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  1. 12 points
    oh oh so you guys thought it was over 0. Cheap Walk Cycles, 0 points 0 of 32 lists. Highest Ranking: No, no one Jjs: Say what you will about other legendary episodes, but without a doubt, Cheap Walk Cycles is honestly one of my all-time favorite SpongeBob episodes. Like...wow. I have never seen so much attention to detail, fantastic animation, quality storytelling, use of intriguing metaphors, and great timing to form a true work of art. I am glad this made it on the secret #0 spot. Clappy: Do I even need to describe how masterful this sequence is? It’s SpongeBob walking. It’s real continuity in the long term episodic series because we’ve seen him stepping on the beach, marching with a band, running to the Krusty Krab, but never...walking. Guys this isn’t any old Shaggy Dog story. It’s real art. The fact this is being recognized as the Best Episode Ever is long overdue. This is Clappy and until next time, you stay classy SBC. Wumbo: Grrrrrr SPONGEBOB BETRAYED US THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND PUTTING UP WITH MY IDIOCY HERE'S THE FULL LIST GOODNIGHT EVERYONE
  2. 10 points
  3. 9 points
  4. 9 points
    Family Guy Movie. I was an atheist but now I'm convinced god is real.
  5. 9 points
    trident trouble should've been the #1 spot since the part where king neptune uses his smartphone is the show's best moment
  6. 8 points
    squnschpunsch is dead at this point. it was fun. thanks to everyone who liked it. if you still want to do art for it you can go ahead. @Butch Griffin would be sad about this announcement.
  7. 7 points
    https://www.emuparadise.me/emuparadise-changing.php https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2018/08/emuparadise-shuts-down-rom-downloads-amid-lawsuit-fears/ RIP.
  8. 7 points
    [align=center]Episode 6: The Shade Figure, Part II[/align] [JCM: We're finally at the last episode, and to help me take it apart is our biggest riffing crew yet! God knows I'll need the help.] [Steel: This is Steel, reporting live from a temporary computer (actually a laptop), and I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see that I'm at the very final stretch of this wretched spin-off.] SpongeBob couldn't believe his eyes; his emotions were in an everlasting turmoil. [Wumbo: After reading this shit, I can relate.] All he could do was look at the shade figure, curious with his powerful mystique. "SpongeBob, your destiny is of far lengths. Your bankruptcy and your job with 'The Jig' was part of destiny to get you to this very spot. You're the chosen one, SpongeBob. [Steel: And that is still a load of crock. Hey Patrick, or shade figure, as I should apparently be calling you, aren't there a lot of other miserable fish out there in the sea that could use your help in becoming destined?] [Wumbo: "Me saying the same thing three times is also part of your destiny. Destiny destiny destiny. Beetlejuice!"] Your mission is to go and rid the plague of the demon that lurks within 'The Jig'." Patrick gave a smirk, and continued. "The man which you had... er... sex with... [Wumbo: Rape =/= sex, but you know, they say you gotta write what you know.] [Steel: I'm pretty sure that man would rather be referred to as the man who raped SpongeBob.] his name is unknown, [Steel: But aren't you a super-powered being? Couldn't you just B.S your way into figuring out the identity of the so-called man? That would save a lot of trouble.] but he's the demon that walks upon Bikini Bottom. He opens up to you, meaning you can stop him!" [Hayden: Only a homosexual can manipulate a gay male's feelings. ] [JCM: I don't think letting demons sodomize you is an effective way to stop them.] Now looking at his feet, SpongeBob was trying to process what Patrick was telling him. [Steel: But SpongeBob forgot what Patrick was rambling on about because he was thinking about his shoes.] All of the events from earlier, from his bankruptcy to this moment, has left him in despair. He was broke, forced into doing things he didn't want to do. [Wumbo: For example, he was forced into reading SpongeBob's Host.] What was he supposed to do? [Steel: NOTHING! Nothing besides not doing whatever some untrustworthy randos tell him to do and find a better job opportunity.] The cold ocean swayed to and from his pores, sending chills to his soul. [JCM: Seriously, man, see a doctor.] [Wumbo: I don't think this is how oceans, pores, or writing works.] The moon, now full, reflected off his face. [Steel: As the moon shone on his body, SpongeBob could see, with his own eyes, a suit of armor forming around him, making him a Moon- oh wait, wrong spin-off.] [Hayden: ] Feeling like he had no other choice, SpongeBob said, "I'll do whatever you say. What am I supposed to do?" Patrick smiled. "What else do you think? You've got to get into the mind of the man.  [Steel: I don't think SpongeBob would want to know what goes on inside of that man's mind.] But I must admonish: be care with him. [JCM: I didn't know he was into bee care.] [Wumbo: Looks like the writer should have been more care with proofreading.] If you're not careful, [Steel: But you said he should "be care with him," har-dee-har.] he will enter your body like a parasite. [Hayden: When did this become some weird sci-fi horror movie? I guess MDPP didn't consider the rape itself repulsive enough.] In order to help you prevent that form happening, [Wumbo: "I wonder why I can't become an English teacher! Must be the damned feminazis."] [Steel: "...In order to help you prevent that form happening." ...So that man has a one-winged angel it seems.] I'm going to help you become irresistibly attractive. I doubt he'll hurt a catch." [Wumbo: Jesus Fucking Christ] [Steel: Or, you know...you could have SpongeBob just kill him...unless that man is actually a legitimate demon who can't be killed through normal means. I wouldn't know because this spin-off doesn't completely acknowledge that.] With his mighty power, Patrick held both of his arms straight out of his sides, [Steel: And then he blew up. So, then poor SpongeBob continued to live his sad, miserable life without fulfilling his destiny as the 'Chosen One.'] and muttered a spell. "Subinimmoh tse muroced SpongeBob!" [JCM: Gesundheit.] [Steel: Hogwarts shuns you for your poor attempt of writing a magic spell.] Blue flames came out of his hands, which startled SpongeBob. [Steel: He's just surprised that someone can make fire in underwater.] Then, with a swoosh, Patrick threw the flames at him. [Steel: Well, that took an unusual turn.] SpongeBob immediately started transforming. His eyes went from normal to large, his nose blew up like a balloon, his eyelashes shot out of his eyes, his cheeks naturally started blushing, his voice got higher, and his hands became smaller. [JCM: So he became Donald Trump?] For SpongeBob, it was like going through puberty all over again, but this time was backwards. [Steel: ... ...End this. End this now.] [Wumbo: They say that the top signs of puberty are shrinking noses, pale cheeks, and eyelashes being shot into your eyes.] [Hayden: Ah yes, the fascination with puberty. Steven probably wants to go through it again and hope he gets it right this time.] The ocean felt different to SpongeBob. Everything to him was in a new light: the ocean, instead of sorrow in feeling, felt pink -- unmistakably pink. [Wumbo: This is a metaphor, or something.] Everything felt like a color. [Steel: In other words, SpongeBob is on drugs.] Patrick felt like blue, the moon felt black, Gary felt purple, and SpongeBob himself felt white. [Steel: White guilt.] [Wumbo: SpongeBob felt an irresistible urge to eat Lunchables.] [Hayden: When does the craving for Lunchables begin?] SpongeBob felt a bitter taste in his mouth: the taste of sugar. [Wumbo: how the fuck do you not know what sugar tastes like how dumb are you] "Now for the finishing touches. Satidnuciu cih oge!" Patrick muttered again, [JCM: get yoself some tissues] [Steel: I could probably decode whatever magic spells Patrick is uttering through Google Translate...but I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing that.] with his hands turning orange this time. He threw the orange flames towards SpongeBob, then clapped his hands. "All done!" He exclaimed. "I feel really gay now," Spongebob said. [Hayden: ] [Wumbo: So this is... reverse conversion therapy?] [Steel: I don't think turning SpongeBob into jailbait is the way to make him feel or look 'gay.'] "You're supposed to. You know SpongeBob, it's time that you accepted your sexuality. Might as well be gay." Patrick gave a smirk. "I should know." [Steel: Yes, because you can "definitely" determine someone else's sexuality by deciding what it is.] [JCM: I decided that I'm sexually attracted to fruit a long time ago.] [Hayden: I'm still trying to get past the confusion of why everything is suddenly a color, not all of those colors are part of the LGBT flag so what the hell is the intention?] SpongeBob's eyes widened. "Do you mean?" "I'm sorry -- I misled you. I'm not gay, I'm actually asexual. I can't feel love. [Wumbo: that's not what asexual means you fucking clod] [Steel: 'Asexual' means having no romantic interests, moron.] [JCM: The definition of asexuality is contrary to the one that you've put forth, you sodden-witted lord!] You see, I'm a shade figure, which means I don't really exist. I'm nothing more than a shadow." [Steel: If Patrick "doesn't exist," then he should just be a figment of SpongeBob's imagination. Is this story actually trying to convince me that SpongeBob is actually on drugs?] [Hayden: "I can't feel love". "I don't really exist". ] SpongeBob looked down at his shoes once more, which felt purple. [Wumbo: THIS IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR ACTUAL DESCRIPTION STOP WRITING LIKE THIS HOLY FUCKING SHIT] [SpongeBob's shoes: I love being purple!] "Cheer up, SpongeBob. It's not like it's the end of the world." Patrick grunted. "You know, it's better to love than to never feel it at all." [Hayden: What is he trying to justify here? That if you're homosexual you can at least still say you aren't an asexual freak? One group needs to be kicked down still? Fuck off.] SpongeBob looked up at Patrick with gleams in his eyes. For the first time that day, he actually smiled. [Wumbo: One more time than I smiled riffing this. Lucky.] [Steel: And it's the only time that we get to see him smile in this spin-off.] "Now, I want you to go to sleep. I will come back whenever I can, but for now, I want you to keep going back to 'The Jig'. I want you to go and see what you can find about the man. Once you do, I'll tell you what to do from there." Another lightning bolt struck the ground, and SpongeBob was out cold. [Hayden: Oh, now lightning causes fainting too. So many non-fatal side effects.] [Wumbo: Again, if only I could get so lucky. Flush this and any memory of its author down the toilet where it belongs.] [Steel: And he never got to come back to 'The Jig' to settle the score because he died after getting struck by lightning, the end. Yeesh, that's a pretty grim way to leave a spin-off dead, huh? Even if the discontinuation of the spin-off prevented it from getting any worse, that doesn't stop it from being the worst thing I've ever read on this website. There, I said it. This was an absolutely frustrating read from beginning to end. What's amusing about this spin-off is that even way back when, I never liked it. Most of us feel dumb now for giving it positive reception during those times, but if I had the gall to, I would've given this spin-off a lukewarm review, and maybe then MDPP would've tried to improve it. Maybe then, I would've warmed up to it as well, but here I am now, declaring it as the worst piece of written literature on SBC that I've ever read so far, and no matter what else that's bad in the Spin-Offs/Lits archive I come across, I don't think they can top this. I thought it would be impossible to put on a lock on any particular work, that would even include one of my own for the title of 'the worst,' but I finally discovered the best possible contender. The writing has a laundry list of problems, and I don't think i can get through ALL of them. To sum up the writing, it's basically the quality of Bikini Top and Down Under combined, but with barely any salvageable moments and with slightly more, occasional grammar mistakes. While those two spin-offs tried so hard to be deep. meaningful, and such, SpongeBob's Host tries way too hard to sell its drama, making a good chunk of its moments edgy for just about all the wrong reasons. Some of the story's plot elements don't normally suffer from being harsher in hindsight after MDPP's real life scandal, some of the particular scenes are just flat out morbid. The scenes with SpongeBob being forced to work at a strip club, him having sex with a 15 year old whale, and him getting straight-up raped by an unknown man, two of which were there to try and create a dramatic effect, were red flag warnings of the spin-off getting too obscene for its own good. The apparent final segment with Patrick turning SpongeBob into jailbait was the final nail in its coffin. Second of all, it's very, very melodramatic. The first four episodes are basically the story tossing in some of the most depressing and dramatic scenarios imaginable, in a way that they can be summed up like this: Oh no! SpongeBob is broke and homeless! Oh no! SpongeBob got laid off from his job! Oh no! SpongeBob has to work at a strip club! Oh no! SpongeBob could suffer a horrible fate if he gets a girl pregnant! Oh no! SpongeBob got raped by a complete stranger! That's just scratching the surface. Third, the characterization hardly makes its cast feel authentically human. In this story, SpongeBob is nearly nothing more than a miserable sadsack. Patrick, for unknown reasons, is a 'shade figure' with little to no emotion to give. Pearl obliges to prostitution with no background beyond that. I know this story barely got its start, but during its run, little time was spent on developing these characters still. Oh, and I should also mention that there is one particular problem that I have with SpongeBob's characterization, which is his lack of common sense. If he feels forced to be in those situations he faced, he shouldn't have stayed in them. The pain that SpongeBob suffers through in 'The Jig' all could've been prevented if he ultimately decides that he shouldn't be in a place that makes him completely uncomfortable, even if it's a place where he could land a job. Fourth, the romantic scenes are not, I repeat, not sexy, nor did the author have a good grasp on how one's sexuality is determined at the time of this writing. SpongeBob, after having unwanted sex with an unknown man, that ends in pleasure, is automatically billed as gay, even though he has had sexual pleasure with Pearl and that somehow doesn't question if he's actually bisexual. Fifth, we're supposed to buy this as some sort of prequel to "Help Wanted," which is the pilot episode of the series, while also being absolutely distant from the spin-off's tone and atmosphere. Throughout the entire spin-off, it goes absolutely nowhere with its concept, as it focused mainly on giving the story depth and some unnecessary TV-MA rated edge. That particular problem with the spin-off above brings me to the last and certainly most discerning detail I got from it: it doesn't follow any specific direction towards its concept. As I've said before, this spin-off likes to throw in sorts of needless drama into its plot, but when it gets to the fifth episode does it experience a shift in style by introducing Patrick as a supernatural being who claims SpongeBob to be the chosen one who is destined to rid the world of evil. That's the point where I feel like MDPP was trying so hard to make this spin-off as dark, deep, and meaningful as possible. MDPP was merely 18 at the time that he wrote this spin-off and while I don't know if he rediscovered it and feels personally ashamed of it, I don't think it's safe to say that he's a talentless hack at that very point (but I have a feeling that some of you would be willing to do that honor of calling him as such). One thing's for sure, he still wrote the worst thing I've ever read from this website's archive of stories. If you still think Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob is still the worst, I have just one question to ask: which surprises you more?: a poorly written spin-off from someone with little prior experience in writing or a poorly written spin-off from someone who was 18 at the time and just so happened to be a major in English literature? Heck, I even found some new respect for my biggest shame, Dark Side of the Herd, as it didn't have any very off-putting moments like SpongeBob's Host did. If anything positive can be said about this spin-off, this is a solid enough example of a story that can pretty much educate every other fellow writer on SBC on how not to write one. To finally close out my thoughts on this god forsaken spin-off, I am inclined to drop just two more f-bombs because that's what it deserves: Fuck this spin-off, and once again, fuck you MDPP. This is the sponge of steel signing out.] [JCM: I was gonna go on a rant, but Steel seems to have covered that for me, so all I'm gonna say is my joy at this spin-off ending is stronger than my annoyance at it ending on a cliffhanger. 15 year old me, who was impressed by any writing that had big words, liked it a lot, but it's much easier for me to see its flaws now that I've taken a couple of college English classes and seen plenty of examples of good and bad writing with sesquipedalian prose. I can now say with the full authority of an English minor and sightly-more prolific reader than I was seven years ago that this is a poorly written spin-off. SpongeBob may not have expelled his demons, but I'm happy to say that I've expelled mine, and I'll be even happier if I never have to think about this spin-off again. Thank you to everyone who suffered through it with me, and sorry if you wanted to riff and didn't get to, but this may get revived in the future with something juicier (though probably not as bad, since even I have my limits). Until then, goodbye!]
  9. 7 points
  10. 7 points
    after the events of the summer and getting promoted to a mod on the site, i've found it extremely difficult to balance my real life presence with my internet equivalent, to the point where ive caught myself overthinking for what feels like an eternity on what kind of person i am for being unable to balance these two worlds adequately, for being unable to make people both on here and in my real life happy all the while failing to take my own happiness into account– in summation, obtaining things i couldve only dreamed of a year ago, sharing stories that consumed me for months and taking steps that i hoped would lead me to happiness have only lead me farther from what i needed. what do i really need? i'd be lying if i said i knew even now.
  11. 6 points
    (Notice: Loyal Customers have already seen this topic, this is just a general topic for everyone.) Yeehaw, greetings partners! Y'all will be learning what our August forum event is, which is called... "Rodessance"!  Rodessance will be a western themed event, mostly based on Pest of the West and other western themed episodes. The event name was coined by Homie, combining the "rodeo" and "renaissance". Given the events of SBC's Third Renaissance, it's only fitting we end the summer with an event named after it. After everything this summer, it's only right we end it with a nice, relaxed event like this. Our past August events such as Camp SBC, Summer Knights and Jellyfish Festival all have a relaxed, fun, end of summer vibe to them, and Rodessance will continue that tradition. This will be a great event that really brings the community together and also give a boost to activity. Grab your cowboy gear and get ready for awesome wild west skins and games this month! Rodessance will start August 17th and conclude August 31st. Here's some things to expect during the event: • Western Minigames: There will be a few western minigames during the event allowing you to earn some great prizes, which include: Western Draw, Horseshoe Throw, Bullseye Target and Seahorse Rodeo! • SpongeBob Jeopardy!: The Season 11 premiere of Jeopardy will be a western SpongeBob episode themed game on August 18th. Get ready for one heck of a western showdown in this game! • SBC Music Hoedowns: After Wheel of Fortune every Friday, get ready for one heck of a wild west SBC Music party! • SpongeCraft Tournaments: SpongeCraft will have two tournaments on August 18th and 25th, using the location Dead Eye Gulch for some wild west shenanigans! • Dunces & Dragons: There will be two western themed D&D games during the event on August 19th and 26th. • iFish: There will be new western themed iFish items, created by both Cha and Patty! We'll be also having another iFish contest where these will be useful in, so start saving up on doubloons! • Western Story Contest: Here's another chance to show off some of your creativity. Write a western themed story and see if you can impress the judges with your writing talent! • All-Nighter: The All-Nighter makes a return during the event! See which brave cowboy can stay up the longest on a certain day! • 24 Hour Posting Contest: This will also make a return! See who can post the most on the forums on a certain day! And obviously there's a lot more to come, but there's a taste of what you're in for, partners. Feel free to practice your western accents or western personas in general, because this is going to be one wild event! We hope this will be a fun way to end SBC's summer season! Note that this is not a teams event, this is just a free for all event similar to past one-off events.
  12. 6 points
    "See we're not racist. We gave black panther an oscar!"
  13. 5 points
    During the events of amazon prime day I decided to do some impulse purchases. They aren't all gonna be reviewed here but some will be. The first thing that will be talked about is this buy: Yeah. I think it was 16 not 20 but whatever. Basically I'm gonna review/talk about all these. I've watched them all in the span of 3 days. Sunday-Tuesday. Shrek 1-4 let's go. Shrek 1! This movie is like incredibly good. I know Shrek is a meme and all that shit but the humor and jokes land so well. The emotion actually works pretty well. The cgi surprisingly holds up somewhat decently. It also made me realize how much this movie has affected animation as a whole. The characters are all key to the enjoyment of the movie and I like the smaller scale this story has compared to the later movies. A shit ton of movies have taken cues from this, whether it be the adult jokes or just the le funny satire that even Disney does now. Knowing me I'll probably come back to this movie quite a few times. If you have somehow never watched Shrek (which I'd be really surprised if you haven't) go watch it now. It's on Netflix (none of the other movies are however so take note of that). Shrek 2!! How often is a sequel at an almost even level with the predecessor. It happens a few times in animation, the Toy Story movies, Kung Fu Panda 2 (3 is weaker to me), Madagascar 2 (hey its of an equal level) and more have done it. Shrek 2 is added to this list. The way of satire here feels somewhat different here then it did in Shrek 1 but it still has the same charm. The jokes are pretty damn good. This is when the stories start to have a larger scale. Whether it be the growing concerns of keeping Shrek and Fiona's marriage stable or just straight up villains trying to take the throne it starts to build up shit that's really important to later movies. I recommend this one too. But after seeing the first one. The easiest way to get this movie seems to be either the dvd or iTunes. Universal recently reprinted almost all of the Dreamworks movies after realizing that all the Dreamworks releases that were out wasn't money going to them but rather Fox so finding the movies should be easy, you'll just have to deal with horrifically generic covers lmao. oofing is coming up its Shrek the Third... Also I just realized this while writing but I think the name is a pun on people being like [last name] the [number]. Anyway this is the worst Shrek movie. Do you like a point of humor where it feels generic. Do you like writers trying too hard to recapture the magic. Unsurprisingly the writing team is different from the last 2 movies. I mean 2 of the writers worked on the last 2 movies but whatever. Now is when the family drama kicks in. There's a very big death that I think is supposed to be mainly an emotional moment but it's just funny. The emotional shit with Artie feels incredibly forced. Oh shit how can I forget the ogre babies. There's one scene that will never be forgettable from this movie (it's also shit), its the dream sequence with epic gross out that doesn't work. You don't need to fully watch this movie to understand the 4th one. The only thing you'll miss is that Shrek had kids and was worried but now loves them (something that I just summarized lmao). Artie is completely irrelevant to later movies. I actually read on the Shrek wiki he was supposed to be in it but was cut and I can only assume it's cause Dreamworks didn't want to pay Justin Timberlake again. This one also is in the same situation as shrek 2 if you want to watch it. Shrek Forever After (final chapter my ass)!!!! Finally an improvement. It's not on Shrek 1 and 2 levels but it's fine on it's own. I liked the weird alternate universe shit and it kinda brings you into it more. For the first time in a while it feels like the movie is mainly Shrek's movie. All focused on his individual growth and it works. I like how he has to re meet all his old friends to see them again. It has some funny moments in it too. Do The Roar is really funny for some reason to me. In fact, the writing as a whole has seemed to improve since 3. I'm too lazy to check the writing team for this one. Now I do have to admit, besides Rumpelstiltskin, who was voiced by our boy SpongeBob crewman Walt Dohrn (he worked on s2-3 iirc), a lot of the newer characters aren't very memorable. Like in a few days I wouldn't be able to tell you any of those resistance ogres' names. Overall though I feel the movie just works more at the end. It feels wholesome and kinda just has this weird nostalgic tone to it. It held up after my last time seeing it had been 8 years ago in its og theatrical release. Overall the series is mainly consistent besides 3. My ranking of the movies is 1>2>4>3 Now what did I mean by "final chapter my ass", well: Shrek 5 was confirmed to be in very early development a few years ago. At earliest it was estimated for 2019 but we're not hitting that in fact lets look at the upcoming Dreamworks slate, specifically the untitled movies. Jesus 44 Dreamworks films... ANYWAY, we're getting Shrek 5 at earliest by late 2021. But Shrek movies like releasing in may so I'd pin it near that April 2022 slot. Do you think I'm forgetting a movie? I'm not forgetting puss in boots. This review will be continued tomorrow with part 2! Puss In Boots and maybe some of those weird Shrek spin-off things on Netflix lmao.
  14. 5 points
    Holy shit guys. I found the epitome of my type and its Drew Ray Tanner from Riverdale h o l y s h i t THOSE DIMPLES
  15. 5 points
  16. 4 points
    "...as well as a Family Guy film that will combine animation and live action." yeah nope. Sounds quite like it'll be my personal hell.
  17. 4 points
    *Goes to watch episode, which I recorded since I missed the premiere* *Puts on recording* *Recording goes black partway through for 30 seconds* Xfinity Cable Recording Process, I trusted you..... And you gave me THIS!
  18. 4 points
    [align=center]Episode 5: The Shade Figure, Part I[/align] [Steel: The episode where SpongeBob takes up figure drawing, perhaps?] The giant figure slowly approached SpongeBob around a slightly-lit corner, which scared him tremendously. SpongeBob, now hiding inside a cardboard box he had found near a dumpster in the dark alley, shivered with shakes down to the very core of his soul. [JCM: You should probably see a doctor about that.] [Steel: Now he already knows how Squidward would've felt.] The blizzard winds blew violently through his pores reminding him of the events that had happened that day. [Steel: Does the weather get this harsh whenever SpongeBob feels so down?] "S-s-stay away from me!" SpongeBob screamed with all of his might. [Hayden: ] [JCM: I doubt the telling the random blizzard that wasn't mentioned once before this episode and clearly only exists as a plot device to go away will do much.] And with a swoosh of the wind, the dark figure came out of the shadows and into the light, taking SpongeBob by surprise. [Steel: Oh so this is "The Shade Figure" that this story is trying to tell me about. ...The mysterious man/woman. The shadowy figure. He/She who lurks in the shadows. The unknown. The Shade Figure. Cool name, cool name.] It was merely a household pet: a snail! This snail had came to the dark alley to get to its home, which SpongeBob had taken. The snail was very shy, but it wanted to meet SpongeBob. [Steel: I don't remember this being how SpongeBob and Gary met.] [JCM: Stealing an animal's habitat will make you more likely to get bitten than make that animal want to be friends with you.] [Hayden: That's right, we're throwing the origin story of how Spongebob and Gary met into a show about Spongebob's dark sexual past. No tonal clash here. Also you can't call it a giant figure and then pull that.] "Meoooow!" The snail said. SpongeBob couldn't help but smile. This had been the first ray of sunshine he had the entire day. "You're so cute!" The snail felt brave [Hayden: You'd have to be brave to approach what is basically MDPP in a Spongebob mask.] and went to him, and he started to purr with delight. [Steel: I'd never thought I'd say this, but...Congrats, you have just given us the very first pleasant moment from this entire story.] SpongeBob couldn't help himself but felt joy within himself. "Maybe this world isn't so bad," SpongeBob muttered to himself. "Do you need some food?" [Steel: And then the snail got shot. What I've learned from the first four chapters is that this story just loves to throw in some depressing or disturbing scenes for a dramatic effect, but I shouldn't jump to conclusions...] [JCM: The snail gets shot then raped then shot again for maximum edginess.] [Hayden: "Spongebob couldn't help himself" Just don't have sex with the snail please. I don't want to know what people in Kentucky do with animals.] The snail gave him a glare and its stomach gurgled loudly. "Meoooow." The snail was starving. SpongeBob, looking at his half-eaten can of soup, decided to give it some of the can. "I know it's not much, but it's all that I have. We'll just eat like this together." SpongeBob sighed, glared at the sky, and felt some relief. [JCM: And just like that, it stopped snowing...] "God, if you're watching me now, please help," SpongeBob whispered into the sky. "I've become indigent [Hayden: ] , a poor person hiding in the deep shadows of Bikini Bottom. And I've lost everything, including my own identity! [Hayden: Just look in that dumpster for your name tag.] Please, help-" SpongeBob began to cry as he said his prayer, and the sky started raining onto Bikini Bottom. [Steel: f] A roar of the sky accompanied with a bright flash began to illuminate the sky, and then a flicker frightened the freaky ghouls of the alleys. [Pretentiousness Translator 5000: Thunder Go Boom Boom.] [JCM: I wish my alleys had freaky ghouls.] Out of no where, [JCM: No where, yes where, Wario Ware.] a lightning bolt struck in front of SpongeBob and the snail. [Steel: Yep, I know this story too well. What were the odds?] The sparks from the lightning bolt sparked up a dense fog, enough to make both of them cough with disgust. [Hayden: I hate when a bolt of lightning gets my allergies worked up.] Out of the fog came a hooded figure, a figure as scary as death himself. [Grim Reaper: What did I do?] [Steel: So...is that the so-called Shade Man?] SpongeBob started trembling at the sight: it was death! [Steel: Once again, what were the freaking odds of that?] The figure had a large black cloak that scuffed on the pavement, its face remained too dark to establish, a head that ended in a point at the top, a white foggy glow, and a grim presence. [JCM: But does he play unfitting music?] With a deep voice, the shade figure [Steel: Knew it, but come on, you can't just not call him a "shadowy figure."] announced, "SpongeBob SquarePants, I come from the deep depths of Hell to make a deal with you. An eye for an eye, an arm for an arm. A deal." [Steel: Welp, we've now stumbled upon the plot point where SpongeBob has to make a deal...with Death himself.... ...Can this please end, now?] [Hayden: How many appendages do you need to permanently kill MDPP's writing dreams?] "What?" SpongeBob asked confusingly. [Grim Reaper: SpongeBob SquarePants, I come from the deep depths of Hell to make a deal with you! An eye for an eye, an arm for an arm! A deal!] The shade figure just smiled and said, "The darkness is upon us." [Steel: Is this guy the devil or is he from Organization XIII?] "I'm so confused," SpongeBob says. "I lost my job, I was forced to be taken to 'The Jig' only to be forced into sex with a young teenager, [Hayden: This...this is deliberate. This foreshadowing can't be a natural coincidence. This is what MDPP wanted for himself and his fiction tells us that. A therapist should've caught up to him 5 years ago.] and then get raped by some giant... and now this! What the heck is going on?" [Steel: I ask myself the same question about what's going on this story every single time I think about it.] SpongeBob began to shake, quivered, then managed to mutter, "Who a-are you?" The shade figured laughed and took off his hood to reveal himself as a pink starfish. "I am Patrick the Shade Figure, Destroyer of Darkness. [JCM: um wat] [Steel: Original Character. Do not steal.] A prophecy foretells that a yellow homosexual sponge will save the world. [Hayden: You found the wrong guy then.] That would be you, SpongeBob." [JCM: um wat] [Steel: Ah, bull, BULL! This spin-off had to throw in a thinly veiled outline for its Chosen One cliche?! Move along out of here, fellas.] [MDPPBob: ] A bright lightening bolt flashed again behind Patrick, and SpongeBob was just stunned by what he was seeing. [align=right]To be continued...[/align] [JCM: um wat] [Steel: I'd rather not continue, but I must. Only one chapter left...let's see if it goes down or if it's even more a slight improvement to the first four chapters...]
  19. 4 points
  20. 4 points
    That Brooklyn Nine-Nine clip with the suspects singing "I Want It That Way" honestly makes me want to watch that show now.
  21. 4 points
    Spent my 18th in Disney World's Magic Kingdom. AKA Adulthood starting in the best way!
  22. 3 points
    *finds out Smash Ultimate comes out on the same day of the year as the day I left high school to switch to cyber school* December 7th is amazing.
  23. 3 points
    I'm just heading to the fields, Duke. I'll be back.
  24. 3 points
    It's been a while... Excuse my unnecessary slack. Like almost all of my projects, I lost interest in this before I actually finished this whole thing. But now It's back and I plan to finish this as soon as possible. Lets go back to reviewing MCU. Airdate: May 5, 2017 Directed by James Gunn (MISS YOU!!!) When I first watched this movie, I thought it was almost as great as the first movie. Kind of a hot take I suppose but I thought it was better than what people give credit for. After rewatch, not only that thought stays with me, I actually found myself enjoying this movie the second time. Don't get me wrong, it's not without its flaws but as a sequel of the first movie, It did its job exactly well. The movie started off with a flashback of Peter Quill's father and mother hanging out and Peter's father showing a plant from outer space. Hmm, good to know Quill's mother knew he was an alien. Later we went back to the present with Guardians of the Galaxy being back to protect batteries of the planet of the alien species called Sovereigns from a giant interdimensional monster, while Baby Groot was dancing and having fun. The movie was off to an excellent start with a cool song and an enjoyable Baby Groot sequence. When Guardians finally defeated the monster, Rocket stole some of batteries from Sovereigns and Drax was cool with it. Drax is always cool with everything. Later they met the leader of the race named Ayesha and she questioned about Peter Quill's family and how he's a hybrid. Quill got offended with no surprise and we got ourself a cool joke about Rocket winking with the wrong eye. Meanwhile Guardians got their reward from them, Nebula, who was also there to steal their batteries. They got off the planet with her but Ayesha noticed the stolen batteries and she sent empty space ships to attack Guardians ship. The entire sequence was bloody amazing with visuals and how it was directed. It made me laugh constantly and it made me go edge on my seat (no pun intended), though I could have done without a poop joke. Quill and Rocket were arguing, Gamora was trying to shut them up, Drax was having fun outside space with blasting the ships, Baby Groot was chill and Nebula was hungry. It's all classic Guardians having fun or having amusing arguments. They finally got away from the ships because a mysterious man stopped the ships but they crashed into another planet. Quill and Rocket kept arguing, some of it was funny but It also gave us some insight on how much of a jerk Rocket was, which shouldn't be surprising but he was more of a jerk here this time. Then suddenly the man from the space crashed his ship and it was revealed that the man that saved them was none other than Quill's father and his name was actually Ego. This was a cool introduction of his. We saw it in trailers but it was still a well done scene with him just coming out of nowhere to save Guardians and then quickly revealing himself to Peter. Meanwhile we got see Yondu and his crew being out by Ravager community for abducting kids in the past, even though Yondu didn't know what he was doing was wrong and later Yondu's crew was hired by Ayesta to bring Guardians to her, so she can execute them there. I had my issues with Ayesta and her race being one of the antagonists of the movie but after seeing this twice, I warmed up yo her. If anything, this was actually not a bad set up for a third movie. As a result, Rocket and Baby Groot stayed with Nebula in the ship, which Rocket will fix and other Guardians joined Ego and Mantis, who is companion to him and they went to see Ego's planet. During the journey, we got to explore more of Mantis and what's she capable of and from that moment, I already loved her character. Guardians are usually written as jerkwards, so it was refreshing to see someone with awkward social skills and very naive. I can relate to a character like that. Not only that, I laughed how she can feel people's thoughts and she made Peter bring up his feelings about Gamora. That entire scene was pretty hilarious and it sets up Peter and Gamora's romance later on. When they arrived to Ego's planet, I gotta say that it looked incredibly beautiful just like it should be. It definitely represented how Ego loved creating marvelous life around him, so this much thought into the visuals of the planet were well done. It looks so realistic and colorful. I just love stuff like that in a cosmic story. And we finally got a cool exposition on Ego's past and Peter's birth. I can get behind expositions If they give me interesting ways to tell it and this was exactly like that. Meanwhile Yondu's crew went in the planet Guardians crashed first to capture them but Rocket was smart enough to put traps in them. The entire thing was so much fun. It made me appreciate how smart Rocket was but also it made me enjoy all the shenanigans he made with his traps. It was pretty funny and undoubtfully energetic. Of course, the plan didn't succeed for long and Yondu managed to capture him but Yondu didn't want to capture Quill. So Baby Groot had no choice but to free Nebula to save them but obviously Nebula betrayed them, blasted Yondu's fin in his head and they went to Yondu's ship. Peter finally learned why Ego had to abandon Quill's mom, Ego made Quill reveal his powers since he's half a celestial and Peter made it a ball to play catch and pitch with his dad. I shouldn't exactly feel so heartwarmed about that scene, especially considering what comes next but darn it, it hit me in the feels. I'm usually a sucker for cute cheesy moments like that and I loved that scene so much. And then we cut to another emotional scene with Drax and Mantis. Drax got the least focus in the movie considering he was focused a shit ton in the first movie, here he was more of a comic relief, which was one of my biggest gripes. Their scene started out comedically but later it turned out to be really touching and sweet. I liked the way Mantis and Drax's dynamic was developed here just from that scene. This made Mantis wanting to reveal something to Drax but Gamora interrupted them and Mantis went silent. This made Gamora worried and she decided to tell Peter but Peter felt like he was trying to take this all away from her, as a result Gamora left to be alone. On the other side of the movie, Rocket and Yondu were imprisoned and Baby Groot was turned into a mascot. HOW DARE THEY TREAT HIM LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, Rocket was making fun of the new guy in charge, Taserface and Taserface was about to kill him but Nebula stopped them because there's a higher price for Guardians and Yondu with Kree because of the first movie. Nebula decided to be on her own to kill Gamora and this was when I actually felt something for her character. She was alright in the first movie but here, we got to see her storyline with Gamora and Thanos and how she hated everytime Thanos made them battle and Gamora always won, and the loser, Nebula, got her organs taken away from her only to be replaced by robot parts. This might be one of the most tragic backstories ever and it shows how ruthless Thanos was and how it effected Nebula so deeply. I know not everyone was fond of her over the topness in the movie but I personally dug it. It made me care for her and it turned her into a fun and sympathetic character. Rocket was put in the same cell with Yondu later and this started another great thing about the movie and that was Rocket and Yondu's dynamic. I liked seeing two jerks clashing each other and Yondu was actually self aware, while Rocket was the bigger pain in the butt. Later they talked to Baby Groot to get Yondu's fin from Taserface. That sequence kind of dragged on for a bit, some of stuff were a bit funny but it got tiresome later on. But after that, it was pure awesomeness. Might be my favorite scene in the whole movie. Yondu was already kicking butt in the first movie but he was just awesome here. I loved him taking out his bad side of the group one by one with his arrow and Rocket and Baby Groot joining him was cherry on top. Music choice was also sweet as well. I could watch it all day and never get tired of it, except the song did stick in my head for too long lol. Cutting back to Ego's planet, Nebula made an apperance to kill Gamora but she couldn't whe she had the chance. Instead, they fought and Nebula won at it. I loved how this played out. Nebula just crashed it to do some attacking and it was just over the top amusement for me and we went to exploring Nebula and Gamora's relationship. I liked that Gamora was a flawed character that all she wanted to do was surviving but she didn't consider Nebula's life and she even admitted it. Gamora was another one of those characters that I liked but didn't love but here, I loved her. She cared more about Nebula enough now and Nebula made peace with her. If anything, this movie was definitely better than the first movie on exploring some of other characters we didn't care that much. Same goes for Yondu here and Rocket got to be developed further. During their escape, I liked how Yondu and Rocket were mirror versions of each other. Both were criminals who pushed away other people from their lives and did terrible stuff but Yondu actually admitted his faults and there was an actual reason why he kept Quill all this time. Before they went to Ego's planet, we got some amusing space jump scenes with them and a sweet Stan Lee cameo with The Watchers. After Quill went mad at Gamora, him and Ego talked more about it and Ego took him to show something. Mantis went back to Drax to warn him about Ego's secret. Gamora and Nebula also discovered something shady. Lastly Ego actually revealed his true color that he was disappointed in humanity and he felt so alone in the universe that he literally tried to make children of other species to make them half celestial, so two celestials can create enough energy to recreate the universe with planted seeds before. From that moment I actually liked him as the villain. I'm always a sucker for existential character motivations and seeing a villain with the motivation of existentialism was actually neat to see. Not the mention, him being an actual planet, thus making him so lonely in the world must have been hard for him. But of course, it wouldn't be a villain without having dead kid bodies and adding a tumor to the main protagonist's mother. That was actually really disturbing to see in an otherwise comedic and colorful movie, so I appreciated how they included it. Ego was just this cruel and I liked it, I also liked that they went all accurate on his comic image and it was just scary. We got an actual personal climax with the team and It was really exciting to see them coming up with a solution to kill an actual planet. I loved the stuff with Rocket trying to teach Baby Groot about the bomb. That was in the trailer but it was still really cute and funny here. Mary Poppings scene was one of the funniest jokes in the entire movie. Mantis trying to make Ego sleep was pretty awesome. I also loved the whole superhero shot, except when Mantis was hit by a rock, that didn't r need to happen this quick but whatever. Ego finally woke up to gain full control and he forced Quill to reboot the universe but Quill managed to stop him with releasing what his family really is. Although that was also his character development in the first movie but they really became more family here. Quill vs Ego was just really epic to see. After Baby Groot activated the bomb, Rocket took all of Guardians in the ship but Gamora wanted to help Quill, so Rocket shot her to pass out. It was good seeing Rocket to be actually more caring for his team and not affording to lose another friend. After the bomb finally went off, Yondu managed to save Peter but died because he gave his breathing suit to him. That moment right there is why Guardians are just so good with touching moments and they know how to make people cry. I'm so sad that Gunn was fired over stupid jokes 10 years ago because we might not get to see scenes like this in the third movie. The entire moment was bittersweet to me and it shows how much effort was put in these characters. Yondu was someone I didn't expect to love and here we are. Guardians movies are so well at redeeming characters and this movie did this even better than the first movie. We got a really sweet Ravager funeral, Nebula parted aways with Nebula to hunt down Thanos and the movie ended with 4 hilarious end credit scenes and one with setting up Adam Warlock. This movie ended up being just as great as I remembered it once was. Maybe even better. My biggest issue with this is that some of comedy didn't work for me. I laughed at couple of gags but some others were just trying too hard and becoming too childish even and Drax went more of a comic relief character but everything else was pure solid for me.The character development, the villain, visuals, music, more Galaxy tripping and cool easter eggs. All packed in this funtastical movie. I understand why this wasn't everyone's cup of tea but I found myself really liking this one. Maybe not one of the strongest MCU put out but it had every bit of heart as the first movie did. MCU movie ranking: Captain America: The Winter Soldier - A+ Avengers - A Iron Man - A Captain America: Civil War - A- Guardians of the Galaxy - A- Captain America: The First Avenger - A- Iron Man 3 - A- Guardians of the Galaxy - A- Ant-Man - B+ Thor - B+ Avengers: Age of Ultron - B The Incredible Hulk - B Thor: The Dark World - B- Iron Man 2 - C+
  25. 3 points
    This masterpiece is now a year old.
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