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26 minutes ago, Wumbo said:

Spot on, bro. Listening back to "New Rules", it really does seem like a lot of pop these days is similar. I kept on finding beats similar to "It Ain't Me", myself. I think what separates this song from others, though, is the lyrical construction, which is memorable and poignant. "Bad at Love" hits me in the gut a lot harder than I expected it to, so I love that song as well.

Definitely agree there.  Like I mentioned to you earlier, still a damn good song because of Dua Lipa’s on point songwriting.  And for as much as I find the music sounds the same as others, it is more memorable to me because of how well the lyrics are constructed.

23 minutes ago, Katniss said:

If I can say one good thing about the instrumentation of New Rules, it's the horns in the chorus. Love me some horns.

I love Halsey and the synthpop vibe on Bad at Love and her second album in general is something I can get behind. I didn't find the lyrics that flimsy tbh but that's just me. I like how unapologetic she is about hinting at the same-sex relationships she's had. She's bisexual irl and it feels refreshing to have that type of relationship talked about in a genuine way and not just experimentation (as much as I enjoyed Cool for the Summer a few years ago). 

And like you and Wumbo said, the lyrics to New Rules are so memorable and interesting. I henr heard a ton from Dua but she's got me so hooked by this one single. It's been on the charts for so long and it deserves to be in the top 10 finally.

Sorry for verging into essay territory but I just like both of these songs a lot :Laugh: 

Please.  Essay away.  I love a good post on other viewpoints.  Like I said in my post, Halsey can get me hooked on her performance based off her storytelling and that’s what invests me every time I hear “Bad at Love”.  I do like the fact that she brings up her real relationships with both sexes.  And when I said some of her reasons sound flimsy, I mostly meant the one where she broke up with the girl in London due to distance and both guys because of opposing viewpoints whether it be friends or their future marriage.  To me that’s not being bad at love, but with the way she belts that chorus, it makes me buy in immediately though.  Like Wumbo said, it’s like a hit to the emotional gut when I hear it.

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43 minutes ago, Wumbo said:

I think as a whole people have been way too dismissive of Halsey because of bad first impression lingering throughout her career. Like, when she's on point, she fucking crushes as a songwriter.

Agreed.  Like I wasn’t a fan of Now or Never and I’m definitely not a fan of her collab right now with G-Eazy, but when she’s on point, she nails it every time.  Honestly, she’s my favorite part of “Closer”.

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So while I’m still waiting for Meatloaf Boy to fulfill his meatloaf sized duties, I’m going to fill the time with another year end retrospective.  This one was a request from two years ago that I’ve been meaning to do for a while now for good ole Prez.  So for the second time in one year, there will be a year end countdown for....

2003

So back off, I’ll take 2003 on.  Headstrong...I’ll take on those worst songs!

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omg yes 2003. This might be a bit unpopular, but besides 2009, I love a lot of the hit songs from 2003... so I can't wait to see your best and worst lists. I may have moved on to other genres such as electronic in the past year or two, but I still have a soft spot for 2000's pop. :P 

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So yeah, still waiting for Nuggets to work with me.  In the meantime, let’s do another Billboard year end rewind.  This time, I tackle a year that has been in my request log for almost two years now from our dearest Prez himself.  2003!

Now you guys will have to be patient with me because I recognize probably half of this list at least.  Because 2003 to me was two genres: country and rock.  This was definitely a time period where country music dominated my life since that’s all I would ever hear in the car with my parents or at home.  But whenever I was getting the chance to listen to anything else, I was definitely switching the station to good ole rock and roll when I got the chance…which of course was nu-metal back then.  Yeah I tried so hard to be one of those angry white boys in middle school and failed miserably since I had no idea what the hell most of these bands were so angry about.

But now that my taste in music has changed so many years back and I listen to more of this list (or at least the stuff I haven’t heard of) and yeah 2003 was boring as tar.  You could see trends bubbling under like rap music becoming more prominent and a lot of adult contemporary shlock starting to get popular as well.  However, that doesn’t excuse the shit that we are going to have to sit through today.  So let’s strap on our seatbelts as we revisit 2003 for the second time in the course of one year.  We are rehashing down!

 

CLAPPY’S TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2003

 

Spoiler

Oh boy.  You again.

 

10. “Right Thurr” - Chingy

 

 

As you all may or may not know.  This isn’t the first time I’ve covered Chingy and I certainly don’t expect this to be the last.  There is nothing original about this goof.  You can owe all of his success to Nelly and the many imitators who tried to replicate Nelly’s style who clearly lacked Nelly’s charisma and the production that made his songs earworms.  And you can tell that they are trying to make this a Nelly song so badly right down to The Neptunes ripped off beat.  But out of all the Nelly ripoffs, Chingy was absolutely the worst.

This guy straight up sucks.  I hate his voice.  His lack of energy.  His lack of intensity.  He brings nothing new to the table.  Well except for one thing....

...right thurr right thurr...

Even I have to admit.  There is something hypnotic right thurr right thurr.  Like that is the only redeeming element about this moronic song.  That phrase is so stupidly addictive that it doesn’t get out of my head no matter how many times I tell myself to stop thinking about it.  It’s something at least.  Plus I know Chingy can do worse.  So much worse. 

 

Spoiler

It’s saying something that I go from talking about one of my least favorite artists from this decade to talking about a band that I actually like on this list.  That being said, these will always be honest lists, so let’s get this over with.

2003!  A big year for 3 Doors Down!  A big year for rock music in general, even though the end was in sight for its popularity.  For as meatheaded as this genre was at the time, I’ve always liked 3 Doors Down.  I mean they weren’t God’s grace to rock music, but I’d rather have them around then most of the crap that was popular at the time like Puddle of Mudd, Staind, and everyone’s favorite whipping boys, Nickelback.  And you know what, any year I’ll take 3 Doors Down over any of these acts, but when it came to this year, not the case.

 

9. “Here Without You” – 3 Doors Down

 

 

I could call 3 Doors Down a lot of things, but I never expected to call them flat out boring.  I mean I expected Matchbox 20 to release uninteresting adult alternative shlock around this time period, but 3 Doors Down somehow outdid them with just one song.  Here Without You is the most uninspiring piece of crap these guys will ever do.  Honestly, the most accurate comparison point for me is that this is an 80s hair ballad without the cheesy gloriousness of said time period.

Brad Arnold says this song is about his (now) ex-wife.  Even in hilarious hindsight, you can tell the passion just isn’t there.  After all, he is emoting with the passion of paint drying.  But what really gets me is the commercialization of this to tie in with the War in Iraq back during this time period.  I mean dear sweet Jesus, how pro-propaganda can you get?  And no joke, my buddy saw them in concert and they said, “This is the most meaningful song we’ve ever done.  Go support our troops.”  Oh sure, backtrack on that ex-wife comment now that your most meaningful song is forever tied in with the War in Iraq.  Good lord, no wonder they were proud to be playing for Trump’s inauguration in hindsight.

Political differences aside, I still like them.

 

Spoiler

8. “Can’t Hold Us Down” – Christina Aguilera (featuring Lil Kim)

 

 

Is this really that bad?  Not necessarily.  The lyrics are empowering and I respect how confrontational it is about how women are treated.  It’s often been recognized by multiple publications as one of the ten most empowering feminist anthems and if you have a message I agree with, I can vibe with that.  But I’ll be damned if this isn’t the song that best exemplifies how nothing of a year this really was.

Despite her obvious talent, Christina Aguilera has always made every song she performs sound like real work.  This has always been one of the biggest examples of that to me…but that’s not the main reason this is on this list.  Lil Kim might as well be an afterthought with how short her part is…but that’s not the main reason this is on this list.  Yeah I’m not fond of either performance on this song, but the main reason this song doesn’t sound like a cohesive functioning product is because of producer Scott Storch.

Some people point to his club music as some of the worst example of his “talents”, but I actually don’t mind most of them.  Even the ones I’m supposed to hate, I don’t because they get into your head.  Here?  He’s as bad as everyone says he is, if not worse.  This beat is so completely lifeless that I don’t know how this supposed to sound empowering.  It just makes the music a chore to listen to and when you have such a strong message in this song, I can’t find myself to listen to it because of everything else behind it.

Look I get that not everyone will agree with this pick, but in such a boring chart year, this is without a doubt the song that best represents how dull this year is.  Sorry.

 

Spoiler

You know it was pretty easy to be sick of Jennifer Lopez during this period of time.  She was freaking everywhere.  From her movies to her highly publicized love life to her clothing line, perfume fragrance, whatever else she name branded.  If you guys think Drake is overexposed now, you are right.  But J-Lo’s was so much worse.

Notice I haven’t talked about her music career yet?  Honestly, it was hit or miss most of the time to me.  At the very least, her pop music was actually decent.  But her R&B career is a completely different story.

 

7. “All I Have” – Jennifer Lopez (featuring LL Cool J)

 

 

 

I don’t know how popular of an opinion this is, but good lord, every time Jennifer Lopez did R&B, it always ended up being supremely dull.  I don’t know if it was the poor choice in collaborators or the uninteresting production or just Jennifer Lopez herself sounding unchallenged.  Or you could end up with all three which definitely apply here.

LL Cool J certainly isn’t helping.  He flat out doesn’t care about being in this relationship if he wants to give up his pride to be with JLo.  Ladies and gentlemen, that right here is a sign these two shouldn’t be together.  If a woman ever asked me to give up my pride, then I’d stay single.  These two have negative chemistry together if that was at all possible.  Jennifer Lopez sounding bored doesn’t help matters.

But I think most of all is that production.  You could put any two R&B artists doing this song together and you have literally every single R&B collaboration of the early and mid 2000s.  These were two of the biggest names at the time and this is the best you can do?  Snore.

 

Spoiler

This is Dobie Gray.  He was a R&B/soul artist from the 1970s who had a long illustrious career.  This was his biggest hit and in my opinion, one of the best hit songs of 1973.  If I ever do cover that year, spoiler.  I wish more people remembered this song for him because in 2003, some hack decided to cover this and is now infamous for it.

 

6. “Drift Away” – Uncle Kracker (featuring Dobie Gray)

 

At least Billboard had the decency to credit Dobie Gray for this because Uncle Kracker sure as hell didn’t.  And that was definitely Dobie on the final verse.  Seriously, Uncle Kracker flat out fucking sucks.  I never saw the appeal of him back then and I sure as hell still don’t in the present.  He’s the poor man’s John Mayer and the even poorer man’s Kid Rock.  Even then, I still don’t think that exemplifies how talentless this guy is.

The original meaning of the song is about using music as a form of escapism.  Which is definitely one of the main reasons I love listening to music.  I feel that message gets lost in Uncle Kracker’s version because Dobie Gray’s version sounds like something I would get lost into.  Uncle Kracker makes music that makes me want to fall asleep from eating way too much lunch to.

White people.  Ruining black music in the past and still doing so today.

 

Spoiler

American Idol sure did have an impact on the charts during this time period.  I’ve talked about how huge it was on previous retrospectives.  Hey any show that can give us Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood isn’t all bad.  But for all the good songs those two have brought us, it can’t make up for the amounts of suck that have come from some of the other big names.

This is one of the biggest snoozers from this year and you can add this as my number eleven worst hit song of this boring year.  Instead, we are going to revisit the piece of crap that blocked this from reaching number one.  And it came from the runner-up from that very same season.

 

5. “This is the Night” – Clay Aiken

 

 

I thought I would never have to talk about Clay Aiken ever again after I bashed his stalker anthem to pieces in my Worst Songs of All Time list, but here we are again.  What sort of talent did anyone see in this guy?  He needed a few more rounds of Simon Cowell tearing him a new one.  If anything, I can definitely see why the American Idol fanboys made this a number one song on the Hot 100.  This was tailor made to be performed by anybody who wants to win one of these talent contests. 

And by anybody, I do mean anybody can do this song.  Hell, I can probably make this a number one smash by belting every line because that’s what Clay Aiken did.  And he got to number one…America, let’s be real for a minute.  With all the big named popstars that were around at the time, you wanted to give a number one smash to your fedora wearing next door neighbor whose goal was to make your ears bleed?

 

Spoiler

As you all know, we all put a lot of time writing these lists and I try to avoid giving hints away because I don’t want to be too predictable.  But I feel like that last year end retrospective I wrote gave too much away.  And I don’t blame any of you if you forgot this little quote for thoughts on an additional song from 1996:

Quote

Who will save Jewel from committing career suicide a few years later?

  Even though I find Jewel to be okay, this was not one of her better songs.

Not one of her better songs I said.  God, that’s a compliment compared to this piece of crap.

 

4. “Intuition” – Jewel

 

 

When I saw Todd tear this to pieces on Trainwreckords, it brought me so much joy.  At the same time though, it only infuriated me more when it comes to this song.  Allow me to add onto what he said.  This fails at even trying to replicate dance pop divas.  This is the sort of shallow empty soulless trash you would find playing at your local grocery store on repeat until it drives you insane…which may or may not have been based off of personal experiences.

This is such superficial shit.  It’s a hollow look at the vapidness of society from someone who clearly doesn’t understand society herself.  At least “Who Would Save Your Soul” for as bad a song as it is, at least the stripped down folk atmosphere makes me contemplate to listen to her message.  Trying to ironically make a vapid pop song about vapid people only makes you come out looking like a poser.  And that’s what Jewel is to me.  A fucking poser.  Not sure if that’s what her intuition is telling her, but as established, her intuition sucks.

 

Spoiler

 

John Mayer.  Need I say anymore?  Because the year is 2003 and this was the year he released what Blender considers one of the fifty worst songs of all time.  And it’s bad.  Really really bad.

 

3. "Your Body is a Wonderland" - John Mayer

 

 

 

 

Before there was “Body Like a Backroad”, this was the most cringeworthy body comparison metaphor I’ve ever heard.  At least the term can be interpreted as endearing if you were as easy as John Mayer liked his women.

So here’s a hint.  This song is about afternoon delight.  At least it’s not the self-titled song about it, but it’s still flimsy as hell.  These lyrics man…where do I start?

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain

You do realize porcelain is glass, right?  So her skin is breakable?  How wonderful?

One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue

So you are chewing on her tongue….?  Either I’m taking this line too literally or John is talking about her…EWWW FUCKING GROSS MAN.  I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS-


I’ll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

And I’ll never get your gross imagery out of my head.  Either her body’s like a wonderland or it’s like a used pawnshop.  I don’t care, just get your afternoon fetish porn out of music.

 

Spoiler

https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/7966117/r-kelly-sex-cult-jerhonda-pace-the-real-interview

It’s amazing to me that despite how big of an influence R. Kelly was to the R&B genre in the 90s and 2000s, people will remember him more for being such a despicable human being.  And you know what, I don’t blame them.  With the more news that keeps coming out about how much he deserves to burn in hell for all of eternity, it’s becoming harder and harder to separate the man from his music.  And I genuinely do like plenty of his songs.  But with the amount of songs I still do like that are becoming harder and harder to defend with each passing controversy, it’s becoming easier and easier to hate his sleazier music.

 

2. “Thoia Thoing” – R Kelly

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always hated this piece of crap.  It painted out R. Kelly to be a huge slimeball that makes my skin crawl and now it’s symbolic of the man and his art.  This song is equivalent to actual shit.  This is the worst R. Kelly has ever sounded as a performer.  He rips off so many performers from this time period that it’s pathetic.  Not a single minute of this song works.  It’s like trying to throw darts at every single trend from this time period and see what sticks and none of it does.

And don’t even get me started on the title.  What the actual fuck is “thoia thoing”?  I would call it blatant racism if it wasn’t for the fact that political correctness didn’t exist in many song titles back then.  I would call it trying to be sexually provocative but it’s too stupid to try and be that.  Let’s just call this for what it really is.  Annoying.

Oh and gross.  Just freaking gross.  Don’t try to force your kink fetishes into my ear drums you disgusting asshole.

 

Spoiler

You know there were plenty of contenders for my number one choice from this year.  But I have to stay true and honest to myself.  I knew what was going to be my number one from this year for as long as I can remember.  As I already stated in my preamble, there were only two genres I listened to on the norm during this time period.  And one of those genres had such a huge crossover hit for this year that I was hearing everywhere.  It was number one on the country charts for multiple months.  And it’s the most shameless symbolism of pro-war propaganda that I’ve ever heard.

 

1. “Have You Forgotten” – Darryl Worley

 

 

It was 2003 and the US were invading Iraq.  There were many people on the fence whether the US had the right to step into said conflict because our reasoning was the war on terrorism.  Even though, Iraq was rumored to have Weapons of Mass Destruction, the United States still went in and overthrew the government as well as Sadam Hussein.  It took eight years for the United States to pull out the troops.

Why the history recap?  Because it’s more informative about the background behind this song than the song itself is.  Basically, Darryl Worley wants to remind the listening public about 9/11.  That we have a moral obligation to invade Iraq because of Osama Bin Laden and the Twin Towers falling.  First of all, that doesn’t mean Iraq was behind the 9/11 attacks.  Secondly, if this is a conspiracy theory, get it the fuck out of my country music.  Thirdly, fuck you and fuck your self-righteousness.  I’m a proud American who doesn’t needed to be listening to your giant guilt trip of a song.

Look I can go into a giant rant about what exactly the War on Iraq has done for our economy over the years, our relations with the Middle East, and don’t get me started on Islamphobia.  But reopening the wounds of a national tragedy two years later is just heinous.  Hey Darryl Worley.  Instead of guilt tripping people into questioning their patriotism, why didn’t you go and fight for our country yourself?  Fuck off you piece of shit.  I haven’t forgotten this song this many years later and it’s honestly one of the worst country music songs ever.  And it’s my worst of 2003.

 

Best list coming in the next week or so.

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So yeah...best of 2003 list still in the works guys.  Sorry about that, but it's coming soon I promise.

So yeah...that Winter Billboard Hip-Hop/R&B charts ranking is still up in the air.  Sorry fam.

Man, so many of these projects are delayed.  I should get back to work on that...after I do another project.  Yep, with the uncertainty about the rap charts project, I felt like you all deserved some sort of collaboration project to make up for it.  And why not go back to a frequent collaborator in order to do so?  Surprise!

Clappy: No genre charts this time.  We're tackling last week's Billboard Hot 100 Top 20 as we head into the spring season nearly a week from today.  How are the charts?  Honestly, this chart ranking is a tale of two cities.  This is the most divided I've felt about a chart ranking since I started doing these last year.  I have no clear answer for you guys because quality-wise the good stuff from this past week was pretty good with a couple decent songs as well.  Then you had the rest which makes me wonder if this is what we are to expect from 2018 if what's getting popular remains popular.  Yeah 2018 these first few months has been a weird year.  How do you feel about this my dear friend, Austin Layers?

Wumbo: I was so optimistic for this year. We had so many great songs coming in, with only a few leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Now it seems like the good songs are starting to fall out, and just the most tepid, absolute crapola is pining to take over. I was excited about where pop music would take us in 2018, but if it means that only the most boring, lifeless, and outright offensive performers would stick around, well, then I get less excited by the day. So... here we go, I guess.

 

CLAPPY AND WUMBO RANK THE MARCH 2018 BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20

 

Spoiler

20. “Gummo” – 6ix9ine

 

Clappy - #20

What the hell is this piece of dogshit?  Are we actually supposed to take this song and this guy seriously?  He looks like a rejected mascot for Skittles and has one of the worst rap names I’ve ever come across.  Here’s something I don’t understand about the new trends in mainstream rap music.  Why are so many of these new and upcoming guys from SoundCloud such terrible people and why are we giving them hits?  I mean hell, one of these up and comers is LITERALLY on death row and he had a Top 20 hit on the rap charts, which probably means it ended up on the Top 40 with how huge rap music is now.

It wouldn’t bother me so much if every single one of these guys didn’t let their terrible personalities leak through to their terrible music.  So what does 6ix9ine do that makes this my bottom choice?  He shouts at us in the most obnoxious fashion about how awesome he is.  If you can get past the annoying hollering, he talks about shooting people, counting up all the money he is making, banging your girlfriend, and how many bitches he can get.  Hey 6ix9ine?  What is your most infamous criminal charge again?  There is video proof of you having sex with a 13 year old girl.  Fuck off.

It’s a shame because that production is actually far more intimidating than it has any right to be.  Feels like such a waste to be attached to one of the worst rappers I’ve come across in quite some time covering music on this site.  And I’ve come across some shitty rappers.  Let that sink in how uncharismatic, how untalented, and just flat out terrible of a presence this guy is.

Wumbo - #20

So... that 6ix9ine mixtape flopped pretty hard on the Hot 100, didn't it? I guess even the most ardent of his apologists are beginning to realize that this guy just plain sucks.

I'm not going to mince words: everything about this guy and his Billboard success is wrong. When 2017 promised a new wave of music to bring to the masses through streaming services, I didn't think we'd have to deal with a much more unpleasant version of Kodak Black along with it.

Because for all of Kodak Black's many, many faults as a performer and as a person, at least he sucks in an interesting way, something you can actually talk about for more than ten seconds. 6ix9ine is not interesting. There's nothing to say about him as a performer. And that's why I find his sexual misconduct charges (THAT'S CHARGES, NOT ALLEGATIONS) so hard to ignore, because he gives me nothing to distract me from them in his music. You wanna know my thoughts on this song, and basically every 6ix9ine song? Imagine if Lil Jon had no charisma. There, that's it. That's literally it. I am totally not surprised this rainbow-haired bridge troll didn't make more of an impact on the Hot 100. He only has one song in him, and even then with that song you're done after like, ten seconds.

I find this guy and his existence as a successful Billboard artist reprehensible. I hate that I have to talk about him at all. The only reason this guy is big is because of his controversy, he offers nothing as a performer, if the world were just he would be cleaning gummo from under restaurant tables instead of titling a rap song with it, THE END. I hope.

 

Spoiler

19. “rockstar” – Post Malone (featuring 21 Savage)

 

Clappy - #17

I hope you guys are proud we are living in the Post Malone era of popular music.  Because as Wumbo and I are posting this, we have THREE Post Malone songs to rank.  This is the most successful artist at this point and time along with arguably Kendrick.  I understood Drake’s chart dominance.  I understood Justin Bieber’s.  Hell, I understood The Chainsmokers and they got big off a novelty hit.  But I don’t understand Post Malone having this many hits on the charts right now.  Kendrick having this many hits makes sense because he has years of goodwill built up of quality music and talent.  What the fuck does Post Malone have except autotune abuse and people saying that he’s a loveable guy outside the music industry?  Post Malone.  The guy who thinks rap music has no lyrical depth and is the definition of a culture vulture is a loveable guy.  Fuck no.

I’d rather talk about how Post Malone’s success is baffling to me instead of this pile of nothing of a song that only gets worse and worse the longer it stays relevant on the charts.  Seriously, I don’t want to talk about this song anymore.  It’s hot garbage.  Post Malone is fucking terrible.  That chorus being the main cause of its eight week reign on the top just infuriates me.  21 Savage’s guest verse is a heaping pile of dogshit.  I hate it.  You know what?  Drop this song another fifteen spots on my 2017 year end list.  This song can go away any day now.

Wumbo - #18

I don't recall being this actively sickened by a Top 20 in quite some time. This song, of course, has long overstayed its welcome and can fuck off into the sun any day now. But there's something more insidious about its success that really does make my skin crawl. And I discovered this article that just... blew the lid off of why.

https://www.spin.com/2017/10/post-malone-rockstar-number-1-youtube-chorus-video/

A YouTube. Chorus. Video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldbnQefin8s

Now granted I can't actually find this video, I suspect it's the "Official Audio" one that got retconned into the full song because, holy shit, they actually fucking did this and probably pissed people off (GEE I WONDER WHY THE COMMENTS ARE DISABLED). And it worked, this song went to #1, probably largely due to the increased streaming that video gave them! This is reprehensible. Granted, the rest of the song is as disposable as the chorus, so you're not missing much, but to trick listeners into thinking that they're getting the full song when they just get the same droning chorus on repeat is heinous marketing.

And for this song, of all things. A lifeless, turgid waste of a track that features two boring artists who don't even pretend to put on a performance. Post Malone has come under fire for his comments about hip hop and how it's not thoughtful or worth listening to for any sort of depth. If that's true, then can we point the finger at the guy who's most responsible for this degradation, and get this disrespectful marble-mouthed culture vulture off the charts? Fuck this guy. This is what white fucking privilege looks like: being a leaky garbage bag of a human and simultaneously being one of the most successful rappers in the country. Pathetic. And there's still two songs from this guy to go...

 

Spoiler

18. “Perfect” – Ed Sheeran

 

Clappy - #18

I like Ed Sheeran, but I’m getting so fucking sick of him at the same time.  He is popping up everywhere.  He’s writing hits for other artists, he’s guest spotting on other pop songs, hell he appeared on Eminem’s latest song.  If this was fifteen years ago, Em would have torn artists like Ed alive, but now Em is relying on Ed for mainstream success. 

At least “Shape of You” finally fell off the charts, am I right guys?  Well I’ll be honest, I’d rather have another “Shape of You” than a second coming of “Thinking Out Loud”….which this definitely is.  Actually, no that’s not an accurate comparison because “Thinking Out Loud”, despite how much I don’t like that song is interesting.  This is not.

I’ve criticized many of Ed’s slow ballads in the past, but they at least sound like something Ed would have written.  This sounds like any hack would have come up with this.  It has none of Ed’s quirks or personality.  You can give this song to Sam Smith and it's practically the same.  You know what, scratch that.  Sam Smith is only getting better as the years go by and knows a way to tell a story.  Shit you can give this to James Arthur.  That's the kind of talentless hack that can perform this.

Blame it on Beyonce.  Blame it on Ed's momentum.  I don't give a shit.  This song blows chunks.

Wumbo - #14

Yeah, pretty much. If there's one thing I can be grateful to Drake for, it's that he knocked Ed Sheeran's most boring song off the top of the chart and gave maybe, possibly, other songs a chance to be #1 this year. I swear to god, if it goes to Ed Sheeran this year for this, I'm going to lose my shit. "Shape of You" may have been awful, but it was admittedly an awful I remembered. This is just dull. This is James Arthur with more celebrity presence behind it, which to be fair is not nothing. It had to get big somehow, after all. (Beyoncé probably helped, let's be real here.)

Beyond Ed Sheeran simply existing, though? Nothing to this song. At all. It's exactly the type of pleasantry that gets played on adult contemporary stations that you forget about months later. Even Ed Sheeran at his worst could boast that there was something to say about his song. This one? Unfortunately, no. Anyone could have performed this. It's not special in any way. And that, even for Ed Sheeran, is truly disappointing.

 

Spoiler

17. “Meant to Be” – Bebe Rexha (featuring Florida Georgia Line)

 

Clappy - #15

…so we are finally giving Bebe Rexha a hit after how many years now?  Five years of being only a hook artist on so many pop songs?  Pop music decided that they didn’t want her around so they gave her to the only genre of music that would desperately give pop rejects smash hits, country music.  Which this isn't even that.

I don’t even know why they are saying this is Bebe Rexha’s song.  She is barely in it.  This is definitely a Florida Georgia Line song with the meatheaded attitude about if it’s meant to be, then these two will hook up…or in this case three because of the common misconception that Florida Georgia Line is two doofuses.  And Bebe tells them that let’s see where this thing goes, but they won’t back the hell off her.  Yeah this is starting to sound less and less flattering the more I dive into the context.

Nothing about this song works.  And I could really care less about either artist at this rate.  Bebe Rexha clearly doesn’t have the personality to make anyone care about her and Florida Georgia Line can just get the hell off my radio stations for all I care.

Wumbo - #17

I cannot believe we are still indulging Florida motherfucking Georgia Line's career in 2018. In the bro-country boom in the early half of this decade, they were one of the most successful and reprehensible artists in this scene. Now, I guess their motive in music is to just drain country of whatever dignity it had left after coming out of bro-country's quicksand trap.

So, bro-country isn't popular anymore? Sam Hunt finally found the bottom of that tar pit? Well, screw it. Let's make a pop song and just call it country. There is not a hint of country in this, I don't care how unbearable Florida/Georgia's drawl is. This is a pop song, and an unbelievably shitty pop song at that. Bebe Rexha proves to be a non-presence on her own song, and leaves me wondering why exactly we let her stick around for so long as well. This Top 20 right now is just full of artists that won't go the fuck away for unexplained reasons, and these two might be the most unexplained of all.

 

Spoiler

16. “Look Alive” – BlocBoy JB (featuring Drake)

 

Clappy - #12

Okay who the hell is BlocBoy JB?  Are we seriously giving instant top five hits to no name rappers who have next to no personality?  All because of a Drake co-sign?  I know Drake is one of, if not, the biggest names in music right now but good lord there are times I feel like he guest spots on these no names he is trying to push just to remind us of how much worse we can have it without him.

Let me be abundantly clear here.  Drake is the only good part about this song.  I actually like it when he puts actual effort into his performances.  And his guest spot is no exception.  He steals the song more than the main headline.  Who I hear made a viral challenge with this song to try and dance like him in this music video and…IS IT 2015 ALL OVER AGAIN!?  BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE LEFT THESE VIRAL DANCE CHALLENGES BACK THERE WHERE THEY BELONG.

If this was solely a Drake song, it would be decent to tolerable.  As is, this mediocre because of this no name and Drake for co-signing this guy getting a top five hit for virtually being a nothing of a performer.

Wumbo - #19

This is Drake at his best? Coulda fooled me. I must be getting old because I can't tell the difference between one disinterested Drake performance and the next. 

I was expecting Post Malone to rank lower on my personal list, but there is just something about Drake's continued success despite him being creatively bankrupt for about two years now that just... astounds me. People always talk about Taylor Swift or Katy Perry in the first half of this decade getting hits on the chart due to pure inertia and celebrity presence. I ask you, what the fuck do you call this? If Drake wasn't so inexplicably successful as of late, he'd have long lost the right to brag about his clout as a rapper with the performances he shovels out these days.

"God's Plan", at very bare minimum, at least has a catchy beat and some form of melody. This is... I can't even talk about it, it's just nothing. It's every other Drake song, only this time featuring the main artist on his own track. If you are outperformed by Drake at this point, you do not deserve to be in the big leagues. Who the fuck is this guy, BlocBoy JB? Why should I care? Why am I still writing about this thing? I've said more than the two artists on this song have. Fucking pointless.

 

Spoiler

15. “The Middle” – Zedd, Maren Morris, & Grey

 

Clappy - #13

Wow Zedd really has gone from ripping off other EDM artists to now ripping himself off.  Blatantly.  This is “Starving” all over again.  It’s the same damn song right down to Grey collaborating with Zedd all over again.  I will say this though.  Maren Morris is a massive improvement over Hailee Steinfeld.  I’m kind of disappointed that Maren Morris’s huge commercial breakthrough is outside of country music because she is a great country artist.  Here?  She sounds like a generic pop diva.  Granted I’ll take that over whatever Hailee was doing in “Starving”.  Such a humiliatingly obnoxious pop song.

So yeah, points for being a better version of “Starving”, even though that’s not saying much.  But let’s talk about the real reason this song is becoming huge:

Why don’t you just meet me in the middle of the Target?  I’ve come to expect this sort of selling out from alternative rock music, but pop music has always been commercialized.  Zedd and Maren Morris have been established names in their respective genres for years.  This song got huge from a commercial.  Not from their recognizable names.  This is telling for me about how big of an identity crisis pop music as a whole is having.

Wumbo - #15

And where Clappy hears "Starving", I hear "Stay". You know it's bad when we can't even agree on which song Zedd is ripping off himself. I know the only thing EDM artists do these days is recycle a song over and over that got them buzz, but Zedd used to have a fuller discography. Why he felt the need to recycle his most boring and most annoying songs to date, I have no idea. This one manages to have even less personality, co-opting backup producers Grey and featuring recently genericized pop diva Maren Morris, who wasn't loaded with personality to begin with, but... come on, she's more than just your interchangeable EDM chick.

EDM is such a hollow shell of its former self, and that's saying something for that genre. Even Kygo, who I actually like, doesn't seem interested in doing anything beyond remaking "It Ain't Me". But at least that song was good. Zedd had a whole catalog of songs at his beck and call and he chose the borefest with Alessia Cara and the clusterfuck with Hailee Steinfeld to remake. This isn't the worst sounding song on this list, but it is one of the most tedious and redundant.

 

Spoiler

14. “Him & I” – G-Eazy & Halsey

 

Clappy - #16

Aren’t these two a couple in real life?  Because if this song is any indication to what it’s like, they are a boring as fuck couple.

For a song about a modern day Bonnie & Clyde, you need the chemistry and passion for me to buy it.  And while I am indifferent to Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s similar song, they at least have the chemistry and passion for me to believe that song.  G-Eazy is one of the least interesting rappers working today and this is the type of Halsey performance that just gets on my nerves.  You all know what I’m talking about right?  The performances where she sounds like she is sleepwalking her way through it.  It’s why I get so frustrated by her because she really is damn good when she tries. 

There are zero stakes and zero ounces of passion, which is probably the most shocking element of this song because as I stated, these two are dating.  What a bland love story this is.  Bonnie & Clyde this is not.  More like G-Eazy wanting to remake Bad Things.  Yeah that’s a more accurate comparison.  Didn’t need that song either.  Get this shit out of here.

Wumbo - #12

I'm watching the video for this now. Did you know G-Eazy's first name is Gerald? That's too perfect. I'm using that.

This latest song by Gerald Eazy, as stated, focuses on his new relationship with Halsey, which... girl, you can do better. Come on. Especially if he's going to consummate your relationship by featuring you on a blatant copy of "Bad Things".

To be fair, this is more competent than "Bad Things", because Machine Gun Kelly is just... holy god, is he terrible. And these two at least appear to be on the same page during most of the song. Look, if they're genuinely happy together, more power to them. Whatever. But you'd think more passion would show in a song basically about their new relationship together. This Bonnie & Clyde story remix sounds as lifeless and dull as anything else I talked about so far. No wonder Halsey's got a song called "Bad at Love" and Gerald has one called "Me, Myself & I". Because musically, they're probably better apart. Sorry.

 

Spoiler

13. “Mine” – Bazzi

 

Clappy - #19

Another VINE singer?  Christ, I thought once that platform died, we would stop getting this sort of crap.

Is this that bad of a song?  By no means does it sound bad.  I actually think this guy is more technically sound then some of the other singers I’ve come across that were big from Vine like Ruth B or Shawn Mendes.  The melody is pretty catchy too.

But this song has a HUGE problem that frustrates the hell out of me.  The song structure.  It sucks badly…and I mean BADLY.  This is barely one third of a song.  Hell, I’ve used this term loosely before, but this is barely a few seconds longer than a 1:30 iTunes demo clip.  And it’s in the top twenty.  Fucking how?!

Maybe if this song had like a bridge, a third verse….I don’t know.  SOMETHING.  This would feel more completed.  Hell, the song just ends abruptly.  Like Bazzi thought, I can’t possibly make something more creative than this so let’s just end the song right now.  And you know what, two can play at that game.  I’ll end this review just as abruptly.  Fuck off.

Wumbo - #8

Despite its shortness, I didn't find this nearly as objectionable. In fact, I'd call it the best Zayn song Zayn never released. And no, that's not a backhanded compliment. This definitely feels like what "Pillowtalk" could have been if it was, y'know, decent. Is it particularly standout in any way? Not really. Hell, it probably doesn't have time to be, clocking in at just over two minutes. But it's a nice enough little song. Even if it gained popularity for one of the stupidest reasons yet, at least that popularity went to something that sounds halfway decent for once.

 

Spoiler

12. “Psycho” – Post Malone (featuring Ty Dolla Sign)

 

Clappy - #14

So this is the second biggest song in the country right now after one week.  Please America, let it sink in that this white boy, who admittedly has no respect for the cultural significance of rap music of the past and present, has enough pull to make any single he releases a hit.  Even if that means completely ripping himself off.  Good lord this is shamelessly the same formula he used on “rockstar”.  I bet if I played these songs back to back, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.  Except for the fact that this is more subdued and chill, which I can at least appreciate because “rockstar” just felt like it was constantly in my face about how garbage of a song that was.

If there is one thing that makes this better for me without a doubt is the guest spot is a bigger improvement.  Ty Dolla Sign has always been one of the better hook artists to me constantly saving a number of bad songs from being so much worse.  And he’s definitely the best part of this song even though him and Post practically sound the same performance-wise.  Otherwise, Post Malone fuckboys it all over the place with him trying to cram that chorus down your head four-five times.  Next thing you all will tell me he’ll have a YouTube channel with only the chorus to promote on streaming like he did with “rockstar”.

Wumbo - #13

Hey look Post Malone has a new #2 single holy god who gives a shit

This isn't aggressively terrible like the other Post Malone songs on this list. But once again, there's nothing interesting or compelling about Post Malone's music. He basically co-opted a genre without understanding anything beyond "making hip hop songs will make me a lot of money". And, well, he's not wrong. We could have left this guy in 2016, and yet, here he still is. As for Ty Dolla $ign? I can barely tell where his part begins. He does so little to distinguish himself from Post Malone that I don't even get why he's here. All in all, yet another waste. At least this song got big off of actual buzz and not marketing trickery. Setting the bar low today, aren't we?

 

Spoiler

11. “I Fall Apart” – Post Malone

 

Clappy - #10

Okay I still stand by how fucking sick I am of Post Malone’s music, but at least this song is kind of interesting.  Laughably interesting, but still interesting all the same.  Are you sure you want to stand by your statement about modern rap music?  Because it sounds like you are providing depth to your music here.  At least until you get to all the jewelry flexing and the foreign cars…yeah way to fuck up your song about dealing with heartbreak.  Honestly, it sounds like he is more torn about the chains he bought than the girl he clearly still has feelings for.

I bet most people can’t stand his vocals in this song, but I admittedly like them.  I know I’ve said this before, but I have a soft spot for messy break-up songs and with those vocals, yeah I buy it.  I know it isn’t that good of a song and I can see why people might think this song is obnoxiously awful.  But I can tolerate it for the amount I know this sucks.  Sorry, not sorry.

Wumbo - #16

And now, anybody who wanted to hear a "sensitive" side of Post Malone, raise your hand.

Yeah, no. No no no no no. This song is at least hilarious enough to excuse it from being even lower for me, but good lord. Who greenlighted this? Even for a Post Malone song, this is embarrassing. He's obviously out of his depth writing a song like this, and his performance comes off sounding less like a hip hop song and more like some third-rate post-grunge song from ten years ago. You tell me this doesn't sound like a Saving Abel hip-hop remix. I dare you.

Like, this is a joke, right? He's not expecting any of us to catch the feels for him losing his "shorty", this being an even harder experience than "the liquor he pours". This has to be a joke. But even if it is, Post Malone is already a joke, so it's redundant. Again, I direct you to his comments on hip hop, and reiterate that if he believes this is true, the first logical step would be for him to kick his own ass out of the game.

 

Spoiler

10. “Thunder” – Imagine Dragons

 

Clappy - #11

This is still here!?  And it’s GAINING in performance?  Again!?

…there are some days I wish I could take everything positive I’ve ever said back about this.  This is the song I’m most sick of right now in the top twenty.  Even more so than I am with “rockstar”.  I hear this song EVERY DAY.  Whether it be at work because god knows I need to listen to Imagine Dragons every shift or in the car because this plays on pop stations, rock stations, adult alternative stations (LMAO at that), and I kid you not, this played on my classic rock station the other day.  I BEGGED THAT IT WAS A JOKE BUT IT WASN’T.  By that comparison, let’s put it this way.  96.5 The Planet considers Imagine Dragons as big to rock music as AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Journey, Foreigner, The Beatles…the motherfucking Beatles and Imagine BLEEPING Dragons.

I always promise to not let overplay affect my rankings, but this should be a lot lower if I did let it.

Wumbo - #9

Heh. This one grew on me a little, I'll admit. Yeah, yeah, I know what I said about this song and this band. But no, this isn't this high on my list just because OHMYGAAAAW THE CHARTS ARE SO BAD. That's certainly part of it, I still don't feel comfortable with this in my Top 10. But while Clappy grew more and more sick of this song, I just kinda became... numb to it.

It's... fine. I can't really get upset over this the same way I can "Believer", or even the band in general. It has momentum. It sounds uplifting. That's a lot more than I can say for many songs by this band or on this chart.

I still can't get over that stupid pitch shift in this song, though. No way is this song gonna be in a Top 10 of mine anytime soon, except by default here when Top 10 means half the list. And when the other half kinda sucks. But still.

God I can't believe this song is in my top half. I'm embarrassed for myself.

 

Spoiler

9. “God’s Plan” – Drake

 

Clappy - #9

Drake’s first solo number one sounds like so many of his other ones.  Let’s run down the line, shall we?

-People wanting to see Drake fail.

-How Drake wants separation from those who aren’t in his inner circle.

-Those who try to work their way into his life have ulterior motives.

Don’t sit there and tell me you haven’t heard him do songs about these subject matters before.  I can think of at least five songs off the top of my head about Drake’s paranoia and I know there are more out there.  The only real change is him mentioning how all of this is part of God’s plan for him.

Look this song is one of the most creatively bankrupt songs Drake could have put out right now and I definitely don’t agree with this being the biggest song in the country right now.  But why is this better than the other one?  Because I can’t get it out of my fucking head.

I hate to admit it, but this is a guilty pleasure.  I think it has to do with those organs.  It makes me feel like I’m at a sporting event.  I’ve always had a soft spot for jock jams like this and surprisingly it’s made the most creatively bankrupt song Drake has ever released tolerable for me.  Oh and this music video is great.  I wish more celebrities would put aside their ego and donate money to those less fortunate.  Drake may be a terrible boyfriend and an overexposed rapper, but he is a good person.

Wumbo - #11

I've been so negative for so long in this ranking, and it's probably draining to read. So I'll start with something positive here: I love this video.

I don't care if it's ultimately a self-aggrandizing move to do this to increase buzz for your single. You can't look bad giving money to people. Whatever, I'll take this shred of positivity. Video's great.

The song... kinda needs to stop being #1.

It's not a bad song. I really, still truly believe that. For late-career Drake, I actually kinda get it and could find myself liking the song every now and again. But it is also not a #1 smash hit. I'm okay with it being #1 for a little while, mostly because of the video, but we need some fresh blood on the top spot. Of course, with Post Malone's new single at #2, maybe "God's Plan" needs to be there until we deal with that.

Again, this is good for late-career Drake. And if weren't for the shitty state of the charts now and the video, this probably would not be as high. As is, it's a pretty mediocre track. But that still puts it above a lot of shit this time around...

 

Spoiler

8. “Let You Down” – NF

 

Clappy - #7

So this is kind of interesting.  We have a Christian rapper crossing over to the mainstream rap charts.  Or as he calls himself, a Christian who makes music for everyone.  Either way, this is the first time I’ve heard of him outside of him topping the album charts a few months ago.  And it’s a song about how he doesn’t want to disappoint his father…or is this about how he doesn’t want to disappoint his Father?  Either way, I think this okay.  NF’s flow is actually really good.  Kind of reminds me of Eminem especially with the dreary production to go along with it. 

But having a good flow only gets you so far when it comes to the content and there is one thing about it that bothers me.  The father sounds like an asshole.  He comes off as such a condescending prick that it makes you wonder why NF cares so much in the first place.  He has no reason to be so sorry about letting his father down.  He doesn’t need his approval…or is it God’s approval?  Look I believe in God and I’m a proud Christian, but if this is really about his relationship with God, this song sure does raise a lot of issues in that regard.

NF insists it’s about his own father from what I’ve read, but when you fall into the Christian music genre, it’s so easy to not make the connections towards religion.  It’s a good enough song as is and I legitimately like this.  It keeps growing on me, but I sure hope this doesn’t start an influx of Christian rap crossovers.  If there is one genre I don’t ever plan on fully diving into, it is faith based music.

Wumbo - #10

For a Christian rapper, this certainly could have been worse. But I hear this guy and I can't help but feel he's just the "lite" version of a hip hop artist. He doesn't even sound like he has enough confidence in his own bars, the verses are so short they take a backseat to that chorus, which... holy god, enough with the chipmunk pitch shifting. Didn't we abandon that seven years ago? Oh yeah... "Thunder" happened.

But y'know, he actually does have a message in this song and it's not like it's the same message of "god is great I love god" whatever. No posturing, no flexing, just an honest to god song about his family troubles. That alone is refreshing. I can't say I'll be coming back to this song very often, though. On a musical level it doesn't really jive with me.

 

Spoiler

7. “Pray For Me” – The Weeknd & Kendrick Lamar

 

Clappy - #8

So this is the big one from the Black Panther soundtrack, eh?  Two of the biggest names in mainstream radio now giving us a collaboration the public is dying to hear.  Disregarding the fact that they have collaborated with each other in the past, but our collective memories aren’t supposed to remember that because RADIO BUZZ!

It’s fine for what it is.  Although, I can definitely tell that this was focus grouped the hell out of.  Like some studio executive had The Weeknd come up with that chorus and then told Kendrick to come up with a verse to contribute so it can be just catchy enough to get mainstream radio recognition.  And honestly, both artists didn’t really feel like they drew anything up to make this as memorable as it could have been.  To me, it felt like The Weeknd is saving up his A-material for his next album and Kendrick was feeling clocked out after being involved with practically every song from this soundtrack.

Honestly, both of these artists have done better.  But it’s not like them on their B/C-level games are that bad.  I know The Weeknd is capable of so much worse when he’s not trying and at least Kendrick knows how to stay on topic.  So yeah, could have been better, but it's decent.  The movie itself on the other hand is fantastic and the soundtrack is pretty good.  Check both of those out fam.

Wumbo - #7

I expected this song to grow on me more than it has. It has two artists I absolutely love, being the closing track to a fantastic soundtrack album. And yet... this song in particular... man, I dunno. Just doesn't hit me the way it should. It's still good, both artists' missteps in their careers are few and far between. But it also feels like a muted "Starboy", and doesn't really pack as much punch as I would like, especially for the closing song of this soundtrack.

But watch, this song's gonna grow on me eventually and end up being my #2 pick for 2018 on a whole. It always fucking happens. I'm watching you, Abel.

 

Spoiler

6. “LOVE.” – Kendrick Lamar

 

Clappy - #6

Okay I know I’ve made my point crystal clear about DAMN. in the past about how it doesn’t tie together at all cohesively.  Look at this song as a prime example.  What does this have to do with the rest of the album tone-wise?  Nothing.

But I’ll be damned if this wasn’t one of my favorite songs from the album right up there with DNA and XXX.  You guys have no idea how glad I was to see Kendrick release this as his next single because it is a natural crossover radio single that can be played on both rap and pop stations.  I knew it had the potential to be a big single and so far, it’s done just that.

The song itself is pretty basic.  Kendrick describing the intense passion he shares for his fiancée is more than just sexual desire and affection.  This is honestly the most pop song Kendrick has ever done, right down to the producer, Greg Kurstin, who has worked with Sia and Adele over the past few years.  But I don’t consider that a downside because Kendrick is making it work greatly with a strong flow and just being the most straightforward and sincere he has ever been.  Even the chorus from Zacari, who I doubt we will ever hear from again, just adds to the mood of this very well.

It’s very unconventional from what we’ve come to expect from Kendrick, but I enjoy the hell out of this song.  Glad to see this doing so well.

Wumbo - #6

We go from one of the weakest songs off of Black Panther to one of the weakest songs off of DAMN. The difference is DAMN is on a whole other level, so even the weakest songs have some elements of good to them. Honestly, for me, Zacari kinda steals the show here. I love his vocal performance on the chorus, and then Kendrick just steps in with his nasal delivery and... it doesn't *not* work, per se, but it certainly doesn't hold up to Zacari's performance.

Still, certainly not a bad song. Kendrick does recover, and the song comes together as a whole. I just think there are other songs that I would like to see get big on the Hot 100 from this album, more than this one. Suppose it's too much to root for "XXX" or "Duckworth" but hey, I can dream, can't I?

 

Spoiler

5. “Havana” – Camila Cabello (featuring Young Thug)

 

Clappy - #5

Let this sink in for a minute.  My seventh best song of last year didn’t even crack my top four for this chart week.  Let that sink in as to how much of an improvement we’ve been getting in quality hits this year...or at the very least this chart week.

Either that or this song is kind of tiring on me a bit.  Because that’s slightly true.  Not entirely this song’s fault for being so great though.  I blame it more so on the ongoing problem pop radio has been having for practically the past year.  Which is that not all pop stations can classify what pop music is anymore.  And whenever they do discover a radio friendly pop hit, they overplay the hell out of it.  That is sort of what happened to me with “Havana”.

Also, my comments about this being Camila’s best hit is currently true.  I checked out that debut album.  Definitely was not impressed.  At least she will always have this song.

Wumbo - #5

Camila Cabello has more than proven herself as a force to be reckoned with on the pop charts. And I think this song, while not my favourite by her, is probably her best singing performance. Like, just listening to this song now, this is a great pop song. It adds a real Latin flavour to your typical pop song these days, and just runs with it. I admit I feel a bit disconnected from the song overall, which prevents it from going any higher for me. But "Never Be the Same" is right around the corner, so who knows? Camila Cabello may have a shot at my year-end Top 10 this year. Time will tell.

 

Spoiler

4. “New Rules” – Dua Lipa

 

Clappy - #4

I already did a pop song review for this so I’m going to keep my thoughts to the minimum.  I don’t think I emphasized enough in that review that I do think this is just a damn great pop song.  Yeah I still stand by my defense that I wish the music was better, but let me point out that the storytelling structure more than makes up for unmemorable production.  Because this song does something else for me that makes it really stand out from amongst the pack.  It’s trying.  Very hard.  And the effort is clearly there and read loud and clear by me.  It’s easy to point out that part of the reason pop music doesn’t feel as important is because some of these artists just aren’t trying anymore to make hit music.  That’s why this stands out even more for me and that’s why I am following Dua Lipa’s career even more closely than I have before.  Her follow-up is quite amazing too and hopefully this means more Dua Lipa on my radio.

Wumbo - #2

In this era of pop music where pop music seems to be taking a backseat to trap and hip-hop, it is rare for pop artists to try this hard. But Dua Lipa does, she really does. This is a fantastic track, with quite possibly the most charmingly simple but effective lyrics in quite some time. You don't need complex ideas as long as they're presented well. And by God, I don't think the presentation for these lyrics could be any better than they already are. It helps that Dua Lipa is such a force of personality herself, selling every moment of this song. See, the prospect of counting these "new rules" you have for yourself could come off as corny. But here, it just plain works, because of the conviction that Dua Lipa gives her performance. It's such a spectacular, dominating pop song, something we don't get enough of these days.

 

Spoiler

3. “Stir Fry” – Migos

 

Clappy - #3

Can we just sit back and listen to the song itself?  Because this beat is sick af.  Honestly, it’s the MVP of this song and it just goes to show that practically anything Pharrell touches nowadays turns to gold.

Okay that’s not completely fair.  This is one of the best performances Migos will ever do.  I’ve always liked their music better when the production isn’t so dour and depressing and how they play off This.  Sick.  Beat.  is just magic.  Their creativity is on full display with the amount of food references that overpower me at times with how impressive they are with wordplaying.  And I’ll be honest, this is the first time since their breakout last year that Quavo impressed me the most on a Migos song.  His chorus is massively earwormy and it’s his and it will always be his.  I know I won’t be thinking of it whenever I have stir fry for the next many years.

If Migos learn anything from the negative amount of reviews that Culture II received, it’s that we don’t want to listen to the same generic songs over and over again.  This song should be an example of what we want from them.  A breathe of fresh air.  Whip it.

Wumbo - #3

Migos made a song I love without any reservations. I guess it helps that Pharrell's producing.

This is one of those collaborations I didn't know I needed, but listening to it, yes, I absolutely needed this. Migos have never sounded better against Pharrell's masterful beat work, and to be fair, it's not all Pharrell that makes this song fucking great. Say what you will about Migos, they know their way around a beat and have admittedly captivating flow and ad-libs. This only gets turned up to eleven with this song, with everyone bringing their a-game. Every time I listen to this song, I legitimately don't want it to end. For Migos, that is praise I never would have anticipated giving. But holy shit, do they deserve it here.

 

Spoiler

2. “All The Stars” – Kendrick Lamar & SZA

 

Clappy - #1

I know what you are all thinking.  This?  Over "Finesse"?  A song that I proclaimed to be my favorite song from 24K Magic with an even better remix?  Yeah I probably should get my head checked out.  But this song man.  When I first heard it, I was amazed.  It just hit me so hard, right in the heart.  I couldn’t believe it.  This was for a motion picture soundtrack?  Wow this is one of the most gutpunching songs I’ve heard in quite some time.  And while Kendrick is good in such a limited role, he’s not the reason this is number one.

This is number one because of SZA.  If her breakout album wasn’t enough to show how big of a deal she was becoming, this is the song that makes her a household name.  Completely ignore the fact that she was on a Maroon 5 song recently because it’s easy to forget modern Maroon 5 songs.  This is the song that makes her into a star.  And that’s not all because of her amazing chorus.  Her verses are just as beautiful.  It’s just such an empowering song that makes you feel happy to be alive.  Her part is just way too good for words to be honest.  I love every single second of it.

SZA's career has been so good up until this point.  Her portion is such a moment of greatness that it will be hard pressed to top SZA's part of this song as my favorite musical moment of 2018.  I doubt that will change any time soon.

Wumbo - #4

Now this song hits me right in the gut, something "Pray for Me" never did. And a big part of that is SZA's amazing performance on the song. This feels like a song she was meant to sing on, not that Maroon 5 shit from last year that, honestly, I hate more and more with each listen.

This is a powerhouse of a song. You get one of the best rappers in the business and one of the best singers in the business, team them up for the Black Panther soundtrack, and you get exactly what you'd expect: mastery. I really hope SZA fully takes off after this, I just want to hear more and more from her.

 

Spoiler

1. “Finesse” – Bruno Mars & Cardi B

 

Clappy - #2

What else can I say that the music hot take-sphere hasn’t said about this masterpiece?  It’s just a damn excellent song.  I’ve been longing for Bruno to get to the 90s eventually since I thought he was starting to run the 80s dry and boy was it worth the wait when I heard this for the first time.  He wears the new jack swing genre like a glove.

So what does that say about Cardi B?  It says that if Bruno wears the genre like a glove, Cardi might as well be the long lost member of Bell Biv Devoe that we didn’t know about.  Christ.  Cardi B just keeps making me more and more of a fan with each song stealing performance she is featured on.  If upstaging Migos, Nicki, and G-Eazy wasn’t enough, she fucking steals this song from Bruno too.  Honestly, now it just makes me disappointed that she wasn’t featured on this even more.

It’s just insulting that this hasn’t hit number one yet…hell the fact that this hasn’t jumped to number two ahead of that Ed Sheeran snoozefest yet pisses me off to no end.  It’s a sign that the top twenty is broken and that we don’t deserve a song this fantastic.  Thanks American listening public, you’re all wrong and you know it, you know it.

Wumbo - #1

This Top 20 has been mostly excruciating and boring to get through. So that's why it feels so... cathartic to finally get to this song. This wonderful, amazing, fantastic song. I can barely find the words. I legitimately did not expect pop music to get to this level of good ever again. Leave it to Bruno.

Actually, let's not leave it to just Bruno. Because you know who really sells this song for me? Cardi B. See, this isn't the original version of this song. It's a remix. and Cardi B fucking kills her part and elevates this song from being merely great to being absolutely unmatchable.

Bruno Mars has been doing pastiches for a while now, but he is still unmistakably Bruno trying on a costume in a different era. Cardi B sounds like she belongs in this era. I swear to God, it's like she morphed into Left Eye right before my eyes. But she still brings her own flavour and goofiness to this track that, honestly, I haven't fully seen yet. Not only does Cardi B bring out the best in this song, this song brings out the best in her and her manic energy as a performer. Her channeling Lil Jon is the best two seconds in music in years.

I can't express enough how much I genuinely enjoy this track. That's enjoy with a capital J-O-Y. A song on the Hot 100 has not brought me this much unbridled joy and happiness since... well, since "Uptown Funk". God damn it, Bruno.  You're a fucking superstar, and you know it, you know it.

Love this song. Love this song to bits. Bruno Mars and Cardi B sit atop the throne of my Top 20, and until they leave the Top 20, I don't see that changing. The fact that this hasn't hit #1 is just plain wrong. But it doesn't stop this song from being the smash hit it deserves to be. All I'm saying is, when we get to the end of the year, don't be shocked when you see these two at the top once again.

 

Wumbo: Ugh. Bad bad week. Hopefully the bad stuff gets flushed down the toilet to make room for more goodstuff to complement what we already have. It's not completely hopeless: as long as Bruno, Cardi B, Dua Lipa, and, yes, Migos keep doing their thing I think we'll be fine for this year. There's just a lot of gunk that needs to be cleared out, and the sooner that gets taken care of, the better.

Clappy: Like I said earlier, not the best of weeks I've covered while doing this, but honestly, I see some signs of hope that we can flush out some of this crap and make 2018 a solid year for the Hot 100.  Of course they can't all be winners, but I'd like to remain optimistic about this being a good year.  Who knows when my next collaboration will be but I would like to thank Wumbo for joining me on this adventure.  Always enjoy working with you my friend.  Until next time, take care.

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I'm a little late, but I thought I'd express some of my afterthoughts:

-I just don't see how anyone would've wanted to see 6ix9ine get big. I couldn't have said it better when it comes to the guy as a person and the song. And speaking of his mixtape, this is unrelated to 6ix9ine, but I've heard the person who drew for it went under fire for tracing a piece of fan art from a fan artist. (The artwork in particular mimics that of Pen Ward's style, but that distinction is not surprising to me.) Hopefully, 6ix9ine's success seriously fizzles out sooner than later.
-One placement I actually really disagree with is "Perfect," a song in which I can't deny is excruciatingly inoffensive, and it may be a retool of "Thinking Out Loud," but despite those sentiments, I don't think there's anything immorally wrong with it.
-"Meant to Be" and "The Middle" [by Zedd] are almost equally horrendous. If Sam Hunt releases new material this year, then I dread the fate of hit country music in 2018. What really gets me off when it comes to "The Middle" is that Maren Morris is a very well-established country singer. I really liked just about every single from her debut album that she had released since and "The Middle" just drastically sucks away her personality. It's no surprise when it's coming from Zedd, but still...
-I hate to admit it, but...."Him & I" has been growing on me.
-Love "New Rules," "Finesse," "All the Stars," and "Stir Fry." If I have to pick, "Finesse" is my current contender for best hit of 2018, while "Stir Fry" isn't too far behind for me.

Anyways, great review as always.

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I mean, "The Middle" isn't even a country song... at all. The fact that it has a country singer is just incidental. It functions as your typical EDM song.

Of course I think the same thing about "Meant to Be" in terms of how "country" it is but country radio is playing it so hey what do I know

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Long overdue but it's here.

 

I honestly still don't know how I feel about this year overall.  Definitely not the strongest retrospective chart I've covered in rewind.  I know for the longest time I thought 2010 was the worst retrospective year end quality wise, but I at least got what 2010 was in terms of hit music.  It had an identity even if that identity was tons and tons of party music.  What the hell is 2003?  Is it crunk music is on the rise?  Is it angry?  Is it pro-patriotic?  I honestly don't know.  For now, it's safe to say this is officially the least interesting year I've covered doing these retrospective recaps.  Who knows what year I'll do next or when, but I'm actually kind of glad I did a not so interesting year though.  It brought upon an actual challenge.

All that being said, even the not as interesting of years have their fair share of good music and this year's personal top ten I would definitely go up to bat for.  So why not waste any more time?  Because I know I did making this list.  We're counting down!
 

CLAPPY'S TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2003

 

Spoiler

I wish I could properly explain why I love this choice, but I just can’t.  It’s utter nonsense.  But it’s entertaining as all hell and I can quote this song for days.  FROM THE WINDOWSSSS TO THE WALLSSSS!

 

10. “Get Low” – Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz (featuring The Ying Yang Twins)

 

 

It’s easy to look back now and say that crunk was such a stupid genre, but all fads started with one song and this was the song that populized crunk as a thing.  It was raunchy.  It was gross.  It was provocative.  But dammit I love every second of it.

In all honesty, this was a borderline contender for the top ten proper up until the very last minute, but the Hot 100 of the present just really reminds me how much we could use a song like this right now.  Not saying that I don’t like the heavy amounts of trap music, I get it for the most part.  But you step back and take a look at the Lil Pumps, the Kodak Blacks, and especially the 6ix9ine’s of the world, and none of these guys have the charisma to really connect and make me remember them.  What I’m trying to say is none of these guys are Lil Jon.

Lil Jon is such a towering presence for having next to no actual talent.  He’s a hype man and every time we get to him shouting this iconic chorus, it just gets me bumped.  God bless this man because this song would be especially less memorable without him.  YEAH!

 

Spoiler

 

See?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again despite all the shit I’ve said about her in the 2010s and as recently as the other week.  Christina Aguilera does have good music to me.  This is such a beautiful song that has such a great message that empowers you.  I do legitimately like empowerment anthems if they actually strike me on such a deep personal level…

…and this didn’t make my best list.  Sorry.  Hell it’s not even the best Christina Aguilera on this year end list.  There was a second song on this list with the same title and it just straight up bumps.

 

9. “Beautiful” – Snoop Dogg (featuring Pharrell and Charlie Wilson)

 

 

Good lord I might as well just reserve a spot for anything associated with Pharell for anything in the 21st century.  He keeps on popping up on these best lists and spoiler alert, this isn’t the only Neptunes produced song on this best list.

This was a huge one for Snoop.  After practically ten years of being out of the top ten, Snoop was back in the spotlight after getting out of that disastrous contract with Master P’s record label, where he was producing so many shit albums without any real substance to them.

As for this one?  It’s a straight forward thugs need love song.  And you know what’s refreshing for a change?  Snoop is actually telling a story about a specific woman in his life.  Points alone for that because most rappers around that time frame…hell most rappers now…hell Snoop now…can make songs like this about any woman because it will get them laid.  This is one of the few times where Snoop’s attention to detail seems to be in focus and I can buy it.

And as stated, Pharrell just fucking kills this chorus as well as those backing vocals from Charlie Wilson, who really deserves better in practically everything from his career.

This song is just simply cool as hell…wait that’s not the right adjective.  What was the word again?

 

Spoiler

With all of the turmoil going on in the world back then and right now, it is times like these that make me grateful for escapism like movies, music, video games, the internet, writing up these top ten lists, etc.  But even then, it is still hard to have conversations with people without bringing up what’s going on right now.  So it’s times like these that make me want to ask the important questions when brought up.  Like WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE WORLD, MOMMA!

 

8. “Where Is the Love?” – The Black Eyed Peas

 

2003.  The year The Black Eyed Peas became the incarnation of what we all know today.  Awhile back, I decided to check out what their sound was before Fergie joined the group and honestly, it’s kind of surprising.  I know I wouldn’t have expected them to “sellout” and I use that term because will.i.am did as well in interviews since he was afraid of doing that too after their first two albums were unsuccessful.  But honestly, I’m glad that they sold out because I couldn’t even picture these guys without Fergie in their peak years.

So yeah, this was their first of many huge hits and honestly, I am still a sucker for it today even after all these years.  Love the conscious questions it has about society, love Fergie’s chorus, love Justin Timberlake’s uncredited vocals.  It’s just a damn good song that makes me nostalgic for better days.

All this praise aside, the 2016 re-release charity single can go fuck itself:

 

Yeah remember when will.i.am said he was afraid of selling out?  Want to answer that question again fifteen years later Will?

 

Spoiler

It was quite easy to get sick of the toxic sludge that was nu-metal clogging up the rock station waves in the early 2000s.  I know I sure was.  If I didn’t hear it on the radio, I heard it on my wrestling shows.  There sure were a lot of angry white boys back then.  Which begs the question.  Where were the angry white girls?

Not really sure if Evanescence counts.  As much as I love Amy Lee’s voice and this song, they were always kind of overdramatically silly to me.  If I wanted angry white girl music, I need something raw.  Real.  And righteously pissed off.

 

7. “Are You Happy Now?” – Michelle Branch

 

…and I hate to admit it, but if there was one pop singer that can give it to me well in this time period, it was Michelle Branch.  I haven’t always been the biggest Michelle Branch fan, but when she did angry pop songs like this, it just felt so right.  Hell, this was getting radio play on my alternative rock stations back in the day.  That’s how right in that wheelhouse she felt.

What really does this in for me is her commitment.  I’m about to step on some toes here, but if you give this to Avril Lavigne and I wouldn’t have bought it.  Not saying I’m not a fan of Avril, she has a good attention to detail with her songwriting, but her performances weren’t always the same sort of reaction for me.  It’s that attention to detail that really made Michelle Branch a much better performer of pop rock for me.

It’s a shame she didn’t want to stay in that sort of lane because then she decided to go to country music and fell flat off the face of the mainstream radio scene.  I hope you’re happy with that decision now.

 

Spoiler

As I’ve stated before, I was mostly into country music during this year.  As you will notice in my full rankings, I’m incredibly forgiving to a good portion of the genre this year.  Enough to the point that I placed a song in my top ten.  From one of my all-time favorite females from the genre.  Enjoy.

 

6. “Forever and For Always” – Shania Twain

 

Alright to be fair, this barely qualifies as country music in 2003.  Shania’s record from this year was absolutely trying to crossover onto the pop charts badly.  Most of the songs burned out on the charts badly, but this one stuck the landing since it was able to play on country stations, pop stations, and the station I heard this on the most, and still do today might I add: ADULT ALTERNATIVE.  And you all know how that goes with that genre.

This song’s success is mainly about the topic at hand.  Young love that evolves over time into lifelong love.  And you know what?  I do genuinely love songs like this when done right and it’s absolutely done correctly here.  Shania dropped the bubblegum country-pop gimmicks from said record and just focused on a steadfast love ballad and it’s just absolutely wonderful every time I hear it.

Oh and that music video is one of my favorites from this year.  It’s just a joy to watch every time I see it.  This song will keep aging gracefully in my book.  Forever and for always.

 

Spoiler

And now we go from a song so elegant and graceful to a song about shaving cha-chas.  Gross.

 

5. “Work It” – Missy Elliott

 

Gross indeed.  A song about how much females enjoy having sex.  Who wants to hear that?  I do actually.  It’s such a righteous song in a time period where you didn’t hear females rap about how much they enjoy having it.  Leave it to Missy Elliott to not be afraid to make a song about it.  The woman is just a sheer force of personality that you have no choice but to shut your mouth and listen to her.  She is such a blessing in the early 2000s.

But yeah, this song is great.  Timbaland’s production work is on point and works off Missy’s flow practically perfectly.  And while Missy’s flow is amazing and her lyrics are incredibly descriptive about what sex with her would be like, let’s be honest.  The best part of the song is her rapping backwards.  It’s what really makes this song standout even more than the subject matter.  Prove me wrong, but no one else has replicated this idea.  It’s hers and she owns it.  She takes that flips it down and reverses it.  Gnos siht si os dna gnizama s’ti.

 

Spoiler

The more I listen to today’s rap music scene, the more I miss one artist in particular who was huge this decade.  HEY DJ BRING LUDACRIS BACK!

 

4. “Stand Up” – Ludacris (featuring Shawna)

 

Seriously good lord do I miss one Chris Bridges.  I’m glad he’s stepping out and trying to expand his talents into acting.  He definitely has the personality for it.  But he is badly missed making music.  Did you guys know he made an album in 2015?  I sure as hell didn’t.  Are you all telling me that the music industry doesn’t need Ludacris to be successful anymore?  Who the hell are we going to get to tell us to “MOVE BITCH!” or “GET BACK!” 

His personality is sorely missed and the longer he’s gone from today’s hits, the more his past songs keep aging gracefully for me.  And this one is a banger.  It just makes Luda’s bars stand out even more.  To quote the song itself, it makes him look like a million bucks.  You can thank Kanye for that.  This song just gives you no choice and makes you STAND UP.

 

Spoiler

I seriously do enjoy doing these Billboard year end lists.  One of my favorite parts is looking at the rankings themselves to see how right and wrong they are about how much a song dominated this year.  Like let’s talk about the direct top of the charts for a minute:

Yeah I can see why this is number one.  It is definitely high up there for me in terms of how much an impact it had on this year, but it shouldn’t be number one.  Number two?  I would consider the remix to Ignition top ten, but not number one.  Number three?  Oh hell no.  Sean Paul may have been big in this time period, but not even close to being right.  The reason I’m going down this list is because number four should be the real number one.

 

3. “Crazy in Love” – Beyoncé (featuring Jay-Z)

 

 

Let’s not play around.  When I think of 2003 music, I don’t think of country music or rock music despite how much I listened to it.  I think of this one song.  This song dominated this year.  It’s a sheer force of raw presence and personality that matches the two artists on this song.  I can’t think of a single moment from this song that isn’t interesting.

Everything about it is just fantastic.  Beyonce and Jay-Z complement each other very well.  The production is as bombastic as this song is.  The chorus.  Jay’s guest verse.  The bridge.  The verses.  Like I said, every moment of this song just captivates you with raw energy that makes you crazy in love with it.  No wonder this song is always a go to when it comes to radio station throwbacks.  It fits in like a glove and is just as rejuvenating the 1000th time you hear it.

 

Spoiler

I don’t want to call it the end of an era, but I just can’t picture Justin Timberlake ever being relevant in the mainstream music industry ever again after how disastrously Man of the Woods was received.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a big fan and I can still seeing JT coming back to make more music.  He’s earned the right to with how big his general star power just is in the entertainment industry.  But if you want to talk about just having this unshatterable glass image of him being the king of cool…yeah even I have to admit that he’s dad lame now.  That being said, all this doesn’t have any effect on his past work at all.

 

2. “Rock Your Body” – Justin Timberlake

 

Yeah I know you all probably saw this coming.  I’m even more predictable than an awards show.  Let me heap even more praise onto one of the defining artists of the 2000s pop music scene.  Isn’t Justin Timberlake just the prince of all thing pop music?  Well let’s just get this out of the way.

If you want to talk about where my man crush on this guy started, look no further.  This was just the epitome of cool.  It completely shattered my early image of him from his N’SYNC days.  This is how you get others to take you seriously as a solo artist.  You work with some of the best producers in the music industry.  You ditch the boy band aesthetics.  You just break down barriers and make career defining music.

To rewind back to my previous entry, if “Crazy in Love” is the most defining single of this year, this is a supremely close second.  And both songs are practically a neck and neck tie for me in terms of rankings on this best list, but at the end of the day, this just sticks with me more when it comes to how it affects my perception on them as artists.  Don’t be so quick to walk away from this thread just yet.  There’s still one more song left…

 

Spoiler

I really hate the fact that there is no suspicion as to what is going to top my best list.  I gave the answer away years ago when I talked about my top ten best songs ever list.  Even though I changed that ruling to what my top ten most listened to songs on iTunes, it just goes to show how much I love this song.  So why not waste all of your time any further?

Let’s talk about the Oscar winning mom’s spaghetti:

 

1. “Lose Yourself” – Eminem

 

 

To me, even amongst the endless amount of memes that have tried incredibly hard to kill this song for me, this is still Eminem at his best.  Yes that still stands true to this day despite how deep his discography is of good to great music.  It perfectly represents how popular of an artist he is.  It’s just an atom bomb of a rap song.  Killer production, killer verses, and it just oozes in absolute power.

This is the epitome of the king on top of the mountain.  Honing his craft and letting us bask in his presence.  It perfectly represents how masterful Em is at his craft, regardless of what happened immediately after this with the huge fall from grace, the multiple failed comeback records, the "eh" comeback record, the return to greatness (Marshall Mathers LP 2), the mess that is his latest record.  Okay going through that timeline was rough, but it's worth it because I think it's safe to say we will never get another Eminem.

And to me, this is the defining song of his long prosperous career.  And as a lifelong fan, I will defend this man and this song because this talent comes once in a lifetime you better appreciate it while you can.

Mom's spaghetti.

 

Full Rankings:

Spoiler

1. “Lose Yourself” – Eminem

2. “Rock Your Body” – Justin Timberlake

3. “Crazy in Love” – Beyonce (featuring Jay-Z)

4. “Stand Up” – Ludacris (featuring Shawnna)

5. “Work It” – Missy Elliott

6. “Forever and For Always” – Shania Twain

7. “Are You Happy Now?” – Michelle Branch

8. “Where is the Love?” – The Black Eyed Peas

9. “Beautiful” – Snoop Dogg (featuring Pharrell and Charlie Wilson)

10. “Get Low” – Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz (featuring The Ying Yang Twins)

11. “Ignition (Remix)” – R. Kelly

12. “The Game of Love” – Santana and Michelle Branch

13. “Fighter” – Christina Aguilera

14. “I Can” - Nas

15. “Bring Me to Life” – Evanescence (featuring Paul McCoy)

16. “Sing for the Moment” – Eminem

17. “Miss Independent” – Kelly Clarkson

18. “Beautiful” – Christina Aguilera

19. “19 Somethin’” – Mark Wills

20. “Real Good Man” – Tim McGraw

21. “In Da Club” – 50 Cent

22. “How You Gonna Act Like That” – Tyrese

23. “She Hates Me” – Puddle of Mudd

24. “Underneath It All” – No Doubt (featuring Lady Saw)

25. “What Was I Thinkin’” – Dierks Bentley

26. “Don’t Know Why” – Norah Jones

27. “Picture” – Kid Rock (featuring Sheryl Crow)

28. “Gossip Folks” – Missy Elliott and Ludacris

29. “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere” – Alan Jackson (featuring Jimmy Buffett)

30. “Excuse Me Miss” – Jay-Z

31. “Jenny from the Block” – Jennifer Lopez (featuring Jadakiss and Styles P)

32. “Superman” – Eminem

33. “21 Questions” – 50 Cent (featuring Nate Dogg)

34. “Miss You” – Aaliyah

35. “Beer for My Horses” – Toby Keith (featuring Willie Nelson)

36. “Suga Suga” – Baby Bash (featuring Frankie J)

37. “Come Over” – Aaliyah

38. “Don’t Mess With My Man” – Nivea (featuring Jagged Edge)

39. “03 Bonnie & Clyde” – Jay-Z (featuring Beyonce)

40. “Love of My Life (An Ode to Hip-Hop)” – Erkyah Badu (featuring Common)

41. “I Want You” – Thalia (featuring Fat Joe)

42. “The Remedy (I Won’t Worry)” – Jason Mraz

43. “Frontin’” – Pharrell (featuring Jay-Z)

44. “Thugz Mansion” – 2Pac

45. “I’m With You” – Avril Lavigne

46. “Like a Stone” – Audioslave

47. “Why Don’t You and I” – Santana (featuring Alex Band)

48. “Rain on Me” – Ashanti

49. “Step In the Name of Love” – R. Kelly

50. “Clocks” - Coldplay

51. “So Gone” - Monica

52. “Put that Woman First” – Jaheim

53. “Cry Me a River” – Justin Timberlake

54. “Baby Boy” – Beyonce (featuring Sean Paul)

55. “Into You” – Fabolous (featuring Tamia)

56. “When I’m Gone” – 3 Doors Down

57. “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems” – Kenny Chesney

58. “Shake Ya Tailfeather” – Nelly, P. Diddy, and Murphy Lee

59. “Get Busy” – Sean Paul

60. “Say Yes” - Floetry

61. “Damn!” – YoungBloodZ (featuring Lil Jon)

62. “Rock Wit U (Awww Baby)” – Ashanti

63. “Hell Yeah” – Ginuwine (featuring Baby)

64. “Headstrong” – Trapt

65. “Can’t Let You Go” – Fabolous (featuring Lil Mo and Mike Shorey)

66. “My Front Porch Looking In” – Lonestar

67. “No Letting Go” – Wayne Wonder

68. “Holidae In” – Chingy (featuring Ludacris and Snoop Dogg)

69. “Never Leave You (Uh Oooh, Uh Oooh)” - Lumidee

70. “Wanksta” – 50 Cent

71. “Red Dirt Road” – Brooks & Dunn

72. “Landslide” – Dixie Chicks

73. “Unwell” – Matchbox Twenty

74. “I Know What You Want” – Busta Rhymes and Mariah Carey (featuring Flipmode Squad)

75. “Don’t Wanna Try” – Frankie J

76. “P.I.M.P.” – 50 Cent

77. “My Love is Like… Whoa” - Mya

78. “Air Force Ones” – Nelly (featuring St. Lunatics)

79. “Angel” – Amanda Perez

80. “The Jump Off” – Lil Kim (featuring Mr. Cheeks)

81. “Magic Stick” – Lil Kim (featuring 50 Cent)

82. “Sick of Being Lonely” – Field Mob

83. “In Those Jeans” – Ginuwine

84. “Bump Bump Bump” – B2K and P. Diddy

85. “Like Glue” – Sean Paul

86. “Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop” – Young Gunz

87. “Mesmerize” – Ja Rule (featuring Ashanti)

88. “Calling All Angels” – Train

89. “If You’re Not the One” – Daniel Bedingfield

90. “Flying Without Wings” – Reuben Studdard

91. “Right Thurr” - Chingy

92. “Here Without You” – 3 Doors Down

93. “Can’t Hold Us Down” – Christina Aguilera (featuring Lil Kim)

94. “All I Have” – Jennifer Lopez (featuring LL Cool J)

95. “Drift Away” – Uncle Kracker (featuring Dobie Gray)

96. “This is the Night” – Clay Aiken

97. “Intuition” - Jewel

98. “Your Body is a Wonderland” – John Mayer

99. “Thoia Thoing” – R. Kelly

100. “Have You Forgotten?” – Darryl Worley

 

As always, I'll gladly give any other additional thoughts upon request.  And as always, thanks for reading guys.

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okay, "She Hates Me" as high as #23? explain yourself plz.

With all seriousness though, love your lists; your top and bottom #1's are very solid picks, if I might add.
 

Anyways, you know the drill:

Cry Me a River
Landslide
Unwell
Baby Boy
Bring Me to Life

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