Jump to content
  • Advertisement

Community Deathmatch


Recommended Posts

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's JUST SOF!

 

 

No Hard Feelings

Our episode opens up backstage, where newly minted SBC manager, Cream, is making sure that things are running ship shape in the absence of her fellow administrators. With her are the most loyalest customers to the staff,  OWM and SBL.

Cream: The spongecraft servers are online and operational?

SBL: If what hilaryfan80 and Face have taught me about troubleshooting the servers proved correct, then yes. The spongecraft community has never been more thriving with me leading the charge into the new frontier, madam! If that market continues to prosper, we will have more of a reason to think the community's economy will be at the absolute best that its ever been! Just think about it. Soon, no longer will we have people begging for doubloons! I love it, Creamy!

Cream: And OWM, in your new position as head of security, I trust that you have things on lock when it comes to the Captcha forces?

OWM: They're in line, madam manager, you don't have to worry about a thing. Our diagnostics showed that what happened last time with hilaryfan80 was a glitch in their system. It should be patched out by now.

Cream: Good, because I want them covering every inch of this place in case things go awry. We don't want a replay of what happened last time.

SBL: Madam-

Cream: SBL, please, I may be your new manager, but please, I don't want that to change the relationships that I built with all of you beforehand. Just Cream will do :P

SBL: Cream, are you sure you want to tackle all of this just by yourself? This is a mighty huge conflict for such a new member of the staff to handle. At least have one of the cashier on hand to watch your back.

Cream: Crushing's status is still very much up in the air after all the damage those storms caused him and Metal Snake has his own troubling matters to attend to, I'm sure. This is just something that I feel I need to work out on my own. This is my first real test as a manager and I must be strong for my community through such confusing, trying times. I'm going to go out there tonight and hopefully try to mend these fences. This community has been through too much to let something like this divide it. So most important of all tonight, more than just my well-being, please just keep this community safe, keep it moving as we try to move past this. That's all I really need from the both of you.

OWM gets choked up a bit before responding.

OWM: You have our word, Cream, that we'll do just just that.

SBL: Absolutely, community first. But please, watch yourself out there, Cream.

Cream gives them both a reassuring nod before walking off alone.

SBL: I don't love this, Winda.

OWM: Well, they certainly don't teach exactly how to handle situations such as these back at the academy in Bob County, In Your Mailbox. But we both have jobs to do. That's all we can do.

Chad Francis: Greetings, death fans! And thank you for once again taking the time to view such quality programming that you can't get anywhere else!

Hayden: I bring you the gift of Hayden tho, so by all means, drink up as much as you'd possibly like, because this time, I'm being saddled with a freaking deathmatch meme, of all fucking things, that will probably fly well over your head if you don't keep up with this trite! Yes, the quality just continues free fall from here, folks! And I'm not just talking about UB-40, as I'm sure my pale imitation of a broadcast partner from last episode would surely say by this point.

Chad Francis: And isn't that just a good, telling sign of just what kind of a show we have in store for you this evening, folks! Tonight, Cream will make first official appearance on Community Deathmatch to address what I'm sure is on everyone's minds-

Hayden: Why, Homie, Why?!

Chad Francis: Well I, as well as everybody else, were thinking more along the lines of "Why, Jjs, Why?" but being well aware of just the kind of person you are by now, Hayden, to each their own.

Hayden: Haha, "to each their own". Please refrain from throwing anymore of that bullshit in my face for the remainder of this episode, please.

Chad Francis: So, in spite of all that you, yourself, witnessed here last time, and you seemed about as genuinely shocked as the rest of us, you're still going to try and justify the course of action jjs took in taking care of his problems with Homie?

Hayden: I've been saying this since day one and I thought it'd be drilled into all your heads by now, but it appears as tho I'm gonna have to drill it in a hell of a lot deeper. I know jjs a lot more and a lot better than everybody else here would like to think. We are best friends, after all. He's the only person here to have ever earned my full respect, and because of that deep respect, I decided to refrain from taking action while Jjs attacked Homie. I know that Jjs wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't have good reason to, so for him to do what he did, you know as well as I do that he had a damn good, valid reason in doing so.

Chad Francis: And just what might that reason be, Hayden?

Hayden: You know, I truly don't feel that it is my place to divulge such harsh truths that I know nobody wants to hear. I believe that my best friend, jjs, should be allowed a chance to explain all of that to you himself. But like we tend to do to most troublemakers around here, we don't give them that chance, they aren't given a voice to be heard with! And I know in a lot of cases, such as with Storm, Stan and Blaze to name a few, that such treatment is duly warranted. But, this isn't just another Storm or Stan or Blaze that we're talking about here.

Hayden says as he draws a square, triangle and a circle in the air with his finger to represent each of those problem users.

Hayden: We are talking about your best friend and mine, jjsthekid!

Hayden shouts to the heavens as he draws a penis in the air with his finger to symbolize his friendship with jjs.

Hayden: And he's done a hell of a lot more for this community than most, so I think he's more than earned the right to be given that chance! I mean, don't let all of this distract you from the fact that this past Octerror Fest was one of the most successful and innovative Octerror Fests to be celebrated on community soil since the inception of the event! That was all him at the helm! But nevertheless, he did see such provisions coming a mile away so I took it upon myself to give my best friend the voice he's been unrightfully denied by his peers, his "friends". And he gave me a message to send here tonight, and by Neptune, it will be received! So shut your mouth, lets head on down to the ring, and get this show on the fucking road!

We head on down to the ring where referee and server, Clem, is standing by to officiate tonight's featured bout. The first combatant makes their way out now.

 

image.jpg

Chad Francis: Now here is a member that we here at Community Deathmatch have been looking to sink our teeth into for a good while now! Why, it is none other than Mermaid Magic, accompanied by none other than her undead senpai, Jonathan Brugh!

Hayden: Jonathan Ugh is more like it, Francis. Just what in the Davy Jones is this attention seeking missile doing here anyway? Isn't she supposed to be, oh idk, GONE? Like how she dramatically made herself out to be doing months ago?! She even had a grand send off from the staff, from my best friend jjs especially, and she just goes off and on however she damn pleases! It's pathological liars like her and Homie that's tearing this community apart! I'd say she really is every bit the bloodsucker she stupidly wants to make herself to believe! She's a sucking mosquito that's sucking this community dry, sucking good users like my best friend, jjs, dry and like most mosquitoes, she carries disease with her everywhere she goes, infecting everyone in her path! And like all mosquitoes, they need to be exterminated immediately! What those two leeches do in the shadows during their free time, I want it to remain just that, in the shadows!

Tyeam hangs herself by her legs from the top rope, imitating a bat, as Jonny gives her the sickest hickey ever.

image.jpg

Chad Francis: According to my sources, so please do take this with a pinch of salt, Tyeam has adopted a somewhat more gothic lifestyle since leaving the SpongeBob Community partly behind her. When she got her start here, she was obsessed with the Plankypoo and the Mr. Lawrence behind the amoeba, then it was Dennis, then Tamatoa and Jermaine Clement, and now that obsession with Jermaine Clement has led her to the show that Mr. Clement, himself, help established, "What We Do In The Shadows" and Tyeam has been head over heels for that everyday since!

Hayden: It's always the ones with the unhealthy obsessions and the habit of mostly posting in the shoutbox who ends up being the true detriments to this community! That opinion being backed up by factual sources infinitely more credible than my broadcast partner's here.

Tyeam and Jonny enter the ring and she's handed a microphone.

Tyeam: What does the future hold?

She sifts through her deck of What We Do In The Shadows brand tarot cards. She draws three Deacons from her hand.

Tyeam: It reads "New Zealand"!

Chad Francis: I didn't see that coming.

Hayden: Well if this isn't the stupidest, most idiotic Deathmatch gimmick I ever did see or hear.

She draws two Viagos and Vladislav from her deck now.

Tyeam: I think it's time for me to get back into art again :Laugh:

Hayden: I think it's time for you to leave again :Laugh:

Chad Francis: Shush!

Katniss: Go for it!

Katniss shouts from the crowd.

Omair: Llamas and gentlemen!

Hayden: perhaps I spoke a bit too soon earlier.

image.jpg

The screen pans out to to show Omair and Harish at the top of the entrance ramp.

Omair: Your soon-to-be Most Active Member, "The Modern Day Maharrrrrrrawat"! 

Omair & Harish: SPONGEODDFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

image.jpg

 

image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg

SOF makes his way down to the ring, flanked by his two lackeys.

Chad Francis: Her opponent for tonight is none other than The Modern Day Maharawat, himself?!

Hayden: Praise Neptune below, when Omair popped up right after Tyeam and Katniss, I thought for a brief, horrific moment that we were all suddenly in Katpiss' ask thread! I'd gladly take my daily doses of Kan if it means being spared having the life sucked out of me before my very eyes! Look Francis, it's "Hard Feelings" Kan!

Chad Francis: SpongeOddFan making his way to the ring now, having fairly recently reconnected with his roots in a vain attempt to gain companionship, as well as to perhaps cash in on the apparently thriving and untapped Indian SpongeBob fan base to possibly recruit into the community!

Hayden: We all could use more Kans in our life, can we not?

Chad Francis: To be quite frank, Hayden, I'd say we kan't.

All three users enter the ring, standing opposite of Tyeam and Johnny. SOF has a mic handed to him, as well. He then gets in Johnny's face.

Hayden: I'd still like to know just what the hell Omair's role is in all of this? Like, why is he suddenly sucking SOF's dick instead of blabbering on about his stupid college life 24/7?

SOF: I thought you didn't want to do SpongeBob art anymore?

Katniss: lol just because she wants to do art again doesn't mean it's going to be of SpongeBob!

Katniss once again shouts out from the crowd, irking SOF even more.

Tyeam: ^What she said! :Laugh:

Hayden: Can Captcha please do their job and kick her the fuck out!

SOF: Then how come you never want to chat with me, your MAHARAWAT?!

Tyeam: ... :awkward:

SOF: It is because YOU are no different than everybody else here in this "community"! You look at me, and you see somebody that isn't worth your time nor your day! I am but a mere second-class citizen to someone as "esteemed" and "held in such high regard" as you! I'll even go so far as to say that you think of as nothing but a peasant! And it doesn't just stop at you, but everyone else! I can hear the collective groans when I make my voice heard! I can feel the disdain and irritation whenever I walk into one of your ask threads! I can see the HATE in your IGNORANCE. You can't even look at me in the eye and at least pull an excuse out your ass! Am I not worth at least THAT MUCH to you?! Well not anymore! I am The Modern Day Maharawat! I command respect, you people should wait on me hand and foot! I am the highest of regards, you people should kiss my feet! I am your soon-to-be Most Active Member, and last I checked, you people don't even come anywhere close to my level, especially not some quitter like YOU! You think you can just quit and come back so easily and to so much fanfare, not on my Maharawatch! And now, now I shall speak to MY people in MY home language...of punjabi!

SOF collects his breath.

SOF: Tusīṁ mērē vala dēkhadē hō atē tusīṁ kisē nū vēkhadē hō jō tuhāḍā samāṁ nahīṁ hai atē nā hī tuhāḍā dina! Maiṁ tāṁ sirapha ika dūjī jamāta vālā nāgarika hāṁ jisanū"ādarayōga" atē"- AAAAAHHHH AHHHH AHHHAAAAHHHH!

Jonny pounces at SOF and immediately chomps on his neck. SOF panics and waves his arms around in pain, struggling to break free before Omair and Harish step in and pull him out of harm's way themselves. SOF and his underlings regroup outside the ring.

SOF: UM...WTF?

SOF holds the side of his neck as Omair and Harish check on the damage. Some blood squirts out of the two holes where Jonny's fangs made contact.

Harish: You're good, it's all good!

Omair: Youre going to be cute lol!

Jonny: When you become a vampire, you become very sexy!

SOF: Get off your Maharawat!

SOF orders as he shoves them both to the side and re-enters the ring, remembering to keep himself wary around Johnny.

SOF: Get him out of here,ref! Now!

Tyeam calls Jonny over for an actual zoomed out selfie before sending him out to ringside to keep Omair and Harish at bay.

Clem: All right, you two! I want a good, clean fight! So against your better nature, the less blood the better! Now y'all got any last requests!

Tyeam: Oooh, those are some nice pants!

SOF: Dracula Phineas is better tbh!

Clem: Well then let's get it on!

The bell rings, signally the official start of this match up!

Chad Francis: Here we go! Two members with a vampire fetish of some sort meeting for the first time in a Deathmatch ring! Will Tyeam put a halt to SOF's winning ways and momentum before heading into the biggest match of his SBC career, or will SOF make Tyeam kiss his feet and show us just why he thinks that he is SBC's Most Active Member?!

Hayden: Spoiler alert, I am SBC's Most Active Member.

Chad Francis: As well as your best friend, jjs?

Hayden: ESPECIALLY my best friend, jjs!

SOF and Tyeam lock up for control, which SOF proceeds to take. He hits her with a jawbreaker before transitioning it right into a neckbreaker.

Chad Francis: SOF is immediately looking to take out what could possibly be Tyeam's greatest weapon in this match, dat mouth!

Hayden: Kan must've had his game plan heading into this matchup thoroughly proofread before coming out here!

SOF lays a few punches into Tyeam's face before trying to yank both her fangs out with his barehands.

SOF: The fangs doesn't exist silly Tyeam!

But Tyeam chomps right down on SOF's fingers, causing him great pain as she digs her fangs in deeper and deeper the more he struggles.

Chad Francis: And perhaps now that game plan has backfired as Tyeam brings the full force of dat mouth right down onto the fingers of The Maharawat!

Hayden: Leave it to Kan to fuck up a good thing going for him somehow.

SOF musters up all his strength to hoist Tyeam up into the air as she continues gnawing away at his fingers, looking to slam her back down to the mat in hopes of shaking her loose, but Tyeam quickly transitions this into a triangle choke which instead brings SOF down to his knees.

Nakamura+triangle+to+Jinder+Mahal.gif

Chad Francis: A triangle choke has been firmly locked in, buckling The Modern Day Maharawat to his knees! But will it be enough for Tyeam to put him away?!

SOF taps out, but it won't be enough to get him out of Tyeam's hold.

Chad Francis: Were this just a simple wrestling match, SOF would've given up the match right there! But this is Community Deathmatch, so tap outs absolutely do not apply here!

Hayden: Kan will just have to find just what this Christ is so that he may pray to him for a way out of Tyeam's death grip!

SOF remains locked in Tyeam's triangle choke for another minute or two before Omair and Harish finally take matters into their own hands by breaking SOF free, themselves. They stomp and pound away at her while SOF recovers in the corner.

Chad Francis: Omair and Harish officially interjecting themselves into this matchup on behalf of their Maharawat and costing Tyeam a potential victory!

Jonny runs in to make the save for Tyeam, but Omair and Harish shuts that down quick.

Hayden: Here's Jonny trying to even things out for his main fan girl, but he simply has not been properly trained to properly combat members of a SpongeBob fan site! Omair and Harish taking full advantage of this disadvantage very quickly!

Omair and Harish shift their attention back to Tyeam and they both lay into her some more until Katniss decides she's finally seen enough and leaves the comfort of the crowd in order to even the odds. She scales the guard rail separating the crowd from the ring, running along it, until she hops right into the ring ropes and flies at both Omair and Harish with a flying cross body attack, taking down both members.

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! Katniss has seen enough of SOF's tomfoolery and has taken things into her own, taking down both Omair and Harish in one move!

Hayden: What the Davy Jones?! Why wasn't she thrown out of here yet?!

Katniss and SOF both get back up to their feet at the same time, coming face to face with each other. SOF holds his limp right arm up, the same arm that Tyeam had locked in earlier.

Chad Francis: SOF and Katniss have crossed paths in passing before, but never have they crossed inside a Deathmatch ring!

Hayden: Wake me up when they're done!

SOF: Snapchat is basically like instantgram!

Katniss: "instantgram" (snide ass xat smirk)

SOF: YOU DARE MOCK YOUR MAHARAWAT?!??!

Katniss comes at SOF with a Trouble in Steve's Hair.

F5QoG.gif

Harish: Duck, my Maharawat!

Taking Harish's proof reading advice, SOF manages to duck the Trouble in Steve's Hair at the last second. Katniss soars over SOF and turns to try it a second time, but she gets pulled out of the ring by her foot and is violently thrown out onto the arena floor by a recovered Omair.

Omair: Here is an inspiration picture of a dog at the beach! dogs_puppies_beach_02.jpg

Katniss: I've been having an awful time in this Deathmatch but that picture warmed my heart

Chad Francis: Omair providing a timely distraction to keep Katniss off his Maharawat's ass!

SOF smirks at this devilishly at this development before turning around to see Jonny readying for a counterattack. Harish rushes over to SOF's aid and pushes him out of the way, taking the brunt of it for him as Jonny spits out a gush of blood from his mouth, blinding temporarily blinding Harish.

Chad Francis: Bobba Mia! Harish has just taken one for the team, allowing himself to be blinded by Jonny's intake of blood in order to preserve his Maharawat's status in this match!

SOF overtakes Jonny with a well placed elbow right to the head region.

mahal_balor_elbow_360-1.gif

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! That may have knocked the fangs right out of Jonny's mouth!

SOF then traps an unconscious Jonny in a cobra clutch, taking his time to choke out the vampire before dropping him spine-first on his knee.

DefenselessLeftBlowfish-max-1mb.gif

SOF: Dracula Phineas is better!

SOF finishes Jonny off by drilling him into the ring mat with a deadly Cruse.

tenor.gif

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! I-I think that killed him!!

Hayden: That sounds a lot better when jjs says it.

tumblr_inline_oyl5irhXOr1t2whqx_500.jpg

SOF: Why's he looks like Dean Amberose @Old Man Jenkins ?

OMJ: ...The hell if I'm on the same drugs you are!

Tyeam catches glimpse of this and gets completely incensed, and in her rage, she harkens back to a happier time just one week ago when she and Jonny exotic danced to some David Bowie.

Hayden: Too much fucking information there.

Meanwhile, back outside the ring, Omair continues to distract Kat.

Omair: WHen you're tryng so hard for chem that you dont have time for bio but you dont understand chem either so youre effectively about to just fail chem, bio, and your social life? Retweet :Laugh:

Katniss: After talking with you I am so glad I'm not a science major omg. I definitely support more girls studying STEM fields but I could not handle it haha-

Omair suddenly grabs Katniss by the hair and throws he face first into the the steel ring post before throwing her into the security barrier in front of the crowd.

Omair: I'm sure you could but there are definitely days where it sucks

Omair informs before throwing her over said barrier and into the crowd of guests.

Back in the ring, with her soon-to-be husband now her never-gonna-be husband, Tyeam attacks SOF with the most closest up, claustrophobic selfie she can possibly take. She manages to get SOF up into position to execute the maneuver,

Kevin+Thorne+razor%27s+edge+to+Al+Snow.g

but she gets interrupted by Omair, who stops her before she can nail it by grabbing SOF by the foot and pulling him out of her grasp. Omair then begins talking to Tyeam about failing at everything in his life. This catches Tyeam off guard, who then proceeds to sympathize with Omair. This leaves her open long enough for SOF to punish with a crushing running knee right in the face.

djuDJ3L.gif

Chad Francis: Omair with another timely distraction that may have very well cost Tyeam this Deathmatch!

Hayden: It appears that with Omair at his beck and call, SOF seems to have, in stark contrast to himself, a very likable weapon of mass distraction!

SOF grabs the incapacitated Tyeam and places her into the same cobra clutch that he put Jonny in earlier, gradually constricting the life out of her.

SOF: Ypu should've just thrown the towel when you had the chance!

Tyeam: W-We're vampires...we don't...put down towels!

SOF silences her with a bone-shattering back breaker.

bigshowcobraclutchbackbreaker0.gif

Before finishing Tyeam off by placing an even more destructive Cruse on her as well.

tenor.gif

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! The Cruse of SOF may have very well just bested the curse of the vampire!

Clem surveys Tyeam's motionless body for any signs of life and then calls for the bell. He raises SOF's hand in victory.

Clem: Winner, SOF!

Chad Francis: Masterfully utilizing what may be the two closest people he has to companions in this community, SOF manages to walk out of the Deathmatch Arena with both his life and winning streak still intact! Camaraderie such as that may very well give you and jjs a run for both your money, Hayden!

Hayden: If you so much as try to imply that Kan is anywhere near a major threat to me and jjs again, I will make sure that no camera would wanna tape your pretty face ever agayn. SOF came out of this a winner only because he had others carry his carcass for him again, and he was competing against, without a doubt, two of the most weak-minded, physically feeble members who are even more devoid than SOF when it comes to independence and are both sorely lacking in ambition, which is why they're up each other's asses in the ask threads, statuses and shout box! Jjs and I, we are leagues better than THAT. Also, it didn't do Tyeam any favors having some uncouth, wannabe vampire around and overstaying his welcome in all our thoughts. Just saying.

Katniss collects herself at ringside and gets back up on her feet.

Katniss: The end of this Deathmatch makes me wanna scream

SOF: Aww poor Kat! You gonna post another quasi-depressing shout about it

Everybody else in attendance all show their support in solidarity for Katniss.

Kat: I'll be ok

SOF: YOU ALL DARE SPIT IN THE FACE OF YOUR MAHARWAT?!!??!

SOF grabs Katniss and throws her back into the ring, where Harish and Omair both work her over before holding her up for SOF to place The Cruse on her. He holds her in The Cruse for a bit, taking great pleasure with each moment she remains Crused.

SOF: I am depressed too! The schools are on strike and I am losing money for college, yet you people fail to offer me, your Maharawat, your sympathy! Am I THAT beneath all of you?! You people pour your hearts out for storm victims, people with illnesses, people facing hard times, yet you give me NOTHING! Well, if I can't afford the luxury of a proper education, nor am I afforded a shred of respect and decency, then "Hard Feelings" SpongeOdd will put you people through hard times!

Chad Francis: SOF is a man possessed! Possessed by nothing other than himself! You can't just go marching around like you're some king and demand respect! Respect isn't demanded or commanded, it is earned! And even after all these years of being active on the SBC scene, SOF still has a long ways to go before he can even begin to comprehend that concept! And perhaps investing some of that money into an English class might go a long way in helping him to achieve that.

Hayden: Wow, Francis, I can't believe you decided to go there.

Chad Francis: Well, I'm sure that's what's on more than just my mind!

Hayden: The real SOF is probably gonna come in here and read all of this

Chad Francis: Supposedly

Hayden: And he's probably gonna suck it up and pull some sort of half hearted comment out his butt by saying that "this was best episode ever!" even after THAT. This is exactly what Kan here is talking about, you people lack tolerance when it comes to someone like him and all you people can do is subtly throw your shade at him because you people know that he's not gonna get it, because you people are nothing but liars and hypocrites thinking that you're all being decent people when you're really just being a bunch of subhuman beings.

Chad Francis: You are one to talk, Hayden. You've been hassling him for years, so much so, you two have already had a Deathmatch against each other! Needless to say, you lost.

Hayden: But you see, unlike you people, I barely try to hide that. I tell it how it is because I am an honest man. Much like how my best friend, jjs, is an honest man.

Suddenly, a member's music hits the turntable, catching SOF off his guard.

Chad Francis: Just what in the hell could THIS be now?!

 

image.jpg

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! CRUSHING MAYHEM IS BACK IN THE DEATHMATCH ARENAAAAAA!!!

Hayden: Completely no-selling not one, but two (count em) TWO hurricanes! Crushing Mayhem still looks as if he hasn't skipped a day of being active on SBC!

Chad Francis: Now here is a user with a real depressing life event that warrants our sympathy! Surviving the brunt of two of the most destructive storms this past hurricane season, we can't help but beg the question, is there anything on this earth that can possibly kill the activity of this man?!

Hayden: Why, my best friend, jjs, and I can, of course!

Chad Francis: of course...

Crushing makes his way down to the ring, prompting SOF to free Kat from The Cruse and tosses her aside. He then sends Harish and Omair after Crushing, who greets them with stiff shots courtesy of the steel chair he had carried out with him. He chair shots Harish's skull damn near in and swats Omair into the crowd before he even had the chance to distract Crushing with his college life. He then grabs Harish by the arm and takes a big ole bite on the bicep.

15106392583058194.gif

Chad Francis: Crushing wasting very little to no time in making up for lost time here tonight!

Hayden: They must be getting pretty stingy with the food rations with the way Crushing just took a bite out of poor Harish!

Crushing smashes Harish face first into the steel ring post before smashing him against it even more with a big boot right to the head. With both of SOF's underlings incapacitated, Crushing shifts his attention towards their Maharawat.

Chad Francis: Here it is, the face off that I'm sure at least one of you have been waiting for! Crushing and SOF, which of these two members is really the most active!

Crushing hops up on the ring apron and stares down SOF, who doesn't look to be backing down from this one. Crushing then takes his pointer finger and points it to something behind SOF. Comfuzzled, SOF turns around right into a Trouble in Steven's Hair courtesy of Katniss!

lO2Ipp.gif

Chad Francis: Katniss finally managing to execute the move about as perfectly as Steve's hair!1

Hayden: OH WILL SOMEBODY JUST THROW KATBITCH OUT OF HERE ALREADY!?!

SOF staggers right into Crushing's arms, who then hoists SOF up for his patented Tossing Mayhem

hhernandezbordertossanimated2.gif

and he ends up tossing The Modern Day Maharawat over the top rope and to the arena floor, but fortunately for SOF, Omair and Harish scramble over to break his fall, allowing SOF to land squarely on them.

Omair and Harish proceed to drag SOF up the entrance ramp in order to make their hasty escape. SOF can only lie there in a shocked daze as he asks

SOF: Um, wtf?

Crushing and Katniss stand tall side by side until Crushing's library Internet gives out out on him, and he abruptly logs out of the Deathmatch Arena.

Chad Francis: Oh dear Neptune, I'm afraid that that can not be a good sign of things on Crushing's end, Hayden. His Internet suddenly gave out on him, a possible sign of very limited access or that the signal may just not be strong enough for him sustain himself!

Hayden: I hope that we all can agree that the guy could use a break. He just braved two hellacious storms, now's the rebuilding process. Perhaps instead of trying to prematurely pick up the pace here, he should really be focusing all that time and effort to picking up the pieces back home. Yes, we are all glad that he is alive, well and safe, but please, STAY safe. Don't go taking any unnecessary risks or over exert yourself just to increase your post and like counts. We'll all still be here once he gets things settled, and you can be damn sure that me and my best friend, jjs, will be more than willing to defend OUR Most Active Member title against him when fate decides to allow it.

Chad Francis: Yes, I think the road to a full recovery for The Good Guy will prove to be a very trying one for sure. But to switch gears now, and speaking of your best friend jjs, our newest manager of the staff, Cream, will be making her first official Community Deathmatch appearance here tonight LIVE in order to address the heinous events that took place here last time, as well as the absolutely deplorable rhetoric leading up to it. But first, we have with us LIVE via Skype, Homie's very close, personal friend and mayhaps boyfriend(?), Mr Dr Professor Patrick, here to give us an update on The Empress' condition. Mr Dr Professor, sir, are you hearing me loud and clear?

hilaryfan80 is shown live via Skype on the spongetron screen that hangs over the entrance way for the crowd to also see and hear.

hilaryfan80: Yes, Chad, I am hearing you loud clear! You can ask away :)

Chad Francis: Do you have any updates to give us on the status of the Homie after what happened on the last episode of Community Deathmatch?

hilaryfan80: Well, the first positive update I can give is that even through all of this, I made the 420th post in the Community Deathmatch thread!

Chad Francis: My word! Well, you don't say?!

hilaryfan80: I do say!

Chad Francis: Blazin it!?

hilaryfan80: Blazin' it!!

Chad Francis: Then my congratulations goes out to you, good doctor, from all of us here at Community Deathmatch! It couldn't've happened to a more fitting guy!

hilaryfan80: I know!

The Skype call ends.

Chad Francis: Miracles are fast at work here, folks! It appears as though things are already looking A-okay for team hilaryfan80!

 

image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg

Newest member of the SBC staff, Cream, makes her debut appearance on Community Deathmatch!

Chad Francis: But things may not be looking to be as good for Team Cream, who has the burden of trying to address this issue in her first act as a community Manager.

Hayden: As big of a shock as this might be to everybody, I actually like Cream. I mean, who doesn't like Cream? She is a terribly pleasant person to be around. And like I oh so gloriously made a point of making both on the xat and in the shout box once word of her promotion became known, she IS the cream of the crop! Without a shadow of a doubt! Unlike a good number of sheeple that came before her, I felt she truly earned the right to be gifted such a promotion in such a short span of time. She's handled herself exceptionally throughout the one year that she's been here, and I have nothing but good faith that she'll continue knocking it out of the park with this address tonight!

Chad Francis: Wow, Hayden, that's gotta be the nicest, most unpatronizing thing I ever heard you say about somebody other than jjs.

Hayden: And just who gave her that promotion, Francis? It was my best friend, jjs, who saw the very same spark in Cream that I did! If I could, I would more than welcome Cream into the fold, allow her to become apart of the exclusive friendship circle that jjs and I have. Now that's the world that I think of her! Jjs helped open doors for Cream, gave her the keys to the Lamborghini that is the SBC admin control panel. I just hope that she doesn't forget any of that.

Chad Francis: Well, all of that being said, Cream has officially made her to the ring now for the first time ever in Deathmatch history! Let us hear what our new manager has to say.

Cream: When I first took the oath of panel, never did I think that my first action as admin would be to moderate issues between not just my fellow members on the staff, but also the issues between a member of the staff and you, the customers. Even more so, never did I think that the staff member in question would be our very own director-in-chief. For those of you who may be unaware, Hayden's best friend, jjs, our director, took it upon himself to spread hurtful words and hateful rhetoric about his colleague, Mr Dr Professor Patrick, and Homie throughout Old Man Jenkins' cbox. This took place over the course of a few days, and by the time it first came to the staff's attention, majority of the damage had already been done. We tasked OMJ with using his cbox resources to find the culprit and find them, he most certainly did. But unfortunately, that culprit, the very same Homie who competed and died in this ring on the last episode, was not the droid we were looking for. For lack of a better term, that person was an imposter. An imposter created with the purpose to divert our attention away from the real perpetrator. And when that imposter failed to dispose of Homie the way that he had originally intended, jjs decided to finally come out of the shadows and take fate into his own hands. He launched a merciless verbal and physical assault on the Homie, almost to the point of death, and completely burning the rulebook before throwing it out the window! He desecrated this community by defecating on the holy foundation that this lit was built upon. Now, I must admit that I'm not really the biggest fan of Community Deathmatch, but as your newest manager, I would still like to uphold any and all rules and traditions celebrated in this great community, and Community Deathmatch's is certainly a huge part of SBC culture. So believe me when I say that we have the IP address to show for it, so jjsthekid is not off the hook just yet.

The crowd gives off a more mixed reaction to that news.

Cream: Jjs, words can't even begin to describe just how disappointed I am with you. Admins are supposed to set a good example for the users they administrate over, not go behind their backs and unfairly ostracize them unprovoked! I do consider jjs a friend, and I also think as much of the rest of this community, because we are all just that; a community, a family. No one person, regardless of rank or seniority, is above that! Jjs, I am sorry, I truly am. But you give me no choice but to take harsh, immediate disciplinary measures. So my first course of action is to strip you

Crowd: gasps!

Cream: of your administrative privileges, and you will hereby be moved into the Nematodes group until further notice!

 

Chad Francis: Now who could this possibly be-

Hayden gets up from his seat at the commentary booth, pushing Chad Francis out of the way and quickly makes his way down to the ring with a microphone already in hand. He enters the ring, seeming to have a hard time collecting his thoughts and articulating the words he wants to say.

Cream: I didn't come here for a fight, Hayden.

Hayden: I've gotta tell you, Cream, this is like the second time that this has happened me. I'm actually standing here and talking to somebody else who I actually respect, aside from jjs, for once! Now, I really get to see for myself what jjs and so many other people here have felt when they meet you, and that is gratification.

Cream: Well, Hayden, I'm flattered you feel that way, but I don't feel as much gratified as I do nauseated. Now Hayden, let me get this straight. Last episode, you come out here and you join in on the disparagement of Homie's name, you log back in tonight to make even more heinous and derogatory comments towards most everybody else, Katniss especially, having truly learned nothing from last time. When jjs launched his attack on Homie, you sure did stick your nose in it, but you did nothing to really stop it from happening. 

Hayden shakes his head in snarky disapproval.

Cream: Oh, but you did. You only stood there and watched. Is that how we can sum up the great Jjs/Hayden relationship, him having his way with others while you just watch? You say that you did nothing to stop him because he is the only person that you respect. 

Hayden: That's right.

Cream: You didn't stop him not because you respect him. You didn't stop him because jjs has his hand up your butt!

Hayden: tenor.gif

Cream: Respect jjs, respect ME? Hayden, when you look in the mirror, how do you have any respect at all? You've been so accustomed to having your way around here for so long, I think it's time for that to change. I think it's time you finally get that comeuppance from an admin who does have the balls to do something about you.

Hayden: Woah, such fightin' words from somebody who isn't here for that! Trust me, I'm not here for a fight neither. The last thing we'd all want to see here is your last day on SBC. Much like you, I am here seeking a peaceful resolution, one that's fair for ALL parties involved.

Cream: And what exactly is considered "fair" to you?

Hayden: "Fair" is not keeping my best friend suspended in a state of god damn purgatory while you all drag his good name through the dirt! "Fair" is giving my best friend a voice with which to speak his case! "Fair" is having an open mind and not being just another sheep in the herd! "Fair" is not having to erase a great member's entire existence all just for one minor, slight indiscretion!

Cream: He lied to us, went behind all our backs and made two respected members of this community do countless lewd, uncouth sex acts all while throwing the utmost of shade at them without them knowing! He even tried shifting the blame onto Stancakes, a banned member who can't even be accounted for, just to cover his tracks!

Hayden: He at least had the decency to come out with it right away rather than just leading you sheep on like some shepherd for three years! This community could use more members like him, honest people. A man of his word who isn't afraid of telling you all the truth no matter how much it may hurt! But I guess that's all these troglodytes are accustomed to, isn't it? They all get to live their lives, or "LIES", in some happy go lucky fantasy where they probably still fool themselves into thinking that Homie really is some sort of gay Filipino male model with a disapproving dumpster fire of a family! It's not like she's betrayed your trust for way longer, even going so far as to go all the way online with an admin of this website, knowing full well of the implications should the truth ever come out! Oh, but she doesn't even get so much as a slap on the wrist. She's seen as someone who's stunning and brave, but it takes a real coward to hide in plain sight for three whole years. My best friend, jjs, just lifted the veil for all of you, slapped everybody back reality. He said what nobody else had the gall to bring up. Now THAT'S "stunning", THAT'S what I call "brave"! That's why everybody wants to see him fall to ruin, because they can't handle the truth. They're so unappreciative. I thought you were better than that, Cream. I thought you were an individual, your own person, but you're nothing more than all the other parasitic tapeworms and parasites that infest our community. You think you're all standing in solidarity now, but you just wait. There is no such thing as solidarity to a bunch of hypocrites like you. Make one wrong movie and they'll turn on you, as well. You don't believe me, then look no further than the shout box or even what happened just earlier tonight. They're no better than jjs or me. They're even worse. They need a leader like jjs to keep them in check, they need a member like me to set an example. You deprive them of those essentials, then you deprive this forum of its oxygen. If you go through with this, you may as well take the entire SpongeBob Community offline.

Cream takes that all in, thinking about what her next move might be.

Cream: While I won't pardon jjs for his crime, like you seem to be leaning me towards, I will do the fair thing and allow him the chance to defend himself right here on Community Deathmatch!

Hayden rejoices at this announcement.

Hayden: Alright, giving us a chance to defend ourselves, fine. Against who?

Cream: Everyone that your words affected.

Hayden: But, I need you to promise that we will not face any disciplinary action when we brutalize everyone with the truth! I NEED YOU to give me your word that within the confines of the Deathmatch Arena...jjs and I are free to be brutally honest.

Cream: I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't be Community Deathmatch if you weren't, so you've got my word.

Cream and Hayden seal the deal with a handshake.

Hayden: I've never been more proud of you, Cream, you truly are a woman of your word. Just as I am a man of mine's.

tenor.gif

Chad Francis: OH DEAR NEPTUNE!

Hayden looms over a a now bleeding Cream.

giphy.gif

Hayden: You just gave me your word that I am free to be brutally honest towards everyone. And being that I am a man of my word, I still have a message to send.

Hayden picks Cream up to her feet, but is met with some resistance as she tries defending herself with a right hook. 

Chad Francis: No, no, no

Hayden effortlessly blocks and drops her with a right hook of his own. 

Chad Francis: Not like this!

He then waits for her to will herself back up to her feet before knocking her back down with a stiff super kick to the face.

tenor.gif

Chad Francis: Cream came out here and gave Hayden the benefit of the doubt to go about things fairly, and this is what she gets in return?! Like friend, like friend! The puppet doesn't fall far from its puppet master! Somebody needs to come out here and put a stop to this before we're treated to a replay of last episode against our wills!

 

Fred Rechid makes his way out with OWM not too far behind. Hayden readies himself for a fight.

Chad Francis: Oh thank Neptune, he remembered that Fred is still a moderator here! And he's brought with him some heavy backup in SBC's head of security! Stop him, stop him! Get Hayden the fuck out of here!

OWM whips out his trusty nightstick and wraps it around over Fred's throat, choking out The Rip-Off out and pulling him back towards the backstage are where they came from. Hayden sarcastically waves them bye.

Chad Francis: What the hell is this?! OWM, that maniac, is actually working to restrain Fred instead!

Fred flails around trying to break free of OWM, but the more he struggle, the more breath he loses and with the more breath he loses, the fight he has left in his body. OWM manages to pull a near out of it Fred all the way to the back, allowing Hayden to continue sending his message uninterrupted.

Chad Francis: This must be a full-blown conspiracy! Just who else could be in on this madness!?

Hayden only does that smug xat smirk as he ascends the top rope, sizing Cream up for something huge. The scene then transitions to back where Fred is being assaulted by the entire Captcha and Katniss is seen in the background, not wanting to intervene, almost as if she's afraid to step in. She then looks around at a nearby monitor that's showing the events unfolding in the ring. She's frozen in fear at the sight of Hayden continuing his assault on the Cream. The scene switches back to the ring, where Chad Francis has run in to intercept Hayden, but fails as jjs' best friend proceeds to flatten Cream under the combined weight of all his unpopular opinions.

Chad Francis: No, no! No, Hayden, NO-

kevvince.gif

Chad scrambles over to shield Cream from anymore harm.

Chad: GODDAMMIT GET OUT HERE!

Medics of the Fry Cooks team come racing out to aid Cream just as Hayden makes his way back up the entrance ramp, looking on almost in disbelief at the damage he's caused amidst a chorus of patboos. They bring out the stretcher to carry Cream out, but she manages to leave the ring under her own will, with some assistance from Chad Francis offering her their shoulder to lean on. Community Deathmatch goes off the air with Cream being escorted out of view, the crowd rallying her on.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

clearly the skills of an SBC admin are nothing due to years of softness not seeing fights like this before, clearly they need the experience of an sbm mod!

or that mod is tired of fighting and sticks to commentary recollections of war as replacement since both went apeshit while simultaneously bitching on the fights being uglier than the seal on bedsheet flag design

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest hilaryfan80
25 minutes ago, Plank said:

clearly the skills of an SBC admin are nothing due to years of softness not seeing fights like this before, clearly they need the experience of an sbm mod!

or that mod is tired of fighting and sticks to commentary recollections of war as replacement since both went apeshit while simultaneously bitching on the fights being uglier than the seal on bedsheet flag design

Or maybe we don't just make quick decisions and actually think what is best for everyone. :P

1 hour ago, Old Man Jenkins said:

hilaryfan80: Well, the first positive update I can give is that even through all of this, I made the 420th member post in the Community Deathmatch thread!

I would like to thank the academy for this prestigious award. :plankton:

never mind the fact that I didn't answer the question and Homie is still bedridden lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick said:

Or maybe we don't just make quick decisions and actually think what is best for everyone. :P

never mind the fact that I didn't answer the question and Homie is still bedridden lol

It's more the fact that no issues really go on the past few years besides like 3 independent trolls so this is a total blindside :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's JUST A SPONGEBOB FANSITE AWARDS SHOW!

 

 

The @Clappy Appreciation ThreadEpisode

Hayden: What happens when the poorly educated masses are given a right to vote? Find out tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

Chad Francis: Greetings, death fans! And once again, thank you for letting Community Deathmatch into your homes and giving us permission to use your couches while we try getting ourselves back on our feet! I'm Chad "The" Francis!

Hayden: And as always, I bring you The Gift of Hayden Tho!

Chad Francis: And what a second straight night (at the time of this writing) of action do we have in store for you this evening, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, we shall honor the return of-

image.jpg

???: My name is CNF1! And I am a certified classic and bonafide nickelodeon fan! And when I look up and the list of staff members, I see nothin but a bunch of fake tough guys! Or as I'd like to call, "CatButts"!

Chad Francis: I can not believe what I am seeing here, @ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1 is back in the Community Deathmatch Arena, and with a bit of a gimmick repackaging to boot!

Hayden: First Crushing and now CNF1, we here at Community Deathmatch must be desperate to reel in some eyeballs with these surprise returns!

Chad Francis: It is awards season after all, Hayden, the time of year where members are known to either step up their game or wallow in self-pity! And CNF1 is looking to stake a last-minute claim on some gold!

CNF1: You see, everybody's real until a real situation shows up in the staff lounge! Everybody's a monster, until a real monster walks into the room!

CNF1 steps into the middle of the ring.

CNF1: Aaahh!!! Realest Modster in the Lounge! Hi Ruth!


giphy.gif

Crowd: HI RUTH! HI RUTH! HI RUTH! HI RUTH! HI RUTH!

CNF1: It was a dream and then that dream became a reality! Pinch yourselves, you all helped make this happen! CNF1 is your

CNF pulls out his title.

CNF1: Community Deathmatch Honorary Staff Member! And I know you wanna know how I celebrated, people, so lemme tell you how I celebrated. I was sitting down in my thinking chair and I was think, think, thinking just how this real modster was able to be blessed with such great staffing skills to warrant such a prestigious honor in such a short amount of time, and then I put all the clues together and it was plain as day, clear as crystal; I'M MONEY! You all voted me as the best deathmatch for a reason, baby! Like Gordon! Hi Ruth. Waffle! Hi Ruth. and Mr. Blik! Hi Ruth. When I die, I'll leave my cats rich too! Mansions! 

Crowd: Hi Ruth!

CNF1: Cars! 

Crowd: Hi Ruth!

CNF1: Life's a kick!

Crowd: Hi Ruth!

CNF1: So then I flipped on the tv and I watched me some of them 100 Deeds of Eddie McDowd, and it got me reflectin. I started relectin on the past couple of years, because over the past couple of years, there's been more than just a couple of haters. Some real Helgas, mind you! I have dealt with some of the angriest beavers, some real animosity. I have eaten my fair share of sour grapes and people, I'm full! Okay. But you know what they are? They're a just a bunch of dumb babies! Babies just like our ding-ding, Clappy.

The crowd reacts positively at the sound of Clappy's name.

CNF1: Yeah, that's right. Hi Ruth! The last time I remember, he was busy making that cheese and has been scooping up his lions share of awards, himself. Would you believe that dumb baby has the nerve to vent out to all of you about how you're still not giving him votes for an award he still has yet to win? You wanna know what award that is?

image.jpg

CNF1: Hey ClapButt, from the looks of all you got going on your plate, if THIS is the biggest beef you have, then I kindly suggest you take a step back offline and take some more time to actually clean your fucking plate! Hi Ruth! ca4.gif

Chad Francis: CNF holding nothing back as he tries defending his honor as our Honorary Staff Member!

Hayden: CNF isn't worthy of being remembered as being apart of the same elite class of staff members as, say, somebody like jjs, let alone some nobody like Nuggets! Him being an Honorary Staff Member is a complete joke to our electoral process and an ever bigger slap to the face of everyone who has ever joined this community!

Crowd: CAN'T CONTRIBUTE! CAN'T CONTRIBUTE! CAN'T CONTRIBUTE! CAN'T CONTRIBUTE!

CNF1: And when I think about the SpongeBob Universe and their opinions claiming that I "CAN'T CONTRIBUTE", well you know what?That's the same thing you all said to the likes of CDCB, CF and Steel whose tenures all still have staying power til this very day, just like your boi!

The crowd mostly patboos at that assessment.

CNF1: Yup, just like your boi. Because at the end of the day, I did it! I really did it, I've got the award you pick boys gave me to show for it! So in order to further celebrate my greatness, my incredible performance on the staff- Wh-What do we have heeeere?

image.jpg
image.jpg

CNF1: HI RUTH! Put that thing in the record book, 'kid! But on the real tho, this screenshot came from jjs' profile y'know. Hi Ruth.

image.jpg

CNF1: That's one hell of a fucking tenure right there! I did it, people! And you know what else I did? I did something that was seemingly impossible for the rest of the staff. I made SBC relevant!

Crowd: :patboos:

CNF1: Yes, I did! :Laugh: it's in the algorithms, people! hilaryfan80, himself, he's got numbers! He's gazed into the nipples of the future and he's got predictions to prove that to be fact! And you wanna know how I did it? Cuz like Clarissa, I explain it all! I've got the gift of Pete, and the gift of Pete! I don't need no guide to survive-

Members of the staff, both past and present, make their way out onto the entrance ramp.

image.jpg

CNF1: What is this, auditions for the Non-Factor? Because you don't need me to tell ya's that you all make it to the next round!

Hayden: You would think CNF would know to honor the rest of his peers and superiors who all represent this community alongside him. What a pompous oaf!

Chad Francis: Members of the staff and retired employees are both coming out here in droves, looking none too pleased with what CNF had to say!

CNF1: Well, what we do we got over heeeeere? A couple of Helgas? A cuppa Helgas? More like a whole lot of thirsty bitches, thirsty for dat spotlight, if you ask me! Is that, is that Aquatic Nuggets? Aren't you that guy that almost drowned this community in the oceans and then you went and quickly squashed whatever credibility you had left with your shitty sense of humor? Yeah, pretty sure that's you, kid. You a lil heated or you about as cool as a volcano? Yeah. Go get your life figured out, buddy. Lowkey all the disrespect to ya, ya shmuck.

Nuggets: :NUGGETS:

CNF1: And look, it's Todd in the Wumbooty, the man that left his personality at the door half a decade ago and it hasn't been seen since! Still getting votes for Funniest Member only because you're still the longest running joke on this forum. You try avoiding all this by "abstaining from voting entirely"? Real fucking trendsetter we have on our hands here, doin a whole lotta nothin. "Maybe if I do a whole lotta nothin and become some black hole of unpleasantness, then for sure the people will have to win me somethin!" The story of Wumbo's Modern Life! 

Wumbo: Hey, it's a strategy that works.

CNF1: Like I said, left his personality at the door five years ago. Sit your ass down before you get shut down twice in one day. Yeah, don't think I didn't see you and hilaryfan80 comparing dicks earlier. Hi Ruth!

Wumbo: 1o8i4d.jpg

CNF1: Steel! By far the gnarliest thing in this group, so that is saying a lot! You know, I liked you! I gave you props earlier, and you were only a GFXer in your prime so that wasn't easy for me to say. Why, we kept Spinoffs alive together! I like you, but you got some nerve coming out here right now! Having to base your profile off a meme just to be relevant and shit. So I gotta be honest with you, everybody else standing on that stage with you are more likely to lose their virginities before any of your stories reaches their climax! I just call it how I see it, alright

Crowd: Hi Ruth!

CNF1: Guys, guys, give Ruth at least some respect. Sheesh. No fucking gentlemen in this community whatsoever. And Tvguy, the world's worst monopoly player! I'm glad you've got that avvie of yours on deck because that's the most emotion any of us has seen from you in years! Yeah, I'd give up on life too if I were to wage an all out fucking civil war over a SpongeBob fansite and then continually fail to make something to show for it!

Tvguy: :whitney:

CNF1: Yeah, the last time you were that smug, SBU failed for the third time under a different name. And Teacup! Can I call you Teacup?

Patty: No, I'd rather you not.

CNF1: That's too bad, that's the only thing I have against you, really. But no, wait, there's more! Cuz I've only got ONE WORD to describe all of you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya's! S-O-F! SOOOOOOOOOOOOFT!

image.jpg

The group of staff members past and present part away side to side, making way for The Ding of Dings, himself.

image.jpg
image.jpg

Chad Francis: Behold The Ding! The Ding of Dings, The Games, is here, back at home in his castle that is the Deathmatch Arena!

Hayden: I never thought I'd ever be happy to see Clappy more in my life!

Chad Francis: Throughout these many years, Clappy has more than played his part in keeping this community going for so long! As the head of advertising, he innovated recruitment and perhaps had a part in the arrival of some of the names you still see posting around here today! When SBC faced certain doom as its servers were on borrowed time and money, Clappy donated his real, actual money to help keep the community afloat, and it has only flourished ever since, all thanks in part to the sacrifice he made for our cheapness!

Hayden: Clappy looks awful, did he not have another relaxing since the last time he logged on? Has he actually been losing sleep over this?!

CNF1: Well, look who decided to remind us all that he's back! All right! Fashionably late, I'm sure, but wait a second! What's a king without his crown? Oh yeah, that's right, it's been bestowed upon a better staff member!

Clappy just stands there, menacingly.

CNF1: You're just gonna stand there like a fucking pussywhip and pretend like you can't hear me, fucker? Think you can no-sell me? There's only one thing you're good at no-selling and that was you no-selling this site with your piss fucking poor advertising campaign! So I know that you're hearing every word I'm sayin cuz I can see the pain in your eyes, baby! And you wanna know why I can see that pain in your eyes? It's cuz it's the very same look you had when OMJ knocked your sorry ass off the top of the posting totem pole! You want a fair shot at this gold, buddy, be my guest! I got the Sauce right here, and I ain't just talkin bout your bottom bitch!

imageproxy.php?img=&key=1794f9e524e0aadfhttps://media1.tenor.com/images/25cb0d6c17736b9dd5e8f236e40a45a1/tenor.gif[/b]

Crowd: Hi Ruth!

Clappy: You're right. You are right, CNF, I can't no-sell you. But that won't stop me from burying you. You arrived on staff to much, much fanfare, but can anyone name any one thing that your tenure is known for? The only reason anybody even voted for you in the first place, was a combination of you being the freshest on people's minds, and that the member base back then were just plain ignorant of this community's great history. And this  is how you repay these people for allow their ignorance to vindicate your tenure on staff? 

CNF1: You wanna know how I repay them, Clappy? By putting eyes on SBC and making this place presentable!

Clappy: No, CNF, NO! You are nothing but a disgrace, and you have done nothing but write flop after flop after flop, once again coming nowhere close in comparison to me in the spinoff/lit department! You couldn't even cut it writing Skodwarde, your idea of humor was just that damn shitty, not unlike your best friend, CDCB.

CDCB: I'm right here too, ya know.

Clappy: I do know. CNF, you've made a joke out of this award and tarnished the honor that goes with that title! MY TITLE! And also, the moment my name left your mouth, you went and made a joke out of me. So congratulations, you're perhaps the one staff member who only managed to do something without ever having to do anything. But don't you worry, CNF, I'll be sure to add one more thing on your résumé before your final burial!

CNF1: If you all wanna see me give the Ding-a-Ling over here the burial of a lifetime, give me an Oh Yeah! Cartoons!

Clappy marches down to the ring, followed by the rest of the eligible past and present staff. CNF drops the Honorary Staff Member title and readies himself for the fight of his life.

Chad Francis: Here we go! CNF has given Clappy a fair shot at claiming the title, the award, that has eluded him for so long!

Hayden: I wouldn't exactly call a seemingly 1 vs fuck all situation exactly fair, but whatever moves this story along.

Clappy enters the ring and squares up with CNF as the rest of the staff calls for a referee to moderate this bout. Clem races out.

Clem: AHYUHOHEEHEEHYUH!

2hda51l.jpg

Clem gets in between both competitors and separates them.

Clem: Alright, you two pansies! Well, one of you anyway, I'll leave you to speculate. I want a good, clean fight! So let's save all the burying and dirt for after the match. Any last requests?

CNF1: Keep a couple of Dougs cold for me, this won't last long. Like that Danny Phantom, he's gonna go ghosted!

Clappy just shakes his head, an emphatic "no".

Clem: Alright then. Well let's get it on!

Clem calls for the bell, officially commencing this match up.

CNF immediately kicks Clappy below the belt to start off this match.

Enzo+low+blow+to+Neville.gif

Chad Francis: Oh dear Neptune! CNF immediately resorting to kick our Ding right in the ding-ding! BOBBA MIA!

CNF tumblr_m97ytiTSd01r5xzoqo1_500.gif 's all around Clappy, who then completely no-sells the nut shot by shooting back up and kicking CNF hard in the gut, pulling him in for an early Pedogree!

tumblr_nfk0nnLk041sbzhteo1_400.gif

Chad Francis: Bobba Mia!! Clappy wasting no time in burying his opponent!

The crowd erupts positively towards it. Clappy then calls Wumbo into the ring and picks CNF up for Wumbo to nail him with a Coral Driver.

PT5YLV9.gif

Clappy then signals for Steel to come in and get his licks.

Steel: Oh no, I just couldn-

swing_3_medium.gif

Hayden: Spinning, spinning, spinning Spin-Offs!

Crowd: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13! 14! 15! 16! 17! 18! 19! 20! 21! 22! 23! 24!

Steel lets go CNF's legs and lets the momentum do the rest.

Chad Francis: 24 rotations for the 24 spinoffs that Steel still has going til this day!

Steel heads on over and spins CNF one more time.

Chad Francis: Even funnier, 25 spinoffs!

With CNF laid out on the mat, Clappy slaps on Nugs' ask to get him in on this. Nuggets ascends to the top rope, sizing CNF for something he's been waiting to hit him with for what seems like two years!

lowkiwarriorswayanimated.gif

The crowd pops hard at the impact.

Chad Francis: The Dimension Hopper connects! Is there any hope for CNF to survive!

Clappy scoops CNF up once again for another devastating Pedogree, crashing CNF's skull sickeningly to the mat.

iSKUcs.gif

CNF ceases to move, prompting Clem to step in and survey the damage. He checks CNF's pulse before raising Clappy's hand up in victory.

Clem: WINNER, CLAPPY!

Clappy: BRING ME MY CROWN!!!

Clappy quickly grabs the award from Clem's hands and drops to his knees in disbelief, staring intently at his prize with tears welling up in his eyes.

Chad Francis: He's finally done it here, folks! The Ding of Dings has finally gotten hold of SBC's Honorary Member Title!

Hayden: We're never gonna hear the end of this one, I fear.

The rest of the staff at ringside, even Clem, showers Clappy with applause, glad that the title is in the hands of somebody much more fit to hold it. Retired Employee, Karen, enters the ring with for a quick interview with the winner.

Karen: Clappy, you just came out here and won the Honorary Staff Member title, something that I don't think anybody ever expected to see you win, in truly dramatic fashion! Congratulations are definitely in order! What are your thoughts coming off of this huge win with your very first Deathmatch title, and where does our Ding go from here?

Clappy: Karen, you have no idea just how long I've kept my patience in order to get my hands on this award. The wait was just too damn long, but as always, in the end, I get what I want by proving that I am just that damn good! Tonight, I am more than just The Ding of Dings. Tonight, I am your Ding of The Staff Members! And my reign will be the stuff that legends are made of! As for where your Ding goes from this moment on... For any staff members itching at the opportunity to try and overthrow their Ding, you just line yourselves up to fail because I will knock you back down! My conquest will not end until I am the absolute best that this community has to offer, all crowns WILL be claimed in the name of the Ding!

Clappy gets up on the corner turnbuckles and poses with his newly won title as the crowd cheers.

Chad Francis: Clappy making an emphatic statement, claiming that he wants his hands on all the gold that this community has to offer!

Hayden: Most Competitive, he most definitely is a shoo-in, but good luck whining his way Kindest, that's all I've got to say.

Chad Francis: And what better note to leave this momentous episode episode off on! I'm Chad Francis wishing all of you at home a good fight, good night!

Hayden: So we're all just gonna ignore the fact that hilaryfan80, Jjs, Fred and Cream were all just in the same place, at the same time, within reach of each other, and that they were on the same page for just this episode only?

Chad Francis: Appreciating Clappy does takes precedence before all other storylines and petty squabbles.

Hayden: Oh ok.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, Clappy said:

Note to self: Don't open up about anything on this site ever again.

I know you have that warning placed on your episodes for a reason, but that felt a little too on the nose.  Not saying I'm offended because you know that it takes a lot to get under my skin and this whole series is for the sake of parody.  But yeah, that was definitely an over-exaggeration of what that blog post was about and I don't think I was ready to read that just yet.

Aw shit bro, I truly didn't mean to hurt your's, or anybody's, feelings with this. :( I must admit that whenever I do write an episode revolving around your character, I usually tend to go deeper because I've always known you to be both a fan of the original Celebrity Deathmatch and of wrestling in general, so I always went in knowing you'd have tougher skin to break. But now I see that I can push the envelope too far. My sincerest apologies, Claps, I meant no ill will with any of this. And the same goes for anybody else who may be offended by this episode (since this episode involved more than just Clappy' character), or any other episode I posted. Please, don't be afraid to speak out. This lit just rolls wherever the response takes me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, GET HYPE!

 

 

Ooooooofy Day, Who? (Sorry Spongetron, your debut will happen next episode for sure)

 

Chad Francis: Good evening, death fans! And welcome to what is sure to be very a momentous occasion here on Community Deathmatch, as, for the first time in deathmatch's history, we look to finally recognize (albeit belatedly) the annual celebration of Ooooooofy Day as an OFFICIAL SBC holiday! I am your co-master of ceremonies for the evening, Chad Francis! Joined by none other than jjs' best friend, himself, Hayden!

Hayden: You wanna know what's really official right here tonight? I am officially surrounded by IDIOTS, that's what.

Chad Francis: Don't be such an Ooooooofy Day grinch, Hayden! Aside from being just momentous, Ooooooofy Day is also seen as a very joyous occasion by a litany of other members of the fandom across both major SpongeBob fan sites! It's a time for everyone from all walks of life and posting styles to set differences aside and go on discord and/or cy with everybody's mutual friend, Ooooooofy!

Hayden: What is it that we're really celebrating here, Francis? An asylum escapee who shitted out the seventh thing that came to her mind and called it her username? This is a complete and utter insult to my intelligence, and it would be an insult to just about everybody else's if everybody else had any intelligence to their names whatsoever!

Chad Francis: Is your best friend, jjs, grouped up in there with everybody else?

Hayden: Of course not, Francis, you (mouth-)breathing meme! Jjs is not like everybody else. My best friend, jjs, is natural born leader, nothing like the rest of the sheep that graze and laze around his community with their pathetic, meaningless existences. The epitome of both being none other than the founder of Ooooooofy herself, Ooooooofy! In fact, allow me to ring in Ooooooofy Day the best way that I know how.

Hayden takes out a clipboard and pen. He sifts through the pages of paper that are clipped to it and finds a spot that could fit a sizable name.

Hayden: Ooooooofy, do you know what happens when you create an absolutely stupid and idiotic holiday dedicated to yourself during a time full of other occasions that are much more worth the time and effort put in? Huh?! Do you know what gift that gets you on Ooooooofy Day? It gets you The Gift of Hayden tho because Ooooooofy *clicks pen* YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!!

Hayden jots Ooooooofy's name down on his list of unpopular opinions.

Chad Francis: Are you just about done?

Hayden: Hold on, there is just an obscene amount of o's in this stupid name!

Hayden finishes writing it after about ten more seconds.

Hayden: There, now I'm done.

Chad Francis: How you weren't nominated for Best Antagonist this time around is a goddamn travesty.

Hayden: Antagonism is subjective, dear mouth breather. It is in the eye of the beholder! Well, either that or people just don't appreciate what this lit has to offer, like myself! Community Deathmatch, *clicks pen* YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!

Hayden jots Community Deathmatch on his list of unpopular opinions.

Chad Francis: Never in all my time here on Community Deathmatch, have I seen a more cheaper heat or pop (depending on where you stand about the show)!

Cha and Prez are seen making up a new status update chain dedicated to Ooooooofy Day.

Prez: IT'S SHAPING-

Cha: UP TO BE

Cha & Prez: a wonderful Ooooooofy Day! 

Homie: tbh we should be celebrating Ooooooofy everyday

It takes Trophy two hours to notice this merriment before commenting on it.

Trophy: Looks like somebody's taking up all of December. Prez, Homie, Cha, why do all this for ONE member?!

Cha & Prez: This will be an Ooooooofy Day to remember!

Trophy dumps gobbage on the two.

Trophy: Stop this "day" or you'll end up all dismembered!

Cha & Prez: This Ooooooofy Day will feel like the very first Ooooooofy Day to her!

Cha and Prez are both seen at pet shops and target respectively.

Cha & Prez: There'll be cute animals, chocolate milk and plenty of mac n cheese!

Cha: Hey Prez, is that Trophy trying to sneak a peek?

Trophy: What? Who, me? I'm just looking for the restroom to take a leaaak!

Trophy runs to the nearest bathroom to take a raging dump on the holiday.

ACS and OMJ are seen hand in hand, in solidarity of what Ooooooofy Day stands for, positivity.

OMJ: People are a little more brotherly!

Team Rage: Good Bro-ther-ly!

ACS: He will do a heel turn on SBC!

Team Rage: heel turn on S-B-C!

OMJ: Let's try to keep this episode SPOILER-FREEEE!

Cha, Prez, ACS & OMJ: This Ooooooofy Day feels like the very first Ooooooofy Day to me!

Homie @'s Trophy.

Homie: bitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbitterbit-ter! 15121816122532112.gif

Trophy: :bullshrimp: What do you want, can't you see that I'm buuusy?!

Trophy belts out, being rudely interrupted from going on another sports-related tangent on the shout box.

Homie, Cha & Prez: Refresh the homepage, we've got something for you to see

Trophy refreshes the homepage to see that the default skin is none other than "Ooooooofy Day!"

Trophy: hilaryfan80, take this stuff down immediately!

Wumbo: Trophy's heated with sick burns of the third degree!

Cha, Prez, Homie: Looks like things are as good as they seem to be!

hilaryfan80 tops things off by placing a handcrafted Santa Squidward in the site's logo.

hilaryfan80: Santa Squid on top will complete all the scenery!

Most of the SBC/SBM population: This Oooooofy Day feels like the

ACS: VERY FIRST OOOOOOOFY DAY TO MEEEE!

Trophy: :bullshrimp:

Most of the SBC/SBM population: This Oooooofy Day feels like the

ACS: VERY FIRST OOOOOOOFY DAY TO MEEEE! threaten SBC!

Trophy: :bullshrimp:

Chad Francis gives them an applause.

Chad Francis: Let's hear it for The Ooooooofy Day Band, everybody! Perhaps the closest thing to a genuine face turn and pop ACS will ever get around here!

ACS: The Man That Fronts The Band! tumblr_inline_oltj6e9jnK1t2r7xg_500.gif

???: Spotlight, please.

The lights go out in the entire arena, save for one spotlight shone upon the entrance ramp, where a long departed member is making his official return to Community Deathmatch.

Chad Francis: My sources from beyond Wikipedia tell me that the official Community Deathmatch debut of Ooooooofy is about to finally get underway with the return of a member we hope you might remember!

image.jpg

@Webby Todd : I am the Shakespeare of Soooooooong! The Mozart of Melodyyyyyy! The Gandolfini of Sopranooooooooo! The Maaaaaama's Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! Please stand in silent reverence, as I lead us all in the state song of Ooooooofy's hometown of the Top Secret Base. Ahem!

♪O say can you see, the top secret base,
No you can't because it is a very top secret,
Whose broad walls and unknown location there shall be no infiltration,
O'er the budget we went, was it really tax money well spent?
But the sharks with freakin', laserbeams on their heads,
Gave proof through the night that all intruders will be stopped dead;
O to say that top secret base was not a waste
O'er the base of top secret, and the home of Ooooooofy?♪

Chad Francis: Almost as if he got that right off the back of a candy wrapper, that was beautiful, Webby! What an honor it is to be Ooooooofy right now! A well deserved honor, might I add.

Hayden: ...she just came up with a stupid name!

Webby makes his way into the ring where a winner's podium has been set up. Another sharp dressed man is also already standing in the ring, wearing a sash that says "Mayor" on it for emphasis. He has with him an oversized key to something.

Webby: Ladies and gentlemen of both the community and mania, please give a warm Ooooooofy Day welcome to the grand marshal of this year's Ooooooofy Day festivities. "The Hype", herself!

???: I DON'T GET HYPED! I STAAAAYYYY HYPED!

 

image.jpg

Ooooooofy comes charging out, full of energy, running back and forth between both sides of the top of the entrance ramp.

Crowd: HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!

Chad Francis: The Hype Train has finally reached its destination, folks! Ooooooofy is here in the Deathmatch Arena! And it just would not be an Ooooooofy Day without her!

Hayden: Fucking obvi.

Chad Francis: Having saddled herself with that username since 2009, Ooooooofy is celebrating the eighth year of her gimmick's existence, one of the longest running of its time!

Hayden: And you don't see us going up in arms for Clapmaster Day or jjsthekid Day, although I would not be against celebrating the latter. Somebody put that on the community calendar!

Ooooooofy runs down the ramp, slapping hands with all the spectators she can along the way, and runs laps around the ring, still slapping hands with as much of the ringside audience as she can.

Chad Francis: She came here looking as if she had already ran a marathon, yet she still has enough hype to spare for our live audience!

Hayden: Either that, or she came here looking as if she finally outran the asylum staff. And now here she is, clinically insane and already melding into the general population of parasitic tapeworms who, themselves, aren't that far off her place on the spectrum of sanity.

Chad Francis: She's just hyped, Hayden, lighten the fuck up.

Hayden: The day I finally "lighten the fuck up" is the cold day in hell where I dim myself down to Wumbo's level, Francis. Don't you dare make that suggestion to me again.

Ooooooofy wraps up slapping hands with everybody in the arena, so she takes the celebration back into the ring. She slaps hands with both Webby and the mayor guy before stepping up on top of the podium, trying her best to stand absolutely upright and still without getting herself too hyped.

Webby: Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming his dishonor, the mayor of top secret base!

Hayden: That's it? No actual name, nothing? Or is that the seventh thing he came up with too?

The crowd pops for the mayor of top secret base, who revels in the applause before having a microphone handed to him.

The Mayor: Ladies and gentlemen of both the SpongeBob Community and SpongeBuddy Mania, it is my pleasure, on behalf of the people of Top Secret Base, to present the key to our fair base to our great hero! To our great protector, Ooooooofy! I also proclaim today, at the time of this writing, November the  17th, Ooooooofy Day!

The crowd pops even more as the mayor hands over the key to top secret base to Ooooooofy, who holds it up for the entire arena to see.

Chad Francis: What an amazing honor! This is history we are witnessing here tonight, folks, as our very own Ooooooofy is presented with the key to her city of top secret base! The very first time that such an honor has been bestowed onto someone in the base's 8 year history! I am willing to bet my left nut that NEVER, in all her years, did Ooooooofy ever think that her name would carry her all the way to this historic day. 

Hayden: With a name like that, who expected her to even last a day?!

Ooooooofy takes the mic and looks to finally make her official Ooooooofy Day address.

Ooooooofy: Thank you! Thank you all for seeing me through this journey ever since the first day I stepped foot into both of these sites! Tbh when I first came up with this name and found out that it would be accepted, I knew right from there that this was it. I knew that THIS will be the name that would carry me all the way to this historic day, and IT DID.

Chad Francis: *gulps*

Ooooooofy: This name carried through the best of times, as well as the worst of times. And no matter which way my life both on and offline went, I never changed! No other holiday or SWYAD, no fads or peer pressure could ever force me to change my name. I wouldn't change this name for the world. Ooooooofy is who I was, Ooooooofy is I am, and Ooooooofy is who I always will be! You can bet your left nut on that!

Chad Francis: *gulps*

Ooooooofy: The Hype Train has been rolling solely on cute animals, chocolate milk and mac n cheese 8 years straight and there is no sign of stopping anytime soon! STAY HYPED!

Ooooooofy runs the ropes back and forth in a frenzy, much to the crowd's delight.

Crowd: HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!

Webby: If I may intrude, your honor, for I have composed a song that embodies the indomitable positive spirit of Ooooooofy Day!

Hayden: Oh no, as if we weren't already singing her enough praises for coming up with a stupid, idiotic name enough as it is!

Webby: Ahem!

♪Out of nowhere, Ooooooofy thought
Up of a name that no one else had got!
It's Ooooooofy Daaaayy.
It's Ooooooofy Daaaaaaaayyyyy!

♪And with six other users' epic fails,
Ooooooofy became the alpha female!
It's Ooooooofy Daaayyy.
It's Ooooooofy Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-♪

 

v87SYS.gif

???: AAAARRGH AHAHAHEHEHEH!

uX8qG-.gif

image.jpg

Hayden: My prayers are at work, people! They take priority over Spongetron's PS4 pity party!

Chad Francis: What could be the meaning of this unwarranted interruption, and on this, the most sacred of days?! Trophy, what the hell are you doing, man?!

Trophy: It's my new character, 

Hayden: We all know why that's the case :swag:

Trophy: I'm The Trashman! I come out, I throw trash all over the ring! And then, I start eating gobbage! And then! I pick up the trashcan and I

3rkaezx.gif

Trophy: bash the guy on the head!

Hayden: Since your previous stints on Deathmatch didn't amount to shit, here's a new character for you. You can be the ref!

Trophy: I'm not gonna be the ref! I'm a villain! Don't you see that I'm out here to eat this trash up 

Trophy declares, pointing at all the Ooooooofy Day merriment in the ring.

Trophy: and SHIT IT BACK OUT! Because there is only one thing worth celebrating on November 17th, and that is Danny Devito's birthday!

This gets a pretty mixed reaction from the crowd, but it's mostly positive.

Ooooooofy: :(

 

SBL comes Canadian two-steppin his way out.

SBL: Danny Devitoooooo Day! I love it, Traphel!

 

Puffy Fluffy makes his way out to take issue with their comments.

Puffy Fluffy: ooooooofy is better than danny devito 

 

"The Pocket Monster" Spongebob Pokemonpants comes out now.

Pokemonpants: you forgot oofy day its [egregiously used SpongeBob Best Day Ever video here]

 

image.jpg

Fred: But ooooooofy day goes against my religion. I'm The DS Guy.

Fred says to a cheap like from the crowd.

Bob Carrotte: But ooooooofy day is superior.

Bob says to an even cheaper like from the crowd.

 

Renegade: [gif pertaining to the situation]

Renegade posts to zero crowd reaction.

???: IT'S A NEW DUMP, YES IT IS!

 

The New Dump, consisting of Prez, Big Meaty Claws and KarateSponge, dance and crap their way out.

Prez: DO! *craps* *pause* RI! *craps* TO! *craps* DO! *craps* *pause* RI! *craps* TO! *craps*

tumblr_nsw7p7T7Ko1saykaxo1_400.gif

Crowd: DO! *craps* *pause* RI! *craps* TO! *craps* DO! *craps* *pause* RI! *craps* TO! *craps* DO! *craps* *pause* RI! *craps* TO! *craps* DO! *craps* *pause* RI! *craps* TO! *craps*

 

DigitalDistraction: I got some magnums and a wad of hundreds, and i'm ready to plow. I know who I want as my "digital distraction". In other words, I like "oof".

 

Alex SquarePants: i don't wanna be that person who says ooooooofy day is superior, but, too bad I am because ooooooofy day is really superior. 

Trophy proceeds to bash them all in the head with the trashcan, even taking the time to eat some of them on his way to the ring, much to the crowd's disgust.

Chad Francis: After much rigmarole, it appears that "The Trashman" Trophy is finally making his way down to the ring to stop Ooooooofy Day from coming!

Hayden: It's an Ooooooofy Day miracle!

Trophy rains trash all over Ooooooofy's parade by tossing garbage cans into the ring, which scares both Webby and the honorable mayor of top secret base off.

Ooooooofy hops off the podium and smashes Trophy in the head with her key to the top secret base. She throws the key aside before running the ropes, using the momentum to drop Trophy multiple times with a hard series of shoulder tackles, the last of which knocks The Trashman clear out of the ring. Ooooooofy continues running the ropes even after acknowledging the fact.

Chad Francis: Even after running through The Trashman on multiple occasions, there is still no stopping The Hype Train from running!

Referee and SBC server, Clem, rushes down to the ring to moderate things before they get anymore out of hand.

Clem: Alright you two basket cases! I want a good, clean- oh wait, they must've already sent a ref out here.

Trophy: I'm not the ref! I'M THE VILLAIN! ARRRRHHH EEEEERRRRGGHH! Look, I got gobbage!

Trophy picks up an unconscious Alex SquarePants and goes about eating him.

Alex Squarepants: AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH!

Clem: ...JUST GET IT ON ALREADY!

The Trashman takes a break from eating Alex Squarepants to focus his efforts back on Ooooooofy. Trophy hops up onto the ring apron to step back into the ring, but Ooooooofy comes charging at him full steam. She tries to deck him off the apron but Trophy ducks, grabs her arm and hops back down to the floor, pulling her down over the ring rope and hyperextends it. Ooooooofy steps back in pain, giving The Trashman ample time to finally get back in the ring and runs her over with a clothesline from behind. Ooooooofy drops down onto the mat face first from the force of the move. Trophy lays some hard punches onto the back of her head before running back into the ropes and coming off it with a huge elbow drop to the back of ooooooofy's neck.

Chad Francis: The Trashman harkening and digging back to simpler times when his fists did the talking for him!

Hayden: Indeed, Francis, because as we all know, Trophy lets his ass do the talking now!

Trophy: Check her, you idiot! No way she's coming back after that one!

Clem goes to survey ooooooofy's possible corpse, but she springs back to life right as went to kneel next to her and charges at Trophy, trying to get him into a single leg takedown. Trophy powers though, refusing to let her take him dropping elbows to her back. Realizing that she isn't making progress, ooooooofy then uses all her strength to literally flip Trophy off with a back body drop. Trophy is thrown into the air and lands hard on his spine. Trophy pops back up to his feet out of instinct, but is met with a barrage of punches and kicks courtesy of ooooooofy, who is feeding off the hype of the crowd. Ooooooofy's attack backs Trophy into the ropes, allowing ooooooofy to punch him clear over the top rope and sends him tumbling back down to the outside.

Chad Francis: Ooooooofy holding absolutely nothing back in the face of insurmountable bitterness!

Ooooooofy: HO HO HO! HO HO HO!

Hayden: Almost as if rubbing more salt onto an already salty human being, Ooooooofy takes her time reminding Trophy that this is the month of December, which means that Christmas has already been here for the last 33 days, and it's here to stay for 22 more! That's 54 more than The Trashman can handle!

Ooooooofy runs the ropes again, building up some more momentum for an aerial attack through the ropes onto Trophy, but she gets cut off short when she gets bashed in the head by a stray trash can courtesy of The Trashman. The blow knocks ooooooofy right off her feet as blood begins to gush from an open on her neck. Trophy quickly pulls himself back into the ring to bask in his accomplishment.

OZ7_S3.gif

Trophy: AAAHHH HAAAHHH! THE TRASHMAN!

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! The Hype Train has been derailed by a piece of human garbage, and it looks about as pretty as one may expect when a train is on a collision course with a dump truck!

Hayden: That trash can must've had an edge, Francis! It's the only way to explain something so stupid, yet so idiotic!

Trophy picks up the trash can that he had thrown and holds it up to the camera, revealing that a razor blade protruding from an isolated corner of it.

Chad Francis: That was intended, that fiend! Unseen to the untrained eye, he purposely repurposed that trash can with a hidden razor blade! For which he then calculated an angle at which to throw it flawlessly for maximum impact, as well as estimating a precise moment to take his opportunity! The convoluted assassin making his strike with excellent execution, the likes of which we had yet to see here on Community Deathmatch, until tonight!

Hayden: Never has there been a truer Deathmatch first than what we just seen!

The Trashman proceeds to slam the trashcan repeatedly onto ooooooofy's skull without remorse. The Trashman then bites on ooooooofy's face, taking off her nose for the camera to see before taking some chunks out of cheeks and forehead.

Chad Francis: OH DEAR MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IN THIS CRUEL WORLD! He's eating her alive!

Hayden: Come on, Francis, don't act like you didn't just see this happen to Alex Squarepants earlier!

Chad Francis: Not with this level of detail!

Trophy: AYAYAYAAAARRRRRHHHEEEERRGGHH!

Trophy gnaws away at the open wound on Ooooooofy's neck next. He rips off a huge piece of her neck with just his mouth and he screams into the camera

Trophy: I EAT GOBBAGE!

Hayden: An Ooooooofy Day feast for The Trashman! Lets just throw one into the history book, Clem!

Clem is forced to intervene and pulls The Trashman off of ooooooofy. Ooooooofy isn't responding to anything at all, lying motionless, a chewed up mess. Clem is reluctantly forced to get close to survey the damage but try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Clem just leaves, putting some more distance between himself and the former prizefighter. Trophy continues eating away at ooooooofy.

Chad Francis: Somebody stop him! Ooooooofy Day has been ruined enough as it is!

Hayden: Let em have his cake, Francis! There's no point in letting garbage like that go to waste. Just think of it as recycling!

Trophy then gets up from his meal and signals for someone or something to come down to the ring. Suddenly, a garbage trucks back out onto the trance ramp and parks itself on it. Trophy slams what remains of ooooooofy's remains and slams em in the trashcan before lugging out of the ring with him. He carries it over to the truck, where he proceeds to dump ooooooofy into back of the truck, allowing its machinations to have its way with her before it closes itself shut.

Trophy: THE TRASHMAN! HAHAAH!

Trophy roars out to taunt the crowd before hitching a ride on the back of the truck.

Hayden: What a grand day it is to be alive in order to witness this crowning moment in Community Deathmatch history!

Chad Francis: The Trashman has for come pick up, and it came at the cost of an entire holiday being wiped off the calendar! I'm afraid to say that from this moment forward, November 17th shall forever be known as "Gobbage Day"!

The Trashman taps on the truck in order to signal the driver to take off. The garbage trucks makes its way back out of the Deathmatch Arena, the audience still torn between choosing ooooooofy or Danny Devito.

Chad Francis: Well folks, we're all out of time. From all of us here at Community Deathmatch, we would like to wish you and your loved ones a happy, hearty and fulfilling  Gobbage Day. Good fight, goodnight!

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!

 

 

Pairing Off: Part 1

Our episode opens up to somewhere backstage, where Spongedude and Abney are standing in front of a bunch of SBMers with something covered up in a blanket to their left. Abney, of course, is too busy playing Mario Kart on his Gameboy Advance to really pay this much mind, so Spongedude takes charge of things from here.

Spongedude: Now, I know Ssj's death has weighed heavily on about 2 or 3 of you lately, but let me just say that I am just glad I wasn't around when that happened. I mean, that could've been me ending up as a blood stain on this site's skin! But don't those 2 or 3 of you worry anymore, because I, along with absolutely no input from the rest of the staff, will keep his undying spirit alive because, people, it is time. In fact, it is that time again...though, better late than never, I guess. Yes, what better way to build up site solidarity than bringing back

He lifts off the towel covering the thing next to him, revealing a white board.

Spongedude: The SBM Family Tree!

The SBMers pop at the Family Tree's triumphant return, already salivating at the chance to hook up with each other.

BobCarotte: Tuba, do you want more children?

Aya: I'm still waiting for those semi-divorce papers and semi-break up sex, Cha.

Alex SquarePants: I'm divorcing Spongebob and Patrick, bai! SOF wanna fuck?

SOF: I am your MAHARAWAT! I do not fuck you people! I do not need your pity sex when I have the 1.3 billion people of India behind me!

Kairikeybash: Does someone wants to marry me? sbyousure.png  I'll be loyal to you, you can call me "Kai" if you want.

Renegade: Hi Kai, Renegade the Unicorn here, I'm in an open relationship with my girlfriend @TrixieTheUsherette and we would just love to spice our relationship up by allowing you to sneak past our country's border!

OBAB: I'll marry you, Kai.

Kairikeybash: PM me ;)

OBAB: I'll marry Puffy Fluffy (Edited by Ol Bold and Brash, 10 November 2017 - 06:52 AM.)

Kairikeybash: :( I'm leaving.

DeltaStream: No, I'm leaving.

Kairikeybash: Then why don't we just leave...together?

Kai flutters her eyes at Delta, but he's already been gone by the time she finishes fluttering.

KarateSponge: Hey Prez, I don't care if you're love is for another or you're already married ok let's get married.

Prez: ...Tsum tsums, you've been replaced!

BobCarotte: Just realized Tuba is not being active lately so I'm divorcing. Who wants to marry me? 

Zimmy11: Anyone want to marry me?

TheJollyAquatic: Hey, anyone wanna marry me?

Pokemonpants: anyone wanna marry me?

BobCarotte: Whoa, dudes. Ménage a trois? That's excluding you, Pokemonpants, we still don't know how to feel about you.

Spongedude: blink.png Lots of guys asking "who wants to marry me?" Well, I sure am glad I don't play well enough with others as it is. I could be you all right now, and I wouldn't want that on my conscience! blink.png Oh wait, I don't have a conscience. I'm good. :D

Aya receives a notification.

Aya: Well it's about gotdang time, Cha-

Her eyes widen and then squints at the information she has just received, a show of emotion that was once unthought of. She walks over to Abney, who is still caught up in breaking more Mario Kart records, now having the burden to interrupt his game in order to get a response out of him. She greets him with the usual greeting, a swift kiss in the ass, which is enough to get his attention for a fleeting moment.

Abney: What is it, Aya, can't you see that I'm busy?

Abney says as he tries his damnedest to make it through Cheese Land with the fastest possible time.

Aya: There's something you should see, sir.

Abney angrily pauses his game as Aya takes him off to the side, and he takes a look at the report that Aya had received. His eyes, too, both widen and squint the longer he views its contents. He looks over at Aya in disbelief.

Abney: "A disgrace and embarrassment to SBM"? "Besmirch my status as a Mario Kart world record holder"? What is this, some kind of joke?

Aya: Yeeeeeaaahhhh, a joke!

Abney: Oh dear Neptune, that's a relief. You almost got me to get off my ass there!

Aya: Oh sorry, that was just a badly-timed SpongeBob reference. I always bust one out at the worse possible times.

Abney: blink.png

Aya: I mean, I wish it was, but it looks serious. Look, I'm on your side here, Ab. I love the job you're doing as an administrator of SBM. you've got this place running like a well-oiled machine, and I would hate for anything to come along and throw a wrench in that.

Abney: How'd you get this?

Aya: Look, Idk what it is about me, but people likes to kiss my ass and in doing so, they sometimes tell me things. And I just wanna give you a heads up about the information That I have. I want to let you know, Ab, that if I could help in anyway, I will.

Abney: ...I appreciate it. If this is true, it could ruin me.

Aya gives him a reassuring kiss on the ass again before walking off with the report in hand, looking to handle it personally.

Abney: blink.png

https://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY

Chad Francis: Welcome, death fans! To another brand spankin' new episodic installment of the longest-running bi-monthly episodic series in all of Spinoff and Litdom! I'm spunky, uptight SpongeBob reporter, Chad Francis, joined on commentary by none other than the self-proclaimed best friend of jjs, Hayden!

Hayden: I can think of one person I'd rather be doing right now than to be put out here with likes of some terribly dated meme!

Chad Francis: Just what in the world was all that about back there?

Hayden: I know, right? A bunch of disloyal cuckolds who will toss their significant others aside for the next piece of absolute ass that they see! My best friend, jjs, and I will never do such a thing to betray each other's trust. No matter which fansite you're on, there is no genuine camaraderie whatsoever!

Chad Francis: Well, that, and just what has Abney so shook that he actually almost got off his ass for once?

Hayden: Without a doubt, the most he's ever done since spamming our peaceful community with Pokemon. But whatever it is, I'm sure it is well deserved as comeuppance for that has been a long time coming.

Chad Francis: Whatever the case may be, in the spirit of upholding peace between sites, we here at Community Deathmatch hope that he gets his shit together because Spongedude will sure as hell run SBM straight to hell by himself. But what a fight card do we have in store for you this evening, folks! Tonight's main event will finally see the Community Deathmatch in-ring debut of "The Good Guy", Crushingmayhem!

Hayden: It only took us about four years, but it's finally fucking happening!

Chad Francis: But firs thing's first, in yet another Deathmatch first! Tonight, we will also witness the official, much hyped about Deathmatch debut of Spongetron Robotpants!

Hayden: Yes, much like Metal Snake's dick, this is something she's been wanting for a long time, Francis!

WhoBob: Not funny.

Hayden: If she thinks that people merely mocking her in the shout box was already enough to warrant her a headache, Community Deathmatch will drill a hole right through her freakin' skull and take a steaming shit in it. Because much like her taste in men, Community Deathmatch has no standards whatsoever. This is the very same lit that triggered Clappy, the poster boy of keeping his cool under an online facade, just a few episodes ago. You have to have the toughest skin, the sharpest wit, the most indomitable will, and most importantly, a heightened sense of humor to make it out of the Deathmatch Arena alive with your reputation still intact, let alone making it out gracefully in death. All of which, I personally believe, Spongetron lacks in bulk.

Chad Francis: Perhaps Spongetron can make a believer out of you yet, Hayden, by reaching deep down inside herself and pulling off an upset here tonight!

Hayden: Well, I'd certainly be upset.

Chad Francis: Lets head on down to the ring with Community Deathmatch's new ring announcer! You know her, you love her, you can't get enough of her! It's Karen.

Karen: Ladies and gentlefish, the following deathmatch is schedule to have ads enabled!

Crowd: ENABLED!

Karen: Introducing first, from the Earth, it's-

Wumbo interrupts Karen, making his way out with a microphone already in hand.

Chad Francis: What could possibly be the meaning of this interruption?

Hayden: Probably here to bring people's attention to worse music reviewers in order to manipulate these sheeple into thinking he's a god among them, which he's nowhere close to being by any stretch of the imagination.

Wumbo: With all due disrespect, Karen, I've got this one. So why don't you run along and continue being a pain in everybody's asses in more necessary and somewhat productive ways. Ladies and gentlemen, Moar Boys and Girlygirls, I introduce to you somebody who is also making her Deathmatch in-ring debut tonight! She is my disciple, she is my apprentice, she is my fan, she is a fellow Todd Squad member, and she is somebody who I consider to be a very close, dear, personal friend.

https://youtu.be/fM6LTZGqnw8

image.jpg

Katniss makes her way out now, greeting Wumbo with a hug on the entrance ramp.

Chad Francis: Katniss is here to make her official in-ring debut!

Hayden: Look at her, rubbing Wumbo's overinflated ego like that. What a sheep, what a parasite. The only person she should be rubbing is me.

WhoBob: Not funny.

Chad Francis: I wouldn't think jjs would be a fan of that.

Hayden: Trust me, he isn't, but it's just destiny, Francis.

Kat makes her way down to the ring and poses on the turnbuckle to a pop from the crowd, being much favored by this pro-Kat crowd.

Chad Francis: I don't think I can think of anyone in this community who doesn't like Katniss, Hayden- well, except maybe you, Hayden.

Hayden: Contrary to "popular" belief, Francis, I actually am quite fond of the little piss stain, she's the one here who has the painfully obvious hard-on for me. She even went so far as to personally request that OMJ cease production on Hey Hayden! all because she was going through pants like crazy getting constantly wet over me. As if she wasn't going through them enough during the scenes where she was actually scripted to wet her pants over me.

WhoBob: Still not funny.

Chad Francis: Well, to each their own, Hayden, but Katniss is looking as if she's ready to make her opponent wet their pants right here tonight!

HERE'S TO THE GREATEST! GREATEST! FRIEND I'VE EVER KNOOOOOOOWWWWNNN!

image.jpg

Metal Snake and Spongetron make their way out together, hand in crotch, as Metal Snake looks a bit weirded out but nevertheless keeps an XD on his face

Hayden: Just when I thought they couldn't get anymore sappy and/or creepy enough.

Spongetron: Hello! For those of you who don't know by now, my name is Spongetron Snake

Metal Snake looks as genuinely surprised as we are by that reveal.

Metal: And my name, is Metal Snake.

Spongetron: And no, this is not a dream, because THIS is a wet dream come true! The First Lady of SBC has arrived on Community Deathmatch! And for the past three years, I've been searching for the perfect partner!

Metal: And you found ME.

Metal Snake :3's at her and that's about all she's gonna be getting from him.

Metal: You found me!

Hayden: Most Serious Member in the community right here, as voted by YOU, folks.

Spongetron: And now, we are here to educate EVERYONE on cytubeCommunity Deathmatch the Magic of Friendship!

She and Metal Snake raise each other's hands in blissful unison. They exchange :3's again, because that's all she's gonna get outta him, before Metal Snake exits the ring and joins Wumbo at ringside in order to cheer their respective woman. Kat and Spongetron size each other up, trading some lowkey insults as Clem officially starts the bout.

Clem: Alright you two, I want a good, clean fight! No 2-on-1's in the shout box and Spongetron, if you must lay hands on Metal Snake, keep it above the belt! Any last requests?

Spongetron: God, today's music sucks.

Katniss: Have you ever even give today's music a shot outside of the just the bad ones you go off of? There's a lot of good music out there today if you just take the time to look-

Spongetron immediately clotheslines Kat to the mat and lays into her with a series of forearm shots to the face and head as she laid vulnerable. After a couple hundred forearm shots, she gets up to taunt Kat.

Spongetron: Another brick in the wall, Katniss, that's all you are!

Spongetron picks Kat up and whips her into the ropes. Kat bounces off the ropes and ricochets back to Spongetron, who is ready to greet her with another haymaker, but Katniss manages to baseball slide underneath it and trips Spongetron up, causing her to land face first onto the mat. Katniss mounts on top of Spongetron's back, grabs her by the hair and repeatedly smashes her head face-first into the mat, doing her best to flatten Spongetron's face as much as possible. Spongetron manages to interrupt Katniss at the 24th face smash by grabbing back and flipping Katniss off her. They both struggle back to their feet, but Katniss is the one to the strike first as she brings Spongetron down with a stiff discus lariat. Katniss grabs Spongetron's legs and proceeds to lock her in Wumbo's patented Lock Lock.

tumblr_nr5d8kaLmV1uaufc6o1_250.gif

Chad Francis: Kat taking a hit out of Wumbo's playlist by locking Spongetron into the dreaded Lock Lock!

Hayden: Yes, a maneuver that has locked its lions share of topics back in the day when Wumbo still had his smile and didn't have to resort to cheap tactics like feigning depression to "threaten" to leave the community and then not leaving at all just to drum up interest for his "reviews". Fucking distasteful, this fucking guy. How people can willingly choose to rub his ego, with a straight face mind you, is beyond even me.

Spongetron taps, but as we all know, there are no submissions in a deathmatch. She tries to reach out to the closest bottom rope, but she is too far out of reach and she doesn't have the strength to pull both herself and Katniss towards it. Metal Snake reaches out from the outside, putting himself under the bottom rope in order to grab Spongetron's hand himself and he pulls her to the outside as Katniss hits the ropes on the way out, breaking the hold she had on Spongetron. Metal Snake holds Tron in his arms and :3's her as Wumbo chews out the referee for not doing anything about the blatant interference.

Chad Francis: Metal Snake proving his loyalty to his friend, Spongetron, by saving her from the clutches of death!

Hayden: If only jjs were to save me from the perpetual death sentence that is commentating on this deathmatch.

Wumbo gets in Metal Snake's face now, culminating in him throwing a pack of Lunchables in Luke's face. Still not getting the cultural significance of Lunchables here on SBC, Metal Snake loses his shit and unloads on Wumbo. He wraps Wumbo up in a huge bear hug that he calls The Anaconda Squeeze.

Chad Francis: THE ANACONDA SQUEEEEEEEZE?! That's a classic we haven't seen since Metal Snake's run on Post Fiction!

Metal Snake puts his full body weight on Wumbo now and forces the reviewer to the floor in agony, where Luke ensnares him even further his a few death rolls. Kat recuperates in the ring and notices what's going on on the outside. She vaults over the top rope and calculates her positioning precisely on the fly in order to land a devastating elbow drop right onto Luke's head without causing any further harm to her friend, her mentor, her- 

Chad Francis: Katniss, "The Girl on Fire"! She spits nothing but fire, it's why the blueberries are so dry! Looking to survive her own personal Hunger Game against one of thirstiest players in the game! Perhaps second only to Renegade, Spongetron's most heated rival!

Katniss: DUH-HUH PINK FLOYD!

The crowd pops at this show of schoolyard bullying.

Chad Francis: "The Mockingjay" on full display! Shades of her and Wumbo's previous transgression's with Spongetron on the shout box is showing now as Katniss looks to put this in the history books, folks!

Hayden: The only thing worthy of getting Katpiss into ANY history book is her record of holding the most L's in arguments against me, Francis. It's a goddamn miracle she's even made it this far into a deathmatch without having some sort of breakdown.

but before Kat could celebrate a lil too hard, Spongetron charges back in (about as fast as she could since she was still feeling the affects of the Lock Lock) and rams Kat head-first right into the steel ring post. She then gets a few more shots in before throwing Katniss right into the security wall that separate the audience from the action, sickeningly bending her head and neck back on impact. Spongetron gets all up in Katniss' fries and points down at Luke, primally shouting

Spongetron: THIS IS MY MAN!

Spongetron tosses Kat carelessly back into the ring and looks to head back inside, herself, but Wumbo grabs her by the foot and pulls her back down. Tron lands on her feet and verbally engages Wumbo, but before Wumbo can get a mocking shout out, Tron kicks him below the Mermaid Man utility belt and he breaks down onto the floor in some of the worse pain imaginable on the Internet.

Hayden: What a shocking turn of events here, folks. Wumbo actually has balls! I never thought I would ever see the day! I bet he's just faking it to drive up viewership for his reviews even more. You ain't slick, Wumbo!

Tron re-enters the ring and looks to put this Kat to sleep, but she's interrupted by the sudden appearance of


tumblr_inline_onrf1nyZ8C1r7hhnc_500.gif
image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg

Renegade: Thoughts?

Chad Francis: Speak of the devil and he shall come! 

Hayden: I guess now that he's on winter break from Hogwarts, Renegade the Unicorn has much more time on his hands to be even more of a creep than Metal Snake, against his will, is making himself come off as.

Chad Francis: And he has his issues with just about everybody in this match! Well, except for Metal Snake.

Hayden: Why do we take Luke so seriously again?

Chad Francis: All I know is that I hope these four members have all brushed up on their defense against the deviant arts, because "The Deviant" is on his way to the ring!

Renegade paces down the ramp and to Metal Snake's side at ringside. He offers Luke a helping foot, lifting Metal Snake up to his feet by the chin.

tumblr_op2xnfnJXM1vtad0lo1_400.gif

Chad Francis: We've seen this before, Hayden! Could Renegade be possibly setting Luke up to Fade To White?!

Hayden: Oh, I thought he was just trying to set Luke up with himself. Either way, it'll end in white.

WhoBob: Not funny.

Spongetron: What are you doing?! THAT IS MY MAN!!

Renegade looks up at Spongetron with a : smirk: then he looks back down at Luke before simply just helping the metal snake regain his footing and offering him a shoulder to lean on. Spongetron visibly loses her shit even more as Kat sizes her up for another huge discus lariat. Spongetron turns around, but she manages to duck Kat, who crashes against the ropes and comes face to face with Renegade, herself. They trade their unpleasantries before Renegade shoves a Beach Boys music video in her face and asks for her thoughts. Not knowing any other way to lowkey tell Renegade to leave her the fuck alone, Kat verbally eviscerates him, but this distraction is enough for Spongetron to pull Kat in for Spongetrons XYZ Dragon Cannon!

tumblr_o0ygrdNOhV1uc1fq4o1_400.gif

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! Spongetrons XYZ Dragon Cannon being summoned forth with full authority! No doubt being named after Metal Snake's passion for the Yugioh series!

Hayden: If she really wanted to get him in bed, she should've named it after something in GX 5D's, but alas, she has not have earned herself even a single D here tonight.

WhoBob: Not funny.

The impact of the maneuver causes Kat's head to pop on impact. Kat's remaining body suffers a nervous breakdown for a few fleeting seconds before dropping lifeless onto the mat. Clem surveys the damage before raising Spongetron's arm in victory.

Clem: WINNER, SPONGETRON!

Spongetron quickly knocks Clem aside and flies out of the ring, putting herself between Luke and Ren like a literal cock block. Spongetron throws a flurry of insults at Ren, who is only deep in thought and being passive about this whole thing. Tron chases him away and tends back to her, giving Luke the tlc that he deserves.

Spongetron: Are you all right, Luke? Do you like that I fantasize about you?

Spongetron has actually asked, trying to get a response from her man.

WhoBob: Not funny.

As Renegade makes his exit, he sees that Wumbo is on the other side of the ring mourning Kat's loss. Renegade sneaks over and makes Wumbo Fade To White!

Chad Francis: What an underhanded assault being undertaken by Renegade! The Wumbooty was clearly grieving for his friend, that was the epitome of unnecessary and somewhat spammy!

Hayden: Ahh, Wumbo was just faking that too in order to get more people to visit that wasteland he calls his blog.

Renegade motions over to Tron and Luke and simply asks

Renegade: Thoughts? :thoughts?:

Renegade finally leaves as Luke tries to make sense of what just happened and Tron just sits there waiting for Luke to answer her questions.

Chad Francis: Just what sort of dark thoughts does Renegade have in mind for Spongetron and Metal Snake after that disgusting display?

Hayden: It's Renegade, Francis, he wants to to fuck everything that moves. It doesn't take  a Hayden to figure that one out.

Chad Francis: A disturbing thought to think about, so let us switch gears because coming up next, the Deathmatch Arena will be paid a visit by "The Innovator of Offense", "The Anti-SBC Lit Writer", the founder and creator of Community Deathmatch, himself, your old man, Jenkins! Making his first appearance in something meaningful for what feels like years at this point! And rumor has it that he will be here to address the situation surrounding the fairly recent actions of your best friend, jjs, Hayden!

Hayden: Just what in the hell else is there to address that hasn't already been "addressed" by the mindless sheep who push hilaryfan80's agenda? Cream has already tried putting her and hilaryfan80's spin on things, and realizing that that will not be enough to silence our voice, they gave us their permission to defend ourselves as brutally and as honest as we are allowed to. And the funny thing is, they did that fully expecting us to make ass out ourselves, they didn't even count on us being a much more cohesive unit than they could EVER hope of being. WE made asses out of THEM. You could just call Cream "Ass Cream" from now on after that message I hand delivered to her personally. You hear me? You call her that. YOU CALL HER THAT FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME! Because Jjs and I, we are taking our community back, and you'll all come to thank us for it.

Chad Francis: Well, until that hypothetical day eventually arrives, if ever, OMJ has arrived here in the meantime! And what an ovation for the creator of death!

OMJ checks his invisible watch and adjusts it.

OMJ: IT'S TIME FOR A GODDAMN HERO!

Chad Francis: The goddamn hero that Community Deathmatch needs at this pivotal moment!

The crowd pops hard at the return of its creator. OMJ makes his way down to ring with a microphone in hand.

Chad Francis: Just what will OMJ have to say?! Find out when Deathmatch returns LIVE on SBC!

  • Like 4
  • Happy 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

:3 <3 XD :D  :wub: Great episode, OMJ, I loved it, great work, but you missed out on a chance to reference SBC Honest Trailers. But still, golly, you sure know how to pleasure me! And I still like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and pictures of Maud Pie. :3 <3 XD :wub:maxresdefault.jpg

  • Like 1
  • Happy 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Chad Francis: We're back, and thank you all for joining us again as Community Deathmatch cums at you LIVE from the former Krusty Krusher HQ that is the Deathmatch Arena! Old Man Jenkins has just made his long-awaited to Community Deathmatch, and the crowd can not get enough of him! He's been depriving them of his presence for so long and absence has only made the heart fonder! The Old Man is back!

OMJ calls for a microphone and has one handed to him. He takes a couple more moments taking in the chants and praise before finally addressing the crowd.

OMJ: It sure has been a while, hasn't it? I thought that not showcasing myself on here as often would give everybody else on here more room to grow, to become the best damn members they possibly can be in order to survive. But it seems that in my absence, somebody has decided to take it upon himself to take things just a bit too far past even Community Deathmatch's comfort zone. This somebody is flying dangerously close to the sun, and much like the character in the story that I am alluding to, this somebody is going to crash and burn because of it. Now, before Hayden goes on another tangent that I am only here to push the hilaryfan80/Homie agenda, remember that I am the creator of Community Deathmatch, EVERYBODY is fair game in this arena. I'm on nobody's side, I just call things how I see it, so jjs, you best haul your dumb ass the fuck out here right now, and you meet your maker.

Chad Francis: OMJ wasting little time and showing no fear in calling out SBC's director in chief!

Hayden: This is freaking blasphemy, Francis. Nobody, not even OMJ, gets to talk down to my best friend, jjs, like that! Jjs has single-handedly kept this place going for this long for damn good reason. You all need to be reminded just who you truly owe everything to for all that you have here in the SpongeBob Community. Jjs has been the glue keeping this place together for years, even throughout the leadership tenures of other unqualified tapeworms such as termi, 70s, Tvguy and nuggets.

OMJ: Jjs-

15149518791257147.gif

image.jpg

Hayden: PRAISE NEPTUNE ABOVE, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! JJSTHEKID IS FINALLY BACK IN THE DEATHMATCH ARENAAAAAAA!!!

15149520331257115.gif

image.jpg

Hayden flips the entire announce table over in complete excitement.

Hayden: FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH! OH! OH! OOOOOOOHHHHH! THIS IS MORE ABSOLUTE BLISS THAN I CAN HANDLE! OOOH, THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN EXTASY! YOU FUCKING SHEEP, THIS, THIS IS THE HERO THAT COMMUNITY DEATHMATCH DESERVES!

Jjs enters the ring and celebrates some more, getting right in OMJ's face while doing it.

tumblr_oyf37gbbSC1rghka1o1_500.gif

Chad Francis: Jjs sure is seeming as if he's definitely short on shame here tonight. After all the trouble and damage that he's caused, you would think somebody in a position as respectable as his would at least show a shred of remorse for his actions. He's at least made the full heel turn by changing from Hank Hill to Hugh Neutron, at least. :cosby:

Hayden: Believe me when I say that jjs definitely had no intention of ever taking things this far, but you sheeple forced his hand. He had no choice but to play the bad guy if it meant finally opening all of your eyes to the horrors that "hilaryfan80's SpongeBob Community" has brought forth us all, things that we never thought could ever breach the bond that, we, as a community, have. Jjs and I, we're gonna end all of that! We're going to stop the lies, put a halt to the deceit, end all of the heartbreak! We are going to bury all this denial, because don't you tell me for a second that you can look at this community and tell me with a straight face that something isn't gravely wrong with this picture.

Jjs grabs a microphone and is met with a mixed reaction from the crowd. He just laughs it off.

Jjs: Now, now, don't let what I did to Homie distract you all from the fact that SBC just finished having one of its most successful Snowcember Balls to date!

The crowd starts chanting "Band Geeks" before turning it into a dueling chant between both "Let's Go Band Geeks!" and "DRA-STI-CALS!"

OMJ: Alright, let's just stop dancing, in your case, literally, around the subject and assaulting these impressionable guests with your delusions of Internet grandeur. Okay, why don't you shove the teams up your ass, right back where they came from, because I couldn't give a half a shit about teams. I just want you to give me a real good ass excuse as to why you betrayed my trust and abused my cbox to attack others like a sniveling fucking coward. Just who am I talking to exactly? Am I talking to, perhaps, Stancakes? Or Blaze, maybe? Yeah, I'm thinking Blaze. Everybody can make out that butthurt anywhere.

Jjs: Is this your method to try and get one over on me, Jenks? You're gonna try and dress me down as if I were just another Stancakes, Blaze or ACS? :Laugh: You wish you were just dealing with amateur hour right now. Because when it comes to people like them, you know what exactly what to expect. I don't think it's necessary to bring up your flawless track record with ACS just to prove my point. And not to put myself on a pedestal above the members that I watch over, as is typical of most who have held such high positions of power, but you're not dealing with any of them either. I am nowhere near them. You're so used to everybody playing the roles that you cast them in, you never counted on somebody with an ounce of self-respect would ever come along and throw a monkey wrench in your plans. Just look at you, you are reaching so far for a hit that just will not be able to connect at the rate you're going here. You're gonna hurt me through teams, a feature that's proven to still drum up quite a bit of activity during forum events? You've got nothing on me, Jenks, years of me carrying your sorry ass on commentary has afforded me the luxury to starve you of what you need to keep this lit of yours on life support. You won't find me in your crosshairs because you're not the sharpshooter you think you are. I truly am untouchable, and that just devastates you, knowing that someone has finally wised up to your half-assed formula. And let me guess, you're gonna reprimand me and try to spin the fallacy that Homie, a proven liar and all-around douchebag to this community, is a saint compared to me, an honest man who is willing to go above and beyond for his community?

OMJ: No, and way to put way too much value in your own stock btw. I feel you've already made enough ass out of yourself, and I have good faith that neither Homie or hilaryfan80 need me to fight their battles. I'm not just another bitch that takes orders up the ass and solve other people's problems for them, terribly, might I add.

Hayden: Riff him, jjs, riff him a whole slew of new ones for me!

OMJ: But what I will do is ask you again, why did you betray my trust and tainted the sanctity of my cbox, all to viciously sneak attack other users of your own volition?! Shouldn't you practice what you preach? If you have a problem with another user, take it to the PMs? Or are you above your own rules?

Jjs: I don't consider myself to be above anything. I'm a humble man, as everyone here has come to know me as. I take no pleasure in any of the actions that I was forced to take in dealing with Homie. Am I lying about the fact that she is a pathological liar, whose tall tales betrays the trust of a great number of users on here? Or about the times when she would drag this community, OUR community, through the mud just to make her feel better about her pathetic existence? But I guess that's what counts as being "Funny" around here, you all voted for her being as much! Not to me. Like I mentioned in the cbox, if this were someone, say, Stan or Blaze, they'd be burned at the stake immediately! The need for a trial would be completely irrelevant! Justice would be swift and true! Then what makes her so different? What makes her above our rules? She committed red flag after red flag and still, she got nothing! Nobody dared to reprimand her, and it just killed me to see practically everyone put her above our community! I knew even then that if I were to take the appropriate action, I would've gotten shitted on for my decision, so I let it slid. I compromised my principles, my rules, for one member. And I did that for all of you, foolishly thinking that it would continue to make us stronger as a community. "Oh, this is just some gay Filipino who's going through some shit with his family yet aspires to be a model, to be something better! He's already got it rough as it is with the cards that god has dealt him. What could possibly happen by just letting this one slide?" I soon came to know that the consequences was far from my desired result. Throwing the rulebook out the window was enough to put this community into a downward spiral as it is, but the moment that that ho finally decided to cut the bullshit, I realized right then that I compromised my community based on a fucking lie!

Jjs begins to tear up as he continues to explain his side of the story.

Jjs: She not only MY trust, but she betrayed everyone's! She had a freakin thing going with hilaryfan80 and it just was fucking- WHAT?! And the age difference and continuing to do the things that they do in spite of that! It was beyond ridiculous for me to see everyone so willing to compromise their better judgement, as well as our community, a SECOND time for this one person! I do my damnedest to not place any limits on what this community can do, otherwise we'd just be seen as SBM 2.0, but I have my limits. What I did was not me going into business for myself. What I did it was me going into business for this community. And not just for Hayden, as the popular opinion might be, it was for ALL of you. And that is not an easy thing for me to say! "Business", to me, is such a dirty word for me to say within our walls. For years, I've prided myself on keeping this community firmly in its roots without the need to sell out in order to make good business sense, but that was the only option that I was afforded. That was the only option you all gave me! And what did I get for the sacrifices I made for you?! I got trash thrown at me by all of you, as if I was some SBM administrator, a tyrant! I've seen tyrants, I know tyrants. You all haven't the slightest idea just how good you have it now compared to the regimes of yesteryear. I didn't threaten to shut this site down due to sour grapes, I didn't make this site revolve all around me, I didn't make my word law, I've never given any of you reason to believe that I would do anything to hurt any of you, not even for a cheap laugh! There used to be a time when we would do anything to uphold the sanctity of this community. When Bluefoxes walked over us, we stomped all over their website. Whenever ACS would threaten us, we would pose an actual threat by actually raiding his website. And don't get me started on our storied solidarity in the face of SBM! We did all that together as a community, so don't you try to be mightier than thou because you all know damn what you've done for the sake of what you believed in! What I did on the cbox was us shutting Bluefoxes the fuck up, it was our IAVA raid. So to finally answer your question, Jenks, I felt abandoned by my community. But just because my community abandoned me, it didn't meant that I should abandon my community. I just made do with the hand you all dealt me. If I am to be condemned for doing what I believed was right, then so be it. But don't think that I will go down without a fight, don't anybody think that condemnation is far from their doorstep because everybody here is guilty of something. And I'll be damned if I let someone like you be the one to lecture me!

OMJ takes all of what jjs has said in before responding.

Jjs: Don't you fucking play dumb like this is Community Deathmatch Season 1, you son of a bitch! Now let ME do the asking! How does it feel, Jenks?

OMJ: How what feels?

Jjs: How does it feel to have originally come here to such huge fanfare, and now your following is practically non-existent. Your once booming ask thread has definitely seen better days, people would actually go out of their way to talk to you, let alone actually read your work. But nowadays, you can barely even garner the attention from even your niche group of followers. Nobody wants to bother with you anymore because your username is tainted, Jenks, you're poison! Wherever and whatever you post, since this lit all you really got going for you anymore, death surely follows you like a plague. The members here are forced to walk on eggshells while you exam every move they make under a microscope, reaching for anything that'd make "good material" for Community Deathmatch! Just look at your friend, your "rock mate", the guy who quite possibly loves both Celebrity Deathmatch and wrestling the most out of all, Clappy. Even he's wised up to your shtick and sees you for the parasite that you really are. Sure, he may have back pedaled a bit now to save face, but if he's anywhere near as sane as I am, he'll come back around eventually.

The mention of Clappy's displeasure with his last episode strikes a chord with OMJ.

Jjs: Oh yeah, I forgot. He's one of your "good ones", isn't he? One of your "chosen". You two and those other three used to be inseparable, but now look at you. Just another statistic as to why no real friendship exists in this community outside of Hayden and myself. But let's dial back a bit on the personal stakes! Didn't you used to have about 3, count em, 3 official followers of the Community Deathmatch topic? Where did Darkness and Cha go?! Did they do themselves a favor and leave the sinking ship? I see Darkness liked a post in here recently that wasn't a Deathmatch episode, so that should say a lot. When was the last time OWM has even read, let alone liked, a thing you posted on here? I mean, he does receive notifications whenever you update, right? And don't think I don't see you trying to be slick by implementing his character into this storyline more lately, and yet, he still hasn't even bothered! Face it, Jenks, you bullied away almost every fan you had left.

OMJ: Don't you say it, mang. Don't you fucking dare-

Jjs: It would seem that everybody is finally wising up to what this lit really is, a hateful fanfiction!

OMJ stands beside himself, looking genuinely surprised and hurt that his former broadcast partner Jjs would even quote ACS, let alone agree with him.

Jjs: You leave a pile of broken souls in your wake, Jenks. There are no victims in MY work.  These people have more to fear from you than they could EVER have to fear from me! My work truly helps people to better themselves. Like The Riffing Theater, for example. Along with offering some of the most hilarious content you could ever find on SBC, I also give constructive criticism where it is due. I don't just tear away at people until there's nothing left. That's why my Riffing Theater has the following that it has today.

Old Man Jenkins: That's easy for you to say, given the sheer amount of people you have on hand, myself included, to carry you and to make your episodes look strong each and every single episode. Do I even need mention the countless times you deliberately copped my style and left me next to nothing to work with? But even with next to nothing, I can still make plenty more of it than you ever could make heads or tails of on your own!

Jjs: What you call me "copping your style", I call doing you a lot better than you could even do you! And that eats you all up inside, I know it. And you know who else does? Everybody else, because everybody else actually reads my work AND they like it. A lot more often than what you could ever hope to muster. Like I said, I improve on people. Squid is now one of the most must-see spin offs of the modern era! Skodwarde, your baby, is THE most must-see spinoff of ALL TIME! And it only got to be that way under my leadership. At this point, Skodwarde may as well just call me "daddy".

Crowd: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!

Jjs: What was it you used to cringingly say back in 2011? "Daddy's back, sweethearts"? Jenks, "daddy" only gets to come back when I come to collect my alimony. You gave up on "your baby" years ago like the piece of shit quitter that you are. Just like Post Fiction, S(lums)BU, The Killer Krab, Break A Leg!, My Life as a Teenage SpongeBob Community, Hey Hayden!, StraightEdge PunkPants, not just one, not even two, but THREE crappy ass wrestling spinoffs, Supercommunity!, Elastic the Cowardly Dog, that Super Mario Bros Z knockoff, and now what looks to be Post Fiction again. You pride yourself on being so self-aware of yourself and everybody around you, so I don't think that it's entirely out of the realm of possibility that even you are aware of just how much of a talentless hack you are, so you take it out on everybody else to make YOU feel better about YOURself!

OMJ: Oh, so that's your big theory? You think you've already got me all figured out?

Jjs: As your "best friend", Clappy, said, "right on the nose".

OMJ takes a few steps back, sarcastically putting his hands up in shock and awe before stepping right back in jjs' face. Jjs remains unfazed as he and OMJ locks eyes in a fierce stare down.

OMJ: You studying carefully, taking mental notes in your for when you cop this, too, later? This is what a badass looks like on SBC, as defined on the SBC TV Tropes page, but you know, it's the darnedest thing because that entry got taken out. I wonder who would go through the trouble for something so fucking petty? I know, must be the same guy who hid his sorry ass on the cbox to get his licks in! Try and raid me, just try to shut this show down! Let's take a nostalgic step back for a bit here. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker, just try to get at least one lick in on me! I'm right here, I'm looking at you dead in your shit, 'kid! Out in the open! I ain't no blue fox, ACS, or CF! I can actually fight back!

OMJ opens himself up for jjs to get a lick in. Jjs humors the idea and even jukes his old man out, deciding not to.

Jjs: You would like that, wouldn't you? More material for Deathmatch. Everyone can see the raging boner you have right now, cumming at the thought of this whole thing blowing up! That's exactly what you'd want!

The crowd pops hard at the thought of this dream match finally becoming reality.

Jjs drops the mic and leaves the ring, to huge heat from the crowd. Jjs proceeds to yell at the crowd

Jjs: Christmas is over, you stupid dipshits! The real casualties of this lit are your brain cells!

Chad Francis: It appears that when confronted in a face-to-face situation, all jjs can do is run away to find safe place to hide in before getting in his shots!

Hayden: Are you that fucking naive, Francis?! My best friend, jjs, clear as day put that talentless bully in his place! And like all bullies, if you give them what they want, then you're just wrapping yourself around their finger. Unlike a good majority of sheeple who have come and gone on this show, my best friend, jjs, is playing it smart. He's not giving OMJ anything to attack him with, he's just taking away the tools with which OMJ can do the most damage. As far as I am concerned, jjs has just won a Deathmatch with mere words alone. That is an accomplishment in and of itself, Francis. Look at how speechless that old fart is right now! Verbally slain, completely eviscerated by the real truth of Community Deathmatch! For the first time in Deathmatch's entire run, he is at a true lost for words, and I couldn't be happier, as it was all orchestrated and executed to perfection by my best friend, jjsthekid! We just witnessed The Kid beat The Old Man at his own game here tonight, folks. Drink that iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn, maaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn!

Chad Francis: You just continue to believe what you want to fool yourself into believing, Hayden. But what I just witnessed here tonight, was just another act of cowardice by our director-in-chief.

Jjs heads to the back, leaving OMJ and the Deathmatch faithful hanging. OMJ apologizes to the fans before taking his own leave. He slaps hands with some of the guests sitting ringside when he's suddenly met on the entrance ramp by

image.jpg

Crowd: KOO-PA! KOO-PA! KOO-PA! KOO-PA! KOO-PA! KOO-PA!

Koopa can only look around at the crowd angrily as they continue to chant his name. He then crosses paths with OMJ, both members staring holes through each other.

Chad Francis: "The Content Destroyer" meeting the creator of Community Deathmatch for the first time in Deathmatch's storied history! We may not be getting one dream match, but could we be getting another potential one in its place?!

Hayden: The atmosphere in the Deathmatch Arena has gotten even more electric, and I still can't understand why, since my best friend has already left the building!

Koopa bumps past OMJ in a show of disrespect as he continues making his way down to the ring. OMJ brushes it before finally making his exit.

Chad Francis: Perhaps the stars weren't aligned just yet, but a spark is there! Koopa, showing absolutely no respect to OMJ and contributions!

Hayden: Can't say I really blame the guy, maybe he'd be less angry if he were in The Riffing Theater right now.

AK enters the ring and grabs a mic.

AK: I can't help but notice you all have decided to remember and cheer my name.

The crowd continues to chant his name in response.

AK: That's real sweet, but just where the fuck were all of you back when my review blog was still going on? Huh? That's right, nowhere to be found! You dickwads don't know what you want, you can't decide what you like! Or are you just hopping on my dick "ironically" like a bunch of dumbass SBMers? Because I've seen The OBAB Show, I know what the results of that can be. If the latter is really is the case, then you're all more blind and lost than you know! That's why you need reviewers to tell you what to cheer or boo. So what made ME so unqualified to do just that? You all dick ride pieguy, yet scorn Mrenter because why? He actually has an account and gives you attention like a bunch of lovesick puppies in a cardboard box?! I had an account and gave everybody the time of day, yet you still refuse to put my work over! You even got me banned for it! And for what?! Just sharing my opinion?!

Crowd: YOU DESERVED IT! YOU DESERVED IT! YOU DESERVED IT! YOU DESERVED IT! YOU DESERVED IT!

AK: You can chant that all you want, because I know that YOU ALL didn't deserve my reviews. You never deserved that opportunity to read my opinions. I'd even go so far as to say that you don't even deserve to read anyone else's, for that matter. That's why I destroyed pieguy, and I will continue to destroy any content put in my way because I am just that damn bad! You think you've seen Angry Koopa at his most livid, well you ain't seen nothin yet. Send out my next victim!

The crowd continues to ironically cheer Koopa on.

AK: and just like "Your Name", I'll put them to sleep!

The crowd goes back to booing Koopa for bashing one of 2017's top-tiered animated movies.

Chad Francis: Angry Koopa, still refusing to play crowd favorites as he does the unthinkable and bashes "Your Name"!

Hayden: Well, I am of the unpopular opinion that agrees with him.

Chad Francis: Of course you are, Hayden.

image.jpg

Illiniguy34 comes out to make his first ever Community Deathmatch grand entrance.

Chad Francis: Illinig-

Hayden: Show some goddamn tolerance, Francis! Katpiss reads this too, y'know! No wonder why she doesn't leave any likes on here.

Chad Francis: ...uy, here making, what I believe to be, his first ever appearance inside a Deathmatch ring tonight! It's a night of Deathmatch firsts, folks! The creator and innovator of the niche "C! True Chicago Reviewz" channel, Illini-guy professes his love of super hentai and Kamen Rider, as well as review cartoons

Hayden: Because what lady out there doesn't like a guy that knows his cartoons? Oh yeah, that would be Katpiss. I'd also take the piss out of him for liking Power Rangers, but of respect for my best friend, jjs, and his boner for the franchise, I shall choose to refrain from doing so for the rest of the evening.

Chad Francis: In any case, Illini-guy is here looking to take Angry Koopa apart, and I'm sure Koopa has the very same on his mind!

Illini-guy enters the ring, gets up on the top turnbuckle and poses for the crowd.

Illini-guy & the crowd: Pretty Handsome Dude, You Know It!

Hayden: It appears as though all 3,939 of his subscribers have bought a ticket to lurk this evening! It's nice to see someone's fan base actually translating well to our member count. Jjs would be most pleased!

Angry Koopa quickly strikes at Illini-guy from behind with a lightning fast enzuigiri to the back f the head as he was still on top of the turnbuckle. He then violently yanks Illini-guy off the turnbuckle and slams him hard onto the ring mat back-first. AK angrily barks at Clem to

AK: Start the fucking match!

Clem: LETSGETITON-

Clem hurriedly gets out of the way as Koopa runs towards him in order to bounce off the ropes, looking to splash onto Illini-guy with a senton, but Illini-guy gets his knees up, causing Koopa land spine-first on them. Koopa grabs his back in pain as he slumps down against the corner of the ring. Illini-guy notices this and sizes Koopa up for a Sentai Boot.

Illini-guy: Pretty! Handsome! Dude! You Know It!

H2Wep.gif

But before the Sentai Boot could connect, Koopa springs back up and floors  Illini-guy with calculated uranage.

oXBKqbY.gif

AK: GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT!

Koopa then finally splashes onto Illini-guy with that senton he was meaning to hit earlier.

Samoa+Joe+-+Running+Senton.gif

Koopa wastes little time in continuing his offensive, punching Illini-guy in the face with the some lightning quick jabs, beating him into the corner. He then throws some headbutts in to increase the pressure on his opponent, beating Illini-guy to a pulp. Illini-guy slumps and eventually doesn't have anything left in him to even continue blocking at this point, leaving himself wide open. Koopa lifts him onto the top turnbuckle for a Gut Buster.

giphy.gif

Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! GUT BUSTER CONNECTS WITH ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY! And bear in mind, folks, this move damn near killed a man irl! 

Koopa quickly transitions Illini-guy into the Koopina Clutch, choking the life out of him.

Chad Francis: Angry Koopa angrily locking in the Koopina Clutch!

Hayden: You call it "Koopina Clutch", he likes to call it "Spirited Away", or in tonight's case, "Your Name"! If it's Japanese and critically acclaimed, you can be for damn sure that Koopa will take a diarrhea dump on it!

Chad Francis: As if the Gut Buster wasn't already enough, this is just overkill at this point!

Hayden: I'm pretty sure Illini-guy checked out the moment he tried shifting his channel's focus away from action figures.

Illini-guy quickly ceases to move as Koopa constricts his hold around him like a constrictor.  Koopa almost looking as if he's getting off of it the more time passes.

arBBL.gif

Clem finally decides that enough is enough and tries pulling Angry Koopa off of Illini-guy. After what feels like a few more minutes, Koopa finally releases the hold, swiftly breaking Illini-guy's neck as he does so.

Chad Francis: Oh my goodness! Koopa breaks the neck for good measure, but it felt completely unnecessary! If ever there were a time for Wumbo to co e out and say that something was unnecessary and somewhat spammy, NOW would be that time!

Hayden: He doesn't call himself "The Content Destroyer" for nothing, Francis! He'll rip you apart right down to he bone and he'll pick you apart from there.

Clem raises Koopa's hand in victory.

Clem: WINNER, MAD-

Angry Koopa knocks him out of the ring with one blow.

Angry Koopa: IT'S ANGRY! ANGRYYY! ANGRYYYYYY KOOPA!

Koopa leaves the ring in a huff, fuming mad over content that's better than his.

Chad Francis: Another content creator falls at the hands of destruction. Just how far will Angry Koopa take his vendetta against his peers? And just how many will it take to finally calm "The Content Destroyer" the fuck down?

Hayden: dafuq if I know.

Chad Francis: Well, what we do know is that "The Good Guy , Crushingmayhem, is here to make his official Deathmatch debut, and that is coming up next, as Community Deathmatch rolls on LIVE!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...