Katniss Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 19 hours ago, Old Man Jenkins said: Halibut: I mean, I could also do what Katniss said, but it's kind of hard to take advice from somebody else who hardly abides by them as seriously as they want me to It's sad how true this is lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's for your benefit! Intervention We open up to FeelMyFeel333 standing in the middle of the Deathmatch Arena with an assortment of buckets sitting upside down behind him. FeelMyFeel: You know, at one point, I tried. I tried so very hard to empathize with all FeelMyFeel: of your weaknesses. And what did all my empathy ever got me? All it ever served for, was to be an enabler for each and every one of you. FeelMyFeel: All I ever did was satisfy your insatiable hunger for attention, which is the furthest fucking thing from what you all really need! And no, it's not a shoulder to cry on or an ear to have listen to your pathetic sob stories you call "lives". It's none of that. I am going to take your hunger, and starve you dry. What you all need, is an intervention. And it's not just any intervention. It will be a Straight Edgy Intervention! FeelMyFeel: Now, the first step to recovery for people such as yourselves is a confession. You need to stop lying to yourself and be honest to yourself at least once in your life by admitting that "I have a problem". Guests: You have a problem! You have a problem! FeelMyFeel: I do have a problem, I am man enough to admit that. And my problem is with all of you, but no sweat, I'm looking to solve that problem right now! So what I need is for all of you wasting away here to stand up, and even those of you reading this at home, stand up from your chair for the first time in what may feel like weeks, hold your hand out above you and feel my feel! FeelMyFeel: You can even place your hand on your computer monitor if that helps, given the fact that your entire lives up until now revolved around it as if it were the center of your entire solar systems! You do that. But I do need everyone in this arena right now, and for everybody all around the World Wide Web, to stand up right now and admit that YOU ARE ALL ADDICTS. The guests all :patboo:'s in unison. FeelMyFeel: Now that, that sounds like denial. You are all addicts! FeelMyFeel: Usually addicts are oblivious to the fact they have an addiction or that they have a problem. YOU PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS. You are in denial of the fact that you are weak! You are in denial of the fact that you are powerless! All of you are in denial of the fact that you are NOTHING without the internets that corrupt your mind and withers away at your real lives! But don't worry, because I'm about to teach you all how to survive. FeelMyFeel: You all recognize it, it's the "How Are You Feeling? (Emotionally)" thread! But how many of you recognize the dangers of letting your emotions run wild on the Internet? Obviously, not a lot of you, I mean, let's take a look at some of these hideous displays. FeelMyFeel: "Annoyed". "Depressed". These are the kinds of posts that annoys me so much that it depresses the shit out of me, that said shit being the shit that I can give about what you're feeling (emotionally)! FeelMyFeel: "Hopeful for the first time in a long time". What a sad life you must live... Well, you know that right there is a goddamn lie right off the bat. Hopeful about what, exactly? That you are actually feeling something other than self pity until the next time you decide to stub your toe, then you're back into the sad cycle of sadness? FeelMeFeel: Just reading that made me so very ill, so don't expect me to mother goose it for you this time. Posts such as this can shake me up pretty badly from the dread that there are many more just like it both before and, inevitably, to come afterward. I could go on screaming for a full minute about how fucking disgusting public displays of emotion like these are, but unlike you, I have self control! Why do people like you have to be in my online life. Even with unhinged emotional states like that, you people still go online to get your daily intake of poison! You might as well be throwing your brains into the trash. But tonight...tonight, we throw this, and all posts associated with it, FeelMyFeel: in the trash. And pay close attention, because this is how you survive! FeelMyFeel proceeds to stomp out the one post that didn't make it into the trash. FeelMyFeel removes another bucket from the lineup. FeelMyFeel: What we have here, is your typical ask me section. And you people hide behind topics such as this and you use it to make up for your social life, which even by ever so low Internet standards, is very, very sad. You should be ashamed of yourselves. This. Is. Not. Being. Social! What this is, FeelMyFeel: is Failure Made Into a Topic. You make one of these threads, you so much as ask any of these weak fools a question, you are succumbing to your own addictions! You are giving up! You are FAILING at life! Now, the problem with these became so rampant that they had to actually move them into their own little section of the community. That's all this "community" is good for, isn't it? You all just take your problems and try to push them somewhere else instead of facing them head-on. What you all need to do, is look inside yourself and find the straight edgy in you! Well lucky for you, I'm about to push this problem into the one place it truly belongs. FeelMyFeel: Pay attention! FeelMyFeel removes the last bucket from the lineup. The guests in attendance pop hard at the sight of it. FeelMyFeel: Judging by your reaction, I can tell that this is your life! How sad. Now, how many of you would like to see me drop an emotional load on you right now? FeelMyFeel: You make me so ill. That is NEVER going to happen! However, I can imagine all of you here in this "Community" have partaken in this, this personal hell. You all need to be responsible for your actions taken both online and in real life, yes I'm spelling it out instead of abbreviating it, you can make no abbreviations in life! What are in these sharing times is nothing but poison! It says "the one area where people want to hear your life story". That italics seems to imply the level of sarcasm I would use when describing this god forsaken section, but I really don't want to hear your life story. And you people shouldn't want to hear it, neither. This is the embodiment of all your addictions to this "community" and of your inadequacies! The embodiment of all that eats away at your mind, it ruins your relationships! You need look no further than this mess! https://www.thesbcommunity.com/profile/2884-rachel-bloom/?status=15258&type=status FeelMyFeel: This! This is the WORST of them all! Ladies and gentlemen of the Failure Community, when you share your life stories, you are poisoning yourself as well as others! And just like these sharing times, you are throwing your lives away. The guests :patboos: this act mercilessly. FeelMyFeel: This is 2017! 2011 was six years ago! FeelMy Feel: How's this for unloading? FeelMyFeel: I know you all must be going through a whirlwind of feelings right now. But after something euphoric such as this, you should only be feeling one thing, and one thing only. You all should be feeling...my...feel. I have practically given you the tools to survive. https://youtu.be/EurGYUPRPxQ Feel!yFeel: May you use these tools to accept straight edgy into your lives, in true hopes of finally carving out a better living for yourselves. I hope that at least one of you will log out of this today a changed a person, a straight edgy soldier, and find the strength within yourself to move one step closer to being that much better than all of you. @Murvine_Taylor_3279 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 BOO THIS MAN 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just posts! Episode Such & Such: Cannonized EdeddeddyFan: Welcome, Ed, Edd n Eddy fans! To the latest in what could very well may continue to be a long line-up of slightly useless filler before the actual show gets back on the road to irrelevancy, if the the results of the Golden Community Awards are anything to go by! I'm Ededdeddyfan! American Idiot: And I'm nowhere near as much of a meme as Zaid! Ededdeddyfan: And what a Deathmatch we have on our hands tonight, Idiot! American Idiot: I think you mean "what a Deathmatch we have on our fists tonight", idiot? Ededdeddyfan: Your efforts at contributing to the conversation is admirable, yet oh so very spammy, Idiot, and that is why we all here at SBC hate you! American Idiot: Yes, but first, we here at not just Community Deathmatch, but the entirety of the SpongeBob community thats reach stretches out far beyond just this singular entity known as the "Spongebob Community", must bring to you with very heavy hearts, and it ain't just the Krabby Patty Pizza in my arteries, that the man, the myth and the legend behind pop culture and western animation icon (yet nowhere near iconic as Teen Titans Go), SpongeBob SquarePants, Stephen Hillenburg, has recently been diagnosed with ALS. Ededdeddyfan: Better known as Lou Gehrig's Disease, if you are Trophy and/or JCM. American Idiot: I sure have no idea what it is, but it sounds pretty srs, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: Very srs, idiot. It is a specific disease that causes the death of neurons which control the voluntary muscles in your body. Your muscles basically degenerate to a point which may lead to difficulty speaking, eating and even breathing! And now that I have taken that moment of my time to teach you all something new today, I've got something that I, myself, will like to impart on all of you. American Idiot: But Eddy, we didn't even plug the fundraiser yet! Ededdeddyfan takes out a box of Little Caesar's from under the announce table and hands it to American Idiot Ededdeddyfan: Here, ever so slowly kill yourself with some of these. American Idiot: Pizza pie?! Hotdog! Ededdeddyfan grabs a live microphone and gets up from his seat. Ededdeddyfan: Now, I'm sure you've all been around the Internet for a while. I'm sure you've grown accustomed to what you may see or hear the depths, what lengths that some people will go just to cause a stir. There is always "that guy", you see. you know who I'm talking about! That guy who just always seems to be the one to put some sort of damper on any given situation he's faced with. Well as demonstrated during my previous appearances on this lit, one thing is very, very clear; I'm not a good guy, I'm not a bad guy, I am that guy! The guests in attendance patboos Ededdeddyfan to hell. Ededdeddyfan: That's right, I've been built up all this time to be Deathmatch's Michael Cole, when really, I was its Roman Reigns! A less than likely candidate to be put into such a high position! And no matter how much you may bitch and complain about THAT, I will always be pushed down your throats. So suck it, Deathmatch smarks! Although to be honest, kf anyone is truly your Roman Reigns here, it definitely would have to be SpongeBob SquarePants! This garners even more patboos from the guests. Ededdeddyfan: To continue what I was saying earlier, I have never seen anyone sink lower, scraping at the absolute bottom of the barrel, like the entire SpongeBob community! Honestly, I know a lot of you don't have quite a few things that you could certainly use more of in your life like a brain, or a heart, or...well, a life, but dear Hillenburg, at least have some goddamn pride. How quickly the whole lot of you can change your tunes just like that. Didn't most of you supposedly "grew up" and left that part of your lives behind you? It's one thing to show support and respect a man who helped "define your childhoods", but it's another thing entirely to just ride SpongeBob's dick again just because his creator has been diagnosed with a terrible disease. Maybe once upon a time, this community truly was a SpongeBob Community, but not now. No, this community is a hollow shell of what it once stood for. No matter how many Best Episode Tournaments you may pull out of your collective asses, no matter how many rebrandings. Whether or not it's the SpongeBob Community, V7, V8 Fusion, the SpongeBob Universe or fucking SpongeBob goddamn Infinity and Beyond, this community will always have a gaping hole in its very core that will never be filled again. Those were all inorganic, passionless, cheap, rushed, vain, fake ass attempts at trying to shit out something out of nothing, that only served to satisfy only the ones who pushed that shit out! And look at all the good that did them, damn near killed this community on multiple occasions. It's funny, isn't it? How the "attempts" at incorporating more SpongeBob into the site ends up doing more harm than good. Why, this probably left such a stigma that some of you have even had the gall to say it yourselves time and time again, these forums are focused more so on the "community" than it is "SpongeBob"! You even insulted a member of the show's crew right in his face and he's never been back since! There's even some poor sap on SBM right now, who gets picked apart mercilessly on a daily basis all because he'd rather discuss SpongeBob, because he's the one pulling all the wight in support of SpongeBob that you all outright refuse to carry! Tell me just what in the fuck kind of bizarro world is that to be a genuine fan in?! Usually I would applaud this mindset, but to do so now would be an insult to me and my intelligence as a glorified non-fan of SpongeBob, but it should say a lot that That Guy has to be the one coming to your "childhood's" defense. You wanna talk about toxic fandoms, look not much further than the "SpongeBob community". And you wanna know why? It's because you don't know just what you want to be. You call yourselves Spongebob fans one day and then just a community the next. You are imbalanced both chemically and as a fandom. You all couldn't even come together to make your "Universe" work. What makes you all think you can even come together for your "childhood hero"? Huh? Where was your "tyeamwork" then, and where the fuck is it now?! That was like the whole point of your second pathetic movie, and you all couldn't even put a lesson as simple as that to good use. The guests chant "Eddy Sucks!" Ededdeddyfan: Sorry, but somebody's got to be That Guy. You know, I am fan of a certain something. I hope at least 20% of you are old enough to remember it in full. It's a little something called Ed, Edd n Eddy. Now Ed, Edd n Eddy, they ruled roost where they were from for a whopping ten years. It really didn't feel like it, but it's true. They had their start in 1999, as well. Almost the exact same as SpongeBob. They were both flagship names for their respective networks, but unlike SpongeBob, a show that ate up more and more of the spotlight as the years went on, well those dorks, the Eds, knew just how to share and put other shows over throughout its entire tenure. I mean, it's not like you saw their reruns all goddamn day like SpongeBob. The Ed boys, as a unit, were quite the innovators and were very business savvy. They do just enough to get by, for a small reward. Whereas SpongeBob milks the same goddamn formula year in and year out for all the marbles to line up pockets like Ol' Mr. Krabs. Fuck The Last Airbender, fuck Hey Arnold, fuck Rugrats, that standard bearer before its time, fuck Danny Phantom, fuck Invader Zim, fuck El Tigre, fuck Catscratch, fuck T.U.F.F. Puppy, fuck Robot and Monster, fuck The Legend of Korra, fuck Chalkzone, fuck My Life as a Teenage Robot, fuck Kappa Mikey when it did get the call-up to the main network, fuck The Mighty B, fuck Sanjay and Craig, fuck Breadwinners, fuck Harvey Beaks. The list could very damn well go on. There were no visible dips in quality for the Eds throughout its decade long run, yet SpongeBob was practically down for the count just half of the way there. The Eds didn't even receive their own movie until the very end of its run and by then it felt truly deserved, let alone warranted. The Eds ended their run on an emotional high note, each on their backs but with each of their heads held high, not unlike the first SpongeBob SquarePants movie. But at least the Eds knew when to call it a career and rode off into the sunset on said high note. To have stuck around after something like that would've just been greedy, and you know the lengths that the Eds would go just to make some chump change for candy, so that is saying a lot about the kind of characters they really are. The guests in attendance try drowning him out with "Hillenburg!" chants. Ededdeddyfan: Yeah, you go on ahead and chant his name even after he, himself, abandoned this sinking ship you call a flagship cartoon! Even Stephen knew then that SpongeBob didn't have a leg to stand on following the movie so he split, just like most all of you split! And also just like you, he tries to come back to it years later as if its still some big part of his life, as if more memories can be made out of it, but nah. You all deserve each other. You know, now that I about it, Stephen's illness is like a metaphor for SpongeBob SquarePants as a whole in a cosmic sort of way. A once good, depending on who you are, thing that gradually deteriorates and withers away over the years, suffering a slow, painful death all the way to the bitter, inevitable end. And just like how there is absolutely no fight left in this show and its fandom, there will soon be no fight left in him. The guests now leave in droves to the pitchfork and torch stand, preparing to riot. Ededdeddyfan: And don't even get me started on this fundraiser mumbo jumbo, man. You all may as well be signing his death warrant. These fundraisers and charities are all a bigger scam than Ed, Edd n Eddy combined, and you all should be ashamed of yourselves to be resorting to such cheap tactics to show "solidarity". If Stephen means anything worth anything to you, you may as well give that money to him personally if you really want to feel good about yourselves. So you can believe- Having finally just finished his entire pizza, American Idiot finally takes a stand from his seat. American Idiot: ALRIGHT, THAT IS ENOUGH...pizza for me, that is! Ededdeddyfan: THAT. Ededdeddyfan puts the microphone down and takes his seat next to American Idiot, who also sits back down, as the guests begin to chant "You're Not Roman!" Ededdeddyfan: Ohhh but I am That Guy. You can believe that much. American Idiot: You know, Eddy, coming out here and verbally attacking the creator of this community's very heart and soul, having just come off the heels of some very unfortunate news, will pretty much make you at least one of the top heels here on Community Deathmatch. I mean that shit is nuclear, Eddy, I can feel myself being poisoned by radiation just by sitting here next to you. Do you have any idea what you've done?! Ededdeddyfan: Like I said before idiot. I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm That. Damn. Guy. And you think I could give so much as a shit about what these SpongeBob lunatics think? I didn't join this community to win no popularity contests, you can already tell by the username that I chose at birth. I joined this community to show all these sheep in wolves clothing just who the better show really is, and just like their so-called favorite show, show them just how much this entire fan base has deteriorated for almost two decades. And all of this right here Eddy points at all the guests rioting around him Ededdeddyfan: is the very definition of 1 versus All! And I wouldn't have it any other way! So line on up, you baseless cucks! I'll gladly take whatever quarters you have in your name and break your goddamn jaws to prevent anymore stupid shit from ever escaping those putrid assholes you call mouths again! American Idiot: Well, this is not what this show is about mang. Even an American Idiot has some standards. Ededdeddyfan: This is Community motherfucking Deathmatch, Idiot! I am here ready to go, I am here to kill! I came here to "dismantle this establishment board by board"! Being reduced to being stuck behind an announce table with a stupid idiot like you on CD's b-show is something I never had intended on. In fact, I find it downright insulting! So if this is the only way to get the spotlight on the Ed boys and That Guy, then so be it. I will do whatever it takes to strip that spotlight away. American Idiot: Well, changing the subject to another, much less tragic, current event taking place in the news recently, are you CN this Cartoon Network schedule for this week? (Credit goes to Spongetron for taking credit for this from cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com, so that she doesn't kill me in my sleep) American Idiot: I have never been more excited in all my years of television watching, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: If there is one show that I despise more than SpongeBob SquarePants, it is Teen Titans Go! so by all means, refrain from dragging me into this shit or I will break your jaw off from the rest of your thick ass skull. American Idiot: Truly, Cartoon Network has officially entered a brand new, greater era than the the last and it looks like Teen Titans Go will in fact be Teen Titans STAY for a long time to come, and that is something that I definitely would not have any other way! 2016 was just the beginning with Gravity Fails ending and 2017 is only looking to build on that forward momentum! Thank you Vishnu, for hearing our praise for Teen Titans Go! I cannot thank you enough! Maybe I can thank em by converting to Hinduism or some shit! Ededdeddyfan: But speaking of some shit, look who bought ringside tickets just to be here in attendance for the coming of this dark age, one of Community Deathmatch's much talked about, heavily touted, very well has his dick sucked on a bi-daily basis, top prospects, Supermandude! American Idiot: Supermandude, you know as well as I do just how monumental this schedule is for children's cartoons going forward! Just what are your initial reactions to having the utmost of honor of having bore witness to such a game changing reveal?! Supermandude: ...The wait is finally over! It pays to be Supermandude, because CN is now Supermandude: But to take Cartoon Network to that next level, to take each and everyone of you to that next level! That's where I finally come in. Because let's face it, there's always going to be those guys who will hate and hate and hate, only serving to hinder true progress. For CN to be officially confirmed as TTG, TTG needs Supermandude! All of you need Supermandude! I've never given in, I won't give in, to the "popular opinion"! I have and will continue doing what I must to defend the good name of TTG! Cartoon Network has been searching for years for not just "a show", but "THE show". The show that can expand the brand to newer heights never seen before, to make it a global powerhouse once again! The show that can finally kill another global powerhouse, SpongeBob SquarePants, in the ratings! And I am proud to be standing here in the middle of this Deathmatch Arena in front of each and every single one of you to tell you that you now have you're ONLY favorite show! And you're only favorite show is none other than TEEN TITANS GOOOOOO! And it is nothing short of GO-RIOUS! Supermandude takes in the new schedule before sitting back down at ringside. American Idiot: Truer words have never been uttered throughout all of Community Deathmatch's four year tenure, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: Agree to disagree, idiot. Ededdeddyfan: And speaking of idiots, here comes one half of tonight's featured matchup! American Idiot: No doubt gasping for air after finally leaving the confines of the SpongeBob Wiki and the perpetual grave that is his actual account here on SBC, here comes @FrostyLemon! Ededdeddyfan: Having been one of a few wiki members to migrate over to SBC during the much touted about and much failed SBU launch, FrostyLemon sure wasted little to no time in wasting away his brief time as a member here! American Idiot: And that's about all you need to know about him! Ededdeddyfan: About 85% of new members in a nutshell, folks! FrostyLemon: Can someone help me? Can anyone tell me how to make words bold or underlined. Ededdeddyfan: Can he come off anymore like a jobber? FrostyLemon: You see, I'm on an iPad and- The entire Deathmatch Arena becomes unglued. Ededdeddyfan: And just like a bunch of flies attracted to a steaming piece of shit, the entire Deathmatch Arena has just became unglued as Trophy makes his first formal appearance here on Community Deathmatch! Trophy takes in his moment as he makes his way down the entrance way. Crowd: YOU ARE CANNON! YOU ARE CANNON! American Idiot: He was written out of official Deathmatch canon twice, but he's looking to make third time the charm. Ededdeddyfan: But if he strikes out a third time, as I personally know that he will, then consider his ass out for the remainder of the series! American Idiot: The Trophy Stealer has everything to gain, but everything to lose! Will he reap the rewards tonight or will he get caught doing so?! Trophy enters the ring. Trophy: Welcome to The Trophy Show! Trophy then gets right in FrostyLemon's face. Trophy: Someone isn't here! You could've asked for anybody like wumbology. see I just did it there and here. Trophy paces back and forth in the ring, getting more and more agitated by FrostyLemon's noobish jobberness. Trophy: dude it's just to easy- Trophy surprises FrostyLemon with a super kick to the face and lays him out on his back. The crowd cheers Trophy on as he taunts his downed opponent before mounting him with ferocious rights and lefts to the face. Trophy: BOW TO THE FIST! One half of the crowd: LET'S GO TROPHY! The other half of the crowd: FIGHT TROPHY FIGHT! One half of the crowd: LET'S GO TROPHY! The other half of the crowd: FIGHT TROPHY FIGHT! American Idiot: SBC's self-proclaimed "Prizefighter", unlike his opponent, choosing to waste little to no time in trying to make the most of his time here in his first formal deathmatch in the Deathmatch Arena! And the crowd can't seem to get enough of it, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: Idiots do tend to gravitate towards even bigger idiots. I guess that's why you joined both SBC and SBM. Trophy picks FrostyLemon up and whips him into the corner. Trophy gets in the opposite corner and charges up, ramming himself into FrostyLemon twice, causing Lemon to go limp, seated lifelessly against the corner turnbuckle. Trophy gets back in the opposite corner and charges up on Frosty with a devastating Cannonball into the corner, crushing him with the full horsepower of his weight. Frosty immediately rolls himself out of the ring afterwards. Ededdeddyfan: Trophy with his trademark Cannonball into the corner! And things aren't looking too good for Frosty in these early goings of the match! American Idiot: He's getting a little punch drunk after bowing to all those fist earlier. Frosty's gonna have to stay frosty if he wants to survive! Trophy swipes one of the two badges that FrostyLemon actually has to his name. Ededdeddyfan: The Trophy Stealer living up to that old moniker here tonight, a Deathmatch first! Trophy: Losers don't deserve any rewards! But here, you can take this L tho! Trophy take an L out from his pocket and throws it at Frosty on the outside as he was getting back to his feet. Trophy then runs the ropes and takes a leap of faith to the outside, landing entirely on FrostyLemon with another rough Cannonball to the outside. American Idiot: CANNONBAAAAAALLLLL! Trophy gets in Supermandude's face at ringside. Trophy: The Trophy Show, bitch! You're NEW favorite show! Supermandude: No, it is not! And it never will be! Trophy: Fuck you! Supermandude: Fuck you! Trophy: Fuck yourself! Supermandude: Robin 2016! Then! Now! Forever! Ededdeddyfan: Shit, the teasing between these two is making for a more compelling match than the slaughter we're witnessing right now. American Idiot: Could you imagine just how much different this bout may be had Trophy opted to instead take Frosty under his wing, if you know what I'm sayin? Ededdeddyfan: I'd imagine that I would be losing the same amount of brain cells as I am right now. Trophy leaves Supermandude alone in order to focus back on FrostyLemon. Trophy picks him back up to his feet, but Frosty manages to get a smack in, taking Trophy by surprise this time. Frosty scrambles back into the ring as Trophy gets over the initial shock and gives chase. Ededdeddyfan: Some surprising signs of life by Frosty, but will he be able to translate that into even more offense? Trophy: Come on offense! Lets go! Trophy rams Frosty back into the corner and slaps, slaps, slaps as well as claps, claps, claps Frosty around. Trophy: Defense! Defense! Defense! Defense! Ededdeddyfan: Trophy utilizing not only just slaps, but he seems to have even incorporated claps into his arsenal! Could this be a shot at Clappy for not updating Whodunnit?! Trophy: Whodunnit, huh?! Whodunnit?! It was me! Idunnit better! American Idiot: He truly is the Trophy Stealer, Eddy! Trophy seems to be going for another cannonball and he charges, but Frosty cuts him short by lifting out his foot to clock Trophy in the face, but Trophy telegraphs it and catches it before it could do any damage. Trophy: Ohhh this is your last chance to go- Trophy throws Frosty's foot down to inflict more damage, but Frosty surprises him yet again with both a bold and underlined strike out nowhere, catching Trophy right on the nose. Trophy is the one laying on his back now as blood gushes out from his nose. American Idiot: As Robin is my witless, I think he just broke his nose right in half! What a better time to finally get the hang of things! Frosty is somehow the first one to draw his opponent's blood in this matchup! Ededdeddyfan: I think FrostyLemon has officially gotten himself back into this forum and back into this fight! American Idiot: A jab as bold and underlined like that is nothing to scoff at when hit directly on the nose of a human being. If bold and underlined enough, it could've done some serious damage all the way up to the brain! Ededdeddyfan: Well lucky enough for Trophy, he doesn't have one! Nor does anyone else her for that matter. Frosty: Check him! Is he dead! Referee Clem checks Trophy's pulse. Clem: He still got fight left in em! Trophy stirs around and slowly makes his way back to his feet, wiping the blood off his face as he does so. Frosty looks on, out of breath and seemingly out of viable options to put Trophy away. Trophy props himself up in the corner, using the ropes to support himself. Frosty takes advantage of his vulnerable to dish out some of Trophy's own medicine. He charges at Trophy and catches him with two running knees to the face. Frosty seems to be very proud of himself here. Frosty: I'm not just some noob! I've been places- Trophy suddenly takes Frosty out with a thunderous clothesline out of nowhere. American Idiot: Trophy indeed does still have some fight left in him despite taking pretty heavy damage to the head! Trophy refuses to be struck out here tonight! Frosty clings to Trophy's shorts and begs for mercy, to which Trophy responds Trophy: You already had your last chance to go home. Trophy grabs Frosty and lifts him up and sends crashing down neck first into his knee with The One Knee Drill. Trophy poses over Frosty and taunts Trophy: Looks like we've reached the end of our show! Ededdeddyfan: Thank god. Trophy grabs Frosty by the head with one hand, lifts him up and whips him into the ropes. Frosty bounces right back, allowing Trophy to nail him with the Pop Up Cannonbomb, which causes Frosty to explode on impact. Clem surveys the situation and raises Trophy's hand up in victory. Clem: WINNER, TROPHY! Trophy takes his hand back from Clem and runs the referee off. Trophy blows some blood out of his nose and wipes it off before speaking to the live crowd. Trophy: Honestly whatever you think of the shows Stephen's been in during any time, even what most people consider to be the dark ages of SpongeBob, you're flat out lying if you say this man has had no influence over the animation industry! Clearly shown by the quick humor, connections with others who've worked on multiple projects with him, and an overall understanding of what kids like to watch. All of that and more has been shown through the passion of him and everyone else with SpongeBob and beyond, I'd say that's pretty good for a guy who originally studied and made a comic about marine biology. From the show, books, comics, DVD's, merchandise, everything was thanks to you, and very few people can say they've had that much of a positive impact on over millions of people, shown through a fanbase that's strong, always with memorable quotes to say! Trophy wipes more blood and even some tears from his face. Crowd: FIGHT STEPHEN FIGHT! FIGHT STEPHEN FIGHT! FIGHT STEPHEN FIGHT! Trophy: Which is why I won't just stand around idly by while some prick like you kicks a great man on a personal level while he's down, Eddy! This grabs Eddy's attention as he gives Trophy a smug smile from the commentary booth. Ededdeddyfan: You what now? Trophy: You claim yourself to be "That Guy", but that's really all you will ever amount to, isn't it? Whereas a "Great Man" like Stephen Hillenburg has more than cemented his legacy for years to come, here comes "that guy", trying to make a shit storm of things about it on the Internet! Here comes "that guy", who in the end, will never be remembered by name, but will only be remembered as only "that guy"! Ededdeddyfan: Oh, you don't know remember my name? Well you remember me well enough to remember just what That Guy said! Struck a nerve, didn't it?! Trophy: You have the gall to say that he's got no fight left in him. Well, he's fighting a terminal disease whereas you are only picking fights on the Internet. The decision seems pretty unanimous there, guy! Ededdeddyfan: Please, I'd wipe the floor with his own sponge. You ain't got shit, my friend. Barely making it out alive against some nobody tonight, what makes you think you have a chance against That Guy, huh? Trophy: You say that we, as a community, as a fan base, have got no fight left in us? We've been through worse ruts than you before, like the v7 transition or some Pokemon trolls to name just a couple. At the very least, we have a base to stand on. Where is your fan base, guy? Has it been dead for the last 8 or so years, buddy? Ededdeddyfan: I ain't your buddy and I ain't you guy, and I definitely don't need no base to take all of you out! You're all just that fucking easy! Look at you, it's pathetic. Putting on a show make up for your lack of solidarity. It'd be at least cute if it weren't so pathetic. Trophy: The fact that this community is more than just SpongeBob, proves that our bonds are stronger than you stupidly think they are. Ededdeddyfan: Those flimsy ass excuses you call "connections"? Well you just killed one of your own in cold blood. How is that? How the fuck is that?! Trophy: Hell, to be honest, I am more than necessary to take your lousy ass on. Ededdeddyfan: Big, more than one syllable words coming from all the way down there, kid. Trophy: Well, if you're so sick and tired of being stuck behind an announce table, then why don't you come down here and see for yourself just how big these words are up close! Ededdeddyfan: Unlike you, I know how to pick my fights. Trophy: Well whenever that day comes, when The Trophy Show is back on the air, I'm gonna make goddamn sure that I take you under my wing if you know what I'm sayin, Eddy. Because this right here, what you saw just now, this was just a fight. That was me putting up a fight, maybe not my best fight, honestly, I only put in about 30% effort and even that felt 10% more than necessary, but my point still stands! Bottom line, I'll make sure I give you 100% and so much more. Consider this a common courtesy, this is me giving you your last chance to go home. If you choose not to oblige, then prepare to be shot out of my cannon and clear out of official Deathmatch canon. Because the Trophy you're gonna see and the chants you're gonna get, it's not gonna be "Fight! Trophy! Fight!" Its gonna be "KILL! TROPHY! KILL!" Trophy's music hits again and he celebrates his victory in the ring, continuing to stare down and taunt Ededdeddyfan. Ededdeddyfan: Sounds good to me. That Guy is soon gonna be known as "That Guy who made ass out of The Prizefighter at maximum effort". Good fight, goodnight bitch. You're gonna need as many as you can get to put up at least a fight. Now hit That Guy's music! Trophy: You're really gonna just do that right now? In the middle of my celebration? Ededdeddyfan: Believe me, I hate to be That Guy. Crowd: YOU'RE NOT ROMAN! YOU'RE NOT ROMAN! YOU'RE NOT ROMAN! COMING UP NEXT! It's Teen Titans Go! Followed by more Teen Titans Go! On Cartoon Network! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 15 minutes ago, Old Man Jenkins said: The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just nerds! Episode Such & Such: Consider This Apart of the Official Cannon http://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY EdeddeddyFan: Welcome, Ed, Edd n Eddy fans! To the latest in what could very well may continue to be a long line-up of slightly useless filler before the actual show gets back on the road to irrelevancy, if the the results of the Golden Community Awards are anything to go by! I'm Ededdeddyfan! American Idiot: And I'm nowhere near as much of a meme as Zaid! Ededdeddyfan: And what a Deathmatch we have on our hands tonight, Idiot! American Idiot: I think you mean "what a Deathmatch we have on our fists tonight", idiot? Ededdeddyfan: Your efforts at contributing to the conversation is admirable, yet oh so very spammy, Idiot, and that is why we all here at SBC hate you! American Idiot: Yes, but first, we here at not just Community Deathmatch, but the entirety of the SpongeBob community thats reach stretches out far beyond just this singular entity known as the "Spongebob Community", must bring to you with very heavy hearts, and it ain't just the Krabby Patty Pizza in my arteries, that the man, the myth and the legend behind pop culture and western animation icon (yet nowhere near iconic as Teen Titans Go), SpongeBob SquarePants, Stephen Hillenburg, has recently been diagnosed with ALS. Ededdeddyfan: Better known as Lou Gehrig's Disease, if you are Trophy and/or JCM. American Idiot: I sure have no idea what it is, but it sounds pretty srs, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: Very srs, idiot. It is a specific disease that causes the death of neurons which control the voluntary muscles in your body. Your muscles basically degenerate to a point which may lead to difficulty speaking, eating and even breathing! And now that I have taken that moment of my time to teach you all something new today, I've got something that I, myself, will like to impart on all of you. American Idiot: But Eddy, we didn't even plug the fundraiser yet! Ededdeddyfan takes out a box of Little Caesar's from under the announce table and hands it to American Idiot Ededdeddyfan: Here, ever so slowly kill yourself with some of these. American Idiot: Pizza pie?! Hotdog! Ededdeddyfan grabs a live microphone and gets up from his seat. Ededdeddyfan: Now, I'm sure you've all been around the Internet for a while. I'm sure you've grown accustomed to what you may see or hear the depths, what lengths that some people will go just to cause a stir. There is always "that guy", you see. you know who I'm talking about! That guy who just always seems to be the one to put some sort of damper on any given situation he's faced with. Well as demonstrated during my previous appearances on this lit, one thing is very, very clear; I'm not a good guy, I'm not a bad guy, I am that guy! The guests in attendance patboos Ededdeddyfan to hell. Ededdeddyfan: That's right, I've been built up all this time to be Deathmatch's Michael Cole, when really, I was its Roman Reigns! A less than likely candidate to be put into such a high position! And no matter how much you may bitch and complain about THAT, I will always be pushed down your throats. So suck it, Deathmatch smarks! Although to be honest, kf anyone is truly your Roman Reigns here, it definitely would have to be SpongeBob SquarePants! This garners even more patboos from the guests. Ededdeddyfan: To continue what I was saying earlier, I have never seen anyone sink lower, scraping at the absolute bottom of the barrel, like the entire SpongeBob community! Honestly, I know a lot of you don't have quite a few things that you could certainly use more of in your life like a brain, or a heart, or...well, a life, but dear Hillenburg, at least have some goddamn pride. How quickly the whole lot of you can change your tunes just like that. Didn't most of you supposedly "grew up" and left that part of your lives behind you? It's one thing to show support and respect a man who helped "define your childhoods", but it's another thing entirely to just ride SpongeBob's dick again just because his creator has been diagnosed with a terrible disease. Maybe once upon a time, this community truly was a SpongeBob Community, but not now. No, this community is a hollow shell of what it once stood for. No matter how many Best Episode Tournaments you may pull out of your collective asses, no matter how many rebrandings. Whether or not it's the SpongeBob Community, V7, V8 Fusion, the SpongeBob Universe or fucking SpongeBob goddamn Infinity and Beyond, this community will always have a gaping hole in its very core that will never be filled again. Those were all inorganic, passionless, cheap, rushed, vain, fake ass attempts at trying to shit out something out of nothing, that only served to satisfy only the ones who pushed that shit out! And look at all the good that did them, damn near killed this community on multiple occasions. It's funny, isn't it? How the "attempts" at incorporating more SpongeBob into the site ends up doing more harm than good. Why, this probably left such a stigma that some of you have even had the gall to say it yourselves time and time again, these forums are focused more so on the "community" than it is "SpongeBob"! You even insulted a member of the show's crew right in his face and he's never been back since! There's even some poor sap on SBM right now, who gets picked apart mercilessly on a daily basis all because he'd rather discuss SpongeBob, because he's the one pulling all the wight in support of SpongeBob that you all outright refuse to carry! Tell me just what in the fuck kind of bizarro world is that to be a genuine fan in?! Usually I would applaud this mindset, but to do so now would be an insult to me and my intelligence as a glorified non-fan of SpongeBob, but it should say a lot that That Guy has to be the one coming to your "childhood's" defense. You wanna talk about toxic fandoms, look not much further than the "SpongeBob community". And you wanna know why? It's because you don't know just what you want to be. You call yourselves Spongebob fans one day and then just a community the next. You are imbalanced both chemically and as a fandom. You all couldn't even come together to make your "Universe" work. What makes you all think you can even come together for your "childhood hero"? Huh? Where was your "tyeamwork" then, and where the fuck is it now?! That was like the whole point of your second pathetic movie, and you all couldn't even put a lesson as simple as that to good use. The guests chant "Eddy Sucks!" Ededdeddyfan: Sorry, but somebody's got to be That Guy. You know, I am fan of a certain something. I hope at least 20% of you are old enough to remember it in full. It's a little something called Ed, Edd n Eddy. Now Ed, Edd n Eddy, they ruled roost where they were from for a whopping ten years. It really didn't feel like it, but it's true. They had their start in 1999, as well. Almost the exact same as SpongeBob. They were both flagship names for their respective networks, but unlike SpongeBob, a show that ate up more and more of the spotlight as the years went on, well those dorks, the Eds, knew just how to share and put other shows over throughout its entire tenure. I mean, it's not like you saw their reruns all goddamn day like SpongeBob. The Ed boys, as a unit, were quite the innovators and were very business savvy. They do just enough to get by, for a small reward. Whereas SpongeBob milks the same goddamn formula year in and year out for all the marbles to line up pockets like Ol' Mr. Krabs. Fuck The Last Airbender, fuck Hey Arnold, fuck Rugrats, that standard bearer before its time, fuck Danny Phantom, fuck Invader Zim, fuck El Tigre, fuck Catscratch, fuck T.U.F.F. Puppy, fuck Robot and Monster, fuck The Legend of Korra, fuck Chalkzone, fuck My Life as a Teenage Robot, fuck Kappa Mikey when it did get the call-up to the main network, fuck The Mighty B, fuck Sanjay and Craig, fuck Breadwinners, fuck Harvey Beaks. The list could very damn well go on. There were no visible dips in quality for the Eds throughout its decade long run, yet SpongeBob was practically down for the count just half of the way there. The Eds didn't even receive their own movie until the very end of its run and by then it felt truly deserved, let alone warranted. The Eds ended their run on an emotional high note, each on their backs but with each of their heads held high, not unlike the first SpongeBob SquarePants movie. But at least the Eds knew when to call it a career and rode off into the sunset on said high note. To have stuck around after something like that would've just been greedy, and you know the lengths that the Eds would go just to make some chump change for candy, so that is saying a lot about the kind of characters they really are. The guests in attendance try drowning him out with "Hillenburg!" chants. Ededdeddyfan: Yeah, you go on ahead and chant his name even after he, himself, abandoned this sinking ship you call a flagship cartoon! Even Stephen knew then that SpongeBob didn't have a leg to stand on following the movie so he split, just like most all of you split! And also just like you, he tries to come back to it years later as if its still some big part of his life, as if more memories can be made out of it, but nah. You all deserve each other. You know, now that I about it, Stephen's illness is like a metaphor for SpongeBob SquarePants as a whole in a cosmic sort of way. A once good, depending on who you are, thing that gradually deteriorates and withers away over the years, suffering a slow, painful death all the way to the bitter, inevitable end. And just like how there is absolutely no fight left in this show and its fandom, there will soon be no fight left in him. The guests now leave in droves to the pitchfork and torch stand, preparing to riot. Ededdeddyfan: And don't even get me started on this fundraiser mumbo jumbo, man. You all may as well be signing his death warrant. These fundraisers and charities are all a bigger scam than Ed, Edd n Eddy combined, and you all should be ashamed of yourselves to be resorting to such cheap tactics to show "solidarity". If Stephen means anything worth anything to you, you may as well give that money to him personally if you really want to feel good about yourselves. So you can believe- Having finally just finished his entire pizza, American Idiot finally takes a stand from his seat. American Idiot: ALRIGHT, THAT IS ENOUGH...pizza for me, that is! Ededdeddyfan: THAT. Ededdeddyfan puts the microphone down and takes his seat next to American Idiot, who also sits back down, as the guests begin to chant "You're Not Roman!" Ededdeddyfan: Ohhh but I am That Guy. You can believe that much. American Idiot: You know, Eddy, coming out here and verbally attacking the creator of this community's very heart and soul, having just come off the heels of some very unfortunate news, will pretty much make you at least one of the top heels here on Community Deathmatch. I mean that shit is nuclear, Eddy, I can feel myself being poisoned by radiation just by sitting here next to you. Do you have any idea what you've done?! Ededdeddyfan: Like I said before idiot. I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a guy, I'm That. Damn. Guy. And you think I could give so much as a shit about what these SpongeBob lunatics think? I didn't join this community to win no popularity contests, you can already tell by the username that I chose at birth. I joined this community to show all these sheep in wolves clothing just who the better show really is, and just like their so-called favorite show, show them just how much this entire fan base has deteriorated for almost two decades. And all of this right here Eddy points at all the guests rioting around him Ededdeddyfan: is the very definition of 1 versus All! And I wouldn't have it any other way! So line on up, you baseless cucks! I'll gladly take whatever quarters you have in your name and break your goddamn jaws to prevent anymore stupid shit from ever escaping those putrid assholes you call mouths again! American Idiot: Well, this is not what this show is about mang. Even an American Idiot has some standards. Ededdeddyfan: This is Community motherfucking Deathmatch, Idiot! I am here ready to go, I am here to kill! I came here to "dismantle this establishment board by board"! Being reduced to being stuck behind an announce table with a stupid idiot like you on CD's b-show is something I never had intended on. In fact, I find it downright insulting! So if this is the only way to get the spotlight on the Ed boys and That Guy, then so be it. I will do whatever it takes to strip that spotlight away. American Idiot: Well, changing the subject to another, much less tragic, current event taking place in the news recently, are you CN this Cartoon Network schedule for this week? (Credit goes to Spongetron for taking credit for this from cnschedulearchive.tumblr.com, so that she doesn't kill me in my sleep) American Idiot: I have never been more excited in all my years of television watching, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: If there is one show that I despise more than SpongeBob SquarePants, it is Teen Titans Go! so by all means, refrain from dragging me into this shit or I will break your jaw off from the rest of your thick ass skull. American Idiot: Truly, Cartoon Network has officially entered a brand new, greater era than the the last and it looks like Teen Titans Go will in fact be Teen Titans STAY for a long time to come, and that is something that I definitely would not have any other way! 2016 was just the beginning with Gravity Fails ending and 2017 is only looking to build on that forward momentum! Thank you Vishnu, for hearing our praise for Teen Titans Go! I cannot thank you enough! Maybe I can thank em by converting to Hinduism or some shit! Ededdeddyfan: But speaking of some shit, look who bought ringside tickets just to be here in attendance for the coming of this dark age, one of Community Deathmatch's much talked about, heavily touted, very well has his dick sucked on a bi-daily basis, top prospects, Supermandude! American Idiot: Supermandude, you know as well as I do just how monumental this schedule is for children's cartoons going forward! Just what are your initial reactions to having the utmost of honor of having bore witness to such a game changing reveal?! Supermandude: ...The wait is finally over! It pays to be Supermandude, because CN is now Supermandude: But to take Cartoon Network to that next level, to take each and everyone of you to that next level! That's where I finally come in. Because let's face it, there's always going to be those guys who will hate and hate and hate, only serving to hinder true progress. For CN to be officially confirmed as TTG, TTG needs Supermandude! All of you need Supermandude! I've never given in, I won't give in, to the "popular opinion"! I have and will continue doing what I must to defend the good name of TTG! Cartoon Network has been searching for years for not just "a show", but "THE show". The show that can expand the brand to newer heights never seen before, to make it a global powerhouse once again! The show that can finally kill another global powerhouse, SpongeBob SquarePants, in the ratings! And I am proud to be standing here in the middle of this Deathmatch Arena in front of each and every single one of you to tell you that you now have you're ONLY favorite show! And you're only favorite show is none other than TEEN TITANS GOOOOOO! And it is nothing short of GO-RIOUS! Supermandude takes in the new schedule before sitting back down at ringside. American Idiot: Truer words have never been uttered throughout all of Community Deathmatch's four year tenure, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: Agree to disagree, idiot. https://youtu.be/GdTQAEMeWe4 Ededdeddyfan: And speaking of idiots, here comes one half of tonight's featured matchup! American Idiot: No doubt gasping for air after finally leaving the confines of the SpongeBob Wiki and the perpetual grave that is his actual account here on SBC, here comes @FrostyLemon! Ededdeddyfan: Having been one of a few wiki members to migrate over to SBC during the much touted about and much failed SBU launch, FrostyLemon sure wasted little to no time in wasting away his brief time as a member here! American Idiot: And that's about all you need to know about him! Ededdeddyfan: About 85% of new members in a nutshell, folks! FrostyLemon: Can someone help me? Can anyone tell me how to make words bold or underlined. Ededdeddyfan: Can he come off anymore like a jobber? FrostyLemon: You see, I'm on an iPad and- https://youtu.be/tw5nVVMeHIo The entire Deathmatch Arena becomes unglued. Ededdeddyfan: And just like a bunch of flies attracted to a steaming piece of shit, the entire Deathmatch Arena has just became unglued as Trophy makes his first formal appearance here on Community Deathmatch! Trophy takes in his moment as he makes his way down the entrance way. Crowd: YOU ARE CANNON! YOU ARE CANNON! American Idiot: He was written out of official Deathmatch canon twice, but he's looking to make third time the charm. Ededdeddyfan: But if he strikes out a third time, as I personally know that he will, then consider his ass out for the remainder of the series! American Idiot: The Trophy Stealer has everything to gain, but everything to lose! Will he reap the rewards tonight or will he get caught doing so?! Trophy enters the ring. Trophy: Welcome to The Trophy Show! Trophy then gets right in FrostyLemon's face. Trophy: Someone isn't here! You could've asked for anybody like wumbology. see I just did it there and here. Trophy paces back and forth in the ring, getting more and more agitated by FrostyLemon's noobish jobberness. Trophy: dude it's just to easy- Trophy surprises FrostyLemon with a super kick to the face and lays him out on his back. The crowd cheers Trophy on as he taunts his downed opponent before mounting him with ferocious rights and lefts to the face. Trophy: BOW TO THE FIST! One half of the crowd: LET'S GO TROPHY! The other half of the crowd: FIGHT TROPHY FIGHT! One half of the crowd: LET'S GO TROPHY! The other half of the crowd: FIGHT TROPHY FIGHT! American Idiot: SBC's self-proclaimed "Prizefighter", unlike his opponent, choosing to waste little to no time in trying to make the most of his time here in his first formal deathmatch in the Deathmatch Arena! And the crowd can't seem to get enough of it, Eddy! Ededdeddyfan: Idiots do tend to gravitate towards even bigger idiots. I guess that's why you joined both SBC and SBM. Trophy picks FrostyLemon up and whips him into the corner. Trophy gets in the opposite corner and charges up, ramming himself into FrostyLemon twice, causing Lemon to go limp, seated lifelessly against the corner turnbuckle. Trophy gets back in the opposite corner and charges up on Frosty with a devastating Cannonball into the corner, crushing him with the full horsepower of his weight. Frosty immediately rolls himself out of the ring afterwards. Ededdeddyfan: Trophy with his trademark Cannonball into the corner! And things aren't looking too good for Frosty in these early goings of the match! American Idiot: He's getting a little punch drunk after bowing to all those fist earlier. Frosty's gonna have to stay frosty if he wants to survive! Trophy swipes one of the two badges that FrostyLemon actually has to his name. Ededdeddyfan: The Trophy Stealer living up to that old moniker here tonight, a Deathmatch first! Trophy: Losers don't deserve any rewards! But here, you can take this L tho! Trophy take an L out from his pocket and throws it at Frosty on the outside as he was getting back to his feet. Trophy then runs the ropes and takes a leap of faith to the outside, landing entirely on FrostyLemon with another rough Cannonball to the outside. American Idiot: CANNONBAAAAAALLLLL! Trophy gets in Supermandude's face at ringside. Trophy: The Trophy Show, bitch! You're NEW favorite show! Supermandude: No, it is not! And it never will be! Trophy: Fuck you! Supermandude: Fuck you! Trophy: Fuck yourself! Supermandude: Robin 2016! Then! Now! Forever! Ededdeddyfan: Shit, the teasing between these two is making for a more compelling match than the slaughter we're witnessing right now. American Idiot: Could you imagine just how much different this bout may be had Trophy opted to instead take Frosty under his wing, if you know what I'm sayin? Ededdeddyfan: I'd imagine that I would be losing the same amount of brain cells as I am right now. Trophy leaves Supermandude alone in order to focus back on FrostyLemon. Trophy picks him back up to his feet, but Frosty manages to get a smack in, taking Trophy by surprise this time. Frosty scrambles back into the ring as Trophy gets over the initial shock and gives chase. Ededdeddyfan: Some surprising signs of life by Frosty, but will he be able to translate that into even more offense? Trophy: Come on offense! Lets go! Trophy rams Frosty back into the corner and slaps, slaps, slaps as well as claps, claps, claps Frosty around. Trophy: Defense! Defense! Defense! Defense! Ededdeddyfan: Trophy utilizing not only just slaps, but he seems to have even incorporated claps into his arsenal! Could this be a shot at Clappy for not updating Whodunnit?! Trophy: Whodunnit, huh?! Whodunnit?! It was me! Idunnit better! American Idiot: He truly is the Trophy Stealer, Eddy! Trophy seems to be going for another cannonball and he charges, but Frosty cuts him short by lifting out his foot to clock Trophy in the face, but Trophy telegraphs it and catches it before it could do any damage. Trophy: Ohhh this is your last chance to go- Trophy throws Frosty's foot down to inflict more damage, but Frosty surprises him yet again with both a bold and underlined strike out nowhere, catching Trophy right on the nose. Trophy is the one laying on his back now as blood gushes out from his nose. American Idiot: As Robin is my witless, I think he just broke his nose right in half! What a better time to finally get the hang of things! Frosty is somehow the first one to draw his opponent's blood in this matchup! Ededdeddyfan: I think FrostyLemon has officially gotten himself back into this forum and back into this fight! American Idiot: A jab as bold and underlined like that is nothing to scoff at when hit directly on the nose of a human being. If bold and underlined enough, it could've done some serious damage all the way up to the brain! Ededdeddyfan: Well lucky enough for Trophy, he doesn't have one! Nor does anyone else her for that matter. Frosty: Check him! Is he dead! Referee Clem checks Trophy's pulse. Clem: He still got fight left in em! Trophy stirs around and slowly makes his way back to his feet, wiping the blood off his face as he does so. Frosty looks on, out of breath and seemingly out of viable options to put Trophy away. Trophy props himself up in the corner, using the ropes to support himself. Frosty takes advantage of his vulnerable to dish out some of Trophy's own medicine. He charges at Trophy and catches him with two running knees to the face. Frosty seems to be very proud of himself here. Frosty: I'm not just some noob! I've been places- Trophy suddenly takes Frosty out with a thunderous clothesline out of nowhere. American Idiot: Trophy indeed does still have some fight left in him despite taking pretty heavy damage to the head! Trophy refuses to be struck out here tonight! Frosty clings to Trophy's shorts and begs for mercy, to which Trophy responds Trophy: You already had your last chance to go home. Trophy grabs Frosty and lifts him up and sends crashing down neck first into his knee with The One Knee Drill. Trophy poses over Frosty and taunts Trophy: Looks like we've reached the end of our show! Ededdeddyfan: Thank god. Trophy grabs Frosty by the head with one hand, lifts him up and whips him into the ropes. Frosty bounces right back, allowing Trophy to nail him with the Pop Up Cannonbomb, which causes Frosty to explode on impact. Clem surveys the situation and raises Trophy's hand up in victory. Clem: WINNER, TROPHY! Trophy takes his hand back from Clem and runs the referee off. Trophy blows some blood out of his nose and wipes it off before speaking to the live crowd. Trophy: Honestly whatever you think of the shows Stephen's been in during any time, even what most people consider to be the dark ages of SpongeBob, you're flat out lying if you say this man has had no influence over the animation industry! Clearly shown by the quick humor, connections with others who've worked on multiple projects with him, and an overall understanding of what kids like to watch. All of that and more has been shown through the passion of him and everyone else with SpongeBob and beyond, I'd say that's pretty good for a guy who originally studied and made a comic about marine biology. From the show, books, comics, DVD's, merchandise, everything was thanks to you, and very few people can say they've had that much of a positive impact on over millions of people, shown through a fanbase that's strong, always with memorable quotes to say! Trophy wipes more blood and even some tears from his face. Crowd: FIGHT STEPHEN FIGHT! FIGHT STEPHEN FIGHT! FIGHT STEPHEN FIGHT! Trophy: Which is why I won't just stand around idly by while some prick like you kicks a great man on a personal level while he's down, Eddy! This grabs Eddy's attention as he gives Trophy a smug smile from the commentary booth. Ededdeddyfan: You what now? Trophy: You claim yourself to be "That Guy", but that's really all you will ever amount to, isn't it? Whereas a "Great Man" like Stephen Hillenburg has more than cemented his legacy for years to come, here comes "that guy", trying to make a shit storm of things about it on the Internet! Here comes "that guy", who in the end, will never be remembered by name, but will only be remembered as only "that guy"! Ededdeddyfan: Oh, you don't know remember my name? Well you remember me well enough to remember just what That Guy said! Struck a nerve, didn't it?! Trophy: You have the gall to say that he's got no fight left in him. Well, he's fighting a terminal disease whereas you are only picking fights on the Internet. The decision seems pretty unanimous there, guy! Ededdeddyfan: Please, I'd wipe the floor with his own sponge. You ain't got shit, my friend. Barely making it out alive against some nobody tonight, what makes you think you have a chance against That Guy, huh? Trophy: You say that we, as a community, as a fan base, have got no fight left in us? We've been through worse ruts than you before, like the v7 transition or some Pokemon trolls to name just a couple. At the very least, we have a base to stand on. Where is your fan base, guy? Has it been dead for the last 8 or so years, buddy? Ededdeddyfan: I ain't your buddy and I ain't you guy, and I definitely don't need no base to take all of you out! You're all just that fucking easy! Look at you, it's pathetic. Putting on a show make up for your lack of solidarity. It'd be at least cute if it weren't so pathetic. Trophy: The fact that this community is more than just SpongeBob, proves that our bonds are stronger than you stupidly think they are. Ededdeddyfan: Those flimsy ass excuses you call "connections"? Well you just killed one of your own in cold blood. How is that? How the fuck is that?! Trophy: Hell, to be honest, I am more than necessary to take your lousy ass on. Ededdeddyfan: Big, more than one syllable words coming from all the way down there, kid. Trophy: Well, if you're so sick and tired of being stuck behind an announce table, then why don't you come down here and see for yourself just how big these words are up close! Ededdeddyfan: Unlike you, I know how to pick my fights. Trophy: Well whenever that day comes, when The Trophy Show is back on the air, I'm gonna make goddamn sure that I take you under my wing if you know what I'm sayin, Eddy. Because this right here, what you saw just now, this was just a fight. That was me putting up a fight, maybe not my best fight, honestly, I only put in about 30% effort and even that felt 10% more than necessary, but my point still stands! Bottom line, I'll make sure I give you 100% and so much more. Consider this a common courtesy, this is me giving you your last chance to go home. If you choose not to oblige, then prepare to be shot out of my cannon and clear out of official Deathmatch canon. Because the Trophy you're gonna see and the chants you're gonna get, it's not gonna be "Fight! Trophy! Fight!" Its gonna be "KILL! TROPHY! KILL!" Trophy's music hits again and he celebrates his victory in the ring, continuing to stare down and taunt Ededdeddyfan. Ededdeddyfan: Sounds good to me. That Guy is soon gonna be known as "That Guy who made ass out of The Prizefighter at maximum effort". Good fight, goodnight bitch. You're gonna need as many as you can get to put up at least a fight. Now hit That Guy's music! https://youtu.be/r16NjjDPLlc Trophy: You're really gonna just do that right now? In the middle of my celebration? Ededdeddyfan: Believe me, I hate to be That Guy. Crowd: YOU'RE NOT ROMAN! YOU'RE NOT ROMAN! YOU'RE NOT ROMAN! https://youtu.be/0wymm2l-kt8 COMING UP NEXT! It's Teen Titans Go! Followed by more Teen Titans Go! https://youtu.be/E7oMBq1vkCM On Cartoon Network! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel the Wolfgirl Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Nice, Jenks! If Trophy's returning, sign me up for a match! THE ONE-UNICORN SHOW WILL NOT JUST BE SOME ONE-SHOT LOSER, BAYBAAAY! (srsly, tho, great job) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 2, 2017 Author Share Posted April 2, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just a jew! Shalom in the Holmes We open up to the confines of the Deathmatch Arena, where the physical embodiment of a flash in the pan is looking to cross over, or in this case "pass over", in order to carve a whole new niche for himself on Community Deathmatch. A pretty badly spruced up upper middle class hombre begins to make his way into the ring in a golf cart. It is none other than SBM's very own, Mexican Jewish! Mexican Jewish waves Hebrew hand gestures at the guests in attendance, even taking the time high five some of them as he makes his way down. He pilots his golf cart all around the ring all while reciting the Ma Tovu. He makes it full circle around the ring and parks at the bottom of the entrance ramp. He disembarks his golf cart and Yemenite steps up the steel steps and into the ring. The guests are mostly kissing his ass at this point, which Mexican Jewish reciprocates by reciting the Hallel. Once that is finished, he finally goes to address the entire SpongeBob Universe. Mexican Jewish: This is not some April fools joke! This is indeed, Mexican Jewish, standing here before you! You have been searching for a savior. A warrior cut from the same cloth as real Hebrews! For far too long, the spanish speaking SpongeBob fandom, and perhaps the entire SpongeBob Universe as a whole, has been void of real diversity and positive role models. But now, your search is over! You need not look no further- Mexican Jewish gets interrupted by bombarding "Blaze!" chants from the guests. Mexican Jewish: Who?! B-Blaze? Am I pronouncing that right, amigos? No, no, אני מצטער. I'm afraid this goy, this Blaze, is not in the building. He's probably off trying to get a job at some taco stand like all the rest of the illegal, drug pushing Mexicans! The latino SpongeBob fans in attendance take exception to that statement and they let Mexican Jewish have it, but he snidely scoffs them off. Mexican Jewish: תודה, תודה! You can clap, it's okay, by all means! Unlike most of the jokes being pulled off here on this day, this one actually has a sense of humor. That was a muy bueno uno, if I do say so myself, but enough about April's second most loathed holiday. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted! Your search is over, there's no need to look anymore! Because standing right in front of you, is a true Mexican SpongeBob fan who lives by a higher code of morals and values. אני מצטער, JEWISH VALUES! Like the great Moses before me, I seek to liberate you, my fellow Mexicans, from being slaves to your own menial, pathetic existences and I will split the earth beneath the border wall in half in order to lead you all to freedom under a man who is a friend to Jews everywhere! Your prophet has arrived! ¡Y su nombre es, Mexican Jewish! Shabbat shalom! Mexican Jewish proceeds to Yemenite step around the ring to his theme music before finally making his leave from the Deathmatch Arena on his golf cart, even receiving bomb threats from the guests on his way out. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 I have been waiting for 4 years to see Kerwin White, and I am not disappointed 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, just go to sleep Wouldn't It Be Nice The scene opens up to a shot of Halibut in what we can assume to be the real life. The happy face still burned onto the skin of his irl face. He's all tied up to a pillar in ropes that seem to be a metaphor of some kind for real life matters. In front of him is a laptop, loaded firmly onto the SpongeBob Community forums. Half naked, interpret that how you will, a puddle of his own blood, sweat and tears laying below, "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by The Beach Boys on loop in the background He just kept muttering a familiar phrase to himself. Halibut: I don't need it. I don't need it. I definitely don't need it. I don't need it. I don't need it. I definitely don't need it. I don't need it. I don't need it. I definitely don't need it. The door of his room could be heard opening and closing. Halibut raised his head, trying not to make eye contact with the laptop, to see who it was. His eyes began to widen through the eyeholes of his mask. FeelMyFeel: So, how are you today? I sincerely hope you didn't have another rough night. Halibut: It wasn't...pleasant, to say the least. I've got this terrible migraine. My eyes, they...they burn... My wrists have a sharp pain to them, but I don't think its from my restraints. I fear it somehow may be...carpal tunnel! I had dreams that I was on SBC, but then again, I may had very well broken free from my life and went on it unconsciously. It has become almost second nature at this point! I just can't tell the difference anymore, Feel- AAAAAAHHHHHH? FeelMyFeel: I don't want to hear it. FeelMyFeel had viciously driven a screwdriver halfway into Halibut's eye socket. Halibut screams in pain as FeelMyFeel tsks at him in disappointment. FeelMyFeel: I don't even need to hear all of that to know just how weak you are, to know just hard you've pathetically let yourself fall into the death grip of your own vices. Halibut: Oh my god! Am I really that bad?! FeelMyFeel: What I think shouldn't even be of grave importance to you! What I think should only be a mere afterthought in the very back of your mind! What I think, what my opinions on any matter concerning you are, shouldn't bear any weight! Not even so much as an ounce! If you really want to know so bad. In my expert opinion, you are a worthless fucking piece of sloth shit on the heel of a shoe that belongs to fucking SOF for all I can fucking care! You are a jizz stain on the underwear of life, and much like all stains, be they dirt, grass, shit or even jizz, they must be removed, and I am about 85% sure that about 90% of this "community" shares the same sentiments exactly. I am the washing machine and this! FeelMyFeel proceeds to twist the screwdriver in his eye socket clockwise. FeelMyFeel: This happy face that I gifted you, THAT I BLESSED YOU WITH, is the stain remover! And you're spitting all over it by telling me all that bullshit, you lifeless, dried up, haven't seen any real action in years, cunt! You have absolutely no hope in beating your addictions. If you ask me, I'd say that you deserve to die as slowly and painfully as the sum of all your years you've spent wasting your life away in front of computer screen and on a SpongeBob forum of all fucking places. In fact, I want that to be etched onto your tombstone, or so help me god, I will break into whatever boneyard it is that hopefully isn't called SBC, and I'll graffiti it on there myself before taking a well thought out and well deserved shit right next to it, where your head is. But wouldn't it be nice if all this had a semblance of weight to it? Halibut: Then why, huh? Why do you bother even logging on?! Why bother with any of this if you're only gonna do nothing but bitch about shit that nobody has any idea what you're even bitching about?! I'm doing what you ask, by god, I fucking try! But it's just. Not. Working! FeelMyFeel suddenly stops twist the screw driving. He turns it back counterclockwise before pulling it back out, much to Halibut's relief. FeelMyFeel: You see? Now you're beginning to ask the hard questions that I began asking six years ago! To me, they're the only questions that really matter, that are actually worth asking in people's ask threads. Because nobody can answer it truthfully with a straight face. They "ask", they "politely" command that you just ignore it and try to move on. Halibut reluctantly looks over at the laptop placed in front of him, glaring at the SBC homepage. FeelMyFeel: It's hard to ignore. Ignorance is bliss, but when everybody else throws their personal shit out at you, I believe it's only natural to do something about it. And not by giving them any attention through empty words of false hope. No, they are nothing, they are practically dead both inside and out. They cannot even be spoken to, there's no purpose in trying to make friends with them for these so-called "connections" are fickle and are about as bipolar as they all are. There is no use in trying to talk sense into them, for they lack the most important sense of all; common sense! You only learn it out here, in the real world! They're wasting away, they're the ignorant ones here! I feel as if I am the only decent human being here, I can't just ignore that. But make no mistake, this isn't something as pathetic as "compassion" or "understanding" towards these addicts. This is only common sense. Thongs? Halibut just stares at him like "whaaaa". FeelMyFeel: This autocorrect is gonna be the death of me. *Thoughts? Halibut: You know, the more it seems we talk about it. It only makes it worse to live without it. FeelMyFeel: But let's talk about it. I mean, you are a regular chatter box, after all. And what better topic start us out on than this. Feel finally plays the next song on his playlist. FeelMyFeel: Let's see just where "compassion" and "understanding" gets us. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, can you even handle this? I'll Be Your Father Figure Chad Francis: Welcome, Death Faithful, to even more filler that even Naruto wouldn't believe! American Idiot: I am your Savior of Misbehavior, American Idiot, and joining me tonight is none other than Chad News Network's very own spunky sponge bob reporter, Chad Francis, who will be seemingly standing in for my old buddy, Eddy, for the foreseeable future! Where the fuck have you been, Chad? Your pizza's cold! Chad Francis: The pizza's cold?! Oh no! NOT THE PIZZAAAAA! But in all seriousness, I was going through quite the creative bipolar spell. I mean, one episode I was spunky SpongeBob reporter and the next I was tearing this SpongeBob site, that I help contribute news toward, all sorts of new ones and mang, it was just a dark time in the writer's room. I just had to take time off for a while, spend some time on the shelf and find my smile again. But for the sake of not making the writer look like a complete hack, let's just say that I lost the spunk, but the spunk is baaack! American Idiot: Chad Francis: Speaking of not having any fucks to give, boy do we have a fuck all of a deathmatch lined up here tonight, Idiot! American Idiot: You can say that again, Francis! We have a special, tailor-made deathmatch being imported in right from the good ol' SB of M! What can we say? They just breed em good down there! Chad Francis: So much like Paige on Xavier Woods or Squidward on a Krabby Patty in a trash can, it's time for SBC to get its own dose of sloppy seconds! Because here comes one half of tonight's featured bout! American Idiot: I wonder who it's gonna be, Francis! A 31 year-old teacher makes his way out to the ring, where a makeshift classroom has already been set up, complete with chalkboard, desks, and a lethargic feeling of academic anxiety. Chad Francis: Well ladies and gents, he's not The Good Guy, he's the not The Bad Guy, and he most certainly is not That Guy, but he sure is- American Idiot: SSSHHH! Quiet in the fucking classroom, Francis! Your first day back, and you're already proving to be a bad apple! There shall be no pizza at lunch for you! ???: For those of you who are educatoinally impaired or as you poepel would say, "a squirrle!" And if you don't know who I am, or perhaps y'all are just too darn stupid to read. ThatYellowGamerGuy: My name is ThatYellowGamerGuy and I am your taecher! I'd like to lecteur all of you on something that is quiet near and dear to all of our harts. ThatYellowGamerGuy: Here it is! S-B-M! What does that spell? Altogether now; "JUST A KIDZ SITE¡!111!" or to call it out for what it raelly is, so listen close and take notes, a poor excuse! What happened not only to this forum but the entire world? Where all the valeus that it onec held daer?! I'll give an exampel. I'll use a term, ok? "Working mothers"! young man, do you now what what maens? Vladimir King: ThatYellowGamerGuy: Of course you don't cuz the only work your mother does is when she's FLAT ON HER BACK spitting out unteachable lil bastards like you who go on kids sites and meme it to hell then have that very same harlot log on and protect you like the precouis little problem weed that you are! You see, she's somehow smart enough to know that the more kids she PUTS OUT, the more money Uncle Sam will DISH OUT! You bastards are not born from love. You are born out greed, necessity, ignorance, naïveté! And frankly, I am tired of having to pay and spend nine months of my time trying to teach the unteachable! Trying to mold today's little accidents into tomorrow's future serial killers and asylum inmates! And all because your mothers just couldn't keep their legs closed! So where are all the fathers, you might be wondering? Well some of the fathers are out, much like the majority of the kids in my class, absent! They may be out courting other women, or in this, and do pardon my French, baisée day and age, they could very well be drugging them into doing so against their will! And it is you people with your deplorable memes who go out endorsing these atrocious acts and the monsters who commits them, and that's what's ruining our future! But I really shouldn't blame you, should I? I mean, it's not your fault that you're on here 4/20 blazing it! Or claiming that you are number one when really, you're not even close to the top 50! You don't know any better. You people are UNeducated. And that right there, that's where I come in! Are proper family values missing not only in your home but also on ThatYellowGamerGuy: this homepage? Judging from what I can see, they most certianly are! Don't be afraid, look for new role models! Turn away from unqualified, unintelligible educators such as ssj! A "man" like that is not fit to be teaching children, let alone supervise them in an online environment! Look to a guy like me! Glomp me! I WILL BE YOUR FATHER FIGURE! After all, I am ThatYellowGamerGuy and I am going to be your teacher! ThatYellowGamerGuy: And the next item on today's agenda is washing away the filth that is from this forum! Chad Francis: Sweet Hot Cosby on the Fourth of July! American Idiot: That's Bill Fucking Cosby, Francis! Chad Francis: My sources from Wikipedia are telling me that it is, indeed, BILL FUCKING COSBY, Idiot! Are you handling this right now?! American Idiot: I already lost my shit the moment that emote was first posted, Francis! No need to unnecessarily flaunt it anymore than it already has! Chad Francis: I don't think America's Dad takes kindly to the fact that this yellow guy is mercilessly running his kids down into the ground! American Idiot: And I'm sure all those young ladies don't take kindly to Cosby doing the very same to them neither. Cosby jives his way down to the ring as the guests in attendance eats em up for everything that he's worth, much to ThatYellowGamerGuy's annoyance. ThatYellowGamerGuy unbuttons his shirt, rolls up his sleeves and knocks desks over before attempting to toss the chalkboard out of the ring and right at Cosby, who wiggles out of its way. ThatYellowGamerGuy: I guess you're just gonna have to learn things the hard way! Pay close attention as I proceed to school this serial rapist and finally drill into those thick cro mag-non skulls of yours that this is no role model! Cosby hits the ring, but YellowGamerGuy immediately jumps on him right as he hops in, giving the 79 year-old no room to breathe. Chad Francis: Oh dear Neptune below! ThatYellowGamerGuy goes immediately on the attack as Bill was just formally making his way into the ring! What kind of an example is that to set for today's kids?! American Idiot: Serves the old dirty bastard right. He finally gets to know how 40 years of suffering he wreaked on countless defenseless young women really feels, and I find it to be poetic justice that our teacher will be the one to teach it to him! Chad Francis: Well I, for one, signed up for cooking class! Not his class. ThatYellowGamerGuy quickly picks Cosby up and drills him into the mat with a snap suplex. Chad Francis: OH MY GOODNESS! SNAP SUPLEX WITH ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY IN THE CLASSROOM! ThatYellowGuy is already finding himself having to dig deep into the arsenal of lethal maneuvers! Cosby bounces right back up immediately after impact and locks up with YellowGamerGuy again, only to get taken down with an arm drag. Cosby rolls back to his feet, holding his lower spine. Chad Francis: And ThatYellaGuy hits Cosby with AN ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING ARM DRAG FROM HELL! How can a 79 year-old even get up from such a calculated, all-out attack?! American Idiot: Maybe he should try drugging him first. Chad Francis: Bill Fucking Cosby being put immediately on the defensive in the opening moments of tonight's featured bout! ThatYellowGamerGuy motions to the referee, Clem. ThatYellowGamerGuy: Check him! Check to see if he's still got life in em. Not after that! But even Clem isn't that dumb to not realize that Cosby is already back up on his feet. Chad Francis: I don't know just what the fuck ThatYellaGuy was trying to prove there. Perhaps nothing, as per usual of him! Vintage ThatYellowGamerGuy, as some might say. ThatYellowGamerGuy grabs Cosby by the arm to pick him back up and whips him violently into the ropes, Cosby ricochets back as ThatYellow awaits his return with another basic wrestling maneuver, but Cosby manages to overtake him with a head scissors takedown. Chad Francis: COSBY LITERALLY BOUNCES BACK WITH A BEAUTIFUL YET BRUTAL HEAD SCISSORS TAKEDOWN! Taking our teacher by absolute surprise! American Idiots: I'm sure he's had plenty of practice using that move, Francis! That is certainly no small feat for a creep his age, even I must admit! Cosby sizes YellowGamer up for a super kick, but YellowGamer manages to catch it. ThatYellowGamerGuy: Class is dismissed! YellowGamer goes for a leg sweep, but Cosby tries beating him to the punch with an enzuiguri, but YellowGamer manages to calculate and duck it. Now with Cosby's back facing toward him and his foot still very much in hand hands, YellowGamer can only laugh and boast now that he seemingly has Bill Fucking Cosby at his mercy, but Cosby somehow manages to kick away YellowGamer's grip in style with a front flip. This catches YellowGamer by surprise, which leaves him open for that super kick that Cosby was trying to go for earlier. Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! HERE I GO AGAIN! MY MY! HOW COULD ANYBODY POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO HANDLE THAT?! American Idiot: I think now that women are suddenly empowered and privy to Mr. Cosby's methods, he's somehow learned a new move to use on the ladies when knocking them out the first time fails! YellowGamerGuy gets knocked back into the ropes from the super kick, which bounces him back towards Cosby, who's waiting for him with a calculated Quaalude To A Kiss. Chad Francis: QUAALUDE TO A KISS APPLIED RIGHT TO THE FUCKING KISSER! AS NEPTUNE IS MY WITNESS, THAT YELLOWGAMERGUY HAS BEEN KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT! American Idiot: Never have I seen anyone more fucked on this show since Jaredthedecimator debuted, Francis! ThatYellowGamerGuy is in a really bad way in a REALLY BAD WAY! Cosby dances a couple jigs in celebration American Idiot: Cosby's got him right where he wants him, Francis! Somebody stop him! Call the police FFS! Cosby positions himself in the corner and goes for a Rolling Thunder Splash that transitions right into a Cartwheel Moonsault. Chad Francis: He's rolling right onto ThatYellowGamerGuy like he rolls into the puh, Idiot! American Idiot: And he's cartwheeling onto ThatYellowGamerGuy like he cartwheels into the puh! Oh the inhumanity, Francis! I've heard plenty of cases where the teacher molests the student, but never have I seen a teacher be so violated against their will in all my months here on Community Deathmatch! It absolutely disgusts me that this is what our sponge on fan sites has come to! This is OUR teacher for crying out fucking loud! Cosby kips back up and looks to finish his opponent off with his patented Zip Zop Zoopity Bop! Chad Francis: ZIP ZOP ZOOPITY BOP CONNECTS! And ThatYellowGamerGuy is coughing up his internal entrails! American Idiot: He fucked our teacher up so much that his intestines just came out! All that punishment to the midsection has taken its toll! Chad Francis: This one may very well be over, folks! Clem checks in on ThatYellowGamerGuy, who is just laying motionlessly in a pool of his own blood, guts and stomach acid. He then walks over and raises Cosby's hand. Clem: WINNER, COSBY! American Idiot: Just look at that old dirty bastard go, like it's something for all of us to be proud of! This world has only gotten that much dumber now that our teacher is taking a three month vacation to JCM's ask thread. I hope you're all proud of yourselves. Chad Francis: Very much, Idiot, very much indeed! What could Cosby's victory here tonight possibly mean for the future of emotes and even memes on Community Deathmatch?! Could they take on whole new lives of their own here in the SpongeBob Universe? Could we see Eyegirl, Fred, the fucking Butthole Surfers?! There's a Nugs emote on here, you know. Could we possibly be seeing TWO Nugs here in the future?! American Idiot: I really don't want to put much thought into that very grim possibility, Francis. I guess with all good things, like Teen Titans Go taking over the Cartoon Network, there will always be the bad to try and counteract all that good being done. But for now, I am afraid we are all out of time here at Community Deathmatch, from all of us here at Community Deathmatch, we wish you a good night, goo- Chad Francis: What the fuck in Neptune's name? I-Is that- no! It can't possibly be?! Seriously, who is that? American Idiot: I don't even know, Francis! Your guess is as good as mine! This random member makes his way into the ring and proceeds to sweep ThatYellowGamerGuy's remains out with his foot. He then approaches Cosby and stares him down a bit before offering out his hand. ???: Chad Francis: A sign of, perhaps, respect and good will being offered by this blur to Cosby! American Idiot: Oh great, another idiot running around here. Just what we fucking need! Chad Francis: And I was so sure that you were idiot enough- wait, hold that thought! I am receiving word from my sources on Wikipedia that this is none other than...SBRoxMan?! American Idiot: SBRoxMan? I thought he was dead, like forreal. Good grief, another deadbeat moderator to lower SBM's standards more and more! The living personification of the term "non-factor", is SBRoxMan. Suck my left nut you twat bastard! Cosby accepts it and shakes SBRoxMan's hand. He the proceeds to send a wave through his arm and it flows right through to SBRoxMan's arm, who sends it back to Cosby. Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW! American Idiot: RIGHT IN THE LITTLE BILL! I think I have just died and gone to heaven! Chad Francis: Elastic would not have stood for that hit below the belt! You only have one job, Clem! Clem tries to get between them but he gets thrown out of the ring for his troubles. SBRoxMan stalks as Cosby curls up in pain in the middle of the ring. SBRoxMan grabs hold of him from behind and lifts him up into a deadlift suplex, drilling him hard on his head and neck to the mat. Chad Francis: This is absolutely no way to be treating a great man his age! He is on the edge of 80, Idiot! Never have I seen anything more deplorable take place this in this arena! American Idiot: This is poetic justice, Francis, poetic justice! Finally, we have somebody on staff with the slightest idea of what he's supposed to be doing! He is doing Neptune's work, God's work, Cha's work, Grubby's work, Ssj's work! He is carrying all their weight! And he is doing an exemplary job of it if I do say so myself! SBRoxMan, I applaud you, kind sir! For having the brain power to finally do what truly must be done around here! Having Cosby right where he wants him, SBRoxMan ascends to the top rope and looks down at America's Dad laid out below him. He jumps off to and comes crashing down on Cosby with The Yellow Avenger! Chad Francis: BOBBA MIA! ALL THAT UPPER BODY WEIGHT CRASHING RIGHT DOWN ON COSBY! AND THEY'RE PERKILY POINTY TO BOOT! As Neptune is my witness, our father may have just been murdered right before our very eyes! Why SBRoxMan, WHY?! Cosby continuing spitting up blood as SBRoxMan stands and over him. American Idiot: GOODBYE FRIEND SBRoxMan: Before, I was merely The Man That God Forgot. SBRoxMan points over at his very substantial boobies. SBRoxMan: Then I became The Mod That Everybody Forgot. And now, I shall become The Mod That Nobody Forgets Ever Again! SBRoxMan pounces back on Cosby and locks the defenseless old dirty bastard in his patented Underwire submission hold! Cosby slowly loses consciousness before finally dying out. SBRoxMan finally let's go after about two minutes of Underwiring him and taunts him some more. SBRoxMan: NEVER FORGET! SBRoxMan, feeling satisfied over what he's done, finally makes his exit, scowling at the guests in attendance as he makes his way out. American Idiot gets up from his seat in the broadcast booth and bows to him. American Idiot: We are not worthy! We are not worthy to have a mod as productive as you! Chad Francis: Well, while my partner is busy sucking dick, I'm afraid it's my duty to tell you that we're all out of time! I'm Chad Francis, and he's an idiot! Wishing you all a very good fight, good night! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel the Wolfgirl Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 nice, jenks 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 This ranks as one of my favorite Deathmatch episodes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 rest in piss </3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 11, 2017 Author Share Posted April 11, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just a shirt! Dressed for Success ???: There's a lot SpongeBob fans in the world, there's a lot of good posters, good contributors, but I like to think that I'm the one who makes it look good. Everybody thinks they gotta make it look bad, well, I make it look good! ???: I am @Jingacoo1, and this is my road to the dead end. Jingacoo1: I've been watching SpongeBob for 18 loooong years lol. I was, maybe, a year from being born when I first started watching SpongeBob. So I've been watching SpongeBob maybe even since before I was in the womb! I started out in my dad's testicles, the right one I'd like to say because the left just aint right, you know what I'm saying? I'll stop! Jingacoo1: My dad was real into the SpongeBob culture at the time, it was how he first met my mother actually, in some cosmic sort of way. He was like 16, needed money, so he was babysitting her kids that night. When her date that night went south, lets just say my dad, he became a man that night. A man with a new family, at that! There were perhaps a couple hundred million of us fighting for the right to be inseminated that night, but in the end, you know your boy slid into that egg like he slides himself into them DMs haha! I mean deathmatches. Oh, they tried squirming away for mercy, but your boy had enough time to double back on their heads before taking my rightful place in the throne again. So you know I've got some fighting experience under my dad's belt. It's all natural! Jingacoo1: You know, I was blessed at a very young stage of life to be birthed into the world just to watch SpongeBob. I had the chance to watch and be exposed to some really great things, saw those things go to really big places and all at a really young age. SpongeBob grew to the point that my dad was able to make a living for us all by selling SpongeBob t-shirts out of the comfort of our own six bedroom, three and a half bathroom home. But also, at a really young age, I lost it all trying to continue that path... Jingacoo1: I procrastinated on my essay for school one night and things just...things went to hell from there. There was a huge fire that suddenly broke out, burned down my childhood home. Fortunately, your boy here was the only one who managed to make it out. I have no idea how, maybe this shirt protected me? So there's that silver lining you hear about in the playbooks. Unfortunately, my family weren't as fortunate, but hey, more credentials for the Deathmatch Arena amirite? So I was completely on my own and homeless for a long while. You know, sometimes you bet the farm and you LOSE. Being without a home was tough, and it was the hardest thing to fail. And it turns out that SpongeBob was my only way to get out of that hole. When I got outside and I witnessed my home life burning away before my eyes, the house it...it spoke to me. It asked me why did I set it on fire? Why didn't I just continued watching SpongeBob instead of doing my essay? Then it finally told me to "STOP WASTING TIME". I guess it was life's way of telling me to grow up. That moment created a lot of mental toughness. So when I took over my father's business and began to shill my "wears" originally to the SpongeBob Community, I think it was something that a lot of people here didn't understand how important that is to me. Shirts may help to keep you warm and covered up, but mental toughness is what will really carry you through anything else. Jingacoo1: Now, I'd like for people to see your boy work and feel just enough love to buy one of these t-shirts. Hopefully, I can have people look at me and say, "you know what, if he did that, I can do this." And I definitely feel that I'm representing the SpongeBob fandom and our culture. And now that I'm back here in the SpongeBob Community, I feel that it's part of my responsibility to inspire others to buy this t-shirt because they could buy one, maybe more. Jingacoo1: I am going to step into that Deathmatch Arena and make it buy my "wears". This will be the biggest venue where I've set up shop and the largest stage that I've been able to be blessed enough to sell this shirt at! https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/138035-patrick-star-quote-collage? Jingacoo... Coming Soon... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 -dabs- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just Russian! Crushing The Competition We open up to a shot of a rather ravishing yet anal Russian woman. Anal: High-quality graphics. Mobile games, mobile phone and tablet. 105+ exciting levels of survival. Different game modes. Free children, girls and boys games. Easy game. This is The Super Game, Spongabob. The camera zooms out to reveal the most superior SpongeBob game to ever hit anywhere. ???: Высококачественная графика. Мобильные игры, мобильный телефон и таблетка. 105 захватывающих уровней выживания. Различные способы игры. Освободите детей, девушек и игры мальчиков. Легкая игра. Spongabob: Awesome. Super replay value. Spongabob. Губка Боб скоро начнется 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just POSTSSTSTSTST!!!??!!?!!!1111! Let's Make Relations Great Again AGAIN! We open up to a shot of a pretty empty conference room. Judging from the emptiness and wide open space, I'd say we are in the The Buffet Club conference room in ACS's head. A podium adorning The Buffet Club symbol of balor has been set up, along with a hefty number of microphones. Each microphone being used symbolically to represent each personality, no doubt. Something claiming to be a real person makes their way into the conference room now. For the benefit of those with flash photography, I advise that you take as many pictures as you can so that we can finally bust this wanna be swedish rock and roller/child actor cunt. Another person claiming to be a person, who stinks about as much as their username suggests, is also out to do the honors of properly introducing this subhuman piece of garbage to the the mass of free space in attendance. Polecat: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the man who would like to be announced as "The FACS That Runs The PlACS", YOUR current Best Antagonist in all of SBC Spinoffs and Lits, as well as the newest President-elect of The Buffet Club! "The Bipolar" ACSBehemothHellcat! ACS: I want to preface this post with the following: if you're going to complain about "OMG DRAMA", kindly save your breath. This conference has no need for SJW spam. ACS: Club Secretary General, Polecat, it's a pleasure for you to welcome me to the enigma that is the machinations of my mind. Especially at such an important moment in our great alliance with the two biggest SpongeBob sites out there today. I also want to acknowledge the great work being done by our Club Secretary of State, Hunter, to strengthen our Club's resolve, as well as working to strengthen relations with SpongeBuddy Mania to promote security interests between The Buffet Club and its allies. ACS takes a huge bite out of his own tongue. ACS: It was six years ago that I, The Face That Runs The Place, first decided to grace your humble SpongeBob community with presence of me and my self-made SpongeBob games. It was my attempt at a good first impression, a gesture of goodwill on my part to impart onto you the gift of my game-making, game-changing genius. But somewhere along the way, you all outright refused to accept my generous small loan of 5 minutes of my time. And things between us has done nothing but snowballed since then. It got ugly, it got brutal, we both threw threats at each other, we were all committing blatant acts of terrorism on each others sites just to drive our points across. But now, I stand here before you as the newly elected third term president of the Buffet Club, to say that somebody has to be the bigger man here. It's pretty sad enough that you SBCers can't just let this thing between us go, surveying every bad thing that I may say about you behind closed doors. Now, the ACS from six months ago might have very well waged World War III and threadbombed you to all hell to finally get you to just let go, but that was the ACS from six months ago. The ACS that stands before you today is the ACS from, maybe, a month before that. The ACS that stands before you today is the ACS that wants to make relations great again! The ACS that stands before you today is gonna suck in his pride for the good of both communities and be the bigger man! And haha! Tubby likes cake! Get that out of your systems now because that only proves even more why I am bigger than each and every single one of you. You can laugh at that little zinger too, because I am the ACS who can laugh at himself. Unlike you all, constantly up each others' respective rectums like a single hive mind of idiocy and hypocrisy. But I digress, it is time that we finally got together and bury this hatchet because it takes two make relations great again. So SBC, I want you all to look into your hearts, deep, deep down into your souls and you'll know that the only way to ease all this tension and bad blood is to make our relations great again! There was a time when I thought that SBC were "opinion manipulators", who only served to boost their own site's operations at the expense of others. Here's one such status update I made. "Did SBC ask SBM if it was okay to devalue their site (making it hard for SBM and other SpongeBob fan sites to compete), heavily degrading our communities or to build a massive monopoly hotel over the entire SpongeBob fandom? I don't think so " But they are NOT opinion manipulators, let me be the first to tell you. If they were, then they would have actually convinced people to join their site and run everybody else out of business, but after 4 years, that has yet to happen, nor will it ever happen! And let's not forget their "popular opinion" of pegging me as a paranoid schizoid. No friends, no army, no life. But now look at me, standing before you as The 3rd Term President of The Buffet Club for now until next time I need to drive home one of my friends across as being real! So I take back what I say with the utmost of dignity, SBC certainly are not opinion manipulators, if they were, they'd succ more than Shin about it. Lets just put that to bed and right into the coffin because they don't want none of this, lets be real! They think they can, but the don't really want none. Come on SBC, I want to be your Best Protagonist next! Lets make relations GREAT AGAIN! Silence fills the room as ACS' lone voice echoes through the hollow halls of his mind. ACS: Surely, you all must've heard how bad things got before between Ssj and The Buffet Club. Hell, we so much as wanted him removed from his position. Dear Neptune, was he doing such a bad job in our eyes! He outright threatened to ban one of his rivals just because we disagreed with him. He was out protecting known terrorists such as OBAB, YellowShadow, Storm, VK, Wakyzaky, the like, you can mix and match em any which way you want, they're all shit stains on the SBM forums! He was willing to throw us under the bus with no prior warning, all while he was willing to let a shitbird slide with 12 warnings! Largely in thanks to me, my club has been trained to the peak of perfection in the art of debate. So we showed Ssj what for every which way he crookedly wanted to go for two freakin years! In other words, ssj didn't want none! ACS: Look at that! All people who are in agreements with me! Me?! They answered to me! Those likes belong to me! Your people belonged to me! Even Spongtron is on there and she hates my guts! And people say that I am The Bipolar One? But thats beside the point. My point being, even your own don't want none because your own didn't want none of your BS! Now me and my club, our second-to-last president had us vote to be the bigger men and leave, not because that was exactly what you told us to do, but in spite of that being exactly what you told us to do! Once again, the task force exposed yet another crooked admin, and we are made martyrs for change! Nothing new there, right? Well, Ssj replied to me one day and he told me right to my face that he much rather prefers dealing with me when it comes to relationship snags such as these. And from then I thought, "well, maybe this guy isn't so crooked after all! Maybe he is competent enough to keep his position here!" His words inspired me to run for a third term and I won unanimously! So let me be the first to tell you, I'd be the first vote Ssj back into office ten times over if there ever were such an electoral event held on his humble site. This is his site! His administration is not obsolete. You can have some, Ssj! You deserve it! Lets take the next step in making relations GREAT AGAIN by working together in lifting this vote that keeps only a select number of Club members out of SBM! ACS proceeds to eat his own words in preparation for his next talking point. ACS: And last, but not least, I want to address the elephant in the room. And it's not you, Jon! Polecat: ACS: You see, it's a funny inside thing that only The Club knows because I say his first name! But that's besides the point. "Show". Hateful fanfics. Whatever you wanna call them. You know em, you hate em, you've had more than enough of em! Yet, you find yourself being subjected to having them shoved repeatedly, all hours of the day, down your throats. I don't know about any of you, but the only thing that I like having go down my throat is either food or my friends on a first name basis' dicks. And maybe Ssj and jjs' when I'm having one of those months like what I'm having now. Anything to make me feel better, more important, about myself. But that is also besides the point! These hateful fanfics are running rampant around here, terrorizing innocents with no remorse for anyone other than themselves! The death toll of brain cells continues to rise with each day that goes by that these godforsaken, true abominations are still on the air! As you may or may not, I have a history of having these "content creators" on their knees begging for mercy. Oh, they tried to get back at me with a poorly written, structured and executed "episode", but I just laughed and laughed at their inadequacies and made them feel the one thing that terrorists like these fear the most; shame. That's right. If you make these monsters feel slightest bit shameful, they'll be forced to cancel their show for maybe a day or two. Fact! And I thought, what better way to call their acts of terror than by raising them an act of terror of my own! Thus, The Alpha Anti-Show was born! Using my ultra dry humor and slow wit, I have dedicated my life to fighting terrorism with more terrorism! I never knew just what satire was until the day my English 4 teacher finally covered it in class, which led to me finally posting The Alpha Anti-Show. Why did I ever fight to have these fanfics taken down when I could've just came at them with my own?! The fight against these terrorists has never by stronger, and I guarantee you that I we at The Buffet Club will not rest until we win by shaming these terrorists into dust with some scalding truth bombs in lit form! ACS finally removes his head from his acshole and levels a little something with nobody in attendance. ACS: I know some of you might be wondering, "if you're now president of The Buffet Club for a third whole term, then what'll happen to Omni?" Well, Omni was unfortunately apart of some really unnecessary drama recently. She wanted to report to everyone on SBM that one of our own, Firebird190, known around here for being a neo-Nazi, slowly going insane for the past year, had been diagnosed with a very malignant terminal disease, and she wanted to update everybody on it herself so as to prevent any fake news from making its way around the board. Despite her very best efforts, by blonde standards, word had somehow gotten out that Firebird was a, well, that he was a racist. Which is completely untrue, it couldn't be any farther from the truth. And those of you who helped spread such vile and venom around are worse than any neo-nazi that I know! Let me be the first to tell you! This is still a subhuman being and just because he may have different beliefs than any of you do, that doesn't make any more subhuman than the rest of you. I'll just leave it at that. This whole PR nightmare forced a new election, which as you all know, I won. Unanimously. And it forced my hand in choosing to distance myself and The Buffet Club away from both her and Firebird in the aftermath. This is why we all need to work on making relations great again. There's nothing but hate and discrimination running rampant on these forums and I won't take it sitting down any longer. We will crush the terrorists at their own game, we will rise above the hate and so help me almighty god, we WILL MAKE RELATIONS GREAT AGAIN! ACS calls this conference to a close and takes the time to wave at nobody and shakes nothing's hands as he makes his way back into the oval chatzy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just a terrible attempt at imitating my style! We open up to ACS making a whole new thread entirely dedicated to feed his own ego and save face after having just posted another new thread that was also entirely dedicated to feeding his own ego. Darris and World Travel are also seen colluding with him in yet another lame, vain attempt at garnering SBM support for the Buffet Club in the wake of attacking forum staff for what seemed like months on end which mounted to many casualties of brain cells on both sides, ultimately resulting in the Buffet Club making acsass of themselves YET again. ACS: JD, Felix, I want you two to keep posted nearby. Keep watch over my six and by god cover the left flank with your lives. The next Buffet Club member in power above me, your third term president-elect, has made sure that we've got more than a sufficient amount of ammo at our disposal. So it is by my executive order that we shoot to kill. I want absolutely NO survivors. We're going to destroy these terrorists at their own game. Today's the day we make relations great again by single-handedly making SBM GREAT AGAIN! So gentlemen, do I have your faith in me? But most importantly, do I have your votes for this battle royale? Darris: Bro, you know by now that we've got your six in any tense situation no matter what forum based around a children's cartoon we might have on out hit list. World Travel: Like back in May 2011 when we permanently took Geronimo out of commission for good and restored faith and peace in our country. Darris: Yeah, those damn dirty injuns thought for years that their land was entitled to them when really, it all belonged to The Buffet Club! World Travel: 4 LIFE! ACS: For life my good brothas. So it's settled. We have to find out whose show is better the hard way. Those of you reading this: whose is it? And it better be MINE! If not, we will have no choice but to Team Rage: THREATEN SBM! ACS: Get into your positions! The votes are coming in! The votes start to pile in one by one. Fred Rechid: The Alpha Show is like the least bad of all of them. Fred says before putting a vote in for the cytube show. Bagels enters the fray and inserts his two cents. Bagels: Everyone fails to acknowledge that I predated this whole thing by a year and a half and was far superior to everyone else. Then again, its ended so its not relevant here anyway, but people should actually know the real thing they're ripping off. And as for the topic at hand Bagels: They're all shit. Not wanting to lose anymore face than he already has, ACS takes exception to Bagels' insinuation and proceeds to bite down hard on his tongue and flat out explains his empty thought process heading into the making of The Alpha Anti-Show. ACS: Actually, I'm well aware of this, and that's exactly why I actually shitted the fucking thing out in order to literally and metaphorically take a "dump" on the other ripoffs in "the dump". To be so shitty to the point of absurdity. Make the whole "new era" look like "shit". Bagels: Well, if that was the point Bagels: you did a good job at a bad job. ACS: Well duh. Last night, I seriously just started thinking "what would happen if I tried to be a hypocrite just this once and write a cheese plot that I will then fecally deposit for all to tolerate and then grow to love?" Spent 20 or so minutes getting the whole thing through my system, dumping it on SBM, and here we are now comparing the sizes of our shit. Now kindly shut the fuck up or else I'll threaten you to shut the fuck up! And believe me and all these terrorists who are about to get their shit thoroughly rekt; You. Don't. Want. NONE. JackTheGreat comes in now and offers his expert opinion on the battle royale. JackTheGreat: We all know that the two people who voted for the OBAB Show are OBAB and pokemonpants. ACS: I wish I would've made the votes public while it let me, but it somehow, by no conscious decision of my own, didn't let me, unfortunately. Against my will- AH SHIT CHANGING SUBJECTS HERE COMES ONE OF THOSE BAD HOMBRES RIGHT NOW! ACS sounds the silent alarm. ACS: Ain't nobody breaking this no neck. ACS gets into position to threaten the terrorist right as a lone member enters the topic and punches in their vote for The OBAB Show. ACS immediately goes on the offensive as soon as the vote became valid. He charges at the member, guns blazing, only to just as immediately stop dead in his tracks. He stands there helplessly, almost as if paralyzed in fear, for a hot minute before Darris and World Travel finally takes it upon themselves to jump in, but they too are met with a sudden feeling of complete shock and anguish. They try to act tough, brandishing the steel chairs that they were sitting on in preparation of watching this epic shit rekting unfold, but the fear overwhelms, compelling them to drop their weapons on the spot so that they could run off and hide off screen. This act of cowardice leaves ACS hanging high and dry to fend for himself as he comes face to face with an old rival. ACS bites down furiously on his own tongue. OMJ: What's the matter? Polecat's got your tongue? You know, I thought you and I, we had a thing going on? Didn't we? Something about me making you look every bit as much like the attention seeking, groveling little man-child you're slowly but surely growing up into being? ACS just continues standing there wide-eyed and silent. OMJ: We used to have quite the dynamic going on, we had chemistry. That was shit that you can't teach. What we had going was ratings fucking gold. Yet, what do we have to show for it? Two years of missed opportunities, of letting the iron run cold. I thought what we had was special, but here you fucking are fucking around with all these other worthless fucks who aren't even worth the fucking time nor the fucking day. They are so far fucking beneath you, mang, it's fucking insulting not only to you, but to me. These limpdick motherfuckers ain't giving you a better fight than I could ever give you. In a cosmic sort of way, we've both brought the best out of each other. I mean, if it weren't for you, Community Deathmatch wouldn't be in the attitude era that it's in today. And without me, you certainly wouldn't have adopted the principles and tactics that you employ into your little cause today. Yeah, as much as you would absolutely hate to fucking admit, you owe me a great fucking debt. And before you go blathering on about how you owe me no such thing, I should remind you that it was only through your experiences with me that you finally realized a satire's true power and used it to increase your own. As hard of a fucking pill it is for you to swallow, swallowed it you most certainly fucking did! I molded you into something you couldn't even dream of being. I made you a threat. So much so, that SBC gave you an award for it. The ultimate recognition of the threat you pose. You owe that to me. ACS remains shaken but unmoved. OMJ: What the fuck happened to us, ACS? Do I really inspire that much fear in you, to the point where you don't even acknowledge that your beef with me or Community Deathmatch ever existed? After all we've been through? That hurts me, ACS, deeply. You want me to admit it? FINE. It hurts me so much that I still have yet to even finish it! You know, I've seen many dear and close friends here on the SpongeBob Community move on from their old man, but never did I think no enemy of mine would move on too. A bond like that, it's stronger than any friendship you can put up against. Whereas friends can be fake as fuck, at least an enemy will have the decency to be fucking real with you. But nowadays, I ain't even getting so much as that from the likes of a subhuman piece of shit such as you. You all owe me in one way or another, and you owe it to me to be at the very fucking top of your fucking game for when I knock you the fuck back down! ACS just averts his eyes from OMJ, looking down at the floor in order to avoid eye contact. Likely in hopes that the old man will take a hint that he hasn't acknowledged him and be forced to move on. OMJ: You still haven't learned your lesson yet, have you, Landon? ACS finally breaks his silence but still refrains from making eye contact with him. ACS: You have no fucking right uttering that name! It no longer has any power over me. It's not who I identify as anymore. OMJ's eyes light up at the first sign of acknowledgment in almost two years. OMJ: Oh I've every fucking right. It is the power of satire after all, as you supposedly should now finally comprehend. From what I've gathered, at least. ACS: Just what the fuck do you think you're doing here? Diehard SBCers like you are strictly prohibited! OMJ: Do I even need to say anything? That hasn't already been said? Am I THAT dead to you?! It's the great SBM Gold Rush, Landon, and you are a gold mine! ACS: You talking about the fact that MY show, The Alpha Anti-Show, Neptune's gift to the hateful fanfic genre, has been taking SBM by storm all while your pathetic little Community Deathmatch struggles to keep its head above water with each and everyday? OMJ: You're so jealous, it adorable. ACS: The only one green with envy here is you! What, your panties got caught in a twist because of all the votes that MY Anti-Show has accumulated from a much larger audience? OMJ: I can say with the utmost of confidence that perhaps more than half of those are probably the fucking blowup dolls that you call "friends". So that petty little insinuation of your's can be throw out of the fucking window. But to be completely fucking real with you, as your true rival, that was a terrible attempt at imitating my style. And I do not appreciate little fucking shits like you terribly attempting to imitate my fucking style. Not cool, mang. Seriously not fucking cool. At. All. I've had to deal with enough of that shit coming from the likes of Clappy, Jjs, Steel, CDCB, Aya, Fred, Nuggets, hilaryfan80 etcetera. And look at all em, all stopped dead in their fucking tracks because they know they couldn't hope to compete while Community Deathmatch continues to roll on 4 years strong! And now, NOW I have to deal with the fucking lowest forms of SBM trash making a mockery of a genre that I singlehandedly created. Bagels likes to think to himself that he innovated the art, and while he may have here on SBM, a place where everybody settles for less when they could have so much more, I've been in this game for four fucking years, six if you want to count Post Fiction. As far as I'm concerned, you're all playing my game.; Which one of you can inch themselves closest to greatness without ever coming within earshot of it? What's even more insulting is that you all genuinely believe in your hype. I can respect the gall that takes, but that kind of overconfidence is reserved only for the absolute best, and you are a far way's off from my level of competition. You, you in particular, even went so far as to take one of my jokes made towards you and you tried to make it your own and you go ahead and you have the fucking nerve to waste it on somebody like Ss-fucking-j! OMJ: Like I said, people settle for less when they could have so much more, but why do they deprive themselves from having more? Like you, ACS, settling for petty pissing matches with the likes of The Wolverine, OBAB , pokemonpants and ssj, when you can have the greatest goddamn fucking pissing match of all fucking time with your old man! I know it. Deep down, I know you know it. You just have to find some fucking balls again, you fucking neck beard. You worthless piece of fucking polecat shit, you're NEVER going to feel as important as you think are until you finally man up a little and FINISH what you helped started by settling things with me! You and I, we can fucking get things squared away with SBC the way that it deserves to be fucking squared. Not with Clappy or Nuggets or Aya, not even with Jjs. Nah, nah. We settle things between the real two man power trip! Let's Make Each Other Look Great AGAIN. ACS finally works up the nerve to finally meet OMJ at eye level. ACS: Did fucking SBC sent you here? Sent you to come after me, in the place that MY FACE runs?! OMJ: Oh god, yes, they most certainly fucking did! ACS: This is a blatant act of all out war. I hope they are willing to accept the consequences, because my FURY DRIVEN RAGE SHALL OVERCOME THEIR INCREASINGLY AGGRESSIVE CYBER BULLYING BEHAVIOR! And I'll get that message across to them with your corpse! ACS grabs OMJ and attempts to throw him into the window of his new used 2008 Honda Accord, but OMJ wraps back around and throws ACS towards the window, but ACS counters this much the same and sends OMJ heading back into the car window, who wraps back around one more time to send the face that runs the place crashing face-first into solid glass, breaking it on impact. ACS hangs helplessly through the car window amid countless shards of broken glass. OMJ: Lochnivar won't protect you from this. ACS: N-No...NOOO- OMJ forcefully pulls him out from the mess and throws him head-first into an adjacent wall. OMJ proceeds to unload on ACS with fully loaded rights and lefts. ACS has stray shards of glass from the car lodged into one his eye sockets and its bleeding out more and more profusely with each blow that OMJ connects near it. ACS breathes heavily in pain as OMJ grabs him by his right hand and forcefully pulls back on his right index finger, breaking it. ACS: NOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHGGGHHH!! I DIDN'T WANT THIS! I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF THIS, BUT YOU ARE FORCING MY HAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHND- !!! OMJ twists on the dislodged finger to the right, tightening his grip on it even more before taking his right middle finger and forcefully bending that back as well. ACS: FUUUUUCK! FUCK YOU! FUCK SBC! THERE WILL BE...NO NEGOTIATIONS! OMJ: Music to my ears OMJ remarks before bending ACS's ring finger back with great force now. ACS: FUUUUUUCK NOOOOOO! GOD! After a few more minutes of wrenching away at ACS' fingers, OMJ finally let's up and drops his arm to floor. ACS curls up in pain, pulling arm back towards his chest, but OMJ stomps down on his injured hand with all his weight before he could pull it back all the way. ACS squirms around on the floor in agony, trying to get his hand free. ACS: WHAT FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU SBCERS HUH?! THERE IS NOTHING TO JUSTIFY THIS! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU- AAAHHH OMJ uses his free foot to kick ACS onto his back and steps down on his neck. OMJ keeps his foot tightly pressed onto ACS' throat until his face starts to turn purple. OMJ lifts his foot off his neck to for himm catch his breath, but leaves him with no time to breathe as he almost immediately goes to stomp his foot down on ACS' face. ACS tries to hold his foot off with only one hand with all the might he could muster, but OMJ slowly overpowers him and steps firmly on top of the glass shards in his eye, pressing them down even deeper into the socket for a few seconds before finally getting off him. ACS lays on the floor, nearly unconscious from the pain. OMJ then shifts his focus towards the 2008 Honda Accord. OMJ: OMJ removes his jacket, heads on over to the side and pulls me mallet out of his ass. He heads back on over to the Accord with me mallet in hand. He begins banging it to kingdom come, busting open the windows and denting in the doors like an old man possessed. He works his way all around to the front of the car and spots the neo-nazi memorabilia adorning the hood. He then brings the hammer down on it. ACS stirs in and out of consciousness, making out the destruction of his prized vehicle gradually. ACS: Wh-Wha-WHAT ARE YOU DOIN- OMJ brings me mallet down on ACS' injured hand, causing him to once again scream and cuss in pain. OMJ picks him up and makes ACS survey the damage that's been done. OMJ: I want you to remember this, Landon. I want you to remember full fucking well just who did this to you, because you let it happen. ACS begins to hallucinate that SBCers such as Jjs, Clappy, Nuggets, hilaryfan80, tvguy, Aya, CDCB, Steel and the like are dancing around the mangled remains of his 2008 Honda Accord like crazed savages ACS: S-Savages...each and every single fucking one of you! OMJ: I want you to remember that two years of holding off on this little soiree of ours, two years of complacency has only made you weak. You need me to make you strong again. Now, are you just gonna take this ass whoopin and tuck and hide with your balls between your fucking legs, or are you gonna fire back with every fucking thing you've got in your mother's basement? You're never gonna make it to where you wanna be by being the "bigger man". No, you have to be the better man, "the best man". OMJ lifts ACS up onto his shoulders and and plants him face first onto the hood of his car with a GTS. OMJ: Because the best man always wins. OMJ logs off, leaving ACS laying in his wake. Darris and World Travel, finally seeing that the coast is clear, comes to ACS' aid. Darris: What are you all sitting around lurking this topic for?! World Travel: Send reports! WE NEED HELP HERE! Bagels: Boy, do you ever. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 BAH GAWD THAT HONDA ACCORD HAD A FAMILY DAMNIT 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted May 4, 2017 Author Share Posted May 4, 2017 The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS! Response We open up to an empty ring in the Deathmatch Arena. The atmosphere of the arena is very "one vs all" as thousands of ACSes fill it up, lurking in attendance because that's probably the majority of Deathmatch's main audience right there. Suddenly, somebody's very familiar entrance music hits the turntable soundstage. It's none other than Old Man Jenkins! Who casually makes his way down to the ring in the midst of the chorus of boos courtesy of the ACSholes in the crowd. Jenkins calls for a microphone and goes to speak, but find himself interrupted every time he so much as takes it to his lips. ACSholes: FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* FUCK YOU JENKINS! *clap clap clap clap* OMJ strolls around the ring with a big ole smug grin on his face and waits for ACS to tucker himself out. When the coast seems clear, he goes to speak in the microphone again. ACSholes: YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* YOU SUCC! *clap clap* OMJ just lifts the microphone to his chest but even that gets drowned in :patboos: ACSholes: ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! OMJ rolls his eyes, laughing as he adjusts his microphone. ACSholes: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: :patboo: OMJ is just standing there now as the ACSes shake up their game a wee bit. ACSholes: JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! JEN- KINS SUCCS! JEN-KINS SUCCS! OMJ bobs his head to the rhythm they got going on here, still taking nothing of it. Just when he thinks they're tired of the same ole routine, they come back with more. ACSholes: DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! OMJ decides to just fuck it and takes the mic to his mouth. ACSholes: SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! OMJ: ACSholes: GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! GO! A-WAY! OMJ just looks around him in stride, unfazed, before finally taking the mic to his mouth one more time. OMJ: You are MY BITCH NOW OMJ drops the mic and heads back to where he came from to another round of patboos from the thousands of ACSes, who all come together to make a huge ACS of himself once more. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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