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Oh hey, I'm gonna be posting some odds and ends stuff in between episodes now, like "sub-chapters" or those mini in-between chapters I used to do for S(lums)BU. Gives me something more to do with characters not in the actual episodes and build them up, move story shit along, introduces new people and overall helps me cut some fat out and not overstuff the episodes themselves lol. And if you're wrestling savvy, think of it as promos/segments/vignettes, dat shit.

 

Spoiler

The following vignette you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe the person portrayed herein. Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!


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???: There's nothing more disgusting than seeing [ color=black ]niggers[ /color ] publicly deny somebody's public display of appreciation for everyone to see.

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Bl4ze: Hi, I'm Douching Bl4zeTMG. And I'm here to tell you how you too can be "Douching"

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Bl4ze: We've all seen those [ color=black ]niggers[ /color ] whose appreciation are just lacking. I mean, way to put the "lack" in "black", amirite. The government gives them handouts, they've even been given their freedom, civil rights, and still, they want to be a bunch of...monkeys, for lack of a worser term, slinging their shit back at me about it. Well, two can play at this game.

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Bl4ze: Just take any ordinary paintbrush, dab it into the paint with care, and no, I'm not talking about that beat-your-chest gorilla dance.

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Bl4ze: Just, no. Then gently lather your face with it in niiiiice, circular motions. And make sure not to forget the lips.

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Bl4ze: And voila! You can now change your gender on SBM to "ssj4gogita4" with the utmost of confidence. My name is "Douching" Bl4zeTMG, bringing YOU one step closer to being "Douching"!

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http://youtu.be/JOgjYQ0K548

 

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Sorry, I just had to.

 

The following post you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS

The scene opens up to Crushing walking around Glove World, taking in the sights and sampling the wares with a slice of pizza in hand.

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Crushing: Ju know what "good" is?

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Crushing: You're looking at em. "Good" is what you make of it. And there's no good like being THIS good, chico. When you're good, you can take what you want, seize the momento.

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Crushing: But some people, they don't want to be good.

Crushing stinkeyes the Glove World Owner

Crushing: Like this jefe :stinkeye:

Crushing proceeds to take a bite out of his pizza.

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Crushing: ¡AND I SPIT IN THE FACE OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO BE GOOD! Charlatán culo perro! So when I step into the Deathmatch Arena, newly promoted, mang, ju better be good. Good like me, Crushing Mayhem.

Say Hello to the new Cashier

 

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A special birthday shout out to Deathmatch's #1 follower, @TheOpenWindowManiac! Consider this your official, long-awaited inclusion into Community Deathmatch!


The following post you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS

We open up to see The Open Window Maniac on patrol around the community, looking out for any suspicious window opening activities. His day is officially made when he catches sight of one such event taking place at the Krusty Towers.

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OWM: I'm on patrol! I'm on patrol! I'm on patroooOOOOOOLY FISHPASTE!

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CoEakh0.jpg

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OWM: This newbie has set up residence here without properly securing his window area! I must report this to the staff right awa-

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OWM: On second thought, I don't think they can handle such a tense situation. Look at the last time ACS reared his head in through the rear window, OMJ stepped up and sent him packing on a round trip, all expense paid vacation to his sad, lonely life and back to SBM.

He leaps up a good twenty-some stories in order to peer inside and cop a feel of the situation.

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WhoBob: which is what I would reply to Clappy if I were in his ask thread right now :funny:

Alex SquarePants: How embarrassing gNXQdOw.jpg

OWM: Look at em, sitting there like ducks!

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OWM: "LOOK AT ME! I'M ALEX SQUAREPANTS! YOU MAY KNOW ME BECAUSE I'M ALEX SQUAREPANTS!" Bah! This looks like a job for a goddamn maniac. I hope I still know how to do this.

He takes a small rubbery object out of his pocket.

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OWM: Yeaaahhahaha! Visual aids. phil_ken_sebben_by_netadptr0719.png

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OWM proceeds to bound and gag the both of them, chops up WhoBob into bite sized pieces and makes him into chimichangas whilst forcing Alex SquarePants to watch the full duration of his "cooking show" while in the nude like Jamie Oliver, hand feeds the chimiwhobobgas to him with a rusty straight razor, possibly the same one used to chop up WhoBob in the first place, rapes Alex's cat, ties Alex up in his own bed and gives him hundreds upon thousands of Dutch ovens, successfully goes out and seduces Alex's aunty and marries her in order to make Alex call him "uncle", doesn't invite Alex to the wedding, leaves his aunty with child, who grows up to be Alex's superior that has a band who's headlining the halftime show at The Bubble Bowl, featuring Bruno Mars and Beyonce, which he also forces Alex to watch live by keeping his eyelids open with live jumper cables.

OWM: I hope you've learned a valuable lesson!

OWM shouts out with pleasure over a job well done before high jacking Alex's thread entirely.

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AwIiVr7.jpg


RfNZdTw.png?1

 

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The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein. Except maybe everyone's reactions...Anyway, IT'S JUST JOKES!

 

Episode 21: Fools In April

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@Plankton: You all shall steal a Krabby Patty and hand deliver it to me personally kill each other for me in order to be crowned the first ever reigning, DEFENDING,  undisputed Champion of Deathmatch in our first ever 892-user Battle Royale! Here tonight, on

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Plankton: Imbeciles :stinkeye:

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

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@Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

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Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

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???: ...I'll come out to play

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giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

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u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

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???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
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u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
a1mC4Cw.jpg
u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
a1mC4Cw.jpg
u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
a1mC4Cw.jpg
u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
a1mC4Cw.jpg
u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
a1mC4Cw.jpg
u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

Plankton is suddenly squashed under the boot of an obscured force. The camera pans up to reveal Plankton's attacker, who has picked up the Deathmatch Championship. He then firmly grasps the Community Deathmatch Championship belt and tears it a new like it was a piece of cardboard, which it was. Either that or a cut-rate shopped image.

ghJNblw.jpg
a1mC4Cw.jpg
u0sosTF.jpg

Supergameman: It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. There were no fun and games for me, and I still got hurt.

T97c6w3.jpg

Supergameman: Happy April, fools.

Supergameman steps out of the scene.

jeVp7kR.jpg

???: ...I'll come out to play

hdYZjR0.jpg

giphy.gif

#DeathmatchTopHeel

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On 15.02.2016 at 0:48 AM, Old Man Jenkins said:

A special birthday shout out to Deathmatch's #1 follower, @TheOpenWindowManiac! Consider this your official, long-awaited inclusion into Community Deathmatch!


The following post you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS

We open up to see The Open Window Maniac on patrol around the community, looking out for any suspicious window opening activities. His day is officially made when he catches sight of one such event taking place at the Krusty Towers.

i8QZltb.jpg

OWM: I'm on patrol! I'm on patrol! I'm on patroooOOOOOOLY FISHPASTE!

rNxNsLn.jpg

CoEakh0.jpg

1KZJl9e.jpg

OWM: This newbie has set up residence here without properly securing his window area! I must report this to the staff right awa-

BxSmtsml.jpg

OWM: On second thought, I don't think they can handle such a tense situation. Look at the last time ACS reared his head in through the rear window, OMJ stepped up and sent him packing on a round trip, all expense paid vacation to his sad, lonely life and back to SBM.

He leaps up a good twenty-some stories in order to peer inside and cop a feel of the situation.

ayGLAFo.jpg
9YcHsun.jpg

WhoBob: which is what I would reply to Clappy if I were in his ask thread right now :funny:

Alex SquarePants: How embarrassing gNXQdOw.jpg

OWM: Look at em, sitting there like ducks!

XtX30tn.jpg

OWM: "LOOK AT ME! I'M ALEX SQUAREPANTS! YOU MAY KNOW ME BECAUSE I'M ALEX SQUAREPANTS!" Bah! This looks like a job for a goddamn maniac. I hope I still know how to do this.

He takes a small rubbery object out of his pocket.

UViKrLal.jpg
7BJ1lYG.jpg

OWM: Yeaaahhahaha! Visual aids. phil_ken_sebben_by_netadptr0719.png

NOTujfu.jpg

OWM proceeds to bound and gag the both of them, chops up WhoBob into bite sized pieces and makes him into chimichangas whilst forcing Alex SquarePants to watch the full duration of his "cooking show" while in the nude like Jamie Oliver, hand feeds the chimiwhobobgas to him with a rusty straight razor, possibly the same one used to chop up WhoBob in the first place, rapes Alex's cat, ties Alex up in his own bed and gives him hundreds upon thousands of Dutch ovens, successfully goes out and seduces Alex's aunty and marries her in order to make Alex call him "uncle", doesn't invite Alex to the wedding, leaves his aunty with child, who grows up to be Alex's superior that has a band who's headlining the halftime show at The Bubble Bowl, featuring Bruno Mars and Beyonce, which he also forces Alex to watch live by keeping his eyelids open with live jumper cables.

OWM: I hope you've learned a valuable lesson!

OWM shouts out with pleasure over a job well done before high jacking Alex's thread entirely.

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I'm gonna read rest of this series but holy crap, wtf am I in that episode? like what's wrong with me? :Laugh: 

It's kind of embarassing cuz I do love talking with @Clappy but if it feels that way, I really feel bad. :S

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6 hours ago, Dr. WhoBob said:

I'm gonna read rest of this series but holy crap, wtf am I in that episode? like what's wrong with me? :Laugh: 

It's kind of embarassing cuz I do love talking with @Clappy but if it feels that way, I really feel bad. :S

Nah, you're good dude. The characters in this lit are just greatly exaggerated counterparts, much like how Celebrity Deathmatch portrayed the celebrities on their show. Except for CF, she's the pure one here.

and I should just take this post to announce (well, for those who don't frequent my ask thread often) that Community Deathmatch is coming back in a big way. What was originally gonna be just one one-off match back in January has turned into a fully loaded, 7 match (maybe even more) event. I mean, that's about as much I owe y'all for keeping this lit dormant for so long amirite? Each individual match being an entirely separate from one another, so nothing like how the long drawn out ACSaga has been. New faces will grace the Deathmatch Arena with their presence along with some returning favorites! Each match will have some sorta build up behind it, so if you're a fan of S(lums)BU, prepare for some world and character-building Slums-style (and probs plenty of plotholes because wrasslin storylines lol), so more of those lil character-centric promos you see above. I ain't saying a release date or nothin cuz I suck at meeting deadlines so when it happens, it happens. Could be this year, could be next year, maybe even Spin-Off Festival 2016 if that's even a thing this year. Fuck, I'll call the whole bloomin thing SummerFest DeathFest 2016/17. So yeah, keep an eye out for all the developments that's to come! Or not. Anyways, IT'S JUST POSTS!

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The Todd Squad Symphony Orchaestra is seen assembled in the heart of the Industrial Park where their thread lays dormant. They begin playing their instruments, including the mayonnaise, in a bid to call out to their lord and savior.

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When a man's arteries are full of deceit...
It clogs up, dies...
And a dark shadow falls over his pickle...
From the ashes of a once great man, has risen a curse...
A wrong that must be righted...

A shadowy figure is seen traversing around on top the SBC banner.

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We look to the banner for a vindicator, someone to strike fear into the black hearts
of the same artists who created him...

Said figure is then seen descending down from the banner.

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The battle between best, and worst has begun...
Against an army of billboards, lies a dark warrior...
The prevailer of good music...
With a face of silence...
And a mission of one-hit justice...
This is first grade...
This...is...Wumbo

He walks past the symphony orchaesta, who have abruptly stopped playing. And then finally, Wumbo turns back towards his captive audience.

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Happy birfday

@Wumbo Hopefully this doesn't turn out moot like the Deathmatch Salute to ya tumblr_inline_n9zsr5dr3k1qztn1k.gif

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By the by, this takes place after all the convoluted ACS shit. Originally was gonna make this a short, ya know, like how Death Battle's exhibitions are usually shorties, but it ended up inflating from there so I just ran with it. Don't know how much more of these I've got left in me.

 

The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein. Anyway, IT'S JUST AN EXHIBITION!!

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Did Ya Miss Me?

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Kevin: These two question marks shall fly the Crips and the Bloods flags proudly as they partake in one last tango here tonight in Paris- loljk just watch as two users mark their return here then immediately die tonight on our first ever installment of Community Deathmatch EXHIBITIOOOON!

http://youtu.be/zW6MBRFCtcY

Kevin: Good evening, slutfaces! I am you co-exhibitionist and Deathmatch #1 Announcer, Kevin Ng! Joined by my new broadcast colleague, the spunky, ace, investigative news reporter from the wrong side of the bed-

Chad: Chad "The" Francis!

Kevin: And boy oh boy do we have a Deathmatch on our hands that's sure to wet some loins tonight!

Chad: For once, you might just be right, Kevin. According to my inside source, not one, but TWO

Kevin: Count em!

Chad: TWO members will be returning from obscurity to lay it all on the line to save themselves from being sent right back into it! But my inside source also said that this is all speculation at this point, so I may very well just be wasting your time! It's a real 50/50 situation going on here, Kevin. We might not be able to know just what's gonna happen until it happens!

Kevin: Yeah, well, that's kind of point. Only here on Community Deathmatch EXHIBITIOOON does something actually happen!

Chad: Unlike our main show where even I have no investigative idea just what the fuck is going on anymore. I mean, is ACS gonna die already or what? Did he suffer a heart attack in between episodes?

Kevin: Ixnay on the oilersspay, adChay. But I do get where you're coming from. It's been a year already and all we've gotten is vignettes for characters that will more than likely never see the light of day again!

Chad: But then again, they are members of a SpongeBob forum after all, I don't think they ever did! I sure as hell haven't, and I'm a spunky, ace, crackerjack investigative news reporter. Why do you think I use Wikipedia as my inside source?

Kevin: But speaking of never getting to see the light of day again, lets head down to the ring where tonight's carnage shall be formerly introduced by SBC's very own old, outdated server who likes to take it in the screen, I mean, it's dusty for a reason, Karen!

The scene switches to the ring where Karen is wheeled in. A random member cautiously peerks out from the check-in station, failing at making sure no one notices she's there.

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Her cover is then immediately blown by someone posting a status update about her apparent return.

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Kevin: NO WAY JOSE! It can't be?!

http://youtu.be/3DpYYUEhoUM

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Kevin: Bah gawd almighty, as Neptune is my witness, Jelly has FINALLY come back home to the SpongeBob Community! Chad, get up out of your seat and give it up to her, baby!

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Chad: No way Jose, I'm fine with giving nothing to her from the comfort of this chair, thank you.

Kevin: What do you mean NO?

Chad: As the SpongeBob fandom's only spunky, investigative journalist, I believe there are questions that need to be answered! Just who is this Jelly? And who does she think she is denying to come visit the SpongeBob Community for so long? And you all drop everything, including pants, just to greet her!

Kevin: What do you- her name is Jellatine, she's from the Dominican Republic, now residing north of the border, and she's SBC's #1 Beatles fanatic, a former cashier, a former chairwoman of the board, as well as our Most Missed User and Queen! That's exactly who "this Jelly" is!

Chad: Well, it certainly looks Jelly is back to have a good time, but to be completely and journalistically unbiased, she looks she's just here to soak in all the attention like the sponge that she venerates, see if everybody misses her as much as she thinks we do by tracking any and all mentions of her throughout the time she's been gone, before finally splitting this popsicle stand after some well calculated teases in the ask threads. Coming on here just to gloat about how well off she is without having to rely on SBC for a social life now. It makes me sick how people forget their roots like that. If you don't believe me, then just look at this well placed source I found on Wikipedia.

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Kevin: Last I checked, you didn't even have an account on SBC.

Chad: Well yeah, but I at least have the common courtesy and respect to show up and work Deathmatch every once in a while without shoving my real life journalistic accolades in everyone's faces.

Kevin: : =|

Chad:  And crackerjack, spunky journalism is a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, for the rest of my life job! I don't have the luxury of day offs or vacations, I don't even come here on my own time! I still show up because this is MY JOB! I, for one, do not trust Jelly. I wouldn't trust to have her in my sandwich, I'll just stick to peanut butter and banana, thank you very much. Hey Jelly, is it true that you care about everyone here as much as you claim you do?

http://youtu.be/3DpYYUEhoUM

Chad: No further questions.

Kevin: ...Be it as it may, Jelly is back, but most of all, she's back here in the Deathmatch Arena!

Chad: Yeah, maybe next time she could pop up via satellite. It'd be a hell of a lot more convenient for her than it already is.

Jelly and her friends have partied all around the ring. Jelly teases getting into the ring, but throws her hands up in the air and brushes it off, proceeding to head back up the stage to leave.

Kevin: Well, it appears that Jelly wants no part of Deathmatch tonight!

Chad: Now this is what I'm talking about! THIS is vintage Jelly if I ever saw it! And this is my first time seeing it, mind you. Arrive. Check to see if you've been mentioned. Tease. Leave. Throw that on an iFish t-shirt and watch it sell out like hot cakes!

Kevin: Jelly, don't go! We'll give you another Most Missed Member award if you don't stay!

Before Jelly could make her leave, she gets floored by a random member on the stage, who is flanked by a couple other nameless mooks.

Kevin: What's this?! Someone has laid Jelly out on the stage! And their nameless mooks are mobbing Jelly's amigos!

Chad: Neptune be praised! That's not just @Someone, Kevin! It's

http://youtu.be/ZakjbWPztaY

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Chad: "Douching" Bl4zeTMG!!!

Bla4ze mounts Jelly with some hard lefts and rights before picking her up and throwing her face first into the entrance set, colliding hard against the metal. He then lays a thunderous kick to he ribs while she's down, causing her to roll back down the entrance ramp in agony.

Kevin: For those of you at home who don't recall, Bl4ze has been banned from the Community for well about a year now and counting for being a douche in the third degree! So in a cosmic sorta way, this is a return for the Community, but a debut for Deathmatch!

Chad: What you all call "being a douche", I call a desperate cry for help and acceptance amongst his peers! Bl4ze was just one of many SBM migrants who crossed the line at SBM before crossing on over to so called greener pastures here in the Community. He tried to contribute, he tried to fit in, but the clique mentality of this place ultimately proved to be his true undoing!

Kevin: What are you going on about now?

Chad: I'm saying that I at least got all the facts before casting judgement on this poor, scarred soul. You see, through my crackerjack investigative know-how, I found out that where Bl4ze comes from, "being a douche" means he wants to be your friend. And maybe chew your ass out on weekends.

Kevin: You can't be serious.

Chad: About as freakin serious as me being a local correspondent for CBS News in Los Angeles, Kevin. This has all been one big misunderstanding that Jjs and the powers that be fail to comprehend. Bl4ze has issues, and he needs help to conquer those issues, and he gets the boot for it! While people like SOF and Teenj still have legs to stand on here, Jjs kicked his out right from under him! This is the exposé of the century!

Kevin: Yeah, well, having issues isn't a good enough excuse for being a douche. So there.

Chad: Allow me to relay a tragic tale from Bl4ze's that you'll only hear from Chad "The" Francis here first. Now, unlike you all. I sat down and actually spoke with this man and he opened up to me in ways you that might damn well fog up this entire commentary booth, but when Bl4ze was about to turn 15 years old, he wanted nothing more in the world than to finally graduate to a three wheeled bike.

Kevin: He what?

Chad: As I thought, a concept that's foreign to any of you! He wanted a trike. And did he ever get ride a trikey that he could call his very own? No, because his father, his own flesh and blood, thought he was being a "spoiled, little douche" so he NEVER got him that tricycle! So put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if you had physically, mentally evolved and outgrown something and to be stuck with it for the rest of your life along with everyone, including your own family, thinking you're a douche? Wouldn't you want some escape?

Kevin: Well, I would certainly have to re-evaluate what I've been doing with my life, for one, and try to be less of a douche.

Chad: Typical. It's that backwards thinking that's gonna send more people over the edge and I'll be there to report it all!

Bl4ze's men continue beating Jelly's amigos to bloody pulps before placing brown paper bags on their heads.

Kevin: It appears that Bl4ze's bagmen are brown bagging Jelly's friends at the seams! Oh, just what is this inhumanity?!

Chad: Those mooks are Bl4ze's "douche bagmen", or his many "lame attempts at rejoining the site" as you all call it. Their sole purpose is to expose the real douches of this community for what they are by placing a symbolic "douche bag" over their head! It's said to hide their douchey mugs and deceitful eyes from Bl4ze's sight.

Kevin: Has he not looked into a mirror lately?

Chad: As a matter of fact, he has not, Kevin. Ever since he was banned, Bl4ze has been burdened with having to save face since then. His date with the banhammer has left him scarred and deformed, becoming the very "troll" you see before you!

Kevin: Well, that's about as douchey as I've ever seen it.

Bl4ze gets in the ring now to address everyone in the arena.

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Bl4ze: There is no need for you to adjust your computer settings. This is, indeed, Bl4zeTMG that stands before you, tonight. In all my time both on here and on SBM, a very grim reality has dawned upon me. That sometimes, a blessing be a curse. You see, and please cue my music please, I was blessed with the gift of

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Bl4ze: a sense of humor. Something that not everyone is born with, obviously. I was also blessed with not only a sense of humor, but with imagination, a creative mind, a mind of my own and not something that can be assimilated so easily to clique mob-like mentality. And because I have a mind of my own, it is only natural that I think of solely and purely of myself. And I think that's where the line gets drawn with you assholes. That's right, I'm not the douche around here, YOU are! "Douching" Bl4zeTMG, that was humor at its pinnacle of perfection! You all never have and never will understand it because your feeble minds are too caught up everyone else's asses to form anything for your own damn selves! It is completely pathetic. But what's even more pathetic is how someone like this

He points at Jelly kicking her some more while she's down.

Bl4ze: Someone who hasn't bat an eye at this place for months on end, can win something as prestigious as the Most Missed User Award. While, I, on the other hand, endlessly try to claw my way back in. Someone who does want to return, yet gets jack shit in return! I'm hearing a lot of things in the world lately. #BlackLivesMatter, #BlueLivesMatter and all that other horseshit going around like the damn plague. Well what about me, what my life?! #Bl4ze'sLifeMattersToo damn it! My life is worth more than the entire black community and police force combined! So one day I just figured, this is Community fucking Deathmatch. No rules, no limits, anything fucking goes! And tonight, this piece of shit has to fucking go for good this time.

He picks Jelly up by her neck and headbutts her in the face repeatedly with his protective face mask.

Bl4ze: So, before I do this community a real justice, how about you all do me one better. Slaves!

He sends his douche bagmen around ringside to hand out douchebags to the guests in the audience.

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Bl4ze: Hide your douchiness. Conceal your repugnance. Because while my face may be disgusting to you, you douchebags offend me!

He signals to be given a douche bag, himself, which he prepares to place over Jelly's head.

Bl4ze: My name is "Undouching" Bl4zeTMG. Bringing you one step closer to being Undouching

He gets the halfway over Jelly's head when she suddenly springs to life, wraps her arm around his head and plunges herself down the mat, causing Bl4ze's chin and neck to be rammed into her shoulder.

Kevin: Jelly manages to fight out with a surprise jawbreaker out of nowhere! Where are those snake in the grass Ed boys when you need em?!

Jelly kips back to her feet and lays some hard rights right into the face of a disoriented Bl4ze, knocking him back a couple steps. She then winds up to send Bl4ze over the top rope and out of the ring and nails it. Bl4ze scrambles as his douchebagmen regroup with him with Jelly's Dominican friends from he Beatles cover videos surrounding them from all corners. Bl4ze takes this time to mock their accents.

Bl4ze: ¡JOU SHOULD *raspberries* NOT HAVE DONE *raspberries* THAT, *raspberries* PERRO! *raspberriesssss sss*

Jelly gets up on the top rope turnbuckle to challenge to get back in the ring.

Jelly: I've only gotten to know you for like 5 minutes, and already, even I think you're the douche!

Chad: That should be saying a lot.

Jelly: Jes, I may not come here as often as I did before, but that should be absolutely NO indication of the amount of love and care I have for this community! And while it can be nice to see just how much everyone misses me, when I do pop in, it's more importantly to see and make sure that all my e-familia are well taken cared of and most of all, are happy and doing good for themselves. I DO care, I DO think about the community that helped me discover myself. Without my time here, I honestly do not think I would be in the good place that I'm in now. But my time here also cut into things, it cut into my life and real life should always take priority over e-life, número uno! That's what I'm afraid you don't understand, Bl4ze. You're so fucking hellbent on returning that you threw your own priorities down the crapper. I think doing everything in their power to keep you out is the kindest thing this staff could ever do for you. Life is so much more than this online shit. So why don't you do US one better and go get the help you truly need, get your shit together, then maybe one day, you can get the return you clamor for so much.

Chad: Snore.

Bl4ze: You're just about as douchey as the whole lot of em, and it'll bring me nothing but great pleasure to beat every ounce of life you have left right back out of ya!

Chad: That's the spirit, Bl4ze! Don't let these douchebags push you around any longer. You're your own man!

Kevin: Stop encouraging him!

Before either side could make a move, the executive producer of Community Deathmatch decides to grace everybody with his early presence, making his way out of his conveniently placed office at ringside

http://youtu.be/1uPRRIBjVbo

And out he comes, walking like he has a stick up his butt.

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Ozu: My first order of business here tonight is to YES MAN, COME OUT HERE RIGHTU THIS INSTANT!

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Yesman: YESSIR MR OZU-KUN!

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Executive Producer: Domo arigoto, Yesman. And as for my SECOND order of business, this hot mess we have here before us, I want it cleaned up so that your blood can be spilled to be cleaned up again! Jelly! Your friends bring a great dishonor to MY arena, MY temple. Therefore, they shall be removed IMMEDIATELY!

Jelly: QUE?

Kevin: By executive order of our Executive Producer, Longtime fan favorites, Jelly's friends, are to be removed from ringside for the duration of this Deathmatch!

Chad: Finally, someone in charge of this place who knows what he's doing!

Executive Producer: But, if they want to redeem themselves by honoring MY temple, which is my body, then they are free to "sit it out" in my office. Ladies, think about what this business proposition can do for you, making more money in just one night than you ever have your entire lives. They don't just call me El Señor for nothing :smirk:

Bl4ze looks on with a look of satisfaction as CAPTCHA guards come out to remove Jelly's friends, who won't be taking the Executive Producer's business proposition.

Executive Producer: Don't be looking to pleased with yourself, Bl4ze-san, you have not won yet. I will ensure that any and all allies of yours, if any, shall also be terminated IMMEDIATELY!

Bl4ze: This is fucking bullshit, you bitch nigger! You're every single bit as black and douchebaggy as everyone else here!

Kevin: Strong language coming from Bl4ze tonight, perhaps he can use that to help compensate for his lack of man power, as well as manhood.

Chad: That's bs, Kevin, and you know it. Just another instance of the system here teaming up on some poor, defenseless kid!

The CAPTCHA guards move in to remove Bl4ze's douchebagmen, but the Executive Producer stops them from doing so.

Executive Producer: Hold on there, I said that his allies, if any, shall be terminated immediately. I didn't say anything about the man, himself.

Kevin: What the devil?!

Executive Producer: Since these douchebagmen are in indeed just some of Bl4ze's many lame attempts to make another account, they are, by extension, still very much 100% pure Bl4ze, and therefore, they shall remain as they are for the remainder of this match! Hell, as far as I'm concerned, they're in it! And one more thing, to light even more of a fire under both your asses, whoever wins this deathmatch shal retain their spot in the Community, while the loser shall never see the light of day here again! And one more thing, Jelly, for you to truly earn yourself total victory here tonight, you must kill all three Bl4zes to win.

Kevin: WHAT?! Our Executive Producer is allowing Bl4ze to use his multiple accounts for a numbers advantage!

Chad: I knew it! I knew this guy really had his head screwed on straight! Drink it in, Bl4ze, this is true justice!

Kevin: What this is, is a goddamn death sentence, an execution for the Queen of SBC!

Chad: Even more perfect, Bl4ze can have his deformed cake and eat it too!

Executive Producer: And one more thing! The winner of tonight's featured bout, shall also walk away with this!

Yesman hands the Executive Producer a belt, that also came out of the Executive Producer's ass.

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Executive Producer: Community Deathmatch's brand spanking new, Most Missed User Title! RET'S GET IT OOOON!

Kevin: What's a championship title doing in the Deathmatch Arena!?

Chad: Breaking news, just one of many reasons why SBC is finally in capable hands, Kevin! This is someone who actually knows the business side of things and not a bunch of children/manchildren! This is proper incentive for people here to post harder and remain active, not some lame ass king for a day, or skins, or stupid fish clothes! My hat goes off to you, Executive Producer-sama!

Kevin: Well this isn't much of an exhibition anymore if a goddamn title is gonna be on the line!

Chad: That's just the way of the Ooze, he gives back to this community in ways that the staff can't even come close to. I mean, just look at Christmas last year, for example. Makes he sick to my stomach thinking back to that, and I wasn't even here for it!

Officiating tonight's bout is new SBC server, Clem,

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Clem: Alright, you four. I can't read! So let's just GET IT ON!

Clem calls for the bell as Jelly looks on in bewilderment at Clem's inability to read this match. This gives Bl4ze and his two other accounts, SmoovHexr and The Game Dude, an opening to immediately swarm Jelly in an all assault from all sides, beating her into a corner. Bl4ze and company take turns having each of their way with her, involving gratuitous amounts of verbal and physical jabs at her expense.

Kevin: Look at this, Jelly can barely even defend herself!

Chad: Well, now they know how it feels now, now don't they?

Bl4ze heads to the opposite corner while SmoovHexr and Game Dude sit her down and hold her in place back in their corner. Bl4ze comes charging for a Bronco Buster and gets it right on target.

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Kevin: And Bl4ze with a dreaded Bronco Buster! A Deathmatch first! I can't begin to imagine the sheer amount of queefs being set off like a bunch of fireworks in Jelly's face right now!

Jelly suddenly starts to bite back, chomping fiercely into Bl4ze's crotch.

Kevin: You can't help but admire Jelly's sheer will to live and tease a return another day! Though I can't imagine that doing as much damage to Bl4ze as she'd like.

Chad: If there's two things that Bl4ze had that everybody here lacks, it's a pair of balls, Kevin. You can be damn sure that he's in a world of hurt right now!

Bl4ze pulls himself and his crotch away from Jelly leaving her to kicked in the mouth repeatedly by the other two. They pick her up from the corner and go for a double suplex, but Jelly manages to shift her weight and adjust her way through it, landing on her two feet. With both of Bl4ze's still holding onto her, she wraps both arms around their necks and brings them both down with a double neck breaker.

Kevin: Jelly taking out two birds with one stone! Can she possibly capitalize on this?!

Chad: Hopefully not.

Kevin: When did you become such a dick all of a sudden?

Chad: The moment this lit decided to use my journalistic aspirations for cheap laughs.

Bl4ze recovers from the bite fast enough to come face to face with Jelly, who challenges him to come at her, bro. Bl4ze comes swing with a left, that Jelly ducks. Then a right, that Jelly catches in her hand and holds. Bl4ze chances another left but Jelly catches that too. She then takes him on a ride through Strawberry Fields Forever.

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Jelly hip dances a bit more before landing a just as fancy looking leg drop onto Bl4ze. Jelly winds up her arm, setting up her signature move.

Kevin: Looks to readying up her patented Jellyfish Jammer! She could very well take Bl4ze out first right here!

Jelly goes in for the kill but suddenly, The Game Dude intercepts by taking a diarrhea dump in her ear before eating her rotten asshole then downing her with beer. Jelly manages to make her way around the Irate Gamer ripoffing AVGN ripoff by throwing her new copy of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at his face.

Kevin: Jelly manages to throw the Game Dude off his game by assaulting him with the worstest piece of shit known to nerd kind!

Chad: Well it's nice to know that the Dominican Republic has finally reached the 80s.

Jelly then winds up and lays the Jellyfish Jammer on Game Dude.

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SmoovHexr sneaks in from behind uppercuts Jelly in the girly parts all Smoov-like cuz that's the closest he ever getting to puhh, all while mouthing off some very sexist remarks of the, say, Ghostbusters variety.

Bl4ze runs over and bounces off the ropes, nailing Jelly square in the face with a beautiful Disaster Kick

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Kevin: Oh dear Neptune, Polyphemus and the Water Spirit! The Disaster Kick is welluhhhmghderr DISASTROUS!

Bl4ze slaps SmoovHexr around and orders him to get Game Dude back to his feet.

Kevin: Bl4ze is well known for beating himself up, but this is just ridiculous!

Bl4ze exits the ring and digs underneath it, pulling out a well known instrument from the forum arsenal.

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Chad: Bl4ze pulls out the good ole equalizer for good ole fashioned any forum conflict, a steel chair!

As Bl4ze is doing this, back inside the ring Jelly begins to quickly rally back against both SmoovHexr and Game Dude dropping both of them repeatedly with a multitude of body slams and clothes lines. Bl4ze comes in swinging the chair but Jelly jukes it by doing the splits and then propelling the chair right back in Bl4ze's face with a dropkick as he swung back around.

Kevin: Jelly's Internet is looking to be as fast as it can possibly get these days! Hopefully she can utilize it to connect some more powerful blows like we've been seeing without disconnecting completely!

Chad: I'm surprised she even knows what the Internet is, let alone know that half of her precious Beatles are already dead.

Jelly sizes up all three Bl4zes for a steel chair party, but Bl4ze manages to blindside her with this photoshopped monstrosity

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Kevin: Not only has Jelly lived down her family being portrayed as a lemon party, but now she's been photoshopped onto a pole dancer too? Oh the inhumanity!

With Jelly taken by complete surprise, Smoov and Dude take advantage of the situation and knock legs out right from under her. They double DDT her head first onto the discard steel chair, busting her open. They then pummel and hold her down with a simultaneous armlock and front facelock combo as Bl4ze wails away with steel chair shot after thunderous steel chair shot to her back and free arm.

Kevin: It appears that the numbers game is finally catching up to Jelly as Bl4ze utilizes that damn steel chair in ways that doesn't just involve setting it down for a front row view of the drama unfolding before him right now!

Chad: You can see it in his comedy, Kevin, Bl4ze is a proven innovator of offense. He doesn't care who you are, where you come, what color you are. Nothing and nobody is off-limits to him, especially in a teeming toxic environment such as right here in the Deathmatch Arena! I suggest you take some notes, Kevin, before you're chewed out and spat out in the forums again.

Kevin: What do you think I've been doing all this time?!

Bl4ze wraps Jelly's free arm in the steel chair and proceeds to wrench it back as Jelly lies helpless in agony.

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Kevin: Oh, the inhumanity! I can only hope and pray that's not the jerk off hand! May Neptune have mercy on her if it is =(

Bl4ze then proceeds to break Jelly's arm right off the elbow.

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Kevin: DEAR NEPTUNE ALMIGHTY, AS NEPTUNE IS MY WITNESS aahh, you know the rest. Talk about a tough break for the queen!

Chad: She's snapping faster than the staff at this rate!

Just then.

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Kevin: Wow, that really is fast!

Chad: This just in from the SBC News youtube account, I have received word of ongoing civil disobedience going on in the backstage area!

Backstage, members of the SBC roster are out back trying to stage a rescue of their queen, but find themselves being constantly denied.

Clappy: What do you mean you won't let your ding out there?!

Jjs: My hands are tied, guys, by executive order of the Executive Order, himself! No one else shall get involved in tonight's featured bout.

Clappy: But this is Jelly, this is our queen we're witnessing murdered out there! I refuse to stand idly by while our queen's online life is once again at stake! I cannot and will not stay silent on this matter any longer. Fellow SBCers, get your likes ready because I'm about to post a whole lot of words that make just too much sense!

Crushing intervenes.

Crushing: The good of one doesn't outweigh the good of the many, mang. I, too, will not stand idly by while you all throw your online lives away so foolishly yet admirably. I'll lay my life on the line to stop you from saving her if I have to.

Clappy: Your ding has no fucking idea what kind of point you're trying to get across here, but it sounds like something I ought to bury you under the enormous weight of my deep, heavy words for.

Halibut then pounds his gavel on his podium.

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Halibut: May I have some decorum in this forum please, because I'm afraid I AGREE WITH MY DING on this whole Bl4ze situation.

Steel: I really hate to be the type of guy who wants to settle things, but we're kinda playing fire with fire here and I don't think it's helping. You guys hate Bl4ze and want him gone? All I can say is, ignore him. I can assume that the attention we're giving him is stroking his ego. And I think these actions against him are possibly making him more prone to insulting us.

Halibut: Steel, you are a vagina who should really get its tubes tied and quit trying to chime into things you know nothing about. If you knew exactly what happened and what's going on, saying this would be fine but you don't know what happened or what's going on, now do you? Because you're too busy finishing still unfinished all day, so until you finish your shit and educate yourself, please keep your mouth shut on situations like this!

Steel:  I am aware of what Bl4ze has done, and that I feel that the things he's done is unforgiving. I wasn't defending him. I just felt like we needed to calm down. I'll stop right here, though. So, I'm sorry for trying to talk this out.

Halibut: Apology not accepted, you vagina.

Clappy: As your ding, I think we can all settle and agree on that notion. So have you all liked my post already? If so, then CHAAAARRRG- Termi, I see you didn't like my post. You're not doing your ding any favors.

Termi: When I give likes, it'll either be on tinder or ON TOP OF A WILD WOMAN! I hope it's on tinder, BUT I'LL LIKE IT EITHER WAY!

Back in the Deathmatch Arena, Bl4ze, Bl4ze and more Bl4ze are taking turns swatting Jelly to death with the steel chair when suddenly

http://youtu.be/sWMMtEZqLCg

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Kevin: OOOOH MYYYY! I-IT IT'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! Clappy and Terminoob along with their two protégés, Katniss and WhoBob, are all here and they're looking to crash tonight's Deathmatch!

Chad: Great, the very thing this lit needs more of is something that I want security to remove immediately! Don't they have something on Netflix to binge on right about now?! They have absolutely no business being out here, Kevin!

Kevin: They're out here to defend our Queen, Chad! You can't help but like their valor!

Clappy: Now, if you're all done liking my valor, I have something to get off my chest and this something involves you, Bl4ze, so for once in your life, how's about you shut up and listen because I have paragraphs upon paragraphs worth of heavy things to say, yet so little time to bury you beneath it all. I am your ding, your ding of dings, so don't you forget ituhhh. Your ding founded Character Development as a means to better not only Termi and I, and not just Kat and WhoBoob, but the entire SpongeBob Community. We here in Character Development believe strongly that you either adapt or you perish. It's how we've lasted this long and I'd like to think that it was our strategic malicious intent and tough love that allowed so many other weak, like minded members like Katniss and WhoBoob here to finally adapt.

WhoBob: Preach!

Katniss: Word to your sauce mama!

Bl4ze: This is exactly what I'm talking about when it comes to you niggers! Your heads are so far up each other's asses, no minds of your own. If you ask me, you've only devolved as a community since you banned me last year and at this point, I think I'm the only hope for anyone here to see any true development. So watch, as I execute your precious queen so I can watch each and everyone of you unravel from there. Like I unraveled, after you cast me out like the douchebag niggers you all are!

Clappy: You've only lasted lasted this long against Jelly because you were given an advantage, but take that advantage away, and what do you get? Adapt or perish, Bl4ze. Tonight, you can be damn sure you'll be doing the latter!

Character Development all go to rush the ring when suddenly

http://youtu.be/Dxwa-BYP3GA

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Kevin: What in the Davy Jones?! What the hell is the Buffet Club doing out here?!

Chad: Saving this Deathmatch, I'm damn sure of it!

Clappy: Where's your leader, huh? Where's the old fart!

ACS: Bobby! Bobby, Bobbeh, Boobeh. Our Grandmaster has officially given the Buffet Club complete and unofficial jurisdiction over your precious SpongeBob Community! But enough about us, man, this is once again all about you bullies right now. I mean, come on, man! You wanna be starting something with a dipshit like Bl4ze?! But then again, anything you can to up your reputation, crank your likes, and inflate your own ego even more. You're every bit as delusional as the very buttfacehurt douchebag you're all about to bully mercilessly, no doubt. And you know us, we hate bullies! We can't stand them, and we won't stand for it!

Darris: But we also hate Bl4ze.

ACS: That, we do, JD. That we do! You see, this is a real conundrum for us. I'm raging deep on the inside right now, you don't even know.

World Travel: Or that could be the gas station bean burritos we had for lunch.

ACS: That, it could be, bro. That it could very well be! But do you know what I hate more than bullies?

Darris: Uhhh Bl4ze?

ACS: Oh hells yeah, but do you know what I hate more than Bl4ze?

World Travel: That diet your pediatrician put you on?

ACS: Well, there's that, but what I hate more than anything else in the whole world is SB fucking C! And you know what the funny thing is? I, we,

ACS says pointing at both the Buffet and Bl4ze.

ACS: Are not alone on that sentiment :smirk: We are not alone in this SpongeBob Universe because it has come to my attention that people here are finally developing proper brain functions and realizing that this place is every bit as shitty as I KNOW it is! What you see as "disrespect", I see as a spark of hope that hopefully this shithole will either finally go through some major restructuring or, even better, die a slow agonizing as it teeters off the face of the World Wide Web and into an unmarked and well deserved grave where it rightfully belongs! People aren't drinking your kool-aid anymore, they know exactly the kind of conniving, back stabbing, petty group real douchebags you all really are. I've seen it first hand, they're seeing it now, even Robertryan Cory has seen and he did good to disembark from the Titanic as fast as he could! You are no saints, I may have created a group called the Red Saints, but I know I ain't no saint neither. But at least me, I can acknowledge that. You SBCers can acknowledge it but don't own up to it, that's your problem. You just point fingers at others and claim that they are the problems. Me, I've own up to everything I've done. I know I can be a problem, but my problem is you. Each and every single fucking one. And up til now, the Buffet Club has been pretty much the only ones who have the balls to call you out on it! And you know why more more of your members are starting to see things my way? It's because you high and mighty asshats put yourselves on your own little island above everyone else. They can relate to me, they can relate to the Buffet Club, more than they could ever hope to relate to a bunch of douchebag bullies like you! The Buffet Club, we fight for the little man! You all used to fight for the little man. It's the whole reason you founded SBC in the first place, but look at yourselves in the goddamn mirror. 

Darris: You're becomin- You're developing into the very thing you ran away, with your tails between your legs, from!

ACS: That, they are, Darris. That they are! So please! I implore, I encourage all of you with a fully functional brain to please stand by the Buffet Club! I invite you all to join me as the Buffet Club does what the Buffet Club does best

The Buffet Club: Threaten SBC!

ACS: And we're not gonna stop just there, oh no no no no NO. We are going to beat you, we are gonna bloody you, we are gonna eviscerate you, we are gonna emasculate you, we are gonna gun you down like the sick dogs, THE SICK SONS OF BITCHES you all are! And worst of all, we are going to disrespect you. That's right. I, we, are gonna threaten SBC. And not just today, but also tomorrow! And the next! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! And the next day! OH DEAR NEPTUNE ALMIGHTY and the next day after that!

World Travel: bro, bro, bro! Shit, by then it'll be freakin Labor Day!

ACS: Oh, fucking Labor Day, my least favorite holiday of the year! JD, JD! What the hell are you gonna do for Labor Day after a grueling 9-5 shift at the tattoo parlor?

Darris: Oh geez, thanks for asking Allen! Well, lets see, I'm gonna threaten SBC!

ACS: OMG that's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?! And then what's next, what's the next holiday coming up?

World Travel: Octerror Fest is coming!

ACS: Bro, what are you gonna do for Octerror Fest?

World Travel: I'm gonna dress up my lil iFish as Lilcorey-ski, take a tacky ass bathroom selfie and then go threaten SBC!

ACS: rofl-3g.gif Hey wait a minute! I was gonna dress up as Kim Jong-un, develop a hydrogen bomb and then I was gonna threaten SBC! and after that, Christmas is coming! What're you doing for Christmas?

Darris: First and foremost, I'm gonna wrap presents for my kids with my hot Asian wife

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ACS: She is hawt ngl.

Darris: Go caroling with our good friend, Ed Sheeran

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ACS: Yes, we're related.

Darris: AND THEN I'M GONNA THREATEN SBC!

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World Travel: That's awesome!

ACS: Hold on, lets not get too ahead of ourselves, gais! Christmas is still 162 days away! What the hell are we gonna do until then???

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ACS: I love threatening these guys! lol

The Buffet Club head down the entrance ramp as Bl4ze, Bl4ze and more Bl4ze exit the ring to have Character Development surrounded 6 against 4. Clappy and WhoBob stand off against The Buffet Club, Termi and Katniss square up against Bl4ze, Bl4ze and more Bl4ze. 

Kevin: Character Development, the only line of defense against these two menaces to society! Can they develop themselves to topple these insurmountable odds?!

Chad: They were never supposed to be here, Kevin! They're about to learn a hard lesson for insubordination. This is why no one respects them, they don't even respect themselves!

They all make their moves when suddenly

http://youtu.be/1_EQ08d2n5o

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Kevin: It's Bad Reviews Halibut! Bringing Saxy Back as only he can!

Chad: Look at this, more blatant disrespect towards the sanctity of this Deathmatch EXHIBITIOOON!

Bad Reviews Halibut: Ladies and Manchildren, I can see you are all caught up in your own drama, but I'm afraid I have some BAD REVIEEEWWZZ! Bl4ze, you are a deplorable, pompous, egomaniacal blowhard who puts even ACS to shame and therefore, should seriously reconsider your existence in our world! ACS, there's not much more to be said than that you are just one letter short of an ASS, plain and simple! And Character Development, ohhhh, Character Development.

Clappy: What? What is it that you have to say, Hal?

Bad Reviews Halibut: It'll be an utmost dishonor for me to kick these pricks' asses by your side! Thank you very much!

Bad Reviews Halibut then beats his "gavel" as he seeks to join the fight, when suddenly

http://youtu.be/-_LXLJGQUyw

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Fred: I! AM! FUNNYYYYYY!

Kevin: Does my eyes deceive me? A new face in the Deathmatch Arena?!

Chad: A better question is, who let all these crickets into the Deathmatch Arena?

Fred joins up with Bad Reviews Halibut on the ramp and they do their secret handshake

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Fred: I...am a man!

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Fred: And that's a whole lot more than what either of you can ever hope to amount to, ACS and Bl4ze! And I'll bring you all down with nothing more than the power of the FAIL

Fred takes off his dank shades and begins to call upon his power of the FAIL.

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Kevin: Fred Rechid is here and he's ready freddy to bring the fight to both the Buffet Club and Bl4ze!

Chad: You're giving Mr. Rechid here way too much of a chance than he even deserves, Kevin! He is no A+ member, but he definitely is a grade A fuck up, in my honest unbiased opinion. It's sheep like him that gives herders like hilaryfan80, Clappy, Jjs, Wumbo and the like any sort of sway over this community. It makes me wanna throw up just talking about this piece of pure, unadulterated SBM! A true product of their system!

ACS has Darris and World Travel locked on Halibut and Fred while he, Bl4ze, Smoov, and Game Dude focus on Clappy, Termi, Katniss and WhoBob. With no further interruptions, they all go on the attack. Halibut and Fred brawl with Darris and World Travel respectively, ACS goes one on one with Clappy, and the rest of Character Development find themselves preoccupied with Bl4ze, Bl4ze and more Bl4ze. Halibut lays Darris out with an early Bad Review elbow to the face. Fred and WT trade shots and bad wisecracks at each other's expense. ACS and Clappy go blow for blow with Clappy burying him as usual. Termi, Kat and WhoBob mostly beat up on Bl4ze and his cronies, Kat in particular dominating Bl4ze like Solange Knowles in an elevator in Manhattan.

Kevin: It's all out war here in the Deathmatch Arena with Jelly's life hanging in the balance!

Fred gets one of Bl4ze's douchebagmen caught in the ropes, a perfect set up for his patented Banging on a Trash Can maneuver

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He bangs on him repeatedly until the 10th bang, finally letting him off the ropes.

Fred: Legos are irrelevant! The Lego Movies gonna fail!

Upon hearing this, Termi immediately drops Smoov like he did SBC back in 2010 and pushes Fred against the ropes.

Termi: Am I the only person that knew The Lego Movie was going to be great!? I feel like everyone keeps talking about how they had low expectations even though Lord and Miller had already proven themselves time 

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Termi: and time

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Termi: and time

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Termi: and time

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Termi: and time again prior to that movie, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Fred: I WAS ONLY 14 YEARS OLD, 2013 WAS THE YEAR I HIT PUBERTY, PLEASE DON'T CRUCIFY ME!

Fred promptly excuses himself from his crucifixion, suffering from the painful, heartbreaking 2013-early 2014 flashbacks, becoming too emotionally baggaged to carry on the will to fight any longer. ACS trips him on his way out and gives him a stern threat on his way out.

Darris: The Grandmaster will see you soon, and he'll take back what you stole from him.

ACS then fakes Fred out by pretending to throw a punch at him, causing him to run backstage never to be seen again for the rest of this episode. ACS motions his hand like a gun at Fred as he flees, the shot being fired.

Chad: I wonder who's the biggest vagina here, Fred or Steel?

Kevin: I wonder who's the biggest dick here, you or the perso  writing this?

Chad: No contest, Kevin! The person writing this.

Darris: Welcome to The Buffet Club! We own the SpongeBob Universe!

Meanwhile, Clappy takes ACS down with a spine-busting spine buster to the floor. WhoBob, hoping to one day emulate Clappy's style, grabs Game Dude and plants him into the ground with a spine buster of his own, but Clappy wasn't impressed. Inside the ring, Termi whips Smoov into the corner turnbuckle but Smoov bounces off it and lands on Termi with a disastrous moonsault, taking them both out of the ring. Bl4ze takes the opportunity to sneak attack Clappy and WhoBob with wise cracks courtesy of his steel chair before focusing his attention once again on Jelly, who has definitely seen better days. He goes to work on her now, but gets intercepted by a KLT out of nowhere courtesy of Katniss. ACS recovers and literally wails on Clappy for being nothing but a damn dirty bully. Back on the entrance ramp Halibut takes note of Fred's leave and holds nothing back.

Halibut: Fred, you cowardly, two-timing, unfunny, duplicitous shrew of an old man! You better hope those balls never drop, because I'm gonna kick em if they do! Thank you very much!

Halibut reviews before getting jumped by both Darris and World Travel. They shove him into the security barricade separating the guests a handful of times, wearing him down gradually.

World Travel: Where's hilaryfan80 to hold your hand now?!

http://youtu.be/D4Loog4CpnY

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Kevin: THERE HE IS!

hilaryfan80 storms down and comes to Halibut's defense while at the same time, showing him the ropes at what true quick thinking problem solving is all about. World Travel charges at him for a clothesline, but hilaryfan80 ducks it and kicks Darris in the gut for a DDT. World Travel swings back around swinging but hilaryfan80 ducks him again and grabs for a two for one special onto the arena floor

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Kevin: hilaryfan80's quick thinking has once again raised hope for SBC!

Chad: Tell that to November 2015.

hilaryfan80 then takes ACS out with his superior know-how of the inner workings of the community to his advantage.

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Kevin: hilaryfan80 with The Great Wiping of ACS!

Clappy then immediately tries no-selling ACS's ferocious attack on him

Clappy: Your ding had it under control :stinkeye:

Katniss sizes Bl4ze up for her trademark cunt to the head, but Smoov and Game Dude take her down before her cunt can connect. Smoov and Game Dude hold her against her will for Bl4ze to crack her in the back mercilessly with chair shot after chair shot, showing absolutely no remorse for his actions before really crossing the line by pulling out a noose and hanging Kat out to dry from the ring ropes!

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Kevin: Now this is just an absolute new low, even for someone as bottom feeding as Bl4ze! Does he have no heart? Does he have no conscience?! Do you have NO SOUL, you son of a bitch?!

Chad: And here we thought only Hayden could take Kat's breath away!

Jelly finally springs back into action by breaking by Bl4ze's lynch mob and saving Kat.

Kevin: Neptune bless Jelly's soul for reminding that she's still in this thing! And she's not looking to be going anywhere anytime tonight, at least!

Bl4ze's numbers game overwhelms Jelly again and they stomp her into the corner. hilaryfan80 sneaks into the ring without being noticed.

Chad: Speaking of no souls!

hilaryfan80 quickly charges at the trio, but his attack misses all three and instead hits Jelly head on, snapping her head back violently over the corner and clear off her shoulders. Bl4ze and everyone else watches in shock and awe as they bare witness to the Queen one last time.

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Kevin: What a hell of a kick by hilaryfan80! But I'm afraid he missed all three of his targets by a fucking mile, and costing Jelly this Deathmatch!

Chad: This is why you don't have whack jobs like this douche operating anything, let alone a forum, whatsoever! Fucking up an entire month is one thing, but fucking up Jelly, The Queen, is something you can't sweep under the rug just as easily! 

Back on the outside, Clappy goes to take out his anger by putting some more hate on ACS when Darris and World Travel rush in for the triple team.

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Kevin: Vintage Team Rage!

They continue pummeling Clappy until Darris and World Gravel plants him down to the ground with an SBC Killer

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WhoBob comes in for the assist, but ACS catapults off of Darris and World Travel and smashes WhoBob in the face with a Bipolar Forearm before having some friendly small talk with him because he's bipolar and can change mind sets at a moment's notice.

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Darris and World Travel then scoop WhoBob up and SBC Killers him on top of the steel steps leading into the ring, bending him back like a pretzel. 

Kevin: Character Developmemt's Animal, Clappy's Pet, has been damn near euthanized with that killer SBC Killer onto those steel steps!

Katniss pulls out some Vegemite out of nowhere and tries using it to her advantage, but is met with a 69 Piledriver for her efforts.

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Termi points out The Buffet Club's tired out, convoluted formula each time they threaten SBC, but they point out that he created SBC in the first place and as such, shall be the one to feel their wrath the most. Each taking turns wailing on Termi for bringing this place into existence.

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ACS: You created this piece of shit! And you will damn sure die with it! 

World Travel: You are no different than any of these other SBC hypocrites, you're the biggest one of them all, you're the leader of the whack!

ACS: Henceforth, let it be known that everyday shall be Threaten SBC Dayyyyy!

ACS, Darris and World Travel take turns laying a beatdown and threatening all members of Character Development. Meanwhile, Halibut gets back up to his feet and goes to help his online friends but is also overwhelmed by the Buffet Club, when suddenly

http://youtu.be/3JJHA0YIOEM

???: HOLLA, IF YA READ ME!

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Kevin: It's the Sub-Tropical Freak! Pisceszilla! The Big Bad Naggy Daddy! It's Steel Sponge, in the flesh!

Chad: Great, the walking billboard for sackless fuckboys everywhere, more than likely here to contribute absolutely nothing as usual. And need I even point out that there's not a whole lotta hollering going on tonight. This vagina is walking right into a fuck fest as always, where everyone is going in hard and comparing dick sizes. So by all means, he is well and truly fucked, again. Rinse with a douche, repeat.

Kevin: Chad, have some respect! This is the man with the most longest running spin-offs in the world! He's the hook up for a gnarly time! I know he ain't mine, that's for sure!

Chad: This guy is the epitome of just how much of a sheep people on here can degrade themselves into being Nothing more than a glorified Jjs yes man who lost all the power he somehow, by some miracle, managed to attain here for a reason! That reason being he's just as yellow as SpongeBob. He's a toilet, Kevin, made to take everyone else's shit and he gobbles it all down because that's just what he's been built to do for all his online life. Hell, maybe irl even! He doesn't deserve any respect because he can't even begin to command it!

Steel marches his way down to where The Buffet Club are threatening SBC, causing them to back off like the bipolar bitches they are. Steel approaches Halibut and offers him a hand, which Halibut accepts, and Steel helps Bad Reviews up to his feet. The two then shake on it.

Kevin: The Buffet Club wanting absolutely no part of Big Steely Phil here tonight!

Chad: Can't say I blame them, I wouldn't wanna get suck into a gaping black hole of no personality, neither.

Kevin: He may not show it as much we'd like to, folks, but you can't question the sheer compassion Steel has for his fellow users as well as his passion for this Community! In the end, he's not just gonna stand by and watch as these assholes have their way with us. He's gonna stand up and fight what for!

Steel: Step aside, neckbeards! Why don't y'all eat a couple hundred jelly-filled frosted donuts and jerk off to Thomas and Friends while I, The Gnarly Freak, will single-handedly end the reviewing career of this punk ass, make him scream my name then make him MY bitch! 

Steel then pulls Halibut in for a belly to belly suplex to the hard, unforgiving arena floor.

Steel: Give me a fuckin like!

Chad: You're right, Kevin, he is taking a stand! He's taking a stand against all you douchebags too!  Bravo, Steel! Never in all my years of crackerjack, spunky ace reporting did I ever think we'd see you finally grow a spine! For once in your life, Steel, you've actually proven someone else wrong! Now, you take that like and you fucking run with it! And not just run away from your problems with it, but run towards them with it with every single ounce of newfound manhood you have in ya! Once again, congratulations!

Steel throws Halibut around like a rag doll, having his way with the bearer of bad reviews.

Steel: I don't finish anything, huh?! You watch! You just fuckin watch while I finish you and teaching you the right and wrong ways to go about it, you piece of SBM trash! This, this is the exposition!

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Steel: This, is the rising action!

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Steel: This, is the climax! And ladies! I can do these in the sack too, Big Steely Phil's your hookup! HOLLA if ya ream me!

Kevin: Still not a lot of hollering going on, I'm afraid

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Steel: This, is when you fall into the longest running spin-offs in the world! This, is the falling action!

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Steel drags Halibut's limp body all the way back to the stage and effortlessly hoist him up on shoulders.

Steel: And this is RESTITUTION!

Steel then slams Halibut off the stage and into the electrical equipment and servers that keep the Deathmatch Arena running

Chad: And all this time, I though this place was running on all the spilled from the innocent!

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Kevin: OH MY GOOOOOOOAAAAAWWWWWWOOOODDD!!!11!1!

http://youtu.be/4ivQONymr34

Chad: This isn't an exhibition anymore, Kevin! This, is restitution! And it's been a long time coming.

Kevin: That's a live server running, Chad! Filled with live wires, power the entire Deathmatch Arena!

Chad: I guess that's what we get for sticking for CloudFlare!

Steel emerges from the wreckage completely unscathed.

Chad: Look at em, Kevin. Just look at the balls of steel that man has for finally standing up for himself and seeing the members here for what they truly are; complete and total douchebags who will turn on you the first chance they get!

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Steel: He don't need no sympathy! And I, The Big Bad Naggy Daddy, don't need no sympy from any of you SBM trash! If you fixin to know the right and wrong ways, Steely Dan's will hook you up just like I hooked, lined and sinkered that burnt bitch down there! HOLLA if ya read me!

Chad: HOLLA! Come on, Kevin, don't be some douchebag nigger! HOLLA at him!

Kevin: He's scientifically proven to have the longest running spin-offs in the world, and if tonight is of any indication, I don't think any of them will be finished anytime soon!

Steel returns to the back after flexing his writing chops a bit more. Meanwhile back in the ring, hilaryfan80 finally realizes the severity of what he has just done and immediately makes a thread about it.

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hilaryfan80: Around midnight tonight, something terrible happened. During a routine Deathmatch, I took the liberty to come out here and take matters into my own hands because it seemed painfully obvious that no one else was capable of doing it. So I came out here and I...killed Jelly. Of course, I shrugged it off and said, "Hm, she'll just be back in another year. No big deal!" It turns out that the stipulation for tonight's match will see the loser never being able to return to SBC ever again. At this point, I am freaking out because I had effectively wiped out a lovable, highly respected member in one fell swoop! I like to think that not all hope is lost, but it did create a lot of chaos as we just witnessed. I normally do not make mistakes like this. But, we all make mistakes - it's just that this one was a huge one. So on behalf of myself, and everyone else here. I deeply apologize that Bl4ze didn't win the Most Missed User award sooner. But now, thanks to your friendly neighborhood Mr Dr Professor, all is now right in the SpongeBob Universe! :) So now, without any further ado. Ladies and gentlefish of the community, your winner and SBC's NEW Most Missed User-

Clappy drags himself into the ring, trying to no sell the beatings he's taken, and props himself up with his trusty shovel. Not amused at what just transpired.

Clappy: hilaryfan80! I never thought I would ever ask this but...how tall are you?

hilaryfan80: What's it to you :)

Clappy: I wanna make sure I make the dimensions of your grave shorter for when I bury your small, narrow, string bean ass sideways.

Clappy firmly grasps his shovel in hand and charges at them but gets interrupted by the timely arrival of

http://youtu.be/G94Cz8ZrTk4

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Kevin: Say hello to The Good Guy!

Chad: How about, "Goodbye!" I'd rather not deal with his indecisive ass at this, what's supposed to be a grand, crowning moment!

Clappy stinkeyes Crushing his entire way down to the ring. Crushing gets in the ring and goes toe to toe with the ding of dings.

Crushing: It's good, mang. We're good.

Crushing reassures Clappy before turning to face hilaryfan80 and Bl4ze. Crushing gets all up in hilaryfan80's face (ha). Crushing takes a slice of bread out of his pockets and bites a nice chunk out of, chewing and salivating it enough to be used as a projectile.

Crushing: We're good, chico (reaper smiley)

Crushing then turns and spits Clappy in the face

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With Clappy temporarily blinded, Crushing then nearly turns Clappy inside out with a thunderous haymaker that knocks Clappy down to the mat hard.

Crushing: ¡I spit in the face of people who don't want to be good!

Crushing beats Clappy up while hilaryfan80 directs traffic. Crushing has his way with Clappy all around the ringside area. The rest of Character Development try to intervene but the Buffet Club returns and beat them around the bush before they can even lift a finger. Crushing bashes Clappy head against the wall of the Executive Producer's office at ringside. He then scoops Clappy up off the floor and over his shoulders

Kevin: Oh no, dear Neptune below! Crushing is going for the Mayhem Crusher!

Chad: Yes, for once in his online life he's actually crushing mayhem!

Crushing throws Clappy into the glass window of the Executive Producer's office, sending him crashing inside

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Kevin: Crushing just sent Clappy crashing through the Executive Producer's faster than CloudFlare!

Chad: A gift, an offering to our benevolent leader! Please accept it, oh great Ooze!

The Executive Producer exits his office with the Most Missed User title over his shoulder, quite impressed with all the bloodshed and backstabbing that's taken place tonight. Crushing simply walks off to the back, stone faced as ever before.

The Executive Producer: Ladies and gentlemen, it has finally come to my attention that we do have a winner!

He gets in the ring and shakes hands with hilaryfan80.

The Executive Producer: So, by the power invested in me by the powers that be, SBC's new host, tv.com! It brings me great preasure to pronounce Bl4zeTMG as your your NEW Most Missed User!

The Executive Producer presents Bl4ze the Most Missed User title and buckles it around his waist. Crushing stops on the stage to officially recognize this title change while hilaryfan80 :) 's up the yin yang and even The Buffet Club gives it up for SBC's new Most Missed User.

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Chad: Isn't this the ideal feel good moment to end a Deathmatch, Kevin?! True justice finally being served in this community!

Kevin: What this is, is an absolute insult to this community and everyone who has ever joined it! Yourself not included, Chad Francis.

Chad Yeah, I know. I've got nerves of steel! HOLLA if ya read me!

Kevin: And still no hollers given tonight. Well folks, we're finally all out of time! On behalf of all of us at Deathmatch we wish you a good fight, goo-

http://youtu.be/Ks3st1dG4UY

Kevin: What in the fuck's name is it now?!

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Chad: It's SBC's Best Member, Old Man Jenkins!

Kevin: Here to no doubt remind us of that fact by once against shoving it in all our faces!

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OMJ: BEST! IN THE COMMUNITYYYYY!

OMJ gets in Crushing's face now shoves his Best Member title in his face.

OMJ: I'm not just good, I'm the best! Whatcha gonna do, mang? I'm contributing, I do more for this community just by lurking than everyone logged on here combined! Not even you can say that you've contributed nearly HALF as much as I have. You ain't got shit on your old man. They'll let damn near everyone be mod nowadays, it's almost as bad as the Employee of the Month system.

Clappy pulls himself out of the Executive Producer's office and can only stinkeye at OMJ's boastful presence. Crushing just leaves OMJ to his celebration crashing.

Clappy: :stinkeye:

hilaryfan80: You won't be the best around for long, old man. The new best is your new Most Missed Member! You just wait, old man. You just wait! This is the first step in finally making SBC not just the best, but to make it great again! :)

Suddenly, The Buffet Club jumps hilaryfan80, Bl4ze, Smoov and Game Dude in the ring. Superkicking both Smoov and Game Dude in the face, executing an SBC Killer on hilaryfan80, a 69 Piledriver on the new Most Missed User.

Kevin: A congratulatory threat to the SBC establishment courtesy of The Buffet Club, proving once again that they are about as bipolar as you could imagine!

Chad: I honestly don't know who to root for here! Really.

The Buffet Club finally exits the ring and leave to threaten SBC another day. They walk past OMJ, trading looks and smirks with each other. They put some space between themselves and OMJ because NO THEY DON'T WANT NONE, THEY DON'T WANT NONE

Darris: We are the Buffet Club! Believe in us! Everything we do is just too...SPOOKYYYYY!

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http://youtu.be/1sz1OQ2hCrk

ACS, Darris and World Travel head to the back first. OMJ soon leaves afterward, walking away with his title facing the crowd as one last reminder of his importance to them.

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Kevin: Tensions sure are flaring more than Sauce's tits in the Deathmatch Arena right now. Will we ever see the payoff to developments such as these? I wouldn't hold my breath. But until then, I'm Kevin NG!

Chad: And I'm spunky news reporter, Chad Francis!

Kevin: Saying for the first time in what feels like forever and for the last in what could once again feel like forever; Good Fight, Good Night!

http://youtu.be/0wymm2l-kt8

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imageproxy.php?img=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.

imageproxy.php?img=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.

Executive Producer: But, if they want to redeem themselves by honoring MY temple, which is my body, then they are free to "sit it out" in my office. Ladies, think about what this business proposition can do for you, making more money in just one night than you ever have your entire lives. They don't just call me El Señor for nothing :smirk:

lmao

also loved the Drug and Steel appearances 

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The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein. I'm srsly stressing that last part there, things get pretty heated ngl. But it's all part of the show. Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!!

 

 

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The Community Deathmatch post-show opens up to our expert panel of SpongeBob forum experts and moderators; Jjsthekid, Mermaid Magic and JCM!

Jjsthekid: Good evening, death fans! And thank you for joining us for our first ever LIVE Community Deathmatch post-show, Aftermath! I'm your director in chief, jjsthekid! Joined here by my staff colleagues, none other than the Master of The Bump and the Dennis Lover themselves, JCM and Mermaid Magic.

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JCM: *fist bumps himself*

Mermaid Magic: 6Wqih81.jpg

Jjsthekid: And hooey, what a Deathmatch that we just witnessed here in the Deathmatch Arena.

JCM: Well, you just took the word I was gonna use to describe it, Jjs. And let me just be the second to tell you that it was a whole lot of "hooey".

Mermaid Magic: Please enlighten why you think that, JCM 6Wqih81.jpg

JCM: Well, it was advertised as an "exhibition" which it was anything but, for starters. Our Queen, Jelly, was unfairly put into a fairly fucked up position which she was promptly fucked up the ass for, and SBC is now queen less thanks to our Executive Producer's poor executive decision. The SBCavalry were made to look like absolute chumps out there against a couple of daily chumps like The Buffet Club, no more no less. And most of all, I'm being relegated to the post-show. I mean, does anybody ever stay tuned into a post show, let alone one that's three days too late? The fuck kind of LIVE crap is this? This is worst than being relegated to a pre show because at least a preshow gets people hype. Post shows happen after the hype. All these kinds of shit never happen on, say, JCMovies, Tyeam Universe or Xat Time Travelers.

Mermaid Magic: Well JCM, you're right. This kind of shit never happens on Tyeam Universe, I should know! But the thing that absolutely appalled more than anything else you just mentioned was the absolute lack of coherent Dennis' to go around, ya know? A show about nothing but killing and sometimes some SpongeBob here and there if we're real lucky, but you don't have the original lady killer on it? Color me disappoint 6Wqih81.jpg

Jjs: You both make some completely valid points that I agree with. I mean, what exactly the fuck is a LIVE post show like this? And you know, this section could use a lil more SpongeBob to spruce things with some more SpongeBob-centric works about anything BUT  SpongeBob. And more importantly, I agree that a lot of what went down tonight would simply just not fly here irl. I know hilaryfan80, we hilaryfan80! We work alongside him to truly make SBC great again. He's covered not just mine, but all our asses, when it counts. Which is almost all the time. And I damn sure know that I'm not the only one on this staff he helps him prop up that sizable piece of perfect censorship he carries with him below the belt everyday. The shell covering that shit is about the size as OMJ's ego! hilaryfan80 would never do what he did here, and it disgusts me knowing that this is how he is being portrayed here in the Deathmatch Arena, giving impressionable young users the halfway wrong idea. And Team Rage, The Buffet Club or Neptune knows what else ACS wants to call himself these days would stand absolutely no chance in hell of ever getting a one-up on us, especially not against the likes of Clappy, Termi, Kat and Who- well, maybe WhoBob, but my point still stands! This kind of thing wouldn't even fly on SBC Falls or even Jjs' Riffing Theater, two SBC lits that's based firmly in the reality that we all live in today. I mean, even @Bill Cipher is a member here for Neptune's sake! Community Deathmatch used to be a lit we could all look to for some real, hard hitting SBC action! It was a lit that truly used to be LIT in every sense of the word! Nowadays, we have SBC Honest Trailers to look to for that, believe me. And later tonight, we'll have the so-called Best Member on the show LIVE tonight so we can truly get to the bottom of that painfully bloated ego of his.

JCM: NOW CAN YOU BUMP THAT? SUCCAAAAA!

Jjs: But speaking of bloated egos, firstly, we have @Perch Perkins, yes THE @Perch Perkins !, standing by with "our" new Most Missed title holder, "Undouching" Bl4zeTMG.

The camera switches to backstage, where Perch Perkins is seen approaching a rather douchey fellow.

Perch Perkins: This is Perch Perkins reporting LIVE deep from the annals of the Deathmatch Arena, where I am hoping to get first comments from SBC's newest Most Missed User! 

Perch Perkins makes contact, only to find out that it is only Mr Dr Professor Patrick.

Perch Perkins: Oh, Mr Dr Professor! My apologies, but you're not quite the douche we're looking for, sir.

Mr Dr Professor: Yeah, not quite, but I'd be more than happy to hear your questions out in relation to Bl4ze anyway :) I don't think he wants to socialize with total douchebags right now, I mean, why do you think I'm here by myself :)

Perch Perkins: Well, your Tinder exploits would a good indication as to why, but that is besides the point, sir. Mr Dr Professor, could you care to explain just why you screwed Jelly up the ass and got her unceremoniously ousted from the SpongeBob Community in favor of "Undouching" Bl4zeTMG?

Mr Dr Professor: Why certainly! :) it's simply because that Jelly is old news, she shouldn't be anywhere near relevant enough to be anywhere near a prestigious reward such as the Most Missed User title! Why, when I temporarily announced my resignation and leave from SBC some years back, nobody batted an eye in spite of all the contributions I made here. Why, if it haven't been for me, then there just wouldn't be an SBC around for us all to be in right now, now would there! :) I'd like to think my stock has completely boosted since my almost immediate return and I just couldn't stand to see yet another member be screwed out of being the Most Missed. Bl4ze has contributed loads more before his unceremonious departure, about as much as the loads that I contributed to his mouth in order for him to be let back in here, than Jelly did her entire tenure. And she was even somehow a cashier at one point. How about that :)

Perch Perkins: Do you actually believe what you're saying right, sir?

hilaryfan80: Well they say that seeing is believing, and if you all saw what just went down earlier tonight in the Deathmatch Arena, then you can best believe that :)

Perch Perkins: Do you think Bl4ze will be able to take the Most Missed Division to heights that hasn't been seen about as much as the members that are in that social class?

hilaryfan80: Oh, I have it on good authority that he will definitely bring even more prestige to the Most Missed User title :) Why, he just up and left right now to further cement that fact! I think we could be looking at the longest Most Missed title reign we will ever see for a long time to come, Perch.

???: Allow me to chime in with some two cents of my own.

Bl4ze walks over out of the darkness of the annals of the Deathmatch Arena with his Most Missed title draped over his shoulder.

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hilaryfan80: Oh, Blaze, so you didn't split yet? :)

Bl4ze: I was just in the bathroom once again, struggling to look myself in the mirror to reflect on my life, but all I could see was THIS constant reminder of all the atrocities that you douchebags have accosted me.

Bl4ze said sternly, pointing at his face.

Perch: Well Bl4ze, since you're still here, do you care to take some time to answer some lingering questions we still have following the atrocity that transpired earlier tonight?

Bl4ze: What you call an "atrocity", I call Sunday dinner at SBC. That's how common douchebags are around these here parts, but to humor myself even more, yes, I do care to answer whatever feeble, close-minded questions you may still have, even though MY victory earlier tonight should paint a crystal clear picture of just what direction this community is heading. So shoot.

Perch: Gladly. Why did you feel the need to replace Jelly as SBC's Most Missed User?

Bl4ze: Are you serious? You're about as robotic as the staff doesn't want us to think! The Most Missed title used to mean something. It mattered, people used to put their faith in it in hopes that the prodigal recipient would someday return. Now, now it's merely relegated to being just a popularity contest. Why should some useless piece of Dominican chocha like Yelly get to hold such a high honor when users such as Storm, Yellowshdow, Blubber, even hilaryfan80 here and most importantly myself have all been screwed out of it time and time again? Well fuck a jelly and fuck you douchebags who have diminished the prestige of this title to such a new low. Look, the Most Missed title means something once again because it has finally come home to a rightful owner. This title is synonymous with being missed and I am certainly nothing but missed.

Perch: Bl4ze, isn't giving this title a hostile takeover just all apart your obsession with saving face and appearances?

Bl4ze: Obsession? Oh sure, "I'm all about appearances!" "The bags are all about appearances!" Well it's not! You douchebags are ugly inside and out, I wasn't! I was completely untarnished until I was assaulted, blasted, bashed beyond all facial recognition until I lost the ONE THING that I had on everyone else. But now, I've got something else that hasn't even been seen for Neptune knows how long. I'm the Most Missed User, this is the real Most Missed User title. So take it in in all its glory, because this is the last you'll ever see it for a long time to come.

Bl4ze declares, logging off with his title in tow and leaving Perch and hilaryfan80 to themselves.

hilaryfan80: Well, I'm happy :)

hilaryfan80rances off.

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And we head back to the expert panel.

JCM: Shits getting whacked here, y'all.

Jjs: Shits all out of whack here indeed, JCM.

Mermaid Magic: But not all of it can be whack, because nows the time for a very special part of the show where our very own Snark Knight picks his personal fave moment of the night!

JCM: Yes, it's a lil somethin-somethin that I'd like to call my Daily Waily Trump Bump! (well, I tried) So where's my bumps at?

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JCM: Thank you, bitch! Now I can BUMP that. Now y'all know that I don't really like a lot of things, hell, I don't even like the riffs I join in or my own guest writes like for SBC Honest Trailers, but this right here I believe everybody liked. You could see it in the reviews, and funny that I should say "reviews", because tonight's Daily Waily Trump Bump goes to Steel Sponge's balls finally growing in and hooking us up with an awesome beatdown on Bad Reviews Halibut's character, man! It had everything! It was a complete shock, no one saw it coming. It was a a genuine feel good moment to finally see Steel finish something for once, it was a breath of fresh squidward for any of his readers out there. Cuz as I'm sure no one here was aware, this is the man with the longest running spinoffs in the world, and I'm sure that they're aware af after tonight, dawg. HOLLA if ya read him! And I'm sure none of us will come hollering anytime soon, trust!

Mermaid Magic: That was an excellent first trump bump, JCM! 6Wqih81.jpg

JCM: I was being entirely sarcastic. Steel's still about as irrelevant as he's always been and always will be. Now can you BUMP that, succa?

Jjs: Nobody would even if they wanted to, JCM! And we are hoping that Perch is able to catch up with Steel so we can hear his thoughts as to why he did what he did, straight from The Sub-Tropical Freak himself! But until then, I have just received word that we have finally made contact with SBC's Best Member, Old Man Jenkins!

The scene cuts to OMJ LIVE from his cbox 

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OMJ: Jjs, I thought we had this all hammered out before? You have no idea just how much it hurts me to see you back out on our agreement like this.

Jjs: My apologies, OMJ, but this is something that I can't just sit down and watch anymore. I don't care what you've got up your sleeve this time. Tonight, we're getting to the bottom of this. But first, I'd just like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy sick schedule to join us here tonight, Jenkins.

OMJ: Well it's my pleasure to show up on my own show, as you all should be too.

Jjs: Yes, well, that brings us to this, Jenkins. What happened here earlier tonight, I believe, was a complete travesty to what this Community truly stands for. There were a lot of out of character moments, I should know, I've built a living riffing that very shit. And, in all honesty, it is a stiff slap in the face to all involved. Maybe not, say, Bl4ze or ACS, but most everyone else involved. We requested your presence here to know just what has become of Community Deathmatch and will it someday soon return back to prominence.

OMJ: Well, first off, and an even better question, just why did you drag me into this ancient relic and not just moseying along into my ask thread for some real answers? This is the cbox, MY cbox. You of all people should know just what it's capable of. How are you so sure that who you're talking to is even 100% real OMJ right now? 

Jjs: Well, our team figured it'd be more convenient and provide nosta-

OMJ: It's because you fear me, you fear just how big of a giant that thread's become. It's grown bigger than the entire community itself and you petty, butthurt asswipes can't have that, now can you? It's why you stopped counting posts there, it's why you shoved em all into their own little dark corner of the community, because the grim reality is they're all this community's got left to stand on. My thread is the strongest leg holding the Titanic up for your dear life. And it disgusts you to see that, doesn't it? A SpongeBob Community being supported by a mere ask thread, what does that say about this SpongeBob Community, exactly? It says that it takes one man to keep your life support going, that's what.

Jjs: Well, Jenkins, I hate to break it to you, I really do, but the thing is, your ask thread isn't the biggest thing going anymore. That title now belongs to Aya once again!

OMJ: Oh, Aya? Really, that's who you're going to fall back on to support your sorry asses now? The only reason Aya's thread is anything worth shit is because I raised it there. That 76k+ post count? It's because I contributed damn about half that amount, which without all of that, would make the other half null and void because there's damn near no one else in this community that would even bother with that pathetic excuse for an ask thread. You know, I now see it as this. Whereas my thread is the strongest leg keeping SBC afloat, the other leg with the disgusting cancerous growth pulsating out of it, that's exactly where her thread comes in. That's the level she is on compared to me, because without me, there would be no "Great" Aya, that's for damn fucking sure. And the only reason her thread still has a pulse is because she's gotta somebody else to drink her kool-aid. Somebody else is sucking her dick for her, or sucking on her nipple for every measly drop of Aya juice they can possibly chug down. However you wanna see it. I view it as a blatant sucking of the dick, personally. And just who could possibly lower and demean themselves to being yet another of Aya's personal, glorified used napkins. You needn't look no further than the most used up, filthied napkin in the garbage bin, Unlimitedcha.

Mermaid Magic: 6Wqih81.jpg

OMJ: It's a painfully sad sight to behold, honestly moreso than Steel even. This is somebody who practically lives and breathes Aya. She starts her day off with a bowl of Aya's shit served up Aya's way! She follows that up with some hearty froyo made from Aya's breast milk. She finishes up her day with a heaping helping of Aya's queefs, vag to mouth, in the SBM Chat. And that's not the end of it. Noooo, she stays up til the wee hours of the morning for her daily 3 AM sloppy seconds which are to be continued the next early morn! And when I say sloppy seconds, I do mean MY sloppy seconds. But to be absolutely real here, I remember when I used to be that hopelessly pathetic. I, too, at one point, lived and breathed Aya. Fuck, she was the only thing keeping me here at that point. Of course, it was to much negative reaction because it seems painfully obvious at that none of you could ever hope to see that type of action in your lives, even online! But see it, most all of you most certainly did. I felt I was on top of the world. Mang, how fucking sad was I. Looking back, the only thing I was ever on top of was just some lying, filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding trash bag ho. But you know, enough of all that nitty gritty, maybe I'll revisit sometime later if Aya truly has the balls to really try and dethrone me where it matters because I believe I've more than made my reclaim to the title of biggest topic. But back to you, Jjs. What exactly were you saying earlier about Deathmatch not quite being as "lit" as it used to be?

Jjs: You're damn right, that I'm damn right that Deathmatch aint as lit as it used to be! It used to be THE lit of lits that would get so much right and spot on. There was no absolutely stopping you, you were on a rocket to the moon! You rallied an entire community against a common enemy and by Neptune we curbstomped that enemy into oblivion, goddammit! Not many others can lay a claim like that. But since then, you've only been serving to play us all for succers.

JCM: SUCCA!

OMJ: First off, I'd like to point out that before any of you come coming at me, I want you all to take a good hard look at all these other so-called SBC Lits that you venerate and treasure so much and I want you all to drill it into your heads that they wouldn't be anywhere near shit if it weren't for me, if it weren't for Community Deathmatch! Tvguy may have laid the ground work for the SBC Lit with Going Under, but Jjs, you and all your riffing fuckboys should know that that definitely is not what defines the genre. You came out with your little SBC Parallel Universe and it was all fine and dandy...back when everybody else were still in their diapers, even I liked it and I still see some value in at least the first season, but you and your lil group of asskissers should know that that steaming pile of crap sure as hell doesn't define this genre! A lot of people can say that the ATTWL and SOA series both have an equal claim to what a definitive definition of what SBC Lits are all about, but last I read, they were both still taking pointers from their old man! Then you look over to something like, say, Post Fiction. A piece of work that it's peak, even Dragiiin claimed it was the best SBC lit he ever read at that point. THE Dragiiin123 kid! How ya doin?! And it doesn't even stop at just lits, but spinoffs too. I mean, look at all the writing careers that Skodwarde's saved in its five years running! Clappy, Wumbo, Jjs, JCM, Nuggets, Trophy, CNF, CDCB, Steel, Cha, the list goes on! How you all doin?! And don't think I've forgotten the lukewarm reception Skodwarde got when it first premiere. I want you to remember that and then look at the spinoff giant it's become now! A true underdog story for the ages! And you all have me to thank for it, for thinking outside of the box. You see, whereas people back then thought shit like Bikini Top was on top, when vampires, werewolves and witches (oh my!) were somehow a fucking thing in the SpongeBob Universe. When generic crap like Krusty Train and all of its blatant ripoffs, the Squirrely Adventures of Sandy Cheeks Show, The Adventures of Squidward Tentacles, The Adventures of Gary the Snail, Patrick's Paradise, Adventures in the Underground City and the like were the literal hot shit in town, I brought the funny back and made spinoffs and lits something to be purposefully enjoyable! You can say I was the only one with IMAGINAAAATION around here. Don't think I forgot Kevin and Trophy's cheap imitations when S(lums)BU was still running wild. Don't think that I forgot Wumbo taking cues from The Killer Krab for his only one-time hit, One-Time SpongeBob Characters. Don't think I've forgotten my contributions to the likes of Clapwald, Sauce's Clues, SmileBob, The Walking Community and even SBCinema. Don't think I've forgotten Cha try to continue The Secret Box but crumbling under the weight of what I laid out for her. Dont t yhink I've forgotten CNF make an absolute mockery of Break A Leg! Don't think I've forgotten tvguy seeking my help on more than one occasion to make some unpublished projects of his actually worth reading. Don't think I forget all these painfully cliche "Insert SBC into an actual show title here" running rampant around here now only after Hey Hayden became a hit, as much as i'd like to forget. Don't think I've forgotten about a whole lot of things. And Jjs, you know I have lobbied to get Post Fiction riffed for a good while, I even lobbied to have Killer Krab riffed! And you basically told me that they were just too good to riff. Now how about that, not just one, but two things that can't even be touched by the world famous riffing theater, full of riffers a lot of whom aren't even qualified to riff a damn thing because they haven't written a damn thing, and those who did, well, they're your featured attractions! How does it feel to know that even at my worst, I am still that much better than you? And that Deathmatch drama with ACS, don't you even for a second think that it was a victory for "us". That victory is mine and MINE alone! Most of you only served to beat the already dead horse after I mutilated it, then proceeded to take my thunder and my best material and try so hard to make it your own! I can take pure, concentrated shit and turn it into absolute gold! S(lums)BC? Gold! Handsome Squidward? Gold! Hey Hayden? Gold! I'm sure I can make something as ridiculous as a Rick and Morty SBC Lit, maybe call it hilaryfan80 and Morety, and once again make it eclipse all else in sheer quality alone! And you will all like it but won't in spite of me, when really I am once again doing what I do best not because of you, but in spite of you. That is why I am the best, the absolute, undisputed Best Member in the SpongeBob Community! I AM the SpongeBob Community! This genre is mine. Your asses are mine. This community. Is. MINE. You're only butthurt because unlike the other schlock that peddles mere children's fallacies, Community Deathmatch is based in truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And it holds absolutely nothing back! I ain't afraid of stepping on people's toes or flat out slapping them right in their face! I am simply not afraid to cross the line. That's the thing that separates the old man from the boys. It is not all white knights and heroes or happy endings, kids. And sometimes, I let good guys die. This is just the reality you're living in. And in reality, you just have to deal with the fact that I am better than each and everyone of you. Because in MY world, you have to be able to cross the line to survive. And there's no amount of "character development", no amount of good you can do, there is absolutely nothing you can begin to hope to contribute that can ever take this away from me!

OMJ raises his Best Member title high above his head.

OMJ: Look at the three of you, once again clueless as ever over what to fuckin do! The expert panel I have assembled here tonight, folks! No hilaryfan80 around right now to make you seem the least bit competent, but even if he were, his ass would very much be grass just like yours', no exception. So just let me make your jobs easier by telling you what you can do. JCM, tell your children not to walk my way! Tell your children not to hear my words, what they mean, what they say, JCM. Mermaid, can you keep them in the dark for life? Can you hide them from the waiting world? Jjs, I'm gonna take your ass out tonight! I'm gonna show you MY world! But, if you wanna find hell with me, I can show you what it's like.

OMJ signs off his cbox when ACS suddenly soars onto the post show panel and clocks JCM right in the face with a Bipolar Forearm, knocking him down with his chair. ACS mounts him with vicious right hands repeatedly.

ACS: TIL YOU'RE BLEEDING!

Jjs and Mermaid Magic get up to help him but they're blasted from behind by Darris and World Travel, who both take turns bashing them with even more hard right and lefts.

World Travel: It's beginning to look a lot like THREATEN SBC DAAAYYYY!

ACS: 69 HER! (Norton smiley)

World Travel and Darris set Mermaid Magic up for the 69 Piledriver. World Travel gets into position and ACS jumps off the table, discombobulating her head and neck against the hard panel floor. They all then surround JCM.

ACS: SBC KILLER!

World Travel picks up JCM and he and Darris proceed to put him through panel table with a twisted SBC Killer.

ACS then shifts sights on Jjs, who's lying in pain on the floor. He motions for World Travel and Darris to pick him up. They grab him by the arms and hold Jjs in place. Jjs tries to fight back, but he can't make a move. ACS puts his finger to Jjs' mouth and tells him shush before motioning his hand like a gun against Jjs's forehead, pulling the trigger.

ACS: Take em out! Get em outta here! Get the bully outta here.

Darris and World Travel pull Jjs off and beat him to a bloody pulp.

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ACS: Put em out of his misery. Sick em!

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ACS: KingWishmaster, suck his soul out

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ACS: I don't give a shit!

Meanwhile backstage, Perch Perkins finally catches up to his man.

Perch Perkins: Jjs, this is Perch Perkins reporting LIVE and just catching up with none other than The Big Bad Naggy Daddy himself, Steel Sponge! Steel Sponge, the entire SpongeBob Universe wants to know just why you went out there and did what you did earlier this evening?

Steel: Ain't it simple, Perch Perkins?! You people, you SBM trash, need to realize that Big Steely Pump is dead serious when he says that Pisceszilla gets things done! Tonight, Halibitch was just one of many things that aint gonna be over til I get done with em! And get done with em, I sure as hell did! You're talking to the Steely Dan with the longest running spinoffs in the world for a reason! Not you talking to the Steely Dan with the longest running spinoffs in the world, but the reason that I have the longest running spinoffs in the world! Tonight, Halibutt crossed the line, so's I crossed him, you read me?! I ain't afraid to cross no lines anymore, Perch! You set up any line in front of me, and I'll cross em , I'll stomp all over em like any man with the longest running spinoffs in the world would! I am an Underwater Survivor and Big Steely Pump just cant be stopped now! What happened earlier tonight goes out to all my readers out there! They know that Big Steely Phil's their hookup! And it gonna stop there! HOLLA if ya hear me!

Steel pushes Perch aside, kissing Patrick's Mansion, before heading off into the community.

Meanwhile in the office of the Executive Producer, the Executive Producer puts the finishing touches on his new community projects.

Executive Producer: The implementation of the Best and Most Missed divisions have proven to be immediate successes for our business interests. I believe it is only natural that we expand from here.

Ozu presents his newly made member titles to the board of tv.com staff to a positive response, and a TOS violation.

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