Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

12. Listening in on Death

Spoiler

(S1E12) Episode 12: Listening in on Death

[Trophy: As if the previous eps weren't enough already.]

[Hayden: He should really invest in an audio version of these episodes.]

Title Card:

[Fa: What title card?]

[Hayden:   ]

ExKizuna limped down the burning hallway, a long gash running down his leg. There was a loud PUFFTGH

[Hayden: See what I mean? We really need voice clarification on creative new sounds like that.]

as wood crackled and fell. He turned around a corner and collapsed against the heaving. The hospital was in flames. He had no clue. He heard a BANG by the elevator and then flames were engulfing the whole structure. Smoke seemed to wrap around Ex, but the further away from the flames he got, the better.

1 MONTH BEFORE ENTERING BIKINI BOTTOM Flashback

[Fa: Oh my God, not again!]

[Trophy: NO MORE!]

[Hayden: If the story had more scenes in the present, it'd be forced to be somewhat linear, and why would Tvguy want that?]

Rain pattered on the sidewalk. Trees blew in the wind. ExKizuna, in a human, adult form, stood with a briefcase.

[Trophy: Adult form? So we become adults by transforming like Frieza? Thanks Science Teacher Tvguy.]

[Fa: Thanks for the clarification. I would have just assumed they'd always been fish because really I've given up on continuity in this series at this point.]

[Hayden: Ex doesn't really seem like a briefcase carrying guy.]

He waved his hands around, trying to get the attention of a taxi. This version of ExKizuna, an avatar,

[Trophy: Haha, what?]

[Hayden: Master of all four elements?]

had surfer blond hair, which was combed neatly to the side. He had chocolate brown eyes and a square jaw. He wore a jet black suit and held a leather suitcase.

[Trophy: Pretty sure it's not the James Cameron movie, so Ex follows after Korra? He's an Earthbender then, huh, never woulda guessed that.] 

[Hayden: I don't think those are accurate physical features. Why even call the character Ex if nothing about him is going to be him?]

Finally, a taxi pulled to the curb and Ex climbed in.

"Where too, sir?" the taxi driver said.

"Grand Central Station, please," said Ex.

"You got it," said the driver. He took off, the engine sounding strained. Suddenly, a large platoon of soldiers came strutting across the engine. The taxi driver slammed the breaks. Ex looked at the soldiers, frightened.

[Fa: What is this, military rule or something?]

[Hayden: Egads, the Fire Nation found him.]

"What the hell...?" the driver said. Other cars around them were staring at the soldiers strutting by in awe. The driver then turned around to face Ex. "Who the hell are you?!"

[Hayden: You could phrase that a little more politely sir.]

Ex flung open the taxi door and ran, weaving in between cars. He ran along the sidewalk, scanning the scene for someone familiar. He spotted 70s standing underneath a tree.

[Hayden: Military sure are off their game today. If they weren't directly around Ex's cab then why was the driver so confrontational about it being Ex's fault?]

"You're early," 70s observed. "What happened?"

"Dunno," Ex panted. "But my mind got into ssj's. Our cover it blown." 70s previously calm face became very concerned and alert.

[Fa: What does any of this mean???? Why is ssj important to any of this right now? Why did this happen a month before? What connection does this have to any of the previous events? Nothing makes sense and I'm sick of trying to make sense of it.]

[Trophy: Why bother trying to understand this Fa, you know that's impossible.]

[Hayden: Hayden Shellder will get into ssj's mind actually. Not ExKizuna.]

"His security will be on there way," he said urgently. "We need to tell tvguy and Deli." 70s walked into the middle of the street and stopped a Bentley. He opened the door and the shot the driver. Without turning to face Ex he said, "A Bentley? Really?"

[Hayden:   ]

"Hey, if we're going to be on the run from ssj's dream catchers, it may as well be in luxury," replied Ex. He got into the car and buckled himself in.

"I've told you a million times," said 70s, starting the car and taking off. "They're called Sub Conscious Security, not 'dream catchers.'"

"Whatever," said Ex, looking out the window. A hail of bullets sailed through, shattering the window. Ex pushed back into his seat, the glass shards sprinkling onto his lap. "GO, 70s!"

"I can't! This fucking snail in front of me won't move," said 70s, frantically. "COME ON JACKASS, MOVE!"

[Hayden:  ]

The grandma in the car in front of them, "Hold your horses, dearie!"

[Fa:  ]

"God, I have no time for this!" 70s floored it. There was a loud ping! as they drove off...the sound of bullets hitting the car. 70s turned sharply, ramming into a tree. A gorilla ran up to them and punched the car. It then realized Ex was in there, and went on it's way. 70s turned to face Ex.

[Hayden: I guess the gorilla recognized one of its family members.]

[Trophy: I guess 70s never got smacked enough as a child.]

[Ssj: I can pay a gorilla less for more!]

"I'm sorry!" Ex said. "But ssj is sending his security, as he probably knows he's not in the real world! It's hard not to fight back!"

[Hayden: This is completely revising whatever happened back in the first episode even more. Literally, just make your action occur after they get sucked into Bikini Bottom if you want to do a stupid fucking scene like this.]

"But sending these memories and made up projections just show him that he needs more security, and that makes our job harder, Ex!" 70s exclaimed. "You know why we're here."

[Morpheus: Hey, that's my movie!]

"I know...I know...it's just...," Ex started. He looked out the left window. "GET OUT, GET OUT!" Both friends scrambled out of the car, just as a yacht sailed from the sky and hit the Bentley.

[Trophy: I am concerned that tvguy doesn't know what a yacht is, this is like a simulation, right?]

[Hayden: I get that it's fictional but I don't buy that this was what their lives were like before being sucked into Bikini Bottom. That should've been the starting point for any shenanigans instead of retcons like this.]

Flashback Ends

[Fa: Okay seriously, what just happened and why? Dylan has made this story the equivalent of calculus in terms of comprehension.]

[Hayden: Math has defined answers though, and this doesn't.]

(Theme Plays)

[Trophy: Awww, I coulda skipped all that nonsense since the opening sequences mean jack shit in stuff we riff. ]

Jonathan sailed through the New Kelp City skyline, his black mist form blending in with the sky. The Mastermind followed quickly behind, in raven form. The Mastermind nudged Jonathan and he fell onto the Empire Kelp Building. Both sprung out into their form.

[Hayden: Black mist form? That's a new one.]

"Oh, hello," The Mastermind said, smirking.

[Trophy: ] 

"What do you want?" Jonathan rasped.

[Fa: You may want a cough drop if you're raspy and all.]

[Hayden: *raspberried.]

"You know what I want, Jonathan," said The Mastermind. He bent down to face the fish. "You know very well what I want."

Jonathan sighed. "No, actually. I'm afraid not."

[Hayden: Finally, a character in the story that riffs the dialogue of another.]

The Mastermind appeared shocked, then frustrated. He struck the fish in the face and stood up, pacing back and force. "YOU WERE MY FRIEND! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

[Trophy: ]  

[Hayden: He got tired of you expecting him to be a mind reader.]

"No," Jonathan said, shaking his head. "I was never your friend...you have no friends."

[Fa: You have 0 Friends.]

[Hayden: Really? Not even one on social media?]

The Mastermind roared and ran towards Jonathan; he jumped to his feet and ran around the opposite side of the Empire Kelp Building. The Mastermind blasted through the top steeple and it went crashing down to the streets of New Kelp. Jonathan then walked backward, electricity coursing through The Mastermind's veins.

[Fa: Is he the mastermind or Dr. Doom?]

[Trophy: ] 

"You...," The Mastermind said, pointing a bright finger at Jonathan. He had a deranged look on his face; one only found on a consciously ill person. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE."

[Trophy: Oh boy, if this finished I bet it'd all be some misunderstanding that'd be patched up, or Jonathan's killed and Mastermind dies after realizing he was wrong all along, was that your overall plan tvguy?]

"You did that to yourself," said Jonathan. He continued to walk backward, not noticing that the wall had been blown away with the steeple.

"YOU," The Mastermind said. "YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY THAT MATTERED TO ME!" Jonathan looked as if he were about to respond when he foot slipped at the edge and he plummeted down to the hard ground.

[Jonathan: *Waits for Dylan revival*]

[Trophy: ] 

----

Flashback Continues

[Trophy: WHO VOTES TO SKIP I DO]

[Hayden: This isn't SBC Music, Trophy.]

[Fa: Why not just do it all earlier? ] 

"EX!" 70s roared, looking at the yacht sitting on the Bentley. "STOP FILLING THIS WORLD WITH YOUR IMAGINATION!"

"Imagination  ," Ex said, imitating Spongebob.

[Fa: Ex quoting SpongeBob. What sorcery is this?]

"Not the time!" 70s started to jog away; Ex ran to catch up.

"Relax, man," said Ex, smiling. "We'll just wake up like we always do."

"No," said 70s. "I didn't tell you, but this time we don't wake up unless we get what we came here for."

"Well ssj already knows we entered his mind! How do we find the files...that's what you call them right?"

"Brain files, memories, whatever," growled 70s.

[Hayden: Stop riffing off Dreamscaperers.]

"If he already knows, how the hell are we going to get them?"

70s looked thoughtful as they ran.

[Fa: 70s wishes to be caring of where he stepped as he ran for his life it seemed.]

"Dunno," he finally said. "We'll just have to convince him."

[Hayden: All that thought for nothing.]

"Dude...we fucking can't convince him!" Ex exclaimed. "Since that damn war we had with them, our treaty is down the toilet!"

"Do you have a better idea?" 70s had never looked so angry.

[Hayden: Except for that time when Sarah cheated on him.]

Ex looked at him, the rain coming down harder now.

"Yes," he said. "Can we get the files from someone else who has access to them?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I told you to think about sea shells, what do you think about?"

"Er...sea shells," said 70s.

[Hayden: Well aren't you easy to manipulate?]

"If I told you not to think about sea shells, what do you think about?"

[70s: Jex.]

"Sea shells," 70s replied.

"Even though you're thinking it, it's not your idea because I gave it to you. So ssj probably told his staff about the plans, and even though they didn't whirl up the plan in their own native minds, they have it in there because ssj gave it to them," said Ex. They slowed, both panting.

"You're right," 70s said, catching on. "But why would his staff be in his mind?"

"Because he remembers them," said Ex.

"What?"

[Fa: Remember like how you forgot.]

[Hayden: The sea shell demonstration did not explain this well.]

"He has memories of them, so we can get into their mind," said Ex. "I remember you, so if you went in my mind, you would find you."

"Okay, I understand," nodded 70s. "So all these people are memories from his brain?"

"Probably," said Ex. He walked up to one of the pedestrians. "What's ssj's favorite color?"

"Red," said the man.

"That explains that," said Ex, proud.

"So we just need to find someone from his staff," said 70s. "But this-what's that?" A touchscreen device had appeared in his hand.

"I can create things here," said Ex, smiling. "This gadget here has access to EVERY SINGLE person here. So...," he typed in the name "Abney17" and a glowing green dot appeared on the screen. "See." He showed 70s the name.

"That's cool."

"It's badass."

"That's badass."

[Fa: Thrilling filler.]

[Hayden: Assbad filler.]

"I know," nodded Ex. "So according to this...Abney should be just around the block."

"So we kidnap her and go into her mind?"

[Hayden: Kidnapping a lady?! My heavens.]

"Yup."

[Fa: Not gonna address Abney actually being a guy. Just no.]

"What about Deli and tvguy?"

"We have to go into the next dream world without them," said Ex. "It'll take to much time and too much of a risk to try and find them."

[Hayden: Yeah, I wouldn't put my neck out for tvguy either. If we save him he'll just write more of this.]

"Hmm," said 70s. He snatched the device from Ex's hand. Abney was...right...here. BLAM!! 70s walked straight into a blond woman. Both fell to the ground.

[Hayden:   ]

"I'm sorry," Abney said, smiling. "I'm clums-" she noticed a gun Ex had made appear in his now free hand.

[Hayden: Is that a gun or his penis?]

[Fa: Of course Dylan made Abney a ditzy blonde girl. Because that's only the complete opposite.]

"Keep moving," said Ex, a deadly look in his eye.

"Oh god," she said. They made her walk into a building, up the elevator, and into a vacant room. "Look, you want money? Here's my money." She tossed money onto the table separating them.

[Hayden: Aren't Ex and 70s supposed to pay her for these types of things?]

"We don't want money," said Ex.

"We need you to cooperate," said 70s. "Or my friend here will put a bullet through your skull."

"Oh god," a now frightened Abney said. She backed up against the window. "Please. I'll do whatever you need me to do."

70s closed his eyes and a small sphere with three cables appeared.

"What the hell is that?" Abney asked.

[Hayden: Sorry Abney, we're not sure either.]

"No," Ex suddenly said. He handed 70s the gun. "You're going to have to stay, and monitor us in case something goes wrong. I'll go."

"You sure?" 70s asked, feeling oddly relieved.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I know how you are with going deeper." He ripped one of the cables off and tossed it on the ground.

[Hayden: "Going deeper", another easy thing to twist sexually.]

"So um...," said Abney. "What is that?"

"Look," he said. "Give me your arm."

She hesitated, but thought giving him her arm was better than getting killed. She laid her arm on the table. "What are you going to do?"

"Look...all I'm going to do is..." He got a cable and jammed it into Abney's wrist, into the veins. She howled in pain, for about two seconds before going out cold. Ex then did the same thing, although he didn't holler, as he was used to it.

[Hayden: .....Used to injecting stuff like needles into his arm, right?]

----

"What is it?" Greg asked looking at the purple squares. Zoey stepped passed him and entered the cube room. A ripple effect went outward as Zoey stepped down.

[Fa: Awkward scene shift ftw.]

[Trophy: Oh we're back now....did I miss anything actually important because that was helluva long flashback.]

"It's where Rock Bottom New Kelp City operates from," said Zoey.

"No," said Jacob. "Not just Rock Bottom New Kelp City. The whole damn Rock Bottom negative-universe."

[Trophy: Negative-universe? Is this where jjs got some of his ideas from, because that would make a lot of sense.]

[Fa: What the hell is even going on anymore? Are we in a flashback still? Are these the kids from earlier? Literally nothing is being explained and its like trying to play baseball without a bat.]

"But...it's all empty," said Greg.

Zoey snapped her fingers and holographic control panels, buttons, and machines appeared. "They have to be hidden, which is why there is that whole phase of changing rooms. It's not always like that...sometimes it opens up an amusement park, instead of a cafe, and from there you're lost and you can't get back. But because I know the way, it always goes in the same order so that we can always get here."

"So how does this operate?" Greg finally stepped in and examined the holographic controls.

"The Rock Bottom Universe is the most flexible kind of universe," Jacob explained. "From here, you can control natural disasters, shelters, supermarkets, etc. In other universes, such as in the real Rock Bottom, they're controlled by the sea floor or "Earth."

[Trophy: So there's a Rock Bottom universe now, wait, universe type, and our Rock Bottom is the real one, and the universe type is based off of that one? Okay okay, now I want to be in a Rock Bottom universe, control the supermarkets, hell yeah!]

"But because the Rock Bottom Universe, which starts with Rock Bottom and ends at Nebula Rock, is so close to Bikini Bottom, the start of the universe of Earth, it's easy to get lost," said Zoey.

[Hayden: I thought she meant easy to get lost with this exposition, but I don't think tvguy would start understanding the convolution now if he hasn't already.]

[Trophy: So our Bikini Bottom is the center of our universe, thanks whatever job gets him this knowledge, tvguy.]

"And because all cities in the Rock Bottom Universe are carbon copies of the actual thing, it's easy to change as there's already something there."

[Trophy: Awww so much for that interesting field trip.  ]

"So-"

"I thought I'd make a pit stop," a voice said from behind them. The three turned to see Darren (The Admiral) staring at them. He held a gun at them, his fin wrapped tightly around it. "Who is that, kids?"

[Fa: Oh, so we're fish again? Okay then...]

[Zoey: "Hi daddy, how's the whole psychopath job working out for you?"]

"Greg...don't move," Zoey said. "Please, just don't move."

"What kids?" Darren said. "YOU SCARED OF YOUR OLD MAN?! HUH?!!? IS THAT IT?" Darren then walked forward and punched Greg in the nose. He fell to the floor, blood gushing out.

[Trophy: Well I have to say they have all the rights to.]

[Fa: Holy shit, that escalated insanely fast.]

[Hayden: Kids these days are just so irrational towards their parents.]

"HEY!" Jacob said.

[Fa: Hiya.]

"He deserved it," said Darren.

"You don't even know him!" Zoey said, her voice pained and frightened.

[Trophy: So Darren hurt her throat or something?]

"SO? DOES THAT FUCKING MATTER?" Darren yelled. "I'M YOUR GOD DAMN FATHER, NOT HIM!"

[Darren: YEAH, I'M THE ONE WHO MADE LOVE WITH YOUR MOTHER, WITHOUT ME YOU WOULDN'T EXIST, SO LOVE ME BACK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!]

[Hayden: As their father he is allowed to abuse their friends because he brings the groceries home.]

"He's more than a father than you'll ever be," Jacob said. Darren turned to look at him.

"What did you say?" Darren said. When Jacob didn't answer, Darren picked him up and threw him on the ground. "I'M YOUR FATHER AND YOU WILL RESPECT ME!"

[Darren: I'LL TELL YA MORE CLEARLY, I BANGED YOUR MOM, NOW RESPECT ME FOR IT!]

[Hayden: THE LOUDER YOU SCREAM, THE HIGHER THE RESPECT AMOUNT.]

"HEY!" Zoey screamed, her voice cracking. Tears were now pouring out of her. "Just leave us alone!" She sagged to the floor. She crawled to Jacob and pulled his limp body towards her. She buried her head in his chest. When she tried to look up, she felt the cold barrel of the gun at her forehead.

"Don't...make me," Darren said.

[Trophy: That will certainly earn their respect.]

[Hayden: Is Zoey holding a gun to your head to make you do it? Haha get it?]

"Oh god...please! Please don't!"

The door behind them suddenly shut, there was a loud buzzing sound, and the squares that made up the purple cube room shattering, sending them all falling into darkness.

[Fa: We've officially hit the "so bad it's good" section of this story. Literally where was SBC during this whole episode? It can only get more fucked up from here I suppose.]

[Trophy: So uh, why the fuck was Darren trying to kill SBCers back in what, episodes 6 and 7, because that makes the least sense out of anything so far unless I missed some explanation.]

[Hayden: They fell into a new universe that's not on crack......11 episodes to go and the only tangential plot thing is Darren and SBM being confirmed as "the evilz". Please just have your flashbacks occur naturally and tone down Darren before my ear drums collapse from the audio recording I specifically had fan-made for this chapter.]

[SpongeOddFan]

nice riffs, guys

[Metal Snake]

what was up with 2010!Dylan's obsession with square jaws

Edited March 18, 2016 by Metal Snake

[SpongeOddFan]

1 hour ago, Metal Snake said:

what was up with 2010!Dylan's obsession with square jaws

What square jaws?

[Metal Snake]

4 hours ago, SpongeOddFan said:

What square jaws?

From this episode...

On 3/17/2016 at 5:27 PM, jjsthekid said:

He had chocolate brown eyes and a square jaw.

And from episode 5...

On 1/22/2016 at 1:59 PM, jjsthekid said:

His jaw was in the shape of a square

 

[SpongeOddFan]

7 minutes ago, Metal Snake said:

From this episode...

And from episode 5...

 

ok...didn't see that coming?

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

13. Christmas in Bikini Bottom

Spoiler

(S1E13) Episode 13: Christmas in Bikini Bottom

[Fred: This isn't a very great Christmas present.]

[Clappy: And this is your bi-weekly reminder that this is a SpongeBob spin-off. Now onto the shit.]

[Jjs: Hopefully it's more "Christmas-y" than Bikini Top's Christmas episodes, but considering this was trying to be Bikini Top, I'll wager "not very likely".]

("Mr. Brightside" by The Killers plays)

[Jjs: Ah, so that's how we're going to start off a Christmas episode. Very good start.]

[Fa: Very Christmasy.]

[Clappy: Yeah, because when I think Christmas time, I think this song. And when I think this song, I think Down Under being overdramatic as fuck.]

[Fred: Really? Are you sure you don't want to go for a Lady Gaga Christmas song? 

I live for the Claus, the Claus, the Claus]

PhilipB's feet sunk into sand, rain pounding onto his head and shoulders. Shit, why did I do this?

[Fred: Did you mean to put quotation marks in that sentence or do you regret this spin-off already?]

He craned his neck in both directions, but saw nothing but The Storm.

[Fa: Phillip is a crane??  ]

[Clappy: I would be careful. The Storm has proven nothing but being a ban dodging, clingy piece of shit.]

[Jjs: The Storm just wants to be friends.  ]

[Kanye West: TELL ME WHAT'S NEXT

ADMIN SEX]

Back at the house, ssj and Abney made sweet, sweet love in the back room

[Fa:   ]

[Jjs: Well...umm...that escalated rather quickly? Yeah, I'm not going to ignore the elephant in the room and just say a fact: When tvguy wrote this, he, like a few other SBC users, thought Abney was a girl at the time. I won't get on him for that fact too much, but it will make this scene very awkward...or unintentionally hilarious.]

while the rest of the SBM members watched the NFFL, National Football Fish League.

[Fred: 

]

[Clappy: Thank you for the poor product placement. Footballfish are real fish you know….but more importantly, I’d like to applaud Dylan for taking one giant leap forward into male on male SpongeBob forum shipping. I know back in 2010/2011, such a thing would be incredibly unheard of, let alone massively controversial, but it took one brave writer to defy such odds and write them to be represented as such….

*re-reads previous riffs*

….oh….OOOHH….OH MY GOD THAT’S HILARIOUSLY SHORT SIGHTED. But seriously though, Abney has been referred to as Beck forever now. Did Dylan think Beck was short for ReBECKa?]

"God, you're sexy," Abney panted, looking into ssj's eyes.

[Fa: This is so bad it's actually funny. Keep it simple and maybe it can be a diamond in the rough almost.]

[ssj: I want you to ride your Mario Kart down my Rainbow Road.]

[Clappy: I’m sorry, but I just can’t get over the fact that he seriously thought that Beck was a girl. I’m going to try my damndest to not just laugh my ass off at every single character interaction between these two...actually let me rephrase that. Any Abney interaction.]

"I know," ssj said.

[Ssj: Because I touch myself at night.]

"Know what?"

[Abney: Knew that I was a guy.]

"You love Philip," he said blatantly.

[Fa: Never mind, SBM love triangles aren't simple.]

[Clappy: ….well way to ruin the fun. The last thing I needed from this hilariously short sighted mispairing was the one thing that constantly ruins SBM for me…drama.]

"ssj...I..it's just," she said. Abney rolled off of him, exposing her nude fish body briefly, before rolling back underneath the covers. She ran her fins through her hair, exasperated.

[Jjs: Is this a Christmas episode or a pornography? Do I have the right riffing program?  ] 

[Abney: Paint me like one of your French admins, ssj.]

[Clappy: Eww. If I wanted to read SBM fish porn, I would…visit SBM.]

"Explain," ssj said. He rested his hand on his fin and looked at her. "Our relationship has been rocky ever since those SBC members tried to penetrate my mind.

[Fa: For once, not a better love story then Twilight.]

[Fred: Rocky?

 ]

[Clappy: Eww. I get that big words make you sound fancier, but could you have seriously used a less disgusting word than penetrate? Why not hijack? Or brainwash?]

After they met my memory of you...you gave them my information because you loved me! But it's like you think I'm mad at you, which I'm not, and you went for Philip!"

[Clappy: Because revenge fish sex is the best way to go for it.]

"That's exactly what happened, ssj. I don't want to be in a relationship where you're angry at me for handing everything over," said Abney.

"But I'm not mad at you! And if you don't want to date me, how come we just had sex?"

[Fred: 

]

[Fa: Should have stuck with jex. Sex ruins everything.]

[Clappy: Sex = relationship?]

[Jjs: As Bikini Top taught us, fish sex never ends well. Well, it never ends well for the riffers, because we have to suffer episodes on end of drama about it.]

"Because...I close my eyes and pretend your Philip," she said truthfully. "Please don't be mad."

[Fa: No problem Abney, except that's incredibly wrong and fucked up, but ok.]

[Clappy: …yeah, please don’t be mad at me for thinking of another guy while having sex with me. The fuck am I reading?]

[Fred: Is this Fifty Shades of Abney--oop, I mean, Abbey?]

He looked into her eyes before putting a fin over his face. "...you serious?"

[Clappy: Wow, people sure take emotional tension so well in this spin-off.]

"Dead serious," she said. "But I'd like to cut our relationship right here, if that's fine with you."

[Clappy: Wow, people sure take emotional tension so well in this spin-off…hey wait a minute, I just used this riff. TRY HARDER DAMMIT.]

[Fred: Ummmm, I thought this episode was supposed to be about Christmas. What's so Christmas-y about two SBM admins having sex with each other?]

"Come on, Abby!" he said. "I love you!"

[Jjs: Who is Abby? When did this become a threesome? Why is Christmas in the title when there's not a darn thing related to Christmas? Why am I asking YOU all these questions?! Mermaid Man, where are you?!]

[Mermaid Man: *is seen napping in the back of the theater, who fell asleep trying to watch this episode*]

"But I don't like you," she said, looking at him. He does have a gorgeous face...and his muscles are pretty damn big...and he has the best kind of hair a man could have! "On second thought..."

[Taylor Swift: HE'S SO TALL, AND HANDSOME AS HELL]

[Fa: What the hell? Man, these characters are just awful.]

[Clappy: On second thought you are a shallow whore.]

She dove back onto him. They rolled around.

[Fa: Make up Jex.]

("Mr. Brightside" by The Killers ends)

[Clappy: Gee, thanks unfitting music. Let me show you what I was thinking of while listening to this.

Even Bikini Top managed to make drama more compelling than this.]

[Fred: Hell, even Bikini Bottom High had more compelling drama than this.]

---- 

(theme song plays)

[Fred: Hopefully, this plot will actually be about Christmas and not some dramatic sex scene. Hahahahahaha, I doubt it.]

[Fa: If that was just the intro, I can't imagine how horridly awful this is gonna get.]

[Clappy: Now it plays? Then what the hell was all that gratuitous sex? Foreplay?]

[Jjs: Surprised tvguy didn't have a Christmas song for the theme song, but then again he probably would've had a sex related Christmas song considering this episode so far.]

("Obstacle 1" by Interpol plays) 

CF and Steel raced through the barren sea floor, not knowing where they were heading. Night fell and they found what appeared to be a comfy cage.

[JCM: A Nicolas Cage.]

[Clappy: Because in case you forgot, they were sea leopards or whatever the fuck happened previously on Down Under…you know, let me hijack this riff for a minute to mention that as much as we riffed on Bikini Top for having a reminder to its readers about what happened previously, it at least helped remind me what happened during all that drama and supernatural shit. Here? As badly as Down Under wants to be Bikini Top, the least it could have done was include stuff like that. Because you know it’s bad when I have to re-read previous riffs to remember what the fuck is even happening here anymore.]

"CF, are you still angry with me?" Steel asked as CF made a fire with her paws.

[Fa: Stubby little paws. How cute and unscary.]

[Jjs: Oh right, they turned into sea leopards. Another thing I'm glad I missed riffing.]

[Clappy: Wait, sea leopards have paws…uh Dylan. How the fuck do they swim then?]

[Jjs: 

]

"Yes," she said. CF didn't look up; she was too focused on the firewood.

[Fred:  ]

[Clappy: Maybe it’s because of how stupid that sex scene was previously, but the last thing I want to read about is CF looking at wood.]

"I'm sorry," he said for what seemed like the trillionth time. "Please just forgive me!"

"All I did was try to help you, Steel!" CF barked. "And what do you do? You shrug me off like shit!"

[Fa: I thought she was a sea leopard bear thing, not a barking dog?]

[Jjs: *gasp* CF said... A BAD WORD! I don't know who that is, but that's not the CF I know.]

[Clappy: Okay, points for making me laugh at CF cursing. That will never get old.]

"But it was a mistake! You know that!"

[Steel: You know that I always shrug you off like shit.]

"All I am is NICE to everyone. Do you know how fucking hard that gets?" Her eyes were slits.

[Fred: A nice girl who apparently swears.]

[Clappy: …her eyes were slits? Don’t you mean narrow eyed? Google, Dylan. It’s right over there.]

[Jjs:  ]

"Yes, and that's why you're perfect! Please, CF."

[Clappy: You’re so perfect because you are such a pushover. Way to be a dick, Steel.]

"You don't appreciate me at all," she said. "I've done everything while we've been here. What have you done?" 

Steel was about to respond when he realized she was right. What had he done?

[Jjs: Wow, not even Steel knows what his role is in this spin-off. Just goes to show.]

[Fa: Several unfinished Spin-offs. Several several of those.]

[Clappy: All those spin-offs, Best Animations, Billboard countdown threads, etc. don’t write themselves, you know.]

"I apologize. What I said was wrong. What you just said is right...I should appreciate you. But if we're never going to see each other again, then you deserve to know...I'm sorry." He turned around and started to walk towards the mouth of the cave. CF watched, speechless. 

"Steel!" she called. He turned to look. "See you in the morning." He smiled.

[Clappy: Honestly…and I could be overanalyzing something as ridiculously stupid as Down Under, but man. This scene is 2010/2011 SBC….hell it’s any sort of internet drama in a nutshell. At least two people arguing over something ridiculously stupid? Check. One over apologetic sequence that involves someone “leaving”? Check. I’ll give credit where it’s due that CF saying “See you in the morning” was unintentionally hilarious because at least that part of the cliché is true. If anybody ever truly “leaves” over something so stupid, they would be pathetic to do such a thing like that. And boy, did Dylan sure make Steel out to be pretty pathetic in this sequence. Silly sea leopard.]

[Fred: ...................how is this a Christmas episode?!]

("Obstacle 1" by Interpol ends)

---

("21 Guns" by Green Day plays)

[Jjs: Once again, loving the soundtrack for this Christmas episode.]

[Fa: A merry Christmas from Green Day with an anti-war song. Quite fitting.]

Zoey and Jacob awoke on the deck of a cruise ship. Zoey looked around, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

[Clappy: Rubbing sleep out of her eyes? Stop wording things so awkwardly Dylan. Is it really that hard of a request?]

[Jjs: I'm not sure how you can even "rub sleep out of your eyes", much less even "rub sleep".]

"Oh god," Jacob said. "Wherever we went, we're in The Graveyard."

[Fa: Wherever we went, we're still in the wrong tense.]

[Clappy: Redundant much? You still know where you went, dumbass.]

Zoey gazed around the cruise ship, and then at the water. "Whoever put us here has a very vivid memory in order to have created this detailed projection."

"Hell yeah!" Jacob said, looking around. "They must be experienced, as to hold so many people."

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Greg said, from behind them.

[Fa: Most accurate line of the series thus far.]

[Clappy: Most accurate question in this chapter. I seriously don’t remember any of these people, let alone what they are talking about.]

[Jjs: "What the hell are you guys talking about?" will probably be the catchphrase for anybody who reads this for years to come.]

"Greg!" Zoey said. "You're here too!"

[Fa: Even more no name OC's for everyone. Courtesy of Dylan.]

"Yeah, I am!"

[Clappy: Convenience.]

[Fred: Was there a point to that line?]

[Jjs: Of course there was, Fred. We needed 100% confirmation Greg is in the episode, because heaven forbid these characters are ever mentally present.]

"It must've been Darren," said Jacob.

"But he doesn't know about Dream Weaving," said Zoey.

[Clappy: Dreamweaving. It’s one word.]

"What the fuck are you guys talking about? I'm getting angry!" Greg growled.

[Clappy: Thank you Greg. I thought I was the only one.]

[Jjs: Is Greg breaking the fourth wall, or is he a riffer I'm not aware of?]

"Aren't principals supposed to get in trouble for cursing?" said Jacob, raising a brow.

[Fred: He's a principal now? When was this established? Maybe it was and I forgot, but can you blame me?]

[Fa: How were we supposed to know Greg was a principal? Who is Greg? Why are we on a cruise ship? AND WHERE IS THE CHRISTMAS???]

"Shut up and explain," he said. "I've been through a lot."

[Greg: I have to actually be in this spin-off, I'd rather riff!]

[Clappy: Did Greg join the riffing for this chapter?]

"Oh please," Jacob replied. "If you lived our live-" Zoey nudged him.

"The Graveyard is a place, like this, of someone's mind."

[Fred: Can we bury this episode here?]

[Clappy: Here lies Down Under’s Hopes and Dreams.]

"What?" he said. 

"There is this box of cables...if you connect, as many people as you want, together, you're presented with The Graveyard, the projection of someone's memory. From there, you have access to the person's memory and all their memories. Dream Weaving is where you create the memory, like this. This may seem VERY real, but it's just a dream," Zoey explained.

[Fred: I hope this spin-off is a dream.]

[Clappy: Got all that guys? Because there is a good chance you’ll forget all this two minutes from now since this spin-off has proven to be nothing but vague and overcomplicated.]

[Jjs: Two minutes? I already forgot!]

"I'm still a little foggy." 

"It's used for getting something from a person, usually corporate rivals or spies. The software is very exclusive and-" 

"Woah, woah," Greg stopped her.

[Jjs: This is not my Batman cup!]

"Software?"

[Clappy: You mean not hardware?]

"Yes," she nodded. "The technology was discovered a little over a decade ago, and is now available for download from the internet. But getting the box with the cables is more difficult, which is why it's very hard to go into The Graveyard."

"Why's it called The Graveyard?"

[Clappy: Okay, it has not been two minutes yet, but didn’t he just explain very vaguely what the Graveyard is a couple lines ago?]

[Jjs: Wasn't this literally answered seven lines above? You know it's sad when not even the characters can remember plot points. Or maybe Greg is just an undercover riffer. Yeah, I'm banking on the latter. He's asking too many questions to be a real character.]

[Fa: Oh come on, she literally just said it. Dear God, why does everyone in this story have to have such short term memory?]

[Fred: Because it's a place where you come back from the dead to life.]

"Everyone here is carefully designed by the Dream Weaver," said Jacob. "Or people from memories. Although you can talk to them and other stuff normal people could, they aren't people. The only live people here are the people strapped in through the box."

[Clappy: Thanks again for the repetitiveness. I’ll still forget this by the time this chapter is over though.]

[Jjs: Cool, exposition. Remind me again so I don't forget. Like I did just now.]

"So who strapped us in?" Greg asked. "Is there a way to tell?"

"No," said Zoey. "That's how life like all these people are."

"So what do we do? Is there a way to get out of this?" 

"Usually," said Jacob. "Unless you're here for a very selective purpose. If it's just for fun, then you can jump off the side of the ship and wake up. If not...you die."

[Fa: So it's like Inception, but without the good parts and Leonardo DiCaprio?]

[Clappy: It’s what we like to call Down Underception.]

"How can it tell?"

"You're brainwave patterns," said Zoey. "The Box reads your brainwave patterns through the cable and can tell whether this is to steal some info or just have some fun."

[Clappy: Okay, wait…The Box? Is this another subsidiary of The Graveyard that will be poorly explained? Because we already have one overcomplicated, vaguely elaborated setting. We don’t need a second.]

[Fred: The Idiot Box?]

[Jjs: Maybe this box is where all the spin-off's plot lines are held. Except the box is empty. Like all the spin-off's plot lines.]

"How about once you get the info? Then what?" 

"THEN you can jump off the ship and wake up."

"Oh god...," Greg said.

[Fa: Well that was a whole 'lotta hoopla for nothing.]

[Clappy: I’ll give this section this. At least there was elaboration about this constantly confusing setting. Was it poorly established? Of course it was, but at least Dylan tried to explain where we are and what we need to know. Will I remember any of this? Of course not, but at least I got that sense of focus. But I got bored real fast. It didn't have anything as fascinating frustrating as everything else I've read to make it leave a lasting impact.]

[Jjs: So, what is the point of these OC subplots again? Also, how is this a Christmas episode again?]

("21 Guns" by Green Day stops playing)

---

("What I've Done" by Linkin Park plays)

[Fred: Sounds like the soundtrack to A Very Emo Rock Christmas.]

Ex and Abney appeared together, in an amusement park.

[Fa: Abney is this story's Patricia.]

[Clappy: What?] 

[Jjs: When did they get to an amusement park? I thought 90% of the spin-off took place in "unnamed desert with caves", so this is out of nowhere to me.]

"Okay, Abney," Ex said. "You have to work with me here. Where, in this amusement park, are your most cherished memories?"

[Clappy: No Ex. You stop. Where, in this amusement park, is this amusement park? I’m getting very bad ATTWL 3 setting asspulls.]

Abney thought for a moment before saying, "That rollercoaster."

[Jjs: Glad we know so much about this rollercoaster being important in Abney's most cherished memories like... its name... why it's important to Abney...]

[Fa: "Here lies Abney's hopes and dreams."]

[Fred: The Firey Fist O' Pain?]

Ex glanced at it. He then fully turned his attention to it, as he spotted the purple button on of the carts. "Come on." He pulled Abney towards the roller coaster and pushed through the line waiting to get on.

[Clappy: Our hero everyone. What an asshole.]

"Sir, you have to wait in line!" the teenaged employee who was running the line said.

[Jjs: Wait, there's people here? You sure it's not an ATTWL 3 cardboard cutout?]

[Fa: Ex is the last person you should try to force rules upon.] 

[Clappy: Uh oh, teenaged employee used logic. He’ll face repercussions in 3…]

[Ex: BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!]

"Get us on that car," Ex said. He indicated the car he wanted.

[Clappy: ….2…]

"Sir! You must-"

[Clappy: ….1…..]

Ex punched the teen in the nose.

[Fa: Warned ya.]

[Clappy: *bangs head on desk*]

[Fred: Since this is a Christmas special, I should be able to sneak in one Christmas song.

You're a mean one, Mr. Ex

You really are a fool

You pushed an administrator

Punched a teen in the nose

Mr. Eeeeeeeeex!

If I had to choose between Bl4ze and you, well......to be honest, I'd still choose you because Bl4ze is still a bigger asshoooooooole!]

[Jjs: Maybe it's a Christmas special because Ex is now on Santa's naughty list for what he just did. Bad Ex!]

"GET US IN THE FUCKING CAR!" Without waiting for a reply, Ex pushed past the employee and boarded the nearly full roller coaster with Abney.

[Jjs: A rollercoaster isn't a car, silly Ex. Just had a Wiseau moment?]

[Clappy: Because if you can’t get things your way, what else better to do than to act like a pompous, self-righteous asshole and not face proper repercussions for physical abusing an innocent bystander who’s obeying the rules? God, this chapter has been nothing short of painful to read. What kind of people actually act like this and in what reality?]

Once they sat down, there was the usual commands over an intercom. Moments later, they were going straight up, getting ready for the big drop. 

[Clappy: Once they sat down? Wow, our innocent bystander sure recovered from a bloody and possibly broken nose really quickly to allow douchebag Ex to ride a roller coaster. Hardy har har.]

[Jjs: Most fish don't have visible noses, so maybe he never was hurt to begin with.]

"What are we doing here?" asked Abney.

[Ex: I thought we were finding YOUR memories.  ]

[Fred: Are you kidding me?! I thought you knew!]

[Jjs: ...Why did you come all this way out here then in the first plac-oh forget it.]

"You'll see," Ex said. He had never liked doing The Fling, into people's central databases, but it worked.

[Fa: Ex wants to use the fling on Abney. Couldn't resist.]

[Clappy: LOLWUT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE FLING? If that's a code word for sex, then this is the first time I've heard of it.]

[Jjs: Is this rollercoaster ride some secret code word for "The Fling"? I'm hesitant, curious, and concerned at the same time...]

They were at the top, and just before they went over, Ex pressed the purple button on the side of the car and Ex and Abney were ejected from roller coaster car. They smashed through what appeared to be glass. Ex then started to kiss and undress Abney.

[Jjs: With nobody else there to notice that, so I guess my cardboard cutout theory is canon. That teenage fish never really existed.]

[Fa: Oh dear God, why???????]

[Clappy: …uhhhh.]

[Fred: Keep your penis in and clothes on at all times. Didn't you hear the instructions?]

"What the hell are you doing?!" Abney squirmed.

[Clappy: No, that’s a very good question Abney. What the actual hell are they doing? Premature roller coaster ejection sex?]

[Fred: The guys in this spinoff are saying what we're all thinking right now.]

[Jjs: Is having sex with someone on a rollercoaster some Bikini Bottom Christmas tradition now? This is one naughty Christmas porno, and Ex sure sealed his spot on the naughty list for rape. Bad Ex!]

"I have to kill you," he whispered. "The only way I can trick the system is to make it seem like we're having fun." They then went on to have sex, which wasn't real, as they were in The Graveyard.

[Jjs: So, they never had sex to begin with.]

Right in the middle of their sexual intercourse, Ex fired three rounds into Abney and threw her out of the window that they had come in through.

[Jjs: ...Fired three rounds of what?]

[Fa: What the actual fuck was Dylan thinking when he wrote this?]

[Clappy: …I’m seriously speechless right now. I am starting to wonder if Dylan had any basic understanding of not just sex, but the laws of physics.]

Ex then looked at the control panels, sat down, got the files literally, then jumped out of the window himself. He awoke next to Abney and 70s, in ssj's dream.

[Jjs: wat. This is one very confusing porno, did M. Night direct this?]

[Clappy: Wait, what? This is Ssj’s dream? Couldn’t have this been elaborated on in the beginning? Basic understanding is all I ask for, dammit.]

("What I've Done" by Linkin Park ends)

[Fa: Almost fitting. Almost. Maybe Dylan's getting better with these songs.]

[Fred: Yes. What have you done?]

---- 

("She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 plays)

[Fa: Never mind.]

[Fred: At least it's not animals-mals-mals.]

[Jjs: Once again, Maroon 5 is what you think of for Christmas porno soundtracks.]

Steel looked at CF as they galloped through the sand. It seemed like she had forgiven him the previous night, as she had been talking to him non stop.

[Clappy: Okay, something’s not right. CF? Talking? Nonstop?]

[Jjs: Like I said before, that's not the CF I know, dammit!]

"Where are we heading?" asked Steel.

[Jjs: If that's an in-joke to the spin-off's direction, good question.]

[Fa: Bikini Bottom. No wait, we're already there. Or are we? I don't even know anymore.]

"I want to go and see Bikini Bottom," she said.

[Clappy: Oh yeah. This was supposed to be about Christmas. In Bikini Bottom. Thanks for the reminder 80-85 PERCENT OF THE WAY INTO THIS CHAPTER.]

"Shouldn't we go back with the group?"

"Maybe...but Bikini Bottom seems safer, don't ya think?" she smiled.

[Clappy: Yeah. because they don't have sex in Bikini Bottom like virtually everywhere else based off of this chapter alone.]

"Yeah, I guess," Steel replied, trying to evade arguing.

[Clappy: Don't forget evading cockblocking.]

They ran in silence until the outline of the Bikini Bottom skyline came into view.

[Fa: I tho-yeah, I'm done.]

"It's beautiful, Steel!" CF gasped. They entered the city and ran around, taking it all in. Their favorite cartoon setting had suddenly become a reality.

[Clappy: Hardy har har, it’s like we are supposed to be more than a SpongeBob spin-off.] 

[Fred: Funny, it doesn't look like Gravity Falls.]

"I wanna go see Sandy's tree!" Steel said.

[Clappy: Dome. Sandy’s treedome. If you’re going to bring SpongeBob elements back into this spin-off, at least TRY to put effort into actually giving a shit about the original source material before this became so fucking overcomplicated.]

Without objection, CF led the way. They stopped at the treedome, seeing an enormous Christmas tree inside, surrounded by candles and everyone they recognized.

[Fred: Well, you're kinda wrong there, Clappy.]

[Jjs: Near the end of the episode, the Christmas theme FUCKING FINALLY kicks in...]

"Oh my god...," CF breathed.

"It's Christmas!"

[Jjs: ...and it's about as underwhelming as I expected it to be. Are we sure tvguy didn't accidentally mix the scripts for the pornography and Christmas episodes together? It feels so slapped on that I kind of want to think that.]

[Fred: Might as well call it a "Sex-mas special" after all we witnessed.]

[Fa: Worst Christmas ever.]

[Clappy: I would be in shock too after all of the ridiculous levels of bad I just sat through to remember that this is a Christmas special.] 

("She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 ends)

----

("Christmas Canon" plays)

[Jjs: An actual Christmas song? A bit too late for that now after trying to convince me Green Day and Maroon 5 fit into a Christmas Pornography.] 

CF and Steel quietly, entered, behind the singing group they had come to love. 

"On this night, on this night, on this night, on this very Christmas night!" Mr. Krabs sang.

[Clappy: Yes, because Mr. Krabs listens to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Nice try.]

"Hello," CF said. The group whirled around.

"Who...are you?" Squidward asked.

[Jjs: Right, SpongeBob characters still exist.]

"It's kind of hard to explain...but we were there when Spongebob died," Steel said.

[Fred: This must've been the future where SpongeBob died and before SpongeTron was invented.]

[Clappy: Oh yeah…SpongeBob died. How could I forget that? …..SERIOUSLY HOW THE FUCK DID I FORGET THAT. Dylan treated his death like it didn’t matter, so why should I care if he died either?]

"We're from an internet site...fans of this show...and-"

"Show?" asked Sandy. "What are ya'll talking about?"

[Sandy: Y’all must be talkin’ ‘bout them fancy fourth wall breaks they talk ‘bout back in Texas.]

"You guys are made up...we were on a Spongebob chatbox, and then we got sucked in here...," CF said.

[CF: We are in the SpongeBob Matrix. None of what you see is real.]

"If we ain't real, then why are we standing here?" Mr. Krabs said.

[Fa: Self-realization! KILL THE SHOW, KILL IT!]

[Jjs: Really? We're finally remembering the SpongeBob characters exist, and slap an existential crisis plot line into a Christmas Pornography? Looks like tvguy had three different episodes he actually pasted together.]

"I don't know," said Steel. "That's the thing." 

"What're your names?" asked Pearl.

"CF and Steel Sponge," CF said. Steel gave a friendly wave.

"Those are some odd names for here sea critters," Mr. Krabs observed.

[Clappy: I would be more odded out by the fact that there are such things as sea leopards, but go on.]

"Do you have any real place to go?" asked Sandy. 

Both shook their heads in unison. 

"Then come on over and join us!" said Sandy.

"Sandy, we don't even know them!" Patrick said.

[Clappy: Patrick’s got a point. If someone admitted to me about being there when my friend died, then I would be more suspicious than inviting. Even if it is Christmas.]

"It's Christmas!" Sandy said. "Be kind! If Plankton can be here, they can as well."

[Fa: It's Christmas is as solid of logic as anything in this story to be totally honest.]

CF and Steel entered the circle, and they sang together, looking at the beautiful tree.

[Fred: Charlie Brown you are not.]

[Jjs: Warms me heart it does. We go from a pornography, to remembering this is a SpongeBob spin-off, slapping an existential crisis plot that never goes anywhere, to a heartwarming group choir in the name of "It's Christmas!".

...Seriously, are we sure tvguy didn't accidentally fuse three different episodes together?]

("Christmas Canon" ends)

---- 

("Carol of the Bells" plays)

Steel and CF sing, alongside Sandy, Pearl, Patrick, Plankton, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Gary.

[Clappy: That’s all that came of this so called Christmas special? Them just STANDING there and questioning the laws of physics and virtual reality? Ho ho horrible.]

[Steel: Well, this chapter sure was frightful, but finishing it is so delightful!]

[CF: If there's one thing we want you all to know......]

[Steel and CF: Fuck this show, fuck this show, fuck this shoooooooooow!]

70s and Ginger walk down to the group.

[Fa: Wait, what? When did they meet?]

[Clappy: Were those two even in this chapter? Which group? They’ve broken into so many subgroups I can’t keep up with it anymore.]

Ex sags to the ground...his breathing cannot be heard.

[Jjs: Words cannot describe how hard I lol'd.]

[Clappy: I would be sagging too if I had virtual reality roller coaster cyber sex….god, I can’t even come to understand what the fuck even happened there.]

Darren chases Zoey, Jacob, and Greg down a deck.

[Jjs: Cue the Yakety Sax.]

[Clappy: Tune in next chapter when they go down another deck.]

ssj is left alone in bed.

[Fa: Accurate.]

[Clappy: Touching himself at night.]

Spongebob awakes inside the debris of an elevator car.

[Clappy: Of course he’s not dead. If everyone else can die and revive countless times, then why the fuck not SpongeBob?] 

[Jjs: It's like they revived him by remembering his death.]

Santa Dog's dead body lays by Patrick's rock.

[Clappy: He’s not really dead either. I give him two chapters before he's revived.]

[Fred: And Fred Rechid dies from the confusion that was this chapter.]

[Jjs: Ah, it wouldn't be a Christmas episode without a dead Santa Dog. ...Ho ho ho?]

THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS AN AMAZING 2010 FOR DOWN UNDER.

[Clappy: Amazing? AMAZING?!?! YOU GOT MORE THAN HALF YOUR VIEWS ON A STUPID FIGHT IN YOUR TOPIC.] 

-TVGUY347

New episodes will resume in January. 

[Fred: I'd write a big essay, but I don't have time.

So I'm just gonna speak my thoughts in rhyme.

There were too much scenes involving sex.

And they totally ruined the person named Ex.

The title was misleading, it was all a bust.

Most of this episode had nothing to do with Christmas.

To summarize, this whole episode was complete shite.

Merry Springmas to all, have a fucking good night.]

[Fa: Can't imagine how much more horrible this is going to get because that was atrocious, but man it is isn't it? Down Under lowering the bar for terribleness each chapter.]

[Clappy: God forbid they are any good, but they will resume. Guys, this chapter took a lot out of me. I don’t know how many things I’ve riffed during my time here, but holy mother of God was this BBBBAAAAAADDDDD. Yet at the same time, I was amazed by how many times I just sat here thinking what the fuck am I reading. I’m honestly…excited to rejoin the riffing in a few chapters from now. This spin-off has already hit rock bottom. Let’s see how much lower it can get because I am too fascinated at how much more confusing and frustrating this can get. It hasn’t hit its full shit potential yet. I can’t wait.]

[Jjs: Wow. This spin-off has been mostly boring and confusing so far, but this episode was boring, confusing, WTF, and bad. I think this is the worst episode so far...and yet...it's hilariously bad at the same time. The fact this was basically an SBC porno with the strange and creepy as fuck sex scenes, and the fact this episode seemed like a strange mutation of three different episodes... just wow. This episode either made me cry, laugh, or have my jaw hanging down. And I probably did all three throughout. I'm not sure what went through tvguy's head in writing this episode, and I don't want to know. I really can't describe this anymore, so I'm just going to leave you on a somehow less confusing Christmas related video to show what this chapter did to my brain:

]

 

Edited December 9, 2017 by Gunter

[Joe Biden]

See this, Doug Walker? This is how you successfully rhyme in a Christmas review.

[Metal Snake]

Excellent experience these riffs were. However, I would've raised some hell over how Ex totally raped and murdered Abney, even if it was just in a dream. There's Rusty's Raping Rampage, and then there's destroying any chance of an already boring character we're supposed to root for being likable. 

[Clappy]

I am quite proud with how those riffs turned out.

[Katniss]

Wow this chapter was awful, but the riffs had me rolling with laughter. Nice work y'all!

[SpongeOddFan]

Hilarious riffs guys

and i have no idea how he put 3 different ideas into one weird and Christmas ep at same time.

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

14. Cat and Mouse

 

(S1E14) Episode 14: Cat and Mouse

[Steel: Well, I'm backed from that really messed up Christmas special. I wander what this title could mean? Is this spin-off going to create yet another plot line and have someone else involved with it? ....Hold on....

"Cat and mouse: a series of cunning maneuvers designed to to thwart an opponent."

Well, I can't really predict anything for what the spin-off will bring us, but I'll take anything but sea leopards.]

[Metal Snake: What is this, Tom & Jerry now?]

[SOF: Cats and Dogs would make more sense, honestly.]

[Hayden: Is Darren the cat and one of his kids the mouse? Or are we going to get some cat on mouse action during an SBCer relationship scene?]

An enormous, buff man spoke into a walkie talkie, holding a gun in the other hand.

[Metal Snake: NOMOREOCSOHMYFUCKINGGOD]

[Steel: Human Resources?

 

]

“Do you have site?” he said.

[Metal Snake: “Do I make sense?” The answer is, “No.”]

[Steel: But who was walkie-talkie?]

[Hayden:   ]

“Yes,” someone on the other side of the walkie said. “There’s the two brats and the principal.”

[SOF: "Who don’t go to school because they’re too stupid."]

[Metal Snake: Yup, the principal who is also somehow a truant officer because all principals have a secret life like that.]

[Hayden: I think tvguy is trying to punish his principal for calling him to the office, by including him in Down Under.]

“Darren?” asked the man.

There was a brief moment of silence. “Er...no. I don’t see him.”

“Dammit,” the man said, under his breath. He pressed the walkie against his muscular chest, thinking of what to do.

[Metal Snake: “Come on, I can do this. I’m a tough guy, I’m a tough guy, these sexy abs prove it…”]  

[Steel: The walkie-talkie just wanted a hug.]

[Hayden: You're supposed to talk to it, not rub your body on it. Sicko, walkie talkies have emotional needs too.]
 
He raised the device back to his mouth. “Okay, he hasn’t exited the dream.

[SOF: What dream? Do we really need to bring up the plot from the Christmas episode? I call BS.]

[Metal Snake: Oh yeah, and fuck this dream bullshit. Hooray, element shoehorned in solely to overcomplicate this already disjointed beyond recognition plot #17. Hahanope.]

Keep lookouts everywhere. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

The man shoved the walkie talkie back into his backpack and pulled a mini machine gun out.

[Metal Snake: “Introducing the new Junior edition of the Tommy gun, for kids!”]

[Steel: Can't have Down Under without conveniently owned guns. That's probably rule #1 of this spin-off.]

[Hayden: Why'd he have the other gun in his hand if he was just going to pull that out?]

He walked out from the bathroom stall and out onto the fiesta deck. He looked both ways, holding the gun firmly against his chest.

“Hey, that guy has a gun!” a tourist said. People suddenly turned and people were now screaming.

[Steel: So they're all just standing there screaming without thinking about running away?]

[Hayden:  ]

Dammit, the man thought. He raised his gun and shot the tourist.

[SOF: Oh goodie, a pointless character that we never know who he/she is or what he/she is doing, is starting to attack some random people...moving on...]

[Steel: More new characters with no sense of morality. This will never get annoying.]

[Metal Snake: One sentence to life in prison later…]

[Hayden: It's your fault for not hiding it more discreetly, Mr. Chest Sex. How did shooting the tourist get any attention off of you?]

He then started to run, pushing past several people. He smashed through a window and landed on the floor. He went down a flight of stairs and turned down a hallway.

“Excuse me!” a steward said. He didn’t take being pushed kindly. “Sir, where-” He then noticed the gun that the man held. “Oh my god...

The man fired at the steward and then continued to run. 

[Hayden: That'll teach him to not appreciate being shoved by a stranger.]

On the bridge, another man, pale in the face and lacking a right arm, broke through the door and socked the captain in the face. He picked him up, blood squirting from his nose, and threw him out the window and onto a deck five floors below.

[Steel: Now with the Drama Nuke, you can progress the plot effortlessly by throwing out any kind of senseless drama at your problems, and kaboom! Only $39.95.]

[SOF: "I'll just shoot random people and throw them out windows because I’m a pointless character with no personality."]

[Metal Snake: To summarize this sequence in short, filler happened, which led to filler that I don’t give two shits about, which in turn resulted in a bunch of boring filler happening. Moving on.]

[Hayden: ......Whose the captain and why did someone with only one arm punch him in the face? I'm even more lost.]

(theme plays)

Spongebob swatted away debris, angry. Oh crap, he thought. It’s worn off! People would know who DoodleBob actually was...

[SOF: ...the hell I am reading?]

[Metal Snake: Wut.]

[Steel: He's not dead, but now he's taken straight from an action/thriller movie.]

he scrambled to his feet and pried open the metallic elevator doors. He stepped through and coughed. Smoke filled the lobby. He made out a few figures, but couldn’t tell who anyone was. 

[Hayden: I call bullshit, SpongeBob isn't this strong. Unless he's his "Larry's Gym" version.] 

[Metal Snake: ...Is this some unusual joke? This makes the “plot” concerning the Doodles make less sense than ever! Why would Spongebob disguise himself as one of the creatures who murdered him?! Why would he kill Elastic?! Why would he hurt him and all these members of SBC who have harmed him in no way?! This is BOLLOCKS! BOLDERDASH! PURE, ABSOLUTE, BOLDERBOLLOCKSHIT!
 
And yes, while exaggerated for humor purposes, this is based off my genuine reaction to reading this...balogna. It makes no sense whatsoever and is just frustrating to read.]  

----

70s and the rest of the SBC gang, excluding Ex and those who were killed, looked at the figure who was approaching them in the smoke.

In the smoke, Spongebob raised his hand and all exits leading out of the hospital turned to metal.

[SOF: Seriously, count how many times tvguy jerks us back to this hospital plot right after telling us some unrelated bullshit...]

[Hayden: I wish I could raise my hand and make magic metal.....snakes.]

“Holy shit...,” Webizoid breathed.

[Metal Snake: He breathed his dialogue? For real? Oh God, I was just kidding that time...]

“Come on, come one!” terminoob roared. The enormous group of friends got up and raced up the stairs. Spongebob eyed them before snapping his fingers. He morphed back into DoodleBob.

[Steel: "Come one?" Doesn't ring a bell.]

[Hayden: Spongebob is the big bad because he represents everything tvguy didn't want SBC to be.]

----

(“For Your Entertainment” by Adam Lambert plays) 

[Hayden: No Adam Lambert, it really isn't.]

A golden palace sat in the middle of the barren ocean. Sand whipped at it’s walls, but it didn’t fall.

[Metal Snake: No shit. What kind of golden palace wouldn’t be able to hold its ground in a sandstorm?]  

Inside, on the throne, sat Girlygirl. Pakasa walked in, shivering.

“What?” Girlygirl asked. “Where’s Sabre?”

“He was a traitor, Siali,” he replied. “I...I killed him.”

[SOF: Yeah, he did that. Pakasa must’ve really hated him, just like how I really don’t care.]

[Steel: R.I.P. Sabre, our beloved gold plated robot fish with bird wings.]

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Why?”

[Metal Snake: Hurpy durr, was he a traitor by any chance hurr]

[Steel: To change the subject, I suppose Girly is "Siali" in which they speak of? Thanks again to Dylan for scrambling with my mind again.]

“Why what?”

“WHY THE HELL DID YOU KILL HIM?”

[Hayden: HE ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU SHRIEKING FILLER BANSHEE.]

“He was a traitor, madam!” Pakasa pleaded.

“No, no,” she said. “You know I’m new...I need as many people as I can get. The fucking Mastermind is growing in power!”

[Metal Snake: I am in no way advocating murder, but this is just stupid. In a war, ESPECIALLY the kind of dictator-backed war we’re seeing here, it’s commonplace for treasonists to be executed for aiding the enemy. You refuse to kill, you’re the one they kill instead. By that, albeit fucked up, mentality, Pakasa did the right thing. No evil dictator in real life would see a traitor as anything more valuable than worm food. I’m not asking this to be realistic to the letter, just SOMEWHAT believable for Christ’s sake.]

[Hayden: A traitor is a great ally to have in a war. You can always depend on them to survive...at your cost.]

“Miss, I know,” Pakasa said. “But he WANTED to help CF and Steel! We couldn’t do that!”

“Get out of my site,” Girlygirl said, waving him off.

[Hayden: Website or sight? I'm at the point where the logistics would back up "Siali" having a website just as much as it being a misspelling of the word "sight".]

[SOF: Ey, you ain’t terminoob.]

[Metal Snake: Excuse me, is your name terminoob? Oh wait, no, it’s Girlygirl because she’s an evil dictator now. What?]

[Steel: Suddenly Girlygirl is Azula.]

“I’m sorry!” he said. “I wasn’t certain!”

“THEN BE CERTAIN,” she roared. She looked at two guards standing to the right of her. “Tao marste le condre. Stadeo swa gra! Faws! Faws awr!”

“Is that the Conder language? When did you learn?” said a frightened Pakasa.

[Hayden: I typed it into Google Translate, it's actually Hmong language, but it didn't produce any English results.]

She didn’t reply.

[Metal Snake: And I didn’t riff because it wasn’t even worth it...it was that sad…]

[Steel: I think I'm going to cry out of sheer confusion and disbelief.]

[Hayden: This bitch is off her meds.]

The guards grabbed him and dragged him to a courtyard. A small house sat in the middle. They carried him in. A bed sat in the room. They hand cuffed him to him and left.

[Metal Snake: They handcuffed him to...himself? Just what. Who. How.]

[Hayden: Now he'll never escape from who he is!]

[Steel: I was right. The Holy Church Lair of Siali is a scary place.]

Pakasa sighed, glad it hadn’t been worse. Suddenly, a flicker of light caught his eye. He glanced at it and saw fire. It soon spread.

“Hey,” he started to say. “HEY! HEY!!"

[SOF: Hey Arnold!]

[Steel: It's Fat Albert and I'm gonna sing a song for you!]

[Hayden: *looks up from magazine* Hay here, did you need something?]

The guards outside continued to light the building, one match over and over in different spots. Moments later, the building was engulfed in flames. Pakasa pulled and pulled against the hand cuffs, but it was no use. It seemed like the the bed was bolted to the ground. The fire soon spread across the floor.

[Metal Snake: So because they need all the help they can get in the army, even those who commit crimes punishable by death, they punish their soldiers...with death. Could this logic possibly get any more backwards, how stupid are these guys?]

[Steel: "You know I'm new...I need as many people I can get." Yeah, whatever you say, long forgotten SBC member who's apparently written as an evil dictator.]

[Hayden: *whistles and walks away with magazine*]

“Don’t you think this was a little harsh?” one of the guards asked the other.

“I have no opinion,” replied the other guard. “I just follow Siali.”

[Metal Snake: “I’m a tool, and I just enjoy being a tool, durr.”]

[Hayden: Sounds like most SBC lit characters.]

“I don’t think I want to anymore...does she really know what she’s doing?”

The guard looked at the other with shocked eyes. “Don’t question her, man.”

“But she’s been leading us for a month now...I don’t even remember how the hell I got wrapped into it.”

[SOF: “Yeah, like...how did I even get here, man? Did I party too hard one night?]

[Steel: Please don't shoehorn us another drama plot line between two hopeless characters so we can tell how they're miserable like literally everyone else. Please don't do this to me again!]

“Just play it cool, Joe,” said the guard.

[Hayden: How can he play it cool when you're standing next to something so hot? By that I mean Pakasa's burning flesh.]

[SOF: “We only got to pretend to be guards for two more days before retirement…”]

[Metal Snake: Care-O-Meter falling…]

[Steel: "But how I supposed to play it cool at a time like this, Steve?"]

“Sam...I want to leave,” Joe said.

“Dude...you know we can’t,” said Sam.

“We can leave tonight!”

[Metal Snake: FALLING…]

“No, no, no!” replied Sam, sternly. “Just chill, man.”

Joe grunted and looked back at the burning house. Pakasa had burnt while they were talking.

[Metal Snake: Uh…]

[Steel: Yep, he's done it! He's shoved another dramatic scene down our throats! This one is just too hard to take it seriously.]

[Hayden: If Joe leaves, now Siali will REALLY be down on numbers.]

(“For Your Entertainment” by Adam Lambert ends)

[Metal Snake: I don’t get it, was this supposed to be black comedy? If so, it failed because not only did it take itself too seriously to be considered comical, it was also too boring to be considered comical. Boo.]

[SOF: I don’t even get the whole point of the conversation. Why are they so attached to Siali? I mean they can leave whenever they want, right?]

[Hayden: Sam will light Joe on fire if he tries something like that, SOF.]

[Steel: Man, For Your Entertainment totally relates to this thrilling scene. Pop music like this is scary!]

----

(“Downtown” by Petula Clark plays)

[SOF: Oh look, another song, yawn...]

[Steel: Wow, one of the most perky songs from its time to represent yet another dreary event in the world of Down Under without acknowledgment of whether or not this choice of a song is supposed to be ironic! My sarcasm levels are off the charts now Dylan, see what this episode has done? It's wonderful!]

CF and Steel both got up and stretched their well-rested limbs. 

“There you two sleepy heads are!” a cheery Sandy said, approaching them with hot cocoa in both hands. “Enjoy some hot chocolate while I make breakfast!” She led them downstairs to her treedome kitchen. 

“Thank you so much for your hospitality!” Steel said. 

“Oh, no problem!” Sandy said. She opened the fridge and brought out four brown eggs. “You two don’t deserve to sleep outside, even if you are...animals.” 

[Metal Snake: And...so are you?]

[Steel: So we're back to the sea leopards, with a title that has "cat" in it, that's expected.]

“Well...um,” said CF. “We didn’t mention it last night, but we aren’t animals.” 

“Um...not to be rude,” she said, chuckling. “But you’re two anthropomorphic sea cats."

[Metal Snake: ...And you’re an anthropomorphic squirrel. What point are you trying to make here?]  

[Steel: Correction: We are sea leopards that don't technically exist in the real world, and we're also formerly fish, who were formerly humans who spend their time on a SpongeBob forum.]

“No,” said Steel, kindly. “We woke up and we were cats...but we were regular fish before.”

[Steel: See? My own interpretation remembers how science screwed him over.]

[Metal Snake: So the logic here is that anthropomorphic fish and squirrels are essentially humans but anthropomorphic sea cats are animals. How this story consistently fucks even its own logic so hard, I have no clue.]

“You sure?” Sandy said. She cracked the eggs and put them in a bowl. She mixed it up and sprinkled some salt. “Because you both look like some regular sea cats to me.”

[Hayden: You look like a space squirrel to us.]

“Please just believe us,” CF said. “But we were regular fish...say...I saw some pretty cool inventions laying around.”

[SOF: Lol, way to change the subject so that we can get more padding.]

[Hayden: You were also regular humans, but I guess trying to explain that would be more padding than tvguy wants.]

[Metal Snake: I actually got a chuckle out of this. CF was just like...

“Oh wait, I just repeated the same dialogue Steel said. Oops, better jerk the subject so I don’t look stupid...um...I like the cool inventions that you left lying around. You’re smart for someone who can’t be bothered to clean up.”]

[Steel: This treedome is nice. I like trees.]

“Yeah. I’m a bit of a scientist,” said Sandy. She laughed.

“Perhaps you could help us get back to our original form!” Steel said, catching on.

[Steel: Please.]

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I don’t know what you used to look like...I hardly know anything about how you got this way, and I...I don’t think I can help you there.” She put the now batter-like material that used to be eggs into the oven.

[Metal Snake: Who bakes a bowl of batter for breakfast?! What, is that how she thinks you make pancakes?!]

[Hayden: Sandy may be a scientist, but she's no cook.]

“Please, Sandy!” Steel pleaded. “We’re...we’re not even from here.”

[SOF: YES, we already know that you used to be users before you were sea cats, enough with this repetitive dialogue.]

“Oh,” she said, standing back up from bending down by the oven. “Where are ya from?”

“We’re not from the ocean,” he said. “You aren’t real...we’re fans of your show.”

[Sandy: Oh, why didn't you say so?! I completely believe ya'll now.]

[Metal Snake: “Since you can’t help us get back to normal in this fictional world, surely you can help us get back to normal in the real world!”

*headdesk*]

[Steel: The Squirrely Adventures of Sandy Cheeks? I loved that show too.]

“I’m real if I’m standing here, little critter!” she laughed.

[Metal Snake: Y-yeah, she’s got you here. If she’s standing here talking to you, having a real conversation with you, she must be real on SOME level…]

“I’m not part of any show either.”

“We were zapped into this world....but everything here revolving around Spongebob is a show,” said Steel. “You have to believe me.”

“Why should I believe you?” she said, not smiling this time.

[Metal Snake: Again, she’s got you here. How does Sandy realizing that Spongebob Squarepants is a fictional TV show have any benefit on restoring you to your original forms or anything? I’m sorry, but the bad storytelling here is getting very obnoxious.]

[Steel: If you think nothing about the universe of Bikini Bottom is real, then I don't see why you need to turn to ANY fictional character for help. Heck, the SBC members ourselves here are fictionalized, which drives the point further on the ridiculousness of the members straight up convincing the SpongeBob characters that they're not real. This is the biggest plot hole right here. Down Under tries to explain the bending logics of fiction and non-fiction so badly - badly enough that there's no absolute way for this plot hole to disappear now.]

“You say I’m not real...you say Bikini Bottom is fake...you say this is all one show!”

“But this IS all fictional,” CF said. Suddenly, the door was flung open and Mr. Krabs scuttled in, panting.

[Hayden: You being sea cats is fictional....oh look Mr. Krabs, handy little way to sweep this scene under the rug.]

[Metal Snake: Thank God, a break from this padding dialogue…]

“Mr. Krabs!” Sandy exclaimed. “What’re you doing here?”

“He’s back, Sandy,” he panted, leaning on the counter for support. “He’s back.”

“Who’s back?”

[Metal Snake: GUESS WHO’S BA-Not worth it.]

[Steel: Back in black?]

“Spongebob!” he said. “He got out of his DoodleBob form! He’s in the hospital, and he locked all these fish in there!”

“Oh my god...,” Sandy said, suddenly looking pale. “How do you know?”

“I was out, heading to The Krusty Krab with Squidward, and we both saw smoke billowing out of the Bikini Bottom Hospital. What else could it be?” Mr. Krabs explained.

[Metal Snake: He could’ve set the hospital on fire, for one.]

[Hayden: Well they sure pieced together a lot of details just from seeing smoke at a hospital....]

“Where is Squidward?” asked Sandy. Mr. Krabs then looked behind him.

“He was just behind me!” Krabs said.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” Sandy said, burying her head in her hands.

[Metal Snake: Dare I ask why Squidward’s disappearance is such a big deal? Oh noez, he probably went home to play his clarinet because he understandably doesn’t give a fuck about all this nonsense?]

[SOF: Or maybe he was just pretending to follow him the whole time.]

[Steel: I don't know any other phrases to sum up my shocked reaction, so I'll say "oh my god!" twice more.]

[Hayden: SQUIDWARD HAS BEEN CAPTURED. WE GOTTA GET SQUIDWARD BACK!]

“Sandy, what are we going to do?”

[Steel: Yes, what will Sandy do?:

A. Take herself and everyone else to the scene of the disaster like a god darn hero.

B. Get into some emotional breakdown.

or....

C. Both A and B.]

“You know what?” she snapped, looking up. “I DON’T LIKE BEING THE LEADER!”

There was silence.

[Metal Snake: Understandably, because that breakdown would leave anybody speechless with how...indescribably off pace and awkward it was.]

“If you aren’t the leader, no one else will,” said Mr. Krabs. “We aren’t...we don’t have the leadership material that you have, Sandy.”

[Metal Snake: “I just lead a business, what kind of leadership is that?”]

[Steel: "I guess we'll leave those innocent fish we don't know to die, kinda."] 

Sandy wiped her eyes. “Fine, fine, fine.” She looked at CF and Steel. “Are you going to come and help us?”

“Yes,” they both nodded.

“Come on,” she said. They walked outside. Sandy stopped and slipped into her water suit. They then exited out into the ocean.

[Steel: Somehow we needed that emotional scene...]

“Are we going to find Squidward first?” Mr. Krabs asked, trying to keep up with Sandy’s quick and urgent stride.

“No,” she shook her head. “That’ll be take too much time. We need to help all those people in the hospital.”

[Hayden: I prefer my Down Under without Squidward.]

[SOF: Yeah, just forget Squidward. Figures.]

[Metal Snake: Well, at least they have their priorities straight. Though I doubt it would take a long time to find Squidward, unless it would be take too much work to walk down to his house.]

“How are we going to get in?” he asked. “I’m pretty sure it’s sealed by metal.”

“Plankton.”

[Metal Snake: “Krabs!”]

[Steel: Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad!]

“Plankton?"

[Metal Snake: “Krabs!”]

[Steel: Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad!]

“Plankton.”

[Metal Snake: “Spongebob.”]

[Steel: Janet.... nah, screw it. Donkey!]

“Why Plankton? What?” he replied.

“He should have dynamite or some sort of explosives,” said Sandy.

[Metal Snake: Unlike the guy at the Dynamite & Some Sort of Explosives shop.]

She turned down a street and The Chum Bucket and The Krusty Krab came into view. They entered The Chum Bucket. Plankton lay on a mini table, a mini beer bottle next to him.

[Hayden: ....Plankton drinks beer now?]

“Plankton!” Mr. Krabs barked.

“Jesus, Krabs!” Plankton moaned, rolling over.

[Steel: Donkey! Again.]

[SOF: Oh, Jesus Christ... *facepalm*]

[Metal Snake: They know who Jesus is in the ocean? What the Christ?]

“I have a major hangover. I held a party last night.”

[Metal Snake: No comment.]

[Hayden: Must've had his hick family over.]

“With who, your invisible friends?” snickered Krabs.

[Steel:  ]

[Hayden: Yeah they bought invisible spray and went wild.]

“**** ***, you ****** *******!” Plankton said.

[SOF: Well ***** you too.]

[Metal Snake: Oh **** ****, censored swearing is so ******* ***, especially when no one can tell what the ******* ******* swear words are!]

[Steel: Yeah, watch your ****in language you *******, this is a spin-off for young teens, ********!]

[Hayden: ********** this ******* out of character ******!]

“Plankton, we need some of your explosives,” Sandy said.

“Huh?” he grunted.

“WE NEED YOUR EXPLOSIVES,” Steel growled in his ear.

[Metal Snake: That’s right, yell in a drunk criminal mastermind’s ear and demand explosives. I in no way see how that could cause sparks to fly or make him just blow up at you.]

[Steel: Man, I'm loud.]

He instantly jumped to his feet.

“Okay, okay,” he said. Plankton sleepily dragged himself across the floor to a vault door. He opened it, to review tons of thousands of sticks of dynamite. “Merry Christmas.” He collapsed in a drunken heap on the floor.

[Metal Snake: Wow, he really was drunk. I can at least give tvguy partial credit there.]

[Hayden: ....To review tons of thousands? I'd pass out after that too.]

“Good, good,” Mr. Krabs said.

(“Downtown” by Petuna Clark ends, if it already didn’t end)

[Steel: Took ya' long enough to realize that, didn't it?]

[Hayden: Lmfao, don't insert these songs if you're going to forget when in the scene they end.]

-----

(“Speeding Cars” by Imogene Heap plays)

1 MONTH BEFORE

[SOF: NO NO NO! NO MORE FLASHBACKS! GOD DAMN IT! I'm so sick of these pointless flashbacks!]

[Hayden: If this isn't a flashback related to Plankton's alcoholism, I'm going to riot.]

[Metal Snake: Oh yeah, and fuck this flashback bullshit too. Flashbacks are supposed to explain things about a story I already understand but want to know more about regarding the backstory, not shoehorn in meaningless tripe in a story that I don’t understand at all.]

[Steel: I can't tell if this is Down Under or Naruto.]

Ex jerked out of the dream.

[Hayden: He was jerking in the dream.]

“How did she do?” he asked, pulling the cable out of his wrist and getting up.

“She unconscious, but we have the files we need from ssj’s mind,” said 70s. He showed five file icons of a device he held.

“Good,” he said. “Now let’s get the hell out of here.” He picked up Abney’s body and threw it out the office building.

[Rusty: Well what do you know? Someone’s trying to give us some competition...]

[Metal Snake: Yes, after raping and killing her in the world ripped off of Inception, now he’s throwing her out of a building. I hate this character of Ex. I deeply and truly do. I know it was very likely an oversight, that tvguy made that entire sequence horribly offensive unintentionally, but making a character that detestable to do so something so inexplicably heinous for no good reason at all just bothers me incredibly. And though on a lower level, I have pretty much the same thoughts about this character of 70s.
 
Literally, no understandable reason has been given for them to invade ssj’s mind and do these horrific things, and it’s just pathetic how this awful subplot has been given no reason to exist. This was it, by the way. This was the subplot that made me give up on this show. It is that hackneyed, trite, and forced in.]

[Steel: Metal's insight of Ex's character makes me wonder if there are any good, written fictionalizations of Ex.]

[Hayden: Ex loves throwing people away when he's done using them, so tvguy might've almost been on the money here.]

“We need to get tvguy and Deli,” 70s said, stopping him.

“Can’t we just call them?”

“They don’t have phones,” said 70s.

[Hayden: What teenager doesn't have a phone?]

“Use the search device then,” Ex said. He gestured to the searching gadget he had created.

[SOF: Google is your friend.]

[Metal Snake: Just hope it’s better than the search function on SBC.]

70s picked it up and typed in “Deli” and “tvguy.” Two green dots appeared on the screen.

“Okay, they should...that’s weird,” he said.

“What?” asked Ex.

“This says they’re a floor above us,” he replied. 70s grabbed a gun from the table and tossed the gadget on the floor. Ex did the same, making another gun appear in his hand. They headed up a flight of stairs and looked inside several rooms.

[SOF: *sleeping* Call me when it's over, Metal Snake...]

[Metal Snake: Snore…snore...boring...snoring...]

[Steel: *currently having a dream*]

“Where are the projections of ssj’s mind, 70s?” asked Ex. “Shouldn’t this floor be more filled with people like the last floor?”

“I don’t know...,” he said. “Ssh!” He gestured to a door that was slightly opened. Ex peered in through the crack. tvguy and Deli were backed up against a wall.

“Now,” a voice said from inside the room. “We’ll try this again...what were you doing here?”

“I swear!” Deli said. “We’re from the sub conscious security reinforcement squad!”

[Metal Snake: Oh God...she did not just say that...tvguy isn’t even trying to give this story a hint of believability now…]

“No,” said the voice. “You are not. If you don’t tell the truth, I’ll put a bullet in your head and you WON’T wake up.”

[Hayden: I thought bullets in heads just caused naps.]

“Who is that?” 70s whispered to Ex.

“I can’t tell,” he said, trying to move around to try and see the assailant. But the cracked door limited them to only seeing Deli and half of tvguy.

[Metal Snake: That must be an abnormally large crack in the door then, how does the assailant not see them?]

“Okay,” 70s said. He started to breath heavily. “We’re going to go in.” He cocked his gun. He then kicked it open. He saw a black material whip out of view.

“70s!” Deli exclaimed. “Oh thank god!” She ran and embraced him.

“How the hell did you guys get here?” Ex said, walking in. The only window in the room was shattered; apparently where the assailant had jumped out.

[Metal Snake: For Bikini Top, it was drink spitting. For Down Under, it’s jumping out of windows and conveniently not falling to your death. Cliches, aren’t they great?]

[Steel: And being armed with guns, no exceptions.]

[Hayden: For an assailant, he sure wanted to avoid assailing anybody.]

“There was this black guy,” tvguy.

“Racist....,” Ex said.

[Metal Snake: Tvguy is a self-hating black man? I know he’s Mexican, not African-American, but still, he’s dark-skinned. And like you have any right to sass, Mr. Murderous Rapist. >.<]

[Ex: TRIGGERED]

“He wore all black,” relied tvguy. “A black cape, black hat, black shoes, black pants. He even wore this black veil over his face. He had these black gloves with this sharp knives sticking out of the palms.”

[Hayden: Were the knives black? What about his palms?]

[SOF: ...How descriptive. Oh, and the killer with the black suit from ATTWL 3 is back, sweet.]

[Metal Snake: Did he wear white by any chance?]

[Steel: Were the knives black too?]

“Um...what?”

[SOF: My reaction exactly.]

[Metal Snake: Exactly. What is this guy, a cartoon villain? That description couldn’t have been any more unintentionally comical and cartoonish.]

“If he were to choke you, then the knives would slice through your neck,” Deli said. “Can you picture it?”

Ex and 70s thought for a moment before nodding.

[Metal Snake: “When you don’t understand what someone is saying, just nod!”]

“Okay, we’re going to jump,” 70s said. “We already got what we came in here for.”

“Ready?” Ex said. The four all held hands by the window and then fell forward. There was a tingling sense in their stomaches as they fell. They suddenly jerked awake in a warehouse, in their natural human form.

[Metal Snake: So they finally got back to normal? Hooray, show’s over!

...I wish.]

[Hayden: Remember kids, jump out of windows if you want to feel butterflies in your stomach.] 

(“Speeding Cars” by Imogene Heap ends)

---- 

(“Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem feat. Rihanna plays)

Ex crawled down the hall. The fire was hot in pursuit behind him.

[SOF:...wut?]

[Metal Snake: ...Hunh?]

[Steel: I think I should regret choosing such a long episode to riff. But I am a man of steel, I can survive the latter half of this episode.]
 
He was too weak; because his power in this god awful place was manipulating the ground, fire effected him greatly. He crawled into an open room and shut the door. He looked around and saw nothing; it was pitch black. He crawled aimlessly through the black, not knowing where the hell he was going.

[Metal Snake: …

>Scene just before this ends with Ex and crew landing in a warehouse back to their normal selves

>Scene right after gives no indication the flashback ended, and just opens up to Ex in a building that’s on fire

What, did someone set the warehouse on fire? Is this still taking place in the past? EXPLAIN!]

[Steel: Yay for more hopelessness and confusion.]

[Hayden: If he dies here, we won't even have to worry about the timeline of the flashback.]

You don’t deserve to live.
 
I know, I know.
 
Stop where you are, boy, or you die.

[Metal Snake: And yeah, the voices in our heads are back. This spin-off has driven us insane, please haul us off to a mental institution so we don’t have to read this anymore.]

[Steel: I give this poem a strong 5 out of 10.]

Ex froze when he heard the last noise. Suddenly, a candle flickered on to reveal Hassan.

“Hassan?” Ex said. “There you are! Dude, we gotta get outta here! The hospital’s on fire! Dude, where have you been!? We’ve looked everywhere for you!”

[Hayden: Did you look in SBC Parallel Universe?]

[SOF: "Dude, what are you even doing here dude? And why am I saying dude a lot?"]

[Metal Snake: Wait a minute, the hospital? Right after all that boring dream crap, now you’re asking us to suddenly care about the hospital plot again? Again, bad storytelling at its finest.]

[Steel: Lost Down Under setting. Special reward in return if found.]

Hassan didn’t reply. He turned around and disappeared into the black. He returned a few seconds later with a chair. Hassan sat down.

[SOF: So...is Hassan after him or not? If he is, that’s a funny way to come after someone with a chair.]

[Hayden: His butt is sore from all of Down Under's ass pulling.]

“Hassan, I need help,” Ex continued. “Ya know the powers we got? Mine is to break the ground and stuff. But the fire drains my energy. I need you to help me up so we can escape.”

“No,” Hassan said, shaking his head. “I can’t help you escape.”

[Metal Snake: ...Que?]

[Hayden: At least stand while rejecting him, you creep.]

“Dude, what?” Ex said, confused. “You disappeared from our group. We need you back.”

“I’m not going back,” he said. “I’m not helping you escape, either.”

“Why? What’s up? We can’t burn!” Ex exclaimed. He was starting to worry.

“Because,” Hassan said, leaning in so close to Ex’s face that he could smell his putrid breath.

[SOF: ...not even going to comment on this sentence.]
[Metal Snake:  

How bout a mint?]

[Steel: Because he needs to brush his teeth?]

[Hayden: Is Ex's morning breath another Dylan fantasy?]

“I am NOT on your side.

[Metal Snake: So let’s not put our differences aside for the sake of survival and burn to death together! Makes perfect sense! Again, these characters are just reaching astounding levels of stupidity.]

I hate to do this to you, Ex...but...”  

A blast of blue sent Hassan off his feet. Ex looked up to see 70s and a girl he didn’t recognize standing in the outskirts of the black.

[Hayden: Blast of blue? Is that you Azula Siali?]

[Steel: At least the song actually fits within this scene.]

----

15 MINUTES BEFORE 70S AND GINGER SAVE EXKIZUNA…

[SOF: COME THE FUCK ON. Do we REALLY need to know this?! Is what they did before they came to help him so demanding of yet another pointless flashback?! We just had one before, and now you're throwing this in out of nowhere.]

[Metal Snake: Fifteen minutes? We’re having a flashback for something that happened fifteen minutes ago? Are you even being serious?]  

[Hayden: Wait he was with Ginger? WHY EVEN MAKE IT SOUND MYSTERIOUS UP ABOVE. No. Suspense.]

Your name is 70s, correct?” Ginger said.

“That’s my username,” 70s said. Ginger and 70s stood in the back of the group, scuttling them up the floors. “Call me Calvin.”

[SOF: Yeah, gonna skim through this scene, there's no reason why we even need to be told this again.]

[Metal Snake: What a schmuck.]

“Calvin,” Ginger said. “Do you have a user named ExKizuna here?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. They were on Floor 12 now. “Why?”

“I...I have to be honest with you,” Ginger said. “I used to work for The Mastermind and...I...”

“Oh my god...,” 70s said. “What the hell are you doing here then?” 70s backed away.

[Hayden: Key words: used to]

“I don’t want to work for him,” Ginger said. “He was trying to get ExKizuna, and...I...”

[Metal Snake: What the hell does him “trying to get ExKizuna” have to do with you defecting from him?! Talk about a sudden motive change…]  

[Hayden: Ginger is madly in love with ExKizuna and defected because of her devotion to a guy she has never met.]

“What?” 70s said, almost crying. He thought he loved her…

[Metal Snake: SCHMUCK]

[Steel: Dude, just let her finish.]

“Ex isn’t here...he’s not with the group...,” she said. “I think he’s in trouble.”

“What?” 70s looked around the group...Ex WASN’T there.

[SOF: EMPHASIS]

[Metal Snake: Ah yes, we can’t keep ourselves together in a group. Since it was such sloppy writing when we did it with the Spongebob characters, let’s do it with the characters of the SBC users too.]

[Hayden: How hard is it for characters in this story to keep track of people right next to them?]

He bit his lip. “Can I trust you?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “The Mastermind has done nothing to me to help me.”

[Metal Snake: “Yeah, screw him for letting me be his right-hand man after I kicked a desk in his face and stole from him!”]

“Then come on,” 70s said. They raced away from the crowd and started opening doors. “Where do you think he is?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Where was he last?”

“15th floor?” 70s said. “I talked to him a bit before coming down with Santa Dog.”

“That’s right by the elevator shaft!” Ginger said. “DoodleBob crashed the elevator there!”

[Metal Snake: That must’ve been a crazy party he threw.]

[Hayden: So Doodlebob must be one of Plankton's drunk friends.]

“How do you know?” 70s said, bewildered. “DoodleBob is here?”

“He was in the smoke down there...it was elevator that started the fire,” Ginger said.

[Tarzan: It was thing go boom that burned down forest.]

[Steel: I'm awake again! So where we at now?]

“‘Kay, if I’m going to trust you, I need you to tell me EVERYTHING,” 70s said. They raced up to the 15th floor and pushed open more doors. They came to one and were drowned in darkness. The pair pushed through the black until they saw a faint light. They came closer and saw Hassan standing above Ex.

[SOF: And we're back to the present...again. Thank God.]

[Steel: Suddenly, we're in Kingdom Hearts.]

“Do something,” Ginger said, holding 70s’ sleeve. He raised his hand and a blast of blue crashed into Hassan. Ex looked up to see 70s and a girl he didn’t recognize standing there.

[Metal Snake: So instead of 70s and Ginger explaining to Ex how they were able to find him after the conflict ends, let’s have a pointless flashback to pad out the story instead! How classy!]

[Hayden: You copied and pasted part of the paragraph from up above before the flashback.....]
 
(“Love The Way You Lie” by Eminem feat. Rihanna ends)
 
(“We Used To Be Friends” by Dandy Warhols plays)

“Help...,” Ex said.

Ginger and 70s raced over. “Hi, I’m Ginger.”

“Hey Ginger,” Ex said weakly.

[Metal Snake: Oh God, I can’t riff this, this is gold.]

“We need to get him out of here,” 70s said, looking around.

“ARRUGHHH!!!” a roar suddenly erupted the room. “YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, 70S!” Hassan bounced to his feet and ran to 70s.

[SOF: Oh lol. I’m not riffing this, this is just too hilarious.]

[Metal Snake: OH GOD, I CAN’T RIFF THIS, THIS IS GOLD.]

[Hayden: HASSAN IS A WEREWOLF.]

[Steel: Even my urge to riff has been defied by this one life.]

Electricity whipped at his feet, pushing Ginger on top of Ex.

“GAHHH!” Ex cried.

[Hayden: I'm sure you're very happy to have a girl on top of you, despite not appreciating your last lover.]

Hassan started sending all sorts of beams at him, while 70s tried defending himself with his one power.

“Percy,” Hassan said. “Remember him? He actually was an all-powers giant! He just not to use all of his powers...when he died, I acquired all of his powers!” Hassan laughed.

[Metal Snake: ...Wow. I don’t even need to reread that to confirm it. That is the cheesiest, most cornball line of dialogue I have ever read in an SBC show. Not one word was believable. Not one word was I able to take seriously. Not one word was devoid of lame fun. Three parts of involuntary comedy in a row in this story that’s apparently supposed to be taken seriously. Incredible.]

[Steel: Meanwhile, Hassan sounds like a Dragon Ball villain.]

[Hayden: Psshh, this show expects me to remember what a Percy is. Can someone Kamehameha Hassan's ass already?]

“Hassan, what happened to you?” 70s said. “You just ran off, mixed with The Mastermind, and then joined Percy’s group!”

“You neglected me,” said Hassan said. “I was always the ‘forgotten’ user.”

[SOF: Oh please. You do realize there are members more “forgotten” than you, like Girlygirl and talonmalon, right?]

[Metal Snake: Wah wah, poor me. That totally justifies me turning into an evil asshole, boo hoo.]

[Hassan: Now that I have all these powers, I will now be the only SBC member who isn't forgotten! *Generic evil laugh*]

[Hayden: For a forgotten user, you sure like stealing scenes in lits we're still riffing in 2016.]

“No you weren’t, Hassan!” 70s said. He jumped out of the way, as Hassan’s beams overpowered his.

“Dude,” Hassan said. “You’re an ass, ya know that?”

[Metal Snake: While I feel no inclination to disagree, what 70s just said...was in no way assy.]

Cracks circled around the ground 70s was on. Hassan raised his hands and the circle of ground raised. “Now...I’m going to squish you like you deserve to be squished. If you try to jump, you die too!”

[Metal Snake: Someone, please get a voice actor from 4Kidz to say this guy’s lines. I just can not take him seriously on any level…]

[Steel: I'll hire Dan Green while I'm at it.]

[Hayden: Whose power level is highest?! SBC's admin, or this puny Gary Stu?!]

Hassan suddenly yelled out in a pain. The ground crashed back down. Ginger stood over him, the splintered remains of his chair in her hands.

[Metal Snake: THE CLICHE IT STINGS]

[Hayden: I bet he regrets grabbing that chair now.]

“Oh god,” 70s said. He got up. He hugged Ginger and started to make out with her.

[SOF:...really? You just gotta love how not forced these two are as a couple.]

[Metal Snake: BURN

I know Sara wasn’t actually real, but good lord, what the hell made Dylan think it was a good idea to write 70s as an adulterer when 70s clearly reminded him about Sara?!]

“I’m still here,” Ex said. “Did you guys forget about the fire?”

“Oh shit,” 70s said. “Come on, Ginger.

[Steel: PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!]

[Metal Snake: You know, parodying cliches is not fitting for a show that follows textbook ones.]

They both picked Ex up and carried him out. They burst through the door and saw the fire was dangerously close from them.

“How do we get out?” Ginger said.

“There has to be a different way,” 70s said. The three went in the opposite direction.

(“We Used To Be Friends” by Dandy Warhols ends)

----

(“On My Way” by Cocoon plays

Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, CF, and Steel race towards the burning hospital.

[SOF: So many freaking hospital scenes lately, are you trying to turn this into the SBC version of ER?]

Hassan awakes, extremely angry.

[Metal Snake: And I’ll bet he threw an extremely laughable hissy fit.]

[Steel: Followed by a sudden emotional breakdown.]

70s, Ginger, and Ex go down flights of stairs, trying to escape.

The Mastermind flies back to the hospital, angered.

[SOF: Seriously? Again?]
 
DoodleBob/Spongebob walks behind 70s, Ginger, and Ex, although they’re completely oblivious to it.

[Metal Snake: For God’s sake, these people would probably overlook a giant elephant stamping behind them.]

[Hayden:  ]

Patrick comes out of his rock for the first time in a few days to see a dead Elastic Wasteband.

[SOF: Wut? Elastic died yet AGAIN?! Is he...staying dead? Regardless, the fuck? What was the point of bringing him back for that time?!]

[Steel: It took someone a while to find his body.]

[Hayden: Now Patrick, go catch up to the other SpongeBob main characters instead of being a hermit.]
 
DOWN UNDER FAKE AD AGAINST CANCER

[SOF: wat]

[Steel: But why?]

[Hayden: This ties seamlessly into what I just read.]

[Metal Snake: Wut. I know I’ve been saying it a lot recently, but WUT.]  

“Cancer is a serious problem,” says Ginger.

[SOF: What is this? I don't even...]

[Steel: I did not ask for an after-school special.]

“It takes the lives of tons of people ever day,” says 70s.

[Metal Snake: I…]

“It destroys families,” says SBLover.

[Hayden: Hey there runner up, I didn't know you were in Down Under.]

“But you can do something to stop that,” says Hassan.

[Metal Snake: ...don’t even…]

[Hassan: With world domination, of course!]

“Donate to cancer foundations,” says Jonathan.

“It doesn’t matter which one,” says Ex.

[Metal Snake: ...just…]

“They all do the same thing,” says Percy.

[Hayden: I'm pretty sure different cancer foundations do different things.]

(View of the whole Down Under cast, even the dead characters)

[Hayden: Did any of those dead characters suffer from cancer?]

“They help,” everyone says.

[Metal Snake: ...fuck.

Yeah, anyone who’s seen my rant about poorly done random humor in my Eddsworld riffs can likely guess what my problem was with this joke, THERE WAS NO REASON FOR IT. Like, just...no.]

[Hayden: Really tvguy? Are you this tasteless?

 ]

[SOF: OK, I don't understand. Are you throwing this fake commercial on here for humor, or...just...what.]

[Steel: I dunno, but I feel like sending my money to a cancer research foundation.]

----

Reviews are very welcome! I think I did pretty well on this episode, if I do say so myself.

[Metal Snake: Hahano

If you want my opinion, this is the worst episode of the show so far. God-awful pacing, loads of boring filler, annoying cliches, and just...ridiculously stupid all around. This show isn’t just getting worse with reread, it’s getting worse as the episodes progress too…]

[SOF: Hahano, indeed. This episode somehow gets even more ridiculous than the last one, and it’s probably the worst episode yet so far. I feel another problem with the show in general at this point is that it’s just trying too hard to turn Ginger into a hero so suddenly. The rest of the episode is just thrown out of nowhere, with irrelevant subplots getting obnoxious as always. Hopefully this doesn't get any worse, right?]

[Steel: Down Under is getting more inconsistent and more dreadful to read after each episode. In other words, this episode was awful and the spin-off isn't going to get better at this rate.]

[Hayden: This is more obnoxious than Bikini Top. This is more obnoxious than Eddsworld. All it needs to do is go in chronological order and it might be fucking passable. But tvguy intentionally writes it like some type of mystery thriller, piling nonsense on top of nonsense until you've got a tower of waste. I hope the next time tvguy writes a story he'll think out his ideas before impulsively mangling them together like this to rush out a chapter. That fake ad was the cringiest thing in all 23 chapters, right? PLEASE TELL ME WE'VE REACHED THE ABYSS.]

 

[Metal Snake]

More riffs that are some of my favorites, yay. So much <3 to Steel for that Pinkie Pie pic and Hayden for that pic with Spongebob as Naruto.

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

15. Fish's Anatomy

 

S1E15) Episode 15: Fish's Anatomy 

[Hal: Out of any part of the fish's anatomy, this episode will probably be the anus.

 ]

[Fred: WHERE DID YOU GO WRONG, YOU LOST A VIEWER]

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” 70s said, upon coming to another dead end. 

[JCM: Must have used Apple Maps.]

[Fred: Every day, I say this every time I riff on a Down Under episode.]

“There must be an-,” Ginger started to say. 

“NO!” 70s roared. “There isn’t another way, Ginger! Every other god damn exit is on fire!” 

[Hal: Just jump into the fire and hope that an asspull comes around to save you.]

[Sean Kingston: Somebody call 911!]

“70s, there is a way,” Ginger growled. “Don’t give up.” 

[JCM: That's a weird thing to growl.]

“Ginger, we’re at the end of a hallway with fire at the end! This door won’t open!” 70s said, started to cry in frustration. He kicked the door repeatedly, angry. “FUCKING OPEN!” He back up and ran at the door;

[JCM: This line guest-written by caveman.]

he crashed against it, causing the door to splinter into several pieces. 

[Hal: You should've yelled "OPEN SESAME" at it.]

“See!” Ginger said. She picked up Ex by herself, surprisingly, and followed 70s out. They entered a square room and looked in all four direction; each wall had a door. One was red, another blue, the third yellow, and the final one green. 

[Hal: Which one is the one they busted to get into this room?]

“Which one?” 70s muttered to himself. 

[JCM: I wouldn't choose the green one. Green always tastes the worst.]

“Just pick one damn door,” Ginger snapped at him anxiously. She eyed the advancing fire, frightened. 

“Fine,” he nodded and opened the green door. 

[JCM: Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me?]

(theme plays) 

Squidward climbed up the side of the hospital, using magnets cover in a super sticky substance.

[JCM: What did the past tense ever do to you?

Also, cum joke.]

Why am I doing this? he thought to himself. Well...for once, I’ll do something good. I owe it to Spongebob. As he climbed higher and higher up the building, the more frightened Squidward became. 

[Hal: Please don't jump, Squidward! You have so much to live for!]

[Bender: Do a flip!]

“There aren’t any windows!” he exclaimed to himself. He continued to climb, and a few minutes later, found himself atop of the hospital. There was a sun roof, but with a protective case covering it.  

He took off the magnets and smashed them against the case. It did nothing.

----

(“Three Doors Down” by Kryptonite plays)

[Fred: Ah yes, the famous "Three Doors Down" song by Kryptonite. That song is so good that Wumbo himself put it on one of his Top 10 lists.]

[JCM: My kryptonite is this spin-off.]

“What the...,” Patrick said, eyeing the dead corpse of Elastic. “I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!” He got up and ran, faster than he ever had. 

[JCM: Don't hurt yourself.]

“Patrick!” a voice called from behind. Patrick turned around to see Sandy and Mr. Krabs, along with the two cat fish he’d seen the previous night. 

[Hal: Damn, Patrick got catfished by two people at once? You may wanna stay off of eHarmony for a while.]

[Fred: Kenny the Cat, obvi.]

“Sandy!” Patrick called. He jogged over to them. “Sandy, I s-s-s-s-saw a d-d-e-e-ad guy over b-by m-my house!” 

[Hal: Y-y-y-ou d-d-d-d-d-on't n-n-need to em-m-m-phasize the st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st-stuttering.]

[Porky: Hey, stop stealing my guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-gi-guh-guh-guh--schtick!]

“What?” Mr. Krabs said. 

[JCM: You really need to fix your hearing.]

“Yeah, yeah!” Patrick said, pointing to his house. The four looked back at Patrick’s house and gasped. 

“That’s Elastic!” CF exclaimed. “I thought he was dead in that house...how’d he get here?”  

“You know the poor critter?” Sandy said, eyeing them. 

[JCM: CF and the rest might have to start looking for an attorney.]

“Yeah...he was with us when we were zapped here,” Steel said. 

“I’m still not sure if I believe you on that, but I’ll trust you for now,” Sandy said. “Come on...we need to help everyone out of that hospital.”

[Patrick: This is a hospital?]

[Hal: So is the hospital just really close to Patrick's house?]

“What about Elastic?” asked CF. 

[JCM: He's not going anywhere.]

“He’s most likely dead...,” Mr. Krabs said.  

“Can’t we check?” she asked. 

[JCM: Sure. You poke the dead guy.]

[Hal: Better safe than sorry.]

Sandy hesitated, looking at the hospital, with the smoke billowing out of the side. She suddenly squinted. “Hey...there aren’t any windows on the front of hospital.” 

[Hal: Well of course, when cancer patients are seeing death in front of their very eyes, they don't want the damn sun blocking the way.]

“What?” Mr. Krabs said. “How is that darn smoke filin’ out then?” 

[JCM: Perhaps all of the employees are taking their smoke breaks at the same time.]

“I don’t know,” she said. Sandy was silent for a second before turning to CF and Steel. “Okay, you two can go investigate the body and see if he’s still breathing. Mr. Krabs and I will go to the ho-” 

“There’s Squidward!” Mr. Krabs screamed. 

[JCM: Last time I checked, Squidward isn't a ho.]

“Where?” Sandy said, turning her head quickly. 

[Fred:    ]

[Hal: Don't turn it too quickly, you don't need a broken neck at this point of the story.]

“On top of the hospital!” Mr. Krabs said, pointing. They could very faintly see a blue squid against the blue sky. 

[Hal: I'm pretty sure Squidward has mentioned he is an octopus more than once.]

“How’d he get up there?” Sandy muttered.

[JCM: Very carefully.]

“Come on.” The two started running. 

“We’ll meet up later!” CF called. Sandy didn’t reply. The two just kept running towards the hospital. 

“I wonder why they’re so scared, worried, and on edge,” Steel said to CF, as they turned around to head by to

[JCM: from with between]

Elastic. They gasped.

The body was gone. 

[JCM: Zombielastic is officially a thing now.]

(“Three Doors Down” ends) 

[Fred: If I go crazy from these errors, will you still call me Superman?]

----

(“Just Another Day” by Oingo Boingo plays)

Buzz, buzz, buzz.

[Fred:  ]

[JCM: Onomatopiece-o-crap.]

The alarm clocked vibrated while a DING DONG noise sounded. A grumpy man peeled black the layers of blankets and moaned. He got up, scratching his butt and entering the bathroom. He looked out the window at the churning sea before flicking on the bathroom light. He turned on the shower and listened to the sound of water hitting ground. He quickly brushed his teeth and then stripped, entering the shower. He let the warm water hit his face before lathering his skin with soft soap. A few minutes later, he was dried and dressed in nice clothes. 

[Fred: Interesting information to start the next scene off there....]

[JCM: I expected Down Under's first shower scene to be a little more sexy.]

This man was named Frederick Russo, dream creator. He had made this ship, this dream, and lived in it. Everyone respected him, except the people that often entered his dream. He had soft blond hair, and crooked nose, and blue eyes. He perspired a lot, which was why he often carried tissues to dry himself. Russo pulled a brown leather briefcase out from under his bed and put two files, a few stray papers, and a gun into it. He straightened his tie and left the room. 

[Hal: A ship? A SHIP? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?]

[Fred: This has been another....

POINTLESS MOMENT.]

----

Meanwhile, Greg, Zoey, and Jacob awoke in a dark, damp area. This place was the basement: the only place they could evade Darren. 

“You okay?” Zoey whispered to Jacob and Greg snored. 

[JCM: Greg snored is my favorite character.]

[Fred: .............okay, what the fuck does "snored" mean? Why is it used like that in this sentence? Sleepy, I understand, but "snored"?!

Oh wait, did you mean to say Greg was the one who was snoring while Zoey was whispering in Jacob's ear? In that case, you could've omitted "and Greg snored" from the story since it makes more sense that way.] 

“Why wouldn’t I be, Zo?” he asked. “It’s not like we’re new at this.”

“I know,” she said, breaking their eye contact.

[JCM: There was apparently eye contact.]

“But it’s always hard to start it again. Go to a new dream. At least for me it is.” 

“Well, we’ve been on our own for all our lives, Zo,” he said. “I’ve gotten used to it.” 

“Now our dad is here though,” she said. “We could be a family!”  

“Zoey...our dad is a maniac. He’s a killer!” he exclaimed.

[Fred: HE'S A MANIAC, MAAAAAAANIAC, ON THE FLOOR!]

“He was about to kill you in the control room.”

[JCM: Now, now. That's just his way of saying he loves you.]

“He’s our dad nonetheless,” she said. “We should respect him.” 

“Yes,” he nodded sarcastically. “Respect a psycho.” 

[JCM: Without psychos, we wouldn't have psychiatric wards. Those people create jobs!]

“Maybe if we just gave him a chance!” 

“Zoey, quit it,” he said. “Wake Greg. We need to get out of this dream.”  

----

“Good morning, sir!” a waiter said to Frederick as he typed away on his FishBook. “What would you like today?” 

[Hal: It looks good with his FishPod, his FishPhone and his FishPad.]

[JCM: Until I can integrate it with my FishWatch, I'm still not buying.]

[Fred: 

]

“Latte will do,” Frederick said, not tearing his eyes away from his screen. 

[Hal: Sounds painful.]

The waiter jotted this down. “Anything else?” 

Frederick shook his head. 

“That will be here momentarily then, sir.” The waiter turned away, and walked off to take someone else’s order. Frederick was working on a plan...a plan to finally break his routine. He worked for the ship; everyone in his dream were real people. Dreamers, who had taken the “dream” for fun. His dream had somehow become very popular and it annoyed him.

[JCM: Kind of like everybody feels about Batman vs. Superman.]

It was supposed to be for just him. But now...he would break that off, even if it meant killing every single person on the boat in real life. 

[JCM: Remind me not to piss this guy off.]

“Not my choice,” he muttered to himself as he typed something. “It’s their fault.” 

“Here’s your latte, sir!” the waiter said, popping out of nowhere. He set the beverage down on the table. “Anything else, sir?” 

“No,” Frederick said quietly. 

----

[Fred: Man, riffing this episode alone with Hal just feels so lonely. I'm gonna see if I can summon some other riffers to help me.]

[SOF: cruse this episode of down under]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, so far I have nothing to comment on about this episode. That's how bland it is.]

[Fred: I am so lonely.]

[JCM: Buck up! Things will get better! You have me now!]

The buff man, codenamed Redman, walked down the lounging deck, Deck 4, looking for the rest of his team. He pulled out his walkie. 

[Fred: Is this what the hipper people are calling them now? Walkies? Pretty sure that's what you call going out on a walk with a pet dog.]

“Alpha 2, you there?” he said gruffly. 

[JCM: Alpha 2 was okay, but I liked the original Alpha better.]

“Alpha 2 here,” said someone on the other line. 

“I need you too go into the waterslide tower and keep a look out for Darren and those other fish...I need identification on them pronto,” Redman said. 

“Gotcha,” Alpha 2 said. Alpha 2, a muscular man, climbed up the waterslide tower and pulled out a pair of binoculars. It was early in the morning, and no other passengers were out on the deck. The sea was calm, a beautiful sun was rising above the horizon, there was a nice chill to the air. Suddenly, Alpha 2 noticed three people coming out from the sky deck. He raised his walkie to his mouth. 

[JCM: You can't put your walkie in my mouth until I see a ring on this finger!]

“Redman, come in,” he said. 

“Here,” Redman said. “You’ve spotted someone?”  

“Deck 15,” he said. “The sky deck. Oh! They’re moving! They’re taking the elevator down...down...down...they’re on Deck 5 now.” 

“Good,” he said. “They’re just above me.” He raced up a stair case, slamming into Greg. 

[JCM: Sounds like Greg chose a good time to wake up.]

“Bitch!” Greg yelled as he hit the floor. He then noticed the AK-47 Redman held. “Oh shit!” 

[Fred: ########!] 

“GREG!” Zoey screamed. “RUN!” As Redman collected himself, the three ran down the deck. Redman aimed and fired, but the bullets hit the door as it shut. He raced after, smashing through the door. He fired once more as the three turned down stairs. 

“Go, Jacob!” Zoey said, pushing him to go faster. 

“You want me to fall?” he said.

[Fred: If it means ending this episode, then sure.]

[JCM: Jacob will fall so hard not even Viagra will get him up.]

The stairs finally ended and they went down a hallway, not stopping. Another hail of bullets flew by and they rounded another corner. They came to a dead end.  

“Fuck!” Greg said. “What do we do?” Redman appeared at the mouth of the hallway, blood dripping from his mouth.  

“Hello,” he said, cracking his neck. “See what you did too my freakin’ lip!”

[Fred: What did your freakin' lip do to you?]

[JCM: Can't be worse than you did to English professors everywhere.]

He advanced on them, taking his suspenseful time. He pressed the nose of his AK-47 against Greg’s chest. “I’m a bitch?” 

[Hal: Yes, yes you are. So is everyone else in this spin-off.]

“I was talking to Jacob! That’s Jacob!” Greg said, sweating and trying to press himself further against the wall. The gun was suddenly dropped when Zoey’s fist struck Redman in the jaw. 

“Come on!” 

[Hal: All of these damn segments that have nothing to do with the SBCers is giving me such a headache, holy shit.]

----

Ginger, 70s, and Ex screamed as they fell in the blackness. The light of the door above grew fainter and fainter as they fell further away. 

“Ginger!” 70s screeched, trying to feel his way around as they fell. His stomach was doing somersaults; freefalling was really something. 

[Hal: And I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE]

“Yeah?” she said, her voice quivering. 

[JCM: Quivering with delight, I assume. Since gingers don't have souls, Hell must be like a second home to her.]

“Can you see-”

They all suddenly hit hard elastic and bounced off, hitting concrete. 

[Hal: They fell on Elastic? Poor guy, he's already dead enough.]

[Mr. Krabs: Solid concrete! Argh-argh-argh-argh-argh-argh!]

“OW! FUCKING SHIT!” Ex cried, rubbing his now sore arm. 

[Hal: SHIT FUCK PUSSY BITCH]

[Ex: ###########!]

“Jesus, that hurt,” 70s said, rolling around on thee cold cement. 

[Hal: How are you guys not dead?]

[70s: I fell on thee cold cement.]

“It wasn’t supposed to feel good,” a voice said. PhilipB emerged from the shadows, another fish at his side. 

[JCM: Let me guess. The other fish's name is BillipP. I'm really bad at guessing.]

“Hi,” said the fish. “I’m the TattleTale Strangler, or as I’m known on SBC, face.” 

[Hal: Poor hilaryfan80 not getting very much spotlight in this spin-off.]

[Fred: The Tattletale Strangler?! Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!]

“face!” 70s said. “You’re here!” 

[Fred: Lowercase F face?]

[JCM: Either his original name didn't start with a capital or Dylan is just really lazy.]

“Are we able to escape to escape?” asked Ginger. 

[Hal: I'm afraid we can't we can't.]

“Yeah,” nodded TTS. 

“How come you guys haven’t done so?” 70s asked. Ginger and 70s stood up,

[JCM: Next to you and defend her still today.]

both supporting Ex. 

“We...can’t,” Philip said, weakly. “We both left our SBM group. I met TattleTale along the way; he had left right when we came here and I hadn’t seen him since. But we came here, and I really doubt SBC will trust us.” 

[Hal: In other words, you're not able to escape, you lying shit.]

“Bullshit,” Ex coughed, wincing as Ginger and 70s pulled him all the way up. “We trust you two.” 

Both stood in thought for a second. 

“Please come with us,” 70s said. 

[JCM: 70s said the magic word! No wait, I misread. He didn't say "peanuts".]

They didn’t reply to 70s. “Okay, come this way.” They led them into darkness until a light appeared. 

“Just go towards the light and you’ll end up outside of the hospital. That door is one-way, bulletproof glass. It’ll slide out to let you through, but when you’re on the other side, you won’t know where the door was,” TTS explained. 

“Show us,” 70s said. They went behind TTS and Phil as they led the way. The door slid open, and in that split second, 70s pushed both through the door. The three followed quickly behind. 

“Dammit, 70s!” face cried. 

[JCM: Okay, I get he goes by two names, but can't you at least try to be consistent in referencing him? This was a Nitpick by JCM ™.]

“I wanted you to come,” he said. “So I’m making you come.” 

[Hal: Making him come, eh? If this is foreshadowing more erotica, count me out.]

[Fred: Hal, your come is amazing.]

----

(“We Used to Wait” by Arcade Fire plays)

[Fred: I don't want to wait to end this episode.]

Everyone sat on the same floor, waiting for 70s to return. 

“The fire is coming closer!” Deli called. She led everyone into an auditorium and shut the doors. 

[Hal: An auditorium in a hospital?]

[JCM: It doubles as a school to save money.]

“What do we do?” 

“We can’t die!” 

“The smoke will seep in!” 

Everyone was panicking...as usual. 

Deli didn’t do anything. The users just went to their regular groups, chatting amongst each other. One group, made up of Brennan (AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’m spelling it “Brennan” throughout DU, just because it’s easier to type)

[JCM: Are you seriously gonna be that lazy in the same paragraph you use "amongst"?]

[Fred: Cool story brah].

PokeSponge, Bob Ball, Clapmaster, and SG weren’t scared at all. If they died, it might put them back in the real world. 

“I wish I knew why we were here,” Brennan was saying. 

“I hate that people keep saying that,” an annoyed Clappy said. “We’ve been here for a while; just get used to it!” 

[Hal: I just love the meta quality of some of the lines in this.]

“Being stuck in a supposedly fictional place is pretty hard to adapt too, Claps,” Wumbology said. “You’re telling me you don’t wonder?” 

[JCM: Wundology]

“No, he’s not saying that,” SG said, cutting in for Clapmaster. “But it’s VERY annoying for people to constantly bring it up.” 

“They’re merely expressing their opinions,” Wumbo said. 

“Stating what someone already knows over and over can get tiresome,” she shot back. 

“If someone doesn’t acknowledge them, how do they know they’ve heard them?” 

“If they say it over and over, the person shouldn’t be too fucking dumb to know that they aren’t deaf and have heard them.” 

[Hal: I can't really tell who's saying this, but I'm glad he's saying it.]

[JCM: Going by patterns, I assume SG is saying it, but for all I know it could be some character we've never heard of.]

“Cool it you guys,” Bob Ball said. 

“What’s getting annoying is you two fighting,” said Pokesponge. Suddenly, the building rattled and dust and small debris fell from the ceiling. 

“Oh crap,” muttered Wumbo. This small shaking was followed by a massive shake,

[JCM: "Massive shake" sounds like something they'd sell at McDonald's.]

knocking everyone into a row of chairs. Parts of the ceiling crumbled and the lights went out. There was a low rumbling and the building felt as if it were going to take off and fly, from the amount of swaying it was doing.  

“jjs!” a voice called. 

“I’m right here, man!” 

“Hello?” 

[JCM: Bye bye.]

“Help!” 

[Hal: This dialogue is immaculate.]

[Fred: Do you need somebody? Someone who's not anybody?]

Scream suddenly filled the auditorium.

[Fred: That damn Scream filling up the auditorium.]

There was an ear splintering crack. Light suddenly filled the room as an ENORMOUS crack suddenly split the room. Chairs fell down and the building was shaking tremendously. 

“HELP!” 

“Oh god!” 

The floor started to sag towards the crack; people were trying to hold on, but it was like quick sand. The walls cracked as they gave into stress. The ceiling was squished together as the room was being pulled together because of the crack. 

“HOLD ON!” Brennan held onto a chair, in a row that was almost vertical. Wumbo, Claps, Pokesponge, SG, and Bob Ball all hang on, dangling in the middle of the crack. There was another staccato crack and the ceiling caved in, crushing the rows and covering the crack. Sparks flew, everything was swaying, and crashes, bangs, and smashes were occurring everywhere. 

(*READERS HELPER: If you’re having trouble picturing this event, look at this: 

Auditorium chair rows are like this: l l l l l l l l l l 

[Hal: I I I I I I I I I couldn't give less shits.]

[Fred: I I I I I I I I wish this episode ends.]

The l’s represent the chair rows. But because of the crack in the floor, it sinks down into the next floor, like this: 

-

-

-

-

Hope this helped.) 

[JCM:  ]

Suddenly, everything in the hospital went black and everyone was falling. 

-- 

Reviews appreciated!

[Hal: Want my review? Okay, this was obnoxious and stupid. I hate this. I hate the shitty OC crap unrelated to what we're supposed to be reading about. I hate the shoehorned jokes. I hate the damn explanation for how an auditorium works. I hate that this isn't nearly as funny as Ex having virtual reality roller coaster sex.]

[Fred: Okay, maybe it was because of the lack of riffers, but this episode just felt pretty dull and boring to me. Sure, there were some lulzy parts here and there, but I just didn't get any joy from riffing this episode. Hopefully the next one I riff will be better.]

[JCM: Down Under isn't BT Season 2 levels of bad yet, but man. I don't know how long I can keep reading this.]

 

[Metal Snake]

Hal, Fred, and JCM, making dull episodes of Down Under better. I lost it at the "THAT DIDN'T HELP AT ALL" picture at the "falling chairs in the auditorium" note. I...don't know why tvguy didn't just say "Rows of chairs fell through the floor until there were only X amount left".

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

16. Cope With Life

 

(S1E16) Episode 16: Cope with Life

[Fa: Therapy.]

[Metal Snake: Not going to tell you how to cope with life, just...deal with it. Great advice.]

[Jjs: So tvguy's advice is to just "deal with it", eh? Wonder if that's the mantra he had when anybody ever asked on what is happening in this spin-off.]

[Hayden: Disclaimer warning, reading Down Under is not a rational coping method for anyone already overwhelmed by life's many unanswered questions.]

(“Everywhere I Go” by Hollywood Undead plays)

Greg, Zoey, and Jacob all darted through a dining room, breezing past a waiter.

[Jjs: Oh hey unnamed ATTWL 3 waiter, didn't know you were making a cameo.]

The waiter spilled hot chocolate (which he was holding) onto the lap of Frederick Russo.

[Hayden: Now Tvguy will have to do a random filler scene of Frederick getting his dry cleaning done.]

[Jjs: Hopefully that hot chocolate wasn't above the standard temperature, or Frederick can sue the restaurant's ass.]

[Toby Keith: Spill a cup of hot chocolate and make a million dollars!]

“Dammit!” Frederick snapped. “Jesus, can’t you do something right?”

[Fa: It all went downhill after the bird is the word episode.]

[Jesus: Hey, I did a lot of things right! You try turning water into funk!]

“I’m...I’m sorry sir,” the waiter said.

“Get out of my sight,” Frederick said.

[Fa: Omg, what an asshole. Definitely not interested in this loser at all.]

[Hayden: He's not even the cause of the spill, go badger your fellow useless OC's.]

“Do you want me to-”

[Waiter: Cry my eyes out from the emotional trauma?]

[Waiter: Get you some meals?]

[Waiter: Escape to an emergency room like a selfish jackass while the rest of you die?]

“GET OUT OF HERE,” Frederick screamed.

[Jjs: Looks like he screamed away his ability to use exclamation points to convey the actual emotion. And also his acting talent.]

The waiter scuttled off while Frederick Russo dabbed at the steaming hot chocolate that now sat on his khaki pants. It stung his skin; the waiter had just taken the hot chocolate off of the stove.

[Fa: Russo as in the Wizards Russo's? Originality much?]

[Metal Snake: I can feel his pain and how much it’s advancing the plot…]

[Hayden: Well this story taught me hot chocolate can be made on a stove, so here's a recipe for you all at home:

http://www.southernplate.com/2009/12/old-fashioned-stovetop-hot-chocolate.html ]

Meanwhile, the trio slowed down, panting.

“Think we lost that guy?” Jacob said.

[Hayden: If "that guy" means the audience, I think you lost him at an alarming rate.]

“Who....the fuck...was that?” Greg panted

[Fa: Where.... the fuck.... was the proper scene transition?]

[Metal Snake: Sadly, this question doesn’t just apply to who they were running away from…]

[Jjs: Oh hey, Greg: Undercover Riffer, is back. And he's still asking the most normal questions as usual.]

“Dunno,” replied Zoey.

[Fa: The best descriptor for the plot of Down Under by far.]

[Jjs: And that is also the most normal response to anything in this.]

----

“Oh god,” Sandy said, her eyes reflecting the horror that was unfolding in front of her.

[Fa:  ]

[Metal Snake: Horror! Best viewed in others’ eyes!]

“I...we....we’re too late,” Mr. Krabs breathed. The hospital burned, more smoke billowing out from nowhere.

[Hayden: Where there's smoke, there's nothing.]

“I still don’t get how the smoke is coming out! There are no windows!” Sandy exclaimed.

[Metal Snake: So the mansion from ATTWL 3 isn’t the only large building structure that has no windows for whatever stupid reason.]  

[Jjs: No windows? Is this a hospital or a jail? Considering how the plot line at the hospital seems to last an eternity, I'm going to say it is jail in the metaphorical sense.]

“Does that matter, Sandy?” Mr. Krabs said. “We have to help!”

[Fa: Well, it's an impossibility for starters, Eugene. ] 

“How are we going to help?” she sneered. “THE WHOLE BUILDING COLLAPSED!”

[Metal Snake: You could start by repairing the building. I hear construction work pays decently.]

[Hayden: If the building collapsed, that answers how the smoke is getting out.....]

“Survivors, Sandy!” he said. “Come on.”

[Fa: Idk, might be better to alert others that an entire hospital has self-imploded rather then just going in gung ho and expecting to save everyone. Plus, I'm pretty sure Mr. Krabs would just steal the survivors' wallets firstly.  ] 

[Metal Snake:

>The whole building collapsed

>We have to go to the building and save the survivors!

I too hope they survived being crushed to death.]

She hesitated but followed Mr. Krabs to the ruins on the building.

[Metal Snake: Ruins on the building? What? If the building collapsed, shouldn’t the building be the ruins? Where did this new pile of ruins come from?]

[Hayden: Where are Bikini Bottom's firefighters? I don't care if he says they were all magically in the building too when it fell, just end this hospital nonsense so we can get to a new setting. Like a farm or a prison.]

[Jjs: Maybe the hospital has ancient alien ruins or some shit on the top of it. Wouldn't be the most far-fetched thing to happen in this spin-off.]

----

Wumbology cough and tried to move. There was a thick layer of ash and dust on top of him. A wooden beam crossed his leg. His eyes fluttered out, but were instantly shut. The hazy smoke, ash, and dust was unbearable. He coughed. Wumbo slipped his leg out from the beam smoothly.

[Hayden: Nothing about that seems like it would go smoothly.]

[Metal Snake: Love how realistic his recuperation from being crushed by debris is.]  

That was easy, he though.

[Fa: Wumbo really is more then a mere mortal.]

[Jjs: He though? He tho, he doe, HEAVE! HO!]

[Metal Snake: I know, if only it was that easy in real life to recover that quickly from a broken bone.]

[Hayden: 

]

He was on all fours and peered around.

[Jjs: What, is Wumbo a dog now? Fuck, just make it happen. There is a such thing as a dogfish. Wouldn't be too crazy anyways with CF and Steel becoming cats.]

A shaft of light shown down from a crack above. The floor was in two pieces and were at a slant. He stood up and scratched his head. Dust tingled his nose. A few moments later, people started to wake and screams filled the room.

[Metal Snake: Doesn’t waking up just make you want to scream, “Good morning, world!”?]  

“Oh god,” Wumbo muttered, resting a fin on his scalp.

[Fa: Oh yeah we're still fish. It's literally an afterthought of what species they are anymore.]

[Metal Snake: “Ugh, I wish these poor injured people crying for help would just get a life!”]

[Hayden: Let's take a moment to appreciate the phrasing. "Dust tingled his nose". Classic.]

“Help me!”

“Oh god, my leg!”

[Fred the Fish: THAT'S MY LINE ASSHOLE! *breaks a leg*]

[Metal Snake: You make these Spongebob references too easy…]

“WUMBO?” a voice suddenly cried. Wumbology turned around.

“Yes?”

[Fa: No.]

“WUMBO,” the voice stated.

[Jjs: This mysterious voice is so epic that they can state a user's name in caps without yelling it!]

“Um...where are you?” Wumbo shouted over the pandemonium.

[Wumbo: COULD YOU SHOUT A LITTLE LOUDER?]

[Metal Snake: Shouted? Looks to me like he just calmly asked a question. Though I guess you don’t have to talk very loud to be heard over a realm of the netherworld.]

“WUMBO,” the voice said, suddenly soft and creepy.

“HELLO?” Wumbo screamed. Hayden looked at him, a few feet away, with a “Is he crazy?” look on his face.

[Fa: I forgot Hayden was in this story, or if he even was. That tells you how much we focus on the main characters here.]

[Metal Snake: As soon as I read “Hayden”, I actually assumed that he was the one saying “WUMBO” to try and troll him. Now that would’ve been interesting.]

[Hayden: Oh god, are the voices inside the head back again? Special thanks to myself for conveying how stupid that must look to everyone else around.]

“If there is something I don’t like,” the eerily soft voice said. “Is someone trying to impersonate me.”

[Metal Snake: Stay away from Xat then.]

[Jjs: If there is another thing I don't like. It's people who cut off their sentence. And finish it in the following line.]

The voice was like cotton. It was soft and shaky.

[Metal Snake: Cotton shakes? Does it dance just like SG’s hands?]  

[Hayden: Why couldn't it just be soft and sticky like cotton candy?]

“Where are you?” said Wumbo.

“I can see you,” said the man. “Remember in the real world, Eric?”

Wumbo clenched his fists. He knows me real name.

[Jjs: Arrgh, now we be speaking like pirates, Captain Wumbo? Too bad Freebooter Februarry is long over, matey.]

[Fa: Okay, now I know that is not the same Wumbo who requested us to simulate questions with question marks back in the ol' days of ask. Who is this impostor?]

[Metal Snake: Aye, me grammar not be very good.]

[Eric: Argh, me name be my darkest secret.]

It’s him. “Are you-”

“Yes,” the voice said. “I’m the one that killed your wife and daughter. The bitches deserved it.”

[Metal Snake: Ha ha ha ha ha…]

[Jjs: Wait a fucking minute, when the hell did this even happen!? When the fuck Wumbo have a family!? I know I've forgotten a lot of the multiple subplots, but I rewinded and we never saw that! If this is a "plot twist", I'm pretty sure those still need to be foreshadowed to and not pulled out of thin air, like mostly everything in this spin-off so far. That's like removing Bruce Willis from The Sixth Sense and randomly having him appear for the first time at the end of the film without any foreshadowing for the big twist. But I digress.]

[Hayden: YEAH, SCREW THEM FOR....um *scratches head* not existing up until just now?]

“They did NOT deserve to FUCKING DIE,” Wumbology screeched.

[Hayden:  ]

[Metal Snake: HA HA HA HA HA]

[Jjs: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, UNNAMED MAN!!!]

His face was bright red; he had never been so mad.

[Fa: Okay, beyond the fact that this is the first time we're hearing of a 15 year old Wumbo having an adult family, let alone of their deaths... Why the fuck should I care? What's the difference between this and the story line where Greg and Zoey are escaping their dad, Darren? Really, what's the difference between any of these characters except we obviously know the difference between Wumbo and Darren? Otherwise, it's just a mash up of awfully developed characters failing to produce drama, and the result a Bikini Top level of horrid story telling.]

[Metal Snake: Funny...because this is the part where I’m supposed to be mad. Enraged beyond belief at this god-awful storytelling. You’ve added yet another fruitless subplot to this already muddled beyond salvageable depths story in a laughable attempt at being “DRAMATIC AND EDGY”. I should be rather peeved, shouldn’t I?

But no...I’m not.

Even though it’s a major, continuous problem with this show, I just can’t get frustrated over it anymore. I’ve said what I’ve said about it, and I feel no further need to justify my opinion. All I feel like doing with this problem now is just laughing at just how bad it’s going to get.]  

“Don’t try to be angry,” said the man. “I’ll kill your friends.”

[Metal Snake: I don’t think getting naturally mad over the remembrance of your loved ones being murdered counts as “trying to get angry”. And following it up with “I’ll kill your friends” just perplexes me all the more. “Don’t try to be angry over the loss of your loved ones, I’ll kill your loved ones.” What sense does that make?]  

[Hayden: "Fuck your emotional reactions to traumatic events, let me cause more of them."]
 
----

CF and Steel gaped at the spot where Elastic’s corpse had once been.

[Jjs: Which is gone because zombies.]

“Where...where did it go?” A light breeze began and thunder crackled overhead. The Storm’s clouds had moved over Bikini Bottom. A wind chime chimed on Squidward’s house blew.

[Fa: That clingy storm.  ] 

[Jjs: Watch out, The Storm will probably rain down duplicate accounts next.]

[Metal Snake: The sound sounded and rang.]  

[Hayden: Squidward really touched up the place.]

“Oh my god...CF...look,” Steel said, scared. Goosebumps formed on his arm.

[Metal Snake: I can see Goosebumpsfan acquired a fascinating and grotesque power.]

At the end of the Conch Street was a man in a all black. Torn, loose black pants hung on his legs. He held a blood covered knife. A black mask covered his face.

[Fa: The Hash Slinging Slasher????]

[Hayden: I hope he made sure to dye the blood black before his entrance.]

[Jjs: Huh, so this is where ATTWL 3 70s and CDCB got their getup from.]

“Hello?” CF called, the wind becoming a bit heavier.

[Metal Snake: Yes, call out to a man holding a blood-splattered knife. That’s sure to get results. Messy results, but results.]

He said nothing.

[Jjs: CF used "Hello". But it failed!]

“CF, we should go,” nudged Steel.

The man took a step forward.

[Metal Snake: A good murderer takes baby steps towards his victims.]

[Jjs: One small step for man, and one leap for murderers across the globe!]

Both friends noticed that hundreds of tiny, sharpened fragments of metal covered his black gloves.

“I agree,” she nodded. They turned around and the man took off towards them. CF screamed; they raced inside of Squidward’s house and up the stairs. The man followed, crashing through the wooden door CF had shut.

[Hayden: Why would you run into somewhere with limited space instead of evading him outside?]

[Jjs: Squidward needs to invest in stronger doors so incidents like these don't happen.]

“In there!” Steel called. He slammed the door of the bathroom and the two pushed the bathtub in front of it.

[Fa: I command thy bathtub to move!]

[Metal Snake: That must have been a light bathtub.]

The man smashed his hand through the door and continued to thrash through it.

[Fa: Be careful of splinters! SpongeBob should have warned you.]

“Oh my god,” sobbed CF. Tears were streaming down her cheek. Steel opened the two eye windows to Squidward’s house.

“Through the window, now,” he said.

[Fa: Quick, utilize the cliche now!]

[Metal Snake: I’m serious, the next time I read this story, I’m going to count how many times this cliche of the characters escaping through a window gets used.]

[Jjs: Seriously, I'm surprised none of them have broken a leg yet from jumping out this many windows. Is there some trampoline conveniently at the bottom of them each time?]

“Steel, it’s not safe,” she cried.

[Metal Snake: You know, since you’re sea creatures now, you could just swim out…]

[Hayden: Squidward has fallen out of it before. If Squid can survive abusive slapstick, why can't you?]

“Dammit, CF,” he said. “Come on!”

“No!”

[Jjs: I see CF and Steel have been taking classes together at Tommy Wiseau's School of Not Giving a Shit at Showing Emotion.]

[CF: I'd rather die at this point in the series so that I don't do anything more embarrassingly out of character.]

“I’m your partner whether you like it or not,” he said. “I’m saving your life.” The man thrashed through as Steel threw CF onto a bush.

[Jjs: A bush instead of a trampoline, huh? Well, that's one actual plot twist.]

[Metal Snake: And so, the day is saved once again, thanks to a conveniently placed bush!]

[Hayden: "And so once again, the day is saved" indeed MS.

  ]

Steel then jumped out, the knife barely cutting his leg. He crashed into the yard.

[Fa: Perfectly healed up by the end of the next chapter.]

[Metal Snake: And I’m sure he’s going to be perfectly fine because the plot will say so.]  

----

Flashback

[Jjs:  ]
[Fa: Oh my God no no no.]

Wumbology and Deli were long gone. Their relationship was down the toilet. Bye bye!

[Fa: Just like Clappy and Jelly's from far ago.]

[Metal Snake: Live a good life in the sewers, lost relationship.]

[Jjs: Huh, I wonder if that "Bye bye" showed not even tvguy liked the shipping. That would be actual funny self-aware humor if it wasn't the fact that now it makes all their past scenes look like pointless filler, because this spin-off just needs so much more pointless filler stacked on the already confusing filler we have, but I digress.]

Wumbo had moved on and married a beautiful blond named Stacy. The two had a gorgeous child named Malorie.

[Fa: Wumbo was quite the man to have a whole family by the time he was 15.]

[Metal Snake: Beautiful and gorgeous. I can practically see the glory of these one-note characters. Oh yeah, and Wumbology was 15 at the time this was written. I’ll let you have the fun from there.]

[Hayden: Guys, this girl is blond though, so he's good at keeping his descriptions fresh.]

One chilly night, Wumbo and Stacy were fast asleep together in their room. Next door, Malorie slept soundly. Quietly, almost without sound at all, a man wearing a black mask with wet blood dripping down stepped in.

[Fa: The hash slinging slasher can live on land too? ] 

[Metal Snake: What a crap way to make your face blend in with the shadows.]

He shut the door silently and made his way towards the back room. He murdered Malorie; the poor child didn’t even wake up, or scream, or fight against him.

[Jjs: Goodbye character we didn't know or care about at all because they were just introduced to us in this chapter, but I digress.]

He just sliced through her chest and let her die. No sound escaped her.

[Metal Snake: Wait, sliced through her chest? That wouldn’t kill even a child instantly...that would cause a slow, gradual death from either major organ tissue loss or blood loss if the wound wasn’t treated. It even says he “let her die”, so what the fuck.]

[Hayden: Oh wonderful, Tvguy's digging into the vault of grossly disturbing edginess.]

He then made his way to the adults’ room and slashed the mother on the arm. She yelped. But the man contained her thrust her head against the headboard, fracturing her skull and killing her.

[Jjs: Goodbye second character we didn't know or care about at all because they were just introduced to us in this chapter-huh, deja vu. But, I digress.]

[Fa: Reminds me of the call of duty logic of I'll kill you by shooting you in the leg.]

[Metal Snake: What was the point of slashing her arm? Did he want her to be awake for her quick and relatively painless death?]

[Hayden: That's why I don't sleep behind a headboard.]

The man then stared at Wumbo, who was now staring at him, crying.

“Hello Eric,” the man said, his soft voice scaring the living daylights out of him. The killers sliced his knife all around inside Stacy. He reached in and yanked out what appeared to be an organ.

[Metal Snake: What is he, an Organ Donor collector from Monty Python?]

[Hayden: "killers". Isn't it bad enough we have one of these disgusting freaks?]

[Jjs: Killers? Jeez, Wumbo really needs to get better home security if multiple killers can break into his house.]

He tilted his head, eyeing him.

“Who...who the fuck are you,” Wumbology said.

[Jjs: "I'm so badass that I ask a dramatic question without a question mark! Or any emotion!"]

“Oh no one really,” he replied. The killer picked his wife up and tied the curtain around her neck. She hung there, blood still dripping out of her gutted stomach.

[Jjs: ALRIGHT ALREADY, we get it, she's dead, she kicked the bucket, she ascended beyond! We don't need the extra gory details, unless this killer has a real fetish for a gory death. Oh god, is this tvguy's sick gorn chapter now? BUT... I digress!]

“Who are you...Eric?”

[Hayden: Perfect time to play the introduction game.]

“Get OUT,” he yelled. The man said nothing. He turned around and etched an “H” with a “\” through it. “NOW.”

[Fa: Wumbo sounds really calm for having just seen this guy kill his wife and daughter. Like it's unnatural.]

[Metal Snake: Honestly, this character of Wumbo is being really polite under the circumstances. He’s talking to this guy like he just broke into his house to stalk him while he was sleeping.]

[Hayden: He probably only met his wife and daughter the day this flashback happened.]

The killer swirled around and swatted Wumbology again. He tackled him and pulled the sheet off the bed and tied him to a chair.

[Metal Snake: So instead of killing the only witness to his abhorrent crime, he just ties him to a chair. What a great villain.]  

“I swear to god, you’ll be dead within the next 24 hours,” the distraught, enraged, and murderous Wumbo said, struggling against his bonds.

[Fa: Why not just right now? ] 

[Metal Snake: Murderous? What, does Canada not support the right to kill an intruder in your home out of self-defense? I’d hardly call killing somebody who murdered your wife and child murder…]

[Hayden: Wumbo's clearly the serial killer who is in the wrong here.]

“My name is Redman,” he muttered.

[Hayden:  

Wumbo should put his foot up this guy's ass.]

[Jjs: So this is the infamous Redman Past SOF once criticized Down Under for. With a name like Redman, how can you not be threatened? They definitely don't sound like a rejected foreign Power Rangers name, no sir.]
 
Flashback ends

----

(“Creepy Song” by Sonika plays throughout the scene)

The Mastermind landed on top an apartment building, snapping back into fish form.

[Fa: So there are forms now?]

[Metal Snake: He has a fish form?]

[Jjs: Forms? Is this some Pokemon form where he can only change with an item, or are we talking supernatural changing? Yeah, the Bikini Top element is strong with this.]

[Hayden:   ]

He stretched his limbs and then entered through the top of the apartment structure. He came out on the street, eyeing the collapsed a few miles away. It was quite a sight.

[Jjs: Nothing like going for a stroll and seeing a collapsed building with potential causalities inside!]

“Nope, not going that way,” he muttered to himself. “Let’s see where the hell Ginger is.” He pulled out a sleek looking gadget, resembling a FishPhone.

[Fa: Steve Jobs rolling in his grave somewhere.]

[Metal Snake: Honestly, I’d respect it more if you just called it an iPhone. I’m dead serious.]

[Jjs: Lame pun aside (God, I have to apologize to 70s now for his in Bikini Top), "resembling a FishPhone"? So basically you're saying... a FishPhone is real, and his device resembles it? Therefore, fish have phones is what you're trying to tell us, tvguy?

...

Huh. This has given me a lot to think about.]

He scanned the screen, seeing the glowing dot...in the hospital. “Fuck.”
 
(“Creepy Song” by Sonika ends)

[Fa: Well these characters are creepy bad.]

[Metal Snake: And yay, more unfitting music because I have no idea how that scene was supposed to be “creepy”. The only thing I found creepy about it was how short it was and how easily it could’ve been edited out.]

[Jjs: The only thing that creeped me out of this scene was learning that fish have phones, and that didn't even relate to the actual scene. But hey, you learn something new every day!]

----

(“Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia plays)

Wumbology silently sobbed to himself. Everyone else had slowly seeped out of the hospital, and now he was the only one remaining.

“Where the hell is he?” terminoob asked outside, with the rest of the group.

“Are we waiting?” asked Fa.

[Fa: My one line ever and I sound stupid in it.  ] 

[Metal Snake: Hmm, what do you think?]

[Hayden: God Wumbo, stand up from that wreckage you somehow survived like a man.]

“Is someone going to get him?” said Jelly.

[Jjs: Wow, our SBC members finally have a real conflict in this story. The choice to look for their friend Wumbology, who may be in potential danger and has gone missing from the group. They have been presented a question from Jelly to look for him, or just keep standing there like idiots not moving the plot forward. Will our brave SBC members choose to look for Wumbology? Find out, now...]

“Ginger,” a voice said behind them. Everyone turned, to see The Mastermind standing, holding a gun on them.

[Jjs: ...or option C: They get distracted by the villain, thus nulling any form of progression in the above decision. Jeez, even when you try to have any form of intensity for the SBC users in this, you still make them look incompetent.]

[Metal Snake: It’s fun to imagine him literally holding a gun on them, like if he was standing on top of them as he held the gun.]

“Are you coming?”

“No,” she said, holding onto 70s. “I refuse to come.”

[Ginger: I only come for 70s now.]

“Very well,” The Mastermind gulped. He suddenly sprang at her, ripped her from 70s and held the gun to her head. “Will you come now?”

[Ginger: Well, extreme peril does arouse me....]

“No,” she cried, struggling against him. 70s ran at him; he tackled The Mastermind, sending the gun flying a few feet away. Through the quarrel, Ginger snuck off and grabbed the gun.

[Fa: For such a mastermind, you're not very smart to have not seen that coming. :/ ]

[Metal Snake: Ha ha, in real life…

“Come with me, or I’ll kill you!”

“No! I-”

*BANG*

Another one bites the dust…]  

“Get off him, Calvin,” she said, aiming the gun at his head. 70s looked up.

“What?” he said. “What the fuck are you doing?”

[Jjs: I don't think anybody knows.]

“Just get off him,” she said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

[Metal Snake: “I just want to stab you in the back out of nowhere because I’m a great character.”]  

“But I do.” The Mastermind kicked him off of him and walked up next to Ginger.

“Nice job,” he said.

“Thanks,” she replied.

[Fa: I'm so confused. AGAIN.]

[Metal Snake: No, I’m serious. When was it hinted that they planned this?]

[Hayden: And why didn't she just come to the Mastermind the first time in order to spare the melodrama?]

[Jjs: Honestly, I want to be confused, but since both these characters are barely blips on my radar, I'm not going to bother to even be befuddled by this.]

“Ready?”

“Yup.”

[Fa: No.]

(“Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia ends)

[Jjs: Yup, an upbeat song like Torn totally fit this scene. Totally.]

-----

TWO WEEKS LATER

[Fa: Is time really a thing in this story anymore?]

[Metal Snake: Yay, unnecessary time skips! Sadly, you could’ve made the time skip two years and it wouldn’t have made a difference.]

[Jjs: Two weeks later, and I'm sure someone went to look for Wumbo... right? Maybe? Uh oh. You're making Bikini Top look like it had more reasonable time skips now.]

Things have been silent. The group located to Goo Lagoon and Ginger and The Mastermind went to The Graveyard, the mysterious dream world.

[Metal Snake: It took them two weeks to go to a beach and a cemetery? Sure…]

[Hayden: So The Mastermind just let them go free like that? What did Ginger's betrayal even amount to?]

“It’s been too quiet,” 70s said one morning. “WAY to quiet. I think we need two more people to back out and investigate.”

[Fa: I'm just gonna take advantage of the peace tbh, Mr. 70s.]

[Metal Snake: It’s too quiet? Seeing as how nothing’s been explained, I honestly would’ve assumed you went to the beach for peace and relaxation.]

“That’s crazy, 70s!” Steel mewed.

[Jjs:  ] 

CF and him were still cats.

[Jjs:  ]

[Hayden: Oh, they're still cats. Good confirmation. Knowing Tvguy, he would've flashed back to 1 week earlier when they were cured of being sea cats by an undersea witch doctor OC.]

“We barely survived out there!”

“It’s too dangerous to just sit here and not know what’s happening,” he replied.

[Metal Snake: Wandering around in a dangerous place not knowing where you’re going on the other hand, is totally safe.]

“I’ll go,” Clappy said.

“What?” Jelly said. “No, Claps.”

“I’ll go, 70s,” he said again.

[Metal Snake: In case you didn’t hear me the first time.]

“Clappy, no,” persisted Jelly. “You’re not going.”

[Jjs: No, I'll go. I broke the dam!]

“I make my own decisions, Jelly,” he said, trying to keep his voice under control

“I don’t want you to go,” Jelly said.

[Fa: I guess I prematurely proclaimed the Clappy x Jelly relationship dead, huh?]

[Metal Snake: Wait, drama?]

“I’m still going,” he said. “Who’s going as my partner?”

[Hayden: I'd volunteer, but Tvguy probably forgot I'm in the group again.]

“You won’t need a partner...you’re not going!”

“GOD DAMMIT, JELLY!” he roared. “I’M GOING!”

[Jjs: I see Clappy and Jelly also attended Tommy Wiseau's School of Not Giving a Shit at Showing Emotion.]

“You can get hurt!” she hollered back.

[Fa: I wish I cared that you got hurt in this story.]

[Metal Snake: “I’m stating the obvious!”

Like...I don’t get it. What are we supposed to feel from this scene? We’ve already established that the characters are in an environment where danger can strike at any time, and then all of a sudden, we get an “emotional” scene...over a character at risk of being in that same danger.]

[Hayden: Well they've been solid for two weeks and only would have to worry about Redman...who Wumbo hasn't told them about. Wait, where the hell is Wumbo?]

[Jjs: Good question Hayden, since I brought up the same key point above, and still have not gotten an answer. I would ask the Magic Conch, but not even it would be able to know with how all over the place this spin-off is with its many many many many many many plot lines.]

“70s, I’m leaving,” he said, storming off.

“Clappy, what the fuck?” 70s yelled, running after him.

“Get away,” he muttered.

“Dude, you aren’t leaving,” 70s said.

[Metal Snake: You’re not leaving because I just said a very short time ago that we needed to leave and investigate.]

[Jjs: Dude bro, I'm pretty sure 70s never talked like that, even in the gnarly year of 2011, dude.]

“Don’t tell me not to.”

[Clappy: Yeah, I don't need two nags in my life.]

-----

(“Five Baby Love Child” by Pizzicato plays) MUST LISTEN =) MUST LISTEN

[Jjs: 

]

Everyone sat together, sobbing and sad.

[Fa: Self-realization?]

[Jjs: If only we were that lucky Fa. If only. Then again, the characters rarely show any form of emotion in this as it is, so this line alone is still somewhat surprising.]

[Metal Snake: Over what? Did Clappy actually leave? Details, please.]  

“It’s my fault,” said Jelly.

[Metal Snake: “He might not have left if I hadn’t told him not to leave! Reverse psychology, why didn’t I think of that?!”]  

In The Graveyard, The Mastermind has Ginger crawl into a grave and retrieve a blue box. He then shoots her and leaves her for dead in the dream world.

[Fa: Well shit, that was fast.]

[Jjs: Wow, we moved from the Goo Lagoon to The Graveyard so fast I forgot to blink!]

[Metal Snake: What a slow, tension-building scene that drew me into the conflict.]

[Hayden: Good decision pulling the gun on Calvin back there, amirite Ginger?]

Miraculously, Ginger wakes up out of the dream, unscathed.

[Metal Snake: Yes, miraculously. Even though we’ve established that dying in the dream world does not kill you in the real world. Proofread, please.]

She later finds out she’s pregnant.

[Fa: Ok, seriously just what?]

[Hayden: Ginger's character development is some of the most deftly written I've ever come across.]

[Jjs: When you want to make your character more interesting, just make 'em pregnant! Good try, but it still won't make me care about her.]

Ginger suddenly becomes very spirtually engaged in the real world and sets back off in Bikini Bottom, trying to find her parents before she gives birth.

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: spiritually]

[Jjs: Oh right, Bikini Bottom exists. SpongeBob spin-off. Almost forgot. Actually, I did forget.]

[Metal Snake: The out-of-nowhere character conflict is bad enough, but I love even more how Bikini Bottom is now a part of the real world. Doesn’t it make you wonder?]  

Dedicated to Calvin Reynolds (that70sguy92) and his mother, and may she rest in peace.

[Jjs: Ah yes, for those not aware, this episode was dedicated to 70s and his mother, written in response to the January 21st, 2011 incident. However, as it turns out, 70s's mom didn't actually even die that day, so that makes this whole dedication null and void in hindsight. The whole dedication feels like an afterthought anyways, because 70s barely even had a big role in this chapter. Not that I'm complaining, since 70s has hogged up so much of the spotlight in this as it is. This chapter is really nothing special, at least 13 was worth riffing despite its strangeness, this one was just really dull with more confusion and useless plot lines that keep piling onto themselves with no clear cut development or resolutions. And that's a major problem with this spin-off in general: No direction. There's really nothing else for me to say about this. Also folks, just remember that fish have phones now, so if you ever try fishing for one, it can call its friends for help. But...I DIGRESS!]

[Fa: I just wish I cared more about this. Like it still absolutely awful in so many ways, but I'm nearing the point where I'm desensitized to it. There's only so many times I can deal with bad drama and underdeveloped characters in a single story before it becomes uninteresting. Oh well, time to play out the string I guess.]

[Metal Snake: Oh geez...I know we’ve all forgiven 70s now, but...oh God...even disregarding that, I don’t see what exactly was “dedicated” to 70s and his mother. Three female characters dying in the same episode? Isn’t that just like pouring vinegar on the wound? This episode was just dull. Nowhere near as frustratingly bad as episode 14, just boring bad with poor, sluggish pacing and  lackluster character conflicts. Moving on.]

[Hayden: My amazing "guest star" appearance aside, this episode was the usual sloppy shit-kabob. But seriously that ending with Ginger....and that random 70s dedication. Is what suddenly happened to Ginger tied to the big tribute Tvguy was trying to write? Ginger becomes a mother after having sex with 70s? If 70s had actually lost his mother he should've banned Tvguy on the spot for that. Especially more towards the creepy scene where a mother and daughter are murdered. That wasn't even a lulzy kind of Down Under death sequence, it was just irredeemably cruel and served no narrative purpose. I can even imagine Tvguy writing this in a passive aggressive manner and pleading for 70s to read it just to be a dick. Never get on Tvguy's dark side, or you won't be able to cope with it.]

 

[Minty Car]

Poor Wumbo had to grow up so fast in this story

[Metal Snake]

I completely overlooked those plotholes where the Mastermind didn't even try to kill/capture the SBCers when he had them right there and how the SBCers just forgot about Wumbo. >_> That says quite a lot about a story when you don't even care about inconsistencies like that.

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

17. Under the Dome

 

This episode of Down Under is rated TV-14-L-S for strong language and sexual situations. Viewer Discretion is advised for viewers under the age of 14. Thank you.

[Fred: Sorry son, but you're too young to be riffing this. Just meet me outside the theater and we can go to McDonald's later.] 

(S1E17) Episode 17: Under the Dome

[Fred: More like "Under the Down", amirite?]

[Fa: Dude missed an opportunity for a good SB reference.  Anyhow, let's continue the descent to Spin-Off Hell.]

[Steel: As far as I know from the last two episodes, we got a dramatic scene from Wumbo about his family getting killed, Clappy parts ways on a mission much to Jelly's dismay, and some OC subplot that I can't really explain because who gives a fudge about that?]

Some days can be tough. Very tough. Clapmaster walked alone in the barren sea, hungry and sleep deprived. He had pushed himself forward, not wanting to stop. For some reason, he wanted to get himself as far away from his comrades as possible. His legs felt like Jello and his brain had turned to mush. His eyes felt like falling out. Clappy passed out in the sand. 

[Steel: If he's hungry and his legs feel like Jello, I don't see why he can't just eat his legs.]

[Fred: But enough about that, let's get to the upbeat theme!]

(theme plays) 

[Fa: Clappy's dead as the rather upbeat theme begins. This has huge shitastic potential.]

“Jeez, this is all my fault!” Jelly cried. 

[Fred: HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME, I'VE MADE MY MISTAKES]

“Don’t think that way, Jelly!” 70s said. “He’s just...venting.” He doubted himself. 

[Fa: In death!]

“No, 70s,” she countered. “He’s not venting. Didn’t you hear him? He said he’s leaving! Gone! In the wind!” 

[Fred: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn about what the hell happens in the rest of this spin-off.]

[Steel: Passed out! With a mushy brain! And jelly legs!]

“Jelly, you need to calm down!” Fa said, resting a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged him off. 

[Fa: Hey, a not stupid line for me!]

[Steel: To be fair, everyone needs to calm down, but thanks for being self-aware.]

“NO,” she yelled. “He’s my best friend! He’s out there, alone!” The idea hit her, as well as 70s.  

“Jelly, stay here,” he said. He started to move in front of her. 

“Move, Calvin,” she raped. 

[Fa: You really couldn't find a better choice of words then raped!??]

[Steel: Raped? Nice choice of words you got there, Dylan.]

[Fred: Okay, STOP RIGHT THERE. I know I usually let a lot of minor mistakes slide like the "Three Doors Down" mistake, but this one, I just have to point out. WHY THE ABSOLUTE HELL DID YOU JUST USE RAPE AS A VERB IN THAT CONTEXT?! I sure as hell know that you didn't make a spelling mistake when trying to write the word "rapped". No, I'm pretty sure that YOU USED THE WORD RAPE TO DESCRIBE JELLY TALKING TO SOMEONE! HOW THE HELL DID PEOPLE LIKE THIS SPIN-OFF BACK THEN?! HOW DID PEOPLE TOLERATE THIS?! HOW--

*drinks a cup of calm*

Okay. I'm alright now. Let's move on.]

He was hit in the nose by her fist as she walked back him. 

[Fa: Hardcore.]

----- 

(“Mother and Child Reunion” by Paul Simon plays throughout the scene)

[Steel: I can only tell that some emotional over-dramatic scene is going to happen right now. I can take another, I'm not afraid!]

[Fa: Incoming underwhelming drama up ahead!]

[Fred: *drinks more of my cup of calm*]

It was night. The gang were all sleeping around a still burning fire. The silent and calm Goo Lagoon sat beside them, the moonlight a painting in it’s black waters. 

The fire crackled, sparks flying. The wood was almost gone, but the beautiful and orange flames still went on strong. 

[Steel: Or not. This is very poetic.]

Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Sandy, and Patrick had joined their group. They all slept next to each other. 

It was very peaceful. All was still. All was silent. It was eerie, but in a great way. 

[Fa: Right before a traumatic event.]

[Steel: Indeed a peaceful scene, only one of few.]

Bikini Bottom was silent. Everyone was asleep. 

[Steel: Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. .....Nope? Fine then. Quiet scenes will be quiet scenes.]

[Fred: Actually, The Sound of Silence would be a more fitting Paul Simon song to play, but I'm pretty sure that would be an insult to The Sound of Silence.]

A silent figure made their way into their camp, a tear dripping down their cheek. They made their way to 70s where they kneeled down beside them and gently brushed his fish hair. 

[Fa: The Handsome Hash Slinging Slasher.]

[Steel: Fish!70s doesn't have hair. ....Or DOES he?]

“I forgive you,” the woman said, now crying. “I forgive you, darling.” 

[Fa: Uhhhh, what?]

[Fred: Um, what did she do? Who is this character? Why am I asking you all these questions? Logic, where are you?!]

70s rustled. 

[Steel: His jimmies.]

“You won’t remember this,” she said, choking on her words. “But just remember...I loved you.” 

He coughed.  

“I forgive you for everything. You won’t know that...,” she said. Her throat tightened up. “But just remember that I loved you...and don’t feel so bad.” She kissed him. “Goodbye, Calvin, darling.” She hugged him tightly and faded away as 70s bolted upright, awake. 

[Fred: Oh, I get it. It's "Sara" from the 1/21/11 event.] 

---- 

(“Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2 plays throughout the scene)

[Fa: Is this a foreshadowing of the upcoming traumatic event?]

Zoey, Jacob, and Greg ran up to the sky deck, gazing across the silent sea. It was pitch black, but they could see faintly make out the murky waters from the crescent moon. 

[Fa: Or the return of undercover riffer Greg and the other listless OC's.]

[Steel: Oh hey, it's those guys....does Riffing Theater have a skip cutscene option? I don't want to skim through any of this.]

[Fred: Don't worry, Steel, I have a skip cutscene remote, but I just have to get the damn thing working again.]

“Alright, are you sure it’ll take us out of this damn dream?” asked Jacob. 

[Fa: Oh yay, this dull dream shit again.]

“Yeah,” Zoey nodded, peering over the railing. “We should go back to Rock Bottom New Kelp City if we jump.”

[Steel: Oh yes, I know of one point in history where Rock Bottom and New Kelp City settled their differences and merged into a one bigger city.]

“The only reason I followed you two down that fucking tunnel was to see what you were talking about...I wanted to know about your father, but instead we wind up here,” groaned Greg. He was then thrown over the side of the ship by Jacob. Then Jacob jumped, followed by Zoey. 

(“Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2 ends)

[Fa: Well, that was painless, if greatly boring.]

[Steel: Yay, it was short!]

[Fred: So I fixed my remote for nothing? *sigh*]

---- 

(“I’ll Love You So” by Above the Golden State)

Ginger wriggled in pain in the grave. Warm blood trickled out on top of dry blood. She tried to climb out of the grave; pain instantly shot all the way through her body. I’m going to die here... she kept thinking to herself. 

[Steel: She knew what kind of torture the Anytown Show guy was giving her. No wonder Ginger's rolling in her grave.]

[Fred: As Lamented by Ginger]

Thousands of miles away, 70s sat on a cot, crying. He thought he’d loved her. She’d help one of his best friends escape a burning building when she could’ve escaped herself! He was deeply depressed...at least Ex had made a full recovery. Was that something to be grateful for? He tried to go back to sleep, as he had been woken up. He could’ve sworn he heard talking...perhaps a dream? 

[Fa: All these conflicting romantics are greatly underwhelming.]

Suddenly, there was a loud series of four pops. 70s perked up, looking around. Gunshots?

[Fa: R.I.P the peaceful scenes. Best part of Down Under by far. ]

[Steel: Pops? Do you mean "gun cracks?"]

[Fred: No. He was talking about Pops from Regular Show.]

He sneaked over to the stash of weapons buried in the sand underneath the food storage tent. He stepped over Goosebumpsfan who was asleep, when he was supposed to be awake and guarding it. 

[Steel: If anyone has ever told you that guns just don't grow on dirt, this will prove them wrong.]

[Fred: He was having dreams about Feenyus and Perv.]

He snatched a gun and went back outside. More pops followed, this time around five of them. A bright light shown in the air. Six more appeared at once, all different colors. He walked towards them, the sand feeling good underneath his feet. He peered around the corner of an enormous rock and almost fainted. 

[Giant Falling Rocks Salesmen: The apocalypse in Bikini Bottom has allowed me to sell my giant falling rocks at such a discounted price, that I'm practically throwing them at you!]

[Fred: The Rock of Gibraltar?]

[Steel: That rock turned out to be a wild Onix, who attacked 70s.]

Three fish, basically holograms, stood speaking to each other. A metallic square with lights beaming out of it were beside them. 

[Fa: Basically holograms? What is that supposed to mean?]

[Fred: #HappyHolograms]

“It just went out on us!” one hologram fish said.

“My sensors are picking up an unwanted presence!” the second said. All turned around, looking for the ‘unwanted presence.’ 70s swung back around behind the rock, breathing heavily. He shut his eyes momentarily.

“Boo.” He screamed, but a napkin was thrust over his mouth. “Hey, hey! Quiet down!” 

[Steel: Looks like Used Napkin is certainly useful for something. *Ba dum crash*]

“Who the fuck are you?!” 70s cried. 

“What kind of question is that?” the third fish asked. 

[Fa: I don't know, seems pretty logical to me.]

[Steel: "What kind of question is that?" Lolwut.]

[Fred: What kind of question is this?]

“Don’t answer a question with a question,” snapped 70s. “Who are you?” 

[Steel: "Don't you question me because I questioned your question, you questioner!"]

[Fred: The Who]

“Well...we’re--,” one holographic fish started to say. 

“Shut the hell up! Dammit, why must you always try to answer?” the other fish said. 

[Fish: Yeah, we've already fallen into enough cliches, so we may as well avoid the typical bad guys spill the beans on their plans one.]

70s then blacked out, waking up drifting a few miles off shore in the middle of Goo Lagoon. “Oh shit...who the hell?”

[Fa: But why?]

[Steel: I'm wondering about that as well. How did he even black out?]

He paddled back to shore where he explained the last night’s events. When he led them over to the spot where they had been, there was no evidence they had been there whatsoever. 

“Sounds preposterous,” remarked terminoob. The other users agreed and lazily ventured back over to the camp. 

[Fa: Why lazily? Why not just, they walked back to camp? At least that way the characters sound less like assholes.]

“Damn.” 

[Fred: I'm just gonna assume that terminoob said that since this chapter doesn't specify who said "damn".]

[Steel: I'm reporting a missing dialogue associate. Special reward will be given if found.]

(“I’ll Love You So” by Above the Golden State ends)  

----- 

(“Don’t Stop” by Innerpartysystem plays SKIP TO 0:25)

[Fred: 

]

Squidward, Patrick, 70s, SG10, and Brennan all sat together, sipping some Kelp-Koffee and discussing what was currently happening. 

[Fred: What, no mention of "Fishbucks" or something like that?] 

“I swear,” 70s said, recalling the events of the early morning and late night. “I saw what I saw.” 

“70s, it was early in the morning,” SG said. “You were sleep walking. Hallucinating. You’ve been under a lot of stress.” 

[Fa: Sleepwalking into the middle of the ocean?]

[Steel: So many options, so little time.]

[Fred: Sleepluciwalking?]

“I agree,” nodded Brennan.  

“Hmm,” 70s said. “Anyway, have you guys been noticing how weird Wumbo has been acting lately? He stayed in hospital for a pretty long time. What was with that?” 

“Deli should know,” Squidward said. “They used to date, right?” 

[Fa: Besides why Squidward knows that, what would Deli know of Wumbo being attacked by a madman?]

70s nodded. But his mind was elsewhere. He was thinking about the holograms and something else...he dreamed about his mother’s voice. Or was it not a dream? He clenched the gun he was still holding from when he first encountered the holograms. 

[Steel: 70s is coming for Jem and the Holograms. Watch out, fellas.]

“I’ll be right back,” SG said, getting up and stretching. “Do we still have-”  

A hail of bullets suddenly streamed down on them, shattering their plates. 

[Steel: The weather is also reporting a gun-nado. *Now on Syfy.]

“Oh fuck!” 70s screamed. He dove underneath the chair as screams started to split the air. SG fell to the ground. The sand was pelted with bullets. 70s crawled to the food supply tent, hearing the screams from his friends. There was the constant ping! ping! ping! of bullets. Plates were being shattered. 

[Fa: Typical story priorities: Health and safety of 70s, SG etc. Down Under priorities: The plates.]

[Steel: T'was a horrible day in history of Down Under, plates are shattering!]

“MOVE!” Webizoid screamed. He jumped into a tent, over a scrambling jjs. Deli crawled across the sand, trying to blend in. Wumbology and terminoob huddled in a corner, debris of their belongings around them. 

[Fa: Deli, this isn't the time to be playing Hide and Seek!]

[Steel: Webby making yet another dialogue cameo after still being grounded.]

A few moments later, the shooting died down. 70s peeked out, his gun in his hand shaking vigorously. 

“Okay everybody,” he said, quivering. “Stay on the ground. terminoob, jjs, Wumbo. Come on. Grab a gun.” The un-killed and uninjured staff members grabbed guns from the food supply tent. 70s led them out, passing an emotionally shocked SG a gun.  

[Grammar Police: Un-killed isn't a word!]

[Fred: Un-murdeled.]

“Here,” he muttered. “Use it if necessary.” He then led them out of the camp, all of them spreading out around. Wumbology caught up to terminoob. 

“I trust you,” he panted. “I really do.”  

“Okay...?” 

[Fa: Termibology... Oh God no.]

[Steel: termi really doesn't want to be apart of this spin-off it seems.]

“I know who shot at us,” he said. “His name is Redman. He killed my wife and daughter.”

[Fa: I guess you could say Wumbo caught him, red handed!]

[Steel: My name is Wumbo Montoya. You killed my wife and daughter. Prepare to die.]

“You sure?” asked terminoob, raising an eyebrow. 

“He talked to me,” Wumbo said, eying the ground. “In the hospital.” A tear slid off his cheek. “He always wears a mask....I’m not even sure if he’s a he. But he changes his identity...a lot.” 

[Fa: Why read the episodes when you could just read the explanations of the episodes!]

[Steel: Then I must've missed a lot.]

terminoob then did something completely unexpected and unlike him; he put an arm around Wumbology and smiled. “It’s okay. We’ll get the son of a bitch.” 

[Fa: WHERE IS THE REAL TERMINOOB!?]

[Fred: Will the real terminoob please stand up!]

“It...it will be difficult to catch him,” Wumbo said, softly sobbing now. “Extremely difficult.” 

“Won’t matter,” terminoob said, cocking his gun. “Look over at Goo Lagoon. There’s a guy in a canoe just off shore. Come on!” They sprinted towards the bay and hopped into an idle canoe. They quickly caught up with the man, now being only around fifteen feet away. A small island soon loomed into view. Fog rolled in. 

“What the fuck?” Wumbology said. “Where’d this fog come from?” 

[Steel: Mother Nature is having an off day.]

“Where’d he go!?” terminoob said, trying to figure out where the murderous fish had gone to in the fog. “You row, I’ll keep my gun ready.”  

Wumbo nodded and continued to row. terminoob cocked his rifle and scanned the entire area like a hawk. 

“Nothing,” he sighed. “He must be on that damned island.” 

[Fa: Fantasy Island?]

[Fred: Total Drama Island, obvi.]

“Let’s go on the island then,” said Wumbo. 

“We should wait for 70s and jjs...it’d be unwise to go in without backup,” terminoob replied. 

“terminoob,” Wumbology said, looking him straight in the eye. “This guy murdered my family. I’ll swim to the island. I’m going with or without you. But I want you to come.” 

terminoob hesitated, gazing at the water. 

[terminoob: When will my reflection show who I am inside?]

“Fine,” he finally said. “Come on.” He continued to examine their area with the gun while Wumbo paddled. The island poked through the fog a few moments later and a few minutes later, they hit shore. The two clambered off, both holding guns at the ready. 

[Wumbo: Call me Rambology!]

----- 

(“I Miss You” by Blink 182 plays)

[Fred: That angsty music tho.]

Jelly jogged along, panting. She wouldn’t stop. Almost an hour later, she was barely walking. She collapsed on the sand. 

[Steel: Her mushy brain and Jello legs kicked in.]

----

[Fa: Ok, what was the point of that deserving of an entire scene? Literally nothing happened to warrant a scene break at all.]

[Steel: Best scene ever, great job guys!]

[Nostalgia Critic: This concludes another...............pointless moment.]

(“I Miss You” by Blink 182 continues) 

Ginger had woken up. She had survived. It was a miracle to survive when shot/stabbed/wounded in The Graveyard. She staggered through Bikini Bottom, approaching a building. She entered and took the elevator to the third floor. She opened a door and entered. Hassan sat on the bed, entirely naked, except for a small cloth that covered his genitalia. 

“Hey babe,” he said. “Wanna come and get this?” 

[Fa: Hassan and Ginger in the garden of evening.]

[Steel: Oh no. OH NOOOOOOOOO!]

[Fred: If ya ready, come and get it now.]

She nodded eagerly and tore off her clothes. She removed the cloth and pounced on him. 

(“I Miss You” by Blink 182 stops) 

[Fa: Well, okay then...]

-----

[Steel: That was not a pleasant scene.]

(“Word Up” by Korn plays)

[Fred: 

]

SG sat next to PhilipB, shivering with fear. 

“SG, you’ll be okay!” he said. 

“How can you be so sure?” she said. “I’m in charge right now. 70s trusts me to protect everyone.” 

“Yeah, but we have a whole gun supply in the food supply tent!” he said. “We’ll be fine! All the broken plates we’ve accumulated from the hospital are cleaned up. Everyone is settling back into their regular routines.” 

[Steel: Or will they?]

Suddenly, an enormous boom vibrated the ground. It was an intense sound. Very intimidating and frightening. Everyone plugged their ears as a single helicopter carried an enormous dome with electricity going throughout it. 

[Steel: Now that I predicted pretty well.]

“What the hell?” CDCB mumbled. 

[Fa: Welcome to the lit, CD! Enjoy it as we'll likely never see you again!]

“Excuse me,” a voice from the helicopter said. “I have retrieved something from The Graveyard. As of now, everyone here is trapped!” The dome dropped onto them, shaking and tearing everything up. The ground ripped up, like a wave, towards their camp.

“EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROU-” 

[Fa: Everybody do the dinosaur!]

[Fred: Do the Sponge!]

The ground wave hit them. 

[Steel: Run for your lives! It's a....dirtnami!]

[Fred: More like a dirtdemic.]

----

Wumbology and terminoob saw him. He was right there, in a small little shack. 

[Fred:   ]

“On 3,” said terminoob. “1...2...”  

They sprinted towards the shack. In a split second, the man in a mask sprung up and grabbed terminoob and twisted his head. 

[Fa: R.I.P Terminoob until tomorrow.]

“AGGHGGGGGGGHH!” he squealed, terminoob’s puny hands on the killer’s muscular arms. The man was the same man who had previously attacked CF and Steel, although Wumbo didn’t know this yet.

[Steel: Wumbo wouldn't want to know about the other side of Redman's attacks anyways.]

“Put the gun down,” the man said. He had a very soft and skin-crawling voice. “Or I’ll snap your friend’s neck.” 

“No, no,” Wumbo said, keeping his gun steady. “You know you won’t do that.”  

“Honestly Eric! You don’t deviate from the book at all, do you?” Redman said. “When you’re negotiating a life, you do what the killer wants...not try to get the hostage killed!” 

“Put him down,” Wumbology growled, keeping the gun steady. 

“Oh no. Not until you put your weapon down,” he countered. 

“I’m not letting you go,” replied Wumbo.

[Steel: You're here, there's nothing I fear....]

“You...killed my daughter. She was a baby. Only a year.”  

“Oh,” Redman said. “Touching.” 

“And my wife. My beautiful wife,” Wumbology said, crying. “But I will not let you kill terminoob.” 

[Fa: By completly ignoring your demands.]

[Steel: Our beautiful SBC admin. 16 years. Graphic novelist.]

[Butt-head: Hey, Wumbo. Uh-huh-huh-huh. You were crying. Uh-huh-huh-huh.]

“You have no control in this, Eric,” said Redman, turning his head slightly. “Oh...I don’t recall killing your daughter and wife.”  

“You lying son of a bitch,” Wumbo said, staring him dead in the eye. He took one hand into his back pocket and pulled out a picture. “This is the last photo we ever took together...look at their happy faces...don’t tell me you don’t remember them.” 

“Oh yes,” the killed nodded. “I remember them. The damn infant was a brat. And you’re wife....” 

[Steel: So the wife was also Wumbo? What a twist!]

Wumbology started to turn bright red. 

[Fa: Tomato red?]

[Fred: Now HE'S the Redman!]

“Your wife...the unfaithful whore was a bigger bitch than my mother. And my mother was a pretty big slut.” 

[Steel: Now Redman is just trolling with Wumbo.]

“Take that back...,” Wumbology said lightly. He was trying to hold in his explosive anger; he knew if he did anything terminoob would die. 

[Steel: Anytime now for Down Under!Wumbo to grow some balls....]

“All it is is the truth,” he said. “Your family was nothing more than a big piece of dog shit.” 

“YOU FUCKING BITCH!” Wumbology pushed terminoob on the ground and smashed Redman against the shack. Wood exploded everywhere. “YOU KILLED MY FAMILY! YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I’LL KILL YOU!” 

[Fred: CAPS MAKES ME SOUND ANGRY!]

Redman socked Wumbolgy in the gut. Wumbo fell to the ground and bit his leg. Hard. 

[Fa: Whatever gets the job done.]

“AHHHHHHOWW!” Redman collapsed on the ground. Suddenly, an enormous wall of water crashed onto them as a glass dome landed over them.

[Fred: No "To be continued....." or something?

I really have nothing else about this episode. It's bad, but pretty boring to riff. I think I wasted all of my energy complaining about the use of the word "rape" in there.]

[Fa: This wasn't that shitastic, just dull and boring with more confusion and less clarity. In other words, a typical Down Under episode.]

[Steel: That was hardcore. Well...this episode isn't bad, but still, it was nothing special.]

 

Edited April 24, 2016 by Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick