Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

[CDCB]

... uhhhh... okay then. 

[Wumbo]

If I could just say one thing about this lit...

##### ##### #### ######!

[Estonia]

Hey, what's the next project. (and can i riff in it) 

 

[Jjs Goodman]

Hey, what's the next project. (and can i riff in it) 

 

Haven't decided yet, but it won't come until November or December. I'll reserve your spot regardless.

[Jjs Goodman]

Here we go, time for a new mini riff. I'm going to say right now, I think this is the worst thing we have currently riffed in Riffing Theater history. Yes, I said it.

On a note of issues, I am aware a lot of old episodes are not loading properly. I can't do much about it, but I have told hilaryfan80 and he is looking for a fix. If this one takes a while to load, just give it a few. Now then, here is..

Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob

1. The Morning

Spoiler

[Jjs: Welcome back everyone to Riffing Theater. We all know the oddball Zaid. Ah, good old ZaidCatDog himself, aka the man of many many many names. We all know Zaid has made some...strange writings in SBC history. Some ended up being infamously bad, which mostly comes from the notably lulzy discussions they spawned, while others aren't even worth dignifying or riffing at all, because let's face it, there's no fun in riffing something that is only 10 seconds long. However, there was a work of Zaid's I overlooked. A certain metallic serpent showed a Zaid work to me called "Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob", and after viewing it...yikes. After viewing it (which I kind of regret), I took up Metal Snake's request to riff this particular Zaid work. Why this one? Well...it truly is one you have to see to believe, as I think this is officially the worst thing we have riffed in Riffing Theater history. I'm dead serious. Let's get started.]

Meets

[Metal Snake: Hey, that's a good start to a spin-off. Images being used in place in words. We're in trouble.]

[Steel: Nothing says a solid introduction to a spin-off like an image of Eddsworld characters going to the premiere along with an image of Squidward with SpongeBob dressed as a border guard.]

[Jjs: Of all SpongeBob episodes to use an image from, you use one from Pineapple Fever? What a wonderful start we're off to.]

[Rusty: Hey, look, I don't know what is in the first image. Merry fucking Christmas.]

[Hayden: I'll drink to that sentiment, Rusty.

 ]

Chapter 1

The Morning

[Uncle Grandpa: Good morning!]

(The scene shows Spongebob and Edd waking up in bed)

[Uncle Grandpa: ...uh, not so good morning! I thought you told me this was kid friendly, jjs!]

[Jjs: What, it's just an ordinary...wait...*reads line again*

"Spongebob and Edd waking up in bed"

Oh my goodness....ZAIDWARD! ]

[Metal Snake: Stop. Right. There. Only one sentence in, and I'm already seeing three major flaws with this...

1. Getting the most nitpicky one out of the way (and believe me, calling it nitpicky at all is being generous), why is this line in parentheses? Art style isn't a crime, but putting important details in parentheses is not only incorrect writing, it's also incredibly off-putting to the readers.

2. Who the hell is Edd? Though instinct tells me that he's the guy from Eddsworld, no establishment of his character has been given. This could be Edd from Ed, Edd, N' Eddy for all we know.

3. This "exposition" is hilariously awful. They woke up in bed. THEY WOKE UP IN BED?!

Seriously...how do you make a description that lulzy by accident? But the bigger problem...did you seriously just try to introduce the main characters from BOTH worlds in the SAME sentence?! That's horribly rushed and lazy! That is a shining example of how NOT to do exposition in a crossover of any kind! You tell us about one world, giving us vital details about it and building up a conflict so that we can get into it, then do the same for the other to tie the conflict together between the worlds! It shows how little time and pruning you put into this story when you can't even get the exposition right!]

[Steel: Whose bed, SpongeBob's? If that's the case, how Edd would be able to survive like that is beyond me.]

[Rusty: Hopefully the Christian groups won't get to this. Oh wait, that is exactly WHAT I want to get done to this.]

[Hayden: I'm most disappointed that he cut this perfectly timed sex scene down to just that. Seeing them fully undressed would have pandered to that poor creature 4EverGreen's penchant for nude toon fanservice and at the same time answered the age old question of what is under Double D's hat.]

 

(Spongebob)

[Metal Snake: ...Huh?]

[Jjs: So now parenthesis are used as forms of scene indicators? I can't tell if that is a step up or step down from Wumbolo using commas for quotes in World of Gloves.]

 

Spongebob: What a Fantastic Morning! Better come on down to The Krusty Krab! 

[Metal Snake: ...What?! Trollface?! Trollface?! WHAT?!]

[Steel: Sure, use that troll face. The sentence sure is not as relevant without making a troll face.]

[Hayden: *get on. Wouldn't want anyone to think you're making a sexual reference, now would we Eduardo?]

 

(Edd)

[(Rusty): ((Parentheses are cool, yo)]

[Metal Snake: ...]

[(Steel) Steel: Thnx for clearing that up.]

[Hayden: This writer stole my old format. I'm filing for plagiarism.]

 

Edd: Alright, lets check the fridge!

[Metal Snake: ....]

[Hayden: *let's.]

[Jjs: I think if we bothered nitpicking every Zaid typo, we'd be here all day, so I'm going to spare the Grammar Police on this one, just this once.]

 

(Edd Picks up Bacon)

[Rusty: *happy trumpet* EXPOSITION!]

[Metal Snake: .....]

[Steel: Edd put unnecessarily Capitalized Bacon in his Items Pocket.]

 

 

[Jjs: Not going to lie though, Zaid sure is being innovative right now, by using pictures to tell a story for a spin-off, instead of bothering to write words. Impressive.]

[Metal Snake: .....This better be a joke. Like for real. I am not just exaggerating for the sake of comedic overreaction, I am honestly speaking my mind when I say that this is some of the worst writing I have ever seen on this site hands down for OBVIOUS reasons. I mean it, do you really need me to point out that this spin-off is...

1. Terribly edited. This is far from the worst spelling/grammar I've seen in a spin-off, but still, any English teacher would give this show a cold hard F on the spot because of how unpardonably jarring the format is (seriously, (Spongebob), (Edd), crucial details in parentheses?!) and how annoyingly difficult this show is to read thanks to it.

2. Terribly told. Nothing is coherent or cohesive about this storytelling. No effort is put into establishing the characters and elements of either world to help the readers follow along.

3. Terribly written. It is never established what the two scenes we just read had anything to do with the plot. Worse, it's not even been established WHAT THE STORY IS. Why should we care if Eddsworld meets Spongebob? What's the conflict?! Though instinct tells me that this story is a comedy, even in comedy SKETCHES, you have to SET SOMETHING UP. Otherwise, no one will care about what's going on! I don't care if this story was your first try, you don't have to be a veteran writer to know that when you write, YOU WRITE TO TELL PEOPLE SOMETHING!

...

Let's continue.]

[Steel: But for me, it's Zaid not trying to show any means of effort.]

[Hayden: The writer is telling us that Eddsworld is fond of bacon and that Spongebob works at the Krusty Krab. What's left to tell?]

[Rusty: It's basically a SB Fanon Wiki spin-off. *cringes*]

 

(Spongebob)

(Spongebob Arrives at the Krusty Krab, But, Mr Krabs Tells him something)

[Mr Krabs: Yer Fired.]

[Hayden:

 ]

 

Spongebob: Mr Krabs What are You doing?

[Metal Snake: No, for real. How do you make descriptions this lulzy on accident?]

[Steel: The Run-On Sentences and capitalized Words Out of context Are wracking through people's Brains You think You'd figure that out By Now?]

 

Mr Krabs: Im moving this near a random island! 

[Jjs: What is "this"? The Krusty Krab? His stash of cocaine? His money? I mean, I don't really give two shits at all since my interest got tossed out the window in the beginning, but some clarity would be nice for those who want to actually analyze "this".]

[Metal Snake: This shit never ends...]

[Rusty: *raises finger, then puts it down* Nope, not gonna make a Total Cartoon Island reference......DAMMIT.]

[Steel: Let me finish that for you, why? I now think the answer is plain to see: He wants to be famous.]

[Hayden: Moving the drugs he was on in that image up above? Well, even someone as greedy as Krabs is going to have a hard time yanking those away from our author.]

 

Spongebob: Really? 

[Rusty: Really, Really, Really?]

[Hayden:  ]

 

Mr Krabs: Yes Really!

[Metal Snake: Yes, really. Let's use half-assed storytelling in combination with a half-assed joke. Mr. Krabs is moving the Krusty Krab near a random island? For what reason? Let me guess, for the sake of the plot? Could that humor have been any blander? Smileys and images =/= jokes. Also, do you see what I mean when I said that the scene where Spongebob woke up had no established purpose to the story? You could've started the "(Spongebob)" portion here, and it wouldn't have made a difference. Talk about useless filler.]

[Hayden: Well, a business decision is a business decision. Even if it moves you away from every last one of your consumers.]

 

(Squidward Arrives)

Squidward: Ugh what are you doing? 

[Jjs: We're in some weird ass spin-off that's a supposed crossover with a web series. You?]

[Rusty: Freaking and Grinding. Now go watch WTTW tonight.]

[Hayden: We aren't even clear on that Squidward, and you came in a scene late.]

[Metal Snake: Ah, now there's a smiley I don't mind being used here. It accurately represents how I'm feeling with the headache this show is giving me.]

 

Spongebob: Mr Krabs wants to move the Building to a random place near a island! 

[Steel: The vagueness is intense here.]

[Vagueness Police Officer: Wow, that is so vague I am not even going to dignify that with a punishment. The author of whatever this is safe. Now, off to be cryptic and confusing elsewhere!]

 

Squidward: Whatever im going inside. 

[Rusty: Kinky.]

[Hayden: So Squidward's butt is aroused whenever people want to take buildings and push them somewhere else?]

[Steel: I can't tell whether or not he's feeling cheeky today, judging the smiley.]

 

Spongebob: Ok! 

[Metal Snake: Saint Peter help me, not one line in that entire conversation was in-character or amusing to read. The scene that apparently starts the plot, and it's just unfunny nonsense.]

[Steel: Watch out Squidward, you're apparently being trolled.]

[Hayden:

 ]

 

(Eddsworld)

(Tom is Listening to a Girl's Generation Song)

[Steel: "Tom" is a very funny way to spell hilaryfan80.]

[Hayden: Might it be this?

SBC Song Ad sponsored by Face.]

 

(Edd is Heating up his bacon while he gets a Coke Out of the fridge)

(Matt is just admiring himself...again)

[Jjs: Wait, who the hell is Matt? Great, and I STILL barely even know who the hell Edd is either.]

[(Rusty): ((Rusty rants about the exposition after drawing space suit furries for the 1,000th time) Hey, I have a life, sort of.]

[Hayden: The cliffhanger will be whether he scratches his butt or not before eating the bacon.]

[Metal Snake: ...Again? When was he admiring himself to begin with? I looked back just to be sure and I saw no scene where that happened. But that's not my shitpick with this nitpick. Neither is the fact that this is the third unintentionally lulzy description in a row. It's this...who the hell is Matt and why is he admiring himself? Zaid, we don't know these Eddsworld characters like you do. You have to establish their characters or else these in-jokes will not work.]

 

(Tord is watching TV)

[Jjs: Now a Tord? Are you fucking kidding me? Where are all these new characters coming from?!]

[Hayden: Weren't you mentioned in that .png line? Don't worry, we forgive you.]

[Steel: Well Right now I'm Typing with my Keyboard in my Room, wondering what to make For Dinner while doing some riffs....again.]

 

Tord: Hey Edd! can you get me some bacon?

Edd: Oi Make your own!

[Metal Snake: Oi, this dialogue is still bemusing!]

[Rusty: Oi, this grammar is making my inner English Teacher cry secretly!]

[Steel: Oi, feel the burn!]

[Hayden:

 ]

 

(A Coke with Bacon Commercial Comes On Both Bikini Bottom And UK For Some Reason)

[(Rusty): ((corrects commercial into adverts)]

[Jjs: You know, I'd definitely be rather drinking Coke and eating bacon instead of reading...whatever the hell this is.]

[Hayden: "For Some Reason" is the strongest explanation for anything yet.]

[Metal Snake: Oh yeah, and since I've already pointed that smileys and images are not automatically funny, let me tell you what else is not automatically funny. RANDOMNESS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF RANDOMNESS. Mentioning Coke and bacon and then having a commercial about them come on TV for no explained reason is NOT A JOKE. There was no buildup given to any sort of punchline! Even random humor needs to have meaning!]

[Steel: That's a strange title for something....oh wait, it's just more unnecessarily capitalized words. And "For Some Reason"? How would it be implicitly odd for this commercial to come on?]

 

End of Chapter 1

[Jjs: Well...at least the pictures were nice? Actually no, I can't even think of one positive thing in this braindead work so far. Do your worst Zaid.]

[Hayden: Personally, I prefer my butt scratching ending. It really set up a better conflict like whether he'd wash his hands or not before giving himself a heart attack via his breakfast choices.]

[Metal Snake: Oh...my. You know, I hate being brutal, but I have to be honest. This is one of the worst pilots for an SBC show I have ever read. No conflict was set up, nothing was established, and the jokes were woefully unfunny. That's all I'll say for now though, because BOY, am I saving my breath for the end...]

[Rusty: I...have no words, fuck this. *realizes I have 2 more episodes to sit through]

[Kel: AAAAAAAAAW HERE IT GOES!]

[Steel: That was underwhelming. Well, bring on the rest of this!]

[Hayden:  ]

 

2. Mr. Krabs Moves the Building to a Beach in The UK

Spoiler

Chapter 2

Mr Krabs Moves the Building to a Beach in The UK

[Metal Snake: Just like that.]

[Jjs: While the Grim Reaper plays unfitting music.]

[Rusty: Wow, talk about spoilers.]

[Steel: So the United Kingdom, a defined country in Europe, is the so-called island? Makes enough sense to me.]

[Hayden: This crossover is seamlessly intertwining the two worlds. Of course Mr. Krabs would want to carry his building to another country above water.]

 

(Tom And Mr Krabs Is Texting)

[Jjs: "Tom And Mr. Krabs" is my new favorite character.]

[Mr. Krabs: i luv mny]

 

(Tom is Texting His Girlfriend)

[Metal Snake: do you ever learn

Tom and Mr. Krabs are lovers now?!]

 

(Mr K Is Texting Pearl)

[Jjs: Really, it was that hard to say "Krabs"? Poor Zaid, I know you must have spent so much effort into finding those pictures to fully type out words.]

 

(UK/Eddsworld)

[Rusty: So it's in the UK? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!]

[Hayden: Sigh, another situation where he makes it sounds like the characters are doing things together when they're really just doing the same thing in different places.]

[Metal Snake: Yes, let's keep driving it in that Eddsworld takes place in Europe. I'm stunned that Zaid feels he needs to keep reminding us of the show's setting when he can't even give us a simple explanation on the personalities of the show's characters.]

[Steel: UK or Eddsworld? Pick one! Oh wait, the setting is determined along with the characters now.]

 

(Tom Stops Texting for a moment)

[Hayden: Some story action finally presented by a moment of inaction?]

[Steel: So, uh....how many parentheses styled scenes are we going to see before we see some actual dialogue?]

[Jjs: I don't know, let's ask Mr. Owl.]

[Mr. Owl: One, two, three, four...]

 

Tom: So What should we do today?

[Rusty: The same thing we do every night, try to take over the world!]

[Steel: There we go. So, what exactly are they going to today?]

[Hayden:

]

 

Edd: I Dont know.

[Jjs: Sounds like a fitting answer for when anybody asks Zaid why he wrote this.]

[SpongeBob: I don't know, what do you want to do today?]

[Patrick: I don't know, what do YOU want to do today?]

[Steel: Nothing to see here, folks.]

 

Tord: HOW ABOUT THE BEACH?

[Mermaid Man: BE QUIET, I'M NAPPIN'!]

[Rusty: The beach can kiss my ass!]

[Steel: The character who suddenly used all caps has spoken.]

[Hayden: I wonder what beach they'll end up on. I imagine the United Kingdom has multiple beaches.]

 

Edd: Sure!

Matt: BUT IM ALLERGIC TO ROCKS!

[Rusty: TOO BAD!]

[Hayden: So they can't even keep a pet rock around the house?]

[Metal Snake: And I'm allergic to bland humor.]

 

Edd: Your allergic to everything.

[Rusty: It's you're! Do I need to call the Grammar Police!? I know jjs said not to, but the urge is strong...]

 

Matt: Oh yeah.

[Metal Snake: *sneezes violently* Ooohh, where's my medicine?]

 

(Halfway to The UK/Spongebob)

[SpongeBob: We're only HALFWAY THERE, HALFWAY THERE!]

[Hayden: Oh, they aren't fucking there yet. Even though the beginning implied Krabs moved it with no struggle instantly.]

 

Spongebob: So what are we doing? 

[Metal Snake:

>Halfway on a trip Mr. Krabs clearly established was going to be about "moving the Krusty Krab near a random island"

>"What are we doing?"

*facepalm*]

[Jjs: Haha, silly SpongeBob. Everyone knows you ask where you are going on a trip before going there, it's common sense. Although not in this work.]

[Rusty: Another case of short-term memory loss, or severe "I don't give a shit" syndrome. Yeah, it's probably the last one.]

[Steel: SpongeBob still thinks he's in the first chapter.]

 

Mr Krabs: Well, We are Moving to a island to get more ingrediants and Make a New Type of Krabby Patty!

[Metal Snake: Two things...

1. We already knew they were moving to an island. Thank you, Captain Redundancy.

2. This exposition makes no sense. AGAIN. Why can't Mr. Krabs just order the damn ingredients FROM the island?! He doesn't have to move the Krusty Krab there! Moving a building from the sea to fucking Europe would cost far more money than ordering the ingredients from Europe, don't you think?!]

[Steel: What are some of these new ingredients you speak of, Marmite?]

 

Squidward: WHAT? I DIDNT BRING CLARIE! 

[Rusty: Clarie? Oh, his clarinet. Also, hi unneeded emoticon, how are you?]

[Hayden: You could have gone home first then, Squidward?]

 

Mr Krabs: Dont Worry, i hitched your houses to the back of the truck!

[Jjs: Mr. Krabs gains superhuman strength and can lift three houses all by himself? Yeah, I call a new police squad: BULLSHIT POLICE!}

[Bullshit Police Officer: Wow, something sure smells in this line.]

[Hayden: Or you can all somehow not notice that your houses are there and being pulled with you.]

[Metal Snake: ...Zaid. Logic. 1. 0. 1. I understand that this story is based off a cartoon. Cartoons do not have to follow logic exactly, obviously. Cartoons break the rules of logic all the time for the sake of humor. But this is being done for the sake of awful writing, something I can not let slide. So here we go...

YOU CAN NOT LIFT A HOUSE AND PUT IT ON THE BACK OF A TRUCK. MR. KRABS IS NOT SUPERMAN. THE TIMES WHERE HE'S HAD SUPER-STRENGTH IN THE SHOW WERE DONE FOR COMIC RELIEF, NOT VITAL EXPOSITION. THE TRUCK IS NOT SUPERTRUCK. IT WOULD COLLAPSE FROM ALL THE WEIGHT OF JUST ONE HOUSE. WRITE YOUR EXPOSITION RATIONALLY OR ELSE NO ONE WILL ENJOY READING IT.]

[Rusty: I have seen houses on the back of trucks before Metal, and while I am able to believe SpongeBob's house on a back of a truck, I can't imagine Squidward's and Mr Krab's homes being on the back of a truck. So, logic=flawed here.]

[Steel: While logic is still discussed here, I can wonder how the Eddsworld characters and SpongeBob characters are able to interact with each other, because that would mean that they would probably be in the same place, either it be underwater or land, hence the name Eddsworld Meets Spongebob. This has never been explained clearly but then again, I can't argue with how the spin-off defies any sort of logic.]

 

Squidward: Phew. i thought i lost clarie for a moment 

[Metal Snake: Squidward thinking he lost Clarie = Comedic gold.

Only in the mind of Zaid...]

[Hayden: But it'd still be at your house so how would you have lost it......*brain shuts down for rest of chapter* ]

 

(UK/Eddsworld)

(Edd Tom Tord has came to the Beach, and left matt home surrounded by rocks.  )

[Tommy Wiseau: Haha, what a story, Matt!]

[Jjs: Yeah, because leaving someone surrounded by something that can potentially kill them is comedy gold.  ]

[Rusty: Jesus, I've laughed at One Coarse Meal and yet this made me cringe. THANK YOU ZAID!]

[Metal Snake: Ha ha ha, that's not funny you sick fuck. That's the equivalent of pelting someone with an allergy to rubber with water balloons.]

[Steel: Ha ha ha ha, HA HA HA HA HA! I'm making an impression of that laughing mad smiley to express my sarcastic remark. There's nothing funny about making a joke of torturing someone with one of their allergies.]

[Hayden: Rocks are everywhere so Matt's a dumbass. That's the "joke".]

 

Edd: (Drinks Cola)

[Steel: Edd? I believe he's referred to as "Edd Tom Ford."]

[Jjs: Maybe they did a Steven Universe fusion earlier. Haha, referencing Steven Universe is comedy gold too, right?! COME AT ME TUMBLR!]

[Hayden: Oh right, what happened to our engaging bacon subplot?]

 

Tom: (Contenuisly Texting)

[Steel: Oh, how boring....we're going through this type of writing again?]

[Hayden: Worst butchering of "continuously" I've ever seen.]

 

Tord: (Shooting the Animals)

[Steel: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO WRITE THAT!?]

[Rusty: *chuckles* Okay, hi random hunting subplot! How are you?]

[Jjs: ...When were there ever any animals nearby!? Well, looks like Zaid now has PETA on his ass.]

[Metal Snake: Holy shit, this show's humor just went from bland to horribly sadistic and disgusting...and bland.]

[Hayden: Apparently all the critters that you go hunting for are on a beach instead of in the woods.]

 

(Quarter To UK/Spongebob)

[SpongeBob: We're only QUARTER WAY THERE, QUARTER WAY THERE!]

[Hayden: Did they fucking back track their progress to there or are they 25 percent away from getting there?]

[Metal Snake: what is this I don't even]

[Rusty: wat]

[Steel: I'd give UK a quarter any time.]

 

(Everyone is sleeping on the floor while Patrick  is driving the truck)

[Rusty: Oh yeah, hire the dumbass to drive, that will certainly turn out fine. Also, hi unneeded emote #2! How are you?]

[Hayden: Thanks for establishing Patrick was here earlier on.]

[Metal Snake: ...WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN]

[Steel: Did they all (except Patrick) just have a hangover or something?]

[Jjs: Yes, please stay asleep. Forever. And hopefully Patrick drives the truck off a cliff and ends this. What the fuck am I even reading?]

 

END OF CHAPTER 2

[Metal Snake: Yeah...this was just as bad, if not worse than the pilot. I'm more motivated than ever now to give this show the final critique it deserves...]

[Rusty: One more episode, I mean, how bad can it possibly get, right? RIGHT?]

[Steel: Two episodes and so far, I can say that the worst part is just the poorly made joke towards Matt. One episode left, we can do this.]

[Hayden: So even if part 3 ends with them getting to the beach and meeting Eddsworld, this crossover will have been more about the horrible set up instead of actually having the characters interact. Maybe that's for the best.]

 

3. The Meeting

Spoiler

The Meeting

[Metal Snake: Men, I have gathered you here today so that we may have a discussion about a particular problem. This spin-off.]

[Rusty: The office?]

[Hayden: Misleading title or climactic pay off?]

 

As we left off...

Spongebob cowered in fear as tord Aimed his gun at the Krusty Krab.

[Jjs: WHOA WHOA WHOA, that was not where the previous episode ended. Did Zaid skip an episode?! o_O]

[Metal Snake: What. What. WHAT?! That is NOT where we left off! We left off with Patrick being in the truck for no reason! The only part where we were left to even ASSUME that Tord had a gun was when he was "shooting the animals"...FOR NO REASON! ARE YOU EVEN READING YOUR PREVIOUS CHAPTERS?! IN...IN A COMEDY SHOW THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE COMPLEX CONTINUITY?!]

[Rusty: Well, that escalated quickly in an non-existent episode.]

[Steel: Well that was dark....]

[Hayden:  ]

 

oh no? oh... well.. we left off a quarter to the UK.

[Jjs: So that teaser was just a bait and switch tease for the viewers? Wow. I...can't believe it. I'm actually kind of annoyed, as I'd rather see a mass murder instead of whatever we're probably going to get. Whatever, I'm just glad this is the last episode...]

[Metal Snake: THAT! EXPLAINS! NOTHING!

WHAT IS A "QUARTER TO THE UK"?! A QUARTER OF THE WAY THERE?! A COIN?! A QUARTER-POUNDER?! WHAT IS THIS PLACE THAT THEY'VE STOPPED AT?! WHERE ARE THEY IN THE UK?! SPECIFY! THIS IS WHAT DETAILS ARE FOR, GOD DAMN IT!]

[Rusty: Well, dafuq.]

[Steel: And that my friends was what I like to call: a pointless scene.]

[Hayden: Prologue or cringy attempt at meta humor is my guess.]

 

Patrick: You guys want anything? im stopping at the end of the world

[Metal Snake: Hey, if it means the end of this spin-off, I'm all for it.]

[Hayden: An apocalypse would explain this garbage heap of a world Zaid has built.]

 

Cafe and Gift Shop 

 

[Rusty: *breaks down, sobbing* I DON'T EVEN KNOW!]

[Hayden: Pick me up some aspirin.]

 

Spongebob: No thanks im full 

 

[Metal Snake: Full? He's offering to drive you to a cafe and a store, not a fucking buffet restaurant. And more importantly, THERE'S AN ARMED POTENTIAL PSYCHO KILLER OUTSIDE THREATENING YOU.]

[Rusty: Also, FUCK THESE EMOTICONS!]

[Jjs: Using SBC emoticons in your story is not a crime, but they should be used in reason...which was not done in any of these three episodes. I don't know how that emote even relates to someone "being full".]

[Steel: Sorry, I'm full! BTW PAT, YOU JUST GOT SERVED LOL]

 

Squidward: i do need to go to the bathroom, im just slapping my butt like crazy! 

[Jjs: Just do your business in the open, we wouldn't be able to smell it anyways since this spin-off already smells so bad.]

[Metal Snake: Yes. Toilet humor. Let's go with that. There's a man with a gun outside who likely wants to kill us and Patrick has somehow magically teleported here and taken over the truck. So let's make bathroom jokes in response. I am serious. Just imagine living in this kind of world where both logic AND CARTOON LOGIC have been FUCKED so hard beyond a state of repair and then tell me you wouldn't make a FUCKING. ASININE. BATHROOM JOKE.]

[Rusty: ...Not that I have a choice, but FUCK IT, I GIVE UP RIFFING THIS FIC! WHAT'S THE USE?!]

[Steel: Is he constipated?]

[Hayden: So the emoticons have literally become part of Squidward's plot and dialogue.]

 

(Meanwhile with Mr Krabs)

[Metal Snake: Who I am sure is happily going about his day while there's a man with a firearm just outside his restaurant.]

 

Mr Krabs: alright, Roadside Krusty Krab costs 4 dollars Please!

[Jjs: Um....what? Did Zaid skip more useless shit? You know this is bad when even The Room was more coherent than this.]

[Hayden: Fast food is a shit ton more expensive than that, old man.]

[Metal Snake: .....................Are..........you..........shitting me............]

[Rusty: well totes legit]

[Steel: And here Zaid uses the fast forward button....I believe.]

 

Natasha-man-fish: Ok,(Pays) 

[Jjs: Natasha-man-fish-you know what, I'm not even going to bother.]

[Rusty: We all feel the same way Tom feels in this emote]

[Steel: Natasha-man-fish? That's the best possible, proper name that Zaid could use???]

[Hayden: His parents named him Natasha? No wonder he's so angry.]

 

(UK/Eddsworld)

Tord: nothing like bringing a gun to the beach! 

[Hayden: and shooting yourself with it!]

[Jjs: Pft...HAHA, WHAT? THE HELL? Okay, as fucked up as this line is, not gonna lie, I got a tiny chuckle out of it. Probably the only form of entertainment I got out of this spin-off.]

[Metal Snake: ................................................Don't speak. Just die.

I don't even need words. Just look at this...

>Patrick appears in the truck for no reason

>A guy points a gun at the Krusty Krab for no reason

>Upon seeing him, the gang have a friendly chat

>Mr. Krabs conducts unexplained business with somebody

>The guy with the gun talks to himself on some other unexplained part of the beach

There's inconsistent, and then there's this. This is absolutely sad. I am not kidding, I literally cried reading this. After everything we gave SOF for all the plot-holes in ATTWL 3...after everything we gave Wumbolo for how jumbled and inconsistent his two shows were...I read all of it. I read all that...and then I read this.

There is no hope of this spin-off redeeming itself, this is the worst chapter of all because of how DESPICABLY incoherent it is. You trampled over my one hope, my one hope that in spite of all the painful-to-read nonsense you have force-fed us, it was at least done for the sake of telling a story that, while awful, at least tied everything together. You crushed it.

Now there is no hope. All that remains now is for you to be sent back to the darkness from whence you came.]

[Hayden: Metal, we've established that the opening line hasn't happened yet (I think), even if Zaid is confusing.]

[Steel: Yes, what a beautiful day it is to carry around firearms in a happy, public place. A place where you could get people to call the cops on you and get you held up by the police for having zero reason or authority to carry a gun! Isn't breaking the law FUN!?!?!?1]

 

Edd: i know right tord, but i left my pistol at home

[Rusty: D'OH!]

[Hayden: Damnit Double Dork, now how will we kill animals and exchange them for jawbreakers?]

[Steel: oh you poor thing.]

 

(The tiny tiny Spongebob size pickup arrives on the beach)

[Jjs: PLOT HOLE POLICE! Why is SpongeBob tiny? Did he get shrunk by one of Sandy's inventions off-screen?! You know what, just forget it, why bother. Nothing matters in this spin-off.]

[Rusty: HOW CAN, NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOO NOOOOO NOOOO NONONONONONO FUCK THIS FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!]

[Hayden: How the fuck was it carrying their houses? Is everything from Bikini Bottom extremely small on land?]

[Steel: So basically the pickup truck is tiny, but most IMPORTANTLY, "tiny SpongeBob size." Oh and it can drive on the beach.]

 

Tord: ooh! a toy pickup i can blow up with mah gun!

[Metal Snake: Blow up? This guy is just strolling across the beach carrying a gun loaded with EXPLOSIVE BULLETS?! And his first instinct upon seeing a toy is to BLOW IT UP?! This isn't funny, this is downright FUCKING CREEPY! These aren't "ZANY CARTOON ANTICS"! Leaving a guy surrounded by something he's allergic to, going around a beach with a fully loaded gun and threatening people, and wanting to destroy toys for no reason are not the signs of someone who's goofy! They're the signs of someone who is MENTALLY ILL!

Like holy shit. I am far, far from a stranger to black comedy, but this isn't self-aware humor. This is something legitimately disturbing being written as something light-hearted and silly!]

[Rusty: ha ha caddicarus joke]

[Hayden: The Eddsworld characters remind me of Bl4ze.]

[Jjs: That can only be Bl4ze if he starts shouting "DEATH TO JJS!" and racial slurs.]

[Steel: This is not even Tord from Eddsworld, this is a homicidal maniac.]

 

(The tiny Pickup/Spongebob)

[Metal Snake: Pickup/Spongebob? Oh boy, let me guess...]

 

Patrick: AHHHH!

[Jjs: Uh oh, looks like Patrick realized what spin-off he's in.]

 

Spongebob: (Acts silly while walking) What? 

[Metal Snake: (Raises fist burning with intense rage) Yes, what?  ]

[Steel: You see danger ahead!? BUT FIRST LET ME DO MY LOOPY DANCE, LOL!]

 

Patrick: GIANT GUN! 

[Rusty: Well, I don't mean to brag, but-*gets slapped*]

[Hayden: Patrick, SpongeBob already knows how "giant" their guns are. Remember the opening scene?]

 

Spongebob: OH NO! 

[Metal Snake: Why am I not surprised...]

 

(End of Chapter 3)

[Steel: How inconvenient that this is our cliffhanger.]

[Rusty: NOTHING HAPPENED!]

[Hayden: Our cliffhanger was our first sentence? Zaid clearly just needed to start typing chapter 4 and forget posting chapter 3.]

 

Will Spongebob defend himself agenst tord?

[Hayden: No, he'll make silly emoticon faces and prance around like an idiot.]

[Jjs: Well, if he can't even spell "against" right, I kind of doubt he'll be able to defend himself.]

 

Will He Grow to Tord's size and teach him a lesson?

[Metal Snake: Yes, for no explained reason, AS USUAL, Spongebob and Patrick are now small. The plot said so, so it happened. I am done with this...]

[Hayden: They'll set Tord's gun to "Wumbo" and then step on these hicks.]

 

Find out in Spongebob Meets Eddsworld Chapter 4!

[Jjs: lolnope]

[Metal Snake: 

We can not do such a thing, for it is not possible. This spin-off died before it could reach its next chapter and returned to the darkness it had come from...

So ends my riffing...

And so begins review time...

Zaid, everything I have said throughout this riffing and everything I am about to say now is without bias. I don't care that you are generally not held in high regards around SBC and I want to believe that you are a nice guy in real life. I am telling this to you, not as a site member, not as a person, but as a writer that you have a LONG way to go...

This spin-off is a very good candidate for the worst spin-off of all time, rivaling the works of even Bubby and Wumbolo. The story was anything but coherent and thorough. The characters were either bland, detestable, entirely out of character, or ALL OF THE ABOVE. And the humor, the main attraction (I would guess), was sadly the worst of the big three in any comedy story. Every joke FAILED. HARD. Literally, the smiley gags were overused and entirely out of place. The lighthearted jokes were just dead air surrounding dull venue conversations. The attempts at being darkly funny were the bad, disgusting kind of mean-spirited humor.

But the worst part of all was the fatal flaw that I have seen prevail in all your works that I've thus far reviewed...

NOTHING. WAS. ESTABLISHED. NO PURPOSE WAS GIVEN FOR THE STORY TO BE WRITTEN.

Your writing...has no direction. You write without thinking about what you really want to do with the idea you have in mind and thus, you end up writing meaningless nonsense. Even expert writers plan their stories, no matter how simple they may be, to some degree before they write and only go through with them if they feel there's a purpose for them to be written. Before you write any story, you must first ask yourself, "Why?".

Why do I want to write a story about SBC users being Full House characters? Why do I want to write a story where tvguy is a secret agent? Why do I want to write a story about Spongebob characters going to the world of Eddsworld? These are legit interesting questions that you clearly never asked yourself before you began writing, and all the stories that I referenced were doomed to fail for that reason.

Positives? At least the two other stories of yours I reviewed were slightly better than this, which I consider to be your biggest blunder. They succeeded this, and although I dare even call them mild improvements, I still stick to all of my criticism and hope that if you ever read this and decide to return to the world of writing rather than continue to show aversion to it, you will work to improve MUCH further while applying all the advice you have been given. In short, that advice is this...

-Write your stories cohesively. Make sure the details are consistent, organized, and give a step by step explanation of what is going on.

-Tell us about your characters. Give them backstories or at least establish what their personalities are through dialogue.

-Make jokes as the story demands them. Don't force in smileys, images, randomness and whatnot.

-GIVE THE STORY A REASON TO BE WRITTEN. I can not stress this enough. Tell yourself before writing it why exactly you want to write it and what you want to do with it.

One day, I hope that you will read this and improve.

One day...

That is my new hope.]

[Rusty: To this lit:

I've seen a video of a furry getting spanked, at a German bar, in Illinois, wearing a fursuit, gagged, and chained to a fucking table, AND THAT HAD MORE SUBSTANCE THAN THIS SPIN OFF! It. Is. Literal. Spin-off. Anti-matter. IT MEANS NOTHING. IT IS NOTHING. Now, if you'll go excuse me, I need to rest up for church, because God knows I need a cleansing after reading this.]

[Steel: That was an awful read. My biggest criticism of this spin-off can be summed up like this: JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING MADE ZERO SENSE! Also, don't get me wrong....I really do think this is poorly written, awfully executed, and felt that the jokes range from awful to just non-existent. I'm admittedly not a harsh critic, so I'd give this a 3/10 than a 2 or 1 out of 10. Why is that? Judging this spin-off's quality, Zaid made it into such a big mess, but I think that, on the inside, it's Zaid....just being Zaid. I feel like the badness of this is partly through Zaid's random personality. I know you guys are going to cry out "That's no excuse for Zaid to make such an awful spin-off!" But let's face it, I've read through some of Zaid's other projects and despised them, and I think my judgment is pretty much the same for each (but also add what Metal Snake said about the spin-off having no direction whatsoever). The quality of Eddsworld Meets Spongebob feels unsurprising to me. I mean, I really do accept how seriously the riffers above me take this spin-off, liked how they ripped it apart, and understand their reactions towards it. I'm not trying to change peoples' minds here about this spin-off, and this is only my honest opinion. Anyways, Zaid is the same guy who misheard "predictability" as "dignivility," the same person who can create a Lit about a DJ named Madeon, Cha, MMM, and Jjs being in the same room together, and no one can stop him, and the same person who tried some Hunger Games simulator type of game with little knowledge of it. I feel Zaid is not in the mentality of understanding what it means to make a spin-off/lit, let alone a good one, so that's why I'm giving the spin-off some fairness. Lastly, I'm not trying to give Riffing Theater some more ideas or trying to suggest this to be riffed, but I like to acknowledge one creation by Zaid that I feel is not only his worst, but a bigger contender for one of the worst spin-offs/lits, Past Zaid vs. Present Zaid. My judgment is actually different for that one. It's relatively shorter, but still, If you take sloppy writing and Zaid trying so hard to take himself seriously and put it in Lit form, you get exactly that. I find nothing lulzy from that while I can find some lulz in Eddsworld Meets Spongebob, because I don't feel the need to take it seriously half of the time, and that I feel more like Zaid is trying to get some fun out of writing it unlike PZvsPZ. Additionally, I can't expect him to take this advice, but I do have some for him:

1. Show some clarity: storyline, grammar, characters, it all needs to be clear. 2. Everything you write in your story has to make sense. 3. If anything happens in your story, it needs to happen for a reason. 4. TRY. Just try. None of these are really hard to follow through!

I don't know if Zaid would ever improve his writing, but if Zaid, at one point, impresses us with whatever he'll write in the near future, it's either a good sign, or it could mean the beginning of the apocalypse.

In other words, I still despise this spin-off, and I had myself a good time riffing this.]

[Hayden: Time for something blunt. After reading this, Zaid is unlikely to get anywhere in life unless he makes some major adjustments. Writing requires both sides of the brain. I don't know how old Zaid is, but even when SOF was five years old I'm sure he was able to scribble something that would be considered a classic novel next to this absolute horse shit. The internet promotes the widespread expression of art and thought. This spectacle should be found in a YouTube comment section, because it represented neither and was a major evolutionary step backwards overall.]

[Jjs: Guys, I'm being honest: Currently, this is the worst thing we've riffed. I will not hear otherwise. I feel others like Metal Snake (whom I thank again for showing me this) completely hit the head on the nail what is wrong with this. Literally nothing about it made sense, it was painfully unfunny, and had zero effort put into it, three sins in one. Now, you may be asking, why am I calling this worse than other hated works like Sponge's Atlantis or Wumbolo's?

Sponge's Atlantis: Okay...come on people, this is not worth hating anymore. Is it bad? Yes. But it was obviously a trollfic. Not really worth the hate anymore tbh.

Wumbolo's Works: They are still bad and confusing, but at least it feels like he tried to tell stories, even if they didn't make sense.

From what it looks like, Zaid intended this to be taken seriously. If it was meant to be "funny" (and I use that word very loosely), uh, well he may have rivaled Dane Cook in the "comedian" department. This was just a confusing, had little to no work put in, and overall just idiotic mess. So unless something else comes around even worse than this shit (which will be hard to achieve), I am calling this our worst riff worked to date. Zaid's other works aren't hot either, but out of them, this one had more than 4 lines, so it was worth riffing.

As for what's next? It'll be another big project, let's just say it's another certain popular spin-off from the 2010/2011 era that has not aged well in people's eyes. I highly doubt it'll be worse than whatever we just experienced in these three episodes though. See you all in 2016!]

 

 

Edited December 13, 2017 by Gunter

[Metal Snake]

Great riffs. I got so caught up in how the entire spin-off made no sense at all that I actually overlooked an inconsistency (one that Hayden caught I realize now, but I had still noticed it beforehand)...

In Chapter 2, it says that they were halfway there...but the rest of the story says (I WOULD THINK) that they're a quarter of the way there. A quarter is less than half, so what the hell.

Edited December 10, 2015 by Metal Snake

[Joe Biden]

Holy shit, this isn't a bad spinoff, guys.

 

 

It is the absolute Holy Grail of bad spinoffs. Not talking about the Monty Python movie. Not talking about the Justin Timberlake song featuring Jay-Z. This is the literal Holy Grail of bad spinoffs. Everything in this spinoff just made my jaw drop. Incoherent story, weird and unnecessary jokes, logic gets thrown out the window, and we never even find out who these Eddsworld characters are. Who the fuck is Natasha-man-fish? Who the hell is Matt? Who the shit is Tom? How the fucking shit could Mr. Krabs lift three houses into a fucking truck?! I mean, he did successfully push the Krusty Krab back in Bucket Sweet Bucket, but lifting three houses into a truck?

 

Nothing in this spinoff makes sense at all. If there was a museum of bad spin-offs somewhere, this needs to be in the main exhibit along with Planet Sheen and The Cleveland Show. It is truly a masterpiece of shit.

[SpongeOddFan]

Damn, Zald's spin-off was total wreck.

Also, everyone and MS riffs is fantastic, and you guys  killed it xD great work.

[Minty Car]

At least those pictures were colorful 

[Estonia]

Worst spin off ever? YES

Merry Christmas, we all need a break. *drinks communion wine*

[Jjs Goodman]

Note: The spoiler tag issue with all old episodes has been fixed thanks to hilaryfan80. Praise hilaryfan80!

 

Now, it's time to begin...

 

Down Under

 

1. Pilot

Spoiler

[Jjs: Well, welcome to 2016 everyone, and we start off with a bang! Yup, we're finally riffing Down Under, which has been requested for a LONG time now, as far back when I started this. This was a popular spin-off made by tvguy, and it formed a trio with Bikini Top and SBC Parallel Universe as the most popular works of late 2010 to early 2011. But sadly, as we learned from riffing those two, things don't hold up as the years go by. However, unlike the other two, Down Under has had criticism for a long while now, due to it being "hard to follow", which I recall being true. Now, I'll admit: I loved the pilot when I was younger, but I felt the rest of the spin-off became a jumbled mess after a few episodes. However, I have not read this in a long while. I admittedly stopped reading it after the 8th episode or so because it became a disjointed mess, and we'll see if that is still true. Either way, since I haven't read it in so long, I will technically be as new to riffing this as some of you may be.]

[SOF: Well, I'm back to riff the big project we've been waiting for. Past!SOF may have already riffed Down Under in SOF’s Exciting Critic Corner, but truth be told, I realized what I did in SECC was too harsh. So to make up for it, I'll try to do my best not to get too nitpicky this time around. Anyways, I remember how I liked Dylan's works back in the day. They were made well, but there are some problems with them that I can talk about better today. How do they hold up? Let’s find out.]

[Fred: I'm back too. After missing the opportunity to riff the disasterpiece that is Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob and reading some of the episodes for this spin-off, I'm gonna make up for it by riffing this. A lot of the chapters I've read have had some noticeable mistakes but we'll get to that later. Now it's time to riff Down Under. You better run, you better take cover...]

 

(S1E1) Episode 1: Pilot

 

The computer screen glowed in SG10's face as her hands danced across the laptop keyboard.

[Metal Snake: I can see that SG10’s hands don’t have two left feet. Let’s see where this goes…]

[SOF: Danced? I see someone's trying to practice their dancing lessons...with hands?]

She was currently in a heated discussion with The Spongebob Community's founder, terminoob.

 

[Jjs: Which is normal for most users in 2010.]

[SOF: Heated discussion? What are they debating about? I don’t know if we ever find out...]

[Fred: So heated that we never get to find out what it's about!]

[Metal Snake:   ]

She was not willing to give in. She continuously spiced up her sentences with beautiful vocabulary. Finally, terminoob logged off and SG felt victorious.

[Metal Snake: 2010!terminoob surrendering a debate? Wow, I DESPERATELY want to know what this heated discussion was about now.]

[Trophy: So do I man, so do I.]

[Jjs: And sadly, we'll never know what their debate was.]

[Fred: Moral of the story: If you use MARVELOUS and EXTRAORDINARY words in your EXTRACALIFRIGULOUS debate, you'll automatically win. Guess I know how to fight against terminoob now!]

She arose from her desk and walked into her house kitchen. SG grabbed a glass and filled it with cool water. She gulped it down and walked back to the laptop. In her absence, the community had gotten thirteen more posts. She checked them each and felt they didn't need her opinions.

[Metal Snake: Yeah, take your beautiful vocabulary somewhere else, SG!]

So she decided to go onto the Xat. Once there, she noticed that almost every SBC member was online. This was a first for the chatbox. She'd never seen it so active!

[Jjs: With a Xat fight to boot, I bet.]

As she was welcomed by her many friends, they started to discuss how long SBC would stay alive.

 

[Squidward: I'll give it 11 minutes.]

[Trophy: At least make the conversation realistic, I doubt people would say that out of the blue.]

[Jjs: And no Xat drama? Something's definitely not right here.]

[SOF: Well, it’s 2015 and we’re still going strong, so...]

[Metal Snake: Ha! I don’t mean to insult our own community, but especially back in 2010, I doubt the first thing all those members would want to do would be to start a mature conversation. Their first priority, I’d bet, would be to try and start a new circle meme.]

Suddenly, the chatbox on the screen started to shake. SG started to type when her whole house started to vibrate vigorously.

[Metal Snake: “Vibrate vigorously”

Be mature...pfft...be mature… *chuckles*]

[SOF: Her ENTIRE HOUSE is vibrating?!]

[Trophy: SOF, you’re saying yours doesn’t on a regular basis?]

[Fred: "Vigorously". SG is in envy of your vocabulary.]

 

SG looked up at the ceiling as cracks started to appear. She looked back at the screen and saw a blinding light projecting out. She suddenly felt very hot, followed by a terrible burning sensation.

[Jjs: And that folks, is why you never look at the sun.]

SG10 let out a weak yelp before her whole body exploded in a furious boom of fire. She was then being sucked into her computer screen.

[Jjs: ...And that is also why you never stay on the computer too long.]

[Fred: Freakazoid called, he wants his premise back.]

[Metal Snake: Wait, WHAT?! She EXPLODED...THEN got sucked into the screen?!]

[SOF: That doesn't make any sense... o_O]

What the hell is this? she thought.

[Metal Snake: M-my thoughts exactly. Just...what?]

[Fred: SG, you have landed in The Matrix. I am your guide, Fred Morpheus.]

She then landed hard on a sandy floor.

 

----

 

"Ughh," she moaned. SG10 hurt all over. She looked up from the ground and saw something that made her scream. It was an enormous pineapple.

 

[Metal Snake: “AIIEE! My least favorite fruit!”]

[Jjs: A pineapple underwater?! Inconceivable!]

[Fred: You and me aren't friends anymore, SG.]

 

Where am I?! She then noticed she was purple...and had fins...she was a fish! Suddenly, a blue fish came running towards her.

 

"HELP! HELP ME!" he screamed. "My name is ExKizuna. Will you help me?"

[Metal Snake: “YO! FISH GIRL I DON’T KNOW! HERE’S MY USERNAME FOR AN INTERNET FORUM SITE! Will you help me, man?”]

[Trophy: Yes, because this is completely normal on how you’d react. I mean, you’d think it was a dream to begin with….right?]

[Fred: I'll help you, random stranger!]

SG thought it over. "Ex...?"

 

[Jjs: Well, he outright said he's ExKizuna, so unless I'm deaf, yes, I'm 99% sure that is Ex. There's a slim chance I could be wrong, though.]

"Yes, that's my name!

[Trophy: Sure it is.]

Do you know what happened to me? I'm not a fish!" he yelled.

[Metal Snake: "I'm a broom!"]

[Fred: I'm a horse!]

[Jjs: And I am a riffer, not a hamster!]

"Ex, Ex, calm down," she assured him. "I'm ScienceGirl."

 

"SG? Oh god, what the hell is this?"

[Trophy: Do you really wanna know considering what happens later on?]

[SOF: Hold on, these SBC users are fans of SpongeBob (or most are)! How do they not recognize this place yet? You’d think talking fish and an enormous pineapple would be enough of a giveaway!]

[Fred: This isn't SpongeBob. Everyone knows it's Finding Nemo.]

 

"I have no clue. Is this...Bikini Bottom?" Over the past several years, the group of Spongebob lovers had become close.

[SOF: No shit, where else could this be, Rock Bottom?]

[Metal Snake: “The group of Spongebob lovers had become close”

Pfft...trying not to be immature...pfft...again…]

[Trophy: *smacks Metal* There ya go.]

[Jjs: Bullshit Police! We all know we hated each other back in 2010, we fought to the death on nautical nonsense everyday!]

[Fred: And you call yourselves "SpongeBob lovers"?]

 

The fictional world of Spongebob had been just that-fictional. But whatever the computer did to them...was unreal.

[Trophy: And I’m the living embodiment of Bhutan.]

"It looks like it," Ex breathed. "Have you seen anyone else? Everyone in the chatbox must've gotten whisked away here."

 

"But Ex...just about all of us were in the chat room. We would've seen one of them by now," said SG doubtfully.

[Trophy: Yeah...each other.]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, the fictional world of Spongebob is known to be very small and secluded!]

"I know. But why would it have been just you and me?"

 

They stood in a silence for a second, staring at the pineapple, the face, and the rock in awe.

[Metal Snake: The face? Because it would’ve been too easy to type out “the Easter island head”, or better yet, “Spongebob, Squidward, and Patrick’s houses”.]

[Fred: Not just a face, it was THE face!]  

 

Just then, there was an enormous sound of feet hitting ground.

[SOF: "Ow, my feet hurting bad.”]

[Metal Snake: Feet hitting ground. Tarzan feeling confused.]

[Fred: Grammar sounding bad.]

 

They turned and breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone they'd know for many years were walking towards them.

[Trophy: I know it means a better chance of getting out of there with one genius….but wouldn’t you be afraid for your friends since it’s too early on to think about that?]

"I'm in utter shock," Jellyfishjammer said, staring up at the flowers in the watery sky.

[Metal Snake: “I don’t know what real is anymore, man…”]

[Fred: You and me both, Jelly.]

"I am as well," that70sguy92 replied.

 

"What is this?" SG10 and Ex cried, running up to them.

[Metal Snake: “You obviously know something we don’t!”]

"Bikini Bottom," replied Bob Ball. "What else would it be?"

 

"But I was just in my home!" CF3698 cried. "How the hell did I get here?"

 

[Fred: This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!]

 

"But...we're fish," tvguy37 said. "Why are we fish?"

[ssj: because you touch yourself at night.] 

[Trophy: So you don’t drown to death?]

[SOF: YOU'RE IN BIKINI BOTTOM, HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW IF YOU’RE SPONGEBOB FANS?]

[Metal Snake: >We’re in Bikini Bottom

>How did I get here?

>But we’re fish

?

If you weren’t fish, how could you be here in Bikini Bottom? You're in the sea now, you need gills to breathe!]

[Fred:  ]

 

"Maybe it had something to do with Spongebob?" suggested terminoob.

 

[SOF: No shit!]

[Trophy: I doubt terminoob would say something like that….unless 2010 was really different.]

[Fred: Best Debater, everyone.]

 

"I doubt it," jjsthekid said. "How could something do this?"

[Jjs: I knew it, that dastardly fiend Something is behind this! Thanks vague me!]

[Metal Snake: This dialogue is screwing with my brain. You’re in BIKINI BOTTOM. No shit this has something to do with SpongeBob. And how could something do this? Somebody call the Vagueness Police. I know they’re doubting that any force to their knowledge could do this, but can’t they at least narrow it down to a technological anomaly?]

[Fred: Something did this? Are you sure it wasn't "someone" or "somewhere" who did this?]

"Magical computer virus!" SBLover said.

[Metal Snake: ...Forget I said that.]

[Trophy: The sad thing is that could be true, I haven’t read ahead at all so I’m sticking with it.]

"Nah," Hassan replied. "I don't think so."

[Trophy: AH, SBCPU1 ASS PULL RELIEF CHARACTER, GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY!]

[Jjs: Oh hey Hassan, looks like SBCPU Season 1 wasn't the only time of relevance for you. Let's see if tvguy over-glorifies him like I did.]

 

"Maybe this is fake," Deli said.

 

[SOF: I knew it!]

[Jjs: Yeah, maybe someone is tricking them into thinking they're underwater and all the SpongeBob characters are robots and they're actually on an island-wait a minute...]

[Metal Snake: “Reality is an illusion, the world is a hologram!”]

[Fred: I'm calling it. This series ends with SG waking up to find out that she dreamt she was in Bikini Bottom. Good job, M. Night.]

"What are we going to do?!" Pokesponge cried out.

[Trophy: Pinch yourself until you wake up.]

"We have to find shelter," said 70s.

[SOF: Hey, this isn't Lost, y’know. I’m sure there are hotels in Bikini Bottom.]

"Spongebob's house!" Santa Dog said. Before anyone could reject the idea, Santa hurled a rock at the window shattering it. It bounced back out.

[SOF: Wow...Elastic just randomly suggests it...and then...do I even need to point out that he’s out of character here?]

[Trophy: Wanted: Santa Dog, Crime: Throwing rocks at suggested shelter. Reward: 5 cents, dead or alive.]

[Metal Snake: Stop, stop, stop. I have no clue what I just read. That out-of-character line for Elastic was bad enough, but did he seriously just randomly break one of SpongeBob’s windows before knocking on his front door and asking for help...only for it to BOUNCE BACK OUT? What, is the inside of SpongeBob’s house made of rubber now or something?!]

[Fred: Looks like somebody was on the Naughty List this year. Just be glad it wasn't Robot Santa or else he would've been dead.]

 

"What the-?"

 

Spongebob the appeared in the doorway. "Hiya," he said.

 

[Jjs: Yo.]

 

"Oh...my....god," Spongebobs1fan said. "I'M YOUR NUMBER 1 FAN!!"

[Metal Snake: HAHAHAGEDDIT]

[Fred: This man begs to differ.]

"Oh goody!" Spongebob clapped. "Come inside!" The large group walked in and looked around. They were inside Spongebob's house....

[Metal Snake: SpongeBob’s house is so ominous it demands an ellipse to emphasize the fact!]

[Fred: Tell me something I don't know.]

Suddenly, there was a loud SHRIEK overhead.

 

[Jjs: EMPHASIS!]

[Metal Snake: The word, “shriek”, is so spooky that it demands to be written in all-caps!]

"What was that?" asked Clapmaster.

[Jjs: Uh oh, let's not start with the Resident Evil speak again. Want me to pull out the video?]

"Close the door, close the door!"

 

[Fred: Close the door, get off the floor, don't walk the dinosaur.]

 

Spongebob yelled. But before he could, a cloud-like figure walked in,

[SOF: Metal Snake’s Xat persona?]

[Metal Snake: CloudMistDragon?]

[Fred: Something that has to do with Metal Snake?]

holding a bow and arrow.

 

[Fred: It's Cloudniss Everdeen.]

 

He shot Spongebob and then stared at the group.

[Trophy Down Under Version: .....Well, he is made of spongy material, he should be fine anyways.]

[Jjs: Wow, killing off SpongeBob SquarePants in the first episode. Edgy. I'm going to say this does start a problem I have with this spin-off, but I'll get into that at another point in time.]

"Is that Doodlebob?!" Wumbology asked.

[Jjs: ...Wait, nobody's even going to bat an eye to SpongeBob just being killed off??? No "OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD!"? Well...some "fans" you are.]

[Fred: No, that looks like a flower.]

[Metal Snake: Doodlebob resembles a cloud?]

"Looks like it," said ExKizuna.

 

"Hehe," giggled the horrific creature. He dropped the bow and arrow and flapped out his hands.

[Metal Snake: Flapped out his hands?]

[SOF: So he's a supernatural bird now?]

He transformed into a flying clam circling above them. Black rays shot out of his beak.

[Trophy: Who gave me acid again?]

[Jjs: Great, not only do we have a wild man-eating clam in Squidward's backyard, but now we have a FLYING man-eating Doodlebob clam! Seriously though, what the fuck?]

[Metal Snake: A flying clam?

“IT’S THE CLAM BURGLAR! AND HE’S TRYING TO USE HIS BIRD RAY POWERS TO TURN US ALL INTO FISH STICKS!”]

[Fred: That's great, it started with an earthquake, flying clams, snakes, and aeroplanes, Lenny Bruce is not afraaaaid!]

 

"Run, run, run!" SG screamed. They all moved out of the room as the house was destroyed around them. They ran upstairs. He was hot in pursuit.

 

"Jump!" terminoob yelled.

 

"Jump?"

[SOF: Jump to where? To serious injury?]

[Metal Snake: Uh...yeah. Jump out of...where?]

[David Lee Roth: Might as well JUMP!]

 

"JUMP!" The group then jumped out of the destroyed house just as Doodlebob busted into the room.

[Metal Snake: Thank you for establishing that the second story of the house was destroyed/they jumped out of a window.]

The gang arose and sprinted away. Doodlebob stayed, waiting. They don't know what they stepped into.

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: came across]

[Metal Snake: “Ugh, what’s that on your shoe?”]

[Trophy: Uh….my brain hurts.]

[Jjs: I thought it was pretty clear they "stepped into" SpongeBob's house.]

[Plankton: Not "in something", on someone, you twit! ]

 

-----

 

A storm brewed in. It was dark, rainy, and the only time they saw what they were doing was when lighting illuminated the sky. Eventually, they were all lost. Having no clue what to do, the friends found a cave and made camp.

[Metal Snake: Don’t you just love that when you’re lost and when you’re finally ready to give up finding your way, there’s a cave and camp supplies conveniently nearby?]

[Fred: "We're lost! We have nowhere to go, but look, there's a cave and camp supplies!"]

"What's wrong?" ExKizuna asked, walking up to Hassan. Hassan gazed up at him, a tear in his eye.

 

"I hate this," he said.

 

"Being here with us or-"

[Metal Snake: Or camping?]

[SOF: Or finding food?]

[Trophy: Or being a go-to character for ass-pulls in two stories now?]

[Fred: This spin-off?]

"Not you guys," Hassan said, his voice cracking. "I thought I'd love being in Spongebob's world. But so far, all this has been is hell. How did Doodlebob escape from the book Spongebob trapped him in?"

[Jjs: Technically Doodlebob was trapped in a piece of paper, not the book. But hey, it's the thought that counts.]

"I don't know," replied Ex, sitting down next to him. "But I do know that we're going to be safe."

 

"I wouldn't count on it," Hassan said grimly.

[Jjs: You sure know how to lighten the mood.]

"But thanks for the reassurance."

[Metal Snake: Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale.  ]

"Anytime, man," Ex said, smiling. "I'm going to hit the hay." Ex got up and walked over to his side of the cave and was out before he nestled himself into the warm sand.

[Jjs: "I got sand in my pants..."]

-----

Morning came quickly. Everyone was up, and walking around. The sky was still a dull, gray but that didn't dampen the mood of CF. She had made fire,

[Jjs: FIRE UNDERWATER!]

made some blankets from sand and seaweed, and found some food from the back of the cave.

 

[Metal Snake: Equivalent to finding old food from the back of the fridge, obviously.]

 

Everyone then circled around, discussing what was happening.

 

"What happened last night," started jjs. "It was terrible. We witnessed Spongebob's death. Doodlebob is an obvious fucker if he kills his creator."

[Metal Snake: OH GOD THE LULZ

He obviously has sex if he kills his creator...please don’t make me nitpick this further.]

[Trophy: I’m just laughing at the thought of a 13 year old jjs saying that.]

"What if there are more?" asked tvguy.

[SOF: ...What do you mean, “there are more”?]

[Metal Snake: ...Huh?]

[Fred: More? More what? Explain yourself, tvguy.]

[Jjs:  ]

 

"Then we have to defend ourselves," replied 70s. "It's likely that he's taken over Bikini Bottom. I didn't notice anyone on the streets while we walked over to SG and Ex."

[Metal Snake: WOAH, slow down there boy. Talk about jumping to a HUGE conclusion. It’s common to not see anyone roaming the streets just outside SpongeBob’s house, and you’re assuming that Doodlebob’s conquered Bikini Bottom based on THAT?!]

[Fred: For all we know, they're all at home watching TV. What about that, 70s?!]

[Trophy: Well Metal, SpongeBob did warn them before his physically impossible death so yeah, I would too.]

"Neither did I," said Jelly.

 

"Nor did I," agreed Clappy. "But how?"

 

"Maybe...nah, I got nothing," Steel Sponge said.

[Metal Snake: Will we ever riff a show like this without having any ATTWL 3 callbacks?]

[Jjs: Well, if even Steel "has nothing", then this is a pretty serious issue if you ask me.]

 

"Hmm," thought The Cartoon.

 

"It's all so strange," said Dragiiin.

[Jjs: Dragiiin isn't really in a position to talk about being strange, but that's why we love him.]

"Stranger than your sex stories?" tvguy asked.

[Metal Snake: OOOHH, BURN]

[Fred: Stranger than this spin-off?]

"ALL I SHOW YOU IS LOVE!" Dragiiin cried.

[Trophy: …..Nope, I’m glad I didn’t join back then.]

"I'm sorry," tvguy apologized. "But your sex stories are pretty damn weird."

[SOF: Lol, that topic Dragiiin made way back in 2010. Those were some days...]

[Metal Snake: Again, ha! Tvguy would’ve probably just said something like “Calm your tits and stop screaming like a bitch.”.]

"What are we going to defend ourselves with?" Girlygirl asked. "That is...if they come back."

 

[Metal Snake: ...Who's they?]

 

"We have to go out and find weapons," terminoob said.

[Jjs: Yes, I'm sure you'll just find weapons lying around in the streets.]

[Trophy: Go to Squidward’s house, he has a shit ton of stuff there, look in the yellow pages, it says so there.]

"Enough for our whole group? We are we going to find that?" questioned Deli.

[Metal Snake: WE ARE WE SO EXCITED]

[Trophy: Whoops, one line too early.]

[Fred: No, we don't know we we are gonna find that.]

"Let's go look. Now," terminoob said.

 

"Why so quickly? We haven't even eaten the food CF found," tvguy said.

[Metal Snake: "I’m having a real hankering for that blueberry gravy with mushrooms.  "] 

"Because," terminoob started. "They're coming."

[Jjs: Once again, who's "they"? We do not speak cryptic.]

-------

 

The group was startled by terminoob.

[Metal Snake: Startled by his paranoid delusions?]

[Jjs: To be fair, I think everyone was "startled" by 2010!terminoob.]

 

"I don't hear anything," said Jelly.

 

"Now, now," terminoob said, his voice more rapid and urgent now. He got up from the circle and started grabbing the blankets.

[Metal Snake: “...It’s bedtime, bitches.”]

This was followed by a low rumble. Everyone then turned and saw about twelve doodles at the mouth of the cave.

 

"HI," Doodlebob announced.

 

[Jjs: For a psychopath who just killed his own creator, he sure has no problem kindly greeting people.]

[Trophy: Hi, me and my clones are going to murder you. *clones start transforming*]

He waved his hands and he went to the air. The other doodles did the same, but turning into different things.

[SOF: Okay, I'm lost, what just happened?]

[Jjs: I'm just going to address the elephant in the room here, which could be a glaring plot hole down the line: Where did someone else get their hands fins on a magic pencil?]

 

"Go, go!" Everyone ran towards the back of the cave. But what they didn't know was that it turned into a maze or coral walls.

 

[Jjs: It turned into a maze OR coral walls? Is this suddenly a "pick your own path" story?]

[SOF: ...What...but...how can it...never mind.]

[Metal Snake: I didn’t know that trying to figure out what’s going on would turn into a maze.]

[Fred: Did it transform into a maze or coral walls? Pick one!]

70s and tvguy took to one side, while everyone else broke up into partners.

 

"What do we do?" tvguy yelped.

 

"I don't know!" 70s yelled back.

 

[Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else!]

 

"But you're the freakin' admin!"

 

"This isn't a forum, tvguy!" They continued to run, turning the corners. The whale chasing them was gaining on them.

 

[Fred: This redundant sentence is redundant.]

[Metal Snake: When was it established that a whale was chasing them? Tvguy’s a very good writer, no denying it, but a MASSIVE problem with this show is that so many of the details are just choppy and forced. If it said, “One of the Doodlebobs transformed into a whale and gave chase to 70s and tvguy.”, I wouldn’t nitpick this. But we don’t need to know that a whale was chasing them when it’s been established that they’re trying to run away from an army of doodles!]

Suddenly, there was a blast of heat the came from 70s. It shot the whale back, breaking the maze of coral.

[SOF: Okay...and he suddenly has powers now? This pilot is starting to get confusing…]

[Metal Snake: ...Huh? And oh, how could I forget?]

"How'd you do that?!" tvguy cried.

 

"I don't know!" They raced on. Do I have...powers? 70s thought as they ran.

[Trophy: You’re a fire breathing fish, so yes.]

[Metal Snake: Yes, another MASSIVE problem with this show you’ll DEFINITELY come to notice...the choppy and forced in plotlines. Please correct me if memory serves me wrong and this one actually gets adequately developed, but I know for a fact that there are MANY plotlines in this show that are anything but cohesive to the story. If you don’t believe me, JUST READ.]

[SOF: What MS said, these plotlines are just forced in out of nowhere.]

[Jjs: What Metal Snake said. This is sadly one of the major issues that plagues the spin-off, but we'll get into those later.]

 

[Fred: Beware, Harry Potter! Watch out, Daffy Duck! There's another wizard in town.]

 

The partners eventually stopped, panting.

 

"We need to regroup," said 70s.

 

"Yeah."

 

[Hank Hill: Yup.]

 

They walked throughout the maze, not knowing which way to go.

 

[Metal Snake: Ain't that the fun of mazes.]

 

After a few moments they came to a series of broken coral walls.

 

"Wait a minute."

 

"We're going in circles," said 70s flatly.

[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWIST!]

[SOF: Why am I getting callbacks to ATTWL 3?]

[Metal Snake: Ain’t that what adds to the fun of mazes.]

[Fred: 

 ]

"Dammit."

 

------

 

Clapmaster and Jelly ran, Doodlebob hot on their trail.

 

"God, I don't want to die," Jelly mumbled. Clapmaster looked at her, his unsolved emotions fogging up his focus. Suddenly a wave of water shot out from Clappy, hitting Doodlebob in the air.

[Trophy: Unsolved emotions….what?]

[SOF: You know, we are underwater...]

[Metal Snake: Uh...shot out...WHERE from Clappy? O_O]

[Jjs: I have a very...disturbing thought now on that.]

[Fred: You know, in Bikini Bottom, water equals air, so if you just shoot water to him, not a goddamn thing will happen because water in Bikini Bottom is just air.]

 

He hit the ground with a big smash.

 

"Clapmaster," Jelly said. "What was that?"

[Jjs: Bad! No Resident Evil speak!]

He shrugged and the two kept on running.

[Metal Snake: “Just my newfound superpowers I guess.”

“Oh, I see. Let’s keep running.”

I...I don’t even…]

[Jjs: Just keep running, just keep running.]

 

----

 

All over the maze, all of them were experiencing un-fish like powers.

[Trophy: All huh, I guess Jelly and Dylan got them after everyone else.]

[Metal Snake: As opposed to un-human powers? You could just say “superpowers” or “otherworldly abilities”.]

[SOF: Or maybe it could be black magic, like what the wizard Doodlebobs are using.]

[Fred: Is this where the plot turns into Clappy, tvguy, and the rest of the gang becoming superheroes?]

They didn't know what to do. Eventually, they reached the end of the maze and regrouped.

 

"Did-

[Jjs: No, I did not eat the riffers' popcorn!]

"Yes. What these powers are, I don't know."

[SOF: ...And I’m pretty sure we’ll never know either.]

 

They all sat quietly for a bit, before CF noticed an opening, but it was narrow. They crawled through and saw an endless flat of ocean floor. They were in the middle of nowhere.

 

[Fred: Cafe and Gift Shop.]

[Metal Snake: Say hi to Courage the Cowardly Dog for me, why don’tcha?]

"Oh god," Deli said.

 

"Shit," Girlygirl said.

[Metal Snake: And so, the pilot ends on...shit. Great foreshadowing for the rest of the series. But being serious, this is at least ten times better than that monstrosity we riffed last time, courtesy of Zaid. It’s competently written at least, despite being very lulzy. However, in that competent writing lies flaws that we have only just begun to explore…]

[SOF: Man, this first episode of Down Under felt odd. It has some flaws in it like the unexplained superpowers that came out of nowhere, amongst other things that were barely touched upon that made the story confusing to read. We'll see where the rest of the series goes before judging it though...]

[Trophy: I’d nitpick it, but due to not reading ahead I have no idea if anything is explained or not, so yeah...the bloody hell?]

[Fred: Fitting that my last riff was a Zaid joke. So far, it's not as bad as Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob, but there are definitely a few grammar mistakes and the storylines seem to be all jumbled up. Plus, some of the characters, especially Elastic, have some out of character moments. At best, it's okay, but I know we're gonna be going for a rocky ride soon.

Trust me. I read ahead and I can tell it gets worse.]

[Jjs: Yeah, just as I recall, this episode wasn't really bad for the pilot, but it does have some notable flaws that will come back to haunt it for the rest of the series. Sadly, its potential goes down from here, at least from what I remember. But from what we're getting right now, I can tell my memory probably is holding true. I'll be back in episode 8, and we'll see by then how this goes.]

 

Edited May 16, 2016 by jjsthekid

[Metal Snake]

This was incredible and gave me high hopes for the rest of this project. So many lines really had me going.

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

Fun Useless Fact of the Day: As of this episode, katniss is now the first female riffer in JRT history.

2. Mysteries of a Madman

Spoiler

(S1E2) Episode 2: Mysteries of a Madman 

[OMJ: Ah yes, "The Case of just What the Fuck Tvguy was on when He was Writing This".]

LAST TIME ON DOWN UNDER....Everyone is whisked away to Bikini Bottom. But this Bikini Bottom is odd...

[OMJ: ...SpongeOdd.]

it has been taken over by DoodleBob...and there are many surprises.

[JCM: Like the amount of ellipses you can fit in one sentence.]

[Fa: ... Glad to join... in on the... Fun...]

[OMJ: What? Is there gonna be a staged S-Team hacking that will bend everybody out of shape here too?]

The gang witnesses Spongebob's death, and many of the friends experience paranormal powers. They defeat DoodleBob but can they hold up for much longer? 

[Fa: Hopefully longer than I can reading this.]

[OMJ: I thought they were "un-fish powers".]

[Hayden: "Many of the friends". I don't think everyone is automatically chummy here, Mr. Recap. Especially since we don't know the set amount of people whisked down to Bikini Bottom anyways. Projects that try to cram too many SBC participants in will always feel cluttered, plus development will be continually sparse. Probably only given to those that received the paranormal powers.]

The sea was barren. More open than any of them had ever seen. 

[OMJ: They must not get out much.]

[Fa: TIL Bikini Bottom resides in the Red Sea.]

[JCM: At least real estate is cheap now.]

[Hayden: They're probably residing in fish hell. Or all of the fish were transported onto land. Wouldn't that be zany?]

“So…,” Clapmaster said. “Which way?” 

[Fa: Weast.]

[Hayden:  ]

I don’t know,” said 70s. 

[JCM: Thank you for that helpful answer, 70s. We couldn’t do it without ya.]

[OMJ: Can't have our ass-pulling Hassan without the helpful as ever 70s! Now all we need is a two-faced Mothra and everything will be squared.]

“What if more Doodles come?” 

“I doubt they could fit through the whole,” said Jelly. 

[JCM: The whole what? The whole one second you spent spellchecking this chapter?]

[Fa: JCM, Dylan's obviously taking a stab at himself not having enough exciting dialogue to fill up this whole spin-off.]

[Katniss: And I doubt I can make it through this whole chapter, but I'm gonna try!]

[Hayden: If they have a magic pencil I'm pretty sure they can draw a new "whole" anywhere they please.]

He looked around, seeing absolutely nothing but sand. Suddenly, a loud un-fish like roar

[JCM: as opposed to the very common fishlike roars]

[Fa: Probably a bear or some other un-fish creature. You know, those ones.]

[Katniss: Stop trying to make "un-fish like" happen, tvguy. It's not going to happen!]

[OMJ: Shouldn't it be "a loud paranormal roar"? One step forward, two steps back.]

[Hayden: How can they tell the roars apart?

I have no idea what that roaring fish sounds like.]

split the previously silent, sea air. Another scream came. There was a loud explosion and the ground began to shake violently. Everyone fell to the ground. A bunch of cumulous clouds

[JCM: Thank you, fifth grade science!]

[Hayden: 10/10 for cloud specification.]

formed out of nowhere and covered the area. A thick rain fell, so thick you couldn’t see an inch in front of you. A thick fog moved it, making the already dense rain even harder to penetrate. 

[OMJ: Now that sounds like putting the "cum" in "cumulus clouds".]

[Katniss:  ]

“We have to go!” SG cried. Everyone fought against the shaking and ran into the black and brown storm.

[JCM: That sounds like the most boring storm ever.]

[Hayden: It's a dirt storm?]

[OMJ: 

]

But Luke and Girlygirl were stuck back by the rocky cave.

[OMJ: It's okay Luke and Girlygirl, you just go when you feel like it.]

As the explosions continued on, they tried to get up, but were constantly sent back down to the ground. 

"HELP ME!" Another explosion followed. 

[Fa: The Explosion has begun to follow you on SBC.]

[JCM: I didn’t know explosions could talk.]

[OMJ: I didn't know Trophy made a cameo.]

[Hayden: Well whatever's calling for help, let it die.]

"Move," Girlygirl said. 

"No," Luke said, staring at her. 

[JCM: This isn’t the best time to start checking out Girlygirl, Luke.]

[Luke:  ]

"I said move, unless you want do die!"

[JCM: I don’t want do die! I want don’t die!]

There was another explosion and a bunch of rock over them. 

[Katniss: Can't put my finger on it, but there seems to be something missing, like...oh, I don't know, a little something called a VERB?]

[Fa: Randomly stuck in mid-motion rocks!]

[OMJ: I know Dwayne Johnson is in everything these days, but this is just ridiculous.]

The two used all their strength and got up. They ran, trying to catch up with the group. 

[JCM: Don’t catch up with us! Then we’ll have to find another reason to abandon you!]

[OMJ: Pretty damn fit for a couple of Internet neckbeards.]

“Luke,” Girlygirl suddenly said. Her lungs were abruptly bursting with pain. “I-I c-can’t-t b-b-b-b-bre-a-ath!” She collapsed on the ground, face first. 

[OMJ: Spoke too soon.]

[Katniss: And the award for best Porky Pig impression goes to Girlygirl!]

[Hayden: Damnit Girlygirl, I was ready for us to pan away to someone else struggling, but you just HAD to fall down in a more descriptive way this time.]

Luke hadn’t heard her. He groped around in the darkness for Girlygirl.

[Hayden: What was he attempting to grope?]

[JCM: Is Luke some kind of sex addict?]

[Fa: Sounds like the actions of a normal 15 year old internet user.]

[OMJ: Time to bust out the "metal snake" and slither it into her "pit".]

A mask was then thrust of his face and he punched in the stomach. Luke was then dragged away. 

[OMJ: C-C-C-C-COCKBLOCKED!]

[JCM: That’s what he gets for being a creep.]

[Fa: Of his face? I don't wanna be nitpicky, but what the hell?]

[Hayden: So did Luke punch a stomach before he was dragged away or did the mask-ed assailant do so? Seriously, what kind of mask was it? How do you knock someone out with a plain mask?]

-------

[OMJ: I know Tvguy likes to pride himself on innovation, but these scene transitions are light years ahead of their time.]

The rest of the gang had found the eye of the storm. It was an eerie calm, but they knew it wouldn’t last for long. 

[Fa: Because Dylan still needs to fit in more awkward dialogue in this spin-off.]

[OMJ: Can't imagine it being much eerier than the last couple of minutes.]

[Hayden: I'm glad the entire group aside from two people stuck together, really makes me believe the intensity of the storm.]

“Look!” Deli yelled. “It’s a…house. What’s a house doing in the middle of nowhere?”

[Hayden: Waiting for a bunch of spooky stuff to happen so that Courage can save the day.] 

[OMJ: But a lot of creeeepy stuff happens in nowhere, and it's up to Deli to save her new home!]

“Should we go in?” asked CF. 

[OMJ: Not before chucking another rock at it.]

[JCM: Yeah, going into some random dude’s house worked so well the last time you tried it.]

[Hayden: Maybe they have fish refreshments, go for it.]

“Yes,” Wumbology said. “This eye of the storm won’t last for long, and we need to get shelter.” 

[Fa: A sensible sentence? Hey, progress...]

[OMJ: Forget Wumbology, meteorology is so first grade.]

“That’s stupid. We don’t know who the hell is in there. I say no,” replied terminoob. 

[Hayden:  ]

[Fa: ...3 steps backward.]

[JCM: Screw your logic! #YOLO!]

[OMJ: Surely none of them can argue that, he's a multi-time Best Debater dontcha know.]

“I have to agree with terminoob,” 70s agreed. “It could be a Doodle in there.” 

[DoodleBob: YOU DOODLE! ME 70S!!]

“Screw it,” Santa Dog said. “I am going to find out.” He walked towards the house and opened the unlocked door. He was instantly sucked in. Terrified screams projected out. 

[JCM: Must not like the furniture.]

[Hayden: The owner must have been vacuuming near the door. Nothing to get alarmed about.]

[OMJ: When did I suddenly start watching Monster House?]

“SANTA! SANTA!” jjs, Queen Malie, and Hassan raced forward. 

[Fa:  ]

[OMJ: Why hello there, your majesty. I don't believe we've been acquainted before...this scene.]

The door was locked. 

“How the hell did he open the door if it was locked?!” Queen Malie said frantically. 

[JCM: He had the key.

 ]

[Queen Malie: OFF WITH HIS HEAD!]

[Katniss: But earlier it was stated that the door was unlocked. Consistency, what's that?]

[Hayden: I think the point is that someone locked it after he was sucked in, Katniss.]

“Come back,” shouted Spongebobs1fan. “It’s too dangerous!” The three returned to the group just as 70s started to speak. 

[OMJ: You just couldn't return after he spoke, could ya?  ]

“We’re leaving. It’s way to dangerous.

[JCM: Which way to dangerous?]

[Katniss: Oh JCM. We've already established that 70s doesn't know which way to go.]

[Fa: Keep going Weast!]

We have to find shelter.” 

[OMJ: A shelter that's much less into eating folk, I hope.]

“What about Santa?” CF said. 

[Hayden: He'll be back next Christmas if you're really nice and quiet on the XAT.]

70s stared at her.

[JCM: You too? Are all the guys in this spin-off pervs?]

[Hayden: Eyes off 70s, she's taken.]

[OMJ: SPOILER ALERT: They arrange to have the Ice Cream Bunny come get him and after that, the story strays off into Thumbelina.]

[Fa:  ]

“We can’t wait for him.” 

[Katniss: How dare you ditch Santa! Somebody's getting a lump of coal next Christmas.]

[Fa: It's been like a minute.  Impatient kids...]

------

[OMJ: We meat again, lines.]

Luke could make out two figures in the dim light. 

[JCM: Hopefully, neither is female, or she’ll be in for a surprise.]

[OMJ: Luke's getting all the tailfin for himself in this story.]

“You are ExKizuna,” one said gruffly. 

[OMJ: Awkwarrrrrd.]

[Fa: Someone somewhere is getting fired for confusing Ex and Luke up.]

[Katniss: Well, if you say he's ExKizuna, then so it shall be!]

“No, no!” Luke said. “I’m Luke 525!” 

[JCM: Same difference.]

[OMJ: So what happened to the other 524 Lukes?]

[Hayden: The First Order has you surrounded, Luke.]

“You ignorant “Spongebob” lovers and your lying. It won’t get you very far here,” the other said. 

[OMJ: About as far as first base.]

“But I swear!” pleaded Luke. “ I’m not ExKizuna! But I know him.” 

[Fa: He's a fish you see. A big fish.]

[JCM: They used to be friends with benefits.]

[OMJ: I would think everyone would know him by now with the way he just threw his name out there for everyone to hear in the last chapter.]

[Hayden:  ]

“We know you are lying. You are lying just to save yourself.” The people spoke with a weird accent…not anything Luke had ever heard, anyway. 

[JCM: Ah, a pair of Canadians, eh?]

[Fa: Gilgamesh obviously.]

[OMJ: Sounds like a couple of white folk who eat Lunchables.]

“No, ple-“ 

Pain flooded Luke’s cheek as one of the figure’s slapped him. 

[Hayden:  ]

[Fa: The day Luke found out his kinks.]

[JCM: I didn’t know Luke was a figure’s slapped him. I want my own slapped him.]

[OMJ: We don't call em Cheeks fer nothin!]

ENOUGH LIES! I want answers! Luke 525, give us the location or ExKizuna!” 

[Fa: Weenie hut juniors!]

[Katniss: It's your choice, Luke! The location, or ExKizuna himself. Find out what happens when Deal or No Deal returns from this commercial break.]

[Hayden: How is he supposed to hand deliver Exkizuna if you have him hostage? Also, if he got separated due to you idiots, how would he know Ex's current location?]

[OMJ: 

]

Oh now you believe me, thought Luke. “I don’t know. I got separated from him.” 

[JCM: Yeah, their relationship hit a rough patch. He’s doing it with 70s now.]

“Luke, Luke, Luke,” said the figure. “What do you take us for? Idiots?” 

[OMJ: Close! I took you for ignoramuses, myself.]

[Katniss: Sure, why not? Everyone else in this story acts like they've had some IQ points shaved off, so you'll fit right now.]

[Hayden: Well you did initially mix him up for Ex and you constantly discredit anything he says even though it has merit, but I'm sure you're both rational kidnappers.]

“Please,” sighed Luke. “Just let me go.” 

[OMJ: Not with that tone of voice, mister.]

[Fa: Ask again with a cherry on top and they'll say yes.]

“And for what? Just let you go? No, that is not our plan. Give us the location of ExKizuna and we will let you go.” 

[JCM: He’s apparently not in Canada.]

[Katniss: *tries to resist the urge to make a Frozen joke*]

“I told you! I don’t know where he is!” Luke was scared. Should he lie about Ex’s location? Or tell him the truth? But Ex was with his friends, and he couldn’t sell the rest of them out.

[Hayden: So you'd sell Ex out if he wasn't with everyone else. I see how you play Luke. But considering everything you've truthfully told them has been regarded as a lie, the fake location move would likely be believed by these threateningly intelligent foes.]

“Foolish move, too lie again. You’ll have to pay the-

[Fa: Import tax.]

[JCM: Offering to the Canadian maple syrup gods.]

[Hayden: Truth jar 25 cents.]

“Wait!” Luke said. Although Luke didn’t want to resort to this, it was the last thing he could do to save his friends. 

“Hmm?” the figure said. 

"The truth is," he said. "I'm not who you think I am." 

[OMJ: Luke, you ARE their father.]

[Luke: I'm Metal Snake, dumbasses.  ]

[JCM: They already know you’re pan, Luke.]

[Katniss: He's the REAL Slim Shady!]

[Hayden: He's going to tell them he is the person they initially thought he was. Meaning at one point they did think along that line technically...]

---------

[OMJ: SPOILER ALERT: This was really Luke all along. Notice how some lines get added or subtracted when each one pops up? It's a metaphor for his character growth. Innovation starts here, folks.]

The group trudged on, through the hellish storm. Wumbology kept to himself, loving the time he had to himself in his mind.

[OMJ: Just fuck yourself, why won't ya.]

He did not know what to take of this bizarre revision of the Bikini Bottom he knew and loved. But how did this happen? How did they get sucked into their computers?

[Narrator: Why am I asking you all these questions? Bizarro Mermaid Man, WHERE ARE YOUUUU?]

It was all so weird. He didn’t like this weird Bikini Bottom. It would only get weirder. Wumbology stopped when he heard raspy, frightening voices. 

[Fa: And no one else did?]

[Hayden: Is it Mr. Recap, who just influenced Wumbo's thought monologue?]

[OMJ: Well, if this is what usually happens during Wumbo's time to himself in his mind, then who am I to judge.]

You will lose. 

I will kill you all. 

Leave, now. 

[Fa: Well they'd die on land, so no thanks.]

[JCM: Well, the voices in my head said to do it, so I guess I’ll have to do it.]

[OMJ: You want them to lose? You want to kill them? You want them to leave? Fucking pick one.]

He turned around. Although he was with his friends, he felt alone in the cold, rainy storm. He called for CF, who was beside them when they left the creepy house. 

“CF!?” he called. “CF?” He received no reply. Silence.

[Hayden: Come on Wumbo, don't panic, it's not like silence from CF is unusual.]

[JCM: She’s still getting over 70s undressing her with his eyes.]

[OMJ: Sounds like the CF I haven't gotten to know these last 3 or so years.]

Then he heard them again. 

[Katniss: Time to get your ears checked, bro.]

Die. 

Evil beings. Leave. 

[OMJ: Now I can see why Wumbo's ominously implied he was leaving a couple months back.]

[Fa: Mr. Evil voice calling Wumbo and crew evil seems a bit hypocritical.]

[JCM: You’re not so hot yourself, voices in Wumbo’s head.]

I will come. 

Wumbology panicked. He could not tell where the voices were coming from. But he was scared. How would he find his friends now?

[Fa: Wait, what the hell? Where DID everyone go?  ]

[JCM: There’s this thing called Google Maps.]

[OMJ: Just check the Who's Online Now? list, you mental case.]

-------

The rest of the gang found shelter when 70s ran into a cave. CF started to pass out the blankets she made. 

[OMJ: Yes, caves have a much more proven track record in this story than stray houses.]

“What do you think about all this?” Hassan asked, walking up to jjs. 

[JCM: Oh, it’s great sleeping in a cave with no food.]

[OMJ: If ever there was a time for a sex scene, now would be that time.]

“It’s terrible. I love Bikini Bottom-the real Bikini Bottom. Not this,” said jjs. 

[OMJ: Even better, a threesome!]

“Exactly. The Doodles scare me. And the thing at the house-what the hell was that?” 

[OMJ: Your vagina, you pussy.]

[Creepy House Owner: I hate living in a black hole house.]

[JCM: Somebody left their giant vacuum on.]

[Hayden: JCM, don't mooch off of my material.]

“I don’t know,” said jjs. “But whatever it was-

[OMJ: it sure is not in Kansas anymor-]

it sure didn’t hesitate to kill Santa Dog.” 

[OMJ: Oh. Even truer, then.]

[Katniss: OMG, they killed Santa! Those bastards!]

The two chatted on for about an hour before Hassan bid farewell and hit the hay. 

[OMJ: wink wink nudge nudge, Jjs!]

[Fa: After reading this dialogue, I think I'm gonna hit the hay too.]

[JCM: When were they passing out hay?]

[Hayden: I really wish these people would just get some rest instead of constantly bruising me.]

-------

[OMJ: As you can see here, Luke has made no character growth since the last transition. Same can be said for everyone else.]

The morning began with a blowup of an argument.

[OMJ: No surprise there.]

The food supply had gone missing over night and terminoob suspected tvguy because he was closest to the food. 

[OMJ: Can't even begin to debate that logic. You're too good, sir!]

[Hayden: After all that's happened, you'd rather do some in-fighting instead of blaming it on the weird shenanigans around you? Besides, when did you have time to stop at the Krusty Krab or the fish market to stock up?]

terminoob stared at tvguy with contempt. 

[Fa: Terminoob better not be undressing Dylan now. The perviness is already too strong.]

[JCM: At least it wasn’t with whatever 70s stared at CF with.]

[Termi: This is exactly what happens when you make Tvguy an admin. ]

"I didn't do it!" tvguy roared. 

[Katniss: tvguy confirmed to be a lion.]

[Hayden: I KNEW fish were able to roar.

 ]

"Of course you didn't," terminoob fired back. "I'm supposed to believe you, why?

[JCM: Because he’s writing this.]

[Hayden: Because you're better than this, Terminoob.]

I recall that you LIE about a shitload of crap!" 

[OMJ: Yeah, like that time he threatened to kill himself on xat and came on as someone else right afterward just to see if people gave two shits about him. Ya know, I'm really starting to see Termi's argument here.]

“Maybe you didn’t hear me. I DIDN’T DO IT,” tvguy countered. 

[OMJ: When in doubt, CAPS LOCK IT OUT]

“Yeah, okay,” said terminoob sarcastically. “You just happened to sleep by the food and it just happens to disappear.” 

[Fa:

]

[JCM: Hey, I’m the only one who can be sarcastic here.]

[Hayden: "You just happened to be by your computer, and you just happened to get sucked into it!"]

[OMJ: Maybe the food didn't want to sleep by Tvguy, so it just got up and slept somewhere else. Ever thought about that?]

“I didn’t do it! What else can I say?” 

[JCM: Maybe if you write a book like OJ then people will believe you.]

[Katniss: I found the perfect show for tvguy:

 ]

“tvguy-you LIE about everything! You lied about your fucking age to avoid being fucking bashed!” 

[Katniss: I fucking hate fucking liars who fucking lie about everything. FUCK!]

[OMJ: Fucking age bashers on this site, man. Get out of the stone age that is 2010 and step into the 21st century that is 2015, you assholes!]

“Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!” tvguy rammed into terminoob, and in seconds the two were on the floor, 

[OMJ: WHOA!!?!!!?!!!!!?]

fighting.

[OMJ: Oh.  ]

[Fa: 2010 SBC in a nutshell.]

70s ran up and pried them apart. 

[OMJ: We all know 70s would get in on dat action with or without Calvin.  ]

[Hayden: Really? 70sguy ran up and pulled them apart after Terminoob's last sentence. YOU'LL GET YOUR TERMI SCORN TOO ONE DAY.]

“What’s the matter with you two?” 

[JCM: Sleeping in a cave apparently puts you in a bad mood.]

[OMJ: Hunger pains. Time of the month which spanned all throughout the months back then. Lethal combination.]

[Fa: Well in the past day, they've become fish, saw their idol murdered and are living in a post apocalyptic-like society. Oh yeah, and they already had some bad blood.]

Neither answered. They just panted.

[OMJ: WHOA??!!!?!?!!]

[Hayden:  ]

70s then spoke. 

“If we are going to survive, we have to learn to get along. If we can do it on the internet, we can do it here.”

[70: This isn't a democracy anymore, it's the 70s Administration!]

[JCM: Except you didn’t do it on the internet, as many threads in our trash forum will show.]

[Fa: We have a wiki page entitled the SBC Civil War. I'm not sure we did it very well to this point.]

[Hayden: So what we can take from 70s incorrect motivational speech....is that they can't do it and they're all dead fish meat.]

---------

Wumbology was still groping through the storm.

[Fa: Not Wumbo too! Resist the pervert overtures of this spin-off!]

[Katniss: What is with male users in this story and groping through stuff? Keep your hands to yourself, ya pervs!]

[OMJ: *gropes Kat* honk honk.]

[Hayden: Doing sexual favors for the storm will not calm its orgasmic destruction down.]

The talking had ceased during the night, and he had ran. He wanted to put as much space between him and the voices as possible. But then it started again. 

Shot. 

[JCM: No, I don’t want a shot of vodka now, but thanks for the offer.]

Shot? Wumbology thought.

[Katniss:  ]

Then a hail of gunfire was blasted and Wumbology. 

[Fa: Wumbo is so amazing he shapeshifted into a bullet. How awesome.]

[OMJ: So that's what Wumboing means.]

He ducked as the bullets sailed over him. He then felt something cold in the sand. A gun. He gripped it tight and crawled away from the gunfire.

[OMJ: I can see why he's saving the bullets. No need to waste ammo on a couple of disembodied voices.]

But it followed him, just inches from his scalp. It then stopped, abruptly. Wumbology stood up. 

“Hello?!” he yelled. 

[OMJ: Way to give away your position, you cooky canuck.]

[Hayden: Because it's perfect to scream and give away your location when you are being targeted by an onslaught of bullets.]

An enormous mass rammed into him.

[OMJ: Exactly what I mean!]

A roar of pain escaped from the attacker’s throat as Wumbology socked it there.

[OMJ:  ]

He fired three times, breathing heavily. Wumbolgoy 

[Hayden: Don't tell me this dimension has opposites also.]

took a closer look and gasped in shock. 

[Wumbo: I'M JEWISH?!]

Hassan lay dead before him. 

[Fa: Farewell glorified Hassan... again.]

[Hayden: Murdered right after talking to the man who had made him famous.]

[JCM: Great job killing off your fellow Canadian. Good thing there’s two more to replace him.]

[Katniss: Wumbo is hardcore, man. Don't mess with Canadian music critics.]

[OMJ: D'oh! Now we'll never get that sex scene. Unless, of course, 2010!jjs rolls that way...]

-------

[OMJ:  ]

“Where’s Hassan and Wumbology?” Everyone was in awe that four people had disappeared. Luke, Girlygirl, Wumbology, and Hassan.

[OMJ: Thanks for the friendly reminder. Totally forgot about 3 out of the 4.]

“I just talked to Hassan last night!” jjs said. “I saw him go to bed!” 

[JCM: “I even tucked him in and read him a bedtime story!”]

[Fa: We even passed out the hay!]

[Hayden: Nobody passes me around like some cheap whore!]

[OMJ: Someone felt the love last night.]

Clapmaster, Bob Ball, and Sponge Sebastian examined Hassan’s sleeping quarters and saw nothing out of the ordinary…until Bob Ball shouted that he’d found a trail of footprints leading into the rain. 

“He walked straight out into the rain?” terminoob said when he’d heard the news. 

[OMJ: What? Bob Ball can't even get a line of dialogue for his discovery? I'm just left to assume he was all like SpongeBob at :03:

]

[Fa: The real news is that it rains underwater. Duh.]

[Hayden: From all those beautiful underwater cumulus clouds.]

“Yes,” Clapmaster said. “I don’t know why the hell he would do that.” 

[JCM: He’s a fish. He likes water.]

[Katniss: To set fire to the rain like Adele. Duh.]

[OMJ: I must've been snoring. But can you really blame me given what I read in my spare time.]

“Clapmaster,” Jelly said, walking up.

[OMJ: Everyone's so damn formal. Loosen up, unbuckle that belt, pop a few buttons. Call him freakin Clappy for once.]

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Clapmaster looked at her and then stood up. She led him over to a desolate spot in the cave. 

[Fa: The spacious, desolate cave.]

[OMJ: I bet it's the wet spot too. Uhhh, wetter than it usually is underwater.]

“What’s up?” he said.

[OMJ: Your dick.]

“I know…,” she started, and then stopped. She thought for a second, trying to find the right words. “I know that you and I have had a rough relationship-but I want to try and be friends with you. I feel like you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder while we’ve been here.” 

[JCM: That’s because he’s cold-blooded now.]

[OMJ: Don't fret, he only posts in my ask thread once in a blue moon too.]

[Fa: To be fair, you've all been running in terror so far and you've had like two lines Jelly. I think you're jumping to conclusions a bit too fast.]

“Oh…,” Clappy said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t-

Jelly then pressed her lips against his. Clapmaster couldn’t believe what was happening.

[OMJ: That makes two of us!]

He had had many mixed emotions…and he enjoyed this.

[OMJ:  ]

Jelly then let go, and before Clapmaster could say anything, she walked away. 

[OMJ: Damn, if that's how quick Jelly is out of bed, I can't imagine how quick she'd be in it.]

[Hayden: You didn't even let him finish his sentence explaining the misunderstanding, Jelly, you romantic cliche.]

[JCM: Yeah! Shipping real members! That won’t make anybody feel uncomfortable!]

[Katniss: So you say you want to be friends with him, then you kiss him? Because that makes perfect sense.]

[Fa: Okay, I said I wouldn't be too nitpicky, but seriously, the pacing here is rough. In about a paragraph, we go from establishing that Clappy and Jelly talk at all to them kissing. Waaaaaaaaay too quick on the gun there bud.]

[Hayden: Kiss at first sight.]

------ 

[OMJ:  ]

“OH my god….Hassan!” Wumbology squinted into Hassan’s deadly eyes. He had put three rounds into his friend. Wumbology didn’t understand. 

[Fa: Wumbo was shot from the gun AND shot the gun!? Dude's a superhuman/fish.]

[OMJ: Well, Hassan did have "deadly eyes" after all. It was apparently either you or him. Fortunately for you, Tvguy had no such hard-on for the poor bastard as Jjs did.]

What the hell was he doing out here? Was he the one firing at him? 

“HELLO?!” Wumbology yelled, swirling around. “IF ANYONE IS HERE, SPEAK NOW!”

[OMJ: Yes, give away your position in an open wasteland to other potential hostiles even more.]  

“I am,” a raspy voice said. 

[JCM: Dude needs some cough drops.]

[Hayden: Lozenges go a long way....or make you sound like Weird Al.]

[Fa: Oh hey, the dark hooded villain trope is back. I missed ya.]

[OMJ:

]

Wumbology went pale.

[Fa: As I did while reading this. This wasn't bad bad, but there was some really glaring issues, which probably become worse later on. I shall stick around and see though.]

[Hayden: I guess he caught the same cold that this voice with the sore throat had. Will Wumbo overcome his flu and homicide charges? Will vacuums kill anyone else? Find out when this frighteningly dark horror show returns.]

[OMJ: Can he be anymore white?]

[Narrator: Find out next time, on Down Under Z!]

[Metal Snake]

I am in shock that riffing a show like this is allowing us to make great joke after great joke. I know it's one of those shows where we were blinded by the length and degree of professionalism in the writing, but I didn't expect at all that only two episodes in...we'd be getting a riff material gold mine. Even the long tread of sex jokes had me laughing because they mocked the lulzy descriptions and dialogue perfectly. It's also great to have Katniss on the team now, her riffs made me want to see more female members join more than ever.

...

P-please don't make a sex joke about that last line though. I do sincerely mean it.

Edited March 18, 2016 by Metal Snake
Misspelled "me" as "we"

[SpongeOddFan]

great rrifs, guys, and it's good to see Kat join the JRT team with us.

[E.V.I.L.]

lmaoooo OMJ

 

[Jjs Goodman]

Down Under

3. The Mastermind

Spoiler

S1E3) Episode 3: The Mastermind

LAST TIME ON DOWN UNDER….the gang discovers an odd, little house in the middle of nowhere with lights on. Santa Dog is then killed when he ventures inside. The Meanwhile,

[Fred: Ooh, I would like to meet this "The Meanwhile" person. He sounds cool.]

[Fa: Go the Meanwhile!]

[Katniss: The Meanwhile? Did Starfire type up this recap?]

Wumbology

[Hal: So Wumbo is the Meanwhile?]

[Hayden: All praise our glorious king Meanwhile.]

[SOF: Wumbo has now evolved into a special type of Canadian, the Meanwhile!]

is separated from the group in the storm and starts to hear voices. Terminoob and tvguy fight at a new cave they found, and Clappy and Jelly’s chemistry sparks.

[Hal: If we're lucky, we get to see some chemistry sparking between Terminoob and Dylan, too!]

[Hayden: I don't think clapping with jelly on your hands is very scientific. Nor would it create electricity.]

In a cliffhanger, Wumbology shoots a mass that attacks him…only to discover it was Hassan. How did Hassan get back in the storm? Why did he willingly leave the cave?

[Hayden: Hassan got stage fright and wanted to leave himself vulnerable so that he couldn't be the star actor of the story again. As for the first biting question, Hassan seems to have utilized his paranormal walking function.]

Find out in the new Down Under! 

[Fred: Coming up right now on Comedy Central.]

[Fa: I might as well have just read this then that whole last episode...]

[Hayden: Why isn't this spin-off set in Australia? Just make them all kangaroos instead.]

Clapmaster stared at Jellyfishjammer who was sitting on her bed/blanket/cot eating a juicy mango from the food supply. 

[SOF: "bed/blanket/cot"? Which is it? Is this another "choose your path" thing?]

[Hayden: Yeah, I bet that mango is juicy. Clappy fetish for mangos confirmed.]

He had mixed feelings and didn’t know what to do. She had kissed him the previous night, but then walked away. Who does that? He had no clue whatsoever if she was attracted to him or not. 

[SOF: Looks like a mystery only Scooby-Doo and friends can solve on "The Case of Clappy's Confused Love Life"!]

[Fa: She kissed ya. There's something up there I think. ]

[Hal: Maybe there's something in the mangos she's eating.]

[Katniss: Or you could just ask her what's going on instead of angsting like a teenager.]

[Hayden: Jelly's a tease. She just spreads her jam wherever she feels like.]

“Whatcha doing?” asked 4EverGreen, walking up. 

[Fred: Needs more emotes.  Enough said, true believers!  ]

[Hal: 4EverIsabella]

[Hayden:  ]

Oh god, Clapmaster thought. This guy. 

[Storm: ha this dumb guy]

[Fa: As something changes, others stay the same ]

[SOF:  ]

“Nothing,” replied Clapmaster. “Why?” 

“Well…it seems your staring at Jelly,” said 4Ever, raising an eyebrow.

[SOF: I'd raise an eyebrow too if his your staring was at Jelly.] 

[4EG: Captain Obvious > Captain Retro]

[Hayden: This is assuming 4Ever is that observant.]

[Hal: Says the guy who stares at naked cartoon characters.]

“I’m not, okay?” Clapmaster fumed. “It’s none of your fucking business!” Clappy walked off, storming. 

[Hayden: #ButThatsNoneOfMyBusiness ]

[Hal: And now every character in the cave is going to die as Clappy magically had turned into a storm and wreaks havoc.]

[Katniss: Golly, someone's cranky. Maybe Jelly should've given him a juicy mango.]

[Weatherman: "In other news, it looks like we're calling for what may be the worst hurricane in Bikini Bottom history, titled "Hurricane Clappy". More at 11."]

“Wow,” 4EverGreen said, chuckling. “Someone has a thing for someone.” 

[Fred: *imitates porn music*]

[Hal: Someone has a thing for herself?]

(Theme Plays: (S1E3) Episode 3: 

[SOF: Oh great, this has a theme like Bikini Top? Maybe tvguy will be nice enough to tell us what it is unlike 70s...]

LAST TIME ON DOWN UNDER….

[SOF: ...what, again? Is this the theme song, or did tvguy hit the rewind button!? o_O]

[Fred: Ummmm, deja vu? Why are you telling us again? Did we go back in time? Is this like Groundhog Day? Were you worried we weren't gonna comprehend?]

[Katniss: A summary so nice we had to hear it twice, apparently.]

the gang discovers an odd, little house in the middle of nowhere with lights on. Santa Dog is then killed when he ventures inside.

[Fred: Hold on, guys. I'm gonna press fast forward and send us to the theme song.]

[Fa: Dylan, the last recap was fine enough.]

[SOF: Hey now guys, maybe tvguy was being nice and making extra sure we didn't forget what happened. If only he did this for the rest of the series though...]

The Meanwhile, Wumbology is separated from the group in the storm and starts to hear voices.

[SOF: *hits fast forward button*]

Terminoob and tvguy fight at a new cave they found, and Clappy and Jelly’s chemistry sparks. In a cliffhanger, Wumbology shoots a mass that attacks him…only to discover it was Hassan. How did Hassan get back in the storm? Why did he willingly leave the cave? Find out in the new Down Under! 

Clapmaster stared at Jellyfishjammer who was sitting on her bed/blanket/cot eating a juicy mango from the food supply. He had mixed feelings and didn’t know what to do. She had kissed him the previous night, but then walked away. Who does that? He had no clue whatsoever if she was attracted to him or not.

“Whatcha doing?” asked 4EverGreen, walking up. 

Oh god, Clapmaster thought. This guy. 

“Nothing,” replied Clapmaster. “Why?” 

“Well…it seems your staring at Jelly,” said 4Ever, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m not, okay?” Clapmaster fumed. “It’s none of your fucking business!” Clappy walked off, storming. 

“Wow,” 4EverGreen said, chuckling. “Someone has a thing for someone.” 

(Theme Plays: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3reF1gfkTAc 0:02-0:31)

[Fred: FTFW:

]

[Hal: Thanks for burning this into our minds even further, Dylan.]

[Hayden: Are we trapped in some sort of time loop?]

Starring….

Terminoob-“I’m supposed to believe you?” 

Wumbology-“If anyone is here speak now.” 

That70sguy92-“If we can do it on the internet, we can do it here!” 

CF-“Drop the gun! NOW!” 

Deli-“Yeah, I don’t understand.” 

Clapmaster-“Yes, coming from Mr. Sarcastic.” 

ExKizuna-“SHUT UP! NOW!” 

Jjsthekid-“Hello. I wish to join.” 

Steel Sponge-“Oh my god….” 

Jellyfishjammer-“Clappy…I…..I.” 

Girlygirl-“Move unless you want to die!” 

Luke-“I’m not who you think I am.” 

Tvguy-“Loser.” 

4EverGreen, SpongeOddFan, Hassan, Sarah, Sara, Goosebumpsfan, Whaleblubber, Hipeoples4, The Cartoon, Beachbob, SBLover, Storytime, SG10, Spongebobs1fan, teenj12, and everyone else)

[SOF: Unlike Bikini Top, tvguy was nice enough to actually tell us what the theme song is.]

[Fa: *remembers his old username SBLover95* Ugh, dark times...]

[Hal: Wow, rude. Just throw all the other characters into a pile with no stupid out-of-context quote to accompany them. They're obviously not as important as Steel saying "Oh my god"]

[Katniss: "and everyone else." Wow, someone sure got lazy, didn't he?]

[Hayden: I'm proud to be part of the distinct "everyone else" group.]

“Hello?” Wumbology said, spinning around. He’d never felt more afraid in his entire life. He clutched the gun in his hand so tightly his knuckles turned whiter than the veil of fog. 

[Fred: He turned into Knuckles from Sonic?]

[Hal: Not just Knuckles, but an albino Knuckles.]

[SOF: Nice metaphor you got there, spin-off.]

“I am here,” the raspy voice said again. “I will not hurt you.” 

[King Ramses: RETUUUUURN THE SLAB]

[Fa: Says the disembodied voice that threatened to kill us already.]

[Raspy Voice: just give me a Halls cough drop and we'll be cool, fam.]

“Show yourself!” demanded Wumbo. 

“Fine,” said the figure. “But I’m not pretty.” 

[Fa: Ugly and proud.]

[Hayden: The raspy voice was a dead giveaway.]

Suddenly, a slim figure popped out of the fog and rain.

[SOF: The real Slim Shady?]

He looked normal, besides being a fish. 

[Hal: What's abnormal about him being a fish when literally everyone else in the story is one, too?]

“W-Who’re you?” asked Wumbology. 

[Fred: Whore are you? Whore am I?]

“I?” said the figure. “I am the Mastermind.” 

[Hal:  ]

[Hayden: True beauty is found in being an episode title.]

----

“Idiot, idiot,” Clappy muttered to himself.

[SOF: IDIOT BOY!]

He was now roped into his relationship with Jelly with 4EverGreen.

[Fa: Here lies Clappy's hopes and dreams with Jelly. Killed by 4EverGreen.]

[Hal: For a second, I thought this meant he roped his relationship with both Jelly and 4EverGreen. That probably would've been more exciting to read, too.]

[Hayden: That would be the best arc ever riffed.]

Of all the people to know his secret! HIM! 

[Hayden: Clappy discovered what we've all known. 4EVER IS HIM IN DISGUISE. 

 ]

Clappy walked past ExKizuna who was speaking to tvguy about the disappearance of the four friends. 

“Hassan,” said Ex. “Why would he leave just like that?” 

[Hal: Why would he just leave SBC like that, too?]

“Maybe…no,” said tvguy. “There’s absolutely no logical reason for Hassan leaving. Unless…” 

[Fa: ... Back to... This again I see...]

“No, no, no,” Ex said. “Hassan would NOT be working with the Doodles. I mean, how could he? He’s been with us the whole time since we came to this world!” 

[Hayden: Since when was that what everyone was mutually thinking Ex?]

“What if he came here before us?” suggested tvguy. 

[Hayden: Nevermind, their brains shrank as fish.]

Ex looked skeptical. “How? Hassan is smart, but not smart enough to figure out a way to suck himself into a computer.” 

[Fa: Because he wanted to suck himself into a computer and conspire a nightmare world for his internet friends. Quite logical.]

[Hayden: Hassan has a history of doing the impossible.]

“You never know,” said tvguy. “Anything is possible. After all….here we are, as fish.” 

[SOF: Really now? Thanks for clarifying, or I would have thought you were super-humans that could breathe underwater.]

[Fred: Yep, we just established that they're fish.]

[Fa: Yes, you have been fish since episode 1...]

[Hayden: I guess the sea is littered with weed after all.....]

----------

“Then who are you?” the second figure said, staring hard at Luke. Luke sighed, cursing at himself under his breath. 

[LT: #############!]

[Hayden: I'll assume the figures have been waiting as long as it took to cut back to this nonsense.]

“ANSWER,” the first figure yelled. 

[Mermaid Man: BE QUIET, I'M NAPPIN'!]

[Fa: *Hangs up*]

“I-I,” said Luke. 

[Hayden: So he sounded confident in his choice last chapter, but now he's stuttering to pad out this episode.]

“Spit it out!” 

[Fa:  ]

[Hal: I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!]

“I’m…my…my real name…my true username on the internet is…well-

“ANSWER! What is your true username?” 

[Fred: TheRealSlimShady]

[Katniss: SBCisGay69]

“Well…uh….my name is WhaleBlubber.” 

[Hal: WHAT A TWIST!]

[Fa: Uhhhh, nooo.]

[SOF: wat. Actually, I won't spoil anything folks, but I'm going to say this starts probably one of my least favorite, and most confusing, plot of the spin-off from what I recall...]

[Hayden: Wow that makes even less sense than sacrificing yourself and telling them you are Ex. I hope they spear this "whale". ]

-------------

“The Mastermind? What the hell are you talking about?!” Wumbology said. 

[SOF: GOOD QUESTION!]

“Hmm,” said the Mastermind. “I cannot tell you that, Wumbology.” 

[Fa: Come back at a higher level.]

[Hayden: Why tell him your name then? Couldn't you have thought out what his response might be?]

“How do you know my name?!” 

“I know ALL. Hence, The Mastermind.” 

[Hayden: You'd think it'd sound self-explanatory, but it really isn't.]

[Fa: Or he just looked at the forums. Not so smart now, wise guy.]

[Hal: Maybe The Mastermind was just a nickname his friends gave him when he won a trivia contest at T.G.I. Fridays.]

“W-who are you? WHAT are you?” 

[Fred: Who, who? Who, who?]

[Wumbo: WHY are you? HOW are you?]

[The Mastermind: I'm great, thanks for asking!]

[SOF: When are you? Mermaid Man, where are you?!]

“I am a fish, like you. Why are you here?” 

[Fa: Under the sea!]

[Hayden: But if Wumbo is only a temporary/new fish, does that make The Mastermind a temporary/new fish too?]

[Hal: That's exactly the specifics we needed to be aware of.]

“If you’re a true Mastermind, you should know.” 

[Hal: #rekt]

[Hayden:  ]

“True,” said The Mastermind, nodding. “You and your friends were sucked into this land by a CV, Crashing Vortex,

[Hal: Well, today I learned that "Crashing Vortex" has a special abbreviation that people use instead.]

and have been here for 4 days. There are exactly 101 of you

[SOF: 4 days? Please don't pull Bikini Top timeskips on us...]

[Hal: The SBC users aren't just fish, they're dalmatians.]

[Hayden: Does this mean we're being hunted by Cruella de Vil for our SBC skins?]

and you have been living in caves. Santa Dog was killed and you just shot your friend, Hassan. Is that smart enough for you?” 

[Hayden: It's not smart enough for me. But I guess you'll pass, Mr. Recap 2.0.]

Wumbo was baffled, but he managed a weak nod. “But…how do you know that?” 

[Fred: You should know by now.]

[SOF: How does he do that?!]

“I am a Mastermind. Are you not paying attention?” 

[Fa: I thought you were THE Mastermind? Is that a plot twist for the future or an error? Either way, it's kinda glaring.]

[Hayden: I'll say this is what their race looks like.

 ]

Suddenly, the rain stopped. Just like that. The Bikini Bottom sun beamed down on them, abruptly becoming hot. 

[Hayden: Chill out sun. Only you can prevent underwater fires.]

“What-how did that happen?” 

“Weather changes,” said The Mastermind, squinting at the scorching ocean sun. “Our climate changes very rapidly.” 

[Fa: Like seconds fast?]

[Hal: The ocean has as much logic as it has air, apparently.]

“I see. Can I leave?” 

“Leave? No.” 

[Fa: Wumbo, you gotta ask nicely ]

[SOF: He has to say the magic p word.]

[Hayden: I'm already out the door. This way, Wumbo.]

“What?! Now that the storm cleared up, I can find my friends!” 

“I’m afraid I can’t let you leave, Wumbology,” said The Mastermind. He pulled out a gun and was about to shoot when a blue ray smacked into him, sending The Mastermind flying. Wumbology looked around and saw Hassan holding up a glowing hand. 

[Fa: Hassan Bolt!]

[SOF: B-b-but I thought he died?!]

“Go,” he said. 

“I-I thought I shot you!” 

[Hayden: WE WERE WRONG TO EVER DOUBT HASSAN'S GOD POWERS!]

Hassan stared at him with cold, fierce eyes. “Leave. Now.” 

[SOF: Wow, what does it tell you when even a character tells the others to leave?]

Wumbology then ran. Faster than ever.

[SOF: GOTTA GO FAST!]

[Fred: Watch out, Sonic. Wumbo is taking your place.]

[Hayden: Faster than the speed of fish.]

He went straight, and a cave finally loomed into view. He staggered in and was greeted by his friends. 

[SOF: Which isn't vague at all.]

“What happened?” 

“Are you okay?” 

[Hal: Who exactly is asking these?]

[SOF: They must be Wumbo's imaginary friends, or the voices inside his head. Or both.]

[Wumbology: Yep, just been gone for several hours, shot a fellow countryman and was confronted by a god-like creature who was attacked by killed countryman. Yourselves?]

Wumbo, hey man!” But Wumbology went straight to that70sguy92 and terminoob and told them about the voices, The Mastermind, and Hassan. 

[Hal: Wait... this implied the voices weren't coming from The Mastermind?]

“We are not safe. The Doodles were only the beginning.” 

[Hayden: Does this mean more SpongeBob characters will die out of the blue?]

-------

“Whaleblubber?!” the first figure said. “Wha-how?!” 

[Fred: Whahow. The Shamwow's next new successor.]

[Hayden: Luke let the Dark Side sway him.]

[Fa: WoahWoah, the first form.]

[SOF: Ignoring what this plot turns into, I love how they just believe him. Because y'know, it's not impossible for anyone to say they're WhaleBlubber...]

“Yes,” nodded Luke. The second figure then removed Luke’s mask. “I am the infamous WhaleBlubber.” 

[Hal: So nobody throughout this story realized that Whaleblubber may have been wearing a mask?]

Luke’s two captors gazed at him in utter disbelief. 

[Fa: Me too, since Luke isn't really WhaleBlubber.] 

[Hayden: The first time they are allowed to be skeptical without looking like asshats.]

[SOF: "Gaze"? So they're attracted to him? Um...]

“We have a secret as well,” said the first captor. “I am RaeandAnasRock. That is BrennanNN.”

[SOF: WHAT A TWIST!]

[Katniss: *laughs* Are you kidding me? These names are stupider than the usernames I used to have in middle school!]

[Hayden: Katniss wouldn't understand the poetic quality of TV.com usernames.]

The second figure, BrennanNN, nodded. 

[Hal: Such intriguing character development.]

“Hmm,” Whaleblubber said. “That’s nice. Now let me go.” 

[Fred: Alright, person who wreaked havoc all over the SpongeBob forums on TV.com.]

[Hayden: Wouldn't "WhaleBlubber" have more inspiring words for an encounter with two of his former adversaries?]

[Fa:  ]

“No,” said Rae. “I cannot do that.” 

[Hal: Rae Sremmurd?]

[Hayden: Lots of vague rejection from characters in this chapter.]

“Where is Girlygirl?” 

[Fa: Staying hidden from the future grope fest.]

[SOF: Up your ass, now stop asking stupid questions.]

BrennanNN stared at him and then slapped him hard in the face. She then kicked him in the jaw and put the mask back over his head. 

[Hayden: So I guess that's the only kind of action Blubber's getting?]

“You are- 

[Fa: Who?! Dylan, these are the important questions!]

An explosion suddenly ripped through the room. 

[Fred: Somebody's been making bomb pies lately.]

[Hayden: Whoops, spoke too soon.]

[SOF: Michael Bay directed this scene too?]

-------

“We can’t leave AGAIN,” said 70s. 

[SOF: EMPHASIS!]

“We half to! The Mastermind wasn’t going to let me leave but Hassan used these weird powers and-

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: have]

[Fred: I'm sorry but you "half" two? What happened to the first half?]

[Hal: The other half exploded.]

“Hassan has the powers too?”

[Fa: The Power Within.]

[Katniss: With all his powers combined, he is Captain Planet!]

“Yeah, he used to super awesome blue ray

[Hal: Hassan has a super awesome Blu-ray disc.]

[Hayden: He distracted the Mastermind with high definition DVD's?]

to knock over The Mastermind. His hand sort of glowed when he did it,” reported Wumbo.

[SOF: If he "used to super awesome blue ray", I'm pretty sure his hand would be more than "sort of" glowing.]

“But the point is, we have to leave as soon as possible.” 

70s thought for a second before deciding. “No. We stay and train with these weird powers. A bunch of us have them, and if Hassan learned then we all can. I want you to assemble all the users that HAVE the powers and all the ones that DON’T. We’ll then pair them and the ones with powers can train and then teach.” 

[Fa: The Super SBC Justice Friends!]

[Hayden: But you don't even know what you're fighting......oh well, not the first time 70s has led us to total doom.]

[Hal: Well we've already established that Wumbo is really fast, so he can be the Quickster.]

[Katniss: Welcome to the 70s School for Gifted SBC-ers. Call 'em the S-Men.]

“Okay,” Wumbo said after a little hesitation. He raced off into the commodious cave. In a few minutes, the cave was in two. In the next hour, the rays and jets of power were bouncing off the walls. Almost everyone had developed their own unique power. 

[Hal: Now everyone has #thatpower.]

[SOF: Well, that's not vague at all. Glad to see we know who has such unique powers, like that user named...uh...]

“Good,” 70s said. “We’ll be ready if attack comes.” He then strolled over to Steel Sponge and CF. 

[Fa: Nice afternoon stroll through the desolate cave.]

“And then I was like-hey 70s,” Steel said, looking up at him. 

[Hal: And then you were like what? No time to delve in light conversation when you have to leave and not die.]

[SOF: What was Steel going to say? The world may never know...]

“I need you two,” he said. The two got up and stood eye-to-eye with him. “CF, is there anymore food in this area?” 

“No,” CF said. “I already searched.” 

[Hal: Jelly ate the last of the mangos, I say we blame her.]

[Hayden:  ]

“I need you two to search the surrounding area and beyond. Pack up your things.”

[Fred: Gotta be honest. Besides a few spelling mistakes and lulzy parts, this episode wasn't very riffable. I dunno, maybe it's because I'm used to seeing other riffers' riffs on here, but it kinda felt empty. See you all on Episode 5.]

[Katniss: Yeah, compared to last chapter, this one wasn't THAT bad. But I haven't read ahead so there's always a chance that things could get worse from here on out.]

[SOF: Yeah, I didn't have much to riff, other than this beginning a very confusing plot line, IMO. At least I had a shorter episode to riff, but I expect it won't be easier from here on out.]

 

[Joe Biden]

Awesome riffs, guys. Especially Katniss'.

[Metal Snake]

Holy moly, even as my fourteen-year-old self knowing what tvguy was going for with the Whaleblubber plotline, which was me being obsessed with looking stuff up about him way back in the day, I had a hard time following what it had to do with the story. Spoiler alert,

Spoiler

my character ends up getting put in prison, then later gets broken out by one of the Mastermind's henchmen,

and even after that, its purpose is never established.

[Katniss]

41 minutes ago, Fred Rechid said:

Awesome riffs, guys. Especially Katniss'.

you're too kind, Drug <3

Edited January 9, 2016 by katnisslovestacos