[One-Shot Glory]

Just going to say that I'm going to try and have something submitted before tomorrow as a late-minute entry of sorts (and at least in my timezone).

[This Is For The Players...]

Oh man...I'm torn between the first three. PS1 because it has my favorite video game trilogy (Spyro) and for the rest of its iconic library. I could say PS3 because of the sentiment that it's become the one console I would usually have plugged in most of the time for watching movies, Netflix, and playing games from the previous two generations, but of course, I'm going for the in-between for nostalgia's sake, which is the PS2.

[The SBC Community Mixtape #1 (take two!): Submissions Thread]

Since I can still add a couple more songs while I haven't reached the 28 minute maximum, I'm going do just add that so that, besides my addition of a SB Broadway song, my submission could extend into being my personal top 5 for the theme I went with:

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

This should now be 18 minutes worth of songs for my submission.

[Let's write bad episodes of SpongeBob!]

Squidward Torture Porn (SPECIAL EPISODE)

22 consecutive minutes of Squidward receiving the short end of the stick before it fades into SB and Patrick giving a PSA to stop television writers from committing abuse towards fictional octopi before they turn on a electric chair and electrocute Squidward, who happened to be sitting in it.

[SBC's Top 50 Worst Episodes Ever! (2021 Edition)]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

[SBC's Top 50 Worst Episodes Ever! (2021 Edition)]

I would like to address something very important before any further comments on the two recent reveals are made. I should point out first thing that SBC's Top 50 Worst Episodes Ever list is not an official signifier for what is truly the fifty worst SpongeBob episodes ever. This list is a group effort for each of us to share our own opinions and perspective on what we think is the series' worst episodes. Yes, even lists from people who put pre-movie episodes on theirs, myself included. I speak for everyone who has at least put one episode from the most beloved era of SB on their list when I say that we don't do this simply for the purpose of "putting balance" on a sea filled with episodes past that era. Alongside the two members who put ASWCF at #4 on their respective lists, I've had the same episode on my list at #6, and that is, and always will be because I genuinely disliked the episode. Because we collectively put an pre-movie episode on the top 50 list doesn't mean we're insulting the legacy of the first three seasons of SB or anything else. If you have an issue with the episode being on the list, that is completely normal, as we've always had moments where we'd disagree with a certain episode's placement, whether it'd be for a list compiling votes for the worst episodes, or for the best episodes. However, I prefer for anyone who would like to argue about the placement to be mature with their comments. Do not accuse anyone who put a particular pre-movie episode on their lists as doing it for balance reasons. At the end of the day, we're all just expressing our own personal opinions. 

[Fred riffs Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob]

I don't want to have to keep making this argument, but while I can't disregard that Zaid wasn't a good writer by every means, if there's any writing on SBC that I would consider to be 'the worst,' I'd still say that it would be from someone who knew exactly what they were doing, like SpongeBob's Host by nose or Crazy Celes by Metal Snake as a couple of obvious yet very notorious examples. Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob is an incoherent mess, yes, but trust me when I say that the same would apply for everything else he made. 

[The SBC Community Mixtape #1 (take two!): Submissions Thread]

Feel free to add these suggestions of mine. I decided to go simple and do my top 4 animated songs from the previous decade as my theme:

"Smile Song" from MLP:FiM:

Spoiler

 

"Both of You" from Steven Universe:

Spoiler

 

"Summer Belongs to You" from Phineas & Ferb:

Spoiler

 

and although I'm cheating here, "I'm Not a Loser" from the SpongeBob broadway musical, being a fan of SB on a SB forum and all:

Spoiler

 

 

[Unpopular opinions you have]

-A hiatus isn't the worst thing in the world to ever happen to a manga series and it makes me vexed whenever I see certain folk call out a mangaka for supposed laziness as if they owe them a new chapter as soon as they'd want it, and I wish it didn't take until the death of Berserk's creator to make most people realize that writing and drawing manga truly can be hard work and manga creators deserve more respect than what we tend to give them.

-While I'm very much not the kind of person who overprioritizes his bad experiences with certain people into categorizing an entire community as being unpleasant, I can't help but find audiophiles to be self-righteous scumbags most of the time. Oh, you hate Crosley record players? Good for yoooouuuuu, but that doesn't mean you should be belittling even children for owning one. Sure, I can't deny that there are better brands of vinyl record players out there, but I feel proud of the Crosley Cruiser that I have because I at least have something to play my small collection of vinyls on, and let's face it, Crosley was just about anyone's first record player, and I'm pretty sure it was the first for any particular audiophile who quote-unquote didn't know any better back then. Even taking into consideration that Crosley is commonly cited for killing vinyl records, that doesn't even bother me all that much as someone who owns a Crosley because...it's MY vinyl record player, the vinyl records I own are MY vinyls, and so I choose what I do with them, even simply not playing them like most vinyl record collectors do.

[SBC's Top 50 Worst Episodes Ever! (2021 Edition)]

Alright, I'm partially responsible for Breath of Fresh Squidward being on here since it's on my bottom 10, so I ought to explain myself. I feel this episode was setting itself up for something interesting by switching up the roles for SpongeBob and Squidward for the episode's conflict, but I felt that ended up being executed poorly. There's something about SpongeBob going from the kind of character who would put others first to a type of character who doesn't like being one-upped a character he tends to show a lot of care towards (Squidward) and wouldn't even let him stay happy near the end as the breaking point was pogo-dancing with Patrick (Seriously??? That of all things to make SB come off as a jerk for the purpose of the episode's plot?) that just rubs me the wrong way. Even when the episode had the good opportunity to deliver a its conflict by making SB realize how much of a jerk he was to the nice Squidward after melting down in front of everyone at Squid's Employee of the Month celebration party, the episode decides to rush that and just have SB go "wow i was kinda rude to Squidward, i'll apologize to him right now, lol," and this was just RIGHT AFTER the nice Squidward left the party in tears.

Even when the episode had the interesting idea of showing us what a nicer version of Squidward would be like, even the episode misses with their execution of that idea by making Squidward into rather a extremely exaggerated version of SpongeBob himself.

Then there's the ending, which just ends on an unsatisfying note. Cool, Squidward is his normal self again, but now SpongeBob and Patrick are literally Squidward after touching the static that he was giving off from touching the electric fence, which then breaks because of the whole chain reaction. Yay?

[SBC's Top 50 Worst Episodes Ever! (2021 Edition)]

I should confess first thing that my bottom 25 list contains no Legends of Bikini Bottom episodes and I must apologize for that, as I couldn't decide which episode in the anthology was the worst.

[Every Billboard Year-End Hot 100 based solely on inverse points (1992-2020)]

As I should point out first thing before someone tells me, I actually haven't compiled data for every year...yet. All that's missing as of this posting are a select few years from the 90s: 1993, 1994, 1996,and 1999 (yeah, call it sacrilegious that I have yet to compile data for what is considered to be one of the best years for pop music since the past 25 years).

Anyways, this is a thread where I post the year-end Hot 100 charts that I've compiled based on the inverse points system alone. They are all contained in one convenient document that can be viewed via the link below. The data for each year is based on their respective tracking periods according to Billboard (1992-2017 - First week of December to last week of November. 2018 - First week of December to second-to-last week of November. 2019 - Last week of November to mid-November. 2020 - Mid-November to mid-November.)  Naturally, I would post this on the Downtown Bikini Bottom forum, but I'm posting the document here on this forum to be on the safe side.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/16OB-ZiQmOdAsuruncHcgir6zpfWjBSK8n17ABWYUrXk/edit?usp=sharing

This is just a zany side-project that I slowly worked my way through since sometime during 2017, updating it sporadically, and I haven't felt the need to share it until now. It is said that early year-end Hot 100 lists were compiled through an inverse points system (a song spending 1 week at #100 would earn 1 point, 2 for a week at #99, 3 for a week at #98 and so forth) among other factors classified by Billboard, and I decided to commit to this as I thought it would be fun to see how different the year-end charts would look if they didn't incorporate data from Nielsen SoundScan during this current era (The Nielsen era began at the start of the 1992 tracking period, which is why that's the cut-off). I'm close to finished with this compilation, so I'll be updating this document once a month until then. This project isn't such a high priority for me, so I don't really plan on going beyond 2020.

Also for those who need help comprehending these sheets:

First column - Song title
Second column - Weeks spend during said year
Third column - Peak position for said year
Fourth column - Original chart peak on the official Billboard year-end list
Fifth column - Year-end chart position difference
Sixth column - Song's respective artist(s)
Seventh column - Song's total inverse points

Feel free to ask me some questions you may have about these charts I've compiled.

[SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation]

39b. Gary left (Gary Takes a Bath)

 

Gary left

 

Chinhupul (Chichewa detected phrase for 'the same') Bob: Gary! Looks like a whole week: rainy season!

.../ Let's start with water. You need to go to the bathroom, Gary. Now, Gary, we can do it the hard way, or the easy way, or the middle class, or the light heavyweight class, or the hard way. ..

.../ This is it! How do you want to play, okay?

.../ Gary! Please rate this new game. Ikamate!

[He throws the ball to Gary. Back to SpongeBob and Boomerangs and read the box]

.../ Huh? Boomerang pet "new" ball: really works! Ha.

[He throws the box and hits himself in the head]

.../ Gary! The ball is in my chest! If not washed, the explosion will take three seconds!

.../ Welcome ...?

[Bombs explode]

.../ Now I'm going to hit your mind with a high level message!

[Picture of a bathroom passing, and soap coming out, then a picture of a pretty tired girl]

.../ Sorry you have to check.

.../ Hello, good French restaurant? I came to get a dangerous snail that doesn't bathe.

.../ What Jae! Would you say the same? You're late! You speak another language!

.../ Hello Staco! How to deal with other flying frogs?

.../ Wow! That's right, it's your turn.

[He throws Gary off the wall, pulls out an arrow, and then we see Gary curled up next to him]

.../ Hello Staco! How to deal with other flying frogs?

[Gary hits her head on the head]

.../ I have the next dollar bill to clean the house!

[Sir. Crab enters the bathroom and collects SpongeBob dollars]

.../ I-yes-yes-yes ...

.../ How does it not work?

[Gary sleeps. SpongeBob, dressed as a bandit, runs to Gary, who wakes up]

.../ Gary! Gary! Look what I found! This is an old map, showing where the pirate treasure is kept in this house! Boys, let's get rich! Oh!

.../ In fact, Gary, it's still part 40 now. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ..

.../ 24, 25, 26, seventy ... 40. Of course there are treasures here!

.../ Ah, Gary, look! Criminal offense!

Gary: Muyavo (Spanish detected phrase for 'I move').

Chinhupul Bob: No, Gary, this isn't the bathroom. Treasure!

.../ Look, two! [Show two soups] Don't wait until ...

.../ Check out this brooch brooch!

[Shows duck football]

Gary: Muyavo.

Chinhupul Bob: I don't know what snails to close and close! Why not just go to the bathroom now?

[I're trying to throw the house in the pot, but it's on SpongeBob]

.../ Take the container!

[Gary tried to throw it in the pot, but he did not succeed]

.../ Take the container!

[Gary tried to throw it in the pot, but he did not succeed]

.../ Take the container!

[Gary tried to throw it in the pot, but he did not succeed]

.../ Savand!

[Gary tried to throw it in the pot, but he did not succeed]

.../ Savand!

[Gary tries to throw the pot, but he jumps over it and falls to the ground after two seconds]

.../ Now, Gary, did you go to the bathroom or did I ...

[Gary goes down but they all hang on the roof]

.../ Gary, what ...

[Gary draws the eyes and Cotton Bob grabs him]

.../ Gary, no!

[Gary closes one eye]

.../ Gary!

[She falls into bath]

.../ Really, Gary, when was the last time you kidnapped me and made me angry! If I can't find you in the bathroom, bring a shower.

[It absorbs all the water in the bath]

.../ PST, Gary. Take a shower!

[Water plays Gary, but he runs and hits himself in a chair]

.../ Rudy, Gary! I can "stay" with you.

[Gary spits a lot of water, but he washes and flushes out dirty dishes, discarded]

.../ More like a "dish"!

.../ Gary, are you waiting for water?

.../ Oh, hanging on a tree?

.../ It's time to leave him and move on, Gary!

[Water pours over Gary, but he realizes that Gary is a music photographer]

.../ Unlimited! I squeezed the body and skin of the hand!

[Gary looks at him sharply and takes down the ladder from the tree]

.../ Gary! Now go back up the stairs!

.../ Congratulations. You took a shower and now you have a white sample!

Gary: Muyavo.

Chinhupul Bob: I'm your boss!

Gary: Muyavo.

Chinhupul Bob: You can be a free country, but you live by the rules in my house.

Gary: Muyavo.

Chinhupul Bob: Don't talk to me What did you do when I said that?

.../ What are you doing, sir?

.../ Stay away from the swamp!

.../ Gary Snail, can you hear me? I give you three seconds to get out of the mud! One, two, two and a half ... don't call me three!

.../ Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary !!

[Falling from a tree, falling down]

.../ I have a black child.

Gary: Muyavo.

Chinhupul Bob: Yes, yes, Gary. I went behind my ear.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NOTES/TRIVIA:

Google translate setup for "Gary Takes a Bath:"

Dialogue: Kannada-Yiddish-Chichewa-Swahili-Russian-Javanese-Mongolian
Scene descripts: Chichewa-Javanese-Kannada-Mongolian-Russian-Swahili-Yiddish

[Total Drama Treasure Tour]

2. A Boney to Pick

 

The first challenge of the season continues as the grouped-up contestants pick a path to find the two treasures. Dawn, Ella, Katie, Sadie, Amy, Rodney, Leonard, Sammy, Beardo, Blaineley, and Eva would all be heading northwest towards the skull cave while Justin, Trent, Tyler, Brick, B, Staci, Anne Maria, and Topher all walked along the northeast path leading to the Fun Zone. Dawn and Ella are the first group to be shown, as they are being approached by a tall mutant animal. The mutant let out a roar, signifying its aggression, startling Ella while Dawn prepared to confront it without unease. Dawn asks the mutant if something is bothering it, prompting for the mutant to reveal a thorn in its right foot. Dawn then requests Ella to remove the thorn, identifying her gentle aura, especially when she’s around animals. Ella agrees to do so and softly remove the object aggravating the mutant, who then clears the path for the two as a way of showing gratitude.

Amy, along with her teammates Rodney and Leonard, would take their eyes off Sammy’s group for a moment as they notice the Dawn and Ella pair looking to have a good idea of where the crowns are located. Observing the pair complimenting each other and talking about how they know the possible whereabouts of the treasure, Amy takes it upon herself to interfere and mock Dawn for her strange abilities and as well as choosing the songstress as her partner. Ella, being oblivious to Amy’s viciousness, returns her remark with kinder words, telling her that she’ll be willing to be friends with her if they’re on the same team this season. Afterwards, Dawn advises Ella not to listen to Amy, pointing out that she’s only trying to intimidate others and that she just wants one part of the treasure for herself. In addition, Dawn warns Ella of the strong negative aura that Amy is giving off. Ella and Dawn continue their trail without paying any more attention to the bad twin, who fires back at them, reminding them that she now knows where the treasure could be. Sammy and her group would then run past Amy and her group, with Sammy goading to her sister that if she wants to be a team captain, she would have to work on her social skills, making her furious thereafter but calms down after Rodney comes to her defense against Sammy.

*Confessional Cams*

Amy then appears in front of a confessional cam to say that she wants Dawn out of the game, seeing her as a genuine threat. She finishes by saying that for the time being, she’s focusing on winning the challenge and preventing her sister from doing so, lest she end up being eliminated first.

Sammy then appears in front of the camera to ask herself what Rodney sees in Amy that she doesn’t see in her. She goes on to say that she pities him since he doesn’t realize that Amy is using him for fodder in the challenge.

*End of confessionals*

While following Ella and Dawn’s trail, Amy’s group would be confronted by a mutant different from the one that Ella and Dawn had faced. Amy thinks over her plan at this point and sees that she only has a chance to escape by sacrificing Rodney and Leonard. In a feigning manner, Amy requests for Leonard to use his wizard powers against the mutant. Taking Amy’s demand as serious, Leonard steps up in front of the mutant with confidence. He casts aloud a disappearing spell. Nothing happens, yet he continues to summon said spell to no avail. Amy makes a run from the mutant and hollers to Leonard that he’s doing a good job. Rodney follows after the evil twin and carries her in his arms, clarifying that he’s saving her life from the creature. Amy asks if he should be coming back for Leonard. Rodney responds to her by saying that his biggest priority is making sure she wins the challenge so that he could win a date. Amy makes a brief appearance behind the confessional cam, bemoaning that she’ll have to find another way to get Rodney out of her way, reminding to herself that as long as she had made that fake promise, Rodney is motivated to stay by her side.

Through a speaker, Chris announces that Boney Island has claimed its first victim for the challenge, meaning that Leonard had been captured by one of the island’s mutant inhabitants. In the background, a certain feral teen could be seen jumping across the treetops. Now along the northeastern path, B, Anne Maria, and Staci are seen taking a stroll, with the latter two chatting up a storm. As usual, Staci brags about her fabricated ancestors while Anne Maria brags about herself while also complaining about the uncomfortable armor that B had her wear. The ever silent B gives an aside glance at the camera following the pair, rolling his eyes over the pair-up that he’s stuck with.

*Confessional Cam*

Anne Maria appears behind the camera, talking about she’s come prepared if she’s going to run into the Ezekiel kid later in the challenge. She goes on to say that after making the terrible mistake of throwing the game last time because she thought Ezekiel’s  diamond was real, she’s more determined to give her own chance to shine this season. She finishes by saying that she intends to start up her own fashion line if she wins and plans on trying to make an alliance with Brick so he could give her some pointers, knowing full well that he’s taken fashion school during his time away from Total Drama.

*End of confessional*

As Anne Maria, B, and Staci continued along their path, Staci encounters one of the mutants of the island, calling out to her partners that she’s been ambushed. As the other two team members turned around, they saw Staci being carried away by the mutant. Anne Maria screams in terror while B silently panics as they fear that they’re being watched. Not long after Staci’s disappearance, the feral Ezekiel drops down in front of Anne Maria and B, startling the former even more before. Boosting her self-confidence, Anne Maria walks over to Ezekiel and grabs a can of hairspray from her pouffe. B, on the hand, remains frozen in place, trying to think of how to escape. Ezekiel appears to be too love-struck by Anne Maria to make a move. Anne Maria exclaims to Ezekiel for him to get away from her and B while she sprays the can on Ezekiel’s face. However, Ezekiel resists the vapors and stench from the hairspray and grabs a hold of Anne Maria, running out of the thickets as his affectionate expression stayed on his face. With Ezekiel too distracted to take come back for him or summon a mutant to take him hostage, B examines his set blueprints for an idea to escape, and quickly builds a skateboard out of the things he spotted in his path. B propelled his hand-crafted skateboard, zipping across the woods to try and find other contestants nearby to join forces with. He eventually runs into Justin and Trent.

Justin and Trent are surprised by B’s presence, who then gestures for them to hide with him as he’s spotted one of Boney Island’s creatures nearby. Trent asks B if he’s alone. B nods in an affirming manner. Justin then asks B if he needs to join their group, with B making the same gesture. Justin then asks if B can talk, to which he responds by shaking his head. Trent remarks that B somewhat reminds him of Justin when he didn’t speak for the longest time all the way back during the first season. Justin says that he’ll allow B to come with as it’s better than running into Katie and Sadie. Topher, who had been observing the situations of the other contestants, teases Anne Maria and Staci’s eliminations from the challenge and as well as B transferring to Trent and Justin’s side in his usual Chris-like manner. B returns Topher’s comments with a simple glare. Topher leaves the group’s sight after telling them that he’s on his way to the Fun Zone, where he believes Chris and Chef hid the treasure.

Somewhere else within the northeast section of the Boney Island woods, Brick and Tyler are still trying to find the treasure until they found themselves in front of the opened metal door leading to the Fun Zone. Upon entering inside, the two were met face to face with an array of mutant plants, and as well as Larry the Venus flytrap, front and center. Finding themselves having took the wrong direction and in the middle of a trap, Brick and Tyler were now at a state of panic. Trying to make a run for it, Tyler was dragged away by the roots of the mutant plants. Tyler cries out for Brick to leave while he still can. However, Brick responds by coming to Tyler’s side, stating “Never leave a cadet behind!” Brick’s loyalty would end up making him into a hostage along with Tyler. Outside the Fun Zone, Topher appears to be giving himself a listen to the chaos, deducing that he should take a different direction if it’s not safe to go inside the area, nor is it safe to assume that the treasure is there. While changing his course, Topher bumps into Eva, who afterwards asks if he’s by himself. Topher affirms that he’s performing the challenge alone and doesn’t need to her help, to which Eva responds that she needs no one’s help and leaves Topher alone to continue her search.

*Confessional Cams*

Topher makes a brief comment about Eva, hoping that he and she don’t have to share a team since he’s honestly terrified of her.

Eva then appears behind the camera to say that she hopes Topher doesn’t steal away her chance of becoming a team captain and that anyone who is a kiss-up to Chris is no friend of hers.

Brick, appearing behind the camera with injuries after his encounters at the Fun Zone, points out that his predicament didn’t mean that he was unlucky, referring the lucky dog tags he had brought with for the season, and says that it was due to his gut feeling of trying to save Tyler while he remains a loyal cadet at heart, further stating that he can’t blame himself for losing out on becoming a team captain for Tyler because of how much of a nice guy he is.

*End of confessionals*

Now within the northwest section of the Boney Island woods, Katie and Sadie have settled inside a cove, choosing to focus less on the challenge and to instead talk about boys, who they should try and get involved with (with Justin and Trent being the only two names they could think of), and how confident they are to win the season now that they’re competing together again. Sadie points out that if they win the challenge, they would have to be on separate teams, to which Katie then responds that it would mean that they’ll be just fine if they lose today as long as neither of them get voted off tonight. With Katie and Sadie distracted, they failed to notice one of mutant creatures sneaking up on them. Upon getting caught by the creature, the two BFFFLs let out a scream loud enough to catch the attention of the other contestants close by them, including Sammy’s group.

Sammy asks where the sound came from before Blaineley suggests that it could be Katie and Sadie, given how distinct they are for their squealing. She jokingly asks for Beardo to repeat the shrieks from the best friend duo to make sure that she’s right. Beardo does so before Sammy immediately stops him, reminding him that he’s to be using his sound effects in case of an emergency. Beardo looks around and vocalizes Sammy’s “Trigger word” phrase. After Sammy confused Beardo for doing another one of his unneeded sound effects, Beardo nervously speaks up to say that there is danger ahead of them. Blaineley and Sammy then turn around to see that there is a mutant close to them. Because of Sammy’s athletic skill, she and her team members managed to escape from an attack and hid.

Once as the noise cleared out, Blaineley speaks of her surprise to realize that Beardo can actually talk. Sammy comes to the agreement while pointing out no matter whether Beardo talks with sound effects or not, she was right to consider him useful for the challenge. Blaineley signals for Sammy and Beardo to come out of hiding alongside her as she saw the coast is now clear, but then, without warning, Sammy and Beardo see Blaineley get caught in a rope trap. Sammy asks for Beardo to stay put while she frees her with a pair of first aid scissors from her medical kit. Sammy asks who could set up a trap. Blaineley suggests that either Chris set up some traps across the island or it was set up by the pale-looking teen that just took Beardo away, referring to Ezekiel. While Sammy was helping Blaineley out of a trap, Ezekiel jumped down behind Beardo without attracting attention from. For a couple seconds, Sammy and Blaineley saw as Ezekiel was struggling a bit in dragging Beardo up from atop one of the trees as Beardo’s “Trigger word” call then faded into the distance.

Sammy suggests that she and Blaineley should go chase after Ezekiel before Blaineley warns that she would be giving him the opportunity to have herself captured and therefore cost her one chance of becoming a team captain. Sammy asks Blaineley how she could trust her and how she couldn’t have set up the trap so that she could prevent her from winning the challenge at that point. Blaineley points out that she knew that each contestant was allowed to bring one particular thing with them for the season, then stating that she brought her wristwatch before then saying that she didn’t know that Ezekiel would be ambushing their group. As the duo were about to focus back on the challenge, Topher, sitting in one of the trees, announces through his megaphone that Katie, Sadie, and Beardo have now all been eliminated from the challenge and taunts Sammy that she should be catching up to her sister. Angered, Sammy throws a cold pack from her supplies kit at Topher’s face. Afterwards, Sammy gestures for Blaineley to hustle with their search for the treasure.

*Confessional Cam*

Blaineley expresses that she’s satisfied “Samey” has some trust in her, although disappointed that she won’t be able to deceive her if she’s the kind of player who won’t get fooled so easily.

*End of confessional*

Along the same northwestern path, Ella and Dawn are shown still searching around. Ella asks Dawn if they are taking the right path. Dawn reassures that she knows, while she’s also biding time for the other contestants, so they won’t figure out that they’ll be looking for it in the Fun Zone. Out of habit, Ella begins to sing a merry tune about her and Dawn finding the treasure in the Fun Zone aloud until her partner stops her and warns not to reveal their strategy out in the open, as she feels someone like Amy would intervene. Upon mention of her, Amy and Rodney would then show themselves in front of the two, with Amy thanking Ella for the helpful hint. Dawn responds by telling Amy to look out for a mutant animal that’s close to them. Amy doesn’t believe it at first, thinking that Dawn is trying to trick her from getting the treasure until Rodney warns her. Ella and Dawn would evacuate as the mutant got close to Amy and Rodney. After trying to think about a plan to escape, Amy convinces Rodney to fend off the creature for her, and even if he does get eliminated from the challenge, she’ll still be willing to date him. Rodney easily agrees while Amy ran off, leaving the two by themselves, but not before Amy exclaims to Rodney that she lied the whole time about her promise.

Back at the northeastern part of the Boney Island woods, B, Justin, and Trent were near the entrance to the Fun Zone. B peers his head towards the entrance to see Larry keeping guard of the treasure and as well as the contestants that failed the challenge through his hand-made binoculars. He gestures for Justin and Trent to look at the scene discreetly to see that the two crowns are inside the Fun Zone. Realizing now that the treasure is in there, Trent and Justin step inside, ignoring B’s silent warning. Outside the Fun Zone, B heard the twosome’s screams. He stayed still beside the entrance for his own safety, until Amy bumped into him. Encountering him, Amy asks B if the treasure is in the Fun Zone, to which B quickly affirms. Amy peered her head towards the entrance leading to the Fun Zone and pulled it back out as she became aware of the danger taking place in there. She turned to face B who had a good few blueprints laid out for devising a plan to retrieve the treasure. Amy asks if B will help her out and B responds by pointing over to his blueprints. Taking the answer as a yes, Amy accepts B to help her in his way.

Back again at the northwest section, Eva approached the skull cave that has been described to be a possible spot for the two crowns. Eva examines the cave for the treasure without uttering a word. Having finished looking around to see nothing there, Eva turned her back and prepared to move west to the find the treasure at the Fun Zone. It was then that she was confronted by one of the mutant inhabitants. Without hesitation, Eva uses her strength to knock out the creature. She was then ambushed by Ezekiel, who jumps down in front of her. Once again, Eva shows herself to have the upper-hand by then tossing Ezekiel out of her sight while Sammy and Blaineley stood watching her without her notice. Taking a good look at Eva’s actions, Sammy and Blaineley both inferred that the treasure was located on the other side of Boney Island. Sammy remarks towards Blaineley that Eva is a strong player if she can take on anything that’s thrown at her, to which Blaineley reminds her that Eva is considered to be one of the strongest players in Total Drama by physical standards for numerous reasons.

Before Sammy and Blaineley could move out and follow Eva’s path, the pair was approached by the feral Ezekiel after Eva tossed him to where the twosome hid, still without noticing that she was being surveyed by them. With no other obstacles in her sight, Eva made a dash for the Fun Zone while Sammy and Blaineley had to deal with the feral teen. Before either of the two contestants could think of a plan to escape, Blaineley somehow caught Ezekiel’s attention due to the wristwatch on her arm. Blaineley knew now that Ezekiel was after her wristwatch when he tried to lunge for it. Unwilling for the feral teen to take the wristwratch from her hands, Blaineley started to run while Ezekiel came chasing after her. Blaineley cried out to the feral teen to stay away from her watch as she continued to try and get away from him. Sammy made a run for the Fun Zone while Blaineley stalled Ezekiel. After the scuffle, Topher approached the skull cave and hung his head in disappointment when he realizes that he now has to walk back to where he had just left from.

Near to where the Fun Zone is located, Ella and Dawn were making their way towards the said spot. Ella would then ask Dawn why the island-dwelling creatures are attacking. Dawn answers by saying that there are two theories, with the first being that they are technically disturbing their habitat, with the second theory being that someone is commanding them to prevent the island’s treasure from being taken, suggesting that it’s Ezekiel that the host also warned about that’s making them act as bodyguards. Right as Dawn made such a presumption, Ezekiel would pop up in front of her and Ella, preparing to take a couple more back to the Fun Zone. As Ezekiel touched Dawn, she felt something that she would have never thought she’d experienced. Time froze over and Dawn got a closer look at what was hidden within the feral teen’s aura and caught a short glimpse of him from the past. It was the image of a simple, pale, homeschooled boy. The moment she felt time move like normal, she saw that her aura reading power had sent Ezekiel flying back about ten feet away from Dawn.

At that point, Ella asked Dawn what she did. Dawn responds by saying that she hasn’t experience something like this before and there’s something about Ezekiel that she can’t seem to completely comprehend. Ezekiel then gets back up for another attempting at seizing Dawn, and he manages to do so without any other problems occurring. Ella urges Dawn to try and use her powers on him again before Dawn tells her that they’re not working on him now for some reason and demands Ella to escape to the Fun Zone. Ella takes Dawns advice and resumes on her path until she comes across one of the island creatures that Ezekiel had called upon. Without reinforcements, Ella resorts to trying to calm the mutant with her singing, which doesn’t work and results into her subsequent capture.

The other remaining three contestants, Sammy, Eva, and Topher, would then meet up with B and Amy beside the entrance to the Fun Zone. While Sammy and Eva arrived with enduring energy, Topher would arrive out of breath. Topher asks if anyone knows what B is planning, which then Amy responds by saying that he can’t talk and that there’s no feasible plan in sight to retrieve the two treasures guarded by Larry until B has it thought out. Being her impatient self and not wanting to follow a plan to get what she wants, Eva confronts Larry and his minions without second thought. Not wanting their chances taken away by such a strong contestant, Amy and Sammy both rushed inside as well, forcing B to step in and try to get the contestants to retreat. Before he could say anything, he gets caught by the roots of the mutant plants. Amy and Sammy both resort to using their athletic skills to snatch the two crowns. However, their strategy is cut short after getting caught by Larry, and subsequently saved by Eva who pummels her way through the Fun Zone to take both of the crowns. Topher, who was waiting outside the Fun Zone during the surprise attack, saw as Eva exited the site with the two treasures, nonchalantly giving the other half to him, saying that even though she wouldn’t want to share it, it’s his since he was one of the last two contestants standing in the challenge.

*Confessional Cam*

Topher expresses how surprised and pleased he is at the same time to have won a spot as team captain. He acknowledges that he won by chickening out, but he is otherwise satisfied that it did him some favors regardless.

*End of confessional* 

The other contestants were then escorted out of the Fun Zone and taken back to the shore alongside Eva and Topher, all of them waiting for Chris and Chef to return to verify the results of the challenge. The two winners took a gaze at the pirate crowns. One contained an emblem of a pelican while the other had an emblem of a seagull. Chris and Chef returned while on their ship, announcing to the cast that Eva and, surprisingly, Topher had both won the challenge and serve as team captains for the teams that will be formed after tonight’s eliminated ceremony. He adds that because of their win, Eva and Topher are immune from elimination.

*Confessional Cams*

Amy expresses her sheer frustration towards being so close to becoming a team captain, only for it to be taken away from her. She goes on to say that while she’ll have to be a regular team player, she intends having her sister end up on the same team as her while trying to overthrow either Eva or Topher and take the leadership that she feels she deserves, and in preventing “Samey” from getting the satisfaction of being a team leader and getting her eliminated in the process, she will successfully kill two birds with one stone. She finishes by saying while she’d like to have “Samey” eliminated, as she’s seeking to get her revenge on her, she says that she’ll be voting off Rodney admitting that she can’t stand to have him around any longer and is confident that she’ll be able to get enough votes against him.

Sammy expresses that she’s not too upset about losing the challenge and hopes to not end up on the same team with her sister again. She then says that while she wants to have Amy eliminated, she declares that she wants Blaineley out first, believing she won’t be useful at all for any of the next challenges, and so she’ll try to convince some others to side with her.

*End of confessionals*

All nineteen competitors were summoned to Chris and Chef’s ship, awaiting either safety or elimination. Chris shows the contestants a small chest containing their symbols of immunity. Inside were eighteen golden doubloons. Chris acknowledges that they’re not actually real doubloons and they’re made of chocolate, but informs that the one person who doesn’t get their immunity symbol will be ousted from the game, have to walk the Plank of Shame, and get thrown overboard. Eva and Topher are the first two names called by out Chris, as they won the challenge. Chris then confirms Ella, Dawn, Brick, Tyler, Beardo, Anne Maria, Katie, Sadie, Trent, B, Justin, Staci, and Leonard to be safe from elimination. At that point, Amy, Sammy, Rodney, and Blaineley were the only ones without a doubloon. Chris then calls out “Samey” and Amy, making them safe as well, leaving Rodney and Blaineley in the bottom two. Tension rises before Chris calls the name of the last contestant to stay another day until he finally calls out to Rodney.

Blaineley complains about her loss before Chris then reassures her that the other contestants have spoken and he’s not at all surprised that the majority of them would find her too sketchy to have around since her last-minute arrival. He then adds that he and Chef weren’t completely certain if she was the real or not before seeing that they noticed a surprise visitor nearby. On cue, Chris points over to what appeared to be the real Blaineley waiting by the steps of Chris’ ship, calling out to the host that the Blaineley standing right before them is an imposter. Being both eliminated and her cover blown, “Blaineley” on the ship removes her wristwatch and therefore, her holographic disguise that hid her true identity: Scarlett. Chris mocks Scarlett for her early loss, commenting how she’s trying to sneak her way back into the show through unconventional means as she’s been banned from competing since last season. Then, someone else shows up, walking up to the ship warning Scarlett that he thinks they’ve been found out. Of course, it was Manfred Businessman, who was immediately revealed to be Max after the frustrated Scarlett removed the wristwatch concealing his identity whilst scolding him for his incompetence.

Before being shown to the Plank of Shame, Scarlett goes on a rant against Chris telling him that even though she can’t compete for the millions, she’ll still try and it snatch it up, whatever it takes. Chris then commands for Chef to throw Scarlett and Max overboard. Chef comments how it would’ve been more satisfying with Blaineley for the alliance he was forced to make with her back in World Tour, but he’s still willing to do the job since he has no regards for a couple of troublemakers. Before leaving Chris to resume his hosting job, the real Blaineley finishes by saying that she wouldn’t have ever signed in to return for the new season since she’s been done keeping her own self attached to Total Drama. After Chef had done his job of throwing Scarlett and Max out of the ship, Chris does his usual sign-off for the episode, saying that while the show had started on such a bizarre note, he guarantees that the season become more interesting once the teams are formed, next time on “Total! Drama! Treasure Tour!”

 

Bonus post-elimination scene: Scarlett and Max are inside a technological shed in Pahkitew Island (not to be confused with the main operations room within the same vicinity), as they’ve settled there as their closeted headquarters. Max advises Scarlett that while Chris is not willing to let them compete again, they should take their business elsewhere. Scarlett refutes by saying that she has some unfinished business with the host and even though her plan failed in such short time, there’s always a plan B to consider. That’s when Scarlett then reveals to Max that she decided that she would make good use of a certain rogue contestant that she had encountered in Boney Island and came back to after her elimination to capture him. Scarlett then acknowledges that while it’ll take them time to control Ezekiel’s behavior and put him under their own control, she adds that there’s something about him that they can take advantage of, believing that he can be of good use in stealing away the prize money that she so desires.

--------------------------------------------------------
NOTES/TRIVIA:

Spoiler

Eliminated: Blaineley (actually Scarlett in disguise)
Non-competitor cameos: Blaineley, Max

Topher and Eva win the challenge for this episode, making them the team leaders starting in the next episode.

 

[Stop What You Are Doing: Meme Edition!]

Looks like Frying the Coke still has a chance to shine.

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

I must apologize that I've decided to delay the second session again, and mid-way into it as well. The main reason for that is because I got too sidetracked with the project I was working on when I realized I should've planned most of it ahead. Other than that, I just lost the drive to keep consistently writing it, so I've postponed this session to next Thursday. To make up for that, my near-finished project from a couple days back will be posted later today.

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

Word count for the first hour:

The Main Detraction: 176 words

Total word count: 176 words

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

NOTE: I have delayed the second session to the day after at the last minute. I've decided in giving myself a bit of a break by doing some small writing on that before I can start my session. This will be explained more by then.

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

Word count for the twelfth hour:

Total Drama Treasure Tour Episode 2: 4,438 words

Total word count: 4,438 words

 

The episode has not been completed for the day, but it's close to done now. As you guys could probably make out, I've gotten myself stuck and distracted several times. Compared to my previous session with Side Quest, I'm not sure whether or not I've done more or less. What matters though is that I still managed to churn out enough. Anyways, while I already await my next session tomorrow on Friday, I might shift gears in terms of my writing projects. So we'll see what happens then.

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

Word count for the first hour:

Total Drama Treasure Tour Episode 2: 208 words

Total word count: 208 words

[Q2 2021 Announcements (4/19/2021)]

4/19/2021

It's been a while since I've done my announcements for the previous quarter. Of course, I was going to do this earlier, but due to being pre-occupied with the recent Riffing Theater miniseries for a moment, I ended up forgetting about this and delayed it a bit. The first quarter of 2021 turned out to be a slow start, so I didn't manage to get a lot of what I've planned done for that period, so I'll be taking my time with this period. First things first, while there are two upcoming projects for this year that are yet to be announced, they won't be announced for this quarter, however. But with the Spin-Off Festival reportedly returning this year, some news regarding them might just sneak up.

 

Q2 2021 (April-June) Announcements:

-Total Drama Treasure Tour: First up is some news regarding my most recent series. I haven't been as productive on this as I planned originally. As I've pledged, TDTT will return for new episodes sooner than later. My plan for this series over the course of this quarter is to have eight episodes written out before June, where I intend to take a month off from it until returning to it in July, in time for Total Drama's annual milestone celebration. In other words, this will pretty much be my most focused spin-off for this period.

-Chemist Bob's Catastrophic Creations Cinema: Due to the slowdown, this riffing series has stalled a bit, but like with Total Drama Treasure Tour, this is expected to return soon. I don't think I can guarantee that riffing for Guru Gakuto will conclude before the end of this quarter, but I'm confident that I will be close to finished with it.  

-Red Flag Savior: Rebirth of a Storm: Unfortunately, I haven't been able to give myself the time to restart production on this spin-off, so my original plans for this during Q1 will be carried over into Q2. I will continue writing this, but at this point, I can't say when.

-SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation: There's one more episode to post later this month (Shanghaied's partner episode, Gary Takes a Bath, to be more specific). It will be entering another short break, but will return in June for the Spin-Off Festival. Until then, here's the rest of the episodes planned for this second and final season:

40. Atlantis Squarepantis
41. Pull Up a Barrel
42. Gary & Spot
43. Opposite Day
44. Sportz?
45. The Sponge Who Could Fly
46. Slide Whistle Stooges
47. My Leg!
48. Squirrel Jokes
49. Whale of a Birthday
50. Stuck in the Wringer
51. Dying for Pie
52. ????

The title for the 52nd episode will remained undisclosed until a title for it is conceived. The most of what I can say about it is that it will be structured as an originally written SB episode that will tie in to a similar episode that will be posted on Oh Yeah! Collections, which is the thread where I hosted the series' test run.

-Oh Yeah! Collections: I must repeat that Side Quest, the first of the nine planned new original one-shot stories for this year, is now available to the public. Although I had to kill three months to finish that one, I will be making up for it by publishing another later during this same month. In the meantime, here's the new expected short list of original one-shot titles to expect in the coming months:

The Main Detraction (This month)
Mirrior (May)
Anchor (June)

As I should point out, these release months are planned and not 100% guaranteed. 

-Tiki Land: The least I can say about this spin-off's soon-to-be continued progress is that it won't continue until I'm finished with Rebirth of a Storm. Best case scenario, I'll be seeing myself starting to write out the last five eps before July.

-Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000: The Critic Chronicles: Going to be making an announcement for this particular riffing miniseries while I'm being involved in the writing process of it, and while it will interfere with the progress with my own works as seen above. As I speak, I am in the process of finishing up my third of my planned seven Nostalgia Critic transcript riffs before moving on to my fourth right afterwards, or rather after my planned two consecutive 12-hour writing sessions.

 

And that wraps up my spin-off news for the second quarter. It's nothing too exciting, but I'm confident that I can accomplish with this plan more than with my Q1 plans. See you all until later in July, when I'll be doing my next round of announcements.

[Oh Yeah! Collections]

24. Side Quest (Part 2)

 

“Just my luck,” Chester griped in a sardonic tone.

“Just my luck, I found a sidekick!” Sarah beamed. “Now I can start my whole journey of self-discovery that I’ve been yearning to have!”

“Hey, I never said that I could be your sidekick!” Chester chided. “What about that clumsy horse of yours? What are you doing going up to call someone you don’t even know as your potential animal sidekick when you already have one?”

“But Jumpy’s useless,” Sarah pointless. “Other than that, I have no other method of going places and I got permission from my mom and daaaaaaad that I can go outside and fulfill my dream of having more in my life if I have a sidekick, and you’re what just I need!”

“I hate to break it to you, but you’ve found the wrong squirrel to make allies with. Who you’re looking at right now is a red squirrel who goes by the name of Chester, the same Chester the Squirrel who has been casted away by his own society for having a rare and peculiar nut allergy, and as well as for becoming a wanted fugitive after committing Rodentroit’s most felonious crime in not wanting to be a sidekick. If you didn’t think you would be feeling scared of me now, then you’ve been warned.”

“Chester the Squirrel…never heard of him.”

“Gee, and I thought for sure that you’d have known. I’ve seen these things about me mentioned several times before already, and right now, I’m all over the news, watch.”

Chester then directs Sarah’s attention to the mounted TV. He, alongside the princess, re-examines the TV screen to see the stoic human news anchor sitting straight forward in front of the camera while the angle was still fixed on the other, petite anchor, who could be heard venting off-camera.

“What do you mean we’re doing another story on the squirrel!?” The gundi anchor snapped. “We’ve been doing the same report since the past six hours! …How can you even say that I’ll at least get paid for this? You know that I won’t be able to get paid now while Rodentroit’s economy has gone to the dogs just like my career as a sidekick at this point! Fine…if it’s something that I could add to this monotonous news cycle, then I’ll take what I can get.” As the gundi returned to his post, he continued, in front of the camera, to say “Breaking news, Rodentroit’s most wanted, Chester the Squirrel, is still on the run and awaiting capture. If that doesn’t amuse any of you watching, don’t worry, I do have some minor updates on the matter that should be more interesting. In a shocking swerve, Chester’s revolt has amassed a small following, as his activism influenced others in Rodentroit to protest against the town’s employment system. In addition, the parents of Chester the Squirrel have reportedly fled the town from the mayor’s task force in search of their outlaw son. They are full-time sidekicks, going by the names Mom and Dad Squirrel, and they are accompanied by full-time heroes Unspeakably Speedy and Half Animal Half Person. That wraps up today’s entire live news broadcast. To anyone in Rodentroit that’s watching, may heaven have mercy on your souls. This is your resident gundi news reporter signing off…forever.”

Afterwards, the gundi storms off the set and the camera cuts off, but not before he utters “The rest is up to you, Bulletin Bill.”

“Well, at least some people are starting to appreciate this guy,” Sarah remarked.

“This situation is worse than I thought it was,” said Chester.

“I know, right?” Sarah replied. “It looks that news reporter just quit his job.”

“No, I mean, if my parents are coming back for me, then who’s keeping watch of my little brothers?” Chester replied. He then heard the sound of his phone ringing, transmitting a call request from someone with a number unknown to Chester. He answers the number without hesitation. “I suppose after being made a wanted fugitive, the mayor would publicize my contact info. Such is life.”

“Hey Chester, good thing that you’ve called,” the voice was revealed be the bartender. Recognizing the sound of the man’s voice, Chester instantly looked around to see no trace of him inside the bar except for a cardboard cut-out of him beside the table, “My senses have reminded me that there were a couple of kids that needed adult supervision so I came over to your abode to babysit your little siblings as soon as you reached my call. That’s one other reason why they call me the Bartender of Fate-”

“How did you even get my number?” Chester interrupted. “That’s the mayor’s doing, isn’t it?”

“Actually, that’s not important. By the way, since your younger siblings aren’t old enough to pay taxes, I will have to charge you another hundred dollars for the babysitting fee. This phone conversation you’re having right now will also charge you an extra thirty, so you better cough it up before your debt’s overdue. So yeah, call you later.” The bartender finished, then hanging up.

“Who does this guy think he is, charging me just to talk with him?” Chester grumbled to himself. Putting away his phone, he turns his head around to focus on Sarah, who was eying at a mug with liquor.

“Hey, is this something that I can put in my mouth?” Sarah asks before Chester chucks the beverage away from the princess.

“I don’t think you’re old enough to drink that,” Chester informs. “Where were we, now? Oh yeah, since we don’t know each other, let’s exchange our own names. Like I’ve been trying to tell you since the past few minutes, I’m Chester the Squirrel.”

“I’m Princess Sarah Complainsalot,” she greeted. “For the longest time, I’ve been living in the Castle of Self-Isolation, and now, as of today, I’m on my own.”

“So that explains why you haven’t heard of be until our chance encounter,” Chester replied. “Well, if you want me to accept your offer in being your sidekick, I’ll go ahead and make a few guesses about you. I assume that you’re a princess who’s “not like the other princesses,” dreaming of having more in her life while being born with a silver spoon in your mouth, both of your parents are dead, you like to sing songs about destiny and your place in this world at random, you’re a friend to all animals and you’re able to talk to them as well.”

“Oh, where were my manners? It’s true that I love music,” Sarah confirmed. “I shouldn’t have forgotten to introduce myself more through song. Would you fancy hearing it?”

“Sure thing, as it would prove my case.”

“Alright, I don’t think I would be comfortable performing this piece in front of you, but I have my portable songstrels to assist me.”

Sarah’s backup performers in question then came out from Jumpy’s saddle with turntables and a drum machine. From there, Sarah began her random musical number in an overwhelming fashion that Chester himself wasn’t expecting…

“You know who it is,” she exclaims, “Sarah Complainsalot straight outta the castle! Living inside it with one daaaaaaad has been such a hassle! A symbolic prison I’ve lived in, but now I’ve entered the outside world with my parents’ permission! I’m not like every other princess you see, she’s got an attitude and she’s raising the roof like realty! Adventurous, quirky, and stubborn too, you better believe that I can also do kung fu! My rhymes are on a dime as you may find, my lyrical ability can blow anyone’s mind! I got my trusty stallion Jumpy here, we got each other’s back, but no matter where he roams, he gets a heart attack! Mornings are not for me, I like to stay up late, and when I’m out in my garden, I vegetate! My skills are great, I’m not talking third class, because when a bad guy tries to fight me, you know that I’ll kick their-!”

Sarah left Chester feeling shocked by her performance, then prompting him to interrupt, demanding for her and her songstrels stop what they were doing “Stop, I’ve heard enough! What was that?”

“Why stop?” Sarah questioned. “I was going to say ‘rumps,’ but then again, that doesn’t rhyme with class.”

“That’s besides my point,” Chester replied.

“You said you wanted to hear my music, didn’t you?” Sarah continued. “It has gotten tiring singing the same old whimsy tune about finding my self-identity while kept inside that castle, and so I’ve done a lot of those songs to the point where I’ve expanded my music ability to other genres including disco, country western, reggae fusion, krautrock, anarcho-punk, shoegaze, death metal, avant-garde-“

“Yes, I get it!” Chester interrupted. “I’m not wasting any more time with all this exposition, what else do you have to say about those probable guesses I’ve made about you?”

“Well, it’s true that one of my parents is dead, but my daaaaaaad is still alive and well. I was able to go outside after getting the go ahead from my mom’s ghost, strange but true. It’s a good thing you’ve reminded me if I’m good at talking animals because I was going to ask Jumpy if it would be alright for me to spy on those c-list villains at that table over there.”

Chester was feeling apathetic about Sarah’s previous statement before that feeling turned to distress once he catches what she had just said, “No, no, no, wait! That’s a bad idea!”

“Are you sure? Let’s see what Jumpy has to say about that.”

“The horse doesn’t seem to be able to speak any language besides, well…horse…”

The horse appeared to be confused by the princess’s query at first before she then said, “Jumpy says “Yes Sarah, it’s totally a good idea to eavesdrop on those c-list villains! They might have some juicy information to share!” and if he says if it’s okay, then it’s should be okay for all of us.” While Sarah was speaking for Jumpy, the horse was using body language in front of her and Chester to denote that he doesn’t agree with her plan.

“So let me get this straight…you’re a princess who wants more in her life, you can sing music of any kind even though it doesn’t always come out right, and while you talk to animals…you can’t actually understand them, can you?” Chester inquired.

“Well…I’m talking to you!” Sarah argued.

“Yeah, because I’m an animal who can speak proper English while your horse just speaks his biological language,” Chester points out.

Afterwards, Jumpy smacks Chester with one of his hoofs for little to no reason whatsoever.

“I forgot to mention,” Sarah adds, “Jumpy seems to dislike everyone who get close enough to me, and he’s only fond of me.”

“Hey beautiful,” a male human onlooker said as he walked over to Sarah’s side, “You seem like a princess who’s lost her way. How would you feel about going for a sweet ride with?-“The guy stopped speaking when Jumpy punched him right through his jaws, there then knocking out the obnoxious individual.

“He does seem to have some standards, I’ll give your horse that,” Chester remarked.

“So, what do you say? Are we partners now?” Sarah asked.

Chester, being reluctant to answer to the princess’s offer, gave himself a moment to come up with a lie for this position he sees himself forced to be in. Of course, he thought of a white lie that he know would bite him back in his little squirrel rear later. He was going to make a mistake he may soon regret, but he didn’t care. He wanted this girl off his case without upsetting her.

That was when Chester then responded to Sarah, “You know, you may be as different as you claim yourself to be. I think I could take being your sidekick for a while…”

“Thanks a bunch! We’re going to be great friends!” Sarah beamed as she then gave the squirrel a bone-crushing hug. She stopped after hearing Chester’s feeble demand to let her go. “Alright, let’s see what those c-list villains are up to. It’s fiesta time!”

“Please don’t tell me that’s YOUR catchphrase,” Chester muttered.

“First order of business, we’re going to see what those baddies are up to,” Sarah ordered as she, Chester, and Jumpy examined the table where the C-list villains sat, peeking their heads from a table on the southwest corner of the bar.

“So tell me, Sarah, what could be so riveting about a conversation being made from a group of c-list villains?”

“Alright, we’re not wasting thirty more minutes here talking about something that no one wants to overhear, let’s discuss the Fourth Wall…” a burly-looking human male spoke.

“The Fourth Wall?” A sharp-dressed man in business attire questioned, repeating the last three words uttered by his accomplice while twirling his moustache.

“The Fourth Wall!?” Sarah repeated in an overjoyed tone.

“Not so loud! We can’t be seen, remember?” Chester whispered towards the princess “Since we don’t even know what they’re talking about, I say it’s a good idea that we leave them alone for now…”

“That’s why we need to keep listening,” Sarah whispered back.

“Oh yeah, our higher up has been telling us about that,” another sharp-dressed man in a tux, spoke. “Why are we bothering with this scheme anyways? This is a job that is too big for our lowly status.”

“This is our chance to prove that we’re not just a bunch of pushovers,” the buff guy replied. “We can’t let those so-called better evil-doers have all the fun. Besides, there lies a key to our success in our plan.”

“If it has to do with that moron, Sarah, then you can count me out,” a casually-dressed teenage girl remarked.

“Lighten up,” the man in the business suit spoke, twirling his moustache. “What are the odds that she’ll be our greatest foe?”

“Back on-topic, the Fourth Wall is said to hold the answers to all our queries surrounding the world of Overusedideas: why it exists, why we are what we are, and why we are compelled to look into this McGuffin in the first place,” the buff man continued. “There’s a rumor that our best possible source in obtaining the explanations to life’s mysteries concealed by the Fourth Wall is through a squirrel named Chester, whose self-awareness has turned him into a wanted criminal, and as well as a valuable asset for our boss’s plan.”

“Hey Chester, I think they’re talking about you,” said Sarah towards her squirrel partner.

“Of course they are,” Chester whispered. “Next thing you’d be telling me is that bears hibernate. One of them mentioned you too, but that doesn’t mean that we should get ourselves involvement in their little gossip.”

“He could make good use of our team, but then again, he might think that he’s too good for us,” The tuxedo man remarked.

“Yes, that is an obstacle for us, but we could always make him a member of our group by force,” the other sharp-dressed man, twirling his moustache, suggested.

“What’s up, guys!?” Sarah uttered loud enough for the c-list crooks to hear, much to the squirrel’s chagrin. “I couldn’t help but notice how you were talking about how Chester the Squirrel could be of good use to your plan, when he just happens to be here with me! Don’t mind how my friend’s acting like that opening ourselves up like this is a bad idea. I’m feeling confident that this is a good idea! That Fourth Wall, huh, sounds like a bunch of hoopla, am I right?”

With Sarah attracting attention from the members of the C-List Villain Society, the perspective then immediately cuts to show the group alongside Chester, Sarah, and Jumpy inside the group’s lair.

“They totally fell for it, Chester!” Sarah beamed. “Now that we’ve been captured by a group of villains, we’re already close to figuring out the secrets behind the Fourth Wall!”

“Yeah, that must feel nice for you, but what does being captured by the CVS accomplish anyhow?” Chester responded. “I’ve been made a member of this group not just because of my criminal status. It’s also because of you and your big mouth. What makes matters worse is that these guys think we have kept secrets regarding this so-called Fourth Wall when we don’t know anything about it at all.”

“Didn’t you want to prove everyone in Rodentroit wrong by bringing these guys to justice?” Sarah questioned.

“Have you forgotten that this group is comprised of third-rate bad guys?” Chester retorts. “Even if we were to apprehend them, it wouldn’t amount to much.”

“Talk all you want, we won’t let you both escape as long as we’re around,” the buff villain spoke.

“Aren’t you going to turn me in to Mayor Knownuthin?” Chester questioned. “He did put a multi-million dollar bounty on me and I’m certain that the reward is what you’re all after.”

“You do have a point,” the buff villain replied. However, it’s hard for us to process if having a wanted criminal that’ll give us the funds that we’ll need to climb up the ranks as villains would be as more important than having the same squirrel help us achieve our main goal in figuring out what lies beyond the Fourth Wall.”

“What do you even want with the ‘Fourth Wall’ anyways, and why do you want me for this job?” Chester asked.

“Reaching the Fourth Wall will reveal the secrets to life in this world,” sharp-dressed villain spoke, twirling his moustache…again, in case you didn’t know that it’s his main quirk. “You’re something special, Chester the Squirrel. You’ve become self-aware of your presence in the world and you’ve chosen to defy the lifestyle that’s been imposed on you, there then distorting the natural order. Through that information, we can conclude that you have the power to even break the barriers that the Fourth Wall possesses. Other than that, we couldn’t afford just to have a bunch of humans in our line of villainy, and so we thought it’d be more interesting if we had an animal on our side.”

“So for me, this is just some sidekick job in disguise of a large-scale scheme to bend the reality of our universe?”

“I wouldn’t call it a sidekick job, call it whatever you will,” the brawny villain said. “Say, just so that we’d all know each other, would you mind if I introduce you to every one of us in this group?”

“No, but I expect you to do that anyways.”

“My name is Tough Guy,” he clarifies, “and my main asset is well…I’m a tough guy, and with little to no redeeming qualities, it’s nothing to fancy. The man with the twirly mustache is Mr. Sir Curly Curls the Fifteenth Esquire. This guy is in it for the money. Some of the things he likes to do is overthrow small businesses and twirling his moustache, and if you need a lawyer to save you from a death sentence or so, he can make a good lawyer…or a bad one, it depends.”

“I don’t know about you Chester, but they seem like good people,” Sarah remarked.

“You have no idea…” Chester sneered.

“I’m Envy,” the casually-dressed girl spoke, “I’m the popular girl from school and I HATE you, Sarah! I hope to see you and your family caught in a dangerous landslide and as for your stupid horse, I hope he gets sent to a glue factory! I’ll never afford to let be prettier than me!”

“Excuse me, but I don’t even know who you are, or go the same school as you,” Sarah points out, “Also, horses aren’t slaughtered to make glue, and I think you mean to say “prettier than I am” instead of “prettier than-“”

“She’s not worth our time, she just seems like the type of villain who wants our attention,” Chester interrupts. “Besides, I didn’t even ask for her introduction.”

“No one ever does!” Envy exclaims, throwing a fit by kicking a chair.

“Sorry, I didn’t know being popular in school also meant being illiterate,” Sarah joked.

“Calm down Envy while I get to everyone else,” Tough Guy chimes in, then pointing a finger over to a man dressed in a laboratory attire and standing in front of an industrial and dim-looking work space. “That guy over there is Doctor Evil McCackles, and I’ll be honest with you, we didn’t invite him to our meeting at the Convenient Hotspot because he’s no fun to be around. He’s an evil, mad scientist who tries too hard to prove that he is evil. Oh yeah, and he cackles…a lot.”

“Ah-hyuck-hyuck-hyuck, Tough Guy, my fellow EVIL companion, kehehehehe,” McCackles speaks as he walks over towards his subordinate, putting an arm over his left shoulder, “I bet you’d like to see my latest EVIL creation, hahahaha! You see this here EVIL device, hee-hee? With a press of this EVIL button, it will release EVIL hydrofluoric acid that will consume any surface stood by the soles of our foes, hahahahaha, and so if this EVIL invention were to succeed, hohohoho, there will be soil left for them to live in, GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Oh yeah, and his inventions aren’t of any help,” Tough Guys add. “Whatever chance he gets, he tries to take the backseat in our nefarious schemes too.”

“Hohohoho, I see that you brought back a squirrel!” Doctor Evil McCackles says, referring to Chester. “Haha, this gives my EVIL self quite a lot of opportunities on the kinds of illegal and EVIL experiments that I could perform…muhahahaha!”

Chester, not wanting to put up with Doctor Evil McCackles’s cockamamie antics any longer than a single minute, jeers with “Talk it all up to your fan club, if you have one for that matter.”

“Then we have The Butler over here,” Tough Guy continues, directing towards the tuxedo-donned adolescent man. “Whenever something goes amiss, you can always be sure that The Butler did it.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” The Butler said in a vexed tone. “For the most part, I am just the personal butler for these confidants, so I guess you can say that I’m the sidekick in this whole big dysfunctional family.”

“Okay, so we all know who everyone is, right?” Chester inquired. “If that’s so, then I guess I’ll be on my way n-GAAAAH!”

Chester was then startled by an unexpected appearance by a pair of identical twins, as they came into view right in front of the squirrel. This occurrence was accompanied by a loud, booming thud sound.

“Hello there, fresh meat,” the creepy twins said in unison.

“I almost forgot about those, they are known as…The Twins!” Tough Guy adds.

“Don’t they have actual names?” Chester inquired.

“Their names are Addison and Madison,” Tough Guy clarifies, “If you have trouble trying to tell them apart, just remember that Madison is able to hop on one foot while singing “Jimmy Cracked Corn,” while Addison, on the other hand, cannot.”

“Okay…so which one is Madison?”

“That’s quite obvious, squirrel, as you should figure out, she’s…fine, I’ll admit it, you got me stumped there.”

“So…what now, while I’ve been made the newest member of this whole evil team?”

“It’s a good thing that you asked since we’re not very good with smooth transitions, so of course, your first order of business with the C-List Villains Society starts right now at our desired spot once we’re taken there in a split second.”

Like magic, and as Tough Guy predetermined, Chester, Sarah, Jumpy, and the CVS (sans The Butler) are immediately shown outside, within the city limits of Rodentroit to be more precise.

“Hold up, this looks like my own home,” said Chester. “I’m going to risk getting caught if I’m close by.”

“Yes, because our scheme will be taking place right here in Rodentroit,” Curly points out, twirling his moustache. “As it appears by sheer coincidence, the town’s mayor is keeping guard of a gizmo that will aid us in destroying the barriers protecting the Fourth Wall. As our first course of action, we strike with our over-budget artillery in order to infiltrate that mayor’s office to steal the barrier breaker.”

“So we’re tasked to retrieve a McGuffin in our goal to claim another McGuffin for ourselves,” Chester assumes in a sardonic tone.

“Correct!” Tough Guy affirms. “Our mission will be accomplished by blowing everything up within our sights in this rat hole that you call home!”

“Sounds like the perfect plan,” Sarah remarks. “What can Jumpy do?”

“Well, besides transportation and cheap slapstick, your horse can just sit this out since he can’t do much,” Tough Guy responds before getting walloped in the face by one of Jumpy’s hooves. “I guess I deserved that.”

“What do you think, buddy?” Sarah asks the squirrel. “Shall we do this?”

“Ugh, why does it have to be about how you and she feel?” Envy complained. “How do you feel about me going along with this plan, squirrel?”

“I never agreed to the idea of demolishing my own home,” said Chester. “What about my brothers and to a lesser extent, the Bartender of Fate? That’s where they are…”

“Ooh, and once we’re done with those weak little runts, hahahahaha,” Doctor Evil McCackles interrupted, “I say we use my latest EVIL invention to engulf the land with EVIL balls of dust, cackle-cackle-cackle, forcing the civilians to waste all their goody-goody money on pricey vacuum cleaners that will act up before they’re ever done getting rid of the mess, muhahahahaha, it’s the most EVIL and brilliant plan!”

“When will you ever stop being so terrible, McDork?” Envy sneered towards the mad scientist.

The chatter produced by Sarah and the band of villains would then result into a brief sequence of incoherent babbling. This was projected to cause Chester’s mental state to build up with seething anger until he snapped…

“Stop it, I’ve heard enough! The bottom line here is that we’re not going to cause any more damage to my home than the mayor already had! If I’m going to agree to take the barrier breaker from that know-nothing mayor, then you guys are going to have to form a plan that’s less destructive and more subtle.”

“You’ve been poking fun at how incompetent we are and you expect us to be subtle?” Tough Guy questioned. “Besides, isn’t this what you’ve wanted, to give those scamps back home a taste of your own sweet revenge?”

“You are the ones that chose to appoint me as a member of your crummy society on the spot, so I have my right to be a voice of reason here,” Chester argued, “and therefore, I suggest we do something that doesn’t involve making a mess out of things. Revenge is not my style.”

“Making a mess of things is a healthy way for us villains to do our jobs,” Tough Guy replied. “Either you’re in on this plan or not. If you choose help us, then maybe you’ll be good enough to be our sidekick.”

The single, simple word that was ‘sidekick’ had echoed into Chester’s mind in a sense that made his anger grow some more.

“Sidekick, SIDEKICK!?” Chester fumed. “I knew it! Not even you flunkies think that I’m good enough to be a big-name villain rather than a small-name lackey! This whole ploy is just a small deed in disguise of something greater so you guys can take all the credit that I made to make you guys look like bigger threats!”

“Being a sidekick is better than being nothing at all, so what is it about the concept that makes you so upset about it?” Tough Guy asked.

“Try putting yourselves in my non-existent shoes,” Chester was saying, “and deal with the whole bit about becoming a quirky comedic relief animal sidekick being the one sole thing that you’re forced to look forward to in your life like every other civilian that you share a home with, and you’ll understand. Or how about you try putting yourself in the shoes of The Butler, who you didn’t even invite because you think he’s just a sidekick to you guys, and an easy scapegoat for when you need to get out of apprehension for your schemes? If you think I haven’t gotten all of that figured out, then you thought wrong!”

“I should’ve told you that taking him under our wing wasn’t a good idea,” Curly remarked towards Tough Guy. “He seems to know too much for our own good.”

“Does this still mean that we’re friends, Chester?” Sarah asked, feeling a bit startled by Chester’s anger. “We can always show that mayor whose boss by ourselves.”

“I’m afraid to say it to your face, but we’ve never been friends to begin with,” Chester retorted. “I lied when I accepted your offer to be your sidekick. I know how unoriginal it was of me to do such a thing, but it was what I had to do to get myself out of my own dilemma. The truth is that I could care less about how different from the other princesses you try to come off as. I can’t stand the likes of people like you. Your recklessness has brought me into greater trouble, we have very little in common, you have a bad judge of character, I don’t like your catchphrase, and you exhibit just about any overdone fairytale princess stereotype imaginable. You’re nothing more than a commonplace lead heroine to me, except worse.”

Chester’s lashing out towards Sarah had left her speechless until she spoke with a soft tone “Chester…”

“Yeah, I know what you may be thinking about me after I unveiled this great big lie that will leave me alone wasting my time moping about this dumb mistake, big whoop. So go ahead and tell me to leave, and I will do just that.” Chester replied.

“…It’s ‘I couldn’t care less,’” Sarah continued.

Chester, who didn’t expect such an answer, had nothing to say in response except “…What!?”

“You may have said all those unkind things to my face, but poor grammar is where I draw the line.” Sarah responded.

“You mean to tell that after I’ve insulted you and exposed myself as a white liar, your biggest concern is something as petty as a simple grammar mistake!? You really are gullible!”

“You’re gullible if you think that in saying “I could care less,” it doesn’t mean that there could be something to care about!”

 “I don’t mean to intrude in this conversation, but it’s like you said, squirrel: so what if you made some white lie that you held onto until now? Big whoop,” Tough Guy chimed in. “It happens a lot here in Overusedideas. It’s said that 1 in 3 people go through this sort of phase two to three times a week.”

“Hey, you’ve lied to me yourself,” Chester pointed out.

“It was already too late for us to admit that we took advantage of you so that we could have the Fourth Wall for ourselves and climb up the ranks,” Tough Guy replied. “We should’ve figured that you weren’t ever willing to become a villain like us even if we bribed you.”

“He does make a point. By the way it was unnecessary of you to say “you’re nothing more” if you then add “except worse,” as if-“Sarah added before her words got cut off by Chester.

“Stop lecturing me,” he interrupts. “How can you listen to those third-rate bad guys more than you’d listen to me?”

“I have been listening to you,” Sarah replies, “at least the C-List Villain Society would admit it that they’ve made a mistake in structuring their sentences unlike you.”

“If this is how it’s going to go between us, then fine, be that way! You can continue hanging around with CVS and your horse while I’ll continue my life on my own as a wanted fugitive!”

“Good, because I don’t think we need you anyways,” Tough Guy uttered. “If the key to unlocking the secrets held by the Fourth Wall lies in a squirrel who will belittle a young princess to defend his own bad grammar, then I believe we found the wrong Chester the Squirrel.”

“Yeah, let’s ditch him,” Envy remarked. “As much as I can’t stand Sarah, I think the squirrel would more of a nuisance for us to be around, so long, loser.”

“Goodbye, squirrel,” The Twins said in unison.

Sarah and CVS would then exit the cliff surrounding Rodentroit, leaving Chester all alone. Jumpy would then follow after the group and his owner, but not before giving a Chester a smack as his own way of saying goodbye to him.

“Who needs you guys!?” Chester hollered. “I don’t need any of you! I’ll become an official hero all by myself, you’ll see!”

It felt good to get all that off my chest, Chester narrates. It stopped feeling good after a minute though since this is now the part where I ponder alone in a deserted area of what used to be my cherished home, moping around over my faults for the next half hour or so until I decide to get over it afterwards because I’m a big boy and I had more important things to think about like how my little brothers are doing in the midst of the whole chaos. What comes next is the part where I’m distracted from my thoughts after being confronted by a certain someone…

Chester then felt something grabbing at his arm. He turned his head over to see that it was The Butler, making an unexplained yet convenient appearance.

“Oh hey…The Butler,” said Chester. “How unusual it is to be seeing you here.”

“That’s right, Chester,” The Butler responded, “I showed since I figured those hooligans I’m assisting would need me to do some work after their mission, and you know why I came here for you?”

“If I’m not mistaken, you’re here to double-cross me, turn me in the know-nothing mayor and give yourself the honor to say that the butler indeed did it,” Chester guessed.

“Oh no, that would be too predictable and I’m anything but that,” The Butler replied. “I came to you to talk about some important things.”

“Okay, so what important things are we talking here?”

“You shouldn’t give up on becoming something other than a sidekick. If it weren’t for you, I’d be stuck living the life of a personal butler for a group of third-rate shmucks.”

“I can’t say that I haven’t. If that’s all you came here to say to me, then can you let say one thing that’s important?”

“Let me finish. As you can see Chester, even though we’re trying to make a name of ourselves for a different cause, we are the same. It’s because of your call to action against being a sidekick that I feel confident to defect the C-List Villains Society and go on a path towards something greater. I could consider you as a worthy rival, Chester. I do have these evil impulses where I want to have you under my grasp, threaten you with your notable weakness, or even maim you if I had the audacity to, but I will not commit to any of those things since that wouldn’t make me any different from any of the other butlers that ‘did it.’ I don’t want to made as another example of ‘The butler did it,’ so I’ll be making it my task that you won’t get captured or harmed by your greedy mayor.”

Chester did not say another word while The Butler prattled on. “Are you done with your heartfelt and yet very revealing monologue?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“We have some unwanted company.” As Chester directs The Butler’s attention to what was behind him, they both see themselves surrounded by Curly Curls and a squadron of Mayor Knownuthin’s guards.

“Finally, someone acknowledges my presence!” Curly remarked, twirling his mustache like the mustache-twirler that he is. “What a surprise I’m seeing here. Who would’ve thought that you would be the one to betray your society? I bet you wouldn’t have thought that I would be the mole who’s working around with CVS as part of Mr. Nimrod Knownuthin’s job in capturing the squirrel.”

“How strangely convenient, like Chester would say,” The Butler responded.

“Actually, my first response would be my sheer bewilderment towards the mayor having a first name and a rather fitting one,” Chester points out. “Second of all, I’m not fazed at all by how whatshisname is in cahoots with the mayor since he just admitted that himself.”

“The name is Mr. Sir Curly Curls the Fifteenth Esquire,” he retorted, “and you better remember that name while you’re meeting your demise, Chester the Squirrel.” As he twirled his mustache with great force, he pulled out a sword from behind his back, preparing himself for a sparring match. “Duel with me, squirrel, or you shall be ceased by these guards!” Curly exclaimed. Try and guess what action he performs afterwards.

“Sorry, I left my sparring sword back at home,” Chester remarked in a sarcastic tone.

“I’ve made it my quest to protect my rival, so I’ll be the one to defeat you, Mr. Sir Curly Curls the Fifteenth Esquire,” The Butler spoke, as he propped up in front of the squirrel. He pulled out his own sword and pointed it at his opponent.

“You dare to defend the honor of a felon?” Curly responded, twirling his mustache for a brief moment before removing his upper-body garments to reveal a body built up of sturdy abs. “The squirrel’s philosophies must have gotten into your head.”

“Of course, and I wouldn’t want it to happen any other way!” The Butler replied and then removed his tops to show his own otherwise strong build.

Chester, unable to process everything that was going on right in front of him, had a look of astonishment frozen on his face while he watched The Butler and Curly initiate their duel. For a good duration of the fight, Curly and The Butler’s swords clashed, leaving small scratches on each other and no clear victor in sight. Knownuthin’s guards, who are usually assigned to apprehend Chester, were distracted and joined the squirrel in the viewing. The match continued until Curly and The Butler stood near the end of a cliff containing a raging waterfall. The thought of being close to great heights had reduced The Butler’s guard. Thus, Curly landed a stab on The Butler with his respective sword, making his opponent lose balance and fall with one hand grabbing the edge of the cliff and the rest of his body hanging below the waterfall. Witnessing this dilemma, Chester hurried over to grab a hold of his hand for support.

“You would go out of your way to try and save the life of your own rival?” The Butler questioned.

“It’s not like I ever agreed to you being my rival,” Chester points out while struggling to keep a grip on the eponymous butler’s right hand. “Besides, after taking my example and apparently being ripped, I do have some respect for you.”

“By the way, before I end up dead or mutilated from a great fall, there’s something very important that I needed to tell you, but forgot to,” The Butler replied.

“Figures that the whole spiel about us being worthy goals with different goals wouldn’t be the important thing,” Chester replied. “So what is it anyways?”

“Your mayor is not the real enemy, and neither is Mr. Sir Curly Curls the Fifteenth Esquire.”

“Okay…so if they’re not the greatest evil, then who is?”

“The real mastermind is that horse!”

Chester, utterly confused, responds to the revelation by then asking, “You mean Jumpy?”

“No, not that useless stallion,” The Butler reassured. “He couldn’t even devise such a convoluted and malicious plot if he tried. The princess’s other horse, Surprise Mastermind, is the one who’s been orchestrating everything leading up to his goal of taking the Fourth Wall for himself.”

“You know, it’s not so much of a surprise when his name is literally “Surprise Mastermind”…”

“What I’m trying to say is that you must not let him harness the power retained inside the Fourth Wall, or he’ll use it to bring all of Overusedideas under his filthy hooves.”

“All the information that I’ve gotten about the Fourth Wall has been too vague for me to care about it, so I wouldn’t say that it’s my problem. Say, can I let go of you now? Comparing my small body to yours, I can’t keep a tight grip since you’re pretty heavy.”

“Don’t let go if you want me to live!”

“You are going to live, so I may as well let go.”

Chester then releases his grip on The Butler’s right hand, prompting for him to fall, crying out “No!” until his feet touch down on the stream below the waterfall. Afterwards, he realizes that he’s made a soft landing.

“You’re such a drama queen,” Chester remarked. “The cliff wasn’t that high.”

“If you knew, you could’ve told me that earlier,” The Butler responded. “No worries, now that I’ve made my successful escape, I shall continue my life working my way towards being the best butler that this world has ever seen. Bet on it that I’ll achieve my goal, squirrel!”

Chester gave himself one last look at The Butler downstream. After The Butler disappeared from his sight and after he had bid his farewell to him, Chester turned his head around to see Curly and the mayor’s guards waiting for him to become cornered.

“Well, well, well,” Curly taunted, “it looks like you’ve found yourself at a dead end. The Butler may have blurted out our secret to you, but it doesn’t matter now when you’re caught in our trap.”

Before Chester would attempt to climb down the waterfall cliff, he saw some of the mayor’s guards down below, waiting to hold him captive.

“Any final words as you’ll soon see your life of freedom come to an end?” Curly inquired as he twirled his mustache with all his vigor.

There was nothing left for Chester to do than to leave himself to his thoughts. He reminisced the advice that he heard from Coach Bug back at the sidekick university, and he then thought about what The Butler said about the horse, Surprise Mastermind, being behind the whole grand scheme. That’s when he then made the unconventional realization about how these two things were coming together, and that was when Chester then spoke…

“You know, after this whole painstaking quest that I’ve made so that I could prove that I can be more than just a typical sidekick, I could be delivering a worthless monologue about I’ve learned to stay true to myself and believe in myself like I’ve always known, but after all this time that I’ve wasted to end up here, I’ve learned a valuable lesson. “If you fall off a horse, you get back on,” that was what Coach Bug once said. If it weren’t for that solemn reminder of how I’ve managed to put up with everything that I’ve dealt with in a matter of days, then I wouldn’t still be standing.”

“Wait, Coach Bug?” Curly asked, twirling his mustache in confusion. “How can the words of someone who hasn’t been shown for more than five minutes be of any significance?”

“You do make a fair point,” Chester replies. “However, there’s something that you missed: all throughout this journey, the world has been hitting me with whatever it has thrown at me. I’ve been able to predict most of these misfortunes, and yet I’ve learned to carry on, no matter what gets thrown at me. That’s when noticed that I realized how this strange world functions, as if my entire experience up to this point has all been part of some grand design. If that were the case, then I predict that you and your guards will be defeated by a convenient encounter by a clumsy horse and such a thing will happen, while we’re still on the subject of horses.”

“What a touching speech. However, I’m afraid that you’ll never see a hero moment of your own…”

As fate would have it, Curly and the mayor’s guards would then hear the sounds of a horse galloping at the scene of action. They stopped and looked to see that the horse was about to slam into them head-on. The horse struck through the group except Chester, sending them flying over the waterfall cliff, and the horse cautiously slows itself down once it saw the edge of the cliff. Chester recognized the horse to be Jumpy and the rider to be none other than Princess Sarah Complainsalot.

“Curses, foiled again!” Curly exclaimed as he and the mayor’s flew over Chester, twirling his mustache in defeat.

“Look who decided to come running right back to me,” Chester jested, referring to Sarah. “So let me guess, you realized that our past scuffle was all just a big misunderstanding, that you were wrong for leaving me all alone, you came back to help me at the right moment, and before all that, you met up with someone like the Bartender- I mean, the Babysitter of Fate.”

Sarah simply nodded in agreement to all of Chester’s presumptions.

“…and the main reason why you came back for me is because you needed to pay taxes you owed the guy, and you need money from me,” Chester continued. Sarah nodded. “Ugh, fine! That man is such a cheapskate.”

“It was a good thing I remembered my daaaaaad’s advice,” Sarah was saying. “Also, since I thought you would like me if I did something good, I decided to ditch the group of lousy villains, recruit your parents to defeat the mayor and the lot of his guards, forced him to overturn your felony, brought him under government arrest for abuse of power, and took your brothers under my wing!” Pecan and Macadamia, sitting beside the princess’s shoulders, waved their older squirrel brother hello as she acknowledged them.

“Bamboozling butterscotch toffee,” Chester replied, “that’s quite a lot that you did while I was all alone out here. Since our first few moments together, you’ve been acting like an idiot and just now you’ve pulled a 180 and did all this to make things up with me? I have to admit, I am impressed. Maybe I won’t mind being your sidekick after all.”

“I won’t accept, since you still owe me an apology for insulting my good sense of grammar.”

“You’re still upset about that? Okay…I apologize for that dumb mistake I’ve made.”

“Nah, it’s all good. I’m only kidding!” Sarah affirms. “Besides, I may be better off as a sidekick myself. After all, I consider you as my hero.”

“Are you positive? I feel grateful. By the way, since you’ve mentioned my parents, where are they anyways?”

Chester’s parents, alongside their respective partners, appeared behind Sarah, Jumpy, Macadamia, and Pecan once as Chester addressed them.

“Indubitably, we’ve factually done a good night’s work,” Unspeakably Speedy spoke. “It’s exactly what I thought precisely when that horrendously foolish mayor tried to take on us feebly when he mistakably had evidently nothing to fend himself from our exceptionally sharp superhero skills.”

“Would you kindly cut it with all the adverbs, Speedy?” Half Animal Half Person advised. “We’ve been over this numerous times before.”

“Frankly, this is clearly a force of habit that I personally possess, for I am Unspeakably Speedy,” he replied. “You totally should’ve seen the looks on the faces of the mayor’s lowly guards when I effortlessly used my extraordinarily super speed on them pitilessly.”

“No worries, you’ve impressed us as always,” Mom Squirrel complimented. “My husband and I can bake you your favorite cookies to celebrate.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing we took care of all those guards,” Half Animal Half Person added. “Perhaps soon enough, Rodentroit will be back to its original state to begin a fresh start.”

“I’m proud of you, son,” Dad Squirrel complimented towards his associate.

“Thanks, Dad!” Half Animal Half Person responded.

“Gosh, it’s even more awkward when they use their catchphrase while on the job,” Chester remarked.

Hearing the sound of their own son’s voice, Mom and Dad looked around to recognize him standing right in front of them, alive and well. The pair rushed over to embrace their son while their faces expressed sheer remorse for their past actions and while repeating “We’re sorry!”, “I’m sorry!” and “I’m proud of you, son!” until Chester stopped them.

“Relax, relax, I already know how sorry you both are,” Chester said as his voice sounded squeezed due to the overbearing from his parents, prompting for them to release their tight grip of him.

“Did the mayor hurt you in any way?” Mom Squirrel asked.

“I had a scuffle with one of his men, but that ended in an anti-climactic fashion, like with how you guys dealt with Mayor Knownuthin,” Chester reassured.

“He was a mayor who knew nothing alright,” Mom Squirrel remarked. “I wished I known earlier and then I would’ve made him regret that he ever tried to endanger you! If he had ever laid a finger on you, I would have broken every bone in his body!”

“Yeah,” Dad Squirrel concurred, “and I would’ve poured gasoline on his sorry face, tear off his deformed skin, skip rope with it, and smear it all across the graves of all the other mayors that preceded him!” His tone changed as soon as he realized how morbid his words were. “…Or I would’ve done something less excessive.”

“Considering all the mutual support you’re giving me after you both realized your mistakes, I bet you two would be okay with me now choosing not to be a sidekick,” said Chester.

“You’ve been an inspiration for us as well, Chester,” Mom Squirrel affirmed. “You can be anything that your heart desires to be, and if that’s so, we’ll be what we want too. I’ve been thinking, I didn’t want to be a sidekick anyway. I wanted to be a baker!”

“I didn’t want to be a sidekick either,” Dad Squirrel asserts. “I wanted to be a star-studded actor!”

“Naturally, I absolutely agree,” Unspeakably Speedy adds. “The life of a superhero is seriously boring to me, personally. Indisputably, I would positively prefer to be a professor in English Literature.”

“I wouldn’t want to be a superhero all my life either!” Half Animal Half Person declares. “I want to be reborn as a sparrow chick with a doting mother bird who will tend to me with all the finest delicacies she’ll bring back for me, teach me how to fly, get myself a beautiful sparrow wife, as I then spend the rest of my glorious years raising my own hatched chicks, providing them food even during the coldest winter months, and defending my nest from other animals apart from my kind, fulfilling my entire purpose in life until I die!”

Everyone else around Half Animal Half Person expressed a baffled and disturbed look on their faces during his whole rambling.

“Hey, you guys can try living out your outlandish fantasies and I’ll aspire to live out mine,” he stated.

“Do whatever you guys wish. Just don’t just go around reinventing your lifestyles so fast because of what I did,” Chester advises.

“How about you, your mother, your brothers, and I all head back home?” Dad Squirrel asked. “It’s gotten incredibly late.”

“Bad idea,” Chester opined. “I say we move into a newer home as soon as possible. It’s going to take quite a lot for Rodentroit to recover now that it’s become such a massive dumpster fire.”

“Well, when you’re right, you’re right,” Mom Squirrel concurred. “We should still get some sleep.”

Chester and co. slept the rest of the night away as the break of morning signaled a new day. Chester had stepped out to idle outside of Rodentroit. Sarah took notice of the squirrel’s absence and mounted on her horse, strolling over to where he was.

“I suppose you have a lot on your mind, huh?” Sarah asked.

“The mayor is no longer our concern, and I don’t care enough about Surprise Mastermind or the Fourth Wall to get myself involved, so I ought to figure out what’s next for us,” Chester responded.

“Wait, did you say Surprise Mastermind?” Sarah asked again. “He was my other horse back at the Castle of Self-Isolation. I wonder how he’s been holding up after I chose to take Jumpy with me on my journey of self-discovery.”

“That other horse of yours is apparently responsible for almost every bit of damage he’s caused and he’s somewhere out there waiting for the next part of his grand masterplan to unfold,” Chester replied. “He must be out to get me, so that’s my one concern for the time being. Once again, I don’t think he’s worth getting involved over.”

“What about your old home? Everyone back in Rodentroit must be waiting to praise you for your heroism.”

“Not a chance. I’ll stay close to my own family no matter what, but I don’t owe those other folks a darn thing if they’re just going to treat me with kindness right after they’ve treated me like an outcast before then.”

“If we’re still going to be partners, what do you think is next for the both of us?”

“For starters, we’re sticking to the deal that I’ll be branded as the hero while you’re my sidekick. To a lesser extent, Jumpy will act as the sidekick’s sidekick. Since I can’t return to Rodentroit for the time being, I figured we could start a new life as simple wanderers, helping others realize their own individuality.”

“That sounds like a deal. So what are we going to do about the Fourth Wall and Surprise Mastermind?”

“For now, they’re none of our concern, just like the C-List Villain Society who I’ve heard got apprehended during their break-in and were let go out of a pity bail. Then there’s also my old classmates Blankie Beaver and Muddy Erphie, both of which I’m pretty sure are either living their best life or struggling. Besides, I wouldn’t ever want to have to be treated like some prophetic chosen one. A life like that sounds dull to me.”

“Could we at least keep our quirky catchphrases?”

“We’re going to take on a new start, so we might as well change things up. I’ve been feeling like “Bamboozling butterscotch toffee” has gone out of fashion anyways.”

“And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Before Chester, Sarah, and Jumpy would walk down their path ahead, they would get distracted by a passerby pair consisting of a boy at around Sarah’s age and in the similar dark, regal clothing as her, and a more neat and formal-dressed Queen.

“But mooooom,” the boy spoke, “how am I supposed to prove to the world that I’m not like all the other princes if you keep dragging me around to find a princess to fall in love with?”

“Hey, that guy seems like my type,” Sarah remarked.

“No, no, no,” Chester warned, “we’re not dealing with a love interest this early on in our personal quest!”

And so, Chester, Princess Sarah Complainsalot, and her horse, Jumpy, have begun walking along their path to towards their buddy road trip film-esque journey of self-discovery, thus ending the story of how they kick-started their adventure. …But of course, there’s still room for the super, secret bonus ending, whereas the exiled Mayor Knownuthin is seen within his cell.

“I’ll get you yet, Chester the Squirrel…” Mayor Knownuthin spoke in a somber tone. “The next time we meet…there will be nothing that YOU can do about it.”

Without warning, the mayor saw the door to his cell being opened up by Surprise Mastermind.

“What, are you letting me go?” The mayor asked. “Or are you just here to speak with me?”

“I hate to break this news to you,” Surprise Mastermind spoke, “there’s no reason for you to be the main villain here anymore. In other words, I’ll be calling the shots, while your existence will be made obsolete. Since there was nothing that you could about the squirrel, there’s nothing that I can do about turning this decision around.”

“Wait, what’s going on?” The mayor questioned before being picked up by the mastermind himself in front of a portal leading to a dark, black void of nothingness.

“As expected, you shall be given a family-friendly death sentence in the form of being imprisoned in the void, or the Shadow Realm, as the cool kids call it, for all your life.” Surprise Mastermind declared, there then throwing the mayor inside and closing off the portal. “Mr. Sir Curly Curls the Fifteenth Esquire,” he called out, “you may have failed your mission, but you are spared. I suppose two of my new recruits will be giving you some pointers.”

“Knowing their history with the squirrel, I do believe that they can help us out in detaining him,” Curly remarked, twirling his moustache in a conniving fashion.

“Here’s the barrier breaker that you wanted retrieved,” Blankie somberly spoke.

Blankie revealed himself from out of the shadows along with his partner, Jokey, who had been restructured into a cyborg. Muddy would then step out alongside Genghis Khan as Surprise Mastermind summoned them.

“Picnic baskets,” Jokey uttered in a robotic tone.

“Look us, pal! We’re buddies now…or is it baddies, or-?” Muddy commented.

“Just forget about it,” Blankie interrupted.

“Blake, Muddy,” Surprise Mastermind ordered, “while I now have the barrier breaker in my own hooves, I cannot carry on with this master scheme until I also have Chester the Squirrel within my grasp, so your mission is to bring him over to me. Do you understand that?”

“Of course we do,” Blankie responded, “at least someone has the respect to call me by my actual name.”

“Don’t worry, Surprise Mastermind. We shall pull a Steve McQueen and have Chester hunted down, like The Hunter!” Muddy finished before Genghis Khan would utter the very last line in this story by asking, in his native tongue, “Why am I here?”

[Oh Yeah! Collections]

24. Side Quest (Part 1)

Here it is, finally. This one-shot, alongside In His Honor, is part of something in which that I've been yearning to share for quite some time: original content. Likewise with that other one-shot I wrote, this has its own story to tell. For starters, this story ended up being so long that I had to split it into two parts. The main reason for that was because this concept had given me so many good opportunities for jokes, and the story in general had so much to tell. In other words, Side Quest was equally driven by comedy and narrative. Then there were all these characters that I came up with and I had to be sure that they're also established well enough.

For my real first real one-shot original story, I already figured that I would start within my own comfort zone. Now, I'll have to admit it, the concept of this one-shot may had been done before, but I went along with it because the main gist of it was to create a story that played with the idea where the roles are switched - the wisecracking funny animal character who is usually out of place in the story the character co-exists in, is the all-important main protagonist while a character one would usually consider as such, an all-loving princess who seeks more in her life for example, is instead the plucky comic relief sidekick.

Other than that, my main drive for this one-shot was to poke fun as many commonplace cliches in animated films and shows that came to mind by combining them to create a fictional world that's built on them. At the same time, I also intended to make this story move past the cliches that it's reinforcing and reassure that it does have its own jokes and its own story to tell. There were several types of animation cliches that I covered for this one-shot. I don't want to have to make this preamble too long, so I can't acknowledge them all. One thing that was missing was a typical dance party ending, but 1) I didn't want to be predictable and 2) the one-shot wasn't demanding one. So anyways, think of Side Quest as something along the lines of Emperor's New Groove, One-Punch Man, or Enchanted and think of it as not being too on the shallow side like Drawn Together, Family Guy, or (god forbid) the Nostalgia Critic.

I also can't hide the fact that the concept of Chester the Squirrel's character had also been done before and that he's been partly inspired from another certain red squirrel with a similar name, Conker, and at that point, you guys would think that this would've originally been a more adult-oriented story titled "Chester's Bad Fur Day." I have tried my best to make Chester feel more like something of my own, so don't get the wrong idea. With all that said, enjoy the story, if you can handle all 21,035 words of it. Considering that I had to split this into two parts, I hope it doesn't feel like so much of a chore to read. I promise that my next one-shot will be shorter, and I mean A LOT shorter compared to this.

 

My name is Chester The. Squirrel, and as you can already tell, I am a squirrel. I come from the world of Overusedideas in the country of Rodentroit, where everyone is a rodent like me and so happen to be just like me, except for one thing: I’m allergic to nuts. Between me and my family, this is no big deal, but for everyone else, they treat this medical disability of mine like I’m born with bad luck. It’s also because of my allergy that I am what you call a social outcast. Again, this is not a big deal to me. My parents tend to tell me that I shouldn’t care about what anyone thinks about me, and I’ve taken that advice to heart.

Anyways, this is my story. It’s the typical story of how I turned the world upside down over one simple thought that came to me this morning. I could be more specific about what this world-shattering experience is, but I don’t want to be too expository, so just sit around and listen to this tale…

A pale red-furred squirrel donned in a pair of bright green, leaf-printed pajamas and fuzzy pink slippers pulled back his blanket comprised of leaves and twigs. Chester groggily walked into his bathroom. He turned on his sink to let water flow through before splashing his face with it. Chester then stripped down his pajamas and slippers. He stepped inside his bathtub, stretched the screen all the way through, turned on the showerhead, and proceeded with his morning shower, all while his body is obscured by a black shadow.

Chester turned off the water and stepped out of his bathtub, taking a towel close to him to dry himself. With his towel wrapped around his waist, Chester walked over to his closet filled with fur pelts of his torso that were all identical to his own.

What should I wear? Chester thought.

Chester’s eyes lit up when he saw the outfit he was looking for. The pelt he found was like all the others, except the upper half was adorned in a white collar shirt and a blue blazer. After getting dressed, Chester scurried downstairs to meet up with his parents and his two kid siblings.

“Chester, your breakfast is ready!” A mother’s voice called.

The two parents sat facing front towards the table, resembling a tree stump. Chester took a chair, facing towards his parents, while sitting next to his two brothers. Chester looked down on the table to observe the meal on plate: a stack of pancakes drenched in tree sap along with two strips of bacon, a meal in which is one of his favorites.

“Bamboozling butterscotch toffee, you know my biologically inaccurate animal diet all too well, thanks!” Chester complimented before nibbling on a piece of his pancakes on his paws with his buck teeth.

“We’re your parents,” Chester’s mother spoke. “We would never forget about your nut allergy.”

“You say that just about every morning, son,” says Chester’s father. “You can’t have too many catchphrases like one of your brothers, you know. You either have to change it or settle on one.”

Chester turned his eyes to peer at his two younger brothers. One of them was jumping up and down on his chair with a face full of milk and crumbs, beside a messy, spilled bowl of honey nut flavored cereal. The other brother, who was eating the same meal, was neatly eating his meal, showing little expression on his face.

“This food is awesomesauce!” The hyperactive brother exclaimed. “Whatever! I want cookies! I want to play XBox! I have to go to the bathroom! My dog ate my homework! Here comes dat boi!”

“Take it easy, Pecan,” Chester said to his brother, “if there’s something you need to work on more than your catchphrase, it’s your manners. Look at your brother, Macadamia. He’s not making a mess.” Turning to his second younger brother, Chester then asks him, “How is your breakfast, by the way?”

“Dear brother, I articulate that this breakfast of mine tastes very quaint, thank you for asking,” Macadamia responded in a dull tone.

“Gee, are most kids nowadays like my brothers?” Chester remarked, continuing to gnaw on his pancakes.

“Chester, honey, don’t worry about it,” said the mother. “As I would always say, I’m proud of you, son.”

“Besides, you should be thinking about improving your catchphrase,” said the father. “That’s what your mother and I did after we had you, because-“

“Please, you don’t have to tell me the story,” Chester interrupted, with a small flustered look on his face. “I’m in no rush. This is just going to my first day at the Rodentroit Animal Sidekick Academy.”

“All I’m trying to say is I’m proud of you, son,” the father continued. “It’s not easy to get into that school, you know.”

“Are you sure?” Chester questioned. “Isn’t the academy Rodentroit’s mandatory education after finishing high school?”

“That is true. Regardless, I’m still proud of you, son.”

“Listen, before I go to the academy, there’s something that I need to ask,” Chester uttered, standing up from his chair and picking up his shoulder bag. “Mom, dad, have you ever thought about being anything but a sidekick and does it ever…bother you that everyone else have been and will be the same?”

“What are you talking about, Chester? Of course we’re happy about our jobs,” the mother replied.

“Besides, if you ask our fellow heroes Unspeakably Speedy and Half Animal Half Person, they’ll tell you that they are happy to work with someone like Mom Squirrel and Dad Squirrel.” As the father said this, two framed pictures of the pairs were viewed on the wall of the kitchen.

In the pictures, Unspeakably Speedy and Mom Squirrel are shown to be smiling together as the former held the key to the city, while Dad Squirrel’s picture with Half Animal Half Person shows them in an underground city. Half Animal Half Person appears as part mole while he and Dad Squirrel were holding onto a peace treaty.

“In fact, Mayor Knownuthin has said it numerous times that there’s nothing he could do about offering any kinds of professional work since most of us are satisfied in being sidekicks,” Dad Squirrel added. “Your mother and I wouldn’t even trade away our jobs for anything else in this world.”

Chester examined the framed pictures of his parents. He then looked back at the two and responded, “Well…forget about what I asked, then. I can see how much being a sidekick means to you both.”

“I’m proud of you son,” Mom Squirrel replied as she and her husband gave Chester a hug.

“I think you’d make a great sidekick, but you’ll always be our little hero,” said Dad Squirrel.

“Thank you for telling this,” said Chester, “and now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take myself and these two munchkins to school.”

Chester and his two brothers Pecan and Macadamia then appeared outside of their tree hollow home, in front of a school bus that was driving the two kids to Timothy Q. Mouse Elementary, which was 150 feet away from the tree home. Chester gave his brothers their bagged lunches before seeing them off.

“Alright now, you two behave while I’m at my higher education locale,” Chester informed. “You know what I mean right? Don’t be weird, don’t get yourselves into trouble, don’t put things you shouldn’t put in your mouths, and all that.”

“I do affirm that I determine to be courteous and to be in my most proper manner while I’m at my education unit today,” Macadamia spoke blankly.

“I want to watch TV! When is recess? Dab on them haters!” Pecan exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you two say,” Chester replied.

Pecan was hopping up and down in front of the bus before he hopped right in while Macadamia followed, stepping on it with a grave and typical manner. Chester waved the bus farewell as it rolled down to its destination.

“Oh, bamboozling butterscotch toffee, I’m running late!” Chester said, gawking at the wristwatch on his right arm. Then the view shifted rightward to show Chester’s school to be just within the background of his home. “It’s a good thing that it’s only a five minute walk from here.”

After pointing out that odd convenience, Chester gave a huff as his backpack tugged over his shoulders and he scurried over towards the Animal Sidekick Academy. Later on, he meets up with his coach alongside his schoolmates.

“ALRIGHT DIRTBAGS, LISTEN UP!” The coach boomed, as the all-caps punctuation in his sentence already indicates.

As he appears, the coach’s physique is small. He is diminutive to the point where the students had to look down to see him. He looks as though he can be squashed like a bug. Of course, that is because he is a bug.

“I’m your coach, Coach Bug!” He continues. “I am here to roughen you all up into mighty fine sidekicks while referring to you students with the usual sergeant nasty insults like maggots, worms, cockroaches, and maggots to motivate you all into shape!-“

 Coach Bug interrupted his rambling when he saw one of his students, appropriately named One Shot, raised his paw.

“Pardon me, but you said ‘maggots’ twice,” the student uttered.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, One Shot!” Coach Bug responded. “Anyways, I also know a handful of motivational overdone phrases like “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” “Get off your high horse,” “Hay is for horses,” “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” and “If you fall off a horse, you get back on.” I know what you’re all going to tell me, aren’t all of those horse-related? Well, you’d be right, but since I already pointed that out to myself, I’m right! Now let’s not waste any more time with all this exposition, your training to be sidekicks begins! Now…open your joke books to page ten!”

All of the students in the room did as instructed. The main perspective then shows Chester reading off a sentence from said page.

“How did the frog feel after a disappointing party? It felt that it wasn’t all that it was croaked up to be,” Chester read. “What do you call a story about an owl detective investigating a crime scene? Hoo-dunit. What do you call a rabbit with lice? Bugs Bunny. What did one llama say to the other that picked a fight? You wouldn’t want to hurt me, I alpaca punch. Excuse me Coach Bug, but what’s the point of this? This joke book is in the fifteenth edition and this is still baby stuff that I’ve learned since grade school!”

“Why should you be the one to talk? You’re the one squirrel who’s allergic to his own diet!” Coach Bug retorted. “Hey everyone, go ahead and laugh at this guy for how different he is!”

Taking the coach’s advice, everyone else in the gymnasium, of course, laughed at Chester with no second thought as to if this particular moment will make them look more like a bunch of ungrateful twits later.

“I didn’t ask for cheap banter from anyone.” Chester remarked.

“In case you didn’t know, fleabag, the book is to warm you up for the obstacle course!” Coach Bug heckled. “In that course, you’ll be facing hurdles where you’ll have to sing a quirky musical number, put yourself in the face of danger to save your fellow hero, cheering them up after a misunderstanding or exposing a great big lie by telling them a good joke you’ve heard and help them get back on their feet by reminding them how special they really are, and ensure every adventure ends with you being the life of the party!”

“Okay, so if I could just ask one question, what if I…hypothetically speaking, wanted the role of a hero?” Chester asked. “What would you have me do then?”

The coach responded by grabbing a hold of Chester’s face, forcing him to stoop down and see him eye to eye.

“Boy, do you want to die a slow, painful death in a ditch piled with tree nuts?” Coach Bug threatened with a soft yet sincere tone in his voice. He lets go of Chester and directs his attention to all his students, continuing by saying “I think it’s time for the obstacle course. Come on, maggots, go and make your way over the station! Move, move, move! Step on it!”

After the last three words the coach had spoken, one of the students accidentally runs through and squishes him. This misfortune had to the session being dismissed early and as well as an awkward transition to the next scene where Chester and two others are conversing in front of the hallway.

“Wow, tough break with the coach,” one of the students, a beaver, remarked. “Consider yourself lucky that the school day is ending early because of that accident with him. I wouldn’t want to be you and make things more uncomfortable with this whole thing about not wanting to be a sidekick.”

“Come on, Blankie Beaver, have you ever had thoughts like this?” Chester asked.

“Ugh, we’ve been through this numerous times, Chester, call me Blake!” Blankie fumed, gaining the attention of other students passing by in the hall. “Pardon my anger issues, come again on those thoughts you’re going on about?”

“It’s just that...it occurred to me this morning that everyone I know here in Rodentroit is a sidekick in some sense, and so I then asked myself what if I wanted to be anything else other than a sidekick?” Chester explained.

“What are you trying to say?” Blankie questioned.

“What I’m trying to say is that-“

“It’s peanut butter jelly time!” A Golden Glavcot rabbit student interrupted, who popped into the scene out of the blue with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in his right paw.

The rabbit was pressing a peanut butter & jelly sandwich on Chester’s face, triggering his allergic reaction. Chester bent down and gasped for breath, hurriedly grabbing an epinephrine pen from his fur pocket to inject into his bloodstreams, relieving him of his asthma attack.

“Muddy Erphie…that…was not funny!” Chester gasped.

“Chester does have a point, Muddy,” said Blankie. “That wasn’t funny. I wouldn’t have gone with the typical jump scare and make him suffer longer.”

“Your case isn’t helping, Blankie,” Chester responded.

“I just told you to call me Blake,” Blankie corrected.

“So fellas, what’s crackalackin’?” Muddy asked.

“Nothing much, Chester is just trying to me about the most outrageous thing that’s ever come to his mind,” making eye contact with Chester now, he continued, “Now you have to tell us what it is that you were going on about not wanting to be a sidekick.”

“It’s exactly what you thought I was going to say: I don’t want to be a sidekick,” Chester confessed.

Upon hearing Chester’s admission, Blankie and Muddy left a gasp and astonished looks on their faces. Everyone else seen in the hallway would follow suit, including a hamster that cued the dramatic violin and held the note before being told to stop.

“I tell you what, Chester my man. You are quite the joke-ster!” Muddy remarked.

“He’s clearly being serious,” Blankie pointed out. “Why wouldn’t you want to be a sidekick, Chester? It’s mandated by law in Rodentroit that everyone has to have a profession in being a sidekick.”

“I don’t believe I’m cut out for that kind of job. It’s not my style,” Chester responded. “I’d like to give that Mayor Knownuthin a piece of my mind, because that law of his is a bunch of hogwash to me!”

“Look, by some standards like how being a sidekick means having to be as annoying as Muddy Erphie, I wouldn’t want to be a sidekick…” Blankie was saying.

“What, did y’all say somethin’?” Muddy asked.

“…Like everyone else, I’m sticking to that principle regardless because it is what it is.” Blankie continued. “Besides, whatever kind of job you’ll get as a sidekick, it’ll at least be better than the job I got myself hired for.”

“Oh, and what job is that?” Chester asked.

“It’s nothing special, I’m playing second banana to another beaver that goes by the name of Jokey,” Blankie replied. “He refers to himself as being smarter than the average beaver, yet he’s in need of a sidekick who needs to remind him not to be weird in front of others, not to cause any trouble, and to not put things that he shouldn’t put in his mouth.”

“Sounds like the exact kind of guidance I’d give to my kid brothers before they go to their school. They must have already gone and disobeyed my advice today.”

Chester’s last sentence cued a cutaway gag where Pecan and Macademia are currently shown to have gotten themselves in detention. Being his hyperactive self, Pecan was jittering around in his seat with crayons in his mouth while Macadamia sat next to him with his stoic expression, and with strips of squid ink running down his mouth.

“You wouldn’t want to end up like Jokey, Chester.” Blankie continued. “People like him see themselves as being too good to be a sidekick and go around spending their lives pulling pranks on innocent folks.”

“So why did you take the job?” Chester asked.

“You got to start your experience somewhere. Once I’ve decided that I’m tired of Jokey’s schemes, I’ll leave him well alone.”

“Now I bet your bottom dollar that you’d like to hear what job I got accepted in as a sidekick,” Muddy said to Chester.

“Let me guess, you just got accepted by someone who is a bigger nuisance than you are,” Chester joked.

“Better than that, I am going be flung back into the 1200s to be partners in crime with Genghis Khan!” Muddy replied.

“Genghis Khan, you mean the conqueror that formed the Mongol Empire and, with his army, slaughtered the lives of those who tried to resist his regime, as well as slaughtering the lives of plentiful innocent people so he could take their land for his empire, that Genghis Khan?”

“Whoa there, pal, are you Miike Snow, ‘cuz I think you’re getting a little bit Genghis Khan yourself. Think of him as a power hungry savage if you will, but once you get to know someone more, you’ll understand them more as well.”

“I have to admit, Muddy does have a point. Genghis Khan has done some good for his people and the lands he once ruled. So don’t get your mind too wrapped up in the gutter, Chester,” Blankie advised.

“Fine then, you guys do you while I’m going to do whatever it is that I’ll do,” said Chester. “I’ve finally decided that I’d rather die than become a sidekick like everyone else and become less than an individual like everyone else.”

Taking Chester’s words literally, Muddy was preparing to throw his peanut butter & jelly sandwich right at Chester before Blankie stopped him.

“Hold it, Muddy, I’ll reason with the stubborn squirrel.” Blankie spoke. “So tell me, Chester, why do you think the life of a sidekick would be bad for you?”

“Worst case scenario? I end up sticking up for a quirky princess who likes to sing songs about destiny or finding true love, has everything that she could ever ask for and yet desires to have more in life, while I have to help her do things that she’s too lazy or incompetent to do and once I help her become this heroine that she’s so destined to be, she takes all the credit for the work I’ve done for her.” Chester vented. “Not that I’m saying that something like that could ever happen to me.”

“So let me get this straight…you have a problem with girls?” Blankie asked.

“I never said that I do, I just said that I don’t want my life as a sidekick to be as typical as working for a princess-“

“Hey everyone, not only is this squirrel here allergic to nuts, he’s also very much never kissed a girl because he doesn’t like ‘em!” Blankie stated. Except for Muddy, all the other students in the hall laughed at his proclamation.

“That wasn’t the point that I was trying to make,” Chester said to Blankie.

“Come on Chester, I wouldn’t even turn down an opportunity to be with such a hunky-dory princess,” Muddy remarked. “I’m just glad that I’m going to start my experience in being a sidekick by becoming amigos with Genghis Khan I’ve been coming up with some good jokes that I thought I’d share with him, like this one for example…”

“If it’s culturally insensitive, then I don’t want to hear it,” Chester replied. “Besides, no one in the 1100s is going to get any of your out-of-place references.”

“Just you wait, fool, I’ll introduce those Mongols to stuff like Mahjong, Super Smash Bros., selfies, clog dancing, and Celine Dion. I’ll make like Prince and have the Mongol Empire party like it is 1999!”

“Yeah, and no one is going to understand anything that you’re going to say because you’re not savvy in terms of culture or time periods. You had me at Mahjong though, but you lost me at everything else.”

“So if you’re going to choose not to be a sidekick, then what are you going to do with your life?” Blankie asked Chester.

“I’m going to be an individual and walk my own path. The best that I’d hope to be is climb at the top of the Overusedideas hierarchy and prove that even someone who’s born to be a sidekick can be a hero,” as Chester spoke, he began making his way towards the exit of the facility. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a score to settle with the mayor.”

Before Chester left, Muddy called out to say, “Okay, but if you change your mind, you can always crawl back to us so we can rub it in your face that we were right.”

“It’s his funeral,” Blankie deadpanned before turning his head over to Muddy. “You’re going to be hitting up that Genghis Khan fellow later today, aren’t you?”

“You know it, my dude!” Muddy replied.

“I got a job with Jokey later today, although I’m not going to enjoy it.”

Before Chester’s dilemma is shown, the perspective then changes to show a royal civilization within the world of Overusedideas. Here is a bustling castle town known as the Royal Castle Town of Complainsalot, home to a developing nation where society is diverse, and technology and pop culture is up to date, all while the structural integrity is the same as it was during the Middle Ages. It’s also the same abode that bears the Castle of Self-Isolation, where this story’s deuteragonist lives…in self-isolation.

Inside the royal castle is the royal room of the very royal princess of the land. The décor and furniture is covered from top to bottom in purple, gray, and black, so as to define this princess as being unlike the others, given her rebellious image. The princess groggily awoke from her red and black royal bed to fix her royal black hair and apply royal black eyeliner to her eyes. She then got out of her royal red nightgown to put on her royal black and purple dress, her royal black leggings, her royal gray heels, and her royal purple gloves. She pulled the royal black curtains of her royal window to peak her royal head out and greet her royal, tweeting, blue jay friends. In case anyone has forgotten, she’s royal.

“Woe is me,” the princess spoke. “I live in such a beautiful castle with a beautiful town, and with such pleasant people, yet this all isn’t enough for me. After I lost my mother when I was little, my life hasn’t felt quite the same. I know there’s more to see in life, and I want to be part of that.”

The Princess was about to break into a song until she heard a knock coming from her door.

“Sarah, Sarah, it’s your father!” The voice called out.

Obeying the man’s request, Princess Sarah Complainsalot opened the door for her father, the King Complainsalot.

“What do you want this time, daaaaad?” Sarah asked.

“I hate to interrupt while you’re in the middle of your daily existential crisis, but this is my part of the noble Complainsalot routine where I give you your royal schedule for the day.” The King informed, holding out a piece of parchment detailing as such.

Looking at the list of royal duties on the royal- okay, I know you fellow readers already get the point by now. Anyways, the rambunctious princess examined the list of simple routine responsibilities that seemed to be way too much for her stubborn self and responded to her kingly father, “But daaaaad, questioning my place in this world despite having so much that I could ever ask for in life is part of my daily routine, and I’m doing just fine with it! How am I supposed to preach to the world of Overusedideas that I’m a princess who is not like all the other princesses if you keep housing me in this castle?”

“Now darling, why wouldn’t you want to stay in a place like this?” The King inquired. “Besides, you are hereby ordered by our regal code that you have to stay cooped up in this castle to protect yourself and those who live in it from unforeseeable danger. Your rebellious behavior isn’t going to bring your mother back, you know.”

“Ugh, I was in such a good mood until you had to bring that up.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know it’s been hard on you to have lost your mother since that…gummy bear eating contest incident. It’s been hard on me as well.” The King gave himself a moment to express his sadness, reminiscing about a brief time where his wife, Queen Complainsalot, who was fatally mauled by a giant, sentient gummy bear in the midst of the aforementioned eating contest, in which she competed for the Over-Privileged Castle Townsfolk charity.

“You know, daaaaaad, I’ve been thinking asking this question a lot lately. When will I be able to grow up, become more independent, and go on a life-changing journey where I discover more about who I am and find myself a respectable person to fall in love with?”

“Now you should know that such words like “grow up” are banned in this castle. You may be sixteen years old now, but in views of your own father, you are just a mere three years old and therefore, you are still in crucial need of adult supervision.”

“For once in my teenage life, when will you be able to let me go outside?”

The very last word that the king’s daughter had uttered would turn out to be the most overpowering trigger word that he could ever hear. “Outside, outside, are you nuttier than a squirrel!?” The King shrieked with the utmost shock and despair. “Young lady, you sure do know how to butter my biscuits! Do you need me to go over this lecture with you, again?”

“No I don’t, we’ve been over this before, daaaaaad.”

One of the castle’s servants then popped up within the scene without any prior notice and inquired to the King, “Sir, I do not mean to interrupt this part of your daily routine where you have a strenuous talk with your daughter about her existential crisis, but I should point out that you’ve gone off-schedule with one of the simple kingly responsibilities that you should have attended to…again.”

“Leave us, if you’d please,” the King responded to the servant. “This is part of my routine. My usual planned five minutes worth of throne-sitting can be given another rain-check. As I was saying, my dear Sarah, you’re very much aware of the dangers that have taken place outside, but I shall remind you once again about them regardless. Tell me, where did the chimpanzee tree cutters’ 167th banana shortage war of ’85 happen?”

“Outside,” Sarah answered in an apathetic tone.

“Where did the produce street market’s beetroot sale stampeding accident of ’09 occur?” The King quizzed.

“Outside,” Sarah repeated in the same tone.

“Where did the Freeform Jazz Day snowglobe truck incident of six days ago take place?”

“Outside….”

“Now I shall ask this one more time, where was your mother when she died?”

“Outside,” Sarah’s tone grew sad as she repeated the word. “I already know that you’re telling me all this so you could hide the fact that outside was the same place where you lost your “Dumb-Dumbs Guide to Good Parenting” book.”

“…Touché. However, my point still stands. I cannot let you leave this castle, for the open-air is too hazardous for you to be in.”

“Come on, is there any way that I could get permission to leave the Castle of Self-Isolation?”

“Ask your mother.”

“But she’s…”

“Outside, yes, I know.”

“I was going to say dead. Forget I asked, then. I guess there really is no way for me to leave this castle all on my own.”

“Well, I never said that there wasn’t any way for you to talk to your mother beyond her grave,” the King continued as he then handed Sarah a book entitled “The Stubborn Royal Child’s Guide to Summoning the Spirits of Dead Parents.” “I was going to keep this from you until the time was necessary. Because you’ve been pressuring me so much today, I figured that this would be the most necessary time to give this book to you. Besides, you do need to get out of the castle more often.”

Sarah then composed a dirty look towards her father for his utter hypocrisy.

“What? What did I say?” He asked.

The perspective changes from the inside of the Castle of Self-Isolation to the same stronghold’s royal cemetery outside. Sarah moseyed over to her mother’s headstone and, with her book, flipped her fingers through a page containing the enchanting phrase needed to summon the spectral body of the late Queen. Sarah then chanted some magic words that went along the lines of “Hocus pocus,” “abra kadabra,” or “Deities of the Netherworld, I command thee to drag my mother’s soul back into the world of the living,” and soon enough, the phantom of the late Queen appeared right in front of her.

“Sarah…my beloved and beautiful daughter, what a pleasant surprise to be seeing you again after all these years I’ve been dead,” the ghost of the Queen spoke. Immediately afterwards, her tone became solemn and she continued, “So, what do you want from me? Whatever it is, it better be something worth summoning me after eleven years for.”

“I need permission to go outside the castle,” said Sarah.

“Ask your father,” the Queen’s ghost responded.

“I just did and he wouldn’t let me unless I asked you,” Sarah clarified.

The Queen’s spirit groaned and then said to Sarah, “Then you just tell him that I said that you can go outside the castle.”

The princess’s face consequently lit up with joy and her voice squeaked with delight upon hearing her mother’s ghost affirming her consent. However, Sarah’s look changed as she saw that her mother’s ghost had more to say.

“Of course, you are going to need a chaperone before you should leave,” the phantom of the Queen added.

“I already got that covered. I plan to start my adventure riding out into the outside world with my favorite horse,” Sarah replied.

“Yes, that, but I mean that you need to find yourself a sidekick along your way.”

“Oh come on, how am I supposed to spread the word that I’m not like all the other princesses if I have to go and do something that an ordinary princess would do?” The ghost of the Queen gave a simple scowl as a response. “Fine, then I guess I’ll have to find myself a sidekick. I heard that the Convenient Hotspot for Society Withdrawn Characters is a good place to scope one out.”

“Then it’s settled. Now, since your spell lasts for a mere two minutes, there’s one more thing that I should tell you before I fade away and return to the land of the dead while I don’t have much time left. Sarah, beware of-“Before she could finish, she realizes that Sarah had already left the cemetery before she could listen to her last-minute caution. “I should have expected that of her.”

Sarah is then shown to be inside the stables within the Castle of Self-Isolation. There was one station that held two stallions, one with a brown coat, and the other with a black coat. The latter stretched its head out in front of Sarah, suggesting to her to be her transport. The horse pulled its head back with dejection when he saw Sarah showing her reigns towards the other horse next to him.

“Sorry, Surprise Mastermind, I’ll be traveling with Jumpy,” Sarah said as she strapped the reins onto Jumpy and strode him out of the stable and escorted themselves towards the castle gates.

“Bye daaaaaad,” Sarah called out, “I’m leaving the castle to go on a self-discovery quest and find a sidekick because my mom gave me permission to!”

“Well…alright then,” the King spoke. “Remember to pay your taxes.”

The princess gave herself a good, long moment to relish in the feeling of sweet freedom before climbing herself on top of Jumpy.

“It’s fiesta time, Jumpy!” Sarah remarked, her words leaving her horse feeling baffled for a moment. “That means it’s the start of a new adventure. Now go on and take me to that hotspot!”

As Jumpy started to gallop with the princess on the gravel path, it immediately stopped in his tracks, let out of a harsh whinny, and reared upwards out of fright, causing for Sarah to grip on the reigns and horseback to keep balance. She dismounted to see what caused Jumpy’s panic.

“No need to worry, Jumpy, it’s only a mud puddle,” Sarah reassured and mounted back on her horse.

The ride continued on for a few seconds until Jumpy would stop and rear up out of panic once again.

“It’s only a blade of glass, Jumpy, just keep going.”

After the horse resumed its trail, it stopped once more to panic.

“What? Are you afraid of the dust you stomp up too?”

As the ride resumed plenty more times, so would Jumpy’s habit to make a few steps before stopping to be alarmed by something in his path, annoying the princess in the process.

“I knew I should’ve continued paying for those horse-training lessons.”

Since it wouldn’t be fun continuing to see the princess’s predicament with Jumpy, it’s high time to see what Chester is doing now back in Rodentroit. He was inside the office of Mayor Knownuthin, where both rodents have met each other face to face.

“So, what brings you into my office?” Mayor Knownuthin spoke. “If it’s about making a significant change to this brilliant town, then there’s nothing that I can do about that. Or does it have to do with your peculiar nut allergy?”

“You call yourself Mayor Knownuthin and yet you somehow know about my life-threatening allergy like everyone else,” Chester joked.

In an offended tone, the mayor argued, “Hey, just because I come from the Knownuthin family name doesn’t mean that I don’t know everything! One thing that I know nothing about is improving Rodentroit, because, well…what is there to improve about it? Yet here you are, telling me that there’s something that I should change about this already-perfect abode, so let me just tell you, there’s-“

“Nothing you can do about that,” Chester interrupted, finishing what the mayor was about to say. “You take your own catchphrase with such pride that I can see it hanging on the wall of your office. Now look, I didn’t show my face here to tell you that I want you to change something about Rodentroit, I came to you for a favor that I’d like you to do for me.”

“I don’t want to hear any more of your jokes. What exactly did you come to me for, mister gasps-for-breath?”

“I would like for you to at least change my career requisite. I have come to my own personal realization that I am not fit to be a sidekick like everyone else in Rodentroit and prefer to take a different path, such as…in being a hero.”

Chester’s request left the mayor fuming. Trying to calm himself down, the mayor then started laughing mad. As his fit of livid laughter stopped, he continued to speak, saying to Chester, “Scum of the world, do you even realize that you’re breaking this town’s biggest taboo!? Listen, I come from a family with a long history of Rodentroit leadership who have all served as sidekicks for their respective hero, and the day that I let you stray away from the natural order is the day that I lose this leadership that I…didn’t actually work hard for and got through nepotism, but I am proud of having it nonetheless. That will also be the day that Rodentroit dies along with you, your friends, and your family, and both of us don’t ever want for such a predicament to happen, so there is nothing, I repeat, nothing that I can do about that law which Rodentroit’s head of government has kept mandated for many more years! So deal with it.”

Chester kept his serious and stoic demeanor during the mayor’s tirade. “Okay, so is there any chance that I could speak with this head of government that you mentioned?”

“You’d hate to hear me say this, but I am within no position of letting you tell your existential dilemma to my higher up. However, you can tell it to your family…”

As the mayor addressed Chester’s family, the door of his office then revealed Mom Squirrel, Dad Squirrel, Macadamia, and Pecan, all of them standing outside of the office for Chester.

Mom Squirrel was the first to speak and exclaimed, “Chesternut Theodore Squirrel!” Oh snap, when someone is referred by a full name basis, that definitely means trouble, and for sure, Chester will know where this will be leading up to.

“You’ve already ratted me out to my folks?” Chester inquired towards the mayor.

“You’ve pitted this on yourself,” Mayor Knownuthin responded. “It is part of the plan that I’ve just began enacting to ensure that your life is miserable.”

“How could this happen?” Mom Squirrel questioned. “How could my son turn out to be a felonious troublemaker?”

“Why would you disgrace our family name?” Dad Squirrel then spoke with the same feeling of disbelief. “We’ve been hoping that you would be a great sidekick ever since we had you.”

“Why should I have to be a sidekick when I just want to be an individual?” Chester inquired. “Why couldn’t any of you appreciate me for who I am rather than something that I’m not? Why should we all be mandated to take this same career path as if we’re not individuals? If you all have a problem with me wanting to be anything other than a sidekick, then for that, I say there’s nothing that I can do about that, and you’ll just have to deal with it! Who I am says that I should be a hero, and that is my own personal choice that I’m sticking to, because I don’t need to take the same career path as anyone else in this bubble that I’m trapped inside of to be happy! Mom, dad, brothers, at least understand that I want to go through with this decision so that I can make you all happy too, and proud of me.”

“Brother, we do appreciate you,” Macadamia was saying in his usual dull tone. “Nevertheless, we do not appreciate you for repudiating to be what your own kinfolks aspire for you to become, and that is, disregarding every uncertainty whatsoever, a sidekick.”

“You stay out of this, Macadamia! This doesn’t have to do with you!” Chester chided.

The room became filled with shock as Chester’s comment left his family flabbergasted.

“Gee willikers, that wasn’t very cash money of you, big brother,” Pecan remarked.

“We don’t know what’s gotten into your head, but if you’re not going to consider yourself a sidekick, we can’t consider you as our son anymore,” said Mom Squirrel.

“If this is how it’s going to be, then I may as well change my catchphrase for when I’m not around you...” Dad Squirrel said feeling choked up by just the thought of saying the phrase. “I’m…not proud of you, Chester.”

“Fine, be that way!” Chester argued. “I’m just going to keep being myself even though you don’t want me to.”

“Judging by your awkward and upsetting family drama, it seems as though that they have spoken when it comes down to what I should do with you.” Mayor Knownuthin spoke and pressed a big red button on his desk. “Chester the Squirrel, you shall be dearly punished, which shall start with EXILE!”

A squadron of the mayor’s guards identical in physique and uniform appeared surrounding Chester and his family through the sound of the button’s alarm.

“EXILE, EXILE, EXILE! I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE AS A FUGITIVE! WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! YOUR PRISON CELL SHALL BE COVERED IN NUTS UPON YOUR CAPTURE! FIVE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR BOUNTY, THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY THAT I’LL WASTE JUST TO CHASE YOU DOWN! ONCE I’M DONE WITH YOU, I WILL HAVE MY FULLY ARMED FORCES DO AWAY ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH YOU SO THAT YOUR NAME SHALL NEVER BE ETCHED ONTO THIS GLORIOUS TOWN ANYMORE! UNTIL I HAVE YOUR HEAD, I DECLARE RODENTROIT UNDER MARTIAL LAW!” The mayor’s overblown outburst would then take a toll on his vocal cords, causing for the sound of his voice to become sore as a result. “Just you wait, nut-hacker, I will be able to rule Rodentroit and soon all of Overusedideas with an iron paw, thanks to you…and to any of you of my servants, bring me medicine for my throat!”

“Um, mom, dad, Pecan, Macadamia, aren’t you hearing any of this?” Chester asked. “He just said it straight to my face that he’s an evil, deranged corporate tightwad who plans to enslave our home and will kill you guys just because you’re my family. Aren’t you going to forgive me and do anything to stop him?”

“I think you’ve said enough, we’re too distressed by your actions and you’ve upset the mayor so much to the point where we can’t understand the poor man,” said Mom Squirrel.

“Then I’m out of here!” Chester said as the mayor’s guards initiated their task in trying to apprehend him. Chester turned back to his family one more time and said to them, “You all just keep yourselves safe while I’m living my life as a fugitive. Someday, you’ll all realize that I was right and pivot right back to tell me that this has all been just some big misunderstanding.”

Chester made his way out of the mayoral building, dodging Knownuthin’s guards as much as possible. Even after reaching Rodentroit city limits, he continued to scurry away for his dear life.

“Bamboozling butterscotch toffee, why did this all have to happen to me in one day, and over something so trivial?” Chester asked himself. “If I’m a fugitive now, I better find a place to hide.” That was when the red squirrel spotted the Convenient Hotspot for Society Withdrawn Characters pub not long after thinking about a hiding place. “Of course…”

So, Chester’s current situation is very intriguing, huh? Well, let’s see how Muddy Erphie and Blankie Beaver are doing since the story could use some more of them right about now. Blankie and his employer Jokey were shown spying on a certain human bystander with a picnic basket in Rodentroit Park.

“So what’s the plan here, Jokey?” Blankie asked, pretending to be invested in the beaver’s scheme.

“You see that park ranger over there with that pickey-nickey basky-wasky?” Jokey said.

“Use normal English words, Jokey,” Blankie replied in annoyance.

“You wouldn’t believe the kind of prank I came up with for this one,” Jokey replied. “In that picnic basket should be just the ranger’s ordinary lunch once he opens it up, but what he doesn’t know is that I laced his canteen drink with mercury, and when he drinks it, it will stunt his neurological functions and he won’t be able to do anything for himself for as long as he lives. I even swapped his sandwich for one that I’ve filled with wasps, and the ranger will wind up never being able to speak again when he takes a bite out of it and the wasps enter his insides to damage his vocal cords. Oh, and for dessert, I’ve packed in there a tasty chocolate cake with a special strawberry filling that are actually red, poisonous cotoneaster berries that will damage his immune system along with his kidneys, heart, and liver. He’ll also be vomiting for days once he takes a bite out of that. Even if he were to be very suspicious, I’ve implanted a small nuclear bomb inside that picnic basket that will blow up in his face and expose him to radiation if he doesn’t consume anything in that basket for nine minutes. It’s the perfect prank!”

“But Jokey,” Blankie says in a very mocking tone, “Wouldn’t any of these tricks…kill the park ranger? How would we even be able to succeed in taking his picnic basket when we wouldn’t be able to eat and drink anything inside of it since you’ve booby-trapped the basket itself and spiked everything in there?”

“You’re thinking too much about this, Blankie Beaver.”

“It’s Blake, Jokey.”

“You see Blankie, buddy. It’s not the pickle-nickel brisket that I’m after. I just like to see this man suffer.”

“What has this guy ever done to you to warrant all this?”

“One time, he threw out my driftwood collection because he thinks he’s saving the planet and that he’s so eco-friendly for getting his filthy hands on my stuff and calling it cleaning up the environment.”

“Is that your only excuse?”

“Well…his mother is named Blaykelee, he wears his pants too tight, he has a birthmark on his butt shaped like an armadillo, his breath smells like rotting fish, he wrote a negative review for Beverly Hills Capybara 2, he eats pizza with a fork, he once bought an ugly-looking cookie jar on Craigslist, he says “have a nice day” to everyone he meets as if I’m supposed to be entitled to one, and-“

“And you know all this…how?”

“I’m glad you asked, Blankie, ol’ chum. One time, I impersonated an attorney so I could have as much personal information about him subpoenaed to me.”

“Looks like being smarter than the average beaver isn’t the same as having common sense or decent moral standards.”

“Did you say something, Blankie?”

“Oh no, do say more about this scheme of yours,” the tone in Blankie’s voice grew irritated the more that he had to hear his partner refer to him by his nickname that he despises.

“If all else fails, I can just throw a pineapple upside down cake in his face, since he’s allergic to pineapples.”

It’s odd, Blankie thought as he drew parallels to Jokey’s pineapple allergy scheme to the stint Muddy pulled on Chester earlier that day. I wouldn’t seem to say no the idea of psychological torture. Perhaps Chester wasn’t crazy and this is like what he said during his whole lecture about individuality.

“Hey, look at this, Blankie. Who are those guys walking over to that ranger’s picnic basket?” Jokey asked, referring to the group of Mayor Knownuthin’s guards arriving at the park.

“I’d ask the same question,” said Blankie.

“What’s going on?” The ranger questioned.

“Attention, human, this is Mayor Knownuthin’s task force!” One of the guards announced through a speaker. “Our mayor has declared this town to be under martial law. Step away from the picnic basket so we can inspect it for any dangerous weapons that we detect to be inside of it! Unless you’re in cahoots with a runaway criminal who goes by the name of Chester the Squirrel, you will not be harmed!”

Oh boy, what did you do this time, Chester? Blankie thought.

“Officers, I must assure that I mean no harm whatsoever,” the ranger said to the mayor’s task force. “You see, I do not know about this squirrel named Chester…”

“Ah, what do we have here? An important piece of evidence, that’s what,” one of the guards said as he took out a peanut butter sandwich filled with wasps, as Jokey described. “Only someone like Chester would dare to take advantage of those with a severe wasp sting allergy as retaliation for having an allergy to nuts, and he’s used his own allergy as a cover-up.” The same guard then began to seize the ranger along with a couple more and continued saying, “That makes us sick, and it adds up to the fact that you’re a spy working for the squirrel.”

One of the guards brought out a pair of handcuffs to attach both of the ranger’s hands to, saying “For now, you’re under arrest by Mayor Knownuthin’s orders, and you’ll be interrogated afterwards.”

“I swear, officers, this isn’t my doing!” The ranger spoke in a panicked tone.

“Are you sure about that?” One of the guards replied. “Let’s just see what else is inside your sweet old granny’s hand basket. A drink container laced with mercury and a decadent cake with poisonous berries in an attempt to poison the well-respected mayor? You’ll definitely be facing punishment from our mayor for sure. Now let’s see what else is hiding inside this basket. I reckon there should be a bomb inside it as well.”

“That’s just preposterous! How would there be a bo-“

The ranger’s words were interrupted by a spontaneous explosion. Of course, the kick from the guard due to his lack of common sense would trigger the radioactive bomb inside the picnic basket to detonate. Blankie watched as the chaos ensued with a wide-eyed look expressing his shock on the matter while Jokey appeared to be entertained.

“This wasn’t supposed to be part of my prank, and yet I’m enjoying this,” Jokey commented.

“Would you mind if I excuse myself for a moment to make an important phone call, Jokey?” Blankie asked.

“Not a problem, compadre!” Jokey responded.

Blankie went to conceal himself behind a tree nearby and pulled out his phone. He viewed Muddy on his list of contacts and called it. In Muddy’s point of view, he’s inside a cavern alongside his confidant, Genghis Khan.

“You shouldn’t have to take it too hard, Genghis Khan,” Muddy was saying. “You may have plunged the Mongol Empire into a war because Wang Khan wouldn’t let his daughter marry your first son, and then it brought you into joining forces with your greatest enemy, who would then betray you later after being made a universal ruler. I mean, I saw that one coming a mile away. If you still want to reconcile with him after we’ve vanquished him and his army that is your choice, though. Despite all that, there’s no excuse for you to lie to your fellow generals that you didn’t eat the last piece of mutton, which you actually did, and to win against me in Super Smash Bros. by duping me into making me believe you were going to pick Ness and then you had to choose Meta Knight for an easy win.”

Genghis then spoke in his native language, which would translate to “My fellow rabbit, you annoy me so, but I still accept your friendship.”

“Yeah, that’s what most of my homies back in my time period say about me.” Muddy continued. “What I’m trying to say is that I still forgive you regardless of your mistakes. Besides, it was you who lead those Mongols to a victory royale! You’re Genghis Khan. If you can be the best darn conqueror that those Naimans have ever seen, then I know that you can do anything! What are Mongol buddies for?”

Genghis spoke again, with his words translating to “Could I play as Kirby next time?”

“Yes Genghis Khan, I’ll let you fight as Kirby. Hey, I know what will lift your spirits. There’s this hilarious joke I’ve heard, and it goes like this: What do you call a fake noodle?” Muddy replied before he heard his phone ringing. “Oh hey, looks like Blankie ol’ pal is trying to reach me. We’ll talk later, my man.” Taking Blankie’s call, he then says, “Yo, what up? I’m just having a good old time with my partner Genghis Khan.”

“Looks like you’re enjoying your little internship more than I am,” Blankie remarked. “Now listen Muddy, there’s something crucial going on in Rodentroit that I need to tell you about-“

“It’s also a good thing that I was able to get the Wi-Fi set up in this time period, huh?” Muddy interrupted. “Perhaps I should have Genghis Khan start an inter-dimensional postal service, and we’d really have something. Besides, how long has it been since you’ve started your sidekick job with Jokey?”

“Muddy, it’s been only three hours since after you left your own era where I’m reaching you,” Blankie pointed out.

“Whoa, it’s been that long!? It’s funny how time works. It feels like it’s been fifteen years since Genghis and I have joined forces and yet I haven’t even aged a bit!”

“Muddy…”

 “Hold that thought, Blankie. There’s a funny thing you should know about Genghis Khan. When I introduced the Mongols to mahjong, it didn’t even take him a day to be able to understand everything about the game and become a pro at it, but he’s too stubborn to admit that he’s lowkey a scrub at Super Smash Bros.-“

“MUDDY!” Blankie bellowed with such infuriation. “This is no time for your pointless info-dumping! Chester did something stupid while we were going about with our sidekick jobs and in that short amount of time, Rodentroit has been thrown into chaos! Also, I’ve been telling you for the one-thousandth time, my name is Blake!”

Blankie’s meltdown had left Muddy silent for a moment, along with Jokey who had just appeared right behind his fellow sidekick.

“Whoa, someone’s a little grumpy-wumpy,” Jokey remarked.

“Stay out of this conversation, Jokey,” Blankie retorted. “Why don’t you distract those guards over there while I’m still in the middle of an important call?”

“Was that your friend, Jokey?” Muddy asked. “Tell him I said hi!”

“First of all, he’s not my friend, and second, I contacted you so that I could ask if you’d like to help get to the bottom of whatever’s going on in Rodentroit.” Blankie explained. “We may be newbies in the sidekick profession, but given our relationship with Chester, this is a situation that we should pursue.”

“I never thought you’d ask,” Muddy replied. “Can I bring Genghis Khan too?”

“Sure, knock yourself out,” Blankie deadpanned.

“Good idea, sport, I couldn’t let this sandwich go to waste,” Jokey uttered, holding said item that was now concealed inside a plastic zip bag.

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Blankie snapped before focusing his conversation back on Muddy. “Anyways, you can go back to the present and then we’ll both find out what’s gotten wrong with Rodentroit.”

“Alright, Genghis Khan and I can call ourselves Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd, because we’re going Back to the Future! …Or to the present, in this case. I’ll see you in no less than five seconds given how short time travel is.”

 “Wait, no, no, no! Don’t do it until I’m in a private place! We’ll raise suspicions if-“Blankie paused just as he then noticed Muddy and Genghis Khan have already appeared right in front of him.

“Sorry, what was that you were saying?” Muddy asked.

“I’m in an area filled with guards, moron,” Blankie said with an aggravated tone.

“Ah-ha, I knew there would be a time traveler on Chester’s side,” one of the mayor’s guards said towards Muddy. “Nothing sounds more disturbing than the idea of the squirrel wrecking the space-time continuum in order to get rid of the beloved mayor.”

“The truth is I just brought back myself to the present along with Genghis Khan because a friend of mine asked me to,” Muddy confessed.

“He’s not referring to me though,” Blankie fibbed. “I never knew him in all my life.”

“Don’t be silly, Blankie, you’d never know me if I were to rewrite the course of time, which I don’t ever intend to do,” Muddy pointed out with a last-minute reassuring tone.

“Not helping my case, Muddy,” Blankie whispered.

“Deny all that you will,” another one of the mayor’s guards spoke before restraining Muddy and Blankie each with a pair of handcuffs, their arms crossed tied behind their backs, “we shall take your words as a confession. You’ll both be turned in to the mayor for questioning.”

“This Genghis Khan fellow seems pretty sus too, so let’s also arrest him while we’re at it,” one of the guards added as he restrained the conqueror and confiscated his weapons. “This was a mistake,” Genghis Khan would then utter. “Hey beaver, do you have any words to speak in your behalf before you’re taken in for questioning too?” He continued, directing his attention towards Jokey.

As a consequence of eating the peanut butter sandwich covered with wasps, Jokey was unable to say a word.

“Not talking, huh? You can tell it to the mayor,” the guard said as Jokey was now restrained and escorted out of the park alongside the others.

“Look on the bright side, Blankie,” said Muddy. “We may now have a Shawshank Redemption adventure in our hands, or perhaps I should be calling it a The Count of Monte Cristo kind of deal…”

“Shut your mouth,” Blankie scowled.

Tough luck for those characters, huh? Let’s see what Mom and Dad Squirrel are up to now. They and their two sons were having dinner like normal until they came to a sudden realization.

“…You know, Chester does have a point,” Dad Squirrel spoke. “He is his own mammal and so he’s free to do what pleases him.”

“Oh no…” said Mom Squirrel. “I’m feeling something…strange.”

“What is it, honey?” Dad Squirrel asked.

“It’s this feeling where I’m being made aware of that our very previous actions were a result of one big misunderstanding, that we were wrong about our son, that we made ourselves come off as bad parents for refusing to listen to him in the process, and that we now must go out and find him so that we could tell him that we made such a big mistake!” Mom Squirrel replied.

“You’ve got to kidding yourself, how can you feel something like…” Dad Squirrel stopped mid-sentence as he also came to the same sudden realization. “Son of a gun, I’m feeling it too!” He slammed his hands on the table, stood up from his stump stool and then exclaimed, “Let’s go find Chester right now so we can apologize!”

Mom Squirrel then also stood up from her seat and said “I’m in the same agreement! However, we will have to take our time in forming a genuine, heartfelt apology if we’re going to need Chester to forgive us.”

“No need to worry, we’ll think about it on our way to him,” Dad Squirrel added. “By the way, would it be right if we started our apology with a deep sigh?”

“There’s no time to waste, we’re coming, Chester!” Mom Squirrel exclaimed as she and her husband bolted out of their home, “Don’t forget, this is because I’m proud of you, son!”

“So…have you played any good games lately?” Pecan uttered towards his brother Macadamia as they saw themselves being left alone inside their tree home.

As the two squirrel parents were now outside their home, they stopped on their tracks when they noticed the mayor’s guards surrounding it.

“Aw bamboozling butterscotch toffee!” Mom Squirrel griped.

“That’s our son’s line,” Dad Squirrel added.

“Taking into account that you’re the parents of Rodentroit’s most wanted fugitive, you must also know that you will be held responsible if you choose to defend the enemy, so unless you don’t want to be captured along with him, we order for you both to cease and allow for us to take carry on with our hunt,” one of the guards said through a megaphone.

“We’ve made up our minds!” Mom Squirrel declared as she and her husband scurried down along the tree, making their way underneath the guards and through the thickets to make their escape.

Alright, that’s enough lollygagging with all these characters. Let’s check back in with Chester for real now. He’s positioned on a barstool, facing the respective human bartender of the Convenient Hotspot for Society Withdrawn Characters.

“What brings you here, squirrel?” The bartender asks.

“Oh you know, I’m just a social outcast,” says Chester, “helping this place live up to its namesake by showing up here to talk about some serious mistake that I’ve made, like making myself a wanted criminal by my own hometown, throwing it under political chaos, and it was all because I disavowed being what everyone in that town was destined to be: a sidekick. Not like it’s a big deal to me.”

“Then I should let you know that you’re in the wrong place,” the bartender replied. “We take service for people who are cast away from society, not for criminals with some nut allergies.”

“How in the flying squirrel did you even know I have this life-threatening allergy?” Chester questioned.

“Have you seen yourself on TV?” The bartender continued. “It’s like what you said that you’re a wanted fugitive. You’re all over the news because of that, look!”

The bartender directs the squirrel’s attention to the TV screen on the top left corner of the bar shelves. Shown on the screen was a news anchor in the form of a gundi who was accompanied by a human anchor whose upper body could be viewed, but his head was obscured by the camera as its focus was on the animal.

“I am here with another news update for Rodentroit…that is if you could call it one,” the gundi anchor announced. “To the surprise of no one, Rodentroit’s most wanted fugitive Chesternut Theodore Squirrel is still on the run from Mayor Knownuthin and his task force. The reward for his capture still remains the same, five hundred million dollars. Despite the fact that the excessive budget for this chase has made the stock market of Rodentroit plummet, the mayor affirms that he’s confident that Chester will be captured sooner than later. For those who seek to find Chester and bring him to justice, just remember that he’s vulnerable to nuts…and he’s a squirrel. In other, lesser news, A-list celebrity Jonathan Hamster has been quote-unquote cancelled on social media in the past ten minutes due to a totally unattractive snapshot of his plumber’s crack being made public…”

“Okay, so now that it’s come to light that I, a wanted criminal, is sitting right here in this bar in front of you, aren’t you going to try and turn me in to the big boss now?” Chester asked.

“Are you joking? I’m a bartender, not a tyrant,” he replied. “However, you should still leave.”

“Is it really because being a wanted criminal by my entire motherland doesn’t do enough or does too much to fit the description of me being withdrawn from society?” Chester argued. “Why do you think I showed my face here? The answer to that would make a lot more sense as to why you’re not refusing service to those C-list villains over there.” Pertaining to the squirrel’s previous sentence, he points his right finger towards the said group sitting at a table on the northwest corner of the pub.

“What makes you think you’re so special, huh?” The bartender argued back. “Just because you had one fragment of the entire world turned against you, you can fit right in with all these people like so? You’ve done more than having yourself withdrawn from society, and this place is for people who haven’t made as much trouble as you did.” As he began naming specific examples of the bar’s people towards the squirrel, the bartender pointed a thumb at the precise folk. “Imperfect Isaac the Owl has been ridiculed by his peers because he’s the only one from his native land to have slightly uneven eyes. Flunky Felix, the nerd over there, got a B+ on his Overusedideas History test and suffers from social awkwardness, which is a common ailment for people just like him. Then there’s Scotty, the orphan kid with the balloon who suffers from pneumonia, his case is much worse. He’s here because he has no friends. Oh, and as for those guys from the C-List Villain Society, or CVS for short, no product placement intended. They’re at the bottom of the ladder of villainy. In other words, they’re so standard and pose so little of a threat to the point where you can’t take them seriously enough to not make them welcome in this tavern.”

“Now look, I came here because I needed a place to hide. I got ratted out for just refusing to follow the path of a typical animal sidekick while also having an allergy that sets me apart from all the other, ordinary squirrels, and somehow I’m a bigger threat than those C-listers? Besides, I never ended up in this dilemma so that I could feel special. That’s not my style.”

“Hey, if you’re lucky, you could earn a spot in that society. If you can’t fit in as sidekick or as some main hero, then you could use your most-wanted enemy status to your advantage and become one of them.”

“I’m not wasting any more of my time with you, so you may as well throw me out of this hangout now.”

“You can’t leave now, not before you hear about a prediction that I foresee you experiencing, for people have called me the Bartender of Fate!”

“Hey, wait a flipping minute. You don’t actually want me to leave. You’re setting me up with this conversation somehow, aren’t you?”

“Well, I can’t hide the fact that I am a tax enforcer employed as a bartender, so you owe me about one hundred dollars for the conversation that you’ve just had with me. What else there is for me to say is that you’ll soon have a fateful encounter with a stubborn princess on a fidgety stallion, and they are to come bursting through the entrance of this tavern after you express your bewilderment of such an event.”

“That’s an event that I like the least to happen to me, so I’m not going to take your words as truth-”

Contrary to Chester’s beliefs, the unforeseeable had become foreseen. As fate would have it, Princess Sarah Complainsalot had stumbled upon Chester within the same location after barging through the entrance, along with her horse, Jumpy, who once again whined and hauled itself up out of mundane fright. Afterwards, Sarah then lost control of her mounting balance and her body was sent hurling straight towards the bar table, crash landing in front of the squirrel.

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

Okay, so I've just realized that the second dose of the vaccine is what I should be more cautious of. While I got my first dose without any problems, the scheduled date will remain the same, and each day will last from 8AM-8PM.

[12 Hour Writing Session (4/21/21 & 4/29/21)]

Alright, since I didn't do one of these last month, I'm going make up for it a bit by doing two of these in two consecutive days in two consecutive weeks.