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Here it is, the drought has lifted, with a show not riffed by me!


Childhood Deleted With SpongeBob SquarePants:


1. Episode 1:


[Dr.Blowhole/Donnie/only sports fan here if you don't know it's Trophy: ITS MONEY TIME-I MEAN RIFF REVIVAL TIME, WITH THE HALLOWEEN HATING TROPHY HERE!]


So, you know how there is a show called SpongeBob SquarePants? You know, that yellow, absorbent sponge?


[CNF1: Nope, I'm just on a SpongeBob fansite for no reason.]

[JCM: No! Why would a member of the SpongeBob Community Forums know what SpongeBob is?]


Well, yeah your childhood is about to be deleted.


[Trophy: *deletes self* WHAT MONEY DO I WIN?]

[CNF1: Shit, I'm dead.]

[JCM: Oh well. I'll just get it back out of the Recycle Bin later.]


SpongeBob started as a kids show.


[CNF1: No shit, sherlock.]


But what the public didn't know that SpongeBob from the heart, was a schizophrenic psycho idiot that the creators thought it would be funny to kids, but what happened, is that the story was so sad, and, well let's just tell you the story.


[JCM: It's all about how my life got flipped turned upside down...]

[CNF1: I'm not looking forward to it.]

[Trophy: I thought the psycho was in Total Drama Island, named the escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a HOOK! I guess I was wrong then.]


SpongeBob was born to his parents, but they wern't parents, they were brother and sister.



[JCM: These wern't parents sound like a scandalous group.]


The Sponge was born to Harold SquarePants (Brother) and Margret SquarePants (Sister).


[CNF1: Thanks for the clarification, totally couldn't tell which was which.]


The dad and mom of SpongeBob SquarePants never got to be seen, because they were murdered by a fish.


[JCM: Way to brighten my day!]

[CNF1: Was it Nick The Goldfish Slayer? ...shameless advertising I know...]


The police arrested them, and Harold and Margret survived, only a couple of cuts. The dad died when the ambulance came. The mom died when she went to hospital, she fell in a coma and died 2 hours later.


[CNF1: Tarzan: Ouch. Me must go to hospital.]

[Trophy: Yikes, this writer has a sick mind.]


On the next episode, we focus on SpongeBob and others.

Thanks for viewing.


[JCM: You're not welcome.]


-Patrick, 8:56 PM EDT, June 4th, 2013.


[JCM: Lovin' the timestamp.]

[CNF1: Well that was uh...interesting. Don't know whether I should be looking forward to the rest or not. Anywho, till we meet again, stay gold. Bang. *disappears like a ninja*]

[Trophy: Um ok, that was weird, now I'll be off counting me money.]



2. Episode 2:


So, SpongeBob was bullied at school due to the diease, schizophrenia.


[Trophy: Well, that escalated quickly.]

[CNF1: Bless you.]

[JCM: He has di-ease and schizophrenia? I wouldn't want to be him.]


He would get some panic attacks and faint once and a while. One day, one fish started to hit him, SpongeBob started crying. But...what was weird is he was crying really hard, drops falling every 0.1 seconds. The fish scolded him really bad, and he had to go to hospital.


[JCM: No, what's weird is that the author measured the rate at which water came out of SpongeBob's eyes. Can somebody say "neeerd"?]

[CNF1: Tarzan: Ouch. Me must go to hospital.]


Anyways, his life was good, made some friends, and Patrick, was there.


[JCM: Patrick, would like you minimize your usage, of commas.]

[CNF1: So it's good, but he gets bullied? That makes sense]


Patrick was a super happy starfish (like a teenage girl) People would call him a girl.


[JCM: Yes, that's totally what I think of when I think of happy starfish.]

[CNF1: No no no, that's his sister Patricia (or is it Sam hmm...)]


He didn't like that, so he would attacks the ones who did that.


[JCM: You're hurtsing my heart, man.]

[CNF1: Grammar no make sense to me.]


Now, in the SpongeBob episodes of today, we all know that Patrick doesn't like it when he is called a Tubby.


[Trophy: Yet again who would, Sherlock?]




Well, here he hates to be called a girl. SpongeBob and Patrick made friends. They were orphans, because SpongeBob's brother and sister died in a house fire.


[CNF1: Thanks for repeating yourself.]


Sad, right? I know.


[JCM: He knows, everybody! We've officially established that he knows!]


But Patrick's dad and mom left Patrick. They still visit, because they love him so much.


[CNF1: You would think if they really loved him, they wouldn't have left in the first place.]


But he was dumb, a little bit. SpongeBob, later on got his schizophrenia removed.


[JCM: It's that easy? Gee, why didn't modern medicine tell us this?]


Well, I think that's enough for today. See ya later! PEACE!


[JCM: Go away, you damn hippie.]

[CNF1: I sure won't be having peace. Thank god there's only one episode left. Time to disappear like a ninja. *throws a smoke bomb*.]

[Trophy: The faker who made this didn't research anything at all. Fakers such a shame.]



3. Episode 3:


[CNF1: Hooray! The final one!]


Now, here are the real things about all the spongebob characters.


[CNF1: Everything I know is a lie!]


SpongeBob SquarePants - Schizophrenic psycho idiot that likes Krabby Patties, also married to Sandy Cheeks.


[CNF1: Redundant Info #1]

[JCM: Wait, when did that last part come up?]

[Trophy: Oh god no, not more Spandy, anything but that!]


Patrick Star - Hates being called a girl although he acts like one.


[Trophy: How?! Give us examples! I MUST KNOW!]

[CNF1: Redundant Info #2]


Sandy Cheeks - Texas people hated her, so she became a sex-ed teacher, and married the schizophrenic idiot, SpongeBob SquarePants.


[JCM: We're edgy because we said "sex-ed"!]


(She became a sex-ed teacher because she got a bad mark to become a teacher. Don't ask me why.)


[JCM: I'm gonna ask you why anyway, 'cause I'm a rebel!]

[CNF1: Sandy bangs SpongeBob all night longggggggg.]

[Trophy: This just in: Any logic this show once had has officially gone missing, and I think my interest went with it.]


Eugene Harold Krabs - Was a cheapskate idiot that hated really high priced things. Banned from Walmart, Target, Zellers (now defunct in Canada), and more.


[JCM: Thank you for enlightening us with your vast knowledge of retail chains.]

[CNF1: Coming Next Summer: Target - The Hunt For Mr. Krabs. Rated C for Cheap.]

[Trophy: LEMME SEE IT!]


Larry the Lobster: Lobster that became a buff monster.


[CNF1: Redundant Info #3.]

[Trophy: What point does this serve at all?]


That's it.


[JCM: Yes! Thank you, God!]


For now...


[JCM: Noooooo!]

[CNF1: And forever more. That's all folks. Welp, that was one acid trip. My post from June pretty much sums it up in a nutshell: The hell am I reading?  :huh: Yeah...welp adios folks. Hope I can participate again sometime soon. But for now, exit-stage left!]

[Trophy: thatsallfolks.jpg ]

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Here's the first episode of The Runaway Sponge. Slots are still open for Episodes 2-4 if anyone wants to riff them.


Episode 1: The Bikini Bottom Chase


A tall and skinny buisnessman ventured into the Bikini Bottom Bank.


[Metal Snake: Love the introduction. But who is this guy? The “Hey, It’s That Guy!” salesman from Ren & Stimpy?]


"Hello sir. What can I help you with today?" The bank teller said.

"I would like to take 20 dollars out of my account." The buisnessman replied.


[Metal Snake: I need to pop some stuff down at the thrift shop later today, you know what I’m saying?]


"Sure thing. I'll be just a couple a minutes." The bank teller said.


[Metal Snake: After I go to the bathroom, drink some coffee, and make sure I destroyed all the evidence of my recent embezzlement of course.]

[Jjs: Does this bank teller have an Italian accent?]

Right as the teller was about to enter the transation into the computer,

[Wumbo: Can I get a translation of “transation”?]

a giant crashing noise came from behind where they were standing.


[Metal Snake: Stop acting like the cause of all our problems is just going to come crashing through the front window!]


Oh no! It is the Runaway Sponge.


[Jjs: Oh no! Holy plot convenience, Batman!]
[Metal Snake: Uh oh! The Sponge have started to flee.]


"Nobody moves! You know who I am!" The Runaway Sponge told the people in the bank.


[Wumbo: No I don’t.]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, I remember back when you all thought I was a loser! Now I’m a mothafuckin’ ninja, and I’m coming for you!]


"Alright, Patrick you get a hostage, i'll get the money." Runaway Sponge said.


[Metal Snake: Alright, my evil underlings, you know the drill by now. Murder all those who stand in my way and I’ll get control of the world.]


"Sure thing boss." Patrick said.


[Jjs: Hooray for emotionless and bland henchmen. That's only the first of many cliches coming up.]

The Runaway Sponge walked up to the counter.

"Give me all this dump has!" He screamed as he poked the gun in the managers skull.


[Metal Snake: You better gimme a lollipop along with the load or I’ll ram a knife in your fucking pelvis!]


"Alright, alright!" The manager said as he pushed all of the money into giant bags to give to him.


[Metal Snake: Just as I was about to plot my next embezzlement scheme too! Dammit!]

[Jjs: If he is poking he gun into the manager's skull, shouldn't he be dead by now?]


"Now, Patrick did you get the hostage?" The Runaway Sponge stated.


[Metal Snake: I’m such a hardcore criminal I state my questions instead of asking them! You’ll never take me alive, Grammar Coppers!]


"I..can't choose! They all look so nice." The dumb witted Patrick said.


[Metal Snake: The most beautiful sight in the world...people stricken with fear.]

[Jjs: I like how he had to throw "dumb witted" in there, it's like telling us "Hey, Patrick's dumb, remember?". Thank you Spongebobs1fan for making it so clear!]

"Ugh! Just pick someone who looks like they are important." He said.


[Metal Snake: “Dah, okay boss! I’ll pick this guy! He runs my favorite chili dog stand, so he’s gotta be important! I couldn’t live without his dogs!”]


"Hurry! We are running out of time here!"


[Metal Snake: Someone set up us the bomb, we gotta move like a zig!]


Patrick picked someone. 


[Jjs: Thanks man, that's totally specific. Who did he pick? I dunno, apparently it is "someone". That just narrows down the possibilities folks.]

"Grab her, and lets go!" He stated.


[Metal Snake: I changed my mind, I picked his girlfriend. She must be his source of inspiration!]

[Jjs: Wait, "someone" is a girl?]


"And you, don't even thing about moving, i'll kill you now." Spongebob said as he looked at the hostage.

[Metal Snake: If you ever knew a thing about moving, you better forget it cause I’m watching you girl!]

[Wumbo: SpongeBob who? Where’s The Runaway Sponge?]

They then ran out of the bank with the money and the hostage and headed to there car. They put the money in the backseat, hostage in the back, and then drove off out of the area.


[Metal Snake: Oh yeah, and watch the money too! I don’t know why, but money always seems to know a thing about moving when I’m not looking!]


At The Police Station:





The police radio started to talk:

[Metal Snake: Welcome to Police Radio with your hosts, Blueman and the Donutboy! 91.1!]

[Wumbo: Here comes the robot revolution. Brace yourselves.]

"We got our next target. Spongebob Squarepants or mostly know as "The Runaway Sponge", is driving at dangerous speeds throughout the city. But the worst part is that he has a hostage from the bank robery earlier today." The radio stated.


[Metal Snake: Oh yeah, and there are mutated civilians all over the city. But the worst part is that they came in contact with nuclear waste from the massive spill earlier today.]


"We got to go now folks, lets go!" The head police officer said.


[Metal Snake: G-G-G-G-GOTTA GO FAST!]


The head police officer also know as John, has been a police officer and a firefighter since the age of 12.

[Metal Snake: He discovered that they were what he was meant to be when he lost his attorney’s badge and doctor’s license five years beforehand.]

[Wumbo: They hire that young? It’s no wonder The Runaway Sponge is so successful with his crimes.]


He's known for his large height and his ability to keep all workers on the job.


[Metal Snake: Large and in charge!]


"Lets go everyone! We got another case of "The Runaway Sponge" on our hands." He said as he started to get his gear ready.


[Metal Snake: We’re gonna bust this case open hardcore style! Now where the hell are my power tools?]


"Alright, guys we have got to be carefull on this mission. That Sponge is smart and always knows what to do." The co-chief Bobby said.

[Jjs: Bobbeh, Hank Hill wants a talk with you. Why are you suddenly a cop on a SpongeBob fanfiction? You have some explaining to do young man.]
[Wumbo: That boy ain’t right.]

[Metal Snake: Now if only he wasn’t evil. He’d know what to do to save my marriage.]


They got in their cars and speeded away looking for him.

Later on the Chase:


[Jjs: "The Chase: an epic film of chasing, chasing, and more chasing, coming this summer to theaters near you."]

"Guys, I see him up ahead down highway 53." Bobby said."I'm going to try to speed up by him to set down some spikes."


[Metal Snake: Do not drive at dangerous speeds at the risk of severe tire damage.]

[Jjs: Time to re-use an old Elastic riff: "Speed Up: A novel by Him"]


"Alright." John said through the walky talky.

Inside the Runaway Sponge's Car:

"Ahh! They are catching up to us!" Spongebob told his wimpy and dumb assistant.


[Metal Snake: Aaah, what a mess! This is all your fault, Baka-Patrick!]


"Why cant we just give up?!" Patrick said crying.


[Metal Snake: Come on, Patrick!



"Patrick! Remember, we never surrender! Besides, we got a hostage." Spongebob said.


[Metal Snake: “That girl in the back is the key to our victory! The people of this miserable town would miss their chilidogs all too much to allow something terrible to happen to her!”]


"Alright! Lets let the hostage go, then surrender!" Patrick said again.


[Metal Snake: Again? He repeated himself...with different words?]

[Jjs: Yup, let's let that hostage we spent a good five seconds kidnapping go.]


"No! No! No!" Spongebob said as he looked at Patrick and almost crashed the car. "Get a hold of yourself! Remember? I'm the "Runaway Sponge" you chose me!. 


[Jjs: So Patrick picked Runaway Sponge as his starter? What were the other two options? Runaway Squid and Runaway Squirrel?]

[Metal Snake: You took me in! You raised me like I was your own son! That’s why you take orders from me and me only old man!]


5 Years Earlier:

"You either work with me for danger and excitment, or you work at this boring grocery store." The Runaway Sponge said.


[Metal Snake: ...That’s it? He just walked up to him and said in different words “Be my bitch, or be the man’s bitch.”? Best. Backstory. Ever.]

[Jjs: Are we suddenly riffing Bikini Top again? This out of place and forced flashback makes me think so.]


"Yeah...I remember Spongebob." Patrick said.

"Good." Spongebob replied.


[Metal Snake: The time flies by, but the memory stays. Unfortunately, that’s not the case with this spin-off.]


-The focus turns back to the police-

"He's gaining speed! He's at 130 mph! I can barely see him in the distance anymore. We are going to have to make more of an effort to get past him!" Bobby said.


[Metal Snake: Put your backs into it, ladies! I’ve seen mutated snails faster than you!]


"Yeah, yeah i'm trying." The head police officer replied.


[Metal Snake: Whatever, it’s just people’s lives on the line. Big deal.]


The chase went on and so far has been going on for over 300 miles. Over 5 hours later and they finally are feet away from the car.

[Wumbo: Can you move it along? I’m all out of time cards.]

[Metal Snake: That would’ve made Dr. Seuss’ “The Foot Book” more interesting. Away from a madman’s car feet!]

[Jjs: So where are they exactly driving now? Are they just chasing each other in circles across Bikini Bottom?]


"Watch out! He's got a gun! He is firing aimlessly at us." An officer said.


[Jjs: A criminal has a gun? What a twist!]

"When he slows down a bit we will try to get ahead again." Another officer said.

But he did not slow down. he even shattered one of the cop cars window that had Bobby inside.


[Metal Snake: “Dangit Bobby! Did you break the goddang window?!”]

[Jjs: Hank Hill is not going to be pleased that his son is breaking windows.]


"No! We are spinning out of control!" Bobby said."Lets try to stop up here!


[Metal Snake: We’ll try to do a 180 degree-spin into that gas station up ahead!] 


They managed to stop, but they were unable to continue in the chase.


[Jjs: Oh well, let's stop for some coffee and doughnuts now.]


"It is up to our car now!" John said as they were the last car remaining.


[Metal Snake: Yeah, we’d like to help, but all this spinning is hard work man.]


Awhile later, the "Runaway Sponge" headed up a steep mountain road making it even harder for the police to stay close.

"He's making sharp turns! I'm struggling to follow!" John told the other officer inside the car.

[Wumbo: Some head police officer you are. Chief of the Whiners maybe.]

[Metal Snake: Zzz...Uh wha...Huh? Damn it, Joe whatever-your-name-is? You woke me up from my nap!]


Eventually, they lost the "Runaway Sponge".


[Jjs: Oh thank god, I thought this snoozefest chase scene would never end.]

"No! That hostage is doomed! I'm sad there is nothing that we can do." John said.


[Jjs: Well, you know this guy is a fail cop when Tommy Wiseau could say that with more emotion than him.]

[Metal Snake: Sorry! We failed! Oh God in heaven why.]


Inside the Runaway Car:

"Great! We lost them. We will stop up this hill to get our buisness done up here." Spongebob said.

[Wumbo: Sure went a long way just to take a shit.]
[Metal Snake: Time out, Patrick! I gotta take a leak!]


"I don't get it. Why didn't we just take the money from the bank and leave? We didn't need to get a hostage." Patrick said.


[Metal Snake: For a wimpy and dumb assistant, he’s right on the money, and no pun intended.]

[Jjs: Oh yeah, where is that hostage anyways? Is she just chilling in the trunk?]


"Patrick! Its the tradition, we get the money, then get the hostage, and then take the money back to the hideout." Spongebob stated.


[Metal Snake: We do that for forty years, and then we die.]


"Fine, fine." Patrick replied.


[Metal Snake: Squall__Whatever_by_MikoIzayoi.jpg]

They stopped at the top of the hill and got out of their car.

"Lets get the hostage out of the trunk." The Runaway Sponge said.


[Metal Snake: Oh, so that’s what he meant when he said the back. I guess he wasn’t expecting the hostage to watch the money after all.]


They opened up the trunk and took out the hostage. The hostage was roped up with tape on the mouth. Spongebob grabed his pistol out of his pocket and loaded it with one bullet.

[Metal Snake: I stand corrected.]

[Wumbo: Somebody’s a little too sure of his aim.]
The victim started moving and screaming.


[Metal Snake: I assume he’s also going to kill her because she knows all too much about moving.]


"Shut up! You have got to relize, squirming is going to do yourself no good. This is our job and living, nothing will stop us." Spongebob said.


[Metal Snake: Yeah, it’s crying that’ll make yourself feel better!]


The Runaway Sponge moved the tip of the gun to the hostage's head and then started talking again,"You...are an unlucky one of the bunch at the bank. Have fun being dead."


[Metal Snake: I hear they have great service in the afterlife.]


Spongebob finished talking and pulled the trigger. The hostage was dead.

[Wumbo: Criminal Minds, without the plot, dialogue, or motivation.]

[Metal Snake: R.I.P. Chili Dog Stand Man’s wife. Also, R.I.P. the money they could’ve made off a ransom for the hostage.]

[Jjs: I should ask now at this point why SpongeBob became such a cold-blooded felon, but Bikini Top's "It just can!" logic probably answers that.]


They got back in their car leaving the hostage on the side of the road. But when Spongebob tried to start the car, it wouldn't start.


[Metal Snake: Her ghost isn’t going to let us leave!]

[Jjs: The moral of this story is, if you are a criminal on the run, always bring extra gas tanks. And never drive for five straight hours.]


"Patrick, you know the drill. RUN!" Spongebob said as he grabbed all of the money. Spongebob knew though that there was evidence left behind, their car and the dead hostage, they are not going to get out of this one that easy. But for now, the "Runaway Sponge" has escaped.


[Metal Snake: Yeah, it’ll take a miracle to convince the public we’re just innocent, misunderstood wanted bank robbers! Wait…]


-End Of Episode- 

[Wumbo: It’s very nice how they do that. You see, I have a condition where I can’t distinguish page breaks, and this helps me to determine when an episode ends.]

[Metal Snake: And for now, it is time for me to make a quick escape from this spin-off. Lulzy yet forgettable, that’s what it is. Good luck with the remaining three episodes, guys!]

[Jjs: This show is as lulzy as it was when Elastic riffed it. I never did read Episodes 2-4 before, so those should be a pleasant surprise. Thanks again you two, and hit me up through PM if anyone else wants to riff the last three episodes.]

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The Runaway Sponge


1. The Bikini Bottom Chase


2. Capture the Great One


Episode 2: Capture the Great One


Austin Layers,

[Wumbo: Who.]

[Jjs: Oh sweet, we've just started and we already have a plot hole. Who is Austin Layers?]

[CNF: That's the best way to start an episode folks. A random guy's name.]

[the_meanest_cabbage: i have pet bar of soap named Austin.]


Spongebob, and Patrick, are planning the biggest capturing yet. To capture the Great One.


[Jjs: Who?]

[Wumbo: Wayne Gretzky?]


[the_meanest_cabbage: i cabbage. i be great.]


Spongebob knew that he would need help on this mission,


[the_meanest_cabbage: he not Dora.]


so he decided to hire Austin Layers for this job.


[Jjs: So I assume this is some parody of Austin Powers now. Hooray for original names.]

[the_meanest_cabbage: pet soap not parody. he make angry bubbles when you say bad thing.]


Austin is smart, intelligent and can always make good decisions for the Runaway Sponge.


[Jjs: Let's think of more acronyms for "smart". Is he also a brainiac, an Einstein, and a genius?]

[CNF: A Knuckle Head McSpazaton?]


At least that is what Spongebob thought at the beginning.


The gang was sitting all around in Spongebob's hideout.


"So, I am new to this team and since I still haven't asked, who is this Great One you guys speak of?" Austin Layers asked.


[Jjs: A character we know nothing about is asking about...a character we know nothing about. I'm sure there was a point in here somewhere.]

[CNF: Half the things we've riffed have no point sir.]

[the_meanest_cabbage: sherlock harold not able to solve this mystery.]


Spongebob got out of the chair he was sitting in, and then went up close to Austin's ear to tell him who it was.


[Jjs: But fish don't have ears.]

[CNF: Maybe he went to that ear shop across town.]

"The Great One is.......King Neptune." The Runaway Sponge whispered.




[the_meanest_cabbage: he not great. he not make holy poopoos.]

"Whoa! Even though I am smart, there is no way on earth I am going to help you capture King Neptune!" Austin said as he got up from his chair.


[the_meanest_cabbage: good man. get imposter of greatness and throw into lake of old noodles.]

[Jjs: Well, that's one smart decision so far pal.]

[CNF: You should just go after his crown instead, Plankton succeeded in doing that!...oh wait.]

Spongebob pulled a pistol out of his pocket and pointed it towards Austin.


[CNF: Prepare to die bitch.]

"I think you might want to re-think your terrible decision." Spongebob said while he was holding the gun. 

[Wumbo: Look out, Austin. He’s probably got one bullet in there.]

[CNF: Hey laughing boy, one bwullet left!]

"Ok! Fine! But Please just put your gun down." Austin said as he was waving his hand in the air and walking back towards his seat.


"Alright, as long as you don't try to escape." The Runaway Sponge said.

" I wont!" Austin Layers said quickly.

"Ok then, first we will go to the clothing store and get some new looks." Spongebob said.


[Jjs: They're going to get suited for chicken suits.]

[CNF: Because that's totally a smart idea.]

"Bu..but..we'll get caught before we even get to the store! Someone will see us, and then call the cops!" Austin shouted.


[the_meanest_cabbage: don't shout. it rude.]

[Jjs: If you get caught before you even get to the store, you're probably not very good criminals then.]

[CNF: The police have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!]

"Really man.....you need to SHUT UP! I have had enough of your smart-brained comments." Spongebob said.


[Jjs: Yeah man, screw you for being smart! You need to SHUT UP!]

[CNF: I'd be more respectful to the guy who's trying to save you from being caught.]

[the_meanest_cabbage: talking cheese make angry boom boom.]


"So are we going to go or what?" Patrick said looking down the road.


[CNF: Let's go to Pizza Castle!]


"Yes Patrick, lets start walking." Spongebob said as they started to head down the road.

As usual, when Patrick goes on long walks, he gets insanely bored and hungry very easily. 


[Jjs: Sounds like me right now with this episode.]

[CNF: Same here, I requested a piece of pizza just to get me threw this insanity.]

"Spongebob, can we stop off at the Krusty Krab so I can get some food? Patrick asked Spongebob.


[CNF: NO! We shall go to Pizza Castle.]

[the_meanest_cabbage: Shocked_Baby.jpg


"No Patrick, you should have grabbed some kelp before we left." Spongebob said.

"You know that I hate kelp!" Patrick said.

Suddenly, they heard the loud sounds of machine guns. 

"What the Crap?! The police has found us!" Spongebob said.


[Jjs: Yes, and I also hope they find your correct usage of grammar.]

[CNF: Ooooh he said crap! We got a badass in the house folks!]


"But how? We have barely even left the hideout!!" Austin said confused.

"Ahhhh!!!!! I don't want to be here!" Patrick said as he was crying on the ground.

[Wumbo: I feel your pain, Pat.]


"Where is my gun?! Where's my gun!? We are doomed if I can't find it!!" Spongebob screamed over the loud noises.


[CNF: A Red Ryder BB Gun of course!]


Panicking, Spongebob looked all around the area while avoiding the bullets from the machine guns. He realized that one person must have it, Austin Layers.

[Wumbo: Onions have layers, ogres have layers, Austin has layers… and guns.]

[CNF: Did Austin just pull the gun out of his ass or what?]

"Austin! Give me the damn gun already! We are all going to die on your shoulders if you don't give me the gun!" Spongebob screamed.



"Fighting is not the answer to our problems!" Austin said as he was holding the gun between his arms.

[Wumbo: How do you hold something between your arms?]


"Yes it is!!!!" Spongebob screamed.

The Runaway Sponge had enough of arguing with Austin. Spongebob leaped right over to where Austin was standing and snagged the gun right out of his hand.



"Now, you stay here, don't even think about following us! I will kill, and you know I will." Spongebob said as he put the gun in his pocket.


[Jjs: WHAT KIND OF GUN? Now I know how Lisa felt in The Room.]

"Come on Patrick. Lets get going, we don't have much time. We don't have time for the clothes anymore, we need to go towards King Neptune's place.

"But what about the police? Shouldn't we get them first?" Patrick asked. "And do you have the ammo in the gun?"

"Right, the police, I'll take care if them." Spongebob said as he took his gun and tried to fire it at one of the officers in the distance.


[the_meanest_cabbage: hi mom.]


"Oh no, Austin stole all of the ammo!" Spongebob shouted. "Lets go find him! He's probably somewhere around the police station.


[Jjs: Why did he even trust Austin to begin with? It's like meeting a random monkey that you know nothing about and entrusting it to deliver a package.]

[CNF: Never trust the Smarty Pants.]

"Why can't we just go back to our place and get some different guns and ammo? We don't need to hurt Austin." Patrick asked.


Spongebob looked at Patrick and gave him a long mean stare.


"I need to. He has done to much to me, I am not going to let him go now. Especially after what he has done." Spongebob said. "Come on! Lets get going before the police kill us!"


[Jjs: So you hold a grudge against him for wanting to be good. Yes, what a horrible person indeed. That must have hurt you so much. I weep for the Runaway Sponge.]

"Ok Spongebob. But I hope we can get some grub soon" Patrick said.


[Jjs: "Yeah yeah, that's cool and all, but the food is what matters most man."]

[the_meanest_cabbage: i do matter.]


Spongebob and Patrick now are heading to find Austin, but what if Austin has gotten to the police station already? What will happen then? Layers could tell the police the whole plan. Spongebob & Patrick better hope that they aren't too late, or else there lives are doomed. 


[Jjs: Their lives aren't the only ones that are doomed.]

Spongebob and Patrick were running for miles, well....at least Spongebob was. But then Spongebob saw what he was looking for, Austin was walking off in the distance.


[CNF: What, did you just leave Patrick for dead?]

"You!!!! You don't even deserve to live!" Spongebob said.


[CNF: So he doesn't deserve the gift of life for...being smart?]

[Jjs: Seriously, what did Austin do to make SpongeBob hate him so much? Can Spongebobs1fan not tell us because it's confidential? Anyway, how's your sex life, Spongebobs1fan?]


The Runaway Sponge ran up to Austin Layers and tackled him and punched him repeatedly.


[Jjs: Pow, right in the kisser!]

[the_meanest_cabbage: but he not get kiss?]


Austin wiped blood off of his face and said," Spongebob why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you? I gave you the gun, and the bullets."


[Jjs: "You're lucky we even feed you!"]

"Then where are the bullets? They were not in the gun!" Spongebob said as he was holding Austin's shirt.


[Jjs: "Yeah, you better tell me where the bullets are, Austin's shirt!"]

[the_meanest_cabbage: jjs talk to shirts? he crazy cooky head man.]


"I left them by the cliff, now please let me go!." Austin Layers said.


[the_meanest_cabbage: i not have good english, but i know 2 punctuation mark bad grammar.]


Spongebob threw Austin to the ground and walked off with his dumb-assistant Patrick.


[Jjs: Seriously, you'd lose count on how many times Spongebobs1fan has to constantly remind us how "dumb" Patrick is.]

[the_meanest_cabbage: wait, patrick dumb?]

[CNF: jesus-thanks-for-the-info.jpg ]


But what Spongebob didn't know is that Austin still had the bullets in his pocket, and was heading towards the Bikini Bottom Police Station to tell the cops where Spongebob and Patrick are, and what they were planning.




[CNF: Totally didn't see that coming.]


"Hahaha...suckers, I got them good, and they are going to get even more punishment." Austin Layers said as he was walking along the road.

[Wumbo: Seriously, Austin Layers is the best name ever.]

------End of Episode- Stay tuned for the next Parts--------


Written by Spongebobs1fan 


[Jjs: I'm guessing Spongebobs1fan put that credit at the end of instead of the beginning for a reason.]

[CNF: Well this was better than some of the shit we've riffed before, but not by much. Now I must bid farewell for now so I can regenerate.]


Time passes...


[CDCB: *wakes up* Huh...what is this cabbage doing on my desk? And why is my laptop open with a bunch of riffs? Did an inanimate object of mine sleep-riff again? Uh...hello? Anyone?]

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The Runaway Sponge


1. The Bikini Bottom Chase

2. Capture the Great One


Episode 3: Revival of the Runaway Sponge


[Wumbo: Spongebobs1fan used revive! But it failed!]


Ten long years into the future of Bikini Bottom, there is no notable crime to be seen or crime that is preached about on the local news.


[Jjs: Hooray, we're already starting off with an unnecessary time skip!]

[Wumbo: Ten years? You’re seriously doing this to me right now? I might be offended as a viewer if I cared a lick about the original plot.]


Kids are running around and everybody is enjoying eachother


[Jjs: Horny kids these days.]


knowing 100% that they cannot be the Runaway Sponge in descise.


[Wumbo: Did you mean: disguise]

[Jjs: Wait...what? When was it ever implied the Runaway Sponge impersonated people? Spongebobs1fan cannot keep consistency with the story, and he cannot keep it with his characters either.]


Almost never these days will you see a worried look on someone's face, because they know they are safe and protected from the Runaway Sponge.


[Jjs: Yes, you have fun protecting yourselves there.]


Citizens of Bikini Bottom often used to wonder whatever happened to him that one day ten years ago, when the FBI and the police said he was gone for good, and when he and his crew vanished into what it seemed to be nothing. Often though the idea is often dismissed that this sponge could actually be still alive. The old legend of the Runaway Sponge is often told now as a story to youngsters or as a scary story in a camp out, but never is thought of as a real person.


[Jjs: RIP Runaway Sponge. I guess since the main character is dead, we can all go home...oh wait a minute, there's still one more episode left after this. I bet he totally won't come back.]


It seemed that only one creature in the sea still talked about the Runaway Sponge or even wanted to find out what actually happened to him.


[Jjs: This summer, one man....or fish, will take the law into his own hands...or fins...]


Carl Housed


[Wumbo: Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better than Austin Layers.]


was on the beach one day with his kids at the Goo Lagoon and having a swell time there enjoying themselves and eachother.


[Wumbo: Sex. They’re having sex on the beach.]


Many know Carl is a shy guy


[Wumbo: 215px-Shyguy_MP9.png]
and a person not very good at making friends. Carl likes to do odd things for fun, such as staying in the office afterhours so he can get the rest of the job finished, or cracking the code on an investigation.


[Jjs: He's a detective? Thanks for telling us this sooner.]


One thing new Carl wanted to try at the beach today was going scubadiving because he always wanted to go see what it is like to do something new. Carl walked up to the rental counter in Goo Lagoon that was located near the snack bar and waited in line.


[Jjs: He's scuba diving under-underwater? Mind=fucked.]

"Come on line move faster!" Carl said as he waited in line.


[Jjs: You didn't say please. Try again.]

"I know the line is long today, maybe it's because of that new object someone found in there a couple hours ago." Someone said as they replied to Carl.


[Jjs: "Yeah sorry business is so slow, this unnamed person found a vaguely named object in that place."]

Carl thought about what the person said for a moment and suddenly had a crazy idea as to what the object could have been from.

"Do you know anything about what the object was?" Carl suddenly asked the person.

[Wumbo: A dildo. It was an underwater dildo.]


The person stopped and was thinking for a second, as she could barely remember what it was that someone talked to her about hours ago.


[Jjs: It's a she? Does Sbs1fan have an issue directly telling us what gender someone is? For all we know, Carl Housed could be a girl.]

"Well I am not certain but I think it was some sort of a bag of coins." Thes person responded.


[Jjs: I would have expected Mr. Krabs to rush over there by now, unless he didn't make the cut for the time skip.]

"Were they around ten years old?!" Carl seemed really excited and interested in what it could possibly be from.


[Jjs: "Carl, is that a baseball bat in your pants or are just really excited over a bag of coins?"]

"I don't know, why do you care so much?" The person responded again a little restless as she didn't intend for this to be such a long conversation.

"I think it could be the Runaway Sponge!" Carl said as he was shouting now with everyone staring.

[Wumbo: So the Runaway Sponge turned into a bag of coins? At least that’s what I got here.]


"Well, I think you are crazy, thanks for wasting my time." The lady said as he walked off.


[Jjs: I'd be concerned too if a guy thinks a guy turned into a bag of coins.]




Carl got to the front of the line and now he knew what he was going to do with his scubadiving gear.


[Jjs: How did he get to the front so fast? Does time just go fast or did he just say "Screw y'all" and use some magic power to teleport to the front of the line?]


Carl thinks that there could be old bags of money that the Runaway Sponge stole at the bottom of Goo Lagoon. The whole line was still staring at Carl like he is insane. Though Carl was sure as to what he was talking about, he knew he wasn't crazy. Immediately Carl dived in Goo Lagoon with his gear and started searching for anything.


[Wumbo: You line-cutting bastard.]


Right away he saw something very mysterious, he couldn't believe his eyes as to what he was seeing.


[Jjs: It was the underwater dildo.]


Carl found an underwater cave!


[Jjs: Carl put the "Underwater Cave" in the items pocket!]


Since he knew that nobody would believe him he told himself that he wasn't telling anyone.


[Jjs: "Okay listen here Carl, I am not telling anyone about this...wait, why am I talking to myself?"]


Carl started looking for an opening or entrance to the cave. Amazingly he also found the entrance to the cave.


[Jjs: So he looked for an entrance, but he also found an entrance?]


Carl opened the door and could not believe his eyes.


[Jjs: Hold up there. Caves have doors? He didn't even knock, that bastard.]


"I thought...they were dead?" Carl said in shock as he saw Austin Layers, the Runaway Sponge, and Patrick inside the cave. They were not alive but frozen in side giant glass cases.





The cave was also a lot bigger than he originally thought, and it had all of the things associated with the Runaway Sponge in there also. Carl relized how they got the public go think that everything had just vanished. As Carl was looking around he saw a giant control panel, with a giant lever in the middle. Carl pulled it, and may just have made the biggest mistaken of his life.

[Wumbo: You done goofed, Carl.]
The ice startedmelting and the glass cases opened to the three frozen ones


[Jjs: The moral of this story is: Never break into an underwater cave without knocking.]

"Oh, crap." Carl saidas he heard alarms going off everywhere and could be heard throughout Bikini Bottom.


[Jjs: Wow, either everyone in Bikini Bottom has supersonic hearing, or those alarms are obnoxiously loud.]


Suddenly. Carl heard feint voices from Austin, Spongebob, and Patrick.

Carl tried to leave but could not open the door a second time.

"Where am I? Felt like I've been dead for years." The Runaway Sponge said as he was getting feeling back in his extremities.


[Jjs: This is just a dream, go back to sleep.]

Spongebob immediately saw Austin Layers a couple feet from where he is standing.

"I think I remember where we left off." Spongebob took his gun and shot Austin in the head.

[Wumbo: Oh, is that where we left off. Well, thanks for bringing back Austin for a whole 2 seconds.]

[Jjs: And the award for the Most Pointless Death goes to...]


"Boss, lets get out of this place!" Patrick told Spongebob.

"Wait a second Patrick, who is that guy over there?" The Runaway Sponge was pointing at Carl.

They had no idea but they thought he deserved to suffer for what had happened to them. Patrick pulled out his last bullet and gave it to Spongebob, Spongebob killed Carl.

[Wumbo: What’s the point in even introducing new characters if you’re just going to kill them, one after another? Make sure to kill the lady he spoke to as well, SpongeBob!]
[Jjs: Well, I've definitely booked Spongebobs1fan two nominations for the Most Pointless Death award.]


"Come on Spongebob lets go, we got a lot of catching up to do." Patrick said as they slammed the door opened.

They got out of the cave and were surprised when they had to swim to the surface because they had no idea they were underwater.

[Wumbo: Aren’t you underwater for the entire series?]

[Jjs: It's underwater-ception.]
Spongebob and Patrick had a plan to make a big entrance to the real world, that would send all the sea once again into a state of worry. They suddenly sprang up out of the water and everybody was in shock.

"That's right everybody were back! I'll start off the fun. EVERYBODY GET OUT OF THIS BEACH NOW!" The Runaway Sponge said screaming and the beach.


[Jjs: So the beach was screaming too? I guess it was horrified by this writing.]

"And give us all your ice cream!" Patrick said as he was trying to add to what Spongebob said.


[Jjs: Ice cream, the most important thing any criminal needs.]

"Shut up Patrick let me do the talking." Spongebob said as he saw that everybody was leaving the beach.

"Also I do not want to see any of you at this beach again or you will be shot!" Spongebob as he could hear crying in the far distance.


[Jjs: Sorry SOF, looks like woahwoah has lost this award. The award for the Worst Threatening Line now goes to Spongebobs1fan.]

"We are back in buisness Spongebob! We've got a lot of work to do though." Patrick told Spongebob.

"Yeah, though I don't think it will be that hard, these people get scared really easily." Spongebob said.


[Jjs: Boo.]

"Yeah boss, well what now?" Patrick asked him.

"What we do best, cause chaos and run for our lives!" Sponngebob said ending the episode.

[Wumbo: RIP Austin Layers. We hardly knew ye.]

[Jjs: RIP Carl Housed. We also hardly knew ye, and our caring meter is struggling to give a damn.]

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The Runaway Sponge


1. The Bikini Bottom Chase

2. Capture the Great One

3. Revival of the Runaway Sponge


4. Stealing Spree


[Wumbo: It better be the greatest spree of their lives. This is the last episode.]

[Jjs: Considering 95% of Spin-Offs made by users who come and go never get a proper conclusion, we should totally expect this to not have a cliffhanger.]


"We almost got it...careful, ok take the Golden Pearl and lets go. I have a feeling that they are right on our tales." The Runaway Sponge was telling his assistant Patrick.


[Wumbo: You know, why do you have to keep reminding us that he’s SpongeBob’s assistant? You don’t put much faith into your viewers’ memories, do you?]

[Jjs: Obviously he doesn't Wumbo, considering how many times he's had to tell us Patrick is dumb.]


They were loading up their truck with lots of stolen items, from the famous Golden Pearl that Patrick just got his hands on to the 100 inch HDTV that they stole from the Chum Bucket.


[Wumbo: Some financial advice: consider investing in real food before buying yourself a hundred inch HDTV, Sheldon.]


They stole billions of dollars from the Bikini Bottom Mint and took thousands of exercise equipment from the health club. Spongebob was holding a map that showed all of their stops for the day that they were going to steal from. They had already stolen property from 20 places and had 80 more to go for the rest of the day.


[Jjs: They stole property? What, did they just put signs on people's front yards saying "The Runaway Sponge Was Here, Your Property Belongs To Me"?]


After the Runaway Sponge is finished with all of these stops you could say that Bikini Bottom got robbed.


[Jjs: YOU_DONT_SAY.png]


At the Police Station officers were discussing the return of the Runaway Sponge.


[Wumbo: Look, I enjoy a healthy discussion as much as the next guy, but there’s a time for discussion and then there’s a time for action. These guys make Chief Wiggum look good.]


"John, I think we have major problem with the Runaway Sponge.




He's stealing like crazy and causing major damage to Bikini Bottom." Bobby Liken was telling John as he was getting a fresh cup of coffee.


[Jjs: Bobby Liken? Did the Hill family get their last names changed during the time skip?]


John almost spit up his coffee that he was slurping.


[Jjs: JCM, that's gross.]

"But, I thought he was gone for good?" John said as he was wiping coffee off of his police jacket.

"No, didn't you see that they got out and were unfrozen? It was breaking news. I know that we haven't dealt with cases like these in a little over 10 years, but it is going to be the norm again i'm afraid." Bobby Liken responded.

[Wumbo: Couple things:

- The head of police’s assistant knows about one of the most notorious criminals’ escape before he does?

- Why does spongebobs1fan keep using Bobby’s last name? Is there another Bobby we shouldn’t be confusing him with?

- Bobby Liken?]

[Jjs: I concur with Wumbo. Was John on a long extended vacation during the 10 year time skip that he forgot about crime in general? I hope Bobby "Liken" was doing his job better than this lazy bum.]


Suddenly the police radio sent out a distress signal calling all police units, and as soon as possible.


[Jjs: Nah, if a convict was on the loose, I'd call the units to go out as a slow as possible. Snail/Turtle power will catch them in no time.]

"Alright, lets roll." John said.

The Runaway Sponge already has made it to the top of the news as they have already caused millions of dollars in damage. The worst part for citizens is that it only has been 3 and a half hours since it started and it looked liked this destruction was going to go on for the rest of the day.


[Jjs: Hurricane Runaway Sponge.]

"Alright Patrick." Spongebob was looking at the next stop on the map," Were going to the Krusty Krab!"

"What kind of entrance are we going to make boss?" Patrick said as they were approaching the street.

"I say, we crash right on through" Spongebob told his assistant.


[Jjs: And this would have been a good time for SpongeBob to remember he used to work at the Krusty Krab. No? Oh well, I'll try a SpongeBob in another show that's in-character. I know this is a different continuity, but there's no reasons whatsoever for SpongeBob's bad behavior. And what do Sandy, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, etc think of his actions? Was SpongeBob bribed by the dark side with Krabby Patties?]


"But dont you know that we will destoy our boat and all of the stuff that we stole today?" Patrick asked Spongebob as they were approaching the Krusty Krab.

"Remember buddy, we can always steal more stuff" Spongebob was telling Patrick.


[Jjs: So basically, they will lose all the stuff they worked over 3 and a half hours stealing, but don't care because they can steal more? That's like building a giant house of cards for over 5 hours, knocking it down for no reason, and then building another.]

"Well here we go!" Spongebob said as they crashed right through the front of the Krusty Krab and came out of the other side. Surprisingly their boat was still chugging along. 5 minutes later though two bad things happened not in favor of the Runaway Sponge.

[Wumbo: Well, for one, I’m pretty sure they forgot to actually steal anything.]

[Jjs: They did steal something Wumbo. They stole the original of this episode, because it's now going to turn into another tedious car chase plot.]


Spongebob could now see John and Bobby Liken in a police car that was starting to catch up to where the were.

"Patrick step on the gas, we need some speed from this car to save our life!" Spongebob told Patrick as he was about to go into panic mode.


[Jjs: "Our life"? SpongeBob and Patrick are one person now?]

"I cannot do that! The car is dying!" Patrick said as he was shouting with pain.


[Jjs: RIP Car.]


Patrick was staring at the speedometer as it was plummiting to a low speed of 15 miles an hour.


[Jjs: Did you mean: plummeting]


"What are we going to do? I didn't even bring a gun with me today!

[Wumbo: You mean characters that we haven’t had time to get attached to won’t be getting killed? THE HORROR!]


Well all we can do now is run for your life Patrick and hope we can get lucky enough again and escape!" Spongebob said as he hopped out of the car and started sprinting away. Meanwhile Patrick was stuck as his foot was stuck underneath the door of the boat.


"Spongebob! Help! I...I can't move myself!" Patrick said panicking," I'm going to end up in jail.


[Jjs: Well now that's just rude. Some friend SpongeBob is. Are we sure this is the same SpongeBob we're all familiar with?]



[Jjs: "MY NAME'S...NOT...RICK!!!"]


looked for anyway to get his foot unwedged out of the door other then chopping his own foot off. Unlickly for Patrick he never found any sort of possibility.


[Jjs: Did you mean: unluckily]

Suddenly sirens were now really close and loud by Patrick. They came up to their boat and handcuffed Patrick.


[Jjs: Well that was anticlimactic.]

"Get in the car! I do not want to hear a peep out of you!" Bobby Liken was telling Patrick.


[Jjs: And if you utter one word, I'll whoop your ass!]

"Now, it would be great if we knew where the Runaway Sponge is." John said chuckling.


[Jjs: Haha, that's not funny, you sick fuck.]

One of the other police officers noticed a strange figure in the distance.


[Jjs: "I see a little silhouette of a man."]

"Wait, I think that is the Runaway Sponge! Shoot him now before its to late John!" Bobby said as he was shoving Patrick in the cop car.


[Jjs: You think it's him? Kind of a 50/50 shot here, isn't it? What if it is not him? Maybe you'll shoot another new character who gets built up just to be killed off. At least you'd do the job for Runaway Sponge, since he hasn't done it in this episode yet.]

John took out his gun as fast as possible and took a long range shot at the Runaway Sponge. The dark figure suddenly stopped, and fell down way in the distance. It looked as if they had killed the famous Runaway Sponge.


[Jjs: ..Never mind then, RIP Runaway Sponge.]


"No! Spongebob! Don't die, Spongebob please!" Patrick was yelling in the poliplease as he felt horrified that his friend might be dead.

[Wumbo: These kids today and there newfangled words like “poliplease”.]


"Hey! I do not care what happens to you, even if your friend in crime dies, and I want you to keep your mouth shut." Bobby Liken said as he was screaming at Patrick.


[Wumbo: You don’t care what happens to him? I’d take care that his pink ass gets hauled to jail. Or maybe you could kill him instead of cryogenically freezing him under Goo Lagoon for no conceivable reason.]


"I think we got him boys." John said as he headed for the Runaway Sponge.


[Jjs: Well no shit, it was already established he fell to the ground dead, and Patrick is crying. What else is there to prove it?]

"This could be the greatest news of the year, the Runaway Sponge's death!" Bobby said.


[Jjs: I don't think that could beat the news of Ylvis's hit song, but whatever floats your boat.]

Is the runaway sponge really dead? Will Patrick escape from the chains of jail?Will Bikini Bottom recover from all of the damage that was caused? Find out in part two Called jail Break.


[Jjs: All these questions and more...will never be answered.]

-To Be Continued-

[Wumbo: Haha nope]

Written by spongebobs1fan

Stay tuned for part two called prison break coming tonight! 

[Wumbo: No matter what it was called, we would never be able to see it.]

[Jjs: Well, that's all for The Runaway Sponge. Honestly, the riffs really sum up this show. It's just so bizarre and disjointed...that's it is actually kind of entertaining. Call me crazy, but I think the show is worth rereading. As bad as it is, it can be really dumbly entertaining. That's all for now, and have a happy holidays everyone.]

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And Then There Were Less 3


1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech


3. The Madness Continues


Chapter 3: The Madness Continues


[Wumbo: Finally, an appropriate title.]

[JCM: Chapter 4 will be Return of the Madness, and Chapter 5 will be Rise of the Planet of the Madness.]

We pick off where the previous chapter ended, with UC dying.


[Wumbo: Meanwhile, allow me to pick off your questionable idiom mangling.]


Jjs: Who killed UC?
[Jjs: Just going to stop my fictional self right here: I have to say, I'm getting tired of these freakin' abbreviations right off the bat. It plagued SOF's Summarizing Corner and it looks like it is plaguing this as well. We can't all assume UC stands for UnlimitedCha. It could also stand for UnlimitedCocks or Uranus Central, who knows?]
[steel: Now that I'm back for more, Cha being the first to die is what I didn't see coming, but I could think of anybody else rather than wasting a new character.]

Tvguy: I’m guessing one of the SBMers killed her.
[Jjs: I thought "SBMers" was one person.]
[steel: *sarcasm* Because the SBM feud is still headstrong right now.]

Abney: What? We didn’t kill her, and you shouldn't suspect us like that!
[Jjs: So yeah, SBMers is still one person.]

[Wumbo: Looks like we have a mass murder on our hands. Anything to kill off this horribad reboot.]

Termi: He’s right, tvguy, let's not jump to conclusions.


SOF: Right...now what do we do?!


[JCM: Cocaine?]

Clappy: Let's investigate to see what caused her death.
[Jjs: Call the Scooby-Doo gang for help. Seriously. You'll need it.]
[steel: Wow, these characters' lines are getting really boring...]

Everyone headed to the lobby room to investigate.

Jjs: Hm...I don't see anything suspicious.

Steel Sponge: Nope, nothing here.
[Jjs: Eh, oh well. I guess we can go home now....]
[steel: For a thriller, I've already pointed out how less "thrilling" these characters sound, so I'm just going to make this joke:


Teenj: Hey guys, look at this.. *points to gun on the floor*
[Jjs: ....or we get a plot device gun out of nowhere to keep the story going.]

[JCM: Funny how neither jjs nor Steel Sponge saw a freaking gun on the floor during their investigations.]

Termi: What the hell…?
[steel: Avril Lavigne approved.]
[Jjs: Yeah, pretty much.]

Phil: Who left a gun on the floor?

[Jjs: I don’t know, maybe the killer dropped it.]
[steel: Yeah, what an idiot.]
Jjs: I don’t know, maybe the killer dropped it.
[Jjs: Hey boring me, you stole my line. But seriously, if you guys supposedly know a killer is out there....then yeah, no shit, it's pretty obvious it was the killer, thus making this conversation...REDUNDANT!]
[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

hilaryfan80: Hold a second...what's that?


[JCM: You want me to hold a second? That's a pretty tall order.]

Everyone then saw UC's SBC News microphone laying on the ground.

[Jjs: Sorry Wumbo, but I gotta re-use this: "Okay Chandler, it's something you find in a hotel after a murder! A gun! A microphone! Another item that comes out of nowhere and distracts everyone!"]


Steel: What the heck? Why did she drop it?
[steel: Ask the person who allegedly dropped the gun, my dear fictional self.]

[Wumbo: Because even in the afterlife, fictional UC can't get her shit together. Or, BEITA, FUCCGHST, in keeping with the writing style.]

Termi: I think I know, UC went to get something, and then when she came back, she was apparently killed.


​[Wumbo: What a twee- I can't even finish that. Is there an element of this that is not going to be predictable?]

[JCM: "Apparently" killed? Did the gun shoot her on its own?]


The killer must have shot her in the hand because they feared she was going to hit them with the mic, and then shot her in the chest to finish her off.
[Jjs: Well for one, I'm pretty sure the killer shoots for the heart first.]

[Wumbo: I don't know jjs. I wouldn't want to suffer a mic-bludgeoning, so I'd go right for the hand.]

Clappy: Well, I looked at a security camera, and there was a recording at the time of UC's murder...but apparently the footage is missing...strange.
[Jjs: We have a lead...and then we don't.]
[steel: Okay, um...If the footage was missing, then how did you know it was recorded on the security camera? It's like saying, "Hey, you know that traffic cam I looked through earlier? There was a recording of Bigfoot, but I don't have it because....it's just gone. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's." Heck, I could have sworn you haven't said anything about looking at a security camera...]

[Wumbo: In other discoveries, Clappy found fingerprints that had been wiped off.]

SOF: So who could be the killer?


[JCM: It was the butler. Show's over, folks! Thank you for reading ATTWL 3!]

Clappy: I don’t know, I guess one of us has to be the killer.
[Jjs: Well you're taking that revelation...pretty well?]
[steel: Are we going to be seeing this question all the time?]

Tvguy: Anyone could be the killer.. *looks around the room*
[Jjs: Even Squidward's House...]
[steel: Even the microphone could be the killer. But nobody would believe me...]


Termi: Yeah, we better be careful. Don’t just leave anyone behind. We should split up to look for more clues in each group.


[JCM: Because a mansion in Las Vegas that serves only pizza would just be too immense to search as one big cluster.]

CD: Good idea.

Jelly: I like the idea, termi.
[Jjs: While there's not much to pick on here other than the bland dialogue, I have to say...why does Termi seem to be getting most of the intellectual and exposition dialogue? He's basically the leader and knows all. At this point it should be renamed to "And Then There Were Less 3: Terminoob Knows All".]

Abney: We could split up, SBM go that way and SBCers go that way.
[steel: "Let's split up, gang!"]

Termi: You do have a point there. Let’s split up, guys.
[Jjs: You already suggested the idea of splitting up before, thus making this statement...REDUNDANT! Seriously, what did this add to the story at all?]
[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]
[steel: They might as well put him under arrest in the Redundancy of Redundancy Department inside the cushioned Redundancy Cell of Redundancy if they're going to keep having problems with each other.]

[Wumbo: Actually, it's a good enough idea to repeat again. Let's split up. Split up this lit into tiny, atom-sized pieces. Then let's do some atom smashing. The carnage will be worth it.]
Everyone has split into two groups as we see SBM’s group in the next scene.

Mothra: Damn it, what are we looking for?
[Jjs: Exposition. Story. Consistency. All that good stuff.]

[JCM: It's not like Termi just said that you were looking for clues.]


Ssj: Clues, what do you expect?
[steel: I'll wring out my handy dandy. Notebook! If you find anything.]

[Jjs: Wow, I was expecting them to be looking for the Holy Grail to be honest.]

Mothra: It would be stupid if we found nothing in our searches.
[Jjs: I'm starting to wonder if SOF is just giving nonsensical dialogue to anybody just to fit in a name.]
[steel: Let's do this again...


JCM: Not really, we just keep walking and I’m sure we'll find something.


[JCM: Why am I with the SBM group? My name should at least be Nosferatu if that's the case.]

DMAP: Look at this... *picks up something* Someone dropped this. *shows a note to them* It appears someone is hunting us down.
[Jjs: Great, now this has turned into The Hunger Games. And wow, this person just loves dropping exposition, don't they?]
[steel: DMAP found a note! DMAP put the note in her random obligatory crime objects pocket.]

[Wumbo: Look at this! Somebody knew that we were going to come across this spot while aimlessly walking and looking for clues, and left us this note! How story-developingly convenient!]

Bugs Bunny: What do you mean?

[Jjs: When did the famous Looney Tunes character join this? And where did he even come from on that note? Did he dig a rabbit hole to the mansion?]
[steel: Should he be elsewhere, like torturing a certain angry gamer?]

[Wumbo: Unbelievable. One of the biggest personalities in cartoon history, and he's still white bread boring here.]

DMAP: It only says the word "Revenge"..
[steel: Oh goodie, one of my near or practically one of my least favorite cliches...]

[Wumbo: Lot of assuming going on here... for starters, how do they even know that the note is for them? In fact, I think I dropped a "revenge" note on the way home from buying groceries... if you could pass that on to the guy in the express line with double the item limit, that'd be super.]

[JCM: Who is this, a fan of ABC's primetime soap opera, "Revenge"? Don't ask me how I know about that.]

Ssj: What the? Let me see that.. *grabs the paper* Why would the killer want revenge? We don't have any enemies...do we?

DirtyDan: Not really, except for SBC, but we ended the war.
[Jjs: "But many lives were lost..."]

[Wumbo: I'm having flashbacks of 'Corner.]

Spongedude: Yeah, I don't think it was them either, but I believe someone would want revenge for whatever reasons.


[Wumbo: Thanks for that insight, Captain I Speak To Hear Myself Talk.]

[JCM: "I believe someone would want revenge for whatever reasons." Most generic phrase of the year!]

Stinkoman: I guess so.

Just then, someone kidnapped hasfarr, and we heard him cry for help.

[steel: An exciting scene? Oh finally!] 
[Jjs: We finally get exposition after boring dialogue that went nowhere. Are these SBMers so uncaring and bland that they can't even keep themselves in a group?]

Hasfarr: HELP!


[JCM: When the previous line said that we heard him cry for help, I just assumed that he said something else.]

Mothra: FUCK, the killer is here!
[Jjs: No shit? Seriously, all these captain obvious moments are about to dethrone Critic!SOF as King of Captain Obviouses.]

[JCM: Obviously, Hasfarr was screaming "HELP!" because he got his foot stuck in the door.]

DMAP: After him!
[Jjs: What if it's a girl?]
[steel: Furthermore, what if the killer has no specific gender at all, like the microphone?]

[Wumbo: Further furthermore, does anyone actually know where the killer is?]


The SBMers chased after a shadow and ended up in the dining room.
[Jjs: I knew it, the shadow was the killer!]
[steel: Dang it, Johnny 13!]

[Wumbo: Who knows what sloppy writing lurks inside the hearts of men? THE SHADOW KNOWS!]

RedSoxFan: Where’d he go?

Ssj looked around and saw something.


[JCM: Something! What a twist!]

Ssj: Uh guys, you better take a look at this.


[JCM: It's a something!]

SBMers gathered around as they saw hasfarr laying dead on the floor in a pool of blood.

JCM: Is he dead?
[Jjs: ...Is he dead? Is he dead? I...but...Well, yes. Yes he is, JCM. He has passed on. This person is no more. He has ceased to be. He has expired and gone to meet his maker. He’s a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace! If he didn’t shoot himself, he’d be pushing up daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He’s off the twig! He’s kicked the bucket! He’s shuffled off the mortal coil! Run down the curtain and joined the friggin’ choir invisible! THIS... IS AN EX... PERSON!!!! Seriously, this was so redundant it's worth at least over 100 Redundancy Departments!]
[steel: Well, I'd better replace it, then.]

[JCM: Are you sure he's dead, Jjs? I mean, the pool of blood around him just wasn't convincing enough.]

Jibbix: Let me check.




*checks his pulse* Yeah, he’s dead.
[Jjs: Well you're taking it pretty well.]

[JCM: Jibbix is apparently a doctor, too.]

Abney: Shit...and now the rest of us are pray in the killer's hands..
[Jjs: So basically we re-used the same cliffhanger death ending twice in a row. Next.]
[steel: The rest of you are pray? Well, no durr Sherlock Holmes.]

[Wumbo: Praying for a less painful episode to come over here.]

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