Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[CyanideFishbone]

Sk8er Boi was such a bad song it's a inside joke between me and my sister

[Doctor Sex]

Sk8er Boi was such a bad song it's a inside joke between me and my sister

I thought everyone mutually hated it

[Wumbo]

Clappy, all I can say is that you'd better learn to forgive me for my musical opinions, because it does NOT get better. Well, I guess it does get better for me, but... let's keep going.

 

The Top:

 

Spoiler

Sure, let's start things off with another blow to my reputation.

 

30. "My Sacrifice" - Creed

 

 

I know all too well that I'm supposed to hate this band. They're like Nickelback, but more preachy, right? Well... here they are at #30, and there's nothing I can do about it except tell everyone that I don't hate Creed. In fact, some might say that I even like Creed. First off, they're much more competent at playing their instruments than Nickelback, and they have better, more meaningful lyrics. You can also tell that they try hard at what they do. I mean, fucking look at these guys in the video. If nothing else, Creed would make great actors for cheesy Christian rock band #2 in a TV series.

 

Spoiler

29. "One Last Breath" - Creed

 

 

THERE BOTH CREED SONGS ARE GONE ARE YOU HAPPY?

 

Okay, seriously though: Creed have the greatest videos I've ever seen. Watch these two in particular and maybe "With Arms Wide Open" if you ever need a laugh. But anyway, the song. Look, I grew up on Creed, and never really outgrew them, okay? You can blame my parents for this.

 

 

Scott Stapp, you glorious bastard. Anyway, that's it for embarrassing myself for a while.

 

Spoiler

28. "Drive (for Daddy Gene)" - Alan Jackson

 

 

This is the only country song on the list that made it to the top half, simply because it's adorable. It's a song about a father teaching his kid to drive. How can I hate that? Alan, please stay away from writing about 9/11. Just write more songs like this.

 

Spoiler

27. "Here is Gone" - Goo Goo Dolls

 

 

Like Creed, I never grew out of Goo Goo Dolls. Unlike Creed, I don't think I ever really want to. This was still before the Goos got old and boring, so it belongs on the top half.

 

Spoiler

26. "Addictive" - Truth Hurts ft. Rakim

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Sw77Dminl8

 

This struck me because of how stunningly different it was from everything else on the charts. I love the Hindi-inspired beat and Truth Hurt's vocals. It also features Rakim, which is always a bonus.

 

Spoiler

25. "U Don't Have to Call" - Usher

 

 

I really don't know why any other male R&B singer even tried in 2002. The genre belonged to Usher then, and rightfully so, as he is by far the most talented of them all. He could do both sexy and soulful, and both element show up here. Also a great production on the song. Thank the happy man of 2014.

 

Spoiler

24. "No Such Thing" - John Mayer

 

 

Ugggghhhh. I forgot I put John Mayer on my top half! I don't even like John Mayer... but I like this song. John Mayer, for once in his singing career, doesn't sound like he has marbles in his mouth. It happens to be a really cute song about nostalgia. He jsut wants to run through the halls of his high school, and scream at the top of his lungs! Can't fault him for that, especially when you know what he's capable of.

 

Spoiler

23. "Hey Ma" - Cam'ron ft. Juelz Santana and Freekey Zekey

 

 

I just think that with all the skeevy "ladykillers" in rap this year, this song is relatively harmless. 

 

Get in the car

And don't touch nothing SIT IN THE CAR

 

Relatively. It's really coasting on its hook and its beat, because both are ridiculously catchy and help to salvage this song.

 

Spoiler

22. "Luv U Better" - LL Cool J

 

 

If LL's gonna go with the "love" angle of rap, then I'm glad he's gotten better at it in 2002. No more bullshit lyrics about "vanilla ice cream" or whatever. This is just a really sweet song, topped off with Marc Dorsey's vocals in the chorus. Also, another song produced by The Neptunes! It's almost like they're good producers or something.

 

Spoiler

21. "Get the Party Started" - Pink

 

 

iiiiiiiii'm coming up, so you'd definitely be able to start a party with this song. Honestly, Pink doesn't strike me as the type of artist who would make a party anthem work, but she pulls it off, with help from 4 Non Blondes singer Linda Perry, who wrote and produced the song.

[Wumbo]

The Bottom:

 

Spoiler

71. "Baby" - Ashanti

 

 

As we delve further into the bottom half of the list, Ashanti loses more and more personality. I can barely even hear her on this track. She's overshadowed by the already boring beat. Also, these are weak, weak lyrics. This is the chorus:

 

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,(baby I love you)

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, I love it when I hear ya name,

Got me sayin' baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,(baby I love you) 

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

 

Now we know who Bieber got his inspiration from!

 

Spoiler

72. "How You Remind Me" - Nickelback

 

 

And this is how I remind you that I haven't completely gone off of the deep end. How in the hell was this the #1 song of 2002? You'd think people would have learned their lesson in 2001 from Lifehouse. But no, we just got worse. My God, listen to these guys. This is what passed off as good rock music in 2002. This is why rock music was near-doomed in 2002.

 

Give the song this though: it does have a hint of self-aware Chad Kroeger.

 

And it must have been so bad

Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

 

Nonsense, Chad. I'm sure she loves the sound of frogs being rubbed against sandpaper.

 

I've already praised Creed, Cam'ron, and even a Chad Kroeger song. But I can't even pretend to like this. Going to the bottom of every bottle won't numb the pain this time.

 

Spoiler

73. "Good Morning Beautiful" - Steve Holy

 

 

I can't exactly pinpoint where exactly this guy pisses me off. Oh, right here:

 

It's a good morning beautiful day

 

What the hell is a good morning beautiful day? What happens when it's not a good morning beautiful day? Do you tell her she's an ugly crackwhore?

 

His voice also drives me crazy. He sounds vaguely country, but either sounds like he's trying to hide his accent or put one on. Either way, he's failing.

 

Spoiler

74. "Turn Off the Light" - Nelly Furtado

 

 

I don't understand people who say that Nelly Furtado is annoying now. She's always been annoying. I don't even need to hear her wretched helium vocals; this disjointed production already pisses me off. But Nelly Furtado certainly adds to the equation of hatred. That chorus in particular is shockingly bad. I might believe that this was bad on purpose if I thought Nelly Furtado was that smart. But I don't, so no dice.

 

Spoiler

75. "Move Bitch" - Ludacris ft. Mystikal and I-20

 

 

When I say that I don't get Ludacris, this is always the song I'm thinking of. This is past "so bad it's funny" and is more in the territory of "so bad it's terrible". I could take "Rollout" as a funny song, but this is just too angry to be funny and too stupid to be respected.

 

Spoiler

76. "Standing Still" - Jewel

 

 

I have very little patience for "pop princess" Jewel. Like, who's to say that this wasn't Jessica Simpson singing this? Or Vanessa Carlton? Also, why does Jewel always have that vaguely pissed off look on her face, like she smelled something awful?

 

Spoiler

77. "What's Luv?" - Fat Joe ft. Ashanti

 

 

While Ashanti perfectly snags her role as a vapid, syrupy-sweet chorus singer, Fat Joe is not convincing at all in his role as a thug with love in his heart. No, please just keep being a douchebag, Fat Joe. It suits you better.

 

Spoiler

78. "Anything" - Jaheim ft. Next

 

 

Boring. Next.

 

Spoiler

79. "Can't Get You Out of My Head" - Kylie Minogue

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFx3WX4DES0

 

I develop an allergic reaction to this song from the first few irritating "LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA LA"s. This shit plagues the ENTIRE SONG. There is barely anything else. Christ, she has an annoying voice. And yet... true to the song's title, this will probably stick in my head longer than anything else on this list. Stupid 2002...

 

Spoiler

80. "Wasting My Time" - Default

 

 

As far as crappy post-grunge goes in 2002, I say that Default were the worst of the bunch. This guy doesn't have the worst voice, but this song has the least replay value overall. It's really just boring more than anything, which is sometimes a bigger sin than being annoying. I'll remember Chad Kroeger's buttvoice in the years to come, but I can't promise to remember this. You're just wasting my time, Default.

[CyanideFishbone]

I thought everyone mutually hated it

True...

[Steel Sponge]

I thought everyone mutually hated it

 

Well, I liked it. 

[SG19]

Well, I liked it. 

That makes two of us.

[Doctor Sex]

Move Bitch is a good song cuz it made us feel edgy back then

[Wumbo]

Guess I'm not about that life.

 

The Top:

 

Spoiler

20. "Oops (Oh My)" - Tweet ft. Missy Elliott

 

 

There's something about the coyness of these lyrics and the addition of Missy Elliot's edge that really appeals to me. Oh my.

 

Spoiler

19. "Family Affair" - Mary J. Blige

 

 

Now here's a song that totally deserved to be one of the biggest hits of the early 2000s. I don't know how many of these words are made up - hateration? holleration? dancery? - but they should be real words just because Mary J. Blige used them in this song. Finally, it's getting crunk and fun up in this listery.

 

Spoiler

18. "Superman (It's Not Easy)" - Five for Fighting

 

 

I kind of have a soft spot for Five for Fighting. The singer certainly has the right voice to emote. I also like how he pretty much just takes down the idea of Superman, not only because it provides for an interesting emotional journey, but because I never liked Superman

 

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet

 

Preach it, Vladdy.

 

Spoiler

17. "Soak Up The Sun" - Sheryl Crow

 

 

Essentially, every time Alanis gets a song wrong, Sheryl's there to get it right. Sheryl makes her corny lyrics work in the song, rather than awkwardly forcing in as many syllables as possible because she can't edit.

 

I don't have digital

I don't have diddly squat

 

Only Sheryl Crow can make a lyric like this work, seriously. And she does, in a song about just enjoying yourself and not worrying about whether you have anything else... like digital cable.

 

Spoiler

16. "U Got it Bad" - Usher

 

 

Usher is usually at his best when he's crooning, and here he's at top form. He's just got the voice for songs like these. You believe him when he tells you that you got it bad, because he sounds like that he had it bad it one point. It's a very sympathetic, despondent song, which is Usher's strong suit without a doubt.

 

Spoiler

15. "Heaven" - DJ Sammy ft. Yanou and Do

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlGEII0ejyA

 

Despite the fact that it's played at every single dance I go to, I always welcome this remix of a classic Bryan Adams song. To be honest, I have trouble deciding which version I like better, because both are so well done. It isn't too hard to see that this remix is heavenly.

 

Spoiler

14. "Underneath it All" - No Doubt ft. Lady Saw

 

 

You can always count on No Doubt to brighten up my mood and the charts. I've always loved No Doubt's reggae fusions, and this is one of their best, with Stefani's beautiful vocals backed by this cool, calming reggae beat. Lady Saw's interlude just brings it all full circle. More reggae girls, less questionably racist Harajuku girls.

 

Spoiler

13. "Don't Let Me Get Me" - Pink

 

 

This right here is Pink's defining song as an artist. You need to know anything about Pink, you listen to this song. It's a wonderfully detailed cry for help, perfect for anybody who has gone through a self-loathing period. It's also a pretty nice stab at the music industry. Hey, where was Britney Spears on this chart, anyway? Don't tell me she was already irrelevant at this point.

 

Spoiler

12. "The Middle" - Jimmy Eat World

 

 

Might want to hold off on that betting, Steel, because I just threw you a curveball. Not that there's anything wrong with the song that would cause me to knock it out of the Top 10. Indeed, it was one of the few rock songs this year that nobody should have been ashamed to like. Fun, fresh, and catchy as all hell. Everything will be all right.

 

Spoiler

11. "Lose Yourself" - Eminem

 

 

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. He's gotta explain why this didn't make his Top 10, and fast! Truth is, I've always looked at "Lose Yourself" as a great, but overrated Eminem song. Certainly, it's the perfect anthem for 8 Mile, but there are quite a few Eminem songs that I much prefer to this. Not to take anything away from this song, though. Em's flow and rhymes are top-notch. I just found ten songs I like better than this one this year. That's all.

 

The next bottom 10 will come later today.

[Wumbo]

The Bottom:

 

Spoiler

81. "Complicated" - Avril Lavigne

 

 

Again, the freakin' sk8r grl personality. I don't buy it, especially when she tries to make a serious song but still retain that personality. "Uh huh, life's like this"? Like what? Did your sk8r boi dump you?

 

I used to really like Avril Lavigne's early stuff, but... no. I can't go down this road anymore. For me, it's Under My Skin or nothing now.

 

Spoiler

82. "Just a Friend 2002" - Mario

 

 

You, sir, are no Biz Markie. Kindly step off. Thanks.

 

Spoiler

83. "I Need a Girl (Part One)" - P. Diddy ft. Usher and Loon

 

 

P. Diddy or Diddy or Puff Daddy or Pan Diddly or Gee Whizzy or whatever's success as a rapper completely baffles me. He's the least interesting rapper I think I've ever heard. He's like modern Jay-Z, without old Jay-Z to back up his laziness. Loon's not exactly an irreplaceable talent either, and even Usher's soulful chorus can't save this.

 

Spoiler

84. "Down 4 U" - Ja Rule ft. Ashanti, Charli Baltimore and Vita

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJKCq_bjP4c

 

Ja Rule and Ashanti come together for their second-worst hit of 2002, and they're both to blame for this being a terrible song. Ashanti overestimates her talent (does she really think she has the voice to back up shoddy lyrics like "I wanna be your chick"?), and Ja Rule... well, Ja Rule thinks that he has talent at all, which is a mistake in itself. And Good Lord, is he unbearable here. Like, Ashanti's laughably bad, but Ja Rule overshadows her with shocking badness. It's like...

 

Ashanti: I wanna be your chick

Ja Rule: IDONEYBUDDAROOOOBAYBAAAAAY

 

There's two other female rappers on this track, but this song is so deep in the shit already that they really can't do much to save it.

 

Spoiler

85. "Girlfriend" - 'N Sync ft. Nelly

 

 

Just for you, I've linked the version with the King of Constipation, Nelly. Whatever 'N Sync may do to make this track worthless, Nelly makes it unbearable. Not that 'N Sync does anything to salvage the song, either. Look, the Backstreet Boys sat out this year. We didn't need 'N Sync in 2002. Justin Timberlake's solo career may have started out shaky, but Christ, it's better than this.

 

Spoiler

86. "Dilemma" - Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland

 

 

Welcome to Nellyville, the video begins. Yes, and please leave your barf bags outside. We'll take periodic breaks during the tour for you to use them.

 

This song basically works exactly the way you'd expect one of Nelly's soft ballads to work: not at all. Nelly's not a good artist, but at least he's interesting when he's doing up-tempo party jams. This... this is just lukewarm bathwater, and that's why I consider it Nelly's worst track of 2002.

 

Spoiler

87. "7 Days" - Craig David

 

 

This guy outlines a week-long rendezvous with his girlfriend, and instead of sounding sexy, romantic, or even fun, it just sounds painfully boring. Hell, he doesn't even specify what he does in four out of the seven days! Why bother writing a song called "7 Days" if you only have three days' worth of material?

 

Oh, and don't think the video where he sits in the barbershop and outlines this OMG SOOO INTERESTING story doesn't piss me off. You're the kind of guy that make barbers want to give you the Vincent Van Gogh.

 

Spoiler

88. "A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton

 

 

When your song devolves into a punchline, there's usually a reason. Congratulations on creating the vapid white girl anthem to end all vapid white girl anthems. I mean, it would be one thing if she were a decent singer, but... she's not. She's really, really not. If I could fall into the sky, it would be better than listening to this.

 

Spoiler

89. "Always on Time" - Ja Rule ft. Ashanti

 

 

I'd just like to take this moment to reiterate that Ja Rule is talentless. Completely talentless. And Ashanti is either a poor man's Alicia Keys or a poor, starving man's Aaliyah. Can't decide which.

 

Spoiler

90. "Gone" - 'N Sync

 

 

Awwww, they're being all sensitive. How precious. Go back to 1998.

[Burgerpants]

(waits for people complaining about #88 on the list)

[Wumbo]

Do people actually like Vanessa Carlton around here? I thought it was kind of universally recognized that she was a terrible mistake. If there are fans, then... uh, sorry for destroying her magnum opus. But I'd be curious to know why people like the song.

[Steel Sponge]

HowdareyouputThousandMilesat#88whyyoudothistome...

 

Okay I'm done. I can tolerate that though same for your placement for "Ironic."

[Wumbo]

HowdareyouputThousandMilesat#88whyyoudothistome...

Curious to understand why you think "A Thousand Miles" should have been higher.

[Sweat]

Curious to understand why you think "A Thousand Miles" should have been higher.

Above all, it's extremely catchy and it's not that bad of piano playing either.

[Doctor Sex]

A Thousand Miles is pretty damn bad imo

[Wumbo]

It's nice to hear opposing viewpoints! The piano hook at the beginning is okay, I guess, but then the piano gets drowned out by everything else, so I don't even really think it's a piano song.

 

Anyway, as per my rule to always end on a positive note, I present to you first...

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hit Songs of 2002

 

Spoiler

91. "Oh Boy" - Cam'ron ft. Juelz Santana

 

 

Boy oh boy oh boy, this song is tedious. The best part is actually the intro to the video, where Juelz Santana is getting all pissy over the way his cereal is poured or something. But the rest of it is punctuated by this annoying voice going "boy, oh boy", and it only really fits into the lyrics about 5% of the time. And when Cam'ron doesn't even have catchiness to back him up, he's a very mediocre rapper. Juelz Santana is a little better, but still... MEH.

 

Spoiler

92. "Ain't it Funny" - Jennifer Lopez ft. Ja Rule

 

 

My God, I... I hate Jennifer Lopez's music. I didn't know this before, but I do. I really do. Both of her songs are on my Bottom 10 this year. I think it's her snarkiness that gets to me. "Ain't... that... funnay..." shut up.

 

This is arguably Ja Rule's best performance on the chart, and the beat is pretty alright. But J. Lo just kills the song for me. Honestly, I prefer her "established superstar dancer" personality she has now.

 

Spoiler

93. "I Need a Girl (Part Two)" - P. Diddy ft. Ginuwine, Loon and Mario Winans

 

 

What do you get when you take "I Need a Girl (Part One)", but replace Usher with Usher Lite, back it with an even more pathetic beat, and yet don't replace P. Diddy with anyone else that might be more interesting? You get Part Two of the song, a song that's almost too sad to criticize.

 

Spoiler

94. "What About Us?" - Brandy

 

 

Brandy's jerky vocals here are supposed to match up with the jerky beat of this song, I guess? Here's a thought: Rewrite the song so it doesn't sound like Brandy's trying to sing in a car factory. I said I hated Brandy's music, but this is a whole new level of awful. I actually feel uncomfortable for listening to this, more so than Brandy must feel recording this. It sounds like she's looking over her shoulder after every two words. Pretty sure there's unnecessary Autotune in there too, but the unnatural-sounding vocals make it hard to distinguish.

 

Spoiler

...

 

But seriously, who let LeAnn Rimes have another hit?

 

95. "Can't Fight the Moonlight" - LeAnn Rimes

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_RXq7T9p6s

 

Of the two country belle-turned pop divas this year, LeAnn Rimes was definitely the worse of the two. She sounds so uncomfortable here. Just from listening to a few notes in the chorus, you know that this isn't her forte. For whatever reason, they didn't choose Michelle Branch, or Nelly Furtado, or hell, even Jewel to do this song. No, they chose LeAnn Rimes, and it makes for one of the most awkward performances I've ever seen.

 

Spoiler

96. "Nothin'" - N.O.R.E.

 

 

This song is just straight pathetic, and the video doesn't help. We're supposed to believe that the doorman doesn't think that this guy is cool enough to get in the club, but he thinks that N.O.R.E. is cool enough to get in?

 

This rap hook is one of the weakest I've ever heard in my life.

 

Homeboy, I came to party

Yo' girl was lookin' at me

 

What's the opposite of street cred? Road debt? That's what you have. You have road debt.

 

Also, what the hell is up with those singing girls before the third verse? It doesn't fit in at all. Of course, none of the rappers really fit together either. One of them rhymes "highway" with "my way" and I'm all tuned out by that point. This song is good for absolutely nothin'.

 

Spoiler

97. "I'm Gonna Be Alright" - Jennifer Lopez

 

 

Christ, is that Nas on the track? Wow, Jennifer Lopez really does have the power to destroy songs. Ohh, yes. I honestly can't even think of anything to say about this except J. Lo was a seriously boring singer in the early 2000s. But to drag down Nas like this... wow. That deserves extra sucky points.

 

Spoiler

98. "Gotta Get Thru This" - Daniel Bedingfield

 

 

There, okay? I don't give every dance song a free pass. Especially ones that really, really don't deserve one like this song. I mean, you say you're gonna get through this, Daniel Bedingfield. But what about me? Can I really stand to hear your helium voice for even three minutes? It doesn't help that the beat isn't interesting enough to distract from your vocals. I don't depend on dance songs to have deep lyrics, but I at least depend on them to sound good. This sounds awful, therefore it fails as a dance song. I swear to God, if you say "GAWWWWN GAWWWWN" one more time, I'm gonna fly over to England just to throw some figgy pudding at you.

 

Spoiler

99. "Still Fly" - Big Tymers

 

 

Okay, hold on a damn second. "Still fly"? Were these guys ever fly? I say that P. Diddy is a bad rapper, but these guys make him look like 2Pac. These guys are... mind-numbingly awful. Is this a joke song? I think this might be a joke song. There's no way they can seriously think this makes them "fly".

 

I don't even care if this is a joke song. It's not even funny, or "so bad it's good". It's just bad in terms of its lack of effort. The worst kind of bad.

 

Spoiler

You know, there are bad songs. But then there are completely useless songs that have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. There were quite a few this year, but none of them had quite the lack of effort, the most forgettable sound, and the general void of anything good quite like this one. I give you my pick for the worst song of 2002:

 

100. "Gimme the Light" - Sean Paul

 

 

I don't even hate Sean Paul. But this is his least enjoyable and most annoying single. It has absolutely no replay value. The chorus sucks, the beat sucks, and as usual, he mumbles through the verses so I'm not even going to bother decoding them if he doesn't feel like saying them. I thought a lot of songs this year were lazy. I thought a lot of them were annoying. I thought a lot of them were inane. But this is the trifecta of badness, right here. Sean Paul: If you thought he wasn't trying with his other songs, just listen to this one.

[Wumbo]

2002 was not a good year, guys. But if I can find at least 10 songs that I loved, to make a worthy Top 10, then I wouldn't call it a completely worthless year. This is not a completely worthless year. And with that, I present to you:

 

Wumbo's Top 10 Hit Songs of 2002

 

Spoiler

10. "Cleanin' Out My Closet" - Eminem

 

 

I realize that "Lose Yourself" is the theme song to a movie about Eminem's life, but this still feels more autobiographical and real to me. Eminem just lets his angry emotions slide off the tongue. The bitterness in this song and the regret come together masterfully to tell a complete story. Eminem definitely feels conflicted in his emotions towards his mother, and both the sorrowful chorus and the angry verse show this. Always nice to hear Em in top form.

 

Spoiler

9. "Pass the Courvoisier, Part II" - Busta Rhymes ft. P. Diddy and Pharrell

 

 

At last, I discover what will make me love a song with P. Diddy; as long as it has a healthy dose of Busta Rhymes and Pharrell. In 2002, a year where very little rap was interesting, Busta Busta comes in to break up the monotony with his insane-sounding flow. This beat is awesome too, and fits right into Busta's rapping. Thank your lucky stars that you picked this track to guest on, P. Diddy.

 

Spoiler

8. "The Whole World" - Outkast ft. Killer Mike

 

 

Whatever stopped me from putting "Elevators" higher on my 1996 list is all gone here. This is an awesome-sounding track through and through. These artists are some of the only people that can use Aaliyah's name after her death and not have it sound terrible. The offbeat chorus and the lightning-fast flows of Outkast come through to make excellent music.

 

Spoiler

7. "Just Like a Pill" - Pink

 

 

Maybe "Don't Let Me Get Me" is the definitive Pink song, but this is probably my favourite Pink song. It sounds even more desperate then "Don't Let Me Get Me", but still retains that edge that makes Pink a great artist. Where Avril was trying on a persona and failing, Pink just shows her true personality throughout the 2000s. I would love to have this Pink back, but unfortunately I don't think we'll be getting it in this decade, where nearly everything sounds a bit more manufactured.

 

Spoiler

Okay, so we're nearly at the halfway point, and I hope I've redeemed myself at this point. Boy, I should really have some knockout tracks in my Top 10 to make up for putting Creed songs in my top half! Hell, something good must have replaced "The Middle" and "Lose Yourself" from their deserved Top 10 spots!

 

...At the very least, there should not be an artist that could easily be confused with Vanessa Carlton, right? I shouldn't have an artist from whom someone could easily draw parallels to Vanessa Carlton in my Top 10! Why, that would just be absurd!

 

... heh heh...

 

Okay, here's #6:

 

6. "All You Wanted" - Michelle Branch

 

 

I don't even understand my own opinions anymore.

 

It's not even that I particularly like Michelle Branch as an artist... I just love this song. Somehow, Michelle Branch wrote a song that falls somewhere in the middle of Avril Lavigne and Vanessa Carlton, and it turns out to be the perfect balance. These aren't exactly the greatest lyrics, but unlike Vanessa Carlton's carefully composed, overproduced "A Thousand Miles", Michelle Branch makes them work with a desperate-sounding tone, kind of as though she came up with these lyrics on the spot, which really works in favour for the song.

 

I wanted to be like you

I wanted everything

So I tried to be like you

And I got swept away

 

There's something about the simplicity of this song. Michelle Branch isn't trying to be anybody. She's just letting her emotions loose. And it doesn't come off boring, but rather realistic.

 

At least, that's my justification for a Michelle Branch song in my Top 10. Wumbo's Opinions: They may not always make sense, but he always provides some form of justification.

 

Spoiler

5. "Hey Baby" - No Doubt ft. Bounty Killer

 

 

Okay, sometimes I feel like saying that Gwen Stefani's solo career was close in quality to No Doubt, then I hear songs like this and I wash my opinion out with soap. No Doubt and reggae go together like cake and ice cream, and this song is one of the best examples of that. It's not like there's anything deep in these lyrics. It's a sex song at its core and it's a sex song on the outside. But it's got a good beat and you can dance to it. Hey baby, hey baby, HEY!

 

Spoiler

4. "Gangsta Lovin'" - Eve ft. Alicia Keys

 

 

I guess my favourite use of Alicia Keys is as a chorus girl. Certainly, she does the job better than Ashanti. And Eve pulls off more edge than almost all the rappers in this year. And she's rapping about the same thing most of them were rapping about: getting laid. This proves that it can be done; you just need to stop sounding mumbly or whiny and have some goddamn conviction in your voice. Thank you, Eve, for your lesson in how not to suck at rap in 2002.

 

Spoiler

3. "More than a Woman" - Aaliyah

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oAeoOcpUS4

 

Aaliyah's death in 2001 left a certain void in the R&B world. This is head and shoulders above anything in that genre this year, even Usher. I think the problem with R&B this year laid mostly in the beats. R&B just didn't have good music to back it up anymore. But this is definitely how you do it. Aaliyah, of course, commands a great backing beat with her soulful voice. Hearing this just makes me think what a terrible loss to the music industry 2001 was. At least Aaliyah's music hasn't died along with her, and we can go back and listen to sweet jams like this one.

 

Spoiler

2. "Hella Good" - No Doubt

 

 

No Doubt have many, many amazing and amazingly catchy songs. But if I had to pick an all-time favourite, it would have to be this one. It was definitely the song that rocked the hardest this year (although that's not hard to do when your competition is Buttvoice Kroeger). When No Doubt let loose all their energy into one bombastic track, it sounds like "Hella Good". And it sounds hella good. Anyone who doesn't at least bob their head when they hear this is either in a coma or dead inside.

 

Spoiler

You know, I can dick around with all 100 songs here and rank them. But when it comes to the #1 hit song of 2002, there was only ever going to be one winner. Everybody, bow to Slim Shady.

 

1. "Without Me" - Eminem

 

 

GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN... wait, what was I doing? Oh yeah, "without Me" wins. I love all the songs in my Top 10, but they still don't hold a candle to the wrath of Slim Shady and his impeccable flow and rhymes. And this is why Slim Shady is my favourite Eminem persona. It may not be the deepest set of lyrics, but it's always the most full of energy and the most fun to listen to. Eminem's disses are some of the best he's had here, too. Come on, who doesn't like "NOOOOBODY LISTENS TO TECHNOOOOO". Congratulations on making a bad year hurt a little less, Eminem. Thank you. For that, you get the #1 song on some random Canadian's list of music.

 

There's my list! I'll be back in late June with another year to dissect.

[Burgerpants]

That makes two of us.

three of us

[Wumbo]

HE WAS A BOY

 

SHE WAS A GIRL

 

CAN I MAKE IT AANY MORE OBVIOUS