Clappy

February 15, 2019

Happy Death Day 2U

Both this and the original are great.

February 15, 2019

I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner to be honest. I mean it took ten years for Rugrats to get a spinoff of some sort. It took twenty for any sort of news regarding any for SpongeBob.

Look it’s easy to point how stupid that Marvel Universe comparison is. They should have never made it in the first place because the two are absolutely incomparable. But do I think it is possible for spin-offs to happen? Of course. We have a crap ton of ideas that have been made in this site’s extended history for over ten years that proves otherwise. Just because the characters are the way they are now doesn’t mean they can’t be established on or even more finely tuned on for a spin-off. That’s the thing about spin-offs for any show. They take established characters and put them in new environments where they evolve even more.

My main concern about this news though is the timing. This getting announced only a few months after the passing of Stephen Hillenburg just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Not once in that article did I see Brian Robbins announce if Stephen Hillenburg ever even wanted this to happen in the first place. I doubt Hillenburg wanted this to happen. I don’t know for a fact, but my guess is if Hillenburg wanted spin-offs, we would have definitely gotten them by now. This just seems like a massive cash grab in a last ditch effort to make Nickelodeon relevant again. Just like all of the other announcements in that article. I get Brian Robbins endgame here. He’s been a company guy all the way back to when I first started watching Nickelodeon as a 90s kid (I recognize his producer credits for All That). But making spin-offs of someone else’s property, a recently deceased one at that, just comes off as graverobbing to me. And that’s my biggest problem with this.

Who knows if spin-offs of their most established property will work for Nickelodeon/Viacom? Television channels in general are decreasing in viewership year over year. Streaming is the present and the future. One thing is for certain though with this announcement. I won’t be watching, but I will tune in for more news because I am curious as to see exactly what ideas they will use and I’ll look at our spin-off section and archives and see if we did it better.

February 13, 2019

On 1/22/2019 at 12:21 PM, Emma Stone said:

What were the Best Picture nominations that you liked?

You’ll find out in the next day or two. :funny:

On 1/22/2019 at 1:27 PM, E.V.I.L. said:

Yyyyyyy did Michael come back and try to save her I have a feeling this is gonna fuck up the plan

Also eleanor bein yhe only one to pass the test I'm shook???

At least you won’t be heartbroken (yet) like I was after the season three finale.

February 13, 2019

I’m kind of surprised that this isn’t doing well. But then I thought about it. Warner Brothers oversaturated the market with animated lego movies. Three in two years is almost overkill. Yeah Marvel is makes multiple per year but that’s different since they at least tend to vary themselves per movie. Each LEGO movie has the same brand of humor and storytelling. Including this one.

All that being said, I can’t help myself. I still really enjoy these movies even if it’s the same formula over and over again. Yet, I do think this is a fall off from the first movie for sure. The only thing I think this movie did better than the first is the animation. I was wowed by how much better it got over the first, especially with Queen Watever Wra’Nabi. What they did with her throughout this movie was impressive.

Everything else though, wasn’t awesome. Still really good. The humor was really funny per usual, but there were a lot of jokes that bombed this time around, and some of those bomb jokes prolonged themselves at times, making me wish they would just move on from them. I loved the moral about the brother and the sister since it hit hard with me due to my childhood upbringing. I did not see the huge twist coming, it worked. And I didn’t realize how much I missed animated movies having regular musical numbers. Granted not all of them were good, nor were as good as “Everything Is Awesome”. The ones that were good though were amazing in their own right. Especially “Catchy Song”. I fucking loved that one the most. It hasn’t left my head since Monday night.

Yeah, just a really good movie. I hope we keep getting more LEGO movies in the future, but they definitely need to freshen things up a bit to keep this franchise going. Hopefully more involvement from Lord and Miller, please? Even though they only had a writing credit this time around, their impact definitely left a mark and they are on fire right now.

8/10

February 13, 2019

I'm blue da ba dee da ba daa

...yeah I went from having next to no interest in seeing this to what in the blue hell were they actually thinking doing this, okay now I’m morbidly curious.

February 13, 2019

This trailer is chalk full of excellent animated sequences. From turning the waves of the ocean into ice and especially that sequence with Elsa and Olaf in the smoky pink heart. Super impressed already.

And I still love the original movie even with a really weak third act, so damn right I’m excited for this.

February 4, 2019

We did get Travis Scott with a SpongeBob reference during the halftime show:

February 1, 2019

And in the Fast & Furious spin-off, our heroes have to deal with a superhuman who is bulletproof. Anyone remember when these movies were about stealing VHS players? That feels like so long ago with how over the top ridiculous these movies are becoming. Does that mean the ninth movie will be about Vin Diesel and company driving cars into space?

January 26, 2019

Love this show. Unfortunately haven’t gotten a chance to check out Season 4 yet on Netflix and I know Season 5 is currently airing here stateside.

Daniel Levy is easily my favorite actor in this talented cast. His comedic timing is perfect and he also writes some of the scripts so he’s clearly learned a lot from his father. He’s got a bright future.

January 22, 2019

https://variety.com/2019/film/news/oscar-nominations-2019-list-1203112405/

Oscar nominations are out. Some brief thoughts:

-Weakest Best Picture field over the past few years. I only liked four of the eight nominees. But even removing my own personal opinion, these nominees are not a good representation as to how strong of a year 2018 was for movies.

-While I know there was practically no chance that it would happen, I’m still disappointed Michael B. Jordan didn’t get recognized for Black Panther.

-Toni Collette got snubbed very hard for Best Actress for her performance in Hereditary

-Won’t You Be My Neighbor? also got snubbed hard for Best Documentary. Very surprised at that in particular since it was both a critical and financial success. A rare combo for a documentary in this day and age.

-Bradley Cooper got snubbed for Best Director.

-Even with Toni Collette not being nominated, the Best Actress category is going to be interesting to watch because outside of Melissa McCarthy, I can see any one of the other four actresses winning.

-While I have more insight about how I feel about these nominees, I’d like to rap this up with something I started off my thoughts with. I feel like the movie studios pushed the wrong candidates for awards season. Some examples:

-20th Century Fox pushing Bohemian Rhapsody over Widows

-Universal Studios pushing Green Book over First Man

-Annapurna pushing Vice over If Beale Street Could Talk

Removing my own input on these movies, some of these choices being pushed over others is very head-scratching. It felt much more like studios had their own agenda in mind when there was far better quality out there that was successful both critically and financially in their own right. Like I said before, not a good representation as to how strong of a year 2018 really was for the film industry.

January 22, 2019

On 1/15/2019 at 3:56 PM, E.V.I.L. said:

I finished season 2... no spoilers:0000

I definitely fall under the "I usually initiate" end but I hVe a feeling that has little to do with me and more to do with me just being more extroverted and needy lol

Are you friends with your fiancee's feiends?

Your thoughts on the Season 2 twist, then? :smirk:

And my fiancé has only a few select friends since she had to cut out some bad friends towards her a few years ago. For real, those other friends used her a lot and she didn’t like that. She has like maybe three (maybe four if you count my sister) true friends left.

On 1/15/2019 at 4:22 PM, Katniss said:

Have you seen the B99 season premiere yet?

I’ve seen that and the new one last week with young Hitchcock and Scully.

January 22, 2019

So yeah. This movie was not good. Very disappointed by that because the potential was definitely there. I like Split and I love Unbreakable, so that probably played a huge part in my disappointment.

My major problem is mostly with Shyamalan. His attempt at world building is very forced. How he ties both movies together is heavily strained and it just leads to more questions from me than answers. Also bringing into question pretty much some of the character traits that were brought up in Split and how they come into play here because of what Shyamalan is trying to do. This really need more rewrites or another screenwriter to balance it all out more.

And then we get to Shyamalan’s directing. To put it nicely, he’s not good at directing action scenes and it shows. It showed in The Last Airbender and After Earth too, but those were easily his worst movies and I thought that now that Shyamalan has rebuilt his credibility a bit, that it would prove to be just a fluke. But nope, he just can’t direct action scenes well, at all.

One last thing. The characters. James McAvoy is still the best part hands down. That was a given. My problem is with the rest of the characters. David Dunn is a super flat character this time around with next to nothing to do except be the hero. Which sucks because you’d expect him to evolve his character more. Elijah Glass is barely in this movie (probably 15-20 minutes at least). And I was not a fan of any of the new characters in this. They are all either uninteresting, underdeveloped, or just flat out bad. I could care less about any of them.

3.5...maybe a 4/10 and a lot of that goes to James McAvoy being so great. This was very messy, but hey the anticipation was there for me to see this, so I’m glad I saw it if that means anything. Never seeing it again though.

January 20, 2019

Still one of my favorite YT videos of all time. Mine was 1/10 of the reaction of this kid when I got the system for Christmas.

January 17, 2019

Plot: The goal of President Donald Trump's new branch is 'to defend satellites from attack' and 'perform other space-related tasks...or something'. This is the story of the men and women who have to figure it out.

Announced yesterday. It's being made by the guys who made The Office. And returning to sitcom comedy, it will star Steve Carell!

I, for one, think this will be the best Netflix original series idea in a long time and my anticipation is through the roof.

January 16, 2019

Lets talk about the unexpected teaser that took everyone by surprise today. Apparently Sony and director Jason Reitman have been planning on this in secret for nearly the last year.

Honestly, Sony just needs to stop. I don’t care whether they reunite the OG team or cast all younger actors to be their kids or if they have another Ghostbusters crew meeting the 2016 ladies. I just want them to leave this franchise alone. Especially after the stupid internet controversy from three years ago.

January 15, 2019

I just felt like this is the first time in three years where I felt Todd was genuinely passionate about all ten of his songs and stood up for them?

January 15, 2019

On 1/13/2019 at 9:41 AM, E.V.I.L. said:

LOL u right, I guess I was referring to the "main" twist that they were really in the Bad Place all along? Michael's laugh after that was revealed gave me such chills?

Also when you hang with friends, are you generally the initiator or do other people tend to invite you?

How far into the show are you because the second main twist is just as big of a shocker as the first?

As for the friends thing, I would like to think that it’s equal in terms of me initiating as well as my friends. For me when I initiate, it’s whenever I want to actually do something but not alone or with my fiancé. :Laugh:

On 1/13/2019 at 12:43 PM, Katniss said:

Mark is cancelled because he put Bad at Love on his worst list? I swear he has a hate boner for Halsey lmao

Yeah that was by far the worst choice amongst him and Todd since they are the only music related lists I watch. Like amongst all the shit from this year, that’s the song you think is one of the ten worst of the year? Get outta here Mark.

January 15, 2019

This was a tough one to write this year more so than ever. Why? Because I can’t really complain about this year.

It was actually pretty good for the most part. I had to really stretch to find bad movies that were even worth talking about. Take the example listed above in this preamble? Was Venom really that bad? I mean it was bad, but it was pretty fucking funny at times. I hate what Venom represents more than anything else because Sony is trying so hard to keep Spider-Man universe character rights so they are building a forced universe just to do that. But that's besides the point of this preamble.

2018 was a vast improvement in terms of my cinema going experience. Honestly a majority of the worst list worthy movies from this year solely came from streaming services...mostly Netflix. Which is why I'm making a sub entry for this in the next week or two, stay tuned for that. But yeah, 2018. Major improvement over 2017. Let's hope the quality stays on the right track.

That doesn't mean I didn't see some bad movies this year. That goes without question. Want to see what this tasteless idiot sat through this year? Sit down and let's find out!

Dishonorable Mentions:

Spoiler

The Predator (2018)

Of course it’s easy to talk about where it all went wrong publically for this movie. Hiring a known sexual predator to be a part of your movie with a woman who is very vocally strong about the #MeToo movement. And yeah, Shane Black fucked up big time by not doing his research. But if we look at the movie itself, it was just awful period. Shane Black is excellent at implementing comedy into action movies, he’s done it well in the past. I’m just shocked that nothing about this movie worked the slightest bit. Hell, The Predator itself is just a butt ugly movie to look at.

Peppermint

I’m surprised this wasn’t a better movie. There is a market out there for a female-led action movie that is super similar to the Taken franchise. Jennifer Garner use to be a great action heroine back in her prime. But as I sat there and watched this, it’s clear to me now that Jennifer Garner just isn’t trying anymore. I think she is perfectly fine collecting paychecks for her Capital One commercials and being a mother. It just pisses me off to know that she is capable of being a good actress again but just doesn’t want to try.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

I liked the first two just fine. And the third one’s animation is equally as lively as the others…too bad the story is absolute utter garbage enough to end up on this list. Please end this franchise before it gets any worse.

The Nun

I get what Warner Brothers is trying to do here. Making cinematic universes is all the rage these days. Making one specifically about The Conjuring movies makes sense since it’s easily the most original horror movie franchise of the 2010s. And The Nun is the most terrifying part of those movies so let’s give her her own movie.

The Nun exemplifies why I’m absolutely done with jump scares as they are utilized in modern horror movies.

The Nutcracker and The Four Realms

Don’t act like you didn’t forget this existed before I mentioned it. It felt like everyone involved took a giant collective shrug while making this because Disney adapting classic material is making them a shit ton of money right now, so why not The Nutcracker? This was Disney’s one true misfire this year and while it was tempting to placing this on the list proper, I just don’t care enough to really hate it. Just like Disney didn’t care enough to really make a good Nutcracker movie. Next.

Once Upon a Deadpool

Look I like Deadpool 2 fine enough. Not enough to make my best list or honorable mentions this year, but it was fine. Rereleasing the same movie in the same year, months apart from each other though is infuriating. I get it was for a good cause and that’s the only thing keeping this from placing this on the worst list proper. But neutering Deadpool to a PG-13 rating with a forced marketing gimmick of re-enacting The Princess Bride between Fred Savage and Deadpool though was pushing it for me. I don’t know if this was Fox’s idea to make extra money because the studio is clearly in need of every last cent they can get or if it was Disney’s idea to test the market to see if they should try to force future Deadpool movies to be PG-13. It’s a flat out “NO” across the board.

Peter Rabbit

It sure is easy to forget that this came out this year. Furthering the proof that James Corden is not funny. Seriously, am I missing the appeal of this guy?

Show Dogs

Should be on the list proper because it’s another awful family movie with talking animals. That alone is a subgenre that has long worn out its welcome. But unlike, say Nine Lives, it’s inoffensive boring garbage that doesn’t outright piss me off enough to warrant a place on here.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

I don’t know who to blame for this awful sequel. Warner Brothers for trying to make as much money off of anything Harry Potter related? J.K. Rowling for being the sole screenwriter? The blame is equally shared by both for me. And here’s the thing. The first movie was not that bad. It wasn’t good, but it was perfectly forgettable. This was the movie that made me give the middle finger to whatever is going to happen with this franchise. I don’t give a fuck. This movie is a spectacular trainwreck.

Welcome to Marwen

Consider this my honorary number eleven for this list. This is the sort of awards bait disasters that flat out piss me off. Trying to tell a heartwarming tale about someone who suffers from a serious issue (PTSD) but just falls flat on its face for being an absolutely incompetent movie. Robert Zemeckis has been making movies long enough to know better than this. But modern day Robert Zemeckis focuses way too much on trying to make stand out visuals and that was the main catch with this movie. These dolls that Zemeckis animates of all the empowering women in Carell’s characters life are butt ugly. But they play such a key component to this movie that it takes away from the story itself. The only thing saving this from being on the list proper is Steve Carell put on a great performance. I almost want to say nominate him for Best Actor for carrying an absolutely shitty movie.

CLAPPY'S TOP TEN WORST FILMS OF 2018

Spoiler

It really pains me to place a director I actually think has huge potential on this list. Practically everything Ava DuVernay has made, I really like. And hell, the visuals from this movie are really good too. But man…where do I even start with how much this does not work.

10. A Wrinkle In Time

For starters, can we please stop trying to adapt this book into a movie? How many times have they failed now? Two? Three? Some stories just don’t translate into full length motion pictures and this is one of them.

I think the problem this movie mostly suffers from is that it has no real identity. Admittedly, the visuals are really good and I can definitely appreciate some of the acting. But I just feel like the focus of this was just all around befuddled and confusing. This is one of the few movies on this list that I’ve tried watching multiple times to better understand it and not once do I get any sort of idea as to what they were trying to go for. Female empowerment? Holding on to your childhood? The children are the future? I get hints of all that, but nothing that fully capitalizes on its attempt at being a statement.

What we get is just a head scratching mess. We get a huge amount of emphasis that the three Sisters here are all going to play such huge crucial roles in this movie. They don’t. Honestly, they are just plot devices more than anything else. The pacing is all over the place. At one point we try to understand our main lead’s backstory a bit only to jump to a different dimension and then we try to learn more about her little brother, only to go do something else quickly before we can establish their bond. This movie just seems to feel so disconnected from being human to a fault.

At the end of the day, the best comparison I can give this too is another big budgeted Disney flop, 2015’s “Tomorrowland”. Recognizable directors, big named superstar leads, adapted off a well known property, visually stunning budgets, messy screenplays. And while the former was at least mediocre at best, it had a clear message. This is just an over-budgeted Hallmark movie that has no idea who it’s for.

Spoiler

Look I love this franchise to death. But I don’t know how many more shitty sequels I can sit through.

9. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

I’ve given this movie the nickname Fallen Kingdumb for a reason. This is seriously one of the stupidest movies this franchise has ever spawned and I saw The Lost World and Jurassic Park 3. Jurassic World may have been pretty stupid in hindsight, but at least it’s ambitiously stupid. It wants to recreate the magic of the first movie so badly and it actually has three of the best sequences in its franchise’s top ten moments. Which automatically makes it the best sequel/quasi-reboot of the bunch. Meanwhile, this is easily the worst. Somehow topping the supremely shitty standards of the overlong bore that is The Lost World.

Deep down, I think Universal, Steven Speilberg, and whoever else is responsible for these movies have this philosophy that the general public will eat up these movies just because there are dinosaurs involved. It doesn’t matter how recycled these sequels are becoming, how rehashed these characters come off…as long as the t-rex has an iconic roar sequence, people will pay to see more. I don’t necessarily think they are wrong to think that. But I do think they aren’t giving the general public enough credit for not catching on. This movie is basically The Ethical Lost World with all its half assed ethics on if dinosaurs deserve to live or die and human cloning or knowing when to let go.

Me personally? I hate these characters. I think there is nothing interesting about Owen, Claire, and company. The acting in this one is incredibly phoned in as you can tell they are just doing this movie for the check. I think the new assistants are both fucking awful. Especially Justice Smith as Franklin, who’s scared nerd character gets grating the first minute he’s on screen. And don’t even get me started on these villains. They are Saturday morning cartoon character levels of “evil”. All of them. Whether it be Rafe Spalls playing the greedy rich tycoon who is so obviously the villain the first moment he comes on screen as an old friend with a mission for our heros. Or Ted Levine as the mercenary who has an odd fascination for dino teeth. Or Toby Jones as the science nerd who does sciency nerdy things because that’s his character in every movie these days.

This movie has no idea what it wants to be. Does it want to be a horror movie? Does it want us to question the ethics of living beings? All I do know is that last scene of dinosaurs roaming the open world actually setting us up for a potential final chapter of an actual Jurassic World is going to sucker me out of another ten dollars. Fuck you Jurassic World franchise.

Spoiler

So as I’m writing this, awards season is in full swing. The Golden Globes were as cringeworthy as ever with Bohemian Rhapsody winning multiple best of the night awards, including Best Picture. Look it’s easy to hate on Bohemian Rhapsody right now since it was such a huge crowd pleaser because there is a market out there for Queen nostalgia and it is in peak swing. But it’s not going to make either list. Let’s get it out of the way right here right now.

Look there is a reason I hold out on these lists until I check out as many of the awards bait movies I can get ahold of. Otherwise, I would miss out on absolute shit like this.

8. Green Book

Bohemian Rhapsody wasn’t the biggest winner of the Golden Globes. This was. And even before it won all three prizes for the night and will probably go down as a huge favorite for multiple Academy Awards, I fucking hate this movie. This is the sort of white bread shit that the Academy Awards will eat right up. Granted, the Academy is now trying to get young and hipper, so I could potentially be wrong. Please prove me wrong, but with all the old white people who love these sorts of movies with narrow minded views of black culture, I have my doubts.

Now is it all irredeemable? I don’t have a problem with our two lead actors. They put on as good a performance as you’d expect Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali to have. Everything else about it is just god awful. The screenwriting sucks…why did this win best screenplay? Our main lead learned to become tolerant by learning and realizing nothing. The direction is as vanilla as ever. Seriously there is nothing special about this. Peter Farrelly, one half of the infamous Farrelly Brothers (they made There’s Something About Mary and that’s the only good movie of theirs amongst a huge pile of shit), is just another director filming an awards bait movie biopic.

But it’s seriously on this list just for how badly they botched their message about racism. If your ideal views of black culture are soul music and having a white man introducing a black man to fried chicken, your movie fails at teaching morals. Thankfully, the backlash on this one is starting to heat up. Let’s hope it continues, fuck this movie.

Spoiler

This is a rare first you guys. An entire trilogy making my Bottom 10 movies of the year list.

7. Fifty Shades Freed

I’m done. I’m done talking about this absolute nothing of a movie franchise. I’m done talking about these actors not even trying. I’m done with talking about this awful screenwriting. I’m done questioning what people even find remotely sexy about these movies. If you guys want actual analyses of what I think of this turd of a franchise, go back to previous years. Absolutely nothing has changed about these movies over time and this is my personal favorite because I actually felt joy at the end knowing they aren’t making any more of these movies. Hell I think the actors are even trying less because they know these movies are done. Next.

Spoiler

I’ve seen in some film circles that this movie is considered potentially as The Biggest Bomb of 2018 alongside Solo.

http://www.dorkly.com/post/86558/why-solo-might-be-the-most-impressive-bomb-in-box-office-history

Push the breaks a bit guys. Solo was a disaster financially, no doubt about that. But the movie itself was…mediocre. I mean we can all agree that this movie makes us want a Lando Calrissian movie starring Donald Glover.

Sorry. Wanted to get that off my chest. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the other biggest bomb of 2018. Well, they aren’t wrong. This is an absolute disaster.

6. Mortal Engines

I know he wasn’t the director behind this movie, but can we please stop holding Peter Jackson on a pedestal just because he made one of the best cinematic film trilogies of all time? The Lord of the Rings movies are over fifteen years old and I JUST FOUND A GRAY HAIR ON MY HEAD THIS MORNING AND….

*one existential crisis later*

…where was I? Oh yeah, Peter Jackson is proving that his name is not a seal of quality. I’ve sat down and rewatched a few of his post LOTR films and I’m honestly not impressed anymore. 2005 King Kong was a bloated mess, The Lovely Bones has some great acting but a mess of a script, and The Hobbit trilogy definitely should have been condensed down to one movie, not three.

Notice how I haven’t talked about the movie yet? Because this movie is super dull. The characters are flat, the story is super underdeveloped. This feels like the third movie of a trilogy, but the first two obviously don’t exist. Like god these visuals and costume design are absolutely wasted on this gigantic turd because the script is just so god awfully written and these characters feel like moving set pieces.

My fiancé said after watching this that it felt like an awful live action version of Howl’s Moving Castle…and god I can’t unsee that comparison now.

Spoiler

Let’s talk about a genre that is in desperate need of a revival. ARE YOU READY TO LAUGH!?!

Because the last few years we certainly have not. Comedies are becoming extinct critically and financially in this day and age. I don’t know if it’s because of the dour mood popular culture is in right now…you know what? I don’t think that’s it. Because people are still laughing in the movie theaters at jokes in movies. Hell, you want proof? The Marvel Cinematic Universe has integrated plenty of comedy into their movies and people are still paying to go see those.

No, my personal belief is that the genre hasn’t been trying as hard as of late. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be getting utter crap like this.

5. Holmes & Watson (2018)

You guys have no idea how hard it was coming out of this movie incredibly disappointed as I was. Will Ferrell and John Reilly have collaborated countless of times in the past and have often succeeded. Hell, one of my favorite comedies of the last ten years was Step Brothers and one of the main things that had going for it was the comedic chemistry. So much so that these two are frequent collaborators because studios know how well they work off each other.

And that’s literally the only thing this movie has going for it. The chemistry between Ferrell and Reilly is still there after all these years of not collaborating as often as they used to. Because nothing else about it works. I can literally point out every single element of this movie that didn’t work, but I’m not going to do that. Everyone involved in the making of this didn’t try so I’m going to try something different. I read the reviews about this movie going into it and one review stuck out in particular:

https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/holmes-and-watson-2018

I literally cannot top that in my own analysis of this movie. This movie really did feel like that someone took the outtakes from the end credits and stretched them out into a full length feature. Sorry if you guys were expecting more out of this entry, but clearly I expected more coming out of this movie. So you get as much as you are provided to work with. Next.

Spoiler

But hey, if you want to look for unintentional comedy, look no further than cheaply made horror movies for that.

4. Slender Man

At one point in the summer, I was absolutely ready to name this the worst movie of 2018. Everything about it was so bad. Badly acted, badly written, badly directed, and most importantly, not scary. I’m beyond done with counting “jump scares” as true horror because 99% of the time, they are so easy to call. And that’s what I did when I sat through this. I correctly called every attempt at a jump scare.

But as I sit back and look at this with new eyes, I just can’t come to bring any real rage about it. I mean it’s a horror movie based off a creepypasta internet meme. What did I expect? For it to genuinely be scary. And then I did the unthinkable. I literally looked at it with new eyes by rewatching it. It’s still very much a bad movie, but I laughed at it. A lot.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not calling a spade a spade. This was absolutely a heaping pile of dogshit that deserves to be classified as one of the worst movies of this year. But it’s at least a funny one at that.

Spoiler

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/21/amsterdam-paris-train-gunman-france

Often a source for movies comes from real life news stories. And why shouldn’t they be? The stories about real life heroes doing something spectacular and either saving lives or making contributions to societies need to be told so more people know about the life behind the heroes. Sometimes the movie ends up translating that well. Other times, you get messy interpretations. And boy…what a mess this next entry was.

3. The 15:17 to Paris

Like I said before, this is a great story that needed to be told. But the reason this is as bad as it ended up being is because of one person. Clint Eastwood and his direction. He went to the studios and specifically wanted the real life heroes casted as themselves. Because he felt they could tell this story far better than he could have directed it.

And there lies the problem. This isn’t the first time this stunt has been pulled in a real life movie based off true events. And every time I’ve seen this stunt pulled, it translates into an awful movie. Mostly because the men and/or women who play themselves aren’t paid to act. Our three real life heroes here are no exception as I spent a good 80% of this movie cringing at their acting. And somehow their bad acting manages to drag down some of the other good actors alongside them in this movie. Judy Greer, Jenna Fischer, Tony Hale, P.J. Byrne? All good actors who just can’t manage to put on a good performance because of their interactions with our main leads.

Look I know a feel good story about real life heroes should be welcomed in these dark depressing timeline we are in. But when the acting is as bad as it is here, there is no excuse for this movie to have happened. Next.

Spoiler

So for the past few years, I’ve been complaining about the lack of original ideas lately. I think we are starting to see somewhat of an uptick in terms of people trying to make new-ish ideas. Sure we are still going to get a crap ton of sequels, reboots, remakes, and what have you because movie studios aren’t stupid. They know what makes them money. But I think studio executives are at least willing to try new ideas out. Well if there are big wigs out there that read my year end lists…all negative seven of you. Can I at least make one suggestion? STOP MAKING ROBIN HOOD MOVIES!

2. Robin Hood (2018)

Seriously. Has there been a good one in the last thirty years? The closest I can think of is the comedy/musical from the 90s with Cary Elwes and that’s it. Because the rest are overlong bores that are simply not interesting. And this new one is by far the worst Robin Hood movie ever. This is just an incompetent disaster all across the board.

Out of all the movies that have brought upon a change in action movies, was 300 really THAT movie? Yeah I thought it was super cool when I first saw it back in high school (god I’m getting old) but it has not held up well with how many movies are doing exactly what that movie did in terms of direction. Too many to count.

Taron Egerton is a rising star and I think he has all the potential in the world, but he is awful in this movie. He looks absolutely embarrassed to be playing this part. Hell, his character isn’t even named Robin Hood. His name is Rob and he goes by Rob instead of the iconic name. What? I would be more embarrassed with the wardrobe he is wearing in this movie.

Seriously, this is laughable.

Jamie Foxx is also in this as Little John and yeah Little John is not the mentor character at all. I usually love him as well, but he’s over the top annoying. Yeah, I might as well just say all the acting is really really bad. Ben Mendelsohn plays another big bad villain, he’s becoming typecasted super quick.

This came super close to topping the list for being such an incompetent mess, but I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed for it. It tries way too hard at times for it to be my worst list of the year.

Spoiler

So as we have gone through this list, we’ve covered a variety of bad. We’ve had big budget blunders to failed blockbusters to shitty sequels. I feel like this has been a rather ecliptic list of shit. But my number one is a pretty strange choice. Especially since I mentioned earlier about how I’ve been longing for new ideas. And at first, the trailer for this filled me with so much hope that this would be excellent. Then I saw it...and it just failed in such unbelievable fashion. So for one last time….

ARE YOU GUYS READY TO LAUGH!?

1. The Happytime Murders

I can’t believe this ended up being as bad as it is. I’m still astonished to this day. A R-rated Muppet movie from Jim Henson’s son? This had all the potential in the world to be really good. Hell, it even has Melissa McCarthy. I’m not a fan of hers all the time, but with the right script and right premise, she can show that she’s talented.

God I really can’t emphasize enough how little effort was put into this. If you look back at the thread I made for this, the trailer was supremely accurate about the movie itself. It’s like watching a ten year old edge lord being able to do cuss and make crude jokes just because he/she can without any real point. And that’s this movie. Look at the muppets fuck. Look at the muppets get violent. Look at the muppets be crude. All because it hasn’t been done before. Too bad it already has been done.

I take back anything I said about this and originality. Team America already beat Henson to the punch. These puppets were crude, violent, and fucked. But at least there was some sort of context in this movie besides being edgy. What sort of context is there in Happytime Murders? There is some briefly examined flirtation with muppets being treated as second rate citizens, but that’s all there is. Flirtation. It doesn’t go further in depth than just spitting out a line or two about this without any sort of context.

There was a good idea somewhere in this movie, but at the end of the day, nothing pisses me off more than squandered potential. And that’s what The Happytime Murders was. Unfunny, uninteresting, awful squandered potential. Sign me off Statler and Waldorf.

Couldn't have said it better myself...wait, what?

Best list in the works.

January 15, 2019

My favorite part is when Thanos snapped his fingers.

January 13, 2019

On 1/5/2019 at 10:14 PM, Katniss said:

Yeah you’re smart af dude?

Thanks my friend! As are you.

On 1/5/2019 at 10:22 PM, E.V.I.L. said:

2 things:

1) The GOod Place I have only seen the first two seasons but I am totally a Jason and that show had me on my toes the entire time and I was shook by the tiwst tbh???

2) When you were in college did you begin to miss campus hella during breaks? I still have three weeks of winter break left and I'm honesty so ready to go back, I miss my friends being the clingy bastard I am

1. Which twist? Because that show has so many twists, especially when it comes to their season finales. And Jason is freaking hilarious.

2. Yeah I missed my friends often during college breaks too. They went on too long and I guess that makes me clingy too. :Laugh:

On 1/12/2019 at 4:10 AM, Wumbo said:

Shortlist of songs for you to provide any extra thoughts on?

I Fall Apart

Eastside

Youngblood

Simple

Freaky Friday

I Fall Apart - Still think it’s freaking hilarious nearly a year later.

Eastside - No real strong attachment on this. I like Khalid and Halsey as performers, but I feel like anybody could have done this song. Also it feels like Benny Blanco wanted to remake Closer except without anything memorable or distinct lyrically or production wise. Also, laziest music video of 2018.

Youngblood - Have no real strong attachment towards this either. The production is an utter ripoff of Black Skinhead. That being said, it grew on me more as the year went on and I think it’s okay.

Simple - Don’t care about Florida Georgia Line and their attempt at trying to sound more rootsy with their country music. It’s such a plastic song.

Freaky Friday - It managed to get a laugh out of me the first few times I heard it. Now? It’s such a wretched song, but good lord I still love DJ Mustard’s production in this....I’m problematic.

15 hours ago, SOF said:

how's your week?

The week is now starting new, but last week was fine. Worked a lot and visited a wedding expo.

January 13, 2019

Your thoughts on Todd’s Best List?

January 11, 2019

Okay I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a week or two now. Per tradition, can you share your thoughts on the following:

-Call Out My Name

-Back To You

-In My Feelings

-Trip

-Say Something

?

January 10, 2019

Blindspotting is an excellent film that more people need to see.

But more importantly, glad to see you finally jump in on this fad man. Can't wait to read more from you.

January 9, 2019

@Redfoo gets my support. Make SBC Party Rock Again.

January 6, 2019

On 1/4/2019 at 7:07 PM, BenPaz said:

This movie was god awful.

I second this. Absolutely painful to sit through. If you want to look at why comedy is a dying genre in the mainstream, look no further than this as a prime example.

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