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SpongeBoy! Get a Clue

6. Mystery of No More Mysteries

 

Ep.6 "Mystery of No More Mysteries"

[Renegade: Then why is this an episode?]

[JCM: Because you touch yourself at night.]

[Trophy: Uh, isn't that a paradox?]

[Fred: No........more.......mysteries? Do you mean that the series is over? YEEEEEAH! WHOO HOO! CELEBRATE!

Goodbye, SpongeBoy. It had a short run, but it definitely was a bad--wait, there's more?! God fucking damn it.]

[Hayden: The alternate title for this episode is "Writer's Block".]

"AHHH..I can't take another day of this!" SpongeBoy said while hanging out with Sandy and Patrick in the woods. "Can't take another day of what?" Sandy asked.

[Hayden: UPwPrl6.jpg ]

[SpongeBoy: I just can't take another day of this crappy spin-off! Somebody put me out of my misery!]

"I can't take another day of no mysteries!" SpongeBoy blurted out.

[Trophy: What? You haven't done any mysteries in the first place, and we aren't even given a time indication. By this, I'm guessing Sandy's family should be back to normal by now.]

[Hayden: hufYD4L.jpg?1 ]

[JCM: Yeah, it sucks no one got killed today.]

[Renegade: ...Because there's nothing else you can do, like, I dunno...watch TV, play video games, ANYTHING besides fucking mysteries.]

"Maybe, the decrease in mysteries is a good thing.." Patrick suggested.

[Renegade: I agree, Patrick. It is a good thing, since a lack of mysteries means a lack of shitty writing. Oh wait...]

"But, its what drives me and my life!" SpongeBoy said.

[JCM: Neptune, take the wheel.]

[SpongeBoy: Without mysteries, it's like there's no narrative for me to exist in!]

[Fred: Calm down, SpongeBoy. What are you, a workaholic? Even Sherlock Holmes and Watson take holidays once in a while.]

[Trophy: Since when!? When did it ever drive you? It'd make sense if you even had somewhat of a personality before, and now we're getting this zany side. That sure would've helped instead of "an intelligent 2nd grade boy", now wouldn't it?]

"You can't let it" Sandy said. SpongeBoy, Gary, Sandy, and Patrick walked into the candy store.

[JCM: Wait, didn't they start off in the woods? Why is there a candy store in the middle of the woods? See, there's an actual mystery you can try to solve.]

"Guys look! Flex has a big bag of Hershey's. Certainly he not going to eat it all. There's a mystery here!" SpongeBoy said

[JCM: This Hershey's product placement is shameless.]

[Renegade: ...IT'S A MYSTERY AS TO WHY THE CHOCOLATE GUY ISN'T CHASING THAT ASSHAT DOWN.] 

[Hayden: I could go for an entire bag of Hershey's right about now. But then I'd be on as much sugar as SpongeBoy is currently on.]

[Fred: Mmmmmm, now I'm craving Hershey's.]

[Trophy: I'd love to hear the explanation for this one.]

"No mystery SpongeBoy. Flex has horrible teeth, ten cavities, and yesterday I saw him eat a whole bag of Goobers" Patrick said. "Whats up Pat!" Flex said giving Pat a high five an brushing past SpongeBoy and Sandy.

[Trophy: The mystery was that he wasn't going to eat it all, so if it even was a mystery in the first place that is still the wrong solution.]

[JCM: They're getting paid by Hershey's and Nestle? They're raking in so much dough I wouldn't be surprised if Pillsbury sponsored this too.]

[Fred: Mmmmmm, now I'm craving Nestle.]

[Hayden: So he'll brush past people, but he won't brush his teeth?]

"Why and how did you two become friends?" Sandy asked. "I was the first ever kid to stand up to him." Patrick said.

[Renegade: Because you can easily befriend bullies when you have balls to stand up to them! :D ]

[Trophy: So is this going to be a cop-out in future episodes? No? I doubt anything like this would be mentioned again.]

[Hayden: Big lugs like each other's company. In fact, I bet Patrick and Flex are secretly dating with what we know about this story's Patrick.]

The kids were hanging out in Sandy's room. "SANDY!" SpongeBoy screamed. "WHAT?" Sandy screamed back. "Your sister! She has a gun! This has mystery written all over it!" SpongeBoy said.

[JCM: Sandy's sister is apparently out of juvie, and she apparently has a gun. Some of that might have been useful to see in the description, but you do you.]

[Renegade: Such suspense.]

[Fred: I've got a good mystery for you to solve. Why the fuck won't you calm down?]

[Trophy: Oh, so Sally is back. Unless she has another one. Also, a gun isn't the most surprising thing yet.]

[Hayden: If Sally had the gun and was aiming it at you after your last encounter, it'd certainly be some action, but it wouldn't be something you need to solve....]

"No mystery SpongeBoy. My sister has a hot glue gun. She's doing a project." Sandy told him.

[Renegade: ...See?]

[Hayden: She must've gotten out of juvy for good behavior.]

[Trophy: Even a very delusional 2nd grader should know the difference between a hot glue gun and a Colt .45.]

The kids took Gary to the doctors for a monthly checkup. "Meeeoooww" Gary cried. He always hated going to the doctors. "OH MY! Gary, your doctor has a knife! Total MYSTERY!" SpongeBoy exaggerated.

[Renegade: YOU FUCKING MORON.]

[Hayden: Right now I'm hoping the doctor's knife slips and stabs a certain boy sponge.]

[Trophy: Mysteries are supposed to occur naturally, and the unexpectedness of them and being thrust into the situation is part of the experience, right? This is the complete opposite of that, and boy am I disappointed.]

[JCM: Why is everybody there at Gary's checkup? And why is he going to the doctor instead of a veterinarian? Those are mysteries I'd like solved.]

[Fred: Don't you realize how stupid you sound?

"You're holding a knife! This is a mystery! Your shirt is backwards! This is a mystery! Donald Trump is president! This is a mystery!"]

"Meow.." Gary said showing SpongeBoy that the doctor was really cutting the kids and Gary cake. "You don't like cake?" the doctor asked.

[Trophy: A real mystery should be what kind of doctor gives out cake to his patients, isn't that unhealthy? Also, why are they getting cakes?]

[Hayden: original.gif ]

"No, I do...umm, I should go..I'll..pick Gary up later." SpongeBoy said walking away in tears. Sandy, Patrick, and Gary followed him into the wood.

[Trophy: Wait, is the appointment going on? I assumed it was over since the doctor was giving out celebratory cake.]

[JCM: The wood? Why is he going into a piece of wood to cry?]

[Fred: No one wants to see or hear about your penis, SpongeBoy.]

[Hayden: If he's picking up Gary later, why was Gary released? What a drama queen though.]

"I'm screwed up guys.." SpongeBoy said. "No your not" Patrick said. "Yea, you just gotta let the mysteries come to you instead of chasing after them." Sandy said. 

[Hayden: Just like you gotta let the love of your life come to you rather than chase after them.]

"Meow." Gary said agreeing. "Guys, did you hear about the stolen whale?" Harold said, running up to the kids. "We're back in business guys!" SpongeBoy said running to the aquarium.

[Hayden: 49253-Whale-whale-whale-meme-yODk.jpeg 

No, but come on, way to undo your entire fucking lesson. Bravo. An entire episode about SpongeBoy throwing a hissy fit and getting triggered by every object he sees. It could've turned out that another person was solving the mysteries. Hell, the Scooby gang could have crossed over underwater and it'd still be a better plot. This was not even a mystery because at no point was SpongeBoy's obsession on the subject justified by some big reveal.]

[Renegade: The Mystery of No More Mysteries? Fucking riveting. A better title would be "The Mystery of Why SpongeBoy's a Moron!"]

[JCM: What is the point of this episode? I feel like my IQ decreased just by reading it.]

[Fred: I know a lot of good mysteries for SpongeBoy to solve. What's the point of this episode? Why did past!teenj write this? How come people tolerated this spin-off back in 2010? Will the stolen whale mystery even continue in the next episode?!

But I guess some mysteries are better left unsolved.]

[Trophy: I'd say he redeemed my point earlier and retract my statement about the mysteries needing to be natural, but boy did he just fuck that up with a buzzsaw on a dead tree. I understand that ending trope, but SpongeBoy doesn't even get time to reflect on himself for being desperate before it happens. Also, it's WAY too early in the series for SpongeBoy to feel this way, if anything it should be in the 3rd quarter of the season, due to liking the feeling of helping people who needed it, and then going crazy to it, IE The Helper from Wander Over Yonder as a reference. Even if it wasn't the best episode, it still reflected what this episode tried to do in a cartoonish manner, and that's the most obvious reference I could give for this to look up to. But no, it just feels like a forced idea that teenj wrote down because he knew he'd forget it and didn't know how to write down a proper season outline beforehand, let alone make revisions if he ever did have one.]

Edited by jjsthekid
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Holy crap, this episode is just...random. A bunch of random stuff that just goes nowhere.

28 minutes ago, Hungry Larry said:

"But, its what drives me and my life!" SpongeBoy said.

Dude, you're seven years old. Then it just ends with Willzyx getting stolen and I'm like, "What the fuck?".

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SpongeBoy! Get a Clue

7. Mystery On Thanksgiving

Spoiler

Ep.7 "Mystery On Thanksgiving"

[Fred: Yeah, so.......happy Thankstober, everyone?]

[Hayden: Well, just one week ago, Canada celebrated Thanksgiving.]

It was Thanksgiving in the Squarepants home and all of SpongeBoy's family were coming for the big day.

[Fred: "The big day"? How big was it? Bigger than Jesus?]

[Hayden: Hopefully not as many as the 20 people at my grandma's birthday dinner last night.]

"Wow Gary, everyone's here.",SpongeBoy said. "Meow",Gary said roaming away.

[Jjs: Wow, that dialogue was so poorly written it made Gary run off, when the episode has barely started. Good start.]

[Gary: "Aaaaaahhhh!!!!! People are here! Run away!"]

[Teenj: Haha, Gary's just as bored with this episode as we are.]

[Hayden: XgDSbRS.png?1  ]

"Okay, everyone sit in the living room and let the food cool off!", SpongeBoy's mother said. Everyone sat in the living. Talking, playing, yelling. Ten minuets passed.

[Jjs: What's a "minuet"? Damn foreigners and their mathematic systems.]

[Fred: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minuet

According to this, they danced to classical music 10 times.]

[Hayden: Maybe they want to sit on the roof. SpongeBoy's mother is such a control freak.]

[Teenj: I get 'talking' and 'playing', but 'yelling'? They must be watching sports.]

"Goodness, when are we going to eat.", SpongeBoy shouted.

[Jjs: When you can properly write quotes, ask a question with a question mark, and not shout when you have relatives over.]

[Hayden: When you stop countering all the goodness in the room with your badness.]

"I won't be eating that food, I'm a vegetarian.", cousin Seane said.

[Jjs: Who the hell? No, seriously, who the hell?]

[Hayden: Which food? You can still be a vegetarian and eat some of the Thanksgiving themed foods. All this line does is make Seane sound like a snob.]

[Fred: What did you do with Stanley, Seane?!]

[Teenj: Once again, this spin-off has a problem with characters just appearing out of nowhere without proper introduction.]

A half hour passed.

"Okay, the food is probably cooled off by now. Lets eat!", SpongeBoy's mother said.

[Jjs: ..."Probably cooled off"? Words cannot describe how hard I lol'd. So she just assumes the food is fine without even looking at it? SpongeBoy's mom is a terrible cook, and will have a lot of flak to deal with if their food is too hot or too cold (take your pick).]

[Fred: It's been a half hour, lady. I think it would have been cooled down right around now.]

[Teenj: Why the hell would she wait a half hour? In my experience, everyone usually wants their food nice and hot.]

[Hayden: If anything it's probably freezing and in need of a microwave.]

"Finally. I was about to die of hunger.", Grandpa Squarpants complained. When the family came in the kitchen, the food was all gone!

[Jjs: Considering how SpongeBoy's mom thought the food was "probably cooled off", I guess it's no surprise she didn't bother to check if the food was even still there. Explains a lot, actually.]

[Hayden: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=%20Squar

Who invited a Squarpants to this family reunion?]

[Teenj: I'm just wondering how it is that in a house full of relatives, no one saw a thing...]

"Oh no!", SpongeBoy's mother cried, "My hard work". SpongeBoy's father comforted her. "Let it all out honey, let it all out.", he said crying himself.

[Jjs: ...Wow. I hate to re-use this joke, but seriously, EVEN TOMMY WISEAU COULD SHOW MORE EMOTION THAN THESE TWO.]

[Hayden: They already lost the food, they can't afford to let anything else out.]

[Fred: I like how she goes from worried to just bored that quick.]

"OK people. One of you are guilty!",SpongeBoy said.

[Jjs: ALL YOUR GUILT ARE BELONG TO US]

[Teenj: SpongeBoy, star detective.]

[Hayden: Bold assertion. Now try narrowing it down to less than all of them.]

SpongeBoy found a gray piece of hair on the table. "Grandpa! Your the only one with gray hairs!", SpongeBoy said. The family gathered around the grandpa.

[Jjs: Couldn't it have been their grandma too though, if she is there? She could also have gray hair... But eh, why bother putting any more thought than what was put into this episode.]

[Teenj: So, SpongeBoy just assumes because of one small piece of gray hair? And I seriously doubt the grandfather is the only one with grays.]

"But..but...but, I ain't do it. I swear!", Grandpa Squarepants pleaded.

[Fred: I don't know who this "Do It" guy is, but no one is accusing you of being him.]

[Hayden: 57305015.jpg   ]

[Jjs: "Ain't do it"? Not only is that poorly lulzy grammar (which would be fine if his character established that, but we're given nothing to justify that, since nobody has any real personality), but nobody says that, even if he is old.]

"MEOW", Gary said leading the family to a trash can where all the food was put.

[Jjs: Wow, it's sad how the character who only says "MEOW" is the one moving the plot along. That's actually real sad.]

[Hayden: Can we please just make this a Gary detective show?]

[Teenj: Yup. Once again, SpongeBoy completely failed at solving the 'mystery' on his own merit.]

"Oh my.", everyone gasped. Gary sniffed the food on cousin Seane's hands. "HUH? Wait it makes perfect sense. Your a vegetarian, so you threw out all the food." SpongeBoy said. "I just hate the sight of meat, that's all..", she pleaded.

[Jjs: What are you, meatphobic? Even vegetarians wouldn't waste good food like that, you weirdo.]

[Hayden: They were only serving meat? Seane is the real victim for a family not including even one dish she can eat. Also, sure SpongeBoy, if you have some bias against vegetarians and think they always act like this, then yes it makes "perfect sense".]

[Fred: Seane is a she? It's so weird, I have never really heard that as a name before so I assumed that Seane was a guy.

Just pointing some weird flaws since I can't really comment on anything else in this episode.]

[Teenj: 1.) This reveal totally puts vegetarians/vegans in a bad light.

2.) It makes no sense that Seane could have gotten all of that food into the trash can without someone noticing. Then again, why am I still trying to find sense in this spin-off?]

"Your sooo grounded." Seane's parents said. The family worked together to make a big Thanksgiving meal.

[Hayden: No, she's just watered.]

SpongeBoy went outside for a minute. "Thank you God. For bringing my family together, on Thanksgiving Day.", SpongeBoy said looking up above.

[Fred: So did they just remake the dinner? Did they just eat their dinner from the garbage? I don't know and I don't care. I'm just thankful that this episode's over.]

[Jjs: Bringing religion into a mystery solving SpongeBob spin-off, eh? What an interesting way to end the episode. Not a good kind of interesting, but interesting. Unless SpongeBoy and friends try to solve the mystery of if God really exists, then this seems like a strange line to throw in. I have no problem with people's religions, but the problem with putting religion into a SpongeBob spin-off is... isn't Neptune pretty much their God? Oh well, I just hope nobody falls off a bridge in this spin-off, is saved by a vampire, and thanks God for it. We don't need to repeat that plot-line in this lulzy mess of a spin-off. And yes, the fact I made such a big deal over this religious line goes to show how much content was in this episode worth talking about. Which is nothing much. Honestly, this was probably the most useless episode yet in the spin-off, which is saying a lot.]

[Teenj: Well, that had to be the most underwhelming episode yet. And I agree that the ending bringing up Neptune God was kind of random.]

[Hayden: The real problem is that after all that there was no deserved reason for some "heartwarming" personal moment where SpongeBoy goes out and is thankful. The entire day is left off as a disaster with one of his cousins being punished. It's not like we see the family all hug and say the food doesn't matter if they have each other. In a series of abrupt endings, we have something that takes the turkey.]

 

Edited by jjsthekid
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SpongeBoy! Get a Clue

8. Mystery of The Mystery Vigilante

Spoiler

Ep.8 "Mystery of The Mystery Vigilante"

[Renegade: *rings up a company* Yes, is this the Department of Redundancy Department? I'd like to register a complaint...]

[Trophy: Stop right there. 5 words in. Just barely the title. There's already redundancy in the beginning. It will most likely be underwhelming, and I will not be impressed with this, as such to my reaction, of this here title.]

[Fred: A guy so mysterious that he deserves two of the same word in the title.]

SpongeBoy, Sandy, Patrick, and Gary ran down seashell street where it was reported that an alien has been scaring people. 

[Metal Snake: *sigh* 

How many times do we have to say this only one freaking sentence in, stop, you already lost me.

1. Way to throw us right into the action...and also into anything but suspense. Anyone who’s read Episode 4 of this show knows that this “alien” is obviously fake and there’s nothing here that could even slightly convince us otherwise.

2. ...People? As in humans? As in full-grown men and women too? Seriously? At least in Episode 4, the ‘scare victims’ were children. What, is the disguise that convincing? 

3. “Reported”? As in somebody actually considered this newsworthy? Worthy of investigation? If that’s all it took to get “reported”, everyone would just run around their neighborhood wearing a Chewbacca mask under the guise of performing a “social experiment”.]

[Trophy: Wait, aliens? Like that one radio station where they were too stupid to realize it was a book reading?]

[Fred: Alien hunting! Alien hunting!]

"Look, its the alien." SpongeBoy said.

[Metal Snake: “Look, it’s the bland dialogue.”] 

[Fred: "Buzz, look, an alien!"]

The kids ran towards the alien, but it was shot by a shadow-ed man.

[Metal Snake: Shadow-ed? They teach classes about shadows?]

[Fred: Shadow the Hedgehog?]

[Renegade: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! *evil laugh*]

[Trophy: WEYUHA, WHAT!??! The heck is a "shadow-ed" man? What's that supposed to mean? Also, way more importantly, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN THEN?:

Keep note: this was posted the DAY AFTER this episode was posted! I checked and it is indeed not an IOS 10 here. So a man flat out shooting someone still makes this a "lighthearted" spin-off. I was kidding when I said S&M subplots out of nowhere, but boy I can't wait for the nipple torture come the two parter, or whatever he progresses onto.]

The man ran. It was night, so the kids couldn't see who it was, but they could see it was infact a man.

[Renegade: "...Excuse me?! I IDENTIFY AS AN ATTACK HELICOPTER, AND YOU WILL RESPECT THAT. CIS. SCUM."]

[Metal Snake: At least the maniac isn’t sexually ambiguous?]

[Fred: Dude Looks Like a Lady?]

[Trophy: Yes, I can indeed identify this mysterious person has male genitalia through the pitch black.]

"Pull off the mask." Sandy told SpongeBoy.

[Trophy: How is he supposed to do that when this is most likely an adult considering they have a GUN and is most likely better at self defense?]

SpongeBoy took off the "alien's" mask.

[Renegade: "OLD MAN BRAN FLAKES?!"]

[Trophy: Wait, they decide to not chase after him like bumbling idiots? Yet the guy does nothing when he sees the nosy kids...alright, plot convenience for a later showdown it is.]

It was really the man at the candy store.

[Renegade: The candy man. The candy man can.]

[Trophy: NO! NOT SAM! He was just pursuing his hidden dream of becoming an attack on Tokyo monster actor!]

[Fred: Okay, hold up. Hold up, I'm about to go into a Metal Snake-esque rant now since somebody has to and it makes no god damn sense. 

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE CANDY MAN'S MOTIVE FOR DRESSING UP AS AN ALIEN AND SCARING PEOPLE?!

Did a kid steal from his candy store? Did somebody rob him? Was he just doing it for the lulz? The last one would make more sense than anything but why? It just seems so random and out of place!]

The cops arrived.

"What happened here?" cop man Jim asked.

[Trophy: "Cop man Jim", riffer boy Trophy stated.]

[Fred: So the original fry cook of the Krusty Krab became a cop now? Interesting.

Also, remind me to make "Cop Man Jim" my next new name after Halloween is over.]

[Metal Snake: cop man Jim

COP MAN JIM 

Congrats, you get partial credit for the unintentional hilarity. I sincerely do have Mega Man music playing in my head now just thinking of how badass Cop Man would be, let alone Cop Man Jim. Forget this fake monster mystery shit, I want to see more of him.] 

"The so called "alien" turned out to be the candy store man. He was shot by a man, but we didn't see the man's face." SpongeBoy told the cop.

[Metal Snake: So let me get this straight, he was murdered just for pretending to be an alien?! Jesus Christ, I know what not to dress up as for Halloween this year.]

[Trophy: And nobody knows who the guy is or why he was dressed as an alien. Phoenix Wright would put you to shame, and it's not even his job to do this stuff! Well, these idiots don't get paid for a reason, but still.]

[Fred: This town ain't right, Bobbeh, I tell you hwhat.]

-------------

The next day at school, SpongeBoy, Sandy, and Patrick discussed the mysterious man from last night. "The man did stop the candy store man's rage as the "alien"." Patrick said. "Yea, but shooting the candy store man was still bad." SpongeBoy said.

[Trophy: Whilst not bad enough to cause any emotional trauma to little kids.]

[Metal Snake: Please tell me this is a joke. You can’t sincerely be talking about this guy like he’s Batman, a hero with a dark form of bringing justice. He’s a MURDERER. You shoot someone for something as stupid as pretending to be a monster to prank others, that makes you a VILLAIN!]

Later on, SpongeBoy and his friends ran after a "werewolf", but the "werewolf" (who turned out to be the libarian), was shot down by the same man who shot the candy store man. 

[Renegade: ...I actually expected the librarian to be a ghost. Get it?] 

[Metal Snake: You shot me down, bang bang.]

[Trophy: Wh-huh? This guy has the time to shoot people who "antagonize" the elementary school? Is this just a really overprotective older brother archetype? Calm the fuck down bro.]

[Fred: Your librarian can turn into a werewolf? Solve that mystery instead of finding out who this mysterious "shadow-ed" figure is.]

On the News,

[Fred: The News? Does this involve Huey Lewis in any way?]

[Renegade: If it does, I want a new drug. No, seriously. Give me something to get me high so I won't have to suffer this shit sober.] 

they called this man, "The Mystery Solving Vigilante". "He is like a mystery vigilante. 

[Fred: you-keep-using-that-word.gif&key=be36f10 ]

[Metal Snake: On the actual news, they called this man, “The Mystery Creating Homicidal Maniac”.

Yeah, there appears to be a fundamental misunderstanding here. *ahem* *breathes in*

VIGILANTES ARE NOT FUCKING MURDERERS!

Vigilantes target evil psychopaths, not harmless pranksters! This episode should not have been called, “Mystery of the Mystery Vigilante”, it should have been called “Mystery of the Serial Killer”! Why?! Because saying “mystery” twice like that is unnecessary and redundant!] 

[Renegade: Worst. Comic book superhero name. Ever.]

[Trophy: Well SOF can be the Mystery Racer, and exist in Bikini Top, and be lulzy, so why not have him as the Vigilante? Case closed! Wait, mystery solving? Shooting people doesn't solve mysteries! It's the highest possible crime out there!]

He shoots people who are behind our mystery cases." Patrick said. "Your right Pat. He's using us to get to the bad guys." SpongeBoy agreed."Meow." Gary agreed.

[Trophy: So, is this not because they care about lives, and it's more about as he gets credit for the wrong thing while they continue to do jack shit instead? Well SpongeBoy can't be ruined by competition, his whole life purpose would be ruined!]

[Metal Snake: Ha ha. Everyone just blindly and blandly agrees with what the first guy to speak says in this story. It’s funny, considering that this was written by the same person whose ATTWL 3 incarnation was notorious for doing the same thing.]

The next day, Sandy came up with a plan to catch the vigilante. "A vampire,which will be Patrick, will be attacking the museum.

[Renegade: ...What's new, Scrappy-Doo?]

[Fred: Will be? So they already know that Patrick is gonna attack the museum?]

[Metal Snake: “Attack”? What, is he going to vandalize the place with graffiti? Break shit? Sexually assault shit?]   

I will run to the museum to catch the vampire, the mystery vigilante will probably follow. When the vigilante enters the museum, Gary will meow, signaling SpongeBoy to release the net on the vigilante. Every one got it?" Sandy asked.

[Trophy: A net has holes in it. The vigilante has a pistol. Shall I go on?]

[Metal Snake: Every one understand that we’re not even trying to hide the Scooby-Doo rip-offery anymore?]

"Yea." The boys said.

[Metal Snake: “Yea, Patrick’s totally okay with putting his life on the line for us.” the boys said.

“Hey Spongebob, what are the odds I might die from a bullet again?” Patrick asked.]

-----------------

The plan went into action. Sandy ran into the museum. The vigilante, did follow. "Meow" Gary said. SpongeBoy released the net. The net fell on the vigiante.

[Metal Snake: Fuck me, you know something is HORRIBLY WRONG when the “action” is a worse actor than the characters. I read that like I would read my bills, not one sentence made me feel like I was in the story.]

The kids took off the net and tried to take off his mask, but he had his gunin his hands.

[Renegade: What was that about Sandy being smart, past!teenj?]

He was reaady to shoot, but he got up..and walked away. 

[Fred: 

]

[Metal Snake: Worst. Anticlimax. Ever. He just lets them live for no reason and then strolls out the door saying, “Toodles.”. Just why God damn it.] 

[Trophy: Oh and I forgot to mention, apparently they didn't find any way to secure the net, or at least have the net trap leave him stuck upside down due to gravity and a rope on a tree?]

The kids told the police every thing. "We'll be tracking this vigilante. In the meantime, stay OUT ofthis." Officer Jim warned.

[Renegade: ...WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE, YOU MORON?!]

[Metal Snake: Part of me wants to rejoice upon seeing my favorite character’s epic return, and part of me wants to groan upon seeing that he’s no longer “cop man Jim”. I guess teenj told him to stay OUT of this.]

[Fred: #BringBackCopManJim #MakeSpongeBoyGreatAgain]

"Looks like we got a huge mystery on our hands." SpongeBoy said, endingthe episode.

[Renegade: And the adventure continues...]

[Fred: SPOILERS: It was Mysterion all along. 

Seriously, though, I have nothing else to say about this. Just your typical terrible but lulzy SpongeBoy episode. I do wish that Cop Man Jim got his own spin-off though. He has more potential than any other character in this god-forsaken spin-off. Hell, his show would probably have more potential than this one.]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, a huge mystery on what was running through Past!teenj’s head as he wrote this episode and how it actually ended up being the worst one yet despite being the most action-filled and of course, EDGY. Oh wait, that’s no mystery, it’s obvious how. The action was completely dull and Down Under taught us all too well that edgy=/=good.]

[Trophy: Wow, even staring the barrel of a pistol which if he pesters the vigilante enough would be fired, SpongeBoy has no fear. He has more guts than I do, I finally can give credit to teenj for making a character somewhat interesting. I'd call him out for OOC SpongeBob, but since nobody is phased by it for plot purposes and we still don't know who "SpongeBoy" exactly is, I don't have enough space to fill in my whole argument. This certainly got a lot more intriguing if I must say so. *vomits* Ugh, such a sour/bitter taste combination like no other.]

 

Edited by Hungry Larry
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I literally could not believe the Thanksgiving episode. Every Thanksgiving meal I have eaten in my life has featured three to five vegetarian-friendly foods. For fuck's sake, Codename: Kids Next Door did a much better 'dinner mystery' plot. I'll give props to Fred for calling out how not even a motive was given for the guys pretending to be monsters in the "vigilante" episode.

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SpongeBoy! Get a Clue

9. Mystery of The School Lunch

Spoiler

Ep.9 "Mystery of The School Lunch"

[Hayden: Case solved, always take a bagged one.]

SpongeBoy, Sandy, Patrick,Gary, and Chuck

[SOF: Chuck who? Chuck Norris? Chuckie Finster?]

were sitting at a lunch table, when a boy from their class was throwing up real bad.

[SOF: Great start, the episode opens with someone vomiting. I wonder if Past!teenj was being self-aware at this point.]

"Aw, man. Someone phone this kid's mother." Principle Howard said.

[Teenj: Did the principal really just say 'someone phone this kid's mother'??? YOU'RE the principal, YOU phone the kid's mother.]

[JCM: What is "Principle" Howard doing at the lunch table?]

[Hayden: Or you could take him to the school nurse first so that he stops spreading vomit in the cafeteria.]

"Wow, the sixth kid this week to be sent home sick." Sandy said as their class wasleaving the lunch room. "Yeah, that's pretty strange." SpongeBoy said.

[Trophy: What day of the week is it? I guess it is a little strange, but still.]

[Hayden: Maybe if this Howard guy took more sanitation precautions it wouldn't be spreading.]

[SOF: Wait, hold on. Are they not even going to mention the Mystery Vigilante at all? So much for continuing that cliffhanger from the previous episode. "We've got a mystery on our hands... but first let's figure out why kids are sick!"]

"You guys, people get sick and go home all the time. Not a big deal." Chuck complained. "Yeah, but six kids? I don't know." Patrick said.

[Hayden: 889441932.gif ]

[Teenj: Wow. For once, I think the kids actually have good reason to suspect something.]

[JCM: STDs spread like wildfire these days. They also cause wildfires in very unpleasant places.]

[SOF: Seriously though, who is Chuck? For a spin-off that wants us to forget the Mystery Vigilante, it acts like I'm supposed to remember him...

*reads past episodes*

Oh, he was the kid they accused of stealing the bikes in Episode 3. I legit did not remember him until now. IMO, another problem with this spin-off is that all the side characters are just so forgettable and bland, and it's not helped by them magically appearing at random.]

The next day, it happened again. Harold got sick and threw up after lunch. "OK, there's a mystery here." SpongeBoy said to his companions.

[Teenj: I'm surprised it took SpongeBoy a day to decide that there's a 'mystery'. Doesn't exactly jive right with his prior accusatory and obsessive attitude.]

[Trophy: Well to be fair, now that he's rational as he overcame his existential crisis, 6 in a week could just be coincidences or something.]

[Hayden: Our little SpongeBoy's growing up.]

"I think your right." Patrick said. "Meow." Gary said agreeing.

[SOF: Wow, ATTWL 3 Teenj's spirit apparently passed onto Gary. I've lost count of how many times he "meows" that he agrees with someone.]

"I got a plan guys. Lets each interview the seven sick kids, ya know, see what they ate." Sandy said. "Not a bad idea, cheeks." Pat said.

[JCM: I almost threw up in my mouth just reading that.]

[Teenj: Seems like Sandy has furthermore become the 'brains' of the group. Where's Jimmy Wells with his IQ-jealousy?]

[Trophy: I dunno why, but Patrick just calling Sandy "cheeks" bothers me for some reason.]

[Hayden: Trophy didn't find it at least a little cheeky?]

SpongeBoy visited Harold.

[SOF: Yay, another bland side character we have to remember!]

[Teenj: Shocking that Harold would agree to see SpongeBoy. How long has it been since SpongeBoy and his friends harassed him and made outlandish claims about him being behind the 'ghost attacks'?]

[Hayden: Well if Sandy and Sally can resume life as if nothing occurred, I'm sure Harold can extend the same dipshit forgiveness.]

"Hey buddy! What did you eat at lunch?" SpongeBoy asked. 

[JCM: "Besides pussy?"]

"Umm...a turkey sandwich." Harold said. 

[SOF: ...Turkey underwater? wat?]

[Hayden: Thanksgiving leftovers? Maybe it gave the seven kids flashbacks to that episode.]

SpongeBoy told the others and they said the kids they interviewed, ate turkey too. " I think the lunch they all ate, had something to do with them getting sick." Sandy said. "And we're certain?" Chuck asked. "Think about it. All the victims got sick after lunch." Sandy said.

[Trophy: Wait, you're telling me only 7 kids had turkey the entire week, when I'm guessing by a stretch that turkey's always an option at lunch? That's a bit strange for turkey to be the choice of whoever the culprit is considering it's an unpopular food choice.]

[Teenj: As if it isn't obvious at this point, Chuck. When did this kid start hanging around SpongeBoy and co. again?]

[SOF: Yeah, I agree with teenj... why is Chuck randomly a part of their group? Did we miss an episode? Or did teenj forget to write an episode? It's especially weird since they accused him of stealing bikes before (without apology, I might add), and now he's in their group. I guess the other kids are used to SpongeBoy and friends accusing them of things they didn't do.]

[JCM: Chuck doesn't have a lot of friends.]

-------------

The next day at school, Sandy, SpongeBoy, and Patrick all got the turkey sandwich for lunch. They did not eat it however.

[SOF: There's a lot of starving kids in the world who would want to eat those, you jerks. Provided they aren't poisonous, that is.]

After school, the kids went to Sandy's house. "Gary, don't touch anything in my science lab." Sandy told him. "Meow..." Gary said sadly.

[Trophy: When the fuck did Sandy get a lab? At least for this Sandy, it hasn't even been stated yet! Oh well, her sister knows special effects so why not?]

[JCM: Her science lab is just a dog that really likes chemistry.]

[Hayden: She had a lot of space to build one with her mother's change of residency. Also, poor Gary. He could probably science up an end to this episode in just one line if given the chance.]

The kids used an analyzing device to see what the turkey sandwiches were made of.

[Hayden: Turkey and bread. I'm faster at analyzing than science.]

[Teenj: 14608107_1180665285312703_1558693314_n.j ]

"Guys. These sandwiches have food poisoning in them." Sandy said with her eyeswide open and herfriends gasping. "Meoooooow." Gary said.

[JCM: Eyeswide? Herfriends? This avant-garde masterpiece is creating new words!]

[Teenj: And so the dark turn this spin-off took with the previous episode, pretty much continues. Elementary school children getting intentionally food-poisoned is definitely not lighthearted. What the hell was I thinking?]

[Trophy: Ehhhh teenj, you're a bit ahead of yourself there, they all seem to be fine after only one day, so there probably isn't that much in there.]

[Hayden: The total breakdown of Sandy's family was much more dark and twisted than some food poisoning of irrelevant classmates.]

The next day at school, the kids told Chuck. "The principle needs to know about this!" Chuck said. SpongeBoy, Sandy, Patrick, and Gary told the principle everything. "I can't believe this. I'll talk to the lunch ladies." the Principle said.

[Teenj: Yes, totally take the word of three little kids and their pet snail without explicit proof.]

[Hayden: Wait, Gary told him everything too?]

[Trophy: I just realized, I can understand spell check not picking this up, but did teenj seriously never ask for words in a sentence during his spelling bee? It took me seeing it 3 times in a line to notice, but wow.]

[JCM: teenj misspells "principal" by principle.]

Just than

[Trophy: Here we go again boys!]

the kids and principle saw the head lunch lady, Pama, peeking in his office, spying. She ran out.

[SOF: What kind of a name is "Pama"?]

[Trophy: Why is the lunch lady spying? It's not even foreshadowed with her that she's in it, or even sees SpongeBoy and the rest of them interviewing kids, so it makes no sense for her to now appear other than the sake of plot convenience.]

"Lets get her kids." the principle said. The principle, SpongeBoy, Sandy, Patrick, and Gary all ran after her.

[JCM: Why would you get her kids? That's messed up, dawg.]

[Hayden:  61137770.jpg ]

[Teenj: Lolwut? Did the principal seriously just encourage his students to chase down a (for all he knows) serial killing lunch lady? I'm sure he can make a call to his security to do that.]

"Hey, Gary! Its time for the sponge-snail special!" SpongeBoy said.

[SOF: BOO, YOU STINK!]

[Hayden: SpongeBoy's been working on his one-liners.]

SpongeBoy picked Gary up, twirled all around, and threw Gary at head lunch lady Pama. Pama fell with Gary on her back meow-ing. 

[SOF: Why does Gary always seem to be one solving these episode's mysteries? He should be the lead detective at this point.]

"I'm sorry I put food poisoning in those sandwiches.

[SOF: I'm sure saying "sorry" for the fact you nearly killed schoolchildren will make everything fine. :)

I wasjust so angry, because you kids are so mean to us lunch ladies." Pama said.

[SOF: Yeah, pity we never saw that earlier in the episode. If the kids were shown being mean to her, then this reasoning would've made more sense, instead of coming out of nowhere like this.]

[JCM: Poisoning children because they're mean to you. That isn't unreasonable in the slightest!]

[Teenj: And so continues this show's habit of having the dumbest motives of all time.]

[Trophy: Alright, when were they ever mean enough to cause rage? I swear, this woulda been nice to know in a way where it wouldn't have blatantly given away that it was her.]

"You'll have plenty of time to be sorry in jail." principe howard

[Trophy: Now he's just pulling our legs here!]

said to Pama as the cops took her. "Thank you kids....and Gary too!" principle Howard said.

[Teenj: When did anyone call the cops?]

[JCM: The cops are always just lurking. SpongeBoy's mysteries are the only work they get.]

"Meow..MEow.....MEOOOOWWWWWW." Gary said smiling and laughing, ending the episode.

[Hayden: 7XEBBqs.jpg?1 ]

[Trophy: WHERE DID GARY COME FROM? WHY IS A PET ALLOWED INSIDE OF SCHOOL NOW? WHEN DID HE DO ANYTHING IN THIS EPISODE? Aye, about the episode as a whole, I think it was decent, it just had no opening and thrust us right in without any proper foreshadowing, so it seems like the end was made up last minute when teenj realized he had to meet a deadline. Really such a shame since it was an actual mystery, albeit a few questionable details missing such as only 7 out of (?) number of students having turkey, maybe Seane invaded the school? I can certainly say this is the best episode of the entire series without a doubt.]

[Teenj: Despite this episode being as awful as everything else, I think this was actually the best one??? I mean, the kids actually investigated a legitimate mystery, they actually handled the investigation well (interviewing, testing the sandwiches), and they actually caught the culprit on their own esteem. I mean, it was all still dumb (especially the motive), but under a better writer, and on a better show, this could of been dare I say...good? Maybe this is just what this show has reduced my thought process too.]

[SOF: GARY GARY DOO!

So, are we just not going to follow-up to the cliffhanger from the previous episode at all? No? Okay. I guess teenj wanted to do more "whacky hijinks" before following up to that, but a mention would've been nice. I guess expecting this spin-off to have continuity for one episode is asking for too much. Sadly though, despite that, some weird lines, and Chuck's strange unexplained inclusion...I actually thought this episode was the closest to being passable of the spin-off so far. o.o And that's just sad.]

[JCM: I didn't want to gouge my eyes out after reading this, so I consider it a success. The first episode I riffed felt like a B movie without any of the camp that actually makes B movies enjoyable. The second episode I riffed felt like the textual equivalent of eating dry toast. I was definitely looking at words, but the words didn't come together in a way to create anything substantive. Compared to those two, this episode is definitely an improvement, a 1/10 instead of the 0/10 of School Mummies and the -1/10 of No More Mysteries. You're in the positives, so keep up the gre...er...goo...er...work!]

 

Edited by Mr. Hankey
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4 hours ago, Hungry Larry said:

[SOF: Wait, hold on. Are they not even going to mention the Mystery Vigilante at all? So much for continuing that cliffhanger from the previous episode. "We've got a mystery on our hands... but first let's figure out why kids are sick!"]

 

Speaking on that, the 'mystery vigilante' thing gets wrapped up in the 'Field Trip' two parter.

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SpongeBoy! Get a Clue

10. Tale of the Scary Movie

Spoiler

Ep.10 "Tale of The Scary Movie"

[Jjs: No "Mystery" in the title? I thought this spin-off was about mysteries, not tales!]

[Fred: 220px-BooMadeaHalloweenPoster.jpg&key=2b ]

[Renegade: That isn't a scary movie, Fred. THIS is a scary movie: 

]

SpongeBoy went over to Sandy's treedome. "Sandy! My mom won't let me go to see Killer Fish!" SpongeBoy cried.

[Fred: Why would you want to meet a murder--oh, it's a movie.]

[Renegade: And where's the mystery in not being allowed to see a horror movie? I was never allowed to watch porn as a teen, but do you think I didn't do it? HEEEELLL NAW! :D ]

[Jjs: The movie is literally named "Killer Fish"? This keeps bordering on self-parody the farther we get.]

"Aw man, I really wanted you to go with me and Patrick." Sandy moped.

[JCM: Sucks for you.]

"Pat's going?" SpongeBoy asked. "Yea. His parents are so stupid, they don't care what he does.

[Fred: So does that mean if Patrick jumped off a 100-story building, his parents wouldn't even give a flying fuck? Parents of the year, everyone.]

[Renegade: If Patrick's parents are this incompetent, then why haven't Child Services been contacted?]

[Trophy: And they'd also let him take both of you or something? I'm guessing you still don't have a dad, and your mom is still in ja- *reads below*, ok, what about your mother then!?!?!?!?]

My parents believe that I am mentally mature to see this R-rated film!" Sandy told SpongeBoy.

[Jjs: Considering the mentality of her mother, I guess I can believe that.]

[JCM: Yeah, it requires a lot of mental maturity to enjoy a film like Sausage Party.]

[Renegade: Huh. I didn't know Billy Cranston had a cameo in this episode.]

[Trophy: Yeah, she's old enough to possibly see people running through the okra patch! Do they not know what an R-Movie might contain that they don't show on screen during previews?]

"I got a plan to see that movie." SpongeBoy said.

[Jjs: Is it a Totem Pole Trench plan? But that might be too smart for our "intelligent, 2nd grade boy". I'm sure his plan will knock my socks off.]

-----------

On Friday, SpongeBoy told his mom that he was going to Sandy's house.

[Jjs: Wow, A+ plan.]

[JCM: His mom told him not to come back unless he brings her grandchildren.]

[Trophy: I know it's simple, but for a mystery show you'd really expect more complex situations to solutions that would be clever enough for kids to understand, not just, "oh hey I'm doing this you can totally believe me mom."]

"Okay, have fun sweetie." SpongeBoy's mother said as SpongeBoy flew out the door.

[Renegade: ...So the events of "The Sponge Who Could Fly" happened far earlier than we expected.]

[Jjs: He flew? I guess if you believe hard enough, you can really fly.]

Sandy's mom was outside ready to pick him up.

[Jjs: Oh hey, you're out of jail now.]

He got in the car."Your mother gave you the OK to see the movie?" Sandy's mom asked. "Yes. Yes she did." SpongeBoy said.

[Renegade: Liar, liar, plants for hire.]

[JCM: A good parent would call to confirm, but she's not a good parent.]

[Trophy: Unless unspecified lesbian mom #2 who adopted a few kids or married a divorced bi-sexual who already had kids, welcome back from 2 months of prison!]

-------------

The kids and Sandy's mom got to the movies and took their seats inside. "Oh my..I got intense cramps. I got to use the bathroom. I'll be right back kids." Sandy's mother said.

[JCM: Freakin' period cramps.]

"Your mom is gross." Pat said.

[JCM: Thanks, Trump.]

[Fred: Oh damn, he told you off, Sandy.]

"Your teeth are gross." Sandy replied.

[Trophy: At least they don't stick out over his chin.]

[Fred: Oh damn, she told you off, Pat.]

[Renegade: AWWWW SHIT! #420BLAZEITSCRUBLORD! 

]

The movie began. The kids were fine at first, but than the murders started. They were all really scared.

[JCM: Babies.]

[Jjs: "The murders started"? Some context would be nice to that vague description. Who is killing them? Who is being killed? Where are the killings happening? Some of this would be useful to make me care just a bit more about the movie, but oh well.]

"Wow...that's..a...lot of blood!" Patrick said shivering, "Your...not..scared are..you?" Sandy asked shivering herself.

[Trophy: Wait...what in the actual fuck am I seeing here?]

[Jjs: Patrick and Sandy turned into Christopher Walken as well. At least that's one trait Sandy has in common with her sister.]

[Renegade: "Wow...that's..a...lot of blood!"

]

[Fred: Hey, can somebody turn up the AC? People are shivering in here!]

"Oh no...why...would..I..be scared?" Patrick asked.

[JCM: I...don't..(falls asleep).]

[Trophy: Very interesting question Patrick, I would like an answer.]

Just than Dr.Evil stabbed and killed his own wife.

[Fred: So now we're bringing in Austin Powers characters?]

[Jjs: Dr. Evil? Really? Either they are watching a dark and edgy parody of Austin Powers or Past!teenj just stopped caring at this point. I could also point out how I thought this was supposed to be a "lighthearted spin-off", but I guess that was thrown out the window two episodes ago anyways.]

[Renegade: Soul Bossa Nova, baby!]

The scene was chilling. "AAAAAAAAHHHHH" SpongeBoy screamed. He was shivering under his seat in fear.

[Trophy: And it was chilling how exactly?]

[JCM: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, this crap. (falls back asleep)]

[Fred: Where the fuck is that AC guy?]

"Did you just...scream?" Sandy asked.

[Jjs: Nah, it's not like there's any other way to say "AAAAAAAAHHHHH". I thought you were the smart one.]

"Uh...no. Hey, what about you? You look like your about to jump out of your fur." SpongeBoy retaliated. "No I'm not." Sandy said.

Dr.Evil ripped out the jaw of his own brother. A gruesome scene indeed.

[Fred: Thanks for telling us how gruesome the scene was, Mr. Narrator!]

[Jjs: This murder film is giving ATTWL 3 a run for its money in terms of lulziness. I think this would be even better if we read the narrator's voice in Morgan Freeman's.]

"AAAAAAAHHH." Sandy screamed.

[Trophy: RED FLAG! I CALL BULLSHIT!]

[JCM: (wakes up again) I guess I'll have to put my beauty sleep off.]

[Mermaid Man: STOP SHOUTIN' I'M NAPPIN'!]

"All that spit!" Patrick said grossed out and scared.

[Fred: Your spit is gross. Oh damn, I just told you off, Patrick.]

"Waaaahahaha." SpongeBoy cried.

[Fred: Honestly, I imagined that as laughter rather than crying.]

[JCM: I imagined that as him having a brain aneurysm.]

The kids ran out of the theater just as Sandy's mom came back.

[Renegade: ...Don't cinemas usually have bathrooms inside?]

"What in the jelly fish happened." Sandy's mom said confused.

[Jjs: "Jelly fish"? Of all substitutes you could have used, you used that? Barnacles or Davy Jones would've made more sense since those have been used in SpongeBob before, but...jelly fish? Wow, I literally cannot take any of this seriously. I think this episode proves this spin-off is more or less a parody of itself at this point.]

[Trophy: Nice to know she was gone for at least 20 minutes, unless these were quick 2d flash animated shorts. OK, these act like kids, yeah, but hmm. What about when they saw a guy get shot right in front of them, and were staring down the middle of a fucking pistol that was only a few feet away from them a couple of episodes back? Oh what, they weren't scared as they thought he wouldn't kill kids? I call fucking bull on that one. These kids have no idea to be little fucking pre-schoolers over a B-List Tommy Wiseau production or to be Agent 47 in terms of no emotions at all. /Rant.]

[Renegade: ...WOW. JUST FUCKING WOW. YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST MOM EVER. YOU SEE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER AND HER FRIENDS SCARED, AND YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY ASK WHAT WENT WRONG.]

[JCM: Nah, that's still Patrick's mom.]

---------------

Sandy's mom talked to the kids. "I shouldn't have brought you kids here, I'm sorry." She apologized.

[Renegade: 

]

[Fred: Actually, I'm gonna take away the Parent of the Year awards from Patrick's parents and give them to Sandy's mom.]

The manager came up to Sandy's mom. "We got over fifty complaints about your kids. Your all banned from this cinema. Bye,bye." The manager said.

[Trophy: That's one smug mofo I'm seein.]

[JCM: You wouldn't just ban the kids? Alrighty then.]

[SpongeBoy: That's fine, we'll just go back dressed as random hobos next time. We'll be fine.]

[Jjs: Over fifty complaints? Kind of hard to believe since nobody else in the theater talked, hell, it was never made clear anybody else existed in it. But I guess Past!teenj was too busy writing multiple lines of the kids screaming and/or being scared to think about that.]

"Well kids, we could always rent the G-rated movie. The Last Flower!"

[Fred: I saw that movie. M. Night Shyamalan completely ruined it.]

[Renegade: "The Last Flower"? Did Toby Fox have anything to do with it?]

[JCM: I'm surprised they'd make a G-rated movie about a plant losing his virginity.]

Sandy's mother said as they were walking down the side walk, into the pretty sundown.

[Trophy: AND THEY IGNORE THE TRAUMA OF ALL ABOVE, OVER A LAZY G RATED MOVIE WHICH TITLE MAKES IT SOUND AS IF DEATH AND LONELINESS ARE INVOLVED! OH CRIKEY, WHAT A PERFECT WAY!]

[Jjs: Sundown? So they didn't even watch the movie during nighttime? What a bunch of babies indeed.]

----------------

Absent: Gary

[Jjs: Of course the character who helps the kids solve 90% of their mysteries isn't in this one. Explains why there was no mystery in a mystery spin-off (!). Unless the mystery of this episode...is the mystery of why this episode didn't have a mystery. Past!teenj loves screwing with the brain.

Seriously, what the fuck was the point of this episode? Like...I have no actual words to describe it. Wow, never mind my statement from episode 7, THIS is the most useless episode by far.]

[Fred: Wait, isn't this a mystery show? This episode only felt like the beta version of "Don't Look Now". At least we learned that Sandy's mom is completely incompetent and Patrick's parents are the SpongeBoy equivalent to Kenny's parents on South Park. There were some lulzy moments, but overall, eh. Needs more Cop Man Jim.]

[JCM: That's why this episode title started with "Tale". He was covering his "tale" by naming it that.]

[Renegade: The real mystery is: why are these parents so stupid?]

[Trophy: He easily coulda thrown in 20 "MEOW I'M SLIMING MY SHELL IN FEAR" jokes in there, so that's a mystery on why he didn't.]

 

Edited by Hungry Larry
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2 hours ago, Hungry Larry said:

Dr.Evil ripped out the jaw of his own brother. A gruesome scene indeed.

Because this is a kid's show. That qualifies as gore.

I also love how they were banned from the theater for screaming at a horror movie. Italics are fun.

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SpongeBoy! Get a Clue

11. Mystery Of Grandma

Spoiler

Ep.11 "Mystery Of Grandma"

[Fred: What, did she lose her medication or something? Probably explains the rest of the episode.]

[Metal Snake: The mystery of Grandma getting run over by a reindeer? Thought they already solved that mystery. Santa went to jail for a long-ass time, he did.

Seriously though, what a dull and vague title. It doesn’t even hint to us if Grandma is the victim or the culprit or what she’d a victim or a culprit of.]

[Hayden: I really wouldn't doubt this show making a "mystery" out of Grandma telling her life story to the kiddos. But maybe there's more than meets the pie?]

SpongeBoy watched the news on TV. "A fish killedby a mysterious person.." the news reporter said.

[Fred: Lemme guess. SpongeBoy suspects that it was sweet ol' Grandma who did it.]

[Trophy: There's no more information such as how this is lighthearted, just because it doesn't go into gorey details or something?]

[Metal Snake: Don’t you mean “vigilante”?]

[Hayden: Ok, Grandma and a dead body that isn't hers. How does this correlate?]

Just than, SpongeBoy's grandma came in.

[Metal Snake: What, just like that?]

[SpongeBoy: *gets out crowbar and starts hitting the person who just broke into his house*]

"Grandma!" SpongeBoy shouted running up to hug her. "I'm staying for the week dear." Grandma Sponge said.

[Metal Snake: “Please excuse me not telling you ahead of time and talking like a robot.”]

[Hayden: She didn't even bring cookies? What's wrong with her own house? Is Grandma reliving her days as a bum?]

SpongeBoy was overjoiced to hear this.

[Trophy: So overjoiced he didn't even ask why she's staying.]

The next day, a news report was cameon

[Fred: Hey, you didn't spell my name right. 

Also, a news report was me?]

[Hayden: "came on". JCM, that's gross.]

about a female fish strangled to death with blood coming out her throat.

[Fred: Was it The Tattletale Strangler?]

[Trophy: NOW we're into the gore stuff. Boy, the best genre on all of SBC!]

[Metal Snake: Because this is a kid’s show. And lol at how this comes right after he was “overjoiced” to hear this. Just like how he ran up to hug his grandma right after he heard about the first murder. If you’re going to be dark in a story, you need to know how to paint a dark atmosphere, build it up, not be all “SPRINKLES AND SUGAR” directly followed by “GORE AND DEATH”.]

[Hayden: Agreed, SpongeBoy should at least get a line to contemplate or show some sort of sorrow for these gruesome occurrences. Also, when will Grandma react to this? Don't old people always watch the news?]

SpongeBoy went to the bathroom. He saw his grandma run out.

[Metal Snake: What, does she just burst out of the room? She’s an elderly woman running...from what?]

[Hayden: Without flushing?]

He went in the bathroom and saw red stuff splattered all over the sink. "Oh my!" SpongeBoy gasped.

[Metal Snake: “Underwhelming!” I gasped.]

[Trophy: ...If this implies anything, please explain how she got back in, and what time of day it is compared to when the murder occurred and what time it currently is.]

[Fred: It's that time of the month again!]

[Hayden: Why didn't she make an excuse to stay in the bathroom and clean that up? Did she think SpongeBoy wouldn't fucking notice?]

It was dinner time and Grandma Sponge was cooking. On the news, it was said that a deer was ran over and its guts were tooken out.

[Hayden: wWI0fQ4.jpg ] 

[Fred: Oh, I geddit. Instead of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer", it's "Deer Got Run Over By Grandma".]

[Metal Snake: Just rip someone’s spinal cord out at this point, fucking hell.]

[Trophy: Yes, because now we need to get PETA on all of our asses here, thanks for fucking nothing teenj. Like, I get murders of other fish, but why underwater deer now? He's really going all out nonsense.]

Grandma Sponge came in. "I got our meat!" She said.

"Cool. What kind?" SpongeBoy asked. "Deer meat!" Grandma Sponge confirmed. "Uhh...ahh..oohh...ohh." SpongeBoy wiggled all around.

[Hayden: giphy.gif ]

[Fred: *bad recorder riff from Jason Derulo's Wiggle*]

[Metal Snake: WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE YEAH!

Oh yeah, and time for another “fatal flaw addressment”. I already brought up how these characters have no personality and no clue how to emote. But now is the point where the latter problem really starts to make a name for itself. It’s pretty sad how I don’t have a single sentiment for the murder victims in this story, because if the characters don’t care, why should I? If it’s not a big deal in this fictional world, why should it be a big deal in the real world?]

"SpongeBoy. Are you all right?" Grandma Sponge asked. "You are the murderer Grandma." SpongeBoy said. "SpongeBoy!" SpongeBoy's mom said. "I'm not a murderer.." Grandma said.

[Fred: Called it, biiii-*buurp*-iitch!]

[Hayden: You know, when was it even addressed that SpongeBoy's parents were in the house? It's not like his Grandma greeted them or spoke to them about her stay. She just told this to SpongeBoy. Also, little late, but why are deers underwater and why would the parents need Grandma to go get them deer meat?]

[Metal Snake: What’d I tell ya? I also love how Spongeboy’s mom is the one who gets offended over such an accusation but Grandma, the accused, just replies in the blandest way possible.]

[Trophy: Hey Metal, for all we know, she's a sociopath! Why not go further?]

"What about the blood in the sink?" SpongeBoy asked. "You mean my red hair dye, that I spilt on my hands?" She asked.

[Fred: So it wasn't "that time of the month", Grandma?]

[Trophy: Which I presume she never used at all, so it's not even a valid excuse.]

[Metal Snake: ...Yeah, I think it’s time to revive a gag I’ve not done in a long time…

OBJECTION!

First of all, Spongebob’s grandma does not even have red hair. Second, that doesn’t explain why she just burst out of the bathroom running. If she had stayed and explained the situation to SpongeBoy, I can see this making sense. But it makes no sense for her to just flee from the bathroom after spilling hair dye on her hands when THERE’S A SINK RIGHT THERE IN THE BATHROOM FOR HER TO WASH HER HANDS OFF.]

[Hayden: Also, even if SpongeBoy's grandma was trying something new, SpongeBoy would've noticed her hair color change was red. What? Did she just go into the bathroom, spill it on her hands, and run out without even finishing? >_< At this point it would make more sense for Grandma to be a vicious serial murderer than for the story to jump in hoops to make really apparent looking evidence turn out to be something random instead. Old and tired cliche.]

"Oh. What about the deer meat?" SpongeBoy questioned, thinking he had finally caught her.

[Metal Snake: Uh, no. Look at my past riff, you completely missed your chance to catch her.]

"I got it from the market. Here's the receipt." She gave SpongeBoy. "I guess you aren't a killer." SpongeBoy said.

[Hayden: The Barg'N-Mart sells some weird ass shit to fish.]

[Fred: Hey, I have a good idea. STOP PROFILING PEOPLE! Seriously, you call yourself a detective? All you do is assume somebody is the killer without even interrogating your suspect. You are pathetic. Somebody should arrest you for detective fraud.]

[Trophy: Oh, you go out of your way for this one, but I still don't see physical proof for the freakin' hair dye.]

[Metal Snake: These fucking anticlimaxes, man. Who the hell reads this and goes, “*gasp* WHAT A TWIST!”, unironically? I’ll also throw in that there is a very clear distinction between meat pulled straight from a corpse and store-bought meat.] 

"Now enough of this nonsence and lets eat!" SpongeBoy's father said.

[Hayden: I'm starting to see why Seane chose to be a vegetarian.]

The next day, Grandma Sponge was going home. She waved goodbye to her dear family and got in the car where a dead body was in her backseat. "Suckers.." She said driving away.

[Fred: A-beeda-beeda-beeda-beeda-That's all, folks!

So suddenly, she's a murderer? Normally, I would say "What a twist!", but that fucking came out of nowhere. Why is she suddenly some hidden murder--you know what, I don't even care anymore. Next episode, please.]

[Hayden: My bullshit radar was on point. I half-expected this story to seriously expect us to believe those explanations and then make it turn out SpongeBoy's father was behind everything. Unfortunately, we couldn't expect SpongeBoy to be stubborn about who the culprit is just this one time when he was actually right. God, the irony.]

[Trophy: So is she just doing it for fun or something? Is her bloodlust something in the family or anything of any interest such as that? Noooo, we just get this episode. Sorry to spoil you all. Great fuckin' mystery element. I wish I could rip this further, but this is the blandest and worst written episode yet in terms of doing anything, and yes, that includes the last two episodes which COMPLETELY ABANDONED THE WHOLE MYSTERY ELEMENT ALTOGETHER, YUP, AFTER A FEW NON MYSTERY EPISODES FIRST, HE EVENTUALLY DID SAY "Fuck it, I don't care anymore."]

[Metal Snake: And of course, that’s how we conclude this kid-friendly episode. With a kid-friendly ending. I also love how she just left a corpse in her car all fucking night with no fear of the possibility of the police having to come over in case of an emergency and no concern of the smell coming from the body decomposing.]

-------------

Absent: Sandy, Patrick, Gary.

[Trophy: Doesn't Gary live with SpongeBoy or is he at the goddamn school for all we know?]

[Hayden: Maybe Grandma murdered Gary offscreen. Poor Gary doesn't have good experience with psycho old ladies.]

[Metal Snake: Absent: Intelligent writing, thorough storytelling, and engaging character interactions.

I remember all too well why this episode was the main inspiration for my notorious “Schnapps joke”, which is sadly one of the very few things 2010!Me did that I actually look back on with a feeling of accomplishment. As much as I adore black comedy, I certainly can’t laud this episode honestly because it has no understanding of how to be dark. And sadly, neither does this show in general.]

 

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I just noticed how disturbing it is that Spongeboy is able to cope with actual horror so easily despite being absolutely terrified by a fictional horror movie. I guess witnessing others getting shot and killed messed him up in more ways than one...

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16 hours ago, King Sombra said:

I just noticed how disturbing it is that Spongeboy is able to cope with actual horror so easily despite being absolutely terrified by a fictional horror movie. I guess witnessing others getting shot and killed messed him up in more ways than one...

This was my main gripe with episode 10, I barely touched it because I felt it was so self explanatory that it would've been insulting to give it serious enough thought. :P

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