Another 4 years have passed, and thus I return!
214b. Out of Filter
It was another listless day at the Krusty Krab as SpongeBob was busy paying for microtransactions on “Clash of Skode” and Mr. Krabs was orgasiming to his first dollar again. In the loneliest corner of the restaurant, Skodwarde was selling off framed copies of his dick pics, but no one was initially interested. Skodwarde, using his hypnotic charms, called customers over. Larry the Lobster was the first to answer these calls.
“Oh… OH MY GOD!” Larry began. “It’s too beautiful!” Larry began orgasiming all over the restaurant floor before collapsing through, presumably to China.
Another fish walked over and began convulsing and speaking in tongues due to his amazement. He then left to begin a spiritual journey towards perfection.
Eugene heard the commotion and came out to see what the hell was going on.
“Mr. Skodwarde! Ya can’t be sellin’ your pornography on my property!” Eugene exclaimed. "It's making my customers go insane too!"
“But Mr. Krabs, Skod’s dick ain’t just porn. It’s art!” SpongeBob exclaimed. “It evokes emotion and inspires! And also if the interest appreciation continues at the rate it’s on, which of course is not by any means a given, it could be worth a lot of money in a few years.”
Eugene didn’t hear anything the yellow thing said besides “a lot of money in a few years” and immediately sold Pearl and $300 worth of shellfish to Skodwarde for every dick pic he had in a frame. “I love me art as much as I love me monies!”
“Who said art?” As if the script called for it at this exact moment, a random SJW fish dropped into the Krusty Krab and spouted the glory of the Last Jedi to all before the other characters caught notice of him.
“What my luck, a man who will give me my monies right now!” Eugene called the man over. “Mr. SJW Art Appraiser sir!”
SJW Art Appraiser fish sighed. “It's actually… oh wait, that’s right for once! What you got?”
“Only some of the finest art you’ll ever see!” Eugene began. “Behold… the dick pics of a God!”
The SJW Art Appraiser studied the dick pics for several moments before finally speaking again. “Yeah these are good, but art? Nah, this is worth at best a starbucks gift card… a used one.”
“You gotta be kidding me! You tellin me there’s no way this shit’s gonna get me anything!?” Eugene screamed.
“Well, it is always said that some art is never truly appreciated in the artist’s own time.” SJW Fish said. “Look at Van Gogh; no one knew the guy or his art, then he cut off his ear and eventually disappeared, and now everyone knows the name. Maybe then it’ll be seen in a different light.”
Mr. Krabs at that moment had a nasty idea… but then he realized Skodwarde didn’t have any ears. “Hmm if I can’t cut off his ears, then I’ll just kill him and then profit off him! Mwhaha this is your best idea yet Eugene!”
Skodwarde was in the corner of the store again, now using Pearl as a prop in more of his art pieces. “Mr. Skodwarde, I have a very important task for you!” Eugene said. “I’m sending you to the North Pole for a delivery to… errr, Santa! Yeah that’s it Santa…. Good job Eugene, sold it there.”
“Mr. Krabs why are you talking to yourself again?” SpongeBob asked.
The scene shifts to the North Pole as Skodwarde is unable to find any signs of Santa Claus. Instead out of the ground rises a sea dragon! Skodwarde presents him with the krabby patty as a peace offering.
“I’m vegan you jerk!” the Sea Dragon screeches. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to freeze the sea dragon in place and send him back into the ocean where he belonged!
“Hey Skod, I came to… oh you don’t need help this time!” SpongeBob said as he disappeared into the screen as quickly as he reappeared.
Back at the Krusty Krab, Eugene gets off the phone with his sex worker to realize that his plan failed so he sends Skodwarde to Rock Bottom Bottom for another delivery. Upon walking into the town, the residents are so shocked by receiving screen time that they revert into horrific, feral beasts. SpongeBob unnecessarily walks into the scene again.
“Hey Skod need h-“ Skod throws SpongeBob (and the food) to the beasts and escapes. As soon as Skod leaves, the residents return to normal and throw a LMFAO dance party which SpongeBob stays for.
Eugene is continuing negotiations with the sex worker when Skodwarde returns once more. Eugene orders Skodwarde to complete a delivery to Mars, but Skodwarde gets lazy and just teleports it there with his god powers instead. The SJW Art Appraiser, who just stayed around loitering, taunts Eugene with a million dollar offer in his hand and then puts it back in his doge coin stock.
Eugene finally loses his shit.
“What the hell Mr. Skodwarde! Your dick pics are useless to me as long as you and your genitals are still around!”
Mr. Krabs then pulls out a scalpel and begins to chase Skodwarde around in circles like an old timey cartoon. In reality Skod just let him get close and then teleported to the other side of the room and would continue to do so until Krabs’ old heart gave out. However, Skodwarde takes a quick look at instafish during this chase and sees a brand new filter taking the site by storm, making his previous dick pics worthless. He then incinerates them with a dash of his god breath, ensuring no money would be spent on it.
“Wow what a waste of time.” SJW fish said. “This place didn’t even serve white fish flappachino!”
Eugene screams in horror and agony so loudly the roof collapses on top of him, flattening him into the ground. He is splattered into the most uncomforting pose ever.
“I’ll give you one million doge coin for it!” SJW Fish offered Skodwarde. He accepted the offer and used it buy more photoshop to enhance his dick pics even more.
“And I helped!” SpongeBob said randomly. Except he really didn’t.