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The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

 

Bigger and Better


Our episode opens up to a shot from earlier in the day of a member logging into the arena. 

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The crowd rejoices in collective happys and likes as Lilcorey looks to make his Deathmatch debut in singles action here tonight!

https://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY

OMJ: Welcome death fans and SpongeBob fansite users alike, to yet another installment in the longest running, bipolarly scheduled episodic literature in SBC history! Welcome to Community Deathmatch! I am your host, Old Man Jenkins, and what a historic debut we've got on deck for the evening's festivities! Lilcorey will officially make his long-awaited Community Deathmatch in singles action here tonight! Just who will his very first opponent turn out to be? Well, your guess is just as good mine. So without any further ado, let's head down to the ring, where Karen will be handling tonight's official introductions!

Karen: Ladies and gentlemen, and the handful of Deathmatch fans around the world, the following Deathmatch is scheduled to have ads enabled!

Crowd: ENABLED!!!

Karen: Introducing first, he is one of, if not, THE BEST MEMBER to ever join the SpongeBob Community! And that's all there is to him, really. He is Lilcorey!

https://youtu.be/rsAGSLoxSJs

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@lilcorey18 makes his way out to the ring his snapback turned back and his camera phone in hand in order to take bathroom selfies with the crowd, who all then proceed to eat it up for what little it's worth.

OMJ: Yes, here he is! Lilcorey, in the flesh! The epitome of just how fucking low the goddamn standards of this community has fallen over the years! The nerve of you dumb fucking shits and your equally shit tastes in members. You have the best damn member right here posting one of the greatest lits on an almost consistent basis for the last five years, yet it's fucking clowns like this that somehow scoops up all the glory and respect right out of the hands of members who worked too damn long and too damn hard to even become a blip on anybody's radar! And for what? Because he had half a mind to post an actual picture of himself as his avatar? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit, mang. You dipshits are so easy to appease, it's like jiggling a set of keys in front your dumbass faces. It's pathetic, it's really fucking pathetic. But nevertheless, as much as I'm coming to regret not scripting myself as Lilcorey's opponent because I am a humanitarian after all, I tend to put actual people over and not just painfully forced memes or lame ass jokes like about 90% of the population of these SpongeBob fansites, someone will rise up to compete against this "SBC powerhouse" and I hope to Neptune they do the favor for me or so help me god...anywho, Lilcorey is by no means a stranger to a Deathmatch environment, having competed as one half of A Lil Tempered alongside his equally as pathetic tag team partner, Hot Tempered. In fact, their little team somehow made it all the way to the semi-final round before finally getting knocked off by The Masters of Shinjitzu, ACS and Shin, in what was perhaps the one time I'll ever be rooting for ACS in anything!

Lilcorey grabs a live microphone and just smiles into it, taking another selfie or two with the mic in his hand and pissing OMJ off even more.

OMJ: This fucking guy is a cancer. No joke. You wanna try and be slick with your shit by bumping up old ass threads such as this https://www.thesbcommunity.com/forums/topic/3647-the-cancer-that-is-killing-this-place/ well then next time, link this asshole's profile in your goddamn bump! Just bring his fucking opponent out before I flip the fuck out and flip the fucking script!

https://youtu.be/PLN3zgXVcfw

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OMJ: Aaaawwww shit, now THIS is more fucking like it!

Karen: And introducing his opponent, hailing from ting goes skraaa! He weighs in with five posts to his name-

???: Wth no du rspct, Carrie. I cn do ths myslf, thnk yu vry mch! Yu se ths? Ths rght her is Big Shaq, and my shlong is 7 foot long, and yu cn't tch THAT! Bada skraaa, bestest member in the arena! How you doin'?!

Big Shaq enters the ring and steps right up onto Lilcorey's toes, looking straight over his head. This shows the sizable difference between their post counts.

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Big Shaq looks confused as he moves his head around, looking for where Lilcorey might be. But much to his surprise, Big Shaq finally looks down to see Lilcorey staring him down with a smile on his face.

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OMJ: Proving once again just why SBM is the bigger and better site, their bigger and better version of Lilcorey has just stepped into the Deathmatch Arena and right onto Lilcorey's toes! He sees him just as I do, lesser than!

Elastic looks to interject and gets himself between the two.

Elastic: Alright you two pieces of sexual chocolate! I want a good, clean fight! So just as long as you two only hurt each other, the cops won't have to get involved! Any last requests?!

Big Shaq: So you're what all the fuss is about, Lilshit?

Lilcorey's smile widens just a little more.

Big Shaq: Now you're back and not hot. Whereas Big Shaq is a beast. And I do not care about no bunion beast. On a list full of all my problems, you are the least!

Elastic: Alright, well then LET'S GET IT ON!

The bell rings to signal the start of the matchup and Lilcorey comes straight out of the gate with an onslaught of the many different selfie avvie's that he's had throughout the years without ever logging back on, let alone posting. 

OMJ: Come on, I couldn't've been the only one to notice that!

The composition of the head shots stuns Big Shaq momentarily and he places a headlock on Big Shaq. Big Shaq manages to lift Lilcorey off his feet and violently throws him into the ropes. Lilcorey bounces back and right into a thunderous big boot to the chest courtesy of Big Shaq.

OMJ: Big Shaq damn near knocking the air clean out of Lilcorey's lungs with that calculated strike to the center of his profile! And with a profile that bare, that devoid of life, you're just setting yourself up for an untimely demise in a life or death situation such as this and against someone who is proven to be more capable and courteous enough to bother making a goddamn post or two.

Big Shaq: Is that it? Is that all you got, you Lilshit?! I honestly expected less!

Big Shaq picks Lilcorey up off the mat and throws him clear out of the ring and right on top the concrete arena floor.

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OMJ: Big Shaq throwing Lilcorey effortlessly onto that cold, unforgiving concrete! I sure hope Lilcorey has a good dentist, because he's gonna lose that smile at the rate he's going.

Lilcorey manages to will himself back into the ring, but is met with another assault by Big Shaq's big hand. Big Shaq beats Lilcorey over the head with both his dick and his opinions of what shows he thinks is the best and the worst on the Big Three channels.

Best Nickldn: Fan boy n chum chum
worst Nckldn: bungebob
Best crton netwk: Teen titans go
Worst Crton netwk: gumball
best disney ecks dee: pickl n penut
worst sidney ecks dee: bineas and blurb

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OMJ: Baity, yet effective! That is sure to both trigger and please some people ironically, I'm sure.

Big Shaq picks Lilcorey up again and tosses him out of the ring all the same.

OMJ: A good-looking avvie alone can only take you so far in this lit. This is exactly why you don't put a five year rookie into the ring somebody with the least bit of a experience. You get a very one-sided matchup somehow! Lilcorey may have done well for himself in the Tag Team Title Tournament, but that was because he had Hot Tempered there to pick up the slack with his 10/10 running joke. He's here now trying to strike out on his own, and I'd say he's one more strike away from getting out! A lil sports analogy I picked up from my protégée.

The crowd tries to rally Lilcorey up by chanting his name to keep him relevant enough to mount a comeback. 

Crowd: LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap* LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap* LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap* LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap* LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap* LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap* LILCOREY! *clap clap clap clap clap*

He hulks back up to his feet and hops onto the ring apron. Big Shaq comes over to grab him, but Lilcorey grabs Big Shaq by his 7 foot shlong and drops back off the apron, hanging and hyperextending his shlong on the middle rope. Big Shaq staggers back in pain as Lilcorey heads back inside to take advantage. Lilcorey kicks Big Shaq right on the ear with a lightning fast anzuigiri. Big Shaq is rocked by the impact to his ear. Lilcorey runs the ropes and begins to chop Big Shaq down with a selfie right on the left knee, snapping Shaq's left leg out from under him. Lilcorey runs the ropes and finally lays Big Shaq out with another one of his head shots.

OMJ: You have gotta be kidding me! Lilcorey is actually showing possible signs of sentient life!

Lilcorey has Big Shaq set up for a Snapback Moonsault, but Big Shaq kicks Lilcorey halfway across the ring before he could even land. Lilcorey ends up landing awkwardly on his head and neck

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OMJ: Well, any possible signs that were there sure as hell ain't now!

Big Shaq gets back up to his feet and measure Lilcorey up for the Ting and delivers it to him personally, taking Lilcorey's bent head clean off his shoulders.

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OMJ: TING GOES SKRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Elastic surveys the situation real quick before raising Big Shaq's hand in victory.

Elastic: WINNER, BIG SHAQ!

OMJ: AND IT'S ALREADY ALL OVER! He's done it! Big Shaq has toppled over Lilcorey in short order! I couldn't be anymore happier!

OMJ quickly puts that down in the "how are you feeling (emotionally)" thread. Big Shaq kicks Elastic out of his ring and grabs another mic.

Big Shaq: This is the best that you've got? This SBC version of Jinx, Tyrone Magnus, BlastphamousHD and all them other crap ass, useless ass reaction channels all rolled up into one?! Mothafucka looks like that's exactly what he does to scrounge up a living, avvie looking like its straight out of a fucking thumbnail! This! https://www.sbmania.net/forums/user/8968-big-shaq/ This right here is how a best member should look like! This is how a best member should act like! A title such as best member should be reserved only for those who can obtain the unobtainable, not a couple of dudley do-nothings! I am bigger, I am better, I am a beast, I drop beats like how my opponents drop like flies! I have an avvie that's truly marketable, easy to moist your loins to! I am money, doubloons just waiting to be cashed in! And I have lurked in the shadows of shittier members long enough. From now on, you're all gonna be living in mine!

Big Shaq drops the mic and proceeds to exit the arena, but not before taking time to pose and taunt over Lilcorey's corpse.

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OMJ: Big words coming from Big Shaq. Are big things truly in store for this member, or will he prove to be only a one hit wonder? Knowing this lit's track record, probs the latter. But until we can get a more official answer, I am afraid we are just about out of time. I am Old Man Jenkins wishing you all a very Good Fight, Good Night!

https://youtu.be/0wymm2l-kt8

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The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

 

SBC is a Prick


Our episode opens up to 2012-2013's verbal punching bag and Deathmatch correspondent, CF, as she is standing by with some random member, looking to conduct an interview.

CF: Ladies and gentlemen :) please welcome my guest at this time, @tartaros6:)

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CF: Now Tartaros, the last time you visited the SpongeBob Community, you showed your pride in SBC's namesake show by dropping a link to a site full of all sorts of SpongeBob products. But that was last time, and I'm sure all of us wants to know just what we can expect from you here in the Deathmatch Arena?

Tartaros: Well, ey, I'm here, like I said before, I'm here to post great deals for all SpongeBob fans! I'm ready to show my love for SpongeBob both inside and outside of the ring, but first of all, I can't stop thinking about Wolverine- Wolverine X being on Community Deathmatch. I get to have my revenge on that guy for pushing others around and saying that nobody can be as big a SpongeBob fan as he is. Hey, like I said, I'm here to stay and make, make a- make a uh uhhh a great SpongeBob stuf- SpongeBob things. GODDAMNIT WALULULULU!

Tartaros quickly turns tail and runs to save face.

CF: :) Tartaros, certainly as excited as we are to have him back here in the SpongeBob Community, where any activity is good activi-

A crashing sound can be heard off in the distance.

CF: Oh my god. Dear Neptune, what was that? :)

CF and the camera crew follow the sound of the ruckus, eventually coming upon a backstage assault.

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Wolverine kicking Tartaros' fucking head in against a wall as a Captcha team tries everything in their power to stop him with various picture puzzles designed to prevent spam.

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Wolverine: THERE'S YOUR FUCKING SIGNS!

Wolverine correctly points them all out out before picking up Tartaros off the ground effortlessly and pinning him against the wall.

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Wolverine: That was for claiming to be anywhere near as big of a SpongeBob fan as I am!

Wolverine drops Tartaros back down hard and leaves him to think about what he said as captcha finally offers him assistance after the fact.

Captcha: Don't worry, Tartaros, the mr dr professor is on his way to provide you medical attention!

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Captcha: But you must first tell us how many signs are seen pictured here in order to receive said medical attention.

https://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY

OMJ: Welcome death fans, to the your second dosage of SpongeBob fansite user on SpongeBob fansite user action this week! And I did I mention that this is yet another installment in the longest-running, most dependent on someone's mood scheduled SBC lit in Spinoffs/Lit history? Just had to make that entirely clear for those of you that didn't know! But speaking of "entirely clear", Tartaros6 making his motives entirely clear here just before tonight's broadcast properly began. He last made an appearance on SBC over 6 years ago, and now in the year 2018, he has finally come back to show us even more great SpongeBob things than he had previously done so in the past! However, the self-proclaimed authority on all things great pertaining to SpongeBob, The Wolverine, took great exception to Tartaros' claims, attacking the six year veteran in an unsanctioned and uncalled for assault on his fandom! Tonight's regularly scheduled Deathmatch might not even take place after that heinous attack, but something tells me that The Wolverine's tirade over the entire SpongeBob Community is far from over.

https://youtu.be/JJnzfT44KXI

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OMJ: Aww snap! I knew it!

The Wolverine makes his way down to the ring as a sea of sads and mehs flood the arena. The Wolverine flaunts his boner for SpongeBob in the faces of the nearest seated guests and just basically shrugs off their inferior efforts to beat his boner.

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"The Lone SpongeBob Fan" enters the ring and arrogantly calls for a mic to be handed to him.

Wolverine: You wanna know what really grinds my gears? Self-proclaimed, so-called "SpongeBob fans" like all of you! You are all nothing but a bunch of fakes, and that is all that you're ever gonna be to me! I look around this so-called "SpongeBob Community" and I don't even see a community for SpongeBob at all. All I see is a community full of the most thankless, unforgiving, most toxic corners of any fandom that I've ever had the complete displeasure of finding myself apart of! You don't promote the show that made this place possible, you just promote yourselves, plain and simple. You can't even find it in those black holes that you call hearts to see Ink Lemonade as the great contribution to the show that I already know it is! Just look at the official thread for it, nothing but thankless no-men who couldn't even write or animate anything even a quarter as good as Ink Lemomade was! You all want to go around saying that Patrick is a prick, that he was out of character? Well I say that you're ALL out of character for not giving this episode the fucking respect that rightfully deserves! I say that SBC is the prick around here! And just being surrounding by the most poorest excuses for "fans" out there makes me sick! And don't get me started on those wannabe edgelords who only say they like the show just to be against the grain. Liking an episode based on that kind of merit only makes you twice as pathetic as these pricks bashing it! One of them, being an admin, went even edgier by saying that they had their first orgasm to Ink Lemonade in what is supposedly the more "kid-friendly" SpongeBob section! Nothing but a bunch  bullshit. I should know, I've had real orgasms to the likes of One Coarse Meal in my lifetime! And just look at all the other shit we've got going on here in the "SpongeBob Community". We've got a couple of dumb sons of bitches reviewing shows and movies that definitely are not SpongeBob, reviews for The Simpsons and Futurama and shit! Who the fuck asked for that garbage, really?! You wanna post that crap, by all means post them within the confines of their designated "communities"! This isn't No Homers, this isn't Channel Awesome, this is the SpongeBob Community goshdarnit! And it seems that I am the only one that bothers to remember AND respect that!

https://youtu.be/67UaDQmZqbI

Tartaros limps his way out, pushing a shopping cart full of great SpongeBob things and rallying the crowd into showing their support for SpongeBob along with him.

7bef8e3d34bc67b7e87ee3f49303816492f6f0f0

Tartaros & Crowd: SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB!

Wolverine: Shut your mouths! You have no right to chant that name!

OMJ: Like a top 50 worst episodes ever list, Tartaros has found the will to make his way out here to bring the entire SpongeBob Community together in unison in the face of this total d-bag!

Tartaros wheels the cart down the ramp and then springboards into the ring, however, rolls right into a clothesline courtesy of The Lone SpongeBob Fan.

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Elastic gets in between the two warring fanatics before things can escalate further without the match officially commencing.

Elastic: Alright you two footnotes, I want a good, clean fight! Of course, coming from me, I expect the exact fucking opposite. Any last requests?!

Wolverine: I'm gonna make an example to this "community" with your corpse!

Tartaros: SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB! SPONGE-BOB!

Elastic: Well, LET'S GET IT ON!

The ring bell sounds, signaling the official start of tonight's featured matchup. Wolverine grabs a still shaky Tartaros and slams down back-first onto the map while sweeping his leg out from under him. Wolverine proceeds to throw him around the ring like a rag doll. He tosses Tartaros into the turnbuckle a couple times. He grabs him by the back of the neck and begins to talk trash.

Wolverine: Where are these great SpongeBob things you love talking about so much?! Oh, over there? Okay!

Wolverine then throws Tartaros under the bottom rope, causing him to slide face-first into the cart of great SpongeBob things that he wheeled over to ringside and Tartaros crashes hard onto the arena floor after making contact with the cart.

OMJ: Wolverine wasting no time in dissecting his opponent and breaking through both his defenses and offenses, even going so far as to throw Tartaros into his very own cart full of great SpongeBob things! Well, at least they're being put to much better use.

Wolverine follows suit on the outside, but as soon as he leaves the ring, he is met with a spongebob steel chair right to the skull courtesy of Tartaros and his cart full of great SpongeBob things. 

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Tartaros swings away like a mad man, pelting Wolverine with chair shot after chair shot all around the ring before finally setting the chair down in the middle of the ring and taking a seat. Wolverine retreats out of the ring to regroup and rethink his gameplan.

Tartaros: giphy.gif

OMJ: Tartaros quickly shifting the tide into his favor with some timely, much needed assistance from a cold, hard, unforgiving steel chair! 

Wolverine decides to quickly storm the ring to try and catch Tartaros as he's seated, but Tartaros reacts in time to toss the chair at Wolverine, who catches it. However, with Wolverine having caught the chair and holding it in front of his face, Tartaros takes advantage by drop kicking the chair, causing the chair to smack back into Wolverine's face. Wolverine collapses back down to ringside again, but this time, Tartaros is giving him no time to recuperate, opting to attack him immediately with an aerial assault. Unfortunately for Tartaros, his follow up doesn't go according to plan.

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OMJ: SUICIDE DIVE BY TARTAROS proving to be just that as he finds himself in literal Deep Shit at the hands of The Wolverine!

Elastic checks on Tartaros for any signs of life after that one, coming to the conclusion that Tartaros still has some left in him. Wolverine rolls around ringside in pain, pounding the floor in anger at the fact that that didn't do Tartaros in.

OMJ: Tartaros somehow still in this thing even after being on the receiving end of an absolutely devastating Deep Shit! Wolverine is already losing his shit over the fact that he didn't get the result that he quite wanted, but then again, that's just how he usually is, even in casual conversation.

Wolverine grabs more SpongeBob chairs out of Tartaros' cart and tosses them into the ring without a care. He then gets inside and unfolds each of them and stands them all up, preparing a sort steel chair bed of sorts for his opponent.

OMJ: Wolverine isn't here to make friends or even to win badges, he is here to shower praise onto SpongeBob no matter what! Wolverine is out to prove that no other so-called "fan" can measure up to his fandom, his undying support even through the most trying of episodes! This isn't looking good at all for Tartaros, now having his great SpongeBob things being used against him. Could bringing these things out in the open prove to be his ultimate downfall?

Once Wolverine is finished putting the final touches on his chair setup, he turns to pull Tartaros back into the ring, but unbeknownst to Wolverine, Tartaros has already scaled up the top turnbuckle, ready to attack with everything he's got. Tartaros leaps off the top ropes and onto The Wolverine.

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OMJ: Tartaros, living up to that namesake of his, putting everything on the line, using every fiber of his account, his entire being, to drag The Wolverine down into the fiery pits of hades by way of cold, hard steel!

Some of the chairs bend and break from the sheer impact as Tartaros, fueled by the supporting chants of the entire SpongeBob Universe, pulls himself back up to his feet. Wolverine also stirs back up onto his knees, allowing his built in healing factor to heal some of the damage Tartaros has done to his reputation. Tartaros hits the ropes and bounces back with a minirana, bouncing Wolverine's onto the steel chairs scattered below him.

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Tartaros bounces back up to his feet, as does Wolverine. Tartaros charges at Wolverine, who tries to deck Tartaros with a YouTube comment telling him to be thankful to the SpongeBob staff more for bringing them episodes like My Leg!, but Tartaros manages to duck the comment and counters back with a shot of his own.

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Tartaros then bounces off the ropes for another huge move that takes Wolverine back down onto the chairs again.

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Tartaros then sizes Wolverine up for what could be "The Technique".

OMJ: He couldn't. Tartaros couldn't possibly be thinking about busting that one out?! It's too big of a risk, boyo! Just take the asshole out while you still have him on the ropes!

First, Tartaros does this Wolverine, spins him around and stops abruptly. He then double takes Wolvie three times. 1! 2! 3! He then pelvic thrusts into Wolverine not once, but twice.  He makes sure not to forget to step on Wolverine with his right foot. He then does this to Wolverine and this, but on the second "this" Wolverine manages to sucker Tartaros right into an End of Discussion right onto the pile of steel chairs below them.

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The discussion ends on impact as Tartaros lays motionless on the great SpongeBob things. Elastic comes over to check on the situation. Wolverine manages to stand himself up, even after taking a good brunt of Tartaros' Technique, showing the extent of how far his healing factor can go. Elastic receives no response to his nudgings from Tartaros. Elastic walks over and raises Wolverine's hand in victory.

Elastic: WINNER, THE WOLVERINE!

Wolverine swats Elastic immediately after and celebrates by jerking off to Squidward inking through his nose in Ink Lemomade.

Wolverine: THIS IS WHAT ORGASMING TO THIS EPISODE REALLY LOOKS LIKE!

Wolverine primally shouts before furiously reaching his climax on the top rope, some of the excess "ink" spraying over on some of the guests at ringside.

Wolverine: That's how it's done, fucking neck beards! Check yourselves before you get rekt by The Lone Fan! How much do you idiots get paid to post your irrelevant opinions? Get a job, get a hobby or get some real friends, because your opinions are worth nothing! Just like SpongeBob, I'm still going on strong with no end in sight! 

OMJ: In the end, great SpongeBob things were just not enough to put The Wolverine down! Is there any real fan out there in this fandom who could finally shut this prick up for good? We'll just have to wait and see for another day to find that one out, because I'm afraid we are all out of time! From all of us here Community Deathmatch, this is Old Man Jenkins saying Good Fight, Good Night!

https://youtu.be/0wymm2l-kt8

Our post-credits scene opens up to a shot of Cha loitering around in Aya's ask thread.

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Cha: do you think shinsuke.. fakes it sometimes because zuras such a soft boy usually? at least zuras a good kisser -endless amount of kissy marks-

Cha lurks around a couple minutes for a response.

Cha: No, no, no. That just won't do. 

She ends up editing over the previous question entirely.

Cha: making this warmed my cold icy heart? https://youtu.be/OlB-fDc4qes

She lurks around for nine hours, still waiting for an answer from Aya, but still, nothing.

Cha: the in-laws took my mom. the in-laws took my dad. Spongebuddies came and took my semi-husbando. Beautiful man, smart as a whip. The only positive light I ever had in my life. I could've protected him! He wouldn't have to go through what I went through, but they took him away while I was gone! They said that I wasn't good enough to protect him, and now he's gone. They took him away. Just like Nick took Kappa Mikey away. I don't have to think about it. 

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Cha: This is all I have left! THIS IS ALL I HAVE! So a loss to you hanging over my head is a dull blade twistin and turnin in my stomach everyday! And I don't think I can live another second on this earth until I can get him back. Back what's mine, what you took from me! And I wanna get him back with interest. Nobody takes from me anymore THOSE DAYS ARE OVER! Don't you think for a second that DEATH WILL BE ENOUGH TO STOP TBC-

Cha pushes the camera to the ground as the episode ends on a shot of her entering JCM's ask thread.

TBC...

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Boi, is this ever meaningful!


The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

 

Is This The End or The Beginning

lmao.png.ae4dfa9bf7381168a6ec86cacb63fe3 vs ezgif-4-ae7cbfd2ca.thumb.gif.f499df568ae

OMJ: One of Deathmatch's most heated rivalries reaches its bitter crescendo! Here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

 


OMJ: Welcome, death fans! To what is the first ever episode of Community Deathmatch since recent events! For those of you who have been living under a rock like some starfish, Rite Aid officially closed in the town of Nards' client, ZaidCatDog. It's a current event that has rocked Community Deathmatch to its very core. The liquidation sale ended way before its time! It has single-handedly changed the landscape here on SBC! It's already shaking up the way that we here at Community Deathmatch conduct ourselves! And what better way to ring in these winds of change than by ending the last chapter of this intense rivalry between jjsthekid and Homie! Jjs started this all by underhandedly attacking Homie's character in anonymity on the cbox months ago, but will he be the one to end it all in the Deathmatch ring here tonight? Or, will Homie once again prove to us all just how strong she can really be in the face of adversity, the face of evil?! We won't have to wait long, folks. For the beginning of the end starts...right now!

The camera switches over to Karen standing by in the ring with the shoutbox in hand.

Karen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following Deathmatch is scheduled to have ads enabled!

Crowd: ENABLED!!!

Karen: Introducing first!

Karen: Weighing in with a content count of 13,562! Accompanied by his best friend, Hayden! He is the Director of SpongeBob Community Operations, jjsthekid!

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Karen: And introducing his opponent! Weighing in with a contend count of 832! Hailing from California! She is "The Type A", Homiiiiiieeee!

Homie comes out, removing the mask that is her previous identity as a gay male model.

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OMJ: "The Type A", which according to Google, is known to have an ambitious, high energy and competitive personality! Also known to be more susceptible to stress and heart disease. Well regardless of that, nobody has shown more heart, more courage and more resilience than the Homie has in the wake of Rite Aid closing in Zaid's town! Her unwavering resolve to continue the betterment of this community's future so soon after such an event is a true inspiration to many, myself included! She has found herself in the crosshairs of the Best Friends for almost a year now! And tonight is her opportunity to finally close the book on that point in her online life!

Referee Elastic Dog gets in between the three members as he proceeds to lay down the law.

Elastic: Alright you two, I want a good, clean fight! Any attacks made through the cbox will result in instant death! Any last requests?

 

 

The pre-match formalities are interrupted by the timely arrival of a long awaited familiar face here on the forums.

OMJ: No, that can't be! He's not even scheduled to appear in this episode! It couldn't possibly be-

f540c366c5b66ff608fa6cd97f4a6d37.gif

OMJ: HERE COMES JACKIE CHAN, THE MARTIAL ARTS EXPERT OF SBC LAND!!! Oh my! The Peacekeeper has arrived in the Deathmatch Arena! He's here to kick ass and find out who killed his daughter, and he's all out of daughters!

Jackie Chan: Does anyone want a can of whoop ass?

Jackie Chan wastes no time in kicking Elastic's ass out of the ring to a huge pop of god himselves from the live crowd of guests. 

OMJ: Jackie's done the unthinkable, striking a Deathmatch official seemingly unprovoked!

Jackie then inserts himself in between jjs, Hayden and Homie, keeping them apart and talking them down.

Jackie Chan: Why are you doing this? Look deep inside yourselves and ask yourself that.

OMJ: Now Jackie appears to be keeping the competitors separated and looks to brokering some sort of peace between the two sides!

Jackie Chan: What are you fighting over? Is there no other way to mend these bridges? Must I have to kick all your asses?

Jjs grabs a mic and goes to speak.

Jjs: I said it before and I'll say it again, what I did to Homie was what was best for this community. She was a cancer that I took it upon myself to forcibly remove in order to stop it from spreading.

The crowd mehs and sads jjs.

Jjs: Please let me finish. The keyword there is "was".

The crowd slowly starts to change their reactions.

Jjs: That was almost a year ago already and I've had all that time since then to look back and reflect on all the things I did right, as well as all the things I did wrong. At one point in my online life, I was really looking forward to this. Now, all this time later, we finally have ourselves a Deathmatch to cap off all this shit between us, and tbh, I don't even want any part of it lol. Because all this time has allowed me to realize that what I did was just about the wrongest thing I ever could've done to this community. What I did, I wasn't removing cancer. I was clawing out this community's heart, its soul. And in doing that, I feel that I sort of paved the way for Rite Aid closing down in Zaid's town. I can't continue living with the guilt that, as this community's leader, I've only worked to harm it even more on top of all the other things that have happened. So now, thanks to Mr. Chan here, I have the opportunity to finally make things right by this community, but especially to make things right by you, Homie. I know what I did was completely underhanded and cowardly. Tbh, it's not even the first time that I've done something of the sort, as I'm sure CF can attest to. I'm no better than any other bad element in this community if I don't man up and admit when I'm wrong and take any punishment that comes my way. So Homie, I want you to know that I am deeply, truly sorry for everything that I've done to hurt you.

The crowd reacts with happys, likes and thanks at jjs' apology.

Jjs: I know that this is nowhere near enough to gain back your full trust in me, and I'm sure the same may apply to everyone else as well. Even as manager and director, I will not put myself above the law here. I do deserve to be punished for my actions. So here we are, in the hallowed halls of the notorious Deathmatch Arena. Anything goes here, rank or social standing doesn't apply. You are free to do whatever you want. I won't fight it.

Jjs opens himself up and puts himself out there in the middle of the ring, vulnerable.

Jjs: I wouldn't blame you.

Hayden: Jjs, this isn't-

Jjs: It's the only way to make this right.

Hayden begrudgingly stands down, choosing to honor jjs' wishes. Homie can only look on, seemingly confused over whether or not this could be another one of jjs' tricks. She approaches jjs and raises her hand at him. She takes the microphone out of his hand and begins to speak her piece.

Homie: what you did indeed was downright despicable and nothing could ever excuse what you did, especially as a member in your position. You're supposed to be an example to your users and what you did only enabled them to continue doing the worst kinds of things just to get even. Is your way of getting even just putting a person down to such a low, that they'll finally be on your level? Because tbh, a part of me was looking forward to this too. But much like you, as time went on, it became the least of my concerns. I mean, why should I waste so much time and energy on someone who would waste just that doing what you did? I appreciate you finally owning up to your actions, I really do. That takes a lot, I know, I haven't always been a saint on here myself. You shouldn't be exempted from any punishment, this we can also agree on. And I could deliver on that right now. Subject you to all the hurt and then some for all the hurt you did onto me personally. I really, REALLY could, but that doesn't mean I should. I look back and remember when I used to be a bad seed, and when I finally decided to do my turnaround, a lot of you still accepted me in without much trouble at all, even after all I did. And I became a much better person for it. Like Mr. Chan said, how can we mend these bridges if we only choose to destroy them. That hurt you've come to feel since then, that deep regret and feeling of failure at being a proper role model, that's something you're living with. That's a more crippling punishment than I could ever do onto you in death. And hopefully, it'll make you a better person for it as well.

Homie drops the mic and raises her hand over to jjs. The crowd eggs jjs on for a response. He shakes Homie's hand, finally putting their beef behind them. Jackie grabs both of their arms and raises them up in the air in victory.

Jackie Chan: WINNERS!

The crowd loses their shit at this show of peace. Hayden embraces both of his best friends as confetti begins to rain down in the entire arena.

OMJ: We have just witnessed history! The first truly genuine "Deathmatch First" in this show's entire run! For the first time ever, a Deathmatch has concluded with no fighting, no fatalities! A result born entirely out of peace! This result changes the landscape even more as we head into this brave new world that STILL is our SpongeBob Community! This is Old Man Jenkins, and I am truly at a loss for words as to what to sign off with. From all of us here, be good people! Good night!


We fast forward a bit, to where all the currently active SpongeBob Community members (which also comprises almost all SBMers, except for the admins cuz they're palette swaps of whatever closed down Rite Aid amirite) are coming together in Burgerpants' shit mix studio to perform their own rousing rendition of the 'We Are The World" music video that is to be posted in place of having ads enabled, for the benefit of bringing Rite Aid back to Zaid's town. Jjs and Hayden allows Homie and everyone else into their inner circle as Nuggets provides the beats and Sauce handles the production to give it that legit Sauce is Boss look. As the music video rolls on, ACS joins in hand in hand with OMJ and Clappy, Halibut returns and embraces jjs, Ren and whoever else he may have had past beefs with. Storm is allowed back into the community and he joins Kat and Aya hand in hand as well. Spongedude comes in for his own solo as he grasps Aya and ACS' other hands. Ren is slightly more tolerated by mostly everyone. SOF has been de-pushed, having his gimmick repackaged to become a Man of Peace in order to push SBC's new direction . The Trash Man is one of the more over acts in SBC today after eating the gobbage that closed down Rite Aid. It's Ooooooofy Day everyday. Everybody plays sing along to Shin's memes. Wumbo and 4EG are standing side by side in harmony, at least, until

4EG: Justin WORST last name EVER couldn't even BEGIN to write good MUSIC like this ON his best DAY! :rolleyes: Enough said, true believers! :salute:

Wumbo walks away from him, contemplating whether this new direction is really worth it as PatBack arrives to join in the chorus. Well, idk, I guess he's half there. DS Guy pops up and he and ACS play Portal 2 together. OBAB and the general SBM population are fully patching things up in a group hug. The man of the hour himself, ZaidCatDog, is welcomed back into the music video with open arms while his advocate, Tropical Nards, is accidentally locked out of the studio. The video wraps up and is posted on the community's home page for any and all newcomers to see a bright, vibrant and welcoming community of full of SpongeBob fans just like them.

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The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

I will never say never! I will fight til 4Ever!

https://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY

 

Jjs: Welcome, community and peace fans alike, to the triumphant return of one of SBC's longest running, about every 3-4 monthly episodic literatures! Welcome back to Community Peacematch! I'm jjsthekid!

OMJ: And I'm the guy who got SpongeBob Wheel of Fortune taken down that one time over a Skodwarde episode (well, as far as a I was told)! And we are currently broadcasting LIVE from the newly rechristened "Peacematch Arena"! Yes, a lot may have changed since the last time we've taken you inside these hallowed halls, but let me assure you that the structural integrity is still more solid than this show's right now! You can be'lee dat! I know maybe three or four of you have been wondering these past couple of months; "just what is Community Peacematch's status now? Was that really it? This pandering peace-of-shit-match is really gonna be this show's final curtain call?" Heheh, don't think I didn't see dat like count.

Jjs: Well, is it? Just save me the pm that'll take you like a week to respond to.

OMJ: Of course not, jjs! You deserve better, they deserve better, and quite frankly, I deserve better than that! This show's gonna be around for as long as I'm still good and scary to keep it going. Community Peacematch isn't going anywhere right now! And to commemorate Community Peacematch's renewal of interest tonight, I've got a peacematch lined up that's been like fucking years in the making. For about as fucking long as this show's been on the air!

Jjs: So about as long as an episode of one of Ren's works?

OMJ: Sounds like a bit of a stretch now that you said it out loud, but we could do some last minute estimates just to make sure.

Jjs: It's going to be that historic?!

OMJ: It might be, jjs. It just might be.

Jjs: Who could the peacemakers possibly be?!

OMJ: Well, you don't have to wait much longer, jjs, because here is our first look at one half of tonight's main event!

A video package starts to play, promoting the arrival of a certain member to the Peacematch Arena.

https://youtu.be/hkahPjEHAfs

???: Soon, ALL of SBC will be CALLING me...SBC's Finest! The FINEST smileys ;):salute:

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4EG: The FINEST Nintendo CONSOLES! The FINEST taste in MUSIC! When I make my Community PEACEMATCH debut, you WILL all witness THE Finest! :rolleyes:

WhimsicalImpossibleAnnashummingbird-size

Enough is said...tonight

Jjs: 4EverGreen is finally making his long-awaited Community Peacematch debut right here tonight?!

OMJ This is already shaping up to be one of our FINEST episodes yet! I, for one, can't wait to see how such a larger than life character adapts to a lit that is certainly larger than my life at the moment.

Jjs: If there is anyone regularly logged in here on SBC who could use this unique opportunity to make peace the most, 4EverGreen should be the first that comes to anyone's mind. We here on SBC have managed to make peace up the ass in recent times with the likes of ACS, PatBack, Storm and Jane just to name a few. Those names were considered to be helpless and beyond all hope at one time in this community's history, but just look at where things stand with all four of them now!

OMJ: Yes, perhaps one of these days, even the likes of Metal Snake can be welcomed back into the community with open arms!

Jjs: Let's not go that far, Jenkins.

OMJ: Hey, I could've said worse.

https://youtu.be/ouDIxQb31LI

4EverGreen makes his long awaited entrance into the Peacematch Arena. He reports the guests in the crowd for chanting "penis" at him, deeming them to be not up to his high standards.

Jjs: And speaking of worse, "SBC's Finest" is making his way to the Peacematch ring to do what many may deem to be impossible, and that is to try and make peace with this member.

https://youtu.be/-VMVSJEDBF8

OMJ: Without a doubt, a legend of this show! He competed in the first ever sanctioned Deathmatch, so it's only fitting now that he competes in the first ever sanctioned Peacematch!

Wumbo makes his on-screen return and first appearance under the Peacematch banner. The crowd pops hard on that like button almost instantly. Wumbo hands one lucky guest in the audience a link to his blog before standing off on opposite sides of the ring with one of his greatest arch rivals in taste, 4EverGreen.

Jjs: And let us not forget, that under the news Community Peacematch banner, all matches will now hereby be moderated by SBC's very own, Jackie Chan!

Jjs quickly pulls a Mrs. Doubtfire as he sprints down to the ring as Jackie Chan, receiving a huge, warm reception of himself from the crowd.

Jackie Chan: Now grasshoppers, I want this to be a good, clean peace talk. Anything other than that will be met with a swift kick in the ass courtesy of god himself.

The crowd blows their load at the mere utterance of those emphatic words.

Jackie Chan: Now, are we ready to make peace-

The proceedings are interrupted by the arrival of a couple of relatively new arrivals to the community.

Esme: Ladies and gentlemen!

Camwoodstock: Allow us to introduce to you, tonight's new moderator!

Esme: He is "The Man of Peace"!

https://youtu.be/3wZboDbgiW4

Esme & Camwoodstock: SPONGEODDFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

SOF makes his way out, having adopted some new online lifestyle choices since his last appearance on the show. SOF looks over to Jackie to make sure that he throws up the correct peace sign as a sign that he comes in peace.

SOF gives everybody the nazi salute as he makes his way to the ring.

OMJ: And who thought I was kidding when I said that SOF's character was getting repackaged in the last episode. With a new set of lackeys and a new way of online life, he has shed any and all signs of what was once a good character. SOF is now a man of peace, becoming SBC's gold standard for brown nosing once again! He appears ready to set the bar anew as the butt of all the jokes. Thus is the very sad fate of Jinder Mahal.

SOF: Jackie Chan, please, with all due respect, I must intervene and interject myself into this.

SOF implores, all while Jackie edits SOF's dialogue as he speaks.

SOF: I have dedicated these past couple of months while CD was on hiatus to be coming a new man, a better man. A...man of peace!

SOF interrupts himself to briefly meditate with Esme and Camwoodstock.

SOF, Esme & Camwoodstock: Shanti.

SOF breathes out and in before proceeding.

SOF: Please, afford me this opportunity to utilize all that I have learned to help guide these two toward internal peace. Because I have learned that in order to truly make peace with others, you must first be at peace with yourself. It was a process that I, myself, had undertaken in order to finally be at peace with where I stand with others. I am not a man of peace just because I wanted to be, I am a man of peace because I needed to be! Before Community Peacematch, I was resentful and wanted nothing more than to inflict the same disdain onto others as they had inflicted onto me. I was not a man of peace! But that has changed. We are all capable of change!

Wumbo: Except for you, Jackie. Never change, bubu.

SOF: Allow this changed man to help change others for the better.

Jackie Chan: Jackie Chan has taken in all you had to say and I have come to a decision. Break a leg out there, champ.

Jackie says as he imparts to SOF his blessing to moderate this peacematch, and just like that, jjs sprints back to commentary booth as quickly as he can switch accounts.

Jjs: What a rather bizarre development that's been made here in regards to tonight's main event! What could Jackie possibly be thinking, letting SOF take the reigns for such a potentially volatile match up?

OMJ: If he indeed is God himself, then perhaps he really is that damn cruel.

SOF, Esme and Camwoodstock all get in between Wumbo and 4EverGreen.

SOF: What Jackie said earlier also applies to me. Are we ready to make peace?

4EverGreen: Ready as I'll EVER be :rolleyes:

Wumbo: what's up with this peace shit lmao I wanna kill this guy. Enough said!

4EverGreen: PLEASE, you'll end up being as dead as the MINDS of Justin Bieber brain dead fan base! ;)

Wumbo: You'll be as dead as my blog if you keep bringing up and trashing Justin Beiber out of context.

4EverGreen: Grow UP, violence never solves ANYTHING :rolleyes:

Wumbo: Says the guy who never grew up at all these last eight years. 2010 called, they want their punching bag back.

4EverGreen: And I'll gladly return it to them! At least people had the SENSE back then to not DEFEND Justin Ratface!

Wumbo: Spoken like a true belieber.

OMJ: We're barely even a minute in and 4EverGreen has already busted out the ratface insult!

Jjs: There may never be any chance for peace following that barb!

SOF looks towards Jjs on what to do next.

Jjs: Yeah, I have it on pretty good authority that when Jackie told you to "break a leg", he meant it literally. You're on your own here, bud.

SOF butts in of their argument with an emphatic

SOF: SHANTI.

He breathes out and in.

SOF: SHANTI.

Wumbo: what's Ashanti got to do with it babe?

SOF: It's about us! It's about trust! It's the tool we need to build this bridge together! I want you both to join in me breathing exercises designed to calm both body and mind. It is the first steps toward achieving internal peace.

4EverGreen: Great, now I have to breathe the SAME air as a guy who thinks "Baby" is LEGITIMATELY good! :rolleyes:

Wumbo briskly shoves SOF out of the way and clocks 4EG in the face, causing one of his eyes to roll out of his head.

OMJ: That was a hell of a hit courtesy of "The One Hit Wonder Man"! Talk about eye popping!

Jjs: SOF has got to get this situation under control before things get any worse!

Esme and Camwoodstock intervene, but Esme gets pulled right into Wumbo's Coral Driver. 4EG pulls himself together enough to blindside the newbie, Camwoodstock, with a giant wall of text. With both of SOF's lackeys out of the equation, the two combatants set their sights on each other. 4EG is able to make the first move, choking Wumbo with both hands.

4EG: You don't DESERVE to breathe the same air I do! The Finest air! B)

He attempts to take Wumbo out with his patented Capital Punishment, but Wumbo manages to fight out of it and throws 4EG into the trash.

OMJ: Vintage Wumbo! 

Jjs: Harking back to the days of old when that was like second nature to him!

Before Wumbo can tune up the Trash Compactor, SOF grabs him from behind, placing him in The Cruse.

CobraClutchSlam.gif

OMJ: I thought SOF was a man of peace?! This is very unpeacely of him!

Jjs: SOF now digging into his past and pulling The Cruse out for some good measure. Things weren't supposed to go this way, ladies and gentlemen!

OMJ: And as usual, SOF finds a way to outdo himself and muck things up even more.

SOF: SHANTI! SHANTI!

Wumbo: D-Don't think I've forgotten...

SOF: Forgot wat wumbo?

Jjs: I don't think Wumbo's forgotten about that time when SOF attacked him and wiped the Canadian flag with his ass.

OMJ: How's THAT for continuity!

Wumbo counters The Cruse by pulling SOF down into a stunner. This stuns SOF long enough for Wumbo to turn things around and place SOF into the Thread Lock.

giphy.gif

OMJ: Vintage Wumbo yet again!

Jjs: Back when that was a second second nature to him!

Wumbo proceeds to break SOF's leg

Jjs: Ex-fucking-actly.

before focusing his attention back on 4EG, who has already high tailed it from the ring. Wumbo attempts to give chase, but he's intercepted by an ass kicking from Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan: Looks like I've got to kick some asses.

And just like that, everybody jizzes their pants simultaneously.

Jackie takes turns kicking away at Wumbo, 4EverGreen, SOF, Esme and Camwoodstock's asses, with Wumbo looking to be enjoying it a bit too much.

Jjs: Get the camera off him. Please!

OMJ: This just goes to show that SOF was once again wrong about something. The only true way to achieve peace is by getting your ass kicked by Jackie Chan.

Jjs: It's a damn shame that tonight turned out the way it did, but I won't let this waver me from what we're trying to achieve here on Community Peacematch. We don't have to resort to fighting or insults as the first course of action. Peace can prevail. I've seen it happen enough times on here to know it to be true. I'm a goddamn example of it, Jenkins!

OMJ: It'll be a long and, very well, tumultuous road but I think we'll get there, jjs. Yes, perhaps one day, we can all finally stand hand in hand with the likes of Ssj and SBM. Really bring this fandom of the little square dude together!

Jjs: Let's not go that far, Jenkins.

OMJ: Hey, I could've said worse-

Suddenly, the scene switches back to Wumbo and Jackie Chan both getting attacked with a Lunchables outta nowhere!

tenor.gif

Not even Jackie's reflexes was enough to see something so trivial coming as he too got laid out with it like the sauce on the pizza.

Jjs: What the devil was that?!

OMJ: Wumbo and Jackie Chan have both been laid out right in front of us.

Everybody's attention shifts toward the user slithering his way around the ring in serpentine fashion. Only one member could've snowballed something this big out of Lunchables.

Jjs: Vintage Metal Snake.

OMJ: Well who the fuck else was it going to be judging from all the snake shit? Weasel?!

Metal Snake uncoils as he approaches SOF with malicious intent. SOF notices his approach, refusing to yield to "The Modern SBC User Killer".

SOF: SHANTI! SHANTI! SHANTI!

Metal Snake: You'll be at peace soon enough.

Metal Snake proceeds to give SOF the agony of knowing that a Lunchables is coming his way, well aware that he won't be able to do much about it because of his leg. SOF manages to get himself up on one leg, but is instantly struck back down with an Addendum! SOF's face splatters against the mat on impact. Metal Snake makes eye contact with 4EverGreen, but ultimately decides to let him go before maneuvering back over to Wumbo with the outdated red Lunchables stick in his hand. He turns Wumbo over onto his side and proceeds to insert the stick down his ear, moving it around violently in his ear canal. Blood seeps out of Wumbo's ear as he's forced back into consciousness from the pain. Metal Snake wraps himself around Wumbo, tightening his death grip the deeper the stick goes down his ear, very well hitting brain matter.

OMJ: This is just disgusting. Truly uncalled for.

Jjs: That's it? That's all you have to say?!

OMJ: Well, it's more than what I actually said during the real life incident so you're lucky you're getting at least that.

Jjs finally takes his hand out of the Chan puppet long enough to run down and stop Metal Snake himself. Metal Snake sees this and quickly slithers out of the ring with the red stick still in hand, licking the blood and earwax off it deviously with a smirk on his face as jjs tends to everybody laid out in the ring. Metal Snake refuses to let his mocking cease.

Metal Snake: "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me"

Metal Snake poses with his document on the entrance way as his music hits the turntable.

https://youtu.be/ibhuPO9nSmM

He and Jjs continue to stare daggers at each other until the show signs off.

https://youtu.be/0wymm2l-kt8


Here's a look at what's to come on Community Deathmatch's final season

???: Hey, wanna see something really funny? :)

The scene suddenly cuts to a joke thread making light of a very serious situation with a Family Guy quote thrown in.

https://youtu.be/9psDkhyh28A

Ssj: We live in a world where society has poisoned the souls of children.

The scene cuts to buzzards flying over SBM.

Ssj: It hovers over them like a dark cloud and they can't do anything about it. Because they're just precious, little angels! People like me, they get down on their hands and knees and they whisper these little lies and secrets into their ears, BUT I HAVE A SECRET OF MY OWN! o_o

The scene cuts to ssj posting with his following, which consists of Amphitrite and nobody.

Ssj: And what are you going to do when they decide it's time?

Amphitrite: We are the ones

Ssj: When they start to walk upright?

Amphitrite: the ones you've been told about and WE are walking upright

Ssj: What are you gonna do? Oh I know what you're gonna do

The scene cuts to a mass exodus of members leaving SBM.

Run :)

Ssj: You're gonna tell them

nobody: We're coming.

Run :)

Amphitrite: Now send us anyone, just don't send anyone you want back

The scene cuts to Amphitrite wearing a sheep mask.

Ssj: Witness the new face of courage! :)

The scene cuts to a few more Family Guy cutaway gags.

nobody: We're coming.

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Meant to post this two days ago. Well, here you go

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

 

The Right Thing at the Right Time

We open up to Deathmatch correspondent and completely outdated member, CF, as she looks to conduct an interview with "The Democratic One", ACS.

CF: ACS, you have been a cornerstone of the SpongeBob Community for the past year. You've established yourself as a team player-

ACS: Well, maybe not in Team events :rofl:

CF: Maybe not :) but you've also established yourself as a stalwart and, at times, a ferocious pit bull in your fight for a better, more aware member base. Your fight has even earned you a run as Featured Employee! But, there still are some who remain, well, very skeptical of this new leaf that you've been turning. Is there anything you have to say in response?

ACS: Look, I am well aware of my past history. I know more than anybody just how rocky my relationship with SBC has been. I know I've done some absolutely stupid things, and I've made just as many empty promises that were downright foolish. Some of these people have a right to feel the way they do. I'd like to think that I've done a lot this past year to help undo the damage that I wrought upon my own reputation. I've stepped up and stood up to some of the worst players in the game and I've left them all laying in my wake, desperately clinging on to the torn shreds that they call their "argument". And I've done all of that and more for the betterment of this community. Some of these people need to realize that change is a thing and I am very well capable of it. I've been capable of it. They just need to open their eyes to it. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to open eyes, open minds and turn some heads. I am the stalwart, I am a fighting champion for the people of SBC. For far too long, the name "ACS" has been vilified and stigmatized. I'm here to change all of that, and what better place to do just that than right here in the hallowed halls of the Community Peacematch Arena; the house that A-C-S built!

The camera pans out to show Metal Snake awkwardly already standing there next to ACS, apparently unseen, and looking pretty dumbfounded at what ACS said.

15543487852102079.gif

Metal Snake: "The house that ACS...what??"

Metal walks off scene very disapprovingly, leaving ACS to silently rage.

Jjs: Oh shit, this is an actual episode? Welcome peace fans! To the next exciting edition of the longest running bi-yearly episodic spinoff/lit, Community Peacematch!

OMJ: HUTTAH!

Jjs: Damn, it's been a while since you dusted that one off, Jenks.

OMJ: I figured that since we're in the endgame now, why not bring back a few classics.

Jjs: Oh, so that explains why CF is back :stinkeye: Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure we have an action-packed peace making in store for all your viewing pleasures! I, for one, certainly hope that they'll actually amount to something fruitful unlike last time, but

OMJ: Don't get your hopes up.

Jjs: Right. It is also the annual day of fools here on the first of April, and here we are with a new episode!

OMJ: How foolish you all must be feeling right now!

Jjs: And not just that, but Thanos is in FULL control of SBC now! Whoa! Who could've possibly seen that happening?! I sure hope he doesn't snap!

Hayden: 7Kkq.gif

Jjs: Ahh, help us. It's working, right?

OMJ: I don't get it.

Jjs: Yeah, well you're just never around.

OMJ: Or you all are just never off having a life.

Jjs: Says the the member who lurks without logging in.

OMJ: I knew you've been constantly viewing the online user list just to stalk me!

The arena goes dead silent as "The Worst Incarnate" ZaidCatDog makes his emphatic way out to the ire of just about everybody.

OMJ: "The Worst" has come in the form of ZaidCatDog!

Jjs: But conspicuous in his absence, oddly, is Zaid's advocate, Tropical Nards.

OMJ: Well, he hasn't even so much as checked in in like four years, so maybe not entirely conspicuous.

Jjs: Oh great, so this is pure, unfiltered Zaid that we're about to get here. Jackie Chan help us fucking all.

The crowd immediately erupts in mehs as Metal Snake joins Zaid at the top of the entrance ramp, wearing what appears to be a cardigan that's quite kampfy.

Jjs: Welp folks, when Zaid first came out here, it seems that worst was yet to come! What the hell, Jenkins? What the hell happened to you not touching this issue?!

OMJ: ...April Fools!

Jjs: You bitch! You got me!

Metal Snake and Zaid make their way down to the ring together as the mehs continue to mount up.

OMJ: Dear Neptune. What sorta unholy alliance has Community Peacematch just given birth to?

Jjs: I don't know and I don't want to find out how.

They step into the ring and Metal Snake calls for a mic to be handed over to him. Metal Snake allows the mehs to sink in before breaking his silence.

Metal Snake: I know you all are expecting some sort of explanation, but the fact of the matter is, you all don't deserve it. I don't expect these people to understand this, but this explanation isn't for them. This is for you, because, you see, Metal Snake committed an act of betrayal. That act of betrayal was committed one year ago when he decided to go against his better judgement and continued to put some semblance of fate into the fallacy that is jjs' administration, the establishment. Metal Snake, he realized his mistake, he saw that all was not right. He learned his lesson and he decided to fight. He decided to expose all that was wrong with this community, he consulted trusted allies and through their assistance, he spent hours every single day crafting the key to jjs' demise. It was meant to bring to light all the atrocities that took place under jjs' all-seeing eye, but it did way, way more than that. It gave Metal Snake the platform he needed to push his new agenda "Might Is Right". And...it worked. How else would you explain it? How else would you explain the miracle that against all odds, Metal Snake's message was heard loud and clear?! Jjs was swift in his slamming the book down on Metal Snake, but he wasn't swift enough! Metal Snake exposed him for the petty son of a bitch he really is and he wouldn't have any of it! Just a mere inkling of criticism sent him flying into a rage and he tried to take it out on Metal Snake and his people! While jjs went out of his way to drag Metal Snake through the mud, Metal Snake went straight for the heart and it wounded him! Someone managed to cut blood and he's been bleeding out ever since! Bleeding for members, bleeding for activity! He fooled himself into believing that he squashed any and all hope for Metal Snake's agenda, but foolish him, he served only to strengthen Metal Snake's resolve! Metal Snake's word only began to carry even more weight and others

He motions over to Zaid.

Metal Snake: began to pierce through the veil and see the right thing! Not jjs' revisionist spin on things! But for these people, jjs' people, what was supposed to be a moment of clarity, became a lifetime in the simulation for them. They couldn't see past the lies and deceit, they couldn't see all the good that Metal Snake was doing for them, they couldn't see the pain that Metal Snake had to endure in order to gain the strength needed to come out and speak up against a tyrant that he once called his friend! They failed to see the fights he had with his family that only fueled this obsession! They didn't see his side of the argument when the opposing side were just yelling at him to move on! And that was when the pill began to really take affect. That was when the agenda began to take on a life of it's own in a documented format. The only people that moved on...were Metal Snake and his people. And they moved on to bigger and better things like exposing jjs for the fucking fraud that he is! Metal Snake's document told him to allow jjs and his cronies to beat the weakness out of him and there will be a new emergence once the dust finally settled. And there has been. You see, the old Metal Snake, the Metal Snake that these people tolerated, that Metal Snake is DEAD! Community is DEAD! And all that's left is you, the New Metal Snake. Not a dragon, but like a phoenix rising up from the ashes! The purveyor of all that is right in a world that has gone terribly, terribly wrong!

Jjs: All right, I've humored him for this long, but I have officially heard enough. Hey CloudMistDragon! So you have a document, huh? Well, we have a Thanos!

OMJ: Except, you know, replace "No one" with "Half of you"

Jjs: You were just itching to bust that song gag out, huh?

"The Mad Titan" Thanos makes his grand entrance for his Community Deathmatch debut, with pyro popping off on only half the stage. The crowd reaction is split, with some popping load off while some don't feel so good. Thanos storms the ring, stones blazing, laying siege to ZaidCatDog. The New Metal Snake deuces out of the ring and leaves Zaid to do his thing.

Crowd: CIRCUIT CITY! CIRCUIT CITY! CIRCUIT CITY! CIRCUIT CITY!

Thanos: I'm not going to Circuit City.

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Thanos picks Zaid back up with ease and beats Zaid straight into a corner, wringing his neck before repeatedly slamming him back-first into the corner turnbuckle.

Jjs: Vintage Luke, already pussying out!

The New Metal Snake: I'm just letting him have his fun :smirk:

Zaid proceeds to grab Thanos by the wrists with both hands, slowly prying his grip away from his neck almost effortlessly. With Thanos' grip firmly broken, Zaid lays in quick, powerful jab right to the jugular, stunning Thanos. Thanos is forced back as Zaid comes out swinging with another jab, but Thanos blocks with his left hand and counters with a right, left jab combination to the face before placing another well placed left hand to Zaid's throat as well.

OMJ: I can only just imagine the frustration The New Metal Snake must be feeling right now, being confronted by somebody who quite possibly could be the biggest symbol of leftist propaganda on this site.

Jjs: Yeah, wearing the Infinity Gauntlet on his left hand, going completely out of his way to make sure everyone's balanced by snapping the whites out of existence. 

OMJ: Now that you put it into that perspective, jjs, Thanos really isn't wrong!

Thanos goes for another shot to the head, but Zaid manages to duck and quickly lands a body blow . Zaid goes in for more, but Thanos catches his hand as Zaid catches a punch to the kidney. Thanos is back in control with more combination punches and looks to cap it off by planting Zaid's face right onto his knee, but Zaid blocks it before it can make contact. He then follows it up by slamming Thanos down to the mat with a single leg takedown. Zaid works Thanos over, driving down hammer fists to his head, which Thanos manages to block most of them. Thanos manages to catch one of Zaid's arms and immediately places him in a triangle hold. Zaid panics as Thanos sinks him deeper into the hold, but he manages to muster up the strength to lift Thanos off the ground and into the air with his prone arm. Zaid proceeds to slam Thanos back down onto the mat in order to get him to release the hold, but Thanos still manages to hang on. Zaid repeats it two more times, finally shaking Thanos off with the third power bomb onto the mat. Zaid rolls away quickly to recoup some strength in his injured arm, but Thanos is back up on his feet and jabs Zaid with a left. He goes for another, but this time Zaid catches that and wrenches Thanos' gauntlet arm into a Kimura. Thanos falls deeper into the hold as Zaid tries to wrench the gauntlet off.

giphy.gif

Jjs: Zaid actually showing some strategic planning here, trying to separate Thanos from a vast majority of his power. You wouldn't think he'd be capable of such a feat with all the malls and businesses he shits out onto SpongeCraft that go absolutely nowhere!

Thanos manages to tap into the power stone, activating its purple hue in order to give himself the strength to lift Zaid up off his back, as Zaid still has the Kimura lock applied to Thanos' jerk off arm. Thanos rises to his feet, practically carrying Zaid the whole way up, and he charges toward the corner turnbuckle, driving Zaid spine-first into it in an attempt to shake him off. Thanos does this a second time into the opposite corner, shaking not only the ring but the entire arena as he does so, and still Zaid refuses to let go. Thanos activates the power of the mind stone, sending a wave of yellow energy into Zaid's subconscious that compels him to release the hold on Thanos' arm. Zaid lets go and hops off of Thanos, leaving him open for a knockout punch to the jaw courtesy of Thano's jerk off gauntlet arm.

OMJ: POW! Right in the kisser!

Zaid bounces back up to his feet, still visibly stunned by the power behind the blow. Thanos activates the power of the time stone, slowing Zaid down as he attempted to mount a counterattack. With Zaid moving to punch Thanos at -50 mph, The Mad Titan makes use the time he's given himself to take complete advantage and destroy Zaid with a plethora of melee moves, with Zaid moving much too slowly to do anything about it.

Jjs: Thanos proceeding to absolutely wreck Zaid's shit literally into next week if the time stone has anything to say about it!

OMJ: Zaid's really gonna wanna bargain his way out of this ass beating!

Thanos finally let's up on Zaid and returns him to his regular time, allowing the damage to all sink in simultaneously.

Thanos: You're strong. But I could snap my fingers and you would cease to exist.

Thanos shifts his attention toward The New Metal Snake and lays a verbal beating out onto him.

Thanos: I know what it's like to lose. To feel so desperately that you're right, yet to fail nonetheless. Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives. Or should I say, I have.

Zaid suddenly pounces up from behind, wrapping his arms around Thanos' waist and squeezing him tight. 

Zaid: Circuit City, BITCH!

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Zaid proceeds to slam Thanos down onto the back of his head with a powerful Circuit Suplex, but Thanos bounces back up to his feet, no selling it like a motherfucker. Zaid sees this and quickly runs back in for a seconds.

tenor.gif

Thanos shakes that off pretty effortlessly as well, forcing Zaid's hand even more in putting The Mad Titan down.

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tenor.gif

Crowd: CIRCUIT CITY! CIRCUIT CITY! CIRCUIT CITY! CIRCUIT CITY!

Jjs: Zaid, much like his obsession for a dead electronics chain, refusing to say die in the face of destiny!

OMJ: Let's not forget, jjs, Zaid is STILL undefeated here on Community Peacematch. He has proven himself to be surprisingly capable in this ring on more than one occasion before. He has more than cemented himself among Peacematch's elite! He is "The Worst Incarnate" and it is that very posting style that's allowed him to survive for so long!

Thanos makes his way back up to his feet, albeit groggily, following the trip to Circuit City that Zaid just took him on. Zaid sees this follows it up with one more stop.

giphy.gif

Jjs: Never in all my months of seeing Thanos around here have I ever seen anyone manhandle him quite like this! It's impossible, unnatural, completely inhuman!

OMJ: It's the worst case scenario, jjs.

Thanos takes a longer time collecting himself this time around, lying prone on the mat long enough for Zaid to mount up and beat Thanos while he's down with stiff fists and elbows.

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Once Zaid finally decides that he's had enough, he gets up off him, showing the camera the purple stuff that he's managed to draw out.

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Thanos wipes some of it off his head takes a good, hard look at it.

Thanos: All of that for a drop of grape juice.

Thanos uses the space stone to teleport himself right behind Zaid, looking to catch The Vanquisher by surprise, but Zaid turns around and quickly picks Thanos up for an emphatic F5.

tenor.gif

Thanos appears to be out for the count, lying completely motionless in a pool of his own blood.

Jjs: No! NO!

OMJ: Tha-NO!

Hayden: 7Kkq.gif

The New Metal Snake jumps into the ring, embracing his ally with open arms. Jjs takes off from the broadcast booth and makes his way down to the ring in a huff, showing no fear in confronting both rogues.

The New Metal Snake: Your pathetic little gag accounts carry no weight against my truth! Send them all! Send Jackie, send the Titans, even the shark! I want you to send them so that they too will crumble into dust in my wake! All is about to be made right in the SpongeBob Community! And you all will have me and Zaid and everyone else free thinking, powerful enough to reject this fallacy that you all have doomed yourselves into being your "reality"!

Jjs gets in the ring and right in The New Metal Snake's face. They trade harsh words before engaging in a warm embrace in the middle of the ring.

OMJ: What the WHAAAT?!

Jjs and The New Metal Snake: APRIL FOOLS!!!

"We Are The World" plays as Jjs and The New Metal Snake join hand in hand, seemingly at peace with each other, and leading the crowd in both song and prayer as red and blue balloons and streamers rain down from above.

OMJ: What another win for Community Peacematch! Jjs and The New Metal Snake have made peace some time before and they worked together, as allies, to put all of this together! You got me, guys! You really got me!

Hayden: Yeah! We sure did getcha, huh?! I was totally in on this! My best friend, jjs, didn't do this without my knowing, no siree...

OMJ: Jjs has done the impossible! Somehow, someway he's made peace with The New Metal Snake and what a way to unveil this newfound trust! And look, Zaid was in on it too! Perhaps he really isn't the worst, after all!

Zaid hoists both jjs and The New Metal Snake up on his soldiers in a show of solidarity.

Hayden: FUCKING ZAID WAS IN ON IT BUT NOT- yep, it couldn't have come together without him! He fought just the way I choreographed it!

Jjs: And of course, this wouldn't have came together so swimmingly without the timely contributions of someone that I'd like to consider my best friend

Hayden: I love you too, buddy!

Jjs: LUKE! Glad to have you back in the fold, mang! 

The New Metal Snake: It feels good to be back, sir!

Jjs: But also, most importantly of all, who could forget everyone's favorite ass?

Hayden is already down there, ready to join them in the ring.

Jjs: THANOS! You get your big purple ass off the ground and join this foursome!

But Thanos is lying on the mat, unresponsive. Jjs and The New Metal Snake get off Zaid's shoulders and both help tend to The Mad Titan. Jjs tries to get a read on his pulse.

Jjs: Oh-oh my god! There's no pulse. T-There's no pulse! Help! Somebody!

Jjs gets up to motion for some help from the back

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but he turns around right into an Addendum from out of nowhere courtesy of The New Metal Snake!

The New Metal Snake: This time, I'm going right for the head!

OMJ: WHAT THE HELL?! The snake has struck yet again! Two episodes in a row already of these lies, this deceit! And on what was meant to be such a lighthearted episode! 

Hayden jumps into the ring to help his best friend, but Zaid quickly puts an end to that with another emphatic F5 in the middle of the ring, laying Hayden out right next to jjs. The crowd goes back to meh'ing viciously.

The New Metal Snake: FICKLE! FICKLE! ALL OF YOU! FICKLE!

OMJ: We may be seeing The New Metal Snake, but he still brings with him the same old bullshit! What a shame! What a goddamn travesty that this New Metal Snake is!

???: Fools, all of you.

Suddenly, a red aura whisks through the ring, causing both The New Metal Snake and Zaid to evaporate as it blows through. Thanos gets back up to his feet, having activated the power of the reality stone, revealing them to have been figments of his own creation.

OMJ: YOU HAVE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?!

Thanos: The hardest pranks requires the strongest sense of humor.

Jjs and Hayden both get up, completely no selling the attacks they just took completely unscathed.

Hayden: Hahah! Now this one I was actually in on!

Jjs: April Fools! As if I'd ever wanna make peace with that snake, at least not this soon!

OMJ: You motherfuckers! You got me! Again!! :laugh: 

The crowd gets up on their feet to applaud such a masterfully executed prank. Meanwhile, behind the veil, right at this very moment... The camera shifts views and pans out, showing that Thanos is indeed dead and looking as if Ant-Man got to his ass all while everyone else is still celebrating like all is normal. The scene pans over to the ringside area, where it is revealed that this is all an alternate version of reality created by The New Metal Snake, who now has the Infinity Gauntlet adorning his right hand, glowing red from the reality stone's power. He and Zaid are joined by a familiar face.

Crushing: That was much easier than I thought it would be, but still quite the challenge considering all the players who were on the board at the time. Just how long do you intend on keeping up the illusion?

The New Metal Snake: Not for long. At least until the time is right.

Metal Snake eerily replies, activating the time stone.

 

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The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

 

 

The Dead Island trailer music plays (because budget cuts [i.e. most video links I post nowadays don't quite embed like they used to]) as we open up to see Old Man Jenkins logging in to the gaping black hole that is the SpongeBob Community in 2020. He wanders the vast emptiness in total isolation, with nary a new post to be found. The only other thing keeping him company in the void are the last dying breaths of the shout box. The community landscape, or what's left of it, appears to be neglected and long since forgotten by all. Yes, the once vibrant SpongeBob Community, founded upon a once vibrant character, has seemingly gone the way of Fred (the 2015 meme); dead. Why, the only things left of note are just the reminders that the site is officially dead, left behind by the doomsday cult of President Squidward. OMJ stops by a litany of old stomping grounds. The ask threads, which have become a graveyard  full of dead memories. The sharing times, which haven't seen any times shared in eons. The staff lounge has become a far cry from being the main reason people used to want to buy Mod For A Day. 

The old man's next stop brings him to the fabled Spinoff/Lit section which, legend has it, people used to care about a lot more. OMJ grabs some rope and uses it to further descend into the abyss. His first stop was the SBCinemas, the former hotspot for SBC-related entertainment that was fun for the whole family. He then made his way to the Riffing Theater next door, a place where the forum's inhabitants would all come together to participate in their shared pastime, ripping things to shreds. He finally comes upon the ruins of what appears to be an ancient arena of some kind. He enters the dilapidated structure, feeling some sort of stronger familiarity with the place.

As he wanders more throughout its hallowed halls, it all starts coming back to him. Jenkins remembers that this was a place that he created from the ashes of the old Krusty Krusher Arena back from Teams 1, a place that he has inadvertently let the lease run out on. He reaches the heart of the structure, and what lay there was a squared circle, stained with the blood of gladiatorial battles waged long ago in the distant past. Jenkins remembers that he used to be the one to organize fights here. "Deathmatches", as he recalled. And it was then that he realized what he had returned there to do.

OMJ: Yes, I'd like to file for creative bankruptcy.

The camera pans out to reveal OMJ in the offices of Davy Jones' Locker . Looking over his case was none other than his old broadcasting partner, jjsthekid.

Jjs: Jenks, you can't possibly be considering going through with this? 

OMJ: Ehh, once somebody tries to weaponize something that you consider to be your pride and joy in order to push their own agenda which, ironically enough, is against other people pushing their own agenda, you just kinda fall out of love with it all.

Jjs: You've got at least one more idea left in the tank, right? What happened to the whole Awards Show thing? You were gonna make fun of how antiquated they are and how petty people can get over "online popularity contests". Surely that was something social worth commentating on.

OMJ: Yeah, then I realized that I don't know like 80% of the people on the ballots. I just couldn't go through with it. It was ultimately shaping up to be a Mr. Krabs-heavy show and it would've ended with Cha finally winning her first Deathmatch and snapping her years-long losing streak. It all would've gotten over like SpongeBob Infinity.

Jjs: Couldn't you finally give some sort of closure to the ACSaga?

OMJ: Everybody loves the guy now, how could I even remotely paint him in the same unflattering light as back then. The backlash would be catastrophic.

Jjs: You could've just done a redemption arc, no?

OMJ: Oh I tried, believe me, but there is just no way anything I write would come anywhere close to how it happened in real life. It just wouldn't do it justice.

Jjs: How about Metal Snake and his merry band dissenters? I mean, you left the last episode on a cliffhanger revolving entirely around them.

OMJ: That whole Metalgate shit show happened like over two years ago already, mang. Who wants to open old wounds from over two years ago? Besides, if there's one thing that I wanna get off my chest about those degenerates, let me just say that they all worked themselves into a shoot, brother. They became marks for themselves, the biggest bunch of idiots since the Team Rage of yesteryear to take this lit so goddamn seriously. And I'll just leave it at that.

Jjs: I must say, Jenk Man, it won't be easy for me to move Community Deathmatch into the locker, but if you really feel like quitting yet another spinoff/lit project again, then by all means, don't let me stop you.

OMJ: Don't you go planting the seeds for that long awaited Jjs vs OMJ match that people was clamoring for at one time! It ain't gonna work!

Jjs: Cruses! Well, I've done all I could do.

OMJ: Excuse me? And just what the flying fuck is that supposed to mean?!

Jjs: Uhhh...nothing. I was just admitting defeat

OMJ: You're gonna have to fight harder, a whole lot fucking harder in fact, if you want to see my lit through to the end!

Jjs: Are...Are you telling me that this is all just a ploy to drum up some more interest?

OMJ: You're goddamn fucking A right it is! I had you all worried there, didn't I?

Jjs: "You all" honestly seems like a bit of a stretch nowadays.

OMJ: Well, guess what? Unlike this forum, Community Deathmatch ain't dead yet!  Just one more time. One more match. Book it Jenks! Because its gonna happen!

Jjs: And, uh, just what is gonna happen, dare I ask?

OMJ: The

Greatest Deathmatch Ever

Jjs: What happens when a creatively and morally bankrupt SBC lit writer starts swinging for the fences? Find out tonight, during The Greatest Deathmatch Ever!


https://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY

Jjs: , death fans! After what has been a tumultuous year+ since we last properly graced your monitors and screens, Community Deathmatch has finally come back to provide a little bit of the levity when the community is in most dire need of a shot in the arm! 

OMJ: But enjoy that levity while it lasts, because I can officially confirm that this will indeed be Community Deathmatch's final broadcast! Over the past 7 years, we strived to provide you with nothing but the best SBC-related content that this section has to offer. Although that may be a bit subjective to say, since we've had a wide array of stiff competition courtesy of some of the best fanfiction writers to never use fanfiction.net! But do you know what ISN'T subjective, jjs?!

Jjs: In what is currently being advertised, as well as tentatively titled, as The Greatest Deathmatch Ever, we are looking to go out not with a whimper by delivering to you just that! So tell me, Jenk Man, we've certainly seen some good shit on this show throughout the years, just what makes tonight, of all nights, so astronomically different, that damn much better, than all the rest?

OMJ: Well, you said it yourself, jjs, we have seen some good shit here in our lifetimes, but tonight, we are going to be witnessing SUCH good shit, pal! SUCH. That much I can guarantee without giving too much away!

Jjs: So with all that being said, we currently have one half of The Greatest Deathmatch Ever standing by backstage to hopefully provide us with some context heading into this, The Greatest Deathmatch Ever!

The scene transitions to the backstage area.

Storm: Wh-What's this? OoO A status from me

SOF suddenly pops out from somewhere off-camera, RKOing Storm onto the concrete floor completely out of nowhere. SOF surveys the damage he's caused as Storm lays there absolutely motionless. SOF taunts the camera

SOF: wat

Captcha arrives to escort SOF away from the scene as the proper forum personnel provides Storm with some support. Longtime Deathmatch correspondent, CF, interrupts SOF as he makes his exit, looking to get a word.

CF: SOF, SOF! Just what the heck happened back there? You went and attacked Storm before what would've been your Greatest Deathmatch Ever, a cowardly tactic seen by some as a pretty dick move by even Deathmatch's standards, which is now further amplified by tonight riding so much on what was supposed to be The Greatest Deathmatch Ever. Why, SOF? Why try to pull the plug on The Greatest Deathmatch Ever? :)

SOF takes a moment to collect his thoughts. He looks back in the direction where he left Storm for dead in, grabbing his head, trying to come to grips over why exactly he did what he just did. He looks back to CF and moves in closer to her mic.

SOF: wat

SOF regretfully stumbles away from the interview, clearly caught up in a craze that he can't comprehend.

CF: Looks as though we are left with more questions than answers here as The Greatest Deathmatch Ever, well, might not even happen at all. :)

SOF hops backs into scene, startling CF.

SOF: Who better than Kan? Bang!

CF: I'll do my best to keep you updated as this situation develops...

Jjs: Wow, what a complete master class in corresponding by CF there. Quite possibly the best I've ever seen in all my years here on SBC. If we are deprived of witnessing The Greatest Deathmatch Ever, at least we can find some comfort in the fact that we just witnessed The Greatest Correspondent Ever doing what she does best!

OMJ: The fuck with that! He's YOUR boy, Jjs! You hold the reigns! He's costing me views here! Lost viewership that I'm gonna hold you accountable for!

Jjs: You know, that shtick is getting real old, Old Man! So I proofread for him a couple times, haha! That makes me his mother! Well guess what, he has a mind of his own, and he's using it! And it just happens to be at your expense! You want answers? Find him, wring it out em if you must, because for the first time in the history of this show, I can say wholeheartedly that I don't have them! In regards to SOF.

OMJ: I'll be damned if I let him, of all members, drive a monkey wrench in The Greatest Deathmatch Ever! This finale has been delayed long enough, goddammit! I refuse to hold it off any longer because of SpongeOddFuckingFuckFaceFan! This lit ain't dead yet, folks!

"Reach for the Dead" by Boards of Canada hits the turntable, heralding the arrival of "The SpongeBob Messiah" President Squidward, accompanied by his disciple, Salmon.

OMJ: Oh praise Prez! The real SBM has arrived to the Deathmatch Arena in the form, the holy visage, of The SpongeBob Messiah!

Prez is reciting a shout, calling for continued life-sustaining activity for the forums while damning the discord for the taking all that activity away. Salmon is being racist. Prez blesses the hundred-some guests who read this lit a week by condemning them for not bothering to join the forum and further contributing to the ongoing problem facing the SpongeBob Community today.

Jjs: It's a real wonder why I don't just step down and let The SpongeBob Messiah take over at this point.

OMJ: Just imagine an entire forum full of Frozen 2's, jjs! Pure Nirvana just thinking about it!

Prez hazardously grabs a mic and holds it as if it were a pipe bomb ready to blow at any given moment. The crowd react with Wow's and Sandy's laugh in response.

Prez: What do you want from me?! I've been asking myself that for a long time now, because you see, you and I, we used to get along! We used to see things eye to eye and then somewhere along the way, it all went wrong and I'm trying to figure out why. WHY? I did everything right! But that still isn't good enough to please any of you! Every single time I step into the conversation, you vilify me and my hobbies! I put that all out there for each and everyone of you to be entertained! Because you provided me your ears when I needed to be listened the most, but now, it looks as though you've all gone deaf. Seven years! For seven years I've stuck my neck out for you guys! Through the thickest of thins and the thinnest of thicks, and what do I get? I get spit on, I get disrespected, and I'm sick of it! Last month, I made you all a promise and goshdarnit, I kept it, but still that isn't enough for you people. So tell me, right now, in 2020, just what is good enough for you people? What is good enough for you?! Your negativity has become a self-fulfilling prophecy that has brought nothing but discord to our once humble community! And that self-fulfilling prophecy has turned your fiction into fact. It has, in turn, turned me to turn MY OWN fiction into fact, to stand firmly side by side with the only things left in my life that still hold their meaning! It has turned me to stand side by side with my Squidward Crossovers!

The two halves of Squnshpunsch make their way out to stand side by side with their creator.

Prez: You want to demonize me, you want to crucify me, you want me to die for this community's sins as a whole?! I'll be your huckleberry, your martyr, your sacrifice, I'll do whatever it takes if it means that we can all just go back to the way things were!

Jjs: Boy, never in all my years did expect to see Prez, of all people, to come off being so blinded by nostalgia.

Prez: I'll do it! I'll make that sacrifice because of you people! And perhaps, say, in about year or two from now, when people begin to feel some nostalgia for 2020, they can look back at me fondly as not just the crossovers guy. No, they can fondly look back at me as the one member who made the ultimate sacrifice just so that you all still have a forum to call your home away home! So be it, from this day forward, Prez is as dead as Fred-

The floor beneath Prez and disciples suddenly give way and they all proceed to fall down into the humongous shark tank that's been placed there for the past 7 years, but hasn't been put to use until just now. Instead of convincing Mark Cuban to sell him an entire tv network to air all his crossovers on, Prez and his Doomsday Cult are forced to swim for dear life, for what lurked in the water among them was something that struck more fear into their very souls faster than you could say "Sharknado 7: Not Another One!"

jjs: *in his very best Jason Statham impression* Dear god, it's Shark

OMJ: And just a month away from Shark Week, jjs! (Sponsored in part by The Discovery Channel)

And it was Shark, for the first time ever here in the Deathmatch, in all his great white glory in. One by one, he gobbles them up Rambo-style until only Salmon remains.

Shark: If it isn't Salmon, my old nemesis.

Salmon: Just try and do your worst, you fucking mud shark!

They charge at each other, locking...uh, mouths. Bubbles and foam emanated from the source of their struggle until a coat of red began spreading out, like a drop of paint in a cup of water back when you were in elementary school. The water in the tank came to a calm, dead still.

Salmon: *gasps*

Salmon, covered head to toe in a crimson bodysuit made of his viscous fluids, sprung out of the tank, gasping for precious air, only for it to be his last desperate gasp for air as Shark pounces out right on Salmon's tailfin. Shark's mouth begins to engulf Salmon's entire body in midair.

Shark: This is for Hungry Shark World, you son of a bitch

His jaws come clamping down, and Salmon was no longer with us in this world anymore. Shark crashes back down and retreats further into the tank below, hoping he not just avenged his world, but all worlds, no matter what species, from Salmon's racism. I just bought Hungry Shark World fairly recent on a PSN sale, goddammit, he ain't gonna ruin it for me. Not now, not ever. I already had Devil May Cry and somewhat Spyro ruined by the ills of this site, and I've already been turned off from ever giving Yokai Watch a chance. Rest Hungry Shark World, now you can rest. Fuck it, if I'm gonna take this time shilling a shark game, everybody go play Maneater! If you ever wanna capture the feeling of what it's like to truly be @Shark, that game is your huckleberry, daddy!

Jjs: What in the-, what the Prez just happened!?

OMJ takes his finger off a button below their commentary desk, the floor of the ramp retracting back to normal as he does so.

OMJ: Why? Why did I do that? That-That was such good shit... Not the Shark shit, but the Prez shit that came before it. It was sooo good...So, that's no longer in the cards for The Greatest Deathmatch Ever, I guess. Back to the ol' drawing board, I suppose.

OMJ crosses "Monday Night Messiah Seth Rollins-inspired Prez" off the nothing can go wrong ideas list.

Jjs: So, now what?

OMJ: Hope and pray to the proper authority for a miracle to happen, I guess. Otherwise, I'd have to fight you, and I really don't wanna write that. That wouldn't be good shit.

Jjs begins receiving word from the backstage crew.

Jjs: Ask and you shall receive, Jenks, because I'm just receiving word that shit is going down backstage as we speak!

We head back backstage, where CF is standing over two mangled bodies.

CF: jjs, OMJ, I am currently reporting to you live from the gruesome scene of two bloody murders :)

Jjs: Oh, dear Jackie Chan above! Are you okay, CF?!

CF: I am in good health as of right now :) but unfortunately, I can't say the same about Clappy or Sauce Mama!

Jjs & OMJ: What?!?!

CF: We heard a commotion, and when we came to investigate, they had already left this world. So much violence and death, and all taking place outside of a Deathmatch ring. This is all so very worrying, you guys.

Jjs: This couldn't possibly be the work of SOF, could it?

CF: We don't know, we don't want to point any fingers just yet. It's all just speculation for now.

Jjs: Listen to me CF, find someplace safe and hole up in there, the backstage area is too dangerous to be in right now! I want any and all Captcha to protect and guard you at all costs, you understand me? If we can at least preserve your well-being, then this finale will be considered a huge success in my book.

OMJ: No! You listen to ME here, CF! Find them! Find whoever is doing all of this and you bring them to me! Bring all of Captcha down on em, if you have to! Just bring me their head!

CF: Will do :)

Jjs: Oh dear god himself, bless her kind soul and keep her safe during these trying times. Amen.

OMJ is taping up his fists, getting ready to step into the ring, himself.

Jjs: Bah gawd, Jenkins, what do you think you're doing?

OMJ: What, is this about making you Jinder Mahal, SOF? Huh? Is that why you're trying to screw me and The Greatest Deathmatch Ever?! I went completely out of my way to give you a legitimate push when every other lit made you their running joke. It was poetic storytelling, you lousy son of bitch! The jobber of the forum imitating the career resurgence of the jobber of WWE? There was no better role for you! Randy Orton was already taken up by Metal Snake, goddammit! I kneel to no one!

Jjs: Jenks, come on, mang! We don't even know if it really was SOF!

OMJ: You're right. You know, you're absolutely right! Because I know who really did do it...

OMJ finishes wrapping his hands puts the roll of tape down.

OMJ: So this is how The ACSaga ends, huh? FIVE YEARS LATER!

Jjs: Oh get a grip-

OMJ: He may have made his peace with you lot, but he sure as shit didn't make any with me! I didn't get no apologies! All that tension between us since he's been back, I knew it was all gonna boil over eventually. I just figured he'd have at least have the decency to let Community Deathmatch go out gracefully, but I was wrong. I was so very wrong, jjs, and I won't be again! You may have everybody turning on their old man and hopping for joy onto Team Rage now. But you didn't think I'd catch onto that, did you? You even had Clappy, my  old rockmate, singing your dork ass praises right up until you killed him in cold blood just now as revenge for all the things he did! But you just try and come at me, you flip flopping ACShole! I'm right here, where I've always been waiting for you to make your move! Step out of the shadows and try throwing hands with your Old Man! Come on, punk! Five year build all leading up to this, folks, all according to plan!

Jjs: Shut up, CF is reporting back in!

CF: Jjs, OMJ, I'm standing by with Mr. Eugene Krabs, who has told me that he witnessed the deaths of Clappy and Sauce as they happened. Please, Mr. Krabs, tell the community what you've told me.

Mr. Eugene Krabs: Yes, hello!

SOF RKO's Krabs from out of nowhere once again.

SOF: Fuck you, cheap cake! Who better than Kan?

SOF grabs a nearby mallet and brings it down on Krabs' head full force. 

SOF: Bang!

The mask breaks upon impact as the actor portraying Mr. Krabs' head collapses under the weight of the mighty blow. SOF brings the hammer down again and again and again repeatedly until there's nothing but mush where the Krusty Krab manager laid. SOF walks off dazed and confused, looking unsure, with the mallet still in hand. CF does good to keep her distance, leaving SOF to wander off on his own.

CF: Guys, I can't even tell if this is scripted anymor

SOF: Who better than Kan? Bang!

SOF brings the mallet down on Krabs' corpse one more time, causing pieces of him to fly all over CF as her usual smile is replaced by genuine fear.

Jjs: Fucking hell, that was just a fucking actor! Good god almighty, the whole world's watching!

CF makes a run for it, managing to flee the scene with her life still intact.

Jjs: Yes! Go CF, go! Live on for me! 

Jjs turns his attention towards OMJ.

Jjs: Just what the fuck is this, Jenks? A horror show?!

OMJ: ...No-No! No...that...that would've been the next episode. If there was a next episode.

Jjs: Shit's getting too real, mang. Reel it in, reel it the fuck in!

OMJ: No.

Jjs: This is getting too out of hand, Jenk Man

OMJ: What this is, is SUCH...GOOD...SHIT, PAL! So good, in fact, that maybe I wanna just go with it!

Jjs: A line needs to be drawn, Jenkins...

OMJ puts everything that has played out so far into perspective, painstakingly deciding whether or not just to pull the plug yet again on his big finale.

OMJ: The line needs to be crossed, jjs. 

SOF fully embraces his gimmick and inner Orton by giving chase to CF like an apex predator stalking its prey. The camera follows them, but the camera is suddenly dragged off their trail and forced into a different scene entirely.

???: Yeah, you get a good shot of this.

The camera pans over Cha and Aya, showing them to be in a mangled, bloody state. Their bodies are on their knees, hunched and arms stretched out forwards, almost as if they're bowing. The mystery assailant grabs the camera and focuses it directly at himself.

Trophy: Do I have your attention? HUH?!

OMJ: Trophy "The Trash Man" Stealer?! I wouldn't've guessed it was you...

Trophy: Of course you wouldn't. You have spent years, literal years, systematically screwing my character over at every chance you get! For starters, you made my first major push or two non canon and then you decide to bring me back for a potential shot at the Most Active Member Title against The Worst Incarnate, ZaidCatDog, a Deathmatch that I willingly voted myself for, whereas the rest of the ballot all tuck tailed like a bunch of bitches and voted for each other! And the fucked up thing is that lion's share of those cowards still got more votes than me and won the poll, which was when you decided to gift each of them a shot at the title in an Elimination Game-ber Match! But you went and dangled that carrot in front of me again because you booked me in a match that really was one of the better ones in recent memory against SOF, which I WON, therefore, I took his spot in the Elimination Game-ber, or so it was supposed to be, until you went and cancelled it because you, oh, you had nothing! "I went and booked myself into a corner! Oh woe is me, I am creatively spent! I have nothing for any of you now!" Bull-fucking-shit, and you know it, old man. I even reinvented myself as "The Trash Man" in order to get some goddamn recognition, and even THAT gets taken away from me all because "Danny DeVito" decided to sign up! How convenient is that?! Such a clever way to screw me yet again! Yet you're still the laziest son of a bitch who always fails to strike while the iron's hot! The Fantastic Five fiasco? You didn't wanna do it. The Storm Allen Bryat scuffle in the original Wrestling thread? Squandered. Everything ACS in 2015? You legitimately thought you were doing something revolutionary at the time, but you fucked that up because you're still a shit writer at the end of the day! You originally announced that this episode was gonna be an awards show showcasing a whole cast of characters both past and present, you even got 5 likes on that announcement, the most likes you've seen on any post of yours in years. Well good job, you made another promise you couldn't keep! And that's only a mere fraction of the many reasons why this lit fell from grace as hard as it did, but the biggest reason out of them all, is looking at you dead in the eye. You screwed me, you out of touch old fart. I am The Trophy fucking Stealer, how could you even dare deprive me of a storyline that practically wrote itself?

OMJ: I-

Trophy: Don't weasel your way out of this, I saw the award show outline! I was supposed to finish off the show holding a lion's share of the gold alongside JCM, SG and Fa as the newest clique on the block! We were supposed to be undisputed, I was supposed to cement my place on the Mount Rushmore of Deathmatch, but you know, plans changed! You gave me a push, all right. You once again pushed me off to the side and gave other undeserving pieces of shit your time and attention. You had a charging bull with golden horns in your stable ready to break out at any given moment, but you stupidly lied to it over and over again, saying that "oh there'll always be next time, pal", except now there won't be a next time! I was willing to live the rest of my online life with the fact that Deathmatch would end with Zaid still being undefeated, but I couldn't go on knowing that I ultimately accomplished nothing throughout these last 7 years. So now, that prized bull has its sights set squarely on you. I will make sure that you will live just long enough to regret ever screwing with me, and you will die absolutely horribly for it. Community Deathmatch won't end until you meet your end at my fist! You have no chance in hell of ever going home. I can guarantee you that.

Trophy throws the camera onto the ground and stomps on it, cutting his feed off to static.

Jjs: Holy hell, now this, theoretically, could be The Greatest Deathmatch Ever. Jenkins, how do you respond to such a-

OMJ: Now that I've gotten complete context of, well, everything involving the rest of The Fan Five here tonight, I can wholeheartedly say that, without a shadow of a doubt, this WON'T be The Greatest Deathmatch Ever! Because I refuse to give anymore of a rub to that selfish dipshit than I already have tonight.

OMJ removes the tape from his hands.

Jjs: But it's like you said, it's such good shit, is it not?

OMJ: Anything involving that pissant is bound to be a ratings disaster, jjs. He is the exact opposite of what good shit should be, and if he thinks he can get a rise out me, Old Man Jenkins, by killing my so-called "friends" in the Fan Five, hoo hoo boy is he barking up the wrong tree on that one!

Jjs: But they're your old running buddies, you all did so much together.

OMJ: Tch, I learned my lesson a long time ago in regards to making friends online. The moral is, no one is ever really your friend in the wacky world of the World Wide Web. How many of them do I still even go out of my way to talk to on a consistent basis, and vice versa? They're nothing more than imaginary and the memories all end up completely meaningless anyway. If The Straight Edgy Society had continued, I would've done a hell of a lot more to drive that point across.

Jjs: You can't really mean that, Jenks

OMJ: I already told you that I wasn't reeling it in. I've wasted literal years of my life giving this community all that I had, yet I have so little to show for it. But this, Community Deathmatch, if I can just give it a good enough sendoff, then at least I'll be able to have that much. So enough giving the original shit member his shine. We have a show to conclude, properly. Because it's time for The Greatest Deathmatch Ever to finally get underway!

CF runs down the entrance way with SOF still hot on her trail. They lap around the ring a few times before CF finally leads him into it, deciding to fight back. She throws a few kicks as SOF slides under the ropes, but he manages to trip her up and lays into her with stiff close handed punches.

Jjs: This can not be The Greatest Deathmatch Ever? This is more like The Greatest Mismatch Ever!

OMJ: It'll get better, jjs! Trust!

CF manages to block one of SOF's punches and head butts him on the bridge of the nose. This is enough to force SOF to retreat up off her, holding his nose in pain. The bloodwork starts to gush out.

Jjs: Yes!

CF lines SOF up for a haymaker, but he ducks it and whips CF back around, countering her with an RKO.

Jjs: No!

SOF rises back up to his feet, trying to shake off the cob webs. He looks down at CF, looking somewhat remorseful. 

SOF: w-wat? wat have I done?

He drops to his knees right at her side. 

SOF: oh no. No. No!

Jjs: Is SOF trying to resuscitate her?

OMJ: Only to prolong her suffering, that sadistic snake! Right, SOF?

SOF manages to breathe some life into CF. She struggles to catch her breath with SOF looming over her.

SOF: it's ok I-

OMJ: You wanted to be Orton, so BE ORTON GODDAMMIT!

SOF collapses to the mat, holding his head in pain. His body begins to contort in ways that no human body is made for. He writhes on the floor, cracking bones with each hyperextended movement. He slithers back up to his feet for a brief moment before slamming himself back onto the mat knuckles-first. He slithers over to CF and grabs her by the head.

SOF: YOU MADE ME DO THIS!!!

He lets her go and slithers on back, struggling with his own thought process. He begins to pound his knuckles onto the floor, starting with the left followed by the right. This cycle of fist pounding continues until he raises his head up in full view of the camera. His eyes have gone completely bloodshot before subtly changing to match those of a viper's. SOF pounds both fists onto that mat simultaneously now, repeatedly, causing both hands to bleed with each impact. He waits patiently for CF to get back up to her feet before hitting her with another RKO.

OMJ: Ohh! She should've at least seen that RKO coming! CF must be completely out of it now!

Jjs: I'm still missing the part where this is supposed to be The "Greatest" Deathmatch Ever! And where the hell is the referee?! Somebody needs to at least be overseeing this massacre! Is this even sanctioned?!

OMJ: I regret to inform you and all the folks reading at home this, but I'm afraid he had to be cut out.

Jjs: Who? Elastic?

OMJ: Didn't you hear? He's an SJW now. Too problematic, had to let em go. WhoBob and Prez told me everything that I needed to know. Now let's move it on!

SOF retreats to a corner and sizes up CF for something big. She struggles to even roll over onto her stomach in order to get some her bearings.

Jjs: Jenks! She didn't even know she was gonna be in this match, it just happened on the fly! She doesn't deserve this, Jenkins, she's just a correspondent for fuck sake!

OMJ: If you were doing your job and analyzing, then you would know that it was building up to this moment all night. So are you gonna do what you do best and commentate, or not?

Jjs: You want my analysis? SOF, you know, he is a lot of things, but what I see of him right now, as we speak, that ain't him. He's being twisted, perverted to fit some sort of sick narrative! He's not just some caricature as per the norm on this program, he's become something else entirely! And for the first time in all my years of being the voice of Deathmatch, I don't like it.

OMJ: Ooh! I should give you a raise for that line! That's a hell of a way to put someing over!

CF musters up enough to strength to push herself off the ground and crawl towards the center of the ring. SOF winds himself up in the corner, frothing at the mouth.

OMJ: Could it be the punt kick courtesy of the three most dangerous letters in all of SBC, w-a-t!?

Jjs swivels OMJ's chair back towards him and clocks the old man right in the kisser with a closed fist, having wrapped his loosened up bow tie tightly around it. The force of the blow causes OMJ to fall backwards out of his seat and to the floor of the commentary booth. Jjs gets up from his own seat and knocks his own mic aside. He takes off his suit jacket and makes his way down to the arena floor by descending the tower that the booth is situated on, above the entry way for the competitors. Once touching ground, jjs marches his way down the ramp and towards the ring. OMJ gradually comes to in the booth, still sprawled out on the floor. He grabs the microphone wire and uses it to pull the mic closer to himself.

OMJ: See, tha- *spits out some blood* That's how you do it, ladies and gentlemen!

OMJ wipes some of the blood off his mouth.

OMJ: That's how you go out strong!

He gets up on the ring apron to distract SOF.

Jjs: STOP! Don't do it, SOF! This is over!

SOF: Who better than Kan? NOBODY!

SOF sprints out from the corner, looking to punt CF square in the skull, but Jjs manages to intercept him with a shoulder tackle just in the knick of time. Jjs lays into SOF with hard rights and lefts, putting The Buzz Killer's back up against the ropes. Jjs goes for one more mighty blow to knock SOF out of the ring, but SOF ducks it by bending his spine backwards. This allows him the opportunity to whip himself back behind jjs, who now finds himself caught up in the ropes after missing wildly. SOF winds up a clothesline in order to send Jjs overboard, but the voice of Deathmatch responds by dropping his whole body down and pulling the top rope down using his body weight, causing SOF to send himself over the ropes and crashing hard to the outside. OMJ further comes to, pulling himself up onto the commentary desk, surveying the events taking place before him down below.

ImpishRegalAxolotl-size_restricted.gif

OMJ: This is it...THIS IS SUCH GOOD SHIT! 

EvergreenTimelyAfricanparadiseflycatcher

OMJ: All the moving parts coming together in perfect harmony, making poetry with every motion! This is truly, undoubtedly, THE GREATEST DEATHMATCH EVER!!!

OMJ's words reverberates throughout the arena while Jjs tends to CF, helping her out of the ring. SOF quickly comes to, attempting to roll back in, but jjs cuts him off short with a well timed drop kick through the ropes, knocking SOF back onto his ass on the concrete floor.

OMJ: To think, all those years ago, jjs would've been at her throat! And now look at em, willing to put his god forsaken life on the line against one of his oldest online friends, all in an attempt to save CF, who he clashed titanically with during the season 1 finale. You can't write it any better than this, folks, you just can't!

Jjs and CF exit the ring and go to hop the barricades between the ring and the crowd. But SOF grabs jjs from behind and throws him head first into said barricade over and over again, causing his head and neck to bend sickeningly with each sudden impact. SOF then decides to drape jjs over the barricade by his legs, looking looking to finish things off by driving his friend head first into the concrete with a draping DDT. However, CF beats him to the punch by hopping off the barricade and jumping onto SOF for a tornado DDT of her own onto the concrete instead. Saved from certain death, jjs, removes his legs from the barricade and drops himself safely onto the ground. He drags himself over to CF, who cracked the back of her head on the hazardous landing, seemingly taking a good brunt of the damage she just tried to deal. Jjs can't do much before being on the receiving end of a devastating punt right to the side of his skull. SOF taking complete advantage of the situation by charging at him from his blindside.

Jjs is left looking up at the lights. With one of his eyes noticeably more dilated than the other, his jaw looking dislocated and his ear is popping up blood from being on the receiving end of that kick. SOF steps over his body and removes the steel ring steps from their placement at the outside corner of the ring. SOF grips the steps firmly with both hands and proceeds to walk over not to jjs, but to CF, who is still knocked out with a pool of her own blood right beneath her head. SOF raises the steel steps overhead, further maximizing the damage that's about to be dealt from such a height. He suddenly feels a hand grasping onto the back of his ankle. He turns to see that the hand belongs to none other than jjs, who still has a bit of life and coherency left in him, using all that he has left to buy CF just a little more time. SOF plunges the heavy steps right onto jjs' sternum, being more than enough to break the kid's already weak hold on his ankle. SOF then drives the pointed edge of the steps into jjs' sternum next, causing him to cough up enough blood to cover a Tarantino scene. SOF raises the steps high above his head again when he's chop blocked from behind by a barely conscious CF

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SOF crumbles to the floor with the full weight of the steel steps landing directly on top of his head. With "The Buzz Killer" seemingly out of commission for the time being, CF rushes over as fast as she can to jjs' side, offering him her shoulder to lean on. She manages to help him up to his feet with the assistance of the ring apron. Together, they stumble by SOF, noticing that his hand is twitching.

Jjs: Hel-Help me. Help me get this off him, please!

CF: I don't know... :)

But CF soon overcomes any ill will she may have by assisting jjs with removing the steel steps off his head anyway, revealing SOF's face to be smashed a little, obviously.

Jjs: Don't let it end like this...d-don't let it...end...like

Jjs drops himself down off CF's shoulders and onto his knees, trying to scoop his old friend up. CF relents and helps her colleague to pick SOF up on to his feet. SOF leans on both of them for support then jumps up at both of them for a Double RKO, but jjs and CF have both seen it coming already and shut that down by simultaneously smack downing him back onto the floor back first. Jjs loses it and wails away on SOF with no more mercy. CF is forced to grab his arm and stop him once it gets too excessive. She pulls jjs back up to his feet and go to leave, but they notice that SOF is still stirring, still breathing. Realizing that there's only one way to end the madness, they each grab one side of the discarded steel ring steps and lift it ever so groggily up to their torsos. They hover it over SOF's head, whose eyes begin to open back up.

SOF: w-w-w-wa-at

Jjs: ...soz, brother...

They drive the steps down with the fullest of their combined force, the steps reaching closer to floor as SOF is crushed beneath the weight. They see SOF's hand still twitching around on the ground. They drive it down a second time, feeling it reach ever so slightly closer to the ground. They drive the steps down a third time, finally making contact with the ground as blood splatters like a popped ballon beneath it. Jjs and CF both collapse to the ground in anguish, leaving the steps where SOF's head once was. Jjs seats himself on the floor, alongside the ring apron, having a dead look in his eyes as he slowly gives in to his wounds. CF tends to him, but he remains unresponsive. 

OMJ: Now that was some grade-A good shit right there!

OMJ goes ballistic, giving CF a standing ovation for the "performance" she just put on.

OMJ: Ladies and gentlemen, THE WINNER of [bThe Greatest Deathmatch Ever[/b], CFFFFFFFFFF!!!

OMJ stands himself up in the broadcast booth with jjs' discarded microphone in hand.

OMJ: CF, you have just overcome such overwhelming sponge odds to be officially recognized amongst your peers as the total victor of what was objectively, The Greatest Deathmatch Ever! I could just imagine the whirlwind of thoughts swirling around that head of yours right now! This has definitely got to be the greatest feat you have ever achieved in your entire online life, let alone your real one, I'm sure! Please, tell me, tell all the viewers reading at home, just what's next?! There is just no topping this peak! One would assume that you'll ride your first ever wave of success for the next hour or two, and then it'll be back to irrelevancy from there! If you could, please, at least confirm just that?

CF: ...I'm done...

CF makes her exit, limping her way off stage past some of the production crew, refusing to even use the entrance ramp. 

OMJ: There you have it, folks! CF has officially 100% peaked, it's all downhill for her from here on out! No other lit ever gave her the time of day, but not Community Deathmatch! Community Deathmatch has helped see her through a career resurgence spanning 7 whole years! A real, actual SBC renaissance in every sense of the term! I think I speak for all of us here at Community Deathmatch when I extend this heartfelt "you're welcome" to CF for breathing new life into her account when she wasn't even taking any breaths, herself! She can now go on with life feeling some semblance of pride knowing that she is to be remembered as being a mainstay in at least something! Making her way from that whack ass Sandy Cheeks spinoff all the way to here on Community Deathmatch! Let's hear it, folks! The first and last round of applause she'll ever get from this community!

The crowd collectively marks outs. The commentary desk suddenly explodes in right in OMJ's face. He's sent flying back into the wall of the booth, covered in soot with small flames adorning his now slightly charred suit.

???: IS THIS CANON NOW, OLD MAN?!

OMJ picks himself up and peers down below to see another shot being taken right at the broadcast booth! He dodge rolls at the last second, but finds himself pelted by the resulting shrapnel. The camera pans down to reveal Trophy in the crowd, manning his faithful cannon for the first time in years, using dead captcha security as ammo.

OMJ: Youuuuu! Just WHO the HELL do YOU think you are?!?! How DARE YOU have the audacity, the gall, to demand recognition, to EXTORT vindication, out of ME! I would rather DIE than to bestow that pleasure unto a piece of utter shit like you! You hear me?!

Trophy: loud and clear!

Trophy fires off another shot, blowing up another portion of the broadcast booth and forcing OMJ to duck and cover once again, narrowly avoiding another blast.

OMJ: Ohhh, you-you wanna shoot, cowboy?! Let's shoot! Your aim is as shitty as you are as a member! Yeah, the Original Shit Member, that's what you are! That's your gimmick! And there's been plenty of em that's come through here both before and after you defiled this once great online community with that horrid stench you call a presence!

Trophy fires off another blast.

OMJ: But aside from being literal shit, you are just another in a long ass line full of OMJ wannabes on here. One of the first things I remember you doing was copy me! "Four Powers, Four Teams", anyone?! From that moment, I knew for a fucking fact that your character in any work of mine will go on to amount to jack fucking shit, just like how that inspired lit of yours ended up amounting to jack fucking shit, like how your entire existence on here has so far amounted to jack fucking shit!

Trophy counters with another dead captcha blast.

Trophy: This coming from the guy who thought that not only was a dead running joke from like six years ago funny enough to carry the "genius" of his "humor" for all that time, but would be enough to hold back anybody back, let alone me? You're even more delusional now than ACS ever was in his heyday! Oh, btw! Webby dm'd me! I know, it's been a while, right? Well he says that he wants his ideas back! S(lums)BC and Smash Bros SBC Style ring any fucking bells?!

OMJ: So, you eventually worked your way up to moderator on SBM, huh? But what warranted that, exactly? Were the standards of a 10+ year old forum that astronomically low?! It wasn't until that day that I finally realized that maybe I gave that place way too much fucking credit! I couldn't even begin to fathom the sheer amount of hairy saiyan monkey ass you had to kiss to even be considered in the first place! If you weren't already apart of the inner circle or some young girl okay with being glomped by some preschool teacher, you wouldn't even get the time of day! Wait, did he- did he take you under his wing, if you know what I'm saying?!

Trophy fires another shot.

Trophy: No, I wasn't THAT fucking stupid. You know what is THAT fucking stupid tho? Letting yourself get catfished to the nth degree in the worst fucking way possible like some Manti Te'o shit. Must be all that salty air! Or maybe they just raise em up THAT FUCKING STUPID in Hawaii!

OMJ: You know, for all the shit that SBC gives SBM about being the epitome of trash, and rightfully so, they sure did follow suit by lowering their standards enough to reach the bottom of the barrel just to bring you on as mod!

Trophy fires his cannon once again.

Trophy: And now look at me, lasting longer in the position than you ever fucking did. But by all means, keep trying to claw and reach, the product of your shit writing is all the ammo that I need from here!

Trophy fires another barrage of dead captcha jokes over, having already destroyed much of the broadcast tower that OMJ finds himself trapped in. OMJ's attempts to simply dodge roll out of the way is compromised as more of the booth is blown to smithereens, creating a shaky and uneven surface and leaving very little room to even move without taking not only the booth, but possibly the whole entire setup down. OMJ is forced into standing upright in the center of the obliterated floor in an attempt to keep the booth balanced up. He waits for another cannon blast to be fired, but a good amount of time miraculously pass without a single one. Having covered his ears and face to somehow shield himself, the old man slowly lets his guard down enough to let out one of those good ol' 2013 era smirks.

OMJ: What's the matter?! Ran out of precious "ammo" because there ain't a lot to pick out of my writing?! You're even shittier than I originally thought!

However, he quickly realizes that being loaded up into the cannon next is none other than Trophy, himself.

OMJ: Oh wow! Look everybody, it's Cannonball Jenkins! Real fucking original, you wannabe, never-was, pooper scooper of a human being! I'M Cannonball Jenkins, GODDAMMIT! And you know what else?! I never had to go out of my way to screw your chances of ever amounting to anything on Deathmatch, no! You screwed yourself ALL BY YOURSELF! That's right! I didn't even have to do a goddamn thing to make sure of that! So remember this! Remember this, as you cement your place as the biggest waste of space in not just Spinoff/Lit history, but SBC's entire history as a whole! No matter what you do, no matter who you take down along with you! No one will ever remember any of your stupid ass usernames, you'll make damn sure of that yourself!

Trophy: You done? Because if you are-

OMJ: You are leagues out your depth, junior! I am a close personal friend, some might even say mentor, of the community leader,the main man-ager himself! My broadcast colleague, jjsthekid! And whenever I need something done, he goes above and beyond the call of his duty to make sure that my needs are met! Why, he even helped me locate one of the golden tickets all the way back in 2011 when vBulletin was just about to launch. That's how tight we are! So you know what, you little fucking pain in my ass? I'll do you a solid. I'll give you what you want! I will finally take it upon myself to do something about you. You happy? I sure as shit hope you are, because Trophy Stealer, YOOOOOOUUUUUURRREEEEE FFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRREEEEEEEDDDD!!! Throw him out with the nematodes, jjs! Let's go!

OMJ looks down to where jjs passed not-so-peacefully at, but what he saw down there was not a decomposing body, but nothing at all.

???: Good fight.

Somebody else is shown to be the one manning Trophy's cannon now.

Jjs: Good night.

Jjs fires Trophy out of the cannon and straight towards OMJ. Trophy has his right fist stretched outright, gathering flames as he soars dangerously through the Deathmatch Arena.

Trophy: BOW! TO THEEE! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST!!!!!

OMJ drops to his knees, feeling the weight of his world about to crash down all around him. Glimpses of his online life flashes before his eyes just as a very real flash engulfs him upon Trophy making impact. The broadcast booth finally explodes proper after all the punishment it's endured. The beams carrying it high above the entry way finally give way, causing the entire broadcast tower to plummet to the arena floor below, no doubt killing scores of audience members in the process. The camera spends a good amount of time is spent lingering on all the damage caused by the night's festivities, until finally, a figure begins to emerge from the rubble.

A heavily burned up and injured OMJ painstakingly crawls his way ever so slowly out from under nothing but fire and debris. He makes it out to the top of the entrance ramp, clinging on to dear life. However, high above the arena, a slightly charred Trophy navigates the rafters, upon which his flight landed him. He looks down to see that OMJ is still breathing. Not yet satisfied with the amount of punishment he's been already dishing out, Trophy is looking to take even more drastic measures.

Trophy: This is it, old man. Your last chance

Trophy takes a brief moment to do a little calculating. He then gives himself a bit of a running start before taking a leap of faith off the rafters, executing a senton from the top of the arena.

Trophy: TO GO HOME!

Trophy comes crashing down on the entrance way below, and all that can be heard is a sickening thud. A camera finally gets eyes on the landing zone, and we see Trophy lying on the top of the ramp in a crater of his own creation. The camera pans down to find that OMJ had rolled himself down the ramp in order to get out of further harms way. OMJ sits himself up, enduring great pain as he does so. He cracks his neck over to the top of the ramp and smirks one more shit eating 2013 smirk. He musters up all the strength he can to raise himself to his feet and struts up the ramp with a noticeable limp. Once he reaches the top, he is greeted with a drop toehold courtesy of a not dead yet Trophy, sending Jenkins face first into some nearby flames and splintered wood. 

Trophy mounts him with some hammer fists, driving him deeper into the flames. This prompts OMJ to frantically reach for anything he could get his hands on. He spins back and clocks Trophy in the face with a piece of burning 2x4. OMJ continues beating Trophy over the head with it before impaling the award stealer in the stomach with the sharp, fractured end of it. OMJ really takes his time wrenching it around even deeper, giving Trophy just enough time to grab the solid steel top of the announce table and the he slams iy over OMJ's head repeatedly until he's hella out of it. Trophy puts the steel slab over an open flame, heating it up, before pressing it down on to OMJ's face. Trophy holds it down with both hands until Jenkins eventually grows too weak and burnt to resist and stops flailing. Trophy then gets up and holds the slab down with his boot, stomping repeatedly until Jenkins sends his foot up for a kick that hits Trophy directly below the belt.

OMJ gets back up and lands a stiff front kick to the piece of wood sticking out of Trophy's stomach. OMJ chops a piece of that very same 2x4 off with his bare hand and jams that broken piece straight into Trophy's kidney. OMJ notices a piece of rebar sticking out of the rubble, this inspires him to come up with some good shit on the fly. He grabs Trophy and drags him over to the rebar. He places Trophy's arm in a hammerlock and attempts to drive Trophy's face right onto the rebar. Trophy struggles greatly to hold back the momentum, but his injuries are taking their toll. His eyeball slowly begins to make contact with the rebar. He lets out a scream as blood starts to ooze out. Trophy feels the old man's grip over him loosen up suddenly. No longer feeling any pressure Trophy pulls himself away from the rebar and plops onto the ground, taking a moment's rest as he sees that jjs has OMJ restrained from behind.

Jjs has OMJ trapped in a sleeper hold. OMJ throws elbows back wildly into jjs' ribs and kidneys in a desperate attempt to escape. Jjs lets go and steps back as OMJ throws another elbow. Jjs grabs OMJ by the head and knees him in the face. OMJ crumbles to the ground, surprised at jjs' renewed burst of momentum.

OMJ: I told you! I didn't wanna write this! You and I, it was never supposed to come down to this. In spite of what people wanted!

Jjs: I don't think you have much of a choice now, Jenks.

OMJ: No. I suppose not...

Jjs: Couldn't've just given me that terminoob match, huh?

OMJ: Like I said, I've never been in the business of giving people what they want!

OMJ throws a punch but jjs ducks and goes for one of his own. OMJ back steps from that and lands a jab. He goes for another, but jjs blocks and connects with one of his own. Jjs gets three more hits in before OMJ blocks and throws some more hands back in return. Jjs throws a fist, but OMJ sidesteps it and grabs his arm before driving his wrist down onto his knee. OMJ gets close enough to place both his hands over jjs' neck and strangle. He backs jjs down the ramp and up against the ring apron, using it to extend jjs's neck back even further. Jjs wails on Jenkins' elbows in order to break the hold and he manages to do so. They grapple with each other until the same piece of rebar from earlier suddenly bursts out from OMJ's chest. Trophy pulls OMJ back into a stunner, which causes OMJ to land very awkwardly on the rebar, further amplifying the pain. Trophy picks OMJ up by raising him with the rebar. The weight of his own limp body not helping OMJ at all with the pressure. Trophy then marches him into the ring. Jjs and Trophy trade shots on OMJ, finally laying him out with a couple of super kicks in stereo. OMJ has himself a nasty fall by landing on the rebar yet again, letting out a yelp.

OMJ: Can't even beat me by yourselves? That's some whack ass, hammajang booking if I ever seen it!

Trophy: Still gotta protect yourself all the way to the bitter end, huh old man?

OMJ: No!

OMJ coughs up a bunch of blood.

OMJ: I'm well beyond the point of that, I'm afraid! I'd need somebody to do a run-in for me at this point. But just because I can't go out strong, doesn't mean you are, neither. We'll split it evenly. 50-50-50!

Jjs: Let's just end this shit show fucking graciously.

OMJ: You know I can't let you do that. That means a happy endin! And you know me, you should know my stories. They don't have happy endings! They're all held up by the one, single, solitary strand that does indeed tie them all together. The philosophy that life sucks, and then you die! 

OMJ begins to completely lose his shit now.

OMJ: I won't let you kill what I created. Community Deathmatch is mine. IT'S MINE! I created it! I'm not gonna let jjs and trophy KILL what I created? Because I'm going to kill what I created! I'M GONNA KILL IT! I'M GONNA KILL MY CREATION! I'm going to inject Community Deathmatch with a LETHAL DOSE of poison! If anybody's gonna kill MY creation, I'M GONNA DO IT! Me! And...the Squidward...Crossovers...

Prez, Squidward, Keswick, Bugs Bunny, Gumball, Ice Bear, Bunnicula, Sir Dudley Ding Dong, Maurizio & Jacob, Eek! the Cat, Mr. Peabody, Mr. Gus, Mr. Cat, Lincoln Loud, Prohyas Warrior, U-Decide 3000, Spot Helperman/Scott Leadready II, Hawkodile, Scrooge McDuck, the characters of Amphibia, Mao Mao, Badgerclops, Adorabat, the guy that invented Coca-Cola, and the magician all suddenly appear around the ring like a pack of hungry Prez's. They lay siege to the ring and gang up on both jjs and Trophy. Prez directs traffic, dissecting the life out of both cashier and manager like

bryan-chokes-justin-roberts.gif

Amidst the chaos,  Prez offers OMJ his hand and helps the old man up to his feet. The two then shake on it.

OMJ: If I had to get one person over at the end of all this, it was you. It always had to be. Take solace, Prez, in the fact that you are not just shit, but you're good shit.

OMJ pats him on the head as Prez looks at him, confused by the context.

OMJ: SUCH good shit, pal! Such

Having just sold his soul to the devil for at least one friend, Prez does, indeed, take solace in that fact and fully embraces it, curb stomping both jjs and Trophy to oblivion. OMJ takes a deep breath and exits the ring. 

OMJ: I must powder out, for you don't want to be in my way when it's over.

The old man somberly makes his way back up the ramp, through the wreckage and into the back, leaving Prez and his Crossovers to continue having their fun with jjs and Trophy like they're a couple of tsum tsums or toy cars as if nothing terribly wrong just happened.

Jenkins fights through all the pain in order to strut that famous Vince McMahon strut of his through the hallowed halls of the Deathmatch Arena. One last time.

https://youtu.be/9Uc3V8NxKWw

tenor.gif

He passes by the bodies of Aya and Cha being zipped up in body bags. He stops, choosing to loom over the scene a bit.

OMJ: I never fucking watched Gintama! How's it like to love something based on a complete lie now?! Huh?! I always hated your goddamn memes, they fucking suck as much as the current Boomerang schedule! Stupid idiots! 

He spits on their bodies and continues on his merry way. He comes across both Clappy and Sauce being loaded into a separate ambulances.

OMJ: OHHH!

OMJ grabs a bottle of Clappy's tears. He shakes it a bit before popping the cork off.

OMJ: A little bit of the salty!

OMJ chugs some down before breaking the bottle against one of the ambulances, splashing it with the rest of Clappy's tears.

OMJ: Keep on simpin' in the next life, False Mama.

Firmly securing the final nail into the Fantastic Five coffin, OMJ finds himself being greeted backstage by a large cast of characters, all of whom having previously appeared and competed throughout Community Deathmatch's historic run. They line up the along the hallway like subjects loyally awaiting their king.

OMJ: Oh, Prez is out there right now with all his little crossovers, causing another ruckus and all the usual ish, y'know. I think he even had the nerve to attack jjs and Trophy this time. Last I saw, it was getting real bad. You all should like go. Tear him a new one. That'll learn em.

The entire Deathmatch locker room empties out to get themselves each a piece of Prez.

OMJ is more than pleased with the way he went about tying up those loose ends. He exits the building and steps into the parking lot, where he is greeted by a limo that's prepped and ready to drive him off into the sunset. He takes one more look back at the arena before hopping inside, taking a moment to just soak it all in for a bit. His shit-eating smirk curls upside down. His eyes tear up a bit, as if the emotional weight of his show's last moment is starting to mount on him. He finally wills himself inside the limo, making sure to mind the rebar that's still lodged through his chest. Fully detaching himself from the show that he has spent the last 7 years of his adult life producing, OMJ closes the door, and the limo suddenly explodes upon it shutting. The back of the limo, where OMJ was seated, is almost completely shot. The driver manages to get himself out and surveys the damage before completely abandoning the grisly scene entirely. The camera peers inside to see OMJ's bisected top half just barely opening the one eye he has left as flames gradually engulf what's left of his body. Another explosion goes off, and the entire limo is blown to hell. The camera is sent back by the force of the blast as a huge fireball erupts where the limo was once parked. The camera hastily turns back in retreat in hopes of keeping safe from anymore explosions, only to reveal the very same cannon that Trophy had used earlier, situated near some production trucks a safe distance away.

CF: Life sucks, and then you die :)

CF parts ways with the cannon and takes a silent moment to gaze upon the destruction she has just caused. She smiles one more time for the camera and turns to face towards the sunset, proceeding to make her way in its direction, down the road to who knows where from here. The camera pans out even more to reveal that somebody else had just witnessed the entire scene unfold before their very woke eyes

Elastic: 40F_qF.gif

https://youtu.be/0wymm2l-kt8

Elastic: WINNER, SOCIAL JUSTICE!

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masterful work ? 

one thing, i think maybe i should've been in the black hole to devour the offenders, especially the racist guy ? but thats just my two cents. back to sharking! ?

Edited by Shark
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3 hours ago, Shark said:

masterful work ? 

one thing, i think maybe i should've been in the black hole to devour the offenders, especially the racist guy ? but thats just my two cents. back to sharking! ?

I went back and pulled some revisionist history shit just for you, daddy! Put you over strong. The mizarks will go wild, brother

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