S1E1: “First Stuff”
Dman: Welcome to the first episode of “Dman Talks About Stuff: The Show”, or “DTAS:TS” for short. I am Dman, your host and also man. My brother has forced me to let him in as well.
Pman: i love my brother btw
Dman: People say that the hardest part of a journey is the first steps. Or maybe they don’t say that and my mind is fabricating memories again. Even though a thread on a SpongeBob forum can barely be considered a “journey”, I can’t think of a better phrase for comparison so we’ll just have to do with that. Now, let me tell you about the first time I got injured.
Pman: oh god
Dman: It was back in the year 2001 and my brother—
Pman: dman you’re already boring us
Dman: Hush, brother. You know this story involves you. Anyway, my brother dropped some trains on my forehead when I was a meek little—
Dman: —no—when I was a meek little infant of age 1 month.
Pman: i’m going to crush your head with my legs again
Dman: Would you like to exit the premises of my room?
Pman: i would like you to suffer
Dman: I wouldn’t mind that actually.
Dman: If you can’t tell, my brother’s statement at the beginning was a complete lie.
Pman: will you just shut up already
*Dman blows a whistle and a herd of muscular squirrels carry Pman out of the room*
Pman: hell no i am not being dragged out by the spawns of satan today
Dman: Too late.
Dman: Now that that’s over with, the first time I ever tried ice cream is when I was 4. I am the first person in my family tree to have a scar on my left knee. The word “first” ends with -st despite the most common ordinal suffix being -th. My brother is the first of two siblings my parents have. The first time I commented “first!” on YouTube was on a video with no comments. The opposite of first is last. I was the first person to—
Pman: this needs to stop
Pman: this is complete torture
Dman: *blows whistle again*
Pman: l o r d p l e a s e n o
Dman: Looks like I’m going to have to cut the first episode early. I will never let Pman in my room while I’m hosting again. This is Dman signing out, and don’t forget to try to have a fun out of everyday. (fml this show was a huge mistake)