Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

[Sweat]

This was absolutely hilarious. Only today did I get into this topic and it's safe to say I cannot wait for the next installment.

[Clappy]

I lost it at the Ferris Bueller clips.  Job well done fellas.

[Jjs Goodman]

And Then There Were Less 3

 

1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech

3. The Madness Continues

 

4. Admins of the Dead

 

Spoiler

Chapter 4: Admins of the Dead

 

[Jjs: So apparently, this used to be considered the only good episode. Let's just see about that.]

[Clappy: These titles just make no sense. If you want to parody Dawn of the Dead, then Dawn of the Admins would make more sense. And that's stretching it.]

[JCM: Considering how emotionless the characters are, I wouldn't even be surprised if they turned out to be zombies.]

 

The SBCers arrived at the scene where the SBMers noticed hasfarr was killed at the end of the previous chapter.

 

[Clappy: Is this still SOF's Exciting Summarizing Corner?]

Clappy: What happened? We heard someone screaming in here.

 

[Jjs: I'm pretty sure that was the audience.]

[JCM: Obviously, my first instinct when someone is screaming is to go directly where the screaming is, especially when there's a murderer on the loose.]

Ssj: Hasfarr was killed.

 

[Clappy: Thanks for the recap Ssj. People noticing that hasfarr was killed isn't obvious enough.]

Smiles: Why would he want to kill an SBM member when he wasn't involved with SBC?

 

[Jjs: Two things: How do they know it's a guy? I mean, a woman killer is still possible guys. And second, I'm pretty sure Hasfarr was going to die even if he wasn't involved with SBC. Even if this killer turns out to be from SBM, I think it is common sense the killer would want to kill off everyone in there, not just the SBCers.]

[Clappy: Just like the inclusion of SBM members in a SBC lit in the first place. I can't get over that mind boggling idea.]

[JCM: Maybe the next ATTWL will feature members of the No Homers Club.]

Abney: I’m not sure…

 

[Jjs: Neither did SOF, because it took him half the season to decide who he wanted the killer to be.]

[Clappy: I'm telling you Abney, ask jjs. He knows who the killer is.]

 

Termi: Hmm…did you guys find any clues yet?

 

[Clappy: This lit still doesn't have an identity is the only one I've noticed.]

[JCM: I guess you could call this lit "clueless", then! Ha ha ha (starts crying).]

DMAP: We did actually. *gives termi a paper* I found it in the hallway.

 

[Jjs: It's too bad you couldn't find any characterization in the hallway either with everything you guys randomly find there.]

Termi: Why would the killer want to have revenge? Does it have to do with us?

 

[Clappy: I thought it was already known in this parallel universe that the first two ATTWL's existed? Shouldn't that be obvious?]

[Jjs: No, they wanted revenge on the hallway for leaving random objects everywhere. Someone could trip, you know. Bad hallway!]

[JCM: If the God of Supremacy Orange Cop was there, he would have arrested the killer for littering. Oh, and murder too, I guess.]

Jjs: I don’t know, I’m guessing we fought with someone...but the only people that come to mind are SBM, and we settled our differences.

 

[Jjs: Boring fictional me has definitely turned into Tommy Wiseau. "We had a fight with someone I cannot tell you about, but it also somehow relates to our fights with SBM, which I cannot also tell you about, it's confidential!"]

 

Wumbo: Who knows? Maybe someone will end up being the killer twice in this story.

 

[JCM: Yeah, maybe. Who knows? SOF sure doesn't.]

SOF: Wumbo, you’re breaking the 4^th wall in my story

 

[Clappy: *facepalm*

 

Not only is this facepalm for the bad 4th wall joke, but this story can't decide whether it wants to reference the past two ATTWL's or not. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND SOF!]

Wumbo: Sorry. 

 

[Jjs: And the award for the Most Pointless 4th Wall Joke goes to...]

Teenj: Something tells me we should look for more clues so we can add it all up.

 

[Jjs: Good idea! I think that other hallway might have more conveniently placed exposition!]

[JCM: Maybe instead of looking for clues, you can get the hell out of there while you're still alive. No? Clues it is!]

Steel: Sure, we'll see if we can get as much as we can.

 

[Jjs: Can you try to get as much characterization too? And emotion? And anything redeeming?]

SBMers agreed as both SBM & SBC groups look for any clues.

 

[Clappy: Weren't they already looking for clues in the first place? See, that's one of the huge problems I have with this lit, if it isn't already obvious. All of the pointless recapping. We already know that they are looking for clues, yet SOF has to drive that into our head every couple dialogue interludes. It wouldn't be so obvious if the dialogue were more compelling, but SOF doesn't bother to add any additional personalities to these characters to make them any more intriguing.]

Wumbo: Hey Clappy, look at this. *points to some kind of mud track*

 

[Jjs: Great, now The Mud Man has returned from the grave.]

[JCM: Killing people is one thing, but not wiping your feet before you enter a building? That's just bad etiquette!]

Clappy: Uh..why’s there a mud track in the middle of the hall? We better check it out.

 

[Jjs: Someone needs to rename these hallways to "Exposition Hallways", because seriously, I've lost count on how much exposition keeps happening in them.]

[JCM: I love how the people who own the mansion are completely fine with a bunch of random strangers snooping around their hallways.]

Wumbo & Clappy followed the track. Meanwhile, jjs noticed something as he heard a cling sound.

 

[Jjs: You can notice a noise? The laws of physics are being broken left and right in this show.]

[Clappy: I bet he noticed useless filler.]

 

Jjs: Huh, that’s odd, I heard something…*he looks around and noticed the back door was opened*

 

[Jjs: Mansions have backdoors now? And come on SOF, I know it's hard to portray us as human beings, but at least try to properly give me character.]

[JCM: And make him talk to himself less. Because that's just weird.]

Jjs: I wonder where this leads to…

 

[Jjs: Here's a good idea. Let's make my bland character fall victim to the most overused cliche in horror movies. Going into an obviously suspicious door because exposition, dammit.]

Jjs opened the door as he finds himself at a…golf course.

 

[Jjs: Exposition, you never fail us!]

[JCM: At least it's a good opportunity for him to take a few strokes off his golf game.]

Jjs: Wow, I didn't know they had a golf course..

 

[Clappy: Okay, here comes another rant from me, but when I wrote ATTWL v2, I actually studied up on England to make the setting as realistic as I possibly could, even down to the hotel and what they included in said hotel. Which frustrates me massively that SOF decided to use the Las Vegas location. They have a lot of hotels, but the mansions in this city are more like luxury houses. Plus, even if they had a mansion, I'm all but sure that NONE OF THEM HAVE GOLF COURSES. SOF put absolutely no research into Las Vegas and what the cities and residencies have to offer. More on that in the next chapter and the rest of the series.]

[Jjs: Man, what else does this mansion have to pull out of its ass? Let's make this mansion a cruise while we're at it, because logic doesn't matter here.]

He walked around the golf course, seeing how huge it is.

 

[Jjs: It was also green. And grassy. And did I mention it was huge? Details are not a crime, but they should be explained in reason.]

[Clappy: We get it. Jjs likes golf. But he wouldn't be this fascinated when his life is on the line.]

[JCM: You know what else is huge?

 

...

 

The headache I'm getting from reading this.]

 

Suddenly, he heard something.

Jjs: What was that? *he looked up and saw a golf ball fly down to the ground as he picked it up*

 

[Clappy: Who the fuck would pick up random flying golf balls in the first place?]

[Jjs: Uh oh, I smell incoming exposition!]

Jjs: Hmm. Golf ball, huh? But who would be playing in the middle of the night?

 

[Jjs: I think the better question is how a mansion grew a golf course overnight.]

[JCM: I think an even better question is why he continues to talk to himself.]

Just then, someone was sneaking right behind him, and he/she touched his shoulder.

 

[Clappy: He/she? At least I used things like "the shadowy figure" or "the killer". I would at least make it obvious that the killer is the killer.]

[JCM: The killer is obviously a transvestite.]

Jjs: Uh..yes? *he turns around and gasps* YOU!!

 

[Jjs: SOME PERSON I CAN'T EXPLAIN FOR PLOT'S SAKE!!]

Jjs got whacked in the head by a golf club as the killer quickly escaped.

 

[Jjs: ...That's it? That's how I get killed off!? Another thing I loved about the first two ATTWL's were the creative deaths. Here, they feel like useless slapstick (a golf club, really?) that is for...EXPOSITION!! Seriously, I am getting so tired of all this pointless exposition. DO SOMETHING WITH THE CHARACTERS FIRST! YOU NEED TO DEVELOP THESE CHARACTERS BEFORE KILLING THEM! OTHERWISE NOBODY WILL CARE IF THEY DIE, LIKE I AM TO MY OWN CHARACTER!]

[Clappy: Erm...I can't really think of anything original since jjs's comments were spot on. The slapstick comment was pretty accurate. Plus, I highly doubt a single whack in the head by a golf club would kill someone. Maybe a concussion and some head trauma. Definitely not instant death. Isn't that right, Martinez from The Walking Dead?]

[JCM: And he never even got to improve his golf game.]

Meanwhile, Clappy & Wumbo stopped following the mud track.

 

[Jjs: "Eh, I guess this exposition track went on long enough."]

Wumbo: So the track just stops here?

 

[Jjs: You mean the exposition finally went nowhere? THE HORROR!]

Clappy: I thought so, I think it’s a trap so the killer can get us.

 

[Jjs: No shit, Sherlock. I'm starting to wonder if all these supposed users need my Common Sense novel.]

[JCM: Maybe it's a trap, or maybe the killer's boots ran out of mud. I'm leaning towards the former.]

Wumbo: So that means he’s coming closer...

 

[Clappy: Then do something. Don't just stand there and act like oblivious dumbasses. SOF, we aren't just horror movie characters. We have personalities.]

They both hear footsteps coming closer.

 

[JCM: "I should probably be running now, but whatever."]

Wumbo: Yep, we’re doomed.

 

[Jjs: THEN WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF THERE?! Is standing perfectly still your best way to escape?!]

But they stopped hearing the noise.

Wumbo: Huh?

Clappy: I guess he left. Maybe we shouldn’t follow something like this again if it is a trick.

 

[Jjs: You don't say? My god, these characters are so close to dethroning Critic!SOF as the King of Captain Obviouses!]

[JCM: All of these characters are the King of Captain Obviouses by now.]

Just then, before Wumbo could say anything, two gun shots went through Clappy & Wumbo, and they both fell to the ground dead. The camera moves to the right

 

[Clappy: Hehe I'm sorry, but a cameraman? Is this lit becoming a reality show?]

[Jjs: There's a cameraman on the set now? Now, normally I'd point out all the flawed logic in that, but to be fair, at least this cameraman seems more interesting than everyone else. Hopefully the killer doesn't kill them off next.]

 

and it was revealed the killer was hiding behind a crate.

 

[Clappy: Dun dun dumb.]

[Jjs: The owners of this hotel seem to have no problem with all these random objects being left everywhere in the halls.]

[JCM: Maybe the killer is the Crate Fairy.]

 

We see abney in another room, looking for something but he heard someone’s voice which was coming from across the room.

 

[Jjs: Was abney looking for an interesting personality?]

[Clappy: Define "something" SOF.]

Ssj: Abney, help me! Someone has caught me!

 

[Clappy: Someone...you maniacal little minx

 

http://www.thesbcomm...r/2801-someone/

 

There you go guys. Someone is the killer. That'll save you from nine more installments of lacking creativity.]

[JCM: SOF managed to predict a killer before she even signed up. This is truly postmodern.]

Abney: I’m coming ssj! *he runs quickly to the room*

 

[Jjs: I thought it was in the same room as abney?! You need to be specific with these descriptions! JUST. EXXX. PLAIIIINNNNN!!!]

Abney arrives in dark room.

 

[Jjs: "Tarzan come to vague place."]

Abney: I’m here, where are you?

 

[JCM: In another room, not according to any descriptions.]

Ssj’s voice: I’m over here.

 

[Clappy: Because ssj's voice has officially become a new character.]

Abney: That’s funny, I don’t remember ssj’s voice sounding that deep to me.

 

[Clappy: That's funny, I don't remember Abney being this oblivious.]

[JCM: Maybe ssj went through adult puberty between the last time he saw abney and now.]

He went closer to find ssj, but instead he found the killer in a black suit, revealing he was mimicking ssj. Abney had no idea who he/she was, but before he could get away, he got shot in the chest by the killer. The killer laughed and fled the scene.

 

[Jjs: A black suit? Are we sure this killer isn't Woahwoah as the Mystery Director again?]

[Clappy: Oh dear god SOF. I couldn't give two shits, because you are making these characters one dimensional with no personalities to care that any of these people are dying. That's why I moaned instead of caring. Plus, the killer is in a black suit? Someone must be fancy when it comes to first degree manslaughter.]

 

The scene switches to where tvguy is at the dining room looking around the stage.

Tvguy: Interesting, the stage is very beautiful, I better take a closer look at it.

 

[Jjs: Beautifulness: The #1 Distraction of Bland SBCers.]

[Clappy: Why would Dylan be distracted by a stage? ~ ]

[JCM: Maybe it was enchanted by the Stage Fairy.]

Tvguy steps on the stage.

Tvguy: I wonder how I could test this out. *he checks the props in backstage*

 

[Clappy: Test out the stage? Why the fuck would someone test out a stage? To see if it's working properly?]

Tvguy: Ah, those costumes look cool and oh, what's this?

 

[Jjs: I love how he can't even tell us what the props and costumes are. So basically Tvguy is praising nothing. What is this, a shoddy parody of Our Town?]

[JCM: It seems that tvguy caught the "talking-to-himself" disease from jjs.]

 

He opened up the box which was filled up with Slasher stuff. He picked the mask up.

 

[Jjs: THE mask? I thought Slasher stuff consisted of more than that.]

Tvguy: Heh, Halloween stuff, I always get that stuff for October. *he puts the mask back in the box*

 

[Clappy: I better save this stuff for Octerror Fest. Because let's throw that in there since it is as pointless as everything else mentioned.]

[Jjs: What relevance did this scene have to the plot at all? SOF, 70s'ing (when you write for length) does not help this already bland show.]

[JCM: Tvguy gets Slasher stuff for October? Now I'm worried.]

Tvguy was about to leave but he saw the string on top of the stage was moving back and forth slowly.

 

[Jjs: I bet it's SOF controlling his bland puppets of SBC members.]

[Clappy: A piece of string can distract Dylan's attention span? It better lead to a secret department inside a secret box.]

Tvguy: Hello, is anyone here..?

He was a bit scared until he heard the string was being cut.

 

[Jjs: He was a bit scared, and then stopped being scared until it got cut? That's like saying "Actually, even though it sounds like something may get dropped on me from that cutting noise, and the fact I may die, I was only a bit scared up until that point!"]

[JCM: "Ah, nothing like the soothing sound of my imminent death to calm the nerves."]

Tvguy screamed as a speaker fell from the celling and crushed him on the stage.

 

[Jjs: Well Tvguy had a smashing performance if I do say so myself. Terrible joke I know, but considering all the unfunny material in this, I figured it'd fit.]

[Clappy: A speaker fell from the ceiling...do I even need to point out how uncreative this death is? Moving on. ~ ]

 

We see ssj walking around and heard the loud crash.

 

[JCM: Two verb tenses in one sentence? See me after class, young man.]

Ssj: What was that noise?

 

[Clappy: Me yawning.]

Ssj went to the same hallway where abney went earlier.

 

[Jjs: I think at this point it would be impossible to make a map out of this mansion. Even House Hunters would be questioning the structure of this place. How many hallways does it freaking have?!]

[Clappy: 24.]

[JCM: You know what's funnier than 24? Anything but this lit.]

Ssj: Abney, you there? I heard a strange crash.

Abney’s voice: Yeah, I’m ok.

 

[Clappy: Oh look. Abney's voice is its own character too. Oh but wait a minute. This is reusing the same death from earlier. Sorry for the spoilers guys, but the uncreativity is obvious.]

Ssj: Where are you? I can’t see..

 

[JCM: How fitting. You have actual blindness to go along with your genre blindness.]

He walked slowly, looking for him, and came to the room abney was in earlier, but then the door was shut, and ssj tried to open it.

 

[Jjs: Does this hallway just have that one particular room or was it a lucky guess?]

Ssj: Ugh, open it up, this isn’t funny.

 

[Jjs: Well at least SOF was being honest.]

Just then, the killer appeared in their black suit, and laughed.

 

[Clappy: At least the killer finds this funny. Because no one else does.]

[JCM: His sense of humor is almost as bad as his fashion sense.]

 

Ssj: You're not abney!

 

[Jjs: Very true, because the real Abney would not be this bland. Same goes for everyone else in this show.]

Before ssj could say anymore, he was shot in the chest, and fell dead to the ground, right next to abney's dead body.

 

[Jjs: Re-using the same death twice. I'm loving the creativity.]

[JCM: Well, at least that's two less boring characters to deal with.]

At the main lobby..

Teenj: Hey guys, where’s Wumbo?

 

[Clappy: Surprised Kan didn't make a bad Where's Perry joke.]

SOF: I don’t see him, was he with you, teenj?

Teenj: No, he must have gotten lost.

 

[JCM: Considering the number of hallways that this mansion apparently has, that wouldn't be a surprise.]

CD: Jjs went missing, too

 

[Clappy: No shit Sherlock.]

 

Jelly: And so has Clappy and tvguy..

Steel: Damn, it seems our admins are gone, I wonder what happened to them.

 

[Jjs: So basically we're recapping more exposition. Yawn.]

Spongey34: It could be the killer, he must be trying to take out the admins of both sites, and speaking of which, I'm hungry. Want to eat a meal in the dining room, brother?

 

[Jjs: ...What.]

[JCM: "Everyone I know and love is dying, so I could sure use a bite to eat!"]

 

Spongedude: Sure.

 

[Jjs: Uh...]

They both left.

 

[Jjs: SERIOUSLY!? It was ESTABLISHED the killer is on the loose, the ADMINS ARE BEING TARGETED, BOTH OF THEM ARE ADMINS, and yet both of them go out for food!? How dumber can these guys get?! Seriously SOF, at least try to write a proper death scene. It's so obvious that there was no other way for SOF to kill them off.]

[Clappy: What jjs said. I seriously can't point out how half-assed this sequence is any better.]

 

Termi: I have a bad feeling about this, we better make sure they are okay before the killer gets them first.

 

[Clappy: Too late. The dumbass admins are dead because they wanted food so nonchalantly.]

DirtyDan: Oh no, we can't loose the main SBM founders!

 

[Jjs: You know it's a bad sign when the bland and dumb users are more smarter than the bland and dumb admins.]

SBCers and SBMers headed to the dining room to follow spongey and spongedude.

 

[JCM: The best way to not die is to follow two people who are definitely going to die. Yep.]

Spongey34 and spongedude arrived at the scene.

 

[Jjs: So they're off-duty cops now? Well, they're not very good ones.]

[JCM: They're loose cannon cops who don't play by the rules. Or any laws of common sense, for that matter.]

Spongey34: Hey, anyone there? Where’s the service around here?
 

[Jjs: I hope the killer didn't kill off that waiter who is also somehow a chef.]

[Clappy: You know, as someone who works in the food industry, it's obnoxious behavior like this that gets spit into your food. Granted I don't do it, but I know others will.]

The waiter showed up.

 

[Jjs: From where? Did he take the killer's time and space power to teleport just in time!? And why haven't the other users shown up yet? The walk cannot be that long...]

[JCM: Maybe a beautiful stage distracted them.]

Waiter: Yes, what can I do for you?

Spongey34: Wait a minute….how did you survive from the killer?

 

[Clappy: Because Waiter is not a SBC/SBM user.]

[JCM: But he's certainly as bland as they are.]

 

Waiter: I left to an emergency room to escape when the incident occurred.

 

[Clappy: Now an emergency room? Jesus Christ, this mansion's net worth must be a gajillion dollars. I can make up money as much as SOF makes up unrealistic mansions.]

[Jjs: And he didn't invite anyone else? What an asshole.]

 

Spongedude: Ah..anyways, I would like some meals.

 

[Clappy: Not just any meal. Multiple meals. When we die in a few seconds, we're going to die full.]

Spongey34: Me too.

 

[JCM: You're both going to die fat, it seems.]

Waiter: Ok sir.

 

[Jjs: Goodness gracious, they didn't even tell him what food they wanted, they just said "meals". Is the waiter just going to give them random shit?]

[JCM: Maybe he'll just give them more pizza.]

He went to the kitchen as he noticed the meals were already made.

 

[Clappy: Well hey, if they were blandly ordered, they can blandly be made in unlimited amount of seconds. Only in SOFiverse.]

Waiter: That’s strange, who cooked them? Eh, whatever.

 

[Jjs: "Eh, whatever." That's exactly what SOF said while writing this scene. He didn't care how flawed it was. He just wanted to get the last two admin deaths over with and do it in the dumbest way possible.]

The Waiter takes the two plates of meals on the tray as he headed for the table where spongey34 and spongedude were sitting. The camera zoomed out to the window with the killer in his black suit laughing.

 

[Clappy: Death a la plot hole. Worth the laughter.]

[Jjs: I'd like to try these "meals", they are so vaguely described that they must be as delicious as the bland writing. Also, the cameraman is back, sweet.]

[JCM: That guy in the black suit is just like me. Always loling.]

Waiter: Here are your meals, enjoy. *he puts them on the table and leaves for the kitchen*

 

[Jjs: "And don't come crying to me if they kill you, they were just there and I grabbed them. What? I fed you guys pizza that you all loved, cut me some slack."]

Spongey34: Hmm, this food tastes weird, it feels so spicy..

 

[Jjs: So the killer made their meals...hot. THAT FIEND!]

[JCM: If it's too hot, you can sue the guy that owns the mansion for everything he's got. I heard they did that with McDonald's once.]

[Clappy: BY THE POWER OF NAUGHTYNESS, I DEMAND THIS PARTICULAR DROP OF HOT SAUCE, TO BE REALLY, REALLY, HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

 

 ]

Spongedude: I know, something's not right here..
 

[Jjs: Wow, even the two dumbest characters on this show know. AND WHAT IS TAKING THE USERS SO LONG!? Seriously, I can't forgive it anymore. This is the laziest writing ever, and it was just done to justify their deaths. Are there roadblocks in the hallways? With all the other shit randomly found in the hallways, I wouldn't be too against that theory!]

Meanwhile, the waiter heard something in the kitchen but he was knocked out as he was whacked in the head with a frying pan by the killer.

 

[Jjs: "Whacked In The Head With a Frying Pan: A novel by The Killer."]

[Clap: Ah yes. Slapstick murder. Because it was unfunny the first time, let's do it again.]

Spongey34: Spongedude, I think the food has been poisoned! We have to tell the others..

 

[Jjs: It will probably take them 20 years to get there, but good luck with that.]

 

But it was too late, spongey and spongedude fell to the ground due to the poisoned food.

 

[Clappy: I wish I was them right now...oh wait, I'm already dead in this.]

[JCM: It seems that their arbitrary hunger was their downfall. Oh, well. Who wants pizza?]

SBMers & SBCers quickly came to the scene.

 

[Jjs: QUICKLY!?!? That's it, Metal Snake's space and time theory is canon. The killer had to have frozen them all. It's the only logical explanation on why they could have moved that slow.]

 

Jelly: NO! We're too late..

 

[Clappy: I would say no shit Sherlock, but I think that's probably the next episode title.]

Mothra: Damn it, now we lost Tom.

 

[Jjs: Well, at least now Jerry doesn't have to deal with him anymore.]

[Clappy: Which one was Tom SOF? You know not all of us know these SBM members. Quit acting like we do and stop with the SBM in-jokes on a SBC lit.]

[JCM: Tom is obviously just shorthand for Tommy Pickles. Bless his soul.]

Termi: We better find out who did this..

 

[Jjs: Well no shit, otherwise you wouldn't have been looking for clues, thus making this statement utterly and completely...REDUNDANT!!!]

[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

[Clappy: Ask jjs who did this. He knows.]

 

Steel: Maybe the waiter poisoned them…

 

[Jjs: Even though it was established a user is most likely behind it, yes, let's assume it was the waiter who only contributed food to the story.]

[Clappy: Jjs. He brought the man "pizza", which brought joy to these bland faces. It's the only emotion shown so far in this lit that I can probably believe...somewhat. It's something to this story.]

[JCM: It's always the butler, or the waiter, or whatever.]

They all went into the kitchen to investigate...but found the dead body of the Waiter on the ground. However, there was a note attached to his body. Steel picked it up and read it.

 

[Jjs: So I guess it wasn't the waiter after all.]

[Clappy: And since I've already made my comment about how unfunny his death was, let me point out that golf club is a more believable murder weapon than a frying pan.]

[JCM: These characters must have really thin skulls.]

Hello SBCers and SBMers,

Wondering where all of your admins are? Jjs had an unfriendly encounter with his own favorite sport, Clappy and Wumbo fell right into my mud trap, ssj and abney fell into a mimicking trick, tvguy had an unfortunate encounter with a "faulty" speaker, and these two...well, let's say I quickly prepared a meal filled with poison when I overheard them wanting lunch. I was going to frame the Waiter, but he started getting suspicious, so I had to remove him as well. Now that all of your admins are out of commission..be prepared for the worst.

-The Killer

 

[The Killer: And I murdered all of you with this pointless recapping. You know because you didn't already have a clue to begin with, with all these redundancies. I'm going to kill every last one of you in unfunny fashion or in loophole filled formats sadistically. You will all be dead in nine more episodes. No one can save this lit now.]

[Jjs: Wait, you were going to frame the waiter? Nobody serves pizza like him, man. Nobody.]

[JCM: Now where will our characters get their pizza from? An actual restaurant? Tune in next time to find out!]

 

Edited December 2, 2017 by jjsthekid

[So Sejima]

bland characters, bland food, SOF MUST BE THE KILLER IT'S HIS STORY OH THE IRONY!

[Metal Snake]

Lolwow. This is the best commentary on this lit yet IMO.

[Wumbo]

Wait, so people originally thought this was one of the better episodes? xD

[Sweat]

This episode was the equivalent to slightly undercooked Macaroni and Cheese.

[President Squidward]

Lulzy riff... I should start reading these more often.

[Jjs Goodman]

And Then There Were Less 3

 

1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech

3. The Madness Continues

4. Admins of the Dead

 

5. Escape to Las Vegas

 

Spoiler

5. Escape to Las Vegas

 

[CNF: I thought we were already in Las Vegas.]

[Clappy: This installment has broken so much logic that it has to leave the location of the series. Either that or SOF has no clue what to name episodes.]

[Jjs: Once again, these titles make no sense. How are they escaping to Las Vegas if they are already in it? But that's not my main nitpick. Sorry if this is out of place, but hey guys, notice anybody missing in the recent episodes? DRAGIIIN AND ELASTIC (thank you Metal Snake for catching Elastic's disappearance). Oh yeah, Dragiiin and Elastic were in the first episode, remember? With the bland introduction lines. Apparently SOF forgot they existed because, spoiler alert, DRAGIIIN AND ELASTIC ARE NEVER SEEN AGAIN FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW OR KILLED OFF. Laziness at its best. Now, in this bland universe, my head-canon would probably be one of them is the cameraman who is recording the deaths for their sick pleasure, or they dropped out after the first episode because their fictional selves weren't funny enough. Sorry to let the cat out of the bag early, but I had to put this in somewhere.]

[Wumbo: Hey, good on Dragiiin and Elastic for getting out of this lit while they still could. Also, RIP Fictional Boring Self.]

 

We see the SBCers and SBMers were at the kitchen discussing what happened after Steel Sponge read the note from the killer in the previous episode.

 

[Clappy: As if there isn't enough pointless discussion in the first place. Thanks recap critic.]

[Wumbo: We see that they were in the kitchen? What, did they just come out of the kitchen? Are there stains on their shirts? If so, their eating skills are about as good as their sleuthing skills.]

[CNF: I really would hate to see what an SOF's Exciting Critic Corner episode of this would be like.]

 

SpongeSeb: So all the admins from SBC & SBM were killed by the killer?

 

[Jjs: No, because it's not like the note just said he was the one that killed all of them. Who needs consistency in this show?]

[CNF: These characters are all stoned.]

 

Teenj: Why was he targetting them?

 

[Clappy: Because there is no clear vision in this story.]

Steel Sponge: Well, it'd make sense to take out the top dogs of both sites, but I am still trying to figure out why this killer has a vendetta against SBM as well..

 

[CNF: Viacom is secretly murdering forum users because of copyright infringement! ]

 

Jelly: Seems like he was trying to frame the waiter as well.

 

[Jjs: *sigh* Clappy was right. I think this episode should have definitely been called No Shit Sherlock.]

[Wumbo: Well, he did an excellent job of framing the waiter by killing him. What the hell.]

[CNF: Of course he did Wumbo. He put his remains in a photo frame. Duh.]

Termi: I think we better leave the hotel.

 

[Jjs: Wow, it finally took them five episodes to do it. That would have been my first method of escaping a place with a killer, not the last!]

[Wumbo: But you promised me we'd do 18 holes on the golf course, termi!]

SOF: Why?

 

[Clappy: Because you touch yourself at night.]

[CNF: Ssj, get out of Clappy.]

 

Termi: Because, more of us would die if we stay at this hotel. Maybe we could find a better place in Las Vegas, since the killer knows the hotel inside and out.

 

[Jjs: Okay, I'm sorry to jump ahead, but I have to introduce a new police squad, because this line is so badly fucked up. INCONSISTENCY POLICE! Terminoob literally said in Episode 2 that one of them was the killer...so why is moving places a better idea?! One of them is the killer, so obviously people will keep dying! These inconsistencies man.]

Phil: Good idea, we head out then, this place was targeted heavily, so the killer could easily know where we are.

 

[Jjs: NEWS FLASH: ONE OF YOU IS THE KILLER.]

[CNF: Guess we better have a massacre then.]

Everyone escaped the hotel and went off to explore Las Vegas.

 

[CNF: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! I would have included women, but since everyone is so bland here, I doubt gender matters.]

 

Smiles: Hey guys, how about this place? *points to casino*

 

[Jjs: Yes, because Las Vegas automatically has to have a casino, since everyone knows it has them. Research is for losers.]

[Clappy: So you are escaping Las Vegas...to go to Las Vegas? What a twist.]

[Wumbo: Hey yeah, let's... stay at the casino. Like we would a hotel. That's allowed, right?]

[CNF: We gonna gamble till we're purple.]

 

JCM: A casino, eh? Do we really have a choice?

 

[Jjs: Unfortunately no, because exposition says so.]

 

Termi: Well, as long as the killer doesn’t find us in there, sure why not?

 

[Jjs: NEWS FLASH: ONE. OF. YOU. IS THE KILLER! CAN I MAKE THIS ANY. MORE. CLEAR?!]

[CNF: No jjs, cause you and the story are between a glass wall.]

They entered the casino. It was very bright, and tons of crowds were playing certain games like pool, slot machine games, poker, ect.

 

[Clappy: And this sequence of nonsensical explanation has been brought to you by 

 

http://www.thesbcomm...er/2635-travis/

 

Because when you want to make your story longer, you 70s it.]

[Wumbo: *insert Glee song in the background here*]

[Jjs: A crowd of people? I know I'm nitpicking, but another thing that bothers me about this version is...where is everyone? No, not the users' personalities, although that is a good question as well. I mean, where are civilians in Las Vegas? I re-read ATTWL 2, and Clappy tried to have people appear in England as much as possible, even if he couldn't give them lines of dialogue. It was understandable why there were no outsiders in ATTWL 1 because it was an isolated mansion. Las Vegas is one of the most busy cities in America, and literally the only person that exists in this realm that isn't a user is a waiter. I honestly wonder if this crowd of people are even people, and that they are actually just cardboard cutouts of people.]

[CNF: Maybe they're all...robots. ]

 

Mothra: Damn, this place is beautiful.

 

[Jjs: Everything is so beautiful to everyone in this show. I think even a pile of shit would be beautiful in their eyes.]

[CNF: That pile of shit. *wipes a tear*]

SOF: It sure is.

 

[Clappy: Anyone else noticing that SOF is giving himself as much "screen time" as possible? If you didn't notice until this point, this chapter sure does emphasize it. I mean it's not like he is going to be one of the last users left standing....right?]

 

CDCB: I hope it doesn’t turn out to be disaster.

 

[Jjs: Nah, it'll be fine, I have the most faith in you. *places bet at a betting stand* My money is on it being a terrible disaster.]

[Clappy: Impossible. And Then There Were Less clearly means And Then There Were Less bunnies...sunshines...rainbows...it's not like it's a murder mystery.]

 

hilaryfan80: I wanted to try playing the slot game.

 

[Jjs: "I wanted to try playing". Oh JCM, I think SOF needs to stay for your English class!]

[Clappy: SOF also needs to stay and learn about casinos and how no one is allowed to gamble unless you are 21 and over.]

[CNF: I suspect SOF is failing in grammer.]

 

Teenj: Me too.

 

[Clappy: Jesus Christ man. Normal people don't talk like this. I know I'm getting confused here, but didn't teenj also agree to getting pizza? Is all teenj's dialogue just going to be him agreeing on things?]

 

SOF: I need to get a drink. *leaves*

 

[Clappy: There you go SOF. You just wrote yourself into a corner there by leaving. Now you're the killer. You murdered storyline advancement.]

[Jjs: And this advances the story because...yeah, really, what is the point of this line at all?]

[Wumbo: Plot hole, drank, headache, drank, shut up, drank, Vegas, drank, this sucks, drank, my God, drank, can't get, drank, much worse, drank.]

[CNF: Yo Wumbo, can you toss me a bottle? I'm gonna need it after all this.]

 

RedSoxFan: Hmm, I’ll go watch the guys playing the slot game.

 

[Clappy: Poor RedSoxFan. You have nothing else better to do than just watch people do things.]

[Wumbo: 

 ]

 

 

Teenj was ready to play the slot machine game as he puts a coin in the coin slot, however the machine started to act weird.

 

[Jjs: Is this an arcade all of a sudden? I know I'm no expert on casinos, but I'm pretty sure the slot machines don't require Chuck E Cheese coins, unless it's actual money. Even then, nobody else is around to notice that underage people are gambling? Yeah, I honestly think the "crowd" SOF mentioned is just a bunch of cardboard cutouts.]

Teenj: Huh, that’s odd..

 

[Jjs: Hey, what do you know, teenj said more than agreeing with someone. And even he is self-aware how odd this show is.]

RedSoxFan: What?

 

[CNF: The word that sums up this show folks.]

Teenj: It's not working...someone should get this machine fixed.

 

[Jjs: But nobody else exists in Las Vegas.]

[Wumbo: Except a mechanic character, maybe. No relation to Waiter.]

Suddenly, the machine began shaking, and was beeping.

 

[Clappy: Slot machines beep? I always though they pinged.]

[Wumbo: The beeping represents the life support this lit is on.]

[CNF: The slot machine has been possessed by the Road Runner.]

 

RedSoxFan: I think we should walk away now before anything else happens..

 

[CNF: TAKE ME WITH YOU! I BEG OF YOU!]

RedSoxFan and teenj ran away from the machine, but the machine exploded and teenj was caught in the explosion. Teenj's dead body dropped to the ground, and blood splattered everywhere.

 

[Jjs: If both of them ran away, why did the explosion only grab Teenj? Let me guess, for plot's sake? I bet the cardboard cutout janitor will have a tough time cleaning this mess up.]

[Clappy: Rest in Peace Boring Version of Teenj. Now no one else will agree on what to do without you saying "me too". ]

 

RedSoxFan: *getting out of the smoke from the explosion* TEENJ!

 

[Wumbo: I don't think explosions work so that you can "get out of the smoke" by moving closer to where it happened.]

[Clappy: Also, SLOT MACHINES DON'T EXPLODE!]

 

Everyone rushed to the scene as they heard the explosion.

DadMom: What happened?

 

[Clappy: You didn't read any of the exposition above?]

[CNF: I did shit while waiting for something interesting to happen.]

 

RedSoxFan: I don’t know, teenj was playing the slot game, and then the machine started acting weirdly and just exploded on him.

 

Woman: AHH! The casino is haunted! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

 

[Jjs: Well what do you know, someone actually exists in Las Vegas.]

[Clappy: Sorry jjs, but Woman is a user on SBC/SBM. Just like Waiter and Camera Man.]

 

The crowd screams as they evacuated the building.

 

[Jjs: How many people were even in the building that were not users? The screaming woman and the same audience (Steve and Hobo from the Bus Station) from SOF's Summarizing Corner?]

[Hobo from Bus Station: Yup, and SOF still wouldn't give me change to play the games.  ]

[steve: Eh, I just come here because someone needs to exist in this bland version of Las Vegas.]

[Wumbo: My theory is that "the crowd" is just one entity. One of "tons of crowds" in the casino. So what happened to the other crowds, anyway?]

 

SOF has returned to the scene where the explosion took place.

 

[Clappy: For some reason, this is what I think SOF pictured when he wrote this:

 

 

Because cool guys don't look at explosions.]

 

SOF: What the hell happened?

 

[Jjs: So...SOF left for a drink...and it built to nothing. I'm starting to wonder if SOF was considering making himself the killer at one point in the story, considering this strange line that never comes up again.]

[Wumbo: Somebody needs to lay off the rage juice.]

Termi: Apparently, the slot machine just exploded on teenj.

 

[Jjs: Seriously, enough of the "apparently" spam. We know what happened, stop repeating the same thing over and over. It's more repetitive than Phineas & Ferb, which is funny, considering who wrote this.]

[CNF: Thank you for repeating what I already knew, oh mystical Termi.]

SOF: Damn it, no!

 

[CNF: Damn it, yes! Anything to get this story done quicker.]

[Clappy: Cruse you logic!]

[Wumbo: From now on, picture all of SOF's lines coming from Nicolas Cage. It makes the lit much more enjoyable.]

 

70s: Maybe we shouldn't play around with anymore of the machines.

 

[Jjs: I like how the casino games are so vague he calls them "machines". Details are for losers.]

[Clappy: Which you shouldn't have been legally allowed to do in the first place.]

[Wumbo: Seriously, 70s. What will your wife and three kids think?]

 

Terrmi: Perhaps we can investigate to see what caused it.

 

[CNF: Is that your idea for everything.]

Tvlover: Hey look at this. *picks up a wrench on the ground*

 

[Jjs: Oh hey, another conveniently placed item for....*crowd* EXPOSITION!!!]

[Clappy: Oh look! Conveniently placed wrench that no one tripped over! Let's keep this "compelling" dialogue going!]

 

CDCB: What’s this wrench doing here?

 

[Wumbo: "I'm being a plot point. Just accept it and try to figure out the most obvious explanation you can."]

 

Was someone hijacking the slot machine?

 

Termi: Whatever it is, the killer must have sabotaged the machine. Even the casino isn't safe anymore. I didn't want to believe it..but it is clear now that history repeats itself - one of us the killer, since wherever we go, mischief happens.

 

[Jjs: No. NO? NO!? REALLY!?!? WOW. GIVE HIM A HAND FOLKS, HE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. WELL HALLELUJAH.]

ExKizuna: The butler did it! It's always the goddamn butler.

 

[Jjs: While I will give SOF credit for giving Ex an actual believable line of dialogue for once, do we really need to use this cliche? The butler joke has been milked for all its worth, please leave it in the ground. Thanks.]

[Clappy: And once again, I don't picture Ex actually saying things like this. He doesn't curse for the sake of cursing.]

[CNF: Was there even a butler in this story to begin with?]

 

Steel: Either we're going to go with an old cliche, or one of us has turned evil again.

 

[CNF: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!]

Phil: Eh..I think I should go somewhere, along with DadMom and Mothra.

 

[Clappy: At least he isn't being specific and excluding anyone.]

 

Smiles: Where are you going?

 

[Jjs: I bet they're taking a trip down exposition lane.]

[Wumbo: "We're getting as far away from this lit as possible."]

[CNF: They're going to their deaths obvi.]

Phil: Oh nothing..

hilaryfan80: Wait, can I come along?   

 

[Jjs: Seriously, we get it, hilaryfan80 loves the "o.o" smiley. What is this, a show by 4EverGreen now?]

Phil: Eh what the heck, you can come along with us.

 

[Wumbo: Okay. Picture somebody asking if you can go with them and then making that face (because that's the only reason a smiley even works in a story). Would you say this? Or would you have them committed?  ]

hilaryfan80, Phil, DadMom, and Mothra left the casino to catch the bus.

 

[Jjs: Yeah okay, let's just board a random bus for no reason that was forced in out of nowhere. I also love how they don't even bring anyone else with them. Oh well, I guess we need another flawed way for our next death scene.]

[Clappy: Well jjs, they are "escaping to Las Vegas". *points to horrible title*]

[CNF: More like Escaping This Horrid Piece of Shit.]

 

RedSoxFan: Um..I don't know if it is a good idea for you guys to go somewhere else..

 

[Clappy: Oh look! Someone actually said a good idea!]

 

But it was too late, we cut to the bus stop.

Mothra: Why did you want to come along, hilaryfan80?

 

[CNF: Oh you know, just for shits and giggles.]

 

hilaryfan80: I wanted to make sure you guys would be safe.

 

[Clappy: And to prove that I can provide much more to a story than just .]

[Wumbo: Denny, two is company, but three is a crowd.]

 

The bus arrived at the bus stop. They then boarded on the bus and it drove off. However, the bus started to go out of control, and was crashing through the streets, and going off road.

 

[Wumbo: Public transportation, am I right? Wait, is this supposed to be the killer's doing?]

[Jjs: The unoriginality and descriptions are giving me a giant fuck dick ass shit PMS syndrome. For one, I remember when Clappy did a bus crash death in ATTWL 2, and did it much better. The "crashing through the streets" part doesn't even make any sense, and how does it go off road in a giant city like Las Vegas? Also, that double use of "and" now gives you an F- in English. Please see JCM after class.]

[CNF: This scene sounds like something that would happen in Family Guy.]

hilaryfan80: What the hell…?

DadMom: We have to warn the driver!

 

[Wumbo: "Excuse me sir, but in case you haven't noticed, your bus is careening out of control."]

 

Phil quickly went to the front the bus and noticed nobody was driving.

 

[Clappy: Then who was driving the bus in the first place if nobody was driving it?]

[Jjs: Well I'm not surprised, since nobody else exists in Las Vegas. The only thing I can't wrap my head around though is how the bus even got there in the first place. Oh, PLOT HOLE POLICE!]

[Wumbo: "I didn't know the buses run this late."

"They do, but for some reason they're driverless yet perfectly capable of stopping and starting until you need another plot point, at which point they start going haywire."]

[CNF: The bus must be on autopilot.]

 

Phil: What the hell...nobody is driving the bus?!

DadMom: *panics* What do we do?! Mothra, stop the bus!

 

Mothra tried to use the break on the bus.

 

[Wumbo: You should try the brake instead.]

Mothra: DAMN IT! It’s no use!

The bus headed was headed

 

[Wumbo: My headed is throbbing.]

[CNF: Mind=fucked.]

 

for a cliff. They tried to get out and stop the bus, but it was too late, as it went plunging off the cliff, and exploded at the bottom.

 

[Jjs: Whoa, whoa. A huge city like Las Vegas suddenly has cliffs out of nowhere? I can tell Las Vegas was researched well by SOF.]

[Wumbo: I like how it says "the cliff". You know, that one cliff that buses just seem to fall off every so often.]

[CNF: Well that was anti-climatic. Pretty much like this entire literature.]

The rest of the SBCers and SBMers heard the crash and they headed to the cliff where the bus fell off. Terrmi looks down the hill and saw the bus explosion.

 

[Jjs: Man, everything is just so easily accessible in this dull version of Las Vegas. I am totally convinced now they all have teleportation powers.]

[CNF: How the hell could they hear a crash from far away? These characters must have super-sonic hearing.]

Termi: You know, something tells me this killer is starting to re-use old deaths from the previous two ATTWL's..

 

[CNF: You know, something is really bugging me and maybe I'm missing something but: how would Termi know he's in a lit?]

[Jjs: Well to be fair CNF, they said in Episode 2 that they knew "the first two ATTWL's existed", but they keep changing their opinions so much on if they want to reference them or not, that your question is probably legitimate at this point.]

 

SOF: You bet.

 

[Clappy: At least SOF is honest about unoriginality. *points to the Critic Corner finale*]

Steel: So...do we still stick in a group?

Termi: No, one of us is the killer, so it'd be pointless running anywhere else now.

 

[Jjs: Which is ironic, because you end up doing so in the next chapter anyways.]

Just then, out of the explosion,

 

[Clappy: Is it bad that I read this as "out of the exposition"?]

 

a note floated up from the wind,

 

[Jjs: I know I'm being a Douchey McNitpick, but holy shit the descriptions in this show are flawed. How could the freaking wind bring the note all the way up there?]

[Wumbo: No, okay? No no no no no. This is not a fucking cartoon, which by the way, usually tends to have better writing. Not once has there been a death that wasn't hackneyed, slapstick, or inexplicably impossible. This is where I draw the line, though. A note floated up from the wind. Fuck you, Episode 5. Fuck you so hard.

 

...What else is going to happen?]

 

and landed on the ground in front of the gang. SOF picked it up and read it.

 

[Clappy: Of course SOF gets to read it since he is making himself do so much damn stuff. Why not call this "And Then There Was SOF"?]

 

Hello SBCers and SBMers,

There goes some more staff members from both sites..tsk tsk. Think my deaths are unoriginal, eh?

 

[Wumbo: Think my cutesy ways of addressing criticism are irritating, eh?]

[CNF: Yes, your deaths are unoriginal, you bastard.]

 

Well no worries, I'll find new ways to finish off the rest of you, mark my words.

-The Killer

 

[Jjs: Well whatever you say buddy, hopefully the deaths are more original than SOF's writing.]

[Clappy: Will they be original? Or originally awful? Tune in next time on And Then There Was SOF.]

[Wumbo: I haven't suffered this much physical pain from reading a lit since... uh, SOF's last one.  ]

[CNF: Catch SOF's Boring Soap Opera coming up next on your local NBC station.]

 

Edited December 2, 2017 by jjsthekid

[TJ]

You guys killed that episode xDDDD

[Jjs Goodman]

To make up for lost time, here's yet another new one.

 

And Then There Were Less 3

 

1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech

3. The Madness Continues

4. Admins of the Dead

5. Escape to Las Vegas.

 

6. Splitting Up Can Be a Bad Thing

Spoiler

Chapter 6 - Splitting Up Can Be a Bad Thing

 

[Jjs: Well what do you know, a title that makes sense...sort of.]

[Trophy: Oh sweet, I bet that title totally isn't a spoiler either.]

 

We see the remaining SBCers and SBMers figuring out what to do now after the bus crash in the previous chapter.

 

[JCM: They definitely know not to take the bus home.]

SOF: This is bad, really bad now :/

 

[Trophy: No duh, you made the show, so you know what will happen.]

 

Jibbix: ...So are we going to look for them down there?

 

[Jjs: Sure, even though it was clearly stated all four are dead, let's go investigate anyways! Maybe we can find their dead corpses to eat.]

Termi: No, we can’t. It’s too dangerous to go down there, and the killer is still at large, especially considering it is one of us.

 

CDCB: So what now?

 

[Jjs: Let's just end the show right here. That's all folks!

 

 

*sigh* At least I wish it was...]

Ex: Yeah, I got nothing.

 

[JCM: Thank you, Ex. We totally needed to know that you "got nothing".]

 

Steel: I think maybe we should just try to stay away from Las Vegas in general.

 

[Jjs: ...or we can keep the story going with an idea that makes zero sense. Pizza anyone?]

[Trophy: But the killer would still fin- oh forget it! This is more logic-free than how rude SpiderBytez is in TMNT! I'm out! *sees contract forces me to stay* GOD **************]

Termi: You know what? You’re right Steel.

Steel: I am?

 

[JCM: Even he's surprised at the prospect of him being right about something.]

Termi: I mean being in Las Vegas leads us into many dangers.

 

[Jjs: Well I'll be damned. I doubt they're going to do shit however.]

SOF: We don't have many crimes in Canada, Toronto.

 

[Jjs: Toronto is not the capital of Canada. Not only is SOF staying after for JCM's English class, but it also looks like SOF is staying for my Geography class.]

[JCM: I'm pretty sure that Rob Ford committed every crime in the book up there.]

[Trophy: Hey Bill Cipher, you're an all seeing eye, why did SOF do this?]

[bill: Can't tell you that, or you'd be scarred for life.]

[Trophy: Fine, don't tell me.]

JCM: Really? I don't know how Canadians get away from such crime.

Jelly: Where should we go, termi?

 

[JCM: Assuming that Canada, Toronto is out of the question.]

Termi: I think we should split up for two different locations.

 

[Jjs: So basically they are all leaving Las Vegas...to stay in Las Vegas. I'm loving the logic in this show.]

 

70s: I have a suggestion.

Termi: What is it, 70s?

70s: One group could go to this beach outside of Las Vegas, and the other could go to a park nearby.

 

[Jjs: How is the beach outside of the city?! Beaches are usually apart of a place, not their own realm! Even at that, LAS VEGAS HAS NO BEACHES. Don't believe me? Google it. MAYBE it has a park, but even that is stretching it. This shows SOF did jack shit research on Las Vegas.]

[JCM: Are you guys looking for a killer or sightseeing?]

Termi: Hmm, I suppose that will work. It could help determine who the killer is, just be weary everyone.

 

[JCM: Be weary? That'll be easy. I've been weary of this lit for a while now.]

[Jjs: "Even though some of you are going to die, it will help me know who the killer is. No worries, you will be sacrificing yourselves for a good cause!"]

[Trophy: Yeah, notice someone missing from one group, find the other group dead, then that person is guilty. Bada boom bada bing! Sure, people died, but at least the killer was found! 

 ]

 

The groups split up - the SBCers went to the beach and the SBMers went to the park.

We see the SBMers at the park, which was filled with tourists walking on the grass and sidewalks. We also saw people sitting on benches and chatting.

 

[Jjs: Three things:

1. I'm pretty sure it is illegal to walk on the grass in some parks.

2. Once again, are these "people and tourists" real people or just cardboard cutouts?

3. Finally, "We also saw" and "We see"? Two different verb tenses in a row. JCM, I think SOF needs to stay for your English class another extra hour.]

[Trophy: But I'm the grammar nazi jjs, oh forget it, I'd just force someone else to teach him anyway.]

Tvlover: I love this park.

 

[Jjs: "I love trying to add dialogue."]

RedSoxFan: I do wonder why the killer would keep following us like this.

 

[Trophy: Because he wasn't allowed in your Sports, TMNT and Dr. Blowhole fanclub?]

[Jjs: I do wonder why I like throwing in pointless dialogue.]

[JCM: Why would a killer keep following them? Maybe to kill them?]

 

JCM: What are you talking about?

 

[Jjs: Well at least boring fictional JCM is being self-aware again.]

[JCM: It's like boring fictional me can read my mind!]

 

RedSoxFan: For instance, whenever we went to different places, someone ends up getting killed off. I’m guessing someone must’ve planted some GPS or tracking device to hunt us down.

 

[Trophy: Well, the fact the killer hears where you're going when you split up helps too.]

[Jjs: But...Terminoob established...one of you....is the killer. INCONSISTENCY POLICE!! Seriously, I am getting very tired of the sloppy, inconsistent, incoherent, and pointless dialogue. I feel like Past!SOF was just 70s'ing every chapter now with the unneeded dialogue. Obviously the killer is going to keep following you guys since someone from the groups is the killer! These people are making Cinnamon Bun from Adventure Time look like Sherlock Holmes.]

DirtyDan: I think that’s possible, let's hope nothing happens here.

 

[Trophy: If you are putting your faith into Past!SOF, you may want to stop hoping.]

[JCM: Let's hope someone actually develops a personality.]

RedSoxFan: Same here, let's keep walking around.

 

[Jjs: Just keep walking around in an area you know nothing about, that will totally save you guys.]

Meanwhile, at the beach….

SOF: Walking on the boardwalk is so long, and I’m so tired.

 

[Trophy: And hungry.]

70s: Just keep walking, it can't be much longer now.

 

[Jjs: Is walking going to solve all their problems?]

[JCM: At least they can exercise their leg muscles before getting killed off.]

Steel: What are we supposed to be looking for, exactly?

 

[Jjs: Well, if that is an in-joke to the show itself, good question, since this lit still has yet to find an identity, halfway into the series.]

Termi: We're looking for a safe place to hide from the killer.

 

[Trophy: ...But if the killer is with one of the groups-Ok, you know what, just look at what I said above to RedSoxFan said about the GPS.]

[Jjs: Ah yes, a public beach is the safest place to look. Actually, it is, since nobody else exists in Las Vegas, and the fact Las Vegas can't even have a beach, so thus, they are all on an imaginary beach. Or maybe the killers set up a parallel dimension of Las Vegas with all these oddities. It's the only logical explanation.]

Ex: ..Seriously? You expect to find shelter in the MIDDLE OF A BEACH?

[Trophy: FINALLY, SOME SANE THINKING! THANK YOU EX!]

[JCM: Of course! You can hide in a sand castle!]

Termi: Yeah, and so?

 

[Jjs: Who cares about logic? Exposition must happen!]

Ex: How exactly will we find shelter, then?

CDCB: Maybe over there. *points to a cabin*

SOF: Wait..beaches have cabins?

 

[Trophy: Wow, this might as well be the only legitimate question throughout this entire show.]

[Jjs: So...SOF himself acknowledges that beaches having cabins makes no sense...but yet he puts it in the episode anyways...

 

...

 

]

[JCM: Las Vegas: Where beaches have cabins and waiters serve pizza!]

 

Jelly: I guess we have to stay there.

 

[Jjs: Yes, because it totally worked when you stayed in a hotel. Seriously, this show is more badly set up than Sonic 2006 at this point. All the inconsistencies and plot holes are basically the glitches in Sonic 2006. If I am comparing this to Sonic 2006...then something is really not right.]

[Trophy: Considering Sonic 2006 at least let you control the ground with Silver...wait, then again, you can kick a box repeatedly in the hub world to die, so I take it back. Yeah, this is something really bad here, and that's coming from a Sonic fan.]

 

SpongeSeb: We better get going.

They entered into the cabin.

SOF: Hey look, a bell on the front counter. *rings three times* Hello..any service? Stupid bell.

 

[Jjs: Blame the inanimate object for not advancing the plot!]

[JCM: Considering the direction this is going in, I wouldn't be surprised if the bell was the killer.]

70s: Um SOF...nobody else is here.

 

[Trophy: Stupid Fiction SOF.]

SOF: Oh sorry, I guess I didn't notice until now.

 

[Jjs: You didn't notice anyone was there? What, were you looking at the ground at the whole time? I guess I can't blame fictional SOF, even he is ashamed of this writing.]

Smiles: Ooh, they even have a changing room, and look. *looks at the window seeing the beach ahead of her* We could go to the beach for fun.

 

[JCM: You want to play on the beach while there's a killer on the loose? Please go over this in your head.]

[smiles: At least I had fun before I died.]

[Jjs: But they are already at the beach....OH, REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT!]

[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

 

Jelly: Great idea, Smiles.

 

[Jjs: Even though Smiles repeated the same idea 70s had earlier, let's credit her anyways. More pointless dialogue!]

Smiles: I’ll get changed right now. *enters in women changing room*

 

[JCM: You brought a bathing suit to what was supposed to be a dinner party? This doesn't make any sense whatsoever.]

Back to the park…

JCM: How long have we been walking?

 

[Trophy: For as long as the Cubs haven't won a world series, so I'd say about 108 years.]

Jibbix: About 10 minutes.

 

[Trophy: NO, 108 YEARS! DARN YOU JIBBIX!]

DirtyDan: Wow...long walk, and where did Bugs Bunny go?

 

[Trophy: Back to his cartoon because he threw up from being in this.]

[JCM: If you consider a 10-minute walk to be "long", you really need to walk more.]

JCM: Uh, was he with you, Jibbix?

Jibbix: ..Nope. I guess we lost him.

 

[Jjs: He went off to play around with a certain wabbit hunter.]

We seen Bugs Bunny lost in the park.

 

[Jjs: Did a beautiful carrot distract him?]

[JCM: No, it was a beautiful stage,]

Bugs Bunny: Darn, I’m lost. Hello? JCM? Anybody here?

 

[JCM: Why is Bugs calling out for me? Does he expect that I'll jump out of a rabbit hole?]

Bugs Bunny walked further but he heard a strange noise as he began to run faster, until he stopped near a large statue.

 

[Jjs: So the strange noise brings him to a statue that can't even be described. The details are so amazing in this lit.]

Bugs Bunny: Hmm, seems like a cool statue. Nothing suspicious here.

 

[JCM: All the characters in this lit are basically statues, anyway.]

However, the statue started to move strangely and he heard something, but the statue fell down and crushed him as he screamed across the park.

 

[Jjs: ...Well, that's our story, folks. Bugs Bunny is dead, good night.

 

 

*sigh* Once again, I wish that was all...well, that's all for Bugs anyways. But back on topic...WHAT?! Bugs Bunny gets crushed by a statue, yet he manages to scream for help?! How on earth did the killer even push the statue?! Does the killer have superhuman strength powers along with his space and time powers?! Finally, where was the so-called "crowd" mentioned earlier to see Bugs die, or is my cardboard cutout theory canon?! This death made no sense...what the hell was Past!SOF smoking?! Even Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, and Daffy Duck would be questioning this death!]

[Trophy: My theory is that the "noise" was the killer using a stone-cutter, but since logic doesn't matter here, I guess the superhuman strength theory is possible. OH AND HOW DID HE DIE?! HE'S BUGS BUNNY! NOW SOF HAS TONS OF PEOPLE ON HIS BACK!]

[Looney Tunes Fanbase: SOF is gonna die.]

[sOF: uh oh AAAAHHHHH!!! *runs away screaming and being chased by millions of young people and old nostalgics*]

[JCM: Good thing CNF or CDCB isn't riffing this, or there would be blood.]

 

JCM: What was that loud noise?

 

[Trophy: The Looney Tunes fan-base and Lola chasing SOF.]

DirtyDan: Sounded like someone screaming. It might have been Bugs!

 

[JCM: The Bronx-Brooklyn accent is pretty distinguishable.]

Everyone went to the scene where they saw Bugs Bunny was killed by the statue.

 

[Jjs: Past!SOF managed to do the one thing that Elmer Fudd has failed at for decades. You know something is definitely not right here.]

[Trophy: I guess Bugs lost his lucky rabbit's foot and that's how he died.]

 

Tvlover: Well..I guess we're being watched again.

 

[Jjs: I don't think so, the statue probably just tipped itself over.]

Meanwhile, back at the beach..

Smiles was ready to get dressed up for the beach, as she got her bikini out. She then got undressed, and seconds later, we see her come out in a red bikini.

 

[Jjs: Using bikini twice in two sentences...OH, REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT!]
[Redundancy Department: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

[JCM: A red bikini! Past!SOF has no problem describing stuff when it comes to girls' swimsuits.]

 

Smiles: I feel hotter now...heh, I love the beach!

 

[Jjs: Was SOF writing porn for himself?]

Suddenly, someone opened the door and was sneaking in the main room.

Smiles: Who is there? 70s? Is that you?

She then walked a bit closer to the shadowy person, but then..

 

[JCM: SURPRISE RAPE! No, we're not doing that?]

Smiles: *gasp* Oh my gosh, you're the killer!?

 

[Trophy: ..Wait, what? HOLD UP!

 

Warning: My criticism may contain a spoiler, so read at your own risk.

Spoiler

Above Smiles said "70s, is that you", and now she says "You're the killer!"....

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

 

REALLY?! I...can't defend this. Dead giveaway much?! I'm sorry to let the spoiler out ahead of time, but I doubt anyone would have cared anyways. Now back to your programming. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to wash my brain cells out from that awful unintentional spoiler.]

[Jjs: Well to be fair Trophy, she didn't directly say it was 70s. But hey, I'm glad someone noticed this, because the recap critic himself couldn't catch it, and gave us something obvious to riff.]

 

I should have known...I'm going to tell the others!

 

[Jjs: Not unless King Exposition has anything to say about it!]

[JCM: Telling the killer you're going to snitch on him is a great way to convince him not to kill you.]

She was about to scream for help, but it was too late, as the killer smashed her into a locker, and knocked her out. He slammed her dead body to the ground.

 

[Jjs: Not once, but TWICE! BOTH deaths in this episode make ZERO sense! If she was slammed into the locker, that wouldn't kill her! If her head was slammed into it, that would only knock her out...and then it kills her?! The killer also "slammed" her to the ground? Is he suddenly a professional wrestler now, or did he just want her to eat dirt? Can we call up the "Start Making Some Goddamn Sense Department"?]

Killer: Meh, I've seen more challenging victims..

 

[Trophy: Considering now that we know who you are killer, well yes, it must have been easy.]

[Jjs: Is this a video game to him all of a sudden to him?]

[JCM: If this is a video game, please tell me where the plug is so I can pull it.]

The Killer laughed and then fled the scene.

 

[Jjs: Since the killer seems to be treating this as a video game now...

-Smiles is challenged by "The Killer"!

-Smiles used "Call for Help"! It was not very effective...

-The Killer used "Locker Slam"! It was super effective!

-Smiles flinched!

-The Killer used "Ground Slam"!

-Smiles fainted!

-The Killer wins, and fled the scene!]

[Trophy: AND NOW WE KNOW THAT THE KILLER IS-]

[sOF: TROPHY]

[Trophy: But I'm not even in it, it is- D'OH YOU MADE ME LOSE MY THOUGHT! Now we'll have to wait or just look above and figure it out for yourself!]

[sOF: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR!] 

[bill: Well I can reveal it is... 

]

[JCM: I still think it's the bell.]

 

[Jjs: Now, a memorial for one of the world's most beloved animated characters. Take a moment of silence.
 

 

 

R.I.P. Bugs Bunny

"What's up, doc?"

 

July 27th, 1940 - February 8th, 2014

 

Died of a statue collapse in Las Vegas park.

 

 

That really is all, folks...]

[Steel Sponge]

Poor Bugs...R.I.P.

[Metal Snake]

What teenj said. You guys are slaying these episodes and me in the process with these hilarious riffs. XD

[So Sejima]

Heh what was SOF even doing with the dead giveaway spoiler at the end anyway? Oh and now to remember him:

 he will surely be missed.

[Sweat]

You guys were just ramming the lol's. I cannot wait until the next installment.

[Jjs Goodman]

And Then There Were Less 3

 

1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech

3. The Madness Continues

4. Admins of the Dead

5. Escape to Las Vegas

6. Splitting Up Can Be a Bad Thing

 

7. Forest Dangers

Spoiler

alright folks..here's an important chapter:

 

[Metal Snake: Wouldn't you know.]
[Jjs: Knowing SOF, I wouldn't get my hopes up too high. I bet the biggest clue we'll get is another randomly placed object.]

 

Chapter 7 – Forest Dangers

 

[Jjs: Huh, two titles in a row that make sense. Past!SOF might be on a roll. Oh but wait, this title is also probably a spoiler.]

[JCM: There will be dangers...and they'll take place in a forest! The titles are almost as dull as the show itself.]

 

We see the SBMers at the park, wondering what happened to Bugs Bunny in the previous chapter.

[Metal Snake: That...*coughs dying breath* really is all, folks...]
[Jjs: INCONSISTENCY POLICE! They already saw Bugs got crushed by the statue in the previous chapter, so why are they will wondering? Was his dead body not convincing enough?]

 

Stinkoman: Any ideas what to do?

[Metal Snake: Curl up and die? At least the killer won't be able to get us.]
[Jjs: Maybe you could get the hell out of there? Seriously, is there an invisible wall that is preventing these characters from going places?]

 

JCM: Unfortunately, we don't really have a plan.

 

[JCM: When did you ever have a plan?]

 

RedSoxFan: What I don’t get is how does this keep happening so quickly? It seems like we've all just been lured into one trap after the next..

[Metal Snake: Or maybe the killer has a continuous trap card in play.]

 

Jibbix: Maybe we shouldn't let anybody else get out of our sight from the gang.

 

[JCM: ]

DirtyDan: We'll just keep walking, then.

 

[Jjs: Yes, because it worked so well last time. It's not like it resulted into the death of one of the greatest animated characters ever known.]

Jibbix: All right, I just hope this walk doesn't last ten minutes like the last one.

[Metal Snake: Don't you just hate those brutal ten-minute walks?]

 

They walked to a forest near the park with a strangely written sign.

 

[Jjs: It's probably telling you all to get out of this lit while you still can. If Elastic and Dragiiin could, so can you guys.]

[JCM: "Strangely written" couldn't be any less descriptive. Was it written in Arabic? Was it written upside down? Was it written in upside down Arabic?]

 

RedSoxFan: *reads* Beware the forest, watch out for danger.

[Metal Snake: The Forest of DEATH...is right next to a park?]
[Jjs: Come on Metal Snake, when you go to the park isn't there always a deadly forest next to it? It's perfect for the tourists.]

 

Stinkoman: Well ok then…I guess we should be careful or things might go horribly wrong

[Metal Snake: Aww, don't think like that. What could possibly go wrong besides everything in this lit?]
[Jjs: Why are they even going into the Exposition Forest when it clearly stated it was dangerous? Are they just trying to give the finger to the man?]

 

Jibbix: I’ll say, look over there. *points deeper into the forest at a dark section*

 

[JCM: The fact that there are sections of a forest that are dark just proves that something will go horribly wrong! It's logic!]

Stinkoman: Seems too scary to walk over there.

[Metal Snake: Yeah, "a dark section" is some spine-chilling scenery.]
[Jjs: There's obviously a monster you'd see under your bed there.]

 

Tvlover: I would assume this forest trip is going to be a bad idea..

[Metal Snake: Oh really? You didn't take a hint from "Beware the forest, watch out for danger."? ]

[JCM: When were they doing a forest trip? And what in their right minds would make them think it's a good idea?]

 

JCM: Nonsense, let’s just keep going.

 

[Jjs: Yes, let's keep walking into a deadly forest when it's been established all our lives are on the line. It's not like death matters to these guys, they have to get their exercise!]

[JCM: This version of JCM is even stupider than the ones I write.]

 

However, the weather started to get a little chilly in the forest.

[Metal Snake: Mother Nature doesn't like you.]
[Jjs: The killer must also have power over weather as well.]

 

Stinkoman: Ugh, so cold right now.

Jibbix: ..Gah, don't like the gold.

[Metal Snake: You and Yosemite Sam would get along well.]

DirtyDan: Darn, this forest gives me the creeps.

 

[Jjs: Yeah, there's tons of scary stuff in it...like trees. Oh, and a killer too, I guess.]

[JCM: Don't forget that dark section!]

Just then, an unknown shadow was shown near a tree.

 

[Metal Snake: Along with a Gatherer.]

JCM: What was that?

DirtyDan: What was it, JCM?

 

[JCM: Obviously, he said "what was that?" because he knew what it was.]

[Jjs: From now on, I highly recommend that everyone reads the bland dialogue in the voice of Resident Evil characters (refer to this video). Trust me, it makes this lit more amusing to read. You were right in that old review Metal Snake, this is not only Resident Evil, but it's slowly turning into the SBC version of The Room with all these errors and lulzy conversations. Could this even potentially be worse than Critic Corner by the end?]

 

JCM: Eh, nothing. May have just been my eyes playing tricks on me.

[Metal Snake: That's what they all say...]

However, the shadowy person throws something at the trees ahead of them. Smoke started to form in the air.

[Metal Snake: Smoke bombs? Is he a mothafuckin' ninja?]

[JCM: The killer apparently has control over gaseous states now, too.]

 

Stinkoman: *sniffs* Is someone cooking something around here?

[Metal Snake: Of course. Someone would stop in the middle of the Forest of Death on the run from a killer to cook a meal.]
[Jjs: Maybe it's the Waiter's ghost making some pizza.]

 

JCM: I don’t think so.

RedSoxFan: I just realized...why does this forest have a warning sign? There doesn't seem to be anything dangerous..

[Metal Snake: Congratulations, you just activated the killer's trap card.]
[Jjs:  ]

 

Jibbix: ...Uh guys, I think a fire might be forming.

 

[JCM: Somebody call Smokey the Bear!]

Tvlover: Wait what? Fire, where?

Jibbix: Right over there! *points to burned trees*

[Metal Snake: You mean burning trees. Burnt trees WERE on fire.]
[Jjs: Looks like the killer's space and time powers backfired.]

 

RedSoxFan: SHIT, IT WAS A TRAP!

 

[Jjs: 

]

 

JCM: I knew something was suspicious about that sign.

[Metal Snake: No shit, Sherlock. Good lord, these characters need some help from Dr. Watson.]

[JCM: He went from "Nonsense, let's just keep going!" to "I told you this was a bad idea!" What a tool.]

 

They began to ran as fast as they could but unfortunately some trees fell down, and Jibbix and Tvlover got caught in the fire.

 

[Jjs: I guess those ten minute walks went to waste.]

Jibbix and Tvlover screamed for help, but it was no use.

JCM: We will rescue you guys!

 

[Jjs: I doubt they're going to do shit, calling it now.]

[JCM: "Let's announce that we're going to save people without actually trying to save them! That's what any horror movie stereotype would do!"]

 

RedSoxFan: Don't even bother, it's too dangerous at this point.

 

[Jjs: Called it.]
[Metal Snake: ...Excuse me?]

 

Stinkoman: He's right...look.

 

[Jjs: "Let's watch our friends die in a burning fire instead of trying to save them. At least we can have some burnt human flesh tonight."]

They watched as Jibbix and tvlover were trying get out the forest fire, but it was too late as a burned tree fell down and killed the two of them.

[Metal Snake: ...I'm not using my Squall gif. You don't deserve it. You guys...SUCK! Your comrades are ON FIRE...about to DIE...and you're just like, "DUH, WE'LL SAYVE YOU OH WAYTE DON'T BOTHER." ...This is horrible. I...I can't root for these guys. I just...can't.]
[Jjs: What Metal Snake said. Past!SOF basically just gave the remaining SBMers Idiot Ball to justify Tvlover and Jibbix's deaths.]

[JCM: The moral of this story is that friends are useless!]

 

JCM, RedSoxFan, Stinkoman, and DirtyDan escaped the forest safely, and were the only SBMers left now. They returned back to the park, but it was dark, cold, and empty.

[Metal Snake: Like your hearts...and your heads for that matter! Screw you guys, I'd go home if I didn't have a riff to finish.]

RedSoxFan: Great..now what do we do?

 

[JCM: GO HOME. GET OUT OF THERE. EVERYBODY AROUND YOU IS DYING. WHY ARE YOU JUST DICKING AROUND?]

Just then, all the street lights at the park began to go out, and it got even darker.

 

[Jjs: ...Does the killer now have power over electricity as well?!]

JCM: Um..I hope someone isn't there.

[Metal Snake: Of course not! I kid. Of course, dumbass.]

Out of the darkness...the killer appeared, but he/she was wearing a tall black coat, with a black hat, and a mask, covering his/her face. He/she was also holding a box of matches, revealing they started the fire.

[Metal Snake: HE STARTED THE FIRE?! No way, I thought it was Smokey the Bear!]
[Jjs: I think even Scream and Freddy Krueger would be questioning this guy's fashion sense.]

[JCM: His/her, he/she. Pretty much all the female characters are dead by now. I really don't think the ambiguity is necessary.]

 

Killer: Hello everyone...where's your other gang members? Oh that's right..I killed them.

 

[Jjs: "gang members"? I didn't know SBM was a mafia. I knew that Mania part was a cover-up, it really means SpongeBuddy Mafia. Thanks killer!]

 

DirtyDan: YOU!

[Metal Snake: NOW I care!]

 

JCM: I'm too young to die now!

[Metal Snake: 

]

[Jjs: Don't worry JCM, at least you'll finally be out of The Tommy Wiseau and Resident Evil Show.]

[JCM: I almost want him alive now so he can suffer more of it. Almost.]

 

RedSoxFan: Shit...we're doomed.

 

[Jjs: Or you could get out of there while you're still alive. You guys love walking so much, running shouldn't be a problem. But you can also just stand there like morons for plot's sake, that works too.]

Stinkoman: So you're the bitch/bastard that has been killing everyone?

[Metal Snake: *breathes in* ...For once I got nothing. I genuinely thought that was a funny joke.]

[JCM: He/she/bitch/bastard. Lovin' the political correctness.]

 

Killer: Heh...not entirely. There is so much more that you don't know.

Just then, from behind them...there was another killer in a black suit, with a mask as well.

[Metal Snake: DOUBLE DOUBLE YOUR REFLECTION!]
[Jjs: I can't even post a "What a twist!" video for this. Is there anything in this lit that is not going to be anti-climatic? We already know one of them thanks to the previous episode, but at least SOF didn't giveaway the other, so there is some unpredictability in this show at least. Who knows, JCM? Your bell theory could be true. I could totally see the bell being the main mastermind behind all of this.]

 

Killer 2: Well well well..looks like we'll be able to finish off the rest of the SBMers.

 

DirtyDan: Okay, didn't see that coming.

[Metal Snake: Don't bring back memories of Johnny Test...]

[JCM: There are two killers instead of one! It is the most groundbreaking revelation ever! Of all time! Period!]

Just then, a truck came flying out of nowhere, and smashed into a water fountain. It rammed aside the killers.

 

[Jjs: These fuckin' descriptions again. A truck comes out of nowhere...smashes into the water fountain...but how would it ram aside the killers?! And wouldn't they suffer serious injury from that?! Do the killers also have the body of a shield?]

RedSoxFan: What...who..wow, I don't even know anymore.

[Metal Snake: I kinda wish Tommy Wiseau had said that in The Room.]

"GET IN!" Someone yelled, and it was revealed to be OMJ in the truck.

 

[JCM: Is it Someone or OMJ? Make up your mind!]

 

JCM: Wait, what. OMJ, how did you find us?

 

[Jjs: Because we needed another SBCer in this to make it an SBC lit.]

[Metal Snake: Never underestimate the power of GPS!]

OMJ: Do yall wanna live or ask 20 questions?

DirtyDan: I'd rather live.

[Metal Snake: Though 20 Questions is a game to simply die for.]

The remaining four SBMers got in his truck, and he drove off as fast as he could.

 

[Jjs: So wait, this was an important episode? All we learned is that the SBMers are heartless assholes and that the killers have bad fashion sense. Oh yeah, and there's two killers, that's cool too, I guess.]

[JCM: Remember, kids! Going into trucks with old men is all right!]

[Clappy]

Was it an important chapter because SOF decided to randomly throw OMJ in? Beats me. Either way hilarious stuff like usual.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Was it an important chapter because SOF decided to randomly throw OMJ in?

I'd say

[Jjs Goodman]

And Then There Were Less 3

 

1. The Arrival of the Party

2. Honor of Speech

3. The Madness Continues

4. Admins of the Dead

5. Escape to Las Vegas

6. Splitting Up Can Be a Bad Thing

7. Forest Dangers

 

8. Old Man to the Rescue

Spoiler

Chapter 8 – Old Man to the Rescue

 

[Jjs: Wait, didn't OMJ already rescue them? Well, we'll see if this title makes sense or not, I suppose, but so far it is definitely lulzy.]

[Wumbo: Old man, look at my lit. It's a lot like bad writing.]

 

We see the remaining SBMers in OMJ's truck, as he drives to an alley in the city of Las Vegas, after he saved them in the previous chapter.

 

[Jjs: The truck can fit into such a tiny alley? Does OMJ happen to have a magic shrink button on his truck just to fit into Las Vegas alleys?]

[JCM: Obviously, going to an alley in the middle of a big city is a great way to escape from crime.]

RedSoxFan: Thanks for rescuing us, but who are you? I haven't seen you around here before.

JCM: That's OMJ, and he's totally not from SBC.

 

[JCM: Wow, I'm just as bland when I'm being sarcastic as when I'm being serious. Only in ATTWL 3.]

RedSoxFan: Oh JCM and your sarcasm. But how did you find us?

 

[Jjs: I love forced in "in-character". If you want to make JCM sarcastic, you actually have to make it, well, funny, not forced in and then ruining the joke by saying "LOL JCM AND YOUR SARCASM".]

 

OMJ: Well, ol' 70s called me in Hawaii that you guys were in danger, so I flew over here in a plane, and rented this truck to head straight to where you guys were. Be grateful I passed by the park or I would never have rescued you guys from the killers.

 

[Jjs: That exposition made zero sense. In fact, these two sentences really interest me. Let's pick this apart:

1. 70s just happens to have OMJ's number?

2. There is no way a plane ride could take that fast, unless the killers used their time powers to speed up the flight.

3. Wow, that rental service must have taken 10 seconds, because he sure got that truck just in time to save them.

4. CONTRADICTION POLICE! OMJ said he knew where they were...but then he said "be grateful I passed by the park", implying he didn't know where they were.]

[JCM: I love how OMJ has no problem leaving his home state of Hawaii to fly to Las Vegas in the middle of the night where a mass murderer is specifically targeting SBC members. Talk about dedication.]

[Wumbo: BE GRATEFUL I PASSED BY THE PARK. Jesus, passive-aggressive much? Next time just let us get killed.]

Stinkoman: Well, I guess we should go find the SBCers, right?

 

[Jjs: No, you should first go find more clues.]

OMJ: That's what 70s told me to do after finding you guys.

 

[Jjs: Heh, spoiler alert, but you'll notice SOF seems to love mentioning 70s in this episode for all the exposition. That's not some foreshadowing I bet to the next episode.]

 

OMJ then drove the truck to the beach where the SBCers were.

 

[Jjs: Ah yes, the beach that this bland version of Las Vegas somehow has, despite the real Las Vegas not having any. Still putting my parallel Las Vegas dimension theory on the table.]

[JCM: So, 70s told OMJ where the SBCers were, but he apparently didn't say where the SBMers were. I see how it is.]

[Wumbo: Hey, whatever it takes to finally beat SBM in activity. ]

OMJ: Well, here we are.

DirtyDan: Where are they, exactly?

 

[Jjs: They're probably busy admiring something beautiful.]

[JCM: Like the beautiful sky, or the beautiful ocean, or a beautiful stage.]

 

OMJ: *shrugs* 70s told me they were over here.

 

RedSoxFan: I see, are you a fan of any sports, OMJ? Particularly the Boston Red Sox in Baseball?

 

[JCM: OH I GET IT BECAUSE HIS NAME IS RED SOX FAN HA HA HOW CLEVER.]

[Wumbo: I enjoy the Boston Red Sox in Baseball. I also enjoy phrasing things in a way that no human being would ever phrase them, ever.]

OMJ: Not really, except for wrestling like WWE and TNA, and good junk like that.

DirtyDan: Wresting is fake.

 

[Jjs: Okay, instead of bothering to check if their friends are okay, let's talk about sports instead. Hooray for more forced in "in-character".]

[JCM: So he tells you that he likes wrestling, and you immediately tell him that wrestling is fake. Way to be a douche.]

[Wumbo: He really is Dirty Dan.]

 

OMJ: Meh, I wouldn't say so, but I do watch it when nothing else is on.

 

[Jjs: Um...what? You wouldn't say wrestling is fake, but you watch it when nothing else is on? OMJ doesn't just watch Wrestling because "nothing else is on"...oh forget it, let's move on before I get a headache.]

[Wumbo: And just when it looked like at least one character was going to resemble their actual personality, or any personality at all, really, they get Past SOF'ed yet again.]

JCM: Oh, there they are. *points down the beach*

 

[Jjs: Wow, they must really be the only people on the beach then if JCM can easily point to the SBCers. More evidence for my cardboard cutout theory. Though to be fair, in the Las Vegas civilians' defenses, I would stay faraway from the set of this as well, especially for a city that has no beaches. I still can't get over that.]

[Wumbo: "Where are they?" A statement that could imply a dramatic, mysterious plot point, in which the remaining group must search for the SBC members before it's too late. Or in this case, a precursor to an off-tangent commentary about wrestling and an anticlimactic "Oh, there they are." Yee-haw.]

They walked to the place until…

 

[Jjs: Weren't they already at the beach? And what's this "place" you speak of? I love vague word choice.]

[JCM: I love the manufactured suspense.]

 

OMJ: Did you hear something? It better not be my stomach.

 

[Jjs: Well, I hear the silence of nobody being at the beach, other than cardboard cutouts of civilians and SBCers.]

[Wumbo: "It better not be my stomach"... why not? What will you do if it is? ...Eat something?]

Stinkoman: No, I didn’t hear anything.

One of the killers was coming closer towards them.

 

[JCM: Thanks for telling me that. I clearly needed these things explained to me.]

[Wumbo: Well fuck me, there goes any suspense.]

 

JCM: Oh wow ok, I'll just turn around then and I bet you nothing will be there.

 

[Jjs: Huh? Nobody said anything about something being behind them. Hooray for failed attempts at suspense and humor.]

 

And he did, but nothing was behind them.

JCM: lol told you nothing was following us.

 

[Jjs: But...nobody said anything was following you guys. Like I said before, if you want to make JCM sarcastic, you actually have to time it like any good joke, not shit it out of nowhere to make "suspense" and "humor".]

[JCM: I'm not sure why he's suddenly being so smug when most of the people in his group is dead. Any serial killer worth his salt would know how to hide himself.]

[Wumbo: But we know that the killer is coming already... what is this? What is seriously the point of this? You can't have suspense after you reveal the end of it!]

RedSoxFan: I do wonder if this is some kind a trap or something.

 

[Jjs: Congratulations, you activated the killer's trap card...two episodes in a row. I now know to not let him play in my Yu-Gi-Oh! games.]

They continued to walk but then…

 

[Jjs: Oh right, they need to exercise once more, despite lives being on the line. Seriously, these guys could be professional walkers.]

RSF felt something was touching him, and then he turned around to see...one of the killers.

 

[JCM: I totally didn't expect that...oh wait! I did, because the narrator outright told me that they were being followed several lines up.]

 

Killer #1: Hello RedSoxFan...you're next.

 

[Wumbo: Or you could kill him, instead of spouting cliché lines.]

RedSoxFan quickly turned around to the SBMers.

RedSoxFan: Uh guys, we better run NOW!

 

[Jjs: Pfft, everyone knows you walk to escape from a killer, remember?]

[JCM: They've made the killer's job easy enough already, so why not?]

They began to run through the beach, but unfortunately JCM tripped because of people panicking at the beach, and fell behind.

 

[Wumbo: Hah! Make a sarcastic comment about that, bud.]

[Jjs: I thought nobody else existed in Las Vegas, but now people suddenly exist...and they make JCM trip? I can't even begin to point out how dumb this is.]

RedSoxFan: JCM, get out of there, buddy!

 

[Wumbo: "I'm hoping my shouting obvious advice to you will keep you from getting killed! I don't think before I speak! Hey, do you like the Boston Red Sox in Baseball?"]

But it was too late, as one of the killers shot JCM in the chest,

 

[Jjs: I thought RedSoxFan was next, talk about motive changes. Did he want to kill boring fictional JCM off because of his failed attempts at sarcasm?]

[JCM: "I'm totally not dead right now!"]

 

and before he died he muttered out one last line.

JCM: I totally didn't expect myself to die.

 

[Jjs: *sigh* And before he does die, let's have him mutter out another lame attempt at sarcasm. On that note, how the hell did he talk despite getting shot in the chest? Did the killer give JCM a quick five second life token after being shot to say an unfunny line? Wumbo, I think SOF needs to stay for your Logic class.]

[Wumbo: Class dismissed due to teacher exhaustion.]

[JCM: Holy crap, I wrote my last riff without even reading this. Just goes to show how predictable this lit is.]

The killer then fled the scene, as the cops arrived to stop the killer and remain peace at the beach, but he was gone before they could apprehend him.

 

[Jjs: And now we have cops out of nowhere. You know, that brings me to a massive plot hole...PLOT HOLE POLICE! If there are cops, why do none of the SBCers or SBMers go to them?! Do these cops not know about any of the previous incidents? Even the Funky Cops would do a better job then them.]

[Wumbo: Who needs the police, when you have Cannonball Jenkins and his Trusty Truck.]

OMJ: Welp, there goes another SBMer. At least he died in the name of sarcasm, and I'll honor him for that.

 

[Jjs: ...What the bloody hell. No, just no...

 

 

The flying fuck was that? You just calmly shrug off his death and say "oh well, he died in the name of sarcasm and I'll honor him lol"?! Everyone seems to take death so well in this show. I'd hate to see their reactions to a tragic event...]

[JCM: Speaking of that, what do they even do with the bodies? If the cops didn't come, would they have just left me to rot on the beach? It creeps me out just thinking about it.]

[Wumbo: I'm sorry guys, I unironically enjoy "he died in the name of sarcasm". I'm calling it right now: best line of the lit.]

RedSoxFan: Yes yes, now let's get out of here before his killing buddy comes.

 

[Jjs: Killing...buddy? I didn't know killing many people could make you friends.]

They then fled down the beach to where the SBCers were.

 

[Jjs: What a cliffhanger, Mark. Well, I can safely say the titles are back to making zero sense, because OMJ sure as hell didn't save JCM in this episode. Oh well, at least he died in the name of sarcasm, and I'll honor him for that.]

[JCM: At least I died from a good-old-fashioned bullet to the chest and not from getting hit in the head by a rock or something. But there are five episodes left, so there's plenty of time for me to be frustrated more. Woo-hoo.]

[Wumbo: I love how the SBCers did NOTHING to stop this, either. Gosh, we're assholes.]

[Sweat]

JCM's funeral wasn't sad at all, lol