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i swear i made this back in a fever dream

Spoiler

“Wowie, I can’t believe we’re actually going to a night movie premiere!” Kagura said excitedly in a long line. It was a crisp night, almost turning midnight. She and the others were “””patiently””” waiting. The line was so long they were almost 2 miles out from the theater even. 

“A new Terminator movie! Gordo- Guano-san would have loved to see this together if he didn’t live all the way in Tokyo.” Shinpachi said estatic. 

“Patusan, that midget man’s Terminator reference is so far back that even the writer of this noncanonical side story is having a hard time remembering.” Gintoki said from behind them, picking his nose. He kept doing this for several seconds. 

“Uhh, Gin-san?” Shinpachi asked.

“Ehh?” Gin replied.

“Aren’t you gonna eventually acknowledge everyone else who came with us tonight?” Shinpachi asked him. Behind the kids and Gintoki were his Joui pals. Gintoki thought about it for a brief second and then put his arm around his child’s shoulders.

“Listen Pachi Boy.” The perm head started. Kagura was looking bored in the corner eating away Gin’s 2 cent life’s savings.

“Patusan.” Shinpachi corrected.

“Eh?” Gintoki asked, slightly raising an eyebrow.

“Gin-san, it’s basically the same name, just in another lang-“

“Fine. Listen, Shin Boy, no wait. That nickname is already taken. Goddamn confusing writers with a million ‘Shin’ character names. Listen glasses plastered with a human on their face.” Gintoki started.

“OI! That’s totally not a fair nickn-“

“Listen. Man. Child. Woman. Person. You’ve already wasted so much dialogue space Patusan that I can barely even remember what I was previously gonna say....” Gintoki continued to pick his nose for several seconds, Shinpachi looked tired at him. 

“Oh. Wait. Listen.” Gintoki huddled the two teens in closer to him, much to their disturbance. “See those old men behind us? You see, this isn’t just a fun little side story. I needed a break from them. How do you think I broke some time alone from those old dads too?”

“Really Gin-san?” Shinpachi said eating it up.

“It wasn’t easy that time either, let me tell you that, Shinpachi-kun. Kagura-chan. But these guys behind us, they’re even a bigger pain in the ass to escap-“

Gintoki was kicked down by some woman to his knees, causing the rest of the theater line to step away from them. 

“Sorry Sakata-san, I’m not quite sure of how earth waits in line for movie theaters.” Mutsu was now smashing his face in with her shoe as the pavement underneath him was breaking. 

“I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S THE SAME HERE AS IT IS THERE, MUTSU-SAN!” Shinpachi yelled. 

 Gintoki somehow was managing to breathe with the continous gravel being brutally brushed up against his teeth. 

“Serves you right for abandoning us for so many arcs you deadbeat old perm head.” Kagura chewed on sea weed. 

“Mutsu-san! Stop it now! You’re crushing his very life source out!!” Shinpachi freaked as his boss went ghost pale. “And Kagura-chan. How can you say that to Gin-san? He hasn’t been purposely abandoning us-“ 

Gintoki made some whistling when Mutsu had finally stopped it. He looked away from his kids and scratched the back of his head. The teens faces grew dark. 

“Ahahaha! I think that’s enough Mutsu, you wouldn’t want to leave your date here all alon-“ Mutsu shot Tatsuma in his terminator plastic mask and it barely missed his skull. 

“Tatsuma and Vice-Captain Mutsu are in a relationship?” Skele thought to himself but shrugged it off as joke from Tatsuma himself.

“She’ll be glad I don’t sue your entire organization for nearly permanently botching my face, TATSUMA!” Gintoki barked, Kagura leaped on Gintoki’s back with all her strength, causing the already feeble man to fall down again. 

“Carry me Gin-chan, it’s past my bed time.” She yawned. Gintoki dropped her though. “HEY!” 

“Hey Tatsuma, do you know if Shinsuke and Zura are coming tonight?” Skele turned to him and asked as Tatsuma was adjusting his terminator mask that now had a bullet sized hole in it. 

“Oh me and Mutsu have that covered!” 

Tatsuma and her whipped out two leashes and at the end were two terrorists in child harnesses on all fours. This started an uproar laughter with the gang. Shinsuke’s blood boiled and Katsura looked embarrassed, naturally. 

“I don’t see what’s so fucking funny about these two idiots forcing us to be treated like animals.” Shinsuke said, urging every instinct in him to blow that whole theater up. But he was a good boy now. Or so he told himself at night to fight off his explosion tendencies. 

“You wouldn’t be treated like animals if you didn’t act like animals.” Mutsu said seriously but then snorted a bit. 

“Especially like animals in constant heat, Mr. Takasugi! Ahahaha!” Tatsuma added.

Shinsuke’s blood boiled even more, if only the Sensei who he disowned could pray for Shinsuke for Allah’s support. 

“Well.. I guess we COULD still make this work Shinny.. you know with all these leashes and what not..hehe.” Katsura said and Tatsuma pulled his collar tighter. 

“I’m gonna try to burn these images out of my head by tonight..” Shinpachi said and the gang resumed their line positions. The line was frozen for about fourty-five minutes confusing all of them out but Gintoki.

“Gin-chaaan when is this line gonna move? My bladder’s gonna burst all over Shinpachi if this damn thing doesnt get moving soon.” Kagura whined. 

“Ew! Don’t speak like that Kagura-chan.” Shinpachi said disgusted. She tried climbing on his back to sleep but their weight made them both fall to the ground.

“Wait, this isn’t Terminator.” Shinsuke squinted with his one eye at the theater’s poster board far away from their location. “GINTOKI.” He stood up normally.

“Yes Rex?” Gin looked bored. 

“This is a line for the DMV!” Dogsuke- Shinsuke was clenching his paw- fists. 

“Gin-san..” Shinpachi said annoyed but mostly disappointed.

“What? Gintoki, you told all of this was a ‘hip and happening’ new movie theater.” Skele chimed in.

“Who says ‘hip and happening?’” Kagura snorted.

”And why is a DMV open at midnight?” Katsura wondered and chewed on his leg.

“So I couldn’t afford going to see a real movie with like 13 bucks a shot!” Gintoki flailed his arms around sarcastically. His friends were all visibly angry. “Whoopy doo Shin Boy you figured out my secret. Would you like a doggy bone for that? Or the way I’ve seen you eyeing your canine companion over there, it looks like you already got your turn of a doggy bone.” 

At this Shinsuke grabbed Gintoki’s leg with both his hands and bit into it with his chompers. 

“WHAT THE FUCK.” Gintoki screamed out. “WHAT THE FUCK?! DID ANYONE JUST SEE THAT?!”

Meanwhile Oboro was sitting alone with is bird at Edo’s Hip and Happening Theater! And Co. 

“What the hell, they were suppose to meet us here like almost three hours ago Poe.” Oboro’s thick eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his phone, trying to make sense of things. Poe was also furrowing the place where eyebrows would be if he had any. 

“Shinnster Bennington online clearly told me they were-“ Poe looked at him funny. “Kiheitai..”


to never be continued thankfully 

 

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3 hours ago, Cha♡ said:

i swear i made this back in a fever dream

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“Wowie, I can’t believe we’re actually going to a night movie premiere!” Kagura said excitedly in a long line. It was a crisp night, almost turning midnight. She and the others were “””patiently””” waiting. The line was so long they were almost 2 miles out from the theater even. 

“A new Terminator movie! Gordo- Guano-san would have loved to see this together if he didn’t live all the way in Tokyo.” Shinpachi said estatic. 

“Patusan, that midget man’s Terminator reference is so far back that even the writer of this noncanonical side story is having a hard time remembering.” Gintoki said from behind them, picking his nose. He kept doing this for several seconds. 

“Uhh, Gin-san?” Shinpachi asked.

“Ehh?” Gin replied.

“Aren’t you gonna eventually acknowledge everyone else who came with us tonight?” Shinpachi asked him. Behind the kids and Gintoki were his Joui pals. Gintoki thought about it for a brief second and then put his arm around his child’s shoulders.

“Listen Pachi Boy.” The perm head started. Kagura was looking bored in the corner eating away Gin’s 2 cent life’s savings.

“Patusan.” Shinpachi corrected.

“Eh?” Gintoki asked, slightly raising an eyebrow.

“Gin-san, it’s basically the same name, just in another lang-“

“Fine. Listen, Shin Boy, no wait. That nickname is already taken. Goddamn confusing writers with a million ‘Shin’ character names. Listen glasses plastered with a human on their face.” Gintoki started.

“OI! That’s totally not a fair nickn-“

“Listen. Man. Child. Woman. Person. You’ve already wasted so much dialogue space Patusan that I can barely even remember what I was previously gonna say....” Gintoki continued to pick his nose for several seconds, Shinpachi looked tired at him. 

“Oh. Wait. Listen.” Gintoki huddled the two teens in closer to him, much to their disturbance. “See those old men behind us? You see, this isn’t just a fun little side story. I needed a break from them. How do you think I broke some time alone from those old dads too?”

“Really Gin-san?” Shinpachi said eating it up.

“It wasn’t easy that time either, let me tell you that, Shinpachi-kun. Kagura. But these guys behind us, they’re even a bigger pain in the ass to escap-“

Gintoki was kicked down by some woman to his knees, causing the rest of the theater line to step away from them. 

“Sorry Sakata-san, I’m not quite sure of how earth waits in line for movie theaters.” Mutsu was now smashing his face in with her shoe as the pavement underneath him was breaking. 

“I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S THE SAME HERE AS IT IS THERE, MUTSU-SAN!” Shinpachi yelled. 

 Gintoki somehow was managing to breathe with the continous gravel being brutally brushed up against his teeth. 

“Serves you right for abandoning us for so many arcs you deadbeat old perm head.” Kagura chewed on sea weed. 

“Mutsu-san! Stop it now! You’re crushing his very life source out!!” Shinpachi freaked as his boss went ghost pale. “And Kagura-chan. How can you say that to Gin-san? He hasn’t been purposely abandoning us-“ 

Gintoki made some whistling when Mutsu had finally stopped it. He looked away from his kids and scratched the back of his head. The teens faces grew dark. 

“Ahahaha! I think that’s enough Mutsu, you wouldn’t want to leave your date here all alon-“ Mutsu shot Tatsuma in his terminator plastic mask and it barely missed his skull. 

“Tatsuma and Vice-Captain Mutsu are in a relationship?” Skele thought to himself but shrugged it off as joke from Tatsuma himself.

“She’ll be glad I don’t sue your entire organization for nearly permanently botching my face, TATSUMA!” Gintoki barked, Kagura leaped on Gintoki’s back with all her strength, causing the already feeble man to fall down again. 

“Carry me Gin-san, it’s past my bed time.” She yawned. Gintoki dropped her though. “HEY!” 

“Hey Tatsuma, do you know if Shinsuke and Zura are coming tonight?” Skele turned to him and asked as Tatsuma was adjusting his terminator mask that now had a bullet sized hole in it. 

“Oh me and Mutsu have that covered!” 

Tatsuma and her whipped out two leashes and at the end were two terrorists in child harnesses on all fours. This started an uproar laughter with the gang. Shinsuke’s blood boiled and Katsura looked embarrassed, naturally. 

“I don’t see what’s so fucking funny about these two idiots forcing us to be treated like animals.” Shinsuke said, urging every instinct in him to blow that whole theater up. But he was a good boy now. Or so he told himself at night to fight off his explosion tendencies. 

“You wouldn’t be treated like animals if you didn’t act like animals.” Mutsu said seriously but then snorted a bit. 

“Especially like animals in constant heat, Mr. Takasugi! Ahahaha!” Tatsuma added.

Shinsuke’s blood boiled even more, if only the Sensei who he disowned could pray for Shinsuke for Allah’s support. 

“Well.. I guess we COULD still make this work Shinny.. you know with all these leashes and what not..hehe.” Katsura said and Tatsuma pulled his collar tighter. 

“I’m gonna try to burn these images out of my head by tonight..” Shinpachi said and the gang resumed their line positions. The line was frozen for about fourty-five minutes confusing all of them out but Gintoki.

“Gin-chaaan when is this line gonna move? My bladder’s gonna burst all over Shinpachi if this damn thing doesnt get moving soon.” Kagura whined. 

“Ew! Don’t speak like that Kagura-chan.” Shinpachi said disgusted. She tried climbing on his back to sleep but their weight made them both fall to the ground.

“Wait, this isn’t Terminator.” Shinsuke squinted with his one eye at the theater’s poster board far away from their location. “GINTOKI.” He stood up normally.

“Yes Rex?” Gin looked bored. 

“This is a line for the DMV!” Dogsuke- Shinsuke was clenching his paw- fists. 

“Gin-san..” Shinpachi said annoyed but mostly disappointed.

“What? Gintoki, you told all of this was a ‘hip and happening’ new movie theater.” Skele chimed in.

“Who says ‘hip and happening?’” Kagura snorted.

”And why is a DMV open at midnight?” Katsura wondered and chewed on his leg.

“So I couldn’t afford going to see a real movie with like 13 bucks a shot!” Gintoki flailed his arms around sarcastically. His friends were all visibly angry. “Whoopy doo Shin Boy you figured out my secret. Would you like a doggy bone for that? Or the way I’ve seen you eyeing your canine companion over there, it looks like you already got your turn of a doggy bone.” 

At this Shinsuke grabbed Gintoki’s leg with both his hands and bit into it with his chompers. 

“WHAT THE FUCK.” Gintoki screamed out. “WHAT THE FUCK?! DID ANYONE JUST SEE THAT?!”

Meanwhile Oboro was sitting alone with is bird at Edo’s Hip and Happening Theater! And Co. 

“What the hell, they were suppose to meet us here like almost three hours ago Poe.” Oboro’s thick eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his phone, trying to make sense of things. Poe was also furrowing the place where eyebrows would be if he had any. 

“Shinnster Bennington online clearly told me they were-“ Poe looked at him funny. “Kiheitai..”


to never be continued thankfully 

 

Gintoki just needed to make a vehicle payment.  I wonder if Shinsuke is getting put down

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11 minutes ago, Cha♡ said:

dogsuke deserves one last doggy bone before the shinsen pound put him on death row I mean down?

damn, well at least he gets to bone one more time

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bc zura's organization is purely built on volunteers and donations from volunteers vs shinsuke's organization getting money from both otsu and EF, gintoki says shinsuke is zura's sugar daddy and this infuriates zura to no end?

 

or maybe bansai is the sugar daddy, rackin up that music industry wads of dough

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10 hours ago, Cha♡ said:

bc zura's organization is purely built on volunteers and donations from volunteers vs shinsuke's organization getting money from both otsu and EF, gintoki says shinsuke is zura's sugar daddy and this infuriates zura to no end?

 

or maybe bansai is the sugar daddy, rackin up that music industry wads of dough

Bansai is totally a pimp

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2 hours ago, Cha♡ said:

kagura calls takasugi, tatsuma and skele: midget man, barfing old guy and bag of bones respectfully? 

as I would expect.  She does take after Gin a lot

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im surprised katsura actually took shinsukes last name, seeing how important his household clan living on was to him. maybe he figures it still lives on through him, even if his name is different and people just call him katsura still anyways. and their kids' last name will be katsura-takasugi anyways

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