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JCM

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Posts posted by JCM

  1. I figured just as much...

    but it bothers me having two different browsers open, especially when one of them is used exclusively for this site.

    and before you ask me why I don't just go full Chrome...

    inferior Adblock.

    Oh, now I remember why I hate this browser.

    Switching back right now.

  2. JCM Teams Up With Prince Dark While the Grim Reaper Does Business

    (JCM is about to enter the school when a hand from a nearby bush grabs him.)

    JCM: Let go of me, bush! I'm going to be late to school!

    (The hand pulls JCM into the bush, and he finds himself face to face with the one and only ACS.)

    JCM: Who are you? And why does your breath smell like cow patties?

    ACS: (deep and sinister voice) My name...is Prince Dark. And I had a cow patty for breakfast this morning. They don't taste very much like beef.

    JCM: Yeah, I learned that the hard way. So, what do you want with me?

    ACS: I want you to help get me into the school.

    JCM: Why can't you just walk in?

    ACS: Because I was expelled a while back.

    JCM: Why?

    ACS: BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!111! So, you in?

    JCM: I guess so.

    (ACS crawls into JCM's backpack, and JCM continues into the school. At the restroom, he empties ACS into the sink.)

    JCM: So, why did you want to bring me here?

    ACS: So I can get revenge on the school that dared remove Prince Dark from its premises!

    JCM: How are you going to do that?

    ACS: Easy. (holds up a pin) See this pin? I plan to carefully place it on the Clapmaster's chair, blowing him up!

    JCM: (horrified) What?

    ACS: Without someone to run the school, it will have to be shut down! It's my greatest plan ever!

    JCM: I can't let you do that!

    ACS: Are you a believer in justice, my son?

    JCM: I am not your son! My father died in the American Revolution!

    ACS: How old are you?

    JCM: 115.

    ACS: Alright, then. If you believe in justice, you have to believe that I'm doing the right thing. I mean, I believe it, and I'm always right!

    JCM: Well, you do make a good argument. Fine. What do you want me to do from here?

    ACS: Just carry me into the principal's office, and I'll do everything from there.

    (ACS pulls himself out of the sink and into JCM's backpack. JCM tiptoes out of the restroom and into Clappy's office.)

    JCM: (sighs) OK. We're in.

    (ACS jumps out of JCM's backpack and scans the room. He jumps over Clappy's desk and smacks a pin right in the middle of the chair behind it.)

    ACS: There! Good work, kid...or whatever you are. I'm going to have to bounce now.

    (ACS heads for the window, but he hears footsteps and jumps into a plant instead. JCM stands by the door innocently as Clappy walks in.)

    Clappy: JCM, what's this I hear about you smuggling prostitutes into my school?

    JCM: Clappy, I wasn't-

    Clappy: I don't want to hear it. (walks to his chair) What do we look like? Some kind of... (sits down) Gah! What the fuck?

    ACS: (jumps out of plant) What? How have you not exploded yet?

    Clappy: I'm fucking magical! What are you doing in my school, ACS?

    ACS: Don't pretend like you're surprised, Mr. Clapmaster!

    Clappy: I'm Clappy now. Get the fuck out of here!

    ACS: No! Not until I have my revenge!

    (ExKizuna walks into the office.)

    Clappy: Ex! Just the vice principal/security officer I need! Please escort this dumbass out of my office.

    ExKizuna: (cracks knuckles) No problem, Clappy.

    (ExKizuna throws ACS out of the window.)

    JCM: His name was ACS?

    Clappy: Ex, please escort this other dumbass out of my office.

    (ExKizuna throws JCM out of the window. At the retirement home down the street, the Grim Reaper walks up to the receptionist.)

    Grim Reaper: Do you happen to have the soul of an Old Man Jenkins with you?

    Receptionist: Sorry. He came back to life this morning.

    Grim Reaper: Well, could you allow me to fix that?

    Receptionist: Get the fuck out.

    Grim Reaper: Yes, ma'am. (leaves)

    (The End)

  3. I'm a female, silly! Do I sound like a guy? I don't think I do.. Hahaha :D

    Oh dang, I just noticed that "Miss" in this thread's title, too. XP

    This is also the third time you've been asked that, if I remember correctly.

    Are you on DeviantArt or Livejournal? I've always considered those the girl clubs of the internet, and I already know Jelly's on them.

  4. JCM Provokes His History Teacher While the Grim Reaper Is Accused Of Burgling Turds

    (The Grim Reaper is walking down the street when he runs into Beavis and Butt-head.)

    Beavis: Hey, watch where you're going, you turd burglar!

    Grim Reaper: Turd burglar? Why would I steal feces?

    Beavis: I'm not saying you're stealing feces. I'm saying you're burgling turds, you frickin' turd burglar.

    Butt-head: (snickers) Yeah, what a moron.

    Grim Reaper: Yeah, whatever. I have business to attend to at that retirement home, so if you could please...

    Beavis: Hey, are those real? (grabs a piece of the Grim Reaper's arm)

    Grim Reaper: Hey, give me my bone back!

    Beavis: (bends and twirls bone) Har har har

    Butt-head: He said "bone" har har har

    Grim Reaper: I am a very busy man!

    Butt-head: Har har har he said "busy" har har har

    Beavis: Get down and dirty! (shrieks in laughter)

    Grim Reaper: Goddamn it!

    Butt-head: Hey, let me see that now! (reaches for the bone)

    Beavis: No, I had it first! (pulls bone away)

    (Butt-head gets a hold of the bone, and he and Beavis play tug-of-war with it until it flies out of their hands and into the window above them.)

    Butt-head: That window is such a turd burglar. (walks away with Beavis)

    (Inside the window, JCM is playing with the bone that landed on his desk.)

    that70sguy92: Before we begin, class, I'm going to have to run a small errand. I've appointed my wife, Sara, to look over you while I'm gone.

    (Sara, who's pregnant, walks into the classroom and waves at the students. that70sguy helps her into the chair and then hurries out.)

    JCM: (looks up from the bone and coughs) Mrs. 70sguy?

    Sara: Yes, JCM?

    JCM: How did you get so humongous?

    Sara: Um, what?

    JCM: I mean, no offense, but what have you been eating?

    Sara: I have a baby inside of me!

    JCM: You've been eating babies? Oh my gosh!

    Sara: What the hell is wrong with you?

    JCM: Me? Are you kidding?

    (JCM throws his hands up in frustration. The bone flies out of his right hand and hits Sara in the head, knocking her out. Sabre watches it all from behind him.)

    Sabre: Wow, JCM. You boned her so hard, she's unconscious.

    JCM: Oh, no! What am I going to do? that70sguy will be here any minute!

    (that70sguy walks in right at that moment. He sees Sara in her condition and runs to her aid.)

    that70sguy92: (tearing up) What bastard did this to you?

    JCM: (slowly raises hand) This illegitimate child.

    that70sguy92: You boned my pregnant wife? Who the fuck does that?

    JCM: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! It-it just happened!

    that70sguy92: That's it, JCM! I've had enough! (rips off his shirt and flexes his incredibly muscular body) I'm going to kick your ass!

    JCM: No, please! I had a slick boner! It was out of my control!

    that70sguy92: Tell it to the judge! And by the judge, I mean my fists!

    Sara: (regaining consciousness) Wait!

    that70sguy92: Sara?

    Sara: I'm about to become a mother, and my motherly instinct tells me that JCM didn't mean to do all this.

    JCM: Yes, listen to her motherly instinct!

    that70sguy92: Shut the fuck up, JCM! He could have hurt you. He could have hurt the baby.

    Sara: But he didn't, so why hold it against him? He's a child, and children make mistakes.

    that70sguy92: I guess you're right, Sara. I'm sorry for overreacting.

    JCM: It's alright. (smiles at Sara) I believed up to now that all fat women are mean, but you've proven me wrong. Thank you.

    Sara: Honey, kick that little prick's ass.

    that70sguy92: I'll be glad to. (rolls up sleeves)

    JCM: (backing away) But what about your maternal instinct? You wouldn't want to subject those babies you ate to this brutal violence, would you? I want my mommy! (runs out of the room with 70s right behind him)

    (The End)

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