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Episode 4: A Broken Heart and The Will to Live SpongeBob wakes up at 3 am, the result of some misguided sense of duty to count the sesame seeds at the Krusty Krab, as well as still thinking about what went down with Squidward the previous day. He doesn’t quite get it. Squidward tore his Valentine card up in plain sight for SpongeBob to see that year. He didn’t even accept the gift to begin with, so why was he suddenly acting like SpongeBob peed in his Bran Flakes? Better yet, why is everybody acting like SpongeBob peed in their Bran Flakes?! SpongeBob decides to stop by Squidward’s on the way to work. Hoping to clear the air about this Valentine’s Day business once and for all. SpongeBob makes his way inside Squidward’s abode using a spare key Squidward gave him. For some reason. Squidward was nowhere to be seen downstairs, so he went on ahead upstairs. He enters Squidward’s bedroom to find that he surprisingly wasn’t in bed. He looks around a little, soon catching sight of a heart-shaped card displayed on Squidward’s night stand. The card appears to be heavily taped up, as if it was desperately being salvaged. SpongeBob sees a light emanating from the other side of Squidward’s cracked bathroom door. He walks over to it, almost slipping on something as he reaches for the doorknob. He looks down to see a red viscous fluid also seeping through from the other side of the door. He swings the door open and lets out a scream that you would find in a SpongeBob’s Best Freak Out Moments and Screams compilation. Bikini Bottom Police arrive and tape up the entire house. Detectives investigate the entire scene top to bottom and they conclude that Squidward’s death is the result of a suicide. From what they gather of SpongeBob’s account of the previous day, as well as finding the Valentine’s Day card that Squidward still has in possession after all this time, it appears as though the stress and unaddressed emotions of it all unfortunately caught up to him. They walk SpongeBob through what exactly happened; Squidward begins by shattering his mirror and using a broken piece of glass to cut and stab himself all over. He tried drowning himself but found that electrocution would be a faster, easier option. He then ultimately decides to rip his own heart out of his chest, possibly to symbolize SpongeBob ripping his heart out when he was leading him on. They couldn’t, however, recover said heart, as it no longer appears to be at the crime scene. They finally cap off Squidward’s demise by declaring that Squidward, with the last ounce of life he had left, then scrawled the words “You Broke My Heart Man” on the bathroom wall with his own blood. Open and shut case. They then reveal to SpongeBob that they found the third player in SpongeBob’s story, Dave, dead in his vehicle just a few hours prior. It appears he had slit his own neck with a rose and then stuffed an entire bouquet down his neck hole. Very gruesome, very timely stuff given the banned holiday fast approaching. One of the detectives then say the thing by exclaiming Detective: It would seem Valentine’s Day returns…with a bloody vengeance. They then warn SpongeBob to not break anymore hearts or else they’ll be liable to bring him in, but him saying the thing suddenly reminds SpongeBob of Patrick, who he has made an effort to avoid since that very day. He shifts his attention towards his rock. It appears as though Patrick isn’t home. Trivia This episode was written as the ultimate act of defiance against Heart Man by not having him up in an episode posted on actual Valentine’s Day