-
Advertisement
Steel Sponge
-
Posts
9,590 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
207 -
Doubloons
431,034 [ Donate ]
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Posts posted by Steel Sponge
-
-
Today...or actually yesterday was the day of my 15th year of being on SBC, which is quite a lot of time I've been on for a community that I never thought I'd be so attached to, I never left by this point. That's why I felt that I'd actually do a very special commemoration, and it's something that's been on my mind for some odd years. So, i am holding my first (and only) writing competition. From today, until my current set deadline, all willing participants will be able to send me their own drabbles based on all the categories I've come up with. There will be four - yes, four different categories to submit to:
CATEGORY 1:
The Simple Short Story Category
Requirements: Write a short story
Minimum word count required: 200Sounds very self-explanatory, does it? This is a category where everyone is free to write whatever kind of short story as they please, but of course, do mind the word count requirements.
CATEGORY 2:
The Most Committed Writer Category
Requirements: Write a long-form story
Minimum word count required: 1,500Yes, I know the above word count requirement sounds really scary to some, but with all fairness, this is a category for those who are really looking to challenge themselves. The main idea behind this one is to write a decently fleshed-out story. You can make it as short enough for the minimum as you'd like, or make it as long as you'd like.
CATEGORY 3:
And Now, Poetry - by Gary...
Requirements: Write a poem
Minimum word count required: 30This is definitely the most relaxed and easy of the four categories, and all you have to for this one is write poetry. Whether it's traditional poetry, haikus, a story-driven poem, or a simple collection of them, this is where everyone is encouraged to show their poetic side.
CATEGORY 4:
The Steel's Biggest Fan Category
Requirements: Write a story based on one of my own spin-off/fanfic creations
Minimum word count required: 400The concept for this last one may sound like obnoxious ego stroking, I know, but I think some folks might have some fun with this in particular, and brings out the whole 'Steel Sponge' theme of this contest. For this category, participants will write a story based on one of my own stories, may it be the setting, the characters, or both. For a reference guide or ref material on what you'll have to work with, there is a list below with a respective link to my writing.
The list:
SpoilerWith that taken care of, let's go over the basics and the rules of the submission process:
-The deadline for this contest as a whole will be on March 15th. I figured I'd give everyone a long enough window to participate that would be considered fair. Up until that date, submissions will be closed.
-Everyone can submit for all four categories, but only once for each. Of course, and as I should very much address, you don't have to submit for all four categories, and if you wish to submit only for one, that is completely fine.
-If one particular category has only one submission, the participant will win it by default.
-No joke nor troll entries, and no entries that would be deemed inappropriate by the site's standards.
-All submissions will and must be curated in a separate thread that will be posted shortly afterwards.
-I will be the sole judge for each submitted piece.
But of course, I can't sell this for anyone without the prizes/rewards for each winning entry. I may not have staff powers, but here's a few things you may receive:
WINNERS WILL RECEIVE...:
-A specially made pic/icon for the winning author + story
-A free commissioned art piece of your own choice, as drawn by me
-Previews and perhaps also plot reveals for upcoming releases for my own work
-An elephant (actually, scratch that. This is supposed to be a gag prize, so I don't actually have an elephant)
Anyways, there's nothing else left for me to all those who wish participate than with this: take your time, and of course, go out and have fun with your own writing, -
-
Well...
-
1
-
-
Best song by The Police since "Locked Out of Heaven."
-
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: SBC What If's
Day 3: Starting Over
Day 4: SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation finale
Day 5: Trinity Leaf Pegasus(?)
Day 6: Chemist Bob's Catastrophic Creations Cinema
Day 7: A Member-Hosted Story ContestAnd now...here's the big one - I'm going to host my very own writing contest. Unlike the usual SBC event months, this will be its own separate thing, planned specially for my 15 year milestone. The last story contest on SBC that took place was merely last month during Snowcember, so the details won't be made known until January 24th, one day shy of my anniversary day, but still a reasonable time and day to start it while I making this known now.
-
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: SBC What If's
Day 3: Starting Over
Day 4: SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation finale
Day 5: Trinity Leaf Pegasus(?)
Day 6: Chemist Bob's Catastrophic Creations Cinema
Day 7: ???The one-off special for CBC3, which will feature the Nostalgia Critic, will be posted later this month. I should say in advance though that this will be a rather different approach compared to the Critic Chronicles, which I will clarify within the special itself.
-
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: SBC What If's
Day 3: Starting Over
Day 4: SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation finale
Day 5: Trinity Leaf Pegasus(?)
Day 6: ???
Day 7: ???But um...while I'm still on the topic of neglected stories...
Apologies that this isn't an actual update, but who knows? Maybe it will be TLP's year this time. But in the meantime, I hope you all appreciate the humor towards the Duke Nukem Forever of my writing catalog (or at this rate, may I call it my Winds of Winter?).
-
1
-
-
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: SBC What If's
Day 3: Starting Over
Day 4: SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation finale
Day 5: ???
Day 6: ???
Day 7: ???I have a new planned release date for the final episode for this month as part of my SBC 15th anniversary milestone (there's one other major thing I have planned for that milestone, but more on that later...), because after delaying this up to three years now, I definitely have no excuses for not getting it done.
-
1
-
-
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: SBC What If's
Day 3: Starting Over
Day 4: ???
Day 5: ???
Day 6: ???
Day 7: ???Starting Over, my aptly-titled 101 Dalmatian Street fanfic, is still in the works with a new chapter on the way. The next chapter, titled "Turnabout Siblings" will be posted to AO3 sometime in January, and will be posted to SBC later afterwards. The story will be nearing completion by 2025 as there are six more planned chapters that will be written up.
-
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: SBC What If's
Day 3: ???
Day 4: ???
Day 5: ???
Day 6: ???
Day 7: ???SBC What If's is, of course, the multi-collaborative writing project that I'm part of, so I may as well share at least one piece of news for it. I am going to continue writing for this series and I have one story on the way that will be titled as "What If...the fake Wikipedia SpongeBob episodes actually existed?"
-
2
-
-
It's time for the newest edition of 'Steel Presents.' Starting today and until the end of this week, I will announce one piece news regarding the state of my ongoing stories for 2025, and with today being the first day of these announcements, I better get that ball rolling. I have something very special planned to be announced on the last day, so do stick around for that. Even though 2024 is nearly ending, I do, however, have one exception to make for just one last-minute new release before the end of the year, and I decided that it will be for a series that I've neglected for some time, due to it, admittedly, not being one of my biggest priorities:
Day 1: Total Drama Treasure Tour
Day 2: ???
Day 3: ???
Day 4: ???
Day 5: ???
Day 6: ???
Day 7: ???
Total Drama Treasure Tour will return with a new episode on the 30th or the 31st...or later into the month, depending on how things pan out. There's also some plans to launch a week of five new premieres, but of course, I can't guarantee a date for that yet, or if I will go that route. -
The Truth of Gold
T’was a normal day at the Krusty Krab, when all through the day, not a Plankton was scheming, but customers were there to pay. It all seemed to be a normal day in Bikini Bottom, but the only difference was that it was winter, which of course was required to set up this story. Mr. Krabs, once again, was keeping the thermostat untouched and charged customers to be able to keep themselves warm.
“Darn that crummy cheapskate for not heating up the restaurant during the coldest months,” the grouchy octopus cashier named Squidward complained. “It sure would be nice if I had some gold and then I’d never have to work again.”
“If I had some gold, I’d have me business blooming,” Mr. Krabs remarked.
“Why are you two talking about gold all of a sudden? Is it time for another one of our wacky adventures?” SpongeBob asked.
“It would be an adventure that I would want no part of,” Squidward jeered, “but it means being far away from you, I’ll take a prospecting job in a heartbeat.”
“Nice try Mr. Squidward, but the Yukon Gold Rush has been a long gone era and the deep blue has never felt a money craze of that sort of magnitude for ages.” Mr. Krabs replied. “Besides, if there is gold, I ought be the first person to know…”
As tempting fate would have it, two oddly specific incidentals came bursting through the doors of the restaurant to conveniently share their exciting news.
“Hey everybody, we found gold!” Nat announced.“Yeah right, you’re pullin’ me pegs!” Mr. Krabs argued.
“Come and see it for yourselves and you’ll know that there’s no fooling!” Evelyn added.
“Well, what are all standing here for, boys? Let’s peep this out!” Mr. Krabs said as he dragged his two employees to the site where the gold was found.
As Mr. Krabs and his crew had arrived at the spot, they were already met with a large crowd, forcing Krabs to tunnel through, using his pincers like a pair of buzzsaws.
“Look at that beauty, boys,” Mr. Krabs remarked as he and his employees got a closer look at the excavation filled with gold. “Soon, it will be all ours.”
“What do you think we’ll do with all that gold, Mr. Krabs?” SpongeBob questioned.
“I’m seeing so many dollar signs just thinking about all the ways that I could use this gold, I can hardly contain meself!” Mr. Krabs said.
“I think there’s plenty enough gold to share with everyone else, do you think so, Mr. Krabs?” SpongeBob added.
“Who said anything about sharing the gold, boyo?” Mr. Krabs replied as his head creepily turned 360 degrees towards SpongeBob like an owl. “With all this gold, I could press them into tributes of the $50 buffalo gold coin and sell them to suckers who’ll think it’s the real thing, struck from .9999 pure 24 karat gold and all.”
“That’s a lot of nines.”
“Yes, that’s four nines, boyo, and not only will I be the richest crab in the world, I can turn me restaurant into a conglomerate...no, I can make it an empire!”
“I’m sure that sounds nice for you, but Bikini Bottom has a serious shortage of health clinics and recreational services for pets and children, so I think the gold could be put to good use for helping them, and we can use the rest of that wealth to give food and shelter to the homeless.”
“…That be the dumbest idea I ever heard from you, boyo.”
“I’m pretty sure everyone else has already thought of dumber ways to use up that gold,” Squidward remarked.
“Look at all that gold, Karen. If we could get our hands on it all, we can run Krabs out of business in an instant!” Plankton said.
“Didn’t you tell me yesterday that you had your single-celled eye on that anniversary USB drive?” Karen deadpanned.
“Oh, but I...uh, wouldn’t forget to spend some of it on you, my darling,” Plankton replied.
“I could finally buy all the things daddy wouldn’t let me have!” Pearl remarked.
“I say, I think all that darn gold could make good use of bein’ spent for scientific research,” said Sandy. “Why, with that much fortune, maybe we could cure any disease! Although…I ain’t should be getting myself too greedy, but my treedome could use an expansion of sorts so I could have more room for my experiments.”
“I don’t know what it is, but I want to exchange it for all the dried-up caramel in the world!” Patrick declared.
The crowd of Bikini Bottomites continued to ramble on about what would they would plan to use the gold for, until a landowner stood in front of the gold mine alongside Nat and Evelyn.
“If I could have everyone’s attention…” the landowner announced, “as it should appear, since these two were the ones who had discovered the gold, I’ve ultimately decided that I bestow this gold mine to them.”
After a collection of groans and jeers from the crowd, they would be silenced once again as Nat gave himself the chance to speak…
“Citizens of Bikini Bottom, we hear your concerns,” Nat spoke, “We know how much you all wanted a piece of this gold mine. Evelyn and I have decided…”
“...We’ve decided that we’re going to keep this gold all to ourselves, suckers!” Evelyn finished.
Nat and Evelyn’s statement was met with a wave of angry banter, while SpongeBob and Squidward watched as their boss’ spirit sank, frozen from his immeasurable disappointment.
“Hey, wait a minute, that’s the guy that you bribed to say that he liked my chum!” Plankton said to Karen. “Why does he and that other background character get all the gold to themselves?”
“Did you think he was going to share the gold with you?” Karen argued.“Well, that was the biggest waste of eleven minutes I’ve had all day,” one of the incidentals remarked as the crowd left the excavation site in disappointment, leaving SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs by themselves.
“What’s wrong with Mr. Krabs?” SpongeBob asked.
“Whatever it is, I want no part of it,” Squidward remarked.
“Boys…” Mr. Krabs said with gritted teeth, “I have a very important job for the both of ye…”
“What is that, Mr. Krabs?” SpongeBob questioned.
“We’re going to take away all that gold from those two no-good freeloaders,” Mr. Krabs continued, “and we will not stop...until WE GET WHAT’S OURS!”
“And what do you want us to do about it?” Squidward pointed out. “I don’t even know who those two nitwits are. For all I care, they can just keep the gold.”
“You know what, Squidward? I’ve changed me mind about not sharing the gold with SpongeBob or ye,” Mr. Krabs replied. “Besides…if you help me, I can help achieve your dream of being a world famous clarinet player, or whatever it is that’s got your head in the clouds.”
“What’s in it for us? How much of the gold will you promise to give us?”
“How’s about this? You and SpongeBob can keep one percent of the gold.”
SpongeBob and Squidward shook their heads with a ‘I don’t think so’ type of scornful look.
“How about I double that offer?...Triple?...Okay, fine, I’ll split it 25 to 75.”
“That sounds generous enough to me,” said SpongeBob. “So, what’s our plan?”
“Plan, who said anything about having a plan, boyo?” Mr. Krabs asked. “Coming up with a detailed plan is past me own budget.”
“Well…I do have one idea. We could ask Nat and Evelyn nicely if they could give us the gold,” SpongeBob suggested.
In an instant, SpongeBob was shown to have confronted Nat and Evelyn in front of the gold mine they were keeping watch of.
“Hey Nat, hey Evelyn, I hate to pile this on you, but my boss, Mr. Krabs would really love to have the gold that you found, so I needed to ask, would you be willing to give it us?” SpongeBob asked.
Nat and Evelyn looked at SpongeBob, then at each other, and burst into spiteful laughter.
“Wow, get a load of this guy, Evelyn! Oh, please, please, can we please have your gold?” The last sentence Nat uttered in a mocking tone.
“Yeah, run along, short-stuff, we found this gold together, so it’s ours, and ours only!” Evelyn tormented.
“Like they always say, finders keepers, losers weepers!” Nat teased.
SpongeBob sadly walked back to Mr. Krabs to inform him that his attempt at a civil compromise didn’t work.
“Big deal, if they’re not going to be civil, then we’re just going to have play dirty!” Mr. Krabs said. “I’m going to bring out the big guns for this one!”
It was then that Mr. Krabs’ attempt of plan was to have his whale daughter Pearl show up in front of Nat and Evelyn.
“Hey, daddy says he wants you two to give him the gold, or I’ll have to make things difficult,” said Pearl.
“Oh yeah, and what are you going to do about it?” Evelyn asked.
Pearl then proceeded to assault the two with her signature wail. However, Nat and Evelyn were able to ignore her crying by plugging up their ears until Pearl couldn’t cry anymore.
“Cry all you want, but we’re not letting up,” said Evelyn.
“Better luck next time,” Nat tormented.
“Hey, why didn’t you come back with me gold?” Mr. Krabs asked Pearl.
“Forget the gold, dad! You should be getting me some eye drops!” Pearl scowled.
“Okay, if that’s how it is, then we’re just going to have rely on dirtier schemes,” Mr. Krabs said while rubbing his claws together. “If we can’t get Nat and Evelyn to move, then we’ll make them move, and I just thought of the best possible plan to do that, ar-ar-ar-ar!”
“Nope, no way, I refuse to comply…” said Squidward.
SpongeBob and Squidward were then shown carrying a large cake towards Nat and Evelyn.
“A cake, just for us?” Nat wondered.
“Wait a minute...what is in that cake?” Evelyn asked.“All the ingredients of an ordinary cake, I’m sure,”
“It’s got buttercream, candles...frosting, and absolutely nothing inside of it that’s suddenly going to take take away all your gold. It’s specially made just for you two, so don’t worry about sharing!”
“Wow, you didn’t have to do this for us,” said Nat.
“Mr. Krabs said to tell you that this is his way of saying sorry for all the times he tried to steal away the gold that you both deserved to keep,” SpongeBob replied.
“No, I mean you didn’t have to this because we already have the precautions to make sure there isn’t attempts of betrayal of sorts.” Evelyn said as she sent called for a pack of guard worms to inspect the cake.
SpongeBob and Squidward then both exchanged looks of instant regret.
“So what of cake is this anyway? Crab cake? As you should know, they have a pretty good nose for crabs,” Nat taunted.
With no other option than to reveal himself, Mr. Krabs popped out of the cake. “If you were expecting me, then ye’d be right! There’s nothing in it except a gold-snatching crab and some explosives!”
On cue, the cake exploded right in Mr. Krabs’ face before he could be able to do anything.
“SpongeBob...I thought I told ye to set a timer for that,” Mr. Krabs deadpanned.
“Chase em’ way, guys, make sure they never get anywhere near our gold again!” Evelyn instructed towards the guard worms, prompting for the Krusty crew to run off and brainstorm yet another plan.
“They’re just going to keep all that loot to themselves and I won’t sleep until I get it all of their greedy little fins,” said Mr. Krabs. “What are we going to do now, boys?”“What can we do? You were so petty that you had to resort to recycling one of Plankton’s schemes,” Squidward pointed out.
“That’s enough backtalk from you, Mr. Squidward,” Mr. Krabs replied. “I’d hate to do this, but there’s one other method we can use to trick Nat and Evelyn into giving up their gold. We’re just gonna have to scare it off them. SpongeBob, you know those cheap costumes from our last Krustoberfest we kept in the supply room?”
“Huh? But I thought this isn’t a spooky-themed story-” SpongeBob said.
“No, I mean, we’re going to have to drag out the Dickens,” Mr. Krabs clarified.
Minutes later, the Krusty crew were prepared to launch their next scheme unto Nat and Evelyn when they approached them in costume.
“Nat...Evelyn…you two have both met a terrible fate,” said Mr. Krabs. “I be the Ghost of Bank Statements Past to warn you of what will become of your lives if you kept the gold.”
“We know it’s you, Krabs,” said Evelyn.
“Oh yeah, then how do you think I know about what happened that fateful day when you called the firemen to save your little Jimmy from a fire?”
Evelyn let out a small gasp and responded, “You did?”
“Oh I know many things that happen to people who will lead a miserable life,” Mr. Krabs continued. “Nat, I know for sure how guilty you must feel for the one time you wasted all your money on Plankton to contract food poisoning to prove a certain someone right.”
“Even if you are really Mr. Krabs, then feel free to enlighten us. Why you think we don’t deserve all this gold,” said Nat.
“That’s where one of my other ghostly pals will have to come in.”
“Hello, I’m Johnny the Ghost, I’m a wisecracking, trumpet-playing friend!- I mean, I also happen to be the Ghost of Money Present,” SpongeBob said. “I am here to remind you of the harsh realities of when you don’t share the gold to other fish. There are plenty of children and animals in need of the gold, just like this fellow named Tiny Tim…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcSlcNfThUA
“No, wait, not that Tiny Tim, I meant this guy!” SpongeBob corrected, showing Squidward dressed in the specific attire, with one of his tentacles on a crutch and all.
“Food, shelter, medicine, nourishment! All those things that I need to make myself better and be able to walk with all tentacles like normal again! But alas, I’m afraid that I don’t have much time left to live in this world, and it’s all because no one could give a single dollar to poor ol’ me…” Squidward acted out in his usual over-dramatic flair.
“So, have you both changed your minds about the gold yet? Yes or no, we can all agree that you wouldn’t want to have to consult the Ghost of Money Future…” Mr. Krabs warned.
On cue, SpongeBob’s pet snail, Gary slithered over to Nat and Evelyn while donned in a black cloak, letting out a single and solemn ‘meow.’
“So, what do you say? Will you put an end to your greedy ways?” Mr. Krabs inquired.
Nat and Evelyn looked at Mr. Krabs and then at each other, once again letting out a laugh.
“Yeah, right, like anything bad will happen to us,” said Nat.
“What’s next, you’re going to tell us that our terrible fate will be getting crushed by our own gold? Evelyn joked.
“You don’t even care about the dire consequences of your selfishness, or of the unforeseeable future?” Mr. Krabs asked.
“Yeah, we are jerks, and so what about it? Most people in Bikini Bottom are,” Nat replied.
“We found the gold and we decided that we’re going to keep it. Deal with it,” said Evelyn.
“I’ll make ye deal with it!” Mr. Krabs provoked as he lunged toward the two greedy fish.“Mr. Krabs, I don’t think that was in our script,” SpongeBob intervened.
Before any violence could be dealt, however, they were all met with the landowner.
“Break it up, all of you, I hate to make this confession now, but it appears that there was never any gold,” he said.
Mr. Krabs, Nat, and Evelyn, all froze with disbelief, with the crab then saying, “What...what do you mean there was no gold?”
“Look for yourselves,” the landowner continued as he showed the group the spot where all the gold was struck, being completely emptied out all of sudden, with nothing in sight except a certain pink starfish, feeling dizzy from a full stomach. “Turns out all that gold was actually a giant pile of dried-up caramel.”
“It was all so...delicious,” Patrick groaned.
“It was a bunch of worthless caramel and no one bothered to correct us on that?” Nat rejoinders.
“I’m no gold expert, I just owned the plot of land that supplied it,” the landowner ensured. “You should all go home now.”
The group of characters just sat in silence in misery over all the time they had wasted fighting over dried-up caramel that was now all inside Patrick’s stomach.
“Hello? Can somebody help me?” Patrick asked. “I’m feeling kinda hungry again. I don’t think there was enough salt in that caramel.”
Finally, SpongeBob spoke, “So...what have we learned?”
“Absolutely nothing,” Squidward deadpanned.
“Well, we did have ourselves yet another wacky adventure we could look back at fondly,” SpongeBob pointed out. "I guess you could say that was...the truth of gold!"
“Put a sock in yer mouth, boyo,” Mr. Krabs chided.
Because there was no other better way to end this crazy tale, the story ends with SpongeBob, of course, putting a sock in his mouth.
-
1
-
-
cryptic post
-
-Cubone Build-a-Bear plush
-Four Pokemon blind box figures
-Pokemon cards
-Figurine display cases
-Two Hunter x Hunter figures (one of Kurapika, and one big-aaa figure of Uvogin)
-Spunch Bop mug
-Foo Fighters But Here We Are album on CD
-Chappell Roan Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess album on CD
-Frightened Rabbit Midnight Organ Fight tribute album CD (Just realized that the original album on CD is pretty scarce)
-Rolling pin
-Stand mixer
-3-in-1 slow cooker (only needed one, lol)
-Gift cards for Nintendo and Barnes & Noble
-IKEA bookcase (will take a pic once it's built and moved to my room)-
3
-
-
no pantalones
-
-
Funniest Member: Fred, dman, OWM, OMJ, Danny Devito
Chattiest Member: WhoBob, Prez, Salmon, jjs, Meko
Spongiest Member: Winter, Fletcher, Meko, Carotte, PatBack
Best Gamer: dman, DarknessDG, Meep, Meko, Carotte
Show Stopper: Storm, WhoBob, Clappy, Kat, Jjs
Geekiest Band Geek: Prez, kev, Kat, SBManiac, Hawk
Most Artistic Member: Jane, Nuggets, Konquest, Cha, Patty Rose
Sportiest Member: JCM, illiniguy, Clappy, PrezBest Story: SBC What-Ifs, Squidzilla: Football-playing King in Space of the Monsters, SpongeBrawl: Brawl to the End!, Allison's Corner o' Writing
Best Miniseries: Valentine's Day Returns, Toast Krusters, ChatGPT Saves Pokemon, The Gang Makes a Video Game
Best Episode: What If... Sandy Cheeks Died as a Child? (SBC What-Ifs), What If... The Security System didn't take control of Squidward's house? (SBC What-Ifs), JCM Says Goodbye (JCMovies), A Broken Heart and the Will to Live (Valentine's Day Returns), Angel in the Goo (Toast Krusters)
Best Comedy: SBC What-Ifs, ChatGPT Saves Pokemon, Squidzilla
Best Character: Squidasaurus Rex (Squidzilla), Heart Man (Valentine's Day Returns), Scooter the Angel (Toast Krusters), Cherry Cheesecake Man (SBC What-Ifs), General Barracuda (Total Cartoon)
Best Artwork: Paper Mario: Dimension Daycation by Cha, Bobfall by Nuggets, Fast Food King by ThePickleMan, Cream cheese on a bagel by Patty Rose, Phoebe and Itchy by Jane
Best Pictionary Drawing: Sing a Song of Patrick by DarknessDG, Patrick Not-Star/Hide and Then What Happens by SBManiac, Snake Man by Salmon, BeakBob by Carotte, Boat Smarts by jjs
Honorary Story: Total Cartoon series and Patrick Star in the Multiverse of Madness
Honorary Staff Member: terminoob and CDCB
Honorary Member: Jane and Zaid
Honorary Skin: The Cosmic Shake Community and Pride Patties-
2
-
-
Promoting animal abuse, obviously. Still get PTSD from "A Pal for Gary" and "Pet Sitter Pat." It's so bad that it made me rally every stranger on Twitter to attack those damned writers. (/j)
-
3. A Deepak Understanding (Originally written on August 11th, 2024)
One week had passed since the dognapping incident. The Dalmatian family was still in the recovery stages from their encounter with Cruella De Vil. Per Dylan’s advice, the family of dogs have been staying home until the news could blow over, with Dolly even abiding to his rules of caution. While Doug and Delilah have been able to return to their jobs since after the first day back home, Triple D have been allowed a mental health break from doing viral video work. The recurring nightmares of the puppy fur-obsessed human continued to bleed into the following week, even for Dawkins, who has recently been reunited with his Princess Positron doll after an emotional rollercoaster of events.“...Hello, Doug?”
“Delilah, it’s you! How sweet is to hear your voice.”
“Of course it’s me.” She continued, her voice coming through a telephone line. “Work has been rough today, how about you?”
Now, somewhere in Camden, the parents of the Dalmatian family have reached out to each other.
“Oh, work has been rough for me too,” Doug replied. “Has the night of the attack still been bothering you?”
“That’s why I’m here to talk with you during my break. These thoughts been bothering me since the past week, but my fears haven’t been set off until recently.”
“Well, I’m here for support, if there’s anything that I could do.”
“What’s been stressing me out today is that I caused a disturbance in one of the hospital rooms. I sensed a smell that I thought was of Cruella’s ghastly perfume. Oh Doug, I knew that the trauma would lead to nightmares, but I didn’t think I’ d be experiencing phantom smells too. I can only hope my work doesn’t think I’ve become too senile...”
“What? Nonsense, that doctor Dave is a great human partner and I’m sure he understands how you’ve been feeling since that night. My work has been aware of the incident and so I had been offered to take a mental health break. I chose to return to work but maybe I should’ve taken their advice, because, um…you see, this is why I too wanted to talk with you. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I also caused a disturbance at the fire department earlier today.”
“What happened, Doug?”
“I’ve stirred up a false alarm when I’ve gotten myself into a small barking fit when I saw a shadow that I thought was of Cruella. It was just one of my human co-workers carrying some supplies, who also happened to have a bad hair day.”
“I know not much is expected to change in one week, but I’d really hope something changes sooner than later. The pups are still just as traumatized by our encounter with Cruella, and it’s been making it hard for me to keep myself from being exhausted between work and having to lend them all a paw. After what happened with Dawkins trying to fix his Princess Positron toy on our first day back at work, I can’t help but feel a little paranoid.”
“I feel the same way too, Delilah. It’s going to be a long haul, but I’m confident that we’ll move past all this, I’m sure of it.”
“Doug, you really do help lighten my mood whenever we talk. It does feel like you’re right by my side.”
“Why do you think we always choose the same spot to talk whenever we’re both on break?” Doug said while revealing that he and Delilah are settled in two phone booths right next to each other. “You know, Dylan and Dolly have been telling us that they’ve been doing the best they can to help the pups, so we now have them to trust.”
“That’s true, although…I should tell you about one other thing that’s been stressing me out today. You see...my parents have just called in with me again…”
Minutes later, back at the Dalmatian house, Delilah was breaking the news to Dylan and Dolly while at work through FaceTime. Dolly’s response would result into a series of “No, no, no, no, no!”’s.
“Our grandparents are visiting here, today!?” Dylan exclaimed.
“Ugh, and it just had to be them,” Dolly complained.
“Look, I’m sorry that I have to subject you two into this right out of the blue, but your grandfather Dorian and your grandmother Darlene have just told me that they were coming to our home and that they will be staying there until after I’m back from work.” Delilah spoke from the family tablet that the top dogs were using.
“How very typical of them to do this unannounced!” Dolly remarked. “Are they aware that you have a schedule, or that WE have a schedule!?”
“You, Dolly, having a schedule? How uncharacteristic!” Dylan joked.
“This is not the time for jokes, bro! This is the worst time for them to be visiting us!” Dolly heckled and then turned her head to face Delilah via the tablet. “Come on, mum, there has be a way that I can skip out on this, like having dad take me to his work. They have to be doing another Take Your Child to Work Day kind of day, right?”
“Relax, Dolly,” Dylan replied. “I know you don’t have the best relationship with our grandparents, but it can’t be too bad. It’s not like they’re staying here for longer.”
“I know exactly why they’re visiting and they’re just going to kill my vibe.”
“Just be good, sweets. I won’t be in the hospital for long. I’ll be talking with my parents when I come back,” Delilah finished before ending the call.
The atmosphere in the Dalmatian home had not changed within a week, and with them not being out and about in Camden, it wouldn’t take long for the other residents to notice that they’ve been away for a while, which prompted 101 Dalmatian Street to receive some visitors – the Canal Crew, who all have been eyewitnesses of the incident and keeping touch with the Dalmatians ever since, Clarissa, their next-door neighbor, who would come to complain about the Dalmatians’ new antics continuing to spoil her days, Hansel the husky (and Dolly’s crush), who was mainly checking in to see if the Dalmatians were unharmed upon hearing the news. This afternoon, a Rottweiler and a Pomeranian had shown up at the door. Dizzy and Dee Dee were first to notice their presence and took to the door to greet with through the mail slot, only their eyes being visible to the pair of dogs.
“What’s the password?” Dizzy spoke.
“Huh? Since when did we need a password?” The voice of the Rottweiler asked.
“Well, you can’t come in if you don’t know it,” said Dee Dee.
“What be the meaning of this?” The voice of the Pomeranian asked.
“Dylan said that we can’t open or answer the door to strangers,” Dee Dee continued.
“What? We are not strangers, we Dolly’s friends Snowball and Roxy!” Snowball, the Pomeranian replied.
“Uh-huh…and how do we know that you are Dolly’s friends?” Dizzy questioned.
“Because we know each other and are not humans!” Snowball exclaimed.
“If it’s not so much trouble, we’d really like to pay a visit to see Dolly and Dylan,” Roxy, the Rottweiler chimed in a calmer tone.
“Dolly, Dylan, there are two dogs at the door! Dizzy called.
“Who are you girls talking to?” Dylan asked.
“It better not be who I think they are…” Dolly grumbled.
“They’re claiming to be Roxy and Snowball,” Dee Dee continued.
Dolly groaned and then said, “Let ‘em in, it’s just them.” ‘Thank dog,’ she would say under her breath.
Dylan then touched the paw scanner from the inside and opened the door to reveal the two surprise visitors. Upon seeing Dylan and Dolly again, Roxy’s face lit up and in an instant, she then enclosed the two Dalmatians with a tight, bear-like hug.
“Oh my goodness, you had Snowball and I worried when we heard the news! I thought something horrible happened to all of you, but I’m so glad to know everyone is okay!” Roxy said.
“Yeah, it’s great seeing you too,” Dolly said in a raspy tone.
“You can let us go now, you’ve got quite the squeeze there!” Dylan squeaked.
“Sorry loves, I got over-emotional,” Roxy relented and simply released the two Dalmatians from the hug.
“It’s hard to explain why but me and the rest of the fam have been stuck inside here for a week,” said Dylan. “We’ve been waiting for the news to blow over so we don’t end up with any other human intruders, but the pups still seem to be afraid to go back outside after what happened.”
“We just wanted to let you know, if that foul beast ever comes back to try and take your fur again, I’ll be here to rough her up!” Snowball said.
“Don’t fret about us Snowball, we’ll be prepared for that too,” Dolly responded, “but I’m certain that she’ll be cooped up in jail for the rest of her life.”
“We’d like for you two to stay and chat with us, but we’re expecting company to drop by here any minute…” said Dylan.
Right on cue, Delilah’s parents appeared at the front door of the house, as it was still open.
“Hello Dylan, hello Dolly, it’s your grandparents,” Darlene chimed in. “Oh, I didn’t know you were bringing friends here.”
The vast majority of the pups came over towards the elderly pair of Dalmatians after noticing their arrival. Dylan turned around with surprise while Dolly turned to look at them with dread.
“Hi grandma, hi grandpa!” Dizzy and Dee Dee said in unison.
“Oh, you two have gotten bigger the last time we’ve seen you two,” Dorian said towards the Dalmatian twins before looking up to see the top dogs. “Why, look at how you two have grown!”
“Yeah, you’ve been telling us that every time you visit,” Dylan pointed out.
“How nice of you to just let us in. You know we still haven’t quite figured out how those science-y paw screen things work,” Darlene remarked.
“You just have your paw prints installed on the scanner, press them on the screen, and the door is opened for you, it’s not that hard to figure out,” a visibly annoyed Dolly said.
“Well, if it’s so easy, you could’ve lend us a paw,” Darlene remarked.
“You’ve just caught us in a rotten mood is all,” Dylan added. “We’ve been relentlessly trying to help the pups for a week and things still have been rough since-”
“Hey, grandmum, hey granddad! It’s been awhile, huh?” Dolly interrupted in a simultaneously nervous tone. “It must be impressive to still be alive at this age. I think you two would be interested to see a new skateboarding trick that I just learned, or you’d like to see how fast I can throw a ball, or um…oh, Delgado has been learning some neat tricks you’d also like to see…”
“Delgado got his wheelchair broken while doing stunts in the house – again – so he won’t be doing any stunt dog nonsense for the time being,” Dawkins chimed in.
“Darn!”
“Well, we’re just going to get straight to the point – we’re here to talk with you about Cruella,” said Dorian.
Dolly scowled and then muttered, “Yep, I knew it.”
“Mum and dad said that we can’t say her name in this house,” said Dylan.
“Well, they aren’t here right now, aren’t they?” Darlene pointed out.
“If there’s a place that we can talk over it, we’ll have to do somewhere private and away from the prying ears of numerous pups,” Dylan suggested. “Everyone’s had their breakfast kibble, so the kitchen is a quiet place to chat.”
“Perfect, then let’s come meet in the dining area,” said Darlene.
“Well, you’re not going to make me move from my spot,” Dolly huffed.
“We brought treats with us,” Dorian added. “As long as you don’t tell Delilah or her husband, you can have as much as you’d please.”
“Fine, you’ve sold me, but under that one condition….” Dolly finished as she and Dylan followed the two elderly Dalmatians into the kitchen, seated adjacent from the pair.
“So, we’ve heard that Cruella De Vil has returned,” Darlene spoke.
“Yes, and I’m sure you’ve heard the details before with mum and dad already,” said Dylan.
“Word from the World Wide Woof came by rather quickly,” Dorian added. “We were very much shocked when we found out that Delilah’s family was dognapped by the same woman who wanted the fur of nearly one hundred puppies 60 years ago.”
“She came for us one day and after that, we never saw her again...except in our collective nightmares,” said Dylan. “Of course, we were all paralyzed with fear, but we stopped her and got her brought to justice.”
“You mean Hunter stopped her, right?” Dolly added towards Dylan with a mouthful of dog biscuits.
“What was that?” Dorian asked.
“If you have anything to say Dolly, don’t say it with your mouth full,” Darlene remarked. “Hasn’t your mother gone over this with you numerous times?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. So, um…I’m sure there’s a reason why you needed to talk with us about the incident,” said Dylan.
“We need you two to hear us out on one thing,” said Dorian. “You see, even if Cruella is locked up in a cell now, she still knows where your family lives, and we don’t trust that your family will remain safe here.”
“What we’re trying to propose is that your family should find a new home somewhere else in London,” said Darlene. “We thought we’d pitch this in with you two before we suggest this to Delilah and her husband, who, as I’m sure, would be dismissive of the idea. I thought he would do a better job in ensuring the safety of Delilah and the pups.”
The last sentence Darlene uttered triggered a reaction from Dolly who immediately exclaimed, “Hey! Dad works in saving lives just like mum, of course he was protecting us when Cruella invaded our home!”
“Okay, let’s go over this critically,” Dylan continued. “The idea of us moving out of Camden is very loaded. We’ve all been living in 101 Dalmatian Street for so long and it would take some time for all the other pups to get used to living someplace unfamiliar to them.”
“How can you take this seriously?” Dolly asked her stepbrother. “Why would they recommend we move out of here? Our home has ‘Dalmatian’ in its name!”
“Didn’t you all have a human? What happened to him anyway?” Darlene asked.
“I don’t know,” Dylan replied. “Mum and dad told us that he just up and left somewhere, but I can tell it’s because he must’ve known that we didn’t really need a human. You can tell by how we run things in the house. It’s been at least a couple years since mum and dad trusted Dolly and I to look after the pups while they’re at work and I say we’ve been doing a good job at that.”
“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I can understand that,” Darlene replied. “Besides, on our way here, a peculiar human child with long hair who was acting like a dog had just passed us by. I don’t know who raised that child, but it does have me feeling worried about the society of humans.”
“Wait, do you mean Hun-” Dolly spoke before Dylan stopped her.
“HUNGRY, are you two hungry?” Dylan uttered, having raised his voice for a brief moment.
“We’re fine, even if we don’t have many years left ahead of us,” Dorian jested in an otherwise solemn tone.
“Well, we can’t decide on moving out of our house until we all have come to a decision.”
“Yes, it is true. It is hard to think about, but in the long run, I think the fam, as you so call it, will say thanks for us considering the idea,” said Dorian.
Dolly stood in silence for a moment before saying, “Yeah, I think I’m done here.”
“Dolly!” Dylan exclaimed in his nagging tone.
“I don’t approve the idea of finding a new place to live. I don’t need to make myself clear of that,” Dolly replied as she began to walk out from the kitchen. “I joined in just for the snacks.”
“It’s fine, I haven’t said ‘yes’ to the idea either,” Dylan called out before Dolly entered the washroom.
“Oh yeah, and Dyl, there’s something we need to talk about, just between the two of us,” Dolly replied.
“In the bathroom?”
“Yes!”
Dylan turned to the two grandparents and said to them, “Just give us a moment…” As requested, he entered the bathroom where Dolly’s head was buried in the sink with her front legs crossed until she noticed him.
“Why didn’t you tell them about Hunter?” Dolly asked.
“We can’t, you’d know how they would react if we told them that someone related to you-know-who was the one who saved our lives!” Dylan explained. “Plus, it would’ve been even harder to explain to them that mum and dad were the ones who chose to spare the life of the one person who tried to kill us for our fur.”
“Point taken, but...do you ever think about how that kid has been doing ever since that night?” Dolly replied.
“Hunter is not our responsibility right now. He has been on my mind a lot since he put an end to Cruella’s plan. But even if he’s changed as a person, he did still help her out with the dognapping, so I have my reasons not to trust him.”
“Come on, bro, I don’t think it would hurt to patch things up with him.”
Dylan sighed and then said, “Maybe, maybe not. It’s just too soon for that. Besides, at least we know that he’s still somewhere in Camden.”
“And how much longer should we expect our grandparents to be here for?”
“Just hold tight, sis. I’ll handle the rest of the day with them from here.”
Dylan then left the bathroom to see the two grandparents examining the pups. They could tell that the atmosphere was vastly different from when they were used to see them playing around all to day to now seeing them either restless, scared, or feeling out of it.
“You say you feel that you and Dolly are doing a good job in taking care of the pups and we can tell by how you look that you have been overworking yourself lately,” Dorian remarked towards Dylan.
“That is true,” Dylan responded. “A lot of stuff has changed since that night and it’s taken a toll on everyone. Like Dante, whose predictions about the world ending have become more frequent and tied to...you-know-who.”
“The moon changes its direction towards the sun to appear one-third full tonight, it’s a telling sign of the blood moon’s presence – signaling the return of the wicked human!” Dante said, suddenly popping up in front of the Dalmatians.
“DJ has hit a creative slump…” Dylan continued.
As Dylan mentioned DJ, he was shown playing short patterns of notes on his keyboard until slamming his paws on the keys.
“No, that doesn’t sound right either…” DJ said to himself.
“DJ, can you play that London Bridge song to help us calm down?” One of the pups asked him.
“I already played it for you five times today, and I certainly won’t play if I can’t focus!” DJ snapped. “Don’t know what’s so relaxing about a song for a bridge falling down anyway…”
“Da Vinci’s artistic inspiration has been taking a rather unusual turn…” Dylan continued as Da Vinci was now shown painting outside, while also feeling frustrated with the colors she’s been using.
“Everything I’ve been trying to paint is covered in black, white, and a bloody hue of red,” Da Vinci said to herself. “I’m always painting based on how I feel, but this doesn’t feel right. There has be another color that goes well with this…”
“Delgado, much like all the others, is too nervous to go outside and has been doing stunts in the house,” Dylan continued. “He hasn’t been quite careful with not breaking his wheelchair though.”
“Delgado, just because you saw some black and white German Shepherd do it on the telly doesn’t mean you should attempt it yourself,” Dawkins informed as he was fixing up the wheelchair. “They ought to add ‘Don’t try at home’ disclaimers to those old-timey programs.”
“A broken axle and a popped wheel can’t keep a good dog down!” Delgado protested, whose hindlegless body is planted on the floor.
“It can when you’re not being careful,” Dawkins pointed out.
“If I’m going to give that crazy lady a peace of my mind if she ever comes back for us, I’ve got to learn from the best!” Delgado replied.
“Earlier we had to lift up Dawkins’ spirits by fixing his Princess Positron, but now he has been over-exerting himself,” Dylan’s voice spoke.
“Dawkins can you create something that can help make those scary dreams go away?” One of the pups asked.
“I have been working on something that improves sleep, but it is in the developing stages. However, as I’m sure I’ve told you all several times before, I must reassure what happens in your nightmares is not likely to happen in real life, as they are a projection of whatever our brains transmits in our sleep,” Dawkins explained. “I’ve been having the same kind of dreams too and Princess Positron can reconfirm that what we see in our dreams is not real. Isn’t that right, Princess?”
“Positronly!” The toy vocalized from the pull of its string.
“She’s just a doll,” one of the pups uttered.
“I will not allow for anyone to disrespect the benevolent space princess like that!” Dawkins exclaimed.
“I suppose your sister Dolly has still been as stubborn as ever,” Dorian joked. Dylan let out a small laugh in response.
“Yeah...but I will give you this – she has been more protective towards the fam ever since what happened, but she is afraid to admit that,” Dylan reassured. “One change that has been bothering us though is with Deepak. Usually, he’s the one who helps calm down the pups and maintain a positive energy around the house. Now he’s become more secluded and has been avoiding us whenever he need him.” Seeing DJ, he comes over to him and asks, “Hey DJ, have you seen Deepak? I was going to ask if anything was bothering him.”
Just as Dylan questioned Deepak’s whereabouts, the cat-loving Dalmatian was already at the front door and he shifted a glance towards the other Dalmatians in panic, seeing how they were just looking for him.
“Oh! I...uh just thought it was a good day for a walk to help clear my mind. Yeah, that’s it...oh-and-by-the-way-I’m-going-to-at-Constantin’s-for-a-while, okay byyyeeeeeee,” Deepak stammered before closing the door behind him.
“What in the dog was that all about?” Dolly spoke upon re-entering the main room.
“I guess it’s too late to tell you that he’s at Constantin’s,” DJ deadpanned.
Shortly after stepping out of the house, Deepak walked his way towards 99 Dalmatian Street next door. Constantin, having already recognized him, let him in his abode.
“Namaste,” Deepak greeted.
“Good to see you too, I figured you would come by to visit one of these days,” Constantin responded.
The Dalmatian and the cat stood in silence. Deepak waited for the proper moment to let loose all of his inner feelings. He took a deep breath and…
“CONSTANTIN, I NEED YOUR HELP!” Deepak cried out. “I’ve lost all of my zen and I couldn’t muster up the courage to tell brother Dylan and sister Dolly!”
“So you haven’t been able to relax at all after that dreadful night?” Constantin questioned.
“That human we encountered…she had an aura that wasn’t like anything I’ve seen!” Deepak continued. “It was all black, and-and it encompassed almost the entire room wherever she was. It was the kind of aura that expressed murderous intent that had been harbored for so much of her life. It didn’t feel human at all!”
“That made much more sense to me why that peculiar human crashed my home to put me in a cage,” Constantin replied. “She was after your family, and that trauma has been clouding your mind, is that correct?”
“It’s true! It’s all true, and you’re the only one that I can trust to help me regain my zen!”
“I see. This does sound like a serious problem you’re dealing with. If my situation wasn’t made known so late, I would’ve offered a solution…”
“What, why not!? I did save you, so you have to give me something in return! Our house was under siege. All we could do was try to protect each other.”
“Sorry, sorry, I still have bitter feelings about that incident, but I would never have wished any harm of that sort to befall your family. Like Guru Miaow said, cats must treat other animals as equals.”
“So you’ll help me?”
“As mutual followers of Guru Miaow, I will assist in helping you regain your inner peace. I know I sure could use some peace and quiet after a week’s worth of having it being broken by all those night terrors from those dogs.”
“You see, Constantin, I’m not just seeking to regain my serenity, I also seek to master the art of Guru Miaow.”
“Is that so? Then achieving that goal is going to be harder than you’d think.”
“It doesn’t matter to me how it hard it will be, I’ll do anything in order to be able to help my family and restore peace. I know they’re counting on me.”
“If you want to restore your inner peace and master Guru Miaow’s ways, then you’ll have to surpass…the Nine Trials of Bakeneko.”
“B-Ba-Bakeneko...you mean, the-the noted cat demon of legends that can walk on two legs, and laid a curse on families to or ate whom it encounters?”
“For I am quite certain, yes.”
“Wait, isn’t this like the one time we tricked Dylan into doing those 99 tasks of Guru Miaow we made up?”
“This time, however, this is no bluff. The nine trials are a series of strenuous practices and disciplines that Guru Miaow himself had braved. Since you want to be able to restore your zen now, then I shall start the trials. Let’s go.”
Constantin guided Deepak to the first one of the so-called nine trials of mindfulness training, in which he presented a cardboard box with two ends opened up in front of the cat-loving Dalmatian.
“Constantin, I don’t see how this first exercise is meant to be...strenuous,” Deepak remarked.
“Boxes are a cat’s best friend, but the simple question here is how does it feel to be sheltered in the darkness that encapsulates the box with only the comfort of your own mind to assist you?” Constantin responded. “That will be your first challenge in the trials of the Bakeneko.”
“Oh...and how long am I supposed to be inside the box?” Deepak asked.
“Thirty minutes,” Constantin replied. “Are you feeling nervous?”
“Oh, no, I can handle this. I’m feeling confident about that,” Deepak said in a tone that didn’t suggest confidence. Just go inside that box and try to focus on your inner cat. You can do this. He thought to himself.
The very moment that Constantin closed both end-flaps of the box, Deepak had already visualized himself being inside the cage that Cruella put him in from the night he and his family were in the wicked furrier’s cargo ship. In mere seconds, Deepak’s front paws were detached from the lotus position and were pressed to his head as he was on the verge of freaking out.
“Help me, Constantin!” Deepak cried out. “The walls are closing in on me!”
In the instance the cat heard Deepak’s call, he reopened both end-flaps of the box.
“How did I do?” Deepak asked.
“Fourteen seconds,” said Constantin. “Your condition seems to be more serious than I expected.”
“It’s not just that. I should’ve told you that I’m...claustrophobic,” Deepak’s voice sounded shrunken upon saying the last word.
“You’re what?” Constanin questioned.
“Claustrophobic, Constantin!” Deepak repeated, raising his voice. “During that night, I was forced inside a hold, then I was caged up along with all my other brothers and sisters, waiting for what I envisioned was going to me my early demise. I…I just couldn’t contain myself. I’m sorry, I’ll try again if I have to…”
“No. We can skip and move on to the next trial.”
“I can handle it. It can’t be as bad as the first one, right?”
“If you insist. The first Bakeneko test was supposed to the easiest.”
Constantin led the tense cat-loving dalmatian to the bathroom in his abode and set him down in the bathtub.
“Oh, I guess a bath could ease up the nerves,” Deepak remarked.
“The next part of the Bakeneko’s trials will be right underneath the faucet,” Constantin explained before turning on the water, setting it to lukewarm. “Naturally, water is a cat’s enemy, but this challenge should be different for dogs.”
“You know, this does feel like meditating in front of a waterfall,” Deepak replied.
“If I didn’t have to set up these tests under a budget, you could be doing this under a real waterfall,” Constantin replied. “But let’s see how you handle this with the sudden change of the water’s temperature…”
What then followed was a sequence of Deepak exclaiming out “Hot, hot hot!” and “Cold, cold, cold!” for every time that Constantin turned the bathtub handle to its hottest or coldest setting until his disciple urged him to turn off the water.
“Looks like the best you could do is two minutes,” said Constantin. “If you were able to resist for twenty minutes at least, you’d know that your mind is relaxed and you would pass.”
“How about I try the next seven trials just to see how hard each one of them are?” Deepak suggested. “Perhaps I can find a way to restore my zen that way.”
Deepak proceeded to perform the trials under Constantin’s provisions to similar results. The third challenge involved Deepak receiving acupuncture from 300 needles (It was typically 900 according to the texts of Guru Miaow, but due to Deepak’s small size and Constantin not having as many, this was the number they’ve settled with) while he was too finicky to handle one. The fourth challenge had Deepak being weighted down by four bags of cat kibble and having to keep balance for at least twenty minutes. He failed to keep his composure after 30 seconds. The fifth trial had Deepak walking over hot coals (or rather hot rocks from Constanin’s zen garden) without feeling a thing. The cat-loving dog, of course, already expelled a reaction upon his first step and jitterbugged around the path of hot rocks until he jumped out.
“What does this have to with cats or yoga!?” Deepak would exclaim.
“Your mind would be relaxed if you don’t feel anything walking over them!” Constantin answered.
The last few tests continued to be more of the same for Deepak as the sixth trial involved climbing the tree in his backyard and meditating at the peak for five hours without losing composure (in the Guru Miaow texts, it was climbing all the way up to the peak of Mt. Fuji). While it was only as high as Constantin could work with, Deepak focused too much on the height below and got himself in an embarrassing position where he had to ask Constantin to bring him down. The seventh part of the trials Deepak tried afterwards revolved around him meditating in an empty room (or inside of an echo chamber according to the Guru Miaow texts) for an hour without losing focus from any given moment the room was filled with the occasional animal-sensitive loud noise that Constantin had in his utility. Deepak, of course, already darted out of the room upon hearing the sound of a falling pipe echoing inside the room. The eighth trial tested Deepak’s sensitivity towards certain smells as Constantin then left him alone in a room again, but this time, he was surrounded by citrus fruits. After two minutes, Deepak quit and left the room with a nauseous look on his face, retching until he recgonized that the smell was gone.
Deepak then tried the ninth and last trial, as he was given a bowl of [pet-safe] miso soup and a pair of chopsticks.
“Constantin, do you suppose this last trial could be easy on me, like enjoying a nice little meal?” Deepak asked.
“Focus on your chopsticks,” Constantin informed. “For the ninth trial, you will have to catch 99 hairballs with only those chopsticks – without missing a single one.”
“...That many?” Deepak asked.
“Do you expect any less from the trials of Bakeneko?”
“I may haven’t done good in all the previous tests, so maybe this will be the one I’ll pass,” Deepak still looked as nervous and shaky as ever when he said this.
On cue, Constantin launched the first hairball in front of Deepak, which he was able to catch, along with the next few. However, when Constantin picked up the speed, Deepak would miss each until until he himself got hit by the next several, forcing Constantin to end the trial.
“I’m sorry. Could we restart this whole thing?” Deepak asked.
“No, you’ll need to have your mind relaxed by tomorrow if you’re going to try again,” said Constantin. “I gave you a run-through of all these trials and you’ve failed them all.”
“Constantin, as I have told you previously, it is urgent that my case is resolved as soon as possible-” Deepak stammered before Constantin interrupted.
“If you are a true devotee to Guru Miaow, you should be able to face your problems instead of cowering from them!” Constantin replied, now suddenly raising his voice. “Tell me, are you a cat or are you a dog!?”
“Well boy...are you a De Vil, or are you a dog? ...Sniveling snowflake!” Upon Constantin’s inquiry to the cat-loving Dalmatian, the words of Cruella that she had spoken to Hunter had echoed into the back of Deepak’s mind. Deepak couldn’t help but shed tears when his failure had caused for Constantin to denigrate his devotion towards Guru Miaow like so. Was his trauma so bad that he even lost his connection to Guru Miaow? That was what he thought to himself.
“I’m a dog – a useless, cowardly, dog…” Deepak sniveled.
“Come on now, you shouldn’t beat yourself down like that,” Constantin replied. “Guru Miaow looks down at the weak-minded with disappointment.”
“Ye-yes sir,” Deepak stammered. “I’ll be back with my true inner cat, but please understand what I’ve went through that night.”
“Yes, come back once you really think you handle these tests again, because otherwise, I’m afraid you’re a lost cause and that you and your family will have to find recuperation from the incident without Guru Miaow’s help or mine…” Constantin let out a sigh and then finished, “and just when I thought that you had set for me a first example for dogs that they can gain something valuable from a cat’s teachings.”
After Constantin had showed Deepak out of his home, he headed straight back to his home in 101 Dalmatian Street. Upon entering, he was greeted by a bunch of his siblings grouped in front of the Canal Crew, who have all came for a visit again.
“And so there I was...when I was in battle with the devilish woman herself, I pulled out the sword from my scabbard, getting ready to slay the beast,” said Fergus. “She had me in a corner, but…”
“...Then Big Fee and I sprung into action and threw nuts at the vicious woman!” Sid added.
“Didn’t we see that crazy lady throw you into one of her cages?” DJ pointed out.
“When does Mr. Funny Face come into the story?” Dizzy asked, referring to Hunter.
“Oi, if you all want to hear the rest, that’s going to have to cost some more food from your fridge,” said Big Fee.
“Are you sure you consider these three your friends?” Darlene asked Dylan.
“Well, for starters, they did save our bacon,” said Dylan. “Fergus is definitely cool once you get to know him more though.”
It was right afterwards that the Dalmatian family and the Canal Crew noticed Deepak’s return from Constantin’s, with his ears hanging low and his tail between his legs.
“Oh, there are you, Deepak, the D-dogs have been looking for you!” Fergus remarked.
“All right, that will do for you guys,” Dylan said towards the Canal Crew and walked over to Deepak. “So um, how was your day at Constantin’s?”
“Dreadful,” Deepak said bluntly.
“What could be so dreadful about doing yoga with Constantin, or did you get in a tumble with another cat?” Dylan asked.
“I went through nine of the most torturous practices of mindful exercise and failed each one,” Deepak clarified.
Dylan sighed and then said, “Well, we were going to ask you if you could help calm down the pups…”
“I cannot help you, not when I’m like this!” The stressed out Dalmatian exclaimed.
“I guess all that happened last night has still been weighing heavily on your head, huh? No worries, if there’s anything I can do to help, I know a way. Mum used to tell me ‘If your head is filled with stress, count to ten.’”
“I’m not sure about that, bro. My dad says to count from ten,” Dolly chimed in.
“When you’re not around, what I normally prefer to reduce my stress is to repeat and solve the Inverse Kepler equation,” said Dawkins. “But often times, all I need is a cuddle from Princess Positron.”
“No matter how bad things may be now, just remember that so much worse can happen – like the end of the word!” Dante said.
“What I do is I burn off all my energy by zooming all around until I tire myself out!” Delgado said.
“All I know about what I’d do to keep myself calm is to let all out all of your feelings in form of a painting,” said Da Vinci.
“Just think about something cute, like baby foxes!” Destiny suggested.
“Just think about the kind of outfit you would be wearing at your own red carpet show!” Dallas suggested.
“Stuff your face with a whole bunch of dog treats like no one is looking!” Deja Vu suggested, with her muzzle stuffed with treats.
“Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, DIG!” Diesel said.
The chaotic energy within the house continued as the Dalmatians kept prattling on different kinds of methods for relieving stress, making Deepak more overwhelmed with stressed as he then exclaimed, “Everyone, PLEASE, stop talking and-and...leave me alone!”
Right after his little outburst, Deepak retreated to his hanging pod bed in the bedroom.
“So our yoga bro is out of commission, what do we do?” Dolly asked Dylan.
“Well, there’s no use in trying to talk things over with him, but let’s think – what helps Deepak feel relaxed?” Dylan said.
“I think he once said that his idea of a happy place was being hugged by hundreds of cats, but where are we get that many?” Dolly said.
“And how are we going to do that with my cat allergy in mind?” Dylan added.
“Something appears to be troubling Deepak,” Dorian remarked. “Has that cat neighbor of yours been bothering him?”
“Uhhh...don’t worry about him, we can handle this...right Dylan?” Dolly said.
Before Dylan could speak, the front door opened up to show Delilah and Doug to be back home, and with dog-tired looks on their faces. Dolly came rushing over them after they announced to the family that they we’re home.
“Dolly, I wasn’t expecting a surprise hug, but we appreciate it,” said Doug.
“You don’t know how happy I am for you both to be back home!” Dolly exclaimed. “This means they can leave now, right?”
“It’s okay, sweet, I just need to have a talk with them and they will be out of your fur,” Delilah reassured, brushing the top of Dolly’s head in her usual loving manner before walking over to her two parents.
While Doug took over in caring for the pups and Dylan started getting dinner ready for everyone, Delilah and her parents took themselves upstairs to her and Doug’s room. Deepak, who continued to spend the rest of his day moping, couldn’t help but snoop once he heard their voices.
“Did you tell Dylan and Dolly anything about...her?” Delilah asked.
“Well, we did mention her, but we weren’t making the discussion heavy on them,” Darlene explained. It’s nothing too serious, we gave the two of them a proposal for moving out of Camden. Dylan politely refused while Dolly was very much against the idea.”
Delilah sighed and continued, “I’ve been trying to tell you to leave these kinds of decisions to us.”
“We’ve been feeling nothing but concerned about the safety of you and yours after we’ve heard about what happened, what with Cruella De Vil returning and how she got you all captured in some cargo ship, just about to get her filthy fingers on our family’s fur,” said Dorian. “Even if she’s now rotting in jail somewhere in Switzerland, that doesn’t mean you’re all safe continuing to live here.”
“I understand that it’s such a risk to be continuing to live in this home when Cruella now knows where we live, but I also know it’s going to be hard on them to try to convince them to move to a different place all of a sudden. Doug, our children, and I have all been settled here for years.”
“Delilah, for generations, this family has been trying to keep its promise for something like this to never happen again like it happened long ago to Pongo and Perdita and their children,” Dorian pointed out.
“…I know. We didn’t think Cruella could still alive in some capacity, let alone that she would be pulling some strings on her great-grandnephew. Yes, we were about to meet a terrible fate with that human, but we’ve all made it through the worst with no lives lost. We Dalmatians are a strong breed after all.”
“Are you sure about Doug though?” Darlene added. “For a fire dog, I would’ve expected more assured protection from the De Vil woman.”
“Mother!” Delilah scolded. “Doug is a great husband and he has been at our side this whole time.”
“Well, if there’s one thing we’re concerned most about, it’s the well-being of your pups – especially that Deepak kid,” said Dorian. “The trauma from that incident certainly left a number on your pups, and we got a good look at how scared and tensed up that the pup was. It’s one very good reason why we feel it’s best for you to move, as I think it could better for him that way.”
With his name popping up in the conversation, Deepak, of course, eavesdropped on everything his grandparents said of their concerns towards him. The cat-loving yoga pup went back inside the bedroom feeling sadder than he had already felt today.
“There’s nothing wrong with Deepak at all,” Delilah reassured. “We’ve been smitten by Deepak ever since we’ve first had him and we treat him the same as we do with all of our pups. He is going through the motions that every other pup has been going through after we had escaped Cruella. I assure you that the sweets will start feeling like their happy and innocent selves again sooner or later, and I’m sure Deepak will too. He does have a thing for relaxing himself and…what he calls finding his inner cat.”
“And you’ve been keeping Dylan and Dolly in-charge of them, the dynamic duo as you call them, right?” Darlene added. “I know they are at an age of becoming responsible adults, but I do think it’s best to let them lay low for a while.”
“Dylan and Dolly have been affected by the terrible incident too, but they are doing their best to calm down the younger pups, so I still have a lot of trust in them.”
“All right, we have nothing else to add. We’re glad we had this talk. Just keep up the good work, Delilah,” Dorian finished.
“We better catch a bus before the suspecting London monsoon pours on us,” Darlene jested.
After the Dalmatian grandparents had left, everyone except Deepak had their fill for the night, causing for Dylan and Dolly to bring Deepak’s bowl over to him. The two top dogs looked at Deepak with concern, whispering to him with only “Goodnight Deepak” before calling it a night.
The next morning, showing the inside of Constantin’s home, the cat thought over Deepak’s recent visit, the grueling challenges he gave him, and whether or not he had been too hard on the pup. For some reason, he couldn’t help but reminisce the time the two first met each other as if it were yesterday.
“Namaste,” the young Deepak greeted. “Are you the cat that lives next door?”
Constantin was already taken by surprise of how well-behaved the particular Dalmatian pup was when the rest of the family he had known had been every bit of noisy and troublesome.
“Yes I am, and what brings you here...?” Constantin asked.
“I couldn’t help but hear what you were doing outside from across our fence and uh…I would like to know what it is,” Deepak responded.
“If you’d really like to about the teachings of Guru Miaow, I’ll have to tell everything that you’ll need to know,” Constantin replied, “So come right in.”
Deepak gingerly stepped inside the cat’s dojo. While Constantin talked about Guru Miaow and of the deity’s meditative practices, Deepak “ooh”’d and “ahhh”’d at every object of Guru Miaow that he had in his home.
“...And that’s my brief history lesson on Guru Miaow and his teachings. Do you have any questions, dog?” Constantin said.
“When do I get to be a cat?” Deepak asked.
The simple yet uncanny question caught Constantin off-guard. “What?”
“Will learning about Guru Miaow help me with being a cat?” Deepak continued. “I would like to be a cat.”
Constantin left himself to his thoughts to find a way to respond to Deepak’s question and he then said to him, “Well...based on the texts of the guru himself, he’s very candid about treating all animals as equals, which means he’s inclusive to sharing his wisdom to dogs. By the way, what is your name, dog?”
Deepak gasped as he didn’t realize that he should’ve shared his name earlier, and so he said, “I’m Deepak…Deepak Dalmatian.”
“I am Constantin and I will be your guide to the teachings of Guru Miaow if you accept it. I can even tell you about this little thing called ‘finding your inner cat.’”
“My...inner cat?” Deepak repeated.
“We’ll start with a simple meditative exercise,” said Constantin, showing Deepak to a cushion next to his. “Meow-wow-wow-wow-wow…”
Immediately so, Deepak joined in with the mantra, after a little bit of difficulty getting into the lotus position.
The reminiscence would end when Constantin heard a knock at his door and instantly recognized that Deepak was by his front door, who didn’t seem to hide his exhaustion as a result from the previous day.
“Back for more?” Constantin questioned.
“Of course I am,” said Deepak. “I want to go through the trials again. It doesn’t matter if I fail again, I am going to try until I can’t try anymore.”
“I’m not sure where this sudden spark in motivation came from, but I will get the box prepared for you,” Constantin replied.
“My mind was focusing too much on my failure from yesterday, just like how I was focused too much on my internal trauma while I tried those challenges,” Deepak explained. “So it came to me that I’m going to do my best in making sure I’m not overcome with those thoughts.”
“So you’ve found a strategy against the Bakeneko’s trials it sounds like…my expectations aren’t high, but I’ll have to make you sit this one out for the day if I don’t notice a change in behavior from you.”
“I understand, sir.”
Deepak began repeating the first trial for a second attempt as Constantin closed up both end-flaps of the box.
Keep your mind focused on this trial, Deepak thought to himself, don’t think about the box, don’t think about cages, don’t think what you and your family nearly suffered from, don’t think about, well...anything; nothing besides the feeling of being in a big open space. You got this. You can’t let Guru Miaow don’t, or Constantin, and especially not your kin.
Deepak got himself in his lotus position and started his usual “Meow-wow-wow-wow” mantra, doing his best to try and ignore his racing heart and his racing mind. It wasn’t long until everything that’s been clouding his mind have begun to overwhelm him – The dognapping, Cruella and her skinning machine, his claustrophobia, the nine grueling trials that he had faced in his first attempt, Constantin talking down to him for failing his said attempt, what he had heard his grandparents saying about him, that Kanine Krunchies commercial song he can’t get out of his head (...wait what was the other thing?), and most of all, the burden the Dalmatian pup feels he’s been carrying in being the Dalmatian family’s mediator and needing to keep them all calm every time they ask him for his help. The more his thoughts were overtaking his mind, the louder and more intense Deepak’s chants were until it developed into an elongated scream of the last syllable. While on the outside, Deepak’s paws were stuck in the lotus position like glue, his front paws were pressed to his head on the inside.
When Deepak used up all his force to let his feelings loose, his panic attack had ended and he proceeded to take in several breaths to refresh himself into a calmer state. When Deepak regained awareness of his surroundings, he found that he was not in the dark enclosed void that represented the inside of the box he was in. The space all around him was now bigger and brighter while there was no one else besides himself, not until he heard a voice…
“It appears that something has been bothering you…” It spoke.
“Who’s there?” Deepak inquired.
It took a while for a semblance of an object to appear in Deepak’s vision. The object appeared blurry at first, but when Deepak got a closer look he saw…
“Guru Miaow!?” Deepak’s initial response was to bow in front of the deity that took on the likeness of said cat before then asking, “Are you really real?”
“I am as real as you want me to be,” it said, “and you, Deepak, have found yourself within your very own mindscape.”
“Is that where I am right now?” Deepak questioned. “I can’t believe I am actually talking to you right now, I can’t focus…”
“Yes, and those overwhelming emotions of yours have given me the impression that you needed my help,” the spiritual image of Guru Miaow continued.
“Well, I think I may have some reasoning as to why I’ve found myself here. There’s a lot of things that have been stressing me out and I felt like the best way for me to brush it all off is to channel all those feelings into pain until...well, I couldn’t feel pain anymore.”
“And what appears to be your motivation behind it?”
“I want to restore my inner peace and help my family relax after such a terrible incident that we all had faced, but no matter how hard I try, these feelings just won’t go away.”
“Yes, trauma can be hard on the mind for many and it would take plenty of time to recover from the things that cause it.”
“Guru Miaow...you’ve went through those nine Bakeneko trials, didn’t you? How difficult was it for you?”
“I have most certainly seen fear through those trials, but I did not let that prevent me from succeeding those challenges, for I have learned not to dwell so much on fear while keeping my mind, body, and soul at ease. I surmise you’re trying to do the same.”
“I believed that if I could master your teachings from passing all those trials, I could restore my connection to you and my inner cat.”
“To be frank with you, young Deepak, you needn’t to take on those challenging trials to be able to call yourself a master. There’s a lot of factors that will make you one, and one of those things is having the ability to set your mind on what aspires you to be with your inner cat.”
“I’ve accepted to take on the trials not just for the sake of my family, but also because I want to be as strong as you and to be able to spread as much peace and loving joy to anyone as you can, Guru Miaow.”
“Think about what’s most important to you and try to work your mind into that. Can you do that for me?”
“You mean right now? I have already told you…”
“That’s right, but now do it with your mind.”
Taking the advice of the Guru Miaow spirit, Deepak focused his mind on what was important to me, and he found himself unlocking one of his earliest memories. He thought back to a time when he didn’t have to worry about humans like Cruella, a time when cages didn’t bother him, a time when he first knew about a thing called ‘family.’ In this memory, a younger Deepak was within a row of kennel cages. He appeared to be the only dog in an animal shelter filled with cats, and it was when he first learned about the teachings of Guru Miaow before he was ever aware of such a name. So he waited and meditated in his enclosed space the same way he’s seen the cats do until he would be confronted with a potential owner. For quite some time, he thought he was a cat himself when he picked up on this unknown practice, so the odds seemed very unlikely that he could be found by a dog family.
...But one day, as luck would have it, he would be greeted by a couple of Dalmatian parents – and their human, whose face was obscured due to Deepak’s memory of the face being a blur in his memory banks, and as well as that the human had some sort of leaflet-shaped object in front of them – whether it’d be a newsprint, a magazine, a sketchbook, or just some plain book, there was something to cover the face.
“Oh, lucky me, I’ve been notified that this kennel would have one Dalmatian in their inventory,” the human spoke, “and they do have exactly what I’m looking for!”
The human approached and opened up the young Deepak’s cage, showing a hand as offering to hold him. Deepak, instinctively, backed away from the human’s hand, only to inch closer as the human was so hesitant of moving it away. Right afterwards, the unknown human was able to get a good look at Deepak, focusing mainly on his spot pattern.
“It’s a Dalmatian all right. Look at your spot pattern, how unique it is,” the human said. “Yes, he is perfect. We must keep him!”
“...Meow?” The young Deepak uttered. Although the human didn’t hear it, Doug and Delilah did however.
“Do you suppose our pet would be in for a surprise if that puppy might turn out to be a cat?” Doug asked.
“I wouldn’t mind making room for one, although that would be an issue with Dylan’s allergy,” Delilah remarked.
“This Dalmatian seems be calm and collected when I held him,” said the human. “In fact, I may have already thought of the perfect name for this puppy – Deepak. What do you think of that name?”
The young Deepak, as confused as he ever was towards the human and the other two dogs beside him, didn’t give a response.
“I think it’s a lovely name,” Delilah added, though the human only heard a simple bark coming from the older Dalmatian.
“Deepak, before we take you in, you should meet your new family,” the human said before setting him down in front of Delilah and Doug, “these two will be your mummy and daddy, and we’ve got plenty of other puppies just like you for you to meet too.”
Because the human was gentle with the young Deepak, the Dalmatian pup didn’t give too much hesitation before his soon-to-be parents gave him their warm and loving nuzzles.
“Oh, he is just so precious, Doug,” Delilah remarked.
“Are you feeling too nervous about meeting your new family?” Doug said towards the pup. “It’s okay. Just know that we love you and the rest of our family is going to love you too.”
Deepak’s memories immediately transitioned into his first day in the 101 Dalmatian Street home, as well as his first meeting with all his new brothers and sisters.
“We’re home sweets, and we’ve got a new puppy for the family,” Delilah announced.
“A new puppy? What’s its name?” A young Dylan asked. “That should make 52 of us now, right?”
“Looks like someone is keeping count,” Doug remarked. “His name is Deepak. Make sure you make him feel comfortable here, okay?”
“Yeah, we will!” A young Dolly said. “I’ve never seen these kinds of spots on a Dalmatian. Is he a cat?” She jested towards Dylan after she saw the small pup fiddle with a ball of yarn.
“If it were a cat, my allergies would be acting up,” said Dylan.
“Cat!” Dolly uttered.
“Huh, where!?” Dylan said in a panicked tone. Dolly laughed while her brother exchanged an annoyed groan.
“Just as I thought, there’s nothing more important than your own loved ones and nothing insignificant about them,” the spirit of Guru Miaow remarked as the perspective went back to Deepak’s mindscape.
“Guru Miaow, I’m not quite sure I’m following what you’re trying to teach me,” said Deepak.
“I’m getting there, my pup,” said Guru Miaow. “Now that your mind is set on what you care about most, it’s important to then focus on what you want for them rather than what you would never want to see happen to them.”
“It’s true, I want nothing more than for them all to remain alive and healthy, and for them to be proud of me.” Deepak replied.
Deepak once again focused his energy on visualizing his thoughts and in front of him now was a spiritual image of his Dalmatian family – all happy together and looking at him with unconditional support.
“Dear family, just like how you’re always here for me, I’m always here for you,” said Deepak. “I may be a dog, but I am also a cat – and this cat is going to keep this family safe from harm every step of the way.” Without notice, happiness-induced tears ran down Deepak’s eyes. “It’s because of you that I have regained my inner peace.”
“Ha, ha, ha, yes! With great willpower and a relaxed mind, you can achieve anything your cat heart desires!” The voice of Guru Miaow’s spirit exclaimed.
“Deepak…Deepak…” a familiar voice echoed in the mindscape.
“DEEPAK!”
The instance the loud and sharp voice called into Deepak’s head, his surroundings shot back to where he originally was – in Constantin’s house.
“What happened, Deepak?” Constantin questioned. “You were screaming inside the box and you were unresponsive for half an hour after that.”
“Does this mean I passed the first trial?” Deepak asked. “I was so focused on talking to Guru Miaow, I didn’t-”
“You talked to Guru Miaow?” Constantin said in disbelief. “I don’t know what kind of power you’ve unleashed unto yourself, but it did cause quite a mess as you can see…”
Deepak saw as the box that he was enclosed in somehow got tossed into a corner of the room.
“Did I...do that?” Deepak asked.
“I would say you passed on the condition that you remained in your lotus position, but since you weren’t inside of the box at all times, I can’t say that you have passed,” said Constantin.
“Oh...um, no worries, right? We can always try that again. You know, I’m feeling much better now after letting all my feelings out. I think I know what I need to do to be able to pass these tests. I still want to prove to myself that I can do anything that one would consider impossible.”
“You can try again if you’re so confident, but since you’ve used up most of your energy for the day, I’ll have to arrange your next attempt for tomorrow,” Constantin advised. “Now that you’ve found your peace of mind, all you can do now is try to keep it healthy.”
“Yes, I will do that, Master Constantin,” said Deepak.
After Deepak returned to his own home, the Dalmatians already took notice of him reverted back to his calmer self. When Dylan asked him if he could help calm the pups, Deepak told him that he was busy mentally preparing himself for something special without specifying what he and Constantin had been arranging before then saying that he’ll be willing to help later.
The next day, Deepak came back to Constantin’s house with a prepared and confidently relaxed mind for his new and official attempt at the Bakeneko trials. Deepak easily got through the first trial with the box. Then came the second challenge with meditating under the waterfall of the bath faucet. Focusing his mind away from the alternating hot and cold temperatures of the water, Deepak was able to pass the second trial feeling refreshed. Third trial had Deepak, once again, receiving acupuncture from 300 needles, receiving them all without hesitation. The fourth trial saw Deepak being able to carry the excess weight of the kibble bags on his back without losing his balance within the time limit. While it was still a bit of struggle due to his size, Deepak still manage to trudge through it. Then came the fifth trial with Deepak having to walk through hot coals. Deepak casually stepped across the bed of coals without feeling a thing, much to the surprise of Constantin. In the sixth trial, Deepak successfully climbed the tree in the backyard and meditated at the top up until the allotted amount of time. In the seventh trial, Constantin replayed as many loud sounds as possible to test the strength of Deepak’s mind – Construction noise, earthquakes, Boom Night fireworks, airplane engines, even the old fashioned falling metal pipe sound trick didn’t faze him this time around, and so he was able to pass. Next came the eighth trial with Deepak having to meditate surrounded by a pile of citrus fruits. While Deepak’s smell sensitivity was still being affected and gave him some difficulty, the Dalmatian pup still managed to remain focused on keeping his mind calm until the allotted time had passed.
With all eight of the previous trials cleared, it now came down to the final test in which Deepak had to catch all 99 of Constantin’s hairballs with a pair of chopsticks. Even with the speed pick-up, Deepak was able to catch them all. As the last challenge came to an end, Constantin looked at the yoga pup feeling stunned and impressed while Deepak looked back at his cat mentor with a proud victory grin knowing he got through the most gruel mindfulness tests with flying colors...and he then slumped from his chair.
“Oh my dog…I’ve done it, I got through them all...and I passed,” Deepak panted.
“So now the disciple has become a master of Guru Miaow’s teachings,” Constantin remarked.
“Wait, does this mean I really am a master now?” Deepak asked.
“Well, not completely,” Constantin refuted. “You aren’t called a master until you have disciples of your own to lend your knowledge of Guru Miaow to, but has it appears, I don’t have more to teach you. Not only that, for one thing, you’ve also had me convinced how much dogs can amount to.”
“Wow, I am flattered, but it was my inner cat that helped me achieve this.” said Deepak. “I am still going to visit to do Guru Miaow’s yoga with you though.”
“That would be very much appreciated.”
Deepak laughed and then said, “You know, I can’t help but feel like you’ve gotten softer after you’ve granted me my rank as master.”
“I guess you’re right. The day before, I did have this guilt feeling that I may have been too stern with you.”
“Well, your sternness was what also helped me with those trials, so I can’t say I have any hard feelings. Well, um…now I’m off to help my several brothers and sisters in their time of need with what I have achieved, so I guess I can just say…alvida for now.”
“Yes, alvida to you too. Take care...Master Deepak.”
Back at the home of the Dalmatian family…
“I don’t know what it is that Deepak is building things up to, I just hope it means something good!” Dylan said, pacing around the hallway while his stepsister idled around. “If Deepak still hasn’t returned to his normal self, it could take months to get the pups’ minds off that evil lady!”
“If Deepak is feeling himself again, I already know the first dog in this house that could use some loosening up,” Dolly jested.
Immediately so, Deepak arrived back at the Dalmatian home, all while emitting a powerful and comfy aura that already reached Dylan and Dolly’s nerves. The worries of the two top dogs had swept away without Deepak having to use a single touch of his paws. The same affect would reach the rest of the Dalmatian pups, before he could gently massage the nerves of each one with his paws. Dylan and Dolly promptly walked over to his side to see just relaxed the entire household looked now with Deepak being able to calm the puppies again. The two elder siblings viewed the yoga pup with a great sense of gratitude.
“How were you able to do all of this?” Dolly asked.
“Let’s just say that I’ve learned from the best,” Deepak responded.
“You mean...from Constantin?” Dylan inquired.
“A master doesn’t reveal all of his secrets,” Deepak teased. “I cannot guarantee every night from then on won’t be restless, but they should all be feeling at ease for now.”
“Thanks Deepak, we really appreciate your help,” Dylan complimented.
“I think this calls for a hug, ‘cause that’s what our little guy deserves,” said Dolly.
“Wait, no, trigger word!-” Dylan exclaimed before he, Dolly, and Deepak were brought into a hug by all of their siblings.
As the Dalmatians had anticipated, the nights became calmer through Deepak’s assistance. One night Deepak was relaxing in his hanging pod bed until the sound of the top dogs arguing caught his attention.
“For the last time, Dolly, I’m saying ‘No’ to taking the pups out to this skateboarding event!” Dylan said.
“Look, bro, I know times are different because of you-know-what, but that doesn’t mean to have to keep being a stickler for the rules you implement on us!” Dolly argued. “The pups should feel less afraid of stepping out without mum and dad’s supervision. Delgado especially needs some fresh air. We can’t keep letting him break his wheelchair, but I don’t want to discipline him either.”
Dylan sighed and then replied to his stepsister, “I’m sorry, but there just isn’t a right time for this. I know we got all the help we need from Deepak now, but it still isn’t safe for them to be out at the moment with extra precautions!”
“Ugh, please don’t me that what your grandparents have been saying a few days ago have been rubbing off on you,” Dolly replied. “Ugh, fine, we’ll skip out on this. Goodnight, Dylan.”
In a huff, Dolly planted herself on her usual sleeping spot on the mantelpiece and went to sleep after all the steam inside of her had diminished.
“Goodnight, sis,” Dylan whispered in an austere tone and he too went to sleep.
...
After the minor disturbance, Deepak drifted off to sleep and found himself in another dismal dream. Instead of Cruella and his family at her grasp, the only person he saw in this particular dream was her great-grandnephew, Hunter, who appeared to be inside of one of her cages. Deepak would then hear the only words that dream Hunter would say to him…
“Deepak...please help me…”
...
-------------------------------------------
NOTES:
Original characters appearing in this chapter: Darlene Dalmatian, Dorian Dalmatian -
Treehouse of Horror LXIX: Dead Homer Society
S??E01: The Fall of Troy
A familiar face appeared in a white room. Except for a single chair, the area itself was empty.
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such classic thrillers like “Apocalypse Meow,” “Dude, Where’s My Crowbar?,” and “Itchy & Scratchy: Blood and Tuna Fish.” If you’re receiving this message, well...that means I’m dead – and I’ve been dead for decades.
“In fact, I may be one of the first to be killed off without warning. What the residents of Springfield don’t realize, however, is that after this mysterious force gets rid of me, there will be a wave of sudden deaths that will affect the least likely suspects – Maude Flanders, Edna Krabappel, Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky, the Simpsons family pet Snowball II, and yes, even our old friend Larry the Barfly. It will start off slow, but at one point, the frequency of these deaths will only begin to quicken the pace and pile up. If you’ve found this tape and you may or may not be aware that you’re about to be dead...you’ve been warned.
“...Ah, but don’t worry! It won’t be long before we’re all replaced by AI and my computerized image will be able to star in a slew of new, future flicks such as “Rage Against the Snack Machine,” “My Wife the Robot,” and...this particular installment of The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror series.”
S??E02: Marvin and Let Die
The newest season of modern Simpsons starts off strong with yet another plot dedicated to Homer and Marge’s years-long marriage being put into questioning.
The drama would resolve after the Simpsons family would be reminded that Marvin Monroe has died (and for real this time), to the surprise of not one viewer who voted on which Simpsons character will die between 6 series regulars and one relatively obscurer character who’s made little appearances for ages.
After the funeral reminded Homer and Marge of their first family therapy session with Marvin, they made things up as if the last 20 minutes of recycled story elements never happened.
S??E03: Snowball Dies Again
Snowball V died and that was it.
S??E04: If I’m Lion, I’m Dyin’
“Man is it so cool to be a bunch of one-note jerkasses with almost no interesting plots for us to look forward to,” Jimbo gloated.
“Hey, we got nothing better to do, so let’s sneak inside the Springfield Zoo and wrestle a lion!” Kearney suggested.
“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Dolph remarked.
(NOTE: All three of them were found to be mauled to death by a lion the very next day.)
S??E05: Tears for Beers
“Hey Moe, have you seen Barney?” Homer asked the aptly-named bartender.
“He hasn’t been to the tavern since the past week,” said Moe. “I’ve heard he’s checked out of the hospital, and uh…it’s not good news.”
“...Meaning?” Homer replied.
“Barney is dead.”
As it turned out, over fifty seasons worth of drinking Duff wasn’t good for one’s health. Homer looked at his mug sadly and sighed, “D’oh…”
S??E06: Frinkenstein’s Monster II
After the losses of nearly hundreds of cats named Snowball, previously owned by the Simpsons family, Doctor Professor Jonathan Frink takes it upon himself to construct their corpses into one whole body, presenting it his newest invention. However, if you know the story of Frankenstein, you’d already how this will end. Frink died, unable to fulfill his hopes of destroying his own creation. Frankensnowball was put in captivity until it died of malnutrition.
S??E07: Six Feet Under Groundskeeper
Bart, deciding to pull another prank in the school, digs a hole deep enough to reach the center of the Earth. Groundskeeper Willie notices Bart’s tomfoolery but slips and falls down the hole. No trace of Wilie was made known afterwards and was declared dead as a result.
S??E08: Teacher’s Pet Cemetery
After Martin Prince Jr.’s pet dog suddenly dies, Bart and Milhouse make a bet with Martin that they’ll use demon magic to bring the dog back to life. To their surprise, it works, but Martin would later be found dead at the paws of the zombie dog. Bart and Milhouse would veer away from the summoning arts immediately afterwards.
S??E09: When the Bus Driver is No Longer Bussin’
After taking Springfield Elementary’s students to school, Otto continued to drive along the road with his walkman on his person. He would then meet a terrible fate after his bus collides with another bus. The damage was enough to kill him on impact Then, at his funeral, the school board fired him.
S??E10: The D’oh-ctor’s In
Dr. Hibbert suddenly dies after a fatal fall from a long flight of stairs, leading up to another episode of Homer shenanigans where he gets roped into becoming Springfield’s interim doctor. After putting up with at least 15 minutes of Homer’s stupidity, Homer is let go from the job while the episode ends with Lisa wondering how Springfield will get by without a go-to healthcare provider.
S??E11: In a One Hearse Open Sleigh
“Santa’s Little Helper, look out!” Bart cried out towards the Simpsons family dog, who appeared be on the road, who was about to be struck by an oncoming car.
Unfortunately, it was too late. Santa’s Little Helper was hit and couldn’t move another muscle. Bart and the rest of the Simpsons family came to his side.
“Ohhh…” Bart groaned with sadness.
“Well Bart, what can you do?” Lisa lectured in her stern yet monotone delivery. “As the old saying goes, all dogs go to heaven, and now Santa’s Little Helper is there and no longer with us. He will remain in our memory, but it’s the for the best that we move on from this-”
“Aw, shut up, Lis,” Bart interrupted.
“hooOohHhhmmmGggg nooohmmmm, SauUUUntaaaaugh’s Hmmmllpuurrrrrrr is gAwAwoaaon,” Marge said, her voice now sounding too strained to vocalize clear words.
“(Suck, suck, suck),” Maggie grieved.
“He was such a good boy...anyway, who’s up for some hot dogs?” Homer’s poor comedic timing uttered.
Santa’s Little Helper was later cremated and memorialized in a graveyard surrounded by headstones for all of the Simpsons family’s former Snowballs.
S??E12: Smoked Out
One day, Marge’s sisters Patty & Selma were each smoking a joint in the Simpsons household while, once again, making snide remarks about Homer. That was until Marge told them…
“YoOuuUu Knowhmmmm, if yUOuOuUooU kEEEeeep schmmmokeeeing like thesssss, DeaaAAHthmmmm wellll knuuuhuhhk dowOwown yorr deoouuuorrs.”
“Hmmm? What did you say?” Selma asked.
Patty and Selma both later died from COPD.
S??E13: The Assassination of Abe Simpson
Homer, in another attempt to bond with his father Abe Simpson, surprises him with tickets to a Fall Out Boy concert (and of course, due to the series’ timeline stretching into current times, Abe was overjoyed since Fall Out Boy was around during his rebellious youth).
At the concert, and after some head-scratching remarks from Bart about the band naming themselves after Radioactive Man’s sidekick, Fall Out Boy performed their newest song “Watch Out for That Gun, Old Man.” Despite Abe’s ignorance, the song’s title would prove to be an unfortunate omen as Abe would then be suddenly shot dead, leading to an immediate evacuation for everyone in the venue while the police would catch the assassin.
After a 12-day moose hunt for the perpetrator, who was later killed on the spot, the identity of the killer was later revealed to be Jasper Beardsley, whose motive was revenge for Abe turning down his offer to see Good Charlotte.
Fall Out Boy would then later propel the charts with their tribute to Abe Simpson.
S??E14: Worst. Death. Ever
It was a normal day at the Springfield comic book store until Comic Book Guy begins to choke on a Krusty Burger. Bart and Milhouse, who were both key witnesses of the urgent matter thought ‘what would Radioactive Man do?’ and spend the rest of the episode’s runtime trying to figure out how to perform CPR to no avail, but not before Comic Book Guy utters his final words: “Worst. Death. Ever.”
S??E15: Who Shot Ralph?
Police chief Clancy Wiggum was alone in a room with his son Ralph Wiggum when he pointed a gun directly at him.
“Why are you doing this, dad?”
“Listen son, I don’t want to do this, but as it appears, you are a prime suspect in these sudden wave of deaths in Springfield. Just confess and I won’t have to pull the trigger.”
“I didn’t even do anything!”
“Ah, but that those are the exact kind of words anyone would say if they did commit the crime.”
“I don’t know what’s going on!”
“Okay...you leave me with no choice.”
With one pull of a trigger – bang. Chief Wiggum fell unconscious with the gun still in his hands. Ralph stood motionless as police sirens sounded and officers entered the room. Ralph was left with no other option than to accept his fate as a framed murderer.
Ralph then found himself in a standoff, having taken the gun from his father’s hands, and made the ultimate sacrifice.
A heartfelt funeral was held for the Wiggums. Lisa additionally gave her eulogy that was part-saxophone tribute and part-anti-police brutality filibustering before concluding that the mystery of who shot Ralph was never worth knowing compared to the feelings shared with the departed.Nelson Muntz breaks the mood by admitting that he was the one who shot him before uttering his usual “Ha-ha!”
S??E16: Another Dumb Clip Show
It was the time of the occasion yet again for The Simpsons to salvage its budget with another dumb clip show. Alongside another half-assed rendition of “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” which was so bad that the in-house band died midway into it, the clip show would then present an ‘In Memoriam’ tribute to all the Simpsons characters that been lost, including news anchor Kent Brockman, who died off-screen, all before the episode would end with a formal apology for the clip show’s very existence.
S??E17: A Milhouse is Not a Home
“Hey Milhouse, you wanna help me with my next prank I have planned for Principal Skinner?” Bart asked his friend Milhouse.
“Sorry, Bart. You may not know this, but...I’m dead.” Milhouse uttered.
Bart was confused, but also dismayed. He then replied, “I don’t understand. You look alive to me.”
“I just sold my soul for some ALF NFTs,” Milhouse explained. “I only have a few times to remain in the physical world before I’m gone.”“Milhouse, don’t die on me, man!” Bart pleaded, desperation in his tone. “You don’t know how much of a big mistake you’ve made! Those NFTs are worth absolutely nothing compared to you! I don’t even know how I’ll ever go on without you as my friend. Everyone around me is dropping like flies and you’re one of the last that I’d ever want to see end up dead and-”
“Bart, don’t talk, everything will be just fine…” Milhouse finished before his body was lifted to the heavens.
…
“Ohhhh….”
S??E18: No One Nelson in the World
Lisa finds Nelson feeling bummed due to most of his classmates having been killed off, while he’s also grown tired of trying to continuously pick on Bart. Knowing how much of a sweet spot Nelson has for her, Lisa advises him that he can now consider trying to do something in his life that he always wanted to do after finishing school. Nelson tells her that he thought about wanting to be a gravedigger.
With a renewed feeling of interest in his own life, letting everyone in the streets know that he’s made a change of heart and that he’s going to paint the town of Springfield red. He was then immediately run over by the ghost of the bus that killed Otto.
S??E19: A Moe Walks Out of a Bar
Homer visited Moe’s Tavern to find the once bustling bar to now be mostly deserted. Seeing how Homer was Moe’s only loyal customer left, he had a favor for him.
“You know, Homer, business has been very meager ever since most of our buddies died,” said Moe. “I suppose I can’t hang around longer in Springfield, so I was thinking...it was about time I got a cellphone.”
“Oh Moe, I’d very glad to help...even if we might not see each other as often anymore,” Homer remarked.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I should warn you that you and your family are better off leaving Springfield,” Moe advised. “Take my word for it.”
“Hey, let’s not dwell so much about it. Let’s go and get you a cellphone.”
And so began the long-awaited ‘Moe gets a cellphone episode’ as Homer and Moe went to the nearest cellphone store to see what was best for the lonely bartender.
However, the very moment Moe pressed a button on his would-be first cellphone, it released a powerful electrical shock that killed him in an instant.
“D’oh!”
S??E20: Hey Krusty, Nice Shot
--ITCHY & SCRATCHY IN: THE LAST GOUDA-BYE--
The cartoon short opened with Scratchy on his deathbed and Itchy by his side. A flashback showed Itchy dropping a nuclear bomb on the cat. Itchy allowed himself to die from radiation poisoning – but not before unplugging Scratchy’s life support.
“Hehehey, kids!” Krusty’s fake joyous demeanor immediately turned into a sorrowful expression as he continued saying, “Yeah, that final Itchy & Scratchy cartoon sure was depressing, huh? We just lost our entire animation team for the show, so it is curtains for them, unfortunately. But I assure you that the Krusty the Clown Show still has some barrels of laughs! Isn’t that right, Sideshow Mel?”
The camera revealed an empty spot when Krusty side-glanced to where Sideshow Mel’s post usually was during the show.“...Oh yeah, he’s dead too…” Krusty spoke in a somber tone, but returned to his faux-cheerful disposition in an instant. “Oh well, to any of you kids watching...if there are any of you left, I still have ways to entertain you lot!”
The live audience from behind the camera was revealed to be completely empty as well.
“Umm…now at Krusty Burger, you have the chance to win an official Krusty Skibidi! …Do the Krusty Shake? ...Hawk tuah?” At that point, Krusty’s enthusiasm has been completely dissolved. “Fine, screw it. I’m going to put a gun in mouth and see if I can actually survive it, if that’s what it takes to keep my show afloat. The censors won’t stop me since we’ve lost the folks in-charge of them too!”
“No-no-no, Krusty, we won’t even have a show left-” The lone cameraman spoke.
“I’m gonna do it!”
“No Krusty, don’t do it!”
“I’M GONNA FUCKIN’ DO IT!”
Bang.
(NOTE: despite Krusty’s expectations, he didn’t survive the shot.)
S??E21: Raking Bad
After being made aware of the sudden, accidental death of Krusty the Clown, his former sidekick, Sideshow Bob began plotting his revenge against Bart once again.
“That clown had what he got coming to him,” Sideshow Bob monologues. “Now I just have to settle my score with Bart, and my life can finally start to take a turn for the better, and nobody, not a single Simpson, or even a damned rake can stand in my way!”
Sideshow Bob then stepped on a rake. The concussion he received from it was painful enough to kill him.
S??E22: Burning Low
“Smithers, who is that yellow blob in our plant, and why is he is our only employee?” Mr. Burns asked his assistant.
“That’s Homer Simpson, sir. He’s one of your asswipes from sector 7G,” Waylon Smithers explained. “All of our other employess have passed on, sir…so we have been short on staff.”
“Oh, I knew it would come to this,” said Burns. “Smithers, I need you to sit down for a moment.”
“If it is what I think it is, I don’t want to hear it.”
“No, you have ever right to know. I...I don’t have much time left to live, Smithers.”
Waylon Smithers got emotional in an instant and cried out, “No, please don’t die on us, sir! If there’s anything that I could do to extend your lifespan, I’d do it! The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant will NEVER be the same without you!”
“My condition terminal and incurable, Smithers, I’m afraid.”
Smithers tearfully asked him, “Do you have any final requests that I can fulfill for you, sir?”
“Hmmm, yes, if I can no longer run the power plant, someone else will have. Someone I can put all my trust in, someone like...who is that man’s name again?”
“Homer Simpson, sir? Are you really sure you can entrust your business to him?”
“Very...”
“There’s something I have to do for you, sir. I never had the courage to tell you this until now, but...I love you – and I loved you ever since the day you hired me.”
Mr. Burns was shellshocked by Smithers’s revelation at first. He then finally said to him, “This changes everything…”
“So you’ll trust me with the plant?”
“No…I would now like for my final request for you to have sex with me. Make it long and make it hard, Smithers.”
“I will give you the best sex you ever had in your life, you handsome son of a bitch.”
“...Excellent…”
(NOTE: Due to complaints from Disney, the planned sex scene between Montgomery Burns and Waylon Smithers had been cut.)
S??E23: Blown to Smithers-eens
The town of Springfield was in utter shock when they’ve heard the news from NASA that a giant asteroid would be heading straight for them. Many refused to offer as human sacrifices to stop it, but then, Waylon Smithers decided to take up the offer to try and stop the asteroid of doom from hitting their home.
When asked why he chose to save Springfield, Smithers answered with a tear streaking down from one of his eyes, “I’m doing this for my old dear friend Montgomery Burns, because I know it’s what he would’ve wanted for me to do…”
Once as the asteroid was nearing its trajectory towards Springfield, Smithers was launched in its path. Smithers thought about the intense sex he had with Mr. Burns before his death (despite the scene in question never being shown), and it came to him that if he was going to destroy the asteroid, he was going to unleash all of his pleasure that he had towards Burns with all his might.
An explosion occurred, confirming the destruction of the asteroid and as well as the death of Waylon Smithers. The human sacrifice plan turned out to be a success and the late Smithers was later hailed as a hero to all of Springfield.
S??E24: Caught in the Cross Fire
“We’re all gathered here today to pay tribute to the departed, including our loved ones,” Reverend Lovejoy spoke, “My Mrs. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders’ sons Rod and Todd, and as well as his fifth wife, Pamela Anderson, Homer Simpson’s Abe Simpson, Marge’s Patty and Selma, and many others. They all may be gone now, but I ensure the Lord is watching us from afar...however, I openly refuse to admit that this was all part of God’s plan.”
The prayers session would take an unexpected turn as the church attendants would then see Reverend Lovejoy nailing himself to a cross and lighting a match onto it.
“Everyone we know and everyone we love will just keep dying and there may not be anything we can do about it except pray that God sees no need to continue punishing us. If the Lord were to save me from this situation right now, then I have every reason to keep my faith, but if not, then I firmly believe that there is no God. ...There is no God, there is no God, there is no God, THERE IS NO GOD!…”
Lovejoy’s mantra continued as the attendants saw no other option than to leave before the entire church is burned down. Reverend Lovejoy was later confirmed dead the next day.
S??E25: The Last Luncheon
Seymour Skinner had invited Superintendent Chalmers once again for lunch at his home. Little did the superintendent know that this meal was going to be his last.
“I hope you’re prepared for some ‘Steamed Hams,’ Superintendent,” said Skinner. “I really steamed this time, just for you.”
“You can’t fool me any longer, Seymour, I can still smell and sense smoke coming from your oven,” Chalmers replied.
“Oh...I guess I left the stove on, didn’t I?” Skinner replied.
“Then go turn it off, or I’m leaving.”
“I’m afraid I won’t do that, Superintendent. I’ve locked all the doors and boarded all the windows, so you can’t leave. Why don’t we just enjoy our luncheon right now, for old time’s sake?”
“Seyyyyymouuuuuurr, if there’s any reason why you’re holding me hostage, you better have a good reason for that!”
“Superintendent, without mother, without any students left to teach or to punish, my life no longer has meaning, but you...you’re the only person left who can fill this pathetic, empty void I have inside of me.”
“That’s enough of your sappy talk, Seymour.”
“You’re all I have, Superintendent! If I’m going to die, the last thing I’d ever want is to die alone!” Skinner said, as his tone grew completely desperate. “Sure, there’s still Bart, but you know how I feel about the little bastard!”
“So, I really am that important to you, huh?”
“As long as we’re still both still alive...there’s something you should know. The first time we had Steamed Hams together, and all that stuff about an Aurora Borealis inside of my kitchen – that was all a skittish cover-up for ruining my own cooking.”
“I knew it…but we certainly shared some fond memories from that day. I guess I wouldn’t mind being burned to death for your sake, Seymour.”
“Yes, and now we can share new memories one last time with this meal. Perhaps our lives will be immortalized when the remnants of our bodies scatter all across the Northern Lights.”
“That would be nice.”
“Even though I, uh...boarded up the windows. I do think the Northern Lights are out here tonight.”
“You sure do steam a good ham, Seymour.”
“I know, Superintendent, I know…”
S??E26: Dingly Dongly, the Flanders is Dead-Diddly
“Hi-diddly-ho, neighborino,” Ned Flanders greeted to Homer. “It seems we’re the only ones left here now.”
“Well, I hope you die a slow, painful death, Flanders,” Homer responded coldly.
“I got to say Homer, you shouldoodly feel very luckdiddly that you still have a family,” Flanders remarked, so you have my prayers that nothing bad happens to you or yours.”
“Of all people that have to still be alive, why did it have to be you?” Homer sneered.
“I guess it’s because I got the Lord looking after me.”
It was then that Homer had an idea, and a very grim one at that.
“Hmmm…since there is no one else to hang around with, I guess I wouldn’t mind spending some time with you, Flanders.”
“Oh, thanks neighbor, thanks a bunch!”
Homer and Ned took themselves fishing in a lake miles away from Springfield. When Homer found the perfect opportunity, he knocked Flanders off the boat and watched as he was noshed by a school of piranhas in the slow and painful death that he had anticipated.
Satisfied with his goal of getting rid of Flanders, Homer went back home.
S??E27: Something About Maggie
Weeks have past since the Simpsons have wound up being the only ones left living in Springfield. Just when they thought they would get adjusted to this new life, however, they would notice that someone is missing…
“Hooauaoaoaohhmmmurrrrr, hahhhhvvvv you seEeEeeEen Mahghhghkfeohjei?” Marge’s still-strained voice spoke.
“Come to think of it...I haven’t seen her all day,” Homer responded. “D’oh! When will this nightmare end!?”
“What can you do, dad?” Lisa lectured. “Maggie is in a better place now and I’m sure she’s now watching over us-”
“I don’t want to hear it!” Homer interrupted. “I don’t know what to do now that Maggie is gone and-”
Before Homer could grieve any more, the ghost of Maggie chucked her pacifier into Homer’s mouth. Maggie’s spiritual entity waved goodbye before disappearing.
“...Cool,” Bart remarked towards seeing the ghost of Maggie.
S??E28: Dead Bart
With all of Springfield being deserted, Bart took up the opportunity to do whatever he wanted by loitering and skateboarding all around the city. It was all fun and games until Bart bumped into the statue of Jebediah Springfield, causing the head to fall off.
“Ay, caramba!” Bart exclaimed before the head of Jebediah crushed and killed him.
S??E29: Ammonal Lisa
Bart’s sudden death took a toll on what now remained of the Simpsons family. As something started to come to Lisa’s mind, she decided she would have to break the news to her parents.
“Mom, dad, it has occurred to me that I can no longer coexist,” Lisa announced.
“No! We can’t afford to lose you too!” Homer pleaded.
“Look at the world around you, dad, and see how it’s affected me,” Lisa continued. “Ralph is dead, Nelson is dead, Maggie is dead, Bart is dead, Elon Musk is alive and yet the man that I thought was the greatest inventor in the world turned out to be a massive jackass. Even though we’re all animated characters, are we all just destined to die? If that’s true, then it’s only fair then I must go to the afterlife, too…”
“I’m already having trouble processing losing the boy, we can still be a family of three, Lisa…”
“In this saxophone, I have implanted a pipe bomb inside of it. The very moment I make a sound go out of it, I will explode.”
“You don’t have to do this Lisa. I’m sure this problem can be figured out soon.”
“...If at all.” Lisa finished before she used her saxophone and exploding right afterwards.
S??E30: I Am Marge, Hear Me Croak
“Hb45g95nevgopewebv4ioffc04nbvg9036yfgt925gt98cdy0-p6yhjfr90w365ogtbd0,” Marge spoke.
“Oh Marge, I don’t know what to do anymore, now that you’re all I’ve got,” said Homer. “Without Maggie, Lisa, and the boy…I just don’t know what to do.”
“Vnkyfiotfiofyjtufg4l4dohtgb50gbki690d7vg3b5-gs90y436nkif,” Marge replied.
“You always know what to say, Marge,” Homer remarked.
“F6kjf63wvhghkn5bev0hbnmvwjgbo03659gdcbjeylh3ynbd90th2vjkd0hg3vbdjhgol47hq.”
“What’s that you say? You want us to live forever and ever? Yes, I would like that very much.”
“Hmhmmm ohhhh Hommmmmie, I….I…u53efknytgffcbvusdohtfdfvkiwre-y5febcddiu30-t4grvbsd245r7gfehgfe0845tr970gfegcdvqeik3r2-=efdtgf73eiuv43987te38t…” Marge didn’t speak another word for moved another muscle afterwards after her final struggle of getting her words out.
Seeing that he was all alone now, there was only one word Homer could respond with.
“…D’oh…”
S??E31: Till Death D’oh Us Part
Homer sat all alone in the Simpsons family couch, unable to think or do anything now that he was the only person left in Springfield.
Just when it seemed like the episode was going to be 20 whole minutes of moping, Homer would receive an unexpected visitor. What materialized right before him was a figure resembling Death, only it was…
“Current Simpsons showrunner Al Jean?” Homer questioned.
“In the flesh,” Al Jean responded.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came here to finish the job I made myself do…” Al replied.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” Homer asked. “Everyone I know and love is gone. Marge, Maggie, Lisa, Bart, Santa’s Little Helper, Moe, Barney, I miss them all! I even miss Flanders!”
“Homer, I need you to do me a favor. You see, after running this series for over 30 seasons straight, I was cursed with the gift of immortality,” Al was explained. “All these attempts to bait fans for views, hyping up the deaths of important characters only to give it to someone unimportant, they weren’t working anymore, and yet even after losing most of our original voice cast Disney and FOX never wanted to stop The Simpsons. So I thought...why don’t I end it myself and put every single character on the chopping block? It would be easier said than done that I kill you off, but…I just can’t seem to have the heart to, since you’re the only thing that’s keeping this show alive.”
“I don’t understand. Why do you need a second opinion from me? Of course I’ll choose death if it means that I can end this suffering!”
“You’re right, what’s another 50 years of milking a franchise dry? I could always start a new Simpsons series entirely, maybe even keep another sustainable cast until the time comes where I may resort to using AI, and yet I’ll never die…’Have no fears, we’ve got stories for years,’ we said, stories for decades even, and god, I don’t know much longer I have to endure this…”
“Can I die now?”
“Sorry, I went off-topic for a moment. What I’m trying to say is, what happens next is all up to you, Homer.” Al continued as a pink sprinkled donut materialized in front of Homer.
“Mmmm, donut,” said Homer.
“That donut is laced with poison and it will kill you in an instant if you choose to take a bite of it. You can either do that or you can let me transfer my immortality to you. Pick your poison.”
Homer didn’t hesitate as he ate the donut whole.
“I still choose death!”
"D'oh!" Al Jean finished.
…
…
…
S??E32: Epilogue
Years have passed and the city of Springfield remained uninhabited with life – until one day, Apu suddenly returned and reopened the doors to his old Kwik-E-Mart convenience store.
“Hmmm…I wonder where everyone went,” Apu mused.
The episode ends with a surprise appearance of the ghost of Lisa Simpson, staring at the viewer for as long as she could, before we also see an appearance from Comic Book Guy’s ghost.
“Worst. Treehouse of Horror. EVER!” He finished.
-
3
-
-
(okay, but with all seriousness, nothing beats the cheese)
-
All right, since this is going to be the last SBC Block Party for a while, I should address that some changes are going to made for these type of project from this point on. After getting feedback about oversaturation for both the Community Mixtape and Block Party, each of them will now be held biannually, as we the community decided on through Discord.
-
The year is 2025, Jimmy Donaldson, otherwise known as the famous and infamous YouTuber, entrepreneur, humanitarian, challenge coordinator, big-time money giver, and former member of the Beasty Boiz comedy act, MrBeast continues to do some outlandish stunts to try and save his continuous PR disaster that has led to #MrBeastIsOverParty to trend. Will MrBeast come to his senses and make an effort to fix his image as the endless shit-eating grinning snakeoil salesman in Salvation Army clothing, or will he continue doing what he does best?
...Of course he’s going to try and save his career with something dumb. Did you expect anything else from a YouTube star?
Episode 12: What if… MrBeast bought SBC?
In his attempt to salvage his career, he would make a video claiming that he bought an entire website. His target? The SpongeBob Community.
...And how did SBC take it? As easy it is to tell, not so well.
I. THE BEAST-GINNING
SOF: lol, who invited mrbeast to SBC? Is it a troll?
Jjs: We got some serious news to discuss. MrBeast just bought SBC. This is no joke. I didn’t even have the chance to talk this over with him, but he did post on his introductory thread that he promised a huge sum to give to each and every one of the members.
Salmon: wait I though April Fool’s wasn’t in February?
Jjs: I’m not pulling any legs. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it looks like MrBeast is going to take control of running this site now.
WhoBob: Just what we needed, another multi-billionaire buying a site from us, and it HAD to be ours.
JCM: I can’t believe MrBeast would just take my job from me like that, smh.
Steel Sponge: As his first ruling as owner of the SpongeBob Community, he will give 100 banned members new accounts. ..Sorry, I really shouldn’t be jinxing this. (edited)
Prez: Not kino. Hope he doesn’t buy 91x next.
Jjs: Let’s not panic. Maybe MrBeast will do a good enough job in running the site. At the very least, this news will give us a huge influx of new members. Maybe he’ll be willing to sell SBC back to us sooner or later. We’ll be even richer that way.
SOF: so...what we do now?
Jjs: MrBeast still hasn’t joined our server, so we can at least have fun here watching the chaos unfold for a while.
FantasticMrBeast has landed!
Jjs: Fuck
II. TO BEAST OR NOT TO BEAST
Of course, no one was happy with the new sudden change in management. After giving the SBC members a rundown on why he decided to buy the SpongeBob Community, which involved showing pics of him graduating from dictator college and taking over the world (with smiles), MrBeast went on to say that his involvement would help bring new members and traffic to the site (to which some argued that they don’t want to have to do deal with the possibility of more toxic members), that he needed additional sponsorship for his Lunchly food brand, and that he wanted to help each member of the site financially.
Many of the members protested MrBeast to sell back the site, including from those who expressed disappointment in him replacing the original server chat emoji with MrBeast-inspired emotes (including :whatcanyoudo:), but Jjs declared that he’ll let Jimmy Donaldson run the site until problems already start. MrBeast expressed his first order of business as the new owner of SBC by letting them all know that he will be setting up challenges all across the forums for a chance to win a billion gazillion dollars per challenge.
III. A BEAST FOR CROWS
The first major event that MrBeast would post to the site upon its restructuring would be a “Meme Off,” where members will win thousands of dollars for making the best meme. Although the community decided to play along and only make snowclones of his “I helped 1,000 people [blank] again” type of content, every member would end up winning the Meme Offs as MrBeast appreciated them tooting his own horn anyway.
SBC Spin-Offs, despite having been rebranded under the ‘Stories’ umbrella term, would receive a revival under the name of “Beast Spins,” upon the introduction of the then 10-season long series titled Jimmy’s Beastly Adventures. MrBeast would then announce that he obtained rights to turn Pisces Moon and The Adventures of No Name into decently-budgeted feature films. Steel Sponge, the original creator of both spin-offs, would give MrBeast his contributions as executive producer with a “Do whatever the hell you want with them” go-ahead.
MrBeast would also host a writing challenge worth thousands of dollars for members to write the best story featuring him, with the winner going to dman’s hit one-shot MrBeast Goes Bankrupt.
The restructuring would bleed into the entertainment forums where MrBeast makes threads regarding his YouTube series, his infamous game show, the fan games that he inspired, and all of his other side projects.
In the music section, renamed BEAST-FM, he awarded a member a job as a radio DJ for the station of their choosing by naming ten songs made by MISSIO. Prez would win and land himself a job as the new main host of 91x.
In the movies and TV section, renamed Cinema Beasts, MrBeast would offer a movie deal to any member who successfully pitches an idea for a new film to him, with WhoBob being given the deal for his “The Gay Turkish Avengers” pitch.
In the video games and technology section, renamed Tech Beasts, MrBeast offered a video game development deal for whoever successfully pitched an idea for a new game JCM would win after giving MrBeast his demo of “Sandy Cheeks Gets Run Over By a Car and Dies.”
Donaldson would also introduce his own brand of smartphones known as the BeastPhone, with the introductory price of $1984. Upon launch, critics noted how easy it was to hack/jailbreak it. As a result, sbl would go on to mod the BeastPhone and turn it into the Kerfuffle Phone v.1.0, with the introductory price of $free in Canada, and $499 and other international variations of the pricing elsewhere, becoming a surprise commercial success.
The SpongeBob discussion section of the forums would also fall victim to the restructuring, with one challenge involving creating a pitch for a new SB spin-off for the chance to win thousands of dollars. Cha would win after pitching to MrBeast “SquidBob’s Sexy Adventures.”
IV. THE FALL OF THE BEAST
Despite things looking up for the MrBeast-managed SpongeBob Community, it would already take a wrong turn after MrBeast announced a newly-funded project that he referred to as ‘the ultimate challenge.’ Production would start on a new game show titled Underwater Survivor: Beast Style. All of the winners of his previous challenges were forcibly and contractually obligated to compete, including Steel Sponge, the partial inspiration of the series.
SOF filed a lawsuit against MrBeast and his production company, cited workplace abuse, unsafe conditions (i.e. residing in a submarine with low oxygen levels, with no lunch breaks), and challenges that violated humanitarian rights including and not limited to bleaching 1,000 colar reefs to be used to make into a new bleaching solution, killing 1,000 stingrays to make the ultimate leg cramp medicine from their toxins, and most scandalous of all – scourging the deep blue sea for scraps in order to build 100 nukes to send to North Korea so they could then give 1,000 victims MrBeast’s signature brand Lunchly meals.
SOF also disclosed that the winner, who managed to get 100 countries to sign a treaty to agree to a new world war, would be awarded one billion dollars. However, MrBeast notified the contract-bound contestants that he didn’t have the funds to pay the winner until he was able to make money for his YouTube channel once he’s been repaid for the war crimes he planned to commit.
Every unwilling participant that was now made aware of MrBeast’s true intentions – all according to keikaku – all openly refused to do any of his planned challenges, resulting in the immediate cancellation of Underwater Survivor: Beast Style. After the members had all described their experience working with MrBeast, Jjs spoke to him that he must sell back SBC to them, as they want to be legally cleared from the lawsuit against him. MrBeast agreed to bestow the rights of the SpongeBob Community back to the community itself and never tried to take advantage of them in order to create another over-glorified Ponzi scheme ever again.
V. DON’T YOU (FORGET ABOUT BEAST)
MrBeast was sued for $50 million in damages caused by the behind the scenes maltreatment for Underwater Survivor: Beast Style. The lawsuit damaged his career immensely as he lost 70 million subscribers in less than a week, an all time high. Meanwhile, for the members of the SpongeBob Community, the aftermath of his former ownership of SBC would have a positive effect on them:
-Jjs became a prolific lawyer, with his first major accomplishment as a lawyer being for the case against MrBeast. He would go on to criminalize Billy Mitchell for his decades worth of faked gaming records and litigation abuse to those who exposed his fraudulence. He would also earn his own hit show titled Better Call JJSaul.
-SOF would become the new Prime Minister of Canada, and the youngest ever. Her first order of business would be to send Doug Ford to yahoo jail.
-Sbl became the CEO of a successful new smartphone company that managed to make enough money to buy X/Twitter from Elon Musk. The company is currently in the development stages for the Kerfuffle Phone 3.0.
-Cha’s “SquidBob’s Sexy Adventures” spin-off pitch would be greenlighted by Nickelodeon, and it would go on to run for six seasons.
-Prez remains a DJ for San Diego’s 91x alternative music station, as it now transitioned back into a station that primarily plays newer music.
-JCM would go on to become a successful video game developer after the success of “Sandy Gets Run Over By a Car and Dies.” He would then create a new game heavily inspired by Pokemon, while also being able to bypass Nintendo’s patent infringement complaints.
-dman’s MrBeast Goes Bankrupt one-shot story would be picked up by a publisher and went to #1 in the New York Times list.
-WhoBob’s “Gay Turkish Avengers” became a massive box office success. It was big enough to become a cinematic universe.
-Steel Sponge, after being bestowed full royalties for the film productions of The Adventures of No Name and Pisces Moon, would use his money to finally give 101 Dalmatian Street the second season it deserved.
-Former UWS SBC contestant Blue Skarmory, despite not making an appearance in this story, died from a fentanyl overdose. He was 27 years old.
MrBeast, after leaving his channel untouched after the lawsuit, would be declared AWAL. Some say that he’s moved on to live the rest of his life as a recluse, some say he reunited the Beastie Boyz comedy act, while rumors say that he’s working on making himself into a God of the new world, devising his plan to eradicate all life on Earth and help create new life. Sounds stranger than fiction, but in a series like What If…it could be realer than you think. I’m Jesse Ventura, and this is Conspiracy Theory.
-
2
-
1
-
3
-
-
It's time for Goosebumps. It's time to get scared-
Oh and uh, it's time for a new block party too. The only fitting way to celebrate this on the month of October is with the new theme...
MONSTER MASH
A holiday theme has been done before with Hawk's mixtape projects, although I'm not quite sure how this will pan out since it will require the usual essentials of a Block Party playlist submission: 3 artists and 3 songs per artist, and all that jazz. So, for the Octerrorfest 2024 block party, everyone should mind the spookiness aesthetic of Halloween in general - Vampires, werewolves, zombies, skeletons, haunted or abandoned buildings/hospitals/etc., Ghosts n Stuff, or any other kind of monster that Jay-Z has listed. So, there should at least be enough ground for any given artist to have three songs under their belt that just screams 'Halloween vibes'. There's also specific styles of music to focus on too - horrorcore, darkwave, dark cabaret, goth rock, or even creepy circus music. I won't judge, as long as it fits the theme.
Anyways, here are the rules:
-Per usual, you must pick three artists and three songs for each of them.
-It's another 'anything goes' type of submission, but you must stay consistent with theme. Say you submit a playlist with songs that are instead based on Fourth of July, I won't accept, and say if you do include one Halloween-esque song for one artist but the other two songs veer away from the tropes associated with Halloween, I will ask to revise your playlist.
-No joke or troll entries.
-No repeat entries. Once one particular artist has been taken, it's no longer up for grabs
Playlist submissions will be open until October 20th, so I am giving you all some extra time to think about your own selections. So yeah, let's get cracking.
Submissions:SpoilerSteel Sponge:
Danny Elfman: Happy, Remains of the Day, Jack's Lament
The Cure: The Lovecats, A Forest, Plainsong
Kikuohana: そこにはまた迷宮. 不幸屋の娘. ヒトガワリ
SBManiac:
Radiohead: Myxomatosis, Burn the Witch, Climbing Up the Walls
Death Grips: Inanimate Sensation, Guillotine, Lock Your Doors
They Might Be Giants: Mrs. Bluebeard, Skullivan, Turn Around
Jjsthekid:
Coldplay: Cemeteries of London, 42, Death and All His Friends
Fall Out Boy: Twin Skeleton's (Hotel in NYC), Dead on Arrival, Death Valley
Genesis: Home by the Sea, The Waiting Room, The Lamia
Yummylesecond:
Ataraxia & Mort Garson: Cabala, Tarot, Deja Vu
Groove Crusader: Cosmic Horror, Guardian of the Wasteland, Descension
MXXN: Silent End, The Nun, Toxic
Hawk:
John Carpenter: Angel's Asylum, Virtual Survivor, Wraith
Rob Zombie: Crow Killer Blues, Shadow of the Cemetery Man, Superbeast
Nightwish: The Kinslayer, Scaretale, The Poet and the Pendulum-
1
-
The Steel Sponge Writing Contest Submissions Thread (Open until 3/15)
in Topics
Posted
Read this thread for more details: