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barkas’s mom was a deadbeat who ran away with one of his father’s wives one day. So the public calls Barky a bastard son though they all already hated him for his small chinko. (the pope even called him a curse on the family, but at this point he’s use to insults.)

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 hata’s mom was one of the last wives and died during childbirth, breaking the king’s heart and the reason why he only has three children.

and idk about elizabeth’s mom but that makes it funnier to me. like elizabeth’s like gee i cant wait to visit old mom and hata’s like uh she died like 7 years ago, pensive emote. They’re just so casual about having dozens of moms and being half brothers. 

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16 minutes ago, Kotarou💚 said:

barkas’s mom was a deadbeat who ran away with one of his father’s wives one day. So the public calls Barky a bastard son though they all already hated him for his small chinko. (the pope even called him a curse on the family, but at this point he’s use to insults.)

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 hata’s mom was one of the last wives and died during childbirth, breaking the king’s heart and the reason why he only has three children.

and idk but elizabeth’s mom but that makes it funnier to me. like elizabeth’s like gee i cant wait to visit old mom and hata’s like uh she died like 7 years ago, pensive emote. They’re just so casual about having dozens of moms and being half brothers. 

I AM DEFORMED AND UGLY

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8 hours ago, Kotarou💚 said:

top 5 80’s songs? 

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In no order:

Happy When It Rains by The Jesus and Mary Chain

Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds

The Boy with the Thorn in His Side by The Smiths

Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads

Head over Heels by Tears for Fears

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1 minute ago, Roland Deschain said:

Never knew you enjoyed JAMC (imo, i've only listened to Psychocandy but still?)

sure, I enjoy them

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one of my favorites now, oof its as long as a regular episode probably, oops

 
 

“V-Vice-Chief, could you maybe open up the window a little bit for us? It’s awfully stuffy back-“ 

Before Yamazaki could finish his statement, Hijikata rammed into a pothole, jittering the thoughts of the four men crammed into the backseat of his squad car. 

“Huh? What was that Yamazaki? Did you say something?” Hijikata barely glanced in back mirror for a second.

“He totally did that on purpose..” Yamazaki whispered as quietly as possible and then slouched in the little space he had between his prized big blue haired buddy and a dozing off man. 

“Eh? You say something back there again, hogs?” Sougo said while chewing gum from the front passenger seat. The boys in black only had to imagine the sadist king looking in the direction of his katana blade resting on the glove department’s floor to instantly get a chill up their underpaid spines.

“Yeah! Jimmy said the green haired demon vice-chief is a product of the bakufu propaganda being spoonfed through our media and governmental authorities!” Gonard said cheerfully. Yamazaki had a look of utter confusement and disgust for the sake of his neck now.

“Those are some big words from a Big Blue who probably doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Sougo chuckled a little bit. Hijikata rolled his eyes. 

“Probably!” Gonard smiled innocently. 

“Well if we’re all speaking out freely, I think the only thing we have to worry about Vice-Chief is his love of a certain condiment.” Tetsu commented and him, Yamazaki and Gonard laughed. The Vice-Chief squinted his eyes.

“Oi you hear this Hijikata-san, the peanut gallery has spoken. You are mayonnaise propaganda feeding dog food through the mouths of innocent civilians.” Sougo nudged his head a little in his direction and thus Hijiakta went over another conveniently located pothole, this time more jagged. 

“Careful Toshi! You almost knocked me off this time!” Kondo was clinging on the roof of the police car as he had done before.

“GET INSIDE KONDO!” Hijikata simply barked out, causing the three already awake in the back to jump in their crammed, government provided seats.

“No way Toshi. There isn’t any room in there anyway. And I don’t mind, puts some hair on a man’s chest!” Kondo laughed it off and barely dodged a low rise tunnel coming his way. 

“I swear to god..” Hijikata grumbled, clutching his hands tighter on the wheel. 

“Look at the bright side Hijikata-san, if Kondo-san dies first then that makes it even easier to become Vice-Chief for me.” Sougo and adjusted his sleeping mask on. “And even worse when I assassinate you for the crime of killing our Chief.” 

“Hey Sougo, I think that sleeping mask is a bit too tight on your skull. If you’re not careful it might even cut off circulation to whatever you actually have in your head.” Hijikata took out a cigarette puff while having his eyes fixed on the road. Suddenly they heard an unusual loud thump on the road behind them. 

...

“KONDO-SAN!” They all shouted out, awakening the slumbering afro fourth man in the backseat.

 

Hijikata swerved to the side of the road and bolted out of the car. 

“STOP!” He put up his hands for oncoming drivers behind them to hault and the rest of the police men all got out. 

“REALLY GONARD? JOE’S THEME RIGHT NOW?” Tetsu said frazzled. 

“Hey bug eyed man, it’s the only one I had on hand okay!?” Gonard defended, adjusting the boombox he just happen to have on him for said occasions. 

Hijikata and Sougo spotted and then sprinted to Kondo’s body to hoist him up. 

“Kondo-san?!” Hijikata asked.

“Toshi... Sougo..” Their chief said quietly, ushering them to both lean in. “Did I miss anything important in the backseat?” He then passed out.

“K-KONDO-SAN!!” Hijikata yelled out. 

——

“Well it looks like your Chief barely escaped out of this one.” A middle aged doctor told Hijikata and adjusted her glasses. 

A sleeping Kondo was laying in the bed beside him with bandages wrapped around his head and ribcage and a blood I.V. daggling from his left wrist. 

“Thank you so much m’am, it’s been one hell of a day for all of us.” Hijikata told her. She eyed his cigarette and he sheepishly put it out. 

“You keep doing that to yourself son and you’ll eventually wind up like your police chief.” She wished him goodbye for now and left Kondo’s room. 

Hijikata ushered for Sougo and then the others to slowly come in for the first time since they arrived there 8 hours ago.

“OH SAXOPHONE GOD ABOVE! WHY’D YOU HAVE TO GO GORILLA CHIEF?!” Gonard blubbered and hugged onto Kondo’s broken ribcage. 

“OI GET OFF OF HIM, BIG BLUE!” Hijikata tore the sobbing giant off their injured boss and Gonard stumbled backwards and flat on his butt.

“Oi, how bad is it Hijikata-san?” Sougo asked looking at the sleepy gorilla.

“The doc said he won’t be on his feet for at least five weeks. That fall of his nearly spilled  his brains out.” Hijikata crossed his arms. “Damn Kondo-san.. you should have listened to us.”

“Poor Kondo-san.. it’s a shame you cursed him, Hijikata-san.” Sougo shook his head, still staring at Kondo.

“Excuse me?” Hijikata just turned his head to him. 

“If I recall correctly before Kondo-san’s fall I simply mentioned that if he died from your wreckless, sloppy driving I’d do everything in my holy power to stop you.” Sougo said with the upmost seriousness. 

“I remember it being a LOT different worded than that.” Hijikata squinted his eyes. “What are you getting at, Sougo?”

“I think Captain Coconut Head is trying to say Vice-Chief Green Haired Man that you tried to kill Chief!” Gonard said in an accusatory tone. 

Yamazaki, Tetsu and Saitou gasped.

“Why are you idiots gasping?! Sougo is clearly lying-“ Hijikata started

“Eghh, he’s completely right.” An old man opened the door and took out a puff.

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“POPS!” Jimmy and the peanut gallery commented at the arrival of their big poppa.

“Pops, how did you know we were here? We haven’t even told the rest of the Shinsengumi where the hospital was exactly at because we couldn’t have that many guests overflowing-“ Hijikata was cut off. 

“As of now Hijikata Toshiro, I am temporarily relievin’ you of your Vice-Chief role.” Matsudaira gave the pot of flowers to Gonard who promptly took one look at them and bit off the flowers off the stem with his teeth. Jimmy and Tetsu looked with disgust and Saitou with fear.

“But what?! Why in the world am I-“ Hijikata cocked his head to someone chewing bubblegum. “Sougo..”

“Yes, Sougo told me of your dangerous plan to overtake Kondo and I’m not that surprised, Hijikata-san.” Pops took one look at Kondo’s body and then slapped the man’s face for little reason. “He has been sendin’ me all sorts of reports about you for past few months. Honestly, I didn’t believe them at first.” He slapped Kondo’s other cheek. “But they kept soundin’ more and more convincing.” He slapped his other cheek. “And this time was finally the last straw.” Matsudaira kept slapping both of the ill man’s cheeks now repeatedly.

“Uhh Pops, could you maybe quit doing that?” Yamazaki asked.

“Just tell sleepin’ beauty over there when he wakes up that your seppuku execution is scheduled for next week.” Pops pointed to Hijikata as he backed out towards the door.

“Pops! You’re not gonna honestly believe that I tried to kill Kon-“ But the old man had already left the room. (Possibly to flirt with the nurses there.) “I can’t believe it.. I can’t believe YOU!” Hijkata was crimson in the face with seething anger towards Sougo.

“Well Hijikata-san, life bites you in the butt like a dog who eats dog food. Or in your case a Hijikata Dog Food Special.” The sadist evilly smirked and walked out of the room, leaving Toshi in defeat.

-M-Maybe I could talk to Sougo-san. He iz after all fond of me.- Saitou used a sign to communicate.

“But Captain Carrot Top, you CAN’T talk because of your nervousness, remember?” Gonard dumbly pointed out.

“No, once Sougo has made is mind up on something like this, I don’t think the closest thing he has to a friend would even change his viewpoint.” Hijikata sat in a chair across from Kondo and sighed. Yamazaki took a deep breath in and nobley stood up across from him.

 

“Vice-Chief. In all the years I’ve known..” Yamazaki started out courageously but then Hijikata stared at him menacingly. “..and feared you... I can’t believe you of all people would give up during a time like this. This isn’t the Hijikata Toshiro we’ve all known to appreciate and respect.”

“Yeah!” Gonard and Tetsu chimed in along with Saitou with his sign. 

“And you know what? Me, Gonard, Tetsu and Captain Saitou are gonna PROVE your innocent. Not to just Pops, Captain Sougo and the rest of the Shinsengumi but the whole WORLD!” Yamazaki spoke as if he was a natural born motivational speaker.

“YEAH!” 

-YEAH!- 

“So Vice-Chief. What are you gonna be?!” Yamazaki pointed a finger in the sky.

“INNOCENT! INNOCENT INNOCENT!” Gonard and Tetsu cheered.

-INNOCENT! INNOCENT! INNOCENT!- Saitou signed happily.

But Hijikata grabbed all four of their uniform’s collar’s before they could continue on with their celebration. They were all shaking tremendously with fear.

You four idiots have six hours before Kondo is suppose to wake up.. I don’t care what the hell you do until then.. But if you manage to somehow clear my name.. then I’d be..” Hijikata said.

“Grateful?!” Gonard smiled.

“Less tired.” Hijikata let them go and buried his hands in his face again.

“Don’t worry Vice-Chief! You can count on us to save the day!” Yamazaki smiled and the four boys saluted off their superior and left the room.

“Dear god.” Hijikata commented.

“So now what, Jimmy?” Gonard asked as the four were leaving the hospital grounds and to their police vehicle.

-Why doez he call you Jimmy again?- Saitou signed as he got in the backseat with Tetsu.

“It’s a long story. And uhhhh, well Gonard.. I.. like to improvise.” Jimmy turned the key, kissed the locket picture of his beloved Tama in his jacket’s pocket and made a MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE outta there.

 

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“So basically you’re gonna pull something out of your ass at the last second?” Gonard innocently smiled but Yamazaki just blankly stared on at the road. 

“You know, this is our first time interacting with each other by just ourselves.” Tetsu smiled. “A toast to new friendship!” But no one joined him and stayed silent. “Oh...”

“You see bug eyed man. Me and Jimmy, we already got a tag team thing going here!” Gonard pulled out a sammy from the glove box. “And you can’t pull apart these two lovable spies from each other!” Gonard clung his arms around Yamazaki’s neck.

“GONARD, driving here!” He angrily choked out and the car swerved nearly off the freeway. 

“Oops, sorry Jimmy!” Gonard let go and took another bite.

-And I’m way too nervous to make any new friendz. Not like what happened last time I tried to remake one and his husband accused me of homewrecking. I didn’t even like him like that anywayz. Why doez everyone have to go out of their way to scare me like that.- Saitou added.

“Oh yeah, who’d you say that was, Cap’ Sait?” Tetsu wondered.

-Takasugi Kotarou- He signed. 

Gonard spat out his food from this. “Who puts mayonnaise inside a submarine sandwich?!” 

“Jim- I mean Yamazaki.” Tetsu started.

“Yeah?” He replied.

“Maybe we could ask some eye witnesses around that area where Chief had his accident for their testimony? I’m sure the area is still closed off, it only happened earlier today.” Tetsu explained. 

“Great idea!” Yamazaki swerved the car in the other direction, causing Testu and Saitou to cling onto the bottom of their seats and Gonard to spill some meatball on his uniform trousers. “Sometimes I’m so use to spy work that I forget to ask the people in plain sight instead of the ones that aren’t.” He chuckled and floored it to that area.

The four of them expected the scene of the accident, there wasn’t anyone there but themselves..or at least they thought in that moment.

“Hey DORK HEY YOU GET OVER HERE!” They heard a female voice call out behind them.

”Tetsu, why haven’t you returned any of my emails you little punk?” In another second Tetsu found himself in a choke hold.

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“AAAHH!” He cried out.

“Say Jimmy, I think they’re related! Alright family reunion!” Gonard cheered and Yamazaki facepalmed.

“Ow ow ow! I thought you wanted to kill me, Isaburo?!” Tetsu asked getting the noogie of his life.

”Every big brother wants to kill their little brothers, Tetsu. Plus that is all in the past. If anything Takasugi Shinsuke has taught me (besides ruining my leathered back seats) is turning over a new leaf. Especially when it comes to resigning your extremist ways and teaming up against universe resetting Senseis. I mean hey, if he can get past trying to kill his now-husband, I can do the same with my own family. I mean heck, Nobume as well, she.. you know that reference actually might be a little too dark in joking scenario like this.”

-What the heck waz all that?- Saitou wondered.

“He meant his prized sock monkey, Wakasugi Whinsuke.” Nobume tried covering their tracks.

”Actually his name is Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi’s Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It? I Know The Unknown The Cuttlefish Tastes Kind Of Different Than It Did Last Time Because It Was Caught Near The Pond And Served With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, Pepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea The Second. Plus half-brothers are all the rage right now!” Isaburo let go of him and took out his elite phone to pull up TBC News.

”That’s great and all Isaburo but why are you exactly here?” Yamazaki asked losing patience.

”Me, Nobume-san and the Mimiwarigumi heard on the news earlier that your Chief Kondo had taken a rather untimely spill and came to honor the dead.”

In the background Nobume put a candle where some drops of blood still were. She, Isaburo and the rest of the elites got on their knees to pray. “WOO WOO WOO!” They all synchronized pumping their fists in the air and put on cool black sunglasses.

”I BARELY CALL THAT MOURNING!” Yamazaki yelled out. “And Kondo-san isn’t dead, he’s just in the hospital.” 

“Oh... a shame..” Isaburo said and got up along with his partner and crew.

”So why are you four back here at the scene of the crime..punks?” Nobume lowered her shades. 

-Well we uh.. Uh..- Saitou signed.

”WE’RE TRYING TO PROVE OUR VICE-CHIEF INNOCENT OF TRYING TO MURDER OUR GORILLA CHIEF!” Gonard blurted out.

“Hijikata-dono.. I always knew he was trouble.” Isaburo snd his crew shook their heads.

”That’s not true! It’s just a rumor one of our fellow members came up with. Please Elites, I know our sides are always opposing each other, but..” Yamazaki was losing hope.

”Can’t both the black and whites come together in a great cause?” Tetsu looked at Isaburo with pleading eyes.

”I don’t see how this is any of our elite problem but..” Isaburo sighed and looked away from the rest of them. Nobume put a hand on his spotless uniform’s shoulder.

”What?” Yamazaki asked.

”You see.. talking about Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing-“ Isaburo started.

“We don’t have time for all of that.” Yamazaki replied in a deadpanned voice.

”Well talking about him has reminded me that I lost him.. yesterday..” Isaburo started to sniffle.

”Keep it together, dawg.” Nobume patted her boss’s shoulder. The rest of their police force pounded their chests in respect.

”Okay fine a deal. Me, Nobume-san and the crew haven’t had much time to look for him being that we’re given the luxurious and pristine occupancy of watching over Bafuku royalty. How about we made a trade?”

”We’re listening.” Tetsu said.

“You lackees find our beloved sock member of our family somewhere in Edo and in return we will give you all the evidence you need to prove your Vice-Chief not guilty.” Isaburo explained.

”And what exactly would that be you two?” Yamazaki was not trustworthy of such a group with their past.

“A sercuity tape clearly showing the entire accident, scene by scene.” Nobume said and the crew behind her snapped their fingers. 

“How do you guys know about that?” Tetsu wondered.

”Oh we watch all sorts of sercuity footage around Edo, brings about a bunch of good laughs from time to time.” Isaburo said without a care.

”Especially good laughs of your Chief Gorilla.” Nobume chimed in. 

“Okay.. but no funny business.. We’re doing this favor for you guys too, remember that.” Yamazaki said and Isaburo and the rest gave thumbs up. The Shinsen four returned to their vehicle and made their way out.

“Good luck East Coast trash. If you dont come back with my monkey, Tetsu I’ll kill you. But you know in a loving sense.” Isaburo waved them off.

“And if you dont come back with a box of pon de rings I’ll kill you, not in a loving sense.” Nobume added and then turned to partner in elite crime. “You know I’m not calling him uncle.” 

“Good, I wasn’t planning on you doing so.” He added, still waving.

“Good because I wasn’t going to no matter what.” She got out a lollipop and pretended to smoke it like a big girl.

“Well now I might just have to have you call him Uncle Tetsy for your lack of obedience to your guardian, young lady. He got out his phone to text some friends.

“You can’t me make do anything Old Man.” She put her sword through his flip phone but he looked unphased.

—-

“Now if I was a sock monkey, where would I be?” Gonard wondered. “Hmmm.. Let’s try the zoo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa!” Gonard pretended to scratch imaginary fleas off of his back.

“No Gonard, we’re not doing Isaburo’s stupid favor.” Yamazaki stopped at a red light.

”Aw why not? I liked his hip old guy style!” Gonard exclaimed.

”Gonard’s right Yamazaki, do we really have the time to look for any witnesses of the car accident? Vice-Chief gave us six hours and we only have three left! If we come back empty handed I’m sure we’ll be committing seppuku before he does. Tetsu said and the other guys thought about it. “My brother’s evidence might be the only thing that gets Hijikata-san off the hook!”

-But we do have time to look for a sock monkey in a city as big as this one?- Saitou signed. 

“Clearly there has to be some easier way.” Yamazaki sighed. 

“GUYS LOOK!” Gonard pointed to literally in front of them.

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“MONKEEEEY!” Yammy, Gonard and Tetsu shouted as Saitou signed it.

 

“Aw, I wonder how that little fella got there.” Gonard gently waved at it.

“Well my brother always seemed to misplaces his valuables. Once he left me in Wisney World, though I think that was on purpose looking back now as an adult.”  Tetsu deeply pondered, squinting his bug eyes.

“Keep following that handsomely chrome finished semi-van, Jimmy!” Gonard cheered on.

But the car in front was moving at increasing speeds, the sock monkey was still on the trunk hood miraculously.  Yamazaki sharply swerved at every turn within those Edo streets trying to keep up. 

“HOLY HELL! AAAAHHHHHH!!” Tetsu cling onto the chair with his chubby fingers and Saitou was writing out is will. 

“Accidental monkey theft or not, this person is breaking all sorts of driving laws!” Yamazaki then turned on his cop siren in hopes of striking some fear into the offender, but they kept bolting it all the way to Edo’s bay. As the bridge seperating the island from the mucky waters was rising, the car made a leap for it as the boys watched in awe. 

-Yamazaki... I think as the superior officer here and knowing your crazy streak right now.. I think I should take over from now..- 

But before Saitou knew it him and the others were speeding off over the rising bridge. They were in a pause of time as their car was literally floating between the bay and the island. Tetsu was morbidly afraid, Gonard was laughing tremendously and Saitou was breathing out of a paper bag before they all passed out on impact.

“H...Huh..” Yamazaki opened his eyes to pitch dark nothingness and a dizzy head. “W-where am I..” Suddenly bright torch lights appeared all around him.

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“AAAA.... AAAAA???!”

“EHH? The human ape talks?!” One of the giant sized sock monkey men with a deep, rusty voice hit him with a large cane of some kind back to the ground. “Disgusting and primitive creatures.” 

“Well no matter. We already took care of your comrades.” Another added.

”My comrades? What have you done with them?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!” Yamazaki sat up again, the monsters were probably fifteen feet tall at least he would guess. 

“Foolish Earthling, first you mock and inslave our very members and now all you care about is those greasy slime skinbags?!” The first sock monkey said. 

“Hey my skin isn’t greasy! I moisturize it with Vice-Chief’s mayonnaise!” Gonard’s voice from the shadows demanded and then the lights were fully turned on. 

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“GONARD! SAITOU! TETSU!” He yelled out.

“Come on in Jimmy! It’s like swimming through the clouds!” Gonard grinned.

”You know, it’s actually not that bad!” Tetsu chimed in. But Saitou was using his paper bag again to hyperventilate.

“A-ARE WE IN A TOY STORE?!” Yamazaki looked around and then looked closer at the “stuffed animals”, which were dead and mounted other Amanto species. He had to cover his mouth from vomiting at the gruesome sight. 

“Your friends will soon be ripped apart open by our young and stuffed like taxidermed dolls.” One of them explained. Yamazaki’s jaw even dropped lower. “The same crue fate you forced onto our fellow Sockerians on your planet for generations!”

“L-look I know whatever we did was wrong but we had know idea you were a sentient race! HONEST!” Yamazaki shook his sweating hands as they were stepping closer to him.

”Silence flesh ape. Your race has spoken enough for itself.” Another chimed in. Yamazaki started to run away but his ankles were caught in the tails of two of them and he was literally dragged back towards them. They picked him up and placed him in the same glass container as the other officers. 

“Please we can resolve this! Don’t prone yourself to more violence!” Yamazaki pleaded. “Let us out!”

”It is too late.” One of them said and they all took off their robes, underneath they had store uniforms and name tags. “It’s just about opening time.” 

“We’ll give you more than the minimum wage they probably scrape together here!” Gonard exclaimed and the other three scowled at him. “What? It’s a mall job! They know they’re being ripped off on their labor!” 

“I can’t figure out what’s weirder here, being imprisoned by a living society of giant stuffed animals...or that my older brother was being loving towards me for once in my life today.” Tetsu commented as the ‘Open’ sign was displayed on the store’s doors.

“Probably your older brother loving you!” Gonard chimed in.

-T-THIS IS IT...- Saitou’s sign in his hand was violently shaking in his grasp. 

The four men braced for whatever fate lied beyond those enormous glass doors when they creaked open. 

“Huh? No one is here?” One of the employees looked around to the empty mall. “But it’s 9AM!” 

But suddenly a gentleman walked in. 

“Yes welcome sir to Sock-It To Me, home to an endless collection of toys to start building!” One of the employees chimed in.

“I.. would like to make those four.” He lifted his hat, much to the surprise to the employees and even the cops.

“T-THE STORE CHAIN MANAGER?!” The employees said.

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”Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi’s Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It? I Know The Unknown The Cuttlefish Tastes Kind Of Different Than It Did Last Time Because It Was Caught Near The Pond And Served With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, Pepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea!” Gonard and Tetsu happily exclaimed.

-The Second!- Saitou added.

”What the Hell.. WHY IS HE SO BIG? HE’S LIKE BIGGER THAN THE OTHERS! He was like only FEW inches tall back at home!!” Yamazaki shouted.

”Brothers. Apes should not fight. Whether they be made of sock and stuffing or flesh and bone.” Jugem released the four out of their prison and placed them on his plush shoulders. “I now see through the eyes of these fleshies-“

”Hehe fleshies.” Gonard added.

”That this race and all the others DO care for their sock ape brethern. I have lived it on Earth for over a year now, undercover to see if they truly deserved these punishments.” Jugem continued, Gonard, Tetsu and even Saitou looked on in awe while Yamazaki was highly disturbed.

”I... still can’t grasp any of this...” Yamazaki said on the brink of a mental break down.

“Sir... we’re all sorry.” One of the employees nervously said and they all bowed down to him.

”Why are children’s store employees bowing down to their superior like he was anointed the least insane thing here?!” Yamazaki said.

”Boys. I think it’s time we all return home, I think your Vice-Chief would be honored to know you went through all of this for his sake.” Jugem smiled and turned to Yamazaki specifically.

”Now It’s talking directly to me...” Yammy whispered to himself. 

“Isaburo my best friend, I await for you.” Jugem closed his button eyes and held his hands in a prayer stance. The cops shrugged and did the same gesture. 

Within a few seconds, a bright and blinding light over took the five. 

“H-huh...” Yamazaki was in a state of consciousness and non, but could make out that he was laying in a bed, possibly in a hospital.

”Jimmy..? Hey Jimmy... WAKE UP!”  Gonard pulled the I.V. out of his arm and Yamazaki screeched in pain. “JIMMY YOU’RE AWAKE! Told him I could do it you guys.” 

Yamazaki was fully awake and sitting up in bed (as his arm was spurting out like a volcano) as he noticed everyone gathered around him.

“Saitou! Gonard! Chief! Vice-Chief! Captain! Uh...” Yamazaki stopped when he reached Tetsu. 

“Are you kidding me?! We go on a car chase for a sock monkey for the entire day and you don’t even remember my name?!” He said offended. 

“So it really DID happen..” Yamazaki said shocked.

“Oh yeah it happened alright. You idiots crashed and totaled one of our police cars in one of the bay’s ships costing both sides MILLIONS.” Hijikata stormed.

“Wait if we were in an accident, why aren’t any of you in as bad as shape as I am?” Yamazaki wondered.

-Well we uh, used your body as a cushion during the fallz.- Saitou said embarrassed and Yamazaki squinted his eyes.

”So so what happened when I was asleep?” Yamazaki wondered. “W-Where’s Jugem and his crew of store employees?! And- and.. you are all looking at me like I’m a crazy person.”

”Jugem? Oh you mean the toy monkey? Jimmy, we caught the speedster. She was just an alarmed old lady who got scared of some police officers flanking her tail. Then we gave what’s his old face back the toy and got the tape! Gorilla Chief was saved!” Gonard said in triumph. 

“There wasn’t any on the tape but Isaburo and that blue haired girl calling me a ‘loser baby’ for ten minutes straight.  Tetsu said dead eyed.

“I’m so proud of you boys..” Kondo sniffed. “SAVING YOUR OL’ BOSS FROM TOSHI’S DEATH WISH FOR ME.” He sobbed into the green hair man’s shoulder.

”OI KONDO, how many times do I have to tell you I didn’t try to kill you!” Hijikata barked. 

“Yeah, yeah and I got busted. Though seems like you got more busted than I did, Yamazaki.” Sougo pointed to Ol’ Faithful waterworks still pouring out of the spy’s arm.

They all shared a laugh in this warm environment. That is until Yamazaki passed out from a lack of blood. 

“Also, I’ll see the four of you at your seppuku for causing the destruction of Edo bay’s bridge and a government submarine.” Hijikata left the room as did Kondo and Sougo:

“Well boys we’re off to save the necks of more Shinsengumi members....OUR necks! WOO HOO, HIGH FIVE!” Gonard called and the three posed in a freeze frame.

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11 hours ago, Kotarou💚 said:

one of my favorites now, oof its as long as a regular episode probably, oops

  Reveal hidden contents
 

“V-Vice-Chief, could you maybe open up the window a little bit for us? It’s awfully stuffy back-“ 

Before Yamazaki could finish his statement, Hijikata rammed into a pothole, jittering the thoughts of the four men crammed into the backseat of his squad car. 

“Huh? What was that Yamazaki? Did you say something?” Hijikata barely glanced in back mirror for a second.

“He totally did that on purpose..” Yamazaki whispered as quietly as possible and then slouched in the little space he had between his prized big blue haired buddy and a dozing off man. 

“Eh? You say something back there again, hogs?” Sougo said while chewing gum from the front passenger seat. The boys in black only had to imagine the sadist king looking in the direction of his katana blade resting on the glove department’s floor to instantly get a chill up their underpaid spines.

“Yeah! Jimmy said the green haired demon vice-chief is a product of the bakufu propaganda being spoonfed through our media and governmental authorities!” Gonard said cheerfully. Yamazaki had a look of utter confusement and disgust for the sake of his neck now.

“Those are some big words from a Big Blue who probably doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Sougo chuckled a little bit. Hijikata rolled his eyes. 

“Probably!” Gonard smiled innocently. 

“Well if we’re all speaking out freely, I think the only thing we have to worry about Vice-Chief is his love of a certain condiment.” Tetsu commented and him, Yamazaki and Gonard laughed. The Vice-Chief squinted his eyes.

“Oi you hear this Hijikata-san, the peanut gallery has spoken. You are mayonnaise propaganda feeding dog food through the mouths of innocent civilians.” Sougo nudged his head a little in his direction and thus Hijiakta went over another conveniently located pothole, this time more jagged. 

“Careful Toshi! You almost knocked me off this time!” Kondo was clinging on the roof of the police car as he had done before.

“GET INSIDE KONDO!” Hijikata simply barked out, causing the three already awake in the back to jump in their crammed, government provided seats.

“No way Toshi. There isn’t any room in there anyway. And I don’t mind, puts some hair on a man’s chest!” Kondo laughed it off and barely dodged a low rise tunnel coming his way. 

“I swear to god..” Hijikata grumbled, clutching his hands tighter on the wheel. 

“Look at the bright side Hijikata-san, if Kondo-san dies first then that makes it even easier to become Vice-Chief for me.” Sougo and adjusted his sleeping mask on. “And even worse when I assassinate you for the crime of killing our Chief.” 

“Hey Sougo, I think that sleeping mask is a bit too tight on your skull. If you’re not careful it might even cut off circulation to whatever you actually have in your head.” Hijikata took out a cigarette puff while having his eyes fixed on the road. Suddenly they heard an unusual loud thump on the road behind them. 

...

“KONDO-SAN!” They all shouted out, awakening the slumbering afro fourth man in the backseat.

 

Hijikata swerved to the side of the road and bolted out of the car. 

“STOP!” He put up his hands for oncoming drivers behind them to hault and the rest of the police men all got out. 

“REALLY GONARD? JOE’S THEME RIGHT NOW?” Tetsu said frazzled. 

“Hey bug eyed man, it’s the only one I had on hand okay!?” Gonard defended, adjusting the boombox he just happen to have on him for said occasions. 

Hijikata and Sougo spotted and then sprinted to Kondo’s body to hoist him up. 

“Kondo-san?!” Hijikata asked.

“Toshi... Sougo..” Their chief said quietly, ushering them to both lean in. “Did I miss anything important in the backseat?” He then passed out.

“K-KONDO-SAN!!” Hijikata yelled out. 

——

“Well it looks like your Chief barely escaped out of this one.” A middle aged doctor told Hijikata and adjusted her glasses. 

A sleeping Kondo was laying in the bed beside him with bandages wrapped around his head and ribcage and a blood I.V. daggling from his left wrist. 

“Thank you so much m’am, it’s been one hell of a day for all of us.” Hijikata told her. She eyed his cigarette and he sheepishly put it out. 

“You keep doing that to yourself son and you’ll eventually wind up like your police chief.” She wished him goodbye for now and left Kondo’s room. 

Hijikata ushered for Sougo and then the others to slowly come in for the first time since they arrived there 8 hours ago.

“OH SAXOPHONE GOD ABOVE! WHY’D YOU HAVE TO GO GORILLA CHIEF?!” Gonard blubbered and hugged onto Kondo’s broken ribcage. 

“OI GET OFF OF HIM, BIG BLUE!” Hijikata tore the sobbing giant off their injured boss and Gonard stumbled backwards and flat on his butt.

“Oi, how bad is it Hijikata-san?” Sougo asked looking at the sleepy gorilla.

“The doc said he won’t be on his feet for at least five weeks. That fall of his nearly spilled  his brains out.” Hijikata crossed his arms. “Damn Kondo-san.. you should have listened to us.”

“Poor Kondo-san.. it’s a shame you cursed him, Hijikata-san.” Sougo shook his head, still staring at Kondo.

“Excuse me?” Hijikata just turned his head to him. 

“If I recall correctly before Kondo-san’s fall I simply mentioned that if he died from your wreckless, sloppy driving I’d do everything in my holy power to stop you.” Sougo said with the upmost seriousness. 

“I remember it being a LOT different worded than that.” Hijikata squinted his eyes. “What are you getting at, Sougo?”

“I think Captain Coconut Head is trying to say Vice-Chief Green Haired Man that you tried to kill Chief!” Gonard said in an accusatory tone. 

Yamazaki, Tetsu and Saitou gasped.

“Why are you idiots gasping?! Sougo is clearly lying-“ Hijikata started

“Eghh, he’s completely right.” An old man opened the door and took out a puff.

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“POPS!” Jimmy and the peanut gallery commented at the arrival of their big poppa.

“Pops, how did you know we were here? We haven’t even told the rest of the Shinsengumi where the hospital was exactly at because we couldn’t have that many guests overflowing-“ Hijikata was cut off. 

“As of now Hijikata Toshiro, I am temporarily relievin’ you of your Vice-Chief role.” Matsudaira gave the pot of flowers to Gonard who promptly took one look at them and bit off the flowers off the stem with his teeth. Jimmy and Tetsu looked with disgust and Saitou with fear.

“But what?! Why in the world am I-“ Hijikata cocked his head to someone chewing bubblegum. “Sougo..”

“Yes, Sougo told me of your dangerous plan to overtake Kondo and I’m not that surprised, Hijikata-san.” Pops took one look at Kondo’s body and then slapped the man’s face for little reason. “He has been sendin’ me all sorts of reports about you for past few months. Honestly, I didn’t believe them at first.” He slapped Kondo’s other cheek. “But they kept soundin’ more and more convincing.” He slapped his other cheek. “And this time was finally the last straw.” Matsudaira kept slapping both of the ill man’s cheeks now repeatedly.

“Uhh Pops, could you maybe quit doing that?” Yamazaki asked.

“Just tell sleepin’ beauty over there when he wakes up that your seppuku execution is scheduled for next week.” Pops pointed to Hijikata as he backed out towards the door.

“Pops! You’re not gonna honestly believe that I tried to kill Kon-“ But the old man had already left the room. (Possibly to flirt with the nurses there.) “I can’t believe it.. I can’t believe YOU!” Hijkata was crimson in the face with seething anger towards Sougo.

“Well Hijikata-san, life bites you in the butt like a dog who eats dog food. Or in your case a Hijikata Dog Food Special.” The sadist evilly smirked and walked out of the room, leaving Toshi in defeat.

-M-Maybe I could talk to Sougo-san. He iz after all fond of me.- Saitou used a sign to communicate.

“But Captain Carrot Top, you CAN’T talk because of your nervousness, remember?” Gonard dumbly pointed out.

“No, once Sougo has made is mind up on something like this, I don’t think the closest thing he has to a friend would even change his viewpoint.” Hijikata sat in a chair across from Kondo and sighed. Yamazaki took a deep breath in and nobley stood up across from him.

 

“Vice-Chief. In all the years I’ve known..” Yamazaki started out courageously but then Hijikata stared at him menacingly. “..and feared you... I can’t believe you of all people would give up during a time like this. This isn’t the Hijikata Toshiro we’ve all known to appreciate and respect.”

“Yeah!” Gonard and Tetsu chimed in along with Saitou with his sign. 

“And you know what? Me, Gonard, Tetsu and Captain Saitou are gonna PROVE your innocent. Not to just Pops, Captain Sougo and the rest of the Shinsengumi but the whole WORLD!” Yamazaki spoke as if he was a natural born motivational speaker.

“YEAH!” 

-YEAH!- 

“So Vice-Chief. What are you gonna be?!” Yamazaki pointed a finger in the sky.

“INNOCENT! INNOCENT INNOCENT!” Gonard and Tetsu cheered.

-INNOCENT! INNOCENT! INNOCENT!- Saitou signed happily.

But Hijikata grabbed all four of their uniform’s collar’s before they could continue on with their celebration. They were all shaking tremendously with fear.

You four idiots have six hours before Kondo is suppose to wake up.. I don’t care what the hell you do until then.. But if you manage to somehow clear my name.. then I’d be..” Hijikata said.

“Grateful?!” Gonard smiled.

“Less tired.” Hijikata let them go and buried his hands in his face again.

“Don’t worry Vice-Chief! You can count on us to save the day!” Yamazaki smiled and the four boys saluted off their superior and left the room.

“Dear god.” Hijikata commented.

“So now what, Jimmy?” Gonard asked as the four were leaving the hospital grounds and to their police vehicle.

-Why doez he call you Jimmy again?- Saitou signed as he got in the backseat with Tetsu.

“It’s a long story. And uhhhh, well Gonard.. I.. like to improvise.” Jimmy turned the key, kissed the locket picture of his beloved Tama in his jacket’s pocket and made a MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE outta there.

 

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“So basically you’re gonna pull something out of your ass at the last second?” Gonard innocently smiled but Yamazaki just blankly stared on at the road. 

“You know, this is our first time interacting with each other by just ourselves.” Tetsu smiled. “A toast to new friendship!” But no one joined him and stayed silent. “Oh...”

“You see bug eyed man. Me and Jimmy, we already got a tag team thing going here!” Gonard pulled out a sammy from the glove box. “And you can’t pull apart these two lovable spies from each other!” Gonard clung his arms around Yamazaki’s neck.

“GONARD, driving here!” He angrily choked out and the car swerved nearly off the freeway. 

“Oops, sorry Jimmy!” Gonard let go and took another bite.

-And I’m way too nervous to make any new friendz. Not like what happened last time I tried to remake one and his husband accused me of homewrecking. I didn’t even like him like that anywayz. Why doez everyone have to go out of their way to scare me like that.- Saitou added.

“Oh yeah, who’d you say that was, Cap’ Sait?” Tetsu wondered.

-Takasugi Kotarou- He signed. 

Gonard spat out his food from this. “Who puts mayonnaise inside a submarine sandwich?!” 

“Jim- I mean Yamazaki.” Tetsu started.

“Yeah?” He replied.

“Maybe we could ask some eye witnesses around that area where Chief had his accident for their testimony? I’m sure the area is still closed off, it only happened earlier today.” Tetsu explained. 

“Great idea!” Yamazaki swerved the car in the other direction, causing Testu and Saitou to cling onto the bottom of their seats and Gonard to spill some meatball on his uniform trousers. “Sometimes I’m so use to spy work that I forget to ask the people in plain sight instead of the ones that aren’t.” He chuckled and floored it to that area.

The four of them expected the scene of the accident, there wasn’t anyone there but themselves..or at least they thought in that moment.

“Hey DORK HEY YOU GET OVER HERE!” They heard a female voice call out behind them.

”Tetsu, why haven’t you returned any of my emails you little punk?” In another second Tetsu found himself in a choke hold.

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“AAAHH!” He cried out.

“Say Jimmy, I think they’re related! Alright family reunion!” Gonard cheered and Yamazaki facepalmed.

“Ow ow ow! I thought you wanted to kill me, Isaburo?!” Tetsu asked getting the noogie of his life.

”Every big brother wants to kill their little brothers, Tetsu. Plus that is all in the past. If anything Takasugi Shinsuke has taught me (besides ruining my leathered back seats) is turning over a new leaf. Especially when it comes to resigning your extremist ways and teaming up against universe resetting Senseis. I mean hey, if he can get past trying to kill his now-husband, I can do the same with my own family. I mean heck, Nobume as well, she.. you know that reference actually might be a little too dark in joking scenario like this.”

-What the heck waz all that?- Saitou wondered.

“He meant his prized sock monkey, Wakasugi Whinsuke.” Nobume tried covering their tracks.

”Actually his name is Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi’s Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It? I Know The Unknown The Cuttlefish Tastes Kind Of Different Than It Did Last Time Because It Was Caught Near The Pond And Served With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, Pepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea The Second. Plus half-brothers are all the rage right now!” Isaburo let go of him and took out his elite phone to pull up TBC News.

”That’s great and all Isaburo but why are you exactly here?” Yamazaki asked losing patience.

”Me, Nobume-san and the Mimiwarigumi heard on the news earlier that your Chief Kondo had taken a rather untimely spill and came to honor the dead.”

In the background Nobume put a candle where some drops of blood still were. She, Isaburo and the rest of the elites got on their knees to pray. “WOO WOO WOO!” They all synchronized pumping their fists in the air and put on cool black sunglasses.

”I BARELY CALL THAT MOURNING!” Yamazaki yelled out. “And Kondo-san isn’t dead, he’s just in the hospital.” 

“Oh... a shame..” Isaburo said and got up along with his partner and crew.

”So why are you four back here at the scene of the crime..punks?” Nobume lowered her shades. 

-Well we uh.. Uh..- Saitou signed.

”WE’RE TRYING TO PROVE OUR VICE-CHIEF INNOCENT OF TRYING TO MURDER OUR GORILLA CHIEF!” Gonard blurted out.

“Hijikata-dono.. I always knew he was trouble.” Isaburo snd his crew shook their heads.

”That’s not true! It’s just a rumor one of our fellow members came up with. Please Elites, I know our sides are always opposing each other, but..” Yamazaki was losing hope.

”Can’t both the black and whites come together in a great cause?” Tetsu looked at Isaburo with pleading eyes.

”I don’t see how this is any of our elite problem but..” Isaburo sighed and looked away from the rest of them. Nobume put a hand on his spotless uniform’s shoulder.

”What?” Yamazaki asked.

”You see.. talking about Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing-“ Isaburo started.

“We don’t have time for all of that.” Yamazaki replied in a deadpanned voice.

”Well talking about him has reminded me that I lost him.. yesterday..” Isaburo started to sniffle.

”Keep it together, dawg.” Nobume patted her boss’s shoulder. The rest of their police force pounded their chests in respect.

”Okay fine a deal. Me, Nobume-san and the crew haven’t had much time to look for him being that we’re given the luxurious and pristine occupancy of watching over Bafuku royalty. How about we made a trade?”

”We’re listening.” Tetsu said.

“You lackees find our beloved sock member of our family somewhere in Edo and in return we will give you all the evidence you need to prove your Vice-Chief not guilty.” Isaburo explained.

”And what exactly would that be you two?” Yamazaki was not trustworthy of such a group with their past.

“A sercuity tape clearly showing the entire accident, scene by scene.” Nobume said and the crew behind her snapped their fingers. 

“How do you guys know about that?” Tetsu wondered.

”Oh we watch all sorts of sercuity footage around Edo, brings about a bunch of good laughs from time to time.” Isaburo said without a care.

”Especially good laughs of your Chief Gorilla.” Nobume chimed in. 

“Okay.. but no funny business.. We’re doing this favor for you guys too, remember that.” Yamazaki said and Isaburo and the rest gave thumbs up. The Shinsen four returned to their vehicle and made their way out.

“Good luck East Coast trash. If you dont come back with my monkey, Tetsu I’ll kill you. But you know in a loving sense.” Isaburo waved them off.

“And if you dont come back with a box of pon de rings I’ll kill you, not in a loving sense.” Nobume added and then turned to partner in elite crime. “You know I’m not calling him uncle.” 

“Good, I wasn’t planning on you doing so.” He added, still waving.

“Good because I wasn’t going to no matter what.” She got out a lollipop and pretended to smoke it like a big girl.

“Well now I might just have to have you call him Uncle Tetsy for your lack of obedience to your guardian, young lady. He got out his phone to text some friends.

“You can’t me make do anything Old Man.” She put her sword through his flip phone but he looked unphased.

—-

“Now if I was a sock monkey, where would I be?” Gonard wondered. “Hmmm.. Let’s try the zoo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa!” Gonard pretended to scratch imaginary fleas off of his back.

“No Gonard, we’re not doing Isaburo’s stupid favor.” Yamazaki stopped at a red light.

”Aw why not? I liked his hip old guy style!” Gonard exclaimed.

”Gonard’s right Yamazaki, do we really have the time to look for any witnesses of the car accident? Vice-Chief gave us six hours and we only have three left! If we come back empty handed I’m sure we’ll be committing seppuku before he does. Tetsu said and the other guys thought about it. “My brother’s evidence might be the only thing that gets Hijikata-san off the hook!”

-But we do have time to look for a sock monkey in a city as big as this one?- Saitou signed. 

“Clearly there has to be some easier way.” Yamazaki sighed. 

“GUYS LOOK!” Gonard pointed to literally in front of them.

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“MONKEEEEY!” Yammy, Gonard and Tetsu shouted as Saitou signed it.

 

“Aw, I wonder how that little fella got there.” Gonard gently waved at it.

“Well my brother always seemed to misplaces his valuables. Once he left me in Wisney World, though I think that was on purpose looking back now as an adult.”  Tetsu deeply pondered, squinting his bug eyes.

“Keep following that handsomely chrome finished semi-van, Jimmy!” Gonard cheered on.

But the car in front was moving at increasing speeds, the sock monkey was still on the trunk hood miraculously.  Yamazaki sharply swerved at every turn within those Edo streets trying to keep up. 

“HOLY HELL! AAAAHHHHHH!!” Tetsu cling onto the chair with his chubby fingers and Saitou was writing out is will. 

“Accidental monkey theft or not, this person is breaking all sorts of driving laws!” Yamazaki then turned on his cop siren in hopes of striking some fear into the offender, but they kept bolting it all the way to Edo’s bay. As the bridge seperating the island from the mucky waters was rising, the car made a leap for it as the boys watched in awe. 

-Yamazaki... I think as the superior officer here and knowing your crazy streak right now.. I think I should take over from now..- 

But before Saitou knew it him and the others were speeding off over the rising bridge. They were in a pause of time as their car was literally floating between the bay and the island. Tetsu was morbidly afraid, Gonard was laughing tremendously and Saitou was breathing out of a paper bag before they all passed out on impact.

“H...Huh..” Yamazaki opened his eyes to pitch dark nothingness and a dizzy head. “W-where am I..” Suddenly bright torch lights appeared all around him.

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“AAAA.... AAAAA???!”

“EHH? The human ape talks?!” One of the giant sized sock monkey men with a deep, rusty voice hit him with a large cane of some kind back to the ground. “Disgusting and primitive creatures.” 

“Well no matter. We already took care of your comrades.” Another added.

”My comrades? What have you done with them?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!” Yamazaki sat up again, the monsters were probably fifteen feet tall at least he would guess. 

“Foolish Earthling, first you mock and inslave our very members and now all you care about is those greasy slime skinbags?!” The first sock monkey said. 

“Hey my skin isn’t greasy! I moisturize it with Vice-Chief’s mayonnaise!” Gonard’s voice from the shadows demanded and then the lights were fully turned on. 

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“GONARD! SAITOU! TETSU!” He yelled out.

“Come on in Jimmy! It’s like swimming through the clouds!” Gonard grinned.

”You know, it’s actually not that bad!” Tetsu chimed in. But Saitou was using his paper bag again to hyperventilate.

“A-ARE WE IN A TOY STORE?!” Yamazaki looked around and then looked closer at the “stuffed animals”, which were dead and mounted other Amanto species. He had to cover his mouth from vomiting at the gruesome sight. 

“Your friends will soon be ripped apart open by our young and stuffed like taxidermed dolls.” One of them explained. Yamazaki’s jaw even dropped lower. “The same crue fate you forced onto our fellow Sockerians on your planet for generations!”

“L-look I know whatever we did was wrong but we had know idea you were a sentient race! HONEST!” Yamazaki shook his sweating hands as they were stepping closer to him.

”Silence flesh ape. Your race has spoken enough for itself.” Another chimed in. Yamazaki started to run away but his ankles were caught in the tails of two of them and he was literally dragged back towards them. They picked him up and placed him in the same glass container as the other officers. 

“Please we can resolve this! Don’t prone yourself to more violence!” Yamazaki pleaded. “Let us out!”

”It is too late.” One of them said and they all took off their robes, underneath they had store uniforms and name tags. “It’s just about opening time.” 

“We’ll give you more than the minimum wage they probably scrape together here!” Gonard exclaimed and the other three scowled at him. “What? It’s a mall job! They know they’re being ripped off on their labor!” 

“I can’t figure out what’s weirder here, being imprisoned by a living society of giant stuffed animals...or that my older brother was being loving towards me for once in my life today.” Tetsu commented as the ‘Open’ sign was displayed on the store’s doors.

“Probably your older brother loving you!” Gonard chimed in.

-T-THIS IS IT...- Saitou’s sign in his hand was violently shaking in his grasp. 

The four men braced for whatever fate lied beyond those enormous glass doors when they creaked open. 

“Huh? No one is here?” One of the employees looked around to the empty mall. “But it’s 9AM!” 

But suddenly a gentleman walked in. 

“Yes welcome sir to Sock-It To Me, home to an endless collection of toys to start building!” One of the employees chimed in.

“I.. would like to make those four.” He lifted his hat, much to the surprise to the employees and even the cops.

“T-THE STORE CHAIN MANAGER?!” The employees said.

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”Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi’s Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It? I Know The Unknown The Cuttlefish Tastes Kind Of Different Than It Did Last Time Because It Was Caught Near The Pond And Served With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, Pepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea!” Gonard and Tetsu happily exclaimed.

-The Second!- Saitou added.

”What the Hell.. WHY IS HE SO BIG? HE’S LIKE BIGGER THAN THE OTHERS! He was like only FEW inches tall back at home!!” Yamazaki shouted.

”Brothers. Apes should not fight. Whether they be made of sock and stuffing or flesh and bone.” Jugem released the four out of their prison and placed them on his plush shoulders. “I now see through the eyes of these fleshies-“

”Hehe fleshies.” Gonard added.

”That this race and all the others DO care for their sock ape brethern. I have lived it on Earth for over a year now, undercover to see if they truly deserved these punishments.” Jugem continued, Gonard, Tetsu and even Saitou looked on in awe while Yamazaki was highly disturbed.

”I... still can’t grasp any of this...” Yamazaki said on the brink of a mental break down.

“Sir... we’re all sorry.” One of the employees nervously said and they all bowed down to him.

”Why are children’s store employees bowing down to their superior like he was anointed the least insane thing here?!” Yamazaki said.

”Boys. I think it’s time we all return home, I think your Vice-Chief would be honored to know you went through all of this for his sake.” Jugem smiled and turned to Yamazaki specifically.

”Now It’s talking directly to me...” Yammy whispered to himself. 

“Isaburo my best friend, I await for you.” Jugem closed his button eyes and held his hands in a prayer stance. The cops shrugged and did the same gesture. 

Within a few seconds, a bright and blinding light over took the five. 

“H-huh...” Yamazaki was in a state of consciousness and non, but could make out that he was laying in a bed, possibly in a hospital.

”Jimmy..? Hey Jimmy... WAKE UP!”  Gonard pulled the I.V. out of his arm and Yamazaki screeched in pain. “JIMMY YOU’RE AWAKE! Told him I could do it you guys.” 

Yamazaki was fully awake and sitting up in bed (as his arm was spurting out like a volcano) as he noticed everyone gathered around him.

“Saitou! Gonard! Chief! Vice-Chief! Captain! Uh...” Yamazaki stopped when he reached Tetsu. 

“Are you kidding me?! We go on a car chase for a sock monkey for the entire day and you don’t even remember my name?!” He said offended. 

“So it really DID happen..” Yamazaki said shocked.

“Oh yeah it happened alright. You idiots crashed and totaled one of our police cars in one of the bay’s ships costing both sides MILLIONS.” Hijikata stormed.

“Wait if we were in an accident, why aren’t any of you in as bad as shape as I am?” Yamazaki wondered.

-Well we uh, used your body as a cushion during the fallz.- Saitou said embarrassed and Yamazaki squinted his eyes.

”So so what happened when I was asleep?” Yamazaki wondered. “W-Where’s Jugem and his crew of store employees?! And- and.. you are all looking at me like I’m a crazy person.”

”Jugem? Oh you mean the toy monkey? Jimmy, we caught the speedster. She was just an alarmed old lady who got scared of some police officers flanking her tail. Then we gave what’s his old face back the toy and got the tape! Gorilla Chief was saved!” Gonard said in triumph. 

“There wasn’t any on the tape but Isaburo and that blue haired girl calling me a ‘loser baby’ for ten minutes straight.  Tetsu said dead eyed.

“I’m so proud of you boys..” Kondo sniffed. “SAVING YOUR OL’ BOSS FROM TOSHI’S DEATH WISH FOR ME.” He sobbed into the green hair man’s shoulder.

”OI KONDO, how many times do I have to tell you I didn’t try to kill you!” Hijikata barked. 

“Yeah, yeah and I got busted. Though seems like you got more busted than I did, Yamazaki.” Sougo pointed to Ol’ Faithful waterworks still pouring out of the spy’s arm.

They all shared a laugh in this warm environment. That is until Yamazaki passed out from a lack of blood. 

“Also, I’ll see the four of you at your seppuku for causing the destruction of Edo bay’s bridge and a government submarine.” Hijikata left the room as did Kondo and Sougo:

“Well boys we’re off to save the necks of more Shinsengumi members....OUR necks! WOO HOO, HIGH FIVE!” Gonard called and the three posed in a freeze frame.

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I'm so proud of my boys, they saved their police chief

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4 hours ago, Kotarou💚 said:

by literally accomplishing nothing but rescuing a sock monkey

which parts did u like the best

Gonard_Inna_Suit_by_andrewk.jpg

for sure Yamazaki's dream and Isaburo bullying his younger brother

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15 hours ago, Kotarou💚 said:

top five rap/hip-hop albums?

 

Liquid Swords - GZA

To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar

Flower Boy - Tyler

Good Kid, Madd City - Kendrick Lamar

Aquemini - Outkast

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