Skod on the Run Part V: The Cutting Room Floor
Skolliam vaporizes the Sold Out dimension right there on the spot, taking Keanu and Painty along with it. No dragging, no fucking around, he just kills them right then and there. Holy shit. But there’s still three parts left of this film, so you know that can’t be it.
…
Keanu and Painty wake up in an unfamiliar area, perfectly alive. A powerful glow surrounds the two. Keanu’s newfound immunity to god powers saved both from Skolliam’s fatal blow. They look around at their surroundings. It’s dark, and they can’t quite make out where they are, but they see a weird, faint blur in the distance, showing super bright and colorful animation. They realize this can mean only one thing: They’re in SpongeBob Season 12. The two have entered an alternate timeline, Dimension 0, where the Skod writers got off their lazy asses and actually parodied Season 12. Essentially another scrapped dimension for people who wanted more of post-sequel Skodified. As a result, Season 11 in this timeline played out much differently, with the Skolliam war arc not existing and the whole season actually getting Skodified. Jjs and OMJ continued to both serve as showrunners now. SOF stayed on the writing staff, and joining her were several fresh new writers, including: Wintermelon, Salmon, RDSP, and Slug, who the old crew gave more of a say in mapping out this new era. They felt it best to hire younger members who are more passionate about post-sequel to do their parodies justice, which Jjs and OMJ both called in an interview “the best spin-off decision they’ve made in years.” Cha, Steel, JCM, Clappy, CDCB and Nuggets occasionally returned for several special guest writes. Hayden was let go due to several, ahem, “creative differences.” The show started to embrace continuity and callbacks to its past more than it ever had before, particularly the pre-movie era, which some viewed as “lazy fan pandering” at first, but upon seeing the crew’s execution, they warmed up to it. Several recording storylines began to take form this season, which were handled much more cohesively than previous attempts. One of these would be the continued rivalry of the rising Dickelodeon cartoon The Lewd House, tying back to a story thread first set up in Gimmick Madness (as seen in Skodwarde episode 207a!). Several other cosmetic changes included less Krusty Krab and Plankton episodes and unique experiments focusing on minor characters. Scott also lived and was actually given more to do as a character. The show attracted many new fans and the show reached another peak of popularity. Skodwarde had entered another new glorious era with another new generation of writers taking the torch from his tentacle. It’s a truly perfect fantasy of a season, which is exactly sadly why it’s not reality.
As Jjs’s exposition plays over them, Keanu asks Painty how the hell and they ended up here and who “Skolliam" is. Painty suggest Keanu’s newfound god power immunity must have prevented them from dying and taken them to the next available dimension. He then explains Skolliam was a rival of Skodwarde’s, and that he was basically “him, but better in bed.” He is unsure as to how that Skodwarde turned into him however. They begin to feel the brightness closing in around them, realizing they’re going to be taken into the season. Keanu asks how they’ll escape without the space time machine. Painty tells him they will need to be calm and ride the dimension out. Painty is going to be stuck in his role of introducing every episode, but promises he’ll regroup with Keanu at the end of the season. The two are teleported away, as Skodwarde Season 12’s events begin to play out, but now with Keanu’s presence. Keanu has now taken JCM’s place of being a recurring cameo character.
“Are ya ready kids!? OOOOHHHH!” Painty yelled to the viewers, as the Skodwarde theme song plays.
Obviously we can’t show single episode from this dimension or this movie would be longer than Return of the King extended edition (unless… #releasetheomjjscut?), so let’s breeze through several noteworthy episodes, speedrun style.
FarmerSkod: One day, in the Season 12 premiere, Skodwarde decides to become a marijuana farmer, dubbing his farm “Tegridy Farms.” Skodwarde employs members of his Nazi Squid Cult to work on the farm. Keanu makes his first appearance of the season as Skodwarde’s first Krustomer. Keanu approaches the weed stand with a sense of dread and uneasiness, but realizes this Skodwarde is once again not the true one and only a clone in his place. Keanu tries the weed and says “I like it”, giving Skod’s weed the legendary Wholesome Keanu Reeves Seal of Approval. Skodwarde’s sales go up when people learn the weed is Keanu Reeves approved, earning the farm tons of Wholesome 100 awards and Reddit karma, turning Skodwarde into a farmer of two fields now. (*drum snare*) Skolliam gets wind of this and decides to open his own marijuana farm, known as “Integrity Farms”, ensuing another cock contest between the two gods. Skolliam employs SpongeBob and Patrick as his slaves, which goes as well as you expect. Skolliam’s farm falls apart, while Tegridy Farms continues to stay throughout the season. After his glorious cameo, Keanu is warped out of the episode and sent forward in time to his next available appearance. This is gonna be a ride.
The Redpilling: One day, Patrick ends up joining a secret special club in Bikini Bottom known as “The Fandom Menace”, consisting of several anti-SJW grifter YouTubers, Jeremy from Geeks + Gamers, and various incels. Their leader is TheQuartering, definitely not guest starring as himself. SpongeBob tries to get Patrick out of the cult, but soon, he is roped into it too. The two become corrupted by the red pill and turn into another pair of anti-SJW YouTubers. They start to red pill the rest of Bikini Bottom, with their biggest claim to fame being a 5 hour video on why The Last Of Us 2 is shit and SJW propaganda. Keanu blips back into existence for his cameo, but is immune to the red pill effects. Skodwarde is not amused by this, which may seem shocking given he is the show’s literal Nazi, but only he is allowed to brainwash people into a cult! He joins forces with Sandy to help blue pill SpongeBob and Patrick and wipe out the cult. Several members get away and vow revenge, setting up one of the era’s new story arcs.
The Ballad of Filthy Muk: One day, Patrick is upset to learn that Muk is not obtainable in Pokemon Sword and Shield. While dumpster diving, he then finds a strange sludge creature which resembles Muk and decides to make him his new best friend. Nautical nonsense ensues, with the Bottomites wanting Muk driven out of town. The cast then all come to an odd realization at the end of the episode: Patrick doesn’t even play Pokemon. In fact, he doesn’t even know what the hell Muk is. This has been…The Vibrator Zone. *ominous music plays* (callback to a gag first done in the Skodified version of No Pictures Please)
Gary’s Got Jeans: One day, Gary decides he needs to grow up and get his own pair of jeans. Gary then makes a deal with Skodwarde to give him legs so he can actually wear said jeans. Gary goes through a tremendous character arc in this episode that sticks with the rest of the season, much to the fandom’s surprise. Keanu makes a cameo at the clothes store, where he sees Gary with SpongeBob. This makes him freeze up, unsure what to say. He looks at Gary, the two having a tender moment, even though Gary does not recognize him in this dimension. He realizes how happy Gary is with SpongeBob, his true owner, and it warms his heart to see another Gary is living a happy life. With this, Keanu makes peace with his death and ascends to his next cameo.
Swamp Lovers: One day, the team learns Lewd House’s ratings are threatening Skodwarde again, so they decide to do a unique experiment: Patrick and Bubblebath get lost in Shrek’s swamp together and form a tenderly bond. Perhaps…something even more. Seriously, are these guys in love? In a shocking move to the fandom, this episode canonized the ship of Patrick and Bubblebath. Much of the Skodwarde community was divided by this decision; some praised it, others felt it was too rushed without build-up, Bubblebath is a toxic influence on Patrick, or just wanted PatBob canon. This especially infuriates The Fandom Menace, who return to put a stop to this forced agenda. The power of gayness is able to ward them off, as Patrick and Bubblebath escape the swamp, hand in hand.
Skod’s on a Bus: One day, Skodwarde gets tickets to a Lonely Island concert and winds up getting stuck on a bus in a foursome with SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott. The episode then pretty much devolves into a Season 6 esque episode but with decent animation. Keanu makes a cameo as a passenger, looking on at the whacky hijinks in fascination and disgust. Take a good hard look at the motherfucking bus!
Karen’s Babby: One day, when the Lewd House threatens ratings yet again, the team realizes they need a big status quo shake-up with Plankton and Karen’s relationship. Plankton realizes Karen is pregnant as a result of the events that occurred in the acclaimed Season 11 classic “Karen’s STD.” Karen gives birth to a calculator known as Chip. Plankton becomes a deadbeat dad, leading to Karen bitching again. It gets to the point where Plankton questions if he’s actually Chip’s father or not, but learns he is after a deep and tight “analysis" with Karen where they reconcile. He also finds and reconciles with Chip, who has grown up so fast before their eyes into his own robot, ready to leave the nest. Plankton and Karen let out several tears, wishing him best of luck in his future endeavors. He may or may not be seen again after this episode. Probably will be another (Cum) Spot scenario where he gets remembered once a season. And who says Skodwarde ain’t afraid to break the status quo!?
BadSkod CoolTesticles: One day, Skodwarde gets really sick of the ugly ass gap in SpongeBob’s teeth and decides to finally fix it, but with a twist: using it as a chance to crossover with OMJ’s old spin-off, BadBob CoolPants! Yep, even in this era we couldn’t avoid another shameless crossover. Skodwarde gives SpongeBob’s teeth such a godly fix that it transforms him into the persona of BadBob CoolPants, much to Skodwarde’s pleasure. Skodwarde takes BadBob under his wing as his new apprentice, fucking around with residents and giving him an all access pass to the Blow Your Load Lounge, a jizz club. Keanu makes a cameo as the bouncer at said club.
How Dirty Bubble Got His Groove Back: One day, Dirty Bubble leaves prison a rehabilitated member of society, now going by the moniker of the Woke Bubble. However, The Fandom Menace are not happy at this change in characterization, feeling the Skodwarde team is turning its villains into soy boys. Woke Bubble gets a job at the Krusty Krab, trying his best to stay clean. Unfortunately, after much nautical nonsense involving eating dirt, The Fandom Menace are able to redpill him back into the Dirty Bubble after he is subject to multiple video essays about the Krusty Krab’s horrific working conditions and woke propaganda. Keanu makes a cameo as a Krustomer.
SpongeBob in LSD Land: One day, in a pseudo spiritual successor to Skodwarde in Porn Land, SpongeBob has to make a special Krusty Krab delivery to a strange location known as LSD Land. True to its name, SpongeBob gets the highest dose of LSD possible and goes on a magical, wild ride, mang. Keanu makes a cameo as one of the LSD Land residents, just as confused as everyone else. This episode also made reference to the infamous creepypasta Skodwarde’s Suicide, which blew the internet up.
SpongeBob’s Bhad Habit: One day, SpongeBob becomes unhealthily addicted to OnlyFans accounts. Skodwarde makes another bet for SpongeBob to go 24 hours without looking at OnlyFans, calling back to Funny Pants and A Day Without Jerking Off (as seen in Skodwarde episodes 65b and 136a!). SpongeBob ends up winning the bet, barely, and Skodwarde has to make his own OnlyFans account as a result. Skodwarde ends up taking a liking to this platform though, and this new side hustle of his will also be a reoccurring running gag throughout the season. Skodwarde sure is gonna rake in that dough with both Tegridy Farms and OnlyFans.
Handy Wrestling Federation: One day, Skodwarde uses his god powers to make the Cum Bucket’s hand come to life and wreak havoc across Bikini Bottom. Meanwhile, following his farm failure, Skolliam has pursued a new business endeavor by acquiring the rights to Condom Universe (unlike the show we’re keeping that change). He uses his god powers to turn the park’s hand alive, causing it to get into a hand wrestling match of the century with the Cum Bucket hand, here tonight! Keanu and OMJ make cameos as the commentators.
The…Break Time!: One day, SpongeBob gets a rare lunch break at the Krusty Krab and discovers the secret break room which hasn’t been opened in years. He finds a secret door in the room which takes him to the alternate Bikini Bottom reality from The Algae’s Always Greener (as seen in Skodwarde episode 41a!). This leads to quite an interesting experience in its own right.
Now that we’re at a good break point, literally, let’s shift away from the Season 12 verse for a moment and see what Skodwarde is up to, shall we?
At Skodwarde’s Legion of Doom lair, he is playing poker with Dutchman, Poseidon, Pathulu and Spengbab at a table. Skodwarde asks if they have any updates on Keanu’s whereabouts, to which they all shrug. Skodwarde furiously flips the table and asks why he even hired them, to which Dutchman and Poseidon aren’t sure themselves either. Spengbab makes incoherently babbling noises. Pathulu asks if he’ll get his family members from Dimension 420 back, but Skodwarde ignores him, making Pathulu unamused. Skodwade takes a look at his multiverse television, showcasing every one. He realizes the Qanon dimension has been vaporized, which baffles him as he didn’t do that. Dutchman suggests another Skodwarde did it on their own accord, but Skodwarde says that is impossible, unless…
He flips through more of the dimensions, where he sees Skolliam in Dimension 92, a timeline where SpongeBob and friends never escaped Atlantis, resulting David Bowie and his army conquering the seas. They realize that somehow…Skolliam returned. Poseidon remarks it appears this Skolliam is actually one of Skod’s clones who must have gained independent thought. Skodwarde is furious at this, as he took many many many precautions to ensure his clones could not break free, and especially not allow for another Skolliam to emerge anywhere, but much like Keanu, this one was also able to unplug from the matrix. Dutchman says he warned him this multiverse concept could blow up in his face and he should’ve just left it off back in 2019 where nobody could rise up, but Skodwarde refuses to listen and his pride insists he can still fix this, akin to a Shakespearean character. He keeps flipping through the channels wondering where Keanu is now, when Poseidon suggests he try the secret channel for Dimension 0. Skodwarde thought he scrapped that dimension, but gives it a shot and pops a boner in surprise at seeing Keanu making his cameos throughout the world. Skodwarde tells Pathulu and Spengbab they will ambush Keanu together, who is the bigger threat, then deal with the Skolliam afterwards.
Meanwhile, in Dimension 92, Skolliam absorbs the energy of Bowie’s army, gaining him more power to take down Skodwarde. He then nukes the dimension and escapes into the Skodverse. As he travels through the inter-dimensional tunnel, he catches a glimpse of Dimension 0, showed to see Keanu still alive in it making a cameo. Skolliam is curious as to how this mortal survived his nuke…was he immune to god powers? He realizes he underestimated him and that there’s more to him than he let on. He jumps into Dimension 0, deciding to observe this Keanu character from the shadows.
Alright, back to the rest of Skodwarde Season 12!
Skodwarde’s Big Birthday Blowing: One day, Skodwarde realizes it’s his 10th anniversary of existing as a spin-off, so he decides to have the wildest party possible in his third tv movie, jam packed with tons of cameos, including Keanu, Scarlett Johansson and even David Hasselhoff in the most blatant fan service ever done. However, an unexpected guest crashes the party: Squidward himself, shocking everyone! Yes, the show’s 10th anniversary special has decided to answer one of the show’s biggest mysteries: where is Squidward? Squidward explains how he was banished to a world known as the Scrapped Dimension and after years, was finally able to escape. For revenge, Squidward banishes the main cast to the Scrapped Dimension and plans to set the spin-off straight. From there, an altered version of Bad Times at Scrapped Dimension plays out, which would’ve been a perfect fit for this episode (seriously, if Skod had actually gone for 12 seasons, we would’ve absolutely used that premise for this).
The Roast of Plankton: One day, Plankton decides to team up with The Flying Dutchman for his latest scheme in a unique change of pace. Plankton demands the Dutchman teach him how to become a ghost, so he kills him. Karen finds his rotting corpse and holds a funeral for him at the Cum Bucket, where the main cast attends, including Keanu in a cameo. When it’s Keanu’s turn to give words of wisdom, he says something similar to this, moving the audience to tears:
Krabs is next up, and begins to shed tears realizing his former best friend’s is truly gone for real. He’d miss that little shit, he couldn’t believe to say. Suddenly, gears are shifted and the tragedy turns into a comedy. Comedy Central decides to turn the funeral into a roast of Plankton, LIVE FROM THE CUM BUCKET! Several celebrities rush in (some of whom being a few remnants of The Elites), ready to roast the living hell out of Plankton’s corpse. The cast begins to laugh their asses off and get in their own roasts. This infuriate phantom Plankton, who invokes his ghostly wrath on them alongside Dutchy, leading to a fun time.
Evil Kelp: Army of Fans: One day, Lewd House yet again threatens ratings, so here’s another experimental episode. In a sequel to Girls Night Out, Puff Mama, Sandy, Karen and newest member Pole decide to check out a creepy haunted cabin in the woods. The Fandom Menace catches wind of this, who are not happy about this episode’s forced feminist agenda and try to sabotage the Gal Pals’ plans by raising the Army of the Living Dead (as seen in Skodwarde episode 46b!). The episode then turns into a parody of Evil Dead, one OMJ has really wanted to do. Doug Walker also makes a special guest cameo to talk about how much he loves Evil Dead 2 but won’t review it.
The Vaccinated Krab (aka, The BANNED Skodwarde Episode): One day, following an outbreak of COVID-19 on the premises that drives customers away, Krabs decides he has no choice but to the knee to the Master Fauci and his New World Order by demanding every customer must now be vaccinated or to gtfo. Keanu makes a cameo as a Krustomer again. Unfortunately, due to vast protests from anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers, this episode has been banned from airing in the states. Not even Skodwarde could avoid the wrath of cancel culture. That’s fucked up
Breaking Bubblebath: One day, Bubblebath realizes he needs to pay off his tab for the Krusty Krab or Krabs will deny him service. In order to pay off the debt, Bubblebath decides to team up with his lover Patrick for a nice callback to Swamp Besties to cook meth together. When they get in trouble with the popo, they end up enlisting the help of the best criminal lawyer, Saul Goodman, to bail them out. Keanu makes a cameo as Saul’s bodyguard. Some fans speculate this episode was a setup for a potential spin-of down the road. You’re goddamn right.
Escape from Condom Universe: One day, SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott take a trip to Condom Universe, but see it is much different under Skolliam’s brutal regime. The three are sent to work camps and try to devise a plan to escape. In the end, after nautical nonsense involving many condom puns and rides, they are able to overthrow Skolliam thanks to Skodwarde’s help. Keanu makes a cameo as one of the Condom Universe security guards.
…
As S12 Skolliam plots his next scheme, suddenly, the alt-Skolliam appears before him. Before S12 Skolliam can react, alt-Skolliam vaporizes him (F). He says there can only be one, and this is his ticket to meet Keanu.
Sleepy Pants 2: Electric Boogaloo: One day, in the Season 12 finale, SpongeBob decides to do indulge in leftover LSD he had from LSD Land with Patrick and Scott. SpongeBob comes up with an idea to invade people’s dreams again, this time as a group effort with Patrick and Scott. The two are excited at the prospect, as they decide to lucid dream together. They hop around various characters’ dreams, and even end in Keanu’s. Keanu takes the form of a tumbleweed in this dream.
“Hello SpongeBob. Nice cock.” Keanu greeted to him, as SpongeBob blushes.
They are about to enter Skolliam’s dream next, but the world around them glitches. Something’s not right, as Skolliam uses his god powers to stop the episode. He pulls SpongeBob and Patrick into the void, leaving Scott behind because he doesn’t care enough about him. Scott shrugs and hops into his own dream. Keanu and Painty both appear in the void as well. They realize this must mean the season is over, or so they think. Skolliam shows himself, approaching menacingly. Keanu is ready to fight, as SpongeBob, Patrick and Painty are scared shitless. Skolliam laughs maniacally, walking closer. He tells Keanu that he’s been trying to catch him ALL DAY and now that he’s got him right where he wants them…he’d like to join forces with him to kill Skodwarde. Keanu, SpongeBob, Patrick and Painty all shit their pants at this. Skolliam apologizes for their first encounter, but says after observing and researching, he realizes Keanu is the perfect anti-Skodwarde weapon. He is still the President of the Skodwarde Hate Club, after all. Keanu asks if he can really trust another Skodwarde, but Skolliam explains he’s disowned that identity. He is furious at how another version of himself had his story arc completely botched in the final season, so he wants to set things straight. He should’ve won the final battle, not the literal ass pull that was the Clusterfuck!
Suddenly, the real Skodwarde appears alongside his two henchmen Pathulu and Spengbab. “OHHH SHIT!” Painty yells in fear. Skodwarde thanks Skolliam for making this much easier for him, now he can kill two birds with one stone. Skolliam immediately fires several god blasts, which bounce off of Skodwarde’s mighty body. Skodwarde then vaporizes Skolliam into ash right there. Wah wah wah. Keanu is shocked, as he meets Skodwarde face to face for the first time. Skodwarde says he should be sacred now that he’s facing the real deal, not some shitty knock-off version. Keanu tells SpongeBob and Patrick to deal with the other two, as he’ll try to hold off Skodwarde. Keanu fires his gun, but like with Skolliam before, the bullets have no effect on Skodwarde. Skodwarde fires a god blast back at Keanu, which also has no effect on him, much to Skodwarde’s shock. This was not good for him.
Painty screams and runs around in circles on the battlefield. Pathulu attacks Patrick, grabbing him with his tentacles. However, instead of devouring him, Pathulu decides to make Patrick an offer even he isn’t stupid enough to refuse. Pathulu is not particularly happy that Skodwarde wiped out his family in Dimension 420 and that he was robbed of his own spin-off show. He also believes he deserves to be the universe’s final endgame villain, especially with all the buildup Jjs gave him for his return only for him to be thrown aside for a cheap joke. What kind of jackass does that!? He promises together they can overthrow Skodwarde and the two would live like kings in their own spin-off. Although the offer sounds tempting, Patrick is having an internal struggle processing it. His subconscious tells him the offer is no good to him if Pathulu will kill all of his friends. Patrick then throws some LSD from his pocket right into Pathulu’s eyes, blinding him. Patrick, using his one brain cell, realizes he’s still in the dream world imagines him wearing the ice cream cone on his head from Hall Monitor (as seen in Skodwarde episode 7a!). Patrick fatally stabs Pathulu with it, as he disintegrates, shocking everyone on the scene. This redeems himself to the fanbase, completing his character arc.
SpongeBob is proud of Patrick, as he gets wailed on by the rabid Spengbab and punched around. As Skodwarde and Keanu continue to duel, both essentially in a stalemate, Skodwarde taunts SpongeBob by telling him he’ll never become a man even with the Goofy Goober. SpongeBob says that’s not true and gets back up, mustering his fighting spirit, and channeling it into the ultimate karate attack. Just as Patrick did, SpongeBob dreams his karate gear to appear. He jumps up and unleashes his full karate fury on Spengbab, slicing him into many pieces. SpongeBob has completed his own character arc too. It’s so heartwarming it brings a tear to even Painty, who says he was always rooting for him. Skodwarde would be more annoyed, but this makes him realize he didn’t need lowly henchmen and Pathulu was going to turncoat on him anyways. He decides to put an end to this circle jerking and prepares to nuke the Season 12 verse. Seeing the two were able to dream up weapons, Keanu asks if they could dream a portal out of here. SpongeBob and Patrick aren’t sure if it’ll work but they think as hard as possible, while Keanu tries to hold off on Skodwarde. The two are able to craft open the portal, but won’t be able to keep it open for long, telling Keanu and Painty to go on without them.
“Goodbye, SpongeBob and Patrick.” Keanu said tearfully, in one of the most legitimate emotional moments of the series, and no, we’re not gonna interrupt it with a joke.
SpongeBob and Patrick wish the two best of luck on their journey and hope they can defeat Skodwarde. Keanu and Painty jump into the portal, which closes behind. SpongeBob and Patrick brace for the end together. Skodwarde then nukes Dimension 0 off the face of reality. The hole in space-time takes Keanu and Painty to the next available dimension it can find. The two exit the portal and find themselves in…Planktopolis. Yep, we’re bringing the movie trilogy full circle.
