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  1. A bunch of short films where random stuff happens. That's pretty much it. JCM Undergoes Shock Therapy While the Grim Reaper Plays Unfitting Music (We open with a shot of the SpongeBob Community School. A short, puffy-faced kid rides his scooter into a nearby tree. He jumps off right before the scooter explodes.) JCM: (annoyingly high-pitched voice) Well, here I am! I better catch up with my friends before school starts! (JCM runs into the school and sees Elastic Dog talking with Dragiiin123 and Metal Snake.) JCM: Hello, my hippity homeboys! How it be? Elastic Dog: (rolls eyes) Hi, JCM. I was just talking about this movie I just saw. You've probably heard of it. JCM: What's its name? Elastic Dog: Sex Zombies From the Devil's Womb (There is a long, extremely awkward silence.) JCM: No, I can't say I have heard of it. What is it about? Elastic Dog: Basically, Satan fucks this chick in Hell, and the sex is so wild that both of them get pregnant immediately. Dragiiin123: Yeah, so he and the bitch get an abortion, but the red guy's aborted babies rip themselves out of his stomach and rape and kill both of them. Metal Snake: Then the babies crawl out of Hell and start brutally raping every single person they encounter. It's fucking awesome. You should see it. JCM: (twitches) I'll...put it on my list. (JCM stumbles down the hall before finally passing out. He wakes up in the nurse's office.) Jelly: (reading a thermometer) Are you alright, JCM? JCM: Yeah, I'm just recovering from another traumatizing experience. Jelly: Do you want to talk to the guidance counselor about it? JCM: We have a guidance counselor? (JCM walks into the office of an old man with a long beard and shiny head. SpongeSebastian looks up and stares at JCM with deep interest.) SpongeSebastian: (slowly and quietly) hello there, jcm. do you want to talk about your feelings today? JCM: No offense, but you really seem like a pedophile right now. SpongeSebastian: (smiles) none taken. you'll find that I really encourage my visitors to just let it all out. JCM: Um, OK. I'm not completely comfortable with the atmosphere at this school. SpongeSebastian: what ever do you mean? JCM: Well, the other kids are saying inappropriate things without the intervention of the staff. SpongeSebastian: but don't you like the idea of an unrestricted environment? JCM: Not really. I was raised with values. SpongeSebastian: isn't the value of freedom the most important value of all? JCM: No. SpongeSebastian: one of the most important? JCM: No. SpongeSebastian: is it important at all? even a little bit? JCM: This is a school, sir. SpongeSebastian: don't get rash with me, or i'll beat your little butt. JCM: (crying) I just wanted someone to talk to! SpongeSebastian: no you didn't, you whiny bitch. you wanted someone to agree with you. JCM: But isn't that your job? SpongeSebastian: my job is to knock sense into dumbshits like you, because you're too fucking stupid to get a goddamn clue JCM: I don't like you! SpongeSebastian: get in line, motherfucker (JCM runs out of the office with tears pouring from his eyes. He trips on a "Wet Floor" sign and sees tvguy347 mopping right next to him.) JCM: Hey, you're the cool janitor! tvguy347: (Bill Cosby accent) That is me! Say, class is about to start. Why are you flip flopping around in the hallways with the puddin' pops and the sweaters and what not? JCM: I've been having a really bad day! tvguy347: (puts "Wet Floor" sign back into place) That is really sad, Theo, but if you knock that thingamajig over again, I will shove this here sploshin' device right up your anal area, what with the buttocks and the brown stuff and the whobob whatpants. JCM: I'm not really sure what you just said, and I'm not really sure if I want to be. (walks off) tvguy347: Salutations! I mean buh-bye! (coughs, then changes voice) Damn, that shit's rough. (The Grim Reaper appears and starts doing the Michigan J. Frog dance!) Grim Reaper: Hello, mah baby! Hello, mah honey! Hello, mah ragtime gal! (The End)
  2. Yup. A new literature by yours truly. Based on the dramatic SBM event itself... https://www.sbmania.net/forums/topic/58989-homophobia/ A miniseries retelling the events portrayed in said topic. Follow the intense plight of one man...The DS Guy. Watch as he shares an opinion that soon results into utter chaos amongst his fellow peers, along with the comedy, action, drama, and tragedy that follows. STARRING... The DS Guy YellowShadow E.V.I.L. Trophy WhoBob Wumbology AlphaWarhark (aka big man ACS himself) Aquatic Nuggets as "Jibbix" PatBack as "Killer Queen" Dragiiin123 as "familyguybetergriffin" LET IT SHRIVEL UP AND DIE and moar Coming soon to theaters... Chapter Guide: 1. In the Loud House I 2. Beep Beep I Have HIV 3. You Don't Have To Finger Him 4. SBMslamic Terrorism 5. Bigots & PatBob 6. ACS Does A Barrel Roll: The Rise of Beter Griffin 7. The Art of Shitposting 8. In the Loud House II
  3. Love the lack of creativity xP NOTE: Due to unfortunate circumstances with Old Man Jenkins' account not being transferred, here are some episodes that did not get transferred from Seasons 1-2. We recommend starting in this post! Season 1: Episode 1. Help Wanted/Reef Blower/Tea at the Treedome Spongebob wakes up early to get himself a job at the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde finds and summons anchovies to ruin his job interview. After Spongebob foils his plan to the tunes of Tiny Tim, Skodwarde flings Krabby Patties at Patrick with his god powers before finishing his shift and listens to Tiny Tim records at home. Skodwarde woke up one day to find a shell causing a blemish on once flawless lawn, so he used his god powers to fling it onto Spongebob's perfect lawn. Spongebob takes notice of it and whips out his trusty reef blower to get rid of it. After some nautical nonsense involving god powers and reef blowers, Skodwarde uses his god powers to suck out the water dry. He puts it back after finding out he needs water then goes back inside to listen to more Tiny Tim records. Skodwarde is lurking around Bikini Bottom one day when he finds a strange creature he has never seen before. Looking to cleanse Bikini Bottom, Skodwarde summons a giant clam to dispose of her. His plans are foiled when Spongebob intervenes. Sandy invites Spongebob over to her treehouse. Skodwarde arrives to stir shit up but is thwarted yet again. He heads back to his tiki to play some Rock Band. Episode 2. Bubblestand/Ripped Pants One day, Spongebob opens up a bubble blowing booth for 25 cents a blow. Skodwarde takes offense to someone like Spongebob opening up business so close to home, so he challenges Spongebob to a bubble blowing contest. Spongebob uses a special technique to help with his blowing while Skodwarde uses his god powers to blow a bubble of gigantic proportions that carries his house off into the sky with him in it. Skodwarde then spends the rest of his day zumba dancing. While at the beach, Skodwarde tosses sand onto some guy's buns, steals some girl's sunscreen, and left another guy to be buried alive in the sand and forgot him. Skodwarde spots Spongebob failing to impress Sandy and the guys at Muscle Beach so he uses his god powers to humiliate Spongebob even more by causing a rip in his pants. Things backfire when everybody else starts laughing and inflating Spongebob's ego. The tables start to turn when Spongebob's jokes get repetitive and out of hand, driving everybody to shun him. Skodwarde feels non-unsurely fulfilled until Spongebob and all the other people he humiliated start jamming out on the beach, winning back everyone's love and affection. Thwarted once again, Skodwarde proceeds to break his diet and decides to supersize those fried oyster skins. Episode 3. Jellyfishing/Plankton!(Aka the one where Spongebob gets probed) After a botched attempt on Spongebob's life leave him wheelchair-bound, Skodwarde wants nothing more than to be left alone. Spongebob and Patrick come over to make it up to him by teaching him how to jellyfish. Patrick tells Skodwarde to firmly grasp it, which Skodwarde does due to years of experience. After catching his first jellyfish, Skodwarde plots revenge by summoning an army of jellyfish to do his bidding. He sends them after Spongebob and Patrick but it backfires when Queen Jellyfish arrives to restore order to her underlings, further crippling Skodwarde. Skodwarde returns home from the hospital and proceeds to cry himself to sleep. Things go bump in the night when Skodwarde is awaken from his beauty sleep to find Spongebob breaking into his second story bedroom, calls him a mediocre clarinet player before casually walking off from the second floor. Utterly pissed off, Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduce that Spongebob is being probed by the miniscule menace known as Plankton! Now having a common enemy, Skodwarde uses his god powers to painfully extract Plankton. After an epic battle involving science and god powers, Skodwarde steps on Plankton, non-unsurely crushing him in defeat. Spongebob then invites Skodwarde over for flapjacks. Episode 4. Naughty Nautical Neighbors/Boating School Skodwarde is interrupted while eating cake one day by Spongebob and Patrick's crazy antics. In retaliation, Skodwarde uses his god powers to blow talking bubbles of his own, driving a wedge in Spongebob and Patricks's friendship with false death threats toward each other. His plan backfires when Skodwarde finds himself in compromising situations that causes them to think that they're his friends. Skodwarde uses his god powers to go back in time undo the damage he caused. He then spends the rest of his day thinking about how he can use his new power to rid himself of Spongebob. Trivia: Skodwarde discovers he can time travel Spongebob is up bright and early for his umpteenth driving test at Puff Mama's Boating School. Patrick formulates a plan to probe Spongebob and control his actions, helping him to finally get his license. Skodwarde senses this and uses his god powers to interfere in the frequency, promptly exposing Spongebob's treachery and getting him into a fender bender. After finally having one of his plots work, Skodwarde begins telling the audience the moral of the story before the end credits roll. Episode 5. Pizza Delivery/Home Sweet Pineapple One day, Mr. Krabs invents the very first Krusty Krab Pizza and forces Both Spongebob and Skodwarde to deliver just one pizza. After spending a good two hours checking the tire pressure, they finally roll out. After some under hi-jinx involving god powers and gas, Skodwarde uses his god powers to drive a rock on over to their desired destination. After the customer slams teh door on his face, Skodwarde blasts the door open and says, "well this one's on the house." He then uses his god powers to conjure up a giant pizza and literally plops it down on the house. Skodwarde drops Spongebob at home before catching a drive-in movie. One day, Skodwarde planned to drive Spongebob out of Bikini Bottom by summoning nematodes to devour his pineapple house. His plan suceeds and eagerly awaits Spongebob's moving day. Once that day arrived Skodwarde began dancing where the pineapple house once stood, but his god powers accidentally conjured it back with his crumping skills. Skodwarde, foiled once again, brings Mrs. Squarepants to his house for a conjugal. Episode 6. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy/ Pickles One day, Spongebob and Patrick set out to find their longtime television idols, Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy. They are soon disappointed to find out that their idols are now senile old men. When all hope seems loss, Skodwarde arrives to stir shit up as usual. After using his god powers to destroy the meatloaf and brocoli lines, Mermaid & Barnacle Boy snaps out of their dementia and take action. They summon over sea creatures of the deep to hold Skodwarde back but he uses his god powers to cause all the elderly sea creatures to assplode. Skodwarde proceeds to fire his pew pew eye lazors at them while Mermaidman fires back some waterballs and Barnacle Bot shoots barnacles from his pants. After being fought back into a corner, Skodwarde swears vengeance profanely before using his ultimate technique, Ultima. Mermaidman manages to shield everybody in a water shield and Skodwarde teleports back to his house where he spends the rest of his day watching Hallmark movies. Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy takes Spongebob and Patrick out for some Vietnamese. One day, a morbidly obese bass by the name of Bubblebath steps into the Krusty Krab and proceeds to order everything on the menu with extra pickles. Skodwarde sabotages the order by using his god powers to remove the pickles. When Bubblebath makes the complaint, he tosses Skodwarde off-screen and takes his dollar back from Mr. Krabs, refusing his offer for three glasses. While Mr. Krabs teaches Spongebob in the ways of the spatula, Skodwarde takes vengeance by using his god powers to place intricate items under Bubblebath's tongue. When the rematch comes to pass, Bubblebath is revealed to have the pickles under his tongue the whole time, along with car keys, sports illustrated, drugs, Osama, and somebody's virginity. Bubblebath flees the scene before stopping to catch his breath. Spongebob gets his job back and Skodwarde finishes up his shift before heading home to take a bubblebath. Episode 7. Hall Monitor/Jellyfish Jam One day, Skodwarde watches the news and tunes in on news break regarding an "Open Window Maniac" that is terrorizing Bikini Bottom all day. Judging from the artist's rendition, Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduce that Spongebob is the maniac. Skodwarde sets out to expose Spongebob but gets caught up in a stand off against Bikini Bottom PD. After some epic high noon action involving god powers and fire power, Skodwarde wastes the entire police force with an Ultima before heading back home to Tweet about the experience. Meanwhile, Spongebob is caught and Mrs. Puff gets arrested for it. One day, Spongebob takes a stray jellyfish home and proceeds to teach it how to dougie. The noise and chaos keeps Skodwarde up all night, leaving him to wonder how Spongebob can have so much fun with a wild animal. An idea pops up in Skodwarde's head and he proceeds to summon another army of jellyfish once again to rain down on Spongebob's parade but it backfires when Spongebob literally leads a parade of jellyfish all the way back to Jellyfish Fields and leaves them there. Queen Jellyfish comes back to sting the shit out of Skodwarde after. Trivia: There is no mention of god powers at all in "Jellyfish Jam" Episode 8. Sandy's Rocket/Squeaky Boots One day, Sandy finishes building her rocket and foolishly decides to show it off to Spongebob. Spongebob is left in awe at the thought of space travel and is even more excited when he forces Sandy to invite him along through guilt. Spongebob heads back and blabs everything to Patrick. Skodwarde uses his god powers to eavesdrop on their convo and uses his god powers to plant the idea in their heads to take Sandy's rocket out for a joyride. They blast off and Skodwarde celebrates his apparent victory by reading some Mein Kempf. When Spongebob and Patrick crash lands back in Bikini Bottom, they arm themselves with weapons to take on the Convenant. They blast through the entire town before coming across Skodwarde, who they think is the alien leader with alien powers. They charge into battle, shouting "death to Xenu" before blasting Skodward with their plasma rays but Skodwarde fires back with pew pew eye lazors. Spongebob and Patrick whip out a star saber and impact hammer while Skodwarde brandishes his double sided clarinet. After an epic battle involving advanced space age tech and god powers, Sandy interrupts the fight with her jet powered jet pack. She nags at all three of them to snap them back to their senses but is silenced when all three of them knocks her out with a blunt object. Spongebob and Patrick cuna in peace and Skodwarde takes Sandy to his tiki to show her his rocket. Spongebob and Patrick later strands themselves in Uranus. One day, Skodwarde buys a pair of new boots for Mr. Krabs' daughter, Pole. But seeing as how her name is Pole, Skodwarde uses his god powers to cause the boots to be extra squeaky, irritatingr. Krabs to no end and leaving Pole to consult the fashion police. Mr. Krabs later gives the boots to Spongebob but it backfires when he wears them to work. Mr. Krabs naps and proceeds to devour th whole. Skodwarde finishes his shift fulfilled and heads home to read more Mein Kempf. Spongebob heads home to watch amoebe porn. Mr. Krabs spends the rest of his day taking the biggest most painful shit of his life. Trivia: Skodwarde hates poles, Skodwarde has good taste in books. Episode 9. Nature Pants/Opposite Day One day, Spongebob looks back at the episodes "Jellyfishing" and "Jellyfish Jam" one day and makes a life-changing decision to live among the jellyfish at Jellyfish Fields. Skodwarde is overjoyed until he sees Spongebob undress and heads out streaking. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make life outdoors hell for Spongebob by conjuring up poisonous sea urchins and leeches to torment Spongebob. Skodwarde makes things personal when he brings a heartbroken Patrick into the equation and uses his god powers to summon Ole Reliable jellyfish net before sending Patrick out to fish for Spongebob. After a wild goose chase around Jellyfish Fields involving snide remarks, accusations, and heavy breathing, Patrick gives up when fails to jump up one inch above the ground. He breaks Ole Reliable, a clear metaphor that he's heartbroken and their friendship is over. Spongebob doesn't seem to care and proceeds to eat all the jelly in the hive he's hiding in. The jellyfish get pissed off and buzz him out of the fields. Spongebob takes the walk of shame back home only to be greeted with a Welcome Home party, with it all being an elaborate scheme by Patrick to help Spongebob get over his Jellyfish obsession and Skodwarde helped. Skodwarde, unaware of his part in the plan, heads home to watch the Tony Awards on his DVR. Spongebob later dreams of flying with the jellyfish, but that's an episode for another day. Trivia: Featured song in this episode was "Burning For You" by Blue Oyster Cult, played during the climactic chase scene between Spongebob and Patrick. One day, Skodwarde uses his god powers to make today Opposite Day in Bikini Bottom just to fuck with everybody but all backfires when Spongebob and Patrick among other people start acting like Skodwarde. Some how they all gain god powers by pretending to be Skodwarde and Bikini Bottom descends into celestial chaos. Skodwarde leaves his date to take out the pretenders in god-like fashion. After a collision of god powers, Skodwarde is left with nothing else to do but to time travel back in time to prevent himself from making today Opposite Day. When it's all said and done, Skodwarde proceeds to chase Spongebob and Patrick off with a bulldozer and shouting out "Happy Opposite Day!" Trivia: Happy Opposite Day! Episode 10: Culture Shock/F.U.N. One day after watching America's Got Talent, Mr. Krabs came up with an idea to cash in on the talent craze by starting up a talent show of his own at the Krusty Krab, inviting over every Bikini Bottomite who thinks they got talent, which there are a lot of but lack any real talent. Skodwarde plans to use this as an opportunity to show off his dancing prowess and use it to blow everybody away...literally. Spongebob signs up as well without thinking about what his talent was, so he spends the rest of the day working on his dougie skills with the jellyfish at Jellyfish Fields. When the curtain comes calling, Skodwarde uses his god powers to sabotage everybody else's acts until it's finally his turn to perform. After leaving the crowd in awe with his crumping skills, Skodwarde uses his god powers to blow away half the studio audience. Spongebob's out next and Skodwarde works to sabotage his act but it only portrays Spongebob in a better light. When the results end up in a tie, Mr. Karbs cashes in on the popularity of ABDC and So You Think You Dance by announcing a tie-breaking dance battle for the title. After an epic dance battle involving god powers, pops, locks, and drops, Spongebob is declared the unanimous winner. Spongebob has roses thrown at him while Skodwarde spends the rest of his day beating off to the chicks on So You Think You Can Dance. Featured Song: "Black and Yellow" by Whiz Khalifa One day, Plankton tries to steal a Krabby Patty but Skodwarde crushes him in defeat at his feet before he could pose any real threat. After Spongebob takes credit and is declared the honorary rookie of the day, he is given the Jolly Good Rookie celebratory dance. While in mid-song, Spongebob begins to feel for the disgruntled Skodwarde and vows to become a better friend to the squid nazi. After singing the FUN song to Skodwarde, Skodwarde denies Spongebob's advances and heads home to watch The Boy in the Striped Pajamas on blu-ray. Spongebob makes takes Plankton to the theater where Plankton is almost raped by Bubblebath. Skodwarde finishes watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, shedding tears of joy at the conclusion. Episode 11. MuscleBob BuffPants/Skodwarde, The Unfriendly Ghost After a hard day's workout session involving sticks, marshmallows and stuffed animals, Spongebob checks himself out in the mirror with no real results. After being taunted by a shark version of Macho Man Randy Savage on the television, Spongebob decides to order a pair of Anchor Arms in order to compete in a strong man competition at Muscle Beach to impress Sandy and the guys. Skodwarde catches wind of this and decides to stir shit up as usual by using his god powers to switch out the Anchor Arms for steroids. Spongebob shoots it up anyway and almost immediately gets the results he desired. Spongebob soon uses up all his syringes and is practically the most tickest guy in Bikini Bottom. Spongebob blows away the competition and Sandy with his new physique and prowess but when he has to toss an anchor he can't throw, let alone lift off the ground, Spongebob over exerts himself to the point where his muscles all assplode. Skodwarde, feeling unsurely non-unfulfilled, spends the rest of his day lifting weights with his telekinesis. Meanwhile, Spongebob tests positive for steroids and is disqualified. Sandy, having overpowered the competition, is declared Mr. Iron Bottom. One day, Spongebob and Patrick ventures into Skodwarde's house in order to retrieve their vibrator. After getting pass all of Skodwarde's deadly traps through undersea hi-jinx, they finally stumble into Skodwarde's room where their vibrator is located. They find a shrine dedicated to Skodwarde at the front of his bed and breaks it on impulse. They try to repair the statue but to no avail. Thinking they killed Skodwarde, they try to hide the body of evidence until Slodwarde prances in after having a beat-off session in his bathroom. He demands to know why they have trespassed onto sacred ground but they shower him with cries for forgiveness. Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduce what they have done to his shrine and decides to use it to his advantage. After declaring that he is now a ghost that is trapped in the realm of the living, he commands Spongebob and Patrick to bring him the blood of the inferior to satiate his eternal hunger in order to cross over to the other side. Spongedbob and Patrick gets right on that but not before planning out Slodwarde's funeral service, inviting over every citizen of Bikini Bottom to grieve. Skodwarde uses his god powers to lift up inanimate objects and forces them to bring him more blood. The funeral begins, and after realizing nobody bothered to come, Skodwarde confesses to Spongebob and Patrick, who simultaneously realizes that Skodwarde has no pubic hairs. Skodwarde shows them off his yard before spending the rest of his day beating off some more. Episode 12: Written by Fa (scroll down) Episode 13: Scaredy Pants/I Was A Teenage Gary One day, it was Halloween in Bikini Bottom and all the Bikini Bottomites were getting into the Halloween spirit, even Skodwarde, who decided to dress up as Adolf Hitler. Skodwarde scares Spongebob with his duck walk, causing everybodyto laugh and call Spongebob names such as pussy and chickenshit. Spongebob, humiliated once again, decides to put on his most scariest costume ever and scare all of Bikini Bottom. Meanwhile, Skodwarde bring the traditionalist that he is, uses his god powers to sneak razor blades into all the candy, lights all the Jack-o-lanterns ablaze, and raises all the corpses and ghosts from their graves, literally raising Hell over Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde also terrorizes Mr. Krabs in his home when he refuses to give out candy. Spongebob dresses up as a ghost and scares away everybody he sees, thinking Spongebob is a Klan member. When Spongebob enacts his revenge scheme with help from Patrick, he puts a rope around himself for Patrick to hoist him down but it backfires and everybody at the party thinks that Spongebob is going to lynch them, scaring everybody off. Skodwarde sends his army of the undead to rape Mr. Krabs and goes home to eat some Bon bons. Spongebob now has a conehead that causes Patrick to shit himself. One day, Spongebob foolishly asks Skodwarde to watch over Gary while he attends a Jellyfish Convention. Skodwarde declines at first, but changes his mind once Spongebob says he'll be away for a week. Spongebob's instructions goes through one ear and out the other as Skodwarde spends the next seven days subjecting Gary to rigorous torture involving god powers, spikes, whips, blunt objects, and starvation. Spongebob returns and takes him back, oblivious to his condition until he realizes that Gary stays still in the bath, something he never did before. Sensing that something must be wrong, Spongebob calls the police to report Skodwarde for animal abuse. Skodwarde catches wind of this and uses his god powers to transform Spongebob into a snail in the most painful way possible to keep his mouth shut. Skodwarde proceeds to have good night's sleep until Spongebob starts stalking him inside his house. After an epic chase involving meowing and god powers, Skodwarde gets his just desserts and is turned into a snail himself. They spend the rest of the night meowing Ave Maria before Patrick flies a dildo at them. Episode 14: Written by Clappy (scroll down) Episode 15. Sleepy Time/SUDs One night, Skodwarde decided to stir shit up as usual by using his god powers to invade people's dreams. Skodwarde first invades Patrick's, who is dreaming about riding a vibrating sex doll. The doll stops vibrating so he puts in another quarter to get it moving again. Skodwarde arrives on the scene and proceeds to use his god powers to drop Patrick's last quarter down a random storm, leaving the pink starfish to his fate. Skodwarde then invades the dreams of Pole, who is dreaming about giving Octavius Rex a blowjob. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make Rex to cum to hard, causing Pole to over fill and jizz through her blowhole. He leaves Pole to her fate and jumps on over to Mr. Krabs' noodle, where he is dreaming about gold digging. Skodwarde uses his god powers to summon a gigantic animated penis to rape Mr. Krabs and continued on his way. He invaded Sandy's dream next and raped her while skydiving before letting her plummet to the Earth below. Skodwarde set a course for Spongebob's dream but takes a wrong turn at alberquerqe and ends up in Gary's dream. Gary, still remembering what Skodwarde did to him in "I Was A Teenage Gary", uses his mind to take control of his dream, granting himself dream powers. After an epic battle involving god powers and dream powers, Gary manages to knock Skodwarde out with a blunt object, prompting Skodwarde to wake up and realize he was having a bad dream. He turns to see Gary at his bedside, who proceeds to spin a spinning top that doesn't stop spinning. Skodwarde realizes he's trapped in Dream World, and spends the rest of the night taking clarinets up the ass. One day, Spongebob takes part in a late night conjugal with Patrick. Skodwarde here's the noise coming from next door and proceeds to use his god powers to infect Sponge with the SUDs, a sexually transmitted disease. Skodwarde watches his scheme unfold as Sandy finds out about this and fights with Spongebob over having unprotected sex with Patrick, who claims to be a certified Love Doctor. Patrick gives Spongebob a once over but it does no good, prompting Sandy to bring Spongebob to a real doctor. She beats Patrick to a bloody pulp and brings Spongebob to Dr. Gil Gilliam, who gives him the Sponge Treatment. Skodwarde infects Patrick with the suds too and he is given the painful Starfish Treatment. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day listening to some Lou Reed. Sandy subjects Spongebob to an intense BDSM session. Patrick also sues Dr. Gilliam, but settles for a quarter to kickstart his vibrating sex doll again. Episode 16. Valentine's Day/The Paper One day, it was Valentine's Day in Bikini Bottom, and Skodwarde decided to sir shit up as usual by using his god powers to play Cupid and force people to fall in love with each other. He matched up Mr. Krabs with Pole, Mrs. Puff with Plankton, and Bubblebath with Larry the Lobster. He stirred even more shit by making both Patrick and Sandy fall for Spongebob. When forced to make a decision, Spongebob chooses Sandy, leaving Patrick heartbroken. Patrick proceeds to go on a raping rampage across the boardwalk before being calmed down by the chocolate hot air balloon that Spongebob gives to him which was intended for Sandy. Sandy gets her panties in a twist and leaves Spongebob. Patrick gives Spongebob a ride home *wink wink*. Skodwarde is then zapped away by his secret admirer, Queen Jellyfish. One day, Spongebob finds a stray piece of paper and proceeds to play Beethoven's Third on it. Skodwarde, fascinated by such a simple device, tries his hand at it but fails miserably, even with god powers. Skodwarde prooceeds to give Spongebob sexual favors to take the device and he finally obtains it, not finding it fun almost immediately afterwards. Patrick strolls along and uses the paper to wipe his ass before giving it back to Skodwarde. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day listening to some Butthole Surfers. Episode 17. Arrgh!/Rock Bottom One day, it was a slow day at the Krusty Krab, so Spongebob and Patrick invited Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs to play a sexual board game with them to pass the time. After 8 hours of awkward sexual confessionals, Mr. Krabs reveals why his name is Krabs before finally winning the game. Feeling the rush of excitement and momentum coming off of his win, he invites the boys to join him on a "treasure hunt" in search for some "booty". Skodwarde declines the offer and leaves the three on their own, but decides to stir some shit up as usual. He uses his god powers to make their "compasses" shift to the west, leading them to a lesbian club. Spongebob, Patrick, and Krabs are cock blocked while Skodwarde spends the rest of the night watching the Pirates of the Caribbean. One day, Spongebob and Patrick had a fun time at Glove World and were looking to catch a bus back home. Skodwarde catches wind of this and uses his god powers to mess up the bus schedule. Spongebob and Patrick are picked up and literally hit Rock Bottom.Spongebob goes to check the bus schedule, but Patrick manages to catch the bus, not bothering to stop it and tell Spongebob until he rides right pass him. Spongebob is now stranded in enemy territory alone. After some undersea hi-jinx involving giving tongue to the locals and vending machines,one of the locals decides to blow into his ballon, providing Spongebob with ballon travel. As he flies off, Spongebob offends the guy by giving him a stereotypical Rock Bottom thank you. Meanwhile, Skodwarde uses his god powers to convince Patrick to go back for Spongebob and does so just as Spongebob flies on in. Spongebob leaves Patrick to his fate. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day playing some Super Nintendo. Patrick gets tongued by the Rock Bottomites. Episode 18: Written by Jelly (scroll down) Episode 19. Fools in April/Neptune's Dildo One day, it was April's Fool Day in Bikini Bottom and Spongebob was pulling juvenile pranks up the yin yang. Everybody in town soon grew tired of his bad jokes. After Spongebob fools Skodwarde by offering free deals on AOL, Skodwarde decided to stir shit up. He used his god powers to construct an elaborate death trap for the playful sponge. Spongebob gets swung around the Krusty Krab before being turned into a sausage of all things. Everybody cheered Skodwarde on as Spongebob ran off in humiliation. Skodwarde didn't appreciated this, so he swung all of them around the Krusty Krab before turning them into sausages of all things. Skodwarde was then greeted by the celestial spirit of his mother, who gave him a congratulatory spanking before telling him, "you stink!" Spongebob spent the rest of his day watching more amoebe porn. One day, Spongebob and Patrick visited a museum where they laid eyes on Neptune's golden dildo, which was lodged in a butt-shaped rock. Spongebob went to strike a pose next to it but unintentionally pulled it out of the butthole. Skodwarde, who was checking out the Holocaust exhibit, neared witness to the event as King Neptune blasted onto the scene using his god powers. Neptune Compared penis sizes with Larry the Lobster before demanding who found his dildo. Everybody points to Spongebob and Neptune just laughs it off before comparing penis sizes with Larry again. Patrick interrupted their convo to tell him about Spongebob but Neptune used his god powers to make Patrick talk out of his ass because all Neptune was hearing was bullshit. Neptune then challenged Spongebob to a salad tossing competition. Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs betted all their money on Neptune while Patrick told Spongebob that he'll eat lightning and crap thunder. Neptune used his god powers to toss that salad while Spongebob tossed one. Everybody was disgusted by Neptune's methods so Spongebob was declared the unimous victor. After losing his bet, Skodwarde challenged Neptune to a clash of the titans. Neptune wasn't interest until Skodwarde used his god powers to reveal that Neptune had no penis. Neptune fought Skodwarde with his Roman Lazor Beams while Skodwarde fired back with his pew pew eye lazors. Neptune released the Kraken and there were a lot of casualties. Skodwarde used his ultimate technique, Ultima, to wipe out the arena and Neptune's hair. Neptune made a hasty retreat while Skodwarde basked in his suremacist glory. Skodwarde then went home to watch the remake of Clash of the Titans but was disappoint. Episode 20. Hooky/Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II One day, Spongebob and Skodwarde were working at the Krusty Krab as usual. All seemed well before Mr. Krabs came carving into the restaurant covered in sweat and a stain on his crotch. He blathered on about THE HOOKS for about a good 30 minutes before being calmed down by Spongebob, who wants to know what Krabs is talking about. Krabs proceeds to tell him about THE HOOKS. THE HOOKS are fishing hooks with provocative and scantily clad fish as bait known as "hookers". Krabs encountered a hooker and proceeded to pay money for sex before being snagged up mid-intercourse. Krabs said he managed to escape the grip and plummeted down on a bunch of school kids, "making it rain on them at the same time." Krabs warns Spongebob to stay away from THE HOOKS or else he'll be reeled up and made into tuna covered in his own "mayonaise". Krabs leaves to recuperate before Patrick enters the scene, telling Spongebob about the carnival that just came to town. Spongebob is reluctant at first, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to convince Spongebob to play hooky and go along with Patrock in order to get rid of him. Spongebob and Patrick leaves while Skodwarde heads home to play his kazoo. Patrick takes Spongebob through a shortcut that leads straight to THE HOOKS. Once there, the hookers entice them, and gives Patrick a ride. Spongebob cock blocks them before high tailing back to his home sweet pineapple saying, "Ah, home sweet pineapple". Spongebob takes a bus to the carnival. Skodwarde tosses out his kazoo. Patrick is then mailed over to his house vacuum-packed into a can of tuna, asking random passerbys for a can opener. One day, Skodwarde was eating eating some cereal when a conch shell came crashing down into his bowl of cereal. With his breakfast ruined, he went out to get some breakfast at the local diner. Meanwhile, Spongebob was watching his favorite Saturday morning cartoon, "The New Adventures of Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy". Spongebob prepared for the even by eating his favorite cereal, "The New Adventures of Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy Brand Cereal" while wearing his official "The New Adventures of Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy Brand Dentures". A Real Live Fish Head popped up on the TV to announce the winner of some contest. Spongebob, having entered the contest, listens in. Springboob Squirepin is announced the winner as Spongebob goes to cry in a corner. Fish Head then announces that due to being arrested for child pornography, Springgboob couldn't claim the prize so Spongebob was announced the runner-up for his AMV. A conch shell was then delivered by Gary Coleman (too soon?) and Spongebob proceeded to blow on it on impulse but nothing happened. About 45 minutes later, Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy finally arrived on the scene. Spongebob then had them do his chores and give him a hand job. They then strike a deal with Spongebob to take him out on patrol with them in exchange for the shell, which Spongebob foolishly agreeing on the terms. After an afternoon involving attacking old men and painting the boat mobile black, they take Spongebob for breakfast at the local diner. Skodwarde catches sight of them and conjures up a Dirty Bubble to dispose of Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy right when they were about to ditch Spongebob, who was trying to fine The Butthole Surfers on the jukebox. Spongebob heads outside and pops the bubble with his erecting penis, excited at the thought of meeting the Dirty Bubble. Skodwarde bursts onto the scene to confront the senile duo. He proceeds to fire pew pew eye lazors at them while Mermaidman fires back with his waterballs and Barnacle Boy shoots off some barnacles from his pants. Once again backed into a corner, Skodwarde uses his god powers to cause the invisible boat mobile to assplode, using the distraction to make a hasty escape. Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy takes Spongebob for some more Vietnamese while Skodwarde plots some revenge plots for Skodwarde Season 2. Season 2: Episode 21. Your Shoe's Untied/Skod's Day Off One day, Skodwarde woke up and noticed the animation looks different than it did in previous episodes. He takes a look outside the window and takes in the changes for the new season. He could see that Spongebob was watching some Anemone Gone Wild and used his god powers to ruin Spongebob's happy time by untying his shoes. Patrick comes barging into Spongebib's casa with a new pair of Sketchers, asking Spongebob how to tie his new laces. Spongebob forgets since his shoes has been tied since birth like his mother's tubes were tied. Spongebob heads out for some advice but no one in town seems to wear shoes. He meets up with an eel, but sadly she was only anneel and was no help. The Flying Dutchman barged in and taught Spongebob how to be naughty before telling Spongebob that he hasn't had sex in over 5000 years! Spongebob heads home unfulfilled and contemplates living life without his shoes. Right when Spongebob was gonna go hang himself, Gary came in with a new pair of Sketchers Z-Straps for Spongebob. With his plot foiled once again, Skodwarde tunes into some Zevo-3 on Nicktoons. One day, after an a freak accident involving god powers, spare change, and Mr. Krabs, Skodwarde is left in charge of the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde could care less and decided to give himself the day off. He uses his god powers to summon over another driving rock and prepares to hit the town. Spongebob insists that he wants to come and decides to bring Sandy along for the ride. After undersea high-jinx involving god powers, police chases, carnival crashing, bubblebaths, saving Spongebob from drowning, and Sandy making out with a fish version of Charlie Sheen, Skodwarde and company races back to the Krusty Krab in order to get there before a fully recovered Mr. Krabs. Skodwarde streaks past Krabs, who suffers another heart attack. Spongebob drops Sandy back off at the Treedome before taking off to the Krusty Krab. They make it back and realizes that they forgot to switch the open sign to close. They spent the restbof the day breaking the fourth wall and satisfying the angry krustomers. Episode 22. Something Smells/Bossy Boots One day, Spongebob decided to celebrate Skodwarde's success at the Community Spin-Off Awards by throwing an ice cream sundae breakfast on Sunday morning. Skodwarde doesn't show up and uses his god powers to give Spongebob the "Ugly". Everybody was scared off by Spongebob except for Patrick, who loves Spongebob regardless. Skodwarde watches his plot unfold as Patrick proceeds to tell Spongebob the tale of the Ugly Barnacle, who was sooo ugly that everyone died. Spongebob contemplates suicide but is taken to the movies with Patrick, who wants everybody to look at his penis, whipping it out and saying "Look at it!" Patrick catches the Ugly as he too scares everybody out of the bathroom. Spongebob and Patrick come to terms with their ugliness before watching that new Winnie the Pooh movie together. Skodwarde, feeling unsurely fulfilled, also goes to see that new Winnie the Pooh movie but is given the Ugly when he is hugged by Spongebob and Patrick. One day, Mr. Krabs placed Pole in charge of the Krusty Krab in order to make it marketable to the tweenage population. Pole puts some more junk in the trunk and gives the place a whole new paintjob, rebranding it as the "Kuddly Krab". Skodwarde is not amused at a pole being in charge of him, so he uses his god powers to make the rebranding a failure, taking away the Krabby Patty and serving only salad and tea. Skodwarde proceeds to use his god powers to rip off his uniform in front of the children. Spongebob confronts Mr. Krabs and is forced to fire Pole himself. Pole cared less and proceeded to take her friends to a Justin Beaver concert down by the lake. Skodwarde proceeded to spend the rest of his day watching the Andy Milonakis Show.
  4. An idea I've had for quite a while, this literature was originally intended for my larger "Reneverse" concept, but deciding said shared literature universe had enough stories as it is, I've decided that it would work better as a separate, standalone series. This literature asks a very simple question: "What if, instead of the 24th (and 1/2th) century, Daffy Duck, also known as Duck Dodgers, ended up in the 41st millennium of Warhammer 40,000?" The answer? A much darker take on Duck Dodgers' premise, peeling away the glamorized 1950s sci-fi parody and instead coating it in a gritty paint...though still with all the slapstick, wordplay, and general insanity of Looney Tunes as a whole.
  5. Greetings, boils and ghouls! Renegade here with my second work not belonging to my larger "Reneverse" and my attempt at an "anthology" sort of series. Based on the classic comic and TV series, the Crypt Keeper tells terrifying tales both original and familiar. Co-written with @GreyKnight151.
  6. WORLD PREMIERE TOON MATERIAL RIGHT HERE YOU GAIZ! Note: This is based off a short series of comics initially hosted on a certain other forum which in turn is a "spinoff" of The Amazing World of Gumball. Gambol's Program Premiere: September 18, 2016 (YouTube) Synopsis: Join Gambol Gambolington and all of his friends as he wrecks havoc in Noobsland, a town stuffed/populated/filled by all sorts of memes. Main Pals(z): Gambol: The main character and probably why you're here today. Imagine Season 5 Gumball's personality but dialed up to 11. Yep, that's how bad he is. Darwon: A pacifish (pacifist fish) who acts as Gambol's "conscious." Sees the best in everything and has an incredibly pure heart. Tobiased: A rainbow lad who tries way too hard to be cool. Usually fails at doing so. Buhnana Jew: A sentient, talking banana. Always angry at something and willing to destroy property in order to get what he wants. The (insignificant) thers: Anus, Neekole, and Reechard: Gambol's family members. FUG: Recurring advisory of Gambol's and the only one he takes legitimately seriously. Both of them have a rivalry that appears to have started ages ago in an era long forgotten. Matthew: Acclaimed cartoonist and creator of CartoonMania. He just so happens to have an even worse anger management situation than our bronana. OBAB: A visitor from another universe stranded in the equally insane world of Noobsland. OBAB's obsession with Oobi and burning hatred of feet is what sets him apart from the millions of other softshell turtles that look just like him. Luluco: An innocent, incredibly gullible schoolgirl who frequently finds herself in the middle of whatever stupidity Gambol and friends are up to that week. SpongeBob SquarePants: Yellow box. Always screaming "I'm ready, I'm ready!" whenever he goes to work at The Wabby Wust. GWORP: A bizarre, incoherent robot originally received by Tobiased as an unexpected Christmas gift. GWORP frequently provides narration to the story, wether its needed or not. Ness & Lucas: Best friends who are are well aware of the threat Gambol poses to society and actively attempt to stop him whenever he tries to ruin things. Formed a group with their classmates called "The Loosers™." The Mooninites: Two-dimensional moon masters always looking for a good time. Wether it's antagonizing background characters or strapping lite brites to billboards, that's just another outing for them. The entire first season is on my YouTube, but due to usage of a particular word in one of the episodes I'll link only the first "episode." Second season begins early next year and this topic will be updated accordingly. Scripts not animated will also be posted here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvSNBhD_bDI Enjoy.
  7. A reboot of one of my early literatures, which I unofficially abandoned due to lack of focus (and in all honesty, clashing of creative visions with my usual co-writer Greyknight, and ambitious plans that weren't well-thought out in hindsight). So, I'm starting fresh and bringing ol' Cerebus back to his roots (both in this lit and his source material): an episodic parody of Conan the Barbarian, with heavy doses of lampshading and parodying the tropes of such stories. The first episode, "Tower of the Necromancers!" is being written (for realsies this time)!
  8. Five Time! Five Time! Five Time! Five Time! Five Time-Spinny Award Winning! The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entire coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe Dylan. ...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS! Pilot: Born This, Eh? vs. Jjs: Two of SBC's finest tear into and kill the living shit out of each other for the entire Community to see here tonight, on the first episode of Community Deathmatch! Jjs: Welcome death fan! OMJ: HUTTAH! Jjs: And welcome to Community Deathmatch! I'm jjsthekid! OMJ: And I'm Old Man Jenkins! Jjs: Here to call all the heart-pounding, stomach-churning, carpal-tunneling, brick-shitting action for you tonight! OMJ: And what an ugly-looking bout we have in store for you. Jjs: You can say that again, Jenkins. OMJ: And what an ugly-looking bout we have in store for you. Jjs: Yes, we- OMJ: And what an ugly-looking bout we have in store for you. Jjs: Don't overdo a good thing, Jenky. OMJ: We're already killing it, Jjs. Jjs: Yes, and we're gonna kill it quite literally! Lets take a look at the tape. Jjs: Hailing from Our House, Dylan enters this deathmatch with the most experience, joining SBC three months prior to his opponent. OMJ: Yes, and at 13-years old, he definitely has the youth advantage going for him heading in. Jjs: But Wumbo is only about 4 year older- OMJ: Did I stutter, Jjs? Jjs: ...And of course, both Dylan and Wumbo are a cut from the same cloth as they are both highly regarded Managers of this SpongeBobby establishment. OMJ: Not as regarded as you. Jjs: OMJ, you're making me blush. OMJ: And with Dylan flying the Jellyfish Hunters flag, Wumbo enters in representing the down and out of their luck Karate Choppers. Jjs: What happened to unbiased commentating? OMJ: Would you just look at them, they're a mess?! Jjs: Yes, in what is sure to be SBC's version of Crip-on-Blood warfare! OMJ: I just realized something, Jjs. Jjs: What is that, Jenkins? OMJ: Dylan's birthday is two days before mine, little shit. Jjs: Come on, Jenks. He can't help it if he was...Born This Day!...you had to see that Gaga reference coming. OMJ: *sigh* Yes, in what is sure to be one of many. And as far as we're concerned, they're both males for the most part, so any hits below the let is definitely legal here. Lest, we have another RockGoddess fiasco. Jjs: OMJ, save that for another episode. OMJ: I'll keep it in my memory banks, Jjs. Jjs: Dylan has some football experience under his belt which I'm sure will be detrimental to this fight! OMJ: Don't forget web design, that pretty much makes you God here. Jjs: Nothing really seems to interest Wumbo tho. Definitely a wild card going to this match if I do say so, myself. OMJ: You know what that means? Jjs: What? OMJ: He's a fucking psychopath. Have you seen him post? No sense of emotion or smilies whatsoever. He was born to fight to the death! Jjs: You can say he was- OMJ: Don't overdo a bad thing, Jjs. Jjs: Lets get down to the ring with referee, Elastic Dog, who will be officiating ever Deathmatch bout! OMJ: And in case you didn't know, Elastic Dog was the presiding judge over almost every SBC Court Case that ever lived to see the light of day. Jjs: Don't remind us. OMJ: Somebody should make a lit off that shit. Jjs: Don't give anyone any bad ideas, either. Elastic: Alright you two drama queens! I want a good, clean fight! And by that, I mean lots of ball and rape. Any last requests? Dylan: You won't be able to read my Po-po-po-po-po-pop-Poker Face, eh?! Eh, nothing else I can say. Wumbo: Seriously, when do I ever say "eh" in an non-jokingly fashion around here? What's up with that? Elastic: Well then, LETS GET IT ON! Elastic backs away as Dylan and Wumbo size each other up in the ring. Jjs: And here it is! Our first Deathmatch ever! Dylan: Oh you don't know how long I've been waiting for this. This makes me so happy I could die! Wumbo: Let me help you with that. Wumbo kicks Dylan square in the face and proceeds to pound away at his face on the mat. OMJ: What a devastating Wumbo Kick courtesy of Wumbo! Wumbo picks Dylan up and rams him into the corner turnbuckle before hitting him with a flurry of fist combos. OMJ: Will you look at it! A devastating Wumbo Combo is being rained down on our Director-Chief! Dylan: You can't do this to me! I'm your boss! Wumbo: Well, I quit! Wumbo cries before laying more smackdowns left and right. Jjs: Wumbo is giving Dylan his two weeks notice! Quite literally! OMJ: I gave him a week, hell, a day! Dylan blocks a hit and fight back with some lefts of his own. Dylan: This ain't no Love Game! No Bad Romance! Dylan shouts as he trips Wumbo to the mat and stomps on him. Jjs: That is one Bad Kid! OMJ: *shakes head* aye aye aye. Dylan proceeds to knee Wumbo repeatedly in the balls while punching him simultaneously in the face. Dylan: This is over between You and I. Dylan says before picking up and pile driving Wumbo to the mat, injuring Wumbo's neck. Wumbo gets back up to his feet as Dylan waits for him. Wumbo: Thank you for that spammy and somewhat unnecessary string of illegal maneuvers. Elastic: They're all legal here. This ain't Canadian TV. Wumbo: In that case. Wumbo proceeds to kick Dylan repeatedly in the balls before gouging him in the eyes and slamming him face first in the corner turnbuckle. He continues slamming Dylan's face in until he's a bloody mess before tossing him back down to the mat.. Jjs: I'm just absolutely Speechless! OMJ: Could've fooled me, Jjs. Wumbo goes to pick Dylan up by Dylan bites down hard on Wumbo's hand and bites off four of his fingers. Jjs: Egad, Man Jenkins! He just bit off his fingers with his Teeth! OMJ: I'm gonna punch out your's soon enough. Wumbo reels back as the blood gushes from where his fingers used to be. Dylan gets up and approaches him. Dylan: Looks like you're gonna need a hand with that news team now, huh? Wumbo: Touché, Tvman. I give that one a THUMBS UP Wumbo shouts before driving his remaining thumb into Dylan's throat. He kicks Dylan down to the mat and stomps and holds him down by the throat with his foot. Jjs: Wumbo is on the Edge of Glory- OMJ: SHUT UP! WIL YOU JUST SHUT UP WITH THE REFERENCES ALREADY! Or by God, you and I are having a deathmatch next week! Wumbo with a four stomp combo to Dylan's beaten face, knocking out one of the director's eyeballs. OMJ: Another deadly Wumbo Combo courtesy of the founding father of Wumbology, himself! Jjs: Are all his moves named after himself? Hell, he even has a study named after him? OMJ: Jjs, everybody knows Wumbo. I Wumbo. You Wumbo. He, she, we, Wumbo. Wumbo! Wumbo-ing! Wumbology, the study of Wumbo! It's first grade, Jjs! Jjs: That's pretty conceited, don't you think? OMJ: And you wonder why he never wins any awards. A chainsaw is thrown from the crowd and it lands at Wumbo's foot. He picks it up and revs it. OMJ: You've gotta be kidding me! You don't just put a chainsaw in a Mountie's hand! Jjs: What are you going on about, Jenkins? OMJ: Everybody knows Canadians are master woodsman. They're all Paul Bunyun and shit about it. Jjs: Your knowledge about America's Hat astounds me...really it does. OMJ: Or maybe that's ice fishing? *ponders* Wumbo takes the chainsaw to Dylan's face. Wumbo: I'm gonna enjoy chopping you up Again Again, "eh". Dylan spits out some teeth and blood. Dylan: Don't worry, I Like It Rough. Wumbo revs the chainsaw up again and is about to plunge it into Dylan's face but Dylan's Video Phone rings, stopping. Dylan: Alejandro finally called back! Mind if I take it? Wumbo: You should thank him for that convenient yet somewhat inconvenient call. Wumbo says as he takes the chainsaw down. Jjs: Boys Boys Boys! Oh, why does it have to be this way?! OMJ: It's for the best. Suddenly, Wumbo knocked down from the side, falling down and landing awkwardly and somewhat messily on the chainsaw. Dylan looks up to see that it's Alejandro! Alejandro! Oh oh! OMJ: Who in Neptune's name is that? Jjs: One of Dylan's random friends he talks about waiting for his phone call while on the xat. OMJ: The more you know, but isn't that against the rules? Elastic: I'll allow it! Jjs: Screw the rules, he's got the Money Honey. After all, he helps pay for hosting this place. OMJ: That's more than what I do for this place. Alejandro helps Dylan to his feet as they proceed to kick Wumbo while he's down before Dylan picks up the chainsaw. Dylan: Stand back, Alejandro. This is gonna be Bloody. Jjs: Mary. Dylan revs up the chainsaw and proceeds to chop off all four of Wumbo's limbs as the is covered in a pool of blood. Dylan hops out of the ring and looks under the ring for a few seconds. OMJ: Dylan's going down under the ring! I don't like the looks of this. Dylan pulls out a sledgehammer Jjs: Bah GAWD! I never thought we would see the Banhammer come into play this early on in the show! Dylan heads back into the ring and raises the Banhammer up high over Wumbo. OMJ: Do it for The Fame! Make yourself famous! Dylan: Returning? Wumbo: No...RENEW! Dylan: Prepare to be Starstruck. Dylan brings the hammer down on Wumbo, splattering his head into a buhmillion pieces. OMJ: He did it! He pulled off the upset! A victory for Americano! Elastic comes in and raises Dylan's hand. Elastic: The winner, Dylan! Dylan embraces Alejandro as they celebrate his victory. Elastic: Queers. Jjs: What a bloody end to a bloody fight that went all the way to the end! OMJ: Until next time, folks! Jjs: I'm jjsthekid! OMJ: And I'm Old Man Jenkins! Jjs: Saying Good Fight, Good Night! If you have any suggestions for future Deathmatches, be sure to post them below! Wumbo Join Date: January 23, 2010 Group: Managers Others: Karate Choppers Active Posts: 18,649 Profile Views: 2,376 Member Title: This had better be good! Age: 17 years old Birthday: June 19, 1995 Gender: Male Interests: Meh. Location: America's hat Favorite Episode: Dying for Pie Favorite Character: Used Napkin Dylan Join Date: November 1, 2009 Group: Managers Others: Jellyfish Hunters Active Posts: 13,254 Profile Views: 2,828 Member Title: Be The Hero Age: 13 years old Birthday: May 1, 1999 Gender: Male Interests: -Football -Friends -MUSIC -Lady Gaga -Website design Location:In your house Favorite Episode: Rock A Bye Bivalve Favorite Character: Squidward
  9. i apparently have some old demons to expel so i'll be doing it here with a one-off (two-off? idk) lit not created with the consultation of jjs or elastic dog and will probably get deleted redacted so enjoy it while you can [align=center]SpongeBob's Host [JCM: Gotta love that broken BBcode!] Directed by: Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick [JCM: Not "written by", not "hastily put together after a night of underage drinking", but "directed by". We've got Hitchcock up in here, folks!] [/align] [JCM: The following program contains really fucked up shit and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone.] I've been wanting to write a mature SpongeBob story for a while now. "SpongeBob's Host" is a SpongeBob spinoff that takes place before the "Help Wanted" episode premieres -- a prequel to the series. It takes a mature turn at what occurred before the events of the series, one that will keep you in suspense as you keep reading. [JCM: Suspense as to whether somebody can write a worse prequel than George Lucas.] [align=center] SpongeBob's Host by Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. [JCM: I feel like he spent more time looking up what to license this under than actually writing the spin-off.] Based on a work at www.sbcforums.com.[/align] [JCM: What work? Is it based on itself? Is this "proper" introduction designed to distract us from the juvenility and coarseness of the spin-off itself? Why am I asking you all these questions?] Season 1: Episode 1: The Beginning Episode 2: SpongeBob's First Customer Episode 3: The Man Episode 4: The Big Discovery Episode 5: The Shade Figure, Part I Episode 6: The Shade Figure, Part II [JCM: Good God, there are six of them. I already regret this.] Without further ado, here's "SpongeBob's Host". [JCM: ] [align=center]Episode 1: The Beginning[/align] It was a cold and dark day in underwater Bikini Bottom. [JCM: Ooh, a "dark and stormy night" type opening! That gives me confidence in the writer's (sorry, director's) originality!] The moon was reflecting through the waves in the ocean, trickling through without remorse. [JCM: That moon's an asshole.] Downtown, there was a lonely sponge walking. His physique wasn't the most appealing: his attire displeased everyone with his rag shirt and torn pants; he was as dirty as one could get; he hadn't shaved in what appears to be weeks. [JCM: SpongeBob doesn't have hair...or does he? ] The sponge was leaving a place called "The Jig". At the door, there was a warning sign that says, "Not for the weak heart. [JCM: Your heart needs to bench more.] Kids stay out." [JCM: *removes beard to reveal he's actually 12 year old* The Jig is up.] The sponge was cold and hungry. With the little coins in his pocket, he stopped by the Barg'N-Mart and purchased a single store-brand can of soup. The employee gave him a dirty look as she smelled his foul stench, and scanned. The sponge was not in a very good mood -- you know, the awful kind when you're in the worst-of-the-worst moods. [JCM: Like the mood I'm in while reading this.] This sponge was named SpongeBob SquarePants. He wasn't always like this. Let's go back to when all of this first started, shall we? [JCM: We shant.] SpongeBob was merrily walking home from his daytime job at the First Nautical Bank, where he worked as a broker. He liked to hang out with his best friend Tom Smith after his job, made investments, and lived a pretty normal life. One day, as he got home, he found a strange piece of paper on his door. The paper had read, "REPOSSESSED. This home has been repossessed by the First Nautical Bank." [JCM: press f to pay respects] SpongeBob didn't know what to do: without a home, where was he going to live? [JCM: f] The very next day, SpongeBob found out that he had been fired from his job at the First Nautical Bank. Where was he going to work? [JCM: f] Surely there must be another job. After his boss yelled at him for not paying his mortgage, [JCM: So he got fired from a job he was presumably competent at for not paying his mortgage? I don't think that's how jobs work.] a customer had heard the conversation. The customer said, "Hey. If you need a job, I can give you one quick." SpongeBob didn't know what to say, but he was desperate -- he nodded and followed the strange guy out of the bank. The strange guy gave him another nod, and BANG! SpongeBob was out in-the-cold. [JCM: f] When he woke up, SpongeBob makes out where he is: [JCM: A place where verb tenses don't matter.] at a bar of some sort. "Where am I...?" SpongeBob bursted out in mutter. The strange guy was there, gave a sigh, and said, "Your job is to host these customers." [Captain Obvious: Oh, so that's why they call it SpongeBob's Host.] SpongeBob asks, "Alright. What do I need to wear?" The guy chuckles and blurts, "Take off your clothes! Your job is to give these customers a good time. You'll make money by delivering their every itch, their every pleasure." SpongeBob didn't know what to say. [JCM: I know what to say: f So that's it for this episode! Assuming this thread is still here next week, I'll riff the rest of the episodes then. If you want to riff an episode with me, slide into my DMs and I'll make it happen. Thanks for reading the first of what will apparently be a six-off (kill me now).]
  10. We all know the character of Deadpool, right? The wisecracking, fourth wall-destroying, chimichanga eating- "Moooooove over, Renny-boy! I can take things over from here!" (enter a young Japanese man, about 17 years old or so, wearing a red T-shirt, black pants and combat boots, and black motorcycle gloves. He appears to have mild scarring on his face, though it's barely visible.) Who the bloody fuckballs are you?! And what are you doing in my topic intro?! "Who am I? Well, that's a very interesting story, isn't it? YOINK!" (The teenager takes the script from Renegade's hands.) HEY! THAT'S MY SCRIPT! "Well, not anymore! Now sit down, shut the fuck up, and get ready to hear the origins of the single most badass, sexy, and funniest tokusatsu hero ever - ME, DEADPOOL! AHEM! 'We all know the story of Deadpool, right? The wisecracking, fourth wall-destroying chimichanga eating Merc With a Mouth, otherwise known as Wade Winston Wilson? Weeeeeell, this is not him. At least, not entirely him. In a similar vein to Toei's Spider-Man, this Deadpool is Takeshi Tachibana, a psychotic ("And proud!") Japanese delinquent who would rather spend his days watching DVDs of Showa-era ("Best era! Heisei can suck it!") Kamen Rider and Super Sentai ("Don't forget Power Rangers! Though Turbo, Megaforce, and Overdrive are inferior compared to their Sentai counterparts. Just saying.") and beating people up ("Only the people who deserve it! That's important!") rather than doing anything productive for society. Captured by a mysterious organization known as the X-Army, Takeshi is experimented on and injected with a serum known as Mutagene, giving him immortality thanks to an extreme healing factor. Now completely insane ("We're all insane! We're just in denial about it!") and fully aware of what sort of the story he's in, Takeshi becomes the ("Not really.") superhero Deadpool in order to take on the X-Army and its legions of monsters led by the evil Silver Samurai indulge in his tokusatsu fantasies, and maybe save Japan in the process in this loving parody of old school toku filled with blood, guts, explosions, swearing, and chmichangas! So grab your samurai sword, guns, and maybe some snacks, and prepare for one wild ride!'" (Takeshi gets up, tosses the script at Renegade, and starts walking away.) Hey, where are you going? "To grab my swords, guns, and snacks. What else?" A-anyways, this is Deadpool! Coming soon to SBC!
  11. I initially had this idea for this literature as far back as...2016 or so, shortly after I joined SBC and began working on Power Rangers: Multiverse Force. I never got to working on it (the original topic was deleted by jjs on my request when he was clearing out old threads, even), despite it being satirized in SBC Honest Trailers (which in hindsight, I wonder if it was actually satire and not mean-spiritedness) and talked about in my interview with @TJ for his SOF 7 talk show. However, that's all about to change, as this idea is being revived as a supplementary work in the Reneverse, my shared multiverse of literatures. Which means that it isn't part of th shared canon proper, but still takes place in a little slice of its multiverse, sharing characters and ideas. Anyways, here is a friendly reminder of its premise. In the post-apocalyptic year of 214 (and it has always been 214, to question this is treason). humanity now lives in the underground domed city of Alpha Complex, ruled over by the all-seeing Friend Computer, who enforces an iron-fisted rule of color-coded hierarchies based on security clearances (Infrared-Ultraviolet), a vast bureaucracy (so vast and unwieldy, in fact, that no one is sure who runs what anymore) and the mantra of "the Computer is Your Friend. Happiness is Mandatory. To not be happy is treason". However, the Computer is not only a psychotic nutcase, Alpha Complex is a decrepit and dangerous place, filled with spies, traitors, mutants, Communists (the Computer is highly convinced that they are what caused the Big Whoops), and traitorous mutant spy Communists. However, there is hope: the Troubleshooters, who are employed by Friend Computer to find troubles, whether they be real or imaginary, and shoot them. However, with Alpha Complex being what it is, this is easier said than done. Especially when the Troubleshooters (who are constantly stuck at RED clearance) are backstabbing assholes who have their own motivations. In a city full of backstabbing assholes who have their own motivations. Now, this sounds like your run-of-the-mill dystopia, right? Well, this one is played for all the dark comedy it can, satirizing such settings from the 1980s. In short, imagine a world visualized by Terry Gilliam if he wrote Max Headroom and added all the gory slapstick of Itchy and Scratchy into the mix, with just a bit of Discordianism thrown in for good measure. Based on the tabletop RPG of the same name, Paranoia follows five RED-level Troubleshooters as they carry out missions for FC...if they don't try and kill each other first. Which they very likely will. MANY TIMES.
  12. DUNCES AND DRAGONS My first ACTUAL meta lit, set in a vaguely medieval setting. Five characters, led by the paladin known as Grey Knight, travel the lands of SBC in search of adventure.
  13. One day, a group of SBC members came upon a jackpot of missing SB episodes which were refused to air because of content. These are their summaries. Zero Dark Dirty Water Found by: Aquatic Nuggets One day, SpongeBob and Patrick are jellyfishing when Patrick trips over a body bag. The body bag moves, so SpongeBob and Patrick carefully zip it open, and Osama bin Laden pops out. Osama reveals that a gunshot wound to the head made him forget who he was, and also he can't breathe. Osama passes out, and SpongeBob and Patrick take him to Sandy's treedome. Sandy, who is from the GREAT AMURIKAN STATE OF TEXAS, immediately recognizes Osama as the enemy of her GREAT AMURIKAN COUNTRY OF AMURIKA. SpongeBob and Patrick tell her that he has forgotten who he was, so Sandy gives Osama a water suit, and once he comes back to consciousness, she tells Osama that he's an environmentalist whose made it his duty to clean up the ocean. Sandy gives Osama a vacuum cleaner from her room and tells him to continue his mission. Osama, not knowing how to use a vacuum cleaner, accidentally sucks off all of Sandy's fur, and Sandy tells him to get the fuck out of her treedome. Osama walks around Bikini Bottom, vacuuming the trash off the streets. Osama realizes that the ocean is bigger than he thought, so he sets the vacuum to a higher setting, and when he turns it on again, it sucks all of the water out of the ocean. The fish around him, no longer able breathe, yell at him, calling him a terrorist. Osama tries to tell them he's not a terrorist, that he's just trying to clean the ocean up, but one of Obama's drones catches Osama in the now-dry ocean and kills him for realz this time. The explosion punctures the vacuum cleaner, filling the ocean back up with water, and everyone praises the drone for its sacrifice and holds a funeral for it as the pieces of the terrorist who just wanted to clean up the ocean float around them. Next week: The Yeezy Episode
  14. Yes, this is real. The pilot before the real pilot is coming January 18, 2018. Have a real preview before then that looks totally fake, even though it's real. "Corny music from the 80s began to play alongside the lost opening credits to Full SBC. The theme song to the show came on as the plane took off. Another cameraman outside showed us the colorful exterior of the plane. Bowls of fresh fruit were painted all over it, and on the side of it, the name of the vehicle, “The Fruity Plane”, was engraved in the metal. As the plane soared into the sky, the lyrics to the theme song could be heard… How could we ever predict the dignivility? The milkman and the paperboy trying to kill meeeee! How did I get to living here? Somebody tell me please! This new show’s confusing me With clouds as mean as you’ve ever seen Ain’t a bird who knows your tune “I don’t understand kids these days!” a bird who looked remarkably like the Twitter bird sang, holding out his cell phone that showed a list of emojis." Made in China
  15. **Disclaimer: Just for a warning, PLEASE don't get offended by these riffs or to take them too seriously. It's all just for fun and to entertain myself. If anything comes off harsh in these, I will remove them upon request, but keep in mind most of these riffs are exaggerated for comedy's sake.** So, I was bored tonight, and decided to do my own riff on a certain Spin-Off Ex and I were talking about. After the feedback he gave me, I decided to continue riffing said show....and it made me want to revive SBC Theater 4000! (feel free to check out if you get the time, it was hilarious) For those not familiar with SBC Theater, it was a show made by Elastic in 2011 that riffed other Spin-Offs, like Mystery Science Theater 3000 would. I'm going to be reviving that concept starting now! Just for the record, don't expect me to riff an entire series - I might only do a couple of episodes or a season, depending how long I can last stomach it. So who was the first victim I used? Just so you guys know, my riffs are in bold and surrounded by brackets. Right now, I only plan to riff the first season of Bikini Top, and I may do Season 2 in the future, but I want to give other shows a chance to be riffed first. Without further ado, here's the first two episodes I've riffed so far! (NOTE TO NEW READERS: My early riffs really suck, don't worry - they get better as they go along.) (ANOTHER NOTE: Also, a lot of these riffs won't be very kid friendly, but that should be expected with the Mature tag.) Bikini Top - Season 1 S1E1 (1) - Pilot: 1E2 (2) - Jex: More riffs coming soon. If you are interested in riffing an episode/show in the future, PM me. I'm now offering a 1,000db reward for any guest commentators, too. LEGEND February 11th, 2019: Since this has been requested a fair bit in the past, and it's been a year now since this ended, here below is finally a table of contents for where every JRT riffing project begins if it makes life easier for you. 1.) Bikini Top Season 1 (this post) 2.) Squidward's Childhood 3.) SOF's Exciting Critic Corner 4.) Sponge's Atlantis 5.) Patrick V.S. World 6.) Childhood Deleted With SpongeBob SquarePants 7.) The Runaway Sponge 8.) And Then There Were Less 3 9.) Prince Neptune 10.) The Adventures of DoodleBob 11.) Life of Larry the Krab 12.) Bikini Top Season 2 13.) Patty Daddy 14.) World of Gloves 15.) SBC Parallel Universe Season 1 16.) What Happens on Conch Street? 17.) SpongeBob: Diaries of a Serial Killer 18.) SBC Parallel Universe Season 2 19.) Bikini Bottom High 20.) Ruty's Rapping Rampage 21.) Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob 22.) Down Under 23.) SBC: Investigation & Prosecution 24.) Can You Please Past the Future 25.) SBC: The Soap Opera 26.) SpongeBoy! Get a Clue 27.) The Misunderstood Life of DoodleBob 28.) The Killer Krab 29.) Mermaid Man: The Aquatic Avenger 30.) The Dark Side of the Herd 31.) Undersea Mysteries Incorporated 32.) One-Shots
  16. Hello, I have a fascinating story I want to share with all of my friends. Watch as two iconic stars team up for the first time in history... + Coming very soon to this topic. Also known as, sometime within the day.
  17. It is the 41st millennium, and the constant war for the galaxy between the Imperium of Man, Chaos, and the many Xeno races continues. Our story is not about that. Instead, let us focus on a particular planet: the hive world of Megalen. Like all hive worlds, it is home to billions of people, many of them grouped into gargantuan, towering structures known as hive cities, which are grouped into hive clusters. Housing millions upon millions of people, millennia of industrialization from the hive cities have turned the surface into barren wastes inhabited by those who do not live in the cities, masters unto themselves, those who fight tooth and nail just to survive. Do not think for a moment, however, that the hive cities have it any better. The societies within are largely structured the same, each of the massive sectors separated by the class they were born, and will very likely die, in. The Spires - The highest level of the hive, this is where the nobility resides, and as such, are the only ones in the hive who are exposed to the surface's air, filtered so that they may breathe. The Upperhive - Located just beneath the spires, this is where the hive city's bureaucrats and various people important to politics and economy are located. Life is not as good as the spires, but it is certainly better than the lower levels, with abundant space, and power free for all. The Lowerhive - The majority of a hive city's population lives here, and this sector is home to the hive city's power generators. The population is certainly far poorer than the Upperhive, but it's certainly better than what lies below. The Underhive - The lowest of the low, the Underhive is a filthy decrepit slum where the poorest of those, as well as exiles from the upper levels live. There is no law aside from "survival of the fittest", with life being brutish and short. This is the setting of our tale. Basically a throwback to 1980s sci-fi and action films taking place in the universe of Warhammer 40K, this new lit from yours truly follows a group of Imperial citizens in the Underhive of an unnamed city on the world of Megalen. Their only goal: survive. In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war.
  18. The Dark Tower: Discordia Hello, everyone! GreyKnight151 here! This post formally marks the beginning of my personal edition to what is becoming known as the Reneverse. This lit of mine is about Blackhawk Little, the Hawkian member of the Power Rangers, or, more specifically, his time as a gunslinger on All-World. This story will, much like the Dark Tower series it is based on, will draw quite heavily from various genres: Science fiction, fantasy, horror, and Westerns, to name a few. This story will also not be told in order. Instead, it will be told as I jump backwards and forwards in the lives of Blackhawk and his ka-tet, putting both their successes and sorrows, their loves and losses, on display for you, dear readers. I hope you all enjoy.
  19. I will be coming back… The conclusion of the Awakening project ended many stories, yet raised many questions regarding the story that started everything...the story of Fluttershy’s death and resurrection. Putting it all together at the end of everything was a trial, to say the least. Logically, from our point of view, none of it made any sense. Why was Twilight Sparkle forced to bloody her hands? Why did she have to bear children, only for them to be caught in the chaos? Who exactly were Myra Michaels, Edward Miles, and the humans who were transformed into her friends? Regardless though, the project was a success, as the world was given hope of living again. In one sense… Stars have come awake thanks to the efforts of Fluttershy, Ninja Time God Rarity, Fantasy God Discord, and the characters whom they have created. But as the true ending never ends, the beginning to the most important story yet can never begin...until we are fully willing to enter another world...and search for an answer to the most important question that we know... Episode 1: To Make Faith Sight What is life? Fluttershy asked herself that question in thought as she watched Angel maniacally chow away at a carrot she had just fed him. Every day, I have to feed these animals as well as myself. Fluttershy told herself that in her mind as she finished eating a bowl of porridge at the breakfast table. Sometimes I wonder why exactly I do it. I love my pets, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes, I feel I follow this routine of caring for them more out of obligation than love… Fluttershy said that in her mind as she sat on her bed that afternoon, staring at the blankets, looking sullen. Even though I live a life with no real problems, I can’t help but feel that there’s more to life than this… Fluttershy then closed her eyes tightly, and with a look of resolve on her face, she crossed her back legs together as she sat. Putting her front hooves together, she began to meditate. Enlightenment is what I seek...discovering my ultimate purpose...I want that to give me the motivation I need to do all that I do not out of obligation, but out of pure kindness and love… After meditating for some time, Fluttershy began to feel something welling deep within her...the swirl of a strong spiritual essence...Opening her eyes, they gave a bright, yellow glow… ...my world... My life is a journey… Our lives are intended to be adventures that ultimately lead us to enlightenment and salvation… Sometimes I wonder how true that really is… They say you need to have faith to see that it’s true...but then they say it’s not good enough to just believe… ...so what I believe in is my success in the search for proof… As Fluttershy opened her eyes, she realized that she was no longer in her room. She was in a place that looked like space, a dark, starry sky surrounding her. One star in the sky, she noticed was shining brighter than all the other stars as it hovered towards her ominously. Fluttershy gulped and began to grow nervous before a comforting voice from the star said this… “Do not fear me, redeemed one. It was fate that brought you here, I called you by name. You are mine, Fluttershy, and this sky is yours.” Fluttershy’s jaw fell slack. She had an overwhelming feeling of deja vu and tears fell from her eyes as she recognized who this was talking to her. “You’re the ruler of the universe…” she said. “One of the Eternal Three…” “Precisely.” the star replied. “You have arrived here as part of the plan. Just like my daughter, you will also be allowed to give input on how we should redeem this world of the Dark Sky. My daughter has been given charge of the human world, and I want you to have charge of the pony world, Equestria.” “No way...r-really?!” Fluttershy went in shock. “But why me?” “In your current form,” the star went on to explain, “you know the truth not, but your true form is a god. You are the ruler of the Dark Sky, a dimension lost to the Void. A collection of lost worlds seeking to be found. It was you who sent an incarnation of yourself, one with a mortal body and mind, to this world so that you could undergo the same trials and tribulations of the mortals you wish to save. Even though you were inevitably brought here by destiny, at the same time, you also chose this path of your own accord. Do you see what you were trying to do?” Fluttershy stared at the star blankly for a short while before saying… “Yes. I wanted to save them not out of obligation, but because I wanted to…just like how my whole purpose for coming here was because I was tired of being good because I felt I had to be and wanted to have an epiphany that would make me want to be good...” “The purity of your heart is remarkable.” the star replied. “Most who are born without an innate sense of justice begin their lives by walking a dark road, for they fully believe that their lives have no greater purpose. Your god self deliberately created you without a natural calling to the light as a test to see if she was truly the chosen ruler of the Dark Sky, the one who would restore its light…” “M-my creator had that much faith in herself?!” Fluttershy shouted in surprise. “Don’t forget about yourself.” the star told her. “Remember that although you are a piece of your creator, you are also separate from your creator.” “...” Fluttershy was silent in response, feeling confused. “I understand that it is a difficult concept for an untrained mortal mind to grasp.” the star said. “But you will soon grow accustomed to taking in ideas you once thought impossible to comprehend. That is not just your fate. That is the fate of every mortal who will be born to the new generation we plan to build. That is the result we foresee of our latest project…” With those words, the star flew towards the dark sky and split apart in every direction, creating an intense flash of light that blinded Fluttershy. Holding a foreleg to her face, she soon pulled it away to see the stars in the sky now glowing brighter than ever… “Not the lightening of the dark sky, for these stars were already shining, and I have only made them more radiant. Stronger in the light. This is what we plan to do with mortal souls, make them brighter before sending them to inhabit new bodies. That is why… ...we call it the spiriting.” Spiriting Fluttershy’s Dark Sky Fluttershy awoke from the trance on her bed to find darkness all around her. “Natural darkness…” she told herself in her mind, quickly realizing that it was night and that she had slept the afternoon away. “I can’t believe now that there was a time when I was afraid of it…” She then got out of her bed and walked over to the window inside her bedroom. Looking out of it, she saw the stars in the night sky that had been put there by Princess Luna. “Your love has called my name…” Fluttershy said to herself. “What do I have to fear...when you hold all the stars, and even the one who puts the stars here…” Fluttershy said all of that as she smiled a warm, gentle, hope-filled smile… ...that was unfortunately unaware of the fact that she was not the only one suspecting that this world was actually… … ….. .. ….. Meanwhile... Twilight Sparkle was thinking these thoughts to herself as she laid down on her bed staring at the ceiling one night. These thoughts keep me awake at night for hours...thoughts of philosophy...greater meaning...my purpose… I wonder why I think them...why me… My name is Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. I’m happy and content. I love my life and my friends. How is it that… Even that isn’t enough to push these thoughts away when I’m all alone like this? Is it just a habit of my brain? Or could it be my mind’s inability to sleep, as it senses that… Something is coming. Something that will make me realize that there’s more to me...and more to all… Twilight then looked out the window by her bed and saw the moon and stars that glowed brightly in the dark sky… In Canterlot Castle, that same night… Princess Luna was in bed, sleeping after having created that night’s beautiful sky. She was having a dream. A dream involving her standing on a platform of bright light hovering in the starry night sky and meeting two figures. One was Rarity, dressed in a black robe with an emblem of a sword on it, and the other was Discord, dressed in a white robe with an emblem of a shield on it. “Rarity? Discord?” Luna asked them as they approached her, slyly grinning at her. “Good evening, Princess Luna.” Rarity politely greeted her. “We are sorry to intrude on your beauty sleep so late. However, we must attend to an urgent matter.” “Whatever would that be?” an uncannily calm and unphased Luna replied. “Our good friend, Twilight Sparkle, is getting smart.” Discord explained. “Implying there was a time she wasn’t smart?” Luna made a sarcastic retort. “Well, smart in the context we mean.” Discord made more clear. “She is beginning to see through our illusion and we can’t have her find out the truth right now. You are as aware as all of us that if we let her discover what’s really going on too soon, the whole plan will be ruined.” Luna looked down at the ground regretfully for a moment before looking back up at the two and saying… “Then it can’t be helped. For the sake of the Reborn One, I will enhance the power of the illusion I have cast on Twilight…” Luna’s horn then began to emanate an aura of dark blue magic and her eyes turned white. Before long, dark wisps began to emerge from the darkness in the night sky and glowing white wisps began to emerge from the stars shining in the sky. “SPIRITS OF THE DREAM REALM.” Luna proclaimed loudly as the wisps started floating around her. “HEED ME AS I TELL YOU TO INHABIT THE MINDS OF THE ONE CALLED TWILIGHT SPARKLE, AND SHOW HER WHAT HER MISDIRECTED HEART DESIRES TO SEE EVEN AS SHE IS AWAKE.” The wisps answered her command, and left to pursue Twilight. Afterwards, Luna’s horn and eyes stopped glowing and she looked at Rarity and Discord. “Satisfied?” she asked them. “Satisfactory performance, indeed.” Rarity applauded her. “Very good, thank you.” Discord said. “We’ll be on our way now. Sleep well.” Rarity and Discord then turned around and walked away, each with a sinister grin on their face. “Because the time will be long before you sleep again…” they thought. The next day, when Twilight awoke… “Twilight!” a familiar voice called Twilight’s name. “Ugh…” Twilight groaned in response. “TWILIGHT!” Spike called again. “What is it, Spike?” Twilight said bemusedly as she rose from her bed. “What is it?” Spike retorted, surprised by Twilight’s lethargy. “What is it? Please tell me you’re joking!” “When have I ever?” Twilight replied. “Hmm…” Spike said, rubbing his claw across his chin, genuinely trying to remember. “I do definitely recall a few times…” “GUH!” Twilight grumbled as she slammed her head back down onto her pillow. “Whatever it is, I’m sure the fate of Equestria doesn’t rest on it…” “Come on, Twilight!” Spike exclaimed as he got up on the bed. “This REALLY isn’t like you! You normally love pretending that the fate of Equestria rests on everything!” “Yeah, I know…” Twilight replied, maintaining her grouchy, sarcastic tone. “What’s causing me to act this way, you’ve got to solve this mystery! Maybe it’s because I’m just at the point of my life where I’m bored of pretending. Maybe I’m just bored of doing the same, predictable shit every day! Maybe I’m just bored of…” Twilight stopped herself from finishing that sentence, realizing that she was close to saying something she knew she was going to regret. A guilty look came across her face as she turned over to Spike, who did not appear happy. “Twilight…” Spike said in a tone of despondence. “Do you mean to say that you’re bored of...your friends...and me too?” Twilight was well-aware of the fact that she was in of the most encountered moral dilemmas. To tell the truth and hurt someone’s feelings or lie to keep someone feeling content? “As always, I’ll lie…” she told herself, despite feeling shame. “It’s the lesser of two evils.” “Of course not, Spike.” Twilight said what she wanted to mean wholeheartedly. “You know that I would never grow tired of you or any of my friends.” Saying this with a false smile and sincere-sounding tone, she was apparently able to fool Spike, as he smiled back at her. “Don’t feel bad…” Twilight told herself in a voice that almost felt like it wasn’t her own… “All you did was tell him what should be the truth. It isn’t my fault that it’s a lie. I can’t change the way I naturally feel. I’m no god. I can’t turn fiction into reality...I CAN ONLY MAKE ILLUSIONS MY REALITY…” Twilight echoed that last sentence out loud in the voice of Princess Luna, astonishing Spike. “What the whazzat?” Spike replied, confused. Spike’s reply caused Twilight to snap back to reality. She then shook her head back and forth very quickly. “Wow, ah ha ha!” she laughed sheepishly. “Early morning talk, huh?” “Uh...it’s well past ten in the morning, Twilight.” Spike responded. “Oh.” Twilight went, embarrassed. “Uh...late morning talk, then? It’s the same thing granted you only got a few hours of sleep in the early morning.” “...Well, I can’t argue with that.” Spike replied. “Ha ha ha ha ha!” the two laughed together. “I won’t argue with you anymore.” Twilight said as she got out of the bed and put her four legs on the floor. “It’s a pointless argument I wouldn’t win anyways. I know I can’t stay in bed and sleep forever.” “If only everyone was like you!” Spike exclaimed in a facetious tone. “Ah ha ha ha ha…” Twilight chuckled, wanting to laugh with him the same way she just had before, but something kept her from doing so… “Is it because I feel he’s genuinely trying to deride me, or…” she thought. “Hey, don’t take it personally!” Spike assured her that he was just kidding. “It’s just that my sense of humor’s gotten more bitey and dark, it happens naturally as you get older.” Twilight gave Spike the benefit of the doubt and kept chuckling, but deep down, she was worried. “Is this the same Spike...who would buy that lie I told earlier?” she said in her mind. “He’s always had a sense of sarcasm, but...I have a bad feeling…” “Come on, life’s too short to be getting hung up over silly little jokes!” Spike exclaimed. “I’m sure Pinkie Pie will tell you the same thing if you don’t want to take it from me!” “Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked, unaware of Pinkie’s relevancy to what he meant. “We’re going to one of her parties at Sugarcube Corner.” Spike explained. “It’s a welcoming back party for Maud Pie, remember?” “Oh yeah, heh heh, right.” Twilight replied, feeling abashed. “How could I forget, huh huh…” As Spike headed on out Twilight’s bedroom door, Twilight followed closely behind, trying to hide her feeling of being unnerved… “How could I...forget…” Twilight turned around to face her bed one more time before she left. “How could I forget the times where I only saw that bed as my place to recharge. How did it ever become the only place where I truly felt awake…” You know what they say, Twilight. A machine’s soul never sleeps… Ninja Time God Rarity said that as she remembered Starcatch from the Awakening project… In her mind, a purple light flashed on a lavender-colored computer monitor…
  20. Yep, this is the thread for my newest lit, which I'll be devoting most of my time to. Based on one of my favorite comic books, this will be my first mature lit (as well as my first attempt at writing pulp magazine-style stories). It's... CEREBUS THE AARDVARK This lit focuses on the episodic (and sometimes not-so episodic) adventures of a 3-foot tall misanthropic bipedal grey aardvark barbarian named Cerebus as he makes a living as a wandering mercenary in the world of Estarcion, a pastiche of sword-and-sorcery settings. Stay tuned for the character list, as well as the first episode, "Tower of the Necromancers!".
  21. Episode 1: Episode 2 coming soon!
  22. This is based off of an idea that Renegade the Unicorn had, which we made into a roleplay. The concept is his; the story that is to come is mine. ----------- On Halloween 1938, reports of Martian attacks are made by noted actor Orson Welles. In our timeline, this is simply just a radio dramatization of H.G. Wells' famed novel The War of the Worlds that went wrong, causing widespread panic across the nation. However, what if the attacks were real and Mars was intending to invade Earth? The world's leaders at the time (Franklin D. Roosevelt, Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler, etc.) are airlifted to safety during the week-long invasion of Earth, during which the Martian invasion force is killed by Earth's bacteria. Further invasions are unlikely, due to the Martians' perception that Earth is a poisonous wasteland. Though the invasion is now over, it has far-reaching consequences. For example, reverse-engineering Martian technology causes humanity to become far more advanced than in our timeline, as well as World War II ending before it even begins. The world leaders decide that they must unite against the Martian threat, though they do not give up their respective ideologies (for example, the Nazis shift their focus on humanity being the master race, though they still see Aryans as top dogs). Advances in technology also mean that the atomic bomb is created far earlier (specifically two weeks after the invasion), as well as moon landings happening in the 1940s. However, there is a darker side to all of this: Earth becomes far more totalitarian, similar to the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany at the time. Though on good terms, there is a large possibility that the nations will turn on each other once the Martians are eliminated. Plans are being made to go to Mars, but not for exploration. More of conquest, genocide, and revenge. The RP itself takes place in the year 2100, 162 years after the Martian invasion, and about 80 years after Earth's counterinvasion and near-extermination of the octopus-like Martians. The setting: Earth - As explained before, Earth is a major power in the setting, being the center of civilization in the Sol system. Though seemingly a utopia with its highly-advanced technology of both human and Martian origin, Earth culture is still anchored deeply in the values of the 1930s, as well as being far more controlling of its populace. To make matters worse, it seems that Earth's leaders are on the brink of turning against each other. The Moon - There is not really much to say about the Moon, other than it is a major player in the Sol system's culture, being home to humanity's off-world military, scientists, and explorers. It is home to various bases, both military and civilian; most notably (at least to those within the party), a base commissioned by the Nazis, who have a secret breeding program to create "true Aryans". Mars - Once home to the octopoid Martian race, Mars is now a dying world (similar to Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars series of novels and short stories) dominated by various city-states. Martians are not entirely extinct, however...though humans will have none of that. The former dominant species of Mars is (at least in the human city-states) relegated to an almost slave-like status, keeping the mini-empires of humanity maintained for the foreseeable future. Outside of the human city-states, Martians live in small tribes and communities, having their own city-states on the planet as well (remnants of their once-worldwide empire). The city-states, both human and Martian, vary in culture, but one thing is certain: they are almost at constant warfare from both within and with each other. Ruins are also prevalent on Mars, mostly ancient cities and military bases. Aside from the Martians and humans, there is a third species: Halfbreeds, created by the Martians during their invasion of Earth. Descended from humans designated unsuitable for feeding yet not unsuitable for experimentation, Halfbreeds are almost Cthulhu-like in appearance, and unlike the Martians reproduce sexually. They are hated by humanity, and the Martians find them somewhat barbaric. Venus - A hot wasteland dominated by barbarian tribes and advanced kingdoms, Venus has relatively few human settlements. Venusians are human-like in appearance, with the female gender far more prevalent (genetically, socially, and politically) than the male gender. Saturn - A wasteland much like Venus, the planet Saturn is home to the advanced Saturian race, who live in various tribal empires and cities. Because of the constant gas storms, much of this planet is unknown. Neptune - A world of endless ocean, dominated by pirates and floating cities. Uranus: The equivalent to the northern regions of fantasy fame, only savage barbarian tribes, ape-men called "Yetis", and green ogre-like "Orks" dwell here. Pluto: A primitive dwarf planet inhabited by beast-men, animals that resemble humans.
  23. The following trailer is rated H for honest. Coming soon to this internet thread you're reading is a brand-new series seeking to leech off the success of Screen Junkies' hit web show and Jjs' Riffing Theater. It's SBC Honest Trailers, a show that will give you previews to SBC shows you've already read. But unlike a real preview, SBC Honest Trailers doesn't lie or cover up any bullshit in the show it advertises. Instead, it goes into detail about that bullshit while riffing it and making low-key mean-spirited jokes that will make you think that abridged series you watched back in high school was light-hearted. Witness the glory of the newest show brought to you by Metal Snake, who went from Luke to that guy who can't figure out whether his internet self is supposed to be a serpent made of metal or a medieval beast made of weather phenomena, and every other guest writer who doesn't have enough actual problems to worry about in real life. STARRING Luke Skywalker as Metal Snake & You as You IN SBC Honest Trailers Premiering 1/11/2016...TOMORROW Serious Summary: Yeah...this is going to be my attempt at making an SBC version of Honest Trailers. Please do NOT take this too seriously, it's all for fun. If you want to request me to do a "trailer" or guest write one yourself, all you have to do is tell me in the comments or by PM (I'd definitely prefer the latter for guest writing though, thank you). I've already written the pilot episode, which is going to be posted tomorrow. It is for... Hope you enjoy.
  24. A murdered family. A forsaken, rotting fishing village. Rumors of cults. How do they all connect? That is what Bradley Johnson, a detective, is attempting to find out. Soon enough, however, he will be drawn ever deeper into a labyrinth of dark knowledge and deadly secrets, things which man was never meant to learn, and may claim his sanity, or even his life....
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