Spongicus: Reborn Blood (Part I)

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Spongicus: Reborn Blood

Part I: Fictus Oraclum

 

(A gradually quickening pan of a mulch and gravel landscape engulfs the screen; the landscape slowly disappears as an upward tilt of the camera appears, revealing a pathway, constructed of masonry bricks; several fish enter and exit the scene, all sporting medieval wear, in front of medieval stores and market places)

 

[Gentle galloping fills the ambience, and increasingly becomes louder; suddenly, several fish dash for the opposite sides of the road, as two figures barrel through the pathway, followed by three other darting figures chasing them; the camera follows the two figures, revealed to be medieval SpongeBob and Patrick, wearing tattered clothing and holding two duffel bags]

 

Spongicus: Loot and a half, my fellow thief! Loot and a half indeed!

 

(Spongicus and Patricon continue down the stretch of path, evading now apparent medieval officers, wearing bright robes and brandishing rope and sickle; the two make an immediate right, and are stopped by a brick wall in their midst; the two only just become aware of their situation before being pinned to the wall, and have their wrists tied to their backs with the rope)

 

Officer 1: Thieves! The scum of it all! While others work, you reap the reward. Have at it for only so long, before your tragic fate at the hands of the blade.

 

Spongicus: Do away with our heads, if you will!

 

Patricon: Aye! You can even behead us if you please!

 

[spongicus rolls his eyes at the remark]

 

(The scene suddenly becomes dark and unlight; a loud cranking sound is heard, apparently the sound of cogs and tumblers as sunlight enters the view; two large double barricade doors open in conjunction, as the trio of officers enter, securing Spongicus and Patricon in their wake; as the camera pans backwards to reveal their entrance, a figure becomes visible on the left, seemingly sitting)

 

Officer 2: [stands before figure and bows] We have brought ye the offenders in question. Those that have savaged the lands for a fortnight.

 

(Spongicus and Patricon are released from their rope restraints; Spongicus stands confidently, while Patricon appears rather fearful of the figure; the camera reveals the figure as being an obvious King, for he sports a crown and a robe; he sits upon a low-bearing throne, and brandishes a staff in his left hand)

 

King: Indeed they have. Why?

 

[spongicus and Patricon produce no response]

 

King: [laughs heartily; slams staff onto ground] Detestable creatures! Answer me, why don’t you?! I haven’t the ability to speak multiple languages, yet I am certain I am not voicing one! You two are before a King, and I expect you both to exert the decorum as such! Now, why have you disrespected my kingdom, eh?

 

Patricon: [nervously] We lacked proper funds.

 

King: [interrupts] Lacked proper funds?! Ha! Isn’t that the root of most thievery? No excuses here, I suppose. No testification to save your backs, I assume. This is the so-called “reward” of becoming a thief, is it? Not a soul to call your ally, yet the other of a kind. For this, you serve no purpose to society, I reckon. To the guillotine with them!

 

Spongicus: Halt!

 

King: Ah, the second one wishes to speak.

 

Spongicus: Indeed! King, I understand your position of power. Apparently, better than you can understand your own.

 

King: Why, I…!

 

Spongicus: Your royalty ensures you a life of luxury, a life without worry of oppression or wonder. Wonder of your next meal, next coin or two, or next shelter is all oblivious to you! Patricon and I are not allowed to be oblivious to that! We are thieves by society, not by choice! However, if it so means evasion of a beheading, I will amend my ways, and repay my dues to society.

 

King: [sighs] Very well. And the pink one?

 

Spongicus: I will take him in as my own.

 

King: [sighs again] I may allow the two of you your lives, yet I do not allow myself the trust of either of you. It is so that you are not to be beheaded today, though that isn’t to say I haven’t the power to assure that does not happen someday. I need to ensure you two repay society, and therefore I have a fate for the two of you, and this is not a choice!

 

[spongicus and Patricon both stare at the King to listen for his decree]

 

(The scene cuts to a deserted plains, where a carriage piloted by seahorses is present; inside are two officers, the King, Spongicus, and Patricon)

King: Though I have spared you both from the guillotine, I must protect my kingdom from further vandalism at your hands. Thus, it has occurred to me that there is only one place that can withstand - how I say - gladiators of your caliber.

 

[spongicus and Patricon look at each other in a confused manner]

 

Patricon: Gladiators? Almost seems we are travelling to the Paracove, eh?

 

King: Indeed.

 

[The Paracove comes into view from the carriage over the horizon, apparently being a large coliseum constructed of hardened clay and stone; the carriage stops just before the archway entrance, and the King and his officers exit the carriage; Spongicus and Patricon stay inside]

 

Spongicus: So this is our fates? So this is our bloody fates?!

 

King: Smooth transition, wouldn’t you say? Once thieves, also thieves. First, you abscond with money and valuables. Now, you either steal the lives of others, or have yours taken instead.

 

[spongicus and Patricon are left in shock, as they exit the carriage, which leaves them behind]

 

(The duo enter the arena, where two officers await at the entrance, allowing them both in; they walk through a short hallway and finally are invited by a crowd of presumably thousands, cheering for them inadvertently; the two stop walking and gaze around)

 

Spongicus: My days! What a fate.

 

Patricon: I wonder how long it will last.

 

Officer 3: Hark! Enough banter. Get in there and battle!

 

Spongicus: Battle what?!

 

Officer 3: Are you blind, fool?! Each other!

 

Spongicus: Nary will I! I’d be a fool indeed if I did!

 

Officer 3: It is the order of the King! Mandatory, no less! It will be your heads if you oppose!

 

Patricon: Sounds familiar to me.

 

[The two take the center of the Paracove, and their eyes simultaneously find the King, perched behind a barricade watching them; the King points behind them, and the two find two armored fish approaching them with weaponry; they hand Spongicus and Patricon their respective weapons, both differently dyed spears]

 

Spongicus: Wait, Patricon! This is not our promised fate!

 

Patricon: Not even close. However, it is our duty, right? Our repayment of society?

 

Spongicus: (throws down spear) Nay! (snatches spear from Patrick) Nay! I refuse! (looking at King) I refuse to battle Patricon! We are not of the same blood, but we are symbolically family!

 

(An officer sprints toward SpongeBob with rope)

 

Patricon: No! (Patricon winds his fist, and knocks the approaching officer down with a blow)

 

(The King stands, visibly fuming; he performs a signal, and officers are seen, almost immediately turning a crank; the crank opens a pulley-activated door, which reveals a resting creature; Spongicus and Patricon look at the King, who uses his fingers to slice his throat, symbolizing the fate of the two)

 

End of part I

 

For parts II and III, visit the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki on Saturday, August 8, for the release of the second and final sections of the “Spongicus: Reborn Blood” trilogy!