Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

[Sweat]

Oh my god, SOF's last line hurt. I can only imagine how painful the last chapter will be.

[TJ]

The lengthiness was worth it. Excellent riff, guys.

[Metal Snake]

Amazing riffs guys. XD

[Jjs Goodman]

The end has come.

 

And Then There Were Less 3

 

1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech

3. The Madness Continues

4. Admins of the Dead

5. Escape to Las Vegas

6. Splitting Up Can Be a Bad Thing

7. Forest Dangers

8. Old Man to the Rescue

9. Interrogation: SBC Style

10. The Evil Truth

11. Chasing Death

12. Final ATTWL Battle (Part 1)

 

13. Final ATTWL Battle (Part 2)

 

Spoiler

Chapter 13 - Final ATTWL Battle (Part 2)

 

[Jjs: So yeah, is this still a battle? Because so far, it's just been six dumbasses running around a mansion.]

[Clappy: To be fair, now it's four dumbasses.]

[Wumbo: Well, it’s the final episode. And to provide some extra commentary for those moments I’m driven insane, as promised, here’s my good friend, Jesus Christ!]

[Jesus: This better be good, I missed a foot bath for this.]

[JCM: Lucky episode 13! Let’s do this! USA! USA! And for Wumbo, Canada! Canada!]

 

The episode picks off 

 

[Wumbo: Stop that.]

 

from the previous one, and 70s are CD are ready to finish off Steel and SOF.

 

[Metal Snake: Who would’ve thought?]

[Trophy: "70s are CD are ready to finish off". That's it, JCM, I think SOF needs to stay behind in English.]

[Clappy: By finishing off, you mean talk their ears off, then yeah. Finish them off.]

[Wumbo: Yeah, go nuts. Your superfluous dialogue has already finished us off, may as well finish off the people in the lit too.]

[Jesus: It hath been said that thou shalt not kill, but I’d be willing to make an exception here.]

 

Steel: Well, here it comes. Of course, I will still never get why am I always the longest surviving victim, but I guess that is Clappy and SOF's choices there.

 

[Jjs: I swear to God. Break the 4th wall ONE MORE TIME in this story, and I am going to flip shit.]

[Jesus: Swearing thy name in vein is not welcome, but thou is making another exception here.]

[Metal Snake: Someone’s ready to meet their maker.] 

[Clappy: Oh for god's sake. You know it's bad when they rehash the same fourth wall joke all over again.]

[Wumbo: The worst part is that there’s no joke. It’s just “these are the authors of this series, ha ha ha *grins awkwardly at camera and winks*"]

 

SOF: Steel, stop breaking the 4th wall. 

 

[Metal Snake: ...And now SOF is self-aware that the self-awareness in this story is getting annoying so he made his self-insert self-aware to say something to stop the self-awareness. 

 

…

 

 ]

[Jjs: This just in: My brain is fried.]

[Trophy: The moral of this story is: Don't break the 4th wall when you are about to die, because it will fry Jjs's brain, and now mine.]

[Clappy: No SOF. YOU stop breaking the fourth wall. If you can't do it right, then JUST DON'T DO IT ALL!]

[JCM: The fourth wall has been broken so much in this lit now that it's more like a three-and-one-fourths wall.]

 

But srsly, bye SBC..*cries*

 

[JCM: That’s the spirit!]

[Jjs: Uhh... maybe I'm taking this too seriously, but I am pretty sure people in real life would never say "srsly", "lol", or "soz". It's as if SOF was texting the chapters.]

[Clappy: SOF, stop crying. We should be the ones crying.]

[Wumbo: How would you even pronounce “srsly”? That takes some skill.]

 

Steel then realized he had an idea.

 

[Metal Snake: He realized he had an idea?! What, did he think he had a thought next?] 

[Wumbo: If he did, that’s two more thoughts than what went into this.]

[JCM: He thought it was a brain aneurysm at first, but then he realized it was an idea!]

 

Steel: Hey look over there, I see Stephen Hillenburg!

 

[Metal Snake: Good grapes in gravy, Back to the Future II did this cliche trick better and even there it was cheesy. But here, it doesn’t even make sense. 70s and CD must REALLY not be into this whole killing business if seeing Stephen Hillenburg is more important to them than the matter at hand.]

[Jesus: As if Stephen Hillenburg is a Messiah. Well, maybe I’m not the best person to judge.]

 

70s: Where?

 

[Jjs: Worst villains ever? Yes. WORST. VILLAINS. EVER! What the hell is wrong with these guys? Why the hell would Stephen Hillenburg be in a mansion in Las Vegas? Why do they care so much, and it causes them to not shoot SOF and Steel? Ugh, the cliches.]

[Clappy: Plus, like either of these two actually give a shit if Stephen Hillenburg was in this building. Maybe CD would, but I highly doubt 70s of all people would say "where". Maybe if you said Chord Overstreet or any of those other dumbasses from Glee, he would have been excited. Hell, you could have said Oodelay and distracted CD. THIS is painfully bad in a series of painfully bad sequences.]

 

CD and 70s turned around to see nobody there.

 

 [Trophy:  ]

[Jjs: What a surprise, I totally thought Stephen Hillenburg would take the time to make a guest cameo in this.]

[Jesus: If I can take the time to make a guest cameo in a riffing, what’s the Hillenburg guy’s excuse?]

 

CD: I don’t see anything...HEY, where did they go?!

 

[Metal Snake: Duh, why didn’t they wait for us to finish turning back around? I get the feeling that they don’t want us to kill them.]

[Wumbo: Right now I’m just picturing 70s and CDCB scrutinizing the area behind them, looking for any trace of The One They Call Hillenburg, for a good five minutes. Given the intelligence of everyone in this lit, I’m surprised that was enough time for our bumbling “heroes” to escape.]

[JCM: They used magic to disappear! If you believe Stephen Hillenberg can show up out of nowhere, I’m sure you can believe that.]

 

CDCB and 70s began to chase after Steel and SOF.

 

[Wumbo: But you don’t even know where they are… oh, never mind.]

[Jjs: Hooray for another Scooby-Doo door chase scene. A good quarter of this "epic battle" has just been chasing, bad one-liners, failed attempts at shooting, and obliterating the 4th wall for more unfunny jokes. You know what, this is a battle. This is a battle of the riffers against this anti-climatic showdown. Well played, SOF. I accept the challenge, because I have a hell lot to say.]

[Clappy: ATTWL: The Final Chase Scene wouldn't even be considered a good title for this finale. Because there are too many chase scenes to consider this the final one. Damn you.]

[JCM: If this was a battle of the wits, both sides would be failing miserably. Let’s just call it ATTWL: The Final Assault on the Senses.]

 

Steel and SOF were running around the mansion.

 

[Wumbo: This should be the only line in this chapter.]

[Trophy: What Wumbo said, but also add "Awkward 4th Wall Gag", and you've got this episode in a nutshell.]

[Clappy: You mean they weren't running around the mansion before? Because I'm pretty sure you have to run to chase someone SOF.]

[Jjs: PLOT HOLE POLICE! Why don't they get out and go to the police?! Seriously, I'm not forgiving this anymore. I hate to repeat myself, but this is seriously the laziest writing ever. What, is the front door locked?]

 

Steel: Well this is working better than I expected, but how do we get out of here?

 

[Clappy: Congrats Steel on thinking that this idea is working better than expected. Because in the real world, if two killers with guns were chasing you, they would actually shoot you while chasing you.]

[Metal Snake: Running around the mansion is working better than you expected? What were you hoping for initially? To end up walking fast?] 

[Jjs: WAIT! STOP! I REALIZED A MASSIVE FLAW...

 

Steel was outside in the so-called "golf course"...AND YET HE NEVER GOES TO ANYBODY ELSE FOR HELP?! WHY DON'T SOF AND STEEL GO BACK OUTSIDE INTO THE GOLF COURSE THEN AND ESCAPE?! GAH.]

[Jesus: Seriously, do you need a star to guide your way out? Because I could send one.]

 

SOF: Uh, there's a door ahead of us, duh. 

 

[Clappy: How convenient. STOP WITH THESE FUCKING CONVENIENCES DAMMIT.]

[JCM: Duh! Anyone can see that door that hasn’t ever been mentioned before!]

 

Steel: Indeed there is. *tries to open it* Damnit, it is locked.

 

[Jjs: Wow, just wow. I wrote my riff a few lines above without even seeing this. Jesus Christ, can this lit get anymore predictable?]

[Jesus: Alas, it seems so.]

[Metal Snake: Thank you writer’s convenience #28. Seriously, why do we NEVER get an explanation for all these out-of-nowhere inconveniences for our protagonists?!] 

[Wumbo: It’s only fair that for every out-of-nowhere convenience, there is an out-of-nowhere inconvenience. I don’t know what the score is right now, but I’m expecting a lot more of each.]

 

SOF: Wait, the mansion has a 2nd floor, so maybe we could escape up there.

 

[Metal Snake: The MANSION...has a 2nd floor?! MIND. EQUALS. BLOWN.] 

[Jjs: I wouldn't be surprised if this was the second floor:

  ]

[Clappy:  ...AND JUST NOW YOU REALIZED THE MANSION HAS A SECOND FLOOR?!!!?!??!?!!  WAS ALL OF THAT SHIT BEFORE ALL ON THE FIRST FLOOR?!?!?!!!? HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS LITERATURE REALLY PISSES ME OFF. ALL I ASK FOR IS CLARITY YET YOU CONSTANTLY PUSH ME WITH HOW MUCH SHIT YOU MANAGE TO MAKE UP ON THE FLY. THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID.]

[Wumbo: “derp let’s jump out the second floor window oh wait it’s locked oh dopey me lets run around some more”]

[Jesus: These two souls are more lost than Pontius Pilate. For the love of Me.]

 

Steel: Good thinking.

 

[JCM: Bad thinking! Unthink that right now!]

[Trophy: Steel, it's not too late to sacrifice SOF and escape on your own!]

 

They went upstairs to find a way out.

 

[Jjs: Oh, and just NOW they realize there are stairs to a second floor that nobody went up to before? What, was the second floor unaccessible until the final level of this lit? OH, ASS PULL POLICE!]

 

Steel: So far nothing yet..just the same as floor one.

 

[Clappy: So you mean to tell me the second floor also has a theater, a golf course, many convenient doors, a dining hall, a kitchen, and all of the other unbelievably stupid shit that was on the first floor?]

[Metal Snake: Well what the hell were you expecting? A giant door with an EXIT sign? Your best bet at this point would be to jump out a window, sheesh.] 

 

They went further down the empty hall to find a door.

 

[Metal Snake: A door...A. DOOR. ...What mansion has only ONE door on the second floor and no windows?!]

[Jjs: Easy Metal Snake, a mansion that has a golf course, out of nowhere second floor, and a dining room that only has pizza and chocolate bars...you know, just like this one. Except the only mansion in the whole universe that would be like that is in SOF's world.]

[Wumbo: Knock knock, whoops, no one’s home. *cues Yakety Sax*]

 

SOF: wat? That's it?

 

[JCM: It’s a very nice door.]

[Trophy: Well, you wrote the story, so obviously not. No seriously, what is the point of this "suspense"? The suspense in this lit is about as exciting as watching paint dry.]

 

70s: There they are! *fires at SOF and Steel, but they dodged, although Steel got a slight hit on his elbow*

 

[Clappy: A slight hit?!?! Holy fucking shit. Does SOF even know what a bullet is and how much damage it can cause to the nerves?!]

[Metal Snake: If he was hit, he didn’t dodge it…these fuckin’ descriptions…]

[Jjs: Are CD and 70s even actually shooting anything at them? They keep dodging their bullets so easily that I must wonder.]

[Wumbo: Either bullets are a lot less deadly than I thought or Nerf guns are a lot more deadly than I thought.]

[Trophy: SOF AND STEEL USED DODGE! It wasn't very effective for Steel...]

 

Steel: God dangit, that hurt!

 

[Jesus: Yeah, okay. Take my name in vain, when you should be grateful you’re not writhing on the floor, you ungrateful twat.]

[Metal Snake: God dangit Bobby, you shot me in the elbow!]

[JCM: And this, kids, is why you should always wear elbow protectors when running from killers.]

 

Steel opens the door as it reveals a set of stairs to the rooftop.

 

[Metal Snake: The castles in Castlevania have less WTF architecture than this mansion.]

[Jjs: A mansion has a random door behind it on the second floor, one door only, that has stairs behind it to lead...to the roof?! Who even designed this mansion? They would get a serious scolding from House Hunters, that's for sure.]

[Clappy: You know, with all the random conveniences of this mansion, I'm surprised it hasn't collapsed yet due to stupidity.]

 

Steel: Really? A random door just has stairs behind it?

 

[JCM: They’re very nice stairs.]

[Clappy: See? Even our protagonists question how unbelievably stupid the building designs are.]

[Wumbo: That’s a technique we writers like to call “a cop-out in alternative to well-thought-through writing”.]

 

SOF: No time to nitpick, run!

 

[Trophy: Oh, but we have plenty of time to nitpick it, pal. SOF puts all these strange occurrences in this lit and acknowledges they make no sense...oh forget it, I'm about to get more headaches if I think about it further.]

[Metal Snake: This story probably would’ve been a lot better if Past SOF had ditched this attitude long ago.] 

[Jjs: I am now totally convinced SOF stopped trying with this near the end and is intentionally trolling us.]

[Clappy: So many moments to nitpick with this quote, so little time. Next.]

 

Steel: Ugh fine, but I will get tired, to forewarn you.

 

[Jjs: "Even though we're about to die, I might forfeit and take a nap. Don't mind if I get shot, I gotta rest, dude. In fact, I think this mansion has a beautiful bedroom."]

[Wumbo: It’s okay Steel, You’ll sleep when you’re dead. From a gunshot. Maybe. The track record suggests about 49 to 1 odds you’ll actually die from a bullet.]

[Jesus: Hah! You’ll get tired? Try carrying a cross up a steep hill to your death.]

 

CD and 70s began to fire at some of the steps,

 

[Metal Snake: Why are they firing at the steps when there’s nothing preventing them from firing at their victims?!] 

[Jjs: The steps know too much.]

[Wumbo: Step one. Step two. No, the killers aren’t planning anything out. They’re just counting the steps as they shoot them.]

[Jesus: Steel and SOF could have been crucified by now.]

[JCM: Killing me is one thing. Killing most of SBC is another. But how dare you kill those innocent steps, you bastards!]

 

and some pieces fell down, and SOF and Steel made it to the rooftop of the mansion.

 

[Trophy: Hey "genius killers", here's a better idea: Why not shoot at the top of the steps?]

[Clappy: Oh my god, so many things wrong with this sequence that I'm not going to even bother riffing this. Continue.]

[Wumbo: Some pieces of WHAT?! The STEPS? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS WHAT THE HELL]

[Jesus: Looks like my lost little Canadian is starting to short-circuit. Well, this is why I was brought down… unfortunately. I’ll take it from here.]

 

Steel and SOF tried to sit on the trapdoor that was blocking the stairs, but CD and 70s were banging underneath. 

 

[Metal Snake: *chuckles* Okay, out of all the lifeless descriptions in this literature, here’s one that I actually find kinda funny. They’re trying to sit on a tiny door while two guys are banging on the wood under them...ha ha. It could just be my odd sense of humor, but this lit has some of those moments.]

[Jjs: They were having sexual affairs on Spongebobiscool's Trapdoor of Doom? Wherever he is, he won't be happy to hear its been sexually assaulted.]

[Jesus: Correct me if I’m wrong, and the omnipotence renders that impossible, but aren’t the purpose of trapdoors so that you can fall through? How does one sit on a trapdoor?]

 

They both got off when 70s fired his gun at the trapdoor, and it came shattering apart. 

 

[Metal Snake: Yeah, because his gun was so powerful back when he shot Steel in the hallway. Oh, Inconsistency Police!] 

[Jjs: I also highly doubt one single bullet can destroy an entire trapdoor. But then again, god powers.]

[Jesus: God powers? This is not my doing. This is just stupid. Horrendously stupid.]

[JCM: The disrespect these people have for woodwork is appalling.]

 

70s and CD had Steel and SOF cornered on the roof.

 

[Clappy: Wait, this roof has corners? This must be the most narrow roof I've ever pictured because roofs are not usually flat surfaced...ESPECIALLY ON MANSIONS!]

 

CD: Sorry guys, you were both admirable opponents, but this is the end..

 

[Trophy: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19TBzy81Mac ] 

[Metal Snake: Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP! There’s nothing “admirable” about this crap, it’s just plain killing over something completely stupid and senseless! If you want to be a good villain without a backstory to make us feel for you, at least ENJOY THE EVIL YOU’RE DOING! RRRGH!] 

[Jesus: You want admirable? Try the Pope. Of course, there’s the molestation controversy, but it’s preferable to this drivel.]

 

SOF: It's been nice knowing you, Steel Phineas. 

 

[JCM: It’s been terrible knowing both of you.]

[Trophy: Psst, it's still not too late to ditch him, Steel!]

 

Steel: Same here, looks like not even Superman can save us.

 

[Jesus: Superman? This lit has enough faults, let’s not make glossing over The Messiah one of them.]

[Clappy: You know, it's not too late to bring Superman into this story because this series has fucked logic too long ago.]

[Metal Snake: Not like any character in this lit even came close to being an actual hero.]

[Jjs: You know, why are they even so worried about dying when they established throughout this entire damn show that it is all fiction, as bad as those 4th wall breaks were? Oh, PLOT HOLE POLICE!]

[JCM: If Superman saving them means this lit ends sooner, I’m all for it.]

 

CD charged at Steel, but Steel gently pushed him aside and his gun went flying off the roof.

 

[Metal Snake: PFFT………….WHAT?! LOL...WUT?! Even Street Fighter would question the physical possibility of that! He CHARGED at him...Steel GENTLY PUSHED him...and his GUN flies out of his hand. That makes NO sense. What was Past SOF thinking?!] 

[Jjs: CD must really not give two shits about this whole revenge plot if his gun was that loose in his grip. Does CD have butter fingers?]

[Wumbo: Okay, I’m back… *reads previous line* …no, no I’m not. Take it away, Jesus!]

[Jesus: FOR THE LOVE OF ME WHAT IS THIS SHIT]

 

Steel: I'm no fighter, but it looks like I just disarmed his weapon.

 

[Clappy: In the most impossibly threatening way possible, but Metal Snake's quote has already pointed out how unbelievably stupid it was. Continue.]

[Wumbo: No, I am back. Time for my rant. You know what I hate most about this shit? It’s not the plot holes. It’s not the scenery mishaps. It’s not the idiotic deaths/death evasions. It’s not even the *wink wink, nudge nudge* painfully obvious 4^th wall breaks and cartoon references. No, it’s the “oh gosh golly gee whiz” attitude everyone seems to have in this lit. And Then There Were Less is not supposed to be like this. You could have Urkel, Barney Rubble and the entire Full House cast in this lit and it would be less cornball. And that’s what’s wrong. Nobody cares. Not the writer, not the characters, and ultimately not the readers. “Oh derp, I just disarmed his weapon. Well, that’s just jim-dandy.” What a travesty.]

[Jesus: Well said, my son. It looks like my time here is done. *ascends to heaven*]

[Wumbo: Thanks for sticking around as long as you could, My Lord. I know it’s not easy, but I figured you of all people could last through this. I guess Jesus does weep sometimes.]

[JCM: I’m no fighter… (puts on sunglasses) but it looks like I discharged your weapon. YEEEEEEEAAAHHH!]

 

CD then began to slip on a roof tile.

 

CD: Whoa...WAAAH! *he then trips and falls off the roof, and slams to the ground below, with blood coming out of his body*

 

[Trophy: Worst villain death ever! Seriously, neither of our "heroes" even did anything to stop him (other than getting gently shoved). What, did CD expect there to be a trampoline at the bottom of the mansion? Sorry bro, but that's one thing this mansion cannot have out of all the ridiculousness.]

[Metal Snake: Lame and ass pull-y as that death scene was, thank you goddess of magic, no more of one of the lamest villains in an SBC lit ever! DING DONG, uninteresting fake CD is gone! Now if uninteresting fake 70s can just die...] 

[Jjs: Wait, blood came out of his body? No way man, I thought candy would have come out of it.]

[Clappy: I'm pretty sure if CD fell off a roof, more than just blood would come out of his body.]

 

Steel: Uh..I didn't mean to do that.

 

[Wumbo: Did I do that? Seriously, fucking Urkel.]

[Clappy: I didn't mean to kill a villain. I just wanted to save my life. Fuck you fake Steel.]

[Metal Snake: You didn’t mean to make him pathetic enough to do himself in?] 

 

70s: You bastard, I'll finish you off myself. *shoots Steel in the chest*

 

[Jjs: FINALLY. Never, and I mean, NEVER, go gun shooting with me at the range.]

[Wumbo: I seriously read that as *shoots self in the chest*. Worse than that, I believed it.]

[JCM: He’s a bastard for gently nudging somebody who’s too frail to balance himself on a roof tile. Fair enough.]

 

Steel: W-well, this is the e-end...and an anticlimatic one!

 

[Trophy: Well after throwing in so many useless self-inserts on why Steel is still alive, he finally got his wish. OH AND WHY IS SOF STILL ALIVE?!]

[Clappy: Well at least Steel's death has been handled decently....]

[Jjs: At least Steel was also honest about how anti-climatic this is.]

 

*falls off the roof and lands on top of CD's body*

 

[Clappy: ....oh now you are just toying with me final chapter. How fucking impossibly convenient. Physics clearly don't matter here.]

[Metal Snake: ...There’s no part that says that Steel died...ALTERNATE ENDING POSSIBILITY!]

[Jjs: Wow, I guess the laws of physics in this lit sure want a clean body count.]

[Wumbo: A little homo-erotic necrophilia. Hey, I dig. It’s something, at least.]

 

SOF: Oh crap, I'm all alone now..*sighs*

 

[Jjs: SOF...I think it's usually a basic idea whenever you write a survival/murder mystery, you DON'T MAKE YOURSELF THE LAST SURVIVOR (or winner if it is some survivor show). There's no rule against it per-say, but as Trophy said before, even Clappy found ways to kill himself off in the past two. Another good example is Underwater Survivor, Steel doesn't have himself win, because it'd be too biased. Honestly guys, at what point in the story did SOF suddenly declare himself the protagonist? It came out of nowhere. If there was at least some build-up to it beforehand, I would have been more okay with it (though it would still have been biased either way), but all SOF did was churn out unfunny one-liners as a character.]

[Clappy: SOF, I found ways to kill myself off because I found it best for the story. You could have made yourself the sole survivor if you found a way to keep yourself interesting, but no. You made yourself possibly one of the most frustratingly bad characters I've read in quite some time. I don't know who I found more annoying in this lit. Your character or our two killers here. Because our two killers are possibly the worst villains I've ever read in anything ever. Meanwhile, your character was egotistical, obnoxious, and a screen-time whore. I wouldn't have minded you being a screen-time whore if you didn't come with such incredibad dialogue to give yourself. It would have made more sense if Hawaiian Texan OMJ was the last standing victim because of his inclusion into the story so late. Terminoob would have made more sense because he was the "brains" behind all of the analysis. Hell, even Teenj would have made a better standing last victim and all you made him do was agree with everyone. Your character lasted so long because you forced him down our throats so much in so many bad ways. You should have killed your character back in Chapter 5 when he was getting a drink. That would have been the perfect way for him to die. You lasted way too long past your expiration date and now this comes off as you being the author so you have to live the longest, because you don't want yourself to die before anyone else.]

 

70s: You're the last man standing. Funny, I never expected you all of all people to make it this far, 

 

[Wumbo: HAR HAR WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE… well, I didn’t say the stupid 4^th wall shit didn’t annoy me at all.]

[JCM: “You all” of all people? I’m pretty sure SOF is the only “you all” here.]

 

but I guess the weaker ones are more challenging.

 

[Wumbo: “That’s why this one’s going to hurt the most.”]

[Metal Snake: I guess the more irrational things make more sense.] 

 

SOF: wat? You know what, fuck this. I've had ENOUGH! *SOF charges at 70s and punches him in the face*

 

[Metal Snake: Woah, SOF just went Arnold Schwarzenegger on his ass! 

 

“Fuck you, That 70s Show!”] 

[Jjs: I can't riff this. This is gold.]

[Clappy: I think this has to be the Tommy Wiseau-iest thing SOF said this whole lit and that was one of so many moments.]

[Wumbo: Oh my God, I’m not even mad. That was glorious.]

 

70s: *wipes blood from noise* 

 

[Metal Snake: Wow, sounds can bleed. I guess that adds a greater depth to the saying “This music makes my ears bleed.”]

[Wumbo: This lit makes my eyes bleed. Does that count for anything?]

[JCM: Sure! What is this lit if not a noisy mess?]

 

Not bad..but take this!

 

[Trophy: OOH, A PRESENT! Is it a chocolate bar?]

 

70s then grabs SOF and punches him off the roof, and SOF falls to the ground, out cold.

 

[Metal Snake: Seeing how ridiculous this lit has gotten, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got up and laughed as stars spun around his head.] 

[Jjs: Considering this is cartoon, you're probably right Metal Snake. Also, did SOF land perfectly on top of Steel and CDCB's bodies as well?]

[Clappy: Man that must have been a Falcon Punch from Smash Bros because that's the only way I can picture a punch knocking someone off a roof.]

[Wumbo: If only this lit had more punch.]

[Trophy: He punched him...OFF THE ROOF?!! I would get mad and question how this is possible, but at least fictional SOF can finally die! HALLELUJAH!]

 

SOF managed to slightly get up though, with blood coming out of his nose. He saw CDCB's gun that fell, and he grabbed it. SOF aimed at the roof where 70s was, but...he dropped the gun, and coughed up blood, as he lay on the ground, dead.

 

[Trophy: DING DONG YES! AWFUL FICTIONAL SOF IS DEAD! I didn't want the killers to win, yes, but it's a lot better than one of the most annoying characters I've ever seen in a fanfic winning.]

[Metal Snake: ...And...that’s it?] 

[Jjs: wut]

[Clappy: Are you fucking kidding me?]

[JCM: Well done, sir. Well done.]

 

SOF *finishing writing the chapter*: Well there you have it folks, that's our story, SOF's dead. Good night!

 

[Trophy: ....What....]

[Jjs: American Dad! called, SOF. Cee Lo Green wants his joke back.]

[Metal Snake: ...THAT’S IT?!] 

[Clappy: And what better way to end this by giving SOF the last line of dialogue because SOF hasn't given himself enough dialogue as it is. Oh and 70s is still alive killing all the people of Las Vegas until he gets his adminship back.]

 

Note: plz don't take the ending too seriously 

 

[JCM: Well, since you said plz.]

[Trophy: THAT'S IT?! SOF DIED DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY!? I...I'm done, the rest can take it from here. *goes off to nuke Las Vegas, Canada*]

[Metal Snake: ...THAT’S THE ENDING?! I’M DEAD, DON’T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY?! 

 

I know it’s a joke, but this...this is what this ending felt like to me...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DKktpamPCU

 

ONLY WORSE. Overall...this story just does not do the first two And Then There Were Less literatures justice. While it can be stupidly amusing at some points, the mediocre writing, plot holes, colorless dialogue, senseless characters, and uninspiringly offbeat humor prevent it from shining anywhere near as brilliantly as the first two. It’s not aged well at all, and the more I read it today, the more I find wrong with it that I overlooked in the past. Sorry SOF, but this story just didn’t do it. So long for now.] 

[Jjs: Yeah....wow, just wow. I'm sorry SOF...but I think there might be legit reasons to find this worse than Critic Corner. While Critic Corner wasn't very good itself, the biggest crime it only really committed was being boring and just summarizing other shows. Here, this was supposed to be a continuation to a beloved literature series, and was trying to be a coherent story, unlike Critic Corner. This was basically a dumbed-down version of And Then There Were Less, and I hate to say it, but this honestly seems like this was aimed at a younger audience (candy wrappers and chocolate bars?). I give you credit for trying, but it honestly did not work for me. While you did attempt to improve near the end, it really didn't get better because all the improvements felt "forced-in" for plot's sake, and still never really came together at the end. Every chapter felt incoherent and never connected well. There's just way too many inconsistencies (hello Drag and Elastic), plot holes, lack of research, and poor planning in this for me to overlook. I do admit it can be lulzy in a lot of areas, but for what it was supposed to be, I can't forgive it. With all the inconsistencies and plot holes we've found, I honestly think this show may have a record of being the SBC fanfic to have the most errors. I think this could be considered The Room/Sonic 2006 of SBC. Every time I re-read this show, I feel like I find a new plot hole every single time, and it keeps getting worse...and worse. The ending also really wasn't that funny either. I get it's a joke, but IT WAS NOT DONE RIGHT. I know Clappy has a lot to say though, so that's all I'll say for now.

 

Note: plz don't take my opinion too seriously]

[Clappy: Actually not A LOT Jjs, but still plenty because I think I've made myself clear a lot about how much I hated this. You know. I think I was way too nice previously with my C grade I remember giving this series back in the day. This show deserves a cold hard F. And you know, fuck me for being the writer of the first two ATTWL's. Even if I wasn't, I would have been just as hard on this show as I have been this whole time riffing it. This is just as bad, possibly even worse than SOF's Not Exciting Critic Corner because of how amazingly plot hole filled this literature was. At least SOF tied all loose ends in his Critic Corner. There was so many loopholes in this literature that I bet I can go back and still nitpick the fuck out of this. Can I redo my Worst 10 Spin-off and Lits list because I think this has to be included in the conversation. I am sorry SOF, but this was beyond awful. Next time you decide to do a writing, do everything jjs just mentioned. Plan it out before time instead of on the go. Research your setting instead of making up so much unbelievably stupid shit. Make sure you tie up all loose ends because that leads to gaping plot holes. Oh and one more thing. IF YOU EVER DO ANOTHER SURVIVAL/MURDER MYSTERY BASED STORY, DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF THE SOLE SURVIVOR, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE WRITER. KILL YOURSELF OFF WHEN IT'S DEEMED APPROPRIATE AND DON'T SHOVE HIM DOWN OUR THROATS. OH AND OBVIOUSLY MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS NOT ONE DIMENSIONAL. This is Clappy who is not a fan of The Boston Red Sox in Baseball signing off.]

[Wumbo: When a lit’s bad enough that Jesus walks out of the riffing session, you know it deserves special commentary. SOF… you’re a good guy. But my God, your writing needs work. The problem is, you seem to make things up on a whim each episode, which might be fine for a comedy series or even a Nostalgia Critic-like spin-off. But a murder mystery? No, that’s not going to work. You need to plan the shit out of that. Find out who the killers will be, who will get killed when, who will survive, what will happen, everything. And then you write. I commend you for trying to take criticism and address it in the last few episodes, but it was kind of doomed from the start because no planning or thought went into it. At least this was riffed in the name of comedy, and I’ll honor it for that.

 

cart-like catapult what the serious fuck]

[Cee Lo Green: And this is to the Canadian fool that stole my joke:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAV0XrbEwNc

 

Well, there you have it folks, that's our story, Cee Lo Green made a cameo. Good night!]

Edited December 6, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Sweat]

One thing you guys missed is at the line:

 

But srsly, bye SBC..*cries*

 

Why is he saying bye at SBC? Shouldn't he be saying goodbye to anything BUT that?

 

 

Other than that, your ATTWL 3 riffs were amazing. I cannot wait to hear what the next lit will be.

[SpongeOddFan]

that was excellent riffs on ATTWL 3, guys.

 

 

and nice work, folks

[Metal Snake]

Wow, I can honestly say the riffing done on this story is some of the best. Great work, everyone!

[TJ]

Once again, you guys have done amazing work with the riffs. The riffs for ATTWL 3 might have been the best ever done and I've enjoyed al the laughs they have provided me . Bravo .

[Jjs Goodman]

Time to start that show I was supposed to riff a long time ago, but held it off. Now, here's....Prince Neptune.

 

Prince Neptune:

 

1. Pilot:

Spoiler

[Jjs: Hello everyone, welcome back to Riffing Theater. The next show we're attacking is Prince Neptune, an old spin-off that nobody probably remembers, created by the old oddball himself, Goosey (or "Gurgy"). This show originated on TV.com, but was later brought to SBC. While I know Goosey is as old as dirt now and long gone, I happened to discover this old show one day, and I knew it had to be riffed. Now, I was going to riff this before ATTWL 3, but I had a bit of a struggle with what to do for it, there was scheduling issues with the commentators, and the fact I wanted to riff ATTWL 3 first. Well, now here we are! *slightly sobbing* Is it as lulzy as I remembered? I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't, so let's go!]

 

Neptune is just a regular 15 year old boy. 

 

[Metal Snake: Neptune’s just an average kid! Who no one understands!]

[Jjs: I never knew a God started off as "regular". Huh, maybe our God in the sky just started off as a normal 15 year old boy then.]

[Hayden: Fascinating! So where's our protagonist then?]

 

Expect he's the prince of Bikini Bottom.

 

[Metal Snake: I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called-oh. He’s just of royal blood?]

[Hayden: How was I supposed to expect that? The last line certainly didn't indicate anything of that sort.]

[Jjs: Now he's going to tell us the story of how he became the Prince of Bel Bikini Bottom Air.]

 

But his dad thinks Neptune is Not Prince Materiel 

 

[Metal Snake: Not Prince Materiel is a highly dangerous substance.]

[Jjs: Not Prince Materiel might just be my new favorite name.]

[Hayden: Talk about a horrible father, not even remembering his son's true identity.]

 

so his dad sends him to Prince/Princess Boot Camp

 

[Metal Snake: Wait a second...what?] 

[Jjs: I didn't know princes and princesses needed to go to boot camp first. Looks like Twilight Sparkle still has one thing left to do before she's officially princess.]

[Hayden: Can't the dad prepare his own son for rulership? Talk about a horrible king, maybe he needs to go back to this realistic boot camp.]

 

While there Neptune meets a boy named Frank, Frank is the Prince of Rock Bottom.

 

[Metal Snake: Um…]

[Jjs: Well, things just escalated faster than the speed of light.]

[Hayden: One could say this story just hit Rock Bottom, if you know what I mean. *brick'd*]

 

Frank is actually a really good prince but one his dad suddenly sent him to Boot Camp for no reason. Neptune finds this weird but just shrugs it off. 

 

[Metal Snake: ...I’m getting flashbacks from the first riff I ever did for SOF’s talk show. The only difference this time is that in no more than SEVERAL SENTENCES IN, I’ve already found the most fatal flaw…the pacing is AWFUL. Just like with SOF’s talk show, IT NEVER SLOWS DOWN AND NOTHING IS DEVELOPED. In the introduction, Neptune gets literally no exposition or backstory other than that he’s a fifteen-year-old prince and that his dad thinks he’s some kind of new biohazardous pathogen that needs to be contained. Then he meets his best friend who also has no exposition or backstory other than that he was sent here...for no reason. And yes, I know that it’s a TV.com spin-off, but when a story is poorly told, it’s POORLY told.

 

And yes, don’t worry, this is the only break I’m going to take to make a TL;DR rant throughout the entire riff.]

[Hayden: Yeah, what he said.]

 

Prince/Princess Boot camp is a very tough place. 

 

[Jjs: Wow, silly me for thinking it'd be a fun and lighthearted place.]

[Metal Snake: I can just imagine…

 

“PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT LADIES/GIRLY MEN! DO YOU WANNA BE RULERS ONE DAY, OR DO YOU WANNA BE NOBLES?!”]

[Hayden: Darn, I guess I'll never be royal then.]

 

Every one does a bunch of boring exercises and never eats or sleeps.

 

[Metal Snake: Wait...they don’t even feed them or let them sleep? Is this a boot camp or a concentration camp?!] 

[Hayden: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger must be their motto. Except all of the above will eventually kill you, whoops.]

 

Neptune and Frank decided to break out. While breaking out they meet a homely princess named Mandy. 

 

[Jjs: Either Goosey forgot who Mindy was, or SG is in this spin-off now. If so, brave job on SG for volunteering. Maybe she can bring some intelligence into this.]

 

She helps them escape but then they are caught by Sergeant Bad.

 

[Metal Snake: MOST. BADASS. NAME. EVER. Step aside, Captain Unfriendly and Colonel Mean.] 

[Jjs: Never mind Not Prince Material, Sergeant Bad is just amazing, my new favorite name. Seriously, best name ever. I applaud Goosey for the amount of creativity that it must have took to come up with that name.]

[Hayden: He sounds nice.]

 

Bad chews them out for trying to escape and tell them NONE escapes form Prince/Princess boot camp. 

 

[Metal Snake: Why would the escapees want to form a replica of this shitty camp?] 

 

Frank ask why and Bad tells them that is classified 

 

[Jjs: "I cannot tell you, it's confidential."]

[Hayden: Why would it be classified? Their parents sent them there. That's all he even has to tell them. What? Are there somehow diabolical purposes behind the camp? Psh, nah, that'd be just plain ridiculous.]

 

and there is no way he'll them that he wants to capture qll of the Princes and Princess of the sea and hold them up for a huge ransom. Woops he told them.

 

[Metal Snake: Using a badly timed joke to justify a badly written plot device. Makes sense.] 

[Jjs: I'm wondering who is the mysterious figure that even said "Woops he told them". Is it an out of nowhere narrator? Sergeant Bad talking to himself? Goosey? Morgan Freeman? I must solve this mystery before the show ends.]

[Hayden: Sergeant Bad sure is bad. Not in the sense of being a well written villain though.]

 

The 3 run away to tell everyone but are stopped by a giant Guard-bot. 

 

[Metal Snake: A giant robot that came out of nowhere and was literally given no description. Was it made by Past SOF Co., the same company behind the creation of the Cart-like Catapult?]

[Jjs: I have a feeling this is the guard bot that will inflict terror on everyone:

 

]

 

Before the robot can do anything Neptune, Frank, and Mandy's dads arrive to pick them up.

 

[Metal Snake: They just happened to drop by for the convenience of the plot?]

[Jjs: They also apparently don't have mothers.]

[Hayden: Too bad for the other children who weren't given names or parents.]

 

They've been watching this whole time and wanted to get them way from Bad.

 

[Metal Snake: Oh, I’m sorry. Convenience of the plot hole. The incoherence here is fucking with my brain. They sent them here for little to no reason...yet also somehow knew about Bad’s evil plan...and arrived here to save them just now...but were also here the whole time watching...and wanted to save them. ...I couldn’t wrap my head around this even if it were made of elastic material.]

[Hayden: Well someone give these fucking parents a medal.]

 

Bad then tells the bot to stop them but the bot instead picks up bad and throws him far away.

 

[Metal Snake: For. what. REASON?! I’m not even going to bring the Nostalgia Critic’s “Explain!” into this because this isn’t even funny anymore. It’s basic knowledge in writing that you have to give your characters REASONS to do what they do. Otherwise, you end up with nonsense like this! Gods. I promised no more TL;DR rants though, so I’ll shut up now.] 

[Jjs: Maybe the bot was jealous of Bad's creative name.]

[Hayden: That Guard-Bot is a true hero. I'm glad it apparently gained a conscious and turned on its master for three kids it never interacted with.]

 

The kids then go home and Neptune's Dad apologizes for sending him to Boot Camp.

 

[Metal Snake: “I’m sorry I sent you there knowing what would happen! Now that I’ve seen what happened, I’ve realized the error of my ways!” ...Seriously?]

[Hayden: At least he apologized, all is right with the world again.]

 

Neptune is glad he went to camp. Now he has some friends!

 

[Metal Snake: The magic of friendship can even be found in a boot camp which is also somehow a concentration camp. How whimsical!] 

[Hayden: And such complex and well fleshed out friends they were, you can really sense the bond that Neptune has made with them, don't you think?]

 

Then Neptune's Dad( Let's Call him Kronos) 

 

[Metal Snake: So NOW you make things simpler for the readers, thanks. -.-] 

[Hayden: Be fair now Metal Snake, maybe Goosey couldn't think of a good name until just now. When you rush his thought process, he comes out with names like Frank and Mandy, and no one really wants that, now do they?]

 

tells Neptune that he must marry a Princess to become a King and points at Mandy. 

 

[Jjs: Poor SG, being forced into marriage with the most oddest version of "Neptune" ever.]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, just marry her so you can get higher up. How beautiful.]

[Hayden: Aha, so she is the love interest after all! That's why Goosey introduced a girl's name. Key Word: name.]

 

Neptune says she's too ugly and that he wants someone prettier. 

 

[Metal Snake: Woah Kronos (I’m half-tempted to call him Neptune’s Dad just for fun), you just might have some competition for this spin-off’s most shallow player character.]

[Hayden: I'm glad we have such a great visualization of Mandy to be able to tell why Neptune thinks she's ugly.]

 

Kronos says that that it's what's on the inside that counts. 

 

[Metal Snake: Too bad Jesus isn’t here for this riff. “Woe to the Pharisee, you hypocrite!”] 

[Jjs: It sure is. I can see it didn't count for Goosey though, considering the lack of thought put into this so far.]

[Hayden: But Mandy doesn't have a personality either Mr. Kronos, so shut up and go dictate someone else's love life.]

 

Neptune doesn't care and goes off to play with his friends. 

 

[Metal Snake: FUCK YOU, I DO WHAT I WANT.] 

 

Kronos just shakes his head and says "Poor Mislead boy, let's just hope his "Pretty" wife is less evil then mine was" 

 

[Metal Snake: ZOMG FORESHADOWING! His wife is going to be so pretty, they’ll have to capitalize pretty when using said adjective to describe her! Ha ha...so far this is bad, even by TV.com standards. It is amusing me in a strange way though, I won’t lie. Let’s see where it goes from here.] 

[Jjs: Wow, I almost feel like caring about this "foreshadowing". Gotta agree with Metal Snake, this is pretty lulzily bad, but also amusingly in a So Bad, It's Good way. Let's see how the rest goes.]

[Hayden: Will Neptune learn how to be less superficial? Will Sergeant Bad make a comeback? Will Kronos's evil wife actually be elaborated on? Will anyone ever get more than a name to develop them? Find out next time on another pathetic installment of "Prince Neptune".]

 

If anyone wants to riff 2-5, let me know.

[SpongeOddFan]

good to see JRT is back, and lol Goosey's spin-off is awful so far.

 

keep it up, guys

[Metal Snake]

Good, funny riffs as always.

[Jjs Goodman]

Prince Neptune:

 

1. Pilot

 

2. Pimp My Chariot

 

Spoiler

2. Pimp My Chariot

 

[Jjs: Apparently there's pimps in a show based on royalty. Seems legit.]

[Trophy: Well, why the hell not?]

[Wumbo: Here we go, second episode of Prince Neptune! Oh cool, the title already made me lose faith in this spin-off. It's all downhill from here, boys!]

 

It's Neptune's 16th birthday and he's really happy. Now that he's 16 he can get his Chariot License! 

 

[Trophy: But he's a merman, so he doesn't even nee- OH FUCK IT!]

[Metal Snake: Why, back in my day when we still rode carts with horses instead of cars, we didn’t have no fancy licenses!] 

[Hayden: Royalty must have something against modern technology, chariots are far less primitive and accommodating after all.]

 

Neptune fails his test and goes home to tell his dad. 

 

[Trophy: If it's the knowledge part, always say 1924, if it's the driving, it's the horse's fault.]

[Metal Snake: The test that came out of nowhere. Then again, no reader of this was warned about the insanity test that is this ridiculous spin-off.]

[Jjs: I'm wondering what kind of test it was. A common sense test? Not surprised he failed then considering the lack of it in this spin-off thus far.]

 

Frank convinces Neptune to lie to his dad about the test.

 

[Metal Snake: It’s okay to lie to kings! Everybody knows that all kings are evil!] 

[Hayden: Too late Frank, Neptune already went home, you can't stop him.]

[Wumbo: Care to throw me a bone, spin-off? Dialogue, detail, anything? Not just soundbites?]

 

Mandy tells him not too but he doesn't listen. \

 

[Hank Hill: You just don't listen. That boy ain't right.]

[Metal Snake: Neptune:

  ]

[Hayden: Screw you Mandy, no one cares about your ugly opinions.]

 

Neptune Tell's 

 

[Metal Snake: Forget Prince Neptune, I want to hear the story of William Tell’s lost brother, Neptune Tell!] 

[Trophy: SO DOES WESTLEY!]

 

his Dad that he passed the test. Dad doesn't bother to check for his license for some reason. 

 

[Trophy: Oh, you had a baby son? Well, I won't bother to check it out.]

[Metal Snake: Neptune Tell’s his Dad is not very bright! Then again, I don’t know if his Dads are well known for their radiance.] 

[Jjs: For such a powerful figure, apparently checking a license is the one thing that just slips his mind. I love plot convenience.]

[Hayden: Are we going with Dad or Kronos here? Maybe he's too busy figuring out what he wants to be called in this story to check licenses.]

[Wumbo: And then I was like "for some reason". And then I was like "it's like I'm riffing myself!"]

 

He's so proud he gives his son his old chariot. The next day Neptune and Friends 

 

[Thomas The Tank Engine: I CALL COPYRIGHT ON THE NAME!]

[Metal Snake: Neptune the Tan...Chariot rolling on!] 

[Hayden: Garfield and Friends had better writing than this.]

 

decided to go on a joy ride.

 

[Jjs: They gotta survive in da hood, so they are gonna pop some pimps.]

[Hayden: Why is our protagonist so hard to root for?]

 

Unfortunately he scratches it up pretty bad and it's now undriveable.

 

[Trophy: He scratched it. What, is he a cat now driving a chariot that looks like a scratching post that's being pulled by seahorses?]

[Metal Snake: Wow. He thinks it’s undriveable just because it’s scratched? Neptune sounds like the kind of guy who would junk a Mercedes just because of a broken spring.] 

[Hayden: Wow, impressive, scratching it that well, how did he not pass that test?]

[Wumbo: *scratches head*]

 

Fortunately,there's a popular TV Show called Pimp My Chariot

 

[Jjs: Who even views this "popular show" anyways? 2 or 3 people weekly? That sure must classify as "popular".]

[Wumbo: I'm having relationship problems. Fortunately, there's The Jerry Springer Show!]

 

which takes old Chariots and Pimps them up. 

 

[Metal Snake: ...They have actual pimps “them up” the chariots? What does that even mean?! This obviously isn’t a family-friendly TV show regardless.] 

[Wumbo: Unfortunately, there is no show called Pimp My Spin-Off.]

[Jjs: "pimps"

 ]

 

Neptune hands his Chariot the to the PMC people and they tell Neptune to come back at the end of the day when they're done.

 

[Trophy: PMC! IF WE DON'T FIX IT AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU GET IT FOR FREE!]

[Metal Snake: Trusting a chariot to pimps...Yeah, this will in no way go horribly wrong.] 

[Hayden: Free and convenient, can't possibly be a scam.]

[Wumbo: Okay, hold on. So anybody can just walk onto this popular show and ask for a paint job? Why is he getting this done on a popular show, anyway? Wouldn't his dad potentially tune in to see it? How did they even get the chariot there if it's supposedly undriveable? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LEAVE OUT DETAILS.]

 

At the end of day they head back to Neptune's Castle to check out the chariot.

 

[Trophy: But I thought it was in the Pimp My Chariot studio.]

 

But it seems that all the stuff in the castle has been stolen! 

 

[Metal Snake: Wait...what?! They were in the castle? Again, poor descriptions marring the already poor storytelling, how fun.]

[Hayden: So Neptune had no problem with having a bunch of pimps come to his house to work on the chariot instead of taking it to them, and then having the PMC people tell them not to come back until the end of the day? Where did Kronos go wrong with this boy?]

 

It turns out the producers of the show are wanted criminals who use the show as front to steal stuff.

 

[Trophy: Hey, it could be someone else, not the producers.]

[Jjs: Hooray for more plot convenience. I'm not surprised these "pimps" managed to keep their charade on for so long with everyone in this spin-off so far having the intelligence of a waffle.]

[Metal Snake: The moral of the story kids is to not trust prostitution peddlers with your stuff! ...Or allow them into your home all by themselves. >.<] 

[Hayden: So despite them having a television show that exposes their criminal deeds, no one has bothered to catch them yet. Right.]

[Wumbo: It turns out that pimps are bad guys. Who knew?]

 

Neptune's Dad is at a meeting with the ambassador of Egypt Bottom at the time

 

[Trophy: How would you get from Bikini Bottom to Egypt? What, do they live in the Nile River as well?]

[Wumbo: Until I see a country named Bikini or Rock, this name is totally unjustified and you should feel terrible.]

[Metal Snake: ...Egypt...Bottom. The lack of imagination is making me weep. Please...BE CREATIVE WITH THESE NAMES! If you want to have an allusion to a real-life place in the name of your fictional place, that’s fine, but don’t use the actual name! I don’t even care if it’s an eye-roller pun like in the case of “Saddle Arabia”, AT LEAST YOU TRIED! GUH!] 

 

so Neptune has about a day to get the stuff back.

 

[Wumbo: Aaaand w-w-w-wacky hijinx will ensue! But in keeping with this spin-off's style, those wacky hijinx will be completely ignored.]

[Hayden: Or, and I know this sounds crazy, when he gets back you can get his help to retrieve the stolen things. After all, he still doesn't know about the no license part and would have no reason to get mad at you for getting robbed.]

 

Neptune,Frank,and Mandy sneak into the producers hideout at an abandon warehouse disguised as crooks. They asks to take a look they're latest heist and they are shown all the stuff. 

 

[Jjs: The warehouse was disguised as crooks? Be careful guys, I don't like the look of that Bonnie and Clyde warehouse!]

[Metal Snake: Now see here Ho-Boys! We want to look at all ya loot for no reason, see?] 

[Hayden: A criminal organization so large they can't tell their members apart and show anyone their stolen goods. Wow, these guys are worse than Sergeant Bad.]

 

When the Crooks leave to get a soda, the 3 take the stuff and run. 

 

[Trophy: They all could've sent one to get them sodas... Sokka, get me some cactus juice.]

[Jjs: What happened to being pimps?]

[Metal Snake: Now we got the goods that won’t even be described and are conveniently light enough for us to quickly snatch and lift! This is what happens when we listen to me, see?]

[Hayden: Well, I'm glad soda was a larger priority than guarding a crapton of valuables. Also, maybe Neptune, Mandy and Frank should be pulling off heists themselves with skills like that.]

[Wumbo: If this spin-off was a soda, it would still be flat.]

 

The crooks see them and run after them. Neptune spys their chariot in the front of the warehouse. It was apparently fixed by the crooks. 

 

[Metal Snake: So they are legit repairmen. Well since they’re now ”crooks” instead of “Pimps”, I guess it makes sense.] 

[Hayden: Raiding out an entire castle of goods and fixing a car within the span of a day, you certainly can't call these crooks lazy.]

 

They take it and drive away. But the crooks have a chariot as well so they give chase

 

1 Chase scene later

 

[Trophy: I NEED TO SEE THIS CHASE!]

[Metal Snake: At least unlike the Runaway Sponge, this spin-off can make a shitty vehicle chase scene quick and painless.]

[Jjs: I feel tempted to make a time card out of that.]

[Wumbo: No, this is where I draw the line. One chase scene later? Who the hell- why would you do that? If you kill someone in this spin-off, do you phrase it as "the killer entered the house, one death later"? Lazy. Fucking lazy beyond comprehension. This is worse than SOF's work, because god damn it, for all its faults, SOF at least tried. This sucks.]

 

the crooks crash their chariot thanks to a Banana Peel Frank threw on the ground. 

 

[Trophy: Oh harrity har har.]

[Jjs: Banana Peel Frank? Step aside Banana Joe, your much better brother is here to save the day.]

[Metal Snake: Ooh, and more deadly new substances, sweet.] 

[Hayden: I didn't know they were playing Mario Kart.]

[Wumbo: I'll only accept A. A. Milne-style random capitalization if Neptune feels like a Very Small Animal at the end of all this.]

 

The Crooks are arrested and Neptune returns the stuff to the castle.

 

[Metal Snake: That’s the smartest thing this spin-off has said all this episode.]

[Trophy: So they took everything, even stuff that doesn't belong to them...]

[Jjs: I bet that "stuff" was pretty important.]

[Hayden: What a fast resolution, good thing the police came out of nowhere and the crooks lost their ability to run.]

[Wumbo: So we're just going to ignore the fact that Frank littered? Come on, at least a citation or something.]

 

Neptune's Dad shows up and sees the broken chariot. He doesn't get mad. Why?

 

[Jjs: Because seeing a broken chariot is a normal everyday thing for him. He just simply makes a new one everyday with the same god powers that ATTWL 3!CDCB and 70s use.]

[Wumbo: One explanation later, Neptune and his dad went out for pizza. Do it. I dare you.]

 

Because he new Neptune failed(Don't Ask How)

 

[Trophy: How?]

[Wumbo: I truly hate this so much. Half-assed explanations and glossed-over details. "Don't ask how"? What an asinine slap in the face to your readers. Go back to Spin-Off School, hell, go back to Etiquette School.]

 

so he gave them a false chariot knowing it would break.

 

[Jjs: Well everyone, since he said "Don't Ask How", there's obviously no reason to nitpick this genius piece of writing.]

[Metal Snake: Oh! Tsssssskkkkkk. So close spin-off. You finally explained something properly by having two (stupid) plot points within an episode CORRELATE with each other. Unfortunately, you don’t get the cigar because this explanation also justified a product of shitty writing (DON’T ASK HOW DUH HUH HUH). But this is the closest you came to cohesive storytelling, so I must give you some credit. Here, have a bubble gum cigar.] 

[Hayden: What?! First off, wasn't Neptune's chariot fixed by the crooks?! How did Kronos just have a fake chariot waiting for Neptune to use? And what lesson was supposed to be learnt by this when he could of just confronted Neptune about lying in the first place? Holy moly, this chapter was a bigger waste than the first, and that's saying something.]

[Wumbo: "Joke's on you, you rotten kid. I gave you a false chariot. You see, real chariots don't cease functioning after a scratch."]

 

Neptune apologizes for what happened. Dad says ok as long Neptune passes the test next time.

 

[Metal Snake: “Aw, I can’t stay mad at you. Unless you fail again. In that case, get out of my face forever.”]

[Hayden: If at first you don't succeed, you better fucking pass next time or else. Today's moral kiddies. Brought to you by someone clearly making shit up as they go.]

[Jjs: And this shoehorned-in moral was brought to you by Past SOF Co. When your story is in trouble, just call us to half-ass it as you go along.]

 

Neptune does indeed pass the test and gets his own chariot. Neptune and friends drive the Chariot into the sunset.

 

[Wumbo: Drive the chariot into the- yes. Yes please. Drive directly into the fucking sun and burn. Each and every one of you. Fuck. This.]

[Trophy: What did he do wrong the first time that even MADE HIM FAIL?]

[Metal Snake: *sniff* I almost wish that touched my heart.] 

[Jjs: I still almost wished I cared. But you get an F for effort.]

[Hayden: Maybe next time we can get back to that "plot point" from the end of episode 1 instead of wasting a whole chapter on random "pimps", a chariot license received through literally one sentence, and Kronos and Neptune's fucked up yet still uninteresting father/son relationship. Snoresville. Population: Hayden, Jjs, Metal Snake, and Trophy]

[Wumbo: Wherever Snoresville is, it's gotta be better than Rageville, which is where I am right now.]

 

Edited April 4, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Jjs Goodman]

Prince Neptune:

 

1. Pilot

2. Pimp My Chariot

 

3. The Princes Of Legend

Spoiler

3. The Princes Of Legend(NEW):

[Metal Snake: NEW AND NOT IMPROVED. I think the only reason for calling this “NEW” is if you are to inform the readers of the latter adjective.] 
[Hayden: Thank goodness he clarified whether it was new or not, I'd have assumed he was reposting an old chapter.]

The Princes Of Legend:

Neptune and his friends are at the Bi Annual Prince Convention. There are lots famous princes and stuff. 

[Metal Snake: I would like to observe some of this famous stuff, please.] 
[Jjs: Cool, thanks for your unexplained vague descriptions once again. "Famous princes and stuff" is in no way vague at all, and totally gives the audience an idea of what is at the convention.]
[Hayden: How nice of them to all gather and have conventions twice a year. I wonder if our main character counts as a famous prince or as "stuff". I'm going to go with the latter.]
[JCM: Or maybe he's one of the lots of the "lots, famous princes, and stuff.]

Neptune notices 3 princes in particular:The Princes of Legend. A group of the richest, most legendary princes in the sea.

[Jjs: Well, for a group of "legendary rich characters", they seem to no have no problem being at a random public convention. Don't they have anything better to do in their time, like orgasm over how much money they have?]
[Hayden: They're so vain, they probably think this chapter is about them.]

The Group consists of Gill Bates(The Prince Of Micro Bottom),

[Jjs: 

]

[Wumbo: I know how to justify this. Make Norman Bates the next Prince of Legend, then make him go on a killing spree. Also, lol @ Micro Bottom.]
[Hayden: Ha, like Bill Gates. That was almost clever. Almost as clever as "Master Bates". Haha. Ha?]

TJ Blalock(Prince Of Ukulele Bottom) and Joe(Prince Of Bottom's Up) 

[Metal Snake: ...Well at least you made an effort with those names, so I won’t complain.] 
[Jjs: Just when we thought it couldn't get better than Austin Layers or Sergeant Bad.]
[Hayden: Poor Joe doesn't get a last name?]
[JCM: "Blalock" sounds like the kind of noise I would make after eating bad sushi.]

Neptune is thier biggest fan so ask them for an autograph. 

[Metal Snake: I’ll comply with this peculiar request if it gets this episode over with.] 
[Jjs: That's good for Neptune, but I'm not their biggest fan, so I'll have to pass on this offer. Unless they give money with the autograph, THEN I'll consider asking them.]
[Wumbo: Why should I ask them for an autograph? I'm not their biggest fan!]
[Hayden: I don't ask for autographs, I give them. For a small fee of $6,377.99. Cash only.]

They start talking to Neptune and they like him so much they asks him if he wants to be a Prince Of legend!

[JCM: It's so exciting! Even though I have no idea what that means!]

Neptune of course says yes. The Princes tell him he must past some tests first. 

[Metal Snake: Past some tests? Oh, but of course! He can’t pass the tests with his own strength and must overcome the sting of defeat when he fails. For the ultimate purpose of these tests is to teach him to move on from his mistakes and not dwell on the past! Deep stuff!] 
[Jjs: Just hope it's not another driving test.]
[Wumbo: Princes of Legend: A club so elite that it lets anyone in after a few good seconds of lively conversation.]
[Hayden: Well if their club is filled with superficial douches, Neptune at least meets that quota.]

Neptune starts doing rather bad things for them.

[JCM: At least it's "rather bad" and not something horrendous like "quite bad"!]

For example: They tell him to graffiti "Peasants Suck!" on the side of a store. 

[Metal Snake: The lower class is destroying this country, man!] 
[Jjs: FOR SHAME! Of all the crimes this country is dealing with, this is the absolute worst.]
[Wumbo: Well, it's better than what I was expecting: "Several Bad Things Later"]
[Hayden: How diabolical, since peasants shop at stores, they'll all see it and cry themselves to sleep that night.]

Frank and Mandy beg him to stop doing these bad things

[JCM: These rather bad things.]

but Neptune doesn't listen.

[Hank Hill: You just don't listen. That boy ain't right.]
[Metal Snake: Third time he’s done that now. Is that Neptune’s answer for everything?]
[Wumbo: And then Neptune learns his lesson by the end because the Princes of Legend knew he was an asshole, so they supplied him with fake spray paint. In keeping with the themes and morals of this spin-off, of course.]
[Hayden: Well, at least Frank isn't being a jackass this time. Should we call that character development?]

Frank and Mandy get suspicious of The Princes of legend so they spy on them while Neptune is gone doing something. 

[Metal Snake: Neptune: I’m going to go get a drink. *leaves*]
[Jjs: Yes, have fun "doing something" there, Neptune. Instead of calling the Vagueness Police, I can vaguely say I'll call them, in keeping with this writing style. *goes off to do something that involves calling*]
[Hayden: Would saying "another act of vandalism" really of been that hard, Goosey? I'm assuming that's what it is implying, unless Neptune is really just taking a piss.]

They find out that the Princes have no intention of letting Neptune into thier group. They just want somebody to do thier crimes for them. 

[Metal Snake: Loving the class changes in these spin-offs. 

“Sergeant” to “Kidnapper” 
“Pimp” to “Crook” 
“Prince” to “Criminal” 

These characters would hate an RPG where they’d have no choice but to play as the hero.]
[Jjs: I also love how this is pretty much the same as the previous episode, but with princes instead of pimps.]
[Hayden: Wow, a group of elite assholes using a person who idolizes them for their amusement. Super original plot happening right now.]
[JCM: How did Frank and Mandy find it out? Did the princes of legend talk about their evil plans over tea?]

Frank and Mandy leave to tell Neptune but they cuaght by the Princes.

[JCM: (cowboy accent) We caught! We caught! Show's over!]

Neptune returns from his errand and asks the princes what to do now. They tell him he must throw out some trash for them.

[Metal Snake: Out of all the crimes they’ve had him commit...THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST HEINOUS!] 
[Jjs: Forget graffiti, this is the worst crime of them all! HOW COULD YOU NEPTUNE?]
[Wumbo: Why don't you start with the Princes of Legend? OHHH GUUURRRRL]
[Hayden: Maybe the Princes of Legend aren't so bad after all, they don't want to litter!]

He takes a trashes that fells really heavy.

[Metal Snake: I FEEL ASLEEP!] 
[Jjs: One does not simply understand that sentence even after rereading it many times.]
[Wumbo: You can rearrange the words in this sentence any way you want and it would still make as much sense as it did before.]
[Hayden: "a trashes that fells" Very poignant sentence, why isn't Goosey writing for the New York Times?]
[JCM: I assume that the crime here is his murder of the English language.]

On the way to the dump,

[Jjs: 

]

 

he takes a look into the can to find Frank and Mandy! 

[Metal Snake: Thanks for telling us the princes took them to the dump. Man, these descriptions suck. I can tell spelling and grammar wasn’t all Goosey forgot to proofread for…] 
[Wumbo: So... the only clue that it was Neptune's two best friends in the can was that it was exceptionally heavy? They weren't squirming or shouting? Are they dead? They're dead, aren't they? Please tell me they're dead.]
[JCM: Who takes an entire can with them to the dump? It would "fell" a lot less heavy if you just took the bag.]

They tell him what happened

[Wumbo: Stupid wishful thinking.]
[Hayden: So, were they tied up, did they have tape over their mouths, were they stuffed in bags, or what? You know, just some crucial minor details that would help make this scenario believable.]

and his goes to tell them off. He tells the princes he knows their plan and he's gonna tell on his dad. 

[Metal Snake: I did bad things for you...AND YOU DIDN’T WANT ME TO BE YOUR FRIEND FOR IT! I’M GOING TO TELL MY DADDY ON YOU MEANIES!] 
[Wumbo: Obviously Neptune still doesn't have a grasp on how the class system works in this spin-off. You don't tell on the Princes of Legend because they are the Princes of Legend. Move along, peasant.]
[JCM: PEASANTS SUCK!]
[Hayden: His revenge scheme is admittedly brilliant, letting them know you're onto to them and that you're going to be a tattletale. Two solid courses of action.]

They tell him he knows too much on prepares to capture him.

[Metal Snake: HE KNOWS TOO MUCH ABOUT PREPARING THINGS! HE’S INVINCIBLE!]
[Hayden: I thought Neptune's problem was never knowing enough.]
[JCM: "On" is not a conjunction junction. What's your malfunction?]

But Mandy and Frank come in and start fighting them. They just ignore them and go back to capturing neptune. 

[Metal Snake: They brushed them off that easily? I can only imagine how the fight went then…

 ]
[Wumbo: If you can dodge a Frank, you can dodge a ball.]
[Hayden: To be fair, they got captured quite easily last time and have proven time and time again to be useless in the grand scheme of the story.]

Franks warns them not to touch a single hair on his

[Jjs: ...on his what?]
[Hayden: Maybe it's a hair on a censored area. *wink wink*]

on they will regret it. 

[JCM: Use "on" as a conjunction again, and you will regret it.]
[Jjs: Last I checked, I do not think that is a body part.]

They cut off a tiny bit of Neptune's hair.

[Metal Snake: TROLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLHOHOHOHOHO!] 
[Hayden: OH NO HE DIDN'T!]

Franks gets MAD 

[JCM: There's more than one Frank now?]
[Metal Snake: This is no time to read a magazine.] 
[Hayden: Metal, Frank is obviously getting the TV series on DVD.]

and flys into a rage and beats up the princes. The cops come and arrest him.

[Metal Snake: Just like that.]
[Wumbo: Arrest who? If I saw a prince getting savagely beaten, I might be arresting the aggressor.]

[JCM: When were the cops called? Why didn't they act when Neptune graffiti'd the side of that store and, I guess, illicitly took out the trash? Which of the Franks did they arrest? So many questions, so little satisfaction. That is the Prince Neptune guarantee.]

[Hayden: So Frank got arrested, how about that. The episode isn't ending wrapped up with a tiny little bow. Maybe we're actually getting somewher-]

Gill: You can't arrest us!

[Metal Snake: Woah! We have dialogue out of nowhere now?]
[Hayden: Shut the hell up Gill and let them arrest Frank.]
[JCM: So the cops are apparently arresting the princes of legend for...getting their butts kicked? I don't even know.]

TJ: We didn't do nothing!

[Jjs: Alright, stop. The double negative, really? Even if you tried translating that, it still doesn't make any sense. "We did not do nothing"? So they did do something, either way you look at it. Goosey clearly doesn't know what the English language is. That's it, JCM, I think Goosey needs to stay after school with you for the whole summer. SOF is excused for good behavior.]
[Hayden: This must be how Goosey imagines all bad guys, even royal ones, decide to talk.]

Joe: I thought we tried to make Neptune commit horrible crimes for us.

[Metal Snake: I knew taking out the trash for someone else was evil! As for vandalism...eh.]
[Jjs: I like how a "rich and powerful prince" just gave away their plans. Maybe that's why Joe got the blandest name of the gang.]
[Wumbo: Hey look, it's the dumb guy of the group! Maybe this would have been funnier if he was established as dumb earlier in this episode. Or maybe it would have been better if anyone had any kind of established personality other than "dickhead".]
[Hayden: Wow, a villain blurting out their crime moronically, now where have we seen this before? Looks like you're off the hook Frank.]
[JCM: They weren't horrible crimes. They were "rather bad" crimes.]

Gill: And We've gotten away with it too. If it wasn't for you meddling kids!

[Jjs: That was the most contradicting sentence, ever. "We have gotten away with it!...if it wasn't for you meddling kids" What the hell does that even mean? If you are going to do a Scooby-Doo joke, know what you are typing. At least SOF tried in ATTWL 3 with his Scooby-Doo joke.]
[Metal Snake: “We couldn’t have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you, so thanks!” Also, WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?! Frank (Franks) got arrested for getting “MAD” and beating up the princes, the cops arrest him, and now HE’S THE PRINCES? WHAT THE FUCK?!] 
[Hayden: This isn't even close to coherent. Did the cops know from the start the Princes of Legend were bad, or is Joe what tipped them off? Did they have no problem with Frank getting physical with his copy of "MAD"? And even if the Princes of Legend are rotten, shouldn't they have diplomatic immunity for being rich? That's how it usually works in 'Murica.]

Neptune apologizes for what happened.

[JCM: "I'm sorry I'm a gullible turd."]

Frank and Mandy are Ok with it and they head home.

[Metal Snake: Home is where the heart is! Unfortunately, I hardly felt any heart put into this show. Despite the lulzy laughs I had with it at first, it’s not much of a breather after experiencing the horrors of ATTWL 3. For a TV.com spin-off, it had a lot of potential, but the incoherent and rushed storytelling, terrible pacing, and one-dimensional characters just make it a dated, DATED show. That’s all I have to say, good luck with the last two episodes, everyone!]
[Jjs: So um....did anything happen in this episode? At all?]
[Wumbo: Th-th-th-th-that's all folks?!]
[Hayden: So, is every episode going to have a villain of the day which ends with the villain being defeated in the dumbest way possible, and Neptune never getting any repercussions for being a horrible person? Well, I guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out. Although I would strongly advise against it.]
[JCM: The moral of the story is "never hang out with cool people, and always check your trash cans for signs of people." It's always good to know that I can come out of these readings a better, if not more confused, person.]

Edited April 4, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Jjs Goodman]

Prince Neptune

1. Pilot

2. Pimp My Chariot

3. The Princes Of Legend

 

4. New Friends

 

New Friends:

 

[Jjs: Something old (this spin-off), something new (this riff), something borrowed (basically everything in this spin-off), and something blue (the riffers' reactions to this). That about sums this show up.]

[Hayden: Should we really be hopping into new friends when we have such badly developed old ones still?]

[JCM: Neptune's old friends sticking around despite his douchery is one thing, but new people wanting to befriend him? I don't believe it.]

 

It's Friendship day in Bikini Bottom! 

 

[Jjs: Hey, awesome! Did you also know there's another holiday called Riffing Day? It's when us riffers question the lack of effort put into spin-offs...uh, like this one.]

[Hayden: Does it come twice a year like the super fun radical Prince Convention?]

[Wumbo: Friendship Day's at least gotta be better than Asshole Day, which seems like every day in this spin-off.]

 

Friendship day is the day where friends celebrate their friendship.

 

[Jjs: ]

[Hayden: Poor Neptune doesn't have much to celebrate then. Oh wait, you mean those two names that follow him around count?]

[Wumbo: And they buy friendship merchandise to match their friends' friendship merchandise! It's a corporate shill of a holiday, is what I'm getting at here.]

[JCM: I just assumed that it was the day that enemies celebrated their friendship.]

 

Neptune heads over to Franks' house to celebrate it but it seems like Frank has forgotten all about Friendship day! Frank trys to apologize but Neptune won't have it.

 

[Jjs: That's what Frank gets for beating up the princes with "MAD".]

[Hayden: Well maybe Frank won't have it with getting kidnapped by the douchebags you were trying to impress last chapter. You know, a legitimate reason to get fed up with a person might be that.]

[JCM: He forgot about a holiday? Off with his head!]

 

Then mandy show up to celebrate it as well but is mad when she finds that Frank has forgotten. 

 

[Jjs: Looks like Mandy gave Frank a taste of his own medicine. How do you like MAD now, smart guy?]

[Hayden: Suck it Frank, forgetting a cheesy holiday is just plain unforgivable.]

[Halibut: I see people in this are very serious about the holiday.]

 

Neptune and Mandy leave Franks

 

[JCM: I knew there were multiple Franks!]

 

house and head to the park.

 

[Wumbo: In the spirit of Friendship Day, no doubt. Is Friendship Day just another Asshole Day with PR?]

[Halibut: You know you can just celebrate it now that Frank knows of it, right Nept- oh yeah, he doesn't listen.]

 

While there, the accidentally bumps into 2 other people. 

 

[Jjs: The word accidentally can bump into two people?]

[JCM: That accidentally is a menace that must be contained!]

[Hayden: Perhaps they should watch where they are going. Or did they have their heads shoved too far up their asses like usual?]

 

They apologize for bumping into them and introduce themselves are Josh and Jessica. 

 

[Jjs: Hey, more creative names. We should have an Originality Day in honor of Goosey.]

[Hayden: Are they going to be our villains of the day? I would really not put it past Goosey to make a random pair in the park turn out to be nefarious masterminds.]

[Wumbo: Well, I know why they became friends: alliteration.]

 

Neptune and Mandy find them very pleasant and even better friends then Frank.

 

[JCM: So they decide that these folks they just met are better friends than the person they've known for four episodes? Talk about spiteful.]

[Wumbo: No, no, wait! Now I understand "Friendship Day". It's not a day where you celebrate with your old friends. It's a day where you find new, better friends, because your old friends are chumps. Christ, everyone in this spin-off is so unlikable. If the JJ Pair turn out to be the "villains", I'm rooting for them all the way this time.]

[Halibut: "Instead of forgiving one of our friends for forgetting a cheesy holiday, we'll just make friends with these people we accidentally bump into that we find very pleasant." Nothing can go wrong.]

 

Neptune asks if Josh and Jessica are siblings because both of their names start with J. They say it's just a coincidence and they are not related.

 

[Jjs: Wow, so Jessie and James might be related then with that logic.]

[Hayden: Well, at least now Frank is free to find smarter friends.]

[Wumbo: Obviously, Goosey thought the "Buster and Babs Bunny aren't related" gag in Tiny Toon Adventures was because of their first names.]

[JCM: If everyone whose name started with J were related, my Thanksgiving dinners would be a lot more hectic.]

 

They become friends and Neptune and Mandy decided that they should replace Frank as their friend.

 

[Jjs: That's what Frank gets for beating someone up with "MAD" and forgetting about a holiday that only two people seem to care about.]

[Hayden: Let's just ignore that Frank saved them in the last chapter. Sheesh, Neptune sure drops friends easily. Shouldn't he have dumped Mandy by now for being so goddamn ugly?]

[Wumbo: Any time, Josh and Jessica. Please turn villainous on them.]

[Halibut: I don't think there will be a need to ask.]

[JCM: It's a two-for-one special! I didn't even know that you could replace friends the same way as car parts.]

 

Meanwhile, Sergeant Bad is held up in his Boot Camp that was shut down after the pilot. 

 

[Jjs: Hey sweet, another villain of the week. At least we're re-using one instead of just making new ones, because we know that's too much for Goosey. Originality Day indeed here.]

[Hayden: Oh hey, exposition. Apparently the boot camp was shut down, since it's not like Neptune ever has to tell the police about these crimes. They just automatically know when a villain needs to be brought to justice.]

[JCM: Yeah, even when the only ones committing actual crimes are the protagonists.]

[Wumbo: "After the pilot"? Aw, that's cute. Is that what Goosey thinks "breaking the 4th wall" is?]

 

He tells his assiant Joe 

 

[Jjs: You mean the same one from the Princes of Legend last episode, or did Goosey's creativity get even better?]

[Hayden: So he has an assistant now, wow, major upgrade. He's probably unstoppable now. Let's hope this one listens to him as well as the robot did.]

[Wumbo: I'm trying to think of a job description of "assiant" that doesn't involve anal sex. And then I'm really, REALLY trying not to picture how "Sergeant Bad" got his name.]

[Halibut: I knew Joe was evil ever since I heard his name.]

[JCM: I wouldn't be surprised if Neptune thought that Joe was related to Josh or Jessica.]

 

that he has sent some Spies over to Bikini Bottom to get info on Neptune, Frank and Mandy. Bad says that he will use that info to get ultimate revenge!

 

[Jjs: Oh shit, step aside all other crime organizations, Sergeant Bad totally came up with an original plan that has not been done before! I'm cowering in fear, how about you guys?]

[Hayden: Shouldn't he get revenge on that robot of his? Neptune and friends did jack to defeat him.]

[Halibut: Didn't his robot throw him really far in the pilot? Wouldn't Bad be in a body cast right now, or am I just overthinking it?]

[Wumbo: You could reveal how they're all assholes. But then again, I think this spin-off has done them enough damage.]

 

Frank is still sad after losing his best friends.

 

[JCM: I'd rather Frank be sad than MAD.]

[Wumbo: Wait, did Neptune and Mandy literally go back to his house and tell him he's been replaced? Holy crap, TPAA (These People Are Assholes, a gag I'm sure will be used again).]

[Halibut: With friends that drop you after you forget a holiday, I think it's time for you to get new friends.]

 

Frank's Dad tells them to best way to get a friends back is too do something special. 

 

[Jjs: Does Frank's Dad have a special name too? Let's call him Bob. That name took me a lot of time to come up with.]

[Hayden: If Frank goes running back to them, he certainly is something "special".]

[Wumbo: "Daaaad, you're speaking in stilted grammar again."]

[JCM: Why would he want a friend's back? Does he collect body parts or something?]

 

Frank thanks his Dad and goes to do something special.

 

[Jjs: "One Something Special Later..."]

[Wumbo: No, no. You... you don't get friends back like that, Frank. I know that doing that feels special for you, and you get to spend time with special ladies on the Internet, but I'm 99% sure that's not what your dad meant.]

 

Later on, Frank sees Neptune and Mandy hanging out with Josh and Jessica. Neptune tells Frank that he is longer his friend and that Josh and Jessica are much better friends.

 

[Jjs: You know two people better that you met just today over a person you met three episodes ago, that totally sounds reasonable. Also, technically Frank is still his friend, since Neptune sloppily butchered the English language again.]

[JCM: Way to break it to him! If you were a doctor telling someone they were sick, would you say "you are no longer well and will probably die soon"?]

 

Frank gets depressed and stays in his room for several days until his Dad tells him he has to get out and get Neptune and Mandy back

 

[Hayden: Thank you for that terrible advice "Dad". I guess your son can't have a life or any respect outside of Neptune and Mandy.]

[Wumbo: "Take that gun outta yer mouth, boy."]

[JCM: Yeah, bring the guys who abandoned you for a petty reason back into your life! That'll ensure your future happiness!]

 

Frank sees Neptune and Mandy hanging with Josh and Jessica at the park and asked Neptune and Mandy to make him their friends again.

 

[Jjs: You know, he could have easily done this before a few lines above. Thanks for unnecessary dialogue.]

[Hayden: A multiple day depression was necessary to drive the point home that Frank is sad about losing his friends.]

[JCM: Make "him" their "friends". Is this the multiple Franks again, or is Goosebumps waging a war against grammar?]

 

They are interrupted by Sergeant Bad as he arrives on top his giant robot. 

 

[Jjs: Is it the Guard-Bot? Maybe it will betray him again.]

[Hayden: His giant robot? So he got a new one or he learned nothing from last time?]

[Halibut: This is so over the top, but I stopped caring since episode 1.]

 

Bad tells them that his Spy told him their location. Neptune says "Josh and Jessica! You're the Spies!"

 

[Wumbo: Maybe I've got Neptune all wrong. Maybe he's just got borderline personality disorder, and just doesn't trust anybody. At all. Except chariot pimps and legendary princes. Okay, forget my theory. Neptune's an asshole.]

[JCM: Coming to grand conclusions without any evidence whatsoever! Should I call Neptune Sherlock Holmes now?]

 

But Bad says "What? They are NOT my spies. 

 

[Jjs: They are the Totally Spies in disguise.]

[Hayden: Oh hey, Neptune treating his "friends" horribly again. And why does Bad bother clarifying who his spies are? Shouldn't he take advantage of that mistrust?]

 

That has been done way too many times"

 

[Jjs: Well at least Goosey was honest on the originality.]

[Hayden: Holy shiskabobs, did Goosey just make John and Jessica bland and uninteresting protagonists instead of bland and uninteresting villains? Give this man a trophy.]

[JCM: Assuming there's anything here that hasn't been done way too many times.]

 

Bad prepares to crush them with his Robot when Frank gets mad

 

[JCM: MAD.]

 

and pushes the robot causing it to fall and break apart.

 

[Jjs: Wow jeez, how big was that "deadly robot"? If Frank could push the robot over, it must not have been very big. Was this the robot?:

 

 

If it was, Bad really needs to learn how to make a robot or find a new evil robot making company.]

[Hayden: Why does Frank always save the day? I mean, it made more sense in this narrative than it did last time, but still. Oh, and look, more weak resolution.]

[Wumbo: Frank SMASH! I knew there was a reason I chose green for my riffing font.]

[Halibut: Why isn't Frank the main character?]

 

Some police show up to arrest Bad but he runs away before they can.

 

[Jjs: Cool, sudden inconvenience of the cops who managed to arrest pimps and princes with no problem.]

[Hayden: Will Bad return a 3rd time with a terribly inefficient robot? I am on the edge of my seat here.]

[JCM: So Frank was strong enough to push over a giant robot, but he couldn't keep a drill sergeant from running away?]

 

Neptune and Mandy apologize for replacing Frank made him their friends again and make Josh and Jessica their permanent friends.

 

[JCM: So they were temporary friends before? Did Josh and Jessica know this?]

 

But the one thing they are wondering is "if Josh and Jessica aren't the Spies', who is?"

 

[Jjs: Dun dun dun? While I will give Goosey credit for trying some plot development (key word: some), this wasn't much better than the previous three. Only one more left...]

[Hayden: So I guess John and Jessica don't give a crap that they were accused of being evil. Oh, and now they're permanent friends, so still more accepted into the group than Frank, I guess? And why does it suddenly matter who the spies are? Unless Goosey makes the spies some sort of past villain or it turns out to be Kronos, both of which would be lazy twists. And why did Bad need spies when he didn't even use the tear in their "friendship" to his advantage? Well the least Goosey can do next time is have Neptune and the ugly chick hook up, oh and maybe settle the plot points of Sergeant Bad, the spies, and the evil ex of Kronos. Or is that asking too much?]

[Wumbo: Maybe we're the spies. Think about it. Actually, don't. Don't think about anything you read in this spin-off.]

[Halibut: I know J&J will turn into villains, I just know it. But until then...]

 

Edited April 4, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Metal Snake]

More good commentary, and lol at that Thomas the Tank Engine reference at the beginning.

[So Sejima]

More good commentary, and lol at that Thomas the Tank Engine reference at the beginning.

Couldn't resist it after I started it in Pimp My Chariot.

[Jjs Goodman]

Prince Neptune:

 

1. Pilot

2. Pimp My Chariot

3. The Princes Of Legend

4. New Friends

 

5. Fast Times at Bikini Bottom High

Spoiler

STOP THE PRESSES! THE DAY YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HAS ARRIVED!

 

[Jjs: The day I get a girlfriend?]

[Hayden: The day I graduate from the hellhole known as high school?]

[Wumbo: The day that Kate Upton agrees to marry me?]

 

YES! ITS THE DAY I POST A NEW EPISODE!

 

[Trophy: *gives middle finger* OH FUCK YOU!]

[Jjs: Oh yeah, that's cool too...*sobs*. I'm sure this spin-off had such a loyal fan-base to care. *still crying over disappointing news*]

[Hayden: That's worse than friendship day!]

[Wumbo: If you need me, I'll be in the corner... crying. Yes, crying.]

[JCM: That wasn't worth stopping the presses for! Boo!]

 

5. Fast Times at Bikini Bottom High

 

[Jjs: Please ignore my sobbing above, I have gotten over the mass disappointment of this "announcement". *still sobbing quietly...er, forget it* So this is the final episode folks! Will all the "dramatic buildups" get answered? Probably not, but it's worth hoping for anyways! Fast times, eh? This episode better go by fast for all it is worth.]

[Hayden: Are all the girls there fast? Maybe Neptune can finally find a non-ugly chick.]

[JCM: If it's anything like Fast Times at Ridgemont High, all the girls will be naked, too.]

 

It's Neptune first day of 10th grade and needless to say he is not happy.

 

[Trophy: Neither am I.]

[Jjs: Oh hey, so the events of 1-4 were over the summer. Thank you for establishing this before, or we would have thought Neptune is "too cool for school".]

[Hayden: Learning is for losers who aren't rich or of royalty.]

[Wumbo: I wouldn't be happy either, if I was written as badly as this.]

 

Not only will Frank and Mandy be going to their respective schools in their respective cities

 

[JCM: Don't get too specific.]

 

(They live in Bikini Bottom for the hell of it)

 

[Trophy: But Frank lives in Rock Bottom and Mandy lives who knows where.]

[Consistency Police: We heard from a pyramid with an eyeball that there's a huge lack of consistency here. C'MON BOYS, LET'S BOOK EM! *handcuffs this story and throws it in jail*] 

[Jjs: They live in Bikini Bottom for the hell of it? The hell does that even mean? I guess I can just move to Canada then "for the hell of it" with that logic.]

[Hayden: Isn't Frank the Prince of Rock Bottom or something? And Mandy the princess of HideousVille? Either way, they don't live in Bikini Bottom.]

[Wumbo: Ah yes, I actually was excited for this episode. Now I can point out even more lazy writing.]

 

but he also is getting who is rumored to be the meanest Science teacer in Town Mr.Dab

 

[Jjs: Well, at least "dab" is an accurate summary of this spin-off so far.]

[Hayden: Dab backwards is Bad. The creativity continues to be overwhelming, even this far into the game. How does Goosey do it?]

[Wumbo: A little Dab'll do ya, especially when it comes to this spin-off.]

[JCM: He's so mean that he stole most of this sentence's punctuation.]

 

It turns out the rumors were not true. Dab isn' the meanest Teacher in Town. He's the meanest Teacher in the world!

 

[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWEEST!]

[Jjs: Soon, he'll manage to get promoted to the Meanest Teacher in the Universe if he continues to sloppily butcher these sentences, assuming if that is how he is mean.]

[Hayden: Whoa, hold the phone, the whole world?! DIS IZ SRS BIZNESS!]

[JCM: Wow! Goosey went to the trouble of comparing Mr. Dab to every single teacher in the world just to verify that! Say what you want about him, but don't say he isn't dedicated!]

 

If any student does even the smallest thing wrong he slaps them with a detention. 

 

[Trophy: So, what's wrong with that?]

[Jjs: Gasp! How horrible! He hands out detentions...like any other teacher? Sergeant Bad is a better villain.]

[Hayden: Well, it certainly isn't nice to slap your students.]

[Wumbo: After suffering through elementary and high school students, I'm on Mr. Dab's side here. Slap some sense into 'em while you're at it.]

 

Since Neptune isn't a good student he gets detention a lot.

 

[Wumbo: You know, there's a solution to that. It's called not being a total dick.]

[Hayden: I'm liking this Dab guy more and more! Finally some karma for our pricktagonist.]

[JCM: I want to give Neptune a detention right now just for being alive.]

 

Meanwhile, Josh and Jessica have the Nicest Math teacher ever, Mrs. Abd.

 

[Jjs: I like how Abd and Dab both spell "Bad" if you mix the letters around. I bet that totally doesn't mean anything. *wink wink*]

[Hayden: So you noticed it too, jjs. How peculiar. Probably just a coincidence.]

[Wumbo: Unfortunately, because of the strict ruling on these teachers' names at this school, only Mr. Bda, an average English teacher, can join them.]

[JCM: You forgot the social studies teachers Mr. Dba and Miss Adb. Love those two.]

 

She seems to be the exact opposite of Mr. Dab

 

[Wumbo: Thanks, chief. Kind of gathered that from "nicest math teacher ever".]

 

as she actually rewards the students for any little thing hey do right.

 

[Trophy: Like with what? A winning lottery ticket?]

[JCM: Well, then I'm sure the students are very happy every time Hey does something right.]

 

After school, Neptune, Josh, Jessica and the rest are hanging out at Neptune's place talking what happened that day. 

 

[Hayden: Love how Mandy and Frank get referred to as "the rest" despite having more of a foothold in the spinoff. Guess Goosey created Josh and Jessica once he realized he wanted to do a school chapter and realized he had already placed Mandy and Frank in other towns. Might as well not even include Frank and Mandy in this plot because Josh and Jessica work just as interchangeably due to the same lack of personality.]

[JCM: "The rest" is so vague that it could be Frank, Mandy, Gill Bates, Joe, their parents, or anybody else in Bikini Bottom. This episode could just as well be a game of Mad Libs.]

 

Frank finds it odd that Dab only tortures Neptune and none of the other students. Neptune says it's just a coincidence.

 

[Trophy: So is the fact that I got a TV on.]

[Jjs: If you tried to count how many times this Neptune comes off as an obnoxious egotistical douchebag, you'd probably lose count.]

[Hayden: Well how about that, the meanest teacher in the world only has problems with one student. I wonder if they have a bias towards Neptune? Or maybe it's just Neptune acting like Neptune. The latter makes plenty sense alone.]

[Wumbo: Haha, "tortures". Like, he gets detention and stuff! Waaay uncool! Seriously, fuck this guy so hard.]

 

Neptune decides to get started on his homework. 

 

[Trophy: Princes get homework now? Huh, I never knew that they didn't have servants to do this for them.]

[Jjs: That's probably the smartest thing Neptune has ever done through this entire show.]

[Hayden: It's the first day of 10th grade, it's probably just those slips that you put your signature on. I don't think Neptune would be able to pull off much else.]

[JCM: "Frank, how do I spell my name again?"]

 

Franks takes a look at and sees Mr. Dabs name next to "Teacher". Then he shouts "Sergeant Bad!"

 

[Jjs: 

 ]

[Trophy: So Mr. Dab's first name is now "Tnaegres"?]

[Hayden: Well someone's jumping to conclusions.]

 

Neptune asks what's going on. Frank tells him he is Dyslexic 

 

[Jjs: Apologies to people with Dyslexia everywhere.]

[Hayden: Is Frank's Dyslexia being used as a way to advance this cruddy plot? Why is Frank the only person who ever gets shit done? He should be our main character.]

[Wumbo: Oh, character development. Too bad it's the last episode and any additions to character are pretty much just padding at this point.]

[JCM: Did they not know he was dyslexic before? How long have they been friends again?]

 

and reads Mr.Dab as "Mr. Bad" and says "Mr. Dab is Sergeant Bad!"

 

[Trophy: HE SAID THAT ALREADY! REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT!]

[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you Goosey in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

[Jjs:  ]

[Hayden: Go home Frank, you're drunk.]

[Wumbo: *rdknu]

[JCM: It shouldn't take dyslexia for these characters to figure out the connection between those two...oh wait, it would.]

 

Of course the other guys call Bull

 

[Trophy: So this isn't a kids show, go figure. Okay then, nice to know. Actually, I don't know what audience this is aimed at.]

 

on this but Frank says that Dab bears an Uncanny resemblance to Bad,

 

[Hayden: Despite Frank never seeing what Mr. Dab looks like? A name is not enough information FYI.]

[JCM: Maybe Mr. Dab draws on a photorealistic version of his face on all his assignments. It wouldn't be the most ridiculous thing to happen here.]

[Wumbo: Okay, are we seriously going for the "Dab looks like Bad" angle to determine that the teacher is actually Sergeant Bad? It makes no sense! How does he maintain a secret identity as a teacher, a well-known-for-his-strictness teacher, while being a villain? Why would he even do that? What's wrong with this stupid spin-off? No, no, don't answer that. I don't need a thesis.]

 

Neptune agrees that they do look a bit alike but there is no way they are the same person. Franks says there's only to find out: Spy on Mr.Dab

 

[Jjs: Apparently there's more than one Frank again, and now they are going to stalk Mr. Dab. Well, that's not creepy.]

[Hayden: How is the person who doesn't even go to Neptune's school the first one to figure this out? Goosey has a Frank fetish I swear.]

 

The other kids are against this but if it proves that Frank's theory is total crap then they'll go right along.

 

[Trophy: I can't blame them, this theory sure does smell like crap, as does everything else in this.]

[Jjs: Whoa whoa Goosey, cool it with such language like "crap". This is a kids' show...I think!]

[Hayden: Proving Frank wrong is worth stalking your teacher.]

[Wumbo: They were against it, but they would go right along with it. Look ma, no consistency!]

[Consistency Police: THIS IS THE SECOND TIME! *arrests him again* Ugh, now we have to go somewhere else, move along.]

[JCM: Is every day "Piss on Frank Day"? Why does he hang out with these people?]

 

The next day, after school the kids follow Mr,.Dab on his way home.

 

[Jjs: So a ton of kids decide to stalk Mr. Dab, and he just shrugs it off? Does he just assume they want to sell him something?]

[Hayden: ....Does Dab even have a car? Damn, those teacher salaries sure are small.]

[JCM: So, despite Frank and Mandy going to completely different schools in completely different cities, they're able to get to Neptune's school just in time to follow his teacher home. Makes enough sense to me.]

 

Eventually he ends up leaving and town and Neptune warns Frank they shouldn't leave the city.

 

[Trophy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6NaZrPQGfY ]

[Wumbo: When "town and Neptune" are warning you not to leave the city, you'd better take heed.]

 

Thankfully Dab doesn't go any further.

 

But he does make a turn into "Bad's Old Boot Camp!"

 

[Jjs: I couldn't comprehend this if I tried. Dab just randomly leaves town, "doesn't go any further", and somehow goes into Bad's old boot camp? What's with the locations in this spin-off? Sense. This makes none.]

[Hayden: All this proves is that Mr. Dab is so poor he lives in abandoned boot camps.]

[JCM: Is that actually the name of the camp? I can't imagine why anyone would want to send their kids there.]

 

Frank says "I told you!" Neptune says "Holy Crap, he IS Bad!"

 

[Wumbo: So is this spin-off! *unfinished rimshot*]

 

Before anything bad could happen, 

 

[Jjs: HAHA I GET IT.]

[Hayden: DERP, SO CLEVER.]

 

they all ran back home.

 

[JCM: Are these cities so tiny that you can just walk and run anywhere without any transportation?]

[Trophy: BUT NEPTUNE IS A MERMAN! HE SWIMS!]

[bill Cipher: Since the Consistency Police are gone, I got this one. *teleports this to jail for the third time*]

[Jjs: Without being noticed either it seems, but at this point, I stopped giving a shit with the "logic" in this spin-off.]

 

Neptune has detention the next day and he plans to Confront Dab. Neptune's

 

[Trophy: GREAT, MULTIPLE FRANKS, NEPTUNE TELLS, AND NOW MORE NEPTUNES! HOW MANY CLONES ARE THERE!??!]

 

walks to him and just says "Ok let me cut to the chase. I know your Sergeant Bad so just give it up!"

 

[JCM: But his Sergeant Bad is priceless!]

 

Dab starts to advance on him.

 

[Jjs: ...Advance on him how? Well, now I know why he's called "the meanest teacher in the world"...]

[Hayden: Make sexual advances? Aha, now the title makes sense. But really, again with the stupid confrontations with no backup, Neptune? So much character development.]

[Wumbo: Neptune becomes Sergeant Bad's new assiant, to the pleasure of everyone.]

 

Frank, Mandy, Josh and Jessica are watching trough the window and thinks Dab is about to attack Neptune.

 

[Jjs: Wait, what the hell? Didn't it say Josh and Jessica were in school with Neptune?! How did Frank and Mandy get all the way there? You know what, forget it. If I tried to nitpick every single thing about this, we'd be here all day.]

[Hayden: They all skipped school to go watch Neptune be molested.]

[Wumbo: Or a more likely explanation for a spin-off of this caliber, "for the hell of it"!]

[JCM: Why establish things when you can surprise readers with ridiculously contrived plot details?]

 

They run into Mrs. Abd's room and asks from some help. They tell her that Dab is Sergeant Bad.

 

Mrs. Abd says "You silly kids, Dab isn't Sergeant Bad!"

 

[Trophy: 3.]

[Wumbo: I can see why she's spoken of so well. The condescension just comes off so Mary Poppins-like!]

 

Frank replies "That's impossible who else could it be?"

 

[Trophy: 2.]

[Jjs: They still haven't asked Mr. Dba, Mr. Bda, or Mrs. Adb. They might still be possible candidates!]

[Hayden: I wonder if a twist is about to happen.]

[JCM: It's the dastardly Run-On Sentence!]

 

Mandy asks "Ya! Who's Bad? Who's Bad?"

 

[Trophy: TV schedulers. 1.]

[Wumbo: Channeling Michael Jackson's Ghost and How to Do It Wrong by Mandy Toougly.]

[JCM: Look! Mandy is still a character! But seriously, she hasn't spoken a word until now.]

 

Abd says "I'M BAD!!"

 

[Trophy: OH MY GOD!]

 

She then took off her disguise to reveal

 

[Jjs: ...Man, lots of predators at school today. I'm going to seriously call Chris Hansen if this doesn't stop.]

[Hayden: So Sergeant Bad decided to cross-dress and somehow got a teaching degree? And he decided to get into a class where he teaches Jessica and Josh, two people who weren't even on his revenge list?]

[JCM: Here's the Fast Times moment we've all be waiting for!]

 

that SHE is Bad. 

 

[Jjs: Oh ok, the classic bad guy dressing up as a woman. Now before you all bother to question how he possibly pulled this off, keep in mind nobody in this town seems smart in the slightest, so it seems pretty easy to get away with anything there. Hence why a gang of rich bitches could scam people and how a gang of pimps could get away with thievery for so long.]

[Hayden: Thanks jjs, that explains it. Let us carry on.]

[JCM: Aw, she didn't turn out to be a dude in the film.]

 

The kids try to leave but Bad locks the door and tie them up.

 

[Jjs: Attempting sexual assault on kids is one thing. Kidnapping people is another thing. Even tying them up is another thing. But locking that innocent door? YOU MONSTER!]

[Hayden: HURRY FRANK, USE YOUR HULK SMASH ON SERGEANT BAD!]

[JCM: This went from Fast Times to Fifty Shades of Grey before I even knew it!]

 

Back in Dab's room, Mr.Dab tells Neptune that he isn't Sergeant Bad. 

 

[Jjs:   ] 

[Hayden: Told you he's just dirt poor. It was so obvious from the get-go.]

[JCM: So he just slaps children instead of having sex with them, thank God!]

 

Neptune doesn't believe him at first but then he hears the other kids screaming.

 

[Jjs: Now you aren't trying anymore with these pedophile innuendos. There's no way Goosey unintentionally wrote some of these...]

[Hayden: Oh, and props to Bad for making a giant commotion and revealing himself prematurely in the middle of a school day inside the school. Can his plans get any more heinous and well thought out?]

 

Dab and Neptune run into Abd's room and sees the kids tied up. Bad walks over to Neptune and is about to tie him up 

 

[Trophy: Now that I think about it, is this the king or god Neptune? Because if it's the god, USE YOUR POWERS, YOU BITCH!]

[Wumbo: Okay, so they run into the room. Nothing wrong with that. OH OH WAIT EXCEPT THE FUCKING DOOR IS LOCKED]

[Jjs: Is all Bad can do tie people up? What about building another giant robot out of crap?]

[Hayden: Okay Bad, never mind the adult right next to Neptune. Dab can save the day with his poor person powers.]

[JCM: Why have a fivesome when you can have a sixsome!]

 

when Frank breaks out of the ropes and punches Bad in the face.

 

[Jjs: Frank saves the day four times in a row. He throws a banana peel, beats princes up, tips over a robot, and now punches Bad in the face. Might as well call this "Prince Frank" with all the glorification he is getting.]

[Hayden: *looks above at previous hulk smash comment* FVDSBBGFJFDBJ, I WASN'T BEING SERIOUS! LMFAO. Goes to show how predictable this is.]

[Wumbo: Looks like dyslexia triggers superhuman strength.]

 

Bad is knocked out and Dab calls the police. 20 minutes later, the police arrive but Bad has mysteriously disappeared. Only his disguise remains.

 

[Trophy: YOU LET HIM GET KNOCKED OUT, THEN LEAVE HIM ALONE JUST FOR 20 MINUTES TO FIND THAT HE DISAPPEARED? DAFUQ?]

[Jjs: Hey, Bad gets away for the second time in a row in yet another unexplained way! Don't you guys love this writing?]

[Hayden: They must of all went out for smoothies instead of sticking around to make sure Bad didn't escape. Headcanon.]

[JCM: The moral of this story is that if you can't do the time, don't do the crime, unless you're an important villain. If you are an important villain, then if you can't do the time, you can still do the crime, because the heroes will become incompetent whenever you're about to get caught.]

 

The next day, after school the kids apologize to Dab for thinking he's Bad.

 

[Trophy: They're too lazy to do it the first day.]

[Wumbo: Okay, time out. So Dab isn't Bad and Abd is Bad and yada yada yada. But can I just ask something? Something I feel has been glossed over? What the hell is up with Dab "making an advance" on Neptune? Not only did it not result in anything, but why was that line included in the first place? Oh, right. Because consistency doesn't matter when you're trying to trick your reader. It's the same reason why Lois Lane made plans to enslave the world to take the edge off of Zod in Man of Steel.]

 

Dab says that while he wasn't Bad was actually on old friends of Neptune's Dad's 

 

[Jjs: Oh yeah, Neptune's Dad exists, so let's be reminded he does with an out of nowhere relationship.]

[Hayden: Poor Kronos became irrelevant and never got to share that story about his evil ex. He was also reduced back to "Neptune's Dad" because Goosey forgot he gave the character a name.]

[Wumbo: Friends single out their friends' sons in class as the target of their hatred? Seems legit. Actually, almost anything does in this bizarre, inconsistent spin-off.]

[JCM: He were "on" old friends of Neptune's Dad's? I hope it was consensual.]

 

and he was sent to this school to see if the rumors about Bad disguising himself were true.

 

[Trophy: What rumors?]

[Wumbo: Fat lot of good you did. It took the kidnapping of four minors to tip you off, jackass.]

 

Frank asks what Dab was so mean and simply says "Cuz it's fun!"

 

[Trophy: 

]

[Jjs: I like how an adult is talking in idiotic slang, but then I remember nobody in this spin-off is close to being smart, regardless of age.]

[JCM: This is our entire educational institution in a nutshell.]

 

The 5 kids head home and decided to forget about this whole mess.

 

[Jjs: Welp, looks like we can finally end this...]

[Wumbo: If only I could forget about this whole mess... *rimshot finishes*]

[Hayden: So Dab illegally disguised himself as a teacher to figure out if another person was illegally disguising themselves as a teacher? And then he decided to be a dick to Neptune despite being friends with Neptune's father? *slow clap*]

 

Meanwhile, At Bad's Boot Camp.....

 

[Trophy: Where Dab was earlier, which was never explained...]

[Jjs: Oh okay, that too. Cliffhanger for the attempt of suspense. Go on and amuse me.]

[Hayden: Cliffhangers are fun when we don't have 10,000 loose plot threads to tie up first. I guess we'll never find out where Goosey's vision was headed towards next. Frank probably would have solved every mystery with his Dyslexia.]

[Wumbo: Oh yeah, and after "assiant", "Bad's Boot Camp" does not sit well with me in the slightest.]

[JCM: Is it Bad's Old Boot Camp or Bad's Boot Camp? Make up your mind, Goosey!]

 

Bad is talking to someone in the shadows, that someone says that his mission was a success and they don't suspect a thing. Bad simply sits back and says "Perfect. Soon I will be able to beat those kids once and for all!"

 

[Trophy: It's clearly Dab, since he walked in there earlier.]

[Jjs: DUN DUN DUN...oh, who even cares? A lame cliffhanger to cap off a lame show. I don't know what to say about this show. The big problem with this is that it never really seemed to know what it wanted to do. Was it trying to be serious? Was it trying to be a comedy (and it wasn't doing a good job if so)? If the creator doesn't know what to do with the show, neither does the audience. While it was stupidly amusing in some areas, the unlikable characters, extremely unoriginal elements, stupid attempts at explaining things (LOL DON'T ASK HOW) and poor grammar make this a very, very DATED, disjointed and overall strange show. Thanks to all for riffing this. Not sure if I would consider this one of the worst spin-offs/lits ever made, as I do find it somewhat amusing in a So Bad It's Good way, but it might be up there in the future. However, just like The Runaway Sponge, it is so stupidly amusing, that it is somewhat worth rereading. That's all for now.]

[Hayden: I think I could have handled a few more chapters before my brain snapped from all the instances where logic was ignored. This is how things likely ended though. Mandy got surgery to remove her ugliness. Frank went to anger management classes. Josh and Jessica finally got some traits of their own, but turned out to be the spies anyways because Goosey lied. Sergeant Bad was killed by Sergeant Good in an epic duel to the death at the end of the series. And Kronos and Neptune were killed by the evil power duo of pedophile Dab and Kronos's evil ex. I just wrote the happiest epilogue ever. You should write like me more often Goosey. Aight, Haydizzle out. You may have seen the last of Prince Neptune, but where there's a riff, there's a Hay.]

[Wumbo: Guys, this sucked. I mean, it really sucked. This is the worst thing I've riffed so far. It's lazy, inconsistent, confused, and to top it all off, hideously mean-spirited. And it ends on a cliffhanger that never gets resolved? Seems like a fitting ending to this waste of keyboard wear.]

 

End.

 

[Jjs: Well, at least Goosey seemed to know he wouldn't be posting 6 and beyond.]

[Wumbo: Best thing I've read in this spin-off. Now, what's next? Only time will tell. Hopefully it's not One Riffing Later.]

[JCM: There was apparently supposed to be an episode after this titled Neptune + Jessica, but fortunately for us, it didn't pan out. I will admit that I found this spin-off enjoyable in a so-bad-it's-good way, but I certainly wouldn't call it a must-read. Goodbye, everybody! I hope to riff again with y'all soon.]

[Metal Snake]

This was my favorite riff of the five. Great work!

[SpongeOddFan]

loved how you riffed this, great job, guys

[Jjs Goodman]

The Adventures of DoodleBob:

 

1 + 2. City Exploration + The Ultimate Battle:

Spoiler

[Jjs: Hello, and welcome back to another edition of Riffing Theater. Today, we're riffing an obscure show that few of you may remember. It was created by the old goofball himself, Person. Creative name aside, I recently discovered he apparently made two spin-offs a long time ago. I may or may not riff the other one. This one is only two episodes, so I could riff the other if fans want me to. For now though, here's The Adventures of Doodlebob.]

[Wumbo: Someday I will get a life. But that day is not today. On with the riff!]

[sOF: Glad to be back. Let's see the genius work that Person made, shall we?]

 

Intro:

Doodlebob came back to life.

 

[Jjs: At least unlike Goosey, Person can insult the reader's intelligence without a "Don't Ask How".]

[Hayden: Such lovely exposition. I smell a really well thought out story coming.]

[Wumbo: So we're starting in the middle, eh? This could work. Could. Very small chance, but it could.]

[sOF: Sweet, opening up the story with a plot hole. Yup, that's Person for you.]

 

He has a very hard life in Bikini Bottom and he was now scared of Spongebob.

 

[Wumbo: Nah, this won't work.]

[Jjs: ...So we just randomly open with Doodlebob coming back from the dead somehow, which is never explained. Hey, I'll buy it if it brings Michael Jackson back from the dead.]

[Hayden: I have the feels for Doodlebob, spontaneously coming back to life only to face hard times and be a total coward.]

[sOF: I like how instead of slowly building up to this, everything is thrown at us in two sentences. At least Person spared us important details, because who needs those?]

 

So he leaves and goes home, but his mom

 

[sOF: So, a mom suddenly comes out of nowhere. What, did he draw one up? Does he have a dad too? Why am I over-thinking anything in this so far?]

[Jjs: ...Mom? I know this is fiction, but please....PLEASE, try to explain this story, because so far I couldn't comprehend this if I tried. How does Doodlebob come back to life? Where did he get a mom from?! This isn't even funny anymore. I thought it was Spin-Off 101 that you need to explain your exposition, otherwise you get random crap like this.]

[Hayden: Doodlebob has a mother? THAT BASTARD!]

 

keeps giving him problems and treating him badly because she is very neglegent, so he goes to Doodle City. It's like Squidville in that episode where Squidward moves so far away that he can brag about it, but returns home after being mad over the other Squids complaining that his pranks with the riefblower are ruining their town.

 

[Jjs: Was that Person's attempt at breaking the 4th wall? Cute.]

[Hayden: What in the hell is a riefblower? Also, why did he have to explain to us an SB episode to make his lousy point? Hooray, Doodlebob is among his own kind now and lives happily ever after. End story.]

[Wumbo: Well, I'd much rather be watching that episode than reading this.]

 

Here Doodlebob will interact with other Doodles his own age.

 

[Jjs: Now we observe as the Doodlebob creature interacts with other doodles in the city known as "Doodle City"...]

[Hayden: Doodles have ages? What if Doodlebob has sex with an underage doodle?]

[Wumbo: I interacted with a doodle once. High school days are for experimentation. Didn't go well.]

 

Episode 1: City Exploration 

 

[sOF: You mean we didn't even start yet? Because it still feels like we've barely started.]

[Wumbo: Wait, we're not even in the episode yet and it's already dragging?]

 

Doodlebob: "Hi there. What's your name?"

 

[sOF: Still not entirely abandoning all hope just yet though...]

 

Doodledave: "Shut the hell up and get your Doodle ass out of this place, you mother fucking bastard. Us Doodles don't talk like that. You just a little punk who doesn't know shit around here." (smashes Doodlebob on the ground, bangs his head on the concrete pavement, beats him until he is practically covered in blood). 

 

[sOF: Aaaaand there went my faith in the spin-off. It's probably stuck in the Bermuda Triangle, so good luck getting it out.]

[Jjs: ...I don't know whether to laugh or cry. This line riffs itself.]

[Hayden: Doodledave is my new favorite character of anything ever.]

[Wumbo: Oh, which way to the Living Without a Brain Seminar? don't be late!]

 

Doodlebob suffered from this injury for the next two months and the doctor prescribed him some medicine to take.

 

[Jjs: I think I'm developing a tumor in my brain from these poor summaries. This is exactly like how Prince Neptune started. It never slows down or takes the time to develop anything. Why did Doodledave go all Kanye West on Doodlebob? What kind of medicine? What's wrong with this strange show?]

[Hayden: It's called karma Doodledick Bob. Now take your damn doodle pills and recover from brain damage. Don't have the same fate as the person writing this story!]

 

When he finally fully recovered, he had the guts

 

[Jjs: But drawings don't have guts.]

[sOF: Okay, stop. What the hell is even going on here? A doodle randomly beats the shit out of DoodleBob (who doesn't get arrested for some reason), goes into a hospital for two months, and then decides to go back for a rematch? I really hate to re-use a Nostalgia Critic gag, but...you know, what never mind, it's not even worth it here.]

 

to go back to Doodle City for another visit.

 

[Wumbo: Remember, kids! Always return to the place where you were beaten senseless with sustaining injuries! It just takes guts!]

 

He looks around and realizes the real right way that people introduce eachother.

 

[Wumbo: A punch to the gut, a flick to the nose, and a how d'you do. Three Stooges style, except The Stooges were more cerebral.]

 

He heard a Doodle say to another: Doodle greetings to you." The other Doodle then said: "Doodle greetings to you too, sir. Welcome to Doodle City.

 

[Jjs: ...That's it? He got his ass handed to him for not saying "Doodle greetings"? I better watch my greetings when visiting foreign countries then.]

[Hayden: Run for the hills Doodlebob, these doodles make you look sane by comparison.]

[Wumbo: This spin-off approved by Kim Jong-Un for depictions of senseless violence and needless conformity.]

 

Doodlebob: "I get it now. I wish I heard that when I was here two months ago." Oh, there's a person I can go meet right there."

 

[Jjs: "I wish I heard that". It's like I wish was I riffing myself!]

[Hayden: I'm glad Doodlebob also knows how speak English now, though he could take a grammar lesson or two and not only point out the obvious with his lines.]

 

Doodlebob: "Doodle greetings to you."

 

Doodledon: "Doodle greetings to you too, sir. Welcome to Doodle City."

 

[Jjs: Is this just some doodle version of "May peace be with you"? Are they some religion now?]

[sOF: I'd like to join the Doodle Greetings Society.]

 

Doodlebob: (Thinks to himself: watch out! say doodle thanks). "Doodle thanks, sir."

 

[Wumbo: ...yes, even though there was no way you could have known that. If you had psychic abilities, why not use them firsthand before getting maimed?]

 

Doodledon: My name is Doodledon. There are tons of stuff to do around here. I hope you will find something you like. Have fun exploring."

 

[DoodleSOF: Hello, I'm DoodleSOF. There are tons of vague things to do around here. I vague you will find something you like. Have fun vaguing.]

[Doodlejjs: My name is Doodlejjs. I like speaking in ways no human being would ever speak. Have fun exploring.]

[Doodlehayden: I doodle will Now doodle bye and have a doodle day and don't forget to put doodle in front of every word you say or else we'll kill you.]

[Doug Dimmadome: I'm getting Dimma-tired of this Dimma-repetition.]

 

Doodlebob walks around the city and finds many places to go to, including a movie theater called Doodle Cinemas, a Doodle arcade, many Doodle restaurants, a Doodle bowling alley, a Doodle amusement park, a Doodle mall, many Doodle gift shops, a Doodle zoo, a historic Doodle museum, a Doodle golf course, a Doodle basketball court, a Doodle pool hall, a Doodle bar, and a Doodle strip club. 

 

[Jjs: Wait...they have a doodle strip club?]

[Hayden: Well of course jjs. Doodles need to get off too. All these regular places sound so amazing with the word doodle in front of them.]

[Wumbo: "Doodle bar"? "Doodle strip club"? This just gets more homosexual by the second.]

 

Doodlebob: "I am going to live here forever." 

 

[Jjs: 

]

[Hayden: Fade to black, end series. What a "lovely" short story....at least he knew to end it right ther-]

 

End of 1 

 

[sOF: That's it? That barely was one episode. And the next one is the last? That's Doodle disappointing, I say.]

[Jjs: Still trying to process one question: what the fuck did I just read?]

[Hayden: There's another one? What the hell was another one made for? The sequel is never as good as the original...and that worries me immensely concerning something like this.]

[Wumbo: When in Doodle City, Doodle do as the Doodle doodles Doodle do.

2. The Ultimate Battle

Episode 2: The Ultimate Battle 

 

[Jjs: It's the last episode, so it better be a damn good battle.]

[Hayden: I thought the ultimate battle was reading through this story without getting an aneurysm.]

[Wumbo: Hopefully it's not a battle of wits, because this spin-off seems unarmed.]

[sOF: I bet it totally won't end on a cliffhanger either. We gotta give Person some credit here folks.]

 

Doodlebob rented an apartment on 2385 Doodle Street.

 

[Wumbo: Funny enough, "Doodle Street" is the name of every street here in Doodle City. People tend to get doodle lost.]

 

His strict landlord told him that if he did not pay rent on time by the end of any first month, he will kick him out.

 

[Jjs: And to keep with the themes of this spin-off, the landlord will also savagely beat him.]

[Hayden: By the end of any first month? Does that mean Doodlebob only has to pay up the first month and then he never has to pay again? Also, "Doodle Street"? Are there any other streets and do they have more creative names than the convenient one Doodlebob was placed on?]

 

There will be no second chances, and he will be expelled from Doodle City and will have to move someplace else. 

 

[Jjs: Expelled? When did Doodle City stand for Doodle College?]

[sOF: Maybe he could try Doodle University next.]

[Hayden: Because obviously that's how real life works. Congratulations on nailing the realism, Person.]

[Wumbo: Maybe this landlord just had a bad experience... not with a doodle... but a don'tle. High five me. High five me.]

 

Doodlebob signed a contract honoring this statement. He decided to go out and have fun.

 

[Jjs: "Several Fun Things Later"...]

[Wumbo: So far, everyone in this lit seems pretty anti-fun... unless Doodlebob's a masochist. "Oh, baby. Erase me some more."]

 

He luxuriated in the fact that living on his own meant he could do whatever he wants, rule free. When he was walking, he reunited with his arch nemesis, Doodledave. 

 

[Wumbo: "Arch nemesis"? But I thought they were cool, what with all the doodle greetings and such. Wait, that was Doodledon, looking back. Doodledave was that basic bitch who kicked him out. But Doodlebob never learned his name. How does he know it now? DAMN YOU, SPIN-OFF, FOR MAKING ME REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS CRAP.]

[sOF: Don't worry Wumbo, this spin-off has already confused my brain too. I'm not sure what IQ points I'm down to, but I'm pretty sure it's in the negatives.]

 

Doodlebob: "AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOODLEDAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[sOF: AHH!! CAPS LOCK ATTACK, GO!!!!]

[Jjs: SCREAM!!!! SHOUT!!!! HOLLER!!!!!]

[Hayden: AHHHH! I'LL YELL OUT HIS NAME! THAT WILL HELP ME AVOID THE SITUATION!]

 

Doodledave: "Hey Shitbob.

 

[Jjs: DoodleBob is going to need to visit a Doodle Ice Pack Store soon for that Doodle Burn.]

[Wumbo: That's "Doodle greetings to you, Shitbob." Prepare for an ass-whuppin' and get learned.]

 

I thought I told you to leave this city, what was it, oh yah, like two months ago?

 

[sOF: I like how "two months" flies by in ten seconds in this spin-off.]

[Wumbo: It took Doodlebob two months to rent an apartment? The real estate is brutal in Doodle City! Or should I say, doodle estate. No, no I shouldn't. Don't sink to the spin-off's level.]

 

What the hell are you doing back?"

 

[Hayden: Doodledave made the sin of calling him Shitbob instead of Doodleshit, all insults need the word doodle in them or you will face a strict penalty. As such, Doodlebob is now allowed to murder Doodledave on the spot.]

 

Doodlebob: "I rented an apartment on Doodle Street, and now only my landlord can kick me out. So HA HA AND HA!"

 

[Jjs: You won't be "HA HA AND HA!"ing when the landlord savagely beats you.]

[Wumbo: Or... Doodledave could kick you out like he did last time. It seemed to work fairly well.]

 

Dooledave: "I see. Well, I bet I can beat you at pretty much everything there is to do around here." 

 

[Jjs: Which is...?]

[Hayden: He tells the psycho that put him in a comatose state where he's living? Doodlebob needs to re-evaluate his life choices.]

 

Doodlebob: "Oh yah? Bring it on! Loser has to leave Doodle City and never come back again, and winner gets to beat the shit out of the loser. If it's a tie, then we both have to honor each other's skills and become allies."

 

[Jjs: *places money at betting stand* My money is on Doodledave winning. That "Shitbob" is a guaranteed win!]

[Hayden: I place my money on a tie and a cheesy lame ending, even though Jjs's bet sounds the most fun.]

[Wumbo: I call a doodle draw, rather than an ordinary tie. But yeah, cheesy ending, totally expecting it.]

[sOF: I'm betting on DoodleBob, just to even things out.]

 

Doodledave: Oh it's on! Get ready to get your ass kicked to the max. Nobody does better than Doodledave."

 

[Jjs: Nobody does better than Doodlegaston!]

[Hayden: Tough words from a Doo-Doodle. HA! *brick'd*]

[Wumbo: "Nobody does better than"... what are you, a cleaning product?]

 

Doodlebob and Doodledave first went to the arcade. Doodlebob won at Doodleman and Doodle racing. Doodledave won at Doodle fighter, Doodle house of dead, and Doodle claw. 

 

[Jjs: Doodle doodle doo, the creativity keeps getting doodleriffic.]

[Hayden: Shouldn't it be called the Doodle Arcade? MASSIVE PLOT HOLE BITCH.]

[Wumbo: STOP STOP STOP! STOP! DOODLE STOP, IF THAT MAKES YOU UNDERSTAND.

 

...

 

"Doodle house of dead"?]

 

Doodledave: "That's 3-2. I get first score. It's 1-0. In your face, bastard."

 

[sOF: "Even though there's still many more challenges to do, let me gloat now to justify I'm a douche!"]

[Hayden: How does Doodledave know Doodlebob's doodle mother was never married to his doodle father? He truly is a force to be reckoned with.]

[Wumbo: There's only five games in the arcade? That's... that's just a pretty lousy arcade, even by doodle standards.]

 

Doodlebob: "Don't get cochy yet. We still got lots more to cover."

 

[Hayden: I'll try not to get cochy myself. Whatever the hell that means.]

 

Next they went to the Doodle bowling alley. Best two out of three wins.

 

Doodledave: "Aren't you supposed to be one of the pins? I'm afraid you're in the wrong spot."

 

[Wumbo: I am ro-bot. Trash tal-king sys-tem mal-func-tion-ing, does not sound like di-a-logue ac-tu-al hu-man or doo-dle would say...]

 

Doodlebob: "You're goin DOWN punk." (Doodledave laughs so hard he couldn't breathe).

 

[sOF: FINLAND!]

[Jjs: RIP Doodledave: Died of laughter.]

[Hayden: This banter sure makes the battle beyond hardcore.]

 

First game: Doodlebob wins. Second game: Doodledave wins. Third game: Doodlebob wins.

 

[sOF: Person couldn't even be bothered to show the full games? What, could he only rent the bowling alley for two minutes so they had to bowl really fast?]

[Jjs: Couldn't even be bothered to show us the full games. Goosey and Person could get along well with their lack of details and what not...hey, maybe Doodledave and Doodlebob are supposed to be representations of them.]

[Hayden: I am so invested in this intense battle. Let's have our own battle jjs. 

First Game: Hayden wins

Second Game: Jjs wins

Third Game: Hayden wins

YEA BOI, THAT REALLY SHOWS MY TALENT OFF TO THE FULLEST EXTENT.]

[Wumbo: First and second riff of this spin-off: Everybody loses.]

 

Doodlebob: "Sucker! 2-1. I get second score. it's 1-1. We are tied so far. In your face, bastard."

 

[Wumbo: So they're both bastards. You'd think they would be able to bond over their familial similarities.]

 

Doodledave: "FUCK YOU!

 

[sOF: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?]

 

We still got more. We'll just see who's the best soon. We all know who it will be. ME!"

 

Next they saw a sign on a Doodle restaurant when they were walking that said: Free eating contest. Come bring your friends and challenge them to this sick competition.

 

[Jjs: A sick competition? I don't know why anyone would bring their friends to a germ infested contest.]

[Wumbo: Actually, throwing up is immediate disqualification for an eating contest. So I'd be interested to see how a "sick" one would turn out. Actually, no I wouldn't.]

 

Doodlebob and Doodledave went. First they were given a slice of pizza.Doodlebob was faster. 1-0. Next they were given a hot dog. Doodledave was faster. 1-1. Next they were given a hamburger. Doodledave was faster. 1-2. Finally they were given a blueberry pie. Doodledave was faster. 1-3. Doodledave went to the bathroom to throw up. His stomach felt like it was about to explode. but not high tolerance doodledave. score is 1-2.

 

[Jjs: That was the fastest eating competition I've ever seen.]

[Hayden: Wow, who knew such a small amount of food could make you throw up. Doodles must have small stomachs.]

[Wumbo: Lamest. Eating contest. Ever. I've eaten more for an afternoon snack.]

 

Next they went to the basketball court. doodlebob won 12-8. score is now all tied up at 2-2.

 

[sOF: Looks like Person is getting screwed over with renting these areas. He really needs a higher budget.]

[Jjs: Wow, Doodlebob might be the next Michael Jordon.]

[Hayden: Another solid win in a competition involving balls. Is Person trying to tell us something about Doodlebob's sexual preferences?]

[Wumbo: If you want me to make genitalia jokes again pertaining to "doodle", Hayden, just come right out and say so.]

 

Finally, they went to the pool hall. Doodlebob won the game. score is 3-2. Doodlebob wins.

 

[DoodleBob: IN YOUR FACE, BASTARDS!]

[Jjs: Darn, I should have bet on Doodlebob instead.]

[Hayden: My bet was off too, damn how silly of me to think this would end with Doodledave and Doodlebob making out. Guess the cliché protagonist defeating the bully in a contest of skills trope was much more fascinating for Person to explore.]

[Wumbo: Wow, tone it down a bit, person. No need to convey excitement for your characters or anything.]

 

Doodlebob: "VICTORY! IN YOUR FACE BASTARD!

 

[Wumbo: Okay, that last riff was sarcastic, but seriously. Tone it down now. Also, what the hell is with "In your face, bastard"? Is that supposed to be the catchphrase of this spin-off? At least SOF had the good sense to reuse catchphrases he already knew were good.]

[Jjs: Doodlebob sure has a fetish of getting in Doodledave's face.]

 

Now you gotta leave the city and never come back. That was our deal. And, oh yah, get ready for the surprise I know you've been waiting for all day. You are about to eat your two month old words, Doodledave. (Doodlebob flips and spins Doodledave in the air, smashes his body on the ground, bangs head on concrete pavement, beats him until he is covered in blood). Who's the bigger man, now, Doodledave? Or should I say, Doodleloser? HA! See? It just so happens that I CAN beat you at something. ADMIT IT, YOU NO GOOD FOOL!"

 

[sOF: Is DoodleBob Mr. T now? I ain't pitying this fool.]

[Jjs: Wow, fighting the bully by being the bully. Loving these morals.]

[Hayden: Ladies and gentlemen, our lovable underdog. What a feel good story this was. And now that Doodledave is out of the picture, all conflicts are resolved and we never have to read this again. FOR REALZ!]

[Wumbo: Yay, they're both complete assholes. Warms the cockles of me heart, it does.]

 

Doodledave: "I gotta hand it to you, bro. You really can beat me. I solute you on your hard work and master skills. I deserved this beating. Farewell, my friend. We will not meet again."

 

[Jjs: ...I think I died a bit inside. I'm 99.999% sure a bully would never say those things-oh forget it, why think about anything in this so far.]

[Hayden: I "solute" Doodlebob too, he really deserved that asshole award of the year.]

 

A month had passed, and Doodlebob realized that he had forgot to pay rent. Out he goes.

 

[Jjs: And now the landlord will give Doodlebob a taste of his own medicine by flipping and spinning Doodlebob in the air, smashing his body on the ground, banging his head on the concerete pavement, and beating him until he is covered in blood. After his tragic defeat however, Doodlebob would return 2 months later after recovering, and challenge the landlord in an epic duel, only to win. Basically, the spin-off repeats itself.]

 

Doodlebob: DAMN IT! Well, I guess that means me and Doodledave are even.

 

[Hayden: Well needed karma or god awful writing? YOU DECIDE!]

[sOF: Why not just beat up the landlord? I'm 99% sure he never said "Doodle farewell" to you!]

 

Doodlebob spent hours searching for a new good house, but half of them were too expensive and the other half he didn't like.

 

[Jjs: Couldn't he just draw up a house?]

[Wumbo: What did I tell you about the real estate? Brutal. I hear the doodle realtors can't even find showy scarves to wear.]

 

Doodlebob: "I didn't think I'd have to do this, but I have no other choice. I gotta move back with my mom. SHIT!"

 

[Jjs: So Doodlebob is gonna move up with his mom in Doodle Bel Air.]

[Hayden: I wonder what zany adventures Doodlebob would have had with his mother had this show continued? Drawing her a doodle bath? Dealing with the doodle divorce? Doodle living in her basement? I'm glad we never found out.]

[Wumbo: Good, he's moving in with his mom. Maybe she can teach him how to be a competent adult.]

 

End of 2. 

 

[Jjs: Guys, just what the hell was this spin-off? Okay, it wasn't one I hated a lot. It did sort of have something going for it, but the odd, unsettling, and morbid mood just ruined it, along with the poor details. Just like Prince Neptune, it also ends with a cliffhanger that never gets resolved. Seems like a good end to this lulzy waste of writing.]

[sOF: "The Ultimate Battle" my ass. Yeah, I didn't hate it, but it's not very good either. It at least does have a few lulzy moments, but nothing special. Thanks for having me again, SOF signing out.]

[Hayden: Some could look at it as a cliffhanger, I look at it as a proper ending for this terrible version of Doodlebob, the real Doodlebob wasn't even this much of a punk. Oh well, that's all for now. Check back next time. Same Hayden time. Same Hayden channel.]

[Wumbo: Yeah, honestly, I would place this in the category of Prince Neptune-bad if it wasn't for one thing: That ending. While I was sort of expecting it from the beginning of the episode, the ending still satisfies me because Doodlebob and Doodledave get their just deserts for being straight up assholes. Honestly redeemed the spin-off a bit for me. Still laughably bad and repetitive, but at least it wasn't a complete waste. We had some good doodle laughs, and this is Doodle Wumbo, doodling out. My, that sounds obscene.]

Edited April 25, 2017 by jjsthekid