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    Best and Worst of Entertainment: The 2010’s Decade End Lists

    in New Kelp City

    Posted

    Wumbo's Top 25 Albums of the 2010s (15-11)

    Spoiler

     

    15. 4:44 - Jay-Z (2017)

    A peach-colored background with "4:44" in a large black typeface at the bottom and "THIS IS HIS 13TH STUDIO ALBUM" at the top much smaller

    If in 2015, you'd tell me that one of the best hip hop albums this decade would come from Jay-Z, I'd have said you were crazy. And that in itself sounds crazy, right? After all, Jay-Z was one of the rightfully biggest stars of the previous decade, with hit after hit showcasing his lyrical talents and unmatchable swagger. But by 2010, I feel that star had faded out, as is natural when you get old in the rap game. We had Snoop Dogg doing a rap verse for Jason Derulo, for God's sake. Time to let the new guys play, and maybe time for Jay-Z to retire and rest on his laurels.

    Well, thank god he didn't, and thank god for Lemonade, because we may have never gotten 4:44 without it. Jay-Z and his co-producer, No I.D., have characterized this album as a therapy session for Jay-Z, and boy does he just let all out. Even if the content is ugly in nature or contains some questionable material (yeah, I'm talking about the Jewish people line from "Story of O.J."), it is an album that goes beyond Jay-Z's usual braggadocious persona and really takes a deep dive into his thoughts and feelings. Again, a necessary move after the cheating scandal with Beyoncé. Some may look at these two albums and the scandal that led to them and cynically see a marketing ploy by two of the smartest businesspeople in music. But I do see a story here. A story of regret, hurt, self-doubt, and atonement. That last one is key, and it's kind of ironic that Jay-Z beat the #MeToo movement to the punch with this album, almost as if he could sense a change of tides in the air. Whatever the reason may be, this is still an incredibly emotionally effective album with a lot to consider, and I would honestly put it among Jay-Z's best work, period. It's honest, it's raw, it boasts killer sample after killer sample, and it shows that Jay-Z still has a little left in the tank. A true treasure of 2017.

    Best Songs: "The Story of O.J.", "Caught Their Eyes" (ft. Frank Ocean), "4:44", "Family Feud" (ft. Beyoncé), "Marcy Me", "Legacy"

     

    Spoiler

     

    14. Beauty Behind the Madness - The Weeknd (2015)

    The cover features face of The Weeknd in his iconic dredlocks hairstyle. It appars like the cover has been torn and those torn pieces are placed again.

    If there was ever an apt title for this project, it was Beauty Behind the Madness. The Weeknd, coming off of guest features on songs like "Love Me Harder", decided to meld his dark R&B side with a more accessible pop side, and it really comes through on this album. There is so much to love about the dark, menacing nature of these songs, while still somehow being catchy as hell. It's a fine line that not everyone can walk, but The Weeknd chose to walk it and his efforts paid off. You can really hear the Michael Jackson influence come through all throughout this album, very near paying tribute to some of his darker songs like "Dirty Diana". If anything, The Weeknd is an example of music changing for the better and old trends adapting into new ones. The melding of The Weeknd's dark, moody songwriting with some genuinely catchy pop choruses is spectacular. It's accessible, but it never loses its edge. Fantastic album, wish we had more like it.

    Best Songs: "Losers" (ft. Labrinth), "Can't Feel My Face", "Acquainted", "Shameless", "In the Night", "As You Are", "Angel"

     

    Spoiler

     

    13. ASTROWORLD - Travis Scott (2018)

    Astroworld by Travis Scott.jpg

    Travis Scott had been bubbling under superstardom for a couple years before ASTROWORLD before said album blew him up and turned him into a household name with a #1 hit in "SICKO MODE". I'm convinced that this album is his magnum opus not just in pushing records, but in quality as well. (Even more convinced after hearing his latest single, but that's another story.) ASTROWORLD is a fantastic marvel of an album, proving once again that Travis Scott aims higher within the trap genre and defies expectations. The guest lineup for this album is insane, and yet feels totally natural and organic. Everyone fits into the album, from The Weeknd to James Blake to Stevie Wonder to Tame Impala. I'm convinced that this is the sort of album that anyone can enjoy. It transcends trap and hip hop and crosses over into the genres. The guitar tones on some of these songs are downright beautiful and soulful, and the whole album really does feel as exciting as a theme park experience. Truly one of the best of the decade from a great artist.

    Best Songs: "STARGAZING", "SICKO MODE" (ft. Drake, Swae Lee & Big Hawk), "STOP TRYING TO BE GOD" (ft. James Blake, Kid Cudi, Philip Bailey & Stevie Wonder), "5% TINT", "YOSEMITE" (ft. Gunna & NAV), "HOUSTONFORNICATION", "COFFEE BEAN"

     

    Spoiler

     

    12. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? - Billie Eilish (2019)

    Eilish sits on the edge of a white bed, in front of a dark background. She wears white clothing, with white eyes while smiling demonically at the camera.

    Billie Eilish kind of blew my mind this year with this album. Most young stars have to wait a bit before their critically acclaimed masterpiece comes through. But Billie Eilish came in this year and took music by the throat, throttled it, and with her brother's help on production, completely annihilated the pop scene. We're in a new era now, one that has been heavily influenced by Lorde and Lana Del Rey, and Billie Eilish is basically the death knell for the pop music of the early half of this decade. Not to say that pop music can't be fun anymore. Heck, this album is a ton of fun to listen to in my books. But there is now a sense of macabre and harshness to that fun, and most importantly, SUBSTANCE. Each and every one of these songs sounds like it comes from a real place, whether tongue-in-cheek, messy, or stripped-down and bleeding with soul. If Billie Eilish is accomplishing these sorts of projects before 18, well, the world is looking bright for her. I cannot wait for the next project to come.

    Best Songs: "xanny", "you should see me in a crown", "all the good girls go to hell", "when the party's over", "bury a friend", "listen before i go", "i love you"

     

    Spoiler

     

    11. 1989 - Taylor Swift (2015)

    The cover is a polaroid of Swift with shoulder-length blonde hair wearing red lipstick and a long-sleeved sweater with a picture of birds in the sky. Her face is cut off by the frame above the nose and "T. S." and "1989" are written on the white polaroid frame with black marker.

    In the least shocking news of the decade, Taylor Swift has gone full pop. And 1989 is still her best example of doing so, by a mile. It may not be the riskiest record on here, not by a long shot. But it is an incredibly good pop album with sharp writing and killer production. I think that this was the right move for Taylor. She'd clearly been wanting to move in this direction for years prior, and this album proved that she could pull it off. Some people might like the country side of Taylor better, but to me, this will always be her strongest effort as an artist. It certainly feels the biggest, spawning multiple #1 singles and boasting big-budget music videos. I think Taylor Swift's personality lends itself well to big pop stardom, and she shows it with this album. Every song on here, regardless of its lyrical quality, just sounds fantastic, and has a huge scope. (Well, except maybe "Shake It Off", that song soured on me.) Taylor Swift had built herself up over the years to be a huge musician as well as a huge media presence, and this album is what finally brings the two together, where she delves into what people say about her and her public image without getting too over-the-top about it and focusing her energy solely into the content, forgetting about the music (looking at you, Reputation). Sadly, 1989 I think is a feat that will never be replicated by Taylor Swift, but I'm happy knowing we got at least one genuinely great pop album out of her. Fantastic effort that more than pays off even all these years later.

    Best Songs: "Blank Space", "Style", "Out of the Woods", "I Wish You Would", "Wildest Dreams", "I Know Places", "Clean"

     

     

    • Like 4

    Best and Worst of Entertainment 2019 Edition: The List Jedi

    in New Kelp City

    Posted

    All right! That was a bit of a rough worst list to get through. Fortunately, it's all uphill from here. Let's kiss the decade goodbye with...

    Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 2019

    Spoiler

     

    10. "Sicko Mode" - Travis Scott

     

    It is absolutely wild just how much this song has grown on me in the past year or so. When it first came out, I didn't like it at all. I had trouble remembering how it went, I didn't think either the performances or the beat were very impressive... let me tell you, it is so refreshing to be wrong about this one. This is a song full of hooks that I guess just took me a while to realize. It's now one of the only songs this decade to be in my Top 50 Most Played on my iPod. I just can't get it out of my head, and I don't want to. Travis Scott is the frontrunner for me when it comes to the newer faces in hip hop. The genre has definitely changed, and while I used to think that it was for the worse, I can see now that it's just a different era. Much like how we had gangsta rap, and crunk, and... *sigh* ringtone rap. Maybe we can forget about that last one.

    Like it or not, Drake is a star on this song as well. He scores the most memorable line of the song in "out like a light", and even though he's been criticized for his consistently monotone delivery - mostly by me - he is instantly recognizable and I understand why people have him as a feature. He strangely brings a unique energy and tone to his performance that no other rapper can. He may be monotone, but he's weirdly crafted a style out of it. And if this complimentary diatribe sounds exactly like that, well, my feelings on Drake have always been largely complicated. I didn't like him much this year, but he also wasn't omnipresent like he was last year. I have a feeling he'll be sticking around for years to come, and maybe he'll really impress me again. But for now, I'm just glad we had this song stick around in 2019 to remind us that Drake isn't always a total waste of space. He just needs to stop wasting so much space on the charts. And doing collabs with Chris Brown. Okay, moving on!

     

    Spoiler

     

     

    There's nothing wrong, inherently, with your brand of music being pure showmanship and artifice. That kind of braggadocious flair is what got us hits like "Uptown Funk", after all. But I do appreciate when an artist is able to tap into their real-life emotions and experiences and frame that in their music. And despite some career missteps, no one did the job more efficiently and yet thoroughly than Ariana Grande.

    9. "Thank U, Next" - Ariana Grande

     

    "Thank U, Next" is a song that should not be as good as its hype makes it out to be. Yet Ariana's effortless charm absolutely brings this to the next level. After a year in which it felt like everything was going wrong for her, she turns it around with one song and completely controls the narrative. Yeah, it's essentially a PR spin, but Ariana Grande doesn't shy away from the harder parts of her year, either. In order for there to be growth, you have to start out feeling small. And you can hear it in her voice as well. There's a certain melancholy behind the mask, and it shows ever so slightly in her delivery. But mostly, it's a fun as hell, catchy song that adds to Ariana's viability as a pop superstar. Thank you. Next!

     

    Spoiler

     

    Meanwhile, if you want the non-PR version of Ariana's 2018...

    8. "Breathin'" - Ariana Grande

     

    As much as I love and respect "Thank U, Next", I know and everybody knows what kind of year, and really life, Ariana has had. And if we're looking for a song that better sums up Ariana's life and her coping skills, well, look no further than this one. What I find so remarkable about this song is that it's a song about coping with anxiety and fear, and yet it sounds just as poised as any of Ariana's songs. Some people might see that as an artistic failure, but I see it as managing to marry the two halves of the song: the lyrical content with the lush instrumentation and beautiful vocal performance. This song sounds absolutely gorgeous, possibly one of the most beautiful-sounding Ariana songs to date. Sweetener was kind of a mess of an album, but there's no denying that this was always meant to be a pop hit. It was kind of designed that way. I'm honestly kind of baffled that "god is a woman" ranked higher than this one, much as I love that song too. Ariana is a pop superstar, and I have no doubt that she'll continue to entertain us for years to come.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Honestly, what is there even left to say about this one? Anyone who doesn't put it on their best list somewhere ain't doin' it right.

    7. "Old Town Road" - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus

     

    If I'm being honest, I find it difficult to view "Old Town Road" in a vacuum. It's more phenomenon than song, a topic that dominated the cultural airwaves the entire year. And Lil Nas X proved to be the perfect ambassador to usher in the newest crop of pop stars, making the takeover official by smashing the #1 stay on the charts with this song. The song just kicks ass, especially with the Billy Ray Cyrus remix, something I did not think I would be saying in 20-goddamn-19. This year has been weird, but in the best possible way. After "Old Town Road" was removed from the country charts, it doubled down by getting a country superstar (you know it's true) and lending his talents to the mic. Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus are magic together, playing off of country and hip hop stereotypes and subverting them in their parts respectably.

    "Old Town Road" also serves as a masterclass of chart manipulation, with Lil Nas X serving up a new mix of artists for the same song every two months or so to keep it on top. Mason Ramsey? Sure! Diplo? Why not? Chris Brown? No, thank god. Lil Nas X is a treasure who must be protected at all costs, and if this was a list of the best Twitter accounts of 2019, he would be running away with the #1. I truly hope his influence carries into 2020. We need more Lil Nas Xs in the world.

     

    Spoiler

     

    The radio needs to die.

    I've been saying this for some time now, but using radio airplay to track single success is asinine in this digital age. No one is listening to the radio anymore, and even if they were, it wouldn't be a situation where the listener gets to choose what they listen to. So radio pushes the most inoffensive, white-bread boring songs possible to the top, and that's how we get charting hits like "Girls Like You" and "I Don't Care".

    But even a broken clock is right twice a day. When I learned the most-played radio track of 2019 was this, well... maybe the radio can stick around.

    6. "Dancing with a Stranger" - Sam Smith and Normani

     

    I've never been a fan of Sam Smith. Like, not even a little bit. I respect that they have talent, but I cannot get past the overwrought crooning. But this song is the exception, and it kind of won me over by the end of the year. It's definitely the sleeper hit of the year despite it peaking on the radio (as I said, no one listens to radio anymore so I barely count that). That is one hell of a chorus, and the buildup ain't half bad either. I think what works for both singers here is it showcases restraint in the verses and chorus alike. And it's not only a good look for them, it's a good look for the song as well. Oversinging would have absolutely killed this song. The song is structured smartly to be sort of lowkey in its melancholy. This is just sort of a hazy night at the bar, where you're dancing with anyone who might try and numb the pain. No need to oversell it, just add a twinge of emotion here and there and you've got yourself a subtle, but effective track. All I know is I haven't liked Sam Smith this much since their collaboration with Disclosure in 2014. And looking back at both lists, it's easy to see who came out on top in 2019. Good job, Sam Smith. Keep it up. And Normani... I'm rooting for you, girl. Let's make 2020 her year. Please?

     

    Spoiler

     

    I feel like we've been going dark and moody for a long time in pop music, but the problem is that it's not interesting. Who the fuck wants to hear about how Zayn wants to creepily engage in "pillowtalk" with them? Ick. Outside of The Weeknd and maybe the odd trap song, I really have not been taken in by this recent trend where everything has to be mysterious, and ominous, and creepy. All those elements should not sound this boring!

    Thankfully, we finally got an artist in 2019 who could do it right. Her name is Billie.

     5. "Bury a Friend" - Billie Eilish

     

    If I could pick one way in which 2019 has been exciting for me, it has been the rising star of Billie Eilish, finally breaking through with her smash hit album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Billie has such a charisma about her, and her songs are structured in such an interesting way. This song has exactly the elements you need to make a creepy, mysterious song, but it doesn't rest on the mood as a crutch. It uses the mood to accentuate its extremely dark subject matter. Not to mention this gruesome video. Yeeergh.

    You could probably argue that Billie is playing this up to create an image. But hell, at least it's an interesting one. I cannot tell you how sick I was of hearing 21 Savage growl through a downbeat track and people calling that menacing. That's not menacing. You're being beat by a 17-year-old girl. Billie sounds like she's having fun with the macabre imagery and sound of her music, and it makes for an infinitely more enjoyable experience with tons of replay value. This is the sort of creepy pop music I've been wanting to hear. All other "moody" artists can follow suit.

     

    Spoiler

     

    This list has been female-dominated so far. To that I ask... why are men great till they gotta be great?

    4. "Truth Hurts" - Lizzo

     

    Lizzo is the superstar that we absolutely needed... well, probably a couple of years ago. But I'm so glad we got her now. Her song "Good as Hell" currently has traction on the charts, and honestly I might like that one even better. Lizzo is such a force of personality and positive energy. If anyone else were to try to pull this off, I'd probably think they were insufferable. But Lizzo has buckets of charisma to back up her confident lyrics and her delivery. This song is instantly quotable against that catchy-as-hell piano line. It's kind of the perfect pop song of this year, and I'm actually surprised it wasn't bigger. Of course, "Old Town Road" had a lot to do with that, so I can't be too mad. I only hope that we hear more from Lizzo in the future, She certainly doesn't seem ready to go away anytime soon, and I am excited to have a pop artist making such uplifting music as this. But yes, "Juice" should have been a hit. Why Billboard great till it gotta be great?

     

    Spoiler

     

     

    Country music had a good year! How much of it was good quality? Well... it's better than it was in previous years?

    I don't know. I don't think I'm ever going to pivot to being a full-on country fan, especially not for this decade. There's just too much crap that seeped its way through the airwaves, and once again, radio is the problem here. By allowing radio's increasingly hollow definition of "country" music to dominate the charts, you get shit like that Marshmello & Kane Brown turd that washed up on shore this year. Seriously, I heard that on country radio and I nearly dry heaved. Country has been the biggest casualty of radio junk simply due to the fact that it's slowly losing its identity. Even the Dan + Shay stuff... it's fine, but nothing you wouldn't hear on adult contemporary radio.

    There was one notable exception, of course, that caught me completely off guard. And if you were following the charts this year, you probably already know what's coming. So let's get to it. The best country song of the year is by... Blake Shelton?!

    3. "God's Country" - Blake Shelton

     

    In a year where Lil Nas X ruled the charts, Billie Eilish gained traction, and Baby freakin' Shark made the year-end, this is still the most mind-boggling hit of 2019 for me. But in the best possible way. I mean, I seriously had no idea that Blake Shelton had this kind of song in him. Or any mainstream country singer for that matter. Maaaybe Chris Stapleton, but country radio likes Chris Stapleton like water to fire. So it was such a blessing for me to finally hear a country song with some bite, some edge, a bonafide country rock song that we haven't gotten in forever. Seriously, you don't know how rare this is. After country music being dominated by meatheads and pretty boys for the past decade, it's Blake goddamn Shelton that swoops in to bring some credibility back to the genre. I still can't say I'm a country fan. But maybe if more of it sounded like this, I could be persuaded. Yee-haw!

     

    Spoiler

     

    You know, I mentioned country as the biggest casualty of radio play this decade, but that puts aside the almost nonexistent genre that is rock music.

     

    This is not rock. I don't even mind the song, but it's not rock. The fact that it reached #2 on rock airplay this year is fucking idiotic. What is "rock" about this? What makes this different from slightly edgy pop music? Bah. I'm done. Mainstream rock is dead. Thanks, Imagine Dragons!

    It got me thinking about my #2 pick for this list. As has happened in the past, my #2 pick for this year is a song I completely neglected from last year. But I have a feeling I'm not the only one. There's a real stigma about being labelled a "boy band". It's hard to make your way into any sort of credible music station, or to be enjoyed by anyone over the age of 18, with that sort of label on you. And maybe that stigma kept it off of my best list this year. But with SHAED's desperate stabs at relevance and Brendon Urie flailing to depressing results, this was pretty much the only rock song of the year. And... it kinda rocks.

    2. "Youngblood" - 5 Seconds of Summer

     

    5 Seconds of Summer is a damn good band who got way too much scorn over their first hit, "She Looks So Perfect". Take out the "American Apparel underwear" line, and you have a pretty damn amazing, pumped-up pop rock song. And that's exactly their lane where they work the best. This is another of their best songs. That thudding bassline over the chorus propels the angry atmosphere of the song into overdrive. They seem to be the only ones interested in making rock-adjacent music anymore, and as an eternal lover of the genre, I have to hold on to what I can get. So congratulations, boys. You finally made a best list. Just don't use up all that goodwill by collaborating, with, oh, I don't know, The Chainsmokers?

     

    God fucking fuck this is why we can't have nice things

     

    Spoiler

     

    I was astonished that this became a hit song. I knew that this artist was getting huge in 2019, but this song always seemed on the verge of slipping out. And really, I wouldn't blame anyone if it did. Much like "DNA." from 2017, it's a song that stands alone on this year-end as being way too good for the charts. Like anyone's going to have time for a song like this in between Ed Sheeran and Camila Cabello. Right.

    But this year was full of surprises. And this song squeaking onto the year-end chart was a very pleasant surprise, indeed.

    1. "When the Party's Over" - Billie Eilish

     

    You simply do not get this much emotion packed into one little song to break through like this. This is a little miracle of a song that managed to scrape up enough points to make the year-end. And God, I'm glad it did. Because this song is simply masterful.

    As far as instrumentation goes, it's sparse. Nearly a capella, with a spare piano and synths here and there. But this is the song where I thought Billie Eilish proved herself to be much more than a flash in the pan. I knew she was eventually going to make it big, maybe not off of this song, but off another, because she has buckets of talent and she is an incredibly smart and gifted musician with nuanced, sharply written emotions in her lyrics. For real, ballads have to work twice as hard as other songs to even be considered for a Top 10 spot. And I can't think of a song this year that does more with less. The simplicity is what adds to the heartbreak of the situation, and nothing feels forced or manipulative. This is simply a sad story set to beautiful, haunting music. Finally, in 2019, Billie Eilish broke through and became the superstar we love today. This was the song that officially put me in her corner. I like to think that for her, the party is just beginning.

     

    Full List:

    Spoiler

     

    1. "When the Party's Over" - Billie Eilish

    2. "Youngblood" - 5 Seconds of Summer

    3. "God's Country" - Blake Shelton

    4. "Truth Hurts" - Lizzo

    5. "Bury a Friend" - Billie Eilish

    6. "Dancing with a Stranger" - Sam Smith and Normani

    7. "Old Town Road" - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus

    8. "Breathin" - Ariana Grande

    9. "Thank U, Next" - Ariana Grande

    10. "Sicko Mode" - Travis Scott

    11. "Bad Guy" - Billie Eilish

    12. "The London" - Young Thug. J. Cole and Travis Scott

    13. "Shallow" - Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper

    14. "Pure Water" - Mustard and Migos

    15. "Suge" - DaBaby

    16. "Sweet but Psycho" - Ava Max

    17. "Señorita" - Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello

    18. "Panini" - Lil Nas X

    19. "Worth It" - YK Osiris

    20. "Beer Never Broke My Heart" - Luke Combs

    21. "Tequila" - Dan + Shay

    22. "Hot Girl Summer" - Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla Sign

    23. "Wow" - Post Malone

    24. "A Lot" - 21 Savage

    25. "Look Back at It" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie

    26. "Only Human" - Jonas Brothers

    27. "Circles" - Post Malone

    28. "If I Can't Have You" - Shawn Mendes

    29. "Cash Shit" - Megan Thee Stallion ft. DaBaby

    30. "Pop Out" - Polo G ft. Lil Tjay

    31. "Sunflower" - Post Malone and Swae Lee

    32. "Trampoline" - Shaed

    33. "I Like It" - Cardi B, Bad Bunny and J Balvin

    34. "Act Up" - City Girls

    35. "Taki Taki" - DJ Snake ft. Selena Gomez, Ozuna and Cardi B

    36. "Beautiful People" - Ed Sheeran ft. Khalid

    37. "Boyfriend" - Ariana Grande and Social House

    38. "Rumor" - Lee Brice

    39. "Walk Me Home" - Pink

    40. "The Git Up" - Blanco Brown

    41. "Beautiful Crazy" - Luke Combs

    42. "Robbery" - Juice Wrld

    43. "You Need to Calm Down" - Taylor Swift

    44. "Baby" - Lil Baby & DaBaby

    45. "High Hopes" - Panic! at the Disco

    46. "Good as You" - Kane Brown

    47. "Eastside" - Benny Blanco, Halsey and Khalid

    48. "Speechless" - Dan + Shay

    49. "Better Now" - Post Malone

    50. "Wake Up in the Sky" - Gucci Mane, Bruno Mars and Kodak Black

    51. "Close to Me" - Ellie Goulding and Diplo ft. Swae Lee

    52. "Whiskey Glasses" - Morgan Wallen

    53. "Sucker" - Jonas Brothers

    54. "Love Lies" - Khalid and Normani

    55. "Break Up with Your Girlfriend, I'm Bored" - Ariana Grande

    56. "Goodbyes" - Post Malone ft. Young Thug

    57. "Zeze" - Kodak Black ft. Travis Scott and Offset

    58. "Going Bad" - Meek Mill ft. Drake

    59. "All to Myself" - Dan + Shay

    60. "Knockin' Boots" - Luke Bryan

    61. "Con Calma" - Daddy Yankee and Katy Perry ft. Snow

    62. "Murder on My Mind" - YNW Melly

    63. "Envy Me" - Calboy

    64. "Me!" - Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco

    65. "7 Rings" - Ariana Grande

    66. "Beautiful" - Bazzi ft. Camila Cabello

    67. "Shotta Flow" - NLE Choppa

    68. "Money in the Grave" - Drake ft. Rick Ross

    69. "My Type" - Saweetie

    70. "Trip" - Ella Mai

    71. "Hey Look Ma, I Made It" - Panic! at the Disco

    72. "Ransom" - Lil Tecca

    73. "Clout" - Offset ft. Cardi B

    74. "Leave Me Alone" - Flipp Dinero

    75. "Middle Child" - J. Cole

    76. "You Say" - Lauren Daigle

    77. "How Do You Sleep?" - Sam Smith

    78. "Eyes on You" - Chase Rice

    79. "Lucid Dreams" - Juice Wrld

    80. "Swervin" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie ft. 6ix9ine

    81. "Talk You Out of It" - Florida Georgia Line

    82. "Mia" - Bad Bunny ft. Drake

    83. "Look What God Gave Her" - Thomas Rhett

    84. "Drip Too Hard" - Lil Baby and Gunna

    85. "Please Me" - Cardi B and Bruno Mars

    86. "Thotiana" - Blueface

    87. "Be Alright" - Dean Lewis

    88. "Money" - Cardi B

    89. "Without Me" - Halsey

    90. "Better" - Khalid

    91. "No Guidance" - Chris Brown ft. Drake

    92. "Girls Like You" - Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

    93. "Mo Bamba" - Sheck Wes

    94. "Baby Shark" - Pinkfong

    95. "One Thing Right" - Marshmello & Kane Brown

    96. "Close Friends" - Lil Baby

    97. "Someone You Loved" - Lewis Capaldi

    98. "Happier" - Marshmello and Bastille

    99. "Talk" - Khalid

    100. "I Don't Care" - Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber

     

     

    • Like 5

    Best and Worst of Entertainment: The 2010’s Decade End Lists

    in New Kelp City

    Posted

    Wumbo's Top 25 Albums of the 2010s (20-16)

    Spoiler

     

    20. Rodeo - Travis Scott (2015)

    Rodeoalbum.jpg

    You know, I've heard time and time again people decrying Travis Scott's music as being "boring", and I'm just not hearing it. Take his debut Rodeo, for instance. This is an album filled with enough firepower and guest spots to last you a party and comedown. And yes, it's true that most of the best songs on here do feature guest artists. But that shouldn't discount the man himself from putting this all together. Travis Scott really taps into that feeling of an alcoholic hangover, but in the best possible way. All the off-kilter buzz and fuzz, it seems intentionally obnoxious at points to grab your attention, and it works. That's not to say there isn't melody in this album as well. There are certain parts of this album that feel absolutely lush and sublime to me amidst the cacophony. This review really sounds more harsh than I intended, but I think it takes true artistic talent to take production elements that would grate in other contexts and use them to your advantage. Truly, if more trap music were like this, I think I'd be kinder to the genre as a whole. This is innovative, exciting, and all-around a great piece of work. Yee-haw!

    Best Songs: "Pornography", "90210" (ft. Kacy Hill), "Pray 4 Love" (ft. The Weeknd), "Nightcrawler" (ft. Swae Lee & Chief Keef), "Maria I'm Drunk" (ft. Justin Bieber & Young Thug)

     

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    19. Wasting Light - Foo Fighters (2011)

    A collage of green, blue and pink face pictures of the Foo Fighters members against a black background. Above it is the title "FOO FIGHTERS - WASTING LIGHT" in red letters.

    Honestly, not much to say here except I love the Foo Fighters, I have always loved the Foo Fighters and this album fucking rocks. Foo Fighters have always been experts at staying true to their sound and yet evolving with the times so their music never seems stale. This decade, Wasting Light was the perfect example of that. Foo Fighters proved that they could still rock their own way while tapping into the rock sound of 2011 with big stadium-like, anthemic songs. And whether they're doing that or just goofing off like in "White Limo", they manage to be such a captivating, hard-hitting rock band every time. Play on, guys.

    Best Songs: "Bridge Burning", "Rope", "Dear Rosemary", "Arlandria", "Back & Forth", "Walk"

     

    Spoiler

     

    18. Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City - Kendrick Lamar (2012)

    KendrickGKMC.jpg

    Kendrick Lamar was the knight in shining armour we needed to save us from the dregs of hip hop in 2012. And Good Kid, M.A.A.D City was exactly the album to do it. I don't even think the album is Kendrick's best or anything (spoilers, oops) but it's head and shoulders above just about any other popular rap from this year. Kendrick is a storyteller, and Good Kid shows his storytelling skills to an extreme measure. It helps that he's got a ton of great producers on his side that really help to capture the various moods and feelings of the album as he describes his struggles growing up in Compton. Every part of this album has a purpose, even the seemingly indulgent 12-minute song, which is really split into two beautiful songs that work perfectly. This album is a master craft, and one we desperately needed to get smarter hip hop back on the charts. It's okay to indulge your sweet tooth once in a while, but sooner or later  you need some brain food as well. It's a good thing this album satisfies both.

    Best Songs: "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe", "Backseat Freestyle", "Money Trees" (ft. Jay Rock), "Good Kid", "m.A.A.d city" (ft. MC Eiht), "Swimming Pools (Drank)"

     

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    17. Synthetica - Metric (2012)

    Metric-synthetica.jpg

    Synthetica is a blessing of an album. Metric is one of those bands that I always end up going back to for Emily Haines' sweet vocals and the beautiful musical accompaniment that serves them. Usually people use the phrase "breath of fresh air" to describe a point of refuge in comparison to something, but this album literally feels like a breath of fresh air to me, without any comparison necessary. Like I said, Emily Haines' voice is gorgeous. I just picture a choir of angels every time she sings. Metric is a joy to listen to every time for me. It's one of those bands that never fails to bring me out of a bad mood. If you're a fan of indie, electronic-inspired rock, check it out. You won't be disappointed.

    Best Songs: "Artificial Nocturne", "Speed the Collapse", "Breathing Underwater", "The Void", "Synthetica", "Clone"

     

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    16. After Laughter - Paramore (2017)

    After Laughter Paramore album cover.png

    After Laughter is the saddest happy album you'll ever hear. It's the album that personifies a nervous breakdown. You can sense the turmoil coming from the dichotomy between Paramore's tight new wave grooves and Hayley's heart-wrenching, maddening lyrics. You get the sense that despite her wishing to hit rock bottom on "Hard Times, she's already there. Paramore have always been a favourite band of mine. It was just so refreshing to hear a female voice in the pop punk scene that could make it as big as the male ones. And I'd argue this band came into the 2010s better than any of their contemporaries. They updated their sound in a way that doesn't feel pandering, but does get with the times and leave the angsty 00s behind. I love Paramore in any era, but this one really shows off their artistic chops and musical diversity, particularly with this album. Even the facade of happy, sunshiny new wave cannot be kept up, but it really shows Hayley Williams' range as a performer. An A+ album that Paramore fans must check out if they haven't already.

    Best Songs: "Rose-Colored Boy", "Told You So", "26", "Pool", "Idle Worship", "Tell Me How"

     

     

    • Like 3

    Best and Worst of Entertainment: The 2010’s Decade End Lists

    in New Kelp City

    Posted

    Hello!! This is the first installment of a list of my favourite albums of the decade. I'll be posting them daily in five-entry increments, hopefully ending on the 31st. Enjoy!

    Wumbo's Top 25 Albums of the 2010s (25-21)

    Spoiler

     

    25. True Romance - Charli XCX (2013)

    Charli XCX - True Romance.png

    This is the only album on this list that got here based on a collection of catchy pop songs and not much else. But damn, what a collection it is. Charli XCX has really deserved so much more success than she has gotten, but if I had to pick only one album to promote from her, it would be this one. It's such an effortlessly fun synth-heavy album, and the only real downside to it for this list is that there's not much to say about it. The album kinda speaks for itself. Charli XCX is a true talent and if we had any sense she'd have about a dozen hit songs by now, at least. Don't miss out, check out this album and her others.

    Best Songs: "Nuclear Seasons", "Stay Away", "Set Me Free (Feel My Pain)", "Black Roses", "You're the One"

     

    Spoiler

     

    24. Born This Way - Lady Gaga (2011)

    Grayscale image of a bike against a black background. The bike has a blond woman's head at its front, whose right hand stretches out to the front tires of the bike. The words "Born This Way" is embossed above the image.

    I remember at the beginning of the decade, Lady Gaga was freakin' everywhere. You couldn't walk down the street without someone mentioning her name. It was kinda creepy, actually. But here we are at the end of the decade, and save for a solid soundtrack album, Lady Gaga's presence in pop culture has been thoroughly muted. And that's a shame. Because regardless of whether trends caught up to her or surpassed her entirely, Lady Gaga remains one of the most fascinating pop culture icons of this decade. She reveled in the weird and provocative. She thrived on making people uncomfortable. And most importantly, she made damn great pop music while doing it, and Born This Way I feel is the best example of this. Lady Gaga really comes into her own on this album, it feels like a very personal story smothered in pop glitz and glamour. And Lady Gaga is as much of a music nerd as any of us, calling on the likes of Clarence Clemons and Brian May to contribute. Born This Way is a fiery statement that Gaga had not released anything like before, and probably will never release again. Because this is the perfect marriage of pop music sensibilities and unapologetic display of personality. Lady Gaga was born this way, and she wants you to know about it. Heck, I've even warmed up to the title track despite some questionable lyrics. It's a marvelous gem of an album, and one that still gets rotation on my iPod today.

    Best Songs: "Marry the Night", "Hair", "Bad Kids", "You and I", "The Edge of Glory"

     

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    23. Born to Die - Lana Del Rey (2012)

    A light-skinned auburn-haired woman is dressed in a sheer white blouse and a red bra, and is staring forward before a blue-skied background. The words "Lana Del Rey" are placed above her while the words "Born to Die" are placed beneath her, stylized in all capital letters.

    I've always loved this album, but in truth I was mulling over whether I should put it on this list at all. It's certainly one of my favourites in terms of pure musical excellence, but I've always been one for pop personalities and artists showcasing their stories through music. And while the music here is excellent, and the writing is sharp as ever, I just can't help but disbelieve Lana as a pop personality. But maybe that's the function of her artistry; to sound cold, aloof and distant, a sort of ironic detachment from the lustful, classically Americana lyrics she peppers in each of her songs. On that level, it works, but it's not typically a sort of strength I would highlight, particularly when making be-all and end-all lists such as these. It's not something I usually look for in my pop music. I prefer authenticity, or at least the guise of authenticity.

    So I decided to leave it off, but upon listening to the album again, I couldn't. Man, I just couldn't. There's just too much good about this album to ignore, most notably the larger-than-life production complementing Lana's otherworldly appearance as a performer. She seems to exist on a whole other realm of pop stardom, as though she's an ascended elder. Perhaps that's why she sounds so distant from it all. She simply has it all figured out. She knows what she's about, and she plays the part perfectly. She brings her irresistible charm and charisma to so many of the tracks on this album. If anyone else were doing this, it would be monotonous and tedious. Lana comes through as a breath of fresh air on each song. And I gotta respect that kind of expertly crafted art. I may not totally be able to invest in her as a pop personality, but I cannot in good conscience leave this wonderful, beautiful, haunting album off my list. Truly one of the best of the decade.

    Best Songs: "Born to Die", "Off to the Races", "Radio", "Summertime Sadness", "This is What Makes Us Girls"

     

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    22. The Getaway - Red Hot Chili Peppers (2016)

    Thegetawayalbum.jpg

    When the Red Hot Chili Peppers released their album I'm With You in 2011, with new guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, I was sadly underwhelmed. Not that it was a bad album - I don't think "bad album" and the Chili Peppers go together. But it felt too much like they were trying to recreate the magic that was left behind when John Frusciante left the band. I love the Chili Peppers, and I love Frusciante. But in order to move on as a band, eventually you have to actually move on. And that's what we get with this album, The Getaway. A refreshing new sound from the Chili Peppers that feels both modern and true to themselves. It feels like everybody gets a chance to shine in this one. While I love Frusciante, I will admit that sometimes it felt like he stole the show on Chili Peppers albums, not leaving much room for anyone else to contribute meaningfully. This album boasts some of Flea's best bass solos and some of Anthony's sharpest, most poignant writing. It's actually close to a tearjerker at some points. And Josh Klinghoffer fits right into this album, delivering where he needs to and kicking back to let the old guys take a turn. It's just a marvelous album from a consistently great band. They haven't really released anything since, but I do hope to see new music from them well into the next decade. It ain't over yet.

    Best Songs: "Dark Necessities", "Goodbye Angels", "Sick Love", "Detroit", "This Ticonderoga"

     

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    21. Pure Heroine - Lorde (2013)

    Lorde Pure Heroine.png

    When Lorde first came on the scene, she was an instant breath of fresh air in the pop world. Someone who was openly disillusioned with the material excess of pop stardom and made an album openly rebelling against these conventions. We could talk for hours about what this meant for pop music going forward. But the main point I want to make is that Pure Heroine is a damn great album. "Dream pop" is the perfect genre classification for it, as the album feels so dreamlike. Anchoring it all is Lorde's wonderful voice and sharp songwriting. It's hard to remember that she's only 16 at the time of this album's release. She speaks from a world of experience and emotion, wringing out every possible feeling you can get about love, disillusionment, rebellion, and life. She has an obvious influence in Lana Del Rey, for sure, but I like to think she strives for a more authentic voice in her writing, one which draws more from her experiences rather than fantasy. It's dreamlike, but also surprisingly down to earth with its writing. It's an immensely powerful album with some deep, raw emotion in it. One of the true pop marvels of this decade, and a bright sign of things to come for both her and the pop world.

    Best Songs: "Tennis Court", "400 Lux", "Ribs", "Buzzcut Season", "Glory and Gore"

     

    • Like 4
    • God Himself 1

    Best and Worst of Entertainment 2019 Edition: The List Jedi

    in New Kelp City

    Posted

    ho ho ho

    ---

    Twenty. Nineteen.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2Ov5jzm3j8

    We made it, folks. We made it here, for better or for worse. And for my money, I'd say 2019's music was much, much better than 2018's, though it was a low bar to clear, admittedly. One of the things I noticed about 2019 was how much more variety we allowed on the charts, and how much of it ended up being really good! We had new artists come and flip the charts upside down, old artists surprise us, and the dull. macabre feeling of 2018 hopefully being washed away for good.

    ...So why doesn't it feel that way when I look at the year-end chart?

    I'm gonna spoiler this rant because I'm sure most of you have already heard bits and pieces of it in Discord, but I need to get this out of the way before I begin.

    Spoiler

     

    Ahem... Billboard's charts have always been bad for judging popular music, particularly the year-end charts. So many popular songs get shafted because they get "caught between years" and are not able to rack up enough points in either year. That's why goddamn "Purple Rain" missed a year-end despite peaking at #2. But it is the nature of the beast, and these lists have to be tallied in some way. So we begrudgingly allow it, mostly because no one but us pop music nerds would even care about this stuff anyway.

    But 2019 was a breaking point for me. This year-end chart is absolutely ridiculous in how many 2018 singles have been left around to stink it up. It's not even that all of the 2018 leftovers are bad, it's that they just don't belong here. In what universe is "Love Lies" a 2019 hit and "Lover" is not? I'll tell you what universe: the one that thinks tracking from mid-November to mid-November is an acceptable tracking period to quantify the hits of any given year. This is asinine. I've always had problems with how Billboard tallies their lists from December to December, but I begrudgingly accepted it because otherwise you'd most likely have to wait until January for our annual tradition to go underway. But this is just ridiculous. What's next? Include the whole month of November in the following year? How about the entire fall season? Would someone care to actually tell Billboard what a calendar year is, for God's sake?

    This upset me so much that I was very nearly tempted to forgo the Year-End list entirely in protest and make up my own list instead, because I've been tracking the year from January to December and picking up a good number of songs that should have made this year's list. But I figured I'd be missing out on some songs I didn't get to talk about in 2018, so once again, I have succumbed to the Billboard deities, sucked it up, and went off of the Year-End list to determine my Top and Bottom 10. But I wasn't very happy about it, and I still maintain that a good quarter of these songs should either not be here or not be as high on the list as they are. But this is the state of things, and there's not much more I can do about it. So, c'est la vie.

     

     

    Oof! Okay, kudos to anyone who actually bothered to read through that, but the tl;dr version is that Billboard's rating system has always been fucked but was especially fucked this year. Now then, onto the worst list!

    Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hits of 2019

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    10. "No Guidance" - Chris Brown ft. Drake

     

    He just... keeps... coming... back. Jesus, I don't even know which artist I'm referring to at this point. Both of them seem to have inexplicable staying power in the music industry. But Chris Brown especially feels like the herpes of music. Popping up to irritate you again and again. And he is squarely what's wrong with this song. I just hate Chris Brown's voice, especially here, where it's slathered in Autotune and Chris Brown squeals like someone's screwing his nuts with a pipe wrench. And normally, the image of Chris Brown in pain would at least provide some solace, but not when we actually have to hear him sing. He sounds gross, and he's a gross human being. Can 2020 be the decade we finally get rid of this turd? Let's find out!

    Drake is on this track too. He's not bad, precisely, but he's such a nondescript presence (shocker!) that it's hard for him to make up for anything Chris Brown is doing on this track. And really, they're both gross dudes. We don't need Drake in 2020 either. This coming decade would be a lot better without either of these guys. And this sputtering squib of a song should be more than enough to prove it. Who could actually like this song? It's both boring and annoying, the result of blending Drake and Chris Brown. Blech.

     

    Spoiler

     

    I know this didn't make my worst list last year. But enough is enough.

    9. "Girls Like You" - Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

     

    There is simply nothing left to say about Maroon 5. They have another goddamn song in the top 10 because... they're Maroon 5, and they're going to outlast the cockroaches when the nuclear holocaust comes. They're just that powerful.

    If there was an artist that I wanted to go away more than Chris Brown, it would be Maroon 5. Much like the fact that there is nothing left to say about Maroon 5, Maroon 5 themselves have nothing left to say. For the past five years they've been operating on autopilot, releasing inoffensive mush that sounds like nothing and excites no one but radio people desperately looking for something else to play. We truly need to stop the radio's scourge on popular music. No one has voluntarily listened to this, ever. Not even with over 2 billion views on YouTube. Not even for Cardi B's verse, which is admittedly the most interesting part of the song, but stands in such stark contrast to the rest of the song that it may as well be an interlude. I didn't even like Cardi B all that much this year, but she still swims circles around Maroon 5, who are just an empty, sad shell of a band, and have been for nearly a decade now. Can we please put these guys to sleep? For their own good and for ours as well. It's not like anyone here wants to deal with this anymore.

     

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    Another thing we can leave behind in 2020: Making assholes like this famous.

    8. "Mo Bamba" - Sheck Wes

     

    I don't get it.

    Okay, fine, I guess I get it... I just don't like it. There were a lot of songs that came out this year that made me feel fucking old, man. And this was one of them. I couldn't find an entry into this song for me to enjoy it in any way, but I guess the kids like it because it's loud, obnoxious, and catchy in its own annoying way. But then the allegations against him came out, and I just shook my head. Do we really have to entertain a new rapper every year that behaves like a heinous creep and has no discernible talent to back it up? Not that talent should excuse bad behaviour, but this is the music industry, after all.

    I don't get it. Kodak Black in 2017, Six Ix Nine Ine in 2018, and now this. Are we going to stop this in 2020? I certainly hope so. I'm not saying all music has to be good with good messages, or that all my favourite musicians have spotless resumes on being a good person. But there has to be a bar set somewhere. This nothing of a song has Sheck Wes braying over some music box beat, then that beat cuts out and he has to improvise by yelling "FUCK! SHIT! BITCH!" Not exactly Marshall Mathers here, is he?

    Surely there is better music we can be propping up than this. This is bottom of the barrel gunk that should have been left in obscurity. It's what garbage throws out as garbage. And if that makes me a square to say so, then so be it. This is trash. Next!

     

    Spoiler

     

     

    Hey, did you guys know I'm a baseball fan? Go Jays Go! But yeah, what a season of baseball it was, culminating in one of the greatest come-from-behind victories I've ever seen in the Washington Nationals. It was almost enough to convert me into a fan. But there were two very good reasons why I didn't. One, Jays forever. And two... they used this as their rally song.

    7. "Baby Shark" - Pinkfong

     

    Okay, yes, I get why it's funny that this song of all things managed to cross over to the Hot 100. It's the equivalent of The Wiggles getting a hit on the Hot 100. But here's the thing: The Wiggles don't have hits on the Hot 100. Because they shouldn't. Because they're for kids. And even if they did have hits on the Hot 100, they'd be a metric fuckton better and less annoying than this shit.

    Because let's just say it: even for a kid's song, this is fucking terrible. The only reason it got big was because it apparently went over well with... again, kids, who turned it into some pre-pubescent "meme". How you meme this song I have no idea, because it's so monotonous and boring. There's no hook to it, unless you count a drill being forced into your head as a "hook". And it's annoying. It's definitely up there on the list of songs I never want to hear again. It's the equivalent of an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Just an ice pick to the ears. So, this is yet another thing we can leave behind in 2020: Obnoxious kids' songs that have no business being on the Hot 100. Anything else?

     

    Spoiler

     

    Oh! I've got something! How about we leave cheap, country-pop mush back in 2019?

    6. "One Thing Right" - Marshmello & Kane Brown

     

    This took me a couple of years to realize, but I loathe Marshmello. I want to smack that stupid marshmallow head off his face. Or possibly roast him over a fire. Whichever would hurt more. And the reason I hate him is because he is quite possibly the worst producer running now. None of his songs this year have sounded good, and this might be the most heinous-sounding of all of them, with one of the most pathetic drops in music history. Why even record a song with Kane Brown if you're going to make it sound like this? I'm trying to stick up for Kane Brown, because I still really like "What Ifs". But there is no defending his decision to collaborate here. Really, why does anyone collaborate with Marshmello at this point? They know they're going to sound compressed and manufactured as shit over an uninspired, vomit-inducing beat. The ironic thing is that I can't think of one thing this song gets right. It's all wrong, in a myriad of ways. So maybe that's an accomplishment upon itself? Sure, whatever. Point Marshmello. Just stop making music after this, please.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Something else that the Billboard charts can't seem to get right is consistency. Sure, they've changed their rules over the years, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about their blatant disregard for their own rules. See, there's this thing they do where if a song has lasted more than 20 weeks on the charts and falls below #50, it's gone. No slow burnout, no funeral. Gone. Yet there was one song that inexplicably lasted for about twice as long as it should have this year, because... I guess we really had to push for it to claim a spot on the year-end? Why this one?

    5. "Close Friends" - Lil Baby

     

    I admit that part of this ranking is my sourness that this ended up on the list at all. But this is still a pretty crappy song in its own right. There's no surprise here. It's Lil Baby. Wah wah wah. He was a guy that no one had any expectations of, so he decided to release a mixtape in late 2018 to thunderous applause that he was able to create something somewhat resembling music. This feels like one of those scenarios where you get a robot to perform music after listening to 1000 hours of it, Autotune and all. Also, why is Gunna on this? I mean both the mixtape and this song. There's no point to him being here, so much so that this is only credited to Lil Baby when it comes to the Billboard year-end. They're two sides of a mushy-mouthed face, and they prove that sappy love songs is another avenue they fail at. So can we leave these guys in 2019, too?

     

     

    Spoiler

     

    Basic. Unbelievably basic.

    4. "Someone You Loved" - Lewis Capaldi

     

    There's a little-known secret in the music industry called "pop song chords". You may recognize them from time to time. They're easy-to-replicate, cookie cutter pop chords that make for a radio-friendly tune. I bring them up because I am just flabbergasted at Lewis Capaldi's screw-up of the most basic of pop song arrangements, using a piano and his voice. His awful, awful voice.

    You know, I thought we were done with this kind of pop star. The one who can't sing his way out of a paper bag, who would probably place 12th on a bad season of American Idol. I guess Scotland has more of a stomach for this kind of garbage than we do. Fitting, since the last artist to hit #1 in the US from Scotland was Sheena Easton. Jesus, Scots, where's the quality control?

     

    This isn't the worst hit of 2019, as you can see. But it's easily the most incompetent and basic. It feels like a song that anyone could plunk out on piano and sing themselves hoarse. Actually, I've tried to sing like Lewis Capaldi before and hurt my throat. So maybe the guy is giving it his all. Might be worth it to dial it back a bit from 11, buddy. But in keeping with the rest of the themed list, I think we're best just leaving you in 2019 as well. Sing it with me, folks.

    IIIIIIIIIIIII-

     

     

    Spoiler

     

    3. "Happier" - Marshmello & Bastille

     

    AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

    Okay! If any song was to rival Maroon 5's bland nothingness in 2018, it was this one. I mean, holy shit. I don't even remember if I ever liked this song or not. All I know is I never want to hear it again. In fact, I'm stopping listening to it for this review... now. Ah, that's better.

    "Happier" is brainwashing music. It makes your brain nice and squeaky clean with synth farts vaguely representing pop radio fodder and a lyrical "story" that really means a whole lot of nothing, even less so when you factor in Marshmello's godawful production. "Oh, baby, I'm gonna leave you because I think it's best if we're apart, but I'm feeling pretty emotionally-" BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH, BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH

    Marshmello is a musical assassin. He needs to be taken to trial for his crimes, put away, and locked up until he gets so stale no self-respecting camper would want him on a s'more. And maybe this could have escaped my ire this year if it wasn't playing goddamn everywhere because of course it was, radio is dumb, who even cares anymore. I wanted to give it credit because I like Bastille, but it's not as though Dan Smith does anything to make this song any better. He sounds as boring as the tired production, which, to be fair, maybe he wasn't allowed to be exciting, or didn't know how against a wonky, un-musical  Marshmello beat. This is the kind of misguided song that school councils who don't know any better play at pep rallies, because its only qualities are being loud, obnoxious, and vapid. Once again, leave Marshmello in this decade, we don't need any more of him.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Say this for Marshmello, though: at least I have a shred of sense why he's famous. I'm still scratching my head when it comes to this guy.

    2. "Talk" - Khalid

     

    Khalid has not had a single interesting moment in his career. He exists to take up space. He also recently became the most popular global artist on Spotify. How? Who is listening to this droning, Mii Channel shit? Honestly, I can't even be too disappointed in Khalid here. He does pretty much what he's always done. Just give him the novocaine, shove a mic in his face for 10 or so minutes, and cobble together a "performance". No, who I'm disappointed in is Disclosure, who as I recall, used to make music like this:

     

    Yeah, that! Someone please tell me what happened to that, because I have just totally lost respect for this duo after this one. Maybe it's a reverse case of what happened in "Happier", like Disclosure couldn't figure out how to create an interesting song around this marble-mouthed numbskull. But there was always the option of not working with him! Even when Khalid exists on another person's song, he always manages to be a complete non-presence and may as well have not even been on the track. Now we know that his suckage is capable of bringing good artists down to his level. Joy.

    Is there really no one else we can find that can do this? Can anyone just walk into a recording studio after a 3-minute sleep and piss out whatever jumbled, vague nonsense happens to exist in their brain? Well, our #1 should be able to answer that question...

    ...oh yeah, leave Khalid in 2019, blah blah blah, let's just get on with it...

     

     

    Spoiler

     

    1. "I Don't Care" - I Don't Care

    I don't care

    I don't care

     

     

    • Like 5

    RIP Juice WRLD

    in K-BLUB

    Posted

    No matter what you thought of Juice WRLD's music, I can at least say that it seemed to come from a real place, however dark it may be. 21 is way too young to go, and I was legitimately curious where he was going to take his music career. RIP

    Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

    in K-BLUB

    Posted

    "Are You Gonna Be My Girl": Screw Todd, I love Jet. They bring back classic rock in a way that still exhibits their swagger as a band, and this is easily one of the catchiest songs of 2004.

    "100 Years": Willowy, wistful piano ballad that works for what it is.

    "My Band": To me, this was the real discrowning moment of Eminem's career. I mean, listen to this. It just sounds like garbage. No one but ironybois would find this entertaining.

    "I'm Still in Love with You": Sorry guys, Sean Paul is the most overrated artist of the entire decade. No bones about it.

    "American Soldier": *barf*

    "Change Clothes": Not Jay-Z's nor Pharrell's best work. So I guess 2004 wasn't perfect for Jay-Z after all.

    "One Thing": I get why "Paralyzer" crossed over. I don't get this one.

    "Drop It Like It's Hot": Snoop being Snoop can only get him so far, but hey, at least he's still in the Top 30?

    Pajama Time: I just have nothing to say about this song. Again, it's a troll record designed to appeal to those poisoned by irony. Ha ha, Eminem's not trying! So what? Anyone could have done this. Hell, Kanye actually did it better in 2018 with "Lift Yourself", which at least resembled a joke with setup of the beautiful sample and payoff of poopity scoop. This is just white, and I mean very white, noise. A moment in Em's career that should be justly forgotten. "My Band" is still worse though.

    (Okay, so maybe I had more to say about this song than I thought...)

    "Toxic": Classic Britney, might actually be her best single upon retrospect. It's certainly got the best production of all of them.

    "My Immortal": I think the consensus with Evanescence is they have a beautiful singer in Amy Lee wasted by a pretty mediocre band. So a song like "My Immortal" works by stripping that band away and just letting Amy Lee shine. It's definitely one of the best songs in the Evanescence catalog.

    "Milkshake": This song just exists. No strong feelings one way or the other.

    "It's My Life": Sorry to all you Talk Talk fans, but this is better than the original. A lot of that can be attributed to the force of charisma that is Gwen Stefani. Just a totally iconic pop star.

    "Salt Shaker": Not much to say except Lil Jon's energy is infectious here, as it always is. He carries this song.

    "Don't Tell Me": Another strong song from Avril Lavigne. I toyed with putting it on the list proper, but realized I'd be making most of the same points anyway with "My Happy Ending". Consider it a very honourable mention, along with the songs above it. (Surprised none of you asked why "Yeah!" didn't make the list, but for those of you curious, well, honourable mention it is.)

    "Breakaway": A very sweet song by a very sweet performer. I definitely prefer her rock side, but I can appreciate a tune like this too.

    "The Way You Move": Big Boi gets a chance to shine on the charts too! Man, what a great album.

    Now then, the next month will probably be taken up by 2019, whenever that year-end list comes out, but join me again in this thread when we look at...

    2009

    We say goodbye to the 2000s with its last year. How will these songs hold up a decade later? Tune in and find out!

    • Like 3

    Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

    in K-BLUB

    Posted

    Yeah!

     

    2004 may have been the year of crunk, but that meant it was also the year of fun, too. So many of these songs I remember fondly. But it wasn't without its serious side, either. A lot of these songs really tugged at the heartstrings. As I said before, it was a varied year, and I'd argue a very good one. To further my argument, here's a list of 10 songs I found enjoyable enough to stick in a Top 10. Enjoy!

    Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 2004

    Spoiler

     

    Can we bring back this Kanye? Please?

    10. "All Falls Down" - Kanye West ft. Syleena Johnson

     

    Man, I miss when Kanye was more relevant for his music than his meme-ability. I'd argue that started changing around 2016, when his Taylor Swift controversy reached new heights, and he became more of a celebrity gossip machine than an artist. It helps that conversation that most of the stuff he released since then hasn't been up to snuff. I really hope you haven't listened to that new album. No one should have to put themselves through that.

    So let's take it back to 2004, when Kanye West was just starting his career in superstardom and having three big hits off his debut, The College Dropout. It's songs like these that make me almost want to believe that Kanye died and got replaced by a less talented lookalike. But then again, I guess you have to take the bad with the good. This is Kanye at his best: he still retains his personality while really touching on some important issues. And doing it all while mispronouncing "Versace". I'm not sure if Kanye West will ever reach heights like this again. But I guess I'm glad that we got some truly great music out of him before he fell off the rails. Maybe if he got some help, everything would be better. Best to do it before it all comes crashing down.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Again, I allude to Kanye's latest album, but: remember a time when he was able to spout religious messages without coming off like such an egotistical jackass?

    9. "Jesus Walks" - Kanye West

     

    I'm talking about a time when Kanye was actually able to write meaningful, thoughtful musings on religion and not just use it as a crutch to promote his bloated ego or make terrible Chick Fil A references. Don't... just don't listen to that album. I'm ashamed I listened to it once.

    Oddly, Kanye was always full of weird and goofy references. In this very song, he references a joke in Happy Gilmore about eating pieces of shit for breakfast. And a damn Regis and Kathie Lee reference. Yet he somehow mustered up the clout to make these references work in the song. I think it comes through with his earnest display of anger and passion. I honestly think these references add to the song. It just shows the power of the rest of it. That pulsating beat with the gospel choir is untouchable, and Kanye is just spitting fire at every turn. It really is a good question to ask why a record about faith is less marketable than guns, violence, and drug dealing. This is back when Kanye had the means and the desire to make statements with his music, and I only wish we could get that Kanye back.

     

     

    Spoiler

     

    CAROLIIIIINE

    8. "Roses" - OutKast

     

    I mean, if you've been keeping up with these lists thus far, you should know by now that I love OutKast. And 2004 was certainly a grand year for this duo, releasing their 5th project, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below and milking every moment of it. We've got a song that was too ubiquitous to ignore, but more on that later (oh, come on, you knew it was gonna be on here). This song, however, I feel gets swept under the rug by comparison, but it really is a jam. It's odd that a song so vile and bitter in the lyrics can turn out that way. Hell, it amounts to wishing for this girl's death in a car crash.

    Just playin'

    Yeah, okay.

    But a good beat can save a lot, and honestly the dichotomy between these sour lyrics and the upbeat tempo really works. I can't think of any other songs that make me willingly sing "poo-oo-oo". But here we are. And here I am, singing it like a fool. But I don't even care. This song's infectious groove just takes you there, along with Andre 3000's bellowing on the verses. Big Boi does his part too, but this is clearly Andre's song, which makes sense as it's on his half of the record. This song is sweet as roses, but given the context of this song's lyrics, that might come off as an insult. So I'll go with begonias instead.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Ever since Chester Bennington's death, the story appears to have been rewritten on Linkin Park's legacy, as possibly one of the most influential bands in modern rock music. They were certainly one of the most iconic bands, as they spoke to the souls of dispirited youth everywhere. Yet before his death, they were constantly derided as a band to hate and a band that only "angry white boys" liked. It became embarrassing to have to admit to like them. Well, I always liked this band. Enough posturing.

    7. "Numb" - Linkin Park

     

    More and more, I start to wonder if the "angry white boy" stereotype does serious harm to young males who are already told to suppress their emotions. Certainly it's important to express your feelings in a healthy way, but it's also important to feel anger. I wonder if the stigma with listening to a band like this has caused more emotional suppression. Pretty fitting topic to discuss on a song called "Numb", I think. And this has held up as one of Linkin Park's most emotionally revealing songs, as Chester Bennington just lets it out on the chorus and bridge, with the keyboard melody adding an extra layer of melancholy, but still making it approachable to the average listener, which is probably why it did so well. I think it's important to feel things, and Linkin Park were certainly a feeling band. "Numb" is one of the best examples of that, and I think it's important to remember Linkin Park and Chester Bennington as a completely honest, irony-free band that processed raw emotion into their music. Honestly, it's something we need more of.

     

    Spoiler

     

     

    One of the harshest tragedies in music to this day is the far-too-young death of Aaliyah. I have no doubt in my mind that were she still alive today, she would still be making music and other R&B artists would still have to play catch-up. Of course, such a tragedy is bound to rock those within the music industry as well. Many of Aaliyah's friends and contemporaries came together to mourn her publicly, and her influence lasted in the songs people wrote about her, or were inspired to write by her. And you might be surprised by this one.

    6. "If I Ain't Got You" - Alicia Keys

     

    Alicia Keys is one of the greatest voices and songwriters of the 2000s. In a year that seemed so obsessed with partying down and having sex, Alicia was there to remind us all that it's okay to stay down to earth sometimes. And she performed this song beautifully.

    I mentioned that this song is inspired by Aaliyah's death. Alicia Keys wrote it after her passing, saying that it was such a difficult time, but also an eye-opening one, one that makes you feel what moments matter more than others. And that's what this song is about. Some people want it all, but Alicia doesn't if it doesn't include the people she loves and cares about. It's a simple song, but effective, and certainly a breath of fresh air this year.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Of course, there's nothing wrong with mindless parties...

    5. "Slow Jamz" - Twista ft. Kanye West & Jamie Foxx

     

    Aww. Maybe that's not fair. This song is clearly for the ladies, name-dropping all those sexy cats from back in the day, including Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross (whose song is pretty heavily sampled here), The Temptations, and... Michael Jackson.

    She got a light-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson
    Got a dark-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson

    Well, it's hilarious anyway. No, for real, one of Kanye's best lines right here.

    The whole song, despite being at least 75% a joke, comes off surprisingly smooth, and a lot of that has to do with the awesome sampling job. But another thing is that each artist contributes here. Jamie Foxx, no matter what people say about his overexposure in the music industry, is a great singer. Kanye was a great rapper. And Twista is just fantastic here, spitting bars with the best of 'em. I love this thing. It's like "Blurred Lines" done well, and non-rapey. Just a little music to set the mood. Most songs can't get away with referencing this many classic artists. But this song does, because it's smooth as butter and for my money, one of the best party jams of the 2000s.

     

    Spoiler

     

    It's Jay-Z.

    4. "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" - Jay-Z

     

    There's no doubt in my mind that Jay-Z was one of the best rappers of the 2000s. His swagger matched pretty much no one. He was on top of the world, and solidified that position after his marriage to Beyoncé. He's the sort of person that can make calling shoes "scooby-doos" seem cool. Not everyone has that kind of power. Anyway, this was my favourite hit from him this year, barring "99 Problems", which was totally a hit and baffles me that it didn't make this list. It would have been #1 if it did. But this is pretty awesome too. It boasts one of Timbaland's best beats and has Jay-Z straight spitting fire over it. This song was so successful that it actually made its way to President Obama publicly, who brushed the dirt right off his shoulder in response to trivial personal attacks from his opponents.

     

    See, Obama was the cool prez. Drone strikes be damned. But it really is such an iconic gesture, and the fact that many people associate it with Jay-Z just speaks even more volumes to his popularity and superstardom. In 2004, Jay could do no wrong.

     

    Spoiler

     

    C'mon.

    3. "Hey Ya!" - OutKast

     

    You knew it was going to be on here. I flat out told you it was going to be on here. It's one of the best songs of the decade. It would be criminal for me to ignore it. So let's just enjoy the fact that this song exists. Sound good? Okay then.

    Nah, I really wish I had more to say here. But this is one of those songs that's so boringly perfect it's impossible to analyze. It's a jam. It rocks. It simply is one of the greatest songs to ever exist. Not much more you can say. Except, stop shaking your Polaroid pictures. (Not that anyone uses cameras anymore anyway.)

     

    Spoiler

     

    Nostalgia is a hell of a drug. But I'd like to think that I'd enjoy this song just as much if I didn't have such nostalgic attachment to it. Because it's damn good, folks.

    2. "My Happy Ending" - Avril Lavigne

     

    Avril Lavigne was my first celebrity crush. She had everything going for her: she was Canadian, gorgeous, and she had a rocker's edge. But she wasn't afraid to get emotional on her songs, either. And this is probably the song I remember the most fondly from her. It's the catchiest, the hardest-hitting, and rocks the hardest. And you can say whatever you want about her music over the past ten years. This is the Avril Lavigne I'll always choose to remember. Sexy and fun but with a sharp tongue and a knack for finding hooks in pop rock. Fantastic stuff.

     

    Spoiler

     

    Hindsight is 20/20. And sometimes you only appreciate things when it's too late, which is a shame. Linkin Park truly were one of the great bands of the 2000s, and Meteora is one of the most fiery albums of that decade. So let's right some wrongs here and put this at #1.

    1. "Breaking the Habit" - Linkin Park

     

    Once again, it cannot be understated just how much of an influence Linkin Park turned out to be on bands that came after them. They popularized mixing electronica with rock music, and it influenced a generation of rock stars from that decade to this one. This song best shows how effective they are with it, making an absolute cannonball of a song that rips right through. Part of that can be attributed to Chester Bennington, who has always had the chops to deliver raw emotion in his music. But part of it can also be attributed to the lyric writing, with Mike Shinoda stepping in. All the band members play really well together to create one hell of an anthem about the struggle of drug usage and addiction. Linkin Park were pioneers, and they were instrumental in defining rock for years to come. And this song might be their best ever.

     

    Full List:

    Spoiler

     

    1. "Breaking the Habit" - Linkin Park

    2. "My Happy Ending" - Avril Lavigne

    3. "Hey Ya!" - OutKast

    4. "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" - Jay-Z

    5. "Slow Jamz" - Twista ft. Kanye West and Jamie Foxx

    6. "If I Ain't Got You" - Alicia Keys

    7. "Numb" - Linkin Park

    8. "Roses" - OutKast

    9. "Jesus Walks" - Kanye West

    10. "All Falls Down" - Kanye West ft. Syleena Johnson

    11. "Yeah!" - Usher ft. Lil Jon and Ludacris

    12. "Through the Wire" - Kanye West

    13. "Don't Tell Me" - Avril Lavigne

    14. "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" - Jet

    15. "You Don't Know My Name" - Alicia Keys

    16. "Toxic" - Britney Spears

    17. "It's My Life" - No Doubt

    18. "Salt Shaker" - Ying Yang Twins ft. Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz

    19. "Me, Myself and I" - Beyoncé

    20. "Breakaway" - Kelly Clarkson

    21. "Stand Up" - Ludacris ft. Shawnna

    22. "My Immortal" - Evanescence

    23. "The Way You Move" - OutKast ft. Sleepy Brown

    24. "Confessions Part II" - Usher

    25. "Overnight Celebrity" - Twista

    26. "Drop It Like It's Hot" - Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell

    27. "Freek-a-Leek" - Petey Pablo

    28. "This Love" - Maroon 5

    29. "She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5

    30. "White Flag" - Dido

    31. "Live Like You Were Dying" - Tim McGraw

    32. "100 Years" - Five for Fighting

    33. "Why Don't You and I" - Santana ft. Alex Band

    34. "Naughty Girl" - Beyoncé

    35. "Diary" - Alicia Keys ft. Tony! Toni! Toné!

    36. "Damn!" - YoungBloodZ ft. Lil Jon

    37. "Burn" - Usher

    38. "I Don't Wanna Know" - Mario Winans ft. Enya and P. Diddy

    39. "Remember When" - Alan Jackson

    40. "Everytime" - Britney Spears

    41. "Dip It Low" - Christina Milian

    42. "Headsprung" - LL Cool J

    43. "Baby Boy"- Beyoncé ft. Sean Paul

    44. "Get Low" - Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz ft. Ying Yang Twins

    45. "My Boo" - Usher and Alicia Keys

    46. "On Fire" - Lloyd Banks

    47. "Gigolo" - Nick Cannon ft. R. Kelly

    48. "Game Over (Flip)" - Lil' Flip

    49. "Locked Up" - Akon ft. Styles P

    50. "Read Your Mind" - Avant ft. Snoop Dogg

    51. "Sorry 2004" - Ruben Studdard

    52. "Hey Mama" - The Black Eyed Peas

    53. "Milkshake" - Kelis

    54. "The First Cut Is the Deepest" - Sheryl Crow

    55. "Suga Suga" - Baby Bash ft. Frankie J

    56. "Splash Waterfalls" - Ludacris

    57. "Holidae Inn" - Chingy ft. Ludacris & Snoop Dogg

    58. "Lose My Breath" - Destiny's Child

    59. "Dude" - Beenie Man

    60. "Meant to Live" - Switchfoot

    61. "Change Clothes" - Jay-Z

    62. "Let's Get It Started" - The Black Eyed Peas

    63. "I Like That" - Houston ft. Chingy, Nate Dogg and I-20

    64. "U Should've Known Better" - Monica

    65. "My Place" - Nelly ft. Jaheim

    66. "One Thing" - Finger Eleven

    67. "Why?" - Jadakiss

    68. "Here Without You" - 3 Doors Down

    69. "Walked Outta Heaven" - Jagged Edge

    70. "Redneck Woman" - Gretchen Wilson

    71. "I Go Back" - Kenny Chesney

    72. "Letters from Home" - John Michael Montgomery

    73. "Just Lose It" - Eminem

    74. "Step in the Name of Love" - R. Kelly

    75. "With You" - Jessica Simpson

    76. "Move Ya Body" - Nina Sky

    77. "Leave (Get Out)" - JoJo

    78. "Over and Over" - Nelly ft. Tim McGraw

    79. "Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)" - Eamon

    80. "You'll Think of Me" - Keith Urban

    81. "Hotel" - Cassidy ft. R. Kelly

    82. "Wanna Get to Know You" - G-Unit ft. Joe

    83. "Pieces of Me" - Ashlee Simpson

    84. "Happy People" - R. Kelly

    85. "American Soldier" - Toby Keith

    86. "On the Way Down" - Ryan Cabrera

    87. "Southside" - Lloyd ft. Ashanti

    88. "My Band" - D12

    89. "I'm Still in Love with You" - Sean Paul ft. Sasha

    90. "Heaven" - Los Lonely Boys

    91. "Turn Me On" - Kevin Lyttle

    92. "Slow Motion" - Juvenile ft. Soulja Slim

    93. "Someday" - Nickelback

    94. "When the Sun Goes Down" - Kenny Chesney ft. Uncle Kracker

    95. "One Call Away" - Chingy ft. J-Weav

    96. "Sunshine" - Lil' Flip ft. Lea

    97. "Lean Back" - Terror Squad

    98. "Goodies" - Ciara ft. Petey Pablo

    99. "The Reason" - Hoobastank

    100. "Tipsy" - J-Kwon

     

     

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