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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

42. Friends Like Massan & Jss

Spoiler

 

42. Friends Like Massan & Jss

 

[Trophy: So Jjs and Hassan are assholes, that makes up for the lack of appearances this season.]
[OMJ: What, are they genies now? MAY AS WELL BE.]

[Metal Snake: If they are genies, then I may as well make a series of drawings on a Tumblr blog shipping them together. "Ask Majss Genies", I'll call it.]

"Alright, we really need to step up our game," 70s said.

[70s: And be "we", I mean you guys.]

"Relax, it was only the first match of what...9?" Ex said.

[OMJ: 9 more episodes of this bollocks? Bollocks!]

"Yeah, but I get competitive," 70s said.

[70s: First one to cum wins.]
[Sara: You're on.]
[70s: You're on!]

[Metal Snake: Oh, how fun it is to take this line out of context...]

 

"By the way guys, while the doctor still advised me I can't race anymore, I can still be of some service. Perhaps as your servant." OMJ said.

[OMJ: Yes, I can't race anymore, but at least I can still wipe other people's asses!]

[Metal Snake: ...Servant? Butler OMJ, at your service?]

 

"Haha, we'll see." 70s said.

[70s: Ohhhh, jackpot. nUihIBF.png ]

 

"PROUD PILOTS, THE NEXT RACE IS BEGINNING!" The Grand Ruler shouted.

 

[Trophy: "Proud" I died.]

 

"Alright, I'll be ready!" Ex said.

[Grand Ruler: GO!]

Ex got out with the other pilots, and he saw Stalus doing some magic tricks.

 

[Metal Snake: He's just pulling rabbits out of hats for shits and giggles, obviously.]

"Whoa, is this guy a magician?" Ex asked.

[OMJ: Nah, he's one of those hell pixie alien shits I kept going on about in that one chapter.]

"Yes, Stalus is the most powerful magician in the world, and has gotten many honors,

[OMJ: What sorta "honors" could a magician possibly receive? A Nobel peace prize for making war, cancer and world hunger disappear?]

[Metal Snake: An "Honor of Speech", obviously.] 

so winning the grand prize would make him a God," Mothra said.

[OMJ: God-zilla?! lol. No? Aight den.]

[Metal Snake: ...Excuse me, what?]
[Trophy: So another OP Bullshit thing?]

 

"Alright, thank you my people...now I must win the next race," Stalus said.

 

[Stalus: But for my last trick, I'll make all your fucks DISAPPEAR! Now, may I have a volunteer to give me their said fucks? No? Aight den...]

The 9 pilots lined up, and this time, they were racing through a jungle.

[OMJ: Finally, a nice change of pace.]

[Metal Snake: Yes, something other than a freaking lake race or a shape game for a change. This show has a budget after all.] 
[Trophy: *spittake* DA HELL?]

 

"There are only 3 gates for this one, and it doesn't look like it is that long, so try to do your best," Elastic told Ex.

"Will do Dawg," Ex said.

 

[Trophy: Oh haha, because he's Elastic Dawg now.]
[OMJ: Give em a belly rub while you're at it.]

They then began to race through the jungle. It was tough to navigate due to all of the trees and grass.

[OMJ: May as well had named this chapter Friends Like Trees and Grass.]

[Metal Snake: "Hey, what are all of you doing?! You were supposed to follow the dirt road path!"] 

"It's a jungle out thar," Elastic said.

[OMJ: HAHA!]

We then see Massan & Jss

 

[OMJ: About time.]

[Trophy: As if the title didn't imply them, so I guess they win this one?]

gaining ahead and they passed through the first gate.

 

[Trophy: Called it- GOD DAMMIT, I NEED TO REALLY START LEARNING TO BET MONEY AT THE RIGHT FREAKIN' TIME!]

[Metal Snake: ...Gaining ahead? You get ahead, you don't gain ahead.]

 

"Great job, 2 points for us!" Jss said.

"Indeed. We were both once evil opposites, but now we've made it to the finals," Massan said.


[OMJ: You see that? Do you see what the power of righteousness can do?! It can move mountains, bring robot opposites to the finals of an Internet racing tournament! Accept God-uh into your life today-uhhh!]

[Metal Snake: Massan and Jss found Jesus. nYVhWd8.png ] 

The other 8 passed through the first gate.

[OMJ: AT THE SAME TIME!]

Gargos launched a laser beam at Jss, but he dodged.

"Now...time for our combo!" Massan said.

Their two red ships then combined together, and formed a floating robot of some sort.

 

[OMJ: So they're both flying separate vehicles? How is that fair again- BUT WHO CARES?! I DIG GIANT ROBOTS! WE DIG GIANT ROBOTS! CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS!]

[Trophy: Wait, they were in different ships? Isn't that i- oh wait nvm, it's SBCPU. I almost forgot it was this.]

[Metal Snake: Oh God, I can't help it...

 

TRANSFORMERS! ROBOTS IN DISGUISE!] 

It grew arms out of it with Masan and Jss piloting at the time.

"Well, I'm fucked.." Ex said, dodging a blast.

 

[Trophy: So all these lasers are from behind in the rear, so out of their asses like an ASS PULL! I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!]
[OMJ: I guess that should say a lot about how technologically advanced we, ourselves, are if our robot opposites can make a giant robot car in even less time.]

Gargos then rammed into the back of the Pulp Rider with his ship.

"Ugh, it's times like this that make me miss Dradius," Ex said,


[OMJ: Surprisingly enough, I kinda agree.]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, I remember Dradius. I remember how he...actually, I don't remember him too well.]

 

as he flew up, and blasted some lasers at Gargos.

"GWAH! Pitiful human, you will lose and be destroyed!" Gargos threatened.


[OMJ: Srsly, no one else can hear that?]
[Trophy: BECAUSE I'LL TURN YOU INTO A GARGOYLE! Seriously, the hell?]

 

"My inner calculations detect the next gate approaching between those two large trees," Nondai said, and he passed through it.

[OMJ: The inner calculations of your role here are an enigma.]

Massan and Jss passed through the gate, and blasted Nondai into the swamp lake below.

 

[Trophy: I THOUGHT THEY WERE FRIENDLY! RIP Nondai: Ep 40 to Ep Jackie Robinson (aka 42 if you're not a baseball nerd).]
[OMJ: It was nice not knowing him.]

[Metal Snake: "My inner calculations detect my status to be..."wet and screwed"."]

The Pulp Rider was driving faster.

"Yes...I might make it!" Ex said in excitement.

Massan & Jss' robot ship then blasted some lasers at the Pulp Rider.

"Sorry Ex, but we gotta win!" Massan said.

[Trophy: Why, exactly?]

[Massan: My apologies, but I do believe that it is your derrière that shall be roughed up on this fine day!]

[Metal Snake: "Forget friendship, winning is everything!"]

 

Gargos speeded ahead,

 

[Trophy: GO SPEED RACER GO!]
[OMJ: Can I sample some of dat speed too? I need it more trying to get through this.]

and rammed into their robot.

Massan and Jss tried to separate, but Gargos sliced through their robot before they could.

 

[Trophy: BUT IT'S A STONE GARGOYLE SHIP VS A ROBOT...]

[Metal Snake: Had this robot been described better, I would probably understand why that's an issue. Thanks for separating us for us?]

"Oh no!" Massan yelled.

[OMJ: Well, if our opposites are anything to go by, hopefully we actually did mythical creature-proofed our vehicle.]

Jss and Massan fell off the exploding robot ship, but they were saved by some hanging vines.

[OMJ: And some people say Vines are bad.]

[Metal Snake: And inspiration from Tarzan, obviously.]

 

"Well, that was close.." Massan said.

"But we also lost our chances of winning.." Jss sighed.

 

[Trophy: ...Good thing I didn't bet that money in Vegas (no, not the one in ATTWL 3).]

 

"Well, there's always another day, my friend," Massan said.

 

[Trophy: You only have like 6 points now, you're screwed considering Stalus.]
[OMJ: Or the next day! Or the next day! Or the next day! Or the next day! Or the next day! Or the next day! Or the next day! At least you beat Nondai tho.]

[Metal Snake: Another day, another dollar.]

Ex was almost at the finish. It was neck and neck between him and Gargos. Stalus and Zwuir had came in 1st and 2nd respectively,

 

[Trophy: Poor Q.]
[OMJ: Well gee, here I thought we were actually competing sneak and neck for first.]

so there was only one spot left.

 

[Metal Snake: No prizes for fourth? 8MwU2nZ.png ]

Stalus blasted a beam at the Pulp Rider, and Stalus came in 3rd; the gates crumbled.

[OMJ: Wait, WUT? But he already came in first! Wow, dat error, folks. I tells ya. Or maybe Stalus is just that damn good of a magician.]

[Metal Snake: Another candidate for "Best Typo Ever". Either Stalus is getting two prizes or he turned Gargos into...himself.]

 

"Ugh...not again!" Ex sighed.

 

[Trophy: I know, Stalus forgot to tell us about his trick to make Gargos or I'm gonna assume Q for status quo into other Staluses.]
[OMJ: Yeah, this shit in general is getting real old.]

"Nice try Ex, you almost made it," 70s encouraged him.

[70s: But "almost" won't pay bills and put food on my wife and kids' plates!]

We then cut back to the hub of Paralois Island, and then we see Team Darkness' hut.

[OMJ: It's not a dark hut? Color me dark surprised.]

[Metal Snake: We're back on The Hub!]

 

"Gargos, we have some unfortunate news from Dradius," Flareix reported.

"What is it?" Gargos asked, looking out the window.


[OMJ: Even the gargoyle wants to be perched on a church anywhere but here.]

"Well...thesuitelife44 has escaped from his erm, ice cell..." Phalos said.

 

[Trophy: And died due to Drag's knife, end of story.]
[OMJ: That really is unfortunate. Here I was thinking this piece of crap and that piece of crap weren't connected and now they are! Teeeeerrific.]

[Metal Snake: ...Excuse me, what?] 

"But how?" He asked.

[OMJ: It's only ice, he was on a tropical island in a tropical climate.
Talk about rocks for brains.]

[Metal Snake: "Even if the ice melted, he'd be dead from the blade."

What, did someone come by and take the blade, or something?] 

"That's the point. Flareix and I have been called to investigate, so you'll be on your own for a while," Phalos said.

[OMJ: It's just a butthurt kid from a SpongeBob forum, I highly doubt it'd take three mythical creatures to take him down. Then again, these SpongeBob forum types are always at their most lethal when their butts are hurt.]

"No matter, I've proven my strengths," Gargos said.

[OMJ: Yes, by being the bronze medal.]

"Good luck with the investigation."

[OMJ: Yes, and enjoy the new hairs on your chest.]

[Metal Snake: Ace Detective Gargos is on the case!]

 

The two teleported away.

We then cut back to the hub, and in the center, we see a bunch of rock creatures gathering in the center.

 

[Metal Snake: Geodude, is that you?]

 

"Whoa, what's going on?" Ex asked, looking out the window.

[OMJ: They're gonna fix up your fixer upper.]

"They appear to be welding the rock structures," 70s said.

[OMJ: More like fix you up with Ex. nUihIBF.png ]

We see the rock creatures glowing. They were humming some song and the center was glowing,

 

[Trophy: Is this the SpongeHenge ending all over again?]
[OMJ: Okay, this Frozen bait is just ridiculous already. FbBG3O1.gif  ]

 

with some bricks being welded in damaged spots.

 

[Metal Snake: It's an animated movie, all of a sudden.]

"good job," SOF said to them. They then followed SOF somewhere else.

 

[Trophy: He can speak in caps too.]

 

"Hmm, very interesting, quite a mystical island," 70s said.

[OMJ: Yeah, where were these freaks of nature last season?]

"Yes, and I suspect there are much more secrets and mysteries to be discovered.." Ex said, looking up at the stars.

 

[OMJ: 

]

[Metal Snake: Nothing short of poetry. Yeah, I didn't see much riff material in this chapter, personally. It was fairly well done to me. I'm sure the next few I'm doing will have more riffing bait ready though...heh heh.]

[Trophy: One more question: HOW THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE CREATURES EXISTING, WOULDN'T SOMEONE KNOW AND GET SOMEONE ON THE SCENE TO CONTACT AREA 51 OR SOMETHING? *flips table* I'M OUTTA HERE!]

Edited by jjsthekid
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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

43. Nexus Like Nondai

Spoiler

 


43. Nexus Like Nondai

[OMJ: What, is he an Android phone? MIGHT AS WELL BE.]

"We need to step up our game guys," 70s said.

[OMJ: Then why don't you step up and race a lil? Oh wait, you watch Glee and that does you no favors "racing in screaming metal death traps-wise".]

"I know I KNOW! Sorry, I've been trying my best, but it's tough," Ex said.

[JCM: Ex-cuses, Ex-cuses.]
[OMJ: Yeah, it's plenty tough not focusing your time and attention on just one person like ACS. How could you not? He probs covers up the other racers.]

"Don't worry Ex, we all hit a faulty point," OMJ said.

[OMJ: I should know, my character has been impaled on one of em.]

"Thanks, let's hope today is my lucky day!" Ex said, shouting outside of the hut.

[OMJ: I think you'd better off hoping that today will be your "convenient day" since this is still SBCPU, apparently.]
[JCM: Why are you standing outside of the hut screaming at your friends? I'm sure they won't mind if you stay inside a bit longer.]

We then see it started snowing.

[OMJ: On a tropical island in the Caribbean? Is this island the home of the native snow nymphs? MIGHT AS WELL BE.]
[Trophy: Time to invite Omair.]


"Whoa, that's something I never see in Hawaii," OMJ said, coming out of the hut.

[JCM: Because every island is exactly like Hawaii.]
[OMJ: Just put me in leaves and have me go "OOGA BOOGA" while you're still hot.]

"This white precipitation has peeked my curious meters, as though it has fallen out of the sky into an ice state," Nondai said, feeling a snowflake.


[Trophy: ...He doesn't know what snow is?]
[OMJ: What, did you get that off the back of a candy wrapper?]
[JCM: You know he's smart because he said a simple thing using unnecessarily complicated language.]

"Male SG much?" Ex said.

[OMJ: You couldn't just, I don't know, make em SG?! Or seeing that it's apparently a robot, would that make him her robot opposite? Wait, no, he'd have to be dumb and like the Crimson Tide or something.]

"Oh hello humans...can your tiny brains comprehend my statements?" Nondai said,


[Trophy: Yes, and we choose to ignore you for not talking like a person. fDWlBTQ.png ]
[OMJ: And I don't like em already. GG, Jjs.]

making a silly face on his circle robot screen. He was a cylinder like robot with three tags as his legs, and two tag robotic arms.

[JCM: Tag! You're it!]
[OMJ: How can you even walk on tags? By that description you may as well be the Android mascot.]

"What did you say punk?!" Ex said.

[Ex: You feelin' lucky, punk? Cuz I'm sure hopin' I am today.]

"Relax," 70s said, cooling Ex.

[JCM: Did you have to put him in a refrigerator, though?]

"I'll let you off...for now," Ex said, eying down Nondai.


[Trophy: NONDAI, SMALLER THAN EX SO HE CAN BE SHRUNK BY BEING LOOKED AT!]
[OMJ: Calm your eyes, you act like he's a member of the Fantastic Five.]

"Anyways, the next race is beginning, good luck," Elastic said. Ex got into the Pulp Rider.

[OMJ: It warms me heart to see E-Dawg being such an integral part of the team, the moral compass. He's so gonna die.]

"Huh..that's weird, the sensors indicate only 1 gate for the match.." 70s said, reading the scanner.

[JCM: There's apparently a scanner now.]
[OMJ: Did you get that out of Hassan's ass? DOES THAT MEAN HE'S BACK TO SAVE US FROM THIS STORY?]

"I smell the magics of Satan," OMJ said.

[JCM: No, that was Ex. Ate a little too much chili.]

"This looks like a job for a god damn hero!"

[OMJ: OMG YES! Finally!]

We see the 9 pilots lined up, and this time, the course was an icy field, and they went off.

[OMJ: Nobody even yelled "GO!"?]

There was a huge snow storm,

[JCM: somehow]

but the pilots were racing through.


[Trophy: No weather delays? Okay then.]

"I don't see a gate ANYWHERE!" ACS panicked.

[OMJ: Not even the gates want to be friendly with ACS.]
[JCM: If he doesn't calm down, he'll get stuffed in a fridge like Ex.]

"Ugh, my sensors detect a gate, but I DON'T SEE IT! I wish Phalos and Flareix were here.." Gargos said, annoyed.

All the pilots were incredibly confused - they were in the spot of the gate, but it was nowhere in sight.

"Hmm..maybe it's hidden," Massan said.

[JCM: Like the third dot in that ellipses.]
[OMJ: Maybe the gate just plain don't want to be in this lit.]

"Possibly, but would one of us feel it?" Jss asked.


[OMJ: Or crash into it, at this rate.]
[Trophy: TIME FOR A STALUS ASS PULL!]

"The others don't have my smarts, and if my calculations are 100% accurate, the ringer seems to be underneath the caverns, not in mid-air," Nondai said, laughing.

[JCM: Pretty smart of you to say that out loud so everyone could hear you.]

"Robot dude, I have no idea what you just said, but I only got underneath, so, take this!" Ex said, as he blasted a laser at the surface, and it opened a small crack.


[Trophy: AND GENIUS OF THE YEAR GOES TO... Wait, Ex seriously couldn't understand that?]
[OMJ: Take that Android! He's got plenty experience breaking into stuff from hacking xat.]

Ex then quickly flew into the crack, as the others were confused; Nondai followed him in.

"Ah, humans have such puny brains..but this organic's seems to be intelligent..surprisingly," Nondai said.

[OMJ: Hear that everybody, SBC is smart!]
[JCM: After all, you'd have to be a genius to know to go underground after an opponent explicity says that the gate is underground.]

As they were racing through the ice caverns, Nondai fired some missiles from his c-shaped ship;

[OMJ: C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me.]

Ex dodged.

"Whoa dude, watch it!" Ex said, counter-acting with laser beams.

[JCM: He'll watch it when you watch it.]
[OMJ: At least he's trying to calm Nondai down the best way he knows how.]

Just then, Nondai transformed his ship into a mecha of some sort.


[Trophy: So like Massan & Jss's ships?]
[OMJ: I DIG GIANT ROBOTS!]

The c-shape made two strip legs come down, and two strip legs pop out as the arms,


[Trophy: Strip legs? Okay then.]
[OMJ: How very oddly erotic.]
[JCM: I'd tap it.]

and he pulled a glowing blade out of his hand. He stood up tall.

"Um...holy shit?" Ex said.


[Trophy: The blade's in the ship, no damage done.]
[JCM: This isn't a good time to ask about the religious properties of poop, Ex.]
[OMJ: You act like you haven't seen a sword in this lit before. Oh wait, it's "glowing".]

Nondai attacked the Pulp Rider with the laser blade, and put a slice through the cockpit, but Ex shook him off into a nearby lake of the cave.

"You humans are weak! I will win the grand prize to make robots the dominant species!" Nondai said, launching missiles at the cave ceiling.

[OMJ: Okay there, Skynet.]
[JCM: Not only is Nondai pretentious, he's also a racist!]

"Come out come out wherever you are gate!" Mothra said. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"


[Trophy: Oh right, SBM's still in this. USE YOUR PONY BLASTS ALREADY!]
[OMJ: I've never seen her get that mad since she accused Elastic's old riffing theater of stealing her shtick.]

"I think we need to be one with the snow to find our answers," Stalus said, meditating.

[JCM: Just don't eat it if it's yellow.]
[OMJ: Just do what I did during that golden ticket contest, ask Jjs. It'll give his character something to do.]

"What the hell does that even MEAN?" Mothra said.

[OMJ: Who the hell is he EVEN?]

"I don't know, I'm just guessing to be honest," Stalus said.

[OMJ: Yeah, me too.]
[JCM: Stalus sure can waste time like a pro.]
[Trophy: Some magician.]


"And they say you are the most powerful wizard in the universe.." Mothra snorted.

[OMJ: That's it! This story is hiding some speed somewhere and I really wanna know where.]

"Hey, give me a break - I don't know EVERYTHING!" Stalus said.


[Trophy: YEAH, THAT'S THE ILLUMINATI'S JOB AS SHOWN BY THE US 1 DOLLAR BILL!]
[JCM: Knowing stuff is overrated, anyway.]
[OMJ: A piece of my kit kat for some of your speed?]

We then see the Pulp Rider and Nondai fighting in the caves.

"I will get to the gate, organic!" Nondai said, as they saw the gate a few miles away, on an icy ledge.

[OMJ: I get it, this is like some big metaphor for organic vs artificial foods with Ex representing organic and Nondai flying the artificial flag.]
[JCM: Reading this is kind of like eating artificial food, in that I always feel terrible after I'm done.]

The ceiling kept shaking, and Ex had an idea.


[Trophy: Oh, this cliche?]
[OMJ: *writes on steno pad* Wednesday, June 10; Ex had an idea!]

"Hey robot face, take this!" Ex said, as he blasted a laser at the ceiling again.


[Trophy: I need to go to Vegas sometime...and not the ATTWL 3 one, again.]
[OMJ: The ceiling has feelings too, ya know!]

A bunch of giant icicles came shattering down, and Ex escaped,

[JCM: boo]

with snow on the side of the Pulp Rider.

"So....beautiful.." Nondai said, starring at the falling icicles.

[OMJ: "Falling Icicles" starring Nondai, directed by Roland Emmerich, coming soon to own on video cassette.]

"Uhh..dude..eh, nevermind," Ex said, racing to the gate, dodging some icicles.

[JCM: OMG ICICLES!!!1! I haven't seen a threat as scary as these since the boulders.]

"SO MANY OUTCOMES! SO BEAUTIFUL!" Nondai said, as he overloaded. Just then, a giant icicle crushed his mecha form.


[Trophy: What the hell now?]
[OMJ: And we have the puny brains?]

Ex then made it to the gate, and gasped.

"Holy smokes, did I WIN for once?!" Ex gasped. "Take THAT robots!"

[JCM: I will not take that robots.]
[OMJ: Yeah, take that opposite robots who we are now friends with and are hosting this on their home island! Fuck you!]

"Woo Ex!" Elastic cheered.

[JCM: Good news is Elastic isn't dead yet.]

The 7 other pilots saw the crack, but when they came into the cave, it was too late; nobody else had claimed the 2nd and 3rd place spots, making Ex the only winner.


[Trophy: Can't Stalus just teleport out of there?]

"Wow, impressive!" Stalus said.

[OMJ: You can say he really pulled a rabbit outta his hat on that one.]

"Hot damn Exxy, congrats!" Mothra said, as they went back to the hub.

[JCM: Congrats on beating you?]
[OMJ: I never remembered Mothra being this pleasant. At this point, she overthrows Wumbo as the most two-faced character in this story.]

"I guess today was my lucky day..I should do that more often in the morning!" Ex said.


[Trophy: Ex is now Patrick.]
[OMJ: Too bad you got Nondai killed, now he can't fight with you to bring you luck.]

....

[OMJ: Oh boy! My favorite character, Ellipses!]
[JCM: An ellipsis with an extra dot this time. That almost makes up for all the times it went without a dot. Almost.]
[Trophy: NONONONONO NOT BIKINI TOP MEMORIES!]


We cut back to the Dark One Ruler's throne.

[JCM: I prefer the Dark Two Ruler.]
[OMJ: Boo! Time to get my razor blade again.]

"Sir, what do we do now?" Flareix asked.

"It seems like the races caused his prison to melt.." Phalos said.

[OMJ: Or, y'know, the fact that his prison was on a tropical island.]
[JCM: No, it was definitely the races since Phallus said so.]

"I see...any sign of his body?" Dark One Ruler asked.

[OMJ: His name just sounds stupid-er without the "The" before it.]

"No, but the knife was on the ground.." Phalos said, showing it.


[Trophy: So...where did his body go?]
[JCM: The knife or the ground?]

The Dark One Ruler reached out to grab it, and we saw a dark gray hand with long fingernails.

[OMJ: This guy should use the prize to give himself a spa day.]

"Using my senses...I could trace where he has gone," The Dark One Ruler said.

[The Dark One Ruler: Using my ass' own gravitational pull, I can draw him out of hiding.]

"I got a signal, but it's fuzzy.

[JCM: Fuzzy Lumpkins

Fuzzy_Lumpkins.jpg ]


It's very brief however..."

[OMJ: Just look for a guy wearing fuzzy briefs then.]

He then put his hand out over a torch, and began chanting.

[JCM: Looks like I joined a cult again.]

"Is he still dead?" Phalos asked.

[OMJ: Yeah, I'm sure he just turned into a zombie and walked out.]

"He is not dead...but in the outskirts of the world," The Dark One Ruler said. "You two will go find him."

[JCM: Dark One Ruler would do it himself, but then he'd miss the newest Scandal.]
[OMJ: Does this lead to the spinoff where Suitelife causes Mr. Moseby more problems on a cruise ship? Damn, I think I just figured out who The Dark One Ruler is.]
[Trophy: But he should be dead due to blood loss and Dragiiin pretty much killing him, UNLESS IT'S ATTWL 3 LOGIC FUCKED UP ON STEROIDS! IF NOT, LOGIC POLICE!]


"Yes sir," Flareix said as they teleported away.

[OMJ: What's stopping these guys from teleporting in their races?]

We then see him open up a portal, and he chanted some more. We then saw a figure appear.

[JCM: We then see, we then saw, we then see saw.]

"Sir...it is not wise to tamper with the Kingdom of The Dead," Dradius suggested.

[OMJ: I wouldn't fux with 2011 SBM either.]

"I'm aware," the ruler said.

Out of the shadows came...CDCB.


[OMJ: To PB&J Otter, no less.]
[JCM: It isn't polite to ejaculate out of the shadows, CD.]
[Trophy: Oh right, he's dead, please tell me he's wearing clothes this time.]


"Where...am I?" CDCB asked. "Who are you guys?"

[OMJ: Don't worry about it, we barely know these guys, ourselves.]

"You don't know me...but I know you. Let's just say I have some things planned.." The ruler said.

[The Dark One Ruler: *wink wink fart fart* nUihIBF.png ]

[Trophy: Well, time for otter jo- oh wait, this is 2012. So he's as important as S2 Smiles or more like S1 Hassan?]

 

Edited by jjsthekid
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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

44. Zapping Like Zwuir

Spoiler


44. Zapping Like Zwuir

[Hayden: That name is queer. I'm calling him Zapdos instead.]
[Jjs: Oh boy, prepare yourselves. Starting with this episode, the series gets really fucking crazy. Which may be either good or bad.]

We pick off where the previous episode left off, with CDCB being revived.

“Um...why?” Phalos asked to The Dark One Ruler.

[Metal Snake: Good question.]
[Jjs: Yeah, why? This revival crap is eerily reminding me more and more of Bikini Top Season 2, and that's not good, at all.]
[Clappy: Because this season is trying to extend out enough to get a third.]
[Hayden: Well Phalos, who else is going to provide comic relief? No one's humor is a better fit than his for SBC *holds nose* PU.]

Just then, out of the shadows, the ruler appeared. He had a giant raven like head, grey hands, and six tarantula like legs coming out of his back, with dark red robes with odd symbols - his name was Ronuletto.

[Clappy: Why am I picturing one of the forms of Myotismon from Digimon?]
[Metal Snake: ...Ronuletto?

“Ron, you let them play Roulette? Oh…”]
[Jjs: So Ron Stoppable has now become some ancient evil demon wanting to hijack a racing competition?]
[Hayden: Sounds like the kind of gross monster you'd expect to find on Billy and Mandy.]
[Trophy: Uhhh... I got nothing besides the Baltimore Ravens logo having sex with a tarantula and having a baby with the Society of the Blind Eye from GF.]

“I did it because he was a member of The SpongeBob Community...using my only reviving power on him is a good move. We could use him to spy on them,” Ronuletto said.

[Jjs: Oh my, there's quite a lot wrong with this. How the hell do these mythical beings even know what SBC is? And reviving powers... really? And using his "one reviving power" on CDCB of all people? Damn, my writing went off the wall at this point.]
[Trophy: But who else will say wi- oh right 2012, uh so I guess not to be a dick to CD IRL? 0IJOZWk.png ]
[Clappy: Then why not use a Bot to spy on them? I hear Google bot is always available.]
[Hayden: I know the SBC users are flaming jackasses who wear their idiot stripes with pride in this story, but will they really not question a dead guy suddenly being back to life? At the very least it will attract a lot of attention and make spying that much harder.]

“In that case, good idea,” Flareix said. “But what if they get suspicious?”

[Metal Snake: 70s will have him executed for treason, obviously.]
[Jjs: Considering who is running this tournament, I wouldn't worry about being found out. Team DARKNESS still hasn't been disqualified, after all.]

“Don’t worry, I have it under control,” Ronuletto said. “This will help Gargos’ chances, we can spy on them with CDCB. Flareix and Phalos, you may search for suitelife again - you too Dradius.”

[Clappy: As the rise of obscure evil SBC members continues.]
[Hayden: Why does Ronuletto give a shit about suitelife? They're all mythical creatures that possess endless ass pull powers. Is he honestly a realistic priority? When did they learn about him if they've been locked up all this time? He isn't one of their chain gang.]

“Do you mean it sir?” Dradius asked.

[Metal Snake: “Are you really letting us do your dirty work for you?” *makes a cute face and blushes*]
[Hayden: That's right....tell him what he's won, Bob!]
[bob: A pointless errand! *audience boos instead of cheers for some odd reason*]

“Yes, good luck,” Ronuletto said, as he went back to his throne, and the 3

[Clappy: stooges]
[Hayden: assmigos]

disappeared.

“As for you..” Ronuletto said to CDCB, and cursed him with a dark spell, and his eyes turned purple.

[Jason DeRulo: Is it weird that your eyes remind me of a Jewel song?]
[Trophy: Red is soooo 2000 years ago.]
[Metal Snake: Why is that always a side effect from dark magic in fiction? Do dark mages have to carry around Clear Eyes eyedrops with them or something?]
[Hayden: With powers like this, it's in Ronuletto's best interest to sit on his throne and watch paint dry. Wouldn't want to impose a real threat on SBC. They don't handle pressure well and the only way we can reach 52 episodes is if neither side notices common logic.]

He was then transported to Paralois Island.

We then cut back to Paralois Island.

[Metal Snake: No way, I thought we’d cut back to Miami Beach.]
[Jjs: Redundancy Department in 3...2...1]
[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you Jjs in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]
[Clappy: Besides the redundancy, is anyone else off-put by the uncreative island name? Paral(lel)ois? How did I not catch this earlier?]
[Hayden: Lois from Family Guy has an opposite who has an island named after her? But seriously, the reverse of Lois must be the most like-able and dynamic character ever created. The story could use one of those.]

“Good job last time Ex, you got us some points,” 70s said.

[Trophy: And we avoided a Stalus ass pull.]
[Clappy: ....."some" points? How are we suppose to show any interest in this contest if the writer isn't going to explain how many points or keep us up to date with the standings? We all know this is going to lead to SBC victory in the end anyway. It's better to keep your audience involved at least.]
[Hayden: Jjs put standings in the bottom under his chapters. SBC is doing so poorly right now that basically every team in front of them has to die or get pulled from the race for them to win. You know, just like with before the finals...]

“But certainly not enough to defeat that sneaky devil Stalus,” OMJ said.

[Trophy: ...You beat him last round.]
[Metal Snake: “Yeah, you need to show that silly goose what you’re made of!”]
[Clappy: Why do I feel like every time I try to pay attention to this contest, another obscure name gets thrown into the mix?]
[Hayden: Ah Stalus...
aavxjiP.jpg?1 ]

Just then, CDCB was on the island, and he approached the hut. He then knocked on the hut door.

[Narrator: He then waited patiently for a generic door greeting.]
[Jjs: *piano falls on CDCB*]
[Hayden:
s11bU5v.gif ]

“Who is there? Elastic asked.

“Better not be the cops,” OMJ said.

[Metal Snake: Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just the FBI.]
[Hayden: They've followed an anonymous tip from Tvguy and are about to arrest you all for illegal underage air races in dangerous poorly rushed to completion fighter planes.]

Ex opened the door, and they were all surprised to see CDCB.

“Hello everyone,” CDCB said in a dark voice.

[Clappy: "Dark voice"? Excuse me while I laugh in my light voice.]
[Hayden: I knew Ronuletto would take care of the suspicion factor just like he said. He must take after his idol Manfried. xHnNev3.gif ]

“I thought you were dead?” Elastic asked.

[Metal Snake: “Oh, hi Kenny.”]
[Jjs: Yeah, that guy who died last season due to the evil opposite. I keep forgetting it happened too.]
[Hayden: CD can't be Kenny because Elastic remembered he died. Back to the drawing board for this mystery.]
[Trophy: PLOT HOLE POLICE! I've been wondering, did they even have a funeral for him? Did Steel and the others even pass the information off to the rest of SBC? If not, that's pretty fucking rude.]

“I was, but like a miracle, I’m back!” CDCB said.

[Jjs: Is this another one of CD's "jokes"? It would explain why nobody is taking it seriously so far.]
[Clappy: Yeah, because they miraculously chose him instead of a more obscure SBC member.]
[Hayden: FxkVX5g.gif ]

“Like how I wish Michael Jackson would come back,” OMJ said. “Still, welcome back to the Krusty Krew. I would give you some cuban cigars if we actually had any.”

[Trophy: Cuban cigars? *walks away*]
[Metal Snake: “Get a free Cuban cigar with the purchase of any combo at Krusty Burger today! HOOHOOHOOHAHA!”]
[Jjs: I would rant on how ridiculous this scene is, but I feel like I intentionally made it stupid on purpose, so let's just stare in awe at how I thought this scene was "funny" or a "good idea". But hey, at least OMJ's line made me laugh.]
[Clappy: Yeah, if OMJ was being written by SOF for this, I wouldn't be surprised, because this sounds nothing like OMJ at all to me.]
[Hayden: How about some parallel cigars that cure cancer and purple eyes instead?]

“Wait, how do we know if this is really him?” 70s asked. “It could be another team member in disguise.”

[Clappy: See, even 70s is wondering if that's really OMJ.]
[Metal Snake: “Yeah, I know a latex mask when I see one. Hee hee…”]
[Hayden: Yes 70s, they went to the trouble of facial reconstruction surgery. Not to mention they chose CD's face of all faces.]

“I am 16, love storyboards and deleted scenes, have a spin-off called CDCB’s Bikini Bottom Adventures, I have a sister named Dani, and my name is Christian,” CDCB said, while Ronuletto was looking the facts up, speaking to them.

[Metal Snake: Damn, SBCPU!Jjs’ research speed skills have been rivaled.]
[Trophy: CD doesn't know his own name, how nice.]
[Jjs: An evil demon needs to look up facts...on what? A computer? Some mystical database that knows all? EXPLAIN!]
[Clappy: Yeah, he was lurking CD's Facebook page, but what's even more questionable is Ronuletto was speaking to them.....through what? How? Demon possession? Elaborate.]
[Hayden: Ronuletto sounds just like a real human being with this dialogue. But seriously, how hard was it to just have CD brainwashed into evil instead of Ronuletto speaking for him right here? Ronuletto may has well have just built a robot to go spy on them since he's providing the audio.]

“Well, I guess it is you. Want to join our crew?” OMJ asked.

[Metal Snake: “We could use an undead guy in our gang.”]
[Clappy: Wow, that was quick. So I just have to give a brief summary of what I like to do in my spare time and mention my first name and my sister's first name to join this exclusive crew? I guess anyone can join. Thanks OMJ.]
[Hayden: I guess the OMJ in this hasn't heard of Google.]

“Sure,” CDCB said.

“Hm...watch out Ex, I don’t think something is right here,” 70s whispered to him.

[Hayden: Dat intuition tho.]
[Jjs: I'd be wary of CD too, especially if he has "purple eyes". Speaking of which...are his whole eyes purple or just his pupils?]
[Clappy: I'll say. OMJ is acting rather offbeat today talking about Michael Jackson, giving cuban cigars to minors, and allowing random undead people off the street to join our exclusive team. He could be possessed by a dark lord.]

We see Zwuir looking across at their hut. He began snapping his claws.

[Metal Snake: “Oh snap! ...I forgot what I was doing here.”]
[Clappy: Oh snap, I forgot he had claws because there are too many damn characters in this.]
[Trophy: Claws? Didn't we already have a crab or something with Rift, who still got unfairly robbed of his rematch?]
[Hayden: Zapdos isn't a Pokémon with claws. Biggest error yet.]

“Next race is beginning,” Elastic said.

Ex then got into the Pulp Rider, and went to the starting line - this time the pilots were going through a swamp area.

[Metal Snake: Wow. Again, Jjs is not recycling the lake area. What sorcery is this?]
[Clappy: I expect a return to the lake area in the near future still.]
[Hayden: A swamp is literally just a lake/forest combination.]
[Jjs: I guess I got more budget to work with or stopped being lazy. But hey now Hayden, at least it's a combination of two things used before. That's thinking outside the box!]

We then see Dradius, Phalos and Flareix in an unknown area.

“Here we are...the World Outskirts. The land of danger and deranged people.” Dradius said.

[Clappy: You mean deranged people aren't dangerous?]
[Metal Snake: Lol, imagine having to advertise a place like that…

“Come on down to the World Outskirts today, folks! It’s the land of death and mental diseases!”]
[Jjs: *looks at globe of Earth* I don't see a place called World Outskirts anywhere, but I think you have its name confused with the Antarctica.]
[Hayden: Huh, this World Outskirts place sounds like a great spot to store mythical bad guys where no one will find th-wait a second...]

“How do we know he is here?” Phalos asked.

[Jjs: Yeah, how do we know this just isn't some mind game from me to give these 3 knuckleheads something to do for once? How would Suitelife even still be alive, let alone get to the World Outskirts? I know the answers to both of these questions, but you'll have to keep reading to see.]
[Hayden: Can't I just buy the electronic version which reads it to me instead?]

“This necklace Ronuletto gave me is glowing, and it lead us here,” Dradius said.

[Clappy: Glowing necklaces. The new GPS.]

They then looked ahead, and saw thunder and tons of junk everywhere.

[Metal Snake: “...Did I mention it’s also a land of great weather and natural resources?”]
[Jjs: SAW thunder? Pretty sure you can only hear thunder.]
[Trophy: Nah jjs, you hear lightning, silly goose.]
[Hayden: Is Pikachu going to blast this trio off again?]

“I don’t like the looks of this..” Flareix said.

“The worst is yet to come..” Dradius said, as they continued on.

[Clappy: This one's going to hurt the most.]
[Jjs: At least they're being honest.]

We then cut back to Paralois Island.

“Ex, watch out - my censors detect the water in the swamp is well...acidic, and can burn through your ship in 5 seconds,” 70s said.

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: sensors]
[Metal Snake: Okay, I’m sorry, sensors? Past!Jjs is not even trying to hide the fact that 70s is actually a robot anymore…]
[Jjs: Well, 70s did censor anyone who never agreed with him, so this typo has some accuracy to it.]
[Clappy: Also, not to mention that water is both an acid and a base. This is scientifically inaccurate.]
[Trophy: Shrek should get that for his swamp.]

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ex said. “How many gates?”

“5,” OMJ said. “Like 5 Guys.”

[Metal Snake: “Did I forget to tell you guys that I’m the “cool, funny one”?”]
[Jjs: Is OMJ going to do anything other than be comedic relief with Elastic?]
[Clappy: I'd rather be eating Five Guys than reading this SBC user typecasting. Next thing you're going to tell me is that Kevin is obsessed with Aya, crushing won't stop talking about activity on the forums, Wumbo will make music references.....I really need to make some changes to ATTWL.]
[Hayden: I resent this chapter for even using my favorite number.]

We then see Zwuir - a crab creature who was blue with two giant claws, and some tentacles - crawl into a giant crab ship. It was white with tentacles on the bottom.

[Jjs: Rift, is that you? Maybe they realized it was BS he didn't get to reface Ex, so they let him back into the finals under a new name! If SOF can do it, so can Rift! That's my head-canon, and you'll have to accept it!]
[Metal Snake: Yay, another one of Mr. Krabs’ cousins.]
[Trophy: Yup it's Rift's papa. Wait, white with tentacles... MR. SQUIDWARD! EHD6GWh.png ]
[Clappy: Oh great. Another character we have to keep up with....wait a minute. This is the same damn character we were introduced to earlier. Why weren't we given his description earlier? That way it would make more sense when he was described as "snapping his claws".]
[Hayden: Yes Jjs, we get it, you liked Brainstorm from Ben 10.
SY6201T.png?1 ]

“Wow, nice ride you got there,” Ex said to him.

Zwuir just made a bunch of clicking noises.

[Metal Snake: He’s on his computer, obviously.]
[Clappy: He's turning the lights on and off?]
[Hayden: R7BCXkJ.gif ]

“Okay then..” Ex said, and the race began.

[Jjs: Pilots don't say "okay then"! Pilots say "ARRRGHH"!]

The 9 pilots were racing above the acidic waters, while ACS was trailing in last, nearly about to fall into the acidic water.

[Trophy: Of course he is.]

“UGH! THIS SHIP IS SO HEAVY!!” ACS yelled.

[Jjs: Yeah, you're on it.]
[Hayden: You aren't called Acidic Cock Sucker for nothing.]
[Metal Snake: But I thought you liked heavy ships, like the Delta Queen.]
[Clappy: Maybe you should get rid of one of your personalities. My ship would be heavy too if I had eleven or twelve people on it.]

“Well, that is what happens when you make a ship based off of a game like Jax & Dexter,” Lew said.

[Metal Snake: Pfft. Not even going to riff this. I’m just awaiting OMJ’s comment.]

“UGH, OKAY! WE’LL THROW OFF SOME EXTRA CARGO!” ACS said, and the crew began throwing off unneeded junk.

[Jjs: Once again, what crew?]
[Hayden: But none of them have junk down there to begin with.]
[Clappy: No! Don't throw off Ed Oxenbould! He's a movie star dammit!]

However, one of the crew members, then threw off ACS’ hyper cam.

“NO YOU IDIOT!” ACS yelled, as he threw the crew member overboard. “MY CAMERA!”

[Trophy: RIP crew member.]
[Metal Snake: Hate to riff a scene of good comic relief, but…

“I RECORDED MY FIRST SBC XAT FIGHT ON THAT CAMERA! AND ALL MY SUPER SMASH BROS VIDEOS!”]
[ACS: Now how am I suppose to provide proof that the rest of my crew members aren't just me? Oh wait....I can't.]
[Hayden: So ACS threw himself off to his death? SBCPU is tackling mature themes...]

We then see the hyper cam go falling, but it falls on Zwuir’s ship.

[Jjs: Wait, as lulzy as this...a hyper cam is a physical object now?]
[Trophy: Isn't ACS in last, unless they moved forward? If not... INCONSISTENCY POLICE!]
[Hayden: So we've established ACS is flying close down to the acid and is in last place, yet Zapdos just happened to be underneath him? Wut.]

“Hm?” Zwuir growled, as he heard the bang on his ship.

[Jjs: I didn't know crabs could say "hm?".]
[Clappy: Crabs growl?]
[Hayden: Mr. Krabs growls all the time. Right before yelling something. Buckle your seat belts, we're about to hear some actual lines.]

He then saw the Pulp Rider approaching near him, and he stared at Ex, and thought of CDCB. He drove his ship near Ex.

[Clappy: He stared at Ex and had thoughts about CDCB? Erm....yeah....

nqu0vcV.gif ]

We then see everyone at this point, at the second gate, except for Team RACB.

“THE SHIP IS LIGHTER, LET’S GO!!” ACS commanded.

[Metal Snake: Well, I can tell they had an easy time getting that obviously waterproof camera that obviously waterproof swamp back.]
[Clappy: Wow, Weight Watchers sure works miracles.]

The 3rd gate was in the other’s views, and we see Q and Stalus going neck and neck - Q used his ship which looked like a ball with two wings attached to it,

[Jjs: wat]
[Trophy: Q and Stalus back together on the OP Bullshit-o-meter- *explodes when just hearing Q* Wow, what do ya know?]
[Hayden: Alright, I'm just going to imagine this is Q from now on:
230MwZq.jpg?1]


and flew ahead, while Stalus shot some mystic stars at Q.

[Clappy: ....I'm not going to even bother trying to remember any of these people.]
[Hayden: Stalus learned Swift attack!]

“I really hope this area is restricted to animals, because I hope my ponies like Rarity don’t go wandering into here!” Mothra said.

[Clappy: Haha, get it? She likes ponies, so we have to shoehorn a pony reference in here to remind us that she is in-character.]
[Metal Snake: That line makes no sense, and this is coming from someone who has watched every episode of MLP:FiM. This is not something your average brony would say, this is something your average brony on drugs or with a mental illness would say. Even if the MLP characters were real, I’m pretty confident the only one who would give a shit about the area being restricted to animals would be Fluttershy. Now then, time to join the crowd…

STOP CRAMMING MLP REFERENCES DOWN OUR THROATS, IT’S BEEN 3 YEARS SINCE THAT SHIT WAS RELEVANT TO SBC!]
[Jjs: Yeah, can we stop the forced MLP references already? Speaking of which, where's tvguy to force them down our throat?]
[Clappy: Making a Ponies forum.]

“It is, human,” Nondai said, checking his censors.

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: sensors]
[Jjs: Oh hey, glad to see you survived being crushed by an icicle.]
[Trophy: Jjs confirmed for 4Kids employee.]
[Hayden: Too bad Jjs didn't have a sensor back then that picked up on him misspelling the word "sensor" as "censor".]

“Good..NOW EAT THIS!” Mothra said, blasting rainbows at Nondai.

[Metal Snake: Wow, I wasn’t even being entirely serious with my “EAT THIS!” Liquid Snake comment back when I riffed 34. I’m sincerely proud…]
[Hayden: Is Mothra trying to feed Nondai lucky charms now?!]
[Jjs: Since this is SBCPU, I think you mean "convenient" charms.]

We then see Zwuir against the Pulp Rider, and Zwuir began to use his crab ship to hover over the Pulp Rider.

“Um...the fuck brah?” Ex asked above.

[Eric Cartman: The fuck, Clyde?!]

Just then, the ship smashed down onto the Pulp Rider, and a bunch of tentacles from the bottom began to grab it.

[Cleveland: That's nasty.]
[Hayden: Incoming tentacle porn.....]

“UGH! LET GO! I CAN’T SEE SHIT DUE TO YOUR BIGASS SHIP COVERING ME!” Ex yelled.

[Metal Snake: ...Time for another, “Pfft...WUT. Lol...WUT?!”. The ship SMASHED DOWN onto his ship, CRUSHING IT, and Ex’s biggest complaint is that he CAN’T SEE. ...Wow.]
[Clappy: Not to mention the fact that Ex is shouting let go. He is crushing your ship brah. He's not holding onto anything to do that.]

We then see Zwuir crawl down from his huge shell ship, and he appeared on the cockpit of the Pulp Rider.

[Metal Snake: How is he crawling on the cockpit if the ship’s been crushed?!]
[Jjs: Haha, cockpit.]

“Hello..” Ex said, slightly nervous. “Crab want some food..?”

[Clappy: ....what....I swear if I had a reaction gif for every bad joke or offbeat wording in this, they would always look like this.

7jbdy6n.gif?1 ]
[Hayden: I hear crabs respond well to bribery.....]

Just then Zwuir used his claw to smash open the cockpit.

[Clappy: Oh great, he has a BIONIC claw now?! That would be something that needs to be explained better jjs.]
[Hayden: Bribery of money, not food.]
[Jjs: I know how to justify this, Clappy. Maybe Zwuir is holding a bionic claw with his crab claw. Chew on that for a bit.]

“HOLY SHIT!” Ex said, as he tried climbing out.

[Metal Snake: Finally, a believable reaction.]
[Elastic: STAY CALM!]

“What the hell is going on?!” 70s said, looking at the screen.

“Don’t know,” CD said.

[Jjs: Thank you for your contribution, Mr. Funny Man.]
[Clappy: Hey look, I was force fed dialogue.]

“Hm...interesting, looks like Kizuna could meet his downfall,” Ronuletto said, as he was looking at what CD was seeing.

[Metal Snake: He survived a FUCKING SHIP falling down on him, I think he’ll be alright.]
[Clappy: If you really wanted a good look at what CD was seeing, why not have him in the actual race dammit? You're possessing him and you aren't even utilizing THAT correctly. Not to mention that anyone who's anyone is allowed into this race at this rate, why not add another racer?]
[Hayden: Ronuletto, isn't it a little dissatisfying to have your nemesis killed off by a one-off nobody who will probably hardly appear after their spotlight episode?]

Just then, a bunch of gas was sprayed from a shell bomb in the Pulp Rider, and Ex was knocked out and Zwuir grabbed him.

[Metal Snake: Inb4 jokes about farts and that run-on.]
[Jjs: Holy run-on sentence, Batman!]

We then see the other Dark Ones’ progress.

[Jjs: Oh? We're not saving them for next episode? So they are their own reoccurring subplot now? More BT S2 callbacks...]
[Hayden: I bet it will go just as well as when Hersht and friends teamed up to stop Astenias in a TOTALLY well used subplot. Man, they really stopped him in his tracks.]

“This is hopeless, we are just traveling through a land of junk, shit, trash, shit, shit, garbage, and MORE SHIT!” Flareix yelled, as he burned fire everywhere.

[Clappy: Pretty accurate quote describing the journey through this chapter so far.]
[Hayden: I was going to say kill it with fire, but Flareon beat me there.]
[Metal Snake: Flareix is the Angry Video Game Nerd, all of a sudden. What’s with all the cussing in this chapter? Watch the shitting language.]
[Jjs: Yeah, what the fuck, brah?]

“Calm down...seriously,” Phalos said.

[Trophy: Yeah... seriously.]

Just then, a snake approached the gang, coming out of the shadows.

[Jjs: Is it an Arbok? Follow-up question, does it evolve into Seviper, thus proving the all holy gods at 4Kids were right!?]
[Hayden: No, it evolves into Suicune. Antarctica, remember?]

“Hello!” The snake said.

[Clappy: Stop....just stop Jjs. You're adding WAY TOO MANY characters. If there is any Bikini Top callbacks that I'm having from riffing this is the obscenely large character cast this has. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact most of these characters hardly do anything as is. Although, I'll give you this. I'm laughing too hard that a talking snake has been added to the expanding cast list.]
[Metal Snake: And now talking animals. Past!Jjs was laughing at this point as SBCPU fans were criticizing this season for being too outlandish.]
[Jjs: Yeah, I think OMJ was right I had some hidden some speed in this lit. It'd explain a lot.]

“Talking snakes..?” Dradius said.

[Hayden: This better not be a biblical reference...]

“Coming from a talking dark dragon..” Phalos said.

[Clappy: Point, Phalos.]
[Trophy: ...

]

“Good point, what brings you here...uh...Mr. Snake?” Dradius asked.

[Metal Snake: See what I mean?]
[Hayden: That's racist.]

“You can call me Anay, I could show you what you are looking for..” Anay said.

[Jjs: Mr. Nay Nay?]
[Anay: ....you can call me Anay?

*pulls Jjs aside*

Jjs, could you have given me anay other name than this one? How is this suppose to be menacing when it sounds this laughably bad?]

“Hm...should we trust a talking snake?” Dradius pondered. “Or are we just tripping out?”

[Metal Snake: “Of course you can trust me! The worst thing I ever did was trick a nudist couple into eating magic fruit!”]
[Jjs: Is it just me, or is Dradius sounding less and less menacing for a villain?]
[Hayden: Well Dradius, your judgment would be the most on point since you're both lizard serpent things. Or do you not trust YOURSELF to make the right decision?]

“No, this is all real - if you are looking for a human...I can show you a few, there are some here,” Anay said. “For the right price.”

[Jjs: I...do not like where this is going.]

Dradius grabbed him and slightly choked him.

[Metal Snake: How do you grab a snake’s neck and only slightly choke it?]
[Clappy: How can you choke a snake when its body doesn't have any bones?]
[Hayden: He's choking the vocal cords this snake magically grew.]

“We want only one, and we aren’t paying,” Dradius said.

[Anay: But you don't know how much the economy has fallen, man!]
[Jjs: Yeah! Do you know how much money mythical creatures make on a daily basis?!]

“Okay! No payment for you three fine gentlemen..” Anay said, as Dradius let him go.

[Clappy: Some salesman you are.]

“...I’m a female,” Phalos said, irritated.

[Trophy: Obligatory gender reference.]
[Metal Snake: I’m a male, and I wouldn’t mind being called a “gentlewoman”. Tee hee.]

“My bad..missssesss..” Anay said, as the led the three across the lands.

[Jjs: Haha, he'ssss a ssssnake! Get it?!]
[Hayden: He ssssshould really get that lisssspp figured out.]
[Clappy: Just stop....instead of feeling intimidated, this is just making me laugh.]

Back in the race, we see Ex wake up in Zwuir’s crab ship.

“Why did you bring me here?” Ex asked.

[Ex: Couldn't you have made Hassan the hero of this lit again?]
[Hayden: Hey, at least he gave you a nice nap for some rejuvenation. Now maybe your reactions to situations in this race will be more quick witted. Worth the effort?]

Zwuir then put a tentacle to Ex’s head and his own crab head - just then, they saw a flashback.

[Jjs: Oh Christ, now Bikini Top-esque flashbacks. I was the 70s of lits.]

We see Zwuir and another crab of his species in some faraway land - we then see a ship of some sort land nearby.

[Clappy: Because you know, crabs come in multiple species types....wtf.]
[Metal Snake: “Another crab of his species”. I guess Jjs really didn’t want us to mistake this other crab for Larry the Krab.]
[Hayden: A faraway land, that totally is specific.]
[Jjs: "A ship of some sort" You can really feel the effort.]
[Trophy: So is it Rift?]

The other crab is Zwuir’s wife, and Zwuir goes to investigate the mysterious ship.

[Trophy: Or not.]

Zwuir crawls there, but when he gets there, the ship is empty. He then hears a gunfire sound, and goes back to where his wife was - but it’s too late. We see two hunters had shot her, and began cutting her tentacles off.

[Hayden: Sudden backstory bomb....with 8 episodes left. Why does Jjs suddenly want us to care about other racers?]
[Jjs: Oh my....the lulz. While I did try to be emotional, it falls flat because of this rushed description. This feels like Arianna's parents death all over again (wow, another BT callback). This would be like condensing Batman's parents' death into two sentences...

"Bruce and his parents walk outside a theater and a mugger shoots Bruce's parents to death. The mugger leaves and Bruce starts crying."]
[Clappy: AND she had tentacles? Crabs don't have tentacles, dammit! If this is an alien...what the fuck kind of crab alien is this?]

“Boy, these tentacles will sell well, look how special they are. We’ll be rich!” the hunter said.

[Metal Snake: “And we only have two days left until retirement!”]
[Jjs: I hear you can sell them off for Naughty Tentacle Porn in return.]

“Hey look, another one! Let’s get his tentacles too!” The other hunter said, referring to Zwuir.

[Clappy: I'm sorry, this is bugging me more than it should. If crabs have tentacles, then does that mean I've not been eating crab legs in the past?]
[Hayden: Clappy, it said it was a faraway land. Like Newfoundland or something. That explains any crab differences from good old Murican crabs.]

Zwuir then, very angry, jumped at the two hunters, and they both screamed. The screen fades out.

[Metal Snake: That was clearly done to censor out them working everything out with a discussion over tea. pBSFpCS.png]

Then, Zwuir approached his lover, and she was bleeding - it was too late, and one of her tentacles had been cut off.

[Metal Snake: I thought the hunters cut tentacles off of her, not a single one.]
[Clappy: Fucking really. Killing her by taking off one of her tentacles? That's almost as bad as dying via stabbed in the hand from ATTWL 3.]

Zwuir then slowly touched her, as she passed away. The flashback ended.

[Jjs: ....sucks.]
[Clappy: God, maybe this was a Bikini Top callback because that flashback sucked. Really bad.]
[Hayden: ....Do I have the right show? *looks at theater program again just to be sure*]

“So that’s why you want to win the prize..” Ex said, as the tentacle let him go. “To revive your lover. You can use the prize to bring back someone from the dead?”

[Hayden: Why did you say that like it was a question? Grand Ruler dipfuck already said it could do that?]
[Jjs: I guess Ex takes what the Grand Ruler says with a grain of salt after he allowed SOF into the competition.]
[Trophy: I'd just use it to have every single power ever so I can do whatever the hell I want.]

Zwuir nodded, but then, he clicked a bunch of sounds - they sounded like C-D-C-B.

[Metal Snake: I thought they would sound like click-click-click-click.]
[Jjs: Hmm... nothing suspicious there, what do you guys think?]
[Clappy: This clicking chat clearly is the new Morse code.]
[Hayden: He wants the help of Ex to learn the alphabet!]
[Trophy: What'd he do, use Microsoft Word or Google Documents?]

“CDCB..? What about him? Are you saying..someone brought him back from the dead?” Ex asked.

[Jjs: No Ex! You're supposed to ignore it and follow-up to it 5 episodes later!]
[Clappy: Ex knows all. Ex is God.]
[Hayden: Yes Ex! You can see more revivals of the dead in Bikini Top Season 3: Back From The Dead! A little self promotion goes a long way.]

Zwuir nodded, and Ex gasped.

“Wait...you’re trying to warn me!” Ex said.

[Metal Snake: Warn him about...what? CDCB was brought back to life, so? Zwuir didn’t wink or nod that the force that brought him back was evil…]
[Jjs: It's just CDCB, the worst he'll do is tell his jokes.]
[Clappy: Or write super bad Otter porn.]
[Hayden: Otter Tentacle porn....wait, erase that, it will give him ideas.]

Zwuir nodded again, and he put Ex back into the Pulp Rider, carrying him out.

“Shit, looks like the race is over,” Ex said in contact with 70s.

“Sorry Ex - Stalus came in first again, Q second, and Massan & Jss third,” 70s said.

[Metal Snake: *sigh* Past!Jjs tries to subvert the cliche of the hero always winning with...the hero always losing. I don’t get it, what’s wrong with a fair balance of losses and victories?]
[Jjs: Yeah, even I'm getting really sick of "Ex loses half the time, and gets lucky the other half of the time". Ex is supposed to be the hero, but uh, for a hero, I think he's getting more losses than wins at this point. It would be excusable if he actually learns from his mistakes, but I keep writing ridiculous excuses.]
[Clappy: So far this lit has done a bad job at making Ex look strong. It's obvious he is going to win, but he'll be a paperweight champion.]
[Hayden: I just don't understand why Zapdos had to ruin both of their chances just to communicate his backstory and warning to Ex when there was plenty of time to do this afterwards. One of the worst loss excuses yet.]
[Trophy: WAIT, HOLY SHIT! MASSAN & JSS WON SOMETHING OVER GARGOS FOR ONCE! BIGGEST SURPRISE WHOLE CHAPTER FOR ME!]

“Oh well,” CDCB said.

“Thanks for the support..” 70s said to CDCB.

“Sorry,” CDCB said.

[Jjs: Now here's where I'd be suspicious. No joke at all from CD? Something's fishy.]
[Metal Snake: "I should’ve cheered harder… Igny0Zp.png"]

We see Ex back at the hut.

“It’s fine Ex, you were ambushed,” 70s said.

[Metal Snake: “Trust me, I know what it’s like. Heh heh.”]

“No, Zwuir was trying to tell me something - you could bring back someone from the dead with the grand prize..” Ex said.

“Why would he warn you?” 70s asked.

“I don’t know, but something tells me we need to keep a close eye on CDCB...” Ex said as the episode ended.

[Metal Snake: “...Talk about an abrupt ending.” Metal Snake riffed as the episode ended.]
[Trophy: So wait, they could've just brought CD back at the end of the series?]
[Jjs: Well, what an episode folks. The Dark One Ruler turns out to be Ron Stoppable, CD comes back from the dead and lost any sense of humor, AND the gang actually gets suspicious of CD, even though you'd think they would be suspicious and fucking scared by a dead person coming back out of nowhere! Will they actually investigate CD, or will it be tossed into the background like tvguy's plot has? Stay tuned!]
[Hayden: A confrontation is too progressive, so let's just keep an eye on him. Not too massive a change to justify the big race interruption. Kind of an anticlimax. Plus, the Dradius quest is a filler...but also the most out of the ordinary thing we've gotten in a season that has followed the same race formula over and over. I hear this becomes even more of a clusterfuck of weird. We'll see which is the better version of season 2 though. Jjs trying to parody Oban Star Racers or him going off the wall in ridiculousness?]
[Clappy: I would keep a closer eye on OMJ instead, who is coming off as very fishy. Also RIP to ACS's other personalities. May we not forget any of them and their contributions to SpongeBob forums everywhere.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtQUePN5y40 ]
[Epilogue: Rarity wandered over yonder and eventually made her way to a swamp. She hopped in for a swim and promptly died. To this day Mothra still tries to sue Jjs for killing her most precious imaginary pet.]

RIP ACS' hyper cam
RIP Unnamed ACS alter ego

Edited by jjsthekid
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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

45. Journey To The Center of The Island

Spoiler


45. Journey To The Center of The Island

[Jjs: One thing I'm getting tired of this season is the "Adjective Like Pilot" titles, which are almost as annoying as 70s' end montage songs as the episode title running gag. So, it's good to have a different title for once...even if it is a cheesy parody of a movie.]
[Hayden: "Journeying Through Mediocrity Like Jjs".]

We see Team SBC at their hut.

[Hayden: From a hangar to a hut. What a downgrade. Now the Pulp Rider will totally rust in the rain.]

"Next race is looking like a tough one....apparently, you guys are going to the CENTER of the island for the race," a mechanic said.

[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWIST!]
[JCM: The unnamed mechanic makes his glorious return.]
[Hayden: That's going to make it tougher because?]

"Did this become a Journey film all of a sudden?" Elastic asked jokingly.

[Jjs: This lit is a journey alright.]
[Hayden: Because one word signifies a need for a movie reference? Blubber flashbacks.]
[Metal Snake: There are movies about that band? That’s the only way I can imagine Elastic saying something like that.]

Ex got into the Pulp Rider when Mothra suddenly appeared.

[JCM: Mothra's apparently a magician now.]
[Hayden: Let's just say Stalus taught her a few tricks in the bedroom.]
[Metal Snake: Again, “The waiter showed up.”

Maybe SOF got inspiration from stuff like this too…]

"Ohi Mothra," Ex said.

[Hayden: *Ohai, not "Ohi". That's no proper way to address a lady....or whatever Mothra is for that matter.]

"So...hey. It's been a while since we talked, but we don't get much free time here," Mothra said.

[Hayden: Tell me about it. 5 minutes between each race. Those mechanics are being worked like slaves.]

"So...I was thinking we made an alliance....but don't tell the others in my team, they'd go apeshit if they heard this.."

[Hayden: Even more apeshit than when they see their reflection?
bF0Q1CZ.gif ]
[Jjs: So do you hate SBC, like SBC, want to get in Ex's pants, or what?! I think OMJ was right, Mothra is the most two-faced character in this whole story.]
[Metal Snake: Wait, we’re recycling from arguably the worst episode of the series? This can’t be good…]

"Wait a minute...why?" Ex asked.

[JCM: Because the story demands it!]

"To be honest with you, I doubt either of us is making it out of this race alone....we're from opposing sites and sides, so we'd be a great combo - I know you want that prize as much as me," Mothra said.

[Metal Snake: A great combo at Burger King, obviously.]
[Hayden: Mothra is the nutty peanut butter and Ex is the bittersweet chocolate.
Y4pSp5q.jpg?1 ]

"Sure, because Stalus is starting to rape the competition," Ex said.

[JCM: Starting to? How long does it take him to climax?]
[Metal Snake: Insert obligatory “Rusty’s Raping Rampage” joke.]
[Hayden: Welp....there goes all of Ex's tumblr support group.]

"Yes, so our first mission of our plan: Make Stalus lose, and have us come in 1st - 3rd place," Mothra explained.

[Jjs: You do realize one if you isn't going to be the winner if you did that, right.]
[Hayden: It would make more sense to go after two of the top contenders apiece so that they'd both make top 3. I think Mothra just wants revenge for Stalus ditching her the morning after.]

"Sounds like a plan," Ex said.

[JCM: A vague, terrible plan, but a plan nevertheless.]

"Good, now don't have someone like tvguy make your ship fire at me at the last minute," Mothra teased.

[Metal Snake: “Ha ha, of course not. I’ll have someone like 70s do it.”]

"Nah, tvguy is gone," Ex said.

[JCM: You killed him? That's ballsy of you.]
[Hayden: There are two places we think he has "gone". The Bermuda Triangle or he was sucked into Degrassi's infamous black hole.]
[Jjs: Gone to the Forgotten Character Zone, but he's probably having a fine time with Bikini Top's cast and the SBC members from this. At least this chapter bothered to mention him.]

"And I doubt anyone else on my team could do that."

[Metal Snake: “Unless they’ve been possessed by dark magic or something!”]

As soon as that was said, we see CDCB approach behind the Pulp Rider.

[Jjs: What, was CDCB just eavesdropping the whole time?]
[Hayden: Oh I get it, it's supposed to contrast what Ex just said. Oh Jjs, you and your SUBTLE irony. *camera guy whispers in Hayden's ear* What do you mean I didn't say "subtle" subtlety enough?]

"Good my pawn....now let's sabotage their alliance.." Ronuletto said.

[JCM: Where's Ronuletto saying that? If he was with CD, I'm pretty sure Ex would notice a giant bird behind the Pulp Rider.]
[Hayden: CD either has an earpiece on or Ronuletto is talking inside his head with telepathy.]

"Yes master," CDCB said, as he began to curse the Pulp Rider with some dark magic.

[Metal Snake: Predictability? What’s that?]
[Jjs: At least it was "some" dark magic, and not a lot. But seriously, curses now? The Bikini Top supernatural shit is getting old, and fast.]
[Hayden: Jjs, come on. You only have 7 episodes left after this, you'll never get to all those shoehorned supernatural forces. There isn't even a vampire love story yet.]

"Good, now I need to figure out which of these 9 is the most worthy to be my apprentice....I'll be viewing this race..." Ronuletto said - he then blew 9 black feathers out, and they floated in front of his throne - they each contained images of the 9 pilots left.

[Jjs: Apprentice? I guess he got tired of the other four's sexual favors.]
[JCM: Mickey Mouse has experience as a sorcerer's apprentice. You should call him.]
[Hayden: Were those butt feathers? Also, has this lazy ass not been watching every single race?]

"Hm...that magician one with the glowing outfit.." Ronuletto said, referring to Stalus.

[Jjs: You seriously still haven't learned their names?]
[Hayden: How coincidental. He noticed the only SBC pilot or anyone ever seems to mention by name.]

"He seems to be a powerhouse.."

[JCM: He's more of a powercondo.]
[Metal Snake: Fuck, Stalus is overpowered. What’s the point of having a warrior if your mage is a powerhouse?]

We then cut back to the three Dark Ones in the World Outskirts.

[Jjs: So is this happening at the same time with the races? If it is, then this is making me believe the Dark Ones and Anay are stuck in some frozen position until the scene goes back to them. Either that or this is happening all at once and I'm just spreading the subplot out to give them something to do.]

"Ssssso, who is thisssss perssssson you are looking for?" Anay asked the three.

[Jjs: Thisssss gag issss already getting old.]
[Hayden: VykOCoj.jpg?1 ]

"A man who looks like he was just freed from prison, bleeding, and maybe crazy," Dradius said.

[JCM: So half of World's Outskirts.]
[Jjs: I think he might need more description than that, hun.]
[Hayden: Suitelife would clearly just let himself keep losing blood instead of patching that up.]
[Metal Snake: Sounds like my kind of guy. QJqPJm5.png ]

"Hmm....I might jusssst know the persssson..." Anay said. "Follow me."

"Are you sure we can trust this guy...or snake?" Phalos asked.

[JCM: He's one of the two.]
[Metal Snake: “...I’m a girl.” Anay said, irritated.]
[Hayden: Well, we have our very own Metal Snake in our riffing crew and we can all trust him. QJqPJm5.pngfYYcH2q.jpg?1 ]

"Well, he knows this place better than us," Flareix said.

"Watch out for them!" Anay said, as the three got down and dodged a shooting fire ball.

[Metal Snake: Well, that escalated quickly.]
[Jjs: Oh no, they walked right into a nuclear testing site!]
[JCM: Either that or the state of Florida.]

"What the hell was that?" Phalos asked.

"The other onessss who live here.." Anay hissed. "And their machinesssss."

We see a bunch of giant walking robots, with fire shooting from the front of them. There was also some guys with hats and heat-resistant suits piloting them.

[JCM: Just because.]
[Jjs: I'm still not sure what the hell they are supposed to be, 3 years later.]
[Metal Snake: At least these robots don’t seem like the kind made by SOFCo.]
[Hayden: I hope their hats don't burn off. Seems like a design flaw.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi9TdgJ5N-w ]

"Attack the intruders.." One of them whispered darkly, and the field was filled with flames in seconds.

The three Dark Ones and Anay were stuck in the middle of a circle of fire.

[JCM: And it moves us all.]

"IT'S A TRAP!" Phalos yelled.

[Jjs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F4qzPbcFiA ]

"HE TRICKED US!"

[Metal Snake: Wha...who tricked you? ALL of you are stuck.]

"I swear,

[JCM: Don't swear. This is a family show.]

I was going to WARN you!" Anay said.

[Jjs: You could've done that a lot sooner, hun.]
[Hayden: You did warn them. Which is why I'm mad at you. That fire ball could have killed them and ended this subplot.]

"Okay fine, but any idea on how to get us out of this?!" Phalos asked, as they were cornered by the machines.

We cut back to Paralois Island.

[JCM: I'll take that as a no.]

"Okay, your next race is....to the center of the island!" Grand Ruler yelled, appearing from magic glowing dust.

[Alec Baldwin: Sparkle sparkle sparkle!]
[Hayden: gq7QhBW.jpg?1 ]
[Metal Snake: No way, I thought they’d be racing to the center of the earth! ...Or just the center of the nearest lake.]

"How does he do such a fascinating appearance?" Nondai pondered, looking through his calculations.

[Metal Snake: Sorry guys, that actually got a chuckle out of me.]
[Hayden: You really should check your flash drive for information on flashy entrances.]

He then slammed the ground, and the center symbol floor began to glow on the island - it then opened up, and revealed a tunnel.

[JCM: Where do they get the money in the budget for this stuff?]

"Ah, so that is what SpongeOddFan was repairing the stone for.." Nondai said. (from Episode 42)

[Jjs: Thank you for clarifying to make what was mostly a filler episode less of a filler now.]
[Metal Snake: ...But you weren’t there for that. Were you spying on them? Stalker creep.]

"mhmm," SOF said.

"But..I'M SCARED OF THE DARK!" ACS yelled.

[JCM: Should have brought a nightlight.]
[Jjs: Bullshit, Prince DARKstar.]
[Hayden: He needs a shining star to guide him.]

"Funny, since you claim to be the master of darkness," Mothra snorted.

[Metal Snake: OOOOOHHHHHWWWWWOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH]
[Jjs: Seriously, where are you guys hiding these drugs?]
[Hayden: I thought Team Darkness claimed to be the master of darkness. They won't be happy about this.]

"well ACS, that is what you have headlights for," SOF said.

[JCM: Should have brought a headlight too.]
[Hayden: Are there any headlights on upstairs in anyone's skull?]

"Whatever, hopefully I can get some points this time!" ACS said. "I just need someone to help me with an alliance.."

"Mr. ACSBehemothHellCat, the chances of either of those two things happening are 1 out of 152." Nondai teased.

[Metal Snake: Honestly, you’re too kind.]

"Ah, fuck off robot!" ACS said, pushing Nondai.

[JCM: "Robot" is a very offensive term for Synthetic Americans. Please check your privilege.]

"alright alright, knocks it off you two," SOF said, breaking up the fight.

[Jjs: Dangit, why do the fights have to be broken up at the best time? My money was totally on Nondai.]
[Hayden: SOF should mediate everything with that soothing voice of his. "knocks it off" indeed.]

We then see the 9 pilots fly down through the island tunnel.

SOF then used a small staff to close the entrance.

[JCM: Because it's not like they need air or anything.]
[Hayden: The deprivation of air is another SOF tactic to cheat towards victory. He knows what it means to kill competition first hand.]
[Metal Snake: So...SOF is a magician now? MOAR FORESHADOWING]

Ex is racing down, trying to navigate through the darkness.

"I CAN'T SEE!" Ex yelled, as he was banging into everything.

[Jjs: I don't think the others consented to that.]
[Metal Snake: So Ex is pansexual? Wow. *wolf whistle*]
[Hayden: Hassan would have accommodated for everything unlike that mechanic who was dumb enough to think none of the races would be in a tunnel. Bad mechanic. No supper for you tonight.]

"HEY WATCH IT!" Gargos yelled at Ex, as he rammed the Pulp Rider aside with the stone blades from his ship.

[Jjs: Is this a race or a bumper car ride?]
[JCM: At least bumper car rides are entertaining.]

Stalus used his blue diamond ship to light up the caverns.

[Jjs: Thanks for waiting to tell us what his ship looks like until this chapter.]
[Hayden: Oh, not Yellow Diamond? Har har Steven Universe. See, I can make forced references too.]

"You are welcome everyone," Stalus said.

[JCM: welcome everyone is my favorite character.]

"Smartass show-off," Ex snarled.

[Metal Snake: How dare he help everyone.]
[Hayden: If only Ex was capable of doing a single thing in these races maybe he'd come across as less of a jealous half wit.]

"Okay Ex, since you appear to be in light now, I can safely say there is....7 gates," 70s said.

[JCM: Congratulations. You can count.]

"Hmm, looks like we're in for a LONG ride then.." Ex said.

[Jjs: Yup, just like this lit. We still have 8 episodes left, including this one.]
[Metal Snake: You would know. fDWlBTQ.png ]

We then see Mothra approach near him.

[JCM: For some hot boat-on-boat action.]

"Don't forget muscle man," Mothra said.

[Metal Snake: Eh, I’ll let someone else make a Regular Show joke this time.]
[Hayden: If Mothra is calling Ex Muscle Man as a pet name, does that make her Starla?]
[Jjs: Ex forgot Muscle Man? I didn't know Muscle Man was in this race now.]
[Muscle Man: You know who else is in this race now? MY MOM!!!!]

"What is Mothra doing, talking to that SBC scum?" Ssj asked, looking through the screen monitor.

[JCM: This out-of-character ssj is somehow better than the real thing.]
[Jjs: Oh hey, the SBMers still exist...as does this rivalry, which I thought got resolved in the two-parter, but SBC/SBM dramaz is ratings gold.]

"MOTHRA! You can make out with him later, we got a race to win!" MechaWave said.

[Jjs: Welp, thanks for scarring my mind, MechaWave.]
[Hayden: At least MechaWave just gave his blessing to the ship.]
[Metal Snake: The only way I can imagine Ex and Mothra making out…

Ex: I hate you, Mothra.
Mothra: I hate you too.

*the two start making out as jazzy love music comes on*]

"Oh stfu Mecha, we'll talk later Ex," Mothra said, racing ahead.

[JCM: Oh, I doubt there will be a lot of talking, if you know what I mean. fDWlBTQ.png ]

We see ACS trailing behind.

[Jjs: What a surprise.]

"KEEP FUELING THE ENGINES!" ACS yelled.

[JCM: KEEP YELLING AT UNPAID VOLUNTEERS!]
[Metal Snake: What, does this thing run on coal or something?]
[Hayden: I thought he chucked his clones in as an energy source.]

"Hey ACS..." Lew said, approaching him.

"WHAT MY FAITHFUL FIRST MATE?" ACS said, looking ahead with his telescope.

[Hayden: His first sexual conquest? Well, I guess they share the same hand.]
[Jjs: Is Lew going to propose?]
[JCM: I now pronounce you ACS and ACS.]
[Metal Snake: Oh please. Out of all the SBC noobs from back then, Lew would make for the least likely one to become ACS’ second-in-command subordinate, for obvious reasons.]

"To be honest with you...I'm considering quitting..." Lew said.

[Jjs: *cue dramatic gasp from laugh track*]

"WHY?! WE COULD WIN THIS! WE JUST NEED TO TAKE OUT THAT DAMN STALUS!" ACS said.

[Hayden: Stalus losing suddenly rises you out of dead last and into first? To be fair, it seems you aren't the only team with this dumbfuck logic.]

"Well...our team hasn't been doing the best...but okay, I'll stick around when you aren't in the best mood," Lew said. "Which is always."

[Hayden: ACS just needs a rub from you, Lew.]
[JCM: Lew basically has Stockholm syndrome.]
[Jjs: You know it's a sad day when even one of ACS' lackeys is hesitant to stay on his team.]
[Metal Snake: You’re...not the brightest bulb, are you? >_> ]

"Maybe I could form an alliance with that Gargos fellow...he is buff, strong and another winner.." ACS said, as he moved his ship forward through the tunnel.

[Jjs: GArgoCS confirmed?]

We then saw a bunch of flowers and plants in the tunnels, with glowing things everywhere.

[Metal Snake: Insert obligatory “Did you get that description off the back of a candy bar wrapper?” joke.]
[Jjs: I hope those plants get sunlight and water.]
[JCM: Vegetation growing several feet underground isn't unusual at all.]
[Hayden: SOF goes down there every day to water them. I'm more interested in the glowing "things" though.]

"I guess this is where the magic on the island comes from.." Mothra said. "It's beautiful."

[Jjs: Beautifulness: The #1 distraction of SBCers.]
[JCM: Unless that SBCer is Ex, then it's MLP theme music.]
[Metal Snake: And now we’re getting...whimsical? To be fair, I wouldn’t eat a candy bar that was described as “a bunch of flowers and plants with glowing things everywhere” on the back of the wrapper.]
[Hayden: So beauty is magic's power source? Yet those dark magic users are butt ugly.]

"Don't let them distract you, remember our goal!" Ex said, as he launched a missile at Stalus, but he disappeared.

"Where did he go??" Ex asked.

[JCM: Perhaps he was never there. Perhaps this is all a figment of your imagination.]

He then appeared behind the Pulp Rider.

[Jjs: OH NO! OMJ's prediction was true, Stalus is going to fuck him from behind!]
[Hayden: Maybe if Ex didn't yell stupid shit out, Stalus wouldn't have seen the missile coming.]

"Now watch as I pull a blunt object out of the Pulp Rider's behind!" Stalus said, as he threw a bunch of blue stars at the back, and it began smoking.

[Hayden: How "blunt" exactly?]
[JCM: He's going to give the Pulp Rider lung cancer? Diabolical!]
[Metal Snake: Oh my god, so much unintentional hilarity. xD That may as well have been said like this…

“Now watch as I pull a dildo out of the Pulp Rider’s ass!” Stalus said, as he threw a bunch of blue stars, and they began puffing weed in the back.]
[Jjs: Haha, I think I used this line from a role-play in OMJ's old cbox. It has very little to do with anything, but out of context, this is pretty lulzy. At least we got some attempt at humor in.]

"Ugh, get off man!" Ex said, slamming the ship everywhere.

We then cut back to the World Outskirts.

[Jjs: You could put a Family Guy cutaway gag after that and it would've still been a more better transition than this one.]

"Well...we're in the middle of a ring of fire...any ideas?" Flareix asked.

[Metal Snake: Turn yourselves into circus lions? Seriously, I’m expecting anything at this point?]
[Hayden: Water they waiting for?]
[JCM: No. I'm truly at a loss for how a bunch of winged creatures can escape burning land.]

"I have one!" Dradius said, as he flew up and his claw made the screen go black as he attacked a driver.

[Jjs: Holy run-on sentence, Batman!]
[Metal Snake: “Made the screen go black”

The video game glitches have returned…]
[Hayden: He attacked a driver? That's going to be one hell of a ticket.]

Dradius then burned him off, and got control of the machine. He attacked the other machines with it, burning them down.

[JCM: You could have just flown away, but sure. Cause property damage.]
[Hayden: Can Dradius' fat dragon ass even fit inside one of the machines to control it?]

Phalos then blasted some magic at one of them, and made it smash into another.

Flareix burned some more down with his fire, until the rest retreated.

[Jjs: That was anti-climatic.]
[Hayden: Now that's what I call fighting a forest fire with more fire.]

"What were those things?" Phalos asked.

[JCM: Mean bean machines, courtesy of Dr. Robotnik.]

"Just a bunch of people who patrol the issssland for any susssspiciousssss people," Anay said. "And to be honest, you are a bit odd.."

[Jjs: Yeah, like a talking snake is any less odd.]
[Metal Snake: “Just a bunch of people”

My Care-O-Meter is off the charts right now, I swear.]
[Hayden: They aren't SpongeOdd. Then again, that makes them even less charming than they already are.]

They then followed Anay to a cave.

[JCM: Didn't your parents tell you not to go into caves with strangers?]

We cut back to the race, where at this point, everyone passed through the 4th gate.

[Jjs: Glad to see we're making some progress for once.]

"3 gates left! I COULD WIN!?" ACS said, as he approached near Gargos.

[JCM: EXCLAMATION POINT THEN QUESTION MARK!?]
[Hayden: God, I've always hated that! The question mark logically comes first!]

"Hey Mr. Stone man, want to form an alliance with me?" ACS asked him.

[Metal Snake: WAIT A MINUTE MR. STONE MAN]
[Hayden: I think he's too stoned to notice you.]

"Form an alliance with you? How pathetic," Gargos said, as he made a big jab through the ship, and flew ahead.

"AH! FIRE! PUT IT OUT!" ACS said, as the crew tried to cool down the fire from Gargos' attack.

[JCM: Remember, kids. It's not a good idea to provoke giant gargoyles.]
[Jjs: Trying to cool it down with what? Buckets of water? Blowing on it?]

"Gargos forms an alliance with NOBODY except for HIMSELF!" Gargos boasted, and kept flying ahead.

[Jjs: Nobody forms an alliance like Gargston!]
[Metal Snake: Pretty poor alliance, I must say…]
[Hayden: But what about that evil master that you're specifically working for while reaping no clear benefits of your own? Does that count as an alliance?]

Mothra and Ex were trying to attack Stalus, but he kept disappearing.

"Okay, the PR, which doesn't stand for Power Rangers,

[Ex: Hey guys, I like Power Rangers, remember? LAUGH AT THE FORCED IN-CHARACTER DIALOGUE, DARN YOU!]
[JCM: PR must stand for Public Relations department, then.]
[Hayden: Just saying "Pulp Rider" would have been less letters and words to type out.]

is kind of floating back up...but it feels weird.." Ex said. "Like it is heavy.."

[Jjs: I told Ex to stop getting high, but would he listen? Nooo.]
[Metal Snake: “It’s like...my ship don’t care about nothing, man…”]

Just then, the Pulp Rider began to fall down to the ground, as we see Team RACB's ship did as well.

[JCM: Gravity's a whore.]

"Ugh...but at least it isn't acidic water! Mothra, go on without me!" Ex said; Mothra did so, and kept going.

[Jjs: Come on, ANOTHER Ex loss? Hassan had hardly any faults in Season 1, and yet Ex has had at least 10+ mistakes so far this season. If you want to make him bad, at least be consistent with it. In fact, I'm getting sick of The Dark Ones throwing a monkey wrench into Ex's matches now. It was fine the first few times, but now it's just a plot device to even out the scores. Jeez, I hated my protagonist more than ATTWL 3 did to anyone who wasn't SOF.]
[Hayden: Maybe Jjs subconsciously harbors a grudge against Ex. That or he went to extremes to erase the bad writing choice of making Hassan a Mary Sue. Either way, balance is needed bro.]

"I'll win for our alliance!" Mothra said.

"Why does Mothra keep talking to the "other siter"?" PhilipB asked.

[JCM: Because it's a free country?]
[Jjs: I love how these SBMers have apparently been with Mothra for so long, and have said jack shit until now. I guess I was too busy focusing on fascinating things like the Dark Ones' subplot at the island.]
[Metal Snake: ...Other siter? Really? And I thought SBCer sounded a bit silly.]
[Hayden: SBM has extreme policies against foreigners. Despite the type of people they let freely join their site....]

"We better keep our eyes on those two..." ssj said.

[Hayden: Shut up Meg.]
[Jjs: Still waiting for a Family Guy joke from ssj.]

"You did that to poor Ex's ship didn't you?!" Mothra said, firing rainbow blasts at Stalus.

[JCM: Taste the rainbow!]
[Hayden: Now I'm wondering if Mothra fuels her ship with Skittles. Awful candy, by the way.]

"To be honest...no. I just damaged the engines, not sure why that happened.

[Jjs: Because that makes you less suspicious.]
[Metal Snake: “I didn’t stab the guy, honest! I just carved a huge scar into his back!”]

No matter, I have a race to win!" Stalus said, as he disappeared and dodged her blasts.

[Jjs: You know, if this guy can teleport so much, why doesn't he teleport to the final gate already? Or does he just enjoy watching people squirm to get ahead of him?]
[Hayden: It'd be breaking those imaginary rules.]

"I swear, I hate that guy.." Mothra said.

[Hayden: Shhh Mothra, don't let The Cartoon hear you.]
[JCM: Swear one more time and you'll hate me.]

In Ronuletto's temple, we see two of the feathers fall down - they were ACS and Ex's feathers.

[Metal Snake: ACS and Ex are birds all of a sudden.]

"Hmm..." He said to himself.

[Jjs: This lit has enough faults so far, let's not bring God into this.]

"Ugh, is it just me, or is Ex in a fickle of a situation as of late?" 70s said. "I'm growing a bit impatient."

[JCM: 70s impatient? Oh, no! Now he'll have to start being useful!]
[Jjs: Yeah! 70s is running out of food to feed his fake family with!]
[Metal Snake: The saying is a pickle of a situation. The only thing fickle here is you.]
[Hayden: Is 70s suddenly supposed to represent the audience?]

"Perhaps we should REPLACE HIM!" CDCB yelled.

[Hayden: You're just as much of an ear bleed as the normal CD.]

"...Are you okay brah?" Elastic asked.

[Jjs: It's probably just normal CD joke fare, don't get too tense over it.]
[JCM: Kids these days just don't understand postmodern humor.]

"Yes, fine, but if he continues failing...replace?" CD asked.

[Metal Snake: What, is CD a robot now too?

“Ex has become obsolete. Replacement racer required.”]
[Hayden: Ronuletto, control your hyper dumbass spy. I think he got into some sugar.]

"Not going to even respond to that," 70s said.

[Hayden: But you technically did respond. Respond-ception.]
[JCM: Yeah, why would you replace an inefficient driver?]
[Jjs: So much for the gang "keeping a close eye on CDCB".]

Just then, we see the top three was Gargos, Mothra and Stalus - just then,

[Jjs: Just then this, just then that.]
[Hayden: Just then the chapter mercifully ended.]

Stalus disappeared ahead of them, and got to the final gate. The core was glowing; Mothra and Gargos were 2nd and 3rd respectively.

[Jjs: What a shocker.]
[Hayden: Stop godmodding Stalus.]

We see Ronuletto's feathers all collapse, except for Stalus's.

[JCM: Gravity strikes again!]

"Yes...he is the one.." Ronuletto said, holding his feather in his hand.

[Jjs: If Stalus sucking his shadow of a dick gives him more personality other than being the Uber Ace Racer, I'm all for it.]
[Hayden: Gargos could have just told you how often Stalus places first.]

Just then, the tunnel was shaking, and out we saw a bunch of yellow stuff coming from the tunnel.

[Jjs: ...Do I even need to riff this.]
[Metal Snake: As opposed to a bunch of white stuff.]
[Hayden: Am I to assume this is a liquid? Not gross at all.]

Everyone yelled, and they were carried away by it - and blasted into the air!

[Jjs: I'm sorry, I can't take this scene seriously...]
[JCM: Cocaine is a hell of a drug.]
[Hayden: Gravity then came into play one final time and killed them all.]

"THIS IS EXCITING!" Nondai said.

[Jjs: ...and that just put the cherry on top. Holy crap, this is a gold mine of riffs, but alas, these riffs are running long as it is. I'll leave the others to it.]
[Metal Snake: “My sensors declare this to be stimulating adrenaline and joy!”]
[Hayden: Nondai isn't the only racer getting stimulated in this chapter though....]

All the pilots safely landed, except for Team RACB, whose ship fell into the ocean nearby.

[Hayden: I feel like a body of water would make for the safest landing.]
[Jjs:

]

"Mothra, don't you DARE ever talk to that SBC scum AGAIN!" Ssj yelled at her.

[Hayden: What are you? Her keeper? Is this story going Romeo and Juliet on us?]
[Metal Snake: “They start fights with people on the internet! They’re rotten to the core!”]
[JCM: Or else what? You'll capitalize more words in that sentence?]
[Jjs: BAD MOTHRA, BAD! Seriously though, much like the annoying MLP gags, can we move on from this SBM/SBC shit? It's been 3 fucking years! At least it was more relevant here than in ATTWL 3, though.]

"Whoa, bitch much? It's like you want me to be anti-social," Mothra said.

[JCM: Now you get it!]

"Well, if you're going to make an alliance, don't do it with him!" Ssj yelled.

[ssj: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. Mothra, this is not my Batman cup. Now I want you to think about what you've done, and no My Little Pony for one month. o.o]
[Hayden: Yeah Mothra, make an alliance with ACS or Gargos. Or that guy who consistently doesn't need any help to come in first.]

"I wasn't...jeez. Maybe I should join their team." Mothra said, irritated.

[Metal Snake: Wuh...you liar! You said at the beginning of the chapter that you wanted to make an alliance with Ex! If you’re going to stand up for yourself, you have to tell him off in brutal honesty, not bullshit and pussyfoot around!]
[Hayden: We'd love to have you aboard. You seem to lose less than Ex.]

We see Mothra approach Ex.

[Jjs: I guess ssj was too busy watching Family Guy to notice.]
[JCM: To be fair, it was a really good episode.]
[Hayden: Probably that classic where Stewie impregnates himself with Brian's baby.]

"Hey, it looks like the old pa is bitching at me for siding with you - so we may have to keep our alliance secret," Mothra said.

[Metal Snake: Lol, old pa. Foreshadowing to Ssj being Grunkle Stan in SBC Falls.]
[Hayden: pNmzmAU.jpg?1 ]

"Meh, it's fine," Ex said. "I understand, I just wish he wasn't so stubborn."

"I'll get used to it. For now, have this for your work,"

[Hayden: What work?]

Mothra said, as she kissed Ex on the cheek, and Ex collapsed.

[JCM: t0wXYWv.gif ]
[Jjs: .... EW EWWWW EWWWWWW EW EW EW EWWWWW]
[Metal Snake: Out-of-character moment with Ex aside, I don’t understand this. Why is Mothra staying with Ssj? What is he going to do to her if she leaves? Cram Family Guy references down her throat? Or is she just bipolar? I...seriously don’t understand. Sorry, but this just feels like really sloppy writing.]
[Mothra: Win the entire race and you'll reach third base muscle man. ;) ]

"He's gonna need a few minutes," OMJ said, putting Ex in bed.

[Hayden: A few minutes? I think she just shocked Ex into a coma.]

"Bye sweetie," Mothra said, leaving.

[Metal Snake: Oh, how amusing it is to imagine Mothrex coming to be. It’s also amusing how I can imagine that being the name of a Godzilla monster.]
[Jjs: ...Okay, now that is out of my system...WHAT THE HECK. I don't mind putting shipping into SBC works, but this may be the most strangest and forced pairing, ever. Ex has always, and still does, dislike Mothra, so this doesn't even make any sense character wise.]
[JCM: Love is strange, but this love especially. I need to bleach my brain after this is over.]
[Hayden: Sweetie? I can't wait for the chapter where she calls him cuddle bear. This might be Jjs' first good SBCPU decision.]

We cut back to the World Outskirts.

[Jjs: Can I go there with them? I'm going to need it after the scene above.]

Anay led them into...an empty cave?

[Jjs: What a twist?]
[Metal Snake: Why are you asking us?]
[Hayden: It's as empty as the amount of fucks I have left in my wallet.]

"So...where's suitelife?" Phalos asked.

[JCM: Up your butt and around the corner.]
[Hayden: Behind the hidden cave trap door.]

"Well...that'sss all I got," Anay said.

Dradius, however, was furious - he then threw some dead guard bodies out, and burned them.

[Ghosts of Dead Guards: “You jerk, we wanted to be buried!”]
[Jjs: Hey, what did those dead bodies do to you?!]
[JCM: Dradius is just practicing for his future job as a cremator.]

"GWAAAH! RONULETTO TRICKED US! HE WANTED TO ELIMINATE US - I BET SUITELIFE IS DEAD! THAT IS WHY HE REPLACED GARGOS WITH ME!" Dradius yelled in rage.

[Jjs: Easy there, Tommy Wiseau.]
[Hayden: Ronuletto totally pulled a Giovanni move on them.]

"Don't jump to conclusions, I'm sure if Ronuletto says he is alive, he is," Phalos said.

[Hayden: The first rule in the villain handbook is to never lie to anyone. Especially your minions.]

"And I also have a confessssion to make - he'sss not the only one who betrayed you!" Anay laughed, as he used his tail to hit a secret switch, and it made the floor open. The three Dark Ones fell down the tunnel.

[Hayden: Oh, I was kidding about the trap door.....but called it like I called Mothrex.]
[JCM: If there was anything this episode needed, it was another tunnel.]
[Metal Snake: And that’s why Jack Rabbit never trusts a snake.]

"When my massster is done with you, I get the leftoversss!" Anay laughed, and the episode ends with an aerial view of the World Outskirts.

[Jjs: TO BE CONTINUED...and I'm just going to forget that Mothra scene happened, like the riffers should. Also, I was right, CD's plot was entirely thrown into the background. God dangit Dale.]
[Hayden: I personally find the snake eating their remains a more disturbing visual. But at least the story will lose some weights holding it down.]
[Metal Snake: What, is a cameraman shooting this out of a helicopter? At least that’s an upgrade from ATTWL 3, I’ll give you some credit.]

Edited by jjsthekid
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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

46. Secret Like Stalus

 

Spoiler

46. Secret Like Stalus

 

[stalus: I'M GONNA GIVE ALLLL MY SECRETTSSSS AWAY]

[Hayden: I'd keep my involvement in this Lit a secret, too.]

[Clappy: Warning. I came all the way back to the beginning of this chapter to warn you guys to turn away now before it's too late. This chapter was so seriously over my head bad that my riffs really can't even begin to indicate how bad this chapter is. You may continue...at your own risk.]

 

We see Team SBC at their hut, and Ex waking up.

 

"Gah...daww.." Ex said, remembering the kiss from last night.

 

[Jjs: Let's not.]

[Hayden: So the kiss knocked him out all night? I guess Mothra kisses as hard as she punches.]

[Clappy: I would be that way too if I was forced into an out of nowhere love angle.]

 

"Wake up lovebird, we got a race to win!" 70s said.

 

[Metal Snake: Wow, 70s said a line that had some actual emotion in it. Now if only he had more lines where he was actually in character.]

[Clappy: Metal Snake, you and I need to have a talk about actual emotion because that line is a cliche of itself.]

[Hayden: 70s knows what it's like to be in a relationship that doesn't actually exist outside imagination.]

 

"Yeah yeah, I know," Ex said, getting out of the hut.

 

[Hayden: I sense another 4th/5th place finish in your future.]

 

Just then, we see Team SBM in their hut.

 

"Mothra, you better not be out talking to that SBC scum," MechaWave said.

 

[Metal Snake: Enough with the “scum” insult, sheesh. You can’t tell me the SBMers were this arrogant towards SBC back in 2012.]

[Jjs: And my, have the tables turned considering who SBM has on their site nowadays.]

[Hayden: I feel like this is the only line anyone from SBM besides Mothra has said. The point is drilled deep.]

 

"I'm not, leave me alone, okay?" Mothra said to him, as she left the hut.

 

[Clappy: This is not Mothra. Mothra quotes Channel Awesome memes all the freaking time and is always hard-nosed. This is not Mothra. Even Mothra "in love".]

 

We see Mothra sneaking away behind a hut.

 

"Now what is she up to?" Ex asked himself, as he quietly followed her.

 

[Metal Snake: She’s just taking a cigarette break, I’m sure.]

[Hayden: Ex is already entering the stalking phase of the relationship?]

 

We see Mothra behind a hut with Massan, Jss, Nondai and ACS.

 

[Jjs: ACS? Something's definitely not right here.]

[Hayden: Mothra's giving cheek kisses to ACS! Ex was right to follow that cheating bitch.]

 

"SO WE TAKE OUT STALUS?!" ACS yelled loudly.

 

[Jjs: How sweet. You guys are going to take Stalus out to eat! Where are you eating?]

[Hayden: I hear Wendy's has some fries he'd die for.]

[Clappy: Get it, because ACS is loud and obnoxious.]

 

"Fool, silence your speaking organs!" Nondai said, covering ACS' mouth.

 

[Metal Snake: For a robot, you’d think he’d use a more technical term like “vocal chords”.]

[Hayden: ACS then proceeded to lick Nondai and short circuit him. RIP.]

 

"Yes, with all of our combined powers, I think we may have a chance at defeating Stalus," Massan said.

 

[Jjs: Oh...they want to gangbang him, I see. If you're combining ACS into that, I dunno if your results will be successful.]

[Hayden: ACS already has the loud noises part of sex down pretty well.]

[Clappy: First Stalus, then...THE WORLD. MWAHAHAHHAHA!]

 

"I concur, but something tells me Mr. HellCat will hold back our progress," Nondai said.

 

[Metal Snake: Mr. BehemothHellCat, to you.]

[Hayden: What thing about him tells you that, Mr. Roboto? Was it his disruptive speech organs or his overall IQ that you processed from his spit data?]

 

"EXCU-" ACS' mouth was covered by Massan and Jss.

 

[Hayden: More hands that need to be washed.]

 

"Be quiet, we don't want some other pilots snooping," Jss said.

 

[Jss: *looks behind him and sees a plane*]

[Pilot of Plane: Oh. Hey. So...what’s going on?]

[Hayden: Would it not be beneficial to have every pilot in on this except Stalus?]

[Clappy: Well, with all the cheating in this tournament lately, it wouldn't surprise me if a new pilot "snooped" and joined the race soon after.]

 

Just then, Ex tripped and fell into their area.

 

[Jjs: That's why you tie your shoes, Ex.]

[Hayden: NIcrj3T.jpg?1 ]

 

"INTRUDER!" ACS yelled, and all of the hut lights turned on.

 

[Clappy: ....How did all the hut lights turn on when they were meeting in one setting? That must be some super motion sensor system.]

 

They then kept quiet, and they shut off again.

 

[Metal Snake: THEY shut off? I knew Nondai and the opposites weren’t the only robots around here…]

[Jjs: It's even more creepy how the other hut lights turn on and off in unison.]

[Hayden: So they can all turn their lights on, but they can't step outside and look around?]

 

"Ex, the hell are you doing here?!" ACS yelled, as their eyes sparked flames.

 

[Metal Snake: Where’s a fire extinguisher when you need one?]

[Clappy: You know what they say about sparks flying. CbVpYNA.gif]

[Hayden: I78K2GF.jpg?1 ]

 

"Both of you cool your rivalry for later, this little get-together is for us to finally take out Stalus. He's been hogging up all the points," Mothra said.

 

[Jjs: Can you blame him, though? His competition is ACS, two opposite robots, a SBCer who keeps losing all the races lately, a letter of the alphabet, a gargoyle, an alien crab, a robot, and Godzilla's two-faced arch-nemesis.]

[Hayden: All of them sound like jealous toddlers because Stalus has done nothing wrong.]

 

"Yes, so thus this band of six have formed an oath to work together to take out the powerhouse," Nondai said, putting his robot strip hand out. The others did so.

 

[Hayden: "-as well"]

[Metal Snake: Fair Past!Jjs, I shall most kindly inform thee that advanced, artificially intelligent machines of the technological revolution do not speak in tongues such as this.]

[Jjs: I was probably testing out my Edgar Allen Poe grammar.]

[Clappy: Only problem with this plan is, how would everyone together in this alliance take out the power house if he keeps getting all the points, unless this round has super uber points?]

 

"Why ACS tho?" Ex asked.

 

[Jjs: Good question.]

[Hayden: The others were busy continuing to be irrelevant.]

 

"SHUT UP!" ACS yelled. "AND I NEED POINTS!"

 

[Metal Snake: ACS confirmed for Call of Duty squeaker.]

[Clappy: I would need points too if I was ACS.]

 

"Indeed you do," Nondai said. ACS hit him.

 

[Jjs: Such a lovely rivalry, why can't we focus on these two lovebirds?]

 

"So Ex...are you in? As a part of our alliance?" Mothra asked.

 

[Clappy: Geez, if it was that easy to learn their plan and join an alliance, I would snoop more often.]

 

Ex thought about it. "I do really want to win...sure!"

 

[Hayden: We're all well aware by now that you can't do it by yourself!]

[Metal Snake: Yup, he’s only doing it because he wants to win. Again, victory before friendship!]

[Clappy: But Ex, you only win on dumb luck. It's certainly not because of your skill set.]

[Jjs: But technically, only one of you will win. Pretty sure there can only be one Grand Ruler.]

 

Ex put his hand out with the other five, and they all agreed.

 

[Jjs: Ex forming an alliance with ACS...maybe the opposite theme is kicking in at long last.]

[Hayden: As long as it means we get an episode where Ex and ACS don't just scream at each other until neither makes it into the top 3 like with all the other races.]

 

"Now, during the race, we all corner up against that magician and we blast him to infinity and beyond!" Nondai said.

 

[Jjs: Sweet, so you're going to turn him into Buzz Lightyear?]

[Hayden: I think Nondai's secret identity IS Buzz Lightyear.]

 

"Yes, it'd be interesting to blast him down with out super-powered mecha laser," Jss said.

 

[Clappy: I think you mean "our" super-powered mecha laser.]

[Metal Snake: Wait, isn’t Jss supposed to be good now?]

 

"Wait you guys..I just wanted to DEFEAT him, not destroy him.." Mothra said.

 

"So, what's the difference? I got to win man," ACS said.

 

[Clappy: Then maybe you should focus on the race instead of trying to attack Ex's ship or having a heart attack over your hyper cam.]

 

"Yes, while the magician may have a kind-heart, his spirit unfortunately must go down," Nondai said.

 

[Metal Snake: They want to kill his soul too?! Even knowing that he’s actually a nice guy?! Holy crap, forget these robots being good, GLaDOS would be asking them for pointers.]

[Clappy: Yeah, these robots and how little I care for them, are dicks.]

[Jjs: Welp, so much for that whole "threatening another pilot's life" rule, but then again, ACS got off scot-free, so it's pointless to nitpick it anymore.]

[Hayden: Mothra's just as good at choosing her alliance as she is at picking which site to stand by.]

 

"Yes, and you know how much I want that prize!" ACS said.

 

[Clappy: As I've mentioned before, that prize is going to turn out disappointing.]

 

"We could be Gods among the opposites!" Massan said to Jss.

 

[Metal Snake: In just ONE scene of dialogue, these allegedly good robots have become supervillains. Wow.]

[Jjs: I'm still pretty sure there can only be one Grand Ruler, unless you fused Massan and Jss together.]

[Hayden: Jssan.....or Jason because it sounds like that.]

 

"So, are you in Ex and Mothra?" Massan asked.

 

"I guess.." Mothra said, slightly having second thoughts.

 

[Metal Snake: “I GUESS WE’RE JUST GOING TO KILL AN INNOCENT PERSON TO WIN A CONTEST DOH WELL THAT’S LIFE”

 

...ARE YOU ON METH?!]

[Clappy: I guess we'll murder someone just to win a stupid race....unethical shark jumping ahoy!]

[Jjs: I think I was exaggerating a bit, but still, they are pretty braindead. If they think ACS will "threaten" Stalus, I wonder if maybe we've entered some parallel universe.]

 

"So, it's settled - we strike during the race," Nondai commanded, and they all left.

 

"Sigh Ex...this is bad. I just wanted to defeat Stalus, not burn his guts wide open.." Mothra said. "Their obsessions got the best of them."

 

[Metal Snake: You have no right to judge them on even the smallest scale because YOU ARE DOING NOTHING TO TRY AND CORRECT THEM.]

[Jjs: Yeah...gotta agree with Metal Snake here, was it that hard for Mothra to say "Don't kill him" to them?]

[Clappy: If you are feeling so bad about being involved with this plot.....JUST SAY NO!]

[Hayden: Burning gut? Maybe they just wanted to give him indigestion.]

 

"Well, I'll warn Stalus," Ex said, headed off.

 

"Dude, are you kidding? The others will go apeshit," Mothra said.

 

[Metal Snake: I can not believe this…..]

[Hayden: Mothra really needs to grow a pear. Then she should eat it and quietly reflect on how ignorantly indecisive she's being.]

 

"There's already been enough drama in this game, and we can't have them kill a pilot. He may be an enemy, but.." Ex said.

 

"Whatever floats your boat," Mothra said.

 

[Mothra: As long as you rock my boat tonight, we're all good.]

[Metal Snake: …..I hate you.

 

Sorry Jjs, but...wow. There are legitimate reasons to find this character to be just as bad, if not worse than Naomi from Bikini Top. I KNOW she’s supposed to be totally selfish, I KNOW she’s supposed to be obnoxious, I KNOW she’s supposed to be unlikable. That’s NOT why I hate her. Like I hinted back in episode 34, I hate her…

 

...because she is painfully dull and unfunny.

 

I’m serious. The big redeeming quality of any detestable character on the good guy’s team is that he/she is interesting and/or amusing. This version of Mothra is neither. She has NO character. This is Teen Titans Go level characterization, in that this character is nothing more than a tool who will do anything for the sake of the plot, no matter how detestable she becomes. Sorry to be harsh, but...that entire scene and learning about this whole plot point just ticked me off.]

[Clappy: I can't outdo that. The characterization of Mothra has been awful so far, but this whole subplot has just been terrible and is making her extremely unlikeable. Even if she is having second thoughts, she keeps being so wishy washy about it that there is no way to redeem her at this point. This is just awful.]

[Jjs: It's fine, I'm honestly not happy with how I wrote Mothra in this as the years go by. She's way too unlikable to root for.]

 

Ex then went to Stalus' hut, and knocked on the door.

 

[Jjs: Now watch as Stalus makes a piano fall on Ex!]

[Hayden: s11bU5v.gif ]

 

"Hello?" Ex asked, walking in, to see Stalus practicing some magic, with smoke everywhere and odd artifacts.

 

[Metal Snake: I guess he’s trying to give a new meaning to the term “smoke and mirrors”.]

[Jjs: He better pass the toke, cuz I'm gonna need it to get through this one.]

[Hayden: Has Ronuletto not brainwashed him yet? Of course not, otherwise the description would say "dark" and put emphasis on that aspect for the magic, smoke and artifacts.]

 

"Hello," Stalus greeted. "What brings you here?"

 

"Don't ask how I know...but some pilots are trying to take you out - they are going to attack you during the upcoming race," Ex said.

 

"Hmm...if that is what they believe, then so be it. I shall not be discouraged by the opinions of others," Stalus said, floating away.

 

[Metal Snake: wat

 

“Some people are trying to kill you!”

“It’s just their opinion.”

 

Forget SOF for a second, did John Loy take inspiration from this? O_O]

[Hayden: While I'm not sure Teen Titans Go is anywhere near an apt comparison for this, I do think that smoke might be marijuana now.]

 

"But you don't understand, they don't want to defeat you, they want to destroy you!" Ex said.

 

"Nonsense, and even if they did, I am skilled enough for these situations. Now run along, you have to get prepared for the race too, as do I. Granted my winning streak, but you may get a win for once if you try!" Stalus said, escorting him out.

 

[Metal Snake: Normally, arrogance like that irks me, but...not this time. This guy is incredible. He learns that these assholes are going to try to KILL them, and he treats it like it’s no big deal. It’s so weird, but...I’m actually kind of amused by that attitude.]

[Clappy: He is skilled enough to avoid death? So what you are trying to tell me is that Stalus is immortal? I call massive amounts of bullshit. Either that or he wants to risk death just for the sake of this grand prize. Un-fucking-believable.]

[Jjs: I mean, they have ACS in their squad, I wouldn't be threatened, either. Plus, Stalus can probably pull a rabbit out of his hat on them and disappear anyways.]

 

"BUT!-" Ex yelled, but Stalus locked the door.

 

[Jjs: No buts! Now get your butt over to 70s, pronto!]

[Hayden: TRY to listen to what he's saying, Ex. You'll be better off.]

 

We see Mothra meet up with Ex.

 

"Did he listen?" Mothra asked.

 

"No, it's too late...he just wouldn't take me seriously," Ex sighed.

 

"Well, it's too late to call off the attack...the race has begun." Mothra said.

 

[Clappy: ...it's too late to try and not help someone save their life? You know Mothra, even if the race began, you can still save him. This storyline is just too bad for me.]

[Metal Snake: “Oh well, I guess we may as well just enjoy watching him die!”

 

Like always, I’m not trying to insult Jjs, but my God, this is just STUPID.]

[Jjs: You know, you could just...not join them? Insane idea, I know.]

[Hayden: It has begun? Are they literally racing while talking about this?]

 

We cut to the World Outskirts, and we go inside a cave.

 

[Jjs: Time to check in on the three stooges' progress.]

[Hayden: Can we call any of it progress?]

 

"Ugh...the snake betrayed us!" Dradius yelled, getting up.

 

[Clappy: I would betray you too if I had such a terrible name and terrible subplot.]

 

"Where are we?" Phalos asked.

 

Flareix lit a flame, and the cave lit up. Just then, an odd figure appeared out of the shadows.

 

[Metal Snake: Would this figure happen to be in a black suit, laughing?]

[Jjs: Would this figure happen to be SpongeOdd?]

[Hayden: Is it another super villain?]

 

"Who is there?" Dradius asked, getting out his claws.

 

[Clappy: Are you implying that he didn't have his claws handy? Some dragon this guy is. I'm sorry jjs, but these descriptions are hilariously bad.]

 

Just then, the figure jumped out at them, and it was...

 

"It can't be.." Phalos said, as they saw who it was.

 

[Metal Snake: MYSTERY CLIFFHANGER]

[Hayden: That probably means it can be.]

[Clappy: It's going to be thesuitelife....watch it be him because...why not. This chapter has already jumped the shark once. Why not twice.]

 

We cut back to Paralois Island, and everybody is ready to race.

 

"Okay Ex, the screen says there is 10 gates...but it doesn't matter which order you get them in, as it is a huge stone maze," 70s said.

[Jjs: A STONE course now, eh? We're getting somewhere, guys!]

[Hayden: A-maze-ing! Yeah, I know, shut up. That riff was still worth the price of admission you paid to read this installment.]

 

"HOLD THE MAYO!" CDCB yelled.

 

[Metal Snake: First he tries to be a robot, then he tries to be Dragiiin.]

[Jjs: Was this Ronuletto or CD talking? I can't imagine a Dark Overlord saying something as silly as this.]

[Hayden: Ronuletto is clearly talking about INSTRUMENTS of torture.]

 

"Dood, lay off the glue," Elastic said.

 

[Clappy: Yeah, he's definitely trying to be Drag.]

 

"Erm..ok...good luck Ex!" 70s said.

 

The race began, and all the pilots were racing through the maze.

 

[Clappy: You know...if this is a stone maze and someone makes too quick of a turn, they have to be dead, right? So maybe the maze will kill someone before I have to sit through and read this terrible subplot of trying to kill a racer.]

 

"Don't forget," Nondai said to Ex, Mothra, ACS, Massan, and Jss.

 

[Hayden: How do you expect them to remember a murder plot if Ex can't even tie his shoes?]

 

"Yes, let's corner him at a dead end!" Jss said.

 

[Metal Snake: Our heroes, people. psuN1jC.png ]

[Hayden: There was an easy out for this too. Have Ronuletto possess Stalus. Then have Stalus be a douche to everyone and this backlash would be justified although another misunderstanding. Instead we get this.]

 

They were all racing through the maze, in confusion.

 

[Hayden: So like any other race?]

 

ACS, Nondai Ex, Mothra, Massan, and Jss all sticked together, hot on Stalus' trail.

 

[Jjs: And while they're doing that, Q, Zwuir and Gargos will just have a clear cut win.]

 

"I'm sorry Stalus.." Ex said, as he launched a missile at him, but he vanished.

 

[Metal Snake: So even our star protagonist is going to be an accomplice in murder. Should I have really expected anything different?]

[Hayden: He apologized. That makes all the difference, MS.]

[Clappy: Well Ex....so much for making you redeemable. Fuck you too.]

[Jjs: Is Stalus going to pull another blunt object out of the Pulp Rider?]

 

"WHERE DID HE GO?!" ACS yelled.

 

[Jjs: Up your ass and around the corner.]

 

Stalus appeared behind them all, and threw blue stars at them.

 

[Clappy: Blue stars? Yeah, that's going to help you survive a murder plot.]

 

"NOW! AMBUSH!" Nondai yelled, and they all activated their weapons and fired at once.

 

"Go Ex, go now!" Mothra yelled. "I'm sorry."

 

[Metal Snake: “This is going to hurt the most…”]

[Hayden: How caring of Mothra to let him avoid witnessing it.]

 

"Yes, I understand," Ex said as he slowly raced away.

 

[Clappy: Slowly raced away? Not only is this a bad description, but this is a failure of Ex's character. You were an eye witness to attempted murder, you asshole. This makes you guilty by association.]

 

"Win it for our alliance!" Mothra said, as she attacked Stalus.

 

[Metal Snake: Alliance of murderers…]

[Jjs: Seriously, I don't understand. Is Mothra working with them out of obligation?]

[Hayden: Peer pressure is most dangerous when it results in premeditated and arranged killings.]

 

Ex just zoomed ahead, not looking back. We then saw an explosion in the background.

 

[Jjs: Looks like Michael Bay directed the fight, too.]

[Hayden: Is Tvguy setting off dynamite again?]

 

"Don't go back Ex, keep going," 70s said. "We gotta win."

 

[Clappy: Wait...are you kidding me? You are going to make 70s unethical about this too? Are you. Fucking. Kidding me?]

 

Ex understood, and he managed to find a gate in the maze.

 

[Jjs: One out of ten is a good start.]

 

We see back to the ambush, and Stalus is dodging their attacks, but feeling slightly weak.

 

[Clappy: He only feels slightly weak against all of our racers major attacks? Stalus is confirmed as immortal.]

 

"Ugh...so that pilot was right.." Stalus said, as he disappeared.

 

[Metal Snake: “I was wrong to think they wouldn’t stoop this low…”]

 

Just then, ACS began to fly his ship away from the battle.

 

[Clappy: ....don't tell me...]

 

"HEY! Where are you going?!" Massan yelled, as he and Jss formed their mecha.

 

"BWA HA HA! I planned on betraying you idiots from the start! Did you really think I could stand a chance against Stalus? The only reason I agreed was to get you guys to battle him so I could get a possible win!" ACS laughed, firing a laser to the area,

 

[Hayden: Well, now you'll be their next murder victim.]

[Clappy: ...you're doing it. You are making ACS our character to root for now unintentionally that he was going to be the only one who didn't follow through with the murder. Wow, I'm shocked. You are making me root for Team Rage now. Just wow.]

[Metal Snake: Wait, ACS is not to going take part in this insidious plot?! HE was the only one who had no intention of murdering someone?!

 

Do you know what this means? ACS is more admirable than even our main hero. UN. FUCKING. BELIEVABLE.]

[Jjs: That's it, this entire episode has to take place in a parallel universe!]

 

but Stalus held his hand up and froze the laser.

 

Nondai launched more missiles from his mecha, but Stalus made the laser beam explode across the area, and it made Team RACB's ship crash to the ground, causing flames to spread everywhere and destroy the other ships.

 

[Jjs: I can see their genius plan worked well. A+.]

[Clappy: And even more wow. Stalus, you do realize that ACS wasn't going to attempt to murder you? Un-fucking-believable. That's how stupid this episode has gotten that our unintentional hero (Stalus) would rather shoot down our other unintentional heroes, Team RACB's ship first when they are the ones that AREN'T TRYING TO KILL YOU. Fuck this chapter so hard.]

 

Ex turned back and was scared a bit. "I hope Moth is okay.."

 

[Clappy: ....you son of a bitch. I hate you. I really hate you.]

[Metal Snake: And of course, he only cares about Mothra. Fuck this chapter’s version of Ex so hard.]

[Jjs: No big deal if the other four died in that explosion, but Mothra! kTHZ8HY.png ]

[Hayden: She's like a moth to flames or in this case, explosions. You can't save her, dude.]

 

"Just keep driving Ex, just keep driving.." OMJ said.

 

[Jjs: Insert obligatory Finding Nemo joke here.]

[Hayden: 

]

 

[Clappy: Wow, you are even making ALL our secondary users in this season unethical as fuck that they would rather win this than watch someone else die. I'm speechless.]

 

We then see Stalus emerge from the flames, and all of the pilot's ships were crashed and destroyed to the ground.

 

"Well...I have a race to win!" Stalus said, encouraged, as he kept flying on.

 

[Jjs: I gotta admire this guy. He gets so much shit thrown at him, and he just shrugs it off. He is a true Uber.]

[Hayden: The prey has become the hunter.]

[Clappy: Go Stalus! Even with your flawed logic as to who to stop, you are still making me root for you to beat our immoral jackass of a hero.]

 

We see Ronuletto in his area, and the feathers of Mothra, Nondai, Massan, Jss, and ACS fell to the ground.

 

[Metal Snake: Surprised no one’s complained about their allergies yet.]

[Hayden: Why is Ronuletto so easily distracted that he needs feathers to keep track of who is still racing? How do these feathers even know when to drop?]

 

"Hmm...now is the time!" Ronuletto said. He blew some smoke at Stalus' feather, and just then, Stalus was covered in dark fog.

 

"Ugh..what kind of trick is this?!" Stalus asked.

 

[Clappy: A disappointing one.]

[Jjs: You should know, you're a magician. Haven't you done the "dark fog" trick before?]

 

Just then, he appeared in Ronuletto's arena, and was near the stairs - Ronuletto appeared.

 

"Hello...Stalus. I have seen much of your work in the race...and I'd like to offer you a spot in my society.." Ronuletto said.

 

[Metal Snake: “You can sign up for a free trial 1-month membership today!”]

[Clappy: Well, here's a poorly planned out of nowhere plot twist.]

 

"Yes, I've heard much about you..Ronuletto.." Stalus said.

 

[Hayden: Well, that makes one racer.]

 

"Ah, so you know who I am....do you agree? Together you can rule the world with me, and spread darkness with the grand prize.." Ronuletto said.

 

[Metal Snake: “And of course, there will also be free cookies!”]

[Clappy: Please don't tell me Stalus is going to be converted to the "dark side"...well if that happens, back to rooting all for ACS.]

[Jjs: Way to keep your identity as a villain secret.]

[Hayden: Why does Stalus need Ronuletto in order to get the grand prize? Seems like a lackluster deal.]

 

We cut back to Team SBC's hut.

 

"Hey..what is going on with Stalus? His feed is lost.." Elastic said.

 

"Yes...come right into my trap you fool.." CDCB muttered to himself.

 

[Metal Snake: SBiscool’s trap of doom?]

[Clappy: First dragiiin. Now....spongebobiscool?]

[Hayden: Does Stalus know that Ronuletto just said these words as CD? Why on earth would the possessed CD say this out loud if Ronuletto is busy talking to Stalus?]

 

"I don't know..but it is like something kidnapped him.." 70s said.

 

"Join...me.." the tv said. They saw a blurry image of Ronuletto.

 

"What's going on? Has Satan risen?" Elastic joked.

 

[Hayden: This scene is hell on my IQ points, so maybe.]

[Metal Snake: Yes. He’s possessed Ex and the robots with the help of the Robot Devil. As for Mothra, she’s Satan’s wife.]

[Jjs: I see Elastic is still providing a lot of plot development.]

 

"This is serious you guys...I think Stalus is in danger," 70s said.

 

[Jjs: 70s is caring now? Yeah, this has to take place in a parallel universe.]

 

Just then, their TV screens exploded.

 

[Jjs: Did Michael Bay direct this scene too?]

[Clappy: I'm sorry, but I can't riff this. This is hilariously bad.]

[Hayden: If that fog transported him, then how and why did this appear on the TV screens? Why would Ronuletto attract attention like this? I don't think Past Jjs knew what the hell he was typing. Almost like he was...possessed.]

 

"I think we've been haunted!" OMJ yelled.

 

[Metal Snake: “Ah, the casino is haunted!”

 

And just what we need on top of this flanderization, ATTWL 3 callbacks.]

[Hayden: Well, who ya gonna call, new pussy version of OMJ?

A. 911

B. Your mother

C. Ghostbusters]

 

We then see Stalus facing Ronuletto.

 

"I refuse!" Stalus said, blasting a blue beam at Ronuletto, making him explode into darkness.

 

The darkness spread everywhere, and Ronuletto's voice laughed.

 

[Metal Snake: WHAT NO]

[Hayden: Ronuletto confirmed as Master Hand?]

 

"What a shame..." Ronuletto's voice said.

 

"I may want to win it, but fairly, not by cheating," Stalus said, as the darkness began to jump into several pillars.

 

[Clappy: And not by attempted murder.]

[Jjs: You already have uber god powers, so you may as well be cheating at life.]

[Hayden: Stalus is the only one that cares about the fair aspect, why isn't he our new protagonist?]

 

"Oh well...thankfully I had a plan B," Ronuletto's voice echoed, and just then, the pillars turned red and blasted Stalus. "I knew you'd refuse..I know all."

 

[Metal Snake: Ronuletto’s voice even has its own character. This is spookier than spooky, man.]

[Hayden: You know all even though that was pretty easy to guess.]

 

"GWAAAAH!" Stalus yelled, as he felt like his energy was being drained.

 

[Jjs: Come on, you can't do a disappearing act for this one? I call malarkey.]

 

He was no longer glowing or floating, and he dropped to the stone ground.

 

Just then, Ronuletto began to emerge from the pillars and was glowing.

 

"Yes...I have absorbed your powers! I am more stronger than ever! A shame, you could have been a great apprentice for me," Ronuletto said. "I will be as strong as I was when I won the race all those years ago.."

 

[Metal Snake: WHAT A TWIST!]

[Jjs: Not like it's much of a shock, anyways.]

[Hayden: How old is spider butt?]

[Clappy: BOO! All that boring build up to this? And just what we needed. Another fucking racer. God, this chapter is really getting hard to handle.]

 

"I don't care who you are...you are a dark evil force..

 

[Jjs: But...you said you knew him earlier.]

 

I will not be restrained by you or anybody else who opposes me.." Stalus said, trying to attack him, but his energy was all gone. "No...it can't be..."

 

"Foolish wizard, I didn't want to do this...but you refused, so I had a back-up plan in store of stealing your powers.." Ronuletto laughed.

 

[Hayden: There was also the option of doing what you did to CD?????]

 

He then blasted a blue energy beam at Stalus, and we saw blue flakes explode into the air from the blast.

 

[Metal Snake: So a villain killed him to spare our heroes the trouble. How nice. :)

[Hayden: They're off the hook and still got rid of their threat. Boo yah!]

[Jjs: RIP Stalus. At least he went out like a champ, with us knowing so much about him, like where he came from, how he became so powerful...wait a minute...]

 

"My time is coming Grand Ruler..." Ronuletto laughed, as Stalus' feather ripped apart.

 

We cut back to the maze, and we see Ex is still lost, only getting to the secondvgate.

 

[Jjs: That's what Ex gets for focusing on Mothra's features instead of the gates.]

[Hayden: When was it said Ex got lost? Now I'm lost.]

 

"It's too late Ex - Gargos came in 1st, Q in 2nd and Zwuir in 3rd," 70s informed him. "We managed to get some points...not many, but some."

 

[Clappy: Once again, everything Ex does turns to shit.]

[Metal Snake: And Ex loses AGAIN. Holy shit, this really has become its own cliche.]

[Jjs: That's THREE, THREE LOSES! AH AH AH! And wow, I called the top 3, big shock.]

[Hayden: If he only got through two gates OUT OF 10 and didn't even complete the fucking race, how did he get any points?]

[Jjs: To be fair, it was said in episode 40 you get 2 points for passing through gates as well, but that doesn't excuse how vague I made. "Some" could mean one or two for all I know.]

 

"Ugh...but what about Stalus?" Ex asked.

 

"I'm afraid...he is no longer in the race," 70s said.

 

"Wha?? What happened?" Ex asked.

 

[Hayden: You know what happened or at least you would have thought you knew what happened instead of asking 70s that.]

 

"I don't know...but he was taken away by some fog storm, and then just disappeared..by some evil forces that even I don't understand.." 70s said. "I think there is more to this race than what we are aware of.."

 

[Jjs: Orly? I guess OMJ's crash and Team Darkness weren't hints or anything.]

[Clappy: Like allowing people such as ACS and our villains to constantly cheat, letting SOF play as a Mystery Racer, repetitive tasks and settings, and failed murder plots. This race is seriously becoming The Triwizard Tournament from Harry Potter except more of a clusterfuck.]

 

Ex then raced back to the hut, feeling guilt that he couldn't warn Stalus. "If only he listened to me.."

 

[Hayden: Him listening to you had literally nothing to do with his ultimate demise.]

[Metal Snake: Of course, no “If only I hadn’t tried to murder him!”, heaven forbid.]

[Jjs: But...he did listen to you? I mean yeah, he shrugged it off, but he still defeated the gang.]

 

We see Stalus' totem pole collapse into the lake below, and Q was now in first place.

 

[Jjs: Will we actually learn anything about Q? Stay tuned!]

[Hayden: Is any investigation of this going to happen? Stalus is just flat out gone instead of Ronuletto posing as him?]

 

"oh my...poor Stalus.." SOF said.

 

[Metal Snake: I know, right? kTHZ8HY.png ]

[Hayden: If it isn't the original murderer suddenly showing some empathy.]

 

We see Dradius, Phalos and Flareix in the World Outskirts cave, with the figure.

 

"Well well well...who are you?" The man asked, revealing...thesuitelife44.

 

[Metal Snake: ZOMG, BIG SHOCK. Overall, this is my least favorite episode of the entire series. Sorry Jjs, the flanderization here was worse than in episode 34 to me. At least there, it was relatively tame and only two characters were the victim of it. This time, not only was it more serious (MURDER OVER A RACE?!) but it claimed five victims and took up the majority of the episode. I guess it wasn’t terrible like I was making it out to be, but it just felt...wrong. Like it was a Robot Chicken parody sketch that was stretched out to be an actual full episode. It just wasn’t done right.]

[Clappy: LMAO! I was just kidding. You didn't have to really jump the shark twice episode. My god. You went there. I can't wait to see what illogical explanation we get for why thesuitelife had to live and he gets magically added to this never ending contest. This chapter was bad. Real bad. My personal worst so far. Some chapters were just boring. Others were just bad. This is boring and bad, so combine the two and this becomes all sorts of terrible. Has to be the worst of the series for me.]

[Jjs: Yeah... looking back, maybe I overlooked this episode in its flaws. I agree with a lot of what Metal Snake's issues are with it. Look, I get they want to take down Stalus. But killing him? Not exactly sane. When you can't even root for the protagonist in this episode, that's not good. A big problem is, I'm actually on Stalus' side here. Despite his blandness, he had a good heart and yeah, he's overpowered, but that's the point. I get why they wanted to take him down, but it feels so forced and everyone is written so off. In fact, that's another issue. Stalus himself had very little personality outside of being the "Uber Ace Marty Stu Racer". All we knew about the guy is that he's some alien magician who can win any race. That's....it. And for the episode focusing on him the most, he gets unceremoniously gets killed off when there's still questions remaining. Why did he enter the race? How did he get so powerful? I dunno, it feels like an unfinished character. This episode worked better in my head than it did the actual execution, it seems.]

[Hayden: The snake led them to who they were looking for. See? He was their friend all along! But yeah, that was a really unenjoyable episode from start to finish. I don't understand why Ronuletto cut into the middle of another race instead of doing it on their downtime when we had something semi-interesting like a maze for once. It's all just so forced everywhere. Watch out Q, you'll be slain next.]

 

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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

47. Qurious Like Q

Spoiler

Sorry this one took FORVER

 

[Rusty: ...and?]

[JCM: Forver: For Her.]

[Hayden: It took him forever to come up with that new word, but now he can focus on this next chapter.]

 

to post, but Writer's Block happens.

 

[Hayden: Amen. I'm having Riffer's Block just trying to decide what snarky comment to throw at this statement.]

[Jjs: Hopefully we don't end with a rushed product or anything.]

[Rusty: I wouldn't bet on it.]

 

47. Qurious Like Q

 

[Jjs: *sigh* I know there's not many adjectives beginning with "q", but did you really need to butcher a word for it? Besides, "Curious" doesn't even describe Q.]

[JCM: He's bi-qurious.]

[Rusty: FORCED STAR TREK REFERENCE AHOY!]

[Hayden: "Questing For a Better Name Like Q".]

 

We pick off where the previous episode left off, with the three Dark Ones meeting thesuitelife.

 

"I thought you were dead?!" Dradius asked.

 

[Jjs: So did we. So did we.]

[Hayden: But...but Ronuletto told you he was alive and sent you on a mission to find hi-*bangs frying pan against head until bleeding starts*]

 

"I thought so to....but..-" he then fell to the ground.

 

[JCM: Well, now he is dead! It's funny how these things resolve themselves.]

[Rusty: R.I.P. thesuitelife, we didn't want to know ye.]

[Hayden: Just another klutz.]

 

"I'm ready for my leftoversss...oh you three are ssssstill alive.." Anay hissed.

 

[Hayden: Of coursssse they are, the ssssscene just ssssstarted you impatient sssserpent.]

[Jjs: And thisss gag issss sssstill not funny.]

[Rusty: I would like a sssssmall sssssssprite...]

 

"YOU!" Flareix yelled, grabbing him.

 

[JCM: Grabbing who? There are several "hims" in that cave.]

 

"Le-let me go!" Anay choked.

 

[Rusty: This Tooooo Shaaaaaal Paaaaass!]

 

Suitelife was staring at a fire he set up, and he was crying.

 

[JCM: And apparently alive now.]

[Rusty: ....He's a time lord?]

 

"WHY HAVE I BEEN BROUGHT SUCH A CURSE?!" thesuitelife cried, as he fell to the ground.

 

[Jjs: I'd cry too if I somehow came back to life after being stabbed and went to an insane island.]

[Rusty: Regeneration, it's a lottery.]

[Hayden: I think SOF brought it, no need to get melodramatic. Just pass a spelling test and it'll go away.]

 

"So...how long have you been here?" Dradius asked.

 

[Jjs: You finally find the guy you're hunting for and the first question out of many is how long he's been here? Why not asking something like how the hell he came back from the dead, or even got to this island?]

[Hayden: Easy questions first....that way Past Jjs has more time to improvise those next two you're wondering about, Current Jjs.]

 

"A few days..BUT IT IS WHAT GOES ON IN MY HEAD THAT MATTERS!" Suitelife cried, as he approached a fire.

 

[JCM: You should probably see a shrink about that.]

[Jjs: Welp, the story has broken him, can't say I'm surprised.]

[Rusty: Don't you hear them, Doctor? Do you hear the drums?]

[Hayden: So Suitelife is the Master. That's canon unless he starts making sense in the next five seconds.]

 

"What did you do to him?!" Dradius asked, choking Anay.

 

"I didn't know he was like thisss..I-I ssswear I found him thiss wa-way!" Anay said.

 

[Rusty: I was born this way.]

[Hayden: You didn't eat his remains? Wait, why were you expecting them to die straight away by tossing them down there with Suitelife? I'd start a plot hole counter but I don't think I can keep up.]

 

"YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HELPING HIM!" Dradius yelled, and snapping Anay's neck - he threw him into the fire.

 

[Jjs: RIP Anay.]

[Hayden: Dradius cares about Suitelife's well being because reasons.]

[JCM: I'm pretty sure "snapping Anay's neck" would be anatomically impossible because Anay is a snake, and snakes don't have necks.]

[Rusty: Yeah, I need help with this. That's why I brought the guy in my avatar, Norbert Beaver!]

[Norbert: Where am I?]

[Rusty: I don't know either.]

 

"Now then..come along with us," Dradius said, sticking his claw out at thesuitelife.

 

"Yes..I must have revenge," suitelife said. Dradius, Flareix and Phalos teleported away.

 

[Jjs: Well, that was an anti-climatic ending to this dragged subplot.]

[Hayden: No comment on teleportation. Glad Anay turned out to be such an obstacle for our "heroes". Plus, absolutely no answers for Suitelife's mental and physical state or how he even knows Dradius, Flareix and Phalos. Maybe I don't want them.]

[Norbert: *chuckles* What?]

[Dr. Claw: I WILL GET YOU NEXT TIME GADGET!]

 

We cut back to Paralois Island.

 

[JCM: One boring scene ends, another begins. It's the circle of lifelessness!]

 

"The next race is beginning! Get ready proud pilots!" Grand Ruler's voice boomed.

 

[Norbert: *chuckles some more*..WHAT?]

[Hayden: Jesus, already? Let them mourn Stalus, you prick. There is literally nothing about you that stands out as more heroic than Ronuletto. JCM's right, you're part of that lifelessness.]

 

"I still feel bad I couldn't help Stalus.." Ex said.

 

[Rusty: Stalus update! *gets boos from the audience*]

 

"It is not your fault, he was taken away by mysterious forces that you were not responsible for, don't put it on yourself," 70s said.

 

[JCM: But you should put those comma splices right on 70s.]

[Jjs: Yeah, forget the fact he tried to kill him and all. That's all in the past!]

 

"But he will be next.." CDCB laughed.

 

"What?" 70s asked.

 

[Rusty: BUT HE WILL BE NEXT.]

 

"Nothing," CDCB said.

 

[JCM: CD sucks at being covert.]

[Jjs: Once again, so much for "keeping a close eye on CDCB".]

[Hayden: I'm convinced Ronuletto is purposely trying to make them catch on and is tired of their profound inability to react to a single thing he's done.]

 

"I detect 4 gates for this one, boi," OMJ said.

 

[The King: Mah Boi...]

[Hayden: So Ex might make it to the halfway point this time before losing. Good to know.]

 

We see the pilots outside the canyon, lined up and ready to go. The Grand Ruler appeared.

 

[Norbert: It's like a good B-Movie!]

 

"Proud pilots...it is my most unfortunate announcement that Stalus is out of the race. He was taken away by dark forces.." Grand Ruler said.

 

[Rusty: Oh sorry, that was me.]

[Grand Ruler: I'd also like to express my condolences to Team Darkness for any false allegations made against them as being responsible for the dark forces. It certainly isn't my place to check that sort of thing out.]

[JCM: Let's now proceed to forget he ever existed.]

 

"Perfect.." Gargos smiled.

 

Mothra, Ex, Massan, Jss, and Nondai all had signs of guilt on their faces.

 

[Jjs: Oh, NOW you feel bad AFTER he's gone, that's nice. And Nondai is a robot, so he shouldn't even be able to feel emotions.]

 

"At least now though my win could be easier.." Nondai said.

 

[Jjs: Nvm, I think Mothra has been dethroned as the most two-faced character in this story.]

[JCM: Nondai can at least blame his two-facedness on bad programming. What's Mothra's excuse?]

[Rusty: Someone call Batman.]

[Hayden: I'd prefer to call one of those nameless mechanics and get Nondai's money back.]

 

"Good riddance," ACS said coldly.

 

[Hayden: Oh, so now you're cold hearted again. Actions and words say two different things.]

 

"As a result...Q is in first place. You may proceed as planned," Grand Ruler said, and disappeared.

 

[Jjs: Oh yeah, Q... for the episode focusing on him, he hasn't even had a line of dialogue yet. Malarkey, I say!]

[Rusty: John de Lancie had no involvement in this, BTW.]

 

The race began, and the pilots were off. They were all racing through a canyon area.

 

[JCM: This island has everything! Snow, canyons, dark forces that go around killing people with no questions asked! I want to move there!]

[Rusty: Goodbye! We'll probably see you inflated!]

[Norbert: Don't give me memories of that.]

 

"I'm going to win this one for Stalus!" Ex yelled.

 

[Hayden: For yourself is fine too.]

 

The 9 pilots were off.

 

[Jjs: Thanks for telling us they were off...again. Redundancy Department in 3...2...1...]

[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you Jjs in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

[Rusty: Jjs took the words right out of my mouth.]

 

"Be careful not to fall Ex or you'll go plunging into the abyss below.." 70s warned.

 

[JCM: Just when Ex was planning to fall into the abyss for the fun of it. Good thing he has you to steer him straight.]

[Hayden: It's good to see both team members actively contributing.]

[Rusty: Better get the Liquid Breathing suits, and we could see that giant monster from that one SpongeBob episode.]

[Norbert: Liquid Breathing? SpongeBob?]

 

Gargos and Q 

 

[Jjs: About time, the star of the episode appears!]

[Hayden: Cue Q's entrance.]

 

passed through the first gate, as they were all fighting.

 

"Pitiful humans, there are two games left -

 

[JCM: Stretched over five chapters because why not?]

 

I will win them all!" Nondai yelled, firing missiles, as Massan and Jss dodged to form their robot mech.

 

[Jjs: But...Massan and Jss are robots, so he just insulted his own kind.]

[Hayden: All sounds impressive when it's only two. Nondai should add the word "both" to his database.]

 

Both ships collided, and ACS was trudging behind.

 

[Jjs: As usual.]

[Hayden: Did it even need to be stated?]

 

"Fools, this will be my comeback!

 

[JCM: Every race is your comeback.]

[Hayden: Until it's not.]

[Norbert: I've been biting that tree for years. *gets boos from audience*]

 

We screwed up badly last time, but my team will win!" ACS yelled, holding out his sword.

 

Ex was speeding ahead, when suddenly..

 

[Rusty: A WILD LE TROLL APPEARS!]

 

We see Gargos and Q in a duel, and Gargos is about to win.

 

[JCM: Oh, no! He's about to win! The duel!]

[Jjs: What kind of a duel? A sword duel? A card duel? A stare duel? Paint a picture here.]

[Rusty: It's obviously a gun duel.]

[Hayden: A duel to come up with the most words from their first initial.]

 

"Take this wondering eye!" Gargos yelled, firing a laser at Q - but Q's ship manages to suck up the blast and deflect it back.

 

[Jjs: The one thing Q does the whole episode so far and I still feel as if we know nothing about him. Oh well.]

[Rusty: Dead eyyyyye!]

[Norbert: What?]

 

"NOO!" Gargos yelled, as his ship exploded.

 

[Gargos: zchyxq1.jpg?1 ]

[JCM: Ding dong, the Garg is dead.]

[Hayden: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but the alphabet will blow me the fuck up.]

 

We see Ex and Mothra racing ahead, but the light came into view.

 

[Jjs: NO! DON'T GO TOWARDS IT!]

[Rusty: Actually, do go towards it.]

[Hayden: *tosses Rusty into the light with them*]

 

"What the fuck?!" Mothra yelled, as the explosion caught their ships, and they went falling into the abyss below.

 

[Rusty:

]

 

[JCM: 70s told you not to do that. People should listen to 70s more. Maybe then he'd become useful.]

[Hayden: Ex was too much of a rebel for his own good and 70s was like a would be father to him.]

 

"AHHH!" Ex yelled, as he tried to fly back up, but his engine was busted.

 

[Jjs: Oh my god, the lulz. "Ahh" is the noise you make after having sex or something pleasant, "Aaaahhh" is the more appropriate yelling form.]

[Rusty: Aaaaaaah!]

[Norbert: Well, I have no words.]

[Hayden: *twists Norbert's neck until it snaps* That feels satisfying. Thanks for the tip Dradius.]

 

"EXX!" 70s, OMJ and Elastic yelled.

 

[Jjs: But who gives a shit about Mothra, right? Though to be fair, I wouldn't either.]

[Rusty: It's FXX!]

 

Ex then went smashing down into the ground, as did Mothra, and they laid there, unconscious in their ships.

 

[Hayden: Dare I say, it's almost romantic. Laying side by side and all.]

[JCM: Unconscious? You don't hit the ground after a free fall in a 4000-pound hunk of steel and not die. I call BS.]

[Rusty: THERE'S NO LOGIC HERE.

 

]

 

 

The others kept flying forward above, but in the end, Q came in first, Massan & Jss second, and Nondai 3rd.

 

[Jjs: *sigh* Ex loses...AGAIN!? This is the FOURTH episode in a row. I can't believe this, I really must have fucking hated Ex.]

[Hayden: You're making more excuses to stop Ex from winning than the Pokémon writers make for Ash to lose the league.]

[Rusty: Ex is like Trevor Bayne.]

 

"Better than nothing!" Nondai boasted.

 

[JCM: Maybe in 5th grade, where everyone's a winner. Here, you're most certainly a loser. Soz.]

[Hayden: It's a marked improvement. *puts smiley face on Nondai's paper*]

 

"But what about the humans who fell below?" Nondai asked on the island, as they all parked.

 

[Jjs: You couldn't have fit that into the previous line? Was there some line I cut out?]

[Hayden: Did he forget their names now? Least impressive robot alien ever as far as memorization goes.]

[Rusty: The Beast Below.]

 

"Everyone be calm, I will send a send a search party to find them," Grand Ruler said, as he appeared.

 

[Jjs: Couldn't you just teleport them out of there with all your magic powers and shit?]

[Hayden: The Grand Ruler suddenly gives a shit now that it's Ex and Mothra in peril? Where was this attentiveness before?]

 

Massan, Jss, 70s, and SOF agreed to search for them.

 

[JCM: Poo! I thought they'd agree to leave them for dead!]

[Hayden: *glares at Elastic and OMJ*]

[Rusty: But they only found skeletons.]

 

"I hope Ex is okay..and Mothra I guess.." Elastic said.

 

"Ex has the guts of a God, he better be fine," OMJ said.

 

[Jjs: So that's why Dradius wanted to rip them out.]

 

"Don't count on it.." CDCB whispered to himself.

 

[JCM: Why are you telling yourself not to count on it? Do you really need convincing?]

[Hayden: Oh hey, he whispered this time instead of screaming it out to everyone. Maybe this old previously dead dog is learning some new tricks.]

[Rusty: Reminds me of that MAD sketch.]

 

We see Ex and Mothra in the trench below, on the ground, and they both got up.

 

[Jjs: Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?]

[Hayden: They got up with their crushed legs.]

[Rusty: GET UP THE POLICE HAVE GOT YOU SURROUNDED]

[Norbert: *falls asleep*]

 

"Ugh..let's-let's try getting out of here.." Ex said, as they tried walking.

 

[Hayden: Hand in hand like a good couple.]

[JCM: It'll take more than walking to get out of an abyss.]

[Jjs: Wonderful, ANOTHER subplot involving being stuck somewhere.]

[Rusty: How are we alive?]

 

We cut to the Dark One's place.

 

[Rusty: A.K.A. That Jeopardy! contestant.]

 

"We have brought him.." Dradius said, throwing thesuitelife to the ground.

 

"Ugh...where where AM I?!" Suitelife yelled.

 

[JCM: The Disney Vault.]

[Rusty: Hell.]

[Hayden: You agreed to go for "revenge", you can't be clueless if you knew they intended to take you back near SBC.]

 

"Eh..he's a bit insane.." Phalos said.

 

"Oh, but I remember him well.." tvguy347 said, stepping forward.

 

[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWIST!]

[JCM: A completely nonsensical twist, but a twist nonetheless.]

[Hayden: How well? Were you two intimately acquainted?]

[Norbert: *wakes up* What the-?]

 

"Who is this?" Dradius asked.

 

"My new personal apprentice.." Ronuletto said.

 

[JCM: Still, think you should have gone with Mickey Mouse.]

[Hayden: I called this turn to aiding the villain ages ago, and suddenly it gets slapped in here after Stalus refused the position? What was Tvguy doing before that?]

[Rusty: Oh, Mr Sheffeild!]

 

"Yes, those SBCers fucked with the wrong guy," tvguy said.

 

[Jjs: Being called out for sabotaging a race doesn't count as "fucking with", but whatever makes you happy. At least we're finally going somewhere with this.]

[Hayden: Two people with absurd grudges against SBC....Tvguy and Suitelife were always meant to be a match.]

[Rusty: You don't fuck with Machette.]

 

"And...I remember you well Ronuletto.." Suitelife said.

 

[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWIST!

 

Well, this episode is...certainly an enigma, much like the character of Q. This was supposed to be a big episode, but sadly when I got to writing it, I really hit a stump on how to go about it. I didn't know how to advance all of the plots, and the ep results in a rushed cluster of "surprises", but they don't blend well together and make it hard to soak in what is happening, making it kind of disjointed. Not the worst episode, but I could've done A LOT better on it. It feels like this was meant to be a delicious sandwich that's only meh tasting.

 

Also, wait what the hell, did Q even do anything in this episode??? To top off the awkward writing, we also have a misleading title. God dangit Dale.]

[JCM: So Ex loses again. Are we even supposed to root for him anymore? He barely got us to the finals, and now he's stinking up the place. I don't know a thing about Q, but I'd rather he win than Ex, because at least he seems to know what he's doing. Ex's loss was out of his control this time, but it's not as easy to explain away his other losses. He just isn't a good driver, and his personality isn't interesting enough to make up for it, so...why exactly should we root for him? This question and more will be answered probably never! Thank you for reading!]

[Hayden: I don't know if it's because I'm tired or what, but god, I hated this more than 46. It had close to nothing to riff, every last detail was inconsistent, and it didn't answer a single question except that Q's ship has absorption powers and Tvguy wasn't forgotten. I'm sure Past Jjs has a lovely reason up his sleeve on how suitelife is alive, but we'll probably have to wait as usual for a clear answer on that. *slumps over from rant after getting drunk on frozen yogurt*]

[Rusty: Well I don't know what happened, But. Who cares? Thank you Jjs!]

[Norbert: Yeah, I have a date with Treeflower soon. Bye!]

[Rusty: And on that note:

 

 ]

 

Edited by jjsthekid
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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

48. Origin & Creation

Spoiler

48. Origin & Creation

[Jjs: A backstory episode, eh? Maybe we'll learn why my past self thought this whole lit was a good idea, and how one came up with such ridiculous concepts, unless you want to go with OMJ's bag theory.]
[OMJ: Or maybe this will be another misleading title and we'll learn nothing at all. G1pFNVs.png   ]  

We see Mothra and Ex walking around the trench.

[OMJ: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!]
[JCM: Don't encourage them.]

"Ugh...that was a powerful blast. 

[Ex: I'll show you a powerful blast.]

Hopefully we can get out of here.." Mothra said.

[Jjs: Nah, just stay there. It'll end the lit sooner than later, at least.]

"I see a dark passage over there.." Ex said, they walked to it.

[Jjs: ....boo]
[JCM: I agree. Boo to that comma splice!]
[OMJ: No, don't. The Dark Ones might be loitering around there.]

We cut back to the Dark One's palace.

[OMJ: See! *cuts wrists*]

"So, you remember eh?" Ronuletto said.

[Jjs: So, you are Canadian eh? I knew Canadians were the true source of evil.]
[JCM: Who's Eh?]

"Yes...YOU are why I am evil!" Suitelife said, falling to the ground.

[Jjs: Someone get this guy a walking cane or wheelchair for SOF's sake.]
[OMJ: Hmm, so that's why we have a Nutella, llama, gay squid-loving desi kid running around here.]

"What is he talking about, master?" Tvguy asked to Ronuletto.

[JCM: Of course they make the hispanic guy the slave.]
[OMJ: Yes, please do exposition.]

"Ah yes...when that poor fool was heartbroken, I gave him the ways...of darkness. It was then that he'd be the one to conquer the SBCers...my plans have unfold! I made him evil...and I knew they would all stop him. Thus, the island would be made as a source for their race...I can see the future, present and past!" Ronuletto laughed.

[OMJ: Could you cool it on the pauses, it's getting obvious that you're just pulling this explanation out of your ass as you go.]
[JCM: tl;dr either way]
[Jjs: WHAT A TWIST! So the big bad Dark One master is the reason why Suitelife went evil, what a fucking shock. Funny thing is, I didn't even plan this, I just forced it in to connect Seasons 1 & 2. Yeah, I admitted it.]

"Well guess what? I'm NOT working for you!" Suitelife yelled. "You made me turn against my friends!"

[Jjs: Bwuh???!! But you said in 47 "you wanted revenge"...Did suitelife snap out of Ronuletto's dark spell, or has he dethroned Mothra as the most two-faced character in the series?]
[OMJ: The even bigger question here is: "suitelife has friends?"]

"You have no choice..." Ronuletto said, as he trapped him in a dark cage.

[Jjs: Well this went 50 Shades of Grey on us in the blink of an eye!]
[OMJ: Grey is a pretty dark color.]

We see Mothra and Ex walk through the dark passage, and they came to a bridge...but there was a dark abyss below it.

[JCM: An abyss within an abyss? Abysseption.]
[Jjs: So much darkness in this episode, I'm going to need to turn on a light.]
[OMJ: Can we turn this into a drinking game? I might just enjoy it more.]

"You first.." Mothra teased, pushing him forward.

"Not funny!" Ex said.

[Jjs: Yeah, save it for in bed.]
[JCM: Ex and Mothra's flirting will never get tiresome. Oh wait, it just did.]
[OMJ: Even Ex can't appreciate Jjs' humor.]

They carefully walked across, when Mothra fell, but held onto the edge.

 

[Jjs: Ha! Make a MLP reference out of that!]

[OMJ: Not carefully enough, it seems. Wear a helmet and some pads next time. They may just cushion your fall.]

"Help!" Mothra cried.

[JCM: No!]
[Jjs: 

]

 

We cut back to Paralois Island.

[Jjs: Looks like Ex didn't help Mothra then. Oh well.]
[OMJ: The boi literally can't even win a race to save his own life.]

"Alrighty then, any luck with the search?" SOF asked.

[JCM: Hopefully, everyone forgot Ex and Mothra existed already.]

"We haven't started yet bro," Elastic said.

[Jjs: Seriously, Elastic is just such an important character to the plot. Why wasn't he the protagonist?]
[OMJ: A nice representation of our productiveness at the time. G1pFNVs.png ]

"THAT'S JUST CRUSING WRONG! EX AND MOTHRA NEED HELP!" SOF yelled.

[JCM: Sucks for them.]
[Jjs: You know SOF, you could try looking for them too.]
[OMJ: But you're not there to help proofread his search.]

We see Mothra manage to get back up.

[Jjs: Using the power of friendship.]
[OMJ: Atta boy, Ex! You'll reach third base yet.]

"That was a close one.." She said.

[Mothra: A can of a corn, a can of corn and I'll be fine! A can of corn!]
[JCM: First Eh, now She! What's with all these new characters?]

They managed to make it to the other side...and they come to an alter of some sort.

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: altar]

"Okay, where did we land??" Ex asked to himself.

[Jjs: What do you mean "where did we land"? Last I checked, you just walked into there by choice. Just had another Wiseau moment?]
[OMJ: I think it's pretty damn obvious that you "landed" at an alter of some sort.]

There was strange carvings

[JCM: were strange carvings]

all over the wall. We saw space ships racing.


[SpongeBob's Pants: What do you mean "we"? *walks away*]

"Hmm...it appears to be some ruins.." Ex said.

[OMJ: So all of Jjs' scrapped ideas?]
[JCM: Ruins of SBCPU's legacy.]

"I wonder what this all means?" Mothra said.

[OMJ: I think it means that it's time to pass the dutchie on the left side.]

Just then, 9 light balls came flying out of nowhere and began speaking.

[JCM: Mothra prefers her balls heavy, tbh.]
[Jjs: Are they going to take the 7 Dragon Balls + 2 more to defeat the Dark Ones?]
[OMJ: What, are these the lightbulbs that popped up over Jjs' head when he thought all of this was a good idea for a story?]

"Hello...we are The Creators!" They all said.

[Jjs: Never mind.]
[OMJ: ...Pass the dutchie plzG1pFNVs.png]

 

"The who?" Mothra asked.

[Jjs: The what?]
[JCM: Oh, Mothra! The Who is a band, not a bunch of glowing balls, dummy!]
[OMJ: I guess that fall damaged her hearing.]

"We are the creators of the Great Race and this island," they all spoke.

[OMJ: DUTCHIE. PLZ. G1pFNVs.png]

"Interesting..." Ex said. "Continue."

[JCM: Because if there's anything this chapter needs more of, it's exposition.]

"Fine...you seem curious." The creators said.

[OMJ: But he's not Qurious like Q.]

"Wait..can you tell us about the "Dark Ones"?" Ex asked.

[Jjs: Is Ex stoned out of his mind right now? He tells them to continue how they made the island, and then asks something completely unrelated. A bit rude, if you ask me.]
[OMJ: A bit more closer to his actual personality, if you ask me.]

[JCM: Just his story-mandated ADHD acting up.]

 

"The Dark Ones....when Ronuletto won the race many years ago, he created 4 wicked spirits - Dradius, Phalos, Flareix and Gargos.."

[Jjs: I can see those "wicked" spirits put fear into everyone, with such scary creatures like a pegasus.]
[OMJ: All that phenomenal cosmic power and that's all he used it for? If he gets it again this time, is he gonna bring Bigfoot, Nessie, Mothman and El Chupacabra to life?]

"Wait...Ronuletto?" Ex asked.

"Sounds like a bland singer," Mothra said.

[JCM: Reads like a bland lit.]
[Jjs: No, it's Ron Stoppable, like I said in my riffs for 44.]

"Ronuletto once won the Great Race years ago...however, he began conflicted on his powers.

[OMJ: Not gonna lie, I'd began conflicted too.]

He wanted an ideal world of his creation and created the Dark Ones to make a dark world..." they said.

[Jjs: Amount of times the word "Dark" has to be used in this episode...Too many to count.]
[OMJ: So when does he go after Natalie Portman and fight Chris Hemsworth?]
[JCM: Probably in the sequel.]

"So...that is all the results of these happenings...they want to win to create the world into their own image.." Ex said.

[OMJ: ...And what exactly stopped them from doing just that with all that power before?]

"Yes, and they must be stopped...only you can ExKizuna and Mothra," the glowing orbs said.

[JCM: I can ExKizuna and Mothra, too.]
[Jjs: Obligatory Star Wars reference. But you know it's a dark day when Mothra is one of the only people in the universe to stop Ronuletto.]
[OMJ: I'd say Q would have a better chance at stopping them than these twats. He's in first, after all.]

"How do you know our names?" Ex asked.

"We know the names of all pilots.." They said.

[Jjs: Well, that's not creepy.]

"So now it all makes sense..." Ex said.

[OMJ: Yeah, so that's what happened to Amelia Earhart!]
[JCM: 9/11? Dark Ones. JFK? Dark Ones. Nipples on men? Dark Ones.]

"Yes, and we can take you back to the surface...STOP THEM!" The Creators yelled.

[OMJ: *flinches* whoa! Jump scare!]

They were teleported to the hub area.

[JCM: The Creators can teleport people around, but they can't stop a giant raven?]
[Jjs: Well, at least this subplot didn't drag on like the Dark Ones' did.]
[OMJ: And our lazy asses didn't even have to do anything to help them at all!]

"They're back!" Massan said.

[Jjs: In black!

Hey, figured it'd fit with the "dark this" and "dark that" theme in this episode.]


"Yes...and we really need to win the race...there are dark spirits planning to use the race's power for evil purposes.." Ex said.

[JCM: Looks like the world is screwed, then.]
[Jjs: Orly? I guess Gargos and Dradius "wanting to eliminate you from Earth" wasn't a tip-off or anything.]
[OMJ: Yes! All this motivation you should've been using in earlier races is now just the motivation you need to win these next, what, two races?]

We cut back to Ronuletto's palace.

[OMJ: You can cut the cheese with these scene transitions.]

"NOW then...YOU will help me re-create the opposite world as I tried before (the island)...

[Jjs: AHA! So suitelife trying to create an opposite world was all this big weirdo's doing, ahaha...man, I really must have attended the Lost school of making things up as I go along.]
[OMJ: As if you couldn't get anymore obvious that this was somehow still SBC *holds nose* PU.]
[JCM: Cool. Stuff with opposites. Wake me when it's over.]

help me activate this device to turn those robots bad.." Ronuletto laughed.

[Jjs: He makes those good robots go bad.]
[OMJ: How can you possibly be anymore threatening with diction like that!]

"I refuse!" Suitelife said.

"Then eat the pain!" Ronuletto laughed, blasting him with dark magic.

[Jjs: There's an innuendo in this somewhere.]
[OMJ: Oh come on now, he flat out never consented to that on-screen.]
[JCM: Getting dark magic out of his butt will be a real pain.]

"Fine...I will.." Suitelife said.

[OMJ: This has gotta be some sorta allegory for Suitelife's pension of being in abusive relationships.]

He activated a device and it blasted a laser beam to Opposite Island...all the robots there began acting weird. Their eyes turn red.

[Jjs: So the beam delivered them lots of drugs? Maybe that's where this speed is coming from.]
[OMJ: Aahhh! The red screen of death!]

"WE SHALL DESTROY ALL.." Wood Sponge said.

[JCM: You do realize this "all" includes you, right?]

"Evil once again...now my own world shall come together...MWA HA HA!" Ronuletto laughed.

[OMJ: A world full of Nutella, llamas and gay squids. Not too shabby.]

We see the seal surrounding the palace got shattered - The Grand Ruler had set up a magic seal to keep them contained there, though the others could go out and in - except for Ronuletto.

[Jjs: But how did it get shattered?]
[OMJ: So in other words, it only kept "him" contained there.]

"Yes....that fool's shield is no more.." Ronuletto laughed. "My powers are growing...time for my revenge!"

[JCM: kden]
[Jjs: DUN DUN DUN

So all I got out of this episode is that Ronuletto is the main cause of Suitelife being a psychopath, and apparently there's a lot of "dark stuff" in trenches. Just 4 moar!]

[OMJ: All I got out of this episode was that your idea lightbulbs need changing. G1pFNVs.png]

 

We're on a roll. Just four more left...

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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

49. Gregarious Like Gargos

Spoiler

49. Gregarious Like Gargos

[JCM: "Gregarious" is a word that I'm sure wasn't taken from a thesaurus and that I'm sure has something to do with this episode.]
[OMJ: I doubt Jjs even knew what that meant at the time.]

[Hayden: So Gargos enjoys the company of other people. Even evil gargoyles have fuzzy feelings.]

 

"So, Team Darkness is evil!?" SOF said.

 

[SOF: SO THE SKY IS BLUE?!]

[OMJ: Well, darkness isn't exactly universal with evil or anything. Or llamas. 3waZd3m.png ]

 

"Yes, but this is no time...we have to win the next race!" Ex said.

[OMJ: So is this when Ex turns super saiyan and suddenly demolishes the competition until making some bonehead move that fucks us over even more for a bit before winning at least silver?]

[Hayden: Even if you win the next race I doubt that would realistically give you enough points thanks to your streak of middle to below average placings. Unless the next race has 10,000 gates and everyone else spontaneously blows up.]

 

"The 8th race is beginning.." The Grand Ruler's spirit yelled.

[JCM: His spirit? Grand Ruler must have died without me noticing.]
[OMJ: I'd kill myself if I was in this season too. Don't know what the hell's stopping me.]
[Hayden: Maybe the Grand Ruler's true identity is a cheerleader. RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH!]

 

The 8 pilots all gathered in the main square.

[ACS: THIS SQUARE AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE 16 OF US!]

"You know, something has been bugging me.." Nondai said.

[JCM: Calculate the answer like you always do.]
[OMJ: Bugging. Haha! Robot humor.]
[Hayden: I hope ACS hasn't hacked Nondai with his mad hacking skills.]

 

"What?" Ex asked.

"Why was SOF on all 3 courses at once?" Nondai asked.

[JCM: I'm less concerned with why he did it than how he did it.]

"what do you mean?" SOF asked.

"I noticed too..how could SOF be in 3 places at once?" ACS snapped.

[JCM: Maybe he has two twin brothers.]
[OMJ: ACS should know, he's the expert on that sorta stuff.]
[Hayden: Holograms, clones, opposites....yeah, I'm going to go with opposite logic.]

 

"None of your concern.." The Grand Ruler said.

[OMJ: Why would you of all people be concerned about it being our concern?]

"I travel a lot," SOF said.

 

[Hayden: I hope you packed your briefcase Kan. Cause this is going to be a BRIEF CASE for Detective Hayden.]

 

"My lie detector is going off the charts! What is the reason behind this?" Nondai asked.

[JCM: A lie detector is a very logical thing to include in a robot designed for racing.]
[OMJ: Don't worry, my bullshit detector is on the fritz, as well.]

Gargos ripped open a stone blade from his arm and attacked the Grand Ruler.

[OMJ: Looks like I'm not the only one cutting here.]

Everyone gasped.

[Everyone: AAAHHH OOOHHH UUUHHHH!

 4xVU2qM.jpg?1 ]

He went exploding,

[JCM: Some people go exploring. Some people go exploding. One is slightly more dangerous than the other.]

and SOF's staff was no longer glowing - he went flying into a pillar.

[OMJ: If there was a time for Jjs to shoehorn random friendly reminders in parentheses, SOF's glowing dick would be that time.]

"So...SOF was the Grand Ruler this whole time!!!?!?!" ACS said.

[JCM: Unnecessary punctuation marks!!!???...;;;]
[OMJ: Maybe it's just...Impostor SOF!!?!!?!?!!????!!!!?!! But srsly, with dat name, I'm surprised he just wasn't another ACS personality. In fact, I would've liked that route a lot more than just Jjs' boy getting more spotlight. Then again, it does spare others the bane of even being here.]

[Hayden: SOF being the Grand Ruler DOES answer every plot hole about the Grand Ruler doing absolutely nothing to solve this shit ages ago. Past Jjs has exceeded my expectations.]

 

"fine, you caught me," SOF said. "I used the staff to project his image."

[OMJ: Darn, and here I thought you were just MR. I KNOW, I'M TERRIBLE.]

"How in the HELL could SOF be over 50 years old?!" Mothra said.

"Magic baby," SOF said.

[JCM: That isn't surprising. Magic babies can do wonders for your health.]
[OMJ: Or bs about it like you usually do. No wonder my bullshit detector's been on the fritz.]
[Hayden: Guys, don't you see? SOF is referring to the fairy baby known as Poof! Just like in everybody's favorite Fairly OddParents episode, Poof granted Kan's secret wish to not physically age for the next 50 years. Once again, wonderful intentional writing Past Jjs!]

 

Just then, the skies grew dark.

[OMJ: Can this story possibly get even darker than this?]

"Oh no...he has awakened.." SOF said to himself.

[OMJ: Somebody finally collected all seven dragon balls?]
[Haygeta: Damnit Kan-karot, go stop Gurgeiza!]

 

The island began turning gray and dark...as if the life was being sucked out of it.

[OMJ: I stand corrected on the whole dark thing.]

[Hayden: This would be the perfect time for one of CDCB's off-color jokes.]

[JCM: Looks like the Pixies are coming.
AqNbhZ7.png?1 ]


"What's happening?" Massan asked.

[OMJ: Hey, this is still a continuation of SBCPU! *holds nose* 3waZd3m.png ]

"Nothing...now..begin the next race," SOF said.

They all got ready, and this time they were racing in a volcano area.

[JCM: You know, somewhere safe.]
[OMJ: Considering all the collateral damage in the river area alone, I think safety is the least of SOF's concern. I mean, he's downplaying an island's seemingly imminent destruction after all.]
[Hayden: SOF probably really just believes nothing is happening.]

 

"Ex, get ready - it is HOT!" OMJ yelled.

[OMJ: Just when I thought I couldn't rag on myself more. J5wYBlH.png]

"My sensors detect 3 gates," 70s said.

[JCM: But I thought Nondai was the robot.]
[OMJ: So your ass detects three dicks?]
[Hayden: How do they have the technology to detect gates? Why doesn't Grand SOF just announce a number at beginning of the race or keep the amount hidden? Does everyone else automatically know how many gates there are too? Is this 70s' only goddamn contribution?]

 

Ronuletto laughed from his palace.

"Mwa ha ha....Suitelife's device is coming together...and the energy from Paralois Island is being drained to my source.." Ronuletto laughed. "SOF will finally see my revenge!"

[OMJ: GURGY! I should've known!]
[Hayden: "His source".....yeah I'd rather not know where he's referring to.]

 

The 8 pilots began racing, and magma was bursting out of the cracks.

[JCM: Pull up your pants, volcano!]

"GWAH! MOVE!" Gargos yelled, slicing ACS aside.

[OMJ: How is this guy not disqualified for flat out trying to kill the Grand Ruler? Then again, this is SOF running the show here. Anything to make things a boiling pot for disaster.]
[Hayden: SOF is a very forgiving person? But anyways, I can't even count how many times we've seen ACS be a pest to the other racers and then predictably fail hard, can we please focus on a different racer for once?]

 

Magma bursted

[JCM: Not a word.]
[Hayden: *gets bursted added to the dictionary* Anything's a word if enough idiots lobby for its inclusion. Sorry to bursted your bubble, JCM.]

 

up and scorched Nondai's ship, and he began falling to the ground.

"Bzz..gwah..." Nondai said to himself.

[OMJ: The inner monologues here really put Shakespeare's to shame.]

Q was flying and dodging magma blasts.

[JCM: Hey, Q is still a character.]
[OMJ: And still the most competent character, at that.]

"You may have avoided my attack last time,

 

[Hayden: He's never avoided it, he's taken it head on and absorbed it every time.]

 

but this time you are DEAD!" Gargos yelled, blasting a bunch of lasers at Q.

 

Q sucked up the blasts over and over,

[OMJ: Pause right there, mah boi.]
[Hayden: Kind of like that.]

 

and he blasted them across the field.

All the pilots eventually made it to the first two gates, but had a tough time finding the last one.

[JCM: Did you look under the couch?]

"Could it be...inside the volcano?" Nondai asked, as he was repaired.

 

[Hayden: Repaired how? Did he hire a mobile mechanic? How do you fix being burned by scorching hot magma that fast? Also, if you're competing to get more gates than the other racers, why say that suggestion out loud? It said up above you can say things to yourself.]

 

"Let's find out!" Mothra said,

[Mothra: One! Two-HOO! Th-Three!]
[OMJ: How many racers does it take to find the last gate? The world may never know.]
[Hayden: Is it getting hot in here or is it just Mothrex?]

 

as they all went up to the volcano, dodging exploding boulders and steam.

[JCM: Well, if going into an active volcano doesn't win you the race, it'll definitely win you a Darwin Award.]
[OMJ: Darn, those boulders and steam sales are back with a vengeance!]

The final gate was in the core, covered by steam.

"There it is!" Ex yelled, gaining full speed, but his engine got damaged by a falling rock.

[JCM: Ex's luck is unrealistically bad at this point.]
[OMJ: Of all things, a falling rock. Not super saiyan enough.]
[Hayden: Plot devices work with and against this guy at an equal rate. It almost balances out.]

 

"I can make it..!" Ex yelled, as he began steering the ship to the edge of the volcano.

"EX! COME ON!" Mothra yelled.

[OMJ: Don't you even wanna win, yourself, anymore?]
[Hayden: Ugh, Jjs has totally reduced Mothra to a girl supporting the male heroine. How sexist. I'm totally ranting about this in my blog.]

 

Gargos laughed, as he was about to blast a laser at Ex, hanging off the volcano.

[JCM: Just do it. We don't need a year of buildup.]
[OMJ: Yes, the obnoxious laugh won't give yourself away.]
[Hayden: Because being inside an active volcano wasn't enough peril for Ex already.]

 

Ex, however, launched a missile at Gargos, and he went plunging into the Volcano - both he and Mothra made it to the final gate.

[OMJ: Ex finally does something competent and it was about as climactic as these two in bed.]

"WOO HOO! Team work!" Mothra yelled.

[OMJ: Is it whale mating season already?]
[Hayden: What the hell did you do, Mothra?]

 

The 3rd person to make it was a tough tie - Q and Gargos were neck and neck. But Gargos came in 3rd.

[JCM: Q just can't quatch a break.]
[OMJ: I guess plunging into a volcano really lit a fire under his ass.]

"Hmm..but no matter...master's plan is coming into play.." Gargos laughed, as steam covered the screen.

[OMJ: From his hot ass breath, no doubt. Dentyne Ice this mofo.]

We cut back to the hub.

[OMJ: Is MLP on already? Cuz it ain't Mothra without MLP.]
[Hayden: Someone needs to pony up the money to revive the Hub.]

 

"Well everyone...the final race is tomorrow, you heard right.

 

[Hayden: Yes, their ears are working. Unless the lava burned them off.]

 

Get a good night's sleep and get ready...it will be tough." SOF said.

[JCM: Okay, and let's just forget about SOF lying about the Grand Ruler.]
[OMJ: I'm sure they'll tear him new ones for it in Jss' Summarizing Theater.]

"I'm going to win...for Stalus, the SBCers, The Creators, Zelx, and many others," Ex said.

[OMJ: It's okay, they're probs not important like 75% of the people you just listed off. Stalus being the 25 percent.]
[Hayden: The many others who?]

 

"I'm sticking it together with Ex!" Mothra said in her hut.

[OMJ: Can you not? I've seen enough of you eating Ex's dick, thank you. 3waZd3m.png ]

[Hayden: Well, that answers if they're sexually active or not.]

 

"..." Q said.

[JCM: ;;;]
[OMJ: The most developed character in this story.]
[Hayden: I guess Q is trying to win the race so that he can learn the other 25 letters of the alphabet and know how to form full words.]

 

Zwuir was making clicking noises.

[OMJ: Sure it's not just readers backspacing the hell out of here.]
[Hayden: Zwuir wants the prize in order to secure a new laptop. I feel you Zwuir.]

 

"We can do this!" Massan and Jss both said.

[OMJ: Thank SOF, almost forgot what I was backspacing out of.]
[Hayden: I'm sure they'll regain their individual personalities or lack thereof in the next 3 episodes!]

 

"Darkness shall fall.." Gargos laughed.

[JCM: Fetishizing darkness as usual. I can't stay mad at you, Gargos.]
[OMJ: At least he's being pretty damn gregarious right now, telling everybody his endgame like that.]
[Hayden: I thought it already fell due to all the grayness. Does the dark sky literally need to fall, too?]

 

"My kind WILL rise!" Nondai laughed.

[OMJ: You were on an island full of them as it is.]
[Hayden: Yeah Nondai, in the morning, all the opposite robots will get out of bed and go about their day.]

 

"BWA HA HA! THOSE LOSERS WILL GO DOWN!" ACS laughed.

[OMJ: ACS, it's not funny if you're the only one laughing at your own joke.]
[Hayden: The irony of him being a loser isn't even funny with how this line is written. Why do we need to check in on everybody like a fucking Bikini Top chapter closer?]

 

On Opposite Island, we see all of the robot opposites are evil...again. And an army is forming. They began terrorizing tourists, and they were escaping the island in panic.

[OMJ: Except for Jss and Massan, presumably.]

[Hayden: ....Oh, maybe that's what Nondai meant. Well, I can't wait to see these tourists developed!]

[JCM: Rehashing season one is a great way to end season two! I'm so excited I just can't hide it.]

Edited by jjsthekid
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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

50. The Pilot Games

Spoiler
Spoiler

50. The Pilot Games

 

[Metal Snake: Insert obligatory Hunger Games reference here.]

[steel: Time to run away from the cornucopia.]

 

Ex woke up out of his hut, slightly nervous.

 

"Well...this is it. This will all be over," Ex said.

 

[Metal Snake: Inb4 the other riffers post “PRAISE THE LORD” memes.]

[steel: I wouldn't praise the lord just yet since I'm too aware of how there's 2 more episodes to get by, three including this one.]

 

"Yeah, win it for us bro!" Elastic said.

 

[Trophy: What's the score? After Ex's four in a row losing streak, I don't know why you even bother to root for him.]

[Metal Snake: “Or just get fourth place and get us enough points!”]

[steel: Or better yet, lose while somehow still standing in the race with some points.]

 

"But..the Dark Ones. Who knows what they could be up to.." Ex said.

 

[Trophy: They're in second, RIP Stalus. Still not gonna win.]

 

We see Ronuletto in his castle area.

 

"Heh...this should be fun. My time is rising...and the final race is coming.." Ronuletto said, as he threw a bunch of feathers in the air, with each pilot on it.

 

[Pilots: “What?! How the hell did I get on this feather?! Woah...WOAH!”]

[Trophy: Why do you love feathers?]

[steel: Those feathers have a one-off spin-off/lit of their own!]

 

"Monitoring?" Tvguy asked.

 

"Yes," Ronuletto replied. "Let's see who can come out victorious.."

 

[Metal Snake: Better yet, let’s see who will actually care.]

 

The race was about to begin. But little did the pilots know that this would be quite different.

 

Ex then went into the SBC Team’s hut.

 

“Be careful Ex....something dangerous could happen..” 70s said, worried.

 

[Metal Snake: No, something dangerous will happen. Try to work on being subtle, please.]

[steel: Like all the time?]

 

“I will win!” ACS laughed from his hut. “Even if it means cheating!”

 

ACS got a fancy pirate like costume on with a red hat, and red clothes, with a sword.

 

[Metal Snake: ...Wow. I...can’t believe I’ve finally found an apt time to post this video as part of a riff…

 

 

 ]

 

[steel: I get it, he's going to cheat by doing something illegal, right?....I dunno, but here's a better question: Why does he even need a pirate costume???]

 

“NOW MEN, WE FIGHT FOR THE PRIZE!” ACS yelled, and his crew cheered.

 

“Mothra, don’t let us down,” abney said.

 

“And destroy Ex..” ssj said.

 

[Metal Snake: Oh God, don’t tell me…]

 

“Fine..” Mothra sighed.

 

[Metal Snake: ...Again?!]

[steel: I'll be the hundredth person to say "Unbelievable."]

 

....

 

Proud pilots...report to the center!" SOF yelled.

 

[Trophy: Hehe, proud.]

 

The pilots got up in their ships, all ready.

 

"Grand prize...here I come!" Gargos laughed.

 

[steel: How about you don't? ....I have a dirty mind sometimes.]

 

The pilots were then directed to an entirely new area...it was some old ruins of some sort.

 

[Metal Snake: That was some drab description of some kind.]

[steel: This is what I get for riffing in a MSTK-styled literature or some other whatever.]

 

"Wait...this doesn't look like a race course.." Nondai said.

 

“Yes...because it shall be a fight to the death!” SOF declared. “Whoever finds the giant ring at the center will get 100 points, and become the new grand ruler!”

 

[Trophy: WHAT! HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE! THIS ISN'T FAIR TO Q, HE DESERVES THE FREAKIN WIN! LIKE I COULD JUST FLY AIMLESSLY THROUGH A FEW GATES, BE AN EXCELLENT FIGHTER, AND FUCKING WIN! LIKE WHAT THE HELL? THIS IS THE MOST EXTREME BULLSHIT I'VE EVER HEARD OF! THIS MAKES THE WHOLE POINT SYSTEM POINTLESS!]

[Metal Snake: “Yes, kill each other for the right to become God!”]

[Trophy: Oh and that too.]

 

“Oh no...SOF, how could you do this to your buddy Ex?!” Ex said nervously.

 

“soz Ex, but it is the rules,” SOF said.

 

[Metal Snake: Holy mother of shit, I am so tired of this “Murder/death not being taken as something dark or serious” thing in this lit. I know this may sound hypocritical coming from someone who writes deliberately bad stories where death among other things is not treated as a serious issue...but that’s just the thing. I feel that the “death gets treated lightly” joke only works if you’re going for black comedy and/or “So Bad, It’s Good” comedy. SBCPU, from what I understand, was a lighthearted, seriously written story at this point, which is why this kind of humor just doesn’t work for comic relief.]

[steel: This is good ol' SOF telling you folks - welcome to die! Have fun trying to win this race!]

 

“I still find it hard to believe you won 50 years ago,” Ex said.

 

[Trophy: Oh right, I missed the grand reveal. Well if SOF's the Grand Ruler, can't he change the rules of fighting to the death? AND HOW THE HECK DID SOF EVEN WIN 50 YEARS AGO?! Must not have been a very competitive tournament...]

 

“heh, magic Ex, is everyone ready?” SOF said.

 

[Metal Snake: MAGIC *SNORT SNORT*]

[Mothra: Ze Magicks! LOL FORCED MLP REFERENCE/RIFF]

 

Everyone nodded, and their engines were ready to go.

 

"also sadly...apparently Zwuir told me he isn’t playing..” SOF said. "farewell, zwuir.."

 

[Trophy: Why? If it was something because he didn't want to kill like the hunters that'd make sense, but we get nothing. So much for reviving your dead wife, unless SOF just does it for the hell of it. Or does Zwuir think the Grand Ruler can't revive people now after he saw SOF of all people is him?]

[steel: So he's just going to quit with little reason, why? What a wuss.]

 

Zwuir nodded, and crawled away back into his hut, ready to go home.

 

[Metal Snake: Uh...goodbye character I don’t really care about that much? Is that the joke here?]

[steel: At least paint a picture here: Is he unable to continue the race because of a serious injury similar to OMJ? Did he announce that he has terminal cancer? Did he realize this Lit was starting to get pretty bad that he wanted to leave the heck outta here just like that? Explain, Lit! Explain!]

 

“Oh well, now let’s hurry up and get a move on!” ACS said, impatiently.

 

“My scanners say i have a 99.6765% chance of winning!” Nondai laughed.

 

“I shall not let master down..” Gargos laughed.

 

[Metal Snake: Being a good bitch boy is something to laugh about?]

 

“Go Ex my boy!” OMJ and Elastic cheered.

 

[steel: Uh, run-on sentence?]

 

“BEGIN!” SOF yelled, sounding a horn.

 

The ships all went flying off, crashing and bashing with explosions.

 

[Metal Snake: Michael Bay is feeling very proud somewhere. I mean, seriously. We’re TWO episodes away from the end, and these jokes are still relevant… O_O]

 

Ex flew the Pulp Rider through the dark ruins, hiding from attacks.

 

We see Nondai on a ruin top, jumping down from it, and activating his laser swords to attack Mothra.

 

Mothra dodged though, and shot a laser into his giant robot’s head, damaging the insides, and electrocuting Nondai, leaving him stuck there, smoking.

 

[Trophy: RIP Nondai. His scanners were bastards and they lost to rainbow pony lasers.]

[Metal Snake: I don’t know why, but I find it funny to take this out of context.

 

“You shot me in the head, but oh well. SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY."]

[steel: He died with a cigar in his screen. He'll be missed.]

 

“Ro-ro-bot-bots will r--rise again on-day...” Nondai said, shutting down.

 

[Metal Snake: Wait...is he actually dead?!]

[steel: I should make that into a remix.]

 

“Well, I don’t want to destroy Ex...but if I have to do it to win..” Mothra sighed.

 

[Metal Snake: Yup. Oops, you did it again. More murder over a race. Please see my most recent paragraph if you wish to know my opinion on this element of the lit.]

[Trophy: So you can revive him after you win, right? Riiiigghht?]

 

We see RACB’s ship flying through the ruins, launching lasers at the old ruins, searching for pilots.

 

Gargos spotted RACB’s ship though.

 

“Target acquired...” Gargos laughed.

 

“YOU CAN’T BEAT ME GARGOS!” ACS laughed.

 

[Metal Snake: “I’M AWESOME AS I WANNA BE”

 

Unfortunately, that saying doesn’t work well for you, obviously.]

[steel: More outbursts from ACS! His character gets more interesting and filled with surprises after each episode....]

 

Gargos then ripped open blades on his ship,

 

[Metal Snake: His Beyblades, obviously.]

 

and slashed through RACB’s ship, and he went flying away.

 

[Trophy: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!]

 

The ship then began to split in half and explode, as the crew jumped off the ship.

 

“COWARDS! I am staying like a true captain!” ACS said, as the ship went down in flames. It then made a big explosion, and ACS got scared and jumped off, being caught in the fire.

 

[Trophy: ...Internet Troll prison couldn't help him, so he dies in a fire instead?]

 

“2 down...” Ronuletto laughed, as the feathers for Nondai and ACS split apart.

 

[Metal Snake: And of course, we cut away right after that because of course, no one wants to see ACS burn. :) ]

[steel: Considering that this was written in 2012, when ACS was still being written into something like this, as well as getting involved with some in-games accidents in the finals, I expected this to happen. At least I won't have to read through his character and his relentless shouting for the rest of the story.]

 

“The opposites are now under our control..” Suitelife said.

 

“Good...good..” Ronuletto laughed.

 

"What about the two in the race?" Phalos asked, referring to Massan and Jss.

 

"I didn't program it to attack Paralois Island," Suitelife said.

 

[Massan: We're gonna kill them anyways right?]

[Jss: You bet it!]

[Metal Snake: Program...what to attack Paralois Island? What is “it”?]

 

"No matter, we have an entire army ready," Ronuletto smiled.

 

[iron Man: WE HAVE A HULK!]

[Ex: We have plot relevance.]

 

“We shall cover the world in darkness once more!” Dradius laughed.

 

The opposite bots continued their rampage across Opposite Island, destroying the race tracks, and people leaving the island in fear. Some SBCers were fighting off the robots.

 

"I thought these guys were good now!" Sebastian panicked, as he whacked 4EverBlue, FamilyguyFa, Ki Zuna, and others away.

 

[Trophy: VISIT THE PARALOIS ISLAND KARATE ACADEMY, LED BY MASTER UDON!]

[Metal Snake: Pfft. Did he whack them in the head with a frying pan? Ha ha.]

 

"Who is responsible for this though?" Teenj asked, dodging blasts from robots.

 

[Metal Snake: I don’t know why I find it funny imagining teenj dodging blasts while saying that in a dull monotone voice.]

 

"No idea," Clappy said. "I hope Ex and the others are alright though."

 

Back in the race...

 

We see Gargos preparing to face Massan & Jss.

 

“Well...whatever happens, I am glad I stood by you..” Massan said.

 

[Metal Snake: Insert obligatory “Stand by Me” reference.]

[steel: DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME! DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, YOU....FORGET THIS IS SBCPU!]

 

The two’s vehicles clashed with Gargos, and we see a big red explosion.

 

[Trophy: The Grand Ruler better revive these people.]

[steel: dead.]

 

Ex kept driving on though, and he met up with Mothra.

 

“So...let’s do this together. I don’t care what ssj or abney says,” Mothra said.

 

[Metal Snake: And Mothra has a change of tune just for the sake of the plot. OF COURSE.]

 

“It is just me, you, Gargos, and Q left at this point..” Ex said.

 

We see Q flying, but feeling guilt.

 

[Metal Snake: The art of flight and guilt are opposed to each other?]

 

We see many years ago (probably 50),

 

[Trophy: I THOUGHT IT WAS 50, FOR ALL I KNOW, IT COULD BE 18TH CENTURY BRITAIN!]

[steel: Apparently Jjs himself is unsure of how exactly many years ago it has been.]

 

Ronuletto was fighting SOF, and SOF tried to seal him away. He called upon Q’s help, but Q was too scared and fled.

 

Q felt guilt over this, and flew away from the race.

 

[Trophy: So Q's old as hell then.]

[Metal Snake: So is he going to help, or…?]

 

Gargos was approaching towards Ex and Mothra, but the ring was inches away in the center.

 

Mothra blasted lasers all over at Gargos, but he kept on moving.

 

Gargos laughed.

 

“Ronuletto’s plan is already in action anyways, I don’t care if I lose!” He laughed.

 

[Trophy: Then why are you trying to win?]

[Metal Snake: Yes, thank you for driving in the fact that he was laughing.]

[steel: Then I don't care if you had a nice death, Gargos.]

 

“Well then, eat this!” Ex yelled, ramming into him, and flying toward the ring.

 

“But I will kill you..” Gargos laughed, speeding toward him.

 

[Trophy: So he doesn't care about Mothra, just Ex.]

[Metal Snake: Lol.

 

“Eat this!”

“But I will kill you!”

 

Yeah...and of course, we need to be reminded AGAIN that Gargos is laughing.]

 

Ex was getting ahead, as Mothra blasted from behind.

 

However, Ex got ahead, and got on top of Gargos’ ship, and rammed it into the ground.

 

“What are you doing?!” Gargos yelled, shaking.

 

[Metal Snake: “I’m doing YOU, silly.”]

[steel: Killing you. Why ask?]

 

The ship exploded into the ground, and Ex flew off from the exploding stone bridge, and got towards the ring!

 

“He did it.” Mothra smiled.

 

Ex stayed in the ring, dormant, as the episode faded.

 

[steel: Duh end.]

[Metal Snake: You forgot the vintage 80s music. ab4A2el.png I was actually looking forward to hearing “YOU’RE THE BEST AROUND” following a freeze-frame making Ex stay dormant.]

[Trophy: HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE! HELL NO, I AM NOT DEALING WITH THIS! EX DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS! BESIDES THE FACT GARGOS SURVIVED AN EXPLOSION TO LOSE TO EX LIKE THAT, EX ONLY WON BECAUSE Q FELT GUILT FROM AN ASS-PULL! Q DESERVES THE WIN, IF NOT STALUS FROM THAT ASS-PULL OF A DEATH! HECK EVEN RIFT COULD DESERVE A WIN FOR NOT GETTING A FAIR REMATCH! I AM DONE! THIS IS HOW I RECAP THIS SEASON OF PAIN AND MISERY, THE BIGGEST M. NIGHT LIKE TWIST EVER, INCLUDING BIKINI TOP, ATTWL 3, AND ALL THE OTHER SHOWS WE HAVE DONE! HECK THE ONLY THING MORE INCONSISTENT THAN THIS MIGHT BE WUMBOLO'S SERIES BECAUSE THEY MADE NO SENSE TO BEGIN WITH! I AM OUTTA HERE! AND I'M GONNA NEED AN ICE PACK BECAUSE YELLING LIKE THIS IS GIVING ME A SEVERE HEADACHE!]

 

 

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SBC Parallel Universe Season 2

 

51. New Alliances

 

Spoiler
Spoiler

51. New Alliances 

[Jjs: Really? You're forming new alliances when the lit's almost over?]
[OMJ: Who else is there to even make an alliance with? All the other poor saps they were allied with previously are all dead, seemingly. Are Zwuir and Q finally gonna see some character and testicle growth?]

[Clappy: Wait, is this the real SBCPU Season 2? Because we're missing the _____ Like _____ episode titles...]

 

“Ex has 150 points...he is the new grand ruler!” SOF said, surprised. “He is my successor..” 

 

[Clappy: Despite losing what felt like 80% of the time? Maybe he is SOF's rightful successor.]

[OMJ: I doubt, even with that last first place win, that all our fourth place earnings even amounted to that.]
[Jjs: I can't tell if "succeeding SOF" is a good thing or bad thing.]
[OMJ: I can't begin to imagine who SOF even succeeded, unless it's Ronuletto. Which should really say something about our main villain, if that's the case.]

 

“Wow....he did it..” Mothra said, in disbelief.

 

[steel: Can't tell if shock or sarcasm.]

[OMJ: Well, you practically held his dick hand and led him to victory. Don't be too disbelief'd.]
[Jjs: Yeah, I'd be in disbelief too, considering Ex's progress lately. But good old past me had to make the final race be 100 points just to save Ex, so the point system meant jack diddly squat in the end. TxBuZkP.png]

[Clappy: Even I knew entering this chapter that point system was going to mean diddly squat. I kept calling an Ex victory in the end due to some unbelievable circumstance, and I turned out to be right.]

[JCM: If Q didn't randomly disappear due to PTSD, he probably would have won.]


“K, so I won, now what?” Ex asked.

[OMJ: At least Ex cares just about as much as I do atm. CzOJDii.png ]

[steel: He makes it to the finals, screws up four times in a row, survives a race to the death, and this is his best reaction possible!?]

Ex began to glow, and he and his ship disappeared,

[OMJ: YAAAY!]

[steel: Ex goes into Chakra Mode when he wins?]

and he appeared in SOF’s throne room..

[OMJ: BOOOO!]
[Jjs: Jesus Christ, SOF has a throne room, too? I wanna win this race if it gives me all these sick benefits.]

[JCM: 2001: A SpongeOddyssey.]

[steel: ....Oh.]

“Wow...so I’m the Grand Ruler now?” Ex asked to SOF.

“Well...it depends. Do you really want to be it?” SOF asked.

 

[JCM: No, what he really wants to be is a princess.]

[Clappy: ....you mean that after all of this shit they just went through, they have the option to not want to be Grand Ruler? Sounds like the rules for this title are made up on the back of a napkin.]

 

“Wait, we have a choice?” Ex said, curious.

[Ex: You mean I have a choice between whether to accept ultimate power that I've practically killed for or refuse said ultimate power and live with the guilt for the rest of my e-life, more than likely continuing this cycle of senseless violence in your mad quest to have somebody succ(eed) you?]

[steel: Seriously, it still bothers me that Ex sounds completely bored about becoming Grand Ruler.]

“Yes..and it is up to you...do you wish to be the Grand Ruler...or stay with your friends..” SOF asked.

 

[JCM: Why would he not be able to stay with his friends? You were the Grand Ruler, and you had plenty of time to dick around with us.]

[Jjs: Alright, audience! What should Ex do?:
A.) Become God
B.) Not become God
C.) Throw pocket sand in SOF's face and hightail it out of there
D.) Stay there and pull a Patrick, thinking "uuhhhhhhhh" for an hour.

Take your pick.]

[OMJ: I'd like to use one of my lifelines, Jjs. Because finishing this is gonna be the death of me.]

[Clappy: Lol @ SOF and the title of God to begin with.]

[steel: What is 'show some emotion, then decline offer of becoming God and go home to shoehorn in the status quo and forget all the ridiculously named, unimportant OC's?' I could be wrong, but SBCPU Characters for 200 please.]

“Well...it sounds nice and all, but I sort of want to stay with my friends..” Ex said.

 

[JCM: Since you can't do both, sure! Give up unlimited power so you can hang out with online friends.]

[OMJ: Dat Zatchbellfan must be doing something right to make Ex give up being God.]

Just then, the area turned dark, and an explosion came out of the sky.

[Jjs: For those of you who picked option "B", you definitely fucked up.]
[OMJ: I wonder who this could possibly be?]

[steel: Michael Bay going on a skydive, perhaps?]

[Clappy: It's an antagonist.....who else would appear under such obvious ominous circumstances?]

 

“W-what’s going on?!” Mothra said from below.

 

[JCM: Below...the sky? Did it really have to be established that she's below the sky?]

 

Ronuletto appeared from the sky and laughed.

 

[Clappy: Wow, I'm so surprised...]


“You...” SOF said.

 

[JCM: 7ppNCNp.jpg?1 ]
[OMJ: Well that's a surprise! Here I was thinking Ronuletto when it was really just You.]

“It is time for the end!” Ronuletto laughed, and the screen flashed, and we heard an explosion.

[Jjs: Welp, that's our story folks, everyone died, the end. Good night!]

[steel: Rip in pepperoni.]
[OMJ: I KNEW IT! I KNEW FINISHING THIS WOULD BE THE DEATH OF ME-]
[Clappy: Well that chapter wasn't too bad. I could have done without the Ex/SOF God storyline and it was way too obvious that whenever a place gets dark and you hear an explosion, it's the bad guy. But overall, at least we didn't get too much tedious dialogue. I enjoyed riffing Season 2. I don't think it was as bad as it was made out to be, but this was a far more interesting riff season than the first one just because of the general WTF-ness. Looking forward to riffing again in the near future. This is Clappy, signing off.]

 

....

....

....

 

[Clappy: Oh man guys, I wonder what we're riffing next time? I mean, it can't be as tediously long and confusing as Season 2 of SBCPU.]

[Jjs: I said that's our story-oh forget it...]
[OMJ: The explosion was so bad, it needed three separate ellipses transitions. Probs to give the reader ample time to leave.]

[steel: The story is so ashamed of itself that it just hit the pause button.]

We see Paralois Island is in ruins....it is in sand,

 

[Clappy: ....you mean to tell me this show isn't over yet? Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.......]

[OMJ: I guess "ruins" wasn't a good enough term on its own to really stress the devastation?]

[JCM: Paralois Island wouldn't really be ruins unless it was in silt. That crap is hard to get off.]

[steel: Knowing how outrageous Paruresis Paralois' climate is, I feel like I shouldn't be surprised by the island turning into Egypt.]

and the courses are wrecked. 

[OMJ: No! Not all one of them!]

[steel: And the pants were dead...]

The sky was gray, and in ruin.

 

[JCM: At least it's in ruin instead of ruins this time.]

[OMJ: We get it, our shit got fucked up! How would the sky even be in ruin anyway, the clouds are buried in sand too?]

[Clappy: My evening is now in ruin thinking that I was prematurely done with this damn chapter.]

[steel: You maniacs! You blew it up!]

 

Ex and Mothra got up, and their ships were covered in sand.

[Jjs: SAND! Holy shit guys, I think we found a more scary threat than the boulders and icicles!]
[OMJ: Luckily for us, Ex is a master sand bender.]

[JCM: Does everything need to either be in ruin or be in sand at this point?]

[steel: Jjs will keep stammering and he's going to explain the aftermath of this island, and...and, and, and, and, and....]

“Ugh...what happened?” Mothra asked.

 

[Clappy: Well, it all started with Episode 27: The Escape....]

[OMJ: Ugh is right, that's all we really need to know what happened.]

[steel: Idk, Gaara turned the entire island into sand or something like that.]

“Where is everyone?”

[OMJ: Have you checked in the sand?]

“OMJ? 70s? Elastic? CDCB?” Ex called out.

 

[Clappy: Clappy?]

[JCM: You didn't call me? I see how it is.]

 

Just then, they saw someone lying in the sand, and Ex pulled them out...it was Tvguy! 

[Jjs: Ex found a tvguy! Ex put the tvguy in the Items Pocket!]

“Ugh...” Tvguy said.

[OMJ: Tell me about it, your bastardly ass is back.]

[Mothra: Welcome to my world!]

“Tvguy...I haven’t seen you in ages, what happened?” Ex asked.

 

[JCM: Uh oh! My exposition senses are tingling! Time to put on my headphones!]


“Ronuletto brainwashed me into being a henchmen of his. I was mad after the Mothra ship incident, so I ran off...but then he found me and brainwashed me to being one of his servants. After his attack on the island, he just ditched me here..that bastard!” Tvguy explained.

[Jjs: Yeah... here was another criticized part of the season, my abrupt abandonment of tvguy becoming evil. I was originally going to do more with this plot line, even having Evil!Tvguy meet Ex at one point, but I decided to abandon it after all the tvguy drama, especially after the Ponies incident just to not keep beating a dead horse. That aside though, this still calls for a PLOT HOLE POLICE! Ronuletto announced tvguy as his new apprentice in Episode 47, 8 episodes after 39. What was he doing before then? Dicking around in the Forgotten Character Zone, I assume?]

[Clappy: Better than rotting in underdeveloped character hell with the likes of nearly everyone else in this season. Anay says hi *in a hissing sound*.]

[OMJ: So he went from being plain evil to slightly more evil to considerably less evil? I don't know about you guys, but tvguy may be the most developed SBCer in this season.]
[JCM: *takes off headphones* Glad I didn't miss anything important.]

 

“Well, we forgive you, and come on!

[OMJ: Every tvguy incident. CzOJDii.png Probs any incident with anyone, really.]

[Clappy: Aww, OMJ beat me to it. nPwkGVe.gif ]

[Jjs: Who is this "we"? Mothra didn't agree, as far I know. I guess tvguy hijacking their battle is all just fine and dandy now.]
[OMJ: I guess Ex's "Well, we forgive you, and come on!" applied to Mothra too...again. Well, she's certainly no J-Law.]


We need everyone’s help to stop the Dark Ones!” Ex said.
 

[steel: Who is this "everyone"?]

We see Q fly down onto the ground, seemingly wanting to help them all.

 

[JCM: Seemingly, but we can never be sure.]

[Jjs: Hopefully the mysterious character can save this lit if nobody else can.]
[OMJ: Finally, wear that sack proud, mah boi!]

“I guess he wants to help too,” Mothra said.

[OMJ: Yes, as big of a character-defining moment as this guy's ever gonna get, and it comes out so half-assed...again. For all you know, he probs wants to see your murdering asses burn to a crisp and then dig out.]

Q began flying away to who knows where,

[OMJ: YAAAY!]

[Clappy: Away from this bad lit, I hope.]

[steel: Who Knows Where must be an exciting place to be.]
[JCM: Who Knows Where is my favorite place.]

 

and that seemed to be a cue to follow him, so they did.

[OMJ: BOOOO!]
[Jjs: Follow the flying letter, because because because, of the wonderful things he does!]
[OMJ: Like saying important pieces and conveying some of the most genuine emotion in this story without even saying a single word. Spinny for best male character right here.]
[Q: Quick everyone. Let's all escape before this installment gets any worse.]

 

“I hope he knows where he is going..” Mothra said; tvguy was in Ex’s ship.

[OMJ: I sure hope these three can trust this letter, but at least I do know that tvguy and Ex are butt buddies in the same ship!]

Q then took them to some ancient temple.....it was Ronuletto’s, but different.

[OMJ: So...it's not Ronuletto's?]

[JCM: This is what happens when you don't copyright your temple designs.]

[steel: What makes it different compared to other ancient temples in a sand covered Paruresis Paralois Island?]


Just then, we saw some Opposite Robots guarding the entrance, and began attacking.

[Jjs: PLOT HOLE POLICE! Uh... how are there opposite robots on the island if they were said to only be on Opposite Island? Did they just swim there for the hell of it?]
[OMJ: Even bigger question then, how would robots even survive in water?]

“What the...? I thought we were friends with them!” Ex said, dodging them with the Pulp Rider.

[OMJ: Maybe they heard your "DEATH TO ALL ROBOTS" crack in that one episode?]

[steel: Yeah, nice job, Ex.]

“Ronuletto got suitelfie44 to mind control them all into being evil again,” Tvguy explained.

 

[JCM: Mind control is totally a verb.]

 

“Ugh...WAIT, SUITELIFE?!” Ex said, shocked.

[Jjs: Yes, the guy who was the main antagonist and died last season, remember? We're still not sure how he's alive.]

[OMJ: WAIT, SUITELIFE'S ON DECK?! Sorry, I just had to.]

[steel: Zack and Cody joined forces with the Dark Ones?! Yea, I just had to.(two)]

“Yes, suitelife was still alive

[Jjs: Still waiting for an explanation on why or how.]
[OMJ: Maybe he wasn't dead, but just in the sand this whole time.]

....in the World Outskirts. Apparently Ronuletto is responsible for his corruption..” Tvguy said.

 

[JCM: Fun fact: Ronuletto is this lit's version of the devil.]

[OMJ: And apparently, you're our go-to person with the deets for this episode.]
[Clappy: Yeah, I'm with OMJ...why give tvguy this much importance now when you dropped him out entirely after the glaring plot of him going evil? What a copout.]

 

“Well, now I feel bad for freezing him,” Ex said, blasting the robots.

[OMJ: And everyone else who croaked along the way here are just chopped liver.]
[steel: Correction: the robots froze suitelife.]


“But we can’t change the past, we have to stop Ronuletto again!” Tvguy said.

[OMJ: Again with this "we" business? Last I checked, SOF was the only one who stopped him the first time.]

A bunch of Opposite Bots began to surround them, and they were blasted out of their ships.

 

[JCM: Lemme guess, with sand?]

[Jjs: What the...? Time for one of Metal Snake's "PFT....WHAT?! LOLWUT?" moments. Sorry if I am nitpicking here, but how the hell could a bunch of tiny robots tip two huge ships over and knock them out?! Did the ships shrink or something?! I'm sorry if I am making a big deal out of such a small line, but this came from out of nowhere.]
[OMJ: Tip them over? I read they were blasted, so I assumed they converged for one big energy attack. Look at me, going against Jjs' opinion and defending this shite. This story's tearing us apaaaaart!]

“We need to disable the mind control device!” Tvguy said.

The Opposite Robots just kept attacking, it was no use.

[tvguy: Well, that's all I can do.]

[steel: TAKE THI- No.]
[JCM: Even the narrator is giving up.]

 

Just then though, Q made his ship turn giant, into a monster! Q was a giant titan of some sort now.

[OMJ: *insert Jjs' obsession with Sym-Bionic Titan here*]

[Clappy: Once again, glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. nPwkGVe.gif ]

[steel: Initiate giant titan of some sort.]

“What the..” Mothra said.

[Jjs: Yeah, pretty much.]

[steel: I'd be saying that too if Q turned his ship into a Mutraddi or a Titan of some sort, idk.]

Q smashed through the robots, and saw the device. He crushed it, and all the robots were shut off, collapsing to the ground.

 

[JCM: Hooray for Deus ex machina!]

[OMJ: Yes, all the robots except for the poor schmucks who got smashed. I love it when an impulsive course of action comes together!]
[Jjs: I knew it, Q could save this lit after all! Huzzah!]

We cut back to Opposite Island, and see the robots stopped attacking, and all shut off.

"What a twist," JCM said. "But seriously, what just happened?"

[OMJ: Wait, that isn't a riff?]

[Clappy: JCM, you forgot to use your blue color for your riff.]

[JCM: Certainly sounds like something I'd say.]

[steel: Bad JCM, that's Jjs' line!]

"Idk, but this is getting weird," Teenj said.

[Jjs: "Idk"...More ATTWL 3 abbreviation callbacks.]

[steel: Idk about you but....alright, I'll stop saying "idk."]
[Teenj: *gets into bubble taxi and floats off into the great beyond*]
[OMJ: Goodbye, FRIEND!]

"Well, be grateful they all stopped at least, before they could have potentially murdered someone," Wumbo said.

 

[JCM: The only thing worse than murdering someone is potentially murdering someone.]

[OMJ: Yes, the body count doesn't need to climb any higher than it already is.]

[Jjs: Maybe they didn't murder anyone, but I'm pretty sure someone was bound to get injured. Wait...

"Be grateful they all stopped at least"
"Be grateful I passed by the park"

Was Past SOF writing notes from this word for word? o_O]

[Clappy: All that's missing is a bus that goes out of control and kills 1/3 of the cast list.]


"But the big mystery now is, who shut them off?" Sebastian asked.

 

[JCM: Questions about something actually relevant to the plotline? You crack me up!]

[Jjs: Get your Phineas & Ferb detective suit to investigate.]

[Past!SOF: Did someone say "mystery"? LOL SCOOBY-DOO REFERENCE.]
[OMJ: You would think they'd be questioning about just who turned them evil rather than who shut them off, thus saving their bacon cuz we sure as hell can't save our own shit. I guess we SBCers thrive off of the shit hitting our fans. Sure would explain us being okay with killing a magician.]

"I think I know," Clappy smiled, thinking of Ex.

 

[Clappy: Whoa, Clappy with the out of nowhere cameo...and making me out to be a creep.]

[Jjs: Uh... I got nothing for this one, I'll just use an old image of Clappy's...

nqu0vcV.gif ]

[OMJ: Just have some angry sex once Ex is through bitching about the Fan Five, why won't ya.]

We cut back to the temple.

 

[JCM: Ron's temple, Q's temple, or the Legends of the Hidden Temple?]


“Thanks Q!” SOF said, appearing behind a pillar. “I forgive you for abandoning me now..”

[Jjs: SURPRISE TELEPORTATION! Seriously though, was SOF just waiting there the whole time, not even trying to help them from the insane robots?!]

[OMJ: What a cruel, cruel God. At least he forgives Q for his sins tho. That's at least one character story that's actually come around half-circle. CzOJDii.png ]

[Clappy: Yeah really, who would have thought that SOF would be such a dick of a God.]


“Wait, what?” Ex asked.

“Q and I know each other, and 50 years ago, he abandoned me when Ronuletto tried escaping....but I managed to seal him away..” SOF explained.

 

[JCM: Kiss from a Rose is a very effective deterrent.]

[Jjs: Cool story bro, but you didn't answer on why Q exactly abandoned you. Was he fretful SOF wouldn't be able to seal Ronuletto away? I don't blame him for fleeing on that note.]
[OMJ: Me neither.]

[steel: Me three.]

[Clappy: Guys, I think the bigger development is SOF confirmed now as a 50 year old. That makes all of his offbeat typos even creepier.]

 

Q didn’t talk, but seemed remorse.

[OMJ: -ful. Still the most emotion given in this story.]
[Jjs: Does Q's species just not talk at all? To be fair though, one mute character might be for the best considering who we have to deal with right now.]

Just then though, we see two giant statues come to life --- they were both ancient titans of some sort. A black one and a white one. They growled and swung their hands everywhere.

[Jjs: Jesus Christ, can this lit slow the fuck down? I feel like it can't stay still for more than 5 seconds!]

[JCM: On the bright side, at least we know they're not racist.]

[steel: So they're flailing their arms around everything?]

[Clappy: That's TWO. Two Sym-Bionic Titan references!

zIzy3Fm.jpg?1 ]

[OMJ: Aaaaaaand jazz hands!

 tumblr_nln5xklIgc1u3mr8ro1_500.gif ]


“DUCK!” SOF yelled, as they smashed a pillar.

[Jjs: GOOSE!]

[steel: MALLARD!]
[OMJ: Surely that's another good ole SOF typo and he really meant to yell "FUCK!".]

One of the titans crushed the Pulp Rider and Mothra’s ship.

[Crushing: That's what those ships get for not contributing enough to site activity.]

[JCM: Vandalism won't win you any friends, titans.]

 

“God dangit!”

 

[Jjs: dale]

[steel: R.I.P. Pulp Rider and Mothra's ship. "God dangit!"]

 

Ex yelled, running from them.

[OMJ: Not so badass without your ship, are ya?]


Q looked at SOF, and seemed sad. He knew what he had to do.

[Jjs: I'd be sad too if I was in this lit.]
[OMJ: I'd be sad too knowing this guy is supposed to be almighty God, yet apparently isn't god enough to smite two measly statues.]
[Clappy: I'd be sad too knowing that you're sacrificing yourself for a bunch of morons.]

 

Q blocked the two monsters, and they began jabbing him.

 

[JCM: Jabbing? That's even worse than potential murder!]

[OMJ: Remember this folks, Q's dying for our sins right now!]

[steel: Three deaths in under two minute? Dang.]

“Run into the temple!” SOF said.

“Wait, what’s happening?!” Tvguy said, as Q began glowing.

 

[JCM: Could the Q-as-Jesus thing be any more on the nose?]


“Let’s just say....you really want to hide..” SOF said.

[Adam Levine: BUT I CAN SMELL YOUR SCENT FOR MILES]

[OMJ: SOF is the expert on hiding if this season is anything to go by.]

The titans attacked Q again, and we hear a big explosion, and all three were destroyed.

 

[JCM: We heard it, but we didn't see it, because that would be going too far.]

[Jjs: RIP Q, we hardly knew ye. Seriously though, we learned jack shit about Q, other than this random vague past with SOF. I really hated the ubers of this lit.]
[OMJ: Now, he shall rise from the grave and second cometh as R. Any day now.]

[Clappy: Wait. So they attacked Q...and he exploded? What was his species? Part dynamite?]

[steel: Now that's, what? Six deaths in two minutes? Forget the previous episode, this one BEGS for a bloodbath against souls and hard drives alike.]

Ex came out of hiding,

 

[Clappy: Our Grand Ruler, everyone. What a hero.]

 

and so did the other three.

“He...sacrificed himself..” Mothra said.

[OMJ: Which is more than what y'all did for anyone, quite frankly. Seriously, screw these guys. Q is the real hero of this story.]

“Yes...and my magic is wearing off. It was Q’s way of repaying me,” SOF said.

[OMJ: Q's way of repaying you is to wear off your magic? Even better!]

[Clappy: SOF confirmed for thinking that religion is a bunch of magic. What a dick.]

[JCM: None of this makes any sense, but none of this ever makes any sense.]

 

“We hardly knew him...but he saved our lives..” Ex said.

[Jjs: Yeah, he was doing the job you incompetent monkeys couldn't. Now no one will be able to save this lit. 59YqZKv.png ]

“Yes, he knew the price he would have to pay when he turned into his monster mode...now we must stop Ronuletto, once and for all!”

[Jjs: Wait, who just said that? I wanna say SOF, but this is so vague it could be Ex, Mothra, or even Q's ghost.]

[steel: ....God's voice echoed.]
[OMJ: Since SOF is God here and apparently has enough history with the guy to know his strengths and weaknesses, I'd go out on a limb and say Mothra.]
[Clappy: I'm not counting out Season 1 Hassan because this season is already wtf enough...why not toss in our know it all jackass from before.]

 

“We’ll whoop his ass!” Tvguy said, and the four walked further into the temple.

 

[steel: No, no, no! You stay right here for a good moment to give Q the proper burial! He deserved so much better you know!]
[Jjs: FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK TEMPLE!]
[OMJ: So does tvguy want a heart to fill that black hole of his? SOF wants a brain? Mothra wants some courage to speak for herself for once? And screw Ex, cuz I'm the one that wants to go home.]

[JCM: Monster mode? I'm not even gonna ask. This is my last riff, so goodbye everyone. I'm glad I could try (and fail) to entertain while I could. See you on the other side!]

[Clappy: Wait....The Four? Does that mean Cha is going to cameo and summon her Kappa Mikey faves to save the day? Anything is possible because this series just doesn't care about logic anymore.]

 

 

Edited by jjsthekid
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