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CyanideFishbone Reviews Billboard Alternative Songs Number One Alternative Hits (2000's)

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please disregard any and all previous music criticism I've done on this website

Hey! I've been looking for something to do to get me more active with this community again while balancing a college schedule and other stuff and this is something I've been interested in doing for 3 years and since I've honestly been reading @Wumbo's lists a ton the last couple months, I thought I'd do something similar with Billboard's Alternative Songs, since alternative is generally my preferred music scene. As I've gotten older I feel like I'm more open about liking stuff and not being a hateful immature dickhead (so sorry for falsely hating Paramore so long ago they're great), so I wanted to give reviewing music another shot. Anyway, you can look at the lists here but I will be starting with the 2000's and should have my first list out soon. How will I be reviewing these?

1. I will be listing the number one hits of each year from worst to best (for example, 2000 will be it's own list, 2001 it's own list, so on and so forth)

2. If a song charts as number one twice a year, I still will be reviewing it only once.

3. I'm really kinda cheating here but All The Small Things is in the list for the 2000's but when it says it reached number one was very late 1999. I will be including that with 2000 I think. 

And if I'm being honest, that's all I've really got to say. Expect the first list this weekend!

Edited by CyanideFishbone
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You don't have to dwell too much on your distant past self. For sure, I was not a very good music critic during the first couple years I've started out as one.

I could already tell that the Alternative Songs' catalog of number ones from the past decade will be interesting to cover, because it's somewhat of a mixed bag, whereas it has quite a lot notoriously great songs (i.e. "Seven Nation Army," "Aerials," "Feel Good Inc.," and "Uprising") and then has some very bad ones (i.e. anything by Staind, "Psycho," "Feel Good Drag," and "Youth of the Nation"). That's the least I can say about them at this point.

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2 hours ago, Black Parade said:

You don't have to dwell too much on your distant past self. For sure, I was not a very good music critic during the first couple years I've started out as one.

I could already tell that the Alternative Songs' catalog of number ones from the past decade will be interesting to cover, because it's somewhat of a mixed bag, whereas it has quite a lot notoriously great songs (i.e. "Seven Nation Army," "Aerials," "Feel Good Inc.," and "Uprising") and then has some very bad ones (i.e. anything by Staind, "Psycho," "Feel Good Drag," and "Youth of the Nation"). That's the least I can say about them at this point.

Oooh, you just mentioned one of my planned #1s for the year it's in in your notoriously great songs....


But yeah, that's why I decided to choose the 2000s. It's such a mixed bag and I think I'll have a ton of fun with it because of that. I'm planning to do 90's as well.

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Well, that was early.... My last class on Wednesday and my first class got cancelled on Halloween, so I ended up with a fuckton of free time due to not really having much homework, so I powered through my list. So here we are!





What a way to start this list. Our first songs is gonna be the first of a series of shitty nu metal songs I’ll have to cover. Without further ado….





7. “Last Resort”- Papa Roach

I’ve always hated this song, but I couldn’t put a finger on why I hated it so much beyond the vocals and rap-rock verses, and upon to it again, I found one word to sum up my thoughts on this song: corny.


For a song about such a serious subject matter (suicide), holy fuck is this song corny. And if I’m being honest, that’s what really pisses me off about it. Not trying to sour the mood, but suicide is something that hits very close to home in my life; I attempted suicide in middle school, and in the last year my sister attempted suicide three times (she seems to be better now). So seeing this faux-rap shit be this corny really pisses me off.


I just have no idea what this song wants to be. It takes itself so seriously, but has all these weird ass rap verses with all these anecdotes from suicidal people and Jacoby Shaddix (what the fuck kind of name is that)’s voice is so goddamn hokey and obnoxious that it just takes away any sort of immersion in these anecdotes. The lyrics really aren’t that bad, although absolutely nothing special, but god, if these godawful vocals, rap-rock verses, snore-inducing instrumentals don’t absolutely murder the entire song.


And I’m not saying rap and depressing subject matter don’t go together. They absolutely do. But here it’s delivered so poorly as the rapping is just so god awful and kill any hope for the mediocre, yet salvageable lyrics, the vocals are godawful, and the instrumentals are so forgettable that I can’t fucking stand them. I’m running and I’m cryiiiiiing… because this song sucks ass.


Well, upon looking this up further this song is actually about a friend of the band’s who was struggling emotionally at the time. Feel kind of bad for being as hard as I am on this song, but fuck let’s move on before I feel even more like a piece of shit.


I will say one thing though; if you want a good laugh, I recommend listening to the "squeaky-clean" version.



And here we get our first example of depressing, whiny, dirgy, post-grunge… which will appear time and time again throughout this series. Guess 2000 really does have a lot of firsts.


6. “Hemorrhage (In My Hands)”- Fuel



This song is so goddamn devoid of any sort of emotion or passion that it kills the entire thing. It’s like the musical equivalent of sandpaper. And I get it. It’s a song about dying and cancer (because of course it is) (crossed out) but that doesn’t give it a pass at all.



This is a song by My Chemical Romance about death and cancer. In fact, one of a handful on that record. And they all sound fantastic. They’re dour like this too, but it feels like there’s legit passion from writing and performing the song, and a lot of emotion in those songs. It convinces you of the tragedy the song is about. This just sounds like someone completely emotionless talking about the passing of a loved one, and admittedly that makes it kind of absolutely creepy. The instrumentals could be worse, but it’s just very by-the-book post-grunge dirge that just again completely bores me. The less said about these emotionless vocals, the better. Brett Scallions (amazing name btw)’s vocals make him seem like he’s falling asleep. Again, not inherently a bad thing….



Here’s one of many Meat Puppets songs where Curt Kirkwood sounds almost like he’s falling asleep. But the reason it works for Meat Puppets is because it absolutely works for their music style. It’s chill, psychedelic slacker rock, so it makes sense the vocals would be this absolutely chill. This song is meant to be a depressing, realistic portrayal of death so it doesn’t help when you don’t make it convincing at all.


Wish I could be listening to Meat Puppets instead of this shit. But hey, at least I can gladly say the remaining five songs on this list are great.


One of the big reasons I started doing this list was to find the songs that surprise me, most of which I’ve heard of but never really listened to in full, and find some new songs I enjoy. And I’m glad to say I’ve already found the first example here.


5. “Kryptonite”- 3 Doors Down


I’d be lying if I said that I’ve heard a lot from 3 Doors Down. However, this song absolutely leaves a good impression. It reminds me a lot of Seven Mary Three, a band I’ve always really enjoyed (they’ve got some great stuff besides “Cumbersome”, guys!). This is the kind of post-grunge I can get behind, and Fuel, this is how you do post-grunge with serious subject matter. The subject matter of whether or not somebody will continue to stand by your side despite being okay is a really good one and underutilized one, and I really, really like the Superman references used to convey the message; it’s really creative, and adds a lot of personality to the song. I really, really like the vocals too; Brad Arnold gives a bit of desperation in his voice and with lyrics about searching and what not really helps sell the more serious subject matter. But also, for a song that takes itself competently without being obnoxiously serious, you can hear the band themselves taking it seriously but also it isn’t ridiculously dour or emotionless. It’s got a lot of hope to it. I also really like the guitar bits, from the more calm verses to the more rocking choruses, it all works very well. Really great song, especially one written by Arnold when he was 15 (well, the lyrics were).


And of course, I’ve got to post my favorite Seven Mary Three song.



You’re welcome.



Just as nu-metal and post-grunge were big in the early 2000’s, so was pop punk. I’ve got to admit, out of those 3 genres, generally I find pop punk to be the best, while there are some acts I absolutely can’t stand (link to Simple Plan Wikipedia page?). But for the most part, as a whole, it was way more solid than both the nu-metal and post-grunge scenes, and some of the genre’s greatest anthems came from the 2000’s. And… without further ado, here we are.


4. “All The Small Things”- Blink-182


Honestly, while I would say overplay kind of hurt my opinion of this song in general, and also the fact that I think there are better songs by Blink, I can’t deny not just how iconic this song is, but how much of a powerhouse it is. It’s a song that’s absolutely blistering with energy and manages to capture that kind of awkward teenage love theme a lot of pop punk bands go for absolutely flawlessly. I love how kind of corny some of the lyrics are (“my little windmill”), they help fit that awkward teenage love perfectly. Aside from the romantic subject matter, it’s just so goddamn fun. It takes me back to some sort of made-for-TV 2000’s high school movie in a dance scene at a party where everyone’s having fun and everything’s good- and as weird of a statement as that is, it’s absolutely a compliment.


Also want to talk about the music video. It’s one of those videos I never get tired of, it’s so off-the-wall goofy, which works perfectly with Blink’s approach to music, and serves as another entry in some of the amazing videos Blink had. I really, really, loved their old videos, they captured their So-Cal teenage skater prankster vibe they had in their early days, complete with slapstick violence and their very special toilet jokes. While I do prefer videos like “Josie” and “Dammit”, this video still works so damn well. 


Also think I need to address the sort of elephant in the room; this song was originally written for then-Jennifer Jenkins, Tom DeLonge’s girlfriend at the time… that became his wife… and is now his ex-wife as of a month or two ago. Too bad, Tom. Luckily that doesn’t leave a bad mark on this absolute power pop powerhouse. Another windmill, another windmill...


Well, glad to continue with the pop-punk trend. I don’t know if I’ve said this, but I’ll say it loud and proud; Warning by Green Day is an extremely underrated record.


3. “Minority”- Green Day


Warning is Green Day’s most underrated record. As much as I love Insomniac and consider it underrated as hell, I still think this one, while not as good as Insomniac, is more underrated. This is kind of a weird record in that Green Day kind of went for this folk-rock approach with this record, utilizing acoustic guitar, tambourines, harmonica, etc… and it still worked perfectly. All of the songs, while using acoustic guitar more, sound 100% like Green Day. And this is a fantastic example of that. It changes the formula, but still manages to sound like Green Day (unlike....)


This song is a pretty important song in Green Day’s catalog, as it serves as probably the first somewhat political song they ever wrote. To be fair, it’s really a song about being your own person and having to find your place while being around people you don’t feel comfortable with, but we get that minor twist of the Pledge of Allegiance in the lyrics and also “Down with the moral majority”. Also love how Billie makes this song still sound angry with the more acoustic instruments, luckily not overbearingly angry. I don’t get much more to say; the folk angle is done extremely well, it’s angsty but not unbearably so, and it serves its purpose of wanting me to get up and stand for individuality and against conformity.


My choices for #1 and #2 are from the same band, so fuck, it, I guess I’ll include them both here at the same time, because I’ve got roughly some of the same stuff to say about the both of them. But there’s something I firmly believe, and that is;


People who openly despise the Red Hot Chili Peppers are not human and you should not associate with them.


2. “Californication”- Red Hot Chili Peppers




1. “Otherside”- Red Hot Chili Peppers


I fucking love Red Hot Chili Peppers. Always have, always will. People may say they’re derivative or they sold out or whatever the hell, but I say screw that. I don’t care if a band changes their sound to be more radio friendly as long as their music is still quality (not saying they did that, I just think they really branched out). It really doesn’t get much more chill then these guys, man, and Californication was really the first record to be really chill after their funk days and their last experimental record One Hot Minute dividing fans. But man, their new approach sounds like an evolution of their music and sounds damn fantastic. And it paved the way for By The Way and Stadium Arcadium, my two favorite Chili Peppers records (I need to relisten to Californication).


Californication was admittedly the song that got me into the band in general, and it’s just a fantastic song. I absolutely love that acoustic riff in the background. Detractors of the band often say that the band sings about California too much and glorifies it too much, but I really like the angle they go with here, how California is often seen as this place of wonder and perfection across the US and even abroad where there really are a lot of faults with the Hollywood lifestyle people often dream of. It’s a really important message to get out there, one that will always stay relevant, and one that subverts a common trope of their music masterfully. I love The Golden State a lot, I have a lot of family there and it’s a beautiful place, so I really enjoy their love letters to California across their discography but a subversion like this is a really nice change. I absolutely love Kiedis’s desperation in the choruses, his vocals go absolutely amazingly wild. Also love the music video. And despite the gloomy subject matter, man, this song is far from dour. It’s ridiculously chill and a great song to just chill out to, what I’m doing as I’m typing this. And that brings us flawlessly to my number one….


As much as I love Californication as a song, I just have to give Otherside the edge. It is an absolute marvel of a song. It’s relaxing, introspective, chilling, real, thought-provoking, inspirational, motivating and just straight up amazing. It’s a really introspective look at addiction and picking up from the dark rabbit hole it sends you down; it’s a tough thing to get out of and something Kiedis was dealing with heavily at the time, and several people deal with, and presents the issue very cut and dry and does so masterfully. Have I mentioned how instrumentally beautiful this song is for a song as dark as it is? It’s so goddamn chill and relaxing, it places me looking out at the night sky on a clear night, just introspecting and reflecting on all sorts of things. I don’t think there’s much else I can say. It’s absolutely beautiful musically and lyrically, and provokes all sorts of emotions and never fails to send chills down my spine in the best way possible and make me introspective. Absolutely perfect. The Chilis were the best of the Alternative Songs chart during 2000, and god damn, they deserve it and then some.


Edited by CyanideFishbone
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On 11/23/2019 at 7:59 PM, CyanideFishbone said:

Sorry about the absence. Been busy a lot of November with some mental problems and school in general. 2001 should be out by the end of next week.

Yeah this didn't age well.


I'm really sorry, guys. A lot has happened during my first semester and especially around when I made that post just in regards to personal stuff and I really needed my break mostly to myself to recharge and figure a lot of shit out. Anyway I'm posting this to say that I'm about to start working on 2001 in a little bit and it should be out in the next week or so (I go back to class tomorrow so it all depends on my workload)

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