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Esme

Confess anything here!

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Got something embarrassing you want to let out? Are you just shy about something? That's what this topic's for!

Here's one that I got: I never watched Mary Poppins and it was for a REALLY FUCKING STUPID REASON. So uh, my mom watched shit like Supernanny and Nanny 911 when I was a kid (basically shows about nannies taming brats) and that shit traumatized me, as I myself was a tantrum-child and my mom would do the tactics the nannies taught on those shows on me. To this day, I actually kinda have a slight phobia of seeing people throw tantrums due to that. So uh, about the Mary Poppins thing... so when I was a kid, I was told about this movie and how it was about a nanny. That's when I noped the fuck out. I didn't want ANYTHING to do with nannies. When I got older, I still haven't watched it due to guilt of not seeing it as a child. I almost had the chance when my dad was watching it when I was 14, but I absolutely can't watch stuff I haven't seen unless it's start-to-finish (because I'm that anal. My guilt of not seeing it still looms over my head, and I'm still scared of people having tantrums (yeah, even though my main sona is a 4-year-old...)

Edited by Esme
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So I have this childhood friend that goes way back that I'm still friends with, and I consider her a best friend just as I did back then. We've gotten a bit distant with what our different secondary schools causing a natural drift, but we communicate on a semi-regular basis.

The last time we spent some quality time together as friends was in 2016 - early July - when my school's Sixth Form had an induction day; she was interested in coming to it and I was already planning to go there. We saw each other for one of the induction days, and I even walked home with her. It was a fun day.

I was so sure she'd hopefully come to this Sixth Form that when me and my family went to Disneyland Paris a month later, I went out of my way to buy her a gift. A pin, to be exact. It's a pin of what I'm guessing is hipster Mickey and Minnie. It looks pretty cool. But I bought it with the intention of giving it to her on the first day of Sixth Form, where's we'd finally be able to reunite at school.

But, she didn't end up coming to my Sixth Form, and a lot ended up happening in our lives within the two years, so we mostly just stuck to messaging. We're both introverted people, so hanging out would've been a bit complicated to arrange, especially when we would've been very hesitant. So...the pin I bought stays sealed in its packaging in my room on my desk. I've been thinking about arranging a time to hang out with her this summer but...four weeks have gone, and another three of mine are going to be spent in Florida, so at this point, it might be a bit too much to consider at the moment.

I...don't know what I'll do with the pin. For the years it's been in my possession, I've just held onto it in hope that one day, I will gather the courage to ask her if she wants to hang out and catch up again like old times. It serves as a reminder that I still want to see her, and that she had meant everything to me as a friend back then just as she still does now.

So...yeah. A confession wrapped in a little anecdote for ya. I've never actually told anyone this story, nor have I told anyone about the pin.

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i have to repeat 9th grade next school year because of how severe my depression and misophonia were last year, plus the fact that i was hospitalized during the year. good news though i'm going to be attending school online instead for the rest of high school and possibly college. i kinda really hate myself though and i feel like an absolute failure and i genuinely want to die bc my mental state and sensory issues are becoming so horrible that i literally cannot be in public without having a breakdown. i have no idea what i'll do with my life because of this

sorry for the negativity i don't really have anyone to talk about this with and i just wanted to put it out somewhere lol

on a lighter note, when i was younger i, for some reason, wrote really edgy fanfiction about kirby. it's absolutely hilarious to read now but it's still kinda depressing seeing how it was a reflection of my mind at the time, although it's hard to be sad about it after remembering the fact that i named the main character 'night knight' because i thought it was a cool name lmao

 

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I was diagnosed with a form of epilepsy when I was 7, and while I haven't had a seizure in over 5 years, I still take medication for it. Unfortunately, it's left me with a stutter (which I was teased for in middle school but is thankfully disappearing for the most part) and several tics.

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9 hours ago, SpongeNicko said:

I used to chew the *dolphin noise* out of my video game controller thumbsticks when I was younger. I might've even digested a few pieces or so...

I did/kinda still do that too! I’ve even bitten the PS2 controller itself.

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Might be because my ears are super sensitive but I hate being anywhere loud. Hence why I never go to theaters and concerts. I hate being in an audience that's mostly clapping and yelling. That shit gives me a constant headache.

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21 hours ago, Chrundle the Great said:

I hate being in an audience that's mostly clapping and yelling. That shit gives me a constant headache.

So that’s why you don’t have a username associated with clapping. :funny:

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after the events of the summer and getting promoted to a mod on the site, i've found it extremely difficult to balance my real life presence with my internet equivalent, to the point where ive caught myself overthinking for what feels like an eternity on what kind of person i am for being unable to balance these two worlds adequately, for being unable to make people both on here and in my real life happy all the while failing to take my own happiness into account– in summation, obtaining things i couldve only dreamed of a year ago, sharing stories that consumed me for months and taking steps that i hoped would lead me to happiness have only lead me farther from what i needed. what do i really need? i'd be lying if i said i knew even now. 

 

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I definitely have some stuff to confess, but I guess this kind of goes with it with some stuff about me, also stuff I have done:

 

-I have Asperger's. It was really bad from when I was little to about when I was 12, but I still have social anxiety from it.

-I have memorized basically the entire calendar all the way from now to about 1995, which I did in third grade for some reason. 

-I'm 17 and have never had a girlfriend, I've been rejected four times. First in seventh grade where my first crush rejected me and immediately became hostile toward me, which was the last nail in the coffin for the depression I had then. Second was in eighth grade with this girl who was kind of my friend (we were friends but she was kind of subtly a bitch to me). I took the pussy way out and made a friend tell her I liked her, that was fucking stupid of me. Third was in eighth grade with this girl in my theater class I had a giant crush on, rejected again. Fourth was with one of my best friends for a long time, we have barely talked since then, which is well, what it is.

-I am a gigantic history buff. I love history to death, especially government and political history. I'm taking AP Gov this year actually. On the other hand, I absolutely hate math, I'm terrible at it.

-I am an aspiring screenwriter, in fact I constantly come up with ideas for television shows and have tried doing scripts for those as practice.

-I'm pretty into anime and I'm a little insecure about it because I'm scared of being painted as a weeaboo. I just really like anime, I don't think I'm Japanese and I don't think Japan is superior to any country or anything, and I don't try to splice in horrendous attempted Japanese into everyday conversations.

-For my entire school career, I've always felt distant from most kids my age and have had trouble making friends. I have about 5/6 really good friends at school now, which is all I need. Unfortunately, being kinda vulnerable has led me into a number of abusive friendships.

-I really love 90's-early 2000's pop punk for some reason.

-The texture of clay absolutely disgusts me for some reason.

-I absolutely can not change clothes in the same room as other people, that made middle school change rooms tough for me as I don't have to take gym class in high school.

 

This is really all I've got

Edited by CyanideFishbone

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Some other confessions:

*I still sleep with stuffed animals/plushes. The ones I have include a cat, Mario, a Red Yoshi and a Cyndaquil.

*From early 2016 until about a year ago I was in a phase where I was afraid that I was a furry (don't worry, before you get any ideas, I'm not into sexual things or fetishes and I never was) and while that led me into a loop of self-hatred due to fear of people figuring that out and also confusion over how to be myself (yeah, I was very off that year) I've since moved on.

*I'm either bisexual or asexual, I don't exactly know yet. Right now, however, I'm really not into either gender.

*I have anxiety issues that seem to act up a lot. Sometimes I'm afraid that I have more mental illnesses than just that but I don't know if that's just me worrying too much.

*I have a deep fear of insects and spiders. I can't look at pictures of either of these (with some exceptions for insects like dragonflies and some beetles) due to that.

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