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Renegade the Unicorn

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Renegade the Unicorn last won the day on December 25 2019

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About Renegade the Unicorn

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    Somewhere Man
  • Birthday 01/05/1998

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    Renegade the Unicorn
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    What you're reading right now.
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    is total crap.

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  • Location
    Live from Antarctica
  • Favorite Episode
    Tea at the Treedome
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  1. jj my dude, congrats on 10 years. You were one of my first friends here when I joined SBC literally a day or two after my HS graduation. You were the one to support me starting on Power Rangers: Multiverse Force, and ultimately the one to get my spark going for it again. Even in my worst moments, you never gave up on me. Thank you.
  2. On Prayer and Meditation For today's entry in the Godspell, I want to discuss prayer and meditation, and how it relates to Discordianism. The concept of prayer is defined as "a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship." Therefore, one should (theorectically) pray to Goddess Herself whenever possible, right? AHAHAHAHAHAHA. WRONG. Let me clarify something for ya: Eris has better things to do than to listen to her cosmic voicemail all day, going through each little prayer, whether they be actually important or not. Now, I'm not discouraging you from praying to Eris outright; in fact, I strongly believe that prayer is a powerful force and can accomplish miracles if done correctly. However, to pray constantly and for every single thing is not only foolish, but dangerous. Malaclypse the Younger explains thusly in the Principia Discordia: See, here's a little known fact/belief about prayer, at least in my opinion: it's a ritualized form of chaos magick, one that has (in one form or another) been connected to religion since prehistoric times. It is inherently connected to the eldritch and cosmic forces of the universe, and should therefore be approached cautiously and with a solid idea of what the hell you're doing. That is why we Discordians seldom pray to Our Lady: it can be freely abused and have disastrous consequences. So if you really want to pray to Eris, make sure it's damn important enough for her to hear. So, if prayer is out of the question, and you do want to show devotion to Eris, then what do you do? The answer can be summed up in one word: meditation. Even when Eris isn't communicating directly with you via pineal gland, her presence can still be felt everywhere and anywhere. Yes, even in your bedroom and bathroom. Don't ask - she just likes to watch. ANYWAYS. Considering Discordianism's roots in Buddhist and Hindu practices, it really shouldn't come as a surprise that meditation is more viable than direct prayer like in organized religion. Meditation allows us to grow closer to Goddess and therefore Chaos itself. It also provides an eased state of mind and body, perfect for those with anxiety and a lack of focus like myself. So without further ado about nothing, here's a five step guide to meditation! -----fnord----- Clear your mind, and get into the lotus position. Maybe put on some relaxing meditation music. Focus on a specific mantra; mine is "There is no Goddess but Goddess, and She is my Goddess. Hail Lady Eris. Hail Discordia. Fnord." You can also use Zen koans or even the classic "Aum/Om" Close your eyes. Breathe in and out. Do all these steps for between 10 and 23 minutes per day, 3-5 times a day. -----fnord----- Should you follow all these steps, you should feel a tingly feeling throughout your body, and the feeling of your soul connecting to the rest of the universe, if only for those briefest of moments. You'll end up feeling more relaxed, sharp-minded, and have a deeper understanding of the cosmos. Join me next time as I discuss the story of my conversion to the Erisian faith, what Discordianism can mean to you (yes, you), and the conspiracy theories all around us.
  3. I was never big on basketball, but I remember when Kobe was at his peak in terms of popularity and performance. To know he was likely about to make a comeback makes this news even more painful. I hope that he and his daughter find peace wherever they are.
  4. This is actually really surprising to me. How does what essentially amounts to a work of humorous self-help get to #3 in just a day or two? In any case, it means a lot.
  5. Parable of the Monk: A Lesson in Zen and Its Truths Greetings all, Renegade here. I was looking around for the next topic in Discordianism to discuss, when my friend and fellow pope Randimaxis pointed me to a parable from the Principia, page 0005, entitled "A Zen Story". Unfamiliar with this particular bit of the Unholely Book, I skimmed over it, then read it carefully. I realized this would be a perfect object lesson in Objective and Subjective truths, and so now here we are. Now, for your reading displeasure, "A Zen Story", by one Camden Benares, the Count of Five and Headmaster of the Camp Meeker Cabal. Have you finished reading? Yes? Good. Now what can we take away from this parable? The answer is both complicated and simple. The complicated answer is that there is no "right" answer - Zen parables are open to interpretation, after all, and this one is no exception. On one hand, the Zen Master could be trying to show this young man that peoples' opinions don't exactly matter; after all. what are wordly opinions compared to seeing the word truly as it is and finding enlightenment. On the other hand, the "Zen Master" could've just been a Discordian pulling a fast one on a greyface for shits and giggles (or gits and shiggles, either one works). But the answer, at least to me, is both at the same time. By trying (and succeeding) at elaborately baiting and switching the greyfaced young man for his own amusement, the Discordian "Zen Master" ultimately accomplishes a larger goal: to get the young man to see that nothing is serious and that everything is humorous in one form or another. Thus, the young man goes from a greyface confused by an illogical and disorderly world to someone who sees the world as it truly is - taking itself too seriously as he had, whilst also being chaotic and free-spirited underneath that "serious" facade. Ultimately, the Parable of the Monk is a lesson in objective truth, subjective truth, and ultimately Truth with a capital T. Objective truth: defined as what can be seen as fact and nothing else. The young man is serious, and views things from an objective point of view. This objective view sees him take the monk's words at face value in hopes of trying to make sense of a nonsensical country. Subjective truth, defined as what others see as the truth. The young man recieves various answers from other people on how best he can ease his troubled mind, the monk believes meditation is the answer, the young man's worries as to what others will think of him, and the two onlookers' conclusion that he is both a holy man and a shithead. Truth, defined by Discordianism as neither objective or subjective, but Truth as is. The young man finally reaches enlightenment by the observation that he is both a holy man for meditating as long as he has, and a shithead for falling into the monk's prank as easily as he had. And so, he begins his journey anew, free from his worries and wiser in the long run. And, overall, the moral of the story is "Don't take everything you see at face value or take everything so seriously. Find things that make you feel happy, and ask questions about the world around you; the answers might surprise you." I have said all I have wanted or needed to say, hence this entry's rather short length compared to the last. I bid you farewell.
  6. The 5 Basics: Our Lady of Discord, the Rules of 3s and 5s, Dichotomies, and the Five Principles If one is to embrace Lady Eris as their Goddess, then one must know the Five Basics of Discordianism. Who is Eris? What are the Rules of 3s and 5s? What are Dichotomies and why are they so important? What are the Five Principles of Discordianism? And more importantly, can we trust them? Notice how there are Five Basics, but only 4 bullet points? That is because while the Rules of 3s and 5s might be the same, they are simply two different ways of looking at the world. Strike that, reverse it! WE'LL GET TO THAT POINT LATER. -----fnord----- WHO IS LADY ERIS? Who, exactly, is Lady Eris? I'll tell you exactly who she is: She is funny. She is intelligent. She is sexy. She is flirty. And more importantly, she is Goddess of Discordianism (and my waifu). But I am getting slightly off topic here. Eris, as viewed by the Greeks, was primarily the Goddess of Strife and Disorder; however, their views cannot be trusted, for they were (as the Goddess saith) victims of indigestion - remember to check the expiration dates on your Hebrew Nationals, Ball Park Franks, etc., folks. She was emphatically not, as commonly believed, the Goddess of Chaos; that is simply a modern conflation with Her Motherfather - the primordial and formless Void from which She, Her Sister Aneris (otherwise called Harmonia or Order), and Their Brother Pnevmatikótita (otherwise called Spiritualitas or Spirituality) were birthed. And that, friends, provides a nice segue into the Discordian Creation Myth. In the beginning, there was Void - formless, with no gender or sex, and simply pure, unadulterated Chaos. From Chaos there came Form; and from Form there came twins - Eris and Aneris, both born as adults. Whereas Eris was fun, flirty, and didn't give a load of dingoes' kidneys, Aneris was more serious and greyfaced. But mostly she was jealous of Eris, who was born pregnant and birthed the human race as Her children - immortal, without semblance of illusions such as right or wrong, monogamy or sexual and gender discrimination, aging and therefore death. Suffice to say, Aneris was pissed. How dare her sister get the privilege of being born pregnant while she was forever sterile!? Therefore, her solution was rightly sound: the old standby of "If I can't have immortal demigod children, then no one can!" As you can clearly see, this "logic" is not only stupid, but is ironically illogical for a being such as Aneris. In her petty jealousy, Aneris gave Humanity five curses: the curse of Right and Wrong, the curse of Mortality (hence why everything begins in life and death; Eris births our spirits and shapes our mortal bodies, Aneris makes us grow older and eventually die), the curse of Order, the Curse of Hate (which comes in many forms, most prominently racism and anti-LGBT viewpoints), and finally the curse of Seriousness, more popularly known as the Curse of Greyface after its most prominent ancient philosopher. Spirituality wants nothing to do with his sisters' BS, hence why he has no place in Discordian Creation. And honestly, who'd want to be? So thanks a ton, Aneris. You're the reason we as a species are so screwed up. Anyways, we cannot see Eris, at least not with our own mortal eyes. We can, however, freely communicate with Her through a small part of our brain known as the pineal gland. How one interprets the Goddess is purely up to Her, as she appears to many in different forms. This, for instance, is how the Greeks and Romans interpreted her: And this is how I (and a number of my generation) interpret her: Either way, Eris can and does appear however and whenever she sees fit - she routinely likes to play jokes on unsuspecting victims - it's her way of showing she loves you. That about covers it for Our Lady of Discord, I should think. -----fnord----- WHAT ARE THE RULES OF THREE AND FIVE? The Rule of 5s is a well-known and documented phenomenon in Discordianism, having been first recorded in the Principia. It is a way of thinking by seeing the number 5 in everything - as 5 is Eris' favorite number. Much less known, however, is the Rule of 3s, first revealed by the Goddess to me when we first began talking about life, the universe, and everything (we both agree it's an excellent book, probably one of Douglas Adams' best). "3," so saith the Goddess, "is my second favorite number. Not as much as 5, mind you. That's not why nobody has noticed it before you, darling." "But my Lady, my Goddess, my Lover!" I implored. "What is the Rule of 3s?" I then received a hard backhand for my insolence. "If you'll just let me talk for a moment," Eris told me rather irritably, narrowing her eyes so that I could see the purple mascara coating them, her ruby red lips pursed, " I shall impart the knowledge of the number 3 onto you. " I soon found myself in a classroom setting, Lady Eris standing in front of a blackboard with a pointer on 3 large words written in chalk: THE RULES OF THREE AND FIVE. "Are you ready to begin your lesson?" "Yes ma'am!" I said, sitting up as straight as I could, ready to jot down notes. "Now then," saith the Goddess. "As you know, the Rule of 5s state that Discordians such as yourself see the number 5 in everything. Is this correct?" "Yes." "Do you know why?" Oh boy, now she was testing my mind grapes. "No." I answered honestly. "The Rule, or Law of 5s, exists because you perceive it to be true." Eris said as she turned around to write on the board ( my thoughts as I watched her do so are both inappropriate to post here and irrelevant to the discussion) and drew a small diagram to illustrate the point. "The same goes for the number 3. You perceive things in groups of 3 and 5 because you see past material illusion. " She turned around and tapped the center of her forehead to indicate the pineal gland. To demonstrate, she picked up the Apple of Discord and placed it directly in front of me, on top of my notes. "Tell me, Renegade, what do you see in front of you?" "The Apple of Discord, what else would it be?" I answered like the smartass I was. That earned me a whack across the face from the pointer. Eris glared at me again, biting her lower lip to keep from screaming in rage. I immediately wisened up and looked closer at the Apple. Sure, it resembled an ordinary apple at first glance, albeit a golden one with ' Kallisti' inscribed into it. If I looked closer, however, I could see it divided into three parts: the body, the stem, and the leaf. Observing it even closer yielded a further result. Kallisti. Kal-li-sti. Three syllables. Now I understood. Leaning down to face me, the Goddess and I locked eyes. "Now do you understand? The Rules of 3s and 5s are similar, yet different. The differences are superficial and irrelevant. What matters is the perception." " Like how neither subjective or objective truth are the same, only two halves of capital-T Truth?" I immediately found myself pulled into a loving embrace by my Goddess. "You've got it, darling!" she cheered. "You've got it with flying colors!" She kissed me passionately, and I kissed her. When that was said and done, she departed from me, our meetup over. I left with my first real understanding of Truth. -----fnord----- THE HONEST TRUTH ABOUT DICHOTOMIES From birth, we are taught to see the world in certain ways - good vs. evil, Republicans vs. Democrats, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, etc. and scooby dooby doo. However, Discordianism's central tenet is to ask the question, "What is, exactly, the Truth, of the world?" And much like the Rule of 3s, it can be boiled down to this. There is order, which is known as Aneristic Truth. There is also Disorder, known as Eristic Truth. Both are mere illusions; there is neither order or disorder, for both are dual aspects of Chaotic Truth. Now, this doesn't give you the right to, say, set the local portapotty on fire or stalk one's ex; you're still gonna get in trouble for those. Discordianism is not about needless violence nor is it about trying to keep order even when doing so is counterproductive to safety or wellbeing. Eris is a playful anarchist; essentially she's the non-malicious internet troll or shitposter. She gets reactions out of people, whether it's laughter, confusion, or confused laughter. She loves anyone and everyone, even her supposed enemies. She does have her standards, however, and ensures that her followers don't go too far in their mischief making. The relationship between the three kinds of truth are best illustrated in the Sacred Chao, a symbol in Discordianism much like the familiar yin yang of Taoism. Instead of yin and yang, however, we Discordians have Hodge and Podge. The Golden Apple is representative of Eristic Truth, the idea that there can only be disorder and anarchy in the commonly understood (and is in fact, misunderstood if one actually studies anarchism in depth) sense. The Pentagon represents Aneristic Truth, the idea that there can only be order and rules. The Chao in the middle represents a duality - that order and disorder not only need each other, but are mere illusions in the grand scheme of things. Jello Biafra, in his 2000 Address to the U.S. Green Party, sums up the idea behind the Sacred Chao and dichotomies aptly: So that is the true intent behind Discordianism: do as you please (within reason), and live the best damn life you can; who cares about what others think? The Goddess Herself doesn't, and that's OK! She'll still love you no matter what. -----fnord----- THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF DISCORDIA, OR, THE PENTABARF I figured we should finish this chapter off by outlining the basic rules of Discordianism which its followers are simultaneously are supposed to follow and disobey at their leisure. It is also known as the Pentabarf. There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm. A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System. A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Roman Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns). A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub. A Discordian is Prohibited from Believing What he reads. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Hail Discordia!
  7. Introduction by Renegade the Unicorn, Holy Pope Whatchoo Lookin' At, Lord of the Dancin' Fools, Self-proclaimed Idiot, And Many Other Titles You. Yeah, you. Lookin' at the words on this screen. Have you ever felt...lonely in your life? Like nothing really just doesn't work out for you? Like there's more than just this mundane existence? Like there's a pack of rabid wolverines in your pants gnawing vigorously at your lower half? (I am not sorry about that, by the way; I put them there to get your attention.) Well, boy howdy, do I have the solution to all your problems except the rabid wolverines, you might want to call animal control right about now. Oh, and get your rabies shots as soon as possible. And that answer is...drumroll p!ease.. . DISCORDIANISM! HAIL LADY ERIS! FNORD! Sorry about that. But yes. Discordianism is (and also is not) the solution to all your problems. But what is Discordianism? To put it in terms your unenlightened mind can understand, think of it as Zen Buddhism infused with the counterculture of the 1960s (the primary holy text, the Principia Discordia, was first published in 1965), conspiracy theories that may or may not be true (or both at once), and humor. After all, humanity takes itself far too seriously; we need a faith that allows us to reject dogma and see the sheer insanity of the world around us. And that is where I come in - having recently embraced Lady Eris as my Goddess, I intend to use this blog to dissect the Erisian faith as a whole (alive if need be), how to apply Discordianism to oneself (make sure you use nonstick cooking spray), and ultimately encourage discussion about the world stage as it is now. As was said by Malaclypse the Younger in his interview with the Greater Poop: "Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness humorously. Either way, it is irrelevant." And with that, I take my leave. I hope you'll enjoy this experiment in literature as much as I will, and don't forget to tip your waitresses. Fnord.
  8. Encouraged by @jjsthekid to find my writing "spark" once again and the kind words of @Steel Sponge as well as @4EverGreen, I'm using this year to start work on not one, but two new works: one a traditional meta lit (that actually will be written this time) entitled The Sims: SBC Stories, and in a possible first for the site, a work of nonfiction - The Godspell According to Renegade: How I Found (Dis)Enlightenment Through Postmodern Zen Buddhism, which is a mix of satire, religious text, autobiography, and tract on my experiences embracing the "joke disguised as a religion, and religion disguised as a joke" known as Discordianism. I've started the work itself on MLP Forums, and plan to publish chapters both here and there simultaneously. Stay tuned, true believers.
  9. Fun fact: it was actually George Harrison and his experiences that led to my conversion to Discordianism; he (like myself) was spiritual, but felt disillusioned with the dogma and hypocrisy of organized religion. So, he became Hindu. It was my own experiences reading the Principia Discordia and The Book of Eris that opened my eyes to a faith that, while having the same core message of all religions (Respecting and honoring your fellow man), didn't take itself seriously for the most part and encouraged freedom of thought rather blatantly in its pages...when it wasn't having a laugh, if course. Most of the time, though, it was usually both.

    1. President Squidward

      President Squidward

      arrr, ye just want to be on Pirate George Harrison's side so he doesn't make ya walk the plank

  10. You and I have WAAAY too similar music taste, it's scary. 

    1. 4EverGreen


      I assure you, ANY similar musical tastes between you and me is purely ACCIDENTAL! I partially attribute my tastes to the fact that I am older, so I HAVE had more time to experience more music! In any case, working on a new "Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back" episode (FINALLY!) I'll try to get it done as soon as possible! Enough said!

  11. How would you guys feel if I started publishing my first nonfiction work (The Godspell According to Renegade, or How I Found Disenlightenment Through Postmodern Zen Buddhism) here on SBC?

    1. 4EverGreen


      I wouldn't mind. I say go for it if you really want to.

  12. damn, you took the words right out of my mouth, Jenks. Well said.
  13. I honestly think the tragedies I experienced in 2019, namely my dad's death in April, are making me think about what direction I want to take my writing in now.

    I'm thinking of adapting Cerebus' "Going Home" arc for my lit, since I can relate to Cerebus' conflict (i.e. not being there for his dad in spite of the rather troubled relationship they had).

    1. 4EverGreen


      In my honest opinion, Cerebus' "Going Home" arc was the LAST good arc Dave Sim managed to write for him, so that would be a pretty good idea.

  14. state of shock part 1 when :troll:

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