Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Doctor Sex]

I Need a Girl (Part Two) is a guilty pleasure to me

[Burgerpants]

I Need a Girl (Part Two) is a guilty pleasure to me

Who doesn't need a girl

[Sweat]

Who doesn't need a girl

Straight women and gay guys. :|

[Wumbo]

Hello, all!

 

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Wumbo, what's going on? It's nowhere near close to the end of June yet!" Be that as it may, I have an announcement: My next Hot 100 Ranking will have an added bonus.

 

This bonus will be a chance to bet on what my Top and Bottom 10 will be! To give you guys ample time to PM me your guesses, I've decided to reveal the year I'm doing next a month early! The year I will be reviewing is the dreaded...

 

2010

 

Hands up if you shuddered. But there's more! Though the thrill of betting is fun in itself, there's also a bonus on the bonus: There will be a points system, and there will be prizes given to the most points received!

 

1st place: You get to pick the year that I review in August! (Must be between 1959 and 2013, and obviously cannot be a year I have already done.)

2nd place: I will do any album review you request, and will post it right here on SBC!

3rd place: You get to pick a topic for my blog! (Details to come after prize is won.)

 

Click the spoiler tag below for the points system (it's pretty complex, but just be glad you're not the one who's calculating it).

 

Spoiler

Points system:

 

- If you guess a song in my Top 10, and it appears in the 50-41 range, you get two points. Conversely, if you guess a song in my Top 10 and it appears in the 51-60 range, you lose two points. (NOTE: Reverse applies for Bottom 10 guesses throughout.)

 

- If you guess a song in my Top 10, and it appears in the 40-31 range, you get four points. Conversely, if you guess a song in my Top 10 and it appears in the 61-70 range, you lose four points.

 

- If you guess a song in my Top 10, and it appears in the 30-21 range, you get six points. Conversely, if you guess a song in my Top 10 and it appears in the 71-80 range, you lose six points.

 

- If you guess a song in my Top 10, and it appears in the 20-11 range, you get eight points. Conversely, if you guess a song in my Top 10 and it appears in the 81-90 range, you lose eight points.

 

- If you guess a song in my Top 10 and it lands in the Top 10, but not the spot you put it (e.g. "Get Lucky" is #3 on my list, but you have it at #4), you get 10 points. Conversely, if it lands in the Bottom 10 but not the exact opposite position (e.g. if you guess "Scream & Shout" as my #3 best song but it's my #5 worst song), you lose 10 points.

 

- If you correctly guess a song's position in my Top 10 or Bottom 10, you get 40 points! But if you guess the exact opposite (e.g. you guess "Get Lucky" as my #3 worst), you lose 40 points.

 

#1 Bonus:

 

A correct #1 best or worst song guess earns you 50 points. But beware! Guessing my worst song as my best, or vice versa, makes you lose 50 points.

 

Here is your pool to choose from. Have fun, and be sure to submit a Top and Bottom 10 in a specific order by June 25th. On June 26th, I will begin to unveil my list. Good luck!

[Burgerpants]

I can think of 10 good songs that year

and 50+ bad songs

[Clappy]

2010? Why you!

[Steel Sponge]

2010, huh? Might as well put all 3 Jason Derulo songs for my Bottom 10 guesses. I'm intrigued.

[Wumbo]

2010? Why you!

[Wumbo]

It is time! Thanks to the three people that participated in my tournament, as a result you are all guaranteed to get prizes! Yaaaay.

 

So, looking over 2010, I wouldn't say it was the worst year, but it was definitely one of the most brainless years. Fun brainlessness rules the top half of my list and annoying brainlessness governs the bottom half. Which songs are which? Keep reading to find out! Here is...

 

Wumbo's Year-End Hot 100 Rankings of 2010

 

The Top:

 

Spoiler

50. "Smile" - Uncle Kracker

 

 

Usually a song at #50 in my countdowns is the most unremarkable song on the list. And this one fits the bill, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's a sweet little song, and I'd be a cranky old curmudgeon if I said I hated it. So, I don't hate it. It's just slightly dull, that's all.

 

Spoiler

49. "The House That Built Me" - Miranda Lambert

 

 

Again, a nice, if slightly dull song. This ranks above "Smile" because it's a little deeper than a generic lovey-dovey song. I don't hear very many songs about childhood homes these days, and this one is really sweet. But still... meh to the overall melody.

 

Spoiler

48. "The Only Exception" - Paramore

 

 

Paramore seem to be doomed to the bottom of my top half, because their most boring songs keep getting popular. That'll change with their song this year, I think, but this song is just okay for me. A little bit more depth gets it above the last two songs, but really, these are all pretty much the same song musically. Who would have thought that 2010 would be so boring to write about?

 

Spoiler

47. "Un-Thinkable (I'm Ready)" - Alicia Keys

 

 

From boring country to boring rock to boring R&B. *shrug* At least this one has Alicia Keys' beautiful voice, but this song is just too slow for me to put it any higher, especially in a fireball year like 2010.

 

Spoiler

46. "Stuck Like Glue" - Sugarland

 

 

One of Clappy, Bubblerock, and Steel said this song would actually be in my bottom 10, and... I don't know, I'm honestly baffled by that prediction. This actually reminds me a lot of "Mouth", a guilty pleasure of mine that made it damn far on my 1996 list. So why doesn't this make it as far? Well, I don't like Jennifer Nettles' voice nearly as much, and the melody's a little more boring.

 

Spoiler

​45. "All The Right Moves" - OneRepublic

 

 

I've always kind of had a soft spot for OneRepublic. They weren't always the most interesting group, but to me, they seemed like they were always trying. This song is kind of a paradox, because it's so spectacular and yet so milquetoast at the same time. It's kind of adorable. I wanna give Ryan Tedder, like, a pat on the head or something for this. "Ryan Tedder" is a disgustingly cute name, too, so extra pats.

 

Spoiler

44. "I Made It" - Kevin Rudolf ft. Birdman, Jay Sean and Lil Wayne

 

 

This was probably the white boy anthem of hip hop for 2010. And while it was ridiculously overplayed, and has that waste of space Jay Sean on the chorus, this is probably the most surprisingly good song of 2010. A lot of it has to do with that beat. It's got a great pulse to it that not only complements Rudolf, but also guest rappers Birdman and Lil Wayne. This song made it... to my Top 50.

 

Spoiler

43. "Alejandro" - Lady Gaga

 

 

Putting the video aside, this really is one of Gaga's most unremarkable songs. It just doesn't sound like any fun, or even enjoyably creepy like "Bad Romance". Still, Gaga has rarely steered me wrong, and this song is still good enough to pass Kevin Rudolf. You disagree? Don't call my name.

 

Spoiler

42. "Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home)" - Usher

 

 

Usher's transition back into notoriety in 2010 was pretty damn rocky, and this is the song he had this year that belongs in the middle. It's not really as good as anything he had in 2002 because it's a little too goofy.

 

And girl tonight we're gonna do a lot of sexin'

 

You just poke that bottom up in the air

 

Granted, this is not Usher's stupidest song this year (more on that later), but it doesn't have much of Usher's charm. It's still pretty catchy, though, especially the breathy female guest singer, so I kinda like it.

 

Spoiler

41. "Use Somebody" - Kings of Leon

 

 

Two of you thought that this should have went all the way to my Top 10, but... sorry guys, the Leon stops here. It really is overplay that killed this one for me. Technically, it's an excellent rock song. But I just can't find much feeling for it anymore after hearing it fifty bajillion times in 2009 and 2010. Still a great song, and I may be underrating it a little, but the radio beat it to death for me, enough for it not to crack the Top 40.

[Wumbo]

The Bottom:

 

Spoiler

51. "Life After You" - Daughtry

 

 

I don't hate Daughtry, but the band does keep getting more and more tedious with each passing year. This is essentially the same thing as "Smile", but "Smile" actually gets the mood right, so this song is banished to the bottom half.

 

Spoiler

52. "OMG" - Usher ft. will.i.am

 

 

These are the types of brainless songs I'm talking about, and this one juuust crosses the border from fun to annoying. The "oh my gosh" thing baffles me the most, but it's that FIFA World Cup crowd chanting that really lowers my opinion of this song for me. Still, this is waaay too goofy to outright hate, so I can't place it too low.

 

Spoiler

53. "My First Kiss" - 3OH!3 ft. Ke$ha

 

 

Yeah, I don't get why this isn't lower either. I think it's that guitar in the background plus the admittedly catchy chorus. I still loathe 3OH!3, though, and would never be able to live with myself if I put them on the top half of my list. God, what a reprehensible duo. Damn you for making this song with some good qualities.

 

Spoiler

54. "American Honey" - Lady Antebellum

 

 

I got nothing for this one. It's just boring. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't really like the drum beats in the beginning's background either, listening to this song again. They sound like Garageband drums, and it just makes the song even more generic.

 

Spoiler

55. "King of Anything" - Sara Bareilles

 

 

I'm probably never going to like Sara Bareilles, guys. She sounds like such a manufactured product to me. "Oh, look at me and how pop I'm being. Listen to all these random instruments I'm using!" Whatever, I'm not buying it. Literally or metaphorically.

 

Spoiler

56. "If I Die Young" - The Band Perry

 

 

God, this was a really bad year for country. No thank you to angsty teenage white girl anthems. Bring back Papa Roach for the white boys!

 

Seriously, this song is Taylor Swift-er than Taylor Swift. At least Swift never fantasized about the romance of death (though she did tread those waters). And being 28 at the time, Kimberly Perry has even less of an excuse for this shit.

 

Spoiler

57. "Live Like We're Dying" - Kris Allen

 

 

Kris Allen answers the question of "Can someone with absolutely no personality win American Idol?" with a resounding "yes". Too bad this song is as boring as him, because I'm pretty sure he killed his own career with it. Adam Lambert 4 lyfe, you basic bitch.

 

Spoiler

58. "In My Head" - Jason Derulo

 

 

And then there's Jason Derulo, who I only wish could kill his career. But no, apparently we've chosen to accept no-talent wastes of oxygen as our pop heroes. Unlike "I Made It", the guitar here just sounds stupid because it's Jason Derulo, who has a reprehensible personality instead of none like Jay Sean. Jesus, he wails like a dying walrus. Somebody euthanize this thing before he gets two more singles this year! Oh... it's already too late.

 

Spoiler

59. "Right Above It" - Lil Wayne ft. Drake

 

 

This song starts out awesome, but Lil Wayne and Drake then come on the track and they prove why they're not. Kane Beatz is way too good for these guys.

 

Wake up and smell the pussy

 

I think I've made my point.

 

Spoiler

60. "Telephone" - Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé

 

 

This is one of my least favourite Gaga songs, enough to actually wind up on the bottom half. It's so useless, both the song and the video. Lady Gaga's got way too much of a personality to sing about someone bugging her on her cell phone. Also, fuckin' Beyoncé drags this down even further.

 

I should've left my PHONE at home cause this is a disaster

 

A disaster. Yeah, you're right Beyoncé. It's a disaster. It's the easiest disaster in the world to fix. It's called TURNING YOUR DAMN PHONE OFF.

 

Also, this overindulgent, ridiculous video is one of Gaga's worst. How about, just once, could we have a video that's not twice the length of the actual song? It's videos like this that make me want Gaga on the receiving end of those... poison... mayo.. sandwiches... no, I'm done. I'm done.

 

Scoreboard:

 

Steel - 4

Bubblerock - 2

Clappy - 0

[Wumbo]

The Top:

 

Spoiler

40. "Sweet Dreams" - Beyoncé

 

 

Behold, a Beyoncé song that I actually, kinda, sorta, like! When Beyoncé's not oversinging or being a man-basher, she can actually be a pretty good artist to listen to. I officially deem this song a sweet dream and not a beautiful nightmare (?)

 

Spoiler

39. "Impossible" - Shontelle

 

 

Of course, Beyoncé just can't compare to a one-hit wonder from 2010. I don't know what happened to this girl, but we could have used a couple more songs from her, even is she was a little generic. She's got a nice voice.

 

Spoiler

38. "Paparazzi" - Lady Gaga

 

 

This song just keeps on slipping in opinion for me. It kind of has the same qualities as "Alejandro": Not really as much fun to listen to as other Gaga songs. I still like it, but not nearly as much as I used to.

 

Spoiler

37. "Airplanes" - B.o.B. ft. Hayley Williams

 

Lol oh man, this is the update of songs that have fallen hard in my books. Yeah, I used to love this song, but my opinion on this and B.o.B. in general has simmered. I still think he's great, and "So Good" is still one of the best songs of 2012, but there are many other better rappers out there today.

 

Spoiler

36. "How Low" - Ludacris

 

 

Ludacris is just a monumentally stupid artist, I've realized. So I've just come to accept it and appreciate his flow while spitting lines like this:

 

The top of yo' booty jigglin outcho' jeans, baby pull yo' pants up!

 

Is this an annoying song? Absolutely. But it's strangely charming in how annoying it is. At least Ludacris is kinda funny about it, and the most annoying part (the sped-up Chuck D sample) is offset by the rest of the song. I also like how it just ends in the middle of the song, but I'm not sure if that's the song or the video. Whatever. Keep doing what you're doing, Ludi.

 

Spoiler

35. "Breakeven" - The Script

 

 

The Script's music kind of operates at a 7.5/10 for me usually, but this is probably my favourite song by them. Danny O'Donoghue really sells it with the vocals in the chorus here. You really believe that he's fallin' to pieces.

 

Spoiler

34. "Secrets" - OneRepublic

 

 

I've always liked this song. Some may find it boring, but I think it's a great example of early OneRepublic. Kind of a stripped-down melody with vaguely motivational lyrics. Hey, I can buy it a lot better than Sara Bareilles. And hey, Ryan Tedder admits his shortcomings too:

 

And when a situation rises

Just write it into an album

Send it straight to gold

But I don't really like my flow

 

That's either noble or stupid, I can't decide at the moment. I'm being a lot harsher to this song than its ranking suggests, but I really do like it. It takes me back to the times where I didn't know that it was uncool to like OneRepublic. Okay, I'm gonna stop now.

 

Spoiler

33. "Already Gone" - Kelly Clarkson

 

 

This is definitely not Kelly Clarkson's best song, but she still won me over this year with this heartfelt, somber breakup song. What can I say? Sometimes the stripped-down melody and slow pace works for me, and sometimes it doesn't. Here it works.

 

Spoiler

32. "Meet Me Halfway" - The Black Eyed Peas

 

 

It was round about this song that I realized that Fergie was the only talented member of this group (there's a reason why they don't let Taboo rap), and if she was off, then the whole song was off. Thankfully, this is one of Fergie's best performances by far, cancelling out the other will.i.idiots in this song. This chorus is almost too good for The Black Eyed Peas. (Fact: Fergie's solo career was also lightyears better than will.i.am's.)

 

Spoiler

31. "My Chick Bad" - Ludacris ft. Nicki Minaj

 

 

This is probably Ludi at his smartest, and this is still not a smart song. Nicki Minaj outshines Ludi in actual lyrical content, but Ludi's stuff is still pretty hilarious. I love these four lines here in particular:

 

I fill her up, balloons!

Test her and guns get drawn like cartoons

D'oh, but I ain't talkin bout Homer

Chick so bad the whole crew wanna bone her

 

Don't ever change, man.

[Wumbo]

The Bottom:

 

Spoiler

61. "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart" - Alicia Keys

 

 

Okay, one kinda boring Alicia Keys song I can tolerate, but two is too much. Unfortunately, this one falls victim to being the second song I experienced while making this list. It's also really boring, so there's that too.

 

Spoiler

62. "BedRock" - Young Money ft. Lloyd

 

 

Lol at Lloyd being the only one not allowed to join Young Money. They let Gudda Gudda in before him, ffs. I think all three of you pegged this song for my Bottom 10, but this is too stupid and inoffensive for me to really loathe, and Drake and Nicki Minaj do save the song somewhat (I'm surprised too). The other people on this song can go away though, which they did, with a few outliers. I honestly think Lloyd is the worst part of the song. Every time he screeches "OOH", I just want to punch him in his creeper face. He also has the stupidest lyrics in the song overall, right down to the literally prehistoric punchline.

 

...

 

Okay, I'm watching the video, and can someone please tell me who "Lil Chuckee" is supposed to be?

 

Spoiler

63. "Your Love" - Nicki Minaj

 

 

There was a time when I liked this song, but I don't think it's a good fit for Nicki Minaj anymore. As I've grown a sick appreciation for a crazier Nicki Minaj, this tripe can just go away. Nicki Minaj just comes off as incompetent here.

 

And for your lovin' I'm a Die Hard like Bruce Willis

 

As Lil Wayne would say, that's Michael Jackson Bad. Or maybe not, because I don't really know what he means by that.

 

I should also mention that any song that references Akon gets even more negative points, just enough to place it below "BedRock".

 

Spoiler

64. "Take it Off" - Ke$ha

 

 

I've softened on Ke$ha somewhat, but I still can't get behind songs like this. It just doesn't sound good. You want me to dance to this, Ke$ha? No thanks. I'll dance to good music, even your good music (more on that later).

 

Spoiler

65. "Two is Better ThaZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

 

If I can't finish typing a song's title without falling asleep, that's bad.

 

Spoiler

66. "Bottoms Up" - Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj

 

 

I think every song titled "Bottoms Up" is bad in its own special way, and it just happens to be the Trey Songz incarnation that got popular in 2010. If it wasn't for the Nickelback version, I might call this the worst of the bunch, but this is still damn bad. Trey Songz is kind of like a middle ground between Jason Derulo and Jay Sean in terms of personality. There's nothing new or intelligent here, and Nicki's verse here is one of her worst. I know I said I like crazy Minaj, but this is just stupid Minaj.

 

Spoiler

67. "All I Do Is Win" - DEEEEE JAAAAAY KHALED! ft. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg and Rick Ross

 

 

This is annoying, and I think it's because of T-Pain. He absolutely kills any momentum for me. I don't even hate T-Pain, but he's really bad here. Also, I just hate DJ Khaled on a principle that he needs to stop yelling his name at the beginning of every song. This could have been good with a few major tweaks. It also doesn't help that one of my friends relentlessly played this over and over in 2010. Overplay killed an already bad song further for me.

 

Spoiler

68. "You Belong with Me" - Taylor Swift

 

 

I never really had much patience for Taylor Swift, and as the years pass my tolerance for this song in particular wanes and wanes. Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for ya, but I'm not gonna let you finish.

 

Spoiler

69. "Do You Remember" - Jay Sean ft. Sean Paul and Lil Jon

 

 

One of the most unmemorable artists ever asking me if I remember is hilarious, but that's all I can praise about this song. Lil Jon and Sean Paul don't make any sense in this song at all, because they both have personality, and Jay Sean does not. Stop mooching off of Lil Jon, you twat. No, I don't remember, and I'm glad I don't.

 

Spoiler

70. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna

 

 

I think my problem with Rihanna is that she just has way the fuck too many songs, so naturally more than a few of them are going to grate on me. One of them is this song. What's the point of it? I'm sure she has many other songs like this, and even if she doesn't, this oversung, overproduced chorus just kills the song. Blech.

 

Scoreboard:

 

Bubblerock - 10

Steel - 8

Clappy - 8

[Steel Sponge]

50. Never heard

49. Never heard

48. I've listened to Paramore for a while, and the song is apparently on my iTunes library.

47. Never heard

46. If one thinks "Stuck Like Glue" could have been a proper place into the Bottom 10, then you guys should take a good listen to "Undo It."

45. ALL THE RIGHT MOVES IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACESSSS.

44. Never heard

43. Considering that I currently have this in my music libary, I'm a bit more amused by this one.

42. Never heard

41. It's surprising that I haven't killed this song.

 

51. Never heard 

52. Oh my god indeed....I don't hate this song, but it doesn't have some good qualities.

53. Yeah, curse them for sounding so good, cuz' I admit that too!

54. Never heard

55. Never heard

56. If you're thinking that this song isn't that bad, then I'll make an agreement.

57. Never heard

58. I guess I should have picked a Jason Derulo song as a Bottom 10 guess from where we're going from here...

59. Never heard

60. Meh

 

40. Never heard

39. I'm a little impressed with this song

38. Probably one of Lady Gaga's good songs, but not technically one of her gems.

37. I kinda like this song. (CAN WE PRETEND THAT AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY ARE LIKE SHOOTING STARS...)

36. Oh come on!- okay fine, I see the point that you're getting at here. I guess Luda's big hair and ridiculously huge arms back in the day are pretty funny.

35. In a way, I feel like The Script is an overrated band, but I don't really have enough arguments to explain why I think that.

34. A good song, even if I killed it after a while.

33. It's good to see that you've given Kelly Clarkson a good spot like I would. The execution is questionable though, if you realize that Ryan Tedder wrote both that song and "Halo."

32. Never heard...and they're apparently the Black Eyed Peas

31. Haven't remembered this song very well.

 

61. Never heard

62. I could care less about this one.

63. Probably never heard this song.

64. Once again, I could care less.

65. I guess you can't be anymore right

66. Yeah, I don't really like this song

67. Never heard

68. Taylor Swift is not that bad, but I wouldn't give this single a passing grade or that much of a failing grade.

69. DO YOU REMEMBERRRRRRRRR

70. It's at least not as overplayed, repetitive, and to a lesser extent, brain breaching than "We Found Love" in the life of me.

[Wumbo]

The Top:

 

Spoiler

30. "Find Your Love" - Drake

 

 

See, I don't hate every Drake song! Usually Drake's at his best when he's crooning and not rapping, because he's actually showing some emotion here. It's almost like that's what I expect from music! Go figure.

 

Spoiler

29. "Forever" - Drake ft. Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Eminem

 

 

And... yeah, of course I would contradict myself in my very next song. I've been searching and searching for a Drake rap song that measures up to this one, and I've never found one. This is Drake's only rap where he doesn't sound fucking comatose. Also, this song has Eminem, Emineming all over the place, so that's something more. Also, Kanye West:

 

Uh, you're such a fuckin' loser

He ain't even go to class, Bueller

Trade the Grammy plaques just to have my granny back

'member she had that bad hip like a fanny pack?

 

<3

 

Overall, "Forever" is a great ensemble of rappers, and raises my opinion of both Drake and Lil Wayne slightly.

 

Spoiler

28. "Misery" - Maroon 5

 

 

Pretty much the last Maroon 5 song that actually sounded like Maroon 5. Funky, fresh, and not anything like that waste of an album Overexposed. OH YEEAAH

 

Spoiler

27. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida ft. David Guetta

 

 

Fuck if this wasn't everyone's club jam in 2010. Even though it has perpetual bore Flo Rida rapping, arrogant like YEAH, that is still one hell of a catchy chorus, so much so that it's enough to propel Flo Rida all the way to number 27, making Flo Rida probably the luckiest idiot on this list.

 

Spoiler

26. "Just a Dream" - Nelly

 

 

Okay, I get it. It's Nelly trying to be soulful and meaningful, and I'm a damn fool for putting this on my top half. I've had to defend questionable songs before, so here goes:

 

That is a great guitar in the background, and while Nelly's lyrical quality is mediocre at best, he's a pretty good crooner when he's not UNHing and YEAHing. Even when he is UNHing and YEAHing, that provides unintentional comedy for me, and in a stupid year like 2010, you have to be lenient sometimes. I decided to be lenient to Nelly.

 

Spoiler

25. "Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry

 

 

It's Katy Perry off of her Teenage Dream album. Nearly every song off of that album is a massive guilty pleasure, no matter how untalented Katy Perry actually is. I've fallen victim to the album's enchanting spell of catchy beats and Katy Perry's attractiveness. Hey, maybe that's why I don't like "Last Friday Night" that much.

 

Spoiler

24. "Your Love is My Drug" - Ke$ha

 

 

I talk about giving Ke$ha a second look, but honestly, I've never disliked this song. There is very little of what I disliked about Ke$ha (her valley girl "rapping") and more catchy singing. While I think that Ke$ha has a lot more drugs than just this person's love, I can still appreciate the song on a superficial, "yeah, I can jam to this" level. I like your beard.

 

Spoiler

23. "Today Was a Fairytale" - Taylor Swift

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVM6OWuCbBg

 

Uh... I got nothing for this one. Holy crap, I've never had anything slip under my radar the opposite way. I guess it's... kind of catchy? I like that chorus a lot, at least the way it sounds. Man, if I'm still struggling to write positive things about songs well into the 20s... maybe this was a shitty year.

 

Spoiler

22. "Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga

 

 

Okay, here's a song that I can praise well. This is definitely Gaga's best song of the year, with a creepy yet dancey vibe. That's what's important about this song, and what separates it from the other Gaga songs this year. It's fun to listen to. It also sounds like Gaga had fun making it. It's so full of everything that makes Gaga great: eccentricity, random outbursts (I'M A FREE BITCH BABY), all ironically wrapped up in this tight pop song formula.

 

Spoiler

21. "Carry Out" - Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake

 

 

Oh my God, this song is so lucky it sounds as good as it does, because it is definitely a stupid one. It sounds like a Weird Al song, what with all the references to food. By all accounts, I should not like this. But that is a great beat, and Justin Timberlake proves that he can sound suave even when singing about how a woman's body is like a carry out (???). An incredibly stupid, but fun song. I remember dancing to this without knowing what the hell they were actually saying. Personal shame aside, I still unabashedly like this song.

[Wumbo]

The Bottom:

 

Spoiler

71. "Say Something" - Timbaland ft. Drake

 

 

Surprise! Another useless Drake song makes the bottom half. Most overrated rapper in existence. Yeah, he is singing too, but the beat doesn't work with it, or anything in this song, at all. What happened, Timbaland?

 

Spoiler

72. "Hard" - Rihanna ft. Jeezy

 

 

Look, I'm not against females openly expressing their sexuality in music. But there's doing it with an ounce of class, and there's having your chorus just being "I'm so hard, yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard". And again, it was very easy to get sick of Rihanna in 2010. Jeezy's verse is okay at best, and it doesn't really fit with the song, except with the baffling clone imagery popping up again. I don't want to clone either of you.

 

Spoiler

73. "Mine" - Taylor Swift

 

 

This is the type of Taylor Swift song that gets old from the moment you hear the first few seconds. "Ah-oh-oh" is really all you need to know about 2010-era Taylor Swift. Nothing more than just an annoying teenager type. This is easily one of her most annoying songs. It's so irritatingly cute, it makes me want to punch a kitten.

 

Spoiler

74. "Down" - Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne

 

 

The fact that this song has over 100 million views on YouTube baffles me. It would baffle me if it had 10 million views, and it baffles me that Jay Sean is even on this list. This ranks below "Do You Remember" because while Lil Jon and Sean Paul didn't fit that song at all, they were at least interesting. Neither Lil Wayne nor Jay Yawn are interesting here. Why was this a hit? Were we really scavenging for Michael Jackson wannabes at this point? As if Jason Derulo wasn't enough, we needed his boring brother as well.

 

Spoiler

75. "Young Forever" - Jay-Z ft. Mr. Hudson

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1nbvplgElw

 

Sorry Clappy, this song doesn't work for me at all. To me, it's pretty much banking on the success of the Alphaville song it samples, because I can't remember a single lyric that Jay-Z actually says here. His rapping style wasn't particularly interesting in this song either; I think this is when he started becoming Lay-Z to me.

 

Spoiler

 

76. "Teach Me How to Dougie" - Cali Swag District

 

 

And here I fuck up everybody's Bottom 10 list by not hating this song nearly as much as I should. This song is definitely stupid, professing that it will teach you how to dougie with only these instructions:

 

Put your arms out front, lean side to side

 

But... I don't know. I still hate it, but a stupid dance song that barely even made it onto the chart shouldn't receive the brunt of my wrath this year. Also, one of these guys died this year, so I don't want to be too mean. Still a bad song, but RIP.

 

Spoiler

77. "Uh-UH-uh-UH-uh-UH-uh-UNDO IT" - Carrie Underwood

 

 

I usually like Carrie Underwood, but sometimes she gets too self-indulgent, and thinks she can get away with stupid things like the way she says the song's title. That alone is irritating enough to put this song below "Teach Me How to Dougie", but then there's also lyrics like this:

 

You stole my happy, you made me cry

 

You stole my happy? That sounds like something a non-articulate five-year old would say when someone steals his toy truck! Boy, you blew it, Carrie. Bad year for country. Baaaad year.

 

Spoiler

78. "Haven't Met You Yet" - Michael Bublé

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcF9ICgLqi4

 

Michael Bublé is, for all intents and purposes, the male Sara Bareilles. The difference that puts him 20+ spots lower is that he seems less self-aware and thinks he's, like, Canada's answer to Justin Timberlake or something. News flash: Justin Timberlake is a walking orgasm, and you are a walking day-old cake donut. He's also not as polished as Sara Bareilles, especially in this song. He sounds like he's stumbling over his own lyrics. They're your lyrics, man. You should know how to sing them... unless you just, haven't, met theeeem yet.

 

Spoiler

79. "Lover, Lover" - Jerrod Niemann

 

 

No doubt Clappy will be glad to know that Jerrod Niemann was always terrible. He sounds like Luke Bryan's even drunker uncle, and he is absolutely no fun to listen to. He's the most depressing country singer that isn't even meant to be depressing. Jerrod Niemann's lover may not treat him no good no more (triple negative!) but he's never treated his listeners well, so it's just karmic justice coming to get him.

 

Spoiler

80. "Eenie Meenie" - Sean Kingston ft. Justin Bieber

 

 

Shawty is a what now? Shawty is a prepubescent Justin Bieber? Shawty is an increasingly irrelevant Sean Kingston? Shawty is a terrible song? Shawty is a eenie meenie minie mo lover? There's only one wrong answer.

 

Scoreboard:

 

Bubblerock - 22

Steel - 20

Clappy - 20

[Wumbo]

The Top:
 

Spoiler

20. "Magic" - B.o.B. ft. Rivers Cuomo
 

 
In late 2010, I decided to turn on MuchMusic, basically the Canadian MTV, except it actually still plays music. After listening to "Like a G6", I was very dismayed by the turn pop music has taken. Then I heard this song and it was like I achieved nirvana. B.o.B. and Rivers are, fittingly, magic together. The things that separate it from bragging rap songs that suck is that it's fast-paced, it's clever, it's fun, and it's got a damn catchy chorus. This is the type of music girls should be snapping to. And boys. And everyone.

 

Spoiler

19. "Animal" - Neon Trees
 

 
This song was always kind of in the back of my mind, but I never really noticed it all that much until jjs asked me to review it for my previous review thread. And I was like "wow, this song is all kinds of awesome". Neon Trees get some backlash, and I really don't understand it. They are so much fun to listen to, and a breath of fresh air as they have the odd rock song that gets popular somehow, almost as if they are the band to remind us that rock isn't dead, it's just trying on new clothes. Now take a bite of my heart tonight... whatever that means.

 

Spoiler

18. "According to You" - Orianthi
 

 
I used to hate this song, but I'm looking at it now and I have no idea. I guess it's a little repetitive, but it's just got this fast pace and these random guitar solos and the relatable lyrics (we've all had that dickish boyfriend/girlfriend who seems to only exist to bring you down) and there's no case to hate it anymore. What can I say? Everything is opposite, and rightly so.

 

Spoiler

17. "There Goes My Baby" - Usher
 

 
I think this was the Usher that everyone was waiting for. Croon for me, baby! Croon! Yes, it's delicious. *melts*
 
Honestly, I don't think Usher's ever really been a good lyricist, but as long as he can feign it and bombard you with delicious crooning, he can get away with it. OOH GIRL LOOK AT YOU. And commence the panty-melting of every girl within a 5-mile radius.

 

Spoiler

16. "Bulletproof" - La Roux
 

 
Honestly, La Roux pulled off Lady Gaga's shtick better than Lady Gaga with one song this year. You really get the sense of a strong, independent woman who doesn't care what you think about her. And Elly Jackson doesn't have to resort to a shitload of gimmicks in her music videos. She just presents herself in a way that makes sense to her and to her music. No bullshit. I think that's what I like most about it.

 

Spoiler

15. "Whataya Want from Me" - Adam Lambert
 

 
Okay, shut up all of you. i love Adam Lambert. If nothing else, he is by far the most talented person to come out of American Idol. He has a zillion times more personality than Kris Boreface, and he deserved to win but I think it was ultimately better for him that he didn't. What I'm saying is, if there has to be a horribly bastardized version of Freddy Mercury, I'm glad it's him. Hey, it's my opinion. Whataya want from- *gets slapped*

 

Spoiler

14. "Not Afraid" - Eminem
 

 

 

If I hear one more 'gangster' teen sing the chorus of Not Afraid I'm going to find Eminem and murder him personally.

 

Wow, 70s. Strong feelings back in October 2010, eh?

 

I forgive Recovery a lot more than most, because it wasn't Relapse and it definitely wasn't Encore. It definitely wasn't classic Em either, but it was the best we were getting, so I accepted it.Well, except for this mealy-mouthed shitpile, but that didn't even make it on the chart so. Anyway, "Not Afraid" is a great song, while definitely overrated by Eminem fans and "gangster" teens I guess. It ain't Slim, but it ain't bad.

 

Spoiler

13. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B. ft. Bruno Mars

 

 

Remember when Bruno Mars was one of the top new artists that didn't get on anyone's nerves? Yeah, I miss those days too. But B.o.B., man. Whatever happened to great pickup lines like this?

 

Baby you the whole package, plus you pay your taxes

 

"Damn girl, you so financially responsible!"

 

This is an endlessly charming song, back when B.o.B. was relevant and Bruno Mars was charming.

 

Spoiler

12. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum

 

 

This is Lady Antebellum's only good song, because it's the only one that sounds like it comes from a real place. That empty black hole of loneliness and alcohol and calling people up because you just need them so badly and... it's a damn emotional song. I wish they had more like this, less like "American Honey".

 

Spoiler

11. "I Gotta Feeling" - The Black Eyed Peas

 

 

This was The Black Eyed Peas' last fun song. They were never really an intelligent band, but they usually knew how to bring the house down. After The E.N.D., it all went downhill, but at least this was part of their fun-lovin' legacy.

[Wumbo]

The Bottom:

 

Spoiler

81. "Rock That Body" - The Black Eyed Peas

 

 

Remember when I said that if Fergie was off, then an entire Black Eyed Peas song was off? I like to think of this song as the poster child of that opinion. I don't know what kind of sick idea someone had to make Fergie sound like a broken computer mixed with Alvin and the Chipmunks, but it completely ruins the song, which isn't that good, but it would be higher if it wasn't for Fergie's bit. Jesus Christ. My ears are bleeding.

 

Spoiler

82. "Naturally" - Selena Gomez & The Scene

 

 

What comes naturally, Selena? What about this processed cheese fluff is "natural"? Accept that you're the commercial shill that you are and maybe I could respect you at least a little. As of now, no thank you to Selena Gomez.

 

Spoiler

83. "Baby" - Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris

 

 

There is literally no point to hating this song anymore, but it still grinds my gears to this day. I don't care if it's horribly cliché to hate this song and prepubescent Justin Bieber as a concept; it was a pile of shit then and it's a pile of shit now. Also, Ludi... what the hell are you doing?

 

Spoiler

84. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train

 

 

I hope Pat Monahan donates his brain to science after he dies, so we can find out exactly what kind of neurons needed to collide to make him think that anything done in this song is good. This is so bad it's almost comically so, but Pat's voice grates on me a lot here, more than any other Train song ever, so I can't even give it camp value. Also, any song that makes me think of Pat Monahan's untrimmed chest is an ultimate no-no.

 

Spoiler

85. "Ridin' Solo" - Jason Derulo

 

 

If I hate you already, then just about the worst thing you can do is make a song about how great you are, because you're not. You're really not. The song disproves the artist's claim.

 

Spoiler

86. "Whatcha Say" - Jason Derulo

 

 

Oh wait, hold on. Jason actually can do worse. This song is so incompetent that it stuns me every time I hear it. Chris Brown has made more convincing romance songs than this. This is pretty much a gross bastardization of Imogen Heap, apologizing, and music in general. If you ever mistake yourself into thinking that Jason Derulo is talented, just give this song a re-listen. It is mesmerizing in its badness, and I think the only reason it's not lower is that I am just endlessly fascinated by it. Every time I listen to it, I pick up on a new thing to hate. It really is a tour de force of bad music.

 

Spoiler

 

87. "Replay" - Iyaz

 

 

The same definitely cannot be said for Iyaz, who I only wish was half as interesting as Derulo. How this became one of the biggest hits of the year, I have no idea. Does anyone actually remember anything about this song other than that annoying chorus?

 

Also, this is now three songs in a row produced by J.R. Rotem, and they all sound the fucking same. F for effort, both Iyaz and J.R.

 

Spoiler

88. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris

 

 

I keep on ragging on the country this year, but honestly, this was a goddamn shit year for R&B too. Never have I encountered so many songs that all sound the same. This one, Jay Sean in general, "Ridin' Solo", "Replay". They all mush together in this R&B sludge pile for me. This one was the most boring of the bunch, even with Ludacris. I don't remember anything about this song other than the title words are said at some points and he goes "whoa-oh-oh". Allow me to offer a rebuttal with "meeeeh-eh-eh".

 

...Wait, I'm listening to this song now, and it sounds like Ludacris just says the same thing twice at different points in the track. WTF? Learn2Ludi, Taio Cruz.

 

Spoiler

89. "Like a G6" - Far East Movement ft. The Cataracs and Dev

 

 

I don't have much to say about this one other than it gives me a massive headache and everyone on this track sounds like a smug asshole that needs to be drop-kicked. HEEEELLLL no.

 

Spoiler

90. "Sexy Bitch" - David Guetta ft. Akon

 

 

Oh boy, this song. This is another one that might be stunningly bad like "Whatcha Say", except David Guetta just makes this sound boring and repetitive. That's not to take away from Akon's atrocity though, who I think has about five bad pickup lines other than the notorious title.

 

Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore

 

That one might actually be worse.

 

It doesn't even sound like he's saying "sexy bitch" in the uncensored version. It's like they chickened out on the uncensored version and tried to censor it anyway. It's like... sexy fish? Sexy fetch? What the hell is that all about?

 

Utter waste of a song, but shockingly enough, there are ten this year that were worse. Check back tomorrow to find out!

 

Scoreboard:

 

Clappy - 76

Steel - 68

Bubblerock - 62

[Burgerpants]

Is it bad that I find Sexy Bitch Chick So bad it's good?

[Steel Sponge]

30. Never heard

29. I kinda lke this.

28. If only Adam Levine didn't act like a total creep in that music video.

27. It's pretty good.

26. Never heard.

25. Not much of a Katy Perry fan, but I enjoyed it.

24. Still could care less about Ke$ha. What's up with sampling the snake charmer song in "Take it Off" though?

23. Never heard

22. I WANT YOUR LOVE AND I WANT YOUR REVENGE, YOU AND ME COULD WRITE A BAD ROMANCE! Yeah, I like this song. 

21. Never heard

 

71. Never heard 

72. Uh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah....

73. Meh

74. Guilty pleasure, spite Lil Wayne's presence.

75. Aw foiled again! But I do like these curve balls you would throw at me

76. I'm quite a fool for expecting this to be in your Bottom 10, but I sure didn't predict this to make it this far.

77. I was predicting this song to be somewhere in the bottom. That's my Wumbo.

78. Never heard

79. Never heard

80. Hate this song.

 

20. It's a shame Rivers Cuomo would then be a one-hit wonder the same for Weezer being a OHW for "Beverly Hills."

19. Love this song.

18. Gotta love some Orianthi.

17. There goes my BABYYYYYYYYYy

16. Never heard

15. Love this song too.

14. I'M NOT AFRAID! TO TAKE A STAND! EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY. COME TAKE MY HAND!

13. I'm Quite a sucker for Bruno Mars.

12. Like this song too, even if overplay made me a little sick of it

11. Like this song.

 

81. Don't remember it as much. 

82. Surprised to see somebody who almost hates "Naturally" as much as I do.

83. Agreed to how cliche it is to hate this song, doesn't stop the song itself from being so simple that you could write it in 2 minutes without Luda's involvement.

84. Are the lyrics that bad though? I can agree how much of an eccentric example Pat Monahan's songwriting can be, but I can find this enjoyable, which stops me from hating this song than disliking it.

85. Don't care

86. I'm still shocked by how bad this song is.

87. Meh.

88. If you hate Dynamite much more than this, then this will be fun...

89. Horrible lyrics + horrible beats = awful song

90. I'm glad that I don't remember this song very well.

[Clappy]

20. It's a shame Rivers Cuomo would then be a one-hit wonder the same for Weezer being a OHW for "Beverly Hills."

......

In what universe is Weezer a one hit wonder?