Old Man Jenkins

Mature Community Deathmatch

337 posts in this topic

I cried tears of joy. A SBC parody of Celebrity Deathmatch just screams with potential. I demand a Jelly vs Unlimitedcha match in a Representative Chairwoman steel cage match.



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I've never enjoyed something so much





Rest in Power, Hotrod                                                                             

いち ルル: ルルは したがう すっかり
に ルル: かべ かくたない


♚ ♛ ♜ ♝ ♞

▀▄▀▄▀▄ ąɲ¥๏ɲ€ ȼąɲ $µȼЌ ρ€ɲɨ$, βµţ ɲ๏β๏ď¥ ȼąɲ ρ€€ $µȼЌɲɨ$ ▄▀▄▀▄▀

Put your hands over your hearts… and in a loud, clear voice, say along with me… We, The People.

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My gawd that was just beautiful <3









^Credit goes to AcidicDragon, go check out his button store (if you had a time machine that is)!

Eh...What's Up Doc?

Shows To Look Out For:

  • SpongeBob - Every Day on Nickelodeon! :D
  • Toonami - Saturday nights at 12AM EST only on [adult swim]
  • Sailor Moon - 2 new episodes every Monday on Hulu!
  • Sailor Moon Crystal - on Hulu and Crunchyroll!



  • 13th Eliminated in The XAT Games 2
  • Gary The Snail's Undersea Adventures: Featured Spin-Off/Lit - SBC News - Episode 16
  • Being George Washington for The Independence Day Stop What You're Doing
  • Winning Jeopardy Game Season 2 - Episode 35 - Fireworks and Drama
  • Surprisingly Winning Jeopardy Game Season 2 - Episode 37 - The Gnarlies Game In The Ocean
  • Winning The SpongeBob Trivia Contest
  • Once Again Surprisingly Winning Jeopardy Game Season 2 - Episode 44 - The Most Unfair Game In Da World
  • Winning Three Single Rounds of Wumbo and Clappy's Christmas Trivia Contest
  • Winning The Overall Prize (25 dollar iTunes gift card and 100,000 doubloons) of The SBC Christmas Trivia Contest
  • Ex-Representative of SBC.
  • Winning The SBJ 2013 and 2014 Valentine's Day Games
  • Winning The 100th Game of SpongeBob Jeopardy!!!!



Currently Running

  • Gary The Snail's Undersea Adventures
  • The Archives of CNF1


On Hiatus

  • SpongeBob Jeopardy: The Series (Given rights)
  • Nick The Goldfish Slayer
  • SpongeBob and His Friends



  • The Comic Book (scrapped)
  • Sponge's Atlantis: The Reboot
  • Choose Your Own Spin-Off (Given rights)
  • Mickey Mouse Adventures (ended)
  • CD and CNF's Cartoon Funhouse
  • Battle Swords
  • The Great Toon Crossover
  • IJLSA Adventure Movies (Given rights)
  • Cartoon All-Stars (co-ownership with Mike and I)
  • Break A Leg! (Given rights)
  • Patchy's Talk Show



GCA's #2: Best Female Character: Snellie








GCA's #4: Most Well Written: Killer Krab by CNF1 and OMJ! (Sorry OMJ about your name not being on the award. :/ - also doesn't apply anymore cause I gave the rights back.)



Best New Creator: CNF1!




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jjs vs OMJ. Bring it on!



credit to cha for this



I was the June 2013 EOTM Achievements


winning jeopardies 64 (team game) and 76 (solo and anniversary game) and the season 4 opener, hosted roulette redux and won a game to become the game king! also being the first (I think) player not allowed to play for more then one game to normal rules and an all star game. Nominated for various categories in the GCA's 4. More likely to come in the future.


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Wumbo revs the chainsaw up again and is about to plunge it into Dylan's face but Dylan's Video Phone rings, stopping.

That's a Beyonce song that featured Gaga, would've made more sense if you said his Telephone was ringing (which was one of Gaga's most popular songs). :P

but good god this was amazing did you have to look up all those songs? xD



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The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entire coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe OMJ.

...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!

Episode 2: Deathmatch of the Decade

photo-2635.gif vs. Whale_blubber.jpg

Jjs: A beloved member returns to the Community to enter the Deathmatch Arena to face his demon once and for all tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

Jjs: Welcome death fans!


Jjs: I'm jjsthekid!

OMJ: And I'm Old Man Jenkins with a shave ice!

Jjs: Drinking on the job? That's just unprofessional.

OMJ: You're unlrofessional.

Jjs: And welcome to Community Deathmatch!

OMJ: The only lit on SBC where the drama actually matters.

Jjs: Speaking of drama, that's what we're chock-full of tonight as "That 70s Guy" Travis and "SBC's #1 Tall Tale" WhaleBlubber will fight to their grisly demise! To men enters, one man leaves. But enough formalities. Jenkins, hit the tape!

OMJ: tumblr_lnjku896G61qm5helo1_500.gif

Jjs: Aye aye aye.

Group: Customers

Active Posts: 12,397

Profile Views: 896

Age: 16 years old

Birthday:November 4, 1996

Gender: Not Telling

Jjs As most of us may know.

OMJ: It's a fucking travesty if you haven't.

Jjs: Travis was once a highly respected admin-

OMJ: Not as much you.

Jjs: OMJ, you're too much!

OMJ: Why, he was even Main Admin until his regime was brought down by last episode's winner, Dylan, in a power struggle that surely puts Caligula to shame. Surely.

Jjs: After his dramatic fall from grace, from being one of SBC's enduring Managers to being a low income-earning Customer, more insult was added to his long list of injuries that includes a broken ankle, a dislodged and very, very unsanitary dick as SBC's adversary, WhaleBlubber, revealed Travis' bluff and exposed him as the Glee-watching little kid he truly is.

OMJ: As the tape says, at really just 16 years-old, Travis comes into this deathmatch with plenty of years of experience under his belt (hurr), as well as being a former Top Overall Poster Ever, you have to think that this will definitely go into his favor.

Jjs: And with him not telling us his gender despite us all already knowing it, you'd think that will quite surely come into play into this deathmatch. Surely.

OMJ: And on other end of the spectrum, there lurks WhaleBlubber. SBC's resident troll and mortal enemy. We might not know a lot about him, but he sure seems to know a lot about us.

Jjs: And that's saying something about someone who isn't even registered here.

OMJ: Jjs, that says a lot about us as a staff.

Jjs: But enough of that! Lets get down to the ring where referee, Elastic Dog, will signal the start of the bout!

Elastic: Alright you two. I want a good, clean fight! Ball and rape is legal! Absolutely no blowjobs! *looks at Travis* Any last requests?

Travis: Don't Stop Believing!

Jjs: Yeah, I stopped believing every word he said years ago.

Blubber: shit feces vaginal poo.

Elastic: Alright, LETS GET IT ON! But not THAT WAY, 70s.

OMJ: And one of the many death matches we've all been waiting for finally commences, as Travis and Blubber size each other for an early advantage. NOT THAT WAY, 70s!

Travis: You ruined my online life, you son of a bitch. Now I'm gonna ruin something of yours!

Travis pulls out his iPod and sets on his Glee playlist.

Travis: There's a lady who's sure! *punches Blubber two times in the gut* That all that glitters is gold! *knees Blubber in the face four times* And she's buying a stairway to heaven!

Travis jumps up into the air by hopping off of Blubber's knee before landing an elbow drop to the back of Blubber's neck, fucking up his neck all over the mat.

OMJ: That son of a bitch!

Jjs: What is it, Jenkins?

OMJ: He's ruining Stairway to Heaven!

Travis: When she gets there she knows! *kicks Blubber to times in the ribs* If the stores are all closed, with a word she can get what she came for! *stomps on Blubber repeatedly*

Jjs: This is starting to look bad for Blubber and that deathmatch just started!

OMJ: I guess Glee really does knock people dead. Seriously, look at their ratings.

70s picks Blubber up and throws him into the corner turnbuckle and charges at him only to be met with a Blubber Boot to face.

Jjs: Oh! Travis walked into that one!

OMJ: Like the time his wife, Sara, walked into him mid-blowjob with his co-worker.

Jjs: You know that was just a lie, right?

OMJ: It's still real to me, dammit!

Blubber: Oh, I know you, Travis. I know every move in your book, before you make em!

Travis: Says you!

Travis tries nailing Blubber with lefts and rights but Blubber manages to dodge every hit before catching Travis' left fist and bending his wrist back, breaking it as Travis cries in pain.

Jjs: You can add a broken arm to that long list injuries!

Blubber: I told you 70s, I'll always be one step ahead.

Travis: Fuck you, cunt!

Travis goes for one of his Bell-Bottomed Kicks but Blubber catches his leg before it can connect. He holds Travis in the this awkward position.

Blubber: Since you've had your share of blowjobs, how about a little change of pace? A handjob, from Blubber with love.

Blubber proceeds to pound Travis' testicles repeatedly for about a minute before finally letting up.

Travis: OH NO! AAAAH!

Blubber: You won't be having yourself anymore kids anytime soon. But lets change the pace even more.

Travis: Don't you dare! I'm warning you!

Blubber trips Travis's other leg and pins him to the mat with his boot. He holds Travis' legs apart before proceeding to fist him repeatedly for another minute or so.

OMJ: You can add broken balls and a broken ass while you're at it.

Travis: My babies. Ooohhhhh. Oh, future Nick and Prudence!

With his fist still lodged in Travis' ass, Blubber proceeds to raise Travis up and pounds him against the mat repeatedly before finally slamming him head first, dislodging his fist from his anus. Blubber proceeds to lock his hand that committed the deed and looks quotes pleased with himself.

OMJ: Shitty deals right there. *sips shave ice*

Travis rolls out of the ring and starts crawling up the entranceway for his life. Blubber gives chase.

OMJ: You know, I heard Travis once got sent to real butt-pounding jail for beating a Target cashier senseless for calling him a "fag".

Jjs: That was a lie too.

OMJ: ITSSTILLEREALTOME! *chugs down some shave ice*

Jjs: And 70s is crawling for dear life up the entranceway as Blubber looks to swoop in on him for the kill, in a deathmatch that has quickly gone into his favor!

OMJ: And what's this? Travis is ascending the ladder that leads right up to our commentating booth, Jjs!

Jjs: What in Neptune's name is he trying to do here!

OMJ: Hopefully not one of us!

Travis reaches the top and enters the commentating booth atop the entranceway. Jjjs and OMJ get up from their seats.

OMJ: Stand back Jjs, he got us in a confined space. There's no telling what he might do.

Travis looks through the booth for something to use.

OMJ: Trav? Travis? What are you doing-

Travis: Get out of the way!

Travis commands as if he still has admin power here, as he pushes OMJ into Jjs and grabs his shave ice.

OMJ: Travis! Travis?! Trav, what are you doing? My shave ice! What are you're doing?!

Jjs: Here comes Blubber!

Right as Blubber reaches the top of the ladder, Travis throws the shave ice into his face, disorienting him before kicking Blubber off the ladder and crashing down to the floor below.

OMJ: You're out of control!

Jjs: Travis slushed Blubber with a Big Quench before booting him right off the Deathmatch entrance way! Travis gives OMJ back his cup, but OMJ just tosses it to the side as Travis goes for a big elbow drop onto Blubber from the commentating booth and nails it, planting his elbow right into Blubber's chest.

Jjs: Bah GAWD! Travis nails the Whale right in the heart! It could be all over from here!

Elastic heads out to check on Blubber as Travis celebrates by singing some Journey, but he's still breathing.

Elastic: Don't go home to your sugar daddy just yet! He's still breathing! This deathmatch is still getting it on!

Jjs: And by some miracle Blubber is still alive and breathing.

OMJ: It's a miracle how he can still waltz into this site as he pleases.

Travis: Alright you bitch. *picks Blubber up* This is for Nick! *punches Blubber back towards the ring* This is for Prudence! *kicks Blubber back into the ring* And this is for Sara! *jumps onto the ring rope and bounces off for another elbow drop but Blubber moves out of the way, causing Travis to further break his already broken arm*

Jjs: Oooh, that might just be the end of that arm.

OMJ: No more giving handjobs for child support for a while.

Blubber gets back up and picks Travis up by his injured arm.

Blubber: Lets finish this shit shit.

Blubber raises Travis up by the throat, choking him as Travis claws at his face, desperately trying to get out of it. He claws at Blubber's nose and furiously pulls at his face until Blubber's entire face peels right off.

OMJ: I think I'm gonna have some of my shave ice back!

Jjs: Bah GAWD! He just pulled Blubber's faces right out of his head!

Blubber drops Travis to the may as Travis scurries back and looks up at his opponent. He appears shock as Blubber moves his seemingly injured face away from the palms of his hands.

Travis: You?!

Jjs: Dear Neptune below! That can't be who I think it is!

OMJ: *puzzled* Who is it?

Jjs: It's 70s!

OMJ: Wait? What?

Jjs: I can't believe my eyes! We're witnessing 70s against 70s in a battle to the death!

OMJ: Do you mind clearing this up for the majority of users here who don't have a fucking clue, myself included.

Jjs: Why, it's Travis' alter ego, Calvin Reynolds, the lie Travis created to cover up his own insecurities!

OMJ: Surely.

Jjs: Most surely, indeed!

OMJ: What kind of fool do you take me for, Jjs? He's 70s! He's 70s! IM 70s! Are there any other 70s I should know about?

Elastic is shown in the ring blowing of Dr. Sex

OMJ: I'm outta here.

Travis: You're not real! This isn't possible!

Calvin: Oh, I am real, Travis. I'm as real to you as I was to everyone else here for a long, long time.

Jjs: I said that Travis would be battling his demon, but I never thought that it would taken this literally.

Calvin: Now I'm gonna bury like you buried me. And everyone's gonna watch it happen! And I do mean everyone.

We see Calvin's wife, Sara, and their kids, Nick, Prudence and their third kid whose name I don't know.

Jjs: It's Sara, Nick and Prudence Reynolds! The family that Travis created as all apart of his sick lies!

OMJ: Seriously, some of you guys get all butthurt over this prank a couple days ago but are willing to forgive the fact that this pathological liar concocted this fake family, kids and baby included? What's keeping from not coming back to this place?

Jjs: Me.

OMJ: Oh Jjs, you card.

Calvin: Unlike you, Travis, I was something here. I kept this place afloat while you were off fapping to Glee for all we know. I was respected, people looked up to me and saw someone great. You, on the other hand, fall so short. No have at least sime dignity and take your death like a man, you fag.

This struck a chord in Travis as he pounces from the mat, tackles and piledrives Calvin into the mat head first. He knees Calvin in the chest and lays the pressure on his ribcage, cutting off some lung circulation.

Travis: You ruined my online life. Now I'm gonna ruin something of your's!

Travis proceeds to pound away at Calvin's head repeatedly with very hard rights and lefts. He continues doing this for about a minutes as Calvin's blood, teeth and eyeballs splatter out from the force of the blows to his head.

Jjs: Looks like he's ruining Calvin's perfect image.

Sara and her kids look on in shock as Calvin is being decimated. Elastic finally takes the time to stop Travis after about five more minutes of this carnage, pulling him up to show that battered, beaten mesh that used to be Calvin's precious head.

Elastic: Hold on there, Jethro! Yeah, he looks about done for.

Elastic raises Travis's bloody and battered arm.

Elastic: The winner, Travis!

OMJ: Guess that whole "fag" thing wasnt a lie now, huh Jjs? :smirk:

Jjs: I can't believe it! Travis fought back from the brink to overcome his demon at long last!

Sara takes her kids and leaves the arena in tears.

Jjs: And Sara does not seem to like it one bit. Then again, does she ever?

OMJ: If it's a new daddy she be a-wanting, I could be that guy.

Jjs: Perhaps now, Travis can finally use That70sname with some dignity as he has seemingly redeemed himself for all the lies, the cheats and the steals he has committed on the Community. From lying about the death of his stepmother-

OMJ: That's just terrible.

Jjs: To lying about how his real mother died after years of fighting of cancer.

OMJ: He did what?

Jjs: To making us believe that there were complications with baby Prudence's birth. Perhaps now, he has redeemed himself and can return to the Community with open arms and...Jenkins, what are you doing?

OMJ is seen taking off his dress shirt and undershirt before sharpening up a wooden spear and smearing some war paint on his face.

OMJ: Ohohoho, he's redeemed himself alright. The shave ice I could take, but that's just crossing the fucking line! *jumps on announce table and readies spear*

Jjs: Jenkins, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

OMJ: *stares at Jjs* OOGA BOOGA BOOGA! *jumps out of commentating booth and lands on the entranceway below*

Jjs: Jenkins, don't be a goddamn hero!

OMJ charges down the entrance way before throwing his spear out towards Travis from the bottom of the ramp, soaring through the ring ropes and hitting Travis clear through his chest as he celebrates his victory.


Elastic What I'm Neptune's name- BROMJ!


Elastic:...I'll allow it!

Jjs: Bah GAWD! We have an impromptu deathmatch going on right now!

photo-2635.gif vs. photo-1581.jpg?_r=1366840896

OMJ bounces off the ropes and brings Travis down with a devastating Clothesline from Hawaii, causing Travis to land awkwardly on the spear still lodged in his chest. OMJ begins pounding the ring may before doing the haka.

Jjs: Dear Neptune below, is this what I think it is? OMJ is heading to that place where angels fall after he drinks soda!

Travis gets up as OMJ pounces, grabs him by the neck, and bring him down with a deadly cutter, once again causing Travis to land awkwardly on the spear.

Jjs: THE OMJKO!! Jenkins nails the OMJKO!!

OMJ pulls the spear out from Travis' chest and positions it over Travis' face.

OMJ: Since your asshole is broken, how about I tear you another? *impales Travis in the gut* and another *impales Travis in the leg *and another *impales Travis in the neck* and another! And another! And another! And another! And another! And another! And another!

OMJ impales Travis repeatedly as blood splatters up from each lunge. He finally stops as he plants the spear in Travis' skull. Elastic surveys the damage just to make sure.

Elastic: The winner, BroMJ! *raises OMJ's arm*

Jjs: OMJ does it! He's picked up the win! A victory for members everywhere! What a death-filled treat we had for tonight! Well folks, we just about ran out of time! Be sure to tune in next time, same Deathmatch Time! Same Deathmatch thread! I'm jjsthekid! And that asshole down there is Old Man Jenkins! Good Fight, Good Night!

If you have anymore suggestions for future Deathmatches. Feel free to post it below!



You're conceited.

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That's a Beyonce song that featured Gaga, would've made more sense if you said his Telephone was ringing (which was one of Gaga's most popular songs). :P

but good god this was amazing did you have to look up all those songs? xD

Yes, I did.



You're conceited.

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Once again I enjoyed another one of your works. I wouldn't mind if I was in one of these hehe.




  小津  清子  ハチロー イチロー 雪村J6iwUOE.gif


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Nice job makin your character seem like he really needs anger management classes. If it really is like you, RIP me :P



credit to cha for this



I was the June 2013 EOTM Achievements


winning jeopardies 64 (team game) and 76 (solo and anniversary game) and the season 4 opener, hosted roulette redux and won a game to become the game king! also being the first (I think) player not allowed to play for more then one game to normal rules and an all star game. Nominated for various categories in the GCA's 4. More likely to come in the future.


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I don't wanna live anymore, because no post ever will be as great as this one... Aya was awesome in this. This is now my favorite post on all of SBU. I just adored Lil' Squidly helping me out there. Cruse you JCM for destroying him. Jelleh Belleh deserved to win here and I'm glad I got the chance to go against her.




  小津  清子  ハチロー イチロー 雪村J6iwUOE.gif


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