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Jjs Goodman
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Posts posted by Jjs Goodman
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Welcome to SBC! I bring you greetings from apple world!
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The game will be coming to PS5 and Xbox Series on October 16th and has received a free update.
New Feature
Photo Mode! Apply one of 19 different filters to enhance your pictures.
New Costumes
- “King Doubloon” for collecting all doubloons is now available.
- “Plush Gary” for unlocking all awards is now available.
Bug Fixes
- Fixed a rare bug where saving stopped working.
- Fixed a bug where the playtime did not pause while on a loading screen.
- Many general bug fixes to improve stability and playability of the game.
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Congratulations to @meko1432 who has the most bubbles and is the master bubble blower of this event!
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7 hours ago, SpongeOddFan said:
screw SB characters
Bubble Mario
You popped 70, giving you 5 bubbles on the board! That was your final turn!
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7 hours ago, SpongeOddFan said:
*blws a bubble to trap jjs inside the bubble*
You made a giraffe, giving you 5 bubbles on the board! That was your final turn!
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Episode X: Squidward's Suicide
(Warning: Disturbing imagery and graphic violence. Viewer discretion is advised.)
SpoilerJjs: To conclude Tales from the Internet, we’re going to the top of the iceberg chart and riffing the most infamous creepypasta of all time. Of course, it’s one that needs no introduction: Squidward’s Suicide (or sometimes known as Red Mist if you're a nerd) is a name that anyone will instantly recognize, even if they somehow haven’t seen SpongeBob. Which sounds impossible but I’m sure there's an unlucky sap out there. Unlike the others, I won’t be giving you the backstory because we’re riffing the backstory! There’s no better way to end this haunting ride. Riffing crew, it’s been an honor to work with you again one last time, so let’s give this our best shot!
Jjs: Including the iconic title card to really set the mood.
OMJ: It’s always the happy ones you would never expect.
WhoBob: Guys, it’s gonna be okayward after what we have been through with these riffs. I’m so honored to be a part of the final riffing theater episode. I just hope I don’t get traumatized after riffing this.
Wumbo: Too bad this didn’t kill me.
Ex: Ending this season of riffs with a true story is a daring prospect. Let’s do this shit.
I just want to start off by saying if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed. There just isn't one.
Jjs: What, are we gonna cut to black-
OMJ: If I wanted to be disappointed, I would much rather get disappointed on my own accord, thank you very much.
WhoBob: Not sure how I feel about being told this has an open ending, will we see potential sequels from it?
Wumbo: 1924?
I was an intern at Nickelodeon Studios for a year in 2005 for my degree in animation.
Jjs: The fact they didn’t say their uncle was an intern at Nickelodeon Studios should confirm the authenticity of this testimony.
OMJ: Oh shit, is this the guy from U-Pick Live who would always run the videotapes to the control room?
WhoBob: I thought we were here to read about Squidward’s suicide, not some intern’s Canon Event.
Ex: Wait, so was I... Did I write this?
It wasn't paid of course, most internships aren't, but it did have some perks beyond education. To adults it might not seem like a big one, but most kids at the time would shit themselves over it.
Jjs: Oh no, is this going to serve as an origin story for the SpongeBob Brazilian Defecation Broadcast too?
OMJ: Then those kids’ parents should’ve probably gotten that checked. Spontaneous soiling of one’s pantaloons is no laughing matter. Which is why all proceeds from my portion of this final riff shall be pledged to the More Than Just Ants In Your Pants Foundation, a charity non-profit dedicated to providing fresh, clean pants to anyone in need at a moment’s notice.
WhoBob: Unpaid interns? Damn, maybe they should strike along with writers and actors atm.
Wumbo: I'm already pissing and shitting and farting all over.
Now, since I worked directly with the editors and animators, I got to view the new episodes days before they aired.
OMJ: Just rub it in my 12-year old face why dontcha.
WhoBob: Why are you telling us that you didn’t even leak the damn episodes for viewers who had to sit through constant delays?
Ex: Showing unpaid interns full episodes before release date? Maybe they should’ve called this story “Financial Suicide” waka waka!
I'll get right to it without giving too many unnecessary details.
Jjs: *Nickelodeon snipers looking on from the distance*
OMJ: Does Pick Boy have to go Homelander on your pickin’ ass?
WhoBob: Yes, please tell us, so we can get to Squidward’s Suicide.
Wumbo: It’s too late for that, Mr. Let Me Explain What an Internship Is.
They had very recently made the SpongeBob movie and the entire staff was somewhat sapped of creativity so it took them longer to start up the season.
Jjs: I guess he didn’t get the memo about who didn’t make the post-movie transition. Or maybe this is an alternate timeline where they all stayed aboard.
OMJ: Maybe this is the alternate timeline where Sandy Cheeks died in a car accident when she is just a younger squirrel.
WhoBob: This is the part where we say they should have ended the run after the movie.
Wumbo: Epic roast of post movie sponged bob!!!
Ex: *mid 2000s voice* Sapped of creativity? Ha, that explains the post-movie era! I am very smart.
But the delay lasted longer for more upsetting reasons. There was a problem with the series 4 premiere that set everyone and everything back for several months.
Jjs: He’s really using “series” like we’re in the UK. Maybe this intern is Br*tish!
OMJ: I’d need a cigarette break if I paused this at the right moment too.
WhoBob: Nick being incompetent in 2005 is the least surprising thing about this story so far.
Wumbo: They HAD to get back those swollen maggie daddies!!
Me and two other interns were in the editing room along with the lead animators and sound editors for the final cut. We received the copy that was supposed to be "Fear of a Krabby Patty" and gathered around the screen to watch.
Jjs:
OMJ:
WhoBob: And you didn’t invite us to it? Shame on you.
Ex: I’m still fascinated by these unpaid intern slumber parties in places like the editing room. It’s like letting 2nd graders review the curriculum for the year, as a treat.
Now, given that it isn't final yet animators often put up a mock title card, sort of an inside joke for us, with phony, often times lewd titles, such as "How sex doesn't work" instead of "Rock-a-bye-Bivalve" when SpongeBob and Patrick adopt a sea scallop.
Jjs: Can confirm that’s how the animation process works.
OMJ: CANCELED
WhoBob: Homophobia in the 00s somehow isn’t too far off from the current climate.
Wumbo: Squid Gets Mauled mystery solved
Ex: I’m trying not to get stunlocked on the worldbuilding details of “Squidward’s Suicide” but that mock title isn’t clever, or even a joke.
Nothing particularly funny but work related chuckles.
OMJ: Some people were just hard to impress back then.
WhoBob:
So when we saw the title card "Squidward's Suicide" we didn't think it more than a morbid joke.
OMJ: It’s morbid time!
Jjs: Now that I think about it, Squidward’s Suicide would make a good early title for Good Neighbors, and the timeline adds up, so maybe he was meant to see an early version of that instead.
WhoBob: Squidward’s security system takes control of Squidward’s body and makes him kill himself.
Wumbo: He just couldn’t seem to get happy.
Ex: Hilarious. Depressed octopi are the backbone to every good joke.
One of the interns did a small throat laugh at it.
Jjs: dahahahaha oh Squidward!
OMJ: The sweet sound of someone desperately trying to keep their internship.
WhoBob: I hope the internship had health insurance to cover for the small throat injury.
Wumbo: I prefer the large esophagus laugh, thanks.
The happy-go-lucky music plays as is normal. The story began with Squidward practicing his clarinet, hitting a few sour notes like normal.
Jjs: Hopefully he doesn’t hit the brown note.
OMJ:
I GET IT NOW
WhoBob: That’s supposed to be normal? Man’s in agony.
We hear SpongeBob laughing outside and Squidward stops, yelling at him to keep it down as he has a concert that night and needs to practice.
Jjs: Concert where, exactly? The Living Without a Brain Seminar?
OMJ: I’ve heard better concerts from a turkey sandwich.
WhoBob:
Wumbo: AAAAALLLL Together!
SpongeBob says okay and goes to see Sandy with Patrick.
WhoBob: Happy to see SpongeBob respecting Squidward’s boundaries. This makes me curious more that what could cause Squidward to end his life?
Wumbo: Clearly he always had an affinity for the lil sausage.
Ex: What a nice square-shaped man. Maybe this story has a happy ending after all!
The bubbles splash screen comes up and we see the ending of Squidward's concert. This is when things began to seem off.
Jjs: If Squidward played his music without anyone plugging their ears, then I agree that’d be my tip off that something certainly seems off.
OMJ: It was already suspect the moment I heard someone actually booked him.
WhoBob: The “off” thing is that he’s gonna off himself.
Wumbo: Maybe his big fucking nose is off center.
While playing, a few frames repeat themselves, but the sound doesn't (at this point sound is synced up with animation, so, yes, that's not common)
Jjs: You know, this know-it-at-all attitude for a job you just started is why some interns don’t get respect.
OMJ: Just get to the part where the guy gets hit in the head with a coconut already.
WhoBob: An actual devastating way for Squidward to kill himself would be hitting his head with a coconut.
but when he stops playing, the sound finishes as if the skip never happened. There is slight murmuring in the crowd before they begin to boo him. Not normal cartoon booing that is common in the show, but you could very clearly hear malice in it.
Jjs: This clearly implies the “BOO YOU STINK!” guy would’ve returned with a vengeance!
OMJ: It’s almost like they went the extra mile to record their own booing in the studio.
WhoBob: If it’s not cartoon booing, then we are in some serious trouble.
Wumbo: As opposed to non-malicious booing.
Ex: Damn, this booing has emotion behind it...almost like it was done by actors or something. This can’t be right.
Squidward's in full frame and looks visibly afraid. The shot goes to the crowd, with SpongeBob in center frame, and he too is booing, very much unlike him.
OMJ: Yeah, he’d just hijack the whole performance by mopping or some other Bugs and Daffy shit.
WhoBob: Very much unlike him, is there a chance SpongeBob got replaced by an AI version of himself?
Wumbo: I AM SPONGETRON.
That isn't the oddest thing, though.
Jjs: The oddest thing is that Squidward still isn’t wearing pants at the concert.
OMJ: The concert hall will ooze GREEN SLIME!
WhoBob: More like black ink. UwU
Wumbo: And that’s how Squidward’s Suicide became Ink Lemonade, transferring Squidward’s desire to kill himself onto us!
What is odd is everyone had hyper realistic eyes. Very detailed. Clearly not shots of real people's eyes, but something a bit more real than CGI. The pupils were red.
Jjs:
OMJ: Sounds like they were ahead of the curve on that AI generated tip
WhoBob: This episode walked, so DALL-E could run.
Ex: What is this magical invention in-between real life and CGI?
Some of us looked at each other, obviously confused, but since we weren't the writers, we didn't question its appeal to children yet.
Jjs: Now this is sounding like an expose documentary of the post-movie era.
OMJ: I mean, kids all have hyper realistic eyes technically, right
WhoBob: #PaulTibbitCancelledParty
Wumbo: Kids these days, into the Tik Toks and Malicious SpongeBobs and glowing red eyes! Hmm, it seems I forgot to write a joke here.
Ex: Surely the adults in the room know that Real-But-Not-Too-Real eyes are all the rage with kids!
The shot goes to Squidward sitting on the edge of his bed, looking very forlorn.
Jjs: Nice one-off vocabulary diversity, we’re going full circle with Spooge Boob!
OMJ: He’s sitting on the edge of the bed to symbolize how he’s currently teetering on the brink. Like reading poetry in motion.
WhoBob: Forget about this subject matter being appealing to kids, who the fuck would think of the word “forlorn?" That’s what I would like to question.
Wumbo: It’s a typo. This episode is actually dedicated to a guy named Lorne. Who’s a freak.
Ex: Nice try intern, but smart words aren’t going to get you a paycheck.
The view out of his porthole window is of a night sky so it isn't very long after the concert. The unsettling part is at this point there is no sound. Literally no sound.
Jjs: I wouldn’t worry, could just be the crew experimenting for their big return. Maybe this was intended to be the Revolution 9 of SpongeBob.
OMJ: I wanna look out of Squidward’s porthole.
WhoBob: Man, even the cricket hated the music to not make a sound.
Wumbo: Not a creature was stirring, not even a sea urchin.
Not even the feedback from the speakers in the room. It's as if the speakers were turned off, though their status showed them working perfectly.
Jjs: But who was flickering the lights?
Wumbo: NOSFERATU!!!
Studio Speakers: Walk out the door and you see interns that you know and they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you’re working perfectly fine and you’re not really working perfectly fine, but you just can’t get into it because they would never understand.
WhoBob: I would like a spin-off episode answering who turned off the speakers.
He just sat there, blinking, in this silence for about 30 seconds, then he started to sob softly.
Jjs: He’s just sitting and sobbing there…menacingly!
OMJ: What a baby.
WhoBob: That’s just a normal Tuesday for Squidward.
Wumbo: And then Hawaiian Cocktail starts to play?
Ex: You watched an animation of this man blinking for 30 seconds, with no sound, and still didn’t question the writers? I guess you know what they say about a frog in a pot of hot water...
He put his hands (tentacles)
Jjs: Thanks for the clarification, here I thought he would be using his testicles or tennis balls instead.
OMJ: Avid hentai viewers know where this is going. It all comes full circle with my hentai crack during Spooge Bob. I’ve completed my arc for this miniseries!
WhoBob: Please stop showing us Squidward’s tentacles, there are children watching this cartoon.
Wumbo: If I'm lucky, he’ll rub them on my art next.
over his eyes and cried quietly for a full minute more, all the while a sound in the background very slowly growing from nothing to barely audible. It sounded like a slight breeze through a forest.
Jjs: Are we gonna bring Mothman into this now?
OMJ: Is that supposed to symbolize Squidward entering the Aokigahara forest in Japan?
WhoBob: Only Logan Paul would know.
Wumbo: Sorry, you must have gotten the footage mixed up with SpongeBob and the Great Wind, another fascinating tale.
The screen slowly begins to zoom in on his face.
Jjs:
OMJ: Nice place Squid’s got here. Nice enough to not throw away after one bad concert experience.
WhoBob: *zooms in* KISSY FACE!!!
Wumbo: On Strike… With SpongeBob… FOREVER?!
Ex: This would make a great emote for my discord server.
By slow I mean it's only noticeable if you look at shots 10 seconds apart side by side.
OMJ: Yeah I’m not gonna do that.
Jjs: With the bizarre studio hijinks and specific use of the number 10, I’m gonna theorize this guy was actually trying to warn us about Nick Studio 10. Nick did it!
WhoBob: I’ll look at shots If you pay me, intern but then again, you don’t get paid to pay me.
Wumbo: Wait, that fucking slow? God, kill me instead.
Ex: Why would I do that? I’m not some unpaid intern.
His sobbing gets louder, more full of hurt and anger.
OMJ:
WhoBob: Me as I continue to read this tale.
Wumbo: SOMEBODY GET THIS MAN SOME ANGRY WHITE BOY MUSIC, STAT
The screen then twitches a bit, as if it twists in on itself, for a split second then back to normal.
Wumbo: Phew!
Ex: Thank heavens, for a second I thought this was going to get scary!
The wind-through-the-trees sound gets slowly louder and more severe, as if a storm is brewing somewhere.
Jjs: This predicted QAnon too? Everything really is connected!
OMJ: Then I wanna drink whatever that storm’s brewing. And a round for Mr. Squidward as well!
WhoBob: Storm from X-Men is coming to this story? I hope she can comfort Squidward.
The eerie part is this sound, and Squidward's sobbing, sounded real, as if the sound wasn't coming from the speakers but as if the speakers were holes the sound was coming through from the other side.
Ex: What?
OMJ: Nickelodeon Studios sounds like a super freaky place to work.
WhoBob: The other side is hell I assume?
Wumbo: HOLES! HOLES!
As good as sound as the studio likes to have, they don't purchase the equipment to be that good to produce sound of that quality.
Jjs: I like how the sound is the guy’s smoking gun that there’s a larger conspiracy at play.
OMJ: So he’s saying they’re cheap. No wonder they’re called “Nickelodeon."
WhoBob: Mr. Krabs must be in charge of the whole studio.
Below the sound of the wind and sobbing, very faint, something sounded like laughing.
Jjs: Probably the aforementioned other intern doing that small throat laugh.
OMJ: dahahahaahaha dahahahahhaha dahahahahhahah! Like that?
WhoBob: That’s Squidward’s sleep paralysis demon laughing.
Wumbo:
It came at odd intervals and never lasted more than a second so you had a hard time pinning it (we watched this show twice, so pardon me if things sound too specific but I've had time to think about them).
Jjs: Despite this footage being allegedly so disturbing and traumatizing, he still came back for sloppy seconds. Keep that in mind.
OMJ: He should’ve just married Squidward’s Suicide at that point.
Ex: Oh yeah? Well I watched SpongeBob more than twice, which makes me more qualified.
WhoBob: Well we aren’t here for your POV, we're here for the suicide.
Wumbo: Yeah, BRING ON THE SUICIDE!
…are we terrible people?
After 30 seconds of this, the screen blurred and twitched violently and something flashed over the screen, as if a single frame was replaced.
WhoBob: The Flash stole a frame from Squidward’s Suicide?
Wumbo:
The lead animation editor paused and rewound frame by frame. What we saw was horrible.
Jjs:
WhoBob: SpongeBob’s Christmas party photo?
Wumbo: That Pokemon rape fantasy fanfic?
It was a still photo of a dead child.
Jjs: Sweet, now we’re doing a Dead Bart crossover!
OMJ: At least it wasn’t a moving photo of a dead child. That would’ve been really horrible.
WhoBob: Is this supposed to be Nick's version of Black Mirror?
Wumbo: They should have gone through with the episode before he died… OF anticipation.
Ex: I completely forgot about this part. The sound I made when I read this line was...like a slight breeze through a forest.
He couldn't have been more than 6. The face was mangled and bloodied, one eye dangling over his upturned face, popped. He was naked down to his underwear,
Wumbo: Props for the slightest amount of restraint, I guess?
his stomach crudely cut open and his entrails laying beside him. He was laying on some pavement that was probably a road.
Jjs: Probably a road but I’ll need to hear the area’s sound composition to be 100% sure.
OMJ: I knew Shallow Grave Road sounded sketch af.
WhoBob: We went from a fictional character’s suicide to an actual child murder real fast.
Wumbo: Forget the fanfic… where’s the road… road… road…
The most upsetting part was that there was a shadow of the photographer.
Jjs: This clearly indicates this is one big clever marketing stunt for Shadow the Hedgehog’s game which would release later that year!
OMJ: At least the pizza ain’t cold!
WhoBob: That’s him, officer.
Ex: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that is absolutely NOT the most upsetting part of that photograph.
There was no crime tape, no evidence tags or markers, and the angle was completely off for a shot designed to be evidence. It would seem the photographer was the person responsible for the child's death.
Wumbo: Or the guy’s just really bad at his job?
WhoBob: Thanks for pointing that out, Intern Obvious!
We were of course mortified, but pressed on, hoping that it was just a sick joke.
Jjs: Well Mr. Funny Man…is this how you get your sick kicks!?
OMJ: What is this, The Boy and The Camera? Where the Cipsneed at?!
WhoBob: AND HE GETS TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER?
Ex: Yeah man, what a joke!
The screen flipped back to Squidward, still sobbing, louder than before, and half body in frame.
Jjs: With the way this is worded, it makes the dead child photo sound like a Family Guy cutaway gag. There’s the only tie-in you’ll get to last year’s theater.
OMJ: I guess obtaining that dead kid photo must’ve cut into the animation budget for Squidwardo.
WhoBob: Where did his other half go?
Wumbo: Yeah, but did it have to be the bottom half?
Ex: Thank heavens, I almost forgot why we were here.
There was now what appeard to be blood running down his face from his eyes.
Jjs: Appeared to be, but could also be ketchup for all we know.
OMJ: What’s this guy talking about? They always do that.
WhoBob: Squidward needs to see an eye doctor.
The blood was also done in a hyper realistic style,
WhoBob: Realistic like them Snyder movies.
looking as if you touched it you'd get blood on your fingers.
WhoBob: I don’t have a bloody eyes fetish, that’s clearly you pal.
Ex: Doesn’t that make it blood? If i’d touch it and get blood on my fingers, that should make it blood. So just call it blood!!!
The wind sounded now as if it were that of a gale blowing through the forest; there were even snapping sounds of branches.
Jjs: Oh snap! Imagine this beautiful vivid artistic imagery!
OMJ: Squidward, watch out! Aokigahara is behind you!
Squidward: And…he’s right behind me, isn’t he?
The laughing, a deep baritone, lasting at longer intervals and coming more frequently.
OMJ:
Wumbo:
After about 20 seconds, the screen again twisted and showed a single frame photo.
Jjs: This intern honestly should’ve become a true crime detective. A true jack of all trades: Analyzing sounds, shadows and keeping precise counts of time. He's wasting his talents at Nickelodeon!
WhoBob: He’s more like an epitome of hardcore fans who overanalyze everything.
Wumbo: Hey. HEY! Using those feet pics infringes on my copyright!
Ex: AND WHAT THE HELL IS ON JOEY’S HEAD?
The editor was reluctant to go back, we all were, but he knew he had to.
Squidward: Hurry up with those disturbing photos, SpongeBob. It's after closing and I'd like to go home!
OMJ: What is this, Sinister? Where Bughuul at?!
WhoBob: Maybe just go back to Squidward’s Suicide?
Wumbo: Or you could just… turn it off! Story over? Please?
This time the photo was that of what appeared to be a little girl, no older than the first child. She was laying on her stomach, her barrettes in a pool of blood next to her. Her left eye was too popped out and popped,
Wumbo: Too popped out I get, you gotta add in the drama, but POPPED as well?! Oh no, now you’ve gone too far mister!
naked except for underpants.
Wumbo: Again, I guess there’s literally one way this could be worse.
Her entrails were piled on top of her above another crude cut along her back. Again the body was on the street and the photographer's shadow was visible, very similar in size and shape to the first.
Jjs: The intern’s about to go on a Pepe Silvia tangent analyzing this mysterious shadow and tying together subtly hidden clues from past episodes toward the photographer's identity.
OMJ: This is either the worst or greatest serial killer of our time. Gutting a little girl on a public street like that and taking obviously incriminating photos. There can’t be no in-betweens.
WhoBob: I, for one, would like to know what the murderer was cooking by putting those pictures on a cartoon cuz he’s really making us not focus on the actual plot.
Ex: I forgot how much this story sucks.
I had to choke back vomit and one intern, the only female in the room, ran out. The show resumed.
Jjs: I’m just glad the story had one woman to meet the diversity quota. Two if you count the dead girl.
WhoBob: The dead girl sadly fell into the Women in Refrigerators trope.
OMJ:
About 5 seconds after this second photo played, Squidward went silent, as did all sound, like it was when this scene started.
Wumbo: Yes, please, a moment of silence for the death of subtlety and good taste.
He put his tentacles down and his eyes were now done in hyper realism like the others were in the beginning of this episode. They were bleeding, bloodshot, and pulsating.
Jjs:
OMJ: I’ve got some ClearEyes for that.
WhoBob: I wonder if this scene is as gruesome as people think the toenail scene is.
He just stared at the screen, as if watching the viewer.
WhoBob: No time to do a meta joke, Squidward. You are in agony.
Wumbo: Hi Squidward!
After about 10 seconds, he started sobbing, this time not covering his eyes. The sound was piercing and loud, and most fear inducing of all is his sobbing was mixed with screams.
Jjs: This my friends was the original Squidward Torture Porn. Enter would’ve had a stroke.
OMJ: But where’s the wind blowing through the forest sounds in all of this?
WhoBob: He’s got nothing on him.
Ex: Squidward would never do this.
Tears and blood were dripping down his face at a heavy rate. The wind sound came back,
OMJ: Now that’s what I’m talking about!
WhoBob:
and so did the deep voiced laughing, and this time the still photo lasted for a good 5 frames.
Jjs: You know the detective intern here was getting off on the thought of counting those frames.
OMJ: Yay, more child torture
WhoBob: Maybe he should have called this story Child Torture Porn, wait a min…
The animator was able to stop it on the 4th and backed up. This time the photo was of a boy, about the same age, but this time the scene was different. The entrails were just being pulled out from a stomach wound by a large hand, the right eye popped and dangling, blood trickling down it. The animator proceeded.
Jjs: You’d think they would have gotten the point by now. Unless the animator is in on this and fucking with the guy, which I choose to headcanon.
OMJ: oh boy, a hand! And a large one at that! Why, that narrows things down ever so slightly!
WhoBob: Another child murderer be like:
Wumbo: Is this Squidward’s concert footage? No wonder he was getting booed!
It was hard to believe, but the next one was different
OMJ: Anything to break away from the repetitive child deaths.
WhoBob: This time it’s animal murder ah ah ah.
but we couldn't tell what. He went on to the next, same thing. He want back to the first and played them quicker and I lost it.
Jjs: I’d “want back” to the first season too if this was my intro to Season 4.
OMJ: Well I hope you found it since then.
WhoBob: Again, I thought this was a tale about Squidward’s suicide?
I vomited on the floor,
OMJ: Get a hold of yourself, man! *slaps*
WhoBob: If I were the intern, I would just kill myself like Squidward was supposed to do in this tale.
Wumbo: MOMS SPAGHETTI
the animating and sound editors gasping at the screen. The 5 frames were not as if they were 5 different photos, they were played out as if they were frames from a video.
Jjs: AH HA! Everything is so clear now…
OMJ:
WhoBob: Man, is it too late to back down on this riff?
Wumbo: CRANK. THOSE. ENTRAILS!
We saw the hand slowly lift out the guts, we saw the kid's eyes focus on it, we even saw two frames of the kid beginning to blink.
Jjs: Blink twice to indicate you’re on a road.
OMJ: This must be the chillest kid in all of mankind. Inoculations must be a breeze to this real champ.
Wumbo: Dissociation is a hell of a drug.
WhoBob:
The lead sound editor told us to stop, he had to call in the creator to see this. Mr. Hillenburg arrived within about 15 minutes.
Jjs: I assume our true crime hero was also anxiously counting down the seconds and minutes.
OMJ:
WhoBob: Hillenburg is coming to save SpongeBob from going downhill… I mean child death footage? Count me in!
Wumbo: This is worse than the time they didnt play sponge bob song at super bowl
Ex: I’m imagining he had to fly in on a helicopter over this urgent matter.
He was confused as to why he was called down there, so the editor just continued the episode.
Jjs: I guess “for some reason an episode turned into a horror movie with possible ties to real murders” would’ve been too much to elaborate over the phone.
OMJ: Did they make sure to record his reaction too?
Donald Trump: STOP THE EPISODE!!!
Ex: “WHY AM I HERE- are those hyper realistic eyes?!”
Once the few frames were shown, all screaming, all sound again stopped. Squidward was just staring at the viewer, full frame of the face, for about 3 seconds. The shot quickly panned out and that deep voice said "DO IT" and we see in Squidward's hands a shotgun.
Jjs: The deep voice was Palpatine, I knew it! Revenge of the Sith was also released in 2005, everything's coming together! Maybe.
OMJ: No, Squidward. Don’t. Stop. Think of all the sea ants in your cupboard you’ll be leaving behind.
WhoBob:
Wumbo:
He immediately puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Realistic blood and brain matter splatters the wall behind him, and his bed, and he flies back with the force.
Jjs:
OMJ: At that angle, from that range, I don’t think his body will be sent flying back.
WhoBob: I see the force was strong with him.
Wumbo: “his testicles quivering in the air”
The last 5 seconds of this episode show his body on the bed, on his side, one eye dangling on what's left of his head above the floor, staring blankly at it. Then the episode ends.
Jjs:
WhoBob: It’s over? That felt anticlimactic after all the dead kid footage.
Wumbo: That’s it? That’s the episode? THAT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF CHEAP SHOCK CYCLES!!
Ex: What’s with all of the dangling eyeballs?
Mr. Hillenburg is obviously angry at this.
Ex: Obviously.
Jjs: Don’t worry, Nick will find worse ways to disrespect your legacy!
OMJ: If he weren’t, that’d be the first genuine scare I’d get from reading this.
WhoBob: He’s disappointed Paul Tibbit shat the bed so badly with post-movie.
Wumbo: “I wanted the shots of the dead children to last LONGER, damn it!”
He demanded to know what the hell was going on.
Jjs: Hillenburg was really too pure for this world.
WhoBob: Don’t worry Hillenburg, even I too was struggling with this tale.
Wumbo: “God this episode makes me so MAD I just want to STAB A CHILD and drag out his ENTRAILS BIT BY BIT”
Most people left the room at this point, so it was just a handful of us to watch it again.
Jjs: You’d think Nick would have ordered the cursed tape destroyed on the spot instead of allowing people to watch it again. But it tracks with the company’s competence, so that’s another thing the brave intern was right on the money about!
OMJ: At least they’re being considerate by showing him all the child deaths he missed out on.
WhoBob: The crew’s mind works like this.
Wumbo: One more time… with FEELING!
Viewing the episode twice only served to imprint the entirety of it in my mind and cause me horrible nightmares. I'm sorry I stayed.
Jjs: It’s okay guys, he said he’s sorry!
OMJ: I don’t forgive you. Live with the consequences of your own actions.
Wumbo: We’re all sorry too.
WhoBob:
The only theory we could think of was the file was edited by someone in the chain from the drawing studio to here.
Wumbo: Probably a fast food chain. Like McDonald’s! Greasy fuckers.
The CTO was called in to analyze when it happened.
Jjs: This shit is so serious the CTO had to be called in. What’s even spookier is I’m unable to find any of Nick’s CTOs on a google search.
OMJ: But that’s just a theory, A NICK THEORY!
WhoBob:
The analysis of the file did show it was edited over by new material. However, the timestamp of it was a mere 24 seconds before we began viewing it.
Jjs: You know what's creepier than 24?
OMJ: Did they come to that conclusion by just bashing a desktop computer onto the file?
WhoBob: We have technology. *smashes my head with computer*
Ex: Wait, so Squidward’s Suicide is magic? I’m trying to keep up so I can ace the quiz.
All equipment involved was examined for foreign software and hardware
OMJ: Yeah, we’re onto you, Canada!
WhoBob: This is a classic USA tactic, blaming other countries for their own shit.
Wumbo: CHI NAAAA
Ex: Oh, my mistake, it’s not magic. It’s Russian collusion.
as well as glitches, as if the time stamp may have glitched and showed the wrong time, but everything checked out fine.
OMJ: Well that’s it. Cleared for air then.
WhoBob: I ain’t convinced.
Ex: Never mind, back to magic.
We don't know what happened and to this day nobody does.
Jjs: Must have made for fun water cooler talk later on.
OMJ: Does this include the janitor? I think he would’ve provided the most useful insight.
WhoBob: My theory is that the janitor did the crime.
Wumbo: What happened is you were a 14 year old edgelord and nobody told you “no."
There was an investigation due to the nature of the photos, but nothing came of it.
OMJ: Of course. The most realistic thing about this creepy pasta.
WhoBob: So this is the open ending the writer was talking about and welp, I’m underwhelmed.
Wumbo: “We then discovered the corpse of a shadowy photographer”
No child seen was identified and no clues were gathered from the data involved nor physical clues in the photos.
Jjs: This looks like a job for the combined powers of Nexpo, blameitonjorge, Nick Crowley and all the other mystery YouTubers!
OMJ: I guess there’s just too many people with large hands in the world to pin it down on just one.
WhoBob: Looks like this was a big old waste of time. Should have just examined Squidward’s Suicide instead.
Wumbo: This shit is just dumb. You’re going to hit us with all this bullshit and not even attempt any sort of an ending? Fuck off.
I never believed in unexplainable phenomena before, but now that I have something happen and can't prove anything about it beyond anecdotal evidence, I think twice about things.
Jjs: At least the internship paid well. My conclusion: Nosferatu did it. I have no other words to describe this legendary tale other than I’m glad SpongeBob in RandomLand forever immortalized it. I hope whoever wrote the creepypasta is enjoying the royalties and fame. Ironically they ended up being the most successful author of this bunch. Was there a greater meaning to this? Probably not, but who knows?
Thanks to all who helped celebrate the theater’s 10th anniversary and final swan song with these hilariously creepy hijinks. It was fun to go back to JRT's roots without a pretentious angle, since I don't want to view myself as a serious writing critic anymore. Despite the morbid vibe of this edition, in the end it was simply friends having fun with shitposts from around the web. I viewed this miniseries as a nice “greatest hits” tribute to SBC’s history with the variety of interests we covered; the Sonic Generations of SBC indeed. Although I do apologize for the pandora’s boxes I may have opened with some of these stories. With that, I’m content putting the cap on my riffing theater for good. It was nice to bring it back for a trilogy of post-game DLCs, as I saw these past three editions, but I don’t have any ideas that many people would be interested in and don't wanna milk it forever. While this theater may be in my name, it’s really the community that made it work and this is the best damn crew I could’ve asked for. But if anyone wants to make their own theaters with creative ideas to continue the legacy, I’ll gladly approve. Maybe there’s another John Wick of riffing out there, waiting for their time to shine. See you, space cowboys and ya Better Call Jjs! Also, special thanks to Ex who gave me the idea for the original theater all those years ago.
OMJ: Maybe whoever edited Squid baby over Red Mist Squidward in RandomLand was the one behind it all. Wouldn’t that be a true full circle moment to send this theater out on.
It was a hell of a run while it lasted! I hope that the work I put in with this miniseries helps to make up for my abrupt exit during the Family Guy riffs.
WhoBob: Before I start to talk about my experience with Riffing Theater, I would just like to say this really took me out of it. What I expected was an actual suicide of the beloved character, it was mostly about a child murder mystery in Nick Studios. A really disturbing one at that. I’ll say that the tale did a good job of making me feel uneasy about writing my riffs. That was an actual disturbing creepypasta and while I did the best I could to riff it to shreds, that’s nearly 3 hours I’ll never get back but that’s okay cuz riffing is all about the community. And boy I had a blast contributing to it with others. I wasn’t there for the original riffing and I didn’t have much knowledge on Nostalgia Critic/Channel Awesome to do work on it but starting from Family Guy riffs to doing the last Riffing Theater mini, riffing fanfics, especially doing the final tale, I feel honored to be part of this team. I couldn’t have a better job riffing content without you guys’ help. I really appreciate it. Until next time, bye. And don’t be a child murdering photographer!
Wumbo: Austin Layers
Ex: It’s an honor to be able to say goodbye to Riffing Theater with you all. As someone who was there for its inception, this makes me emotional! I love that I was given this opportunity and to be here with all of my lovely co-hosts. Also, this fic fucking sucks. It’s not funny-bad, it’s not Dipper Taco Bell shock levels where it's just eliciting a reaction, it’s just a poor taste mess. I will stop there, however, as I really don’t want to be known as a guy mad at Squidward’s Suicide in 2023. Goodnight, folks!
The End
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4
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8 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: It takes REAL talent to blow bubbles without a bubble wand!
You made Bubble Buddy, giving you 100 dbs! That was your final turn!
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8 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: I think the GIF speaks for itself.
You popped 10, giving you 100 dbs! That was your final turn!
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Friday, September 1st:
7:00pm EST: [3rd] Cards Against Humanity
8:00pm EST: [3rd] Turntable Party
Whoever wins CAH will receive 1,000 doubloons, 300 experience points and 20 bubbles.
Several prizes will be raffled off at turntable.
Edit: Congrats to dman who won CAH and those who won raffle prizes!
This will be the final day of Bubble Festival.
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13 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: I think this must be some kind of magic bubble, because I've never seen a bubble like THIS in real life!
You made a pie, giving you 300 dbs! Try again in 11 hours, which will be your final turn!
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13 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: Glinda making bubble popping look as BEAUTIFUL as it possibly can!
You popped 40 bubbles, giving you 400 dbs! Try again in 11 hours, which will be your final turn!
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16 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: Does popping a bubble gum bubble count as popping a regular bubble?
You popped 20, giving you 200 dbs! Try again in 8 hours!
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16 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: Even Barack Obama knows how to "Bring It Around Town".
You made a boatmobile, giving you 20 exp! Try again in 8 hours!
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Monday, August 28th:
7:00pm EST: [2nd] Jackbox: Fibbage
Whoever wins will receive 1,000 doubloons, 300 experience points and 20 bubbles.
Edit: Congrats to dman who won!
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12 hours ago, That Excited SpongeKid said:
Bring it around town
You made a boatmobile, giving you 300 dbs! Try again in 12 hours!
12 hours ago, meko1432 said:Bring it around town
You made a hippo, giving you 5 bubbles on the scoreboard! Try again in 12 hours!
8 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: I'm going to blow some birthday bubbles!
You made a giraffe, giving you 20 exp! Try again in 16 hours!
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12 hours ago, That Excited SpongeKid said:
Pop the bubble
You popped 70, giving you 5 bubbles on the scoreboard! Try again in 12 hours!
12 hours ago, meko1432 said:POP THE BUBBLE
You popped 20, giving you 200 dbs! Try again in 12 hours!
8 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: What I wonder is, how is it scientifically POSSIBLE to pop a bubble, underwater?
You popped 20, giving you 200 dbs! Try again in 16 hours!
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4 hours ago, SpongeOddFan said:
ok idk wha to blow anymore
You made SpongeBob, giving you 5 bubbles! Try again in 20 hours!
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4 hours ago, SpongeOddFan said:
pop
You popped 60 bubbles, giving you a Bubble Wand! Try again in 20 hours!
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Saturday, August 26th:
7:00pm EST: [2nd] Discord Activity: Gartic Phone
8:00pm EST: SpongeCraft Frontiers Building Party
Whoever wins Gartic Phone will receive 1,000 doubloons, 300 experience points and 20 bubbles on the scoreboard.
Whoever wins the SpongeCraft Frontiers building party will receive 1,000 doubloons, 300 experience points and 20 bubbles on the scoreboard.
Edit: Congrats to DG who won both!
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It's all about the technique!
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22 hours ago, That Excited SpongeKid said:
Pop the bubble
You popped 20 bubbles, giving you 200 dbs! Try again in 2 hours!
11 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: I wonder when they're going to get to "Bubble Season?"
You missed, making you lose a bubble on the scoreboard! Try again in 13 hours!
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22 hours ago, That Excited SpongeKid said:
Bring it around town
You made a pie, giving you 400 dbs! Try again in 2 hours!
11 hours ago, 4EverGreen said: Not the kind of bubbles I was going for, but I'll take it!
You made Patrick, giving you 100 dbs! Try again in 13 hours!
October and November 2023 Premieres
in Bikini Bottom
Posted
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Monday, October 30th:
5:00pm EST: Allergy Attack! (292B): After cooking his kazillionth Krabby Patty, SpongeBob believes he's developed an allergy to them.
Tuesday, October 31st:
5:00pm EST: Big Top Flop (293A): When the circus comes to town and steals his customers away, Mr. Krabs tries to sabotage the show.
Wednesday, November 1st:
5:00pm EST: Sandy, Help Us! (293B): Sandy spends the day solving everyone's issues, only to return home to her own monster of a problem. (Season 13 Finale)
Thursday, November 2nd:
5:00pm EST: Single Celled Defense (294A): Sick of being stepped on, Plankton learns self-defense from Sandy. (Season 14 Premiere)