Single Status Update
I haven’t been able to focus on shit for three days. I take meds for ocd and intrusive thoughts, but what for? Everything I do makes the thoughts stay, and I don’t want to think about any past intrusive thoughts, because all of them are the same. Awful intrusive thoughts that I just want out of my head. I want to recover again. I’ve been rocky since August and I just want to start fresh again. I’m sick of these downward slopes. I just want to be able to focus on stuff I love without stupid intrusive thoughts coming in. I have way too many and I just want them to all go away no matter what. They’re unreal. I don’t want them in my head, they’re annoying and very stressful. I keep living in fear of intrusive thoughts coming in and I feel like backtracking them give me temporary relief. But they come back. I ignore them, and the ones I ignored come back too. I just want them all gone so I can focus on staying mentally healthy and they just won’t fuck off. Any advice? Words of encouragement? I need something since I get fears just writing about this but I have to let the stress go somewhere. Fuck this intrusive thoughts. I’m not gonna let my stupid ass ocd win. I want to draw again. I want to have interests again. I want to listen to music again. I want to get rid of everything bad I don’t want in my head out of repetition and randomness. It’s disgusting. I hate all of it. Mental health is so weird man, it links all to my severe Tourette’s and ocd and it really doesn’t matter in the end. It’s awful stuff I don’t want. It’s pointless. So I just want to find a way to tell myself.
okay stress vent over. I love you all. I WILL keep fighting this. I am not a quitter. Send me art to my P.O. Box in these dire times.