Jump to content
  • Advertisement

Jack Sparrow

Boatswains
  • Content Count

    602
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    4

Jack Sparrow last won the day on February 15

Jack Sparrow had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

544 Drastical Radical

About Jack Sparrow

  • Rank
    Long Live The Konquest!
  • Birthday 08/07/2000

Contact Methods

  • Discord Username
    Kieran Salaria
  • Website URL
    https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalAquatic
  • Skype
    live:KierBob
  • Twitter
    @AquaticKonquest
  • Instagram
    aquatickonquest
  • YouTube
    SB1292000, SpongeFan257, K. Sal

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Pronoun
    He
  • Interests
    Anything to do with The Little Mermaid & Winnie the Pooh, collecting POP figures, writing fanfiction, and drawing!
  • Location
    United Kingdom
  • Favorite Episode
    It's A SpongeBob Christmas!
  • Favorite Character
    SpongeBob, Squidward, Plankton

Recent Profile Visitors

6,808 profile views

Mood

  • Nervous
  • Currently Feeling Nervous
  1. Swiped So I've decided I'm gonna try getting into movies on Netflix and I decided to watch Swiped. Honestly, I wanted to look for a gay romance movie but then this came up on my radar and had heard quite a bit of it and its director so I thought I'd watch it and see what all the hubbub was really about and I...I, uh, truly get what the problems are. But honestly this movie is just dumb; too dumb to even feel problematic in the slightest. The Noah Centineo type enlisting a nerd to make an app where guys can get laid with no strings attached just brings out a ton of stereotypes of both guys and girls. It's a shame there's no grey-area type where there're guys who want romance or girls who just want to get laid. But no, there's only one kind of character to each gender with the "subversion" being reserved for James and Hannah which isn't realistic; it's just meant to separate them from the others and I kinda hated it. The characters are also incredibly one-dimensional and it says a lot about this movie when argubly the best part of it was in its second act when we see James' separated parents - sidenote: Leigh-Allyn Baker plays the mom...she was really good with what she was given, I have to say - using the app and how effective it is for both of them; again, it's based on gender stereotypes, but I thought it worked a lot better here with secondary characters in order to fuel James' morality check as opposed to with the other college girls that end up contributing to the third act which honestly has no climax. Other issues I had were with Lance's friends expositing like crazy towards the second half of the movie and Lance also apparantly having feelings for a girl out of fucking nowhere as if we were supposed to redeem his character in the first place. I mean, yes, it's dumb, but I would still expect the film to end with James and not Lance. I suppose if this film had any saving grace it would be the computer science teacher and the mom, who both stuck out amongst the forgettable secondary characters. I didn't necessarily hate the movie Noah Centineo is eye candy, fight me, but it was stupid. There was definitely potential to do a satire here, but the movie ends up being comfortable with its sexist, outdated portrayals of both men and women that it isn't smart enough to be commenting on anything to do with the dating world. It's merely content with slandering hookup culture in the most basic, stereotypical way and that's about it. Probably doesn't help that the creator of this mess isn't necessarily doing herself or the movie any favors either from what I've heard. Also I sat through the whole movie thinking Lance's friend Daniel was secretly gay and had a thing for James and I feel robbed that that wasn't the case...would've introduced a new dynamic into the movie. Wouldn't even need to have them together, maybe just Daniel coming out by the end of something, I don't know. Just anything to give the secondary characters something of note.
  2. Looks like somebody's found themselves in the wrong Suicide Squad...
  3. Ohmigosh, PinkPearl! Heya! I remember you from the SBM days, it's so amazing that you're here! Welcome to SBC!
  4. This episode begins with filler before getting into SpongeBob and Patrick actually babysitting the old lady from CWN (a throwback that I don't care for but at the same time am indifferent to as a whole and was genuinely surprised by nonetheless). The filler itself isn't too much of a problem, but a part of me wonders if they couldn't span this character trying to escape SpongeBob and Patrick for a total of 11 minutes (even though they have seasons of material for Squidward doing the exact thing). I guess it's meant to set the two up as babysitters but I do feel like it would've genuinely been funnier if the first job they had was this elderly woman as opposed to having a successful run with actual babies. But maybe that's just me. The rest of the plot once it all comes into fruition is okay, I suppose. It's definitely a fun watch, although I feel like a lot of the appeal in this episode will definitely be in the fact that it features a returning minor character from a beloved episode of yesteryear. She is pretty amusing to watch and her attempts at escaping are quite funny. Dunno about SpongeBob and Patrick in this episode though. They're on par for the course; there's nothing special happening between either one of them but they're tolerable and everything they do works.
  5. Two more pieces! One I did over a week ago and one I did last night.
  6. Happy Birthday @Patty Rose! Have a good one! x
  7. Chapter V – Jellyfish Fields - Part 3 Mr. Krabs: Hiya! Patrick: Dammit! Just when I thought I wouldn’t have to talk to your crusty ass. Mr. Krabs: First off, it’s krusty with a K and second off, fuck you. Anyway, the 4-1-1 around this bitch is that you’re looking for that big mean blue monster. Patrick: I am? Mr. Krabs: Well, the player needs to know somehow and SpongeBob sure as hell ain’t talking to me. SpongeBob: Damn right I’m not so give the information to him. Patrick: I hate you, little yellow bastard. SpongeBob: Love-oooo! Mr. Krabs: OY! I’M STILL TALKING! That blue fucker’s been sending all my customers to hell so please kill the thing. It’s on Spork Mountain. Patrick: I mean, I already bloody well knew that, duh. Plus this part of the game is Spork Mountain, you blind-ass- Mr. Krabs: And what do you care, you can’t even get up to the top cuz you can’t smash your ugly-ass face up a pair of walls. Patrick: I…um…oh, go screw yourself. Mr. Krabs: Been there done that, honey. Toodles! Patrick: Grrrrrrr… Tar-Tar: *is minding its own business even though it is one of the most annoying little shits in the game* Hum-de-dum…ooh, what’s that? Cut-outs with doodles of SpongeBob and Patrick and a stamp of a squirrel: *exist for who knows why* SURPRISE! Tar-Tar: QUICKDRAW! *shoots the targets* Cut-out SpongeBob: I have been slain. Cut-out squirrel: I have also been slain. Also, I’m meant to represent Sandy, you son of a b- Cut-out Patrick: Spinspinspinspinspinspin… Patrick: Doesn’t make any sense for it to spin if the two didn-OH SHIT IT FELL DOWN! Cut-out Patrick: Rose…bud… Tar-Tar: It’s all in the wrist. Patrick: Please, spare me. Tar-Tar: Ooh, a bigger target! Patrick: Screw you! *walks into the first blob of Tar-Tar* Tar-Tar: Ha ha! You’re so stupid! Patrick: I’ll show you…BELLY PUNCH!!! Tar-Tar: Pfft…like that’ll stop m- Patrick: SECOND BELLY PUNCH!!! Tar-Tar: Oh shit. *explodes* Patrick: Aw, I wanted to keep the tar tar sauce… Ghost of the Tar-Tar: Aw, that’s cute, you thought that was tar tar sauce. Patrick: …I want to retract my previous statement. Random-ass fish nearby: Time to boogie! Patrick: Shut up. *continues down the path* Mrs. Puff: Heyyyyyy big boy. Patrick: What’s shakin’, lady? Mrs. Puff: You know, I’d love it if…you…you know…jumped in the lake and like…didn’t come back up. That’d be like…soooo hot. Patrick: But I can’t swim. Mrs. Puff: Yes…oh, that’s even hotter… Patrick: That’s freakin’ sadist, lady. Mrs. Puff: Don’t judge me. Patrick: Oh, I’m judging you. Mrs. Puff: There’s a Golden Spatula in it for you if you do… Patrick: *runs across the bridge* MINE! WHERE THE FUCK IS IT? Ham-mer: I came from nowhere but nyah nyah! We’ve hidden it! Patrick: I bet it’s in one of those things around the lake! Ham-mer: I thought you were supposed to b- Patrick: SCAVENGER TIME! Ham-mer: Wait,wha---? Patrick: *throws the Ham-mer into one of the ducts* Aw, dammit, not that one. Another Ham-mer: You’ll never find—oh, no… *is thrown into yet another duct* Yet Another Ham-mer: CAN YOU STOP FOR FIVE SECONDS SO I CAN FUCKING SMASH YOUR TEETH IN? Patrick: Nnnnnnnnope! *throws three more into the last three ducts* Lake: You’re a dick for disrupting my flow. But here’s your shiny thing, now get the hell out of here. Patrick: Gladly. Spatula Obtained: Draining Illogical Lakes Is a Good Thing…? Last surviving Ham-mer: You dickhead…I’ll… Patrick: BELLY PUNCH!!! Ham-mer: Oh, crap. *explodes* Patrick: SUP BITCH, I’M BACK! Mrs. Puff: Oh, and you survived…great… Patrick: Well, go fuck yourself then. And screw this crap why the hell am I even needed here anymore…I’m outta here. SpongeBob: Patrick, I swear, if you… Patrick: HEY BUS! I’M STANDING AT THE BUS STOP! *fucks off on a bus* SpongeBob: SCREW YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL! Mrs. Puff: Hey, you’re skinny and can’t swim either…maybe you could drown in this lake. SpongeBob: I’m not gonna do that. Mrs. Puff: Well, how else am I supposed to enjoy my day? SpongeBob: lol I don’t care. Bye bye! *makes his way up all the bullshit* The level itself: *basically a ton of platforming from this point on so…skip!* SpongeBob: Yeah, I’m sure I didn’t miss anything important during that. Konquest: You really didn’t. SpongeBob: …that was my point. Konquest: Oh. SpongeBob: Yyyyyyeah. And hey, Golden Spatula for the taking! Spatula Obtained: All You Did Was Make Your Way To The Boss But OK… SpongeBob: …whatever, I’m done with this. Random-ass fish: Hello! SpongeBob: How the hell did you get up here. Random-ass fish: Who knows! *continues to dawdle or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to be doing* SpongeBob: Right. Now where is this jelly fucker… *goes up the mountain…even more, I guess?* - Bubble Buddy: *is…there* SpongeBob: Someone’s pretty high. Bubble Buddy: Was that a joke? SpongeBob: Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Bubble Buddy: Mmmmmkay. Anyway lemme get back to staring at that sexy beast. Mmmmmmmmmm I’d love me a piece of that. SpongeBob: Seriously? I thought you were here to help me with some shit, what the hell dude? Bubble Buddy: Have you even seen the King Jellyfish? SpongeBob: Can’t say I have in this game’s canon, no. Bubble Buddy: Well, he could get it if he wanted, I’m just saying. SpongeBob: What the fuck?! How would that even be- Bubble Buddy: Shhhhh shut up! He’s right up there! SpongeBob: Perfect then. All I’ll have to do is milk the beast for some jelly so that Squidward can quietly stop being Squidward. Buddle Buddy: Lucky…what I wouldn’t give for a pair of limbs that I could use to- SpongeBob: And with that I am off. Cutscene: *triggers* SpongeBob: *peers over the edge* King Jellyfish: *is showering* Too high…can’t come do-own… SpongeBob: Ooooooooooh he’s some handsome… Bubble Buddy: I told you! SpongeBob: Hey! Shut it! *lifts himself onto the ground where the King Jellyfish is* King Jellyfish: I’m dangerous…I’m lovin’ it… SpongeBob: And that voice…ooh, if I weren’t on a mission I’d- King Jellyfish: WHAT THE FUCK? SpongeBob: Uh oh. King Jellyfish: CAN’T A GUY SHOWER IN PEACE WITHOUT BEING OOGLED BY SOME THIRSTY WATERBREATHERS? SpongeBob: I…do not know how I want to respond to that. King Jellyfish: I don’t like you. TASTE MY FURY! Buddle Buddy: YOU LUCKY SON OF A- SpongeBob: *hits the King Jellyfish when he tries to squash him* King Jellyfish: How disrespectful. SpongeBob: Well fuck you, you started it. King Jellyfish: HOW DARE YOU *shits out some little jellyfish* SpongeBob: Umm… King Jellyfish: Uh…I got too excited. But…I liked it. *goes down to crush SpongeBob again* SpongeBob: Oh helllll no. *smacks him away again* King Jellyfish: *has some blue jellyfish appear afterward* Ooh, I’ve never had ones like those before. SpongeBob: *hits him again the next time he does it and he hits him hard* King Jellyfish: Uh…OW???!? THAT WASN’T FUN AT ALL! SpongeBob: Just give me what I fucking came for and I’ll be out of this godawful place. King Jellyfish: So fucking rude I swear to god…here’s your fucking jelly freshly squeezed out of myself this morning now go fuck off and die down this ramp, I’m away for a pint at the pub. SpongeBob: Oh, goody-goody! *goes down the ramp* Larry: *is just at the bottom of the ramp* SpongeBob: What? Larry: Yoooooo! SpongeBob: Yeah, hi. Now, what? Larry: Yeah, hey, dude there’s like this totally gnarly spatula up there that you could totally jump to if you’re not stupid enough to miss it. SpongeBob: I missed it the first time, what are you insinuating? Larry: That you need fucking glasses and a new brain, obviously. SpongeBob: Hmph! *goes back up the mountain, does the ramp again and gets the spatula* Spatula Obtained: This One’s A Freebie, Don’t Get Excited. Larry: Still took you a second attempt at it. I bet you I could’ve done it on the first try, man. SpongeBob: And with that, I have rendered you completely useless. Larry: …I don’t like you. SpongeBob: Right back at ya, buddy! *fucks off back to the first part via trampoline ex machina* - Squidward: Oh! Ooh, yeah…mmmm…oh, yeahhhhhh that’s the stuff… SpongeBob: If you’re gonna keep moaning when putting it on, I’m gonna yeet right now. Unless… Squidward: Unless what? SpongeBob: You let me help you…put some on in some…hard to reach places, if you know what I mean. Squidward: Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve got plans for that anyw-uh. SpongeBob: Oh? Squidward: YOU HEARD NOTHING! Now take this and go away. Spatula Obtained: Congrats, You Are Done With Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob: Thank GOD. That felt like forever. Konquest: You’re telling me. SpongeBob: Nope, you don’t get to say that. Now where is that goddamn taxi I’m getting the fuck out of here. - And with that the first level of the game is finally over! Next up: there's trouble in town as SpongeBob faces his greatest fear yet...a playable female character with a better skill set than him! Be in awe at the majesty of the triple jump-glide move and marvel at her medium range lasso attack! Sandy's coming out to play!
  8. Been back at uni for only a week and I've realized how much of an armchair contrarian I am when it comes to my course every opportunity I can get.
    Three straight hours bitching about an assignment with somebody else has definitely been a highlight of my week though, so I can't complain. :Laugh:

    1. SpongeOddFan

      SpongeOddFan

      glad you're doing ok.

  9. Mysterious Girl - Peter Andre
  10. An episode that initially struck me as a cash-in on one of the show's many meme-able phrases/moments that manages to work...surprisingly...and give Fred a good enough episode in his own right even if the "My Leg" gag ends up feeling stale and done to the point where the gag in and of itself is overkill. But aside from that it's not bad by any stretch; it did get a few chuckles out of me.
  11. It's not the worst 16 minutes of anything I've ever seen in my life by any means, but this episode only really tells me that the show does not know what to do with Sandy as a character; the episode really just ends up stretching out her competitiveness, as well as providing us with a filler beginning that, if removed, would have absolutely no impact on the plot of the episode itself. The Goo Lagoon scene is dumb since there's no actual pay-off to it given later in the episode; everything starts at Jellyfish Fields and culminates at the Treedome. The battle at the end of the episode works well I suppose and the idea of Sandy jellyfishing is a good use of the character, but it's really only used to accentuate her competitive nature in the episode so the actual potential behind such a concept is never fully realized. The episode all-in-all is just...okay, I guess.
  12. I'm A Freak - Enrique Iglesias, Pitbull
  13. So I finally decided to watch the rest of Season 23 and as Who said, it's been a...pretty hit-or-miss experience. Quite frankly, it's taken me this long to watch the rest of the season not only because I genuinely haven't really bothered/found a good opportunity but because I just haven't felt like I've wanted to endure the rest of the season, especially when the episodes I had seen showcased Randy's marijuana bullshit a majority of the time, and I was already fed up by the second episode - ironically one that I declared my favorite of the season when giving my thoughts on it months ago. Let Them Eat Goo - A pretty solid episode, Tegridy stuff wasn't too bad and dovetailed into Cartman's plot quite well. Do not understand the reference the Goo Man is supposed to be making (I've looked it up but feh) and the ending was satisfying. Tegridy Farms Halloween Special - This episode was just...weirdly structured. The B-plot especially. It made absolutely no sense nor did it have any relation to the main plot or any pleasing pay-off by the end? I love Butters as a character, and I guess the inclusion of a mummy is meant to add emphasis to the fact that this is a Halloween episode, but ultimately their plot ends up being an allegory for an abusive relationship that just seemingly comes out of nowhere. I can't decide if I'd've preferred a 22-minute version of Randy's plot in spite of my own feelings of fatigue towards him as a major character but this episode definitely tested my tolerance. Cute references to the cows they shot and Winnie the Pooh, though, I found those entertaining. Season Finale - I...remember nothing. I think I clocked out despite this being where Tegridy Farms was brought to a halt. Garrison returning is cool, but...feh. Not much to go on about. Board Girls - Honestly, I really really loved this episode, and given the lack of responses based on that episode in general I can't tell if that'd be an unpopular opinion for me to have but I'm assuming it is. I love how the show portrays Heather as a very macho Randy Savage type (and also the uh...reveal...when he's dancing after being introduced by Strong Woman and PC Principal was hilarious I almost guffawed) - they make it very evident through such a ridiculous portrayal that "Heather" is not a genuine trans person and is instead using the label as a means to compete alongside women to beat them. I consider the Mulan reference at the beginning of the episode to come full circle here; Mulan identified as a man not because she was trans but to be able to achieve an ulterior motive of taking her father's place in the upcoming war in China (thus making Strong Woman's comment about the PC Babies being upset at how the movie doesn't discuss trans issues an indicator that they don't see the nuance of the situation which sets up later moments), and "Heather" is a parallel of that character. Or rather, a bastardization, in that he identifies as a woman just so he can qualify for female sports competitions to beat the shit out of them. I found it to be a pleasing little tie-in and you're welcome to disagree with me but I just really liked this episode and how it ended with the PC Babies. The fact that they don't cry at PC Principal when he's ready to face them after pushing "Heather" shows that they've matured/grown up and have come to understand the nuance of the situation, where PC Principal had pushed "Heather" purely because he was being a dick as opposed to being transphobic as "Heather" loved to declare. All the stuff with the girls at school surpassing the boys in every single board game they play made for a very decent B-plot but the highlight was most definitely when it ended up dovetailing into the A-plot with the girls besting "Heather" in every game they play when they challenge him. The fact that the "Macho Man" is trying to hold women back only for them to best him in the end is a strong conclusion for the plot and one I enjoyed a lot. This episode is nowhere near as great as Band in China in my eyes by any means, but I liked it. It was also a nice start to a post-Tegridy Season 23 and the PC family have been some of my favorite recent additions to South Park and they haven't done me wrong yet. (why I've spent so much time on this ep is cuz there is an A.V. Club review of it that I heavily disagree with and it's been on my mind for ages; not that I'm expecting anyone to change their opinions on the episode or anything, I just have a way of seeing this ep that makes it quite interesting to me and that personally makes a lot more sense that what the A.V. Club had to say about it.) Turd Burglars - This was a solid episode, and I can't really say why responses towards this ep are so appauled. It definitely tries too hard to replicate an older era of South Park, but I do think that for the most part it actually succeeds. The women wanted to be treated the same as the male characters, and so...they did. They became as vulgar and gross as the men have been; you can say this episode was definitely gross and I would certainly agree with you but this is clearly intentional - they gave the female characters the grosser elements of all the male characters' traits. It works because it is stupid and crude, much like South Park had been all those years ago. I guess it just comes down to maturing tastes. And the whole scene with Cartman and the others trying to get Sheila's crap was fun to watch because it echoed back to when the show was just about the four boys and the crazy escapades they get into. It was definitely fun and enjoyable for what it was, but far from being a favorite of mine. Basic Cable - This episode was...pretty good as well. I don't really have any qualms to go over with this ep since it felt pretty by the numbers to me. As with a good handful of other episodes this season it puts the focus into the kids, especially Scott, and their fascination for streaming services and it just works. I was perhaps a little disappointed that Scott's dad working for the cable company didn't have a callback to Informative Murder Porn or anything, but the portrayal of the cable guys here was pretty funny, especially when it turned out that they were all like it. Christmas Snow - Oh boy, the return of Tegridy Farms...but honestly, I was okay with it. It worked well enough and I definitely saw it coming but it didn't really detract from anything. Nice to have Santa - and eventually Jesus - make an appearance in the episode and the meta-ness of the show in a few gags and one-liners is always appreciated. Randy's depication as a rural Santa was quite funny as well. Also, is the montage of Randy getting coke legalized a reference to something in the past on the show? I had Medicinal Fried Chicken in mind, but that doesn't seem right to me. I liked that montage though so if it is referencing something then what a cool callback. So yeah, those're my opinions on the other eps in the season. It definitely got somewhat better in the second half but it didn't really take any from the fact that I honestly couldn't have been asked to finish it in the first place; the first half was just a drag that only found its footing once it ditched Randy for a while. I guess Tegridy Farms is bound to make appearances in the future (if there's much of a future for the show at this point) but if so I hope to god that it doesn't take center stage ever again. Randy can also take a step down for all I care because he definitely tested my patience again this season.
Doubloons: $27,271


ImageNameDescriptionAmount
Yellow 1
Free Toy Free toys for everyone!1
Ragboy Fresh from the trash!1
SBC Music Hat An exclusive hat for your iFish character to celebrate SBC Music 2.0's release!1
Not Dead Ted's Shirt 1
Sky 1
Squidward Soccer Given to whoever completed the Soccer Ball Hunt at Sponge Cup.1
Indie Soccer Shirt 1
Soccer Ball 1
White 1
Ocean 1
ChefBob Puppet Terrible at cooking. Excellent at roasting!1
Sponge Popsicle 1
Buccaneer Outfit 1
Pirate Hook 1
Captain's Hat 1
Pink 1
Eyepatch 1
Pearl Frankenstein Bride Given to whoever completed the Candy Hunt during Octerror Fest 2018.1
Candy Collectable Given to whoever won it from the Trick or Treating minigame.1
Ugly Xmas Sweater - SpongeBob 1
Ugly Xmas Sweater - Presents 1
Jingle Bell Hat 1
Red Nose 1
Bauble Eyes Shopping, decorating and plenty of beauty!1
Santa Pants 1
Blue Mittens 1
Santa Boots 1
Red Scarf 1
Snowball Given to whoever won it from Snowball Throw at Snowcember Ball 2018.1
Gingerbread Man Given to whoever completed the Present Hunt at Snowcember Ball 2018.1
Blue Swim Trunks 1
Orange Hoodie 1
Ring Master Hat 1
Snail - Christmas 1
Jellyfish 1
Rocky 1
Patricia Face 1
Plank Never enter a hat store again!1
Patricia Skirt 1
Patricia Hair 1
Patricia Top 1
Ice Cream Cone 1
Lollipop 1
Popcorn 1
Starlet Hair 1
Starlet Dress 1
Starlet Pearl Earrings 1
Starlet Pearl Necklace 1
Film Script 1
Will Smith Autograph Given to whoever won it from the Movie Makers minigame.1
Flower SpongeBob Given to whoever completed the Flower Hunt during March Madness 2019.1
Thanos Gauntlet An exclusive item given out during the reign of King WhoBob.1
Thanos The hardest choices require the strongest will!1
Thanos Helmet 1
Thanos Legs 1
Thanos Shirt 1
Clarinet 1
Squidward Shirt 1
Squidward Neck Meh.1
Soap Pants 2
Pride Flag To show off your pride!1
GCA Award 1
Candy Cane 2018 Step outside, we ve got something for you to buy!1
Candy Cane 1
Starfish 1
Snowy Parka 1
Pale 1
Golden Spatula SHING! SPARKLE SPARKLE!1
Lavender 1
×
×
  • Create New...