Community Deathmatch

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

noice.

[Old Man Jenkins]

EDIT: production on this episode started before...recent events took place.

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just The Beach Boys!

 

 

Love & Mercy

  vs

Jjs: The Alt-Beach wage a war against the Brian Wilson Doesn't Matter movement here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

Jjs: Hello and welcome to the yet another episodic installment of the most out of touch, out of date lit going today! I'm jjsthekid!

Hayden: And I'm jjsthekid's best friend!

Jjs: Now you know that we here at Community Deathmatch put great value and pride in our inability to bring you the latest shit right as it happens. We don't just copy and paste entire threads as they happen and slap on a witty commentary track right over it. We build stories and we develop actual characters here, which has apparently been a lost art for the last week, so for our sake (and hopefully yours) we want you all to shut your brains off for just one moment and pretend that this piece of cutting edge material from a week or two ago happened just earlier today!

Hayden: You know, like in actual pro wrestling!

We are shown footage of a shouting match going on in the shout box "just earlier today". First, the footage shows Renegade the Unicorn and members of the Alt-Beach marching around, picking up good vibrations, as he flaunts around a YouTube video of The Beach Boys' "Smile" album to shove into everybody within a one thread radius' face.

Renegade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2evRSITXja0 Thoughts?

Halibut and some members of the Brian Wilson Doesn't Matter movement sneak up behind the Alt-Beach goers, sizes Ren up and waits for him to turn around RIGHT INTO A BULLSHITTER ELBOW BASH!

Halibut: The Beach Boys aren't even that good.

All hell breaks loose as both sides sound off and attack each other. Wumbo comes onto the scene now and joins in on the two-on-one bashing with four consecutive, and not properly spaced out, ^'s. The first ^ pierces Renegade like an arrow leaving its quiver.

Halibut: Smile got way overhyped cuz around it despite it just merely being a decent pop album.

Renegade manages slightly dodge the second and kicks away the third.

Halibut: Brian Wilson could have recorded himself drinking his own piss and hacking it back out and people would still buy into that "tortured genius" bullshit.

Aya takes a break from listening to that Beach Boys album and uses this opportunity to rub her selling out to Ssj in my face.

Aya: Not exactly what I bought into recently, but it's just as good.

Halibut surprises Renegade with another elbow bash to the back of the head, leaving him open enough to get hit on the shoulder with Wumbo's fourth ^. The pain of the ^ penetrating his shoulder serves to only stimulate Renegade's libido even more, providing him with the strength necessary to try and fight back with a solid argument for himself.

Renegade: ummm, he was a tortured genius, Hal. 

Renegade shifts the weight behind his argument into a calculated kick at the knee of Halibut, hoping to chop down his stance.

Nuggets low key intervenes on Ren's half, surprisingly, seeing as how Ren could never hold up an argument on his own, and attacks Halibut with a sharp, witty

Nuggets: Edgy (insert square here)

Halibut answers back with a

Halibut: yeah I know I'm a tool.

Halibut's counter at his expense truly proves to be at his expense as he and Nuggets share an explosive exchange that ends with Nuggets gaining the proverbial edge for the Alt-Beachers.

Cha peels onto the scene in the patty mobile (because she's like most in-tune SpongeBob fan out of this bunch to warrant it) and running down Wumbo, who was looking to provide some more back up for Hal until Cha rammed him. It's not enough to kill him because it is just a sandwich after all. She gets out of the sandwich and simply says

Cha: beach boys are very good tyuall.

Then all of a sudden, SG, under the HelloMisterSpringtime gimmick, sneaks in a

SG: I'm one of those people who like The Beach Boys just for their music.

And the "footage" abruptly ends there with chaos still going on.

Jjs: Awful, truly awful turn of events taking place in the shout box just earlier today. With violence and bad blood boiling on both sides, you know, taking the obvious, possibly unnecessary lampooning of the Charlottesville riot out of the equation.

Hayden: The Beach Boys can make subhuman beings do the craziest of things imaginable on both sides of the argument, jjs, and this, that just happened earlier today is absolutely no exception to that matter of fact.

Jjs: I mean, you have this, even though he might get on most everybody's every last nerve, mind you, up there just shoving his recent discovery in the face of everyone who can't stand him, and then to have Halibut, who you know is just a barrel of laughs every time he gets himself into these situations, come in and just bash the guy's taste without any provocation or remorse. And then if shit hadn't gone down enough already, Wumbo comes in now and he doesn't even say a goddamn thing, he actually lets Halibut do the talking for him this time!

Hayden: Yes, they're like a hive mind. I am all too aware of that. Hal's the sheep and Wumbo's the shepherd.

Jjs: Wumbo doesn't even have the gall to say anything this time, he just posts four "^" like he's fucking saying something emphatic, which he isn't! Even Nuggets came in and low key put that shit to bed with just a single word! And he used four "^", so he could've just been doing that shit in agreement with the shout that was four shouts above him. How's about using just one next time, asshole?! Fuck, I wasn't supposed to say that here, that's meant to be said in the cbox! But fuck it, it still stands! I don't know what's been going through Wumbo's head as of late, it's already common knowledge that his blog has definitely not taken off like how he thought it would, so maybe that played a factor in his involvement with today's shouting match. And needless to say, I'd say he disappointed me today. I expected a lot more quip and wit coming from a member of his stature, but he actually had the gall to just shout "^" four times fast. Maybe this finally confirms that his best days are well and truly behind him because that was blatantly about as unnecessary and somewhat spammy as any post that he's accused of being just that for the past 6-7 years!

Hayden: The canuck's gotten too complacent with his standing here with his music reviews and counting down year end lists with opinions that come right out of his rear end!

Jjs: Yeah, he should call it his Rear End List!

Hayden: Good one, best buddy! Way to fill in for the gaping black hole of charisma that is Wumbo these days! And you know what? Speaking of lists, do you know what happens when get too complacent about your place here, Wumbo? Huh, do you know what happens when your hypocritical marmosetic yes men do your bidding for you like the bunch of neophytes that they are?! Do you know what happens when you become the very thing that you once swore to crack down on? Huh?!! Wumbology *clicks pen* YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!

Hayden jots "Wumbology" down onto his list of unpopular opinions.

Jjs: How is it like, Wumbo? To finally be apart of a list that actually has any sort of relevance to this community outside of just your interchangeable line up of ball fondlers?

Hayden: Speaking of Wumbo's genital fondlers, what the fuck was up with Cha in today's shouting match?

Jjs: A car wreck of a human being, the Lunatic Cringe is, and it definitely showed here today. Should be allowed nowhere near anything that's operable, let alone a fucking sandwich. And what the fuck is a "tyuall"? Is that supposed to be "actually" minus the thought of being bothered to actually spell it correctly?

Hayden: "Thank you you all", maybe? What kind of condescending bullshit of a response is that. 

Jjs: And that's your middle name, so that's really something here.

Hayden: Yes, jjs. Hayden Condescending bullshit Shellder! Only jjs would know that because he is my best friend, an art that's certainly lost on both sides of this Beach Boys debate. But speaking of, do you know what you get, Cha? Do you know what you get when you shout out some condescending bullshit and try to pass it off as coherent? Huh?! Do you know what you get when that same condescending bullshit more than likely got you kicked off the SBM staff?! You know what that earns you? *Hayden clicks his pen again, retracting it* It sure as hell doesn't earn you a place on the list of Hayden tho. Unlike you, this list has some pride, it has some integrity, and it has infinitely more legitimacy to it than roughly 95% of your Like count. Because I would dare not sully the sanctity of this list by placing your name anywhere near it. You haven't earned it, you don't deserve it!

Jjs: Yeah, much like SBM, this list doesn't need you. Fuck, I meant to say that under an assumed name on the cbox, dammit! But fuck it, the point still stands!

Hayden: And last, but certainly not least, we have SG coming in, with her like buhmillionth username, trying so desperately to find something that'll click and make people remember that she's a thing around here.

Jjs: And not just that, she just had to be that person, Hayden. She just had to be that person who throws her literal two cents in, because that is about as much as her opinion is worth, and say that she's "one of those people who likes The Beach Boys just for their music"! As if once again blending in with the crowd is gonna get her noticed around here! I mean, she's being noticed right now, but that's besides the point! She was a non-factor in that shouting match, and she will continue being a non-factor in everything here on SBC for the rest of her tenure, if anyone can even remember it!

Hayden: Do you know what you get, whatever name you want to be called today? Huh?! Do you know what being literal filler gets you around these parts, SG?! Huh? *clicks pen* YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!

Jjs: So congratulations, my best friend, Hayden, considers you more legitimate than Cha!

Hayden: Also, consider yourself welcome because my best friend, Jjs, and I just made your existence more known for a brief moment than you could in your entire 7 years! 

Jjs: There's a damn good reason why you aren't even considered a Retired Employee despite being a mod for a hot minute, as is the norm for something like you, but I think you already know that by now.

Hayden: If you had me on board Homophobia: The Miniseries, we would've more than doubled that already astronomical view count, best buddy!

Jjs: You sure can say that again, mejor amigo. In fact, I really think we need to get a Jjaysden spinoff going here or something, dedicated entirely to us burying everybody and everything to further prove our point that nothing in this community, let alone on this entire planet, can ever hope of breaking this sacred bond we have!

Hayden: OMJflix, make it happen!

Jjs: But, of course, until that day finally decides to come around, I'm afraid we here at Community Deathmatch will just have to settle for more filler bullshit, such as the match up we have coming up next! So why don't we head on to the ring with Server, Clem, who will be moderating tonight's action!

The music of our first combatant hits the turntable.

 

Halibut comes out to a more or less positive reaction from the crowd of guests.

Hayden: "Oh no!", the sound everybody makes whenever this marmosetic tapeworm decides to open his mouth.

Jjs: Currently crawling his way back to SBC for what could be possibly the second time these past few weeks, all the way from that hellhole he calls a personal life, it is none other than the "Bearer of Bad Reviews", "The Anti-Shout Outer", "The User Who Shall Come Nowhere Near a Moderators Position on My Staff", there are days where I can't stand the guy and there are some days where I find tolerable him enough to wanna be on the same Online Now list as him. Ladies and gentlemen, you can bet Wumbo's sweet ass that it's Halibut!

Hayden: And speaking of that parasitic leech, jjs, Hailbutt has become something like a protégée of sorts to The One Hit Wonder Man throughout these last couple of years, since Halibut's last major appearance here on Community Deathmatch. So you have to think that being brought under the wing, if you know what I mean, of a member as absolutely pandering as Wumbo has been these last two-some years, perhaps all those "teaching", my god that was so hard for me to say, may prove to be a grave detriment to whatever game plan, if any, Halibut might actually have, especially in an already scarcely used part of his body such as his head!

Jjs: First thing's first, whatever thing he's got going on with Wumbo fucking pales in comparison to what we've got, lets just put that shit to bed right now. And secondly, I just really can't help but absolutely agree with your assessment on Halibut's credentials heading into this Deathmatch, Hayden. I mean, what does every member of the Todd Squad Dojo have in common?

Hayden: They're all irritating as shit.

Jjs: Exactly, my friend! And not just any shit, but that shit that somehow manages to float its way back up right after flushing. Like, go down the fucking toilet already and STAY DOWN, nobody can stand the very sight of you! 

Hayden: Take a look at one of our opponent's for the Most Active Member title, Fred Rechid, for instance. Like, literally, go out and find his picture in the reality images thread and you will know exactly why he's only ever gotten everything he has by the very thin skin of his teeth.

Jjs: So what hope does someone like Hal ever have of accomplishing anything anywhere remotely close to that?! The kid always makes things harder for himself, he creates obstacles whereas it should be cake! For every half a step forward he takes, he almost immediately takes ten steps back!

Hayden: He tried taking SpongeBob Jeopardy away from MY best friend, jjs! Everybody here knows better than to try and put my best friend, jjs, in the corner! It is simple common knowledge, but what might be common and/or knowledge for everybody else will surely be uncommon and/or deficient for Toolibutt.

Jjs: I couldn't have put that together any better, myself, amigo! But, if there is one thing that he does seem to have a have a grasp on (and it's definitely not reality), it's that he's at least still aware that his taste in hippity hop is garbage, judging from his theme.

Halibut grabs a mic and takes it to his mouth, looking to address the Deathmatch Faithful.

Halibut: Look, I am Halibut. Not "Bad Reviews" Halibut, JUST Halibut. And I don't plan to be on SBC for a very long time, as I will have thing popping in my personal life. Eventually. Jjs and Hayden's commentary corner over there just said that I am a piece of shit that just won't stay down the drain. Well, whereas you two see me as just some piece of shit that won't stay down the drain, I interpret myself as being a survivor. What you fail to realize, is that I am able to break faces with my opinion driven elbows, as well as break spirits with my anti shout outs. You also fail to realize how much joy that it brings me to shut my opponents the hell up. Now, anybody can just sneak a lucky death blow in or choke the air out of somebody, but it takes a member with real power and conviction to force somebody to GET THE FUCK OUT, and that's enough to make me want to come back for more. Because when Halibut bashes, it's ashes to ashes.

Jjs: Thank you, for reaffirming my already bad opinion of you! You sure won everybody's hearts here tonight.

The music of Halibut's opponent hits the turntable now as the lights in the entire arena go dim.

 

Hayden: Jjs, where are you? I can't see you! Are you still here?!

Jjs: Just follow the soothing, asmr sound of my voice, Hayden!

Hayden: As much as I'd love to, I don't think I can- oh, there you are. Right there next to me!

Jjs: And I always will be

Jjs: No man is ever truly good.

Hayden: No man is ever truly evil.

Jjs: He's done dumb things you never could.

Hayden: And we will never be equal, because, ladies and gentlemen, this here is a subhuman being whose entire being is lesser than most everybody here. 

Jjs: Look at him, he already has an obvious boner. We have on our hands, someone who can without a doubt be one of Community Deathmatch's biggest heels. If not, THE biggest. You wanna talk about less, I'd honestly go so far to say that he is lesser than even the likes of SOF and, well, his opponent here tonight, quite frankly.

Hayden: He's even lesser than me, and that's saying something coming from someone such as myself!

Jjs: I mean, you can just take every bad thing that I've said about Halibut thus far, multiply it by 11 and then apply it to ole Ren here. I never thought I'd ever hear myself say this before tonight, but I'm personally really hoping Halibut wins here. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

Hayden: I know I'm one to typically go against the grain and not be a follower amongst all the sheep here, but I really can't bring myself to show any semblance of support for this parasitic hypocrite. At all. I'd say he's on Zaid and Jared levels of bad, maybe even worse since he's an actual pedo on this forum.

Renegade begins his descent to the ring, posting links to YouTube videos that most nobody wants to watch to of the guests, while making other guests feel hella awkward by randomly saying that he ships them.

Jjs: Not fucking cool, dude. Not cool.

Hayden: He's extremely lucky that there are no SBC-equivalents of JBL, Bob Holly or Chris Benoit around to haze some proper forum etiquette into him.

Jjs: Yes, yet another member who said he was gonna leave only to come back on later that very same day. That right there shows very weak wills on both these competitors' parts, as well as an inherently huge lack of honesty.

Hayden: Another huge no-no around these parts if we were to incorporate more Ring of Honor elements into this show (lines obviously fed to me by OMJ).

Jjs: The biggest accomplishment Ren has to his name here in the SpongeBob Community is that he is a two, count em two, time boyfriend. 

Hayden: A two-timing boyfriend, if you ask me, jjs! If a guy like this can actually go from getting this far with a girl one month https://www.thesbcommunity.com/profile/3667-renegade-the-unicorn/?status=14615&type=status to this the next, then he must be really fast! He's already more than moved on from Trixie by quickly trying to get into the pants of the likes of Sauce, Spongetron, Cream, Cha, Aya, hilaryfan80, WhoBob and even Homie in about that exact order! And all while hiding under the guise that he's in an "open relationship" with Trixie, despite there being no evidence of her being as open because she tucked tail and ran  away (probably from him) just like almost every other fresh-faced newbie who signs up here, in a vain attempt to make him feel better about himself! Speed like that could translate well in the Deathmatch ring, but rather subpar in bed.

Jjs: But what he lacks in bed, Hayden, he certainly doesn't make up for in heart! I mean, https://www.thesbcommunity.com/profile/3667-renegade-the-unicorn/?status=14970&type=status just look at that. Poor girl actually gave Ren the time of day to come back and give her man a smile only to be met with that lukewarm reception. And that was the last we ever saw of her. I almost feel a moment of silence is in order here. Yet another example of a "relationship" that pales in comparison to ours!

Hayden: https://www.thesbcommunity.com/profile/3709-mistpelt/?status=14972&type=status Kan trying hard with that rebound tho.

Ren sits down Indian style in the center of the ring, trying to collect his thoughts and find his own center. He looks over and smirks a hole into Halibut's soul, who is in the corner of the ring, further sharpening his already edgy opinions and getting his bash game on point.

Referee Clem calls Halibut over so they can all meet in the center of the ring. Ren continues to remain seated and collect his thoughts as Hal towers over him, not wanting to let someone like Ren get into his pants. Let alone his head.

Clem: Alright y'all, I can't read! So I have no idea what's been going on or what's about happen, so just go with that!!

The bell rings to signal the start of the bout.

Jjs: And this week-long awaited Deathmatch is finally and officially underway!

Halibut fires the first shot with a huge boot to the face of the still seated Ren, but Ren leans back and ducks under it, causing Halibut to miss with the momentum sending him past Ren. With Hal's back now towards him, Ren quickly jumps up to his feet and looks to capitalize. Hal almost as quickly swings right back to get Ren back in his sights, but Ren has already set his sights on him and drills him in the face with a huge White Mass 

that sends Halibut back through the ropes, out of the ring and onto the floor!

Jjs: Halibut firing the first shots, but ultimately misfiring, as he usually tends to do!

Hayden: And that failure in judgement has proven costly as Ren's speed quickly came into play, managing to quickly get his finisher in on his opponent! Now Halibut has to literally save face following that big White Mass if he wants to still be in this thing!

Halibut scrambles around outside the ring, struggling to get his footing. He eventually does with some assistance from the guard rails separating the action from the guests. Ren sees this and hits the ropes, perhaps about to go for an aerial assault. This startles Halibut, who then scrambles to brace for impact but Ren jukes him out by merely back flipping off the ropes and back into his seated position as he was when the match first started.

Ren then randomly posts a picture of him that you could already find in the reality images thread and asks

Renegade: Thoughts?

Jjs: Ren already playing games with his opponent! Utilizing his unorthodox posting style to try and pry his way into Halibut's pants!

Hayden: If Halibut continues being a dumb ass tool, he's gonna find himself being used and thrown out like Mistpelt before him!

Halibut takes some time to lick his wounds outside the ring before cautiously making his way back in. He goes for another boot to the face, but Ren once again ducks and dodges, but this time, Halibut kicks right back and clocks Ren in the back of the head as he sat himself back up. This leaves Ren open for Halibut to beat him down with some hard elbow bashes to the head. Ren scrambles back to his own feet now, but Halibut places him in a hammerlock. Hal and Ren wrestle for control over each other, each hoping that their argument is solid enough to gain enough ground over the other. Ren gets Hal into an armlock but Hal manages to twist himself out of it and pulls Ren in for some loud knife edge chops.

Jjs: Halibut putting his edgy opinions to good use for himself here, looking to chop the wind right out of his opponent!

Hayden: That sure is a lot of hot air to chop out, jjs!

Halibut runs the ropes to build momentum for a huge elbow bash, but Ren immediately responds with a roundhouse knee, knocking Hal right off his feet.

He then follows it up with a standing double foot stomp right back onto the chest of Halibut.

Jjs: Ren driving the full weight of his Brian Wilson argument right on top of Halibut! Perhaps now he knows full well the severity of dare questioning the genius of Brian Wilson!

Ren gives Halibut time to get back up to his feet as he collects his thoughts on just what he has to do get into Halibut's pants.

Hayden: Ren actually giving Halibut some ample time to collect his bearings here, perhaps in a vain attempt to appear chivalrous when we all knew he's a bigger douchebag than Blaze!

Ren sizes Hal up and lands a knife edge chop of his own, but it barely even phases Halibut, who tanks it and lays into Ren with another chop of his own. It's enough to send Ren down to the ground, but he immediately kips back up, trying to shake off and hide the damage that it really did to him, but he kips up right into an elbow bash to the face courtesy of Bad Reviews! Ren face plants hard before rolling himself out of the ring.

Hayden: Halibut's the edgiest tool in the shed, you can't possibly hope to out edgy him!

Jjs: Halibut digging deep down into himself and pulling a page out of Bad Reviews Halibut's play book.

Hayden: It's exactly that harsh sentiment of the Halibut we all know and have a love/hate relationship that's gonna help him put a major dent into Ren's ego!

Ren collects his thoughts on the outside as Halibut readies for an aerial assault. Ren sees this coming and gets startled, only to find out that Halibut has turned the tables on him.

Hal then pulls his dick out and slaps it across Ren's face from inside the ring, asking

Halibut: Thoughts on THAT, bitch? Thoughts on THAT?!

Jjs: Halibut looking as if he wants to get into Ren's pants now so that HE could fuck with  HIM! I've never seen Ren put into the very same position that he's put many others in in the past!

Halibut challenges Ren to come at him, bro. Ren takes some more time to collect his thoughts and try to make himself look civil before choosing to oblige to Hal's challenge by cumming into the ring. Halibut dodges the discharge, yanks Ren into the ring by his dick and throws him furiously into the ropes where he bashes him hard yet again.

Hal then catches Ren off the rebound and plants him with a Halibuster.

Hayden: Ren leaving himself and his relationship status, perhaps, a little too open for Halibut to take brutal advantage of!

Hal gets up to his feet and taunts for the crowd as Ren slowly tries to take off one of his shoes while Hal's back is turned, revealing long, sharp toenails. Hal waits for Ren to stir back up to his feet before making his next move. He tries to hit Ren with a big boot again but Ren telegraphs and blocks it off before catching Halibut with a roundhouse kick to the head with his exposed foot.

Hal's head immediately starts gushing out blood as he crashes down to the mat. Ren just smirks as he looks to take full advantage of this opening. Ren proceeds to kick the crap out of Halibut all around the ring with his exposed foot, piercing him with each kick that lands and cutting him up all over.

Ren then gets a hold of a limp Halibut with his barefoot, clinching into the skin of his chin with his toenails, in order to pick him up for a finishing blow.

Jjs: Ren is signaling for the end with one more climactic White Mass!

Hayden: If Toolibutt can't even win against this tapeworm, he can just say goodbye to any credibility he has left!

Halibut knocks Ren's foot away and suddenly springs forward with an anti shout out-fueled Jab to the Unicorn.

Hal goes to bash Ren with another elbow, but Ren catches his arm and punishes him  with a lethal posting combination by posting a YouTube video that he highly agrees and supports his argument, but without exactly going into why

However, Halibut manages to land on his feet following the german suplex, allowing him to grab Ren from behind for what looks like a neckbreaker but ends up turning it around into that elbow bash he was looking to hit earlier, this time to the back of the neck.

The force of the blow sends Ren bouncing off the ropes and ricocheting back towards Hal, who readies himself for one last Bullshitter to finish Ren off. However, Ren counters with a last minute desperation White Mass with barefoot! The kick itself doesn't necessarily connect, but the force behind the blow combined with Ren's razor sharp toenails was enough to completely decapitate Halibut on contact.

Halibut's head flies into the crowd for them to bounce around the arena like a beach ball, while his headless body tries blindly bashing on instinct before plopping down motionless. Clem surveys the damage before finally raising Renegade's arm.

Clem: Winner, Renegade!

Renegade pulls his arm away and sits right back down on the ground Indian-style right next to Halibut's body before turning towards the camera and asking

Renegade: Thoughts?

Jjs: In the end, fighting against the genius of Brian Wilson proved to really be a losing battle for young Halibut, his shortsighted argument just not having the range that Renegade's ultimately had in the end!

Hayden: Not only that, but as much as it absolutely pangs me to say, Renegade should also chalk this victory up to a very timely assist from that YouTube video! Without it, he may not have had the steam to nail that White Mass when he did! It sure feels like it's been a while since we last seen a Deathmatch where it really could've gone both ways, much like Renegade himself!

Jjs: And I'll be so bold as to say that this isn't the last we've seen of these two at each other's throats!

Hayden: That's for damn sure, best buddy, for damn sure!

Jjs: But until then folks, I'm afraid we're all out time! This is jjsthekid

Hayden: and his best friend, Hayden!

Jjs: Wishing you a good fight, good night!

 

Edited August 19, 2017 by Old Man Jenkins

[kylie]

jfc those pictures with hals avatar make me cry

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Oh, god this made me almost die laughing. Alt-Beachers  

Seriously, though, Brian Wilson is a mad genius, along with Daniel Johnston, Chris-chan, and Syd Barrett. Good job, Jenks.

Spoiler

oh, and by the way, nominate me for the alt-beachers party in the 2033 election #MakeBrianWilsonGreatAgain  

 

[Aya♥]

Renegade as Black makes me laugh more than it should

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

20 minutes ago, Aya♥ said:

Renegade as Black makes me laugh more than it should

Same. I barely know much about pro wrestling in recent years, but this had me rolling, rock, roll, rock, Plymouth Rock roll overrrrr...  

Spoiler

sorry, not sorry

 

[SpongeOddFan]

Damn, that's ome hell of the match

[Hayden]

Get ready for the most anticipated sequel literature of the summer...

Jjaysden Burying Theater 9000

 

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, you're just TOO DAMN OLD!!

 

 

"You've Been Great Served" & "Trash Talk"

Our episode opens up to a shot of SpongeBob's #1 Fan standing at a podium on the top of the entrance ramp. He has on a suit and tie, all dressed up for a very formal affair, seemingly. Of course, it's a wonder how he even knows how to dress himself. He somehow grabs a microphone all by himself, which only adds to today's surprises, and takes it to his mouth right before placing it in his mouth, whole. A yes man from backstage comes out to tell him that that's not what the microphone is for and walks him through on what to do from here.

SpongeBob's #1 Fan: Welcome to the first ever Community Deathmatch edition of JCMterviews! Starring, JCM- what?! JCM is starring in this?

SpongeBob's #1 Fan literally thinks out loud right before following this so that he can corner it in a dark alley later.

 

JCM makes his way out to the ring now a little too over enthusiastically to a roaring silence despite his best efforts to get the crowd to give at least two shits about him.

JCM: Yeah, that's what I wanna hear!

SpongeBob's #1 Fan: But JCM, I don't think they seem to care at all.

JCM: That was sarcasm, Fanny, now fucking educate yourself or I'll follow you back to your home and kill you in your fucking sleep.

SpongeBob's #1 Fan: Was that a sarcasm? 

JCM: Nah, man. Nah. But Imma catch you later! Tonight, outside, at the end of my butterfly knife!

JCM: Anywho! I just wanna take a moment to welcome you all to the first ever JCMterview here on Community Deathmatch, filmed LIVE on location in a thread that more than two people will read!

JCM: My first guest this evening is fortunately not anyone of you guests, so y'all can gladly stop sucking up all my future babies!

JCM: But nah, my first guest here tonight is somebody who claims that SBM is in rather dire straits of late, currently going through its "worst month in SBM history". I know, surprising, because I thought that was every month!

JCM: But nah, here's The Great Server.

 

TheGreatServer makes his way to the ring, fresh back from his almost half an hour break from SBM.

JCM: Look at you, looking all accomplished with your cut-rate reviews and shit! Bring it in, my man!

JCM brings The Great Server in for a hug but quickly dodges it at the last second.

JCM: Gotta love this guy, man, such a card!

JCM: But first thing's first on tonight's agenda, how does it feel like to finally find yourself in such a godly thread in comparison to what SBM tries to pass off as "humor"?

TheGreatServer: To be honest with you, JCM, 

Story: 9.5/10
 
The story of this lit is amazing, This old man named Old Man Jenkins lies in a community of SpongeBob fans called the SpongeBob Community, He takes dumps on people for a living.
 
Characters: 10/10
 
The characters are perfect, We have Old Man Jenkins, Jjs, Hayden, The Ding of Dings, ACS, PatBack, Bad Reviews Halibut, Renegade, and Guano, another really small cast, and these characters are also lovable, I cut and pasted these things in my Rocko's Modern Life review though.
 
Humor: 10/10
 
The humor is also perfect, It's memorable, full of innuendos, and is overall just...great.
 
Overall: 4/10 (Perfect Show)
 
I love this lit and would put it in My Top 5 topics of all time!
 
JCM: Yeah, well, get off your own dick. I didn't ask for your whole life story. 

JCM: Anyhow! What's with the white hair? I know this picture to represent you comes from that Lamo Show

TheGreatServer: I knew it was gonna be just a matter of time before that gets said.

JCM: but yah, that shit's still got me tripping. Are you that stressed, son? Did you scared shitless? Please let us know here first on JCMterviews!

TheGreatServer: Well, Lincoln has 12 sisters, which is very relatable, so that all really adds up and overwhelms a young boy.

JCM: But nah, to put that laughing my ass off show firmly off to the side, I think we all here at JCMterviews really wanna know just how you feel finally being showcased here at the showcase of the immortals, Community Deathmatch, which is an oxymoron, mind you.

SpongeBob's 1 Fan: What's that? Can I get the stains out of my underwear by using that?!

JCM: Perhaps the bloodstains once I'm done with you, but yah. The Great Server! Finally making his Community Deathmatch debut, and the possibilities for opponents are almost endless! I mean, we could have The Great Server vs ACS!

JCM: We all know how much ACS is salivating at the thought of finally getting his stubby ass fingers on you! We could have The Great Server taking on all them Loud House haters! Now wouldn't that be a treat, people?!

JCM: But nah, or-

???: *the audible sound of somebody nutting*

@Jaredthedecimator : EAT FRESH!

JCM: we could just...have this. Motherclucker, answer me right quick before I let Jesus take over from here, just what in God's name are you thinking stepping into a Deathmatch ring with an absolute daughterfucker like Jaredthedecimator.

TheGreatServer: Well, I was thinking that having a match with one of the toughest SOBs on Community Deathmatch was enough to pull me out of my one hour retirement. Am I nervous? Yeah. Am I scared? Absolutely. But if I can somehow, someway, pull off the upset, perhaps everybody on SBM will finally lay the fuck off me and treat me and my opinions with a little more respect, seeing as how I may very well beat the Monster Among Children. Because I truly believe that any kid with twelve sisters has a fighting chance! I can only imagine what that may do...for my reviewing career...

JCM: Well, hopefully two or three people out there will care enough to imagine what could have been after tonight. This is JCM for JCMterviews, signing out!

JCM quickly logs off, leaving TheGreatServer to fend for himself from here.

Jjs: Does this little shit actually think he can pull the upset here tonight?

Hayden: The only "upset" we may be seeing, jjs, is the slim chance that some upset people might be butthurt by their character portrayals here tonight!

Jjs: Somebody should really notify TheGreatServer's next of kin, his 12 sisters, and break the news to them that the Lamo House is about to get a little less lame after this one! Because their brubber is about to go one-on-one against The Monster Among Children here on SBC, who likes to eat it fresh out of the womb! This is a monster of a man who proudly proclaims himself to be The New Face of Daisy's Destruction!

Hayden: And this isn't the former subway guy's first experience in a Deathmatch ring. No sir. He has fought in an exhibition match before in OMJ's blog before against an equally as young, equally as parasitic of a tapeworm, nameless member who Jared just absolutely dominated with tremendous feats of both strength AND speed for such a big man! Mind you, the kid he was facing then obviously had a much stronger opinion that more people can honestly get behind than TheGreatServe does. So don't be surprised if you see a literal cut and paste of that decimation on display here tonight!

Jared finally steps foot into the ring and immediately backs TheGreatServer into a corner, who cowers. 

Clem actually does his job and gets Jared to back off him.

Jjs: SBC's very own server giving his fellow server a helping hand in getting the decimator off of him for the time being!

Hayden: I think TheMediocreServer here is finally beginning to realize just what he's up against. Not Who(Bob), but what.

Clem: Alright y'all, I want a good, clean-

TheGreatServer quickly goes on the attack, trying to catch Jared off guard with a pair of surprise punches to the face, but they barely even phase him. Jared simply brushes those off before grabbing Server and hammering him down to the mat with authority.

Jjs: Ooh! It's almost as if Jared just whipped out his dick and slapped it right across Server's chest!

Jared picks Server up off the ground effortlessly and roars into his face before putting him back into the corner. Jared licks his chops pervertedly before running into the opposite corner and bouncing back right into Server with great force behind his splash, squishing Server in between him and the corner turnbuckle. Jared then plops himself onto Server into the corner, trying to sneak a taste 

before finally Face Fucking the kid into oblivion, leaving the once great server an absolute mess on the ring canvas.

Clem: Winner, Jaredthedecimator!

Clem, despite feeling that it's his duty to look out for a fellow server, immediatelybails from the ring as Jared pulls the straps down on his top, going shirtless, before Face Fucking TheGreatServer even more.

Jaredthedecimator: I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

Jjs: Oh dear Neptune, he's going in for seconds!

Hayden: As if the first time wasn't sloppy enough!

Jjs: Stop it! Stop it goddammit! He's had enough! And I'm not just saying that because I want him to be more active here on SBC! I mean, the kid's got a family! HE HAS SISTERS! There is absolutely nothing to laugh my ass off to here! No matter what he may have done on SBM, it certainly isn't enough to justify this!

Hayden: Stick to the goddamn diet, Jared! You're eating out in excess!

Jared finally decides he's had enough after the fifteenth Face Fuck. He then makes his exit from the Deathmatch Arena, but not before making one more demand.

Jaredthedecimator: I WANT YOUNGER COMPETITION!

Jjs: Good lord, he wants even younger competition?! Maybe I should ramp up SBC's advertising campaign? Maybe even lure some SBMers back here?

Hayden: Yeah, maybe you should do both of those things. Just to make sure that WE can be safe!

Jjs: Just who in this community can even hope to last more than a minute against The Monster Among Children?!

Hayden: Certainly not WhoBob.

Jjs: Now that, we can agree on once again, best buddy! But right about now would be the part of the show where we tell you to have a good fight, good night. Well, tonight, we here at Community Deathmatch have a special surprise in store for you, because you will be getting two, count em, TWO Deathmatches in one post! A feat I don't think we've accomplished since The Deathmatch Salute to Wumbo!

Hayden: But if that's a wrong, feel free to take it to me first so that I could tell you just how fucking wrong you are, and just how fucking right my best friend, jjs, is!

Jjs: You'd do that for me? 

Hayden: I'd do anything to you, jjs!

Jjs: Wow Hayden, I couldn't have asked for a better best friend to have! *wipes tear*

Hayden: So without any further ado, let's drink in this gift of a second Deathmatch, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!

 

Fairly new SBM member, Younes, makes his way to the ring now, flaunting the t-shirt that he shat out personally for such an occasion.

Jjs: It seems the advertising campaign that I have yet to kick into high gear has paid off!

Hayden: In dividends!

Jjs: Welcome aboard S.S. SBC, Younes! I'll be happy to have ya!

Hayden: Ahem.

Jjs: Just not as happy I would be having my best friend, Hayden!

Younes enters the ring and calls for a microphone.

Younes: Amazing SPONGEBUDDY!!!

The crowd goes ballistic, borderline gay, for the guy.

Younes: Hello my Friend!!! ^-^ what do you think of my design?

Younes: if you want it you have just to visit the URL https://goo.gl/tZNsPh to Find Your Best t'shirt #Love__Spongebob !

Jjs: I'm immediately regretting that now

Hayden: You and me both, best buddy, you and me both.

Younes: if you like it please rate it 0 --> 10 :*

Hayden: You want to know what I'd rate? Huh? Do you wanna know what rating such a piece of filth would get from the likes of Hayden tho?! *clicks pen* Younes just ma-

 

Jjs: The Hot Tempered Enigma, The Perfect 10! He's here! He's finally here in the Deathmatch Arena!!! Hayden, I think about everybody here have just about died on gone to heaven!

Hayden: Heh, yeah. Not everybody.

Crowd: 10! 10! 10! 10! 10! 10! 10! 10!

Jjs: 10! 10! 10! Come on, Hayden, you can't possibly hate on one of the greatest members to have ever stepped foot in this community!

Hayden: I thought you knew me better than that, jjs. Pfft, watch me. Perfect 10, do you know what you get for dare interrupting my catchphrase? Huh?! Do you know what committing such an egregious sin will earn you in this life, Hot Tempered?! I'll tell you hwat *clicks pen* YOU JUST MA-

Jjs grabs Hayden's writing hand to stop him.

Hayden: Jjs?! What do you think you're doing, you stupid id-

Jjs: *gasps*

Hayden: ...As my best friend, I want you to explain yourself. Now.

Jjs: Hayden, I'm sorry best buddy, but this is just somebody that I simply can not and will not allow to be put on your list.

Hayden: What're you saying, that I-

Jjs: I won't allow it.

Hayden takes a big gulp, retracts his pen and slowly puts it down.

Hayden: Very well then. But you are only delaying the inevitable, best buddy.

Jjs: Yes, folks, a man of few words, but just one number. The Perfect 10 has finally come back to the community!

The Tenigma:

The Tenigma continues basking in his moment when

Jjs: What the fuck? What's the meaning of this?!

Hayden: Finally, somebody with a working brain in their skull who shares the same unpopular opinion as I do!

Jjs: This is completely uncalled for! This assault is unprovoked! The Tenigma did nothing to deserve this!

Hayden: He existed, he breathed air! THAT is what he did! And I couldn't agree with this act of god any more! Somebody up there is REALLY looking out for me!

Jjs: This isn't the time, Hayden!

Hayden: You're right, best buddy, I need to savor this moment for every damn thing that it's worth!

The assailant pulls The Tenigma back up off the ground and right into a End of Discussion right onto the arena floor. The crowd rains down with a chorus of :patboos:

Jjs: Bah gawd, I think that killed him!

Hayden: I sure fucking hope it did, jjs! I sure fucking hope it did. They're doing these stupid idiots a favor.

The attacker dusts himself off and motions for a mic to be brought to them.

Jjs: Hey, isn't that- No. Isn't that SBM member, SquiddyPie?!

Hayden: So that's who I have to thank for all of this.

SquiddyPie: For too long. For too long, I've watched this fandom of the show I've loved be reduced to a laughingstock! And it's all thanks to the likes of you.

He points down to The Tenigma.

SquiddyPie: And you.

He points over to Younes.

SquiddyPie: But most of all, people like each and every one of you 

He points around at everyone in attendance.

SquiddyPie: who enable this behavior to a point that it's become a cancer! You now have people bitching like the little, whiny, spoiled bastards that they are about how we discuss the damn show that these sites revolve around! Saying that there isn't much left to talk about, yet they sure do go above and beyond in the absolute stupidest, self-deprecating ways to try and put themselves and their shitty, stale ass senses of "humor" over with their memes, or at least their piss poor attempts at making em! You don't even have to discuss about a kids show to know who the real kids are around here. I don't even have to say names, because these dumb cunts know damn well who they all are. Shoving their, ironically, laughably unfunny shit in the faces of anybody with a set of eyes and ears to see and hear. So much so to the point that we degenerated into needing two, count em TWO, Dumps. It takes a real band of complete, utter dumbasses to mess up a perpetual trash forum. And you're not just gonna stop at one, now you're looking to somehow up the dumbass ante up and try to mess up two. You're about the only jokes I see around here. You've made "discussing SpongeBob" such dirty words to say nowadays. I think it's time somebody reminds you what REALLY belongs in the trash. Because I ain't done yet.

SquiddyPie makes his way into the ring now in The Tenigma's place.

Jjs: Not by a longshot, as he steps into the Deathmatch ring to try and take another member who he sees as "enabling such trashy behavior".

Hayden: I may not agree with all of it, but I can agree with that much, jjs!

Jjs: True, SBM is pretty trash. I mean, two trash forums?

Hayden: I know, what a bunch of headless chickens.

SquiddyPie stands across the ring from Younes, staring each other down.

Clem: Alright you two, I want a good, clean fight! So yeah, with all the talk about trash earlier, please keep that to a minimum. Alrighty then, lets get it on, y'all!

Jjs: And tonight's second featured Deathmatch is finally underway!

Hayden: You know who my pick to win is!

Jjs: You and me both!

SquiddyPie and Younes lock up in the middle of the ring, Younes in particular struggling for control, when SquiddyPie effortlessly throws him off into the corner with a lot more strength behind his argument.

Jjs: For having such a bod worthy of not having to put on a shirt, there sure is a noticeable difference in strength between Younes and his opponent!

Hayden: He's gonna have to fight this one on his own. None of his circle jerkers obviously aren't coming to his aid, as we've seen with The Tenigma right before him!

Younes uses the ropes to pull himself up before quickly going back in for the attack, but gets knocked right back out with a thunderous right hook from SquiddyPie.

Hayden: SquiddyPie telegraphed that quite beautifully!

Jjs: Absolutely no chill when it comes to this SquiddyPie! I think it's best to have him cool off on the windowsill after this is over. Such seriousness behind his attacks, there is seemingly no getting past that stoic exterior!

SquiddyPie doesn't wait for Younes to regroup this time as he quickly pulls Younes up and right into another End of Discussion in the middle of the ring! 

Younes is left busted open, lying motionless in the ring. Clem heads on over just raises SquiddyPie's hand in victory.

Clem: No contests here today. Winner, SquiddyPie!

 

SquiddyPie just smirks at the camera from the middle of he ring before immediately making his exit.

Hayden: Leaving about as immediately as when he arrived. SquiddyPie proving tonight that he means nothing but serious business here on Community Deathmatch!

Jjs: Hayden, we had not just one, but TWO imposing, dominating forces arrive on the scene here at Community Deathmatch! And they both made incredibly short work of their opponents! I asked this earlier and I will ask again for emphasis, just who can stand up to this new breed of competitor here?!

Hayden: I don't know, but if there is one thing I do know, it's that they are absolutely nothing in comparison to us, jjs.

Jjs: Always and forever, Hayden.

Hayden: Drake and Josh, eat your hearts out.

Jjs: Well folks, I'm afraid that we really are all out of time! From myself and my best friend, Hayden, here at Community Deathmatch, we'd like to wish you all a good fight, good night!

 

[SpongeOddFan]

looks like Srongman makes CD debut tonight

[So Sejima]

figured Squiddlypie's role woould be ElectricPikachu aka mr. "Can't discern actual homophobia from people getting upset over spongebob episode rankings"

[Old Man Jenkins]

3 hours ago, Sunshine Banjo Face said:

figured Squiddlypie's role woould be ElectricPikachu aka mr. "Can't discern actual homophobia from people getting upset over spongebob episode rankings"

I actually tried basing SquiddlyPie's role on this argument

https://www.sbmania.net/forums/topic/54560-plz-make-your-signatures-smaller/

but thanks for bringing that up. There's potential for a tag team or a stable here  

[So Sejima]

3 minutes ago, Old Man Jenkins said:

I actually tried basing SquiddlyPie's role on this argument

https://www.sbmania.net/forums/topic/54560-plz-make-your-signatures-smaller/

 

Oh jesus fuck how did I even miss that?

[Aya♥]

H O T T E M P E R E D

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, he's gonna take you back to past! To watch those Miyazaki flicks that suck ass! He'd rather have a red yoshi take a diarrhea dump in his ear! He'd rather eat the rotten asshole of a dropped yoshi and down it with beer! Idk wtf I'm doing anymore.

 

 

Content Destroyer

Jjs: Good evening, death fans! I'm jjsthekid!

Hayden: And I'm jjsthekid's best friend!

Jjs: Here to bring to you yet another phoned-in edition of Community Deathmatch!

Hayden: Once agayn!

Jjs: And boy, what a piece of crap do we have in store for you! Will it be the smelly kind?

Hayden: Or perhaps even the corny kind, jjs!

Jjs: Well, you'll just have to stay tuned to find out! So without any further ado, let's head on down to the ring with one of SBC's official servers, Clem, who will no doubt put his trademark staleness to worse use here in officiating tonight's featured bout!

 

Jjs: Could it be?! The very much anticipated return of That Guy?!

Hayden: Well, it sure is a guy, all right.

Jjs: By my name, that's YouTube content creator and resident SpongeBob reviewer who's actually loved, Pieguyrulz! I don't think we've seen him step foot in a Community Deathmatch episode since The SBM Show!

Hayden: And I don't think he's stepped foot in the SpongeBob Community, like, ever! So a double loss for anybody with minds of their fucking own. 

Jjs: You and me?

Hayden: You and me <3

Jjs: Just what in my name could his agenda be here on Community Deathmatch?

Hayden: Bleed us dry, more than likely. Cartoon reviewers are the worst kind of reviewers out there. Right next to WhoBob.

Jjs: That may very well be the case, but you certainly can not deny the fact that he must be swimming in all the nerd choch you can ever possibly imagine!

Hayden: Just look at the mindless sheep over on SBM practically handing the guy their bananas and cherries over like they were some sort of offering to a higher power!

Pieguy calls for a microphone to be handed to him.

Pieguyrulz: Hey guys, Pieguyrulz here!

Hayden: Oh, this should be just grand. Enlighten us, oh purveyor of stuck up opinions! Bestow upon us little people your litany of thoughts that are much sought after so in cut-rate video formatting! I'm no ears.

Pieguyrulz: I'm not a bad reviewer. I'm not a good reviewer. I'm PIE Guy!

Jjs: And there it is! The one thing that makes him suitable enough to be yet another Roman Reigns-inspired character. What? Is every user with the word "guy" in their name just gonna be lumped together with the Roman Reigns gimmick? Are we gonna see the (admittedly, long awaited) debut of The DS Guy next?!

Pieguyrulz: Some of you guys may not like this, some of you guys may love this. I should probably shut my mouth, but, when it comes down to it, no other content creator has more support here than I do. It's the truth. I have a thread that's 400+ pages strong and still going. Just look at Mr Enter, just look at MoBros, or Vailskibum, or EyeOfSol, or PhantomStrider. You can even look at RebelTaxi. You can look as hard and as much as you want, but you won't find them as easily as you can find me. So this is the plan, after the season 10 review, I don't care if I have to go through Whirly Brains or Sportz, I AM the #1 cartoon reviewer! And would you like to know why? Because this is MY SpongeBob fan choch, so I make the reviews around here!

 

Jjs: Oh my me! It's AngryKoopa2002, here in the Deathmatch Arena!

Hayden: And he's looking every bit as angry as his stupid username seems to imply!

Koopa marches his way down to ring with a microphone and gets right in the face of his idol-turned-rival, Pieguyrulz.

AK: I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have forgotten my name. And I also couldn't help but notice that my name wasn't on that list, because you've NEVER beat me!

Pieguyrulz: Alright, I was trying to be a good guy in letting you off easy on this one, but I guess you all can even take a look right here. Right in front of you, AngryKoopa! Even harder to find when standing toe to toe with the likes of me.

AK: Well then allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is AngryKoopa2002! I am your reckoning, as well as the TRUE #1 content creator and your NEW favorite cartoon reviewer!

Pieguyrulz: You still have yet to take what I told you before to heart. Is it because, unlike all of the crap that comes spewing out of your mouth, it was true? You'll never be a TRUE reviewer to me, let alone a halfway decent one. You don't even deserve to bear the word "Angry" in your username! As far as I can see, you're only Just Koops. You will always be, much like your namesake implies, a generic, one (foot)note of a reviewer who's only angry because he's drowning in a sea full of them.

Koopa seems to back off a bit and even offers Pieguy a little golf clap before headbutting him right on the bridge of the nose with all his anger. Pieguy stumbles and rolls out of the ring to recover from the blow, but Koopa's immediately gives chase, meeting Pieguy on the outside and utterly having his way with him.

Jjs: It would seem that tonight's featured Deathmatch is officially underway as AngryKoopa finally lashes out at his former idol with a vicious, rather scumbobby assault, if I do say so myself!

Hayden: Pieguy has had his way with the cartoon fandom for years, it's about high time that somebody finally gives him a taste of his own shit, jjs! And that day's finally arrived in the form of "The Content Destroyer", himself!

AngryKoopa throws Pieguy back into the ring to really get this Deathmatch started up the right, but Pieguy quickly rolls back up to his feet and clocks Koopa with a Mermaid Man Punch right as the angry one stepped back into the ring. Pieguy sets himself up in the corner, lining Koopa up for something huge. Pieguy declares Koopa to be "ScumBob!" at the top of his lungs before charging in for a Spear of a Krabby Patty, but Koopa telegraphs this and meets Pieguy with a big boot right to the face, knocking Pieguy off his feet. 

Jjs: Koopa has proven himself to know all the ins and outs of his opponent, and he's putting that ability to read him into fine use right here! I mean, not just anybody can be declared ScumBob and not get torn to shreds! Right?

Hayden: The hell if I know, I don't watch shit. Except for right now, that is.

Koopa grabs Pieguy and charges him into the corner turnbuckle, before ramming into him repetitively with a series of powerful shoulder blocks right to the ribs. He finally takes a step back after the 10th shoulder block, but quickly catches Pieguy with an enzuigiri right to the side of the head, rattling him even more.

Pieguy sinks into the corner, leaving himself open for Koopa to run the ropes and nail him in the face with a running knee to the face right into the corner, snapping Pieguy's neck back some. Clem gets Koopa to back off long enough for him to check on Pieguy's condition. As soon as it becomes clear that Pieguy is still breathing, Koopa charges back in for more, nailing him with repeating right hooks to the face repetitively before transitioning it into some more well-placed headbutts that causes Pieguy to lose his footing and get down on his back. Koopa lays in a series of forearms and elbows to the forehead of Pieguy now to even more disastrous results for his opponent. Koopa picks up Pieguy's limp body and whips him into the ropes. He readies for more punishment as Pieguy ricochets back towards him, but Pieguy surprises him with a huge clothesline that damn near almost takes his head off. Koopa recoils back onto the ropes, giving Pieguy the window to head outside the ring and nail him with a Drive Thru.

Pieguy takes some time to bask in the SpongeBob fan choch coming his way at ringside when a dazed and groggy AngryKoopa suddenly puts everything on the line when he comes firing back to get some of that choch for himself.

Koopa throws Pieguy head-first into the steel ring steps before picking him up and slamming him spine-first right down on top of them.

Koopa puts Pieguy in a headlock and pulls him all around ringside like a rag doll until Pieguy musters up the strength to send Koopa face-first into the steel post of the ring when they got close enough.

Pieguy turns Koopa around for some well placed uppercuts upside the destroyer's chin, beating him back into the ring. Koopa manages to brave the blows in order to whip Pieguy into ropes again. Pieguy tries meeting him with another big boot, but Pieguy ducks it this time and bounces back with another Mermaid Man Punch that knocks Koopa back off his feet. He belts out another primal "ScumBob!" yet again.

Pieguy: SCUUUUUUMMMMBOOOOOOOBBB!

before charging at his opponent for another spear, but Koopa chops him down with a huge leg sweep.

Koopa picks at the bones and sets Pieguy up in the corner for his patented Ball Buster.

But right before he could bust Pieguy's balls, Pieguy manages to slide himself out once he got on top of Koopa's shoulders, leaving Koopa shocked and confused long enough for him to run the ropes and finally take Koopa down with a vicious Spear of a Krabby Patty.

But suddenly

???: *the very audible sound of somebody nutting*

 

Jjs: Hayden, wake up! Something slightly more important's finally come up!

Hayden: Does anybody other than Aya even care about this guy at this rate? The reaction to the last episode was just terrible with him at the forefront.

"The Abominable Pitch Man" slowly makes his way to the ring, staring a hole right through a confused Pieguy. The former face of Subway wastes no time hopping up into the ring, but Pieguy stops him right in his tracks with a huge uppercut, causing Jared to stagger a bit on the ring apron before cocking, loading and blasting Jared point blank in the face with a an even bigger Mermaid Man Punch that knocks Jared back down to the floor, but he still manages to land on his feet. 

Jjs: Dear me above, I don't think we've quite seen "The New Face of Daisy's Destruction" rocked like this before! At least, not in bed.

Pieguy rants on Jared a bit before getting struck down with a thunderous enzuigiri to the back of the head courtesy of a barely conscious, and very angry, Koopa who decides to take advantage of the distraction. Koopa then pulls Pieguy into a Spirited Away clutch, wrapping himself around SBM's #1 SpongeBob reviewer and slowly squeezing the life out of him.

Jjs: Koopa's looking to literally spirit away his opponent into the next world with his bare hands!

Koopa also begins to up the pressure by shoving words down Pieguy's mouth for good measure. Just the mere thought of all that spongebob fandom choch places Koopa in a state of pure ecstasy as he continues going to work on Pieguy. Completely choking him out until he finally goes limp in his arms.

After a hot minute of spiriting Pieguy away, Koopa finally loosens his death grip for Clem to survey. Clem wastes little time in raising Koopa's hand in victory.

Clem: Winner, AngryKoopa!

Koopa scares Clem off before getting scared off, himself, by Jared, who marches into the ring. The Content Destroyer and The Monster Among Children eye each other off.

Jjs: Ahhh shit, could we possibly see a clash of titans here tonight, folks?!

Jaredthedecimator: I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOOOOOUUUUU!!!

Jared grabs Pieguy's body and effortlessly throws it over the top rope and out of the ring. Jared smirks at Koopa and makes a suggestive locking gesture at him before following suit. Koopa finally leaves Jared to his business for all the fandom choch waiting for him back in the community, not wanting to witness anymore of what Jared has in store.

Jjs: Aw shit, cop out!

Jared pulls Pieguy's lifeless account up with only one hand and shouts right in his face

Jaredthedecimator: THIS IS ALL MY FRESH CHOCH!

Jared slings Pieguy over his shoulders before power slamming him right through the security wall between the ring and the guests.

Hayden: As you are my witness, jjs, if Pieguy wasn't dead before, he sure as shit is now!

Jared almost immediately gets right back up to his feet and poses over Pieguy's body.

Jjs: "The Content Destroyer" is on the loose! "The Monster Among Children" is still very much among them here tonight as he lays claim to Pieguy's leftover choch! Just what does this spell for everybody else here on Community Deathmatch, Hayden?!

Hayden: I'm pretty sure it spells out that we're all out of time for tonight, best buddy!

Jjs: That, it does, Hayden! That, it does! So from all of us here at Community Deathmatch, stay safe, stay alive, and as always, we wish you a good fight, good night!

 

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

noice

[Aya♥]

KOOPA'S GONNA REVIEW YOU

[SpongeOddFan]

damn that was best yet

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's JUST ON THE CBOX!

 

 

iFightHomie

vs

Hayden: What happens when you pit TWO of SBC's stuck up, pompous divas together in a Deathmatch ring? Find out all of that, and more! Here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

Hayden: Good evening, death fans! And welcome, to The Gift of Hayden Tho! DRINK IT IIIIIIIIIIIN, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!! Tonight, you all will be blessed to know that you will be receiving a double dose of The Gift of Hayden Tho as I work tirelessly to carry this episode all by myself while my best friend, jjsthekid, is away on assignment. Very sad, I know, but no matter! I will make sure that the show shall go on in his stead!

???: Ahem.

Hayden: Sigh, and here he is, some guy who will never in a million years hold a candle to my best friend, jjs, on commentary or anything else for that matter, it's Community Deathmatch's very own one-note character, himself, the My Leg! guy.

Fred: Aka Fred Rechid. As always, splitting your sides...and your girlfriend's legs! You better watch out. 

Hayden: Don't you even fucking joke about that!

Fred: Apologies to those of you,  particularly my main interest, Aya, who may have been oh so looking forward to the bi-monthly episodic antics of SBC's OTP, but jjs had to take off on assignment, I was the closest one qualified for the job, and well here you go.

Hayden: And for none of you wondering, yes, this will indeed be Community Deathmatch's Halloween-themed episode for this year. All the more reason for me to miss my best friend. We always spend Octerror Fest together, more so than all the other months of the year! This is the scariest thought of this halloween-themed episode, Fred! This is uncharted territory for me. Needless to say, I don't like any of this one bit at all

Fred: Yes, you've made it pretty well known by now.

Hayden: and I'm more than sure that that's the popular opinion. And that frightens the hell out of me. I need something to put on my list, now!

Fred: Well, look on the bright side, Hayden. You may not be surrounded by your best friend, but at least you're surrounded by your best Fred!

Hayden: There's a fucking reason you never won Funniest User on SBC.

Fred: But speaking of *tears* Funniest Users *tears*, we have two, count em, TWO of them on hand here for us to indulge in tonight's featured bout!

Hayden: I would feel a bit remissed if we were to just gloss over the juicy details leading into tonight's Deathmatch, so we here at Community Deathmatch have brought on two new correspondents, who I personally think will more than skewer the narrative! Descension, take it away!

 

*pokemonpants and Conehead rises from the bottom of the barrel*

Conehead: "Whoa! Where am I?!"

Pokemonpants: Coney said to himself as he as well as me!

Conehead: As well as OBAB!

Pokemonpants: As well as VLK!

Conehead: As well as SB's #1 Fan!

Pokemonpants: As well as PatBack!

Conehead: As well as Bl4ze!

Pokemonpants: As well as Yellowshdow!

Conehead: As well as GullahOfficial!

Pokemonpants: As well as WhaleBlubber!

Conehead: All first stepped foot on the previously uncharted world known as Planet Cbox!

Pokemonpants: We discovered it was a planet populated by impostors!

Conehead: One of whom had taken the form of Homie!

Pokemonpants: And then she started to say mean things about herself!

Conehead: Which were really thickly veiled jabs at Homie, herself!

Pokemonpants: And then everyone DIED!

Conehead: Except for me!

Pokemonpants: As well as me!

Conehead: As well as OBAB!

Pokemonpants: As well as VLK!

Conehead: As well as SB's #1 Fan!

Pokemonpants: As well as PatBack!

Conehead: As well as Bl4ze!

Pokemonpants: As well as Yellowshdow!

Conehead: As well as GullahOfficial!

Pokemonpants: As well as WhaleBlubber!

Conehead: WE ARE

Conehead & Pokemonpants: THE DESCENCION!

Pokemonpants: Welcome to The SBC Land!

Hayden: Fuck voting for your favorite TBC character. How's about we get a poll going for our favorite SBC Show (minus SBC) character!

Fred: Well, it sure is a nice way of having them pop up and get involved with Community Deathmatch a bit more. Todd knows their sorry asses will never see the light of day on any other lit besides their own otherwise.

Hayden: Well, now that all of that has been thrown out of the way, lets head on down to the ring, where official SBC server and Deathmatch referee, Clem, will moderate tonight's hallowed bloodbath!

???: It's alll about ME.

 

Hayden: First to come down to the ring is none other than the stuck-up, pompous diva she-bitch, herself, Homie!

Fred: Hayden, I know Homie, I'm friends with Homie! We've even kissed the ass of the very same  music reviewer for going on three years now! I can say with the utmost of certainty that that is maybe 20-25% Homie, at least!

Hayden: This is the very same Homie who actually took the time out of his/her day to relentlessly bash his/herself at Homie's expense. Now, I knew that Homie was capable of doing a lot of things, a lot of damage, before heading into this Deathmatch, but how could one not possibly think that this could perhaps be yet another cry for attention on her part, being the pompous diva that she proudly perceives herself as?

Fred: This isn't the same exact Homie that we have all come to know and learned to tolerate before that toleration blossomed into likability, Hayden. Our homegirl is a lot more than what this basic bitch parades herself around the cbox as! Homie right here is completely devoid of shame, doing absolutely unspeakable things to hilaryfan80 that is just even out of the realm of SBC's comfort zone, and we can take a hell of a lot! While this Homie is forever  trapped in the dark ages of  *gulps* 2014[/font], our real Homie is out here growing and maturing and putting in that work, kicking my team's collective asses in the forum event scene! At least Homie is real enough to let you know how she feels right to your face! She doesn't have to hide in some idiot box playing pretend like a fucking child! So don't you dare try to insinuate that Homie is Homie to my face ever again! 

Hayden: Just trying to play devil's advocate here. Somebody needs to step up and be SBC's unpopular voice.

Homie grabs a microphone and takes it to her mouth, simulating oral sex on it for the entire Deathmatch Arena to not just see, but to hear.

Homie: That is merely a sneak peek of what you ALL have to look forward to once I, Homie, have my hand raised in victory tonight!

Homie proceeds to suck the mic off again.

Homie: And THAT is merely a taste of what this 16-year old has to look forward when hilaryfan80, all 24 pale, freckled years of him, visits me at my home once again to really celebrate MY victory.

Fred: This is just absolutely terrible, and I'm the one that wrote that Flapjack parody.

Homie: Come on everybody, lets see if we can all get this trending on the status updates! #Underaged #Ho(mie) #hilaryfan80edo #"HouseCall" #TheMrDrProfessorIsInHomie  #iBeathilaryfan80 #iFightHomie

Fred: What kind of subhuman being would go to these great lengths just to constantly drag the good names of hilaryfan80 and Homie through the mud at every turn?

Hayden: The very same subhuman being who lied about her entire existence to the entire community, perhaps?

Fred: That's pretty low, mang.

Hayden: Hey, if I don't let 70s hear the end of his, what should make her any different?

Homie: Hmm? Nobody wants to play along with the Homie now? Well, you know what? That makes each and every single one of you the most basic of all bitches. This site sucks and you all are a testament to everything that's wrong with my sad, sorry life!

The lights in the arena suddenly go out, signaling the arrival of the next combatant.

Fred: Here she is, the one and only Empress of SBC and the inventor of tap dancing, Homie!

Hayden: Aka the self-proclaimed Most Stuck-Up, Pompous Diva on SBC! Nab it all up, you highnesssssss!

Fred: Officially stepping into the Deathmatch ring for the very first time in her SBC career, Homie looks to finally silence the hater that's been plaguing her these last couple of weeks once and for all. 

Hayden: Either that, or she's looking to steal our attention right from under our noses for god knows how many times already.

Homie steps into the ring, :britney:ing and eagerly sizing up her hater, who isn't about to back down now.

Guests: HOMIES' GONNA SLAY YOU! HOMIE'S GONNA SLAY YOU! HOMIE'S GONNA SLAY YOU! HOMIE'S GONNA SLAY YOU!

Hayden: We here at Community Deathmatch would also like to inform those of you watching at home that my best friend, jjs, himself, added an extra implement to the rules specially for this match up. All other members, be they from SBC, SBM or even the cbox, are to be banned from ringside so as to prevent things from getting too out of hand, as well as to oblige by Homie's wishes to settle this score personally!

Clem: Alright, you two divas! I wanna see a good, clean fight! So no more of that funny business from the cbox on my watch. Any last requests?

Homie: I just want to dedicate tonight's inevitable win to hilaryfan80's 24 year- old penis, which I will proceed to suck dry with my 16 year-old mouth immediately after that victory bell rings!

Homie grabs the microphone out of Homie's mouth, cautiously grabbing hold of it by just her fingertips since she knows where Homie's mouth has been.

Homie: You talk too much.

Homie proceeds to kick Homie right in the mouth with a huge spinning heel kick, knocking her opponent down on her back. Homie hastily rolls out of harm's way, grabbing her face as Homie taunts over her.

Homie: YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Homie gets back up to her feet to slap Homie, but is met with a rude awakening when Homie counters it right into an armbar.

Fred: Homie immediately putting Homie under pressure right at the onset of this match up!

Hayden: I sure hope that's her jerk-hilaryfan80-off arm.

Homie struggles to break free of the hold but can't, which prompts her to scramble to the bottom rope and grab it in order to have the ref force Homie to break the hold. Once Homie releases the armbar, Homie pulls herself into one of the corners for a breather, but she's given no such time to catch her breath when Homie takes the chance to immediately go back on the attack.

Homie backs up willingly to give Homie some air and regain her footing. However, she sticks her face out as if to offer Homie a chance to get some free licks in, which she takes.

Her efforts prove futile, and her shortcoming leaves her open for couple more vicious strikes by her opponent.

Homie takes some more time to taunt her downed opponent

Homie:

who pounces back and trades hold with her. They wrestle each other for control.

Hayden: This is starting to look like one of hilaryfan80's wet dreams.

Fred: Homie is now locked in a struggle with each others demon! Who will be the one to come out on top!

Hayden: By the end of the night, probably hilaryfan80.

Homie manages to break the struggle with a thunderous clothesline that knocks Homie head over heels.

Homie mocks Homie by employing the emoticon before picking her up and whipping her into the ropes, but Homie bounces back with a hip attack.

Fred: I like calling back to past things.

Homie sizes Homie up for even greater punishment than the last.

Homie mounts herself on Homie, who struggles to wrestle her off. They wrestle for control again, but Homie's countering skills prove to be superior as she gets Homie right where she wants her, locked up in her patented Crossface Chicken Hwang.

Fred: Homie locks Homie in the dreaded Crossface Chick Hwang, named after, of course, the inventor of music, Tiffany Hwang!

The more Homie tries to break free of the hold, the more Homie tightens her body around her opponent, cutting off more of her air supply the longer he holds on, all while wrenching away at her opponent's arm.

Hayden: Homie's starting to fade! No doubt, performing all that auto erotic asphyxiation on hilaryfan80 has paid off in dividends tonight!

After a bout a minute or two, Clem finally checks to see if Homie is still able to continue the match. He goes to check her pulse and reads nothing, the decision is clear. He raises up Homie's hand in victory.

Clem: Winner, Homie!!!

Everybody loses their shit in joy as Homie is awarded her first ever Deathmatch victory.

Fred: She's done it! She's silenced the hater and now we can all move on from this better people as the cbox slowly yet painfully fades back into obscurity, never to be used for underhanded assaults ever again! The Empress once again proving why she is queen here in the SpongeBob Community!

Hayden: I know I've been coming off as a huge skeptic throughout all of tonight's episode, but even I must admit, Homie has made herself another believer out of me here tonight. Perhaps people here in this community are truly capable of great change, she's very well living proof of that after tonight. If you were to ask me three years ago that I'd be singing Homie, of all people, some praise, you'd be on my list faster than Homie on hilaryfan80's dick. 

Fred: I honestly feel as though this could be quite the turning point not just for Community Deathmatch, but the entire SpongeBob Community as whole, Hayden!

Suddenly another member's music hits the turntable.

Jjs quickly makes his way out to the ring now.

Hayden: And my, how quickly things have turned for the better! One helluva kid, my best friend is. Coming out to personally congratulate Homie on such a hard fought and pretty well deserved personal victory!

Jjs enters the ring, looking quite worried as he calls for a mic to be handed to him.

Jjs: Cut the music! Cut the music right now! As stated earlier in tonight's broadcast, I was out on assignment. That assignment, in question, pertained to the investigation into the recent happenings on the cbox regarding Homie. I thought we had gotten to the bottom of this thing by giving the go-head for tonight's featured bout to be sanctioned, but it appears I may have gotten a little too cocky in making that call. And it disappoints me, deeply, because matters like this I certainly do not take lightly. But I'm afraid that as director-in-chief of The SpongeBob Community, it is my duty to inform you all that Homie's opponent in the Deathmatch that just took place, in fact, was not the perpetrator behind those hurtful, hateful verbal attacks on the cbox.

Everybody boos at that announcement.

Jjs: I know it might be hard for a lot of you to believe, but I, myself, looked into the matter personally. 

Fred: What the- then who the fucking hell was Homie fighting that entire time?!

Jjs: But please don't worry yourselves, because I conducted my own private investigation using my own resources, and all that has led me to the identity of Homie's true attacker!

Hayden: My best friend once again proving just how great a forum leader he is. I knew there had to be a good reason for his absence!

Jjs: Here's your chance again, Homie. I only ask whether or not you are ready for the truth, especially after such a hard fought match up.

Homie:

Jjs: That's exactly what I like to hear now, if Captcha can be so kind, please.

Homie and jjs wait in the ring for a few seconds, anticipating the arrival of Homie's real attacker, but nothing happens. Nobody has made their way out, let alone get escorted by arena security. Jjs and Homie exchange confused looks as they continue to wait patiently in the ring. Homie decides she's had enough and begins to make her way to attempt to find the attack herself, but she is suddenly brought to her knees from a sharp pain courtesy of a blow right below the belt.

Fred & Hayden: What the fuck?!

Fred: Homie has found herself on the receiving end of a low blow by-by-

Hayden: My best friend, jjs?!

Jjs begins dancing around Homie in a condescending manner, circling her like a vulture.

Fred: This can't be real?! It just can't be real! What in the world would possess jjs to do something like this?! I know that he and I may not always see eye to eye, but we sure as shit are nowhere near eye level now! Jjs is taking the literal low road in handling this situation!

Hayden: Maybe he knows, Fred! We don't know all the details yet! Maybe this is him finally outing Homie as the attention hoe that she really is, maybe I was right all along!

Jjs stops dancing and kneels next to Homie's side, offering her some comfort and a helping her before bending her hand back and taking her for a ride.

Fred: This is an absolutely uncalled for, unprovoked assault being carried out by a man who everyone here, myself included, views as a completely just and benevolent leader! 

Hayden: As much as I'd hate to agree, this is the voice of Community Deathmatch, goddammit! He, of all people, should know that what he's doing right now is a great sacrilege by taking a huge dump on the code that this arena is built upon; absolutely no hitting below the belt and no unsanctioned Deathmatches or deadly assaults are to take place within these hallowed grounds!

Fred: And we are well aware that both those rules have broken in one way or another before, but what we're witnessing right now is completely unheard of!

Jjs picks Homie up off the mat and throws her back first into the corner turnbuckle with an exploder suplex.

The crowd continues to rain down boos, which finally gets jjs' attention. He responds by grabbing Homie by the neck and raises her back up to her feet, pushing her body against the turnbuckle hard. He then gets right in her face.

Jjs: Yet I bet you all constantly have no problem when she cyber bullies other members and acts like an ignorant prick towards them

He leaves her laying on the corner as he races back to the opposite corner, calculating his next shot at her.

Fred: Oh dear Neptune, what does jjs have in store now?!

Hayden: Where the hell is hilaryfan80?! He's usually on top of things when it comes to Homie! Pause?

WhoBob: Not funny.

The scene shifts to somewhere in the backstage area, where hilaryfan80 is being restrained by a squad of Captcha of security, willing holding him back even though he had solved the picture puzzles.

hilaryfan80: The signs! The signs were all right there in front of me! I played your game! Now let me go! I've got to get out there! No-

Fred: I've gotta get down there! Somebody's gotta moderate this before it's too late-

Hayden: I'll go. He's my best friend, he'll only listen to reason if that reason is coming from me!

Hayden pushes Fred out of the way rushes over to ringside at the corner where jjs has himself situated.

Hayden: Jjs, what are you doing?! This isn't like you! This isn't the jjs that I know, that we all know! Between the both of us, most people would expect this kind of thing coming from me! It's not too late, jjs! It's not too late to take a step back, it's not too late to change- NO! PLEASE! JJS, WAIT!!!!

Homie's neck snaps back in a grotesque manner before her body crashes back down to the mat, her head a neck being discombobulated into an awkward angle from the force of one helluva kick. Jjs smiles to himself in sweet relief, taking this moment in, looking out at the sea of guests all around him who are all very unappreciative of what he's just done.

Hayden: Jjs, what did yo DO?!

Jjs takes a step back to get a better look at the damage he's caused. He rushes at Homie's body and lays some stomps on the back of her skull.

Jjs: No get out of jail free card now, huh?!

Hayden finally gets in the ring to restrain jjs, pushing him back and putting himself between him and Homie.

Hayden: Stop it! It's over! This ends now! 

Jjs tries to rush past Hayden to get to Homie again, but Hayden is quick enough on his feet to intercept him and throw him right back.

Hayden: What do you think you're doing, you stupid idiot?!

Jjs' anger begins subsiding, looking rather confused now.

Fred: That's it, I've had just about enough of this-

Fred leaves the commentary booth now and rushes his way down to the ring. Once entering, he tries getting into jjs' face, but Hayden gets between them and holds Fred.

Fred: Too far! You took this too far, you son of a bitch!

Jjs barely even acknowledges as he looks down at Homie, then at the crowd in a blank daze. 

He then slumps himself through the ring ropes and leaves the ring, making his exit through crowd of guests who are all throwing their trash and SBM's at him as he does so. One SBM, in particular, is thrown right in face, and he looks none too pleased by it. Fred finally breaks himself free of Hayden to tend to Homie.

Fred: Medic! I need a medic out here, stat!

hilaryfan80 is seen rushing his way out now, having powered through the Captcha security force, who are all then seen chasing him down the entrance ramp.

Hayden leaves the ring and pursues jjs the moment he saw hilaryfan80 running out. hilaryfan80 comes to Homie's side and starts to resuscitate her. Captcha tries to subdue him, but Fred knocks them off, super kicking one of them, and has them stand down.

Fred: He IS the fucking medic!

Jjs stops himself on a flight of stairs to look back and see hilaryfan80 trying to bring Homie back, but to seemingly no avail.

Jjs:

Hayden pushes his way through a crowd and grabs jjs to get in his face.

Hayden: You and I are gonna have friendly chat about this in private. NOW.

Jjs only smirks as he and Hayden exit the arena to the relative safety of their private conversation. While back in the ring, hilaryfan80 has a stretcher called out in order to carry Homie out and get her to the nearest medical facility. Deathmatch fades to black as Homie's stretchered away.

Homie:

 

[Aya♥]

WILL SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH