Joe Biden

September 7, 2020

September 4, 2020

Hit it.

If you were to judge by my worst list, you would think that 1995 was one of the worst or less important years for ‘90s music. So I think it’s only fair to be able to combat that theory with the 10 best songs this year had to offer.

Just because this year hasn’t lived up to my previous expectations doesn’t automatically mean it was all terrible. In fact, I consider the songs on my Top 10 (or even Top 20, if we’re allowed to go that far) to be some of the most treasured songs the decade had to offer. So why waste any more time on this preamble? Let’s count down…

FRED'S TOP 10 HIT SONGS OF 1995

Spoiler

When planning out my Top 10 list, I was expecting it to be mostly songs I’ve heard from the year before this project. I have next to no knowledge about this song or its artist……but I love it.

10. “Here Comes the Hotstepper” – Ini Kamoze

Regardless of the quality any year of music may be, good or bad, there is just one thing that’s worth it: Finding hidden gems like this song here. I mean, lyrically, it might not be amazing but to that, I say who cares? This song has a groove that a lot of the boring stuff this year lacked and to me, I think that’s enough for me to call this one of the best songs of the year.

Spoiler

Black country! That is a sub-genre that’s rarely talked about. Mostly because it doesn’t really exist outside of Kane Brown and country/hip-hop crossovers. Even on those songs, the white guys are performing the country music. Maybe country is just one of those genres that belongs to white guys and white guys only.

But there was one musician this year that made me so happy to dispute that fact. That man is Darius Rucker and his group, Hootie & the Blowfish.

9. “Only Wanna Be with You” – Hootie & the Blowfish

Okay, maybe calling them “country music” is a bit of a stretch. There is a clear distinction between this song and “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy”, make no mistake. Still though, there’s a clear aura of country encompassed in what is primarily an AC-friendly rock tune. Which is not always an insult as long as you do it right, and I believe Hootie and the Blowfish did it right.

I know there are people out there who usually dismiss these guys as cheeseballs, mostly poking fun at their name as well as their next album, Fairweather Johnson. Don’t consider me as one of them though. They may not be spectacular or groundbreaking but they still knew how to make respectable music and out of all the Cracked Rear View singles this year, this one was the standout.

This, to me, defines what Hootie and the Blowfish desired to be: A fun and carefree pop-rock band making happy rock music with a few country elements embedded in. Yes, the song does gets corny at times, especially the line where Darius Rucker states that the Miami Dolphins make him cry, but I’d be willing to forgive this song’s corniness when the rest of the song sounds pretty damn good. You can call me a fool but I will still defend these guys as being one of the rootiest bands of the ‘90s.

Spoiler

After discussing a genre that was mostly white, I think it’s fitting we follow that up with a genre the African-American community ruled throughout the ‘90s. And representing the genre is none other than The Notorious B.I.G. in his biggest year ever.

8. “Big Poppa” – The Notorious B.I.G.

People who hate The Notorious B.I.G. may as well shut up and don’t bother having an opinion. The ‘90s had a whole history of hip-hop artists from Heavy D to 2Pac and out of all those artists, Biggie still remains my favorite out of all of them. While I do like other artists from that field, none of them were as good at mastering the craft as Biggie was.

I liked just about everything the man was featured on this year but “Big Poppa” is the best example of them all. The beat itself revolves around an old Isley Brothers song and Biggie is just swagging throughout the whole song, matching the beat with a flow no other artist could even match. It definitely goes along with “Hypnotize” and “Juicy” as one of my favorite songs.

Sadly, we don’t get a lot of rap songs like this anymore because of his death in 1997, which is still tragic to this very day. Is it any wonder why 1997 was a depressing year for music?

Spoiler

Don’t think I’m going to make this best list and not mention the best girl group of the year.

7. “Creep” – TLC

When you’ve got a group as talented as TLC were, you have to wonder why others like MoKenStef, Monica, or Brandy even bothered trying. This song was TLC at their most controversial and by far, at their best here. I don’t normally put songs about cheating or infidelities on my best lists but sometimes, I have to make a few exceptions when the song’s this good. Definitely helps that this was inspired by infidelity issues T-Boz had with her old boyfriend.

Of course, this subject matter was controversial amongst the group, especially Left Eye, who adds in a verse about safe sex issues in a different version of the song. It’s at least fair that every member of a group gets their way when recording a song, right? This wasn’t the only stance on social issues the group wasn’t afraid to take in 1995 but we’ll get to that song way later in the countdown.

It would feel wrong to not put this song on a best list of mine. It is a true highlight in TLC’s discography and another reason as to why TLC ruled 1995.

Spoiler

Female rockers weren’t hard to come by this year. You’ve got upcoming new rockers like Sheryl Crow, acts from the previous class of music like The Pretenders, and….Natalie Merchant, I guess?

But on this Top 10, I only had room for one of them, and the spot is going to who I feel was the most underrated of them all.

6. “I’m the Only One” – Melissa Etheridge

If proven by my #10, I love doing these projects to discover hidden gems. However, I also love doing these to re-discover songs I haven’t heard in a long time. About 10 years later, this song aged perfectly. I absolutely love this song now.

For those who don’t know this about me, I’ve had an experience with crushes before. Most of the girls I’ve met and got so emotionally attached with all turned out to have boyfriends. Jealousy is a terrible feeling to have and it ends up having a negative effect on your life. I’ve always felt like I’m the only one who really knows how to treat a girl right and for once, I’ve found a song that actually says this that doesn’t sound terrible (Looking at you, Batter Danny Ken).

I guess the sole difference between this song and “Treat You Better” goes beyond Melissa Etheridge not sounding like a douchebag throughout the song. She sings the chorus with so much soul, passion, desperation, and anguish, that you know she’s the only one who’ll live, sacrifice, and die for you. It is a spectacular song that means a lot more to me than it has before and it didn’t even hit the Top 5. Take that as proof as to how great this list is.

Spoiler

I can’t believe I did two ‘90s retrospectives before and haven’t mentioned Mariah Carey in both of them.

Yeah, I admit I’ve been unfair to Mariah Carey during my history of doing these retrospectives. She has come close when I did 1991 and 1999 but during those years, I just happened to find more exceptional songs in those years for her to make a best list of mine. I certainly do acknowledge her as the Queen of Pop in the ‘90s though and I wish I had an opportunity to place her on one of my best lists.

Well, since I missed opportunities at the beginning of the ‘90s and the end of the ‘90s, I think all it took for me to get into her music was to meet her halfway.

5. “Fantasy” – Mariah Carey

I do give some of her earlier songs credit for being the starting point of a superstar in the making but in my opinion, this song and “Always Be My Baby” were the songs that really transcend her into being a pop superstar for years to come. But “Always Be My Baby” didn’t chart this year so let’s talk about the song that did.

I know it’s not my #1 but I’d be hard-pressed to find a song this year that made me feel this happy. It is the personification of the ecstasy you feel when you’re in love. I feel like if I fell in love again, I would happily walk down the street with this song in the background. This song is an absolute joy to listen to.

…okay, now for the main reason this is on my list.

Yeah, surprise. Hip-hop had an influence on this song’s position on my list. I will say this though: Even though I do like the remix better, I think the song still holds up on its own, ODB or not. It makes an excellent use of that Tom Tom Club sample and improves on that song a whole lot.

I know I’ve neglected Mariah Carey many times during my history of these retrospectives but this is one of those times where she deserves to be mentioned on my best list. Great song from an excellent performer.

Spoiler

I think I’d be beating a dead horse if I didn’t give this song an introduction like the others haven’t been doing. I think I have a saying for this. When it comes to introducing songs that really don’t need an introduction themselves…

4. “This Is How We Do It” – Montell Jordan

I kind of feel bad for Montell Jordan as an artist. I feel like he’s one of those artists that get shelved as a one-hit wonder despite having many hits after this one. At the same time though, when this is your #1 hit, how higher can you go? This is a masterpiece in the new jack swing genre. Many will go to other songs like “Motownphilly” or “No Diggity” when it comes to discussing that genre and I don’t disagree, but this will always be the new jack swing song to me.

I honestly think it’s impossible to really analyze this song any further. I know it’s good, everyone knows it’s good, and the ones that don’t clearly need to listen to the song above. There is a reason why it’s my go-to song when it comes to Friday night parties.

Spoiler

I’m more of a music buff than a movie buff so I couldn’t really tell you whether or not I liked Batman Forever. Hell, even if I was, I have my reasons as to why I refuse to watch a Schumacher Batman movie.

Okay, for real, was this meant to be a family-friendly film? For fucks sake, Schumacher.

Still, one possibly bad film always has a silver lining to it. Whether people liked Batman Forever or hated it, we can all agree it had one hell of a soundtrack hit.

3. “Kiss from a Rose” – Seal

Seal was an artist I felt was too underrated during the ‘90s. Just like Montell Jordan, he’s had a string of hits and was only known for one song in 1995. But while Montell has just that one song, Seal has an entire discography of great songs. This song is more than great though. It is phenomenal. I can see why people loved it so much, even if it had to take a Batman film to make this song popular.

There’s actually a history behind this song dating back to 1987. Seal wrote that song and considered it to be one of his biggest embarrassments and forgot about it until the recording of his second album in 1994. He showed the tape to Trevor Horn, released it as a song, included it on the Batman Forever soundtrack, and the rest became history. Just goes to show you even your biggest mistake can also be your best one.

I know I’m not one to place low-key ballads this high but there are times where you need to make an exception, and when you have such an interesting performer like Seal behind that song, you know it belongs on a best list. What a win for Seal and a win for Batman.

Spoiler

I’m probably going to disappoint people by saying this wasn’t my #1 song.

Trust me when I say that it was very tempting and when it came to my top 2 songs, they are basically tied. Even in a Top 5 list where all songs could easily contend for the #1 spot, it was these two songs in particular that stand out on there.

But just because it’s not my #1 does not mean I’m going to pass up a chance to talk about the biggest song of the year, and rightfully deserved.

2. “Gangsta’s Paradise” – Coolio featuring L.V.

I was born four years later so I couldn’t tell you how the general public of 1995 felt about this song, but if I were alive back then, I would be pleasantly surprised to learn that this was the biggest rap song of 1995 and one of the biggest of the decade in general. In an era where many people most likely looked up to Snoop Dogg or Biggie in terms of hip-hop superstars, it’s Coolio of all people with the biggest song of the year.

Not to say there’s anything really wrong with those two artists. After all, I did place the latter artist on my best list as you can see above. But those two artists mostly represented how cool the gangsta life was. We really needed a song to illustrate how rough the gangsta life can be as well, and it came from Coolio of all people. The man who rapped the Kenan & Kel theme one year later.

Of course, I also have to give L.V. some credit on the chorus too. That is one earworm of a chorus and it transcends this song into an even memorable masterpiece.

I cannot praise this song enough. Mostly because I have to save even more of my praise for the #1 song of this list so I’m just going to close off this analysis with a huge understatement: It’s paradise.

Spoiler

If you could tell by my Top 5, this was a great year for hit songs. Out of all the 10 songs from the Top 10 this year, 6 of them made my best list and that makes for an above average Top 10. So I guess it is only fitting that I conclude this list with another #1 hit.

And you all might know what it is right now. The one and only Jason Waterfalls.

1. “Waterfalls” – TLC

It takes one hell of a gut punch to beat out “Gangsta’s Paradise” for my favorite song of the year and “Waterfalls” did more to fulfill that purpose. I did say both of my Top 2 are basically tied for my favorite song of 1995 but why does TLC edge out Coolio? It all comes down to importance.

It was the 1990s. The crime rates weren’t exactly different from the way things are now. Most of the time, AIDS/HIV was a huge epidemic going around due to people having unprotected sex. The world was not so different back then. Which is why we really need more songs like this to re-humanize the world. To make a change in a much more violent and depressing world right now.

I realize that this could also apply to “I Believe”, a song I put on my worst list. The difference between that song and “Waterfalls” is that “Waterfalls” displays that message without any religious undertones about how “God is love” or “God will save the world”. No, this is a song that’s addressed to everyone, basically saying “Don’t do anything that’ll kill you or get you arrested”, and with the state the world is in right now, we could really use this message right now.

Even without the message, “Waterfalls” still holds up as one of those just perfect ‘90s songs. Every TLC member kills it here, especially Left Eye’s verse at the end. Her death in 2002 is still tragic to this day and I still recognize her as one of the defining talents of R&B from the ‘90s. This is a perfect song to an imperfect year like 1995.

I may have stated this year’s music was less than meets the eye but if that same year can make songs like this and “Gangsta’s Paradise” into #1 hit songs, then maybe it deserves much more credit than what I’m giving right now.

FULL LIST:

Spoiler

1.   “Waterfalls” – TLC
2.   “Gangsta’s Paradise” – Coolio ft. L.V.
3.   “Kiss from a Rose” – Seal
4.   “This Is How We Do It” – Montell Jordan
5.   “Fantasy” – Mariah Carey
6.   “I’m the Only One” – Melissa Etheridge
7.   “Creep” – TLC
8.   “Big Poppa” – The Notorious B.I.G.
9.   “Only Wanna Be with You” – Hootie & the Blowfish
10.   “Here Comes the Hotstepper” – Ini Kamoze
11.   “You Don’t Know How It Feels” – Tom Petty
12.   “Run-Around” – Blues Traveler
13.   “One More Chance” – The Notorious B.I.G.
14.   “Keep Their Heads Ringin’” – Dr. Dre
15.   “December” – Collective Soul
16.   “All I Wanna Do” – Sheryl Crow
17.   “I’ll Stand by You” – The Pretenders
18.   “Hold My Hand” – Hootie & the Blowfish
19.   “I Know” – Dionne Farris
20.   “Red Light Special” – TLC
21.   “Player’s Anthem” – Junior M.A.F.I.A. ft. The Notorious B.I.G.
22.   “Dear Mama” – 2Pac
23.   “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me” – U2
24.   “Freak Like Me” – Adina Howard
25.   “Strong Enough” – Sheryl Crow
26.   “Like the Way I Do” – Melissa Etheridge
27.   “I’ll Be There for You/You’re All I Need to Get By” – Method Man ft. Mary J. Blige
28.   “Scream” – Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson
29.   “Roll to Me” – Del Amitri
30.   “I’ll Make Love to You” – Boyz II Men
31.   “Let Her Cry” – Hootie & the Blowfish
32.   “Feel Me Flow” – Naughty by Nature
33.   “No More I Love You’s” – Annie Lennox
34.   “1st of tha Month” – Bone Thugs-n-Harmony
35.   “I Wish” – Skee-Lo
36.   “Good” – Better Than Ezra
37.   “Shy Guy” – Diana King
38.   “On Bended Knee” – Boyz II Men
39.   “Sugar Hill” – AZ
40.   “You Gotta Be” – Des’ree
41.   “Brown Sugar” – D’Angelo
42.   “Boombastic”/”In the Summertime” – Shaggy
43.   “You Want This” – Janet Jackson
44.   “Every Day of the Week” – Jade
45.   “Water Runs Dry” – Boyz II Men
46.   “Give It 2 You” – Da Brat
47.   “Can’t You See” – Total ft. The Notorious B.I.G.
48.   “Run Away” – Real McCoy
49.   “Constantly” – Immature
50.   “I Miss You” – N II U
51.   “The Rhythm of the Night” – Corona
52.   “Turn the Beat Around” – Gloria Estefan
53.   “Misery” – Soul Asylum
54.   “Runaway” – Janet Jackson
55.   “Thank You” – Boyz II Men
56.   “Brokenhearted” – Brandy ft. Wanya Morris
57.   “Ask of You” – Raphael Saadiq
58.   “Carnival” – Natalie Merchant
59.   “Secret” – Madonna
60.   “Before I Let You Go” – Blackstreet
61.   “100% Pure Love” – Crystal Waters
62.   “Tell Me” – Groove Theory
63.   “In the House of Stone and Light” – Martin Page
64.   “I Wanna Be Down” – Brandy
65.   “Cotton Eye Joe” – Rednex
66.   “Short Dick Man” – 20 Fingers ft. Gillette
67.   “This Lil’ Game We Play” – Subway ft. 702
68.   “Every Little Thing I Do” – Soul for Real
69.   “Best Friend” – Brandy
70.   “Come and Get Your Love” – Real McCoy
71.   “This Ain’t a Love Song” – Bon Jovi
72.   “’Til You Do Me Right” – After 7
73.   “I Can Love You Like That” – All-4-One
74.   “Freek’n You” – Jodeci
75.   “You Used to Love Me” – Faith Evans
76.   “I Live My Life for You” – FireHouse
77.   “Always” – Bon Jovi
78.   “Candy Rain” – Soul for Real
79.   “You Are Not Alone” – Michael Jackson
80.   “I Got 5 on It” – Luniz
81.   “The Sweetest Days” – Vanessa Williams
82.   “As I Lay Me Down” – Sophie B. Hawkins
83.   “If You Love Me” – Brownstone
84.   “Another Night” – Real McCoy
85.   “Believe” – Elton John
86.   “Sukiyaki” – 4 P.M.
87.   “Back for Good” – Take That
88.   “Colors of the Wind” – Vanessa Williams
89.   “Someone to Love” – Jon B.
90.   “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” – Bryan Adams
91.   “Hold On” – Jamie Walters
92.   “He’s Mine” – MoKenStef
93.   “Take a Bow” – Madonna
94.   “Dream About You” – Stevie B
95.   “I Believe” – Blessid Union of Souls
96.   “Don’t Take It Personal (Just One of Dem Days)” – Monica
97.   “Baby” – Brandy
98.   “Tootsee Roll” – 69 Boyz
99.   “Can’t Stop Lovin’ You” – Van Halen
100.   “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Nicki French

September 4, 2020

my favorite is daffy but where the fuck is conservative icon elmer fudd

August 31, 2020

August 25, 2020

Won't spoil the list for others on here but all I'm gonna say is you got my personal Top 2 of the year exactly down.

I'm gonna miss doing this in the future but what are your thoughts on:

Mrs. Robinson

Scarborough Fair

Hello, I Love You

Sunshine of Your Love

Mony Mony

Magic Carpet Ride

August 24, 2020

I actually made a weekly poll for this subject two years back.

I do believe a lot of these decades can be good, which is why I made my poll multiple choice, but if I had to choose just one, it would definitely be the '80s. That whole decade despite some of its missteps is still one of the most innovative. Most of it just makes me happy mopping during night shifts at work. Hell, even the more boring stuff that wouldn't reach a best list of mine still relaxes me. Ties along with the '70s when it comes to quality and the '90s when it comes to 2010 nostalgia.

August 17, 2020

Will join as Inspector Spacetime

August 8, 2020

1995 was 25 years ago. 20 years after, I called it one of the best years of the ‘90s. Where did the times come, where did they go?

Do I really think this year is bad? Nah, there’s still a few dancey songs on the list that give the year its positivity. Is it one of the best years though? That’s the question I asked myself after listening to the worst songs this year offered. While this year did have a side that provides classics from the mid-‘90s everyone will still remember, it does combat that with an unhealthy amount of boring songs I doubt ‘90s kids won’t bother to remember. And if you’re reading this list right now, you know what we’re dealing with here.

FRED'S BOTTOM 10 HIT SONGS OF 1995

Spoiler

I hate having to put Bryan Adams on a worst list of mine. I mean, sure the man’s music did get boring come by the ‘90s and his vendetta with AllMusic is getting out-of-hand, but I actually believe the man has talent. It is evident in his 1984 album, Reckless. So yeah, you can tell how much I’m gonna hate putting Bryan Adams on a worst list of mine...

….so I’m not going to do that. Instead, here’s a guy named Jamie Walters to take his place.

10. “Hold On” – Jamie Walters

This guy was apparently an actor on the teen sitcom “Beverly Hills, 90210” and if this song indicates anything, he should’ve stayed an actor instead of writing this half-functional song. Say what you will about Bryan Adams, at least his songs sound like actually finished products. This feels like some sort of demo tape a teen actor would definitely sell in an attempt to jumpstart a musical career. Complete with the lack of singing skills.

Oh wait, he technically did have a musical career before when he sang on the theme song of The Heights, a show he starred in. That song hit #1 in 1992 and appeared on the 1993 year-end chart as well, I totally remember now. But at least I understand why that song became a hit. I don’t understand what people could see in this. The song is so unremarkable, it doesn’t even have its own Wikipedia page. If the biggest information site on the internet refuses to acknowledge this song’s existence, I don’t know why I can’t either.

Spoiler

When people think of the best girl groups of the entire ‘90s, chances are the first group that’ll come to mind is TLC. Every member of the group is loaded with personality. It’s too bad none of the other girl groups this year shared that personality.

9. “He’s Mine” – MoKenStef

It took me a while to figure out what the hell “MoKenStef” meant. Turns out the name was just a combination of all their first names, sort of like a more popular girl group this year, but I digress.

I can always get behind the idea of a “The Boy Is Mine”-ish song if it was handled properly, maybe if the song sounded more bitchy and in-your-face instead of sounding like some C-list R. Kelly/Keith Sweat/Ginuwine/whoever song. Seriously, for a song about which girl this man belongs to, it sure does sound like it’s turning me on. Instead, it’s making me want to turn this song off.

When it comes to defining girl groups this year, give me TLC any day, not their negative energy knockoff.

Spoiler

Okay! So after talking about whoever those two last artists were, what do you say we look at an artist everyone knows? One of the most influential artists of all time. One of the most interesting performers of the ‘80s.

….or at least, she was interesting.

8. “Take a Bow” – Madonna

1995 did such a number on most beloved acts from the ‘80s. Michael Jackson, Bon Jovi, Elton John, just to name a few. I don’t think you can really be able to sustain a career into the ‘90s, unless you were someone like Prince.

But we’re not talking about those artists. We’re talking about Madonna here who, for some reason, decided to forgo her interesting music for easy-listening music in the ‘90s. I wouldn’t even call this easy-listening music because it’s hard to listen to this song without falling asleep a minute in.

You know what the saddest part is though? Unlike the musicians above, I actually believed Madonna could’ve made a fine ‘90s artist! Even in the era of Mariah Carey, Madonna could’ve spent her time making dance music or something. I would definitely take that over this song, which of course was a big hit this year. Further proving my theory that any song released with the Madonna Seal of Approval can get popular, no matter how boring it really is. Guess we’ll have to wait until the 2000s for her bad music to make an outrageous comeback.

Spoiler

About four years back, I did a year-end retrospective on 1991 and one of my worst songs that year was “Because I Love You (The Postman Song)” by Stevie B. I believe on that worst list, I said something among the lines of Stevie B being a talentless no-name who would go with Timmy T into the void of no-name freestyle singers who somehow had a #1 song that year.

Four years later and I couldn’t be any more wrong.

7. “Dream About You” – Stevie B

Okay, maybe this is nowhere near as insufferable as “The Postman Song” but damn, is it just as pointless. AllMusic allegedly describes him as the “King of Freestyle” but so far, I only hear a low-rent Phil Collins. Is that what freestyle is supposed to sound like? Even Lisa Lisa did more justice to the genre than this guy. Yeah, I went there.

I just really don’t want to talk about this song or this guy anymore. Because there is nothing interesting to say about this guy anymore. Nothing. Not a thing about this man is worth talking about.

https://www.masslive.com/news/2011/10/dance-music-performer-stevie-b-busted.html

Except for the fact that he was arrested for unpaid child support. Anything else of note?

He collaborated with Pitbull?! How did I not talk about this during my 1991 retrospective?

Well, those are the only two things that’ll actually intrigue me about the guy. But nothing else. Not even his music. There, now I’m done talking about Stevie B or Timmy T or Ali G, whatever that guy’s name is.

Spoiler

It may be because I’m not really religious but I seriously do not get Christian pop.

6. “I Believe” – Blessid Union of Souls

At least I’m pretty sure these guys are Christian pop. I mean, the word “blessed” is kind of in the name of their group and the lyrics allude that God will find a way for everyone. But then Wikipedia tells me that they’re an alternative rock band and I just start shaking my head in confusion.

Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t be against the idea of this song, especially in these times where we truly need love in the world right now. What kills the song for me is how lead singer Eliot Sloan sounds throughout the whole song, especially the chorus. Say what you want about Stevie B, at least he doesn’t sound like his nose is stuffed up throughout the whole song.

There is no way these guys perform alternative rock. Is there any other songs these guys did I might know about?

This…actually doesn’t sound so bad? It’s no masterpiece but I certainly do like these guys better when they’re performing stuff like this. They may not be a Gin Blossoms but I could certainly buy them as a discount Nine Days. I’d take anything from them that’s not boring religious crap. I think there’s something in the Ten Commandments about this kind of music: “Thou Shall Not Suck”.

Spoiler

…I mean, they’re both the same artist, why not bring them up in the same entry?

5. “Don’t Take It Personally (Just One of Dem Days)” – Monica

4. “Baby” – Brandy

Two ladies. One name. Six letters. Boring music. They’re the exact same artist.

Okay, maybe in 1995, the quality of the artists were a bit distinguishable. Monica had the smallest presence while Brandy simultaneously had a bigger and somehow much more obnoxious presence. She had four songs this year and while her other three songs this year ranged from okay to meh, “Baby” was incompetent enough for me to place it on this list.

And you know, maybe I would be more forgiving to these two artists (although less forgiving of Brandy) if we didn’t already have a much better singer in Aaliyah.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t do a year she was featured in yet but I seriously underestimated the impact Aaliyah has made in R&B, and while Brandy and Monica technically aren’t bad singers, they’re cheap and phony compared to the real deal in Aaliyah. Rest in peace to Aaliyah, who is gone but not forgotten. Opposed to Brandy and Monica who are both forgotten and forgotten.

Spoiler

Whoomp, there it is. Such a stupid song that is. It is everything I should hate about jock jams. It is too annoying, it is too loud, and yet…….I don’t hate it.

I mean, it’s certainly not the best of jock jams. It’s not even the most creative of jock jams. Yet there still is something about the phrase “Whoomp, there it is” that’s catchy enough to be lodged in your head forever. And after the song ends, you’re never ever going to forget it. Whoomp, there it is. Whoomp, there it is. Whoomp, there it is…

But that’s only one theory as to why I don’t hate it. It could also be the fact that there were worse jock jams around the time that tried to replicate the song’s success and failed in doing so. Example:

3. “Tootsee Roll” – 69 Boyz

I’m not sure exactly what it is that differentiates this song from “Whoomp”. So why exactly do I hate this one but don’t hate the other? Well, say this about “Whoomp”, it actually has a little bit of substance. Not a whole lot of it but at least it feels like there are some verses and an unforgettable chorus that make it sound like an actual song. “Tootsee Roll” is just noise. It feels like the rough draft of a jock jam that was rushed by its release date. So fill the rest of the song up with typical dance tropes! “Slide to the left, slide to the right”, just take everything from other or even better dance songs.

There is absolutely no use for this song. I certainly haven’t heard it at any sporting events or birthday parties and I certainly never want to hear it again. So just push it to the left, to the left, to the left.

(Also, “69 Boyz”? Did you seriously go to the same school LMFAO went to when it comes to group names?)

Spoiler

When it comes to band careers, I think Van Halen’s will certainly go down as the most interesting. The group has gone through so many sound and frontman changes throughout the years, all the way from the David Lee Roth era to…..whatever the hell the Gary Cherone era was. But I think the era people will recognize the most, for better or worse, is Van Hagar.

You can either argue that Van Halen got even better or just more overwrought and terrible when Sammy Hagar joined. I personally don’t really hate it. Sure, they were much, much better with David Lee Roth in charge but I wouldn’t go out of my way to say the entirety of Van Hagar was terrible either. “Right Now”, for example, is one of my favorite songs by them.

At the same time though, I do understand how people would get tired of hearing the same type of song they do over and over again. It can get very old quick. Let’s hear Van Halen perform something……..nice for a change.

2. “Can’t Stop Lovin’ You” – Van Halen

I’m not exactly sure what the general consensus on this song was so I can’t tell if what I’m gonna say is an unpopular opinion, but this is the worst song I’ve ever heard in the Sammy Hagar era. It may not be the worst in general but it certainly comes so damn close.

An idea of a song like this shouldn’t sound terrible, but every amount of goodwill this song might bring is taken away when Sammy Hagar starts howling over this very simplistic, happy-sounding song. I may never have found Hagar to be the best vocalist but he certainly does sound better singing songs that had an edge over love songs. Is that seriously Sammy Hagar’s only tone of voice? Angry caterwauling?

And if the music was any better, I’d be easier on it. While I don’t mind the bass riff, Eddie Van Halen’s guitar sounds surprisingly horrible at the beginning of the song. I suppose it sounds better for the rest of the song but dear god, that opening. It just sounds like the guitar is yearning for Van Halen’s glory days like I am.

I wasn’t expecting this song to grate on me so much later on. I wasn’t expecting the song to make it this high on my worst list, but somehow, Sammy Hagar always finds a way to divert my expectations.

Spoiler

To those who know me well, you should already know that my favorite decade of music is the ‘80s. No matter how many steps down the latter part of the decade took, I will still defend it as the most innovative decade, especially the mid-‘80s era where everything was operating at a higher level than before. Seriously, I can tell you that a lot of my Spotify library consists of songs that came out around that time.

So with how passionate I am about the ‘80s and my favorite songs, let me bring up the topic of cover songs. Usually, I don’t mind if a song gets covered. Sometimes, a cover could be just as good as the original, even better, or somehow worse. And if there was a cover song out there of one of my favorite songs of the ‘80s that just flat out pisses me off, good lord, will I tell you.

1. “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Nicki French

I know most of you people know the reason why a dance cover of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” does not work but I’ll explain it for readers who don’t know why.

Here is the original:

“Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler is one of the best songs of 1983 and the ‘80s in general. It’s a melancholic ballad with incredible lush instrumentation backed up by the powerhouse vocals in Bonnie Tyler. So what does it take to ruin the song for me? Turn it into a club anthem! Because clearly 1995 didn’t have enough club anthems.

I know 1995 was mostly a year where most of its music took place on the dance floor but couldn’t there be another way to have fun without ruining a much better song in the process? The epic piano-fueled instrumentation in the original was replaced in favor of a generic dance beat and Nicki French never was and never will be a Bonnie Tyler, no matter how hard she tries to. Just a complete failure.

Once upon a time, I fell in love with the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. But listening to this version makes me fall apart. The people behind this idea should be ashamed in themselves, and so should the ‘90s. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to turn my bright eyes away from this cover and listen to the actually great music this year had to offer.

August 1, 2020

Okay! So tomorrow's the start of a new month, also known as "1st of tha Month", so why not celebrate this with reviewing a year-end list with that song on it? Wow, this is starting to turn more into a K-BLUB thread, isn't it? Anyhow, the next year I'm talking about doing here is...

1995

The boombastic year of 1995. Coming to a thread near you.

July 28, 2020

"Shattered (Turn the Car Around)" - O.A.R.

July 17, 2020

"Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" - Billy Joel

July 14, 2020

"Dancing with a Stranger" - Sam Smith & Normani

July 14, 2020

Ebony and Ivory - I appreciate Paul and Stevie for making a song about racial harmony, especially in these times when we need it, which is why I didn't put this on the worst list. Still, it is the least interesting song I've ever heard from their careers. I would almost want to listen to "Accidental Racist" over this because at least that's more interestingly bad and not a disappointment from two artists who've both had impressive careers before this.

Kids in America - I think hearing this in the Jimmy Neutron movie might be the reason I've placed this song this high. Still a great song on its own merits though.

Shake It Up - This might not be one of my favorite songs from the group but it's still fine enough pop rock. I'm not close to disliking any Cars songs quite yet.

I Love Rock n Roll - Even though I don't nearly love it as much as people in 1982 did, I definitely understand the appeal to it. Another song that's made to play at so many sporting events.

Harden My Heart - This feels like a song that typically wouldn't make it into my top half and go into like the 50s of my list, but I do like the sax part of the song and the vocalist at least puts some passion into what probably could've been a middle-of-the-road song. I'll spare it.

Make a Move on Me - And speaking of middle-of-the-road songs, we have this. Yeah, despite me saying most of Olivia's songs tend to be too boring, at least she brings a little bit more energy into this song than her mid-'70s songs. I can't get into it that much but I will certainly take it over "Physical" any day.

July 13, 2020

6 hours ago, 4EverGreen said:

1968, we've got The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Doors, and technically Simon & Garfunkle among others. I'm just going to go ahead and call "Hey Jude" as the #1 song right now because honestly, what song COULD beat THAT?!

get your motor running

July 13, 2020

New update on this topic, I decided to tackle a new subject Billboard year-end wise. To those who wanted to know what my favorite song of 2004 was, no duh it's "Hey Ya!".

Anyways, I decided to head back to my favorite music era aside from the '70s and go to the '80s with 1982. I actually finished both those lists on Google Docs and posted them both on Discord but I may as well make those lists site-accessible as well.

WORST LIST:

Spoiler

1982. The year that ‘80s music changed for the better.

While it is true that 1980 was the first year of ‘80s music, it isn’t that much of an important year when it came to popular music. Same goes for 1981. Not saying that both of those years had songs that shaped the rest of the decade, but both years did not have what 1982 has: identity. Really, a lot of songs on this list still remain well-known classics to this very day and at least 20 of these songs are in my Spotify library. So yeah, final verdict? This is a great year for ‘80s music.

With that being said though, this worst list is going to be a chore to get through. You know how I mentioned 1981 being a boring year for pop? Unfortunately, some of the boring shit that plagued that year didn’t all go away quite yet and that’s what most of this worst list consists of. But it’ll all be worth it when I get to the best songs this year had to offer. Now let’s quit with my stalling and get to the yawning.

THE BOTTOM 10 SONGS OF 1982

Spoiler

You know what type of music we should’ve gotten rid of by 1982? Yacht rock.

Look, I live in Florida. I live next door and across neighbors who play crap like this 24/7 so it’s natural that I’d grow tired of this specific genre. Especially the main offender and poster child of this genre, “The Pina Colada Song”. I don’t even need to go into detail about why this song sucks. It’s a song about a man cheating on his own wife with his own wife and it’s all juxtaposed with happy island music. It sucks massively.

But if I had to give it something, it is bad in the most memorable way. And this next song is not.

10. “Key Largo” - Bertie Higgins

Dear god, this song actually made me compliment “The Pina Colada Song” a little. That alone makes me regret placing this song this high. But we’re not talking about my regrets here. We’re…..making an attempt to talk about “Key Largo”.

I realize that there’s an audience for songs like these (particularly old Florida people, it’s named after an actual Florida location, for St. Pete’s sake) but don’t count me as one of them. For a song that reached the Top 10 of the year, it sure did fall out of everyone’s conscious over time.

You can see why it’s a struggle to talk about this song. This is the equivalent of critiquing a tourism video of Florida. I’m pretty sure it was made for the type of people who enjoy Casablanca quotes and references. And of all the songs in this year of music in all the world, this one walked into my worst list.

Spoiler

I’d be more forgiving of this song and spare it from my worst list if I did 1981. Unfortunately, I am not, and in a more exciting year in music, I can’t think of another song I’d want to hear less.

9. “Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)” - Christopher Cross

My relationship with Christopher Cross’ music is rather complicated. He’s not a repeat offender the same way Peter Cetera is (yes, we’ll be getting to him later just in case you were worried) but a lot of his songs aren’t impressive enough to make it in the top half either. He is just incredibly mediocre, and when your mediocre song somehow makes it onto two year-end charts, that’s when I have a problem.

Really, the fact that this hit #1 is what puzzles me. I can only assume it had to do with the movie this song was associated with. It sure as hell isn’t Christopher’s Cetera-like voice. It’s definitely not the boring production. I guess the sax solo is okay but even then, it can’t save a song with little-to-no good qualities.

Maybe it’s not the worst of the songs on this list which is why I can’t place it lower than it already is, but in contrast with the quality of the year, it sadly sticks out like a sore thumb. And in the case of this song, the best that I can do is fall asleep.

Spoiler

Depending on who’s reading this, I’m not sure if this seems like an unpopular opinion to you guys, but I just cannot get into Barbra Streisand’s music.

8. “Comin’ In and Out of Your Life” - Barbra Streisand

Okay, I will have to admit that Barbra Streisand has a very powerful set of pipes. If I were to judge these songs by how they’re sung, Barbra would get an advantage over Christopher Cross. But the reason why she’s lower on this list is very simple: All the songs I’ve heard from her just put me to sleep, great voice or not.

And I really don't think she's a bad singer either. In fact, I would be rather forgiving of Broadway performers like Streisand or Bette Midler if their more exciting(?) songs charted over low-tempo ballads only an audience over 40 would enjoy. Unfortunately, I have to judge what's here and what we have here is an uninteresting song by a much more interesting performer. Sorry Barbra, but in the context of 1982, this music just isn't for me. Moving on.

Spoiler

No matter what you think of The Alan Parsons Project, you do have to admit that “Sirius” is one hell of an instrumental. There’s a reason why you hear them so much at Chicago Bulls games or Criss Angel shows. It grabs your attention. It accomplishes what all instrumentals should do.

I only wish I could say the same about the song it opens for.

7. “Eye in the Sky” - The Alan Parsons Project

I’m not sure if I really get it. You have that exciting instrumental and you choose to segue that into this? But that’s not even what gets me about this song. No, what gets me is that I know The Alan Parsons Project better than this.

Although I have no knowledge about this band’s discography and I see them as a lesser version of Emerson, Lake & Palmer, I do know that they’re a progressive rock band and while not as complex, they have the ability to make interesting music. This song? You could tell me that Ambrosia performed this song and I would believe you. In fact, I’d believe that over a prog rock band performing this.

Unfortunately, this song ended up being their biggest hit, reaching #3 on the charts. I guess people in 1982 would rather listen to uninteresting songs over more interesting songs from the same group? Whatever. I may not have high expectations when it comes to Alan Parsons and his project, but even I expect better than this.

Spoiler

Out of all the songs on this list, this one confused me the most. I mean, what the actual hell is this?

6. “Hooked On Classics” - Royal Philharmonic Orchestra

Okay, so one year back in 1981, a group called Stars on 45 released a medley of songs featuring old songs from the ‘60s and ‘70s put to a disco beat to modernize all of those songs. Somehow, it had reached #1 on the charts in June and that was enough for someone out there to create something similar with classical music a few months later. And while it wasn’t a #1 song like “Stars” was, it reached 10 on the weekly charts and that’s all it took for this “song” to make it on the year-end of 1982.

But the fact that it’s not even a song is just a very minor factor as to why I don’t like this. I don’t like this because it adds nothing unique to any of these songs at all. What do I mean by this? Let’s go a few years back to 1976.

This is “A Fifth of Beethoven” by Walter Murphy. It is a re-working of Beethoven’s 5th symphony to make it fit in with the times. And it works better because it does more than just adding a lazy, non-existent beat like “Hooked On Classics” did. This is just the kind of “song” that would inspire acts like Jive Bunny to release similar garbage later on.

I may not be the biggest fan of classical music but even that genre still needs its dignity.

Spoiler

Look, I may have said something among the lines of most of this worst list being too boring for words. And I was not lying as you can tell by the first half of this list. Though despite me placing those songs on my list here, they’re not completely terrible. In an even worse year, those songs wouldn’t make it onto my worst list. And who knows? Maybe my opinions on those songs will change over time and they wouldn't even contend for the worst list.

That is not the case for these next five songs. These songs are basically set in stone as my least favorites this year had to offer. No turning back now, because this is where the gloves come off. Let's start, shall we?

5. “Pac-Man Fever” - Buckner & Garcia

Originally, I wasn’t considering this song to make it onto my worst list. I mean, it is terrible. But unlike these other songs, at least it served a purpose. Pac-Man was a huge influence on video games. And its success led to sequels, merchandise, and two cartoons, regardless of how shitty those two were. So yeah, it was inevitable that Buckner & Garcia here would write a song about it. And I can’t really fault them for that.

But the version that the playlist maker graciously provided me with was the extended version, and hearing this song and those Pac-Man noises for almost 7 minutes made this song insufferable enough to be list-worthy.

Look, I don’t expect to take a decade like the ‘80s completely seriously but at least with cheesy songs like “Eye of the Tiger”, they have some sort of drive to it. This is just straight-up kitsch all the way through. If Pac-Man hadn’t been so big in the ‘80s, this song would’ve killed it for sure. Thankfully, this song isn’t remembered by most people outside of its title. And if they do remember it, I hope they’re not fond memories. Ironically, I think Ghostly Adventures put it best.

Spoiler

You know, as bad as that last song was, I can take solace in the fact that it wasn’t the #1 song of 1982.

4. “Physical” - Olivia Newton-John

1982 had a lot of fair competition when it came to the #1 song of the year. “Centerfold”, “Eye of the Tiger”, “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll”, and so on. And regardless of what you may think of those songs, those are the songs people go to when they want to represent 1982. I guess some people think of this song too but to me, it sounds absolutely awful.

I can go into detail about what I don’t like about this song. I can talk about Olivia’s voice. While she sang fine in Grease, most of her solo output ranges from too boring to…..this. I can talk about the cheesy beat that does not save the song in any way. I can talk about the music video which almost gives “Sexy and I Know It” a run for its money. Almost. But of all the parts of this song I hated the most, I didn’t expect it to be this line:

Let me hear your body talk

After that disgusting line, it’s pretty much hard to save the rest of this song. Not like there’s anything else about this song that’s remotely salvageable. It may have made people get physical in 1982 but it makes me physically sick to my stomach.

Spoiler

I really, really wish these worst lists of the ‘80s were less predictable. They wouldn’t have to be had Chicago not sold out in the ‘80s.

3. “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” - Chicago

Surprise! It’s Chicago. Specifically, it’s an ‘80s Chicago ballad with Peter Cetera front and center. And to nobody’s surprise, it sucks massively.

Maybe it’s better if I put things into perspective. After guitarist Terry Kath’s death in 1978 and a failed disco era nobody liked, Chicago sought to change up their sound to fit in with the ‘80s by performing REO Speedwagon-esque ballads. As a result, this song ended up at #1 and the rest, unfortunately, became history.

This is the exact song to pinpoint to the reason why I dislike selling out. I’m aware that Chicago made ballads far back when they started out in the ‘70s, but at least those songs were less sufferable and most importantly, NOT the main basis of the band’s sound.

Yet as much as I complain about how they sound now, my complaints will always bounce back to how Peter Cetera sounds singing them. He is to the ‘80s what Adam Levine is to now. You can say you’re sorry all you want but it’s not going to make up for the 10 years of damage you did to the ‘80s. Next.

Spoiler

I say this as an unlicensed and unofficial music critic, but I don't think Styx really deserves so much criticism.

No matter how weird they got by the mid-80s, they sure knew how to put on a performance. Watch that footage above and try to tell me they suck afterwards. Sure, they still have their fair share of boring ballads, but on the other hand, they also have a great share of songs like the one above that cement themselves in the progressive rock lexicon forever. So yeah, I totally think people are taking their Styx hate too far. There was another group this year that deserved more hate.

2. “Sweet Dreams” - Air Supply

It’s pretty much impossible to make a worst list of this year without addressing the Air Supply in the room. They had three hits this year. Three hits! I’m surprised I didn’t have room to put all three on here. They really are that awful.

Okay, so with their other two songs this year, they sounded the same as all their other songs. They came close to making my list but were spared because I expected them to sound like that. This song? It sounds like they were trying to sound like Pink Floyd yet ended up sounding like wet flannel instead.

And you know, maybe it would’ve worked better had it actually gone to a group that’s actually capable of making music like this. Styx? Definitely. Yes? Sure. The Alan Parsons Project? Actually, even Alan Parsons would do more justice to this song than Air Supply ever could. My point is: Air Supply flat out suck and can’t make any great music regardless of whatever genre they choose to play in. And the fact that we gave them three hits this year is simply inexcusable.

Spoiler

It is an understatement when I say that new wave changed the face of ‘80s music. I would indeed take it over boring AC crap any day. Yet if there’s one negative thing I had to say about it, it’s that it does bad things to most old artists. We’ve seen a similar situation with Chicago and soft rock two spots earlier, but if there’s any sellout song that pissed me off even more this year, it’s this.

1. “Abracadabra” - Steve Miller Band

It should feel wrong to have to put the most talented out of all these artists at #1, but I just cannot stand this song anymore. Years before I heard it again, I thought it was rather unique and cool. Now that I’m older, I’m starting to forget what I ever saw in this song. Let’s keep this in mind. I like Steve Miller Band and I LOVE new wave, but the two just don’t blend in very well. What you get here is just an utter mess of a song that sounds like it came from the depths of Hell. And it is very deserving of #1 for that reason.

…okay, here’s the real reason why this is #1.

Abra abracadabra

I wanna reach out and grab ya

That this creepy, Robin Thicke-ish lyric would come out of anyone’s mouth is bad enough, but the fact that it came from Steve Miller’s mouth is what really gets to me. He and his band can do much better songs than this one. I don’t know how people can listen to this, but they did. And it reached #1 as well. Good lord.

Abracadabra: The magic word to make anyone’s talent completely disappear.

BEST LIST:

Spoiler

Now that I have that chore of a worst list out of the way, it makes me delighted that I get to bring you all the shining stars of the year. Yeah, not gonna lie, it was much harder to find just 10 songs I thought were awesome this year than finding 10 songs that weren’t, and what better way to demonstrate this than with some honorable mentions?

HONORABLE MENTIONS

“Vacation” - The Go-Go’s

What can I say? I am a sucker for brainless vacation songs. And this one makes me feel like I’m having a great time no matter what situation I’m in.

“Caught Up in You” - .38 Special

And sometimes, I’m a sucker for great Southern rock as well. With songs like this and “Hold On Loosely”, I’d say .38 Special earned a good spot in the classic rock scene of the early ‘80s.

“Eye of the Tiger” - Survivor

Barring my opinion on Survivor overall and the overplay this song gets, even I have to admit I still like this song no matter how ridiculous and over the top it sounds. If they had more songs like this instead of the boring shitty ballads they did later on, they could be a very passable cheese metal band.

“Heat of the Moment” - Asia

A year where both Survivor and Asia get honorable mentions is a pretty great year. Never been the biggest fan of these guys either but it’s hard to deny how awesome this song is.

“Edge of Seventeen” - Stevie Nicks

The riff that Destiny’s Child sampled in one of my favorite songs of theirs is iconic enough for this song to get a mention. That and Stevie Nicks is one hell of a vocalist.

“Don’t You Want Me” - The Human League

Never really heard much of The Human League’s discography though there’s probably a reason why. This song supersedes the band and rightfully so. That much is true.

“Young Turks” - Rod Stewart

See? Sometimes new wave does a good thing to old artists! Especially if it’s from an artist that’s normally not one of my favorites. You can also connect my love for this song with the memories of me and my old middle school friend listening to this song on record endlessly.

“Do I Do” - Stevie Wonder

I prefer his ‘70s work over most of his ‘80s work but Stevie still had some momentum in him going into the ‘80s and it really shows in this song.

“Tainted Love” - Soft Cell

A new wave rendition of an old song shouldn’t be able to work this well but Soft Cell miraculously pulls it off well. It feels weird to say the same about their cover of The Supremes I heard after it but yeah, that too also works.

“I Ran (So Far Away)” - A Flock of Seagulls

And yes, listing all the best songs from this year wouldn’t be complete without mentioning this song. Very close to making it into my Top 10 and if this song couldn’t make it, that’s just a testament as to how awesome this best list is gonna be.

THE TOP 10 SONGS OF 1982

Spoiler

If it’s gotta take a shitty and overhyped Fox show to make one of the greatest songs of the ‘80s more accessible to the 2000s kids, so be it.

10. “Don’t Stop Believin’” - Journey

I tried to fight against every argument I had with me putting this song on my Top 10. “It’s overrated.” “It’s overplayed.” “Glee ruined this song.” Literally all of everyone’s criticisms of this song. And despite how hard I fought my instincts, it was hard to deny it. “Don’t Stop Believin’” is still one of the best songs from one of the greatest groups of the ‘80s.

This song pretty much has all the ingredients you need to make a killer rock song. From the iconic piano riff to Steve Perry’s legendary powerhouse vocals to the catchy chorus that only comes at the end, you have no idea how surprised I was when I found out this wasn’t even their biggest hit this year.

Well, thanks to its exposure from TV shows, whether they be Glee or The Sopranos, it became the one Journey song everyone knows. Digitally, it’s the best-selling song from the 20th century. It has rightfully earned its legacy and earned a spot on my best list. Keep on believin’, Journey.

Spoiler

And while we’re on the topic of near-perfect ‘70s/’80s groups, somewhere Hall & Oates has to fall into the conversation.

9. “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)” - Hall & Oates

I’ll be hard-pressed to even find someone who hates Hall & Oates. All the songs I’ve heard from them are very exceptional, especially this one.

Hall & Oates have had their sound change over a lot of years from doing soft rock to blue-eyed soul to synth pop like the song you see here. And dare I say, they’ve always sounded their best during this era.

What else do I have to say that hasn’t been said? The saxophone solo is excellent, Daryl Hall is a fantastic vocalist, and the bassline here? King of Pop Michael Jackson himself admitted that the bassline from “Billie Jean” was inspired by this song. Inspiring one of the best songs of the ‘80s is doing something right. I’d actually be surprised if this song hasn’t been sampled so many times in the future.

Bottom line: Hall & Oates are awesome and this is a song I can definitely go for.

Spoiler

It is very unfortunate that we’re living in times where cops can no longer be trusted. Police brutality has been going on for years and years and people righteously want it to stop right now. Including me. Seriously, fuck the police.

And with that being said, I think The Police is one of the greatest bands of the ‘80s.

8. “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” - The Police

Wow, that was one awkward prelude right there, wasn’t it? But we’re not talking about the police here. We’re talking about The Police and this song of theirs that made my list.

Now The Police have had a knack for making very dark songs disguised as pretty catchy pop music, the most notable example being “Every Breath You Take” one year after. And while I like that song too, I prefer “Every Little Thing” more because of how ironically happy it sounds. Seriously, the lyrics go into super stalker-lish levels of creepy, yet it still manages to sound like catchy pop music! The chemistry between the two isn't perfect, yet it’s got the perfect guys behind the song.

So yeah: All cops are bad. But The Police? Everything they do is magic.

Spoiler

I try to do my best to represent every country on my best lists. America, the United Kingdom, Austra--okay, maybe not that last one quite yet. So that begs the question: Who is representing Canada this year?

Well, don’t you worry quite yet, Neighbors of the North. A Canadian band just happened to make one of the best songs of the year.

7. “Working for the Weekend” - Loverboy

I must admit that I have little to no knowledge of this band at all. Makes a little sense considering they were more popular in their own country than America outside radio play and their other hit a year later. And then there’s this song, their most recognizable and my favorite song of theirs.

Most of the reasoning I have as to why I love it so much is because, well, I’m more of a workaholic. I totally get the feeling of what it’s like for me to work the whole week, just to make it to the days off I use to make a new romance (as well as working on these lists). I feel every word of this song and I know other people do.

But even before I had my job, I thought this song kicked ass. It felt like the kind of song every show or movie with a montage would just eat up. Even Regular Show knows this. Sometimes, Canada knows how to get it right.

GET IT RIGHT

Spoiler

Spoiler, but the rest of the list is made of male artists. That being said, there’s one girl group that made this list and one of their songs just happens to have the beat.

6. “We Got the Beat” - The Go-Go’s

“Vacation” may be the group’s quintessential vacation song but I would be lying if I didn’t put this song up or even higher than that song. It literally invokes the feeling of a beach party you would never want to end, complete with the “Wipeout”-like guitar solo in the middle.

If you want to perform a song about how you and your group has the beat, you better damn well prove it. And this song definitely gives them enough clout in the female rock--hell, the rock scene in general. It’s perfect enough for no further analysis, so just listen to this song and feel the beat that The Go-Go’s definitely have.

Spoiler

1982 may have been disco’s last breath. By this time, you don’t see a lot of musical acts trying on the disco suit anymore. Like, what were bands like Kool & the Gang even doing after?

….Kool & the Gang, why?!

Despite this fact, there was a disco group this year that still managed to keep disco on life support this year. And this certain group can be described with just three words: Earth, Wind & Fire.

5. “Let’s Groove” - Earth, Wind & Fire

Leave it to Earth, Wind & Fire to make an old genre still sound timeless in a year where it seemed less relevant. See, they didn’t need to give into selling out and changing up their sound to score a Top 10 hit. This has the sound of a song that could easily fit in well enough with the disco peak of 1979. Again, timeless.

It would just feel wrong to do this year and just ignore one of Earth, Wind & Fire’s best songs. They’re Earth, Wind & Fire. They’re untouchable. You guys should know this by now.

Spoiler

I’m sorry, I do my best to keep my political bias from clouding up my thoughts on a certain artist, but I’m not gonna lie: Knowing that John Mellencamp was a shill for, by far, the worst Democratic candidate of 2020 hurts so bad. Literally why, John?!

That being said, I still think most of his music holds up to this very day. Especially this one.

4. “Jack & Diane” - John Cougar

Okay, barring the fact that this guy supported Mike Bloomberg or the fact that he went by “John Cougar” this year for reasons I’m not sure, John Mellencamp still remains one of the most respectable songwriters of this era. And of all his songs, I don’t think there will be another one close to topping this.

It’s the most simple of concepts: A tale of two American kids living in small-town America trying to make ends meet. Believe it or not, Mellencamp did not intend for the song to turn out this way. He originally wrote it to be about an interracial couple until he was coaxed by his record company to make it about two American kids instead. So Jack turned from being an African-American husband into an American kid striving to be a (UHH!) football star.

And as weird as it is to say it, I think John and the record company made the right decision. After all, this song reached #1 in October. Who knows if this song would have the same fate if he stuck with the original idea? Either way, I still love it to death.

Spoiler

If it takes losing my own sense of morality to talk about great music of the ‘80s, so be it.

3. “867-5309/Jenny” - Tommy Tutone

Now here’s a song that must appear in everyone’s conscious when it comes to ‘80s music, even if it’s just the number in the title. After all, that’s the only part of the song everyone remembers the most, including me.

This may as well be “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” all over again, performed with the charm of Loverboy. Glad to see it still holds up well for me, no matter how much the “joke” didn’t.

...okay, let’s get to that. As great as this song is, it unfortunately came with a price. The number was so catchy, people kept calling it and the other people who had the number kept getting called, leading to many righteous complaints from people who had the number as well as a death threat to Tommy Tutone themselves. Hopefully, we’ve evolved from what people did in the ‘80s and don’t do shit like this anymore.

Though 867-5309 isn’t the only phone number you can apply this too. You can literally sing your phone number to this song and it’d be just as memorable. I should know, I do it all the time. Not that I’m stupid enough to forget my own phone number.

But yeah, despite any damage the song may have unintentionally caused, it still holds up today. It is the phone number that’s used in a joke for a TV show or movie. I think it’s influenced the rest of the world. In fact, Tommy Tutone themselves did a holiday remake of the song 27 years later.

You didn’t think I was gonna talk about the song without talking about this masterpiece, didn’t you?

Spoiler

With all the complaining I did in the worst list about soft rock, you’d think that I’d write off the entire genre completely. Not true. And to illustrate my point, here you go. A goddamn soft rock ballad is my 2nd best song of the year.

2. “Open Arms” - Journey

Did I mention before that I LOVE Journey? If not, let me just state for the record that I LOVE Journey.

See, my main problem with ballads in general is that they’re either very underperformed, very boring, or a complete combination of both. And while you’ve got songs like “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” that just bore me to tears, “Open Arms” actually grabs my attention and even moves me. And again, Steve Perry is a powerhouse of a voice. When he says he’s gonna come to you with open arms, it actually sounds sincere.

And as anthemic “Don’t Stop Believin’” sounds and is in my Top 5 favorite songs by them, “Open Arms” is my absolute favorite by them. Well actually, next to “Separate Ways” but very close. It was also very close to topping this list, but there was one more song I liked better this year....

Spoiler

…I mean, were you really expecting my #1 song to be anything else? COME ON!

1. “Centerfold” - The J. Geils Band

I know I hate to keep my #1 song so obvious but let’s face it, this is the song that deserved to be #1. Not just on my rankings but on the year-end chart as well. As classic as “Eye of the Tiger” and “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” are, they don’t exactly represent a year that signified a change in ‘80s music. But “Centerfold” is just plain fun arena rock. And when it reached #1, I can only imagine that every other artist/band this year tried to reach the same notoriety this song had.

I get that most people go to songs like “Don’t Stop Believin’” as the true anthem of the ‘80s, and I don’t disagree, but what gives “Centerfold” an advantage over that song? It has that addicting chant. Yeah, you know the one.

It feels very impossible to really analyze this song any further, but for a completely different reason. This was the song that actually got me into ‘80s music. How would it not? It has the exact aura that great music from the ‘80s should have. Everything from the recognizable intro to that even more recognizable chant closing the song off really makes this song into the song everyone should listen to first if they want to get into ‘80s music.

I don’t think The J. Geils Band really had much Billboard success after the album Freeze Frame and the two singles that charted from that album but as long as they have this song as part of their legacy, I’d say they did great enough.

1, 2, 3, 4!

https://ytcropper.com/cropped/Bq5f052e6a50aa9

FULL LIST:

Spoiler

“Centerfold” – The J. Geils Band
“Open Arms” – Journey
“867-5309/Jenny” – Tommy Tutone
“Jack & Diane” – John Cougar
“Let’s Groove” – Earth, Wind & Fire
“We Got the Beat” – The Go-Go’s
“Working for the Weekend” - Loverboy
“Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” - The Police
“I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)” – Hall & Oates
“Don’t Stop Believin’” - Journey
“I Ran (So Far Away)” - A Flock of Seagulls
“Tainted Love” – Soft Cell
“Do I Do” - Stevie Wonder
“Young Turks” – Rod Stewart
“Don’t You Want Me” – The Human League
“Edge of Seventeen” - Stevie Nicks
“Heat of the Moment” – Asia
“Eye of the Tiger” – Survivor
“Caught Up in You” - .38 Special
“Vacation” - The Go-Go’s
“Kids in America” - Kim Wilde
“Freeze-Frame” – The J. Geils Band
“Somebody’s Baby” - Jackson Browne
“Hurts So Good” – John Cougar
“Private Eyes” – Hall & Oates
“Love Is in Control (Finger on the Trigger)” – Donna Summer
“Our Lips Are Sealed” – The Go-Go’s
“That Girl” – Stevie Wonder
“Don’t Talk to Strangers” – Rick Springfield
“Gloria” - Laura Branigan
“Let It Whip” – Dazz Band
“Turn Your Love Around” – George Benson
“I Love Rock ‘n Roll” – Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
“Shake It Up” – The Cars
“Did It in a Minute” - Hall & Oates
“Do You Believe In Love” – Huey Lewis and the News
“Oh, Pretty Woman” - Van Halen
“Get Down on It” - Kool & the Gang
“The Other Woman” – Ray Parker Jr.
“Think I’m in Love” – Eddie Money
“Hold Me” – Fleetwood Mac
“Harden My Heart” – Quarterflash
“Take It Easy on Me” – Little River Band
“Rosanna” – Toto
“One Hundred Ways” – Quincy Jones featuring James Ingram
“Who Can It Be Now?” – Men at Work
“Waiting for a Girl Like You” – Foreigner
“Love’s Been a Little Bit Hard on Me” – Juice Newton
“Keep the Fire Burnin’” – REO Speedwagon
“Hot in the City” - Billy Idol
“Leather and Lace” – Stevie Nicks and Don Henley
“Making Love” – Roberta Flack
“Only the Lonely” – The Motels
“Take My Heart (You Can Have It If You Want It)” - Kool & the Gang
“I Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near)” - Michael McDonald
“Mirror Mirror” - Diana Ross
“Chariots of Fire” – Vangelis
“Should I Do It” - The Pointer Sisters
“Make a Move on Me” - Olivia Newton-John
“It’s Gonna Take a Miracle” - Deniece Williams
“Man on Your Mind” - Little River Band
“Yesterday’s Songs” - Neil Diamond
“Trouble” – Lindsey Buckingham
“Always on My Mind” – Willie Nelson
“Empty Garden (Hey Hey Johnny)” - Elton John
“Love Will Turn You Around” - Kenny Rogers
“You Could Have Been with Me” - Sheena Easton
“Blue Eyes” – Elton John
“Oh No” - Commodores
“The Sweetest Thing (I’ve Ever Known)” – Juice Newton
“Why Do Fools Fall In Love?” – Diana Ross
“Wasted on the Way” – Crosby, Stills & Nash
“Crimson and Clover” - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
“Goin’ Down” - Greg Guidry
“’65 Love Affair” – Paul Davis
“Waiting on a Friend” - The Rolling Stones
“Through the Years” - Kenny Rogers
“You Should Hear How She Talks About You” – Melissa Manchester
“Personally” – Karla Bonoff
“Any Day Now” - Ronnie Milsap
“What’s Forever For” - Michael Murphey
“Take It Away” - Paul McCartney
“Leader of the Band” – Dan Fogelberg
“I’ve Never Been to Me” – Charlene
“Ebony and Ivory” – Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
“Cool Night” – Paul Davis
“Love in the First Degree” – Alabama
“Here I Am” - Air Supply
“Even the Nights Are Better” – Air Supply
“You Can Do Magic” - America
“Key Largo” – Bertie Higgins
“Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)” - Christopher Cross
“Comin’ In and Out of Your Life” - Barbra Streisand
“Eye in the Sky” – The Alan Parsons Project
“Hooked On Classics” – Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
“Pac-Man Fever” – Buckner & Garcia
“Physical” – Olivia Newton-John
“Hard to Say I’m Sorry” – Chicago
“Sweet Dreams” – Air Supply
“Abracadabra” – Steve Miller Band

June 26, 2020

And I still need money to pay for my taxes, please donate some to my Twitch stream, DarksydePhil (linked below).

https://www.twitch.tv/darksydephil

June 18, 2020

I hate all game shows. I was watching The Chase one day and when I got a question wrong, I got so mad that I threw my Playstation controller at the TV. Please send me money so I can buy a new television.

June 15, 2020

none of y'all are giving as told by ginger love, smh

May 26, 2020

"You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones

May 22, 2020

All of these games are fuckin' sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit!

May 21, 2020

"Jump" - Van Halen

May 6, 2020

An accessory used by many stores and supermarkets that is owned by Sandy Cheeks.

April 30, 2020

Shanghaied ain't even a special anymore aside the day it premiered

April 29, 2020

"Sharp Dressed Man" - ZZ Top

April 27, 2020

Because Encyclopedia Spongebobia finally classifies this as a character, I hereby decree that this guy gets a character topic.

Discuss The Clever Visual Metaphors for the Abstract Concept of Thought.

Sign In

Advertisement

Profiles

Forums

Events

Posts posted by Joe Biden