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MMM, January 6 in Spin-Offs and Literature
18 minutes ago, MMM said:
Crap, I just nostalgia'd my pants again
@MMM I'm waiting.
cmon, the great pyramid took 20 years to build, you can’t rush work
Still no pickles, SquarePants!
Alright boys, here it is. Came up with the idea well before all of the recent news, don’t hate
1. Out of Control
The date is July 31, 2008. The time is 5:54 AM. The party rockers are SkyBlu and Redfoo, on their way to Detroit International Airport. Today is the day that they are to observe one of the daily flights of their newly-formed aviation empire, BluSky Airlines. The flight they will observe is flight 51, on its way to Miami, Florida.
At 5:56 AM, their Lamborghini pulled into the airport parking lot. “This is it,” said SkyBlu. “Fuck yeah!!!”, exclaimed Redfoo. They were brimming with excitement to see all of their marvelous work, as well as that of the BluSky Airlines staff.
As they got out of the vehicle, they were ushered over to the runways by airport staff. Even the TSA gathered out to watch, because everyone knew that NOBODY would DARE fuck about in the presence of SkyBlu and Redfoo. The duo looked around in awe at the aircraft surrounding them, towering devices that championed human production and design.
They boarded the airplane occupying runway 22, which was scheduled to begin loading the normies in mere seconds. Mere seconds later, the thing was brought down, and passengers began coming onto the aircraft.
As the footsteps came closer and closer, SkyBlu had a cracking idea.
“Yo Redfoo,” he spoke.
“Yeah?” replied Redfoo.
“You know what’d be an epic prank?”
“We should hide and then surprise them or something.”
They quickly climbed into the overhead bagging area, now completely blind, only able to hear muffled noise. 415 passengers boarded the jumbo jet in the end, and it seemed like it took years for them to all sit down. The duo didn’t have to worry about their hiding spot being compromised, as these first class seats they were just above were secretly reserved for them. However, when a man behind them went to up his carry on bag, he heard rustling coming from a bit farther down. When the duo heard the footsteps from the man coming to inspect, they knew they were toast and pushed each other out onto the seats. “SURPRISE BITCHES!!!”
All the passengers, when realizing what had occurred, leapt out of their seats, screaming and applauding. The duo then proceeded to do run down the aisle, arms held out, as hundreds of adoring fans gave them high fives. Then they ran back, and Redfoo grabbed the microphone.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is Redfoo, and my nephew SkyBlu. We’re just here to have a fun look about what’s going on in our business, while we take a trip to Miami ourselves.”
More loud applause.
“And now to turn it over to our captain for today, Jimmy.”
Redfoo went into the cockpit, and handed Jimmy the mic. Jimmy said nothing, and just put the mic down. He had his own. Fair.
The plane then sat there for a couple more minutes, before it began slowly cruising around the runway. It did this for seemingly a few hours, before it just bolted into the sky out of nowhere, like damn dude. Any of you ever been on one of those fuckers during take off? Scary as hell.
The first dozen or so minutes in the air were all fine and dandy, in all honesty. Everyone just sat in silence, doing whatever they could pass the time with; looking out the window, reading, sleeping, etc. However, just below seat 5B, second class, something sinister was brewing.
A man was hidden under the seat, in such a way that he could easily look like some luggage to the unsuspecting eye. He had climbed onto the aircraft wing during boarding, before leaping through an open window, left by a passenger at the end of the plane’s previous flight. No one caught him, as they were busy adoring SkyBlu and Redfoo. He dared to fuck about in their presence.
Gordon was his name, a short man of about 37. He had no connections to anyone else on the flight, and really had nothing pressing to get to in Miami. He had been driving to work that morning, past the airport, when he saw the duo boarding the aircraft. A fire lit up in his eyes at that moment, as a repressed memory came back to him. He jumped the wire fence protecting the runways, and snuck aboard.
Back in first class, and in the present moment, SkyBlu and Redfoo were gazing out the window, now staring down the plains of Ohio. They marveled in silence, before snapping their fingers for a flight attendant. When the attendant showed up, carrying a beverage cart, the two each grabbed one can of Party Rock Beer, toasting each other, saying “Cheers” in an exaggerated British accent because they thought it was funny. They drank and they drank, and when they were done, they threw the cans out the window. The cans got sucked into the left turbine engine, and the remaining beer drops mixed in with the fuel, causing a powerful reaction that got the plane flying in hyperspeed!
It took a bit of adjustment from everyone on board, but eventually everything seemed stable. But, that helped Gordon to stand up. Anyone paying attention would think, oh, he just has to go to the bathroom…wait, Gordon…that’s not where the bathroom is. Dude, there’s nothing in the cockpit you need, uh…uh…
Gordon stopped just short of the cockpit door, and just to the left of him were SkyBlu and Redfoo. They were completely confused by his demeanor, a very angry one it was. Finally, Redfoo spoke.
“Hey man, want an autograph or something?”
Gordon’s anger was completely washed away, he now seemed to be more shocked than anything. The repressed memory was pounding through his head, so I guess I’ll tell the story.
Roughly a year prior, Gordon went to see a performance by LMFAO, just as they were getting super huge. He raved to the music, but as the show was done, and everyone was packing up, he wanted to go get an autograph. In a haste, he grabbed his Party Rock Beer napkin, and ran up to the duo. There was a lot of noise from the other fans in the place, so neither SkyBlu nor Redfoo could really understand, and just walked away. Gordon was crushed, like they had thoroughly fucked his life course over.
The next time they played in Detroit, Gordon went. He brought the same beer napkin, and after the show, he did the same routine. The duo didn’t recognize him. Fucked again.
But, you know what they say about third time being the charm. When he went up to them, they did recognize this time, but misinterpreted his facial and body language, thinking he was just doing a meme. They didn’t sign it, and Gordon had had enough. He had sworn that he would take them down, no matter the cost.
So there he was, standing over those that had torn his well being to shreds. He began his speech;
“Why, yes! Yes! For months and months, I just wanted your fucking autograph. You know? I loved you guys, I was there from the very beginning. Last year I would come home from work, and party rock until the sun came up. I was all about you, SkyBlu, and you too, Redfoo. But something happened. Not only that, it happened three separate fucking times. The first time, I just wanted your autograph. You completely ignored me. And don’t give me any bullshit. I was right there. The second time, I was at the same venue. You saw me, you SAW ME, I was clearly acknowledged by you. Nothing. I was handed nothing. No signatures, NONE! The third time, the third time, the third time…NOPE! HAHAHAHA!!! I just want your autograph. Wanted, at least. In 2007, I poured my soul in Party Rock. But, now, I just can’t. You have crushed my heart three different times now, and for that, (in CDI Ganon impression) YOU MUST DIE!!!”
Gordon kicked the cockpit door open, and forced the crew out of their seats. They tried to fight back, but Gordon had already taken firm dominance of these controls which he knew nothing about. Like a filthy casual playing Smash Bros., he just mashed a ton of buttons and levers to see what would happen.
The aircraft, of course, went completely apeshit. It dove, and spun, then rose, flipped on it’s side, it was just totally unpredictable. In his craze, Gordon grabbed the cockpit mic and yelled, “THIS IS A HIJACKING! I DEMAND AN AUTOGRAPH FROM SKYBLU AND REDFOO!!!”
The duo leapt up out of their chairs, looked desperately, for something to easily give an autograph to Gordon with. SkyBlu found his beer napkin on the floor, but couldn’t bend down to get it, due to all of the turbulence, he would just fall over.
Adults only warning
Redfoo disposed of his shoes, revealing his luscious feet to the whole crowd. He used his feet as sort of hands, picking up the napkin, before turning it over to his hands. He then put the shoes on before doing anything else, only so the kids wouldn’t miss important plot points.
ok you’re good
They ran into the cockpit, hastily scribbling down their names on this napkin. They threw it at Gordon, who was briefly stunned again, but then immediately stepped away from the controls, and began to speak again, into the cockpit mic.
“Well everyone, I’ve got what I wanted. Thanks…I guess. I’m dead meat as far as we all know, so I’ll go ahead and turn myself in.”
As the crew regained control, Gordon opened the emergency exit door, causing a shit ton of turbulence and pressure change again, but as soon as he spotted what looked like a prison to him (hard to tell), he jumped, solemnly floating down, to meet his fate.
The door was closed, as the plane was approaching the airport. Civilians had seen the chaos from the ground, so there was a ton of EMT and news people, preparing for the worst. However, they were met with a smooth descent and landing of SkyBlu Airlines Flight 51. Despite all of the fear, injury, and permanent trauma passengers injured, 0 deaths. Genuinely tho, sucks for them, I do feel bad about this fate
SkyBlu and Redfoo received heroic praise for their actions. During this time, they also showed their humanitarian side by donating one billion dollars to everyone affected by the incident. The mayor of Miami gave them the key to the city, and even gave them the offer to rename the city. After a bit of time thinking it over, the city was officially renamed to “Miami, Bitch”, while spending the next week doing research for their piece of the same title. Gordon was sentenced to life.
Great work brought a tear to my eye
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