So as it turns out...level chapters are gonna be long as hell to write, and I'm probably barely halfway through Jellyfish Fields and I'd like to be able to upload some progress sooooo...I may as well upload each level in this parody in three parts. The splits will most likely correspond with entering new zones, although I might alter this principle in the future (looking at you, Sand Mountain). This might also help balance the word count between chapters a little more.
Chapter III – Jellyfish Fields - Part 1
French Narrator: Jellyfish Fields. Basically green, green, purple, and even more green and purple. Very bright world.
Squidward: *is running away*
Fodder: Come back! I just want a kiss! Kissy kissy kissy!
Squidward: Oh my god, I’m so close to the end of the level I-!
Jellyfish: Surprise, bitch!
Squidward: Welp, fuck. *is catapulted into the air as he’s stung in the ass*
Fodder: Fine, screw you, then!
SpongeBob: *finally arrives* This whole taxi thing seems kinda stupid, now that I think about it. I mean literally every single place I’m gonna have to go to in this game is on my doorstep.
Squidward: I AM SCREAMING IN PAIN COME AND TALK TO ME!
SpongeBob: I honestly don’t have a choice, the game literally cut to this dialogue. Also, where did your bandages come from and why the hell couldn’t the devs give me pajamas if they can modify your appearance?
Squidward: Because they clearly know the fans like me more, so hush yourself. AND NOW BACK TO SCREAMING IN AGONY BECAUSE CLEARLY I AM IN PAIN AND NOT JUST EMOTIONALLY THIS TIME!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, how you doing?
Squidward: About goddamn time you asked, and what the hell do you think? Do I LOOK okay to you?!?
SpongeBob: I mean, you were always ugly, so is that a trick question?
SpongeBob: Er, I mean….you look great! Yeah…you uh…you’re glowing…right?
Squidward: Do I look like I’m pregnant to you?
SpongeBob: Given the situation I caught you in earlier, is that a-
Squidward: OH MY GOD, STOP TALKING!
SpongeBob: Hey, I conveniently know something that could potentially cheer you up!
Squidward: Well, I’m all ears!
SpongeBob: King Jellyfish Jelly!
Squidward: The stuff you eat also cures stings?
SpongeBob: Yeah. Cool, right?
Squidward: Seems like plot convenience to me.
SpongeBob: Do you want the shit or not?
Squidward: …well, that means you could potentially die on Spork Mountain so please go off on your quest while I thrive in your absence while also screaming in pain!
SpongeBob: (actual dialogue, and in that totally different voice for absolutely no fucking reason) You do that! Don’t worry, Squidward! I’ll bring back that King Jellyfish jelly for you to rub all over yourself!
Squidward: Uh, is that a joke about-
SpongeBob: No. *proceeds to bugger off to go do the thing*
Sign: Yoo hoo!
SpongeBob: Oh god, please, no…
Sign: Welp, you’ve already come close to me, so I guess I get to tell you shit! Yay! Anyway this is goo and you can’t swim in this.
SpongeBob: Good to know.
Sign: How sad. Maybe you should learn to fucking swim. Pussy.
SpongeBob: I knew I was right to hate you.
SpongeBob: OOH, REFERENCE TO THE SHOW! ME WANT-Y!
Box: Ha, find the other box in this part of the level and then you can use us to teleport!
SpongeBob: Ugh, effort.
Sign: You know I could’ve told him that.
Box: Shut up, no one cares what you think.
SpongeBob: Yeah, you tell the bitch! Anyways, I better get on with the thing.
Clamshell: Pay me money, sucka!
SpongeBob: What the hell for?
Clamshell: Uh…are you blind? Do you want to cross this bridge to do the level or not?
SpongeBob: Joke’s on you cuz I see another route behind me!
Clamshell: *says nothing because it’s not stupid and is getting a sadistic boner for what’s yet to come*
SpongeBob: Haha, what a loser, I can’t believe it actually didn’t put up a fight, the coward.
SpongeBob: …well, fuck.
Sock: Take me! Take me!
SpongeBob: … *takes the sock anyway* …I still don’t want to do this but I guess I might have to compensate for shit down the road so I guess I must…
Clamshell: Back again, I see?
SpongeBob: Not another word. Here’s the dough, now let me pass.
Clamshell: Can do! *does nothing*
SpongeBob: Uh, aren’t you going to do something?
Plane: *flies over SpongeBob and drops planks that coincidentally complete the bridge*
Clamshell: There you go!
SpongeBob: Are you telling me you had me pay for a fucking ex machina?
Clamshell: Yyyyyyyyeppers! What’re ya gonna do about it, bee-yatch?
SpongeBob: *doesn’t bother to counter and sods off across the bridge*
SpongeBob: Ugh, there’s no way in hell I’m going to need these ev-er.
Checkpoint: Unless you’re dumb-ass finds itself in the goo.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but this is a parody, so good luck trying to justify your existence.
Checkpoint: Uh…oh, goddamn you.
SpongeBob: Exactly. Now to explore this side of the bridge! *explores this side of the bridge and basically does all of the shit possible*
Cannon: *exists and shoots pufferfish for some reason*
Random Pufferfish #384: HASHTAG PUFFERFISH LIVES MATTER!
SpongeBob: Is this supposed to be challenging? Like, there are obvious safe spaces on some of these ledges I don’t see how-
Random Pufferfish #386: HASHTAG PUFFERFISH LIVES MATTER!
SpongeBob: I wonder if I can- *hits the cannon* Yay! It worked!
Gary: Meow. (“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”)
SpongeBob: Cool it, Carol, now what the hell do you want?
Gary: Meow. (“To jump off that cliff, hopefully.”)
SpongeBob: What cli-
Cliff: Do I even need to say it?
Bungee Hook: *randomly drops down and shows itself* HIYA!
SpongeBob: Ooooooh, a bungee jump! That is so fucking awesome!
Gary: Meow. (“Yeah, wait til the Movie Game where there’s obstacles. See how you like it then.”)
SpongeBob: WHEEEEEEEE! *does the bungee jump thing*
Golden Spatula: *literally obtained within the first dive*
Spatula Obtained: Congrats…You Can Dive. #1
SpongeBob: …well that was uneventful.
Gary: Meow. (“Yeah, that’s great, now fuck off. Tootles!”)
SpongeBob: *fucks off up to the greenery on the higher level*
Ham-mer: *is content with bashing a guy in the head*
Fish: OW! OW! OW! OW!
SpongeBob: Alrighty then…I guess it’s Ham-mering time!
Ham-mer: …I beg you to just close your mouth.
Fish: I will pay you to shut up.
SpongeBob: Oh, I hate you both, that was a solid joke.
Ham-mer: Bitch who’s laughing?
SpongeBob: *defeats the Ham-mer in one move*
Fish: …here’s 20 dollars.
SpongeBob: Dollars are useless to me so no thanks, I’m just gonna ignore you now. *goes on down the path*
Bowling Pins: *exist*
SpongeBob: Seems kinda random, but I’m down.
Sign: Oi…guess what...
SpongeBob: FOR GOD’S SAKE! I’M PAYING ATTENTION!
Sign: Yo, you need the Bubble Bowl in order to do this cool thing. And uh…you don’t have that.
SpongeBob: And your point is?
Sign: Bye bye, now!
SpongeBob: Jesus H. Christ… *ignores the sign and keeps going doing all the shit possible*
Duplicatotron 1000: Heya!
SpongeBob: Hey. So what do you do?
Duplicatotron 1000: I’m an enemy spawner that’s pretty easy to destroy so I doubt you’ll get annoyed with me!
SpongeBob: Yeah, that sounds legit.
Duplicatotron 1000: *spawns a Fodder and a Ham-mer*
SpongeBob: Oh boy…as if I didn’t get the impression already… *destroys the machine*
Fodder and Ham-mer: What about us?
SpongeBob: Oh, please. Like either of you were in my way when I went to destroy the thing, but if you insist… *destroys the consenting robots because of course they insisted so it’s not malicious* And so with the button pushed I’m finally able to get the thing. Yay.
Spatula Obtained: One Area of Jellyfish Fields Explored…Good For You?
SpongeBob: Screw you, I’ve had to endure a lot of bullshit in this one part alone to get to you.
Signs, Checkpoints, Squidward, Random Pufferfish #godknowshowmany, Ham-mers, Fodders: EXCUSE YOU???
SpongeBob: Did I stutter? Didn’t think so.
Coming up in Part 2...no jellyfish voyeurism yet, but a creepy old man and the dimwitted best friend await!