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Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)


Wumbo

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There was a lot of shit in 2006 that, frankly, wasn't even worth talking about. Thankfully, the good songs are legitimately great.

 

2006's great songs kind of stand in a class of their own, as far as the year goes. I'd put very few of them in any of the trends that 2006 was pushing. There's a few, but they also manage to stand out as superstars of their genre. And after the boring mess that was the worst list, we need a breath of fresh air like this one. Let's go!

Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 2006

Spoiler

 

When we talk about pop punk, this band typically gets overlooked. I'd like to put a stop to that.

10. "Move Along" - The All-American Rejects

 

Yeah, I like The All-American Rejects. What are you gonna do about it?

Now this is a good solid band that seems to have gotten lost to the tides of time while bands like Fall Out Boy and Panic have thrived. Not that there's anything wrong with those bands, and maybe they deserved extra success after changing their style to try and fit the times, but I wanna call attention to this song here. The All-American Rejects take more of a blink-182 approach in that their sound is hard-hitting, but their message is simple. And it's a good message. Move along, keep truckin', life gets hard sometimes but it does go on. Couple that great message with a catchy-as-hell guitar riff and you've got yourself quite the solid pop punk song. I just think that as we've moved into this decade and pop punk has fallen by the wayside, we forget about acts like these, creating simple but effective music. Sometimes all it takes is a good message, some heart, and a rock edge. That's what we've got here, and it turns out a damn great track.

 

Spoiler

 

Of course, if we do want to talk about the superstars of pop punk at the time...

9. "Dance, Dance" - Fall Out Boy

 

I think at this point, it's safe to say that anyone who hated Fall Out Boy in the mid-2000s was dead wrong. This stuff has aged like a fine wine, and it comes from Fall Out Boy truly being the best of their genre. This song feels like it was written by a pop punk algorithm, it's so flawless. That bassline. That chorus. Those drums. It's hard to find a fault with this one, and I'm still listening to it years later. Along with all of Fall Out Boy's other stuff. Sometimes the zeitgeist gets it right. Unfortunately, Fall Out Boy have long since strayed from this type of sound, but sometimes it's good just to kick back with a nostalgia-bomb such as this one. And forget that they're pretty much irrelevant now.

 

Spoiler

 

It's back.

8. "Feel Good Inc." - Gorillaz

 

Quite a bit lower than it was last time, actually. Curious, that. I recall stating that this song was perhaps too good for the pop charts and that we didn't deserve it. Well...

Don't get me wrong. It's still a fantastic song, that still defies the pop charts. It's just difficult for me to place songs on the best list in the same position as they were last time. "Feel Good Inc." is really a 2005 song anyway. It barely even made the 2006 list.

Regardless, this song is still awesome. De La Soul provide the perfect match for Gorillaz' innovative sound with some truly rapidfire flow, and the entire song twists and turns as though it's more experience than song. Which, it really is. It's a marvel just to listen to. Not much to add except... feels good.

 

Spoiler

 

Of course, on the flipside, if we're talking about songs I neglected to mention at all in my 2005 list... Sing it, Jamie.

7. "Gold Digger" - Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx

Honestly, I don't have much to add here either. This song is just awesome. That GROOVE. Jamie Foxx gettin' his Ray Charles on. Kanye West at his peak. Yeah! Remember when Kanye was consistently amazing and groundbreaking like this? Now he makes songs with Lil Pump.

Um... just listen to "Gold Digger". No further analysis.

 

Spoiler

 

One-hit wonders in rap usually fascinate me. It's sometimes hard to understand, in a vacuum, why rap artists can't have second hits. Unless they're really esoteric and out-there, it strikes me as odd that a rap artist can't have a follow-up hit. Even novelty rap usually manages to get at least two or three.

But sometimes... maybe it's because there's no possible way to go any higher.

6. "Ridin'" - Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone

 

I hope you're on the right side of music history and you think this song is as awesome as I do. There's simply no denying how catchy and relevant this song is. Maybe the message of corrupt cops gets a bit muddled when Chamillionaire starts talking about his warrants in "every city except Houston"... and oof, then there's Krayzie Bone.

I've been drinkin' and smokin'
Holy shit, ‘cause I really can't focus
I gotta get it home before the po-po's scope this

I, uh... I think it's gonna be pretty easy to catch him ridin' dirty.

But the details don't matter. This song is a righteous slap in the face to police corruption and racial profiling, and it manages to slap on its own as well. THAT HOOK. After watching the One Hit Wonderland on Chamillionaire, I kinda understand why he couldn't follow this up. It's too good! In an era of ringtone rap where everything seemed purposefully meaningless, this song was a goddamn breath of fresh air. You could be catchy and have talent! Who knew! Also, obligatory Weird Al reference.

 

You know you love it, you nerds. Don't worry, so do I.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Yeesh.

I think that if I'm going to be such a dick to Lifehouse, it's only fair that I dust off my rose-tinted glasses for all of the other adult contemporary crap of my childhood. And right in the middle of it, we have The Fray.

 

I guess The Fray aren't the worst thing ever, but my god are they tedious. All of their songs come off as this low moan to me, something that can be played in sad Grey's Anatomy montages and only sad Grey's Anatomy montages. The less impressive Coldplay, if you will, who could at least try for a Firefly or something if they wanted to.

And even with all that said, I can't deny what a masterful slice of pop their debut single is.

5. "Over My Head (Cable Car)" - The Fray

 

This is the only song of theirs that has any kind of bite or pulse to me. You can have your moody music all you like, but if you're going to drown in mopey sad music without any sort of intensity, then it's going to come off exactly as mopey and sad. Which, if that's what you want, fine, and there's a place for it. But I prefer my pop songs to have, well, pop to them.

It's like someone actually woke up the rhythm section of this band and they were able to really pull something together. With that earworm of a chorus, this song becomes one that you won't soon forget. And I love it. I wish The Fray made more music like this. We could use it. But I can always block out the rest of their songs and look at them as a one-hit wonder, too. That works. Or am I in over my head? Does everyone know? Eh, whatever. Not news to you guys.

 

Spoiler

 

And while we're on the topic of pop perfection...

4. "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield

 

Oh man, do I love this song. It's further proof that Natasha took all the talent from her brother and ended up with an inordinate amount of it. I mean, listen to this. This is pretty much the be-all and end-all to sunshiny, happy pop songs with uplifting messages. Nothing like it has really captured its mood quite so well.

A lot of that comes in Natasha Bedingfield's delivery, which is raw and crackling but also beautiful and harmonic. The gospel choir in the bridge doesn't hurt either. God damn, this is a happy song. It has a gospel choir, for god's sake!

It's just good to see such bright, sunshiny, meaningful pop in an era dominated by misogynistic rock and meaningless ringtone rap. It's the very definition of a breath of fresh air. That's literally what this song feels like. Stepping out after a giant rainstorm, only to see the sun and birds come out. What a joyous marvel of a song. Absolutely love it.

 

Spoiler

 

The jokes write themselves with this one. Boy, I'd be CRAZY not to...

3. "Crazy" - Gnarls Barkley

 

Picture, if you will, the landscape of music in 2006. If it wasn't meaningless ringtone rap, it was boring, dull, or excruciating rock music. Obviously that's not all we got, just look at the rest of this list for counter-examples. But even so, those examples could not prepare you for the masterclass that is this song. I've already said my piece about Cee Lo Green and what a terrible dude he turned out to be, but damn if he can't carry a tune. This vocal performance is absolutely captivating against the simple beat. The strings and choral voices really bring the song together on the chorus. It's a song about insanity. and it's plain insane that this song got popular in the year of 2006. Gnarls Barkley really turned the landscape for pop music upside down... only to never have another hit again. Say, what did that Cee Lo Green guy end up doing afterwards? Eh, forget him.

This will forever stand as the oddest hit of 2006 to me. Even more so than Gorillaz, who had already built up their momentum in the previous year. But I'm so glad it exists. It is the gold standard for what popular music in the 2000s can be. Re-inventing old genres for current times, creating a timeless effect all around. And if that ain't crazy, I don't know what is.

 

Spoiler

 

You know, I keep grousing about the rock scene this year, but the first two, and arguably a good chunk of the rest of this list, are rock or at least rock-adjacent. There's really not much to complain about until 2008, when things start getting really dark and depressing. That was the year of Saving Abel. Yeesh.

And if there's any argument that mainstream rock wasn't all that bad in 2006, it lies squarely with this song and this band. Because they were set to have one of their biggest albums ever smash through, and for damn good reason.

2. "Dani California" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

The Red Hot Chili Peppers fuckin' rule. Certainly nothing sounded like them in 2006, but they were always the pop-accessible version of 90s funk rock. And it's good to see they kept up that image even to 2006, where their double album Stadium Arcadium broke through and won all the awards. And then there's this song, "Dani California". The debut single from the record, and deservedly so. This song is a firecracker.

Everyone plays at their A-game on this one. Chad, Flea, john, and Anthony just making some damn good funk rock with hooks for days. This is one of the first songs I sought immediately to memorize so I could recite it from memory. This is one of those songs that it's just great to have around. It's the perfect pump-up song from the perfect pump-up band. Peppers forever. Also, this video is amazing. The Chili Peppers getting their groove on in various outfits from various time stamps of rock n' roll history. Fantastic. What more could I realistically ask for? Well... move on to the next one to find out.

 

Spoiler

 

Well, what else was it gonna be? No fightin'.

1. "Hips Don't Lie" - Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

 

When people think of 2006 in pop music, they might think of Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous" as a standout. Or maybe Sean Paul's "Temperature". Both fine choices, no doubt. But for me, no song eclipsed 2006 quite as much as this one. For me, this song was everywhere. And I loved it.

This was actually my introduction to Shakira, and what an introduction it was, this fireball of a dance tune that never loses its energy and yet traverses into all kinds of sounds and sections. Wyclef Jean definitely helps to ground the song and serve as the audience surrogate, drooling over Shakira (Shakira) just as much as anyone who watched the video would. I mean, damn. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

And here's the crazy thing: this wasn't originally meant to be a Shakira song. No joke, this song was planned to be the highlight of a Fugees reunion with Lauryn Hill most likely delivering Shakira's part. Only it was meant to be called "Lips Don't Lie", and probably wouldn't have been as Latin-influenced. Honestly, I think we got the better track that could have happened.

There's so much energy and hype with this song even to this day. It is truly a pop masterpiece even among pop masterpieces. Endlessly quotable, insanely catchy, and featuring two of the most charismatic voices in music. A well-deserved #1 in my books. And a fantastic closer to 2006, a year which had its bumps, but ultimately, its hips didn't lie. Shakira Shakira.

 

 

Full List:

Spoiler

 

1. "Hips Don't Lie" - Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

2. "Dani California" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

3. "Crazy" - Gnarls Barkley

4. "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield

5. "Over My Head (Cable Car)" - The Fray

6. "Ridin'" - Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone

7. "Gold Digger" - Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx

8. "Feel Good Inc." - Gorillaz

9. "Dance, Dance" - Fall Out Boy

10. "Move Along" - The All-American Rejects

11. "Everytime We Touch" - Cascada

12. "Dirty Little Secret" - The All-American Rejects

13. "Sugar, We're Going Down" - Fall Out Boy

14. "My Love" - Justin Timberlake ft. T.I.

15. "Money Maker" - Ludacris ft. Pharrell

16. "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" - Panic! at the Disco

17. "Hate Me" - Blue October

18. "Ain't No Other Man" - Christina Aguilera

19. "Promiscuous" - Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland

20. "Grillz" - Nelly, Paul Wall and Ali & Gipp

21. "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" - KT Tunstall

22. "Stupid Girls" - Pink

23. "Déjà Vu" - Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z

24. "Walk Away" - Kelly Clarkson

25. "Because of You" - Kelly Clarkson

26. "(When You Gonna) Give It Up to Me" - Sean Paul ft. Keyshia Cole

27. "Unpredictable" - Jamie Foxx ft. Ludacris

28. "For You I Will (Confidence)" - Teddy Geiger

29. "SOS" - Rihanna

30. "Temperature" - Sean Paul

31. "We Be Burnin" - Sean Paul

32. "Touch It" - Busta Rhymes

33. "Soul Survivor" - Young Jeezy ft. Akon

34. "Hung Up" - Madonna

35. "Pump It" - The Black Eyed Peas

36. "Rompe" - Daddy Yankee

37. "Shake That" - Eminem ft. Nate Dogg

38. "Stickwitu" - Pussycat Dolls

39. "Chasing Cars" - Snow Patrol

40. "When I'm Gone" - Eminem

41. "Snap Yo Fingers" - Lil Jon ft. E-40 and Sean Paul

42. "Check on It" - Beyoncé ft. Slim Thug

43. "Love" - Keyshia Cole

44. "Get Up" - Ciara ft. Chamillionaire

45. "Where'd You Go" - Fort Minor ft. Holly Brook and Jonah Matranga

46. "Me & U" - Cassie

47. "Too Little Too Late" - JoJo

48. "Pullin' Me Back" - Chingy ft. Tyrese

49. "Gimme That" - Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne

50. "Be Without You" - Mary J. Blige

51. "So Sick" - Ne-Yo

52. "Beep" - Pussycat Dolls ft. will.i.am

53. "Far Away" - Nickelback

54. "Savin' Me" - Nickelback

55. "Stay Fly" - Three 6 Mafia ft. Young Buck and 8Ball & MJG

56. "I'm Sprung" - T-Pain

57. "U and Dat" - E-40 ft. T-Pain and Kandi Girl

58. "Don't Forget About Us" - Mariah Carey

59. "I'm 'n Luv (wit a Stripper)" - T-Pain ft. Mike Jones

60. "Bad Day" - Daniel Powter

61. "Jesus, Take the Wheel" - Carrie Underwood

62. "Shoulder Lean" - Young Dro ft. T.I.

63. "Call Me When You're Sober" - Evanescence

64. "Show Stopper" - Danity Kane ft. Yung Joc

65. "Say Goodbye" - Chris Brown

66. "I Think They Like Me" - Dem Franchize Boyz ft. Jermaine Dupri, Da Brat and Bow Wow

67. "Why You Wanna" - T.I.

68. "Sexy Love" - Ne-Yo

69. "Who Says You Can't Go Home" - Bon Jovi ft. Jennifer Nettles

70. "When You're Mad" - Ne-Yo

71. "London Bridge" - Fergie

72. "Buttons" - Pussycat Dolls ft. Snoop Dogg

73. "There It Go (The Whistle Song)" - Juelz Santana

74. "So What" - Field Mob ft. Ciara

75. "Do I Make You Proud" - Taylor Hicks

76. "Waiting on the World to Change" - John Mayer

77. "I Know You See It" - Yung Joc

78. "Laffy Taffy" - D4L

79. "It's Goin' Down" - Yung Joc ft. Nitti

80. "Bossy" - Kelis ft. Too Short

81. "Yo (Excuse Me Miss)" - Chris Brown

82. "What You Know" - T.I.

83. "Smack That" - Akon ft. Eminem

84. "Chain Hang Low" - Jibbs

85. "One Wish" - Ray J

86. "My Humps" - The Black Eyed Peas

87. "You're Beautiful" - James Blunt

88. "SexyBack" - Justin Timberlake ft. Timbaland

89. "What Hurts the Most" - Rascal Flatts

90. "How to Save a Life" - The Fray

91. "Lean wit It, Rock wit It" - Dem Franchize Boyz

92. "Ms. New Booty" - Bubba Sparxxx ft. Ying Yang Twins

93. "Unfaithful" - Rihanna

94. "What's Left of Me" - Nick Lachey

95. "Run It!" - Chris Brown ft. Juelz Santana

96. "Life is a Highway" - Rascal Flatts

97. "Photograph" - Nickelback

98. "Do It to It" - Cherish ft. Sean P

99. "Lips of an Angel" - Hinder

100. "You and Me" - Lifehouse


 

 

 

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Love this best list. And no disrespect to Lauryn Hill but I’m so glad Shakira got Hips Don’t Lie because it’s a total bop.

thoughts on:

Sugar, We’re Going Down

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Promiscuous 

SOS

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It may be my constant exposure from the speakers at Publix, but "Crazy" is absolutely my favorite song from this year.

 

Thoughts on:

SexyBack

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree

Chasing Cars

London Bridge (Also, I hate to admit it but I kinda like this song. I understand its placement though.)

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Very solid top 10, man. There's nothing else that I need to say beyond that...well, besides that I want to your thoughts on these:

Walk Away

Because of You

You're Beautiful

Call Me When You're Sober

Bad Day

Where'd You Go

Hung Up

Grillz

Edited by Steel Sponge
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Wow! o.o 2006 actually had more good hit songs than I THOUGHT it did! Either that, or I accidentally thought that SOME of the hit songs that appeared this year, came out later than they actually did! In any case, thoughts on "How to Save a Life; Waiting On the World to Change; Who Says You Can't Go Home?; When I'm Gone; Stupid Girls;" and "Ain't No Other Man" when you have a chance, please.

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hell yes gorillaz 

Just thoughts on “How to Save a Life” alone would make my day. My mom constantly listens to the song, and I’ve always hated it because it’s not great to begin with and she constantly sings to songs, most of which are bad. I need someone to share my hatred.

”Pump It” and “Waiting on the World to Change” would also be nice.

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"Sugar, We're Going Down": A song on the 2005 list that didn't make it? What gives? Well, refer to my point in the Gorillaz entry, plus "Dance, Dance" is 100 times better so there's that.

"I Write Sins Not Tragedies": Yeah, I can't deny the catchiness of this song, even if there are some unforgivably bad lyrical choices in my view. Regardless, I'm sure a lot of people miss when Panic! At The Disco was a band.

"Promiscuous": I considered putting this song in my Top 10, but it's just a bit too... "trying to be cool" to really deserve it. It doesn't hold up quite as well as something like "Hips Don't Lie". Still a good song, though.

"SOS": Ripping off multiple 80s songs is certainly... a choice for your follow-up single. It's a good thing Rihanna has the natural charisma to pull it off, and that Soft Cell sample works so much better than it deserves to.

"SexyBack": Look, can we all take our nostalgia goggles off for a second and call this song what it is, which is unlistenable. I would straight up rather listen to "Filthy" than this, which was at least grandiose and ridiculous and not just this preening, snotty shit of a song that thinks it's so much cooler than it actually is.

"Black Horse and the Cherry Tree": I apologize, clearly THIS was the oddest hit of 2006. I mean, what the hell. It certainly came out of nowhere, and while I wouldn't call it amazing, KT Tunstall brings some natural charisma to the song that works for me.

"Chasing Cars": What separates Snow Patrol from The Fray is that Snow Patrol are able to go beyond just mopey and dopey when making their moody songs. A lot of it has to do with the ethereal-sounding instrumentation, particularly on this song. It's still nothing special, at least to me, but I get why people would listen to this.

"London Bridge": It's not hard to see why The Black Eyed Peas suddenly got a lot worse with Fergie if this was her first shining moment as a solo artist. I mean, good god. Do I really need to explain this one?

"Walk Away": Fun little pop rock song that isn't the best by a long shot in Kelly's catalog, but is still perfectly fine.

"Because of You": Replace "fun" with "emotional" and "pop rock song" with "ballad" above, and there ya go.

"You're Beautiful": James Blunt has a great sense of humour, and I guess if you wind up with this as your biggest hit you kinda have to have one. It's almost a parody of sappy love songs, it's so bad. But I don't want to be too harsh on the guy, so listen to his follow-up "Wisemen", which is miles better.

"Call Me When You're Sober": Look, I love Evanescence. But this just sounds ugly. It's like if Evanescence tried to cover a Nickelback song or something.

"Bad Day": So it's not terrible. But I still don't have much of a use for it. There were a lot of these whiny-sounding white dudes in 2006, weren't there?

"Where'd You Go": This is... okay, I guess? Genuinely don't remember much about it one way or the other.

"Hung Up": By no means Madonna at her prime, but at the same time it's impressive that Madonna managed to get on the year-end list in 2006. And it's a solid enough track with a great ABBA sample.

"Grillz": I'm not really sure what separates this from any other Nelly song, but I dig it all the same.

"How to Save a Life": Puke. Like, this is exactly what I was talking about in The Fray's entry. What the hell even is this song? Watch, I'm gonna look it up and it's gonna be about the lead singer's best friend dying or something and I'm gonna look like a jackass. (Well, it's a different sad story, but still: god damn it.)

"Waiting on the World to Change": Okay, seriously? Half the white dudes on this list already sound like John Mayer to some degree, we don't need the real thing here too. This is truly the most mealy-mouthed, meaningless song ever trying to send a message maaaan. And it's John Mayer singing it. This fucking goose. Maybe I should have put this on my Bottom 10.

"Who Says You Can't Go Home": I think maybe I'm a bit harsher on this song than I should be, but between Bon Jovi's pivot to gutless country that I'm mixed at best on, and the fact that I can't fuckin' stand Sugarland, yeah, I couldn't place this anywhere near my top half. I guess in a vacuum, it's decent enough though. I'd understand if someone liked it.

"When I'm Gone": HAVE U EVER LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH YOU'D GIVE AN ARM FOR HER

NOT THE EXPRESSION

NO

LITERALLY GIVE AN ARM FOR HER

Sigh. As we all know, Eminem could have done so much worse than this, and at least his heart's in the right place, but at the same time, something feels terribly wrong about this song. This feels like the prelude to the gutless crap he was doing on Recovery. Still, it's Eminem with some kind of drive, so I'm inclined to give it points all the same.

"Stupid Girls": In the mid-2000s, Pink could do no wrong, and this satirical stab at how society treats women in media is certainly an interesting song. I can't say it's one of my go-to Pink songs, but I definitely appreciate its existence.

"Ain't No Other Man": I've never been a Christina Aguilera fan, but what can I say? She pulls this one off. I guess it helps that the production is as brash and annoying as she is. God, that doesn't sound like a compliment at all. I'm bad at this.

"Pump It": This is a song off of Monkey Business, back when the Black Eyed Peas still had a decent amount of credibility-retaining hits to call their own. It's certainly a weird one, though. Sampling "Misirlou" doesn't feel like something you should do lightly, and the song is kind of a mess because of it. But it also kinda comes together? I dunno.

And after all that, what will the next year be? How about we actually finish off a whole damn decade by tackling...

1993

Damn, it really is coming to the end. Well, how will this last year of the 90s hold up? Stay tuned!

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1 hour ago, Wumbo said:

"Waiting on the World to Change": Okay, seriously? Half the white dudes on this list already sound like John Mayer to some degree, we don't need the real thing here too. This is truly the most mealy-mouthed, meaningless song ever trying to send a message maaaan. And it's John Mayer singing it. This fucking goose. Maybe I should have put this on my Bottom 10.

 

This says hi.

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1993, a year where Ace of Base, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Blind Melon, and Toni Braxton all had at least one big hit song. Whether they end up ranking on the chart is another different matter, but we'll just have to wait and see. Enough said, true believers!

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Me N U is a perfectly fine song, nothing really for me to say about it one way or the other. Show Stopper I was less than impressed with, but it's decent enough for Danity Kane, anyway.

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To close out the weird and wonderful decade that is the 90s, we've got ourselves a year that is... honestly, probably in the middle of the pack when it comes to the year-end charts. Not quite on the level of '94 or '96, but also not on the level of something like the early 90s, either. There's a lot of good... and also a lot of bad. And as always, we're lookin' at both, starting with...

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hits of 1993

Spoiler

 

Okay, so we're gonna start things off right with some boring R&B. And ooh boy, there was a lot to choose from in 1993. So many Boyz II Men wannabes... sooo many. So it does feel wrong that the entry I chose for this list is... by a woman.

10. "Saving Forever for You" - Shanice

 

Of all the R&B released this year, this is the one that I cared about the least. It had the least personality, the least distinctiveness, and it was probably also the worst. This is C-List R&B at best. At least those who were ripping off Boyz II Men did a somewhat half-decent job. Meanwhile, Shanice goes for Janet Jackson and sucks all the fun and personality out of her. And - this is the really sad part - she's much better than this!

 

This is her hit single from the year before, "I Love Your Smile". And I liked it! It was fun, peppy, and upbeat - everything this song is not. It was the R&B song this year I would most consider skipping. Hell, the video doesn't even seem interested in the song itself. It keeps talking over it. Which, honestly, probably happened naturally since this song is such a pile of nothing. Next!

 

Spoiler

 

"Hey, 95 South, can I copy off your work?"

"Okay, sure man, but just make sure to change it up so-"

9. "Whoomp! (There It Is)" - Tag Team

 

Interesting song, this. Interesting in that it totally ripped off a song released a month earlier and got bigger than that song. Now, this is nothing new in pop culture. But you'd at least think it would be good if it made it as high as #2. Alas, that was not to be.

This is no "Jump Around", folks. This is a low-effort crowd jam if I've ever heard one. It feels like a Eurodance song without the hook, which is how a lot of these songs feel, honestly. A chant that thinks it's much catchier than it actually is, add a bunch of nothingburger lyrics to fill space, and... well, whoomp, there it is.

No, I never liked this song. It's just a waste of space. Real music should fill the space that this occupies. It kind of hurts me to listen to it like it's actual music. I can't sign off on this at all. Quality, there it isn't.

 

 

Spoiler

 

8. "How Do You Talk to an Angel" - The Heights

 

Yeesh. The Partridge Family for Gen X. What the hell was anyone thinking with this shit?

I don't really think this one's worth the words I'm typing out. It is the cheesiest and lamest of cheesy lame love songs. This feels like leftover gunk that should have been kept in a vault from five years ago. And yeah, this was on the '92 list too. Because 1993 doesn't have as much outright crap as that list did, this song now gets to make its debut on a worst list proper. Yay?

God, send this back to the dregs of 1989 where it belongs. Nothing about this is good, no matter how many guitar and sax solos you want to awkwardly cram in there. A waste of guitar and sax, this song is. Next!

 

 

Spoiler

 

7. "Have I Told You Lately" - Rod Stewart

 

Ugggggghhhhhh.

Come on, Rod. Try a little harder than this. This is you in Sleep Mode, I'm sure. I know you're literally one year away from doing that collab with Bryan Adams and Sting we all know and love, but couldn't you at least give us one last gas of hope before that happens? Not this limpdick, nothing cover of a Van Morrison song? Jesus.

I don't even know what to say here, this is simply not trying. Not trying from an artist who knows he can do better than this.

 

Spoiler

 

 

If you don't like the song  "Ooh Child", I strongly recommend you re-examine your life and find out exactly when you lost your soul. This is truly one of the most uplifting soul songs there is, made expressly with the purpose of bringing joy to people's otherwise dull and drab lives! "Ooh child, things are gonna get easier." Who wouldn't love a message like that?

Well, apparently Dino didn't! And he chose to exact his revenge in the most damning way possible: by releasing a terrible cover.

6. "Ooh Child" - Dino

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq5UIwsM96w

It seems that terrible cover songs are this part of the list's bread and butter. We have come across many a terrible cover song in our quest to search for the worst. But this is easily one of the most contemptible, coming from a nobody who somehow had another hit in 1989 that was almost as awful. But at least you could laugh at that. Well, I suppose I can still laugh at this. But it's a rueful laugh more than anything.

Like, wow. You really did just decide to suck all the soul out of this classic, didn't you? I guess that's what happens when you have no talent, fluke a hit somehow, and are desperately trying to keep your streak of being relevant alive. Dino. You should have stayed a Flintstones character, damn it! Would have caused less damage that way.

Oh, god, there's a rapping part. No, turn it off, turn it off. Next one. Please.

 

Spoiler

 

So, on the topic of cover songs...

 

Theoretically, if a band covers a song that I don't like in the first place, then it shouldn't be as much of a loss, right? I never liked the song to begin with, so there's nothing to ruin, right? Well... you all underestimate the power of Ugly Kid Joe.

5. "Cat's in the Cradle" - Ugly Kid Joe

 

Jesus. Ugly Kid Joe really sums it up, doesn't it? This is an ugly, ugly band. exactly like that kid who no one wanted to talk to in school. Um, social exclusion is bad, kids. But it's an apt comparison. I don't want to touch these guys with a ten foot pole.

I don't understand how these guys had any sort of career after 1992. This style of music was passé by then, unless you were a mega-star of the genre like Bon Jovi. And Ugly Kid Joe were no Bon Jovi.

So what we get from these guys in '93 is a terrible cover of a pretty wretched and overwrought song. Why did they even choose to cover this? What does an ugly hair metal band have to add to the conversation of a dad not making time for his son, and then the tables being turned? This isn't like Skid Row, where the problems they sang about actually matched the tone of the song. The tone is completely off. Even though I don't like Harry Chapin's version either, his tone fit. You were supposed to do this in a morose, folksy kind of way, sound like you had experience in your voice. These clowns sound like they haven't matured past the second stage of this very song. They shouldn't be singing it. Or anything, for that matter. But finally, hair metal would meet its well-deserved death in '94, and we never had to hear from these guys again. Good fucking riddance. Ugh.

 

 

Spoiler

 

4. "Dazzey Duks" - Duice

 

I like to think that I'm not above silly club jams. But oh boy, did this year test my patience. For those of you who claim rap is stupid now, just take a look at this. I mean, my god. 1993 had no shortage of ass anthems, and this is certainly one of them. But it also gets insufferably stupid when they kick it up a notch and start rapping about a specific article of clothing. One that they either couldn't get the rights to use in their own title, or just plain couldn't spell, neither of which bodes well for the song.

Beyond that, it's just so by-the-numbers and obnoxious. This is no "Whoomp, There It Is", let's make that clear. The guy belts the hook of this song like he's in pain, and it just keeps going on over and over again. "COME ON BABYYYY..." like dude, take a rest.

I'm just so done with these stupid songs. I like to have fun as much as the next guy, but this isn't fun. This is boring, lame, and obnoxious. What's next?

 

 

Spoiler

 

3. "Whoot, There It Is" - 95 South

 

You know, just because you did it first doesn't mean you did it best. 95 South walked so Tag Team could run, it seems.

I just... it's the same song. Over and over. Obnoxious, earsplitting vocals on the hook, checklists of famous cities, and an unhealthy obsession with booty. Maybe one ass anthem a year is all we need. Or maybe "Baby Got Back" was all we needed to begin with. Sir Mix-a-Lot this is not.

Such a dumb song. This took up the spot of another song that could have made the chart. The poor man's "Whoomp, There It Is". Think about that.

 

Spoiler

 

And as always, you can't have a worst list without these guys.

2. "Can't Help Falling in Love" - UB40

 

In case you had any doubt in your mind that these guys sucked, allow me to relinquish that doubt once and for all. These guys suuuuucked.

Usually in exactly the same way, too. By covering (again with the covers, Christ!) some old soul song from the 50s or 60s and turning it into this cod-reggae mess that sounds as white as possible. This is actually probably one of the "better" UB40 performances, which means it's just terrible as opposed to infuriatingly bad. Ali Campbell still sounds like garbage, as to be expected, but there's some restraint taken. I can respect that, at least.

What I can't respect is UB40 building an entire career off of crappy cover after crappy cover. This is so chintzy and lame it sounds like a discount Caribbean hotel's house band. Time for UB40 to 23-skidoo.

 


 

Spoiler

 

And to close off this terrible list, here's a bad idea 99% of the time: let the actor sing! This one's gonna hurt, isn't it? Earplugs ready?

1. "Nothin' My Love Can't Fix" - Joey Lawrence

 

Oof. This is even worse than I could have imagined. How did we let this guy get a singing career again?

You know, just because actors want to sing doesn't mean you have to let them. Especially, when, you know, they can't sing. At all. Seriously, this is just sad. You can tell he's going for the same sort of swagger that new jack swing artists  of yesteryear had, while still trying to maintain that clean-cut white boy appeal. This guy's no Boyz II Men, and he ain't no David Cassidy either. He's the terrible mix of both worlds.

And he's just so untalented. I get secondhand embarrassment from listening to this. In fact, I feel like I shouldn't be listening to this. This feels like a demo tape from someone's first singing audition for a record company that was never meant to see the light of day. Aren't we lucky?

I can't imagine this was all 1993 had to offer. Really? We let this make the hit list? On B-List name recognition at best? I'm disappointed in you, 1993. Go home, shape up, and come back with some better hits for the best list. Christ.

 

 

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Count me in as one of the people who still think "Whoomp" is a huge guilty pleasure. I dunno why I think that song is hilariously stupid and I hate that I still do.

 

Also, it will forever remind me of this scene (go to 0:49):

 

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Today is a good day... to be reviewing songs I like.

 

See what I did there? See it? Ahh, I'm clever. Anyway, yeah! 1993: The Good Side. There was actually a lot of good stuff to be had about this year, and I'm here to tell it to you. So let's do one big last kiss goodbye to the 90s with...

Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 1993

Spoiler

 

 

The #1 song of 1993. Probably one of the biggest songs ever of the 90s. Whitney Houston. A legendary singer with her most famous song of all time.

...

I like the dance cover better.

10. "I'm Every Woman" - Whitney Houston

 

We've come across my love for Whitney Houston's dance songs before. There's a pop diva in there somewhere, and I love love love when she brings it out in her music. This was a perfect cover for her to do, almost too perfect. It's obvious that Whitney has huge respect for the ladies that came before her, even name-dropping Chaka Khan in her cover. And maybe this isn't quite as soulful and lush as the original. But for 90s dance... well, everything else was so sterile or just plain stupid, so I'll take what I can get. And any time Whitney wants to let her hair down and let loose with her music is fine by me.

 

 

Spoiler

 

COME ON AND

9. "Slam" - Onyx

 

Huh. This isn't the song I was thinking of. Oh well, still damn good.

Onyx are a hip hop group from Queens who specialized in this kind of offbeat, hardcore hip hop sound. You certainly wouldn't mistake their raspy growling rap for anyone else. And that's what I like about 'em. It's damn insane the way they switch up their flows and how captivating they are. This is right around when gangsta rap was starting to take over, and I'm so glad it made songs like this actually get popular. Still no love for the Wu-Tang, though. They ain't nothin' to fuck with.

And of course, the beat work is stellar. You can thank the late Jam Master Jay for this rocking tune. Onyx never got to total big-name status like their fellow (?) rappers Ice Cube and Dr. Dre did (more on them later), but they provided an interesting flavour to the conversation in their own right. And one kickass song to remember them  by. SLAM!

 

Spoiler

 

But y'know, all that moshing can get tiresome after awhile. What say we chill out for a little bit, hmm?

8. "Looking Through Patient Eyes" - P.M. Dawn

 

You gotta love P.M. Dawn. They were the type of group to do what Seal was doing in the early 90s, only with more mainstream appeal and, I'd argue, better. Not to knock Seal or anything, but Prince Be simply has the better voice for this style of music. A light, airy sort of voice that just sails through this lush production.

I've decided I love this group. And nothing can stop me from saying otherwise. You'd think this would lead up to a joke of some kind, but no. I'm just left blissful by this song. Truly an experience to behold.

 

 

Spoiler

 

7. "Hip Hop Hooray" - Naughty by Nature

 

HEEEEY... HOOOOOO.... sorry, what were we doing? Oh yeah, reviewing the song.

I.. uh... I'm kind of at a loss for this one, sorry. you just gotta feel it, and I do. I am truly sorry if you don't. But I give props to hip hop, so hip hop hooray... hoooo... heeeey...damnit , there I go again.

What can I say? You'll have to excuse me for this one. I'm just going to jam out. I can't analyze this. What, like I'm some bigwig music critic? This song slaps. That's all ya need.

 

Spoiler

 

It's Mariah Carey. It's the early 90's. You know what's coming.

6. "Dreamlover" - Mariah Carey

 

"Dreamlover", and the album it came off of, Music Box, actually marked a pretty huge departure from Carey's earlier work. Failing to live up the expectations of her first album with Emotions, Carey and her crew opted for a more pop-oriented approach. And it worked, guiding her career for the rest of the 90s at least. Now, I love all shades of Mariah Carey. But I can't deny that this sort of bubbly pop song is especially fun coming from her. Mariah Carey has the pipes to carry (ha-ha) any song. So it makes sense that she would go the pop route, with all sorts of tones to her voice, including whistle register in the background. It just... comes together so well. This feel slike great 90s summer music. And Mariah Carey would continue her fruitful career from here. But we knew that already. God, I love this woman's music so much. Such a joy.

 

Spoiler

 

Aw, yeah. Take me back to the vibes of 1993, two years before I was born. With its G-Funk beats and its misogynistic tones... wait, hold up.

5. "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang" - Dr. Dre

 

Yep. This is the song. This is the one that really got people into a tizzy over hip hop. Because this was bonafide mainstream now, not just on the fringes of mainstream. And it was hard, and raunchy, and contained some... morally questionable lyrics. Pimpin' hoes and delivering "smack downs" to "bitches" and... yikes.

And I can't say I don't understand the concern. But at the same time, the vibes of this song are so laid-back and cool. I can't help but jam along. Dr. Dre really knows his way around a beat, and this has to be one of his most iconic. It slides along effortlessly, with enough bounce to keep things interesting. And as an intro to Snoop Doggy Dogg, this song succeeds as well, setting him up for his own success later. What can I say? I dig it. So just chill until the next episode.

 

Spoiler

 

If you can find someone who can resist this song, let me just say they are a stronger man than I. And that I probably despise them.

4. "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" - The Proclaimers

 

I mean, c'mon, how can you not love this song? Well, I guess if you hated Scottish accents, this would not be the song for you. But still, come on.

This song actually ends up being a better crowd anthem than most of the songs trying to bite from "Jump Around"'s formula. That "DA DA DA!" works wonders for a crowd's spirit, and honestly, the whole song is easy to sing along with. Just do your best Shrek impression, memorize the lyrics following a simple formula, and there ya go. DA DA DA!

I love the shit out of this song. It is the ultimate party song of this year. It's so fun and carefree and earnest. You really believe they would walk 500 miles, and then 500 more, just to be the man... well, you know it. It's a fun, catchy-as-hell song, and I'm so glad to see it here. Walk on.

 

Spoiler

 

By now, you should probably know about my penchant for the Gin Blossoms. So this should come as no surprise. Let's go!

3. "Hey Jealousy" - Gin Blossoms

 

This was the best rock song of the year. And it wasn't very close, either.

It's the only one this year that had that drive and energy that made me love it to pieces. Some rock songs were still good - no, the Three Little Pigs song did not make this list, though it was close - but this one was better. Something about the pairing of morose, depressing lyrics with upbeat guitar tones and a fast pace just works for me. It's an infectious combination that hits all sides of my musical brain. And the Gin Blossoms pull it off effortlessly.

What can I say? I've been a fan of the Gin Blossoms for this long, no real reason to stop now. This might be one of my favourites they've ever done, honestly. It is just so mind-numbingly catchy. It definitely deserves a spot on this list, and would be #1 were it not for two rap songs that just edged it out.

 

Spoiler

 

 

I've talked about "Jump Around" often on these two lists, and it's because, well, I'm really excited that Todd did an episode requested by me (psst, check it out). But also because it proved to be highly influential on the music of '93. So much rap that wasn't doing its own thing seemed to be taking bites of "Jump Around" and using it in their own music. Whether that be the raucous yelling or the crowd chants, everybody wanted a piece of "Jump Around". But for my money, this song did it the best.

2. "Insane in the Brain"  - Cypress Hill

 

I mean, it seems inevitable when you get the same guy doing the same beat. Nevertheless, this song obviously gets the best "Jump Around" energy for me. And part of that is the rest of Cypress Hill adding their own flavour to this beat. Gotta love those tones and inflections. And that hook is more catchy than any of those shitty dance songs. I would sooner dance to this than "Whoomp" any day of the week.

It's hard to quantify just how good this song is. For me, it even surpasses "Jump Around". Heresy, I know. But I've always loved this song to death. Cypress Hill do a great job working with the beat and their many, many samples. It's immortal in exactly the same way "Jump Around" was, and a true staple of rap music in '93.

Just one more to go.

 

Spoiler

 

It's Ice Cube.

1. "Check Yo Self" - Ice Cube ft. Das EFX

 

It's pretty amazing to see the long-lasting impact of NWA's rap career, even making it to the point of two of their members having long-lasting, successful rap careers in their own right. And for me, Ice Cube edges out Dr. Dre here. And there's one big reason: that sample.

 

I'll go on the record to say that Grandmaster Flash's "The Message" is one of the all-time great hip hop songs, and that beat is a main reason why. It is absolutely an immortal beat that has been sampled and sampled again, but none so better than here. Ice Cube effortlessly glides across this beat, upgrading the slower rap style of Melle Mel and adapting the beat to fit his own flow. so for me, there's really no question as to what can be at the top here. Ice Cube plus an immortal beat is just the greatest thing that we could get out of 1993. And if you don't agree, then check yourself before you wreck yourself.

 

 

Full List:

Spoiler

 

1. "Check Yo Self" - Ice Cube ft. Das EFX

2. "Insane in the Brain" - Cypress Hill

3. "Hey Jealousy" - Gin Blossoms

4. "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" - The Proclaimers

5. "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang" - Dr. Dre

6. "Dreamlover" - Mariah Carey

7. "Hip Hop Hooray" - Naughty by Nature

8. "Looking Through Patient Eyes" - P.M. Dawn

9. "Slam" - Onyx

10. "I'm Every Woman" - Whitney Houston

11. "Three Little Pigs" - Green Jellÿ

12. "I Will Always Love You" - Whitney Houston

13. "If" - Janet Jackson

14. "Two Princes" - Spin Doctors

15. "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meat Loaf

16. "Mr. Wendal" - Arrested Development

17. "Cryin'" - Aerosmith

18. "What Is Love" - Haddaway

19. "Livin' on the Edge" - Aerosmith

20. "That's What Love Can Do" - Boy Krazy

21. "I Don't Wanna Fight" - Tina Turner

22. "Ditty" - Paperboy

23. "Here We Go Again!" - Portrait

24. "Bed of Roses" - Bon Jovi

25. "The River of Dreams" - Billy Joel

26. "I Have Nothing" - Whitney Houston

27. "Bad Boys" (theme from Cops) - Inner Circle

28. "I'd Die Without You" - P.M. Dawn

29. "Give It Up, Turn It Loose" - En Vogue

30. "Alright" - Kris Kross

31. "Real Love" - Mary J. Blige

32. "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You" - Sting

33. "Anniversary" - Tony! Toni! Toné!

34. "Deeper and Deeper" - Madonna

35. "Right Here" - SWV

36. "Runaway Train" - Soul Asylum

37. "To Love Somebody" - Michael Bolton

38. "Rhythm is a Dancer" - Snap!

39. "Show Me Love" - Robin S.

40. "Boom! Shake the Room" - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

41. "7" - Prince and The New Power Generation

42. "Break It Down Again" - Tears for Fears

43. "It Was a Good Day" - Ice Cube

44. "Sweat (A La La La La Long)" - Inner Circle

45. "I Get Around" - 2Pac

46. "If I Had No Loot" - Tony! Toni! Toné!

47. "Come Undone" - Duran Duran

48. "Faithful" - Go West

49. "What's Up?" - 4 Non Blondes

50. "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" - Taylor Dayne

51. "One Woman" - Jade

52. "More and More" - Captain Hollywood Project

53. "Angel" - Jon Secada

54. "Again" - Janet Jackson

55. "Do You Believe in Us" - Jon Secada

56. "Rain" - Madonna

57. "Just Kickin' It" - XScape

58. "Hey Mr. D.J." - Zhané

59. "Dre Day" - Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Doggy Dogg

60. "Good Enough" - Bobby Brown

61. "A Whole New World" - Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle

62. "One Last Cry" - Brian McKnight

63. "Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)" - Digable Planets

64. "I'm So Into You" - SWV

65. "Knockin' da Boots" - H-Town

66. "Will You Be There" - Michael Jackson

67. "Fields of Gold" - Sting

68. "When She Cries" - Restless Heart

69. "All That She Wants" - Ace of Base

70. "Freak Me" - Silk

71. "That's The Way Love Goes" - Janet Jackson

72. "I'll Never Get Over You (Getting Over Me)" - Exposé

73. "Comforter" - Shai

74. "Reason to Believe" - Rod Stewart

75. "Two Steps Behind" - Def Leppard

76. "The Right Kind of Love" - Jeremy Jordan

77. "Another Sad Love Song" - Toni Braxton

78. "Baby I'm Yours" - Shai

79. "What About Your Friends" - TLC

80. "Rump Shaker" - Wreckx-n-Effect

81. "Don't Walk Away" - Jade

82. "If I Ever Fall in Love" - Shai

83. "I Got a Man" - Positive K

84. "Informer" - Snow

85. "Weak" - SWV

86. "In the Still of the Nite" - Boyz II Men

87. "Love Is" - Vanessa Williams and Brian McKnight

88. "Forever in Love" - Kenny G

89. "Ordinary World" - Duran Duran

90. "Lately" - Jodeci

91. "Saving Forever for You" - Shanice

92. "Whoomp! (There It Is)" - Tag Team

93. "How Do You Talk to an Angel" - The Heights

94. "Have I Told You Lately" - Rod Stewart

95. "Ooh Child" - Dino

96. "Cat's in the Cradle" - Ugly Kid Joe

97. "Dazzey Duks" - Duice

98. "Whoot, There It Is" - 95 South

99. "Can't Help Falling in Love" - UB40

100. "Nothin' My Love Can't Fix" - Joey Lawrence

 

 

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