler

    I watched Homecoming and Far From Home for the first time last year. Homecoming felt like a betrayal in many ways, because having Tony Stark buy Peter Parker these expensive new suits and try to mentor him into becoming an Avenger flew in the face of what I loved most about the character before then: his independence, his humility, his commitment to being "your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man", not the guy who fights these huge, global threats like all the other superheroes do. After seeing FFH, I finally started to warm to this new Spider-Man, even though I still didn't like him as much as the Spider-Man I grew up reading about in the comics and watching over and over on that VHS tape that's probably worn out now with how much I watched OG Spidey on it. No Way Home I expected to bring everyone back but I didn't expect it to affect me as much as it did when I watched it in a small local theater that's never packed but was as packed as I've ever seen it on a Saturday afternoon.

    When I was asked to do a cultural story for my second creative writing class back in 2018, I had a lot of ideas, but the one I settled with was Spider-Man, because there hasn't been an element of pop culture that has stayed with me for as long as the web-slinger has. I think the growing trend of blockbuster movies relying on fanservice and people's nostalgia for the things they liked growing up instead of creating new things and forming new memories for the children of today isn't great, but screw it, I got to see Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, and Tom Holland as Spider-Man on the screen at once, so I'm not going to complain.

    Watching Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse on a train ride to Philadelphia this last summer is what made me fall back in love with Spider-Man after falling out of love with it as a teenager. I think it's a better movie than NWH, as it's one of the most visually stunning films I've seen period, including superhero movies, action movies, and all that, and the story was a little better, too. However, I've never seen a movie that made me feel the way No Way Home did, which brought some of the few positive memories I have of my childhood flooding back (and one of the more negative memories of my adulthood), and I don't believe there will ever be a movie that makes me feel that way again. I could go on and on about the plot and the characters and the visual effects, but there's plenty of other places you can read about them, and they frankly weren't the things I was thinking about when the credits finished rolling (and the the post-credits, because it is a Marvel film, after all).

    So, I give it a 5/5, two thumbs up, and a standing ovation, and even though it's not a good time to go to a theater, I'm happy I made the trip and paid the inflated movie prices to watch this. What people said about seeing Avatar and Endgame in theaters is exactly what I felt watching this, and the personal connection made it all the more special to me.

    Now that I've said all I wanted to say, I'm going to retire from movie criticism after this brief return. Maybe I'll unretire again in the future, idk. Writing these things is hard. That's enough, true believer!

    • Thanks 2

    The Golden Community Awards XV: Voting!

    in The Golden Community Awards

    Posted

    GCA15.png

    Hello everyone! Welcome back to the 15th Golden Community Awards.

    Your host JCM is back, live from another dimension. Now we get to the good part: the voting stage!

     

    You can send me your votes through here or through Discord (my username is in my profile)!

    But do remember–you can only vote for one nominee per category!

    There is no deadline yet, but once there is, and once it is reached, the winners will subsequently be announced.

     

    Voting Rules

    1) As stated above, please PM/DM your votes to me via the contact method you choose. Do not post them in this thread or you’ll get a whack on the head.

    2) You cannot vote for yourself in any category for which you are a nominee. This also applies to anything you have made in the Writing categories.

    3) You can vote for only one nominee per category.

    4) You must vote for at least one section. You are welcome to skip a section if you’re not comfortable voting in that field, but it would be most appreciated for the holiday season if votes could be given in all of the categories.

     

    Prizes

    Now, here's the goodies–if a nominee wins a GCA, they'll receive: 1000 doubloons (per category), 200 experience points, an exclusive winner badge (if not already obtained from previous years), a GCA trophy for your iFish, and a graphics piece with your name and the corresponding category, which they are then free to place in their signature or profile! 

     

    Nominees

    And now...your feature presentation-I mean, the GCA XV Nominees!

     

    MEMBERS: 

    Funniest Member:

    OWM

    Fred

    Slug

    Cha

    dman

     

    Spongiest Member:

    NegiSpongie

    4EverGreen

    Winter

    Carotte

    Salmon

     

    Kindest Member:

    Cha

    Patty Rose

    SOF

    Mythix

    SpongeKid

    Storm

     

    Maturest Member:

    Jjs

    Hawk

    Wumbo

    OMJ

    Nuggets

     

    Best Gamer:

    dman

    Slug

    DarknessDG

    Ding

    Fa

     

    Most Cinematic Member:

    WhoBob

    Clappy

    Nuggets

    Katniss

    Kev

    JCM

     

    Geekiest Band Geek:

    Wumbo

    Katniss

    Kev

    Kylie

    Prez

    Fred

     

    Most Artistic Member:

    Kieran

    Patty

    Cha

    Salmon

    Jane

    Dreaded Patrick

     

    WRITING: 

    Best Creation:

    One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? (OWM and jjs)

    SBCinema (jjs/Clappy)

    Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot! (OMJ)

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation (Steel)

    Power Rangers: Multiverse Force (4EverGreen)

     

    Best Miniseries:

    The Critic Chronicles (jjs and crew)

    Skod on the Run (OMJ and jjs)

    Duck Dodgers 40,000 (Renegade)

    Forum Wars (WhoBob)

    Old Man Squidward (Winter)

     

    Best Ended Creation:

    JCMovies (JCM)

    The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star (JCM)

    The Misadventures of Casper and Wendy (Appy)

    Bikini Bottom Nature Watch (OWM)

    Sub-Tropical Academy (Steel)

     

    Best Episode:

    The Wall (The Critic Chronicles - jjs and crew)

    Prelude to N. Sanity (Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot - OMJ)

    World’s End (Pirate Legends - jjs)

    Reunion (Storm Racers - jjs)

    Patrick-Man: Endgame (The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star - JCM)

    I’m scared. (Lost in Translation - Steel)

     

    Best Comedy:

     One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? (OWM and jjs)

    The Critic Chronicles (jjs and crew)

    Battle for Bikini Bottom - A Nonsensical Parody (Kieran)

    OMJ’s Die-In Theater (OMJ)

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation (Steel)

     

     Best Storyline:

    Pirate Legends (jjs)

    Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot! (OMJ)

    Skod on the Run (OMJ and jjs)

    Power Rangers: Multiverse Force (4EverGreen)

    Forum Wars (WhoBob)

     

    Best Protagonist:

    Keanu Reeves (Skod on the Run - OMJ and jjs)

    Lettuce (Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 4EverGreen)

    Squidward (Old Man Squidward - Winter)

    Crash (Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot - OMJ)

    JCM (JCMovies - JCM)

     

    Best Antagonist:

    Skodwarde (Skod on the Run - OMJ and jjs)

    Lennett (Pirate Legends - jjs)

    Cortex (Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot

    Thanos (The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star)

    Beryl (Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 4EverGreen)

     

     

    HALL OF FAME:

    Honorary Creator:

    Cha

    Renegade

    4EverGreen

    OWM

    Nuggets

     

    Honorary Creation:

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation (Steel)

    One-Time SpongeBob Characters: Where Are They Now? (Wumbo)

    Squid (tvguy/jjs)

    Miss Appear (teenj12)

     

    Honorary Staff Member:

    teenj12

    OMJ

    CDCB

    OWM

     

    Honorary Member:

    OMJ

    NegiSpongie

    Storm

    Fa

    Steel

     

    There is no deadline as of yet to submit your votes, so take your time...until a deadline is set! Now, get to voting, sailors!

    • Like 5

    The Golden Community Awards XV: Nominations

    in The Golden Community Awards

    Posted

    GCA15.png

    Hello, everyone! It’s that time of the year again. It’s time for the Golden Community Awards! A previous host returns after 5 years…JCM in a cameo! That's me! Let’s dive right in.

     

    Of course, this show can’t start without nominating some people for the awards! First, let’s go over the rules:

     

    1) Don’t nominate yourself. After all, we are a community! As you can see, I've already put the “Golden” in Golden Community Awards, and when we start nominating we’re putting the “Community” in there too!

    2) You may nominate between 2 to 5 choices for the Members section and can only nominate 2 categories for the Hall of Fame categories.

    3) If you really don’t know who or what to nominate for a particular category, you are most welcome to skip that category. However, don’t do this for every category otherwise you may as well just not nominate.

    4) Don’t copy/paste other members' nomination lists. I’m sure you may have similar choices as others...but the entire list? Come on, be original!

    5) Don’t get upset if you aren’t nominated in this topic. There’s always next year!

     

    Now, here are the categories!

     

    CATEGORIES:

     

    MEMBER CATEGORIES:

    (Note: Two new categories have been added: Most Cinematic Member to recognize users passionate about film, and Geekiest Band Geek to recognize users passionate about music. Best Gamer was previously named Most Competitive Member.)

     

    Funniest Member:

    Spongiest Member:

    Kindest Member:

    Maturest Member:

    Best Gamer:

    Most Cinematic Member:

    Geekiest Band Geek:

    Most Artistic Member:

     

    WRITING CATEGORIES:

    (Note: You are no longer required to nominate for these, the staff will choose and reveal categories when it’s time to vote. However, if a member passionate about spin-offs and literature really wants to nominate works as a “guild member”, they can contact us privately.)

     

    HALL OF FAME CATEGORIES:

    (Note: For this section, you only nominate 2 for category.)

     

    Honorary Creator:

    Those who have had a profound impact on SBC fanfictions will be nominated and inducted.

    Sabre, Wumbo, jjsthekid, OMJ, Clappy, Steel Sponge, teenj12, JCM, tvguy, Fa and NegiSpongie have won previously and cannot be nominated.

     

    Honorary Creation:

    Creations that have had a profound impact will be nominated.

    "Adventures in the Underground City", "Storm Racers", "Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000", "JCMovies", "Team SpongeBob", "SBCinema", "Community Deathmatch", "Mystic Guardians", “My Leg!”, “Skodwarde” and “The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star” have won previously and cannot be nominated.

     

    Honorary Staff Member:

    Those who have had a profound impact on SBC can be nominated. Former staff can also be nominated for this award.

    tvguy347, jjsthekid, CNF, Wumbo, Nuggets, JCM, Clappy, Patty Sponge, Cha and Fred have won previously and cannot be nominated.

     

    Honorary Member:

    For ordinary members who you feel deserve special recognition, whether it be based on behaviour, activity, or their contributions in general.

     

    Current staff – jjsthekid, JCM, Fred, OWM, Trophy, Patty Sponge, sbl and Aquatic Konquest – cannot be nominated for this award.

    Cha, WhoBob, SOF, HawkbitAlpha, sbl, and Katniss have won previously and cannot be nominated.

     

    There is no deadline...yet. But the higher-ups say there will be one soon, so make sure to submit your nominations when you can, and we'll make sure to get this whole shebang going as quickly as we can!

    • Like 2

    The Suicide Squad (James Gunn movie)

    in Culture Shock

    Posted

    I said this already in the shoutbox, but this is the best superhero movie since The Dark Knight. It blends action, comedy, pathos, and social commentary better than almost any movie I've seen, and it's only more proof that Warner Bros allowing directors to have more creative control over films set in the DC universe is the right decision, even if it naturally leads to results more hit-and-miss than what we've gotten from Marvel over the last decade. I liked Black Widow, but it frankly doesn't hold a candle to this or to Zack Snyder's Justice League, which were clearly the result of an artist's singular vision and not of a hyper-efficient movie-making machine.

    Guardians of the Galaxy was actually the second MCU movie I watched after the The Incredible Hulk, and while The Suicide Squad obviously has similarities, being written and directed by the same person and also being about a group of misfit antiheroes learning how to bond and fight for something bigger than themselves, it's a more confident movie. Losing the shackles Kevin Feige and Disney put on him allowed James Gunn to show us what he was really capable of with a big budget and a property as dark and as strange as this one. The promises of the original Suicide Squad's trailers, which disappointed almost everybody who watched the actual movie, are fulfilled here. It's like a comic book come to life, but more violent, more profane, and more willing to go completely off the rails than most mainstream superhero comics are. The world is a better place with The Suicide Squad in it, and if you can only watch one movie from 2021, it needs to be this one.

    • Like 2

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Begins a New Legacy

    (JCM walks into jjs' office covered in bruises.)

    jjs: The fuck happened to you?

    JCM: We started dodgeball in PE today. It didn't go well for me.

    jjs: Shit, I'm sorry. You want something to do that's less likely to end with you getting pummeled?

    JCM: Sure!

    jjs: I'm supposed to meet with the people at Paramount about doing an official collaboration with SpongeBob, but I don't want to, so as long as you promise not to fuck it up, I'll send you there in my place.

    JCM: Oh, my gosh! We'll have SpongeBob SquarePants in the flesh at this school?

    jjs: Only if the meeting goes well, so I want you to promise me you won't ruin it.

    JCM: I promise!

    jjs: Alright, the plane will be outside. If you don't get a deal with Paramount, don't bother coming back.

    JCM: What do I do if they ask about you?

    jjs: Tell them I couldn't make it due to irritable bowel syndrome. Now, scram.

    (JCM leaves the school to find a plane already waiting for him. He goes into the plane, and it flies him to the Paramount Pictures studio in Hollywood, where he meets a guide. After taking him on a tour through the studio, the guide leads JCM into a boardroom filled with Paramount executives.)

    JCM: Hi, soulless corporate penny pinchers! I'm JCM, and I hail from the SpongeBob Community School in Circuit City!

    Executive: One: fuck you. And two: the meeting's about to start, so find a seat.

    (JCM sits down, and a few seconds later, a hologram of Aquatic Nuggets appears on a stage in the back of the boardroom.)

    JCM: Oh, my gosh! You're Aquatic Nuggets!

    (JCM jumps and waves his hands.)

    JCM: Hey, Nuggets! It's me, JCM!

    Nuggets: Jesus Christ. Where the fuck is jjs?

    JCM: He couldn't make it due to...uh...irregular bowling syndrome?

    Nuggets: Sure. Well, since I left SBC six years ago, I've done exactly what I wanted to do: I made a name for myself, worked my way to the top of one of the biggest studios in Hollywood, and now, I'm going to unveil one of the biggest innovations in the history of innovations: the Paramount ServerVerse!

    (Nuggets turns on a screen that reveals the landscapes of several planets modeled after ViacomCBS properties, including SpongeBob, South Park, and Mission: Impossible.)

    Nuggets: With the ServerVerse, we'll be able to generate new shows and movies, whether it's reboots or spin-offs of the stuff you already love, or "original" works simply tweaking the formulas of stuff we've already put out, without needing to hire actors, writers, or directors to help us produce the new content, saving us shit-tons of money in the long run. Make sure you get that down: "shit-tons of money".

    (The executives in the room are furiously writing as JCM looks at the screen with a concerned face.)

    JCM: W-wait a minute. If you no longer have to hire people to write or animate stuff for your new shows and movies, what will happen to SBC, considering we only exist to train future SpongeBob writers and cartoonists?

    Nuggets: Well, I imagine you would have to shut it down, but you've had a hell of a run.

    JCM: No! I don't accept that!

    Nuggets: (sighs) I wish jjs were here. He would understand. Plus, I'll be hiring him for a position with us, anyway.

    JCM: What about me?

    Nuggets: What about you?

    (JCM jumps out of his seat in rage, and he punches the hologram several times.)

    Nuggets: You do realize I'm not actually here, right?

    (JCM keeps punching the Nuggets hologram until he's forced to stop out of exhaustion.)

    JCM: (gasps) Did you feel that?

    Nuggets: No.

    JCM: Oh, well! I'm off to destroy the ServerVerse now!

    (JCM runs downstairs to find two large guards blocking the entrance to Paramount's server room.)

    JCM: Hey, guys! Think you can step out of the way for a second?

    Guard 1: No.

    Guard 2: Suck my dick.

    JCM: Okay, I may be tired, but I'll always fight for SBC!

    (JCM raises his fists, and both guards immediately die of heart attacks.)

    JCM: Wow! That worked better than I thought!

    (Suddenly, Aya appears.)

    JCM: W-where did you come from?

    Aya: I came from the Underworld. I just wanted you to know that the devil is on your side. I also killed those guards to make it easier for you to destroy that shitty propaganda for a streaming service nobody is going to care about five years from now.

    JCM: Thanks?

    Aya: No problem. Now, go in there and save SBC!

    (JCM nods then runs into the server room and presses the first button he sees.)

    JCM: I think that's the button to shut it down.

    (Suddenly, JCM disappears then re-appears on the virtual planet of Highlandia.)

    JCM: Where am I?

    (Beavis and Butt-Head approach JCM.)

    Beavis: Hey, old man. Get the fuck away from here. You're cramping our style.

    JCM: Old man? I'll have you know I've only been a member of AARP for 70 years!

    Butt-Head: He said "member".

    (Beavis and Butt-Head chortle for the next five minutes.)

    JCM: You done?

    Beavis: You're like a fucking skeleton. I bet you remember when MTV only played music videos.

    JCM: (sighs) Is there some way out of here?

    Butt-Head: We built a spaceship for our science project you can use. Anything to get your wrinkly ass away from us.

    (Beavis and Butt-Head show JCM to their spaceship, and he uses it to fly off the planet. As he passes the other planets, he realizes where he is.)

    JCM: I'm in the ServerVerse!

    (JCM lands the spaceship on a planet themed on The Godfather. He finds Vito Corleone's office and waits until he's allowed to go in. Once he does, the elder Corleone smokes from a cigar and motions for JCM to start.)

    JCM: (clears throat) Don Corleone, I am lost. Somebody I used to respect has betrayed me, and now I must find some way to protect everything I hold dear to me.

    (Vito Corleone mumbles incoherently.)

    JCM: W-what?

    (Vito sighs before taking cotton out of his mouth.)

    Vito: Make him an offer he can't refuse.

    JCM: (thinking) Of course! Also, lay off on the smoking. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is drop dead while you're in the middle of playing with your grandkids.

    Vito: That's...oddly specific.

    JCM: (laughs) Yeah, I know how everyone here dies! I think your family's cursed or something. Anyway, catch you later!

    (JCM leaves a confused Vito alone in his office. He gets back into his spaceship and continues flying until he notices a planet made of water with a familiar-looking island on top of it.)

    JCM: Oh, my gosh!

    (JCM flies into the planet and lands in front of the Krusty Krab. As JCM leaves the spaceship, Aquatic Nuggets leaves the Krusty Krab and immediately sees him.)

    Nuggets: JCM! How's it going?

    (JCM runs to Nuggets and pushes him to the ground.)

    Nuggets: The fuck?

    JCM: Looks like you aren't a hologram now!

    Nuggets: No, but I'm also not the real Nuggets. I'm a virtual clone. There are hundreds of me in the ServerVerse.

    JCM: Well, can you tell me how to get out of the ServerVerse?

    Nuggets: Sure! All you have to do is talk to D.

    JCM: D?

    Nuggets: Deez nuts!

    Sandy: (offscreen) Did somebody say nuts?

    Nuggets: Fuck off, Sandy! (to JCM) No, I'm not going to tell you how to escape the ServerVerse. You're staying right here so you aren't able to mess my plans for the ServerVerse up.

    JCM: What if if make you an offer you can't refuse?

    Nuggets: I'm listening.

    JCM: One game of dodgeball. You can choose whoever you want from the ServerVerse to play with you, while I get to play with the main cast of SpongeBob SquarePants. If you win, you get to shut down SBC and do whatever you want with the ServerVerse, but if I win, you shut the ServerVerse down forever.

    Nuggets: And why would I agree to that?

    JCM: Because I've got the Underlord on my side!

    (In the real world, a giant, Satanic creature appears in Nuggets' office at the studio.)

    Nuggets: What the fuck?

    Creature: You will play that game of dodgeball, or you will die!

    Nuggets: Fucking deus ex machina motherfucker! Fine! I'll play that stupid game of dodgeball!

    (The next day, Nuggets enters a dodgeball arena with Optimus Prime, Kung Fu Panda, Sonic the Hedgehog, Reptar, Michelangelo, Spock, and Æon Flux. JCM enters with SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Plankton, Gary, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs.)

    Squidward: Is it too late to turn back?

    Gary: Meow.

    (Squidward and Gary immediately get pelted by dodgeballs, eliminating both of them.)

    JCM: Well, that's not ideal.

    (Sonic throws a dodgeball at SpongeBob so fast that it goes through his body, leaving a dodgeball-shaped hole.)

    SpongeBob: Fuck me.

    (SpongeBob passes out.)

    JCM: You monster!

    (JCM throws a dodgeball at Sonic, but he easily dodges it. JCM runs out of the arena then returns with 100 dodgeballs seconds later.)

    JCM: Eat rubber!

    (JCM throws dodgeballs at Sonic at a rapid pace, but Sonic avoids every single one. He then throws a dodgeball at JCM, and JCM manages to catch it.)

    Sonic: Fuck!

    (Sandy hits Reptar with a dodgeball.)

    Sandy: Get the fuck outta here, you jurassic bore!

    (Reptar leaves sadly. Patrick then hits Kung Fu Panda with a dodgeball.)

    Patrick: I did something!

    (Michelangelo then hits Patrick with a dodgeball.)

    Patrick: I lose!

    (Spock reads Plankton's mind as Plankton raises a dodgeball, and after he throws it, Spock easily catches the ball.)

    Sandy: Cheating asshole!

    (JCM then hits Spock with a dodgeball.)

    Nuggets: What the fuck?

    Spock: I couldn't read his mind. There was nothing there.

    Nuggets: Makes sense.

    (Spock does the Vulcan salute.)

    Nuggets: Uh...may the force be with you?

    (Spock shakes his head and leaves. Sandy then throws a dodgeball that bounces off of Michelangelo and hits Optimus Prime, eliminating them both.)

    JCM: Alright! We have the advantage now!

    (Æon Flux hits Mr. Krabs with a dodgeball.)

    JCM: Shoot! Alright, it's just me, Nuggets, and our token women now.

    Sandy: The fuck did you just call me?

    JCM: I...have many female friends.

    (Sandy punches JCM in the face before getting hit with a dodgeball by Nuggets.)

    Sandy: Worth it.

    (Æon Flux throws a dodgeball at JCM, but he catches it.)

    JCM: Just me and you now, Nuggets.

    Nuggets: I'm not letting you destroy everything I've worked for.

    JCM: I'm not letting you kill SBC.

    (Nuggets throws a dodgeball at JCM, and JCM spins around it before throwing a ball at Nuggets, which Nuggets manages to avoid at the last second. JCM then throws another dodgeball at Nuggets, and this one hits him square in the back.)

    Nuggets: No! I...lost.

    JCM: And I redeemed myself!

    (JCM gets pelted with a dodgeball by Sandy.)

    Sandy: You still fucking suck, by the way.

    Nuggets: Ha!

    (Sandy hits Nuggets with a dodgeball, too.)

    Sandy: You don't think I forgot "fuck off, Sandy"? You two deserve one another!

    Nuggets: Well...a deal's a deal. Goodbye, JCM.

    (JCM disintegrates, and just a moment later, he's back in the server room, where two more guards are waiting to escort him out.)

    JCM: I assume I won't get the goody bag they give to all of the other visitors?

    (The guards throw JCM out of the studio.)

    JCM: Can I at least get a flight home?

    (JCM sighs before walking off. A week later, he's back in jjs' office.)

    jjs: So...no deal?

    JCM: No deal.

    jjs: You do know this means I have to fire you again, right?

    JCM: But...I saved SBC! I won the most high-stakes dodgeball game ever!

    jjs: You also lost me millions of potential dollars as a ViacomCBS executive. Not everything is about SBC or your bullshit attempts to be the star of a campy sports movie.

    JCM: I'm blacklisted from Hollywood, so that can't happen anyway.

    jjs: It's time for you to move on, JCM. It's been ten years, and everybody's changed except you.

    JCM: But...this was supposed to be my legacy.

    jjs: Find a new legacy.

    (JCM leaves the school. He notices the charred trunk of a nearby tree his scooter exploded into several years before, and he continues walking.)

    JCM: Goodbye, SBC.

    (The End)

    • Wow 3
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