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    Allison's Corner o' Writing

    in SpongeBob's Library

    Posted

    Well it's only been half a year since the last update...

    (Wrote this recently as a request)

    The Night of the Unliving Wendy

    A fly was buzzing. Buzzing around the room, it flew from a wooden service counter onto a clothing rack, where it buzzed even louder. Before it could buzz any louder, it met it's demise at the hands of a curled up newspaper held by Stanley Pines.

    "Wendy!" Stanley cried out. "You're supposed to be protecting the merchandise!"

    "I am." Wendy replied casually. "But there's been nothing to protect it against man."

    "This fly I just killed off could've left thousands of eggs!" Stanley said exasperated. "Which means thousands of fly babies roaming the shop!"

    "I'm not sure that's how fly babies work Mr. Pines…" Wendy said.

    "Regardless I expect you to protect the merchandise from the flies too!" Stanley said as he walked out of the room.

    This is kinda lame. Wendy thought to herself. Instead of doing this, I'm just gonna go see what's up with Dipper instead.

    And so Wendy left her work station and walked outside instead to see her buddy Dipper strolling around in circles as he read from his journal.

    "Hey Dipper!" Wendy said, startling him so much that he fell onto the ground. "What are you doing?"

    Dipper was slightly flustered at his fall and took some time to respond. "Oh I'm just searching around for something out of the ordinary." Dipper replied. "Nothing really in particular has stuck out to this point."

    "Oh cool, sounds better then work." Wendy replied. "I'll join you!" And so they circled the perimeter of the Shack, but found nothing of value once more.

    "Say, let's go a little deeper into the woods." Dipper suggested. "I think we've exhausted all possibilities here." And so they went into the woods, and it didn't take too long for something to stick out.

    "Oh hey Dip, I think I found something!" Wendy exclaimed as she picked something up. Showing it to Dipper, he could see that it was a tooth, a very decayed, gnawed up tooth. "Hmmmm, it's very possible Grunkle Stan could have been eating something heavy and broke his tooth off…" Dipper said aloud, though not specifically addressing Wendy.

    "Hmmm, it seems a little… gross even for him."

    As Wendy spoke, she instinctively scratched an itch on her nose, but did so with the tooth, opening up a small bloody wound on her nose. "Ouch!" She yelped, rubbing the blood off her nose and onto her hand.

    "You alright?" Dipper asked. Wendy stared at Dipper blankly for a moment, her eyes moving rapidly in all different directions.

    "Wendy!" Dipper exclaimed in concern.

    "Wha-" She said, caught off guard. "I'm fine, just scratched my nose with this tooth. How about you hold on to it dude?" She said, handing it over to him. Now that he had a closer look at it, something seemed off about it.

    "This isn't no human tooth!" Dipper mumbled anxiously. "Almost like a… a zomb-zombie tooth! Wendy, you said you scratched yo-" Before Dipper could finish his sentence, he looked up to see Wendy eating the skin straight off her hand. "What, I'm hungry?" She said casually. Dipper decided he didn't need to ask his question.

    ------

    "So, I'm gon-gonna become a zombie?" Wendy asked anxiously as she sat on Dipper's bed.

    "If the journal is correct… yes." Dipper said. "I have no idea how long the process takes before you go full zombie."

    "Is there any way to reverse it?" She asked, viciously picking at her skin simultaneously. "Sorry, I'm just so itchy right now!"

    "Well according to the journal… no." Dipper said bluntly. "But Ford told me one time that there is a natural cure for 'infections of the mind' as he calls it. It's the so called 'purest creature's most vile excrement.'"

    "You mean… Unicorn pee?" Wendy asked as she tore off a piece of her ear and put it in her mouth. Dipper said nothing of it.

    "Y-yeah, that's exactly it." Dipper said uncomfortably.

    As he finished, Wendy leaned in close to Dipper, so close he could feel her nose touching his forehead. Dipper stuck his lips out for a kiss…

    but felt her tongue instead…

    on his forehead.

    "Wendy…?" Dipper asked as the initial euphoria of the situation had worn off. And then, just as suddenly, Wendy opened her mouth and attempted to bite him.

    "WENDY!?" came Dipper's shocked reaction. She merely blinked both of her eyes and then sat down.

    "I'm sorry… I just wanted some brain." She said innocently. Dipper knew they had to act fast from this point on and so he dragged the slowly zombifying Wendy and they traveled to the Unicorn land.

    "Come on Wendy, we don't have much time!" He said as he dragged her along.

    ------

    It was not too much much longer later when the two were still on their journey towards the Realm of Unicorns. Although Dipper knew the forest well, he had never been to this area and was therefore a bit lost. He was also lost deep in thought as he studied his map when he felt a sliminess in the back of his head.

    "You need to wash your hair Dipper." Wendy stated. "It's greasetastic!"

    "Wendy! Stay human, don't go after my head." Dipper said kinda angrily.

    "Brain!" She said in a more grumbled, zombied voice than her usual voice. STOP, IT'S DIPPER! She thought to herself, grunting out loud.

    "Sorry Dipper, I'm trying." She said more frantically. "The urges I have are just really strong right now."

    "I'm doing everything I can to get there quick it's just diffic-" Dipper finished mid sentence as he saw Wendy holding her other hand in the air. "OH MY GOD WENDY, YOUR HAND!" He screeched.

    Wendy stared briefly at her disembodied hand. PUT IT BACK, PUT IT BACK, PUT BACK! Was her frantic thought, but she didn't want Dipper to know that. "What this?" She said nonchalantly as she reattached her hand. "Yeah the pro of zombieness!... If it were Halloween."

    "Stay focused, we're getting closer." Dipper said.

    "Yeah man, get us there with your big… smart… juicy…. Br-" Dipper threw a tree branch to stop her train of thought. "S-sorry."

    ------

    Finally after even more walking, they were on the outskirts of the Realm of Unicorns. Although encouraged to have finally made it, he was worried about the continuing zombification. Wendy's skin was becoming more green and her sentences less…. Profound.

    "Herrreee. Are we herrreee?" She asked, her voice resembling a static groan more then herself.

    "Yeah we are, but perhaps you shouldn't push yourself." Dipper suggested. "Who knows how much time you have left if any." Dipper said, as he instinctively swatted Wendy's hand away from the back of his hand, having gotten used to it by now.

    Dipper, those Unicorns aren't gonna listen to your reason! YOU GOTTA GO KICK THEIR BUTTS! Wendy thought to herself, but her transformation wasn't letting her get that out fully. "Butts. Butts... Brains..." She said in a scattered mumble. Dipper was beginning to feel discouraged.

    "Honestly is it even worth it at this point?" Dipper asked rhetorically. "Are you even still actually there?"

    As he said this, Wendy grabbed his head from behind and lifted him in the air. Dipper was sure his brain was about to become stir fry but instead she landed a big wet kiss on him. It was not quite the elegance he had always imagined, but it was just what he needed.

    "Stay here, I'll be right back." Dipper said, filled with a load of confidence. As he walked into the forest of unicorns, he saw a purple Unicorn jamming to rave music.

    "Is-is this what unicorns are actually like?" Dipper asked concernedly to no one in particular.

    "What do you want punk?" She asked him.

    "Um, will you pee in this jar for me?" Dipper asked. The Unicorn just stared at him for a moment before deciding to say something.

    "Uhh no thanks." She said to him in a defiant tone.

    "Goddammit!" He said. "My friend is going to be zombified soon if I can't get your pee!"

    "Tough luck." She said back as it licked it's hooves.

    "Ugh!" He said angrily. "If Mabel were here, she'd probably be a lot nicer than I'm about to be, bu-" Before he could finish his sentence, he saw that the jar was full of Unicorn… well you know.

    "No no no, don't bring those crazy women again!" the Unicorn said as she ran off from Dipper.

    That was weird but I have no time at all to give it thought. I'm coming Wendy! He thought to himself. As he charged back up the hill, he saw her eating grass out of the ground.

    "Wendy, stop eating grass!" Dipper said. "I got the cure!" Wendy didn't acknowledge him at all, almost as if she wasn't even there.

    Oh no, am I too late? Does she not even remember who she is? Dipper, without giving it any more thought, tackled Wendy and attempted to pour the cure down her throat. She resisted and tried grabbing Dipper.

    "BRAIN. BRAIN." There was barely any humanity in her voice, scaring Dipper immensely. But he did not hesitate and continued to administer the cure. As the jar was emptied, both of them fell down from their struggle on their butts into the ground. Dipper panted heavily while Wendy sat motionless. Wendy then sat up and growled a fierce roar, initially making Dipper feel that he had failed. But that roar devolved into a hacking wheeze where the piece of ear she had tried eating earlier flung at Dipper's face instead. Afterwards he could hear her breathing softly.

    "Wendy?" Dipper asked nervously. He wasn't totally sure that this was the cured Wendy yet. "D-do you want to eat my brain?"

    "What?" She asked, disgustedly. "That's gross man."

    "Wendy!" He screeched happily. "You're cured! You're not a zombie anymore!"

    "Sorry I tried to eat your brain, I don't think it was really me." She said sheepishly.

    "It's alright." He said as they embraced in a hug. They then went back to the Shack, where Wendy just pretended like she never left her station. Stanley walked in a few seconds later.

    "How's the merchandise holding up?" He asked her.

    "Pretty swell, although one of those flies took out a chunk of my ear." She said, pointing at it.

    "Sacrifice? I like it! Keep up the good work kiddo!" Stan said as he walked out.

    Say where did that go anyways? Wendy wondered to herself.

    ------

    Mabel walked into her room, back from a sleepover with Pacifica.

    "Hey Dipper, how was your day?" She asked gleefully.

    "Pretty interesting." He said. "Hey, is keeping a zombified ear of Wendy's ok or not really?"

    The color dropped out of Mabel's face and she just walked out of the room. "I agree, not weird at all. Thanks Mabel." He said as he put it in his secret box.

    • Like 2

    Shit (aka the Politics thread)

    in Robot-Pirate Island

    Posted

    This saddens me most about this election I think. We have audio tapes of him talking about these things, practically flaunting it, and yet here we are. I don't want to judge anyone, but it says a lot that we can overlook this sort of thing. I'm going to hold hope that the machinations of American Government hold up and he's a footnote in our history in however many years, but I still can't believe it's gotten this far.

    • Like 1

    NFL 2016 Season Topic

    in Goo Lagoon

    Posted

    Week 9 thoughts:

    - Score doesn't say it, but that loss to the Ravens was absolutely deflating. All around bad game from Ben looking out of sorts to Bell getting nowhere fast to the blocked punt. Bad timing for the Cowboys to come to Heinz Field. So much bad.

    - I can't remember the last time the Packers looked so ordinary in the Aaron Rodgers era. This is by no means an indictment on Rodgers alone (I mean the lead running back rn is a converted WR) but at this rate, we're looking at Aaron Rodgers missing the playoffs for the second time in his starting career perhaps.

    - I think it may still be too late for Carolina to recover from the 1-5 start, but they're back on track enough for me to keep the fork out of them for the time being. On the other hand, stick it in the Rams. May as well start Goff and see what you have in him.

    - If they weren't already, it's safe to say the Raiders are back after a rather dominant win on SNF over Denver. Most encouraging for them has to be the running game gashing the Broncos for 3 touchdowns and out possessing them by a near 2-1 ratio. At 7-2, you gotta think Raiders are on track for at least a playoff berth if not a division title.

    The Baseball Thread

    in Goo Lagoon

    Posted

    5 minutes ago, illiniguy34 said:

    I'll be honest, it wasn't until yesterday when it finally sank in that the Cubs were World Series champions. Hey, 108 years does stuff to you XP.

    Did it set in during that huge parade? :P

    NFL 2016 Season Topic

    in Goo Lagoon

    Posted

    - New England is the Super Bowl favorite until proven otherwise. I think the gap between them and the second best team is just that big right now.

    - NFC Least East is really competitive so far, although it seems like it'll come down to the Eagles and Cowboys it looks like.

    - Will Pittsburgh please stop losing these road games to terrible teams like Miami? It's hard to feel good about them in times like these.

    - The Raiders being competitive for the first time in my adult life is fun. Hoping they look good under the prime time lights these next few weeks.

    - The Vikings Offensive Line has gotten bad these last few weeks. Really bad. (sorry trophy)

    • Like 1
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