SpongeTown: the Storm Approaches

[Guest hilaryfan80]

This is the reboot of the "SpongeTown: the Uprising" spin-off that was lost due to tragic events. I hope you enjoy my dark sense of humor.

 

Episode List

Season 1

Episode 1: The One with the Move

 

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Episode 1: The One with the Move

Spoiler

 

"Are we almost there?" The phrase that haunted us for miles upon miles as we drove past the corn hills of Indiana. Every building looked the same: run-down shacks with shingles falling down and rust painted on top of rust. It was a horrifying adventure.

 

"Maybe we should go to a rest area?" My brother looked at me as if his bladder was about to burst. "Now now, Face, you know just as well as I do that there isn't a rest area for another thirty-six miles." I was being realistic, sadly. That's the harsh reality of these road trips: sometimes you need a rest area but it's nowhere to be found.

 

"Let's go to a gas station then."

 

After we stopped by the mom and pop gas station made entirely of wood, we were on our marry little way to a beautiful new town called SpongeTown. My brother and I had to leave Kentucky after the new SP 955 bill was made that says that gingers will go to jail if they go into the whites' restroom. We wanted to leave as soon as possible before the bill became a law. It's sad: one day you can go into any restroom, and then transgenders, Asians, and gingers cannot use them the next day. Awful land if you ask me.

 

Face had open the SpongeTown tourist brochure because his phone was dying from the constant playing of Miitomo. Inside, there were various attractions: The Wash, Weenie Hut Juniors, Omair's Llama Emporium, jjs' Magic Shop, WhoBob's Diner, Grubby's Records, ssj's Wig Shop, and, the attraction we were most interested in, the holy Magius Cathedral.

 

"Man, I can't wait to get there," I said to Face. I was getting slightly impatient. Face smirked. "Yeah, let's play some Girls Generation."

 

A few days later and we have made it to our destination. Face had his camera out to take a picture of the "SpongeTown, Ontario" sign that was on the road. Good times! The first building we saw was the Magius Cathedral. You can't miss it - it's giant, 20 floors high, bright blue, and has a big clock tower at the top. We were in total amazement.

 

Oddly enough, every house had the person's name on the front door in red paint, almost as if someone took a thick brush, a bucket of red paint, and decided to write everyone's names on the doors. Sure enough, we found our house and the front door had our names on it: "hilaryfan80 & Face". This intrigued us more than anything.

 

 

The house before us had the names "JCM" and "spongeboblover". "So these are our neighbors," Face commented. We both smiled as we got out of our yellow beetle and ran inside. The house was beautiful: gorgeous brown walls complimented with wooden furniture and dark oak wooden flooring, a chandelier, a spiral staircase, and, oddly enough, a picture of Squilliam on the wall.

 

"Hello!"

 

Face and I were startled. Who could that possibly be?

 

Just then, a man walked around the corner. "Don't be startled!" Somehow he knew that we were. "I am your butler, Mr. Charles H. Montgomery, but you can call me Mr. Cha." Face and I looked at each other. "Would you like for me to help you with your bags today, my good sirs?"

 

If you could have seen what was going through my head, it would have looked something like this:

 

Spoiler

WE HAVE OUR OWN BUTLER!!! I could not believe it. SpongeTown is amazing! ommmmmmmfg

 

Anyways, we had Mr. Cha help us with the bags. He was as handsome as he was helpful: he has a charming voice, a sweet British accent, and he was pretty hot - no homo.

 

After we had sat down for a quick break, a knock on the door happened. Face had gotten up, but Mr. Cha said, "Please, I'll get it for you." Face had the oh yeah face going on - we obviously were not used to having a butler! Mr. Cha opened the door. "hilaryfan80 and Face's residence. How may I help you?" At the door, there was a boy at the door in long stilettos and in drag. Probably the ugliest drag I have ever seen in my entire life. "Yes, I would like to meet the new neighbors!" I had gotten up and walked to the door. "Thank you, Mr. Cha." I reached my hand out. "My name is hilaryfan80. What's yours?"

 

Without hesitation, he grabbed my hand and shook it violently. "My name is Elastic, as in m-" I interrupted. "I think I get the picture. What's with the, um, get-up?" Elastic shook his head which made his afro bob around. "This is my job. I'm the lead stripper at The Wash. Do you want to come?" I turned my head and Face gave me the weirdest glare. "Sure, I'll go. I bet it's a great place to meet people!" Face sighed. "I guess I'll go too." Elastic's smile had turned into a large Grinchy smirk. "That's right. Let's go!"

 

The Wash had a peculiar design. It was a slanted building with one horizontal side shorter than the other. The sign was partially lit that read "The as!", which made me laugh. Inside, there were a bunch of people! It seemed like the entire town was at The Wash!

 

I will never forget the first person that I met at The Wash: the biggest nerd that was there. He had big muscles, huge in fact. He had muscles on his muscles. His voice was really deep. He had jet black hair and a clean shaven face. He had to have been at least 6'5" tall, especially since his black leather jacket was too short in length for his torso.

 

"What Hogwarts house are you in?"

 

Yep, those were his first words. He didn't even say hello - he's that awkward. Poor him. So I decided to carry on a conversation.

 

"Uh, what's your name?"

 

He felt kind of nervous, but then answered.

 

"My name is American Idiot."

 

Then he walked away and went to the pizza stand at the smallest corner of The Wash. I don't think I'll ever understand him - he's just so weird! I mean, who calls themselves an idiot? Oh well.

 

The next person I meet was way cooler. He was about 5'9", real chill. Had a great laugh. We talked for a few minutes about the wonders of college. When I asked him for his name, he told me that his name was JCM.

 

"So you must be the new neighbors then. Nice!"

 

I got to know him a little bit more, and I'll give you a summary: he works at the local sports bar as the bartender, his best friend is jjs, and he loves to come to The Wash every Friday night, which happens to be tonight.

 

Meanwhile, Face was talking to a girl who was clinging onto a bigger guy. The girl was pretty small, but she was cute. The guy was muscular, had large boots, death clothes, a cowboy hat, and a bandana over his mouth. The girl was clinging onto him like no other! If I didn't think any better, I would have guessed that she was a prostitute and he paid her well!

 

Face noticed me. "hilaryfan80, I would like you to meet Katie and Dennis! Aren't they a nice couple?" Katie smiled and Dennis tapped his hat towards me. Being a native Kentuckian, I knew that was an introduction.

 

Suddenly, the lights turned towards the stage to an awkward teenage boy. The place became quiet.

 

"Welcome to The Wash! My name is Halibut, owner of The Wash, and we're going to have a good night tonight! Our first act of the night is our local humor act, Elastic!" The entire place roared with applause.

 

The place became dark and a single spotlight was on the stage. Elastic comes out, in full drag with a full red sparkling dress and bright Coral Blue #6 Semi-Gloss lipstick while wearing a tiara. It was a horrifying sight to see, yet the crowd loved it.

 

Elastic went up to the microphone and said, "Hit it, boys!" Immediately, Applause began playing through the loud speakers. He began twerking his booty towards the audience (again, horrifying), and right when the chorus began, the lights flickered quickly to create hype, all while smoke came from backstage to add to the performance. Somehow, his fake boobs had been blown up from an A cup to a DD. You could say that his bra was elastic.

 

That's when things started going for the worst for me.

 

The lights kept flickering, the stage kept getting smokier, and I thought I was going to faint. Big time.

 

Suddenly, the lights went out.

 

I heard a scream.

 

"Cruses!"

 

I heard laughter.

 

And I heard someone having sex in the corner of the room.

 

Great. Another memory to relive later on.

 

The emergency lights kicked on a few minutes later, and Halibut was up on the stage. He shouted, "Everyone remain calm! Things will be just fine!"

 

Except it wasn't.

 

Do you remember how I said I heard someone having sex in the corner of the room?

 

That's right. Everyone saw whom it was.

 

Fully exposed.

 

Naked.

 

Yep.

 

Halibut screams. "What on earth are you doing, Hayden and Trophy?!?!"

 

In all fairness, it was dark and they both appear to be drunk.

 

But seriously?!?! Ewwwwww.

 

Anyways, nobody notices that there's a bloody girl on the other end of The Wash because these guys decided to have a good fucking during a blackout. Poor girl.

 

I shouted, "What about her?!"

 

Dennis runs over to the girl. "Are you ok?!" He looked like he was about to cry, but he was too manly to cry.

 

The girl was very weak. "Yes, I'll be fine." Dennis whispers, "It'll be ok, Mandy." Katie did not like seeing Dennis with another girl, so she ran over and clutched his leg firmly.

 

Suddenly, a hooded figure jumps onto the stage with a megaphone. "Nobody is going anywhere!" Everyone stares at the stage. "You must do what I say, and that's that!"

 

Halibut shouts, "Oh yeah? Who put you in charge?"

 

The hooded figure laughs. "I have a King Neptune for a Day! You have to listen to me!" Apparently a "King Neptune for a Day" is a tradition in SpongeTown where you can become a "king" for a day and everyone has to obey you. Silly tradition if you ask me.

 

"All I want is for you to solve my riddle. That's all! It's a very simple riddle too, but it's very hard to piece the puzzles together. If you don't solve the riddle in time, I won't give you the antidote to save that girl over there! Muhahahahahaha! Your first clue starts with the newest person in town. Aha!" Just then, he threw a smoke bomb on the ground and left without a trace. An awesome exit if you ask me.

 

Just then, I noticed everyone staring at Face and I as if we had something to do with this. I began, "I know what you are thinking, but we have nothing to do with this. We have never met him before! We just moved into town not even three hours ago."

 

Elastic yells, "It's true. They just moved here."

 

"Then we have a real mystery on our hands," Halibut says.

 

"And we must solve it quickly!" JCM adds.

 

Oh boy.