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JCM
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[JCM: Happy December, SBC! I've decided to ring in the new month by riffing one of SBC's most (in)famous lits, Full SBC! Fred and Renegade the Unicorn will be joining me in riffing this Zaidbomination.]
[Fred: Welp, 'tis the season to be riffing. And what better way to get back into the action than riffing a Zaid lit! This'll be fun! Or not, I have no idea. All I know is baby, it's cold outside in Florida and I've prepared some hot cocoa as well as some tasty riffs. Let's do it to it!]
[Renegade: Never thought my first new riff in a long while would be a Zaid lit. With how atrocious his spelling was already, I don't wanna imagine his way of writing.
...Oh, wait, I'm having to look at it.]
INTRO
(Episode 1 Teaser)[Fred: Zaid, please don't tease me, that's not nice.
]
[Renegade: Hey, if you're gonna tease me like that, Zaid, at least buy me dinner first!]
"whatever happened to the dignivility..,
[Fred: I still have yet to figure out what the hell that word even means. I searched it up on Google and all I got were results from SBC making fun of the theme song...]
[Renegade: ...OK.
1) What the fuck is this word?
2) You're trying to parody the Full House theme, right? Because I believe that started with the perfectly sensible line, "Whatever happened to predictability?". The fact that you have to MAKE SOMETHING UP TO REPLACE THE LAST WORD really shows the effort you put into this work, Zaid.]
milkmaidman, tvguy347, even Cha!
[JCM: Even Cha? Two members having the dignivility was a lot, but three blows my mind.]
[Fred: Making up a random word AND not even bothering to use a word that rhymes with it? Good job, ol' chap.]
[Renegade: Not only that, but it's not even with the meter of THE SONG YOU'RE TRYING TO PARODY! The next line is supposed to be, "the milkman, the paperboy, and evening TV?". It's meant to answer the question the opening line asked. The fact I'm having to analyze the Full House theme to show what you've done wrong so far really says something, doesn't it?]
everywhere you look just waiting around the bed...
[Fred: There's someone waiting around my bed? What for, some kind of orgy?]
[Renegade: ...Hopefully an orgy could make this fic actually interesting.]
Everywhere you look! everywhere you see! there is a member(chorus) there is a member...
[Fred: Everywhere I look, there's a member(chorus)? I guess we are having an orgy then. Come on everyone and join the Full SBC Sex Orgy!]
[Renegade: YAAAAAA-oh, wait.]
and here a home i come to..
[JCM: Where the home you come to?]
Everywhere you look. Everywhere you see! there is a member(chorus) there is a member...
[Fred: I get it, dammit, people are watching me wherever I go. Get to the point.]
[Renegade: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!]
Everywhere you look everywhere you see (chorus) there is a member, of somebody who needs you!,
Everywhere you look. And we wont stop there when your all alone,
[JCM: When my all alone does what? And what aren't you stopping? The orgy?]
Life is waiting, to carry you hoooome... EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK!"
[Fred: You know, I could write a theme song like this. Listen to this.
Everywhere you look! Everywhere you see! There's a riffer(chorus) there's a riffer, who's pretty damn confused by this theme song!]
[Renegade: At least it's better than what we got.]
[Episode 1: Concert(PILOT)]
[Fred: I'd spend more of my time going to a concert rather than riffing an episode revolving around a concert.]
[Renegade: I'd rather be reading a better lit.]
*Zaid Plays a FPS and gets a call*
[Fred: FPS? Funny Picture Show? Fucking Poor Souls? EXPLAIN YOUR ACRONYMS, GOD DAMN IT!]
[Renegade: ...Did FPSes have anything to do with Full House? I think not. Already this story's a big fat lie. And besides, I understand script fics are hard to write. BUT YOU NEED MORE DETAIL THAN JUST THIS. Who's Zaid? What is he like? Where does he work? DETAILS!]
[JCM: Let me do it for him. Zaid is an SBC member who likes first person shooters and doesn't work because he's too busy playing first person shooters all day.]
Zaid: Yeah?
Cha: DUDE,
[JCM: YOU GOT IT]
Zaid: what.
[Cha: Dude, what would happen if you made a spin-off that parodied Full House yet have nothing to do with the show itself?]
[Fred: Also, ha, I just made you guys remember that Cartoon Network had live-action shows.]
[Renegade: DAMMIT, FRED! DON'T REMIND ME OF DIET JACKASS!]
Cha: We are late for Squidward's Concert!
[JCM: So this is apparently a universe where Squidward exists, is successful enough to play concerts, but not successful enough to have people who can come up with a better name for the concert than "Squidward's Concert".]
[Fred: Squidward's Concert is my favorite movie. Along with its sequel, "Squidward's Concert 2: Zaid Needs to Stop Capitalizing Unnecessary Words".]
Zaid: i thought it got canceled.
[Fred: That's a good way to describe this show. Cancelled. Mercifully cancelled.]
Cha: no it didnt.
[JCM: i thought that was a contraction]
[Cha: no it isnt]
Zaid: Alright, im comming.
[Fred: And now, it's an episode where Zaid turns into a communist. Man, this show changes its plot points constantly.]
[Renegade: And Zaid's writing is worse than I thought. You Either Capitalize Every Word Like This, or you write every word without capitalization or punctuation like this
What I wanna know is, what does any of this have to do with FULL FUCKING HOUSE?!]
[JCM: Don't be so hard on Zaid. He obviously meant to spell it as "cumming" because he was so excited Squidward's Concert wasn't cancelled.]
*Zaid Turns off the game and walks to his Camry*
[Renegade: For a second, I misread that last word as a misspelled "Camera". With how this writing is, I could've been right.]
*Zaid turns on the radio and Tunes to C98.5(CNF's Radio Station)*
[Fred: Wow, in this universe, CNF owns his own radio station? Only in Zaidland, I guess.]
CNF: And Your listening to C98.5 with Anime's Classic Hits, Here is a song you could remember from Sailor Moon!
[Fred: And it's a station that plays songs from animes? Wow, Zaidland has everything!]
[JCM: I'd rather listen to KRUD with its personal "you won't get away with stealing my car" hits.]
*CNF Plays the Sailor Moon Theme song on the radio*
[Renegade: OH MY GOSH, I LOVE THIS SONG!
"Fighting evil by moonlight,
winning love by daylight,
never running from a real fight!
She is the ONE NAMED SAILOR MOON!"
*coughs* Sorry, I meant, because that's all CNF's known for, tight Zaid? Obsessing over Sailor Moon.]
Zaid: oh great. Traffic. *sighs*
[Announcer: Zaid has to get to his favorite concert in time but has to deal with traffic as well. Will he ever make it through the traffic and make it to the concert? Find out..........after this commercial break.]
*Commercial Break Begins*
[JCM:
]
[Fred: Sponsored by the Institute for Bad Grammar and Inconsistent Writing. Save a poor and neglected keyboard today.]
*after the Break*
Zaid: When is this going to EN- oh. it ended.
[Fred: What ended? The concert? The traffic? The commercial break? What is this "it" you speak of?]
[JCM: Stephen King's It, obviously.]
[Renegade: Nice attempt at fourth wall humor, Zaidpool. Too bad you suck at it.]
*Zaid gets to the concert as people start to leave,
[JCM: Oh, well. At least it's isn't raining.]
it is really raining.*
[JCM: f]
Zaid: Dang it! i missed it.
[Fred: Don't worry, Zaid. You can always see the next show in another episoBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]
[Renegade: So, in short this episode had no point.]
*Zaid Drives Home*
[JCM: Coincidentally the name of the long lost second episode. Even got the capitalization to boot.]
*Credits Play*
[Fred: And.................that's it? That's the whole episode? That was an episode? That was supposed to be a parody of Full House? Because to me, it feels less like an episode of Full House and more like some dumb Robot Chicken sketch. Literally nothing of interest happens in this "episode". Cha tells Zaid about a concert, Zaid gets stuck in traffic, he unfortunately misses the concert, and..........that's it. That's the whole goddamn episode summarized in three points.
Say what you want about Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob. That spin-off well deserves the shit it gets but it has more plot than this show--nay, this episode--nay, this short. The conflict isn't big and the humor is nonexistent, it's just so goddamn pointless. It's a big piece of nothing and all I have to say about it is nothing. Absolutely nothing. I guess the next thing left to do is worry about the next project. It's pretty bad. It's pretty horrible. Some might even say it's...............crazy.
Be afraid, viewers. Very. Very. Afraid.]
[Renegade: I think Fred just took the words right out of my mouth. Zaid...you are not a good writer. Just stop while you're ahead.]
[JCM: Well, that was even worse than I expected. My only solace is in the fact that I get to take another four month break after thi-
How could we ever predict the dignivility?
wtf
The milkman and the paperboy trying to kill meeeee!
Oh, no. God, no.
How did I get to living here?
Somebody tell me please!
This new show’s confusing me
In case you haven't figured it out, we're riffing Crazy Celes next, which ironically starts of mocking Full SBC with lyrics that are only slightly more coherent. We'll be starting off with the
Land Before TimePilot Before Pilot, so post here or message me if you want to help, because we'll need as many hands on deck as possible for this thing. See y'all soon!]-
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last bump of november
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I've now completed the first episode of AfterXat, which I'll be making public as a treat to all of the lit's fans. The next four episodes will be sent all at once to those of you who purchased it in my store sometime during the next week, and obviously anybody else who's interested in reading the rest of the lit can purchase it there, too.
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Episode 1
(CF's dad is sleeping in his prison cell when he's awoken by a knock. He makes out one of the prison officers between the cell bars.)
Officer: You have a visitor.
CF's dad: This late?
(The officer shrugs and unlocks the cell, handcuffing CF's dad and taking him to the visiting area. When CF's dad sees who's on the other side of the glass screen, his heart nearly stops.)
CF: Hi, dad.
CF's dad: I-it's you!
CF: Yeah, sorry for not visiting before today. I had to get over hating your guts and everything.
CF's dad: (shakes head) It's fine. I'm just happy you're alive.
CF: So...how long are you in for?
CF's dad: 20 years with good behavior. I burned a lot of bridges trying to get you back, and I lost you anyway.
CF: Hey, I'm here, aren't I?
CF's dad: Nobody persuaded you to come? Like your friend Edgar?
CF: Why would Edgar want me here?
CF's dad: (pauses) No reason.
CF: It did take a push, but I eventually would have visited you no matter what happened.
CF's dad: So you forgive me? For everything? For your mother?
CF: I don't know if I can forgive you for everything...but that doesn't mean I'll abandon you. For all your flaws, you do at least try to be a good father.
CF's dad: I wish I tried harder. If I survive this prison term, I'm coming out a changed man.
CF: I hope that's true.
Officer: Alright, time's up. Back to your cell.
(The officer takes CF's dad out of the visiting area, and CF is escorted out on her side as well.)
xat.com/help
(ding dong)
SnuggyMush: hey
Flying Ace: Hi there
Flying Ace: Need help?
SnuggyMush: yeah
SnuggyMush: is it true that the fugitive four come on here?
Flying Ace: No
Flying Ace: Everything connecting this site to aliens is a lie perpetrated by the government
Flying Ace: This site was run by a great man
Flying Ace: A great human man
SnuggyMush: was?
SnuggyMush: what happened to him?
Flying Ace: A member of the Fugitive Four killed him
Flying Ace: And if I ever see him again I'm banning his ass
Flying Ace: I know it was him who told the government Xat was run by aliens
Flying Ace: And nobody uses Xat anymore because of it
SnuggyMush: that's a shame
SnuggyMush: this redesign is pretty cool
Flying Ace: yeah
Flying Ace: I haven't talked to the new owner yet but he's doing great work
SnuggyMush: how do you know that the old owner is really dead?
Flying Ace: I haven't seen him here in years
SnuggyMush: maybe he was just taking a break
(ding dong)
: Hello, Ace.
Flying Ace: ...
Flying Ace: Is it really you?
: Yes, it's really me
: That "great human man"
Flying Ace: Wait a minute
Flying Ace: Last time I talked to you you were acting really strange
Flying Ace: And the last last time I talked to you you were John Brennan
Flying Ace: How do I know it's really you now?
: Because only I would remember the shy 13-year-old boy who came in here ten years ago asking for help setting up a Xat for himself and his Runescape buddies
: Only I would remember the long personal conversations you had with me about your school life, your family, that silly off-and-on thing you had with that girl
: What was her name, Elizabeth?
Flying Ace: Okay
Flying Ace: I believe you
: Good
: Where are the other admins I appointed for this Xat?
Flying Ace: It's just me now
Flying Ace: The others never came back after the CIA took Xat down but I've always remained loyal
Flying Ace: Holding out hope that I'd see you again
: Well, here I am
: How is it just us two?
Flying Ace: Like I said
Flying Ace: The alien shit really hurt activity
: Well, I'm hoping I can change that
Flying Ace: If anyone can do it, it's you
Flying Ace: By the way, Elizabeth and I are engaged now
: Holy shit
: A lot can happen in two years
Flying Ace: You're telling me
New York
(John Brennan sits down at a bar in Trump Tower. He immediately recognizes the bartender as Hayden.)
Brennan: What are you doing here?
Hayden: Serving you shit that's bad for you. What are you doing here?
Brennan: This is the only bar I could go to where I knew there wouldn't be anybody else. I had to use my credentials just to get past security.
Hayden: At least you don't have to get the daily pat-downs like me.
Brennan: Not unless I ask for one. Think you can pour me a me a few glasses of vodka?
Hayden: That's what I'm paid for.
(Hayden fills three glass cups with vodka and slides them to Brennan, who immediately downs one.)
Brennan: My wife left me, you know. Took the kids. Said she couldn't handle me keeping secrets from her anymore.
Hayden: (shakes head) I'm sorry. I mean it.
Brennan: I know. But really, why are you here?
Hayden: My new BFF Gina Haskel got me this job when I told her I couldn't get work anywhere else due to my name. I probably should have told her I hated being around alcohol, but she probably knew that.
Brennan: Aren't you a millionaire? At least that's what I saw when I tried to seize your assets.
Hayden: You didn't need to. The FBI took most of it when I couldn't explain to them where I got all of my money from. Not even Haskel could help me in that department.
Brennan: So tell me..where did you get all that money from?
Hayden: Mr. Brennan, do you believe in time travel?
(Hayden and Brennan both laugh.)
Brennan: (holds up a glass) Want a shot?
Hayden: No, I'm not much of a fan of poisoning myself.
Brennan: Suit yourself.
(Brennan drinks the second glass of vodka then the third.)
Brennan: What do I owe you?
Hayden: It's on the house.
(Brennan nods then starts to leave before turning around.)
Brennan: I want you to know that as hard as things are right now, they'll get easier.
Hayden: Do you think I'll ever not be miserable?
Brennan: (pauses) I think both of us have hit bottom, and there's nowhere to go but up.
(Brennan turns back around and leaves Trump Tower.)
Hayden: (to himself) Nowhere to go but up. How many times have I said that to myself now?
Illinois
(Abney is reading through legal documents in his apartment when he hears a knock on the door.)
Abney: I'm coming!
(Abney opens the door to find a man with a ski mask standing there and pointing a gun at Abney's face.)
Abney: What do you want?
Masked man: I want you dead.
(The masked man pulls the trigger and quietly closes the door as Abney bleeds to death inside. The masked man opens an app on his phone that contains the real names of Abney, CDCB, CF, Trophy, and Hayden, respectively. He taps Abney's name, and a green check mark appears beside it.)
Masked man: One down, four to go.
(The masked man gets into a car and drives away into the darkness.)
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And that's it! Sorry for the wait, but at least I have proof now that that I haven't been doing nothing for six months. The rest of the episodes should come out a lot faster. Until then, enough said, XTTrue Believers!
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so uh
i'll be riffing full sbc next
if you wanna help lmk
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On 11/20/2018 at 9:38 PM, hippythehippo said:
Thoughts on Marvel?
Haven't seen most of their movies but I do like Spiderman and some of their comics are really good.
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remember when i said i would post this on monday
i lied
29. Secret Tyeam
Tyeam is hanging out in Patty Sponge's room when she finds a puddle of tea, which she immediately does a cannonball in. Patty Sponge rebukes Tyeam for soiling the nectar of his homeland and points out some puddles of Coca Cola ("America's tea") for her to jump in instead. Tyeam dives into one of the Coca Cola puddles, and it takes her to Jjs's room, where Jjs is studying a Poké Ball that's pink on both sides. Patty Sponge joins Tyeam in Jjs' room and immediately recognizes the Poké Ball as one that Jelly created. Patty Sponge sneaks up behind Jjs and taps his shoulder, startling him. He asks Jjs where he got the Poké Ball from, and Jjs says that it's none of Patty Sponge's business. Patty Sponge says that if he got the Poké Ball from teenj's Burning Room, it's teenj's business, and horrified as the prospect of teenj finding out, Jjs pushes Patty Sponge away before he can take the Poké Ball from him. Patty Sponge gets ready to throw down, and Tyeam gets between them, grabbing the Poké Ball from Jjs and suggesting that they take it back to the Burning Room before teenj notices. Patty Sponge doesn't want to return the Poké Ball before getting Jjs in trouble, though, so he tries to take the Poké Ball from Tyeam, and Jjs tries to do the same thing, causing the Poké Ball to open and a bunch of severed arms to come out. The arms drag themselves out of Jjs' room, and as Patty Sponge and Jjs watch in horror, Tyeam suggests they report to teenj about it. Patty Sponge and Jjs immediately reject that and decide to form a secret team to get the arms back,,,secretly.
Tyeam gets Jjs and Patty Sponge membership cards to show that they're part of the secret team. The membership cards are really coupons for free pizza at Fish Stew Pizza, but Jjs and Patty Sponge just go along with it so they can start looking for the missing arms. They spend the next few hours finding and trapping the arms throughout the temple, and once they're sure all the arms have been gathered, they stuff them back into Jelly's Poké Ball and give it to Tyeam to put back into the Burning Room. Believing that they've gotten away with the perfect crime, Jjs and Patty Sponge go their separate ways again, much to the chagrin of Tyeam, who wanted to keep the secret team together. Later that day, she visits Wumbo's Fry Shop wearing a Stupid Hat™, and after she orders fries, she gives a long monologue about truth and consequences guaranteed to win her the Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Forum-based Parody Series.
Tyeam returns to Jjs' room with Jjs and Patty Sponge already there waiting for her, and when they ask why Tyeam told the both of them to meet her there, she takes out a picture of the Stupid Hat™ and tells them that they need to get the secret team back together to break into the Big Halibutt and retrieve the hat. Patty Sponge and Jjs ridicule the idea of using the secret team to get a hat back, and Jjs reminds Tyeam that the team was assembled to fix a mistake he and Patty Sponge made. Patty Sponge refuses to take any of the blame, however, and they argue over it, eventually tearing up their "membership cards" to signal the end of the secret team. Realizing that she has only made things worse, Tyeam decides to take drastic measures.
Tyeam meets with teenj at Fish Stew Pizza and confesses to everything she, Jjs, and Patty Sponge did. She apologizes and asks teenj what to do to get Jjs and Patty Sponge back into the secret team. teenj has an idea, but it requires him and Tyeam forming a secret team of their own, which Tyeam enthusiastically agrees to. teenj gathers Jjs, Patty Sponge, and Tyeam in Jjs' room again and reveals that he knows about the Poké Ball and who broke it...Tyeam and Tyeam alone. Jjs and Patty Sponge are happy to let Tyeam take the fall for them, and just as teenj is about to punish Tyeam, a giant arm comes out of the ground and grabs him. Jjs and Patty Sponge, who are finding out the hard way that they missed an arm, tries to stop it with their weapons, to no avail. More arms come out of the ground to snatch Jjs and Patty Sponge, and as they get the life squeezed out of them, they admit to being responsible for the arms escaping, apologize to teenj for lying to him, and apologize to one another for being bad friends. Suddenly, the arms release them, and it turns out that they belonged to teenj all along. teenj scolds the two of them for going behind his back, saying the only team they need is the team they're all a part of - the Bubble Buds. Tyeam asks them if they want to go out for Fish Stew Pizza to celebrate another heartwarming moment, and they all tell her "no". Tyeam rips up her last Fish Stew Pizza coupon and makes confetti out of it, and the episode ends.
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Happy prezday
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Half monthly bump or something
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In honor of Tyeam's return, I'll be posting a new Tyeam Universe tomorrow, and I'll try to update it regularly for once. I'll also have a long-awaited treat for XTT fans later this week, so keep your eyes peeled for both.
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Animated Avatar
Name of Episode: Band Geeks
Scene: Patrick playing drums
Border: Red
Text: JCM
Text color: White
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Basketball: A Love Story
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new sp00ky lost episode for halloween
Squidward's Ghost's Revenge
One day, Squidward is in his house playing the clarinet when SpongeBob bursts in, shouting, "SQUIDWARD, WANNA COME AND PLAAAY?" This startles Sqduiward so much that he swallows the clarinet, struggling to breathe with the instrument stuck in his throat. SpongeBob has no idea what's going on, however, and assumes Squidward is writhing around because he's excited to play with his best friend. He doesn't realize something may be wrong until it's too late, Squidward lying on the floor dead of asphyxiation.
One week later, SpongeBob is at Squidward's funeral wearing all black. Though everybody else at the funeral, including Squidward's family, is simply waiting for it end so they can return home, SpongeBob is constantly in tears and gives the longest eulogy by far, to everyone's annoyance. Though SpongeBob is sad about Squidward's death, he also feels partly responsible for the death, mostly because it's all his fault.
That night, SpongeBob is in his room getting ready for bed when he hears noises downstairs. He grabs a baseball bat and walks slowly down the stairs, finding...nothing. SpongeBob figures the noises were just in his head, so he turns back around, and he finds the ghost of Squidward now floating in front of the stairway.
SpongeBob screams and shits his pants, and then he runs for the front door, which Squidward's ghost immediately blocks like he blocked the stairway. SpongeBob asks Squidward's ghost what he wants, and Squidward's ghost says he wants to haunt SpongeBob for the rest of eternity for being an asshole.
Not a fan of being haunted for the rest of eternity, SpongeBob calls an exorcist. The exorcist comes to SpongeBob's home and holds a cross up to Squidward's ghost, telling him that the power of Christ compels him. Squidward's ghost tells the exorcist that he's an atheist, so the exorcist packs his bags and tells SpongeBob that there's nothing he can do.
SpongeBob sadly accepts that he'll be haunted for the rest of eternity, and he struggles to sleep that night with Squidward's ghost oooing in his ear. He goes to the Krusty Krab the next morning without having slept a wink. Squidward's ghost conjures up hallucinations of Patrick and Sandy walking up to SpongeBob as he leaves his house, and SpongeBob says "hi" to them. Squidward's ghost then floats up to the hallucinations and murders both of them violently with a spatula. Seeing his favorite instrument used to kill his best friends is too much for SpongeBob, and he breaks down crying as Squidward's ghost watches with glee.
Suddenly, the exorcist returns and tells SpongeBob that he figured out how to cast away atheist ghosts. He takes out a dildo and throws it into the mouth of Squidward's ghost, telling him that the power of the atheist God compels him. Squidward's ghost spits out the dildo and realizes that he's fading away. He promises to come back, and then he vanishes. SpongeBob picks up the dildo and asks the exorcist how he figured out that it's an atheist ghost's weakness. The exorcist admits that he was making it up as he went along, and they have a hearty laugh before going their separate ways. SpongeBob throws the dildo into a dumpster on his way to work, and a few hours later, the dildo pops out of the dumpster, and Squidward's laughter can faintly be heard inside of it.
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gib ghost
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i'll go to shady shoals
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dangit BOBby
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On 10/15/2018 at 3:43 PM, Eleven said:
Have you watched Stranger Things, and if so, who's your favorite character?
Yes. My favorite character is Lucas. Dude's a baller.
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14 hours ago, Oderus Urungus said:
EXCUSE ME, SIR, DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN?!
no u
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"Age Level: 10 - 18"
ill read it anyway
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2 minutes ago, Eleven said:
Favorite scary movies?
I haven't seen many horror films but Silence of the Lambs is personal fave.
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Favorite Stranger Things character?
I Am the Lead Developer of the SpongeBob Community Forums, AMA!
in Ask Me
Posted
i've got seven bucks