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The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entire coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe Box.

...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!

Episode 11: Deathmatch For Charity

photo-2538.png vs photo-2505.png

OMJ: Our Barack Obama pays an unprecedented directorial visit to the deathmatch arena to debate with his biggest detractor, Box Limbaugh! Here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

OMJ: Welcome death fans!

Trophy: BOW TO MY FISTS!

OMJ: And we welcome you to the butt-pounding second season premiere of Community Deathmatch! I'm Farmer Jenkins

Trophy: And I'm the only sports fan here!

OMJ: Clappy says hi.

Trophy: Coming off the heels of just a grand season finale, we look to keep the blood pumping with a deathmatch tonight that is very well worthy of being a season opener in my expert sporting opinion, Jenkins!

OMJ: You're starting to catch on, Trophy, who is filling in for my regular broadcast partner, Jjs, who is still very much feeling the effects of his deathmatch from last season's finale!

Trophy: I shouldn't have touched him, Jenkins.

OMJ: You really shouldn't have, Trophy, but speaking of my old broadcast colleague. Tonight, we are opening a donation pool, raising money in hopes that Jjs will make a speedy recovery and can return to being the definitive voice of Community Deathmatch!

Trophy: You know I can step up and be that voice. Just saying.

OMJ: Hahaha! Don't press yer luck.

Trophy: The bloodlines are open here at Community Deathmatch so COME SPEND YOUR MONEY HERE!

OMJ: Lets not forget the special incentives for their charitable humanitarian efforts, Trophs!

Trophy: I'll take them under my wing if you know what I mean!

OMJ: And, you'll find yourselves having automatic swag with the Glow to accompany your names for ONE MONTH ONLY each time you roam the Community to show off what good hearts you have! That sounds like incentive enough, don't ya think?

Trophy: If only I could get the money from my parents, OMJ.

OMJ: The very same could be said for a whole lotta people here, Trophs.

Trophy: Charity cases aside, talk about a GLORIOUS NIGHT FOR DEATH, Jenk Man!

OMJ: Our featured Deathmatch tonight will hopefully bait more suckeroonis as we are paid a visit by none other than our Director In Chief himself, Aquatic Nuggets!

Trophy: And he finds himself locked in another intense debate with our resident Idiot...Box!

OMJ: The history behind and between these two combatants speaks for itself, Trophy!

Trophy: The glory days when I wasn't here!

OMJ: For those of you like my partner here that are out of the loop, I believe it was October of 2012, Nuggets had recently and quickly worked his way up to Cashier status, beating out many others for the coveted position! However, one user took almost immediate exception to the promotion, Box, driving a wedge into a once healthy friendship. He would viciously assault and slander Nuggets, campaigning for his immediate demotion from the staff, but his fight proved to be terribly one-sided as his reputation plummeted and he lost the support of some good friends. He was undeterred in his efforts, continuing to push to get Nuggets off the menu that would eventually lead to a lengthy suspension or two. When the dust settled, Nuggets maintained his position in power and quickly worked his way up to Manager while Box's stock fell to the lowest of lows and he's been working his way back up ever since!

Trophy: Days of Our Lives, Jenk Man.

OMJ: The Community would win some Daytime Emmys for sure. I managed to get a word with both competitors earlier tonight to get their thoughts on tonight's much-anticipated deathmatch.

Hours ago

OMJ: Nuggets, tonight you take on someone who is quite possibly your biggest opponent in all of the community in a battle to all-out death. Now this isn't just some verbal sparring, and you're both no longer the users were once were since those dark days. You have since worked your way up all the way to Director In Chief. This could be seen by most to be a slap in the face to your opponent, but I wanna know your thoughts on tonight's deathmatch.

Nuggets adjusts his director in chief fez before simply crossing his arms in confidence.

Nuggets: You tell me.

OMJ: Box, you take on one quite possibly your biggest rival to the death tonight. You seem to be on a road to redemption of sorts since your last spat with Nuggets-

Box: I am, I'm on a road to redemption, all right. I'll only be able to redeem myself, my good name and reputation, when I finally overthrow Nuggets from the staff, for good.

OMJ: I see your song has remained relatively unchanged since then.

Box: You're damn right it's remained the same since then because look at what the hell's happened since then, Old Man. They've foolishly bumped him not just only to admin, the ride just DOESN'T stop there! They decide to throw the guy in charge of this place and look at just how damn well things have been around the community since he's taken the reigns. This place is an absolute mess, that whole "Oceans" being at the forefront of it! The community wasn't ready for Nuggets to be in any sort of position of power whatsoever, and it still isn't quite frankly. Now I'm not saying that I should be in the position he's in, although it would be for the better I assure you, but the community was just in a much better place before him.

OMJ: Why do you think all of this?

Box: He just was not suited nor did he have any experience whatsoever to take on these responsibilities. Not necessarily saying that I have any of those qualities, but surely I have more than he does to be qualified! It sickens me to see some newb get everything handed to him like watermelons on a silver platter when he barely put the time in like I have. Hell, he still barely puts time in. I mean, look at all those statuses Dylan puts up about Nuggets NOT being online. That, in itself, says a lot about our supposed Director, but I assure you, I assure ALL of you, that we shall see a new era here in SBC. Tonight, the Era of Idiocy begins when Nuggets fries like chicken.

The scene switches back to OMJ and Trophy.

Trophy: I sure wish I knew just what the hell was going on there, Jenkins!

OMJ: But enough with the formalities, Trophy, we have some blood to spill to money to raise so let's have ourselves a look at the tape!

Aquatic Nuggets

Join Date: Match 28, 2012

User Ranking: Fry Cook Legend

Group: Managers

Active Posts: 1403 ( per day)

Doubloons: 104424 (#17)

Profile Views: 119306

Member Title: SBC's Resident Turnt Up-Admin

Age: 15 years old

Birthday: July 5, 1998

Gender: Male

Interests:

-Living.

-Breathing.

-Eating.

-Drawing.

-Reading.

-Music.

-Sports.

-The ladies.

Location: Milky Way

Favorite Episode: Chocolate With Nuts

Favorite Character: Squidward

Idiot Box

Join Date: December 11, 2011

User Ranking: Triton

Group: Customers

Active Posts: 1840 ( per day)

Doubloons: 15443 (#36)

Profile Views: 132868

Member Title: Everyone's a critic.

Age: 47 years old

Birthday: November 5, 1966

Gender: Male

Interests: Well, if you must know, I'm a widely renowned clarinet virtuoso, state-recognized interior design consultant, licensed and board certified antique macrame connoisseur, born and raised collector and sculptor of driftwood, and able to recognize over 13 hundred brand names of single-person pedal operate vehicles at a single glance. Plus, I make a killer soufflé.

Location: None of your business.

Favorite Episode: Enchanted Tiki Dreams

Favorite Character: Me, of course.

OMJ: One hailing from a candy bar, the other hailing from none of our business. One is a certified Fry Cook Legend, where as the other is the bastard son of Neptune himself.

Trophy: It's Manager vs Customer here tonight!

OMJ: Or as we say, the "Krustomer"

Trophy: Box seems to have the edge over Nuggets when it comes to posts and profile views.

OMJ: But Nuggets appears to have more bang for his buck and more money in the bank!

Trophy: SBC's Resident Turnt Up-Admin-

OMJ: Whatever the barnacle that means.

Trophy: Enters this deathmatch at a ripe 15 years of age! Whereas Box is lying about his age and is actually 9.

OMJ: Or something. Everyone's a critic according to Box, the pot calling the kettle black on that one no doubt. Nuggets' interests are living-

Trophy: We could fix that soon enough.

OMJ: Breathing-

Trophy: THAT TOO!

OMJ: Eating, drawing, reading, music, sports-

Trophy: BUT IM THE ONLY SPORTS FAN HERE!

OMJ: And...the laaaaadiiiiiieees.

Trophy: Ooooohoohooo.

OMJ: He's gonna give his nugget a lil a double dip in that pootang.

Trophy: If you know what I mean!

OMJ: Whereas Box's interests seems to only be himself.

Trophy: Nuggets' Favorite episode is Chocolate With-

OMJ: THESE NUTS! Cherry choice, might I add.

Trophy: While Box's favorite is Enchanted Tiki Dreams!

OMJ: No Idiot Box? I call shenanigans.

Trophy: Our director's favorite character is Squidward while Box's favorite character is himself!

OMJ: Of course.

Trophy: As if the box from Idiot Box was an actual character.

OMJ: Lets head down to the ring with referee Elastic Dog, who will be moderating tonight's explosive debate!

Elastic: Alright you two former BFFs! I want a good, clean debate! So air out all the dirty laundry ya want. Any last requests!

Nuggets: You tell me.

Nuggets then proceeds to slap all that dried cum off his hands, looking as if he's been in OMJ's profile for over 15 minutes.

Box: Me superior, you inferior.

Elastic: Well now that your opening arguments are out of the way, LETS IT ON!

Trophy: And just *snaps* like that, second season's inaugural deathmatch finally gets underway!

OMJ: And don't forget, folks, our bloodlines are open, so any money you can send our way will be a huge help to getting Jjs back up on his feet in no time!

Trophy: You might even be able to make a brief call-in appearance during tonight's show because we here at Deathmatch are powered by greed!

Box immediately goes on the offensive, clubbing Nuggets with some rights and lefts but they don't seem to be doing much damage, if any at all, on Nuggets.

Trophy: Box trying to get himself some early momentum right at the sound of the opening bell!

OMJ: Something he would need, surely, if he wishes to try and take down his opponent here tonight for the umpteenth time.

Nuggets manages to grab hold of Box's right arm as he took another swing. Nuggets then smashes Box's arm into his knee, causing bones to break on contact.

Trophy: Nuggets breaking Box's arm with complete authoritah!

OMJ: This certainly does not bode well for our cardboard comrade!

Box holds his arm in as Nuggets proceeds to club away at his midsection with some even more devastating right hands, sending Box a few inches above the ground with each hit that connects. Nuggets punishes Box into a corner against the turnbuckle, having him at his mercy.

OMJ: This doesn't look good, folks, this does not look good at all!

Trophy: He's got Box in his zone! Nobody should ever get into his zone, Jenk Man!

OMJ: We all know how Nuggets gets should someone ever get caught up in his zone while he's in it!

Nuggets keeps Box pinned against the corner turnbuckle.

Nuggets: YOU are now watching the throne!

Trophy: He's setting Box up for a 5-piece meal!

Nuggets: Don't let me get in my zone!

Crowd: FIVE!

Nuggets: Don't let me get in my zone!

Crowd: FIVE!

Nuggets: Don't let me get in my zone!

Crowd: GIVE EM FIVE!

OMJ: The crowd fanning the flames under Nuggets' ass! The power he has over the people is electric!

Nugs proceeds to pound Box's face in with four hard, strong right hooks.

Crowd: 1-2-3-4!

Nuggets backs up to the opposite turnbuckle.

OMJ: Dear Neptune, Nugs going for the fifth and final Super Sized Punch!

Trophy: BOW TO HIS FIST!

Nugs charges Box and pounces for the Super Sized Punch, but Box manages to flail his feet up in the knick of time, kicking Nugs face first while he was at full-force and catching him completely off-guard.

Trophy: Box showing some resiliency!

OMJ: Vintage Box!

Box ascends to the top rope and sizes Nugs up for a crossboxy splash before taking to the air. Nugs recuperates and manages to catch Box in mid-air and charging him right back into the turnbuckle at full-force.

Trophy: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!

OMJ: Nugs comes back with stronger argument!

Nugs once again punishes Box in the corner with four more pulverizing punches to the face.

Trophy: That adorable 9 year-old face will look like the exact opposite once this deathmatch is over, Jenks!

OMJ: No the money maker!

Nugs quickly backs up to the opposite turnbuckle again before charging at Box full force with a devastating Super Sized Punch to the face, the force of it sending Box over the ropes and out of the ring.

Trophy: Nuggets got Box out of his zone!

OMJ: An unexpected 10-piece meal for our cardboard comrade- oh wait, what's this? It appears we've gotten our first couple of donations, folks! Lets get them on the line, shall we?

Trophy: Our first donator is...Shin of Las Vegas from last season!

OMJ: Congratulations Shin, on being our first donator! Your whopping $50 will be put to good use-

Shin: FUCK THIS COMMIE SHOW! I CAN'T EVEN BE CHARITABLE MAN-

OMJ: Did we lose him? Shame, he always does that.

Trophy: Our next donation comes from Mandy The Pharmacist from Aggieland!

OMJ: I think I spek for all of us at Community Deathmatch when I thank you for your generous contribution of about $5. It's not like my broadcast isn't on the brink of death of anything, but every cent counts!

Mandy: You totally spelt "speak" wrong-

OMJ: But enough of that, lets get back to tonight's featured bout!

Box drags himself under the ring in order to find something as Nuggets adjusts the fez on his head for the crowd. Box pulls something out from under the ring.

OMJ: Oh look, he took a cardboard box out from under the ring.

Box throws an Afro on the box and throws it into the ring.

Trophy: Holy fish paste, IT'S A GUY!

OMJ: Not just any guy, Trophy, it's Boxy Brown, one of Box's known and most famous former aliases!

Trophy: Poor Boxy, don't know the pain that's about to be rained down upon him!

Nuggets begins pulverizing the defenseless Boxy Brown, thinking it's Box, as the real Box ducks under the ring.

OMJ: The real Box has ducked and covered himself beneath the ring!

Trophy: There's no telling what he might do!

After a couple of minutes, another cardboard box emerges from the confines of the ring and crawls it's way back into the ring.

Trophy: Hey look, another cardboard box has made it's way into the ring.

Nuggets quits pounding on Boxy Bown and focuses his attention towards the other box.

OMJ: I wouldn't if I were you Nuggets, you have no idea where the box has been!

Nuggets approaches the box with caution and goes to touch it when it suddenly springs to life, unfolding and revealing itself to be the real Idiot Box clad in cardboard armor.

Box: Here I am!

Gripping something invisible in hand, Box takes a mighty swing at Nuggets' midsection, bringing the director to his knees before clubbing him in the face and sending Nuggets flying back on his back.

Trophy: What in Neptune's name is the meaning of this?! He just knocked Nuggets around with nothing but thin air!

OMJ: That, Trophy, is the power of a 9 year-old's imaginaaaaaAAAAaaation at work!

Box brandishes another imaginary weapon and uses it to stab Nuggets right in the gut. Nuggets remains undeterred, firmly grabbing hold of Box with both hands, but Box retaliates by twisting the imaginary blade around before repeatedly shanking Nuggets in the gut. Nugs is once again brought down to his knees as Box once again goes to work on his opponent, by bludgeoning him with his imaginary sledgehammer.

OMJ: Box is just unrelenting in this all-out assault on his most hated adversary!

Trophy: This just in, we have received two more generous donations from Teenj and the Jelly Familia!

OMJ: Human compassion at its finest, death fans!

Box takes a break from beating Nuggets to death by taunting the live crowd in attendance.

Box: Look at "your Director" now! Weak, helpless, defenseless! This is the best you people choose to lead you!

OMJ: Box taking a few moments to verbally assault his opponent some more.

Trophy: But just what the barnacle does Nugs think he's doing right now?

As Box rants, Nuggets pulls a D battery out of his tights and proceeds to swallow it whole.

OMJ: Whatever it is, don't try it at home, kids.

Feeling a sudden burst of newfound energy flowing through him, Nuggets kips back up to his feet.

Box: Now, I'm gonna put an end to this sorry ass excuse for a Director once and for all-

Box turns around and finally notices that Nuggets is back on his feet. He quickly goes to take another swing at Nugs but Nugs manages to duck it before tossing Box up onto his shoulders. He jumps up about ten feet into the air with Box in tow and brings him back down hard to the mat with his patented Oceans Release.

Trophy: YOU HAVE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?!

OMJ: A full force, lithium-powered, Oceans Release to the Idiot Box! And a premature one at that!

Trophy: That right there could very signal the end here!

Nuggets kips back up to his feet as Box stirs around.

Trophy: Box is still showing some signs of life!

OMJ: Can't really say that about the guy nowadays.

Box: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, YOU WORTHLESS FUCK?! IM ALL YOURS, TAKE YOUR PICK!

Box lunges at Nuggets with a right hand, but Nuggets grabs hold before chopping Box's arm clean off with his bare hand.

OMJ: BAH GAWD! Nugs just took off Box's arm like cardboard! He sure got a piece of Box after that one!

Trophy: It looks like Nuggets is about to wrap this package up real nice with his trademark, lithium-powered Chopped & Screwed!

Box tries to nail Nuggets with a left shin kick, but Nugs also catches it before chopping it off as well. Nugs then goes to work on Box's other leg, leaving him with only his left arm.

OMJ: Box looks to be chopped and screwed right here, Trophy!

Box struggles to get away with only one arm.

Trophy: Wiggle your nibblets, Box! Wiggle for your life!

Nugs: Thre pieces ain't enough, man, I NEED FIVE!

Nugs immediately chops off Box's remaining arm before grabbing him by the head.

Box: You think killing me will make legitimize your position?! Well it won't! And it never will be, you damn, dirty ape-

Box is cut off short as Nuggets screws his top clean off what's left of his boxy body. Nuggets tosses Box's torso, limbs and head into Boxy Brown before taking it on over to Referee Elastic Dog.

Nugs: Ship this Box back to sender, to Nuggets in Paris.

Elastic opens the box and looks at the contents and raises Nuggets' arm.

OMJ: That looks like a 6-piece meal right there.

Elastic: 2brutal. WINNER, AQUATIC NUGGETS!

Trophy: Nuggets has done it! He's silenced all his naysayers!

OMJ: Or "naysayer".

Trophy: What a bloody end to a bloody rivalry! I have to say, it's been an honor to be sitting in this commentary booth alongside you tonight! Much thanks for having me!

OMJ: And with a grand total of $85 in donations, I'd say the payoff for it all was good, very good.

Trophy: If you know what I'm saying.

OMJ: But that's not all you're here for, Trophy.

Trophy: You're right, Jenk Man. I'm here to promote a new lit I'm hosting, once again created by the old man here himself. Won't say much about it now, but hopefully this is enough to get some pumped and willing to embrace it with open arms while Community Deathmatch has itself a little downtime.

OMJ: Well folks, we're all out of time! Speaking tonight for Jjs, I wish you: Good Figh-

Madcatz: Rebellion!

JD: Against!

ACS: Cyber!

Madcatz: Bullies!

JD: Team!

ACS: RAGE

Team Rage's theme hits the sound system as the three members each make their individual ways down to the ring from different corners of the sold out crowd.

Trophy: Not them again!

OMJ: Somebody ought to tell them that Aquatic Nuggets is an actual user and not something you can eat, goddammit!

Team Rage surrounds the ring as Elastic leaves Nuggets to fend for his own.they each hop onto the ring apron, taunting the director-in-chief into coming after any one of them. Madcatz charges into the ring and runs into Nuggets at full force, but Nuggets holds him at bay as ACS and JD joins in on the assault.

OMJ: Team Rage once again instigating another 3-on-1 assault on one of the community's finest!

Trophy: I'll make them bow down to my fists!

OMJ: Nuggets trying his hardest to fight back against the odds but the numbers game looks to be just too much, even at lithium-powered.

ACS and Madcatz hold Nugs up to receive some thunderous kicks to the head by JD before ACS firmly grasps him by the head and plants him down face first with punishing Nosedive. They then drag Nuggets out of the ring and continue elbowing and stomping him down, but Nugs comes swinging back with some hard rights to each member of Team Rage.

Trophy: Nuggets ain't being put down without a fight!

OMJ: A five piece meal for all three members of Team Rage!

Madcatz suddenly charges at Nuggets and gores him right into the JCM and his popcorn stand at ringside.

Trophy NOT AGAAAIIIIINUH!

OMJ: Hey! They could be eating all that wasted popcorn right now!

Madcatz emerges from the wreckage and lets out a thunderous lions roar as he signals for the Triple Payday. ACS and JD hoists Nuggets' limp body up onto Madcatz's shoulders.

Trophy: Dear merciful Neptune! Not this! Don't do this you fat dastards!

OMJ: That's solid ass concrete they're planning on bombing him onto! Solid concrete!

Team Rage brings Nuggets down, Triple Paydaying him and flattening him out onto the ringside floor. Blood gushes out from Nugs' nose, mouth and the back of his head.

Trophy: OH MY GOOOOOOOODDD!

ACS and JD both hoist up a boiling pot of butter from the popcorn stand.

OMJ: Oh god, not this! That's a lot of butter you boys will be wasting!

They proceed to dump the scalding butter onto Nuggets' motionless body before slamming the pot down on him. Team Rage poses together in unity as Community Deathmatch immediately signs off.

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Here's an alternate ending from the last deathmatch that was cut during production. May as well post it here as a lil treat for you death fans. Consider it non-canon.

Elastic opens the box and looks at the contents and raises Nuggets' arm.

OMJ: That looks like a 6-piece meal right there.

Elastic: 2brutal. WINNER, AQUATIC NUGGETS!

Trophy: Nuggets has done it! He's silenced all his naysayers!

OMJ: Or "naysayer".

Trophy: What a bloody end to a bloody rivalry! I have to say, it's been an honor to be sitting in this commentary booth alongside you tonight! Much thanks for having me!

OMJ: And with a grand total of $85 in donations, I'd say the payoff for it all was good, very good.

Trophy: If you know what I'm saying.

OMJ: But that's not all you're here for, Trophy.

Trophy: You're right, Jenk Man. I'm here to promote a new lit I'm hosting, once again created by the old man here himself. Won't say much about it now, but hopefully this is enough to get some pumped and willing to embrace it with open arms while Community Deathmatch has itself a little downtime.

OMJ: Well folks, we're all out of time! Speaking tonight for Jjs, I wish you: Good Figh-

PatBack: Feed Me Moar!

Trophy: What in Neptune's name-

PatBack: Feed Me MOAR!

PatBack's music hits the sound system and he comes marching out with his head down.

OMJ: It-It's gotta be PatBack! Fresh off of killing our deathmatch correspondent, CF, during the first season finale!

Trophy: It looks like he's back for seconds!

OMJ: And Aquatic Nuggets is on the menu!

PatBack: *looks up at Nuggets in the ring* WAKE UP!

PatBack marches his way down to the ring.

Trophy: Our Director-In-Chief doesn't look to be standing down here.

OMJ: He's probably heard the reports of what PatBack did here and he's looking to rectify those reports right now!

Elastic: Now hold on there, Jethro Tull-

PatBack hoists Elastic up into the air by the collar of his shirt.

PatBack: Feed Me...MOAR!

He nails him down with a back breaker before kicking him out of the ring with ease.

Trophy: I've never seen Elastic manhandled like this before!

OMJ: Way to kick the dog.

Nuggets and PatBack size each other in the ring, assuming their stances.

Trophy: It looks like we have ourselves an unsanctioned deathmatch on hand here tonight, folks!

OMJ: And it's all still going to charity!

PatBack and Nugs charge at each with some devastating punches, seeing each others punch and raising it one-up their own. Nugs nails a hard blow to PatBack's gut and proceeds to beat him further back with more hard blows to the gut.

Trophy: Nugs has PatBack reeling back!

PatBack manages to clock Nugs in the face big-time, breaking the combo he had going on and sending him back a couple of steps.

OMJ: It's as if PatBack absorbed all those punches Nugs was laying into em, and gave it all back point-blank right there!

Trophy: Also taking into account that Nugs was already just involved in a deathmatch right before, you've gotta think that he'd be much more susceptible than fresh Nuggets.

PatBack charges at Nugs with a Meathook Clothesline, but Nugs ducks it in the knick of time. Both combatants bouncing off the ring ropes and ricocheting at each other full force.

OMJ: A collision course is set for these two behemoths!

Nugs looks to be going for a huge clothesline of his own, but PatBack counters by tackling him down hard with a devastating spear.

Trophy: You have got to be kidding me!

OMJ: As Neptune is my witness, Lithium-Powered Nugs just got broke smack dab in half!

PatBack gets up to his feet as Nugs scrambles to get up on his own.

PatBack: FINISH IT!

Trophy: We know what this means!

PatBack picks Nuggets up from the ground and goes for the kill, but Nuggets springs back to life, nailing him with more harder blows to the gut before sneaking in a headbutt.

OMJ: There's still life in em yet!

With PatBack stunned. Nugs charges back into the ropes, ricocheting back at a vulnerable PatBack, but PatBack throws a punch out, landing it hard into Nuggets' sternum as the director came lunging at him. He pulls his fist back out of Nugs, tearing out his rib cage and causing his innards to spill out into the ring.

Trophy: What an emphatic counter maneuver by PatBack!

OMJ: Now that's really disturbing.

PatBack picks up Nuggets husk and hoists it into the air before driving it back down with a PatBackhammer. Nuggets lays motionless as PatBack raises his arms up triumphant.

PatBack: PATBACK RUUUUULES!

OMJ: I can't believe what I have just witnessed! PatBack just laid waste to our Director in Chief, and quite literally might I add.

Trophy: Alright, enough is enough here.

OMJ: What do you think you're doing?

Trophy: I'm doing what you should've done last episode.

Trophy unties his tie and takes off his suit jacket before unbuttoning his undershirt a bit. He descends from the commentary booth and charges to the ring.

OMJ: Trophy, don't be a goddamn hero!

Trophy enters the ring and blindslides PatBack as he charges into him head first, tackling the troll right into the corner turnbuckle. PatBack lays into him mercilessly with rights and lefts before backing out and raisin his fists into the air for the fans in attendance.

Trophy: BOW TO MY FISTS!

Trophy looks back to finish the job but only turns to find himself on the receiving end of a crippling Meathook Clothesline courtesy of PatBack.

OMJ: Trophy just got turned inside out by that devastating clothesline! Is there no stopping this monster?!

PatBack stomps all over Trophy before kneeling down on him.

PatBack: EAT MY FISTS!

PatBack proceeds to mercilessly beat the down and out Trophy's head in with punches in bunches. After about a minute of this carnage, only a gushing, crimson pool lays where Trophy's head once was. PatBack gets up and slaps his hands togther, dusting them off, nefore slapping himself a little before raising his arms back up again.

PatBack: PATBACK STILL RUUUUULES!

OMJ: PatBack continues his path of all out death to SBC here tonight with two more victims! Leaving the hosting position for that new show to be open. Goodnight, you lousy bastard!

The scene cuts back to PatBack still standing tall in the ring surrounded by bodies before fading to black.

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The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entire coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe Dr. Sex...

...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!

Episode 12: (Lots Of) Shit Happens

photo-2639.jpg vs photo-1285.jpg

OMJ: The community's resident troll takes on the community's xat mainstay in a kicking match to the ban! Here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

OMJ: Welcome death fans!

Dr. Sex: :smirk:

OMJ: And we welcome you to yet another, long-awaited, butt-pounding installment of Community Deathmatch! I'm Ambrose(biohazard symbol)!

Dr. Sex: And I'm an oncologist! Trust me, I'm a doctor.

OMJ: jjs is still out of commission-

Dr. Sex: A fractured ass is certainly nothing to scoff at, folks! Trust me, I'm a doctor.

OMJ: So I'm joined here tonight by one of Community Deathmatch's mostly unseen crew members, our Deathmatch medic himself, Dr. Sex!

Dr. Sex: Sup :smirk:

OMJ: Although one would have to wonder as to why we would even need a medic on a show revolving around people aiming to maiming each other.

Dr. Sex: And one would also have to wonder as to why you haven't fixed your mic up yet.

OMJ: But enough of the long-winded formalities, lets have ourselves a look at dat tape!

PatBack

Join Date: September 11, 2012

User Level: Expert in Fine Dining & Breathing

Group: Customers

Active Posts

Profile Views: 62935

Age: Age Unknown

Birthday: Birthday Unknown

Gender: Male

Favorite Episode: Dying for Pie

Dr. Sex: Yo, this is fuckin underwhelming.

OMJ: Age unknown, birthday unknown, and most likely from parts unknown! This Customer enters this deathmatch with a mystifying 62K+ profile views!

Dr. Sex: He's without a shadow of a doubt an expert on taking it up the ass and sucking, and quite shockingly, Jenks, he is supposedly a male!

OMJ: You could've fooled me, doc, but we'll let you be the judge of that.

Dr. Sex: Trust me, folks, I'm a doctor.

OMJ: We here at Community Deathmatch have also received word that PatBack is actually "banned for life" from SBM, as quoted from the big kahuna, ssj, himself.

Dr. Sex: That place sucks anyway. Except the chat.

OMJ: When does a chat ever suck?

Dr. Sex: Coming from someone who never goes on xat anymore.

OMJ: I have been stricken with increased mobility and you know it!

ExKizuna

Join Date: October 11, 2009

User Level: King Neptune

Group: Customers

Active Posts

Profile Views: 50919

Member Title: Winslow

Age: 17 years old

Birthday: January 28, 1996

Gender: Not Telling

Interests: Winslow

Location: Winslow

Favorite Episode: Winslow

Favorite Character: Winslow

Dr. Sex: Hailing from the wonderful land of Winslow-

OMJ: Or the xat, more like it.

Dr. Sex: Ex enters match not telling us what his gender is! I'll have to change that *puts on rubber gloves and some lube on his fingertips* He's also officially legal in a few weeks, soon I'll even be too young for him! And with an almost full-on three year experience advantage over his opponent, certainly this Deathmatch is in Ex's favor.

OMJ: Yeah, if he were actually around for at least half of that time span, doc. But he is shaking hands with Neptune, so tonight could very well mark the permanent end of Ex's SBC tenure!

Dr. Sex: His member title is Winslow, his interests are Winslow, his lives in Winslow, his favorite episode is Winslow and his favorite character is also, indeed, Winslow.

OMJ: What is he, nuts?

Dr. Sex: And all this time I thought he was talking about the dad from Family Matters!

OMJ: Tonight's Community Deathmatch is brought to you by...

Carl_b61683_2378654.jpg

Dr. Sex: They should make that into a fuckin game.

OMJ: Considering all the sharks they've jumped, why the hell not. Could just be the first CoD game I actually buy, let alone play.

Dr. Sex: Speaking of games, do you still have Ex on PSN?

OMJ: No, I most certainly do not, doc. Something else that could work against him in tonight's deathmatch, believe you and me. But the bad blood brewing between these two has been boiling over for quite a while on the xat from what I've heard.

Dr. Sex: Yeah, these two can be pretty gay for each other.

OMJ: It seems we are receiving word from the commissioner of Community Deathmatch himself, CNF1, who has a a monumental announcement. Let's head down to the ring with our NEW deathmatch correspondent, RockGoddess!

RockGoddess: OMJ, Sex-

Dr. Sex: Dude looks like a lady.

RockGoddess: I'm backstage with the honorable commissioner of Community Deathmatch, CNF1, who has an announcement to make!

CNF1: You got that right, you dumbass, she-male lookin, sumbitch! Classic Nick here to unveil my latest innovation in deathmatch, bitches! Observe!

CNF steps back out of view to reveal a weird device.

CNF1: Behold! A little nook and cranny I'd like to call my To Heck and Back Machine!

RockGoddess: But CNF, how is this an innovation for Community Deathmatch as we know it?

CNF1: Well if your cartoon cartoon mind can't wrap itself around the obvious Rocko reference! This machine's purpose is to bring back any one person from Davy Jones' Locker!

OMJ: You have gotta be kidding me here?!

Dr. Sex: Yeah, it'd sorta make the point of this show pointless.

CNF1: And that means the we can grab ourselves a couple of Doug's and have any dangum deathmatch as much as we damn well please! Allow me to demonstrate!

CNF gives the machine a one finger salute your shorts before giving it a Classic Nick Fanner, activating it. A shadowy figure suddenly appears in the machine, it's eyelashes being the most noticeable part of its silhouette. The figure steps out of the machine and into the light of the arena.

Dr. Sex: HOLY SHIT, IT'S SAUCE MAMA!

OMJ: As if it wasn't made obvious enough.

Dr. Sex: This is some illuminati shit right here, if I do say so myself, Jenks.

OMJ: You think everything has to do with Kanye West.

Dr. Sex: Don't make me ask you to set up your mic again.

OMJ: IM NOT LISTENING

Sauce: Hibellibo :hehe:

OMJ: If she's here, then that must mean...it isn't too far away...

Dr. Sex: It?

OMJ: You don't wanna know, Sex. Trust me, I'm senile.

Sauce: Isn't it just a beautiful day, isn't this community just lovely, isn't this a great day to be ALIVE?!

Choir music plays as Sauce bathes her white self in some holy light.

Dr. Sex: That's just disturbing, honestly.

OMJ: Yeesh, you'd think they brought back 2011 Servin Up Smiles.

CNF1: AND DATS THE BOTTOM SLIME CUZ CLARISSA EXPLAINED S-

PatBack's theme hits the sound system.

OMJ: Oh thank Neptune below!

PatBack is already standing on the top of the ramp with his head facing down.

PatBack: You think that's disturbing?

He raises his head up and stares intently at Sauce in the ring.

PatBack: THIS. IS. DISTURBING.

He proceeds to march towards the ring, grunting and breathing heavily all wide-eyed.

PatBack: WAKE UP!

PatBack paces around the ring as CNF1 and RockGoddess clear the ring, leaving Sauce in there by herself. PatBack hops into the ring.

Dr. Sex: That is pretty disturbing, honestly.

OMJ: Just look at our commissioner and that she-bitch run!

Dr. Sex: Looks like Sauce is standing her ground, which is pretty gay if you ask me.

OMJ: Gay in the happy sense, knowing 2011 Sauce.

PatBack steps right up, face to face with Sauce, who proceeds to just skip around him.

OMJ: Sauce showing no sign of fear whatsoever in the face of all things disturbing!

Dr. Sex: At least someone in that ring has got some balls.

PatBack stops her and lifts her into the air by her neck. He throws her back onto the mat, takes some glue out of his pocket, and drops it next to her.

PatBack: Pick it up.

Sauce does as she's told with a smile.

PatBack: Slap it on your eyes.

Sauce applies the glue gently on her eyelids.

PatBack: I SAID SLAP IT

Sauce takes a handful of glue and slaps it on her face.

Dr. Sex: This is pretty kinky, honestly.

OMJ: Did we really need to know that?

Dr. Sex: Did you really set up your mic yet?

OMJ: :stinkeye:

PatBack smiles before slapping the glue out of her hands.

PatBack: Pick it back up.

Sauce picks the glue back up but is immediately kicked while she's down as she does so.

PatBack: Now pick yourself up.

Sauce pulls herself back up but ends up on the receiving end of a vicious clothesline by PatBack. PatBack marches around the ring in triumph before setting his sights on the To Heck and Back Machine.

PatBack: When an SBCer dies, they should STAY DEAD!

PatBack wrecks the machine with his bare back before tossing it out. He refocuses his attention back towards Sauce and picks her smiling white okole up.

PatBack: FINISH IT!

He raises up his fist.

PatBack: NOW HERE COMES THE GIANT FIST!

PatBack looks to penetrate Sauce's mouth with his fist but ExKizuna rushes to the ring and kicks away at PatBack's back from behind, causing PatBack to let go of Sauce. Ex nails a stiff flying kick to the back of PatBack's head which sends him tumbling out of the ring. Ex tends to Sauce and sends her skipping to the back.

Ex: You owe me that sandwich for this!

OMJ: Coming in for the save from out of nowhere!

Dr. Sex: Well he had to have come from somewhere, if you ask me.

PatBack is fuming outside of the ring, huffing and shouting "Feed Me More" repeatedly before charging back into the ring. Referee Elastic Dog finally shows up and gets in between them since the deathmatch has not yet officially started.

OMJ: Referee Elastic Dog trying to keep our two combatants separated until the bell officially rings.

Dr. Sex: About damn time. Probably was caught up fapping to Italian arthouse, if you ask me.

OMJ: Did I ask you?

Dr. Sex: No, but I have asked you whether or not you set up your mic yet.

OMJ: Can we just focus on the-

OMJ's microphone cuts off.

Dr. Sex: Should've fixed your mic :smirk:

Elastic: Alright you two scrappy doos! I want a good, clean fight! So go for as much low blows as your hearts content! Any last requests?!

PatBack: FEED ME FAGGOTS!

Ex: Tell Sauce I want miracle whip on that sandwich!

Elastic: Alrighty then, now lets get it on!

PatBack charges at Ex for a clothesline but Ex manages to duck it and nail PatBack with a back kick as he bounced off the ropes. Ex lays into PatBack's face with some right hooks, backing him up against the ropes.

Dr. Sex: Ex is blowing away at PatBack with some thunderous right hands! That sounded just wrong, in my opinion.

PatBack manages to catch one of Ex's punches and counters Ex into an armlock. He picks Ex off the ground, still wrenching away at Ex's arm, before throwing him outside of the ring hard.

Dr. Sex: PatBack tosses Ex's salad up and straight out of the ring! That's just gay.

PatBack follows suit and rams Ex spine-first into a barricade before charging him back into the steel ring post.

Ex: OWWWW, wow that hurt.

PatBack: Chew on this!

PatBack goes to power bomb Ex against the concrete floor, but Ex counters it with a hurricanarana, driving PatBack head first into the concrete himself.

Dr. Sex: Oooh! Ex driving PatBack head first into nothing but solid ass concrete! Sounds pretty painful, actually.

Ex gets back up to his feet and charges PatBack as he gets up. Ex goes for a clothesline of his own, but PatBack catches and grabs hold of him, driving him back first into his knee. PatBack pulls Ex back up and slams him into the concrete with great force. He picks Ex up overhead and throws him over the ropes and back into the ring.

Dr. Sex: PatBack tossing Ex back into the ring with authority! I always wanted to say that, honestly. :smirk:

PatBack looks to step back into the ring, but Ex manages to stir up and nail him with a drop kick, but PatBack still hangs onto the rope. Ex goes for another drop kick but PatBack swats him down with a hard right hand right to Ex's crotch before his legs could really make contact.

Dr. Sex: PatBack taking it right back to Ex with crotch shot as only PatBack can! Jenkins, what's going through your mind, man?

OMJ is still fixing his mic.

Dr. Sex: That's what I thought :smirk:

PatBack grasps Ex by his neck and beats his head into the mat. He picks Ex back up and throws him back into the corner turnbuckle. He shoulder blocks Ex into submission. PatBack backs up into the opposite corner and charges towards Ex, but Ex manages to raise his feet up as PatBack runs right into his boots face first.

Dr. Sex: Ex clocks PatBack right in his PatFace, things could turn around for the xat mainstay!

Ex ascends the turnbuckle and pounces towards PatBack, stomping his head right down into the mat, crushing it through the ring with all his weight. Ex kips right back up and poses for the crowd.

Ex: That was for CF, PatAss!

Elastic surveys the situation, but PatBack immediately pounces back up and goes to blindside with another clothesline, but Ex clings onto his arm and counters it into an implant DDT, driving PatBack's head back into the mat. PatBack immediately pops back up as Ex tries to collect himself.

Dr. Sex: PatBack continues getting up for more punishment no matter what Ex musters to dish out! Sounds kinky, to be honest.

Ex pounces at PatBack but PatBack catches him in midair and proceeds to drive Ex ribs-first into his knee continuously before gorilla pressing over the ropes and back on to the concrete floor.

PatBack: FEED! ME! MORE! FEED! ME! MORE! FEED! ME! MORE!

Dr. Sex: This is not looking good for Georgex Zimmerzuna! Where's some skittles where we need em, Jenks?

OMJ is still fixing his mic.

Dr. Sex: :smirk:

Ex gets back up to his feet outside, holding his ribs in pain.

Ex: I never thought I'd ever be pushed into this again.

Dr. Sex: WWJLD? What would Justin Long do?

Ex pulls off some insane poses, initiating a transformation as a catchy j-pop song plays in the background.

Dr. Sex: Exactly what Justin Long would do!

kikaida_dvd_002_thumb.jpg

OMJ: Bah Neptune almighty, I can't believe it! It's been years since Ex has pulled this off! The Common Rider, Robot Trout has returned!!

Dr. Sex: See, was that so hard?

OMJ: Yes, to be honest.

Robot Trout pulls off some five second poses before flipping back into the ring, feeling completely recharged. PatBack turns back to see him and instantly throws some hard punches at him, but Trout calculates and dodges each hit, hitting PatBack with some Team SpongeBob Karate Chops with each hit missed.

Ex: TEAM SPONGEBOB CUT! TEAM SPONGEBOB CUT! TEAM SPONGEBOB CUT!

Ex nails a disoriented PatBack with a Bikini Topper right to the head.

OMJ: Bikini Topper with absolute authority!

Dr. Sex: PatBack is reeling back! Ex could have this deathmatch in the bag if he continues to maintain this type of unprecedented control over such an out of control opponent!

PatBack charges towards Robot Trout, but he leapfrogs over him. They both bounce off the ropes. PatBack goes for another devastating clothesline but Robot Trout manages to cut him off with a Down Under and takes him down to the mat hard.

OMJ: DOWN UNDER OUT OF NOWHERE-

OMJ's mic cuts off again.

Dr. Sex: Fixed it yet? :smirk:

PatBack quickly gets back up to his feet and takes a swing at Trout, clocking him right in the face and causing him to stumble to the ground. Patback charges for another clothesline but Robot Trout hits him point blank with a Knights of the Atlantean Blade kick right as PatBack came at him, hit Pack's head so hard that it twisted back 180 degrees, breaking his neck.

Dr. Sex: HOLY SHIIIIII- Did you catch that, Jenk Man?!

OMJ is still fixing his mic.

Dr. Sex: Aye lad :smirk:

PatBack steps back in disbelief, his head still contorted before crashing down to the mat, motionless. Elastic checks on the body and the decision seems unanimous. He grabs Trout's arm in order to raise it.

Elastic: WINNER-

PatBack's body suddenly springs back up as the crowd boos him out of the building and Trout now looks on in disbelief.

Dr. Sex: This deathmatch ain't over yet, folks! This is some real Friday the 13th shit!

PatBack grabs hold of his head and twists it back around, bones cracking until it's popped right back into it's regular place. He smiles at Robot Trout before slapping on his head some.

PatBack: FINISH IT!

Robot Trout takes the fight back to PatBack, ducking a huge haymaker and fighting PatBack back into the corner turnbuckle with a flurry of powerful chops, punches, and kicks. He beats Patback's face into the turnbuckle for good measure. Robot Trout backs into the opposite turnbuckle and measures PatBack up for a running knee in the corner. It connects as PatBack's head snaps back. Trout backs up again and nails another running knee, then another and another.

Dr. Sex: It appears as if Ex is looking to knock PatBack's head right off his body with each powerful knee he connects and PatBack seems to be too out of it to do anything!

PatBack: FEED *kneed* ME *kneed* MORE! *kneed*

Dr. Sex: PatBack better get something going if wants to keep ahead of Ex!

PatBack: FEED *kneed* ME *kneed* MORE! *kneed*

Robot Trout back up into the corner turnbuckle again pulls off some more five second fighting poses before charging PatBack once again, but PatBack suddenly springs to life and charges towards Trout as well. Robot Trout takes to the air for the running knee but is cut off by a devastating clothesline from PatBack. Robot Trout's body contorts midair before crashing to the ground as something else lands on the ground near him.

Dr. Sex: An emphatic clothesline out of absolutely nowhere courtesy of PatAss! Ex is just lying motionless in the ring! I can't believe what I'm seeing here, folks, to be absolutely honest. I'm kinda lost.

PatBack marches towards Ex and picks up whatever was laying near his body. He raises it up for the crowd, revealing it to be Ex's head.

PatBack: PatBack STILL Rules!

PatBack drops Ex's head on the mat near his feet before crushing into mush with a seismic stomp. Elastic surveys the situation again and reluctantly raises PatBack's arm up.

Elastic: WINNER, PATASS-

PatBack yanks his arm away and grabs hold of Elastic's throat, strangling him.

Dr. Sex: PatAss may have won this battle but he's out for more blood! This is just way out of line, if you ask me, and I'm not just saying that as a friend of Elastic.

PatBack raises Elastic up off his feet until

ACS: REBELLION

DARRIS: AGAINST

FELIX: CYBER

ACS: BULLIES

DARRIS: TEAM

FELIX: RAGE

Dr. Sex: Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any sadder!

Team Rage makes their way down to the ring through the crowd in unison. PatBack slams Elastic down to mat and prepares for a fight. Team Rage surround the ring as PatBack gets into his arguing stance in the ring, willing to fight them all off. ACS, Darris and Felix each hop onto the ring apron, sizing PatBack up before cautiously entering the ring. PatBack stares each of them down, chanting "Feed Me More" as he looks around at each of them.

Dr. Sex: We could be lucking out here, folks! These fags could all take eachother out right here and right now!

Felix suddenly makes his move and gores down Elastic with fury.

Dr. Sex: What what WHAT???

ACS and Darris join Felix in mobbing Elastic in another one of their 3-on-1 assaults. PatBack slaps his hands together in triumph before leaving the ring and heading to the back, laughing and smiling to himself.

Dr. Sex: I can't just sit back and watch this unfold before me. Don't worry buddy, I'm coming back for ya!

Sex leaves his place at the announce booth and makes his way towards the ring. OMJ takes his seat and his mic.

OMJ: Good, good, very good. Team Rage continues their gangland beating of Edawg as my guest broadcast colleague rushes to his aid!

Felix roars like a madkat as ACS and Darris raises Elastic up and places him on Felix's shoulders for their signature Triple Payday.

OMJ: HERE IT GOES TRIPLE PAYDAY ABOUT TO CONNECT-

But Dr. Sex storms the ring and tackles down all three Team Rage members.

OMJ: THE DOCTOR IS IN, FOLKS! THE DOCTOR IS IN! LOOK AT THOSE ROLLS BOUNCE AS THEY CRASH DOWN TO THE MAT!

Sex wails all over the three members of Team Rage, biding Elastic time to recover.

OMJ: SEX HAS GOT THIS! SEX IS ALL OVER THEM LIKE UGLY ON AN APE! WORDS CAN'T BEGIN TO DESCRIBE JUST HOW HARD AND HOW MUCH SEX IS POUNDING AWAY ON TEAM TAGE RIGHT NOW! HES NOT JUST DOING THIS FOR JUST ANYONE, FOLKS! HE IS DOING THIS FOR A FRIEND! COULD THEY BE MORE THAN JUST THAT? WHO KNOWS! BUT FROM THE LOOKS OF THIS BEATING, IT COULD VERY WELL BE JUST THAT, IN ALL HONESTY! Sorry folks, had to let all that pent up excitement out.

Sex focuses his rage on solely Felix, giving Darris and ACS time to recuperate and jump back on him for the offensive. They pull Sex off Felix and proceed to curb stomp the piss out of him as Felix slowly joins in on the gang bang. They now raise Sex up for a Triple Payday.

OMJ: Oh dear Neptune, Sex could be taking Elastic's place on the receiving end of a Triple Payday!

Team Rage aims their sights towards the corner turnbuckle, looking to take Sex out the same way they killed Jelly.

OMJ: I can't bare to watch! Sex is helplessly on the brink between life and death and Elastic is still too out of it to do anything to save his friend!

Suddenly, another user races down the ramp and hits the ring.

OMJ: Someone else has stormed the ring- wait a minute, OH MY GOD! IT CAN'T BE! IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE!? IT'S CLAPPY! THANK NEPTUNE BELOW!

Team Rage notices Clappy entering the ring so they toss Sex over to him but Clappy manages to catch Sex and gently sets him aside before charging at Team Rage himself. Felix attempts to gore him but Clappy leap frogs over him and nail ACS and Darris with a double drop kick to their faces. Felix comes back for a Madcat Punch but Clappy dodges and nails him with multiple Claps Slaps.

OMJ: CLAP SLAPS CONNECTING!

ACS and Darris get back up for more but also receive Clap Slaps for their troubles. Clappy slaps away at all three of them.

OMJ: Slaps all around! Clappy is just slap happy here tonight, giving Team Rage and their mother the clap all over!

Clappy goes for a slap on ACS but the Team Rage leader grabs hold of his hand and holds Clappy in place as Felix gores him down to the mat. They give room for Darris to nail Clappy with a huge Curb Stomp while he's down. They now raise Clappy up for a Triple Payday.

OMJ: This can't be, this just can't be! They're raising Clappy up now for a Triple Payday and they're seeking their sights back on that damned turnbuckle! The same turnbuckle where Jelly met her untimely demise at the collective hands of Team Rage!

Before they could make their move, Elastic suddenly springs up at them and gores down Felix, freeing Clappy from their grasps.

OMJ: ELASTIC DOG JUST TOOK DOWN THE MADCAT! CAT ON DOG! DOG ON CAT! THIS FIGHT HAS ONLY JUST STARTED, FOLKS!

Dr. Sex gets back up to his feet beats down Darris.

OMJ: DR. SEX IS BACK UP NOW AND HES PUTTING ON THE GLOVES AND APPLYING THAT LUBE! COULD THIS BE WHAT I THINK IT IS?!

Sex jams his fists straight up Darris' ass.

OMJ: THE DOCTOR IS IN FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!

Sex sends Darris flying up and out of the ring as he pulls his fists back.

OMJ: THE DOCTOR IS OUT!

ACS finds himself toe to toe with Clappy and they begin to trade blows, but Clappy easily overwhelms him and send him flying out of the ring with the Big Clap Theory.

OMJ: BIG CLAP THEORY CONNECTS AND ACS IS UP AND OUTTA HERE!

Elastic continues to maul Felix, prompting ACS to pull his brother out of the fray. He collects Darris and ushers them back through the crowd, leaving the arena at the same time. Clappy, Dr. Sex and Elastic embrace and taunt Team Rage from the ring, who are fuming and sweating profusely in the crowd.

OMJ: SBC takes the fight back to Team Rage and comes out of this battle victorious! Team Rage manages to escape with their lives intact but the war against Rage has just been waged, and it is far from over. Well folks, we're all outta time! I'm Ambrose (insert biohazard here), speaking for all of us at Community Deathmatch and Jjs, wishing you all Good Fight, Good Night!

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