Community Deathmatch

[Cha]

Hehe cosmic sort of way..

[kev]

[Metal Snake]

Lolz, so much good action. SGM told me that he isn't a brony (whatever it specifically means now, I don't understand) though, he just...really likes Scootaloo.

 

 

... I never said it was the best spin off, it does not have 2000 views either. To top it all off, I am not a fan of the show, I just like 1 character a lot.

 

Like OMJ said, it's all just a joke. And I'm very angry now. I spent a whole minute typing my comment out and another minute editing it (yeah, I'm OCD) to explain your situation so you wouldn't have to. You wasted TWO MINUTES of my life...and I demand immediate compensation...because I wasted ANOTHER THREE MINUTES typing THIS COMMENT out and editing it. You better pay me back, man. You don't want to know what happens to the people who don't appreciate the muh, favors that I do for them...

[kev]

You heard me. I'm just not like that.

 

[Someone]

Put me in there. Fighting to the death was born for me.

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entire coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe Terminoob AND Metal Snake...

...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!

Episode 9: Loser Leaves Community...IN PIECES

vs

Jjs: SBC's founding father exchange opinions with SBC's cold-blooded assassin! Here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!

Jjs: Welcome death fans!

OMJ: HUTTAH!

Jjs: And we welcome you to another butt-pounding installment of Community Deathmatch!

I'm jjsthekid!

OMJ: And I like eggs!

Jjs: Speaking of eggs, boy do we have a clash of the eggheads here in store for you tonight.

OMJ: You got that right, Jjs. We have two of SBC's premier college players going at it here in the Deathmatch Arena, and they're both not afraid to have their voices heard.

Jjs: But this is not just any Deathmatch, Jenks. There's more on the line here tonight!

OMJ: There is?

Jjs: Don't act fucking surprised, you write this shit.

OMJ: Well sorry for trying to build a little intrigue, but he's right folks! There's a lot more on the line in this deathmatch as the loser will have to leave the Community!

Jjs: But everyone who has lost a deathmatch beforehand has left because they died-

OMJ: Don't you get technical with me, boiYes, but this time, it'll be permanent!

Jjs: Implying that death doesn't even matter on this show, thus making the concept of this entire show redundant.

OMJ: You're redundant! And besides, think aboutTHE RATINGS!

Jjs: Seeing as how you're just posting this on the day the views list get posted, that's just redundant.

OMJ: Now lets go backstage with our Deathmatch correspondent, CF, to get a word from tonight's combatants!

Jjs: I fucking hate you.

OMJ: Yes, but not as much as you hate her.

Jjs: ...True.

CF: Jjs, OMJ, I'm here standing by with myself

Jjs: And just when I thought this was gonna be tolerable, it gets worse *pounds head against commentary table* and worse! *pounds* and worse! *pounds* and worse! *pounds* and worse! *pounds* and worse! *pounds*

OMJ: Uh, why is that, CF?

CF: Our combatants aren't here yet

OMJ: What, this is an outrage!

Jjs: Yes, she is.

OMJ: We're being duped!

Jjs: Yes.

OMJ: Bamboozled!

Jjs: Quite.

OMJ: We've been speckldorfed!

Jjs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya.

OMJ: The blood here must be repaid!

Jjs: I say we kill CF!

OMJ: We promised you folks death here tonight, and by Neptune we're gonna give you just that! Plot with me Jjs or you're fired. *takes out a regular deluxe Krabby Patty*

Jjs: But I don't even get paid to do this leg alone gave you permission to use my likeness , hell, you practically write all my lines for me.

OMJ: You wanna kill CF or not?

Jjs: Steelhorse Radish *slaps some on there*, the gnarliest stuff in the Community! >3

OMJ: Ooh hold on, I have a jar of my magical pube clippings in my office!

Jjs: ...Why?

OMJ: Because shut up!

Jjs: *drops patty in a toilet* Oops, I dropped it in Cha's toilet!

OMJ: Well then fish it out of that Chipotle cesspool and I'll dry it off with E.V.I.L.'s gym socks!

They slap their concoction onto the announce desk.

OMJ: Why that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty ever spawned.

Jjs: I call it, The Korenax. Uhuhuhuhu!

OMJ: How the fuck do you come up with these names, lad?

They head backstage to where CF is located.

OMJ: Oooh CF!

CF:

Jjs: EAT THIS! *flings the Korenax at her face before scrambling back to the commentary booth*

OMJ: I can't believe we just did that, just like old times!

Jjs: I've been waiting to do that for years!

CF: How nice of those fellas to get me something to eat. All this standing around works me up quite an appetite *takes bite out of The Korenax*

OMJ: BAH GAWD! She ate it, Ding!

She immediately begins choking on it, grabbing her neck and gasping for air.

Jjs: Look at her choke, look at her suffer! Haha!

OMJ: Hey wait a coconut. We shouldn't be taking all this senseless violence out on her.

Jjs: Are you MAD(DIE)?

OMJ: It's those two sticks up their asses that are to be blamed. Send in...the Captcha Squad!

Jjs: Thank Neptune for Captcha!

We now follow the Captcha Squads as they storm a dormitory in Boston, they mess up Termi as he does art things in his room.

Termi: Winter already? That's it, I've worked myself too hard. Where's my coffee?

They shock him and his beard into submission as another squad storms the parts unknown that Metal Snake resides and pulls his young ass out of Community College.

Metal: But I'm No One, I swear! I'm No One! *is tasered to hell*

Jjs: While tonight's combatants finally make their respective ways to the Deathmatch Arena, how's about we kill some time by killing CF some more!

OMJ: Or, we can just have ourselves a look at the tape.

Jjs: Fine. Hmph! *crosses arms*

Terminoob

Join Date: August 14, 2009

User Ranking: Mild One

Star Rating: 5

Group: Retired Employees

Others: Spy Buddies

Active Posts: 3481

Profile Views: 85453

Member Title: -canned laughter-

Age: 19 years old

Birthday: April 12, 1994

Gender: Male

Website URL: http://terminoob.deviantart.com/

Jjs: First up,-canned laughter- we have the founder of this fine Community we post in! Being the first member here, he brings with him years of experience and forum know-how.

OMJ: An artistic Mild One to the core, he comes into this deathmatch with a whopping five star rating! Can't get any better than that.

Jjs: Can't get any better than us, amirite?

OMJ: We're such cards!

Jjs: A founding father who has long since become a Retire Employee and a Spy Buddy on the side- wait, isn't that against the rules? The teams are under constructive maintenance!

OMJ: He's the founder, he can do whatever the fuck he wants, Jjs. Just look at that 3481 post count and 85k+ profile views!

Jjs: And at 19-years old, he brings quite the level of maturity into this showdown

OMJ: And he has a DA account to boot! Amaaaazing

Jjs: Cheap plug?

OMJ: About as cheap as it'll get, Jjs. About as cheap as it'll get.

Metal Snake

Join Date: March 10, 2010

User Ranking: Triton

Star Rating: 5

Group: Customers

Active Posts: 5395

Profile Views: 69791

Member Title: No One

Age: 17 years old

Birthday: May 21, 1996

Gender: Male

Interests: None

Location: In a Galaxy Far Away

Jjs: Hailing from a Galaxy Far Away-

OMJ: He ain't named Luke for nothing! Ar ar ar!

Jjs: This tough Customer-

OMJ: Or how we here like to call, the "Krustomer"

Jjs: No we don't, it just loses money. He steps into this deathmatch with about three and a half years of experience under his metallic coils!

OMJ: And with a five star rating of his own and a user ranking so befitting of him, he may look to be unstoppable. Like Mr. Krabs with a swordfish skull!

Jjs: He outranks his opponent in the posting department, but he's trailing behind him in profile views.

OMJ: As well as in age.

Jjs: And with absolutely no interests whatsoever, Jenkman, I'd say this deathmatch is pretty much in a deadlock. It could be anyone's game!

OMJ: Then lets get this game started, shall we?

Jjs: By Georgax, I couldn't agree with ya more, Jenkman. Lets head on down to the ring where the combatants of tonight's featured bout are being thrown in with Referee Elastic Dog!

Suddenly, a splat is heard on the arena sound system as the 90s Nickelodeon hits jams out to a huge pop from the 90s kid crowd. CNF comes marching out in a Community Deathmatch shirt under his green Doug sweater vest with a microphone in hand.

Jjs: Dear Neptune, it's Classic Nickelodeon Fan!

OMJ: And it looks like he's got something to say!

CNF: As much of a surprise as it may come to all you splatter ass sons of bitches watching this tonight, as the newly sworn in commissioner of Community Deathmatch, I have a few laws regarding tonight's deathmatch that needs to be laid the fuck down! Just to make sure that no one forgets anything or gets cold feet again, Captcha will surround the ringside area to ensure us a body count tonight!

Jjs: Dear Neptune below, I can't believe it! CNF has been made the Commissioner of Community Deathmatch!

OMJ: I call shenanigans!

CNF: And that's just the bottom slime cuz Clarissa explained so!

CNF gives everybody in the arena the one finger salute your shorts before trotting off to the back.

Jjs: There you have it, folks! New Commissioner, CNF, laying the the law down as only Classic Nick can!

OMJ: What the fuck just happened mang? What the fuck just happened?

Elastic: Alright you two blowhards! I want a good, clean fight! So by all means, fight about Justin Beiber and much as you want. Any last requests?!

Termi: I still think I should have a say over what goes on in this place.

Metal: I don't have anything to say, for I am No One.

Elastic: Well alrighty then, LETS GET IT ON!

Jjs: And tonight's featured deathmatch is finally underway!

OMJ: DAFUQ JUST HAPPENED??

Captcha stand guard outside the ring, armed with cattle prods and other such tasers as Termi and Metal just stand around in the ring.

Jjs: Don't these two know that there's a Deathmatch going on here?

OMJ: Don't those two know just what the fuck happened there?!

Termi: I'm sure you don't wanna die as much as I do, right?

Metal: I am No One, so of course.

Termi: Then why should we kill each other for everyone's entertainment again?

Metal: I don't know, for I am No One.

Termi: Just follow my lead, as everyone should.

Termi grapples Metal and they play wrestle for a while as the audience all thumb them down.

Jjs: What balderdash is this?!

Termi gently grapples Metal to the mat, pretending to choke the life out of him. Metal pretends to run out of air as Termi pretends to kip back up in victory.

Termi: Aren't you gonna raise my hand up in victory now?

Elastic: Just what kind of a fool do you take me for?!

Termi: I would say jester, but you're not Cha. Or are you?

OMJ: This is insulting to my ass.

Termi keeps trying to get Elastic to raise his arm up until CNF's 90s Nick tune hits the sound system again and he trots back out.

CNF: Just what in the legend of the hidden temple do you two slapnuts think you're doing?! You haven't even begun to assemble the shrine of the silver monkey, you couple of sorry ass green monkeys!

Metal: As absolutely No One, I find this all just ridiculous-

CNF: WHAT? WHAT YOU BOTH WATCH GRAVITY FALLS? WHAT? In order to prevent anymore Butt Ugly Martians, you give me no choice but to bust out a little something of my own design. Something I was planning on saving for a rainy day, but believe Classic Nick, it'll be raining blood by the time this deathmatch is over! Be-fuckin-hold!

CNF points up at the rafters above the ring as a huge orange and green metal fan slowly descends upon the ring.

Jjs: What the barnacle is that, Jenk?!

Jenk: I don't even know anymore.

CNF: I call it my Classic Nickelodeon Fan!

OMJ: Haha!

CNF: You see, the longer you two have fun playing with yourselves in that ring, the more time you give that fan to topple down on your sorry asses! Whether you two decide to get it on or not, we're guaranteed a body bag tonight! Captcha, y'all mind getting your lazy carcasses in gear and show Pete and Pete here an example of the carnage that is to come!

Captcha grabs JCM's cameo from the ringside audience and the toss him up into the fan, slicing and dicing him to pieces as blood splatters everywhere.

CNF: Elastic, I'd get my listening to Iron Maiden maybe ass outta there if I were you.

Elastic: I'll allow it! *leaps out of the ring*

CNF: And that's the bottom slime cuz Clarissa explained so! Throw me some Doug's and lets get it on!

A couple of Doug's gets thrown at CNF before he went trotting back to the back in order to have himself a good ole fashioned Rugrats Bash.

Jjs: Commissioner CNF laying the law down once again, showing that tonight won't be over until the fat lady sings!

The Classic Nickelodeon Fan begins it's descent as Termi and Metal circle each other in the ring.

Termi: This is all rather funny, really.

Metal: About as funny as Justin Beiber.

Termi: Yeah, I'd say the current situation is that brutal.

Metal: Moreso lulzy.

Termi: Lulzy? Justin Beiber isn't lulzy, he's a terrible human being and you should feel terrible for thinking otherwise.

Metal: Woah, it's just my opinion man.

Termi: Well, it's stupid and you should feel stupid for thinking otherwise.

Metal: Woah, you're getting mad over nothing because I'm No One, man. *pinches Termi's cheek playfully*

OMJ: Oh, he did not just do that. Tell me HE DID NOT JUST DO THAT?

Jjs: Oh, he did Jenks. He did.

Termi grabs Metal by the wrist, bending his arm back. Metal cringes as Termi's beard begins flaring.

Termi: No one. Touches. The beard.

A fist suddenly pops out of Termi's beard and begins beating Metal Snake's face in without mercy. He calls the fist back into his beard before unloading thunderous kicks on Metal's chest, shouting "No" with each kick, reminding everyone that no one touches the beard.

Jjs: The beard is here!

OMJ: THE BEARD TO BE FEARED

Termi looks up at the slowly descending Classic Nickelodeon Fan before locking Metal Snake into his patented Forumotion Lock, trying to squeeze the neck of No One while also yanking his head back for a break.

Jjs: Termi is looking to finish it quickly here!

Metal Snake slithers around and maneuvers his metallic, scaly, eczema body around Termi's countering the Forumotion Lock with his own patented Anaconda Squeeze.

Jjs: What a counter by Metal Snake!

OMJ: Luke, use the force!

And like that, Metal quickly applies a lot of force into the hold, trying to squeeze the life out of Termi once and for all before the Classic Nickelodeon Fan can make contact with them. Metal has all of Termi's body locked in his death grip, all except his beard! Summoning forth the power of his beard, the fist pops out of Termi's beard once again before proceeding to pound on Metal's scaly body with all it's might, he and the crowd chanting "YES" with each blow connected, eventually breaking the hold that Metal Snake has on him.

Jjs: Termi breaks free from the Anaconda Squeeze, he still has somewhat of a life in him yet. Same can't be said for some other people.

OMJ: Thank you, Jjs! You're too kind.

Termi bounces off the ring ropes, ricocheting off them at high speed and connecting a thunderous Missle drop kick right to Metal Snake's face, knocking a venomous fang or two out. With Metal Snake down and out, Terminoob ascends the corner turnbuckle, remaining cautious of the Classic Nickelodeon Fan before jumping off for a Diving Beardbutt.

OMJ: Bah GAWD, a Diving Beardbutt, Jjs! This could be the beginning of the end right here!

Metal quickly slithers out of the way, leaving Termi to land beard-first on the ring ramp, disorienting him like crazy.

Jjs: That snake manages to slither away with his life still intact! Neptune damn him!

OMJ: Never trust a snake, Jjs.

Metal pounds against the ring, ready to go for the death blow.

OMJ: This could really be the end here, Jjs!

Termi attempts to get back up to his feet as Metal pounces up at Termi and brings him back down beard-first again with a poisonous MKO.

Jjs: MKO out of nowhere!

OMJ: Termi may have been poisoned smack-dab in half!

Metal Snake begins glowing, about to undergo a metamorphosis.

Jjs: What in Neptune's name is this?!

OMJ: Metal Snake is uncoiling!

Jjs: I can't believe it! He's evolving into the CloudMistDragon!

OMJ: Where's a pokedex when you need one?!

Growing wings and breathing a burning cloudy, misty breath, CloudMistDragon spreads his wings, ready for one final attack.

CloudMistDragon: Ah, adversaries to the end!

Unable to move, Termi accepts his fate as CloudMistDragon soars into the air, inadvertently flying smack dab into the Classic Nickelodeon Fan about three feet up, getting himself sliced and diced into a buhmillion pieces. Blood splatters everywhere as CloudMistDragon is sliced into oblivion.

Jjs: Dear Neptune, I can't believe what I'm seeing!

OMJ: I still can't grasp what just happened back there with CNF btw.

Elastic enters the ring to survey the carnage before lifting Termi's arm from off the ground.

Elastic: Winner, TERMINOOB!

Jjs: The founder of the Community has once again re-asserted his standing here on SBC with this huge win over Metal Snake..er, CloudMistDragon...er...

OMJ: Let's just settle on No One.

Jjs: I can dig that, Jenkman! But look, the Classic Nickelodeon Fan is just inches away from hitting the ring!

Elastic: Oh hell naw, I ain't allowing this!

Elastic Dog leaps back out with his tail between his legs, leaving Termi for the buzzards. Termi watches on helplessly as the fan is now inches away from his face.

Jjs: Why isn't anyone doing anything, goddammit?!

OMJ: I'm sure I speak for everyone in this sold-out arena when I say that we are all willing to pay doubloons to see that beard get shaved.

Termi: I hate you all.

The Classic Nickelodeon Fan connects with Terminoob's limp body, cutting him up into oblivion as well.

Jjs: Not the beard, anything but the beard!

OMJ: Too late.

Jjs: I think it's only right that we dedicate this time for a moment of silence for a once-great beard.

OMJ: Grow your own, why won't ya.

Jjs places his hand over his chest with his head down as a figure approaches them from behind.

CF: Hey you guys, I think something-

Jjs turns back before whipping out an anchor and clocking CF square in the head with it.

OMJ: JJS, BAH GAWD! You just saved me from that zombie!

Jjs: Yeeeeeaaah, a zombie. Always willing to help out a brother in need from undead clutches!

CF: Guys...I...

OMJ proceeds to bash CF's head in with a coconut.

OMJ: DIE ZOMBIE!

Jjs: Well folks *hits CF again* we're all out of time! I'm jjsthekid! *clocks her once more with the anchor*

OMJ: And I've covered wars, y'know! *clocks with again with two coconuts (HAHA!)*

Jjs: Saying good fight, goodnight!

OMJ: Run her shit! Run her shit!

The continue being all over CF with their blunt objects like ugly on an ape. No offense to those damn dirty apes on turntable.

This episode is dedicated to the beard who gave its life to give us a place to call home away from the TV.nazi menace, lest we forget-

[So Sejima]

RIP the beard

[MMM]

Put me in one

[So Sejima]

Put me in one

VS ME FOR A YOUTH BATTLE! SPORTS OVER WALLABIES ANYDAY!

[Aya♥]

Not the beard, anything but the beard

[Cha]

I'll never forget you beardy.

[Sauce Mama]

That poor beard. Great ep.

[E.V.I.L.]

The beard :'(

[So Sejima]

we should make a beard fan club already

[MMM]

VS ME FOR A YOUTH BATTLE! SPORTS OVER WALLABIES ANYDAY!

What do you think OMJ?

 

 

RIP Beard

[So Sejima]

What do you think OMJ?

 

 

RIP Beard

I SAY WE GET IT ON NOW! And nasty patty references hehe nice touch

[MMM]

I SAY WE GET IT ON NOW! And nasty patty references hehe nice touch

Actually that wasn't a reference.

[So Sejima]

I meant them in the episode hehe

[kev]

You did it again, David.

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entire coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe, well, quite a damn few people...

...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS!

Episode 10: The Grudge: Part 1

vs

Jjs: The community's Queen Bee dances the dance of life, or death, with the uncrowned queen for all the glory! Here tonight, on Community Deathmatch!



Jjs: Welcome death fans!

OMJ: HUTTAH!

Jjs: And we welcome you to another butt-pounding installment of Community Deathmatch!
I'm jjsthekid!

OMJ: And I'm old!

Jjs: We're here live!

OMJ: Cumming atcha from the old Krusty Krusher Arena located god knows where now on this forum!

Jjs: For a very special occasion!

OMJ: Why's that Jjs?

Jjs: You're the goddamn writer, you ignorant shit.

OMJ: ...Well before my broadcast colleague unnecessarily went completely off-script there, he was SUPPOSED to say that-

Jjs: This isn't just some regular, ole butt-pounding installment, Jenks. Oh no, the butt-pounding is getting turned up to full on ass-kicking "11" as tonight's broadcast marks the glorious end of Community Deathmatch's inaugural season!

OMJ: Couldn't have said it any better myself!

Jjs: Which is why you give me most of the load here, Jenks.

OMJ: You people all should know just how lazy I am by now, this very show itself being a prime example.

Jjs: Won't argue there, Jenkins. It'd be really hard to.

OMJ: Well, it's not like I've been completely lazy, I mean, look at the other stuff I have posted for my 60K celebration.

Jjs: yawn.

OMJ: The Secret Box AND Skodwarde! Come on!

Jjs: Skodwarde would be in limbo had I not jump on board the sinking ship.

OMJ: The ratings, Jjs! The likes speak for themselves!

Jjs: In comparison to, say, MY episodes. Just stick to Deathmatch, Jenk Man, it's much more your forte.

OMJ: I swear, you people only like me for my deathmatches.

Jjs: Ohohoho, that Jenkins! Don't flatter yourself.

OMJ: I should just kill you off right now.

Jjs: well then, grow a pairAnywho! What a match have you got for you tonight, folks!

OMJ: One that we've all been certainly waiting on for a while now, surely!

Jjs: That's right, death fans, her Jelliness and That Heyman Guy will finally let it all out in the deathmatch ring in a deathmatch that has just been brewing since about episode, what, three?

OMJ: That's right, Jjs. The episode where Carrot Top and Sofia Vergara went at it for all out fandom supremacy. Aya came out from the crowd for commentary and boy what an episode that was. Good time, good times.

Jjs: For you, that is.

OMJ: So much has changed since then...I don't think I'd be able to commentate.

Jjs: Look at it this way, Jenks, you can at least count the amount of times you've cybered her on two hands.

OMJ: And they were all...SO SPECIAL!

Jjs: Ahhh, grow a pair you big palooka. It's not like you really met the girl! Well, while my broadcast partner floods the commentary booth, and while it's still feeling somber, lets take a fond look back at those who didn't live to see the end of this glorious season.

In Memoriam...


Dylan pulls out a sledgehammer

Jjs: Bah GAWD! I never thought we would see the Banhammer come into play this early on in the show!

Dylan heads back into the ring and raises the Banhammer up high over Wumbo.

OMJ: Do it for The Fame! Make yourself famous!

Dylan: Returning?

Wumbo: No...RENEW!

Dylan: Prepare to be Starstruck.

Dylan brings the hammer down on Wumbo, splattering his head into a buhmillion pieces.

OMJ: He did it! He pulled off the upset! A victory for Americano!


Travis: You ruined my online life. Now I'm gonna ruin something of your's!

Travis proceeds to pound away at Calvin's head repeatedly with very hard rights and lefts. He continues doing this for about a minutes as Calvin's blood, teeth and eyeballs splatter out from the force of the blows to his head.

Jjs: Looks like he's ruining Calvin's perfect image.

Sara and her kids look on in shock as Calvin is being decimated. Elastic finally takes the time to stop Travis after about five more minutes of this carnage, pulling him up to show that battered, beaten mesh that used to be Calvin's precious head.


Travis gets up as OMJ pounces, grabs him by the neck, and bring him down with a deadly cutter, once again causing Travis to land awkwardly on the spear.

Jjs: THE OMJKO!! Jenkins nails the OMJKO!!

OMJ pulls the spear out from Travis' chest and positions it over Travis' face.

OMJ: Since your asshole is broken, how about I tear you another? *impales Travis in the gut* and another *impales Travis in the leg *and another *impales Travis in the neck* and another! And another! And another! And another! And another! And another! And another!

OMJ impales Travis repeatedly as blood splatters up from each lunge. He finally stops as he plants the spear in Travis' skull. Elastic surveys the damage just to make sure.

&
With her Internet restored, Jelly is back in top form once again. Cha tries to end it by taking some more swings at Jelly, but Jelly dodges it all and snaps Cha's arms in half, disarming Cha for good. Jelly picks up Maxwell's Silver Hammer and bring the hammer down on Cha's sunburned feet, putting her in place and susceptible for attack.

Jjs: It's been a hard day's night and Jelly's been fighting like a dog!

Jelly winds up the hammer.

Jelly: U jelly? :3

She nonchalantly asks before swinging the silver hammer at Cha's head, knocking it right off her body and soaring right into the arena lights above, creating a surge of electricity that causes an explosion, knocking off one of the lighting fixtures as it lands on top of the JCM Cameo because I have to get back at him for all the times he's killed me in JCMovies. Elastic surveys the heavy damage just to be sure before raising Jelly's arm.


Sauce: FINIBISH HIBIM!

She takes the sword and proceeds to cut Webby into ribbons, bisecting at all sorts of angles. Blood and limbs fly around as she goes on with this for about a minute.

Jjs: Sauce is showing absolutely no mercy! Elastic, call it a match already!

Elastic finally snaps out of thinking about Heavy Traffic and pulls Sauce back from the carnage before examining it for himself.

Elastic: Looks legit. Winner, Sauce!


In the ring, Webby's left hand has taken a life of its own and makes it way towards Sauce.

Jjs: Dear Neptune, I can't believe it! It's Webby's wife, his left hand! And she doesn't look happy about this at all! And surely OMJ would say something about how you'll only get this by being an avid Ask Miss Smiles thread regular.

Webby's hand grabs hold of the sword before hacking and slashing Sauce from behind right down the middle, her internal organs and two halves spilling all over everywhere!

Jjs: WHAT THE? WHO THE? HOW?! That damn hand just killed her! I can't believe it!


Aya tightens her hold a over his head and quickly jerks upwards with all her might, snapping his neck back forcefully. Not yet satisfied, she jerks his broken neck and around some more, yanking his head clean off his body as blood splatter down the entrance way. With the decision unanimous, Elastic grabs and raises her arm in victory.


CNF gives Elastic the one finger salute your shorts before shooting him down with a sticky green substance.

Jjs: Oh dear Neptune, it-it's gotta be slime!

OMJ: You can't do that on television!

CNF grabs a hose and carries it into the ring with him, shooting Elastic some more like the dog that he is.

CNF: If you wanna see Classic Nick air some Slime Time live, then give me a fuck yeah!

Crowd: FUCK YEAH!

CNF: Put this in your Lemonade Mouth and choke on it, piss ass!

CNF jams the hose down Cabbage's mouth and fires the slime away into her body, causing her to inflate to gargantuan levels.

Jjs: She's about to blow!

OMJ: Women, amirite fellas?

Cabbage assplodes in the ring as blood and slime rain down all over the Deathmatch Arena. Elastic hesitates to even get in the ring.


Ssj fires off his Big Ban Attack at Clappy. Clappy beats his chest three times.

Clappy: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOGUE!!!

He shouts before taking a page out of ssj's book and proceeds to Brogue Kick the Big Ban Attack right back at ssj.

Ssj:

Ssj is then engulfed by his own Big Ban Attack and is sent crashing through the roof of the Deathmatch Arena and high up into the earth's atmosphere, setting him on a direct collision course with the sun.

Ssj: CLAPALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Ssj is hurdling into the sun, burning up from the combined pressure of the star and his attack on contact.

Elastic puts on a pair of sunglasses to survey the situation.

Elastic: Ehh, deal with it. WINNER *raises Clappy's arm* Clappy!

A SHIT LOAD OF CASUALTIES IN THIS EPISODE. So just Scootaloo, America, Sbnator, She-Shin and Kevin


Unable to move, Termi accepts his fate as CloudMistDragon soars into the air, inadvertently flying smack dab into the Classic Nickelodeon Fan about three feet up, getting himself sliced and diced into a buhmillion pieces. Blood splatters everywhere as CloudMistDragon is sliced into oblivion.

Jjs: Dear Neptune, I can't believe what I'm seeing!

OMJ: I still can't grasp what just happened back there with CNF btw.

Elastic enters the ring to survey the carnage before lifting Termi's arm from off the ground.

Elastic: Winner, TERMINOOB!

Jjs: The founder of the Community has once again re-asserted his standing here on SBC with this huge win over Metal Snake..er, CloudMistDragon...er...

OMJ: Let's just settle on No One.


OMJ: I'm sure I speak for everyone in this sold-out arena when I say that we are all willing to pay doubloons to see that beard get shaved.

Termi: I hate you all.

The Classic Nickelodeon Fan connects with Terminoob's limp body, cutting him up into oblivion as well.

Jjs: Not the beard, anything but the beard!

OMJ: Too late.

Jjs: I think it's only right that we dedicate this time for a moment of silence for a once-great beard.

Gone, but still posting...except Webby...

OMJ: And if you didn't even bother going through all that, then you are a very turrble person and you should feel turrble.

Jjs: Did that lighten your mood a little, Jenk Man?

OMJ: Considering the somber subject matter, no, it didn't.

Jjs: Then perhaps some predictions from past Deathmatch will surely get your blood pumping for blood pumping out onto the floor!

The camera switches to Dylan backstage.

Dylan: Well, they're both bitches and got nothing on flawless me. It'd be absolutely superfluous to think either one of them will win. They'll probably just go kill themselves lol.

Webby's Wife: I would, but sadly I am an only a hand.

CNF1: why the hell would I care you Cartoon Network watching pissant? I'd much rather be at home, sittin on me thinkin chair, catchin some Doug's and watchin some good, ole fashioned Nicktoons!

Clappy's Answering Service: Clappy isn't here right now, please leave a message after the clap. *clap*

Shinya: FUK DIS COMMIE SHOW I CAN'T EVEN BE CHARITABLE MAN WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE SPIRIT OF GIVING?

Jjs: Are you feeling it now, Jenk Man?

OMJ: ...you wanna know if I feeeel it?

Jjs: Yeah.

OMJ: You really wanna know if I can feeeeeeeel it?

Jjs: Yeah, yeah!

OMJ: Because I'm feeling something, and you wanna know what I'm feeling?

Jjs: Alright, already!

OMJ: I'm feeling a warm spot.

Jjs: Sorry.

OMJ: But do you know what'll really get me to feeling it?

Jjs: What's that, Jenkins?

OMJ: Getting word from our deathmatch correspondent, CF, who's standing by with tonight's combatants!

Jjs: That's the last time I try helping you up.

OMJ: You say that now, Jjs. You say that now.

CF: Jjs, OMJ-

Jjs: BITCH!

CF: I'm standing by with one half of tonight's featured Deathmatch, "The Great" Aya!

Aya: Please, call me Aya.

CF: Tonight, you'll be competing in your unprecedented SECOND deathmatch alongside Jelly. We all here in the Community want to know, what are-

Aya: My thoughts heading into this match? I targeted Jellhrio for a reason, and one reason only...she isn't allowed in Aya's America. I don't give handouts, becoming a citizen in Aya's America is only something a select few have accomplished. Jelly thinks she could just sneak across MY borders and just reap the benefits of those few hard-working Ayamerican citizens, well she's got another cumming-

Jelly: MARICUNT!

Jelly pops out of nowhere to charge at Aya, but is intercepted by Captcha Security. Aya pounces and gets in a few cheap shots on Jelly before more Captcha detain her as well.

Jjs. Ladies, ladies, please! If someone's gonna die back there, it better be CF.

OMJ: How does Miss Vergara keep getting past security?

CF: Jelly! What are your thoughts on your match-up tonight against Aya?

Jelly: I'm gonna keel her, that's what! Jou tink I'm not allowed in YOUR America! I'm more American than jou'll ever be! Jou may have taken my leg, but tonight, I take your life!

They both break away from security and go at it with each other again, but security pulls them away as they try to claw at each other.

CF: Save it for the deathmatch ring, ladies.

Jelly: Jou wanna do dis in the ring den fine! Lets do dis in the ring!

Jelly is pulled away.

Aya: So I can deport your border hopping ass from it!

Aya is then pulled away from view.

CF: Back to you, Jjs!

Jjs: Dear Neptune, just hearing my name roll off that tongue makes me wanna gouge my ears out. But without anymore further ado, folks, let us take a look at tonight's tape!

OMJ: Do let's!
 

Jelly

Join Date: October 11, 2009
Star Rating: 5
User Ranking: Milkshake Operator
Group: Black Cats
Others: Royal Family, Donator
Active Posts: 10313 ( per day)
Doubloons: 156047 (#11)
Profile Views: 78289
Member Title: Not Your Average Jellatine
Age: 24 years old
Birthday: July 1, 1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Life, laughter, art, friends, peace and love. Beatles, Beatles, Beatles and more Beatles and Paul McCartney. SpongeBobby and Queen and music and 60's and 70's music and... jellyfishes.
Location: Pepperland
Favorite Episode: Chocolate With Nuts
Favorite Character: Mr. Tentacles

Jjs: First up, hailing from Pepperland!

OMJ: Otherwise known as the Dominican Republic of China.

Jjs: Our first combatant enters tonight's deathmatch, having just celebrated her fourth anniversary here in the SpongeBob Community, with a perfect five star rating!

OMJ: And officially having her license to milkshake means she's pretty damn likable, for an illegal of course.

Jjs: As we all know, she is the Queen of the Royal Family!

OMJ: How can anybody not know?

Jjs: Weighing in with over a whopping 10,000 posts and with over 150,000 doubloons, she surely is an influential and imposing figure here in the community.

OMJ: She still sorta intimidates me sometimes, especially when it's down to the wire with just me and her on turntable.

Jjs: She's Not Just You Average Jellatine, OMJ!

OMJ: Whatever the barnacle that means.

Jjs: At 24-years old, she brings experience, she brings maturity to this deathmatch!

OMJ: I sure hope she doesn't break a hip getting into the ring, Jjs. That could very well prove to be a detriment for her.

Jjs: She's also chosen to be a donator, OMJ, our combatant here is proving to be quite the humanitarian.

OMJ: That's right, folks, our Jelly, THE Jelly, has chosen to donate everything away should things go south, get I cuz she's illegal, for her tonight. Blood, organs, posts, doubloons. You name it, she's donating it!

Jjs: Her interests are life, laughter, art, friends, peace and love!

OMJ: Fucking hippie.

Jjs: Beatles, Beatles, Beatles and more Beat-

OMJ: We get it, she has a hard-on for Ringo's nose. Moving on!

Jjs: SpongeBobby and Queen and music and 60s and 70s music.

OMJ: I still don't get what differentiates 60s and 70s music from overall music, Jjs. I mean, the 60s had some Trippy shit and of course there was disco in the 70s but- never mind, I think I got it finally got it now.

Jjs: And...jellyfishes.

OMJ: No wonder she creeps me out on turntable.

Jjs: Her favorite episode is Chocolate-

OMJ: With These Nuts! And her favorite character is Mr...Tent...poles.

Jjs: Of course, on the other me of the user spectrum, we have her opponent for tonight!
 

Aya

Join Date: February 20, 2013
Star Rating: 4
User Ranking: Fry Cook Legend
Group: The Zombies
Active Posts: 24210
Doubloons: 11201 (#39)
Profile Views: 722524
Member Title: 11 - 20 -11 to 01 - 27 - 13
Age: 18 years old
Birthday: July 29, 1995
Gender: Female
Interests: AMERICA
Location: Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Favorite Episode: One Krabs Trash
Favorite Character: Phil Brooks

Jjs: Hailing from Portsmouth, New Hampshire!

OMJ: An actual location. You gotta give her points for having more balls than the both of us combined, Jjs!

Jjs: She falls just a big short of Jelly in terms of good noodle stats, but that doesn't take away the fact that she isa certifiable Fry Cook Legend here in the community, Jenk Man!

OMJ: And having just joined here in February of this year, that is saying quite a lot about this combatant.

Jjs: Needless to say, majority of those likes probably came from you.

OMJ: Hey, she knows what turns me on.

Jjs: Dat ass?

OMJ: Exactly, my friend.

Jjs: She was the first member to be turned into a Zombie. She also has that going for her, but wouldn't that technically mean she's dead and loses this deathmatch by default?

OMJ: Shut up, thekid!

Jjs: She eclipses her opponent in post count by more than double! She's really grown since her last deathmatch here, Jenkins.

OMJ: I've taught her well.

Jjs: She's not quite as wealthy as her opponent though. It could come back to haunt her tonight.

OMJ: Implying I take bribes. But of course, that's quite literally the price you pay when buying Mod For A Day, which really isn't that well worth it nowadays. Not to mention the countless name changes.

Jjs: And at just 18-years young, Aya may just have Jelly's number in terms of youthful vigor.

OMJ: She still carries the risk of tearing a quad IMO.

Jjs: She's quite interested in America!

OMJ: No wonder she dumped me. I mean, look at how damn well he performed during the Scootlaoo/Shin deathmatch!

Jjs: Her favorite episode is One Krabs Trash.

OMJ: NO FLIPPING WAY!

Jjs: And her favorite character is Phil Brooks!

OMJ: Something that only I and a select few will get, surely.

Jjs: Now that all this mindless pre-deathmatch filler is out of the way, how's about we finally head on down to ground zero with Referee Elastic Dog, the grand overseer of tonight's feature bout, who's standing by as our combatants make their way to their certain demise!

A Puerto Rican male in a suit makes his way out to the ring from backstage.

Jjs: Could that possibly be who I think it is, Jenk Man?!

CDCB: Leopold?!

Dylan: Leopold? Bitch please, I'm fabulous

JCM: Leopold?

Dr. Sex: loleopold?

CF: Leopold??!

CNF1: That son of a bitch.

E.V.I.L.: LEOPOLD LOL?

Elastic: It's Leopold?!

OMJ: Calm your collective tits, it's just Crushing.

Crushing takes out a mic and brings it to his mouth and says something illegal. For convenience, here's what it translates to.

Crushing: *Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my great honor to introduce to you...She's A Woman, a Soldier Of Love! ¡¡She is Jellyfish JAAAAAAAAaaaaaaMMERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO!!

"Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin hit the sound system as Jelly makes her way to the ring in a specially customized Yellow Submarine.

Jjs: There she is, folks, it's Queen Jelly in all her radiance! And quite the interesting choice of music here tonight, breaking away from her usual norm of Beatles, Beatles, Beatle and more Beatles.

OMJ: She's looking to hop the border into Aya's America tonight, Jjs, and it appears as though she's gonna do just that, with style!

Jelly stops the yellow submarine and enters the ring, both legs still intact and not a hip out of place.

Jjs: You have to wonder, Jenkins, if that leg is 100%.

OMJ: Of course it's not, it got taken clean off! Miss Vergara better hope her Internet is up to speed tonight, Jjs, or else it could get ugly like ugly on an ape.

Jjs: All very valid points, OMJ.

Jelly hops around the ring and poses and winks for the sold-out crowd.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5YYhm6p-M38

"Patriot" by Jim Johnston hits the sound system next as Aya makes her way to the top of the entrance ramp, accompanied by a young, foreign male with one authoritative monobrow.

Jjs: Could that possibly be who I think it is, Jenkins?!

OMJ: Who else here has the one eyebrow look going for em, Jjs?

Jjs: THAT-THAT'S GOTTA BE PURE, UNADULTERATED E.V.I.L.!

E.V.I.L. has a microphone in one hand and a jar of Nutella in the other. He takes the Nutella to his mouth before speaking to the sold-out crowd in attendance.

E.V.I.L.: Lel k now you listen up here, Omairica! You all need to open your eyes and realize that Nutella is life and Squidiam is too! Now Aya and I can't just stand by, scratch that, we WON'T just stand by while foreign menaces to our great society sneak across our borders and think that they are entitled to the same rights, the same benefits that us REAL OMAIRICANS are legally entitled to! If that were to happen, our society would fall apart at the seams, and guess what Omairica, it's already happening, it ain't a CUTE LOL sight to see! It's downright UGLY LMAO! Standing in the ring are two illegal immigrants who have gleefully reaped the jobs and benefits of more deserving, hard-working Omairican citizens such as The Great Aya, who stands proudly beside me in OUR war. One, by the name of Jellhhhrrrio, was a former moderator. Praise Allah that she no longer holds that position today, but it worries me, it worries us for that matter, when our supposed "Community" has the audacity, the "cojones" as them illegal folk call them, to name HER over Ayaston as the "Queen of SBC"!

Jelly: Jou're just jelly!

Omair: That right there rattles our jars the wrong way, and we are a couple of honest folk who love our Nutella. The other, by the name of Crushito, is a so-called "Loyal Customer". He's an emissary between us Real Omairicans and the powers that be, and that right there pisses us off even more!

Crushing: I agree yet disagree with that staement.

Omair: Our jars are rattled as it is, and this just busts our tops! We should not and WILL NOT stand for this injustice! Tonight, Jellhrio, you think you're gonna be living the Omairican Dream, but I assure that that "dream" will turn out to be your damn worst nightmare and it will all come shattering down! The Community OF the people, BY the people, FOR the people shall not perish from this Earth!

Aya and Omair places their over their hearts and say in a strong, clear voice in unison.

Aya & Omair: WEED THE PEOPLE!

"No Pakistanis" by The Beatles hits the sound system now as Aya and Omair make their ways to the deathmatch ring.

Jjs: What a load of absolute bullspit spewing out of that llamas mouth!

OMJ: Listen to the song choice here, Jjs. It's The Beatles, and considering this particular song's subject matter, you would have to think that this serves to be a huge slap to the face of our resident Beatles fanatic.

Jjs: And a slap to the unibrow of that gay squid, but I guess he's too busy massaging Aya's jock to notice.

OMJ: The tension here is off the charts, folks!

Jjs: You're not on xat, Jenks, you're just not on xat.

Aya enters the ring and goes toe-to-toe, face-to-face, breasts-to-breasts with Jelly in the middle of the ring. Elastic Dog tries to get in the middle of them to finally kick off the fight.

OMJ: The estrogen levels here are just off the charts, folks!

Jjs: You can just feel the queefs of pent-up anger and aggression emanating all throughout the Deathmatch Arena!

Elastic: All right you two damn, dirty immigrants! I want a a good, clean fight! So keep your green cards to yourselves at all times! Any last requests?!

Jelly: Jou not sending me flying back over the border, but I will send jou flying Across The Universe.

Aya: *cracks neck with both hands* You'll be just another brick in the wall of the border around Aya's America.

Elastic: Alrighty then, LET'S GET IT ON!

Jelly and Aya immediate trades blows with each other.

Jjs: The opening bell finally sounds off for this monumental deathmatch to begin, and Jelly and Aya waste absolutely no time to try and literally get under each other's skin after months of doing so somewhat less physically and verbally

OMJ: Right hook after right hook, both of these gals are only just beginning, folks!

Jjs: They're hammering away at each other as if there is no tomorrow, which will be the case for one of them once the dust settles here tonight!

OMJ: Yesterday, all our troubles seemed so faaaar awayyy.

Jjs & OMJ: Now it appears that they're here staayy, oh I believe in yesterdayyy!

Jelly catches Aya off guard with some stiff kicks to the shin, the crowd chanting "SI" with each kick. Jelly goes for another kick, but Aya lifts up her left leg to avoid it. She brings her foot down on Jelly's ankle right as her kick passed right under her, stomping and crushing it under her foot. Jelly cries out as the pain gets to her.

Jjs: Aya calculates Jelly's kick fluidly and takes advantage of that weakened leg!

OMJ: Break a leg out there, Miss Vergara!

Still pressing down on Jelly's leg, Aya hold her down in place as she proceeds to lay in some kicks of her own. Aya kicks Jelly repeatedly in the chest, the crowd chanting "YES" with each one, before working her way up to kicking Jelly's face.

OMJ: Vintage KOCKS to the face of Jelly courtesy of Gaston!

Aya picks Jelly up for a slam but Crushing yells something illegal, prompting Aya to drop jelly down.

Aya: SPEAK ENGLISH

Aya belted out before removing her belt and belted out at Crushing from the ring. Jelly stirs up and charges her.

Omair: Illegal, 12 o'clock!

Aya immediately turns around and ducks Jelly's clothesline, throwing her well over the ropes and crashing out of the ring, but Crushing catches her in his arms in the knick of time before tossing her back up to the ring ropes as Aya turns her back towards them and places her hand on her heart.

Aya: Weed The People!

Omair: 'Mairica! 'Mairicaaaaaaa!!!

Jelly hops onto the top rope, calculating her counterattack.

Jjs: Aya shouldn't be getting too big-headed than she already is so soon, Jenks.

OMJ: Watch out, it's the legendary Dominican Jumping Bean!

Jelly springboards off the ropes and plants both her knees into the back of Aya's neck, taking her down with all her weight on top of her before front flipping off the Real Omairican and landing on her feet.

Jjs: She sticks the landing, she sticks the landing!

OMJ: And just look at that form!

Crushing: ¡VIVA LA JAMMERIO!

Jelly steps off to the corner of the ring, sizing Aya up for a jelly kick. Before she can move in for the kill, Omair grabs her leg from the outside and holds her back.

Omair: LEL K-

Jelly simply heel kicks him in the face, knocking him back. Jelly refocuses her attention on the groggy Aya and goes in for the super kick, but Aya ducks it at the last second, giving her the opportunity swipe at Jelly's weakened leg with all her might right from under her.

Jjs: Aya miraculously manages to dodge Jelly's trademark Jelly Kick instantly goes back on the offensive on that damn leg! Damn you Aya, damn you!

Aya grabs the injured leg before lifting it up begins to repeated slam it knee first into the ring mat.

OMJ: She is showing absolutely no sympathy for the devil because these two gals sure love their classic rock!

After slamming Jelly's leg for the umpteenth time, she proceeds to violently stomp on Jelly's calves and quadriceps.

Jjs: Imagine all the cartilage tearing away at the seams in that leg, Jenks!

OMJ: Her quads will be in worse shape than Kevin Nash, Triple H and Mr. McMahons' combined, Jjs! And that is saying a lot for all you non-wrassling folk out there.

Aya grabs hold of Jelly's leg and applies the Patriot Lock!

Jjs: Dear Neptune below, Aya's applied that damn Patriot Lock! The same maneuver she used to fuck Jelly's leg over the first time!

OMJ: If you think that's devastating, Jjs, you should see what moves she does in bed.

Jjs: I'm sure I have, Jenk Man, I'm damn sure all of us have.

OMJ: Dear Neptune, I wanna hold her in my arms again.

Jjs: Well she's busy holding Jelly's leg in her arms at the moment, trying to wrench it clean off her body!

Aya: Give it up and just drop dead, Jellhrio!

Jelly: AAAHHH! Not on jour damn life-uh! Which I am more than willing to take!

Jelly lifts herself up, Aya still holding the Patriot Lock in place. Jelly breathes in and out for a bit before rolling herself forward, pulling Aya forward and causing her to lose her grip on the leg. The force of the move sends Aya through the ropes and crashing right into a recovering Omair on the outside.

Jjs: Bah GAWD I can't believe it! Jelly actually managed to counter out of the Patriot Lock! The same move that cost her her leg so many episodes ago!

OMJ: Talk about breaking a leg out there, Jjs!

Jelly struggles to get back up to her feet as Aya quickly regains composure on the outside, Omair having took the brunt of the fall. She helps Omair up to his feet, monobrow flaring.

Omair: Get back in there and deport that thing that isn't as good as Nutella on a sandwich!

Aya gets up on the ring apron, but is met by Jelly who manages to forcefully pull Aya back into the ring with a head scissors take down, driving Aya head-first into the mat.

Jelly:

Omair: You won't have an eye to wink once Gaston is through with you!

Crushing: Heyo, Chico.

Omair turned around to a fist in the face courtesy of Crushingmayhem.

Aya's back to her feet and attempts to attack Jelly from behind but Jelly surprises her with a swift Jelly Kick to the gut. Jelly quickly grabs hold of Aya's right arm and takes her down to the mat, locking her into her Jelly Armbreaker!

Jjs: BAH GAWD!

OMJ: THE JELLY ARMBREAKER IS LICKED IN, DING!

Jelly wrenches Aya's arm as Aya screams in agony.

Jjs: Jelly looks to be wanting to rip that arm clean out of Aya's socket, Jenkins!

OMJ: Can you blame her, Jjs? She lost a leg to that woman and now it's damn time to be getting even!

Jelly continues to hyperextend Aya's arm.

Omair: You better not die here lel k!

Crushing: Viva Jellhrio!

Omair: Hey, shit up!

Omair decks Crushing in the face now.

Aya: AAAAHHHH! I won't lose...to the likes...of you!

Aya proceeds to bite down hard on Jelly's leg. Jelly winces and screams in pain, holding onto Aya's arm for as long as she could before being forced to let go. Aya takes a huge chunk out of Jelly's leg and chew it in her mouth.

Jjs: Dear Neptune, she literally gnawed her way out of the Jelly Armbreaker!

Elastic: I'll allow it!

OMJ: People will go up and crazy once they realize everything is about to be over, Jjs. She made me experience that firsthand.

Jjs: How did that pan out?

OMJ: Well Jjs, lets just say I was the one going up and crazy.

Aya spits the chunk of Jelly out.

Aya: Ptooie!

She spat it with such force that it knocked Jelly back to the ground after the spit connected with her face.

Omair: 10 points for Gaston!

Aya picks Jelly back up but is met with a swift Jelly Kick to the face.

Crowd: SI!

Jjs: Jelly still has some life left in her!

Aya reels back and Jelly follows suit but Aya quickly turns back and lands a hard right hook to Jelly's boob.

Jelly: AIYAAAA!

Omair: No one takes cheap shots like Gaston!

OMJ: Technically, that's above the belt.

Elastic: I'll allow it!

Hearing this, Jelly takes the opportunity to counter with another hard Jelly Kick to Aya's boob, sending her back into the corner turnbuckle in pain as Jelly collapses down from her own pain.

Jjs: Things are starting to get down and dirty here, folks!

OMJ: Moreso considering who's fighting to the death right now, Jjs. I would know.

Omair approaches Aya in the corner to tell her something.

Aya: Who does she think she is, Omar? She's tangling with the wrong man!

Omair: Darn right k!

Aya: No one fights back against Gaston! I'm being publicly humiliated, it's more than I could bear.

Omair: more weed?

Aya: What for? I'm clean.

Omair: Listen up Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together!

Omair tries to get Aya back up on her feet.

Omair: golly it distirbs me to see you gaston, loking so down in the cumps. That old guy up there wants to be with you Gaston, even when taking your lumps obvi.

Omair cleans up her opens wounds and squirts nutella in her mouth to keep her hydrated before just slapping some Nutella on her head. Jelly stirs back up to her feet.

Omair: There's no man in town as admired as you, you're everyone's favorite user, even mine. Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it not very hard to see whyyyyy!

Omair pushes her back out into the fight, twirling his monobrow, Aya staggering out as Jelly regains her composure.

Jjs: This deathmatch looks like it's about to get on again, folks!

Omair: Nooooo Oooooone's...

Jelly goes to punch Aya, but Aya dodges her punches out of instinct.

Omair: Slick as Gaston! No one's quick as Gaston!

Jelly tries to get a headlock on Aya, but Aya easily powers out of it by popping her neck.

Omair: No one's neck as incredibly thick as Gaston's! For there's no user in the community half as manly.

Jelly charges Aya but gets kicked in the gut before being picked up for a Xero Swagger Bomb and planted into the ring. Aya picks her back up with relative ease again, picking Jelly up over her shoulders before spinning around repeatedly.

Jjs: You have got to be kidding me! It's the UFO!

OMJ: The Unidentified Flying Opponent!

Aya continues spinning for well over a minute, placing her hands on her hips as she does so.

OMJ: Very Braden Walker of her.

Jjs: Look Ma, no hands!

Aya tosses Jelly in the air, hitting the moon in the sky like a big pizza pie, before driving her spine first into her knee with a devastating back breaker, Jelly grunting with pain.

Omair: She's perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Cha, Prez or Milkmaid and they'll tell you which team they'd prefer to be on!

Aya cracks her neck with both hands before grabbing Jelly by both legs, she rotates and spins around slowly, gaining momentum with each rotation.

OMJ: If you thought the UFO was something, this is something else entirely, Jjs!

Jjs: She's going for the Ayaro Swing!

OMJ: Aya's spinning Jelly right round baby, right round like a record baby!

Jjs: Aya seems to have found renewed strength courtesy of that damn dastard, Omair!

OMJ: Jjs, I know Aya, hell, I've fucked Aya! I know her inside and out! And I can tell you that this is much a different Aya than what we're used to seeing.

Jjs: How long did it take you to come up with that one?

After what feels like an eternity of swinging, Aya finally lets go, sending Jelly up out of the ring and landing hard into the popcorn vendor, JCM, on the outside.

OMJ: NOT THE POP COOOOOORRRRNNNNNUH!

Crushing gets into the ring to give Aya what for. She gives him a free shot, which he takes without hesitation, yet hesitantly. Crush's fist is crushed by Aya's chin on contact. Crushing reels back from the pain.

Omair: No one's got a swell cleft in her chin like Gaston!

Aya: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

Aya shoryukens Crushing clean out of the ring.

Omair: My what a guy, that Gaston!

 

Aya heads out of the ring to meet Jelly. She grabs Jelly by the head and slowly picks up for the kill, but Jelly suddenly springs back to life and pulls Aya down with another Jelly Armbreaker.

OMJ: ANOTHER JELLY ARMBREAKER LICKED IN, DING!

Jjs: Jelly's looking for glory!

And with absolute authority, Jelly manages to rip Aya's arm right off!

Jjs: BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY, SHE DID IT! SHE YANKED THAT ARM CLEAN OFF!

Aya rolls away from the shock as Jelly picks herself back up and uses Aya's arm to wave to the crowd before tossing it to some lucky bastards in attendance.

Omair: Don't you dare die on me, you dastard k!?!

OMJ: This deathmatch ain't over yet, Jjs, Aya's still got some life left in he-

Aya suddenly interrupted Jelly's celebration by goring her back into the popcorn machine like a battering ram.

OMJ: GORE! GORE! GOOOOOOREEEE!

Jjs: It'd take a miracle for Jelly to have survived that.

Jelly and Aya stir around in the wreckage.

Jjs: And bah gawd what a miracle of life it is! Folks, we are witnessing ourselves a spectacle in Community Deathmatch here tonight!

Aya and Jelly both get up to their feet at the same time and start exchanging blows once again. The crowd once again caught in between the "YES" and "SI" chants with each blow connected.

Crowd: YES! SI! YES! SI! YES! YES! SI! SI! SI! SI! YES! SI! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! SI! SI! YES! YES! SI! YES! SI! YES!

Jjs: Our two combatants have found themselves caught in a deadlock for total victory!

OMJ: Don't stop them now, Jjs!

Jjs: They're having such a good time, Jenkins!

OMJ: They're having a ball!

And with one final YES and SI, they knock each other out with a thunderous Jelly Kick and Shoryuken respectively.

Jjs: Bah gawd! They've taken each other out!

OMJ: I guess Dylan was right.

Dylan: Bitch please, when am I never. *flips hair*

Elastic checks up on both of them.

Elastic: Guys, this deathmatch is still getting it on!

Jjs: They both still have life in em! This is to the bitter end, folks!

Aya is the first get back to her feet. She hovers around the down and out Jelly, cracking her neck with one hand before grabbing hold of Jelly's injured leg and locking in the Patriot Lock with one hand!

Jjs: Patriot Lock! Patriot Lock! It's an eye for an eye, Jenk Man!

OMJ: Or arm for a leg.

Aya wrenches the leg with all might, twisting and contorting it as Jelly screams in agony. Aya lets go and crack her neck again before grabbing the leg and proceeds to repeatedly swing Jelly into the barriers separating the crowd from the ring.

Jjs: The Ayaro Swing once again! Aya is out for absolute blood!

OMJ: And carnage!

Jelly bleeds out as a result from the battering. Aya slams her down, twisting the leg until it comes clean off again! Blood squirts from the severed limb as Aya proceeds to bathe herself in it before tossing it clear over her borders.

OMJ: DEPORTED

Omair: No one, and I mean no one, can match wuts with Gaston!

Aya: And I like every last inch of my men covered with hair! Except their buttholes.

They place their hands, or hand, on their chest before saying in a loud, clear voice

Aya & Omair: WEED THE PEOPLE

Jelly crawls her way to ring and digs under it, taking out something familiar.

Jjs: What could Jelly possibly be looking for- Is that what I think it is?!

OMJ: A shovel to dig her own burial grave with?

Jjs: No, it's Maxwell's Silver Hammer!

Jelly uses the silver hammer to pick herself up and balance herself, she tries to move but struggles with only one leg.

Jjs: Jelly's about to go all in!

OMJ: But that leg, or lack thereof, is indeed proving to be quite the detriment to her strategy, Jjs.

Crushing regains consciousness and makes his way towards her. He tries helping her himself, but it'll only prove to be more of a detriment.

Crushing: I have an idea.

Crushing takes the sliver hammer and (jellyfish) jams it into the stub where Jelly's leg once was.

OMJ: Crushing showing his technical know-how off here!

Jjs: He's improvising a leg for Jelly to stand on, and a potentially lethal one at that!

Jelly stands up straight and makes Crushing move off to the side. She stakes a few steps forward to make sure before raising her hammer leg up to make it look as if her leg was still gone. She interrupts the Real Omairicans parade.

Jelly: Heyo Maricunt!

Aya and Omair turn back to see her "up on one foot".

Jelly: I'm still standing. Gringos.

Omair: One more gore. One more gore! Break her smack dab in half, lel k!?!

Aya cracks her neck again one final time before checking the imaginary watch on her wrist.

Aya: IT'S CLOBBERING TIIIIIIIIIIIIME!

Aya charges at Jelly with full speed for one final gore for the win. Jelly calculates Aya's movement and swings her hammer leg forward, catching Aya by surprise. Aya runs smack dab into a silver hammer powered Jellyfish Jammer right to the skull, the kick connecting with so much force that it takes Aya's head clean off and over her borders. The fans bounce her head around the arena like a balloon as he headless body crumbles to the ground.

Jjs: BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY, AYA GOT HER FUCKIN HEAD KICKED IN RIGHT OFF HER SHOULDERS!

Jelly rolls back into the ring with whatever strength she had left. Elastic surveys the situation and raises Jelly's arm.

Elastic: WINNE-

Cushing: ¡WINNER, JELLYFISH JAMMERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOO!

Jjs: DEAR NEPTUNE SHE'S DONE IT! TWO DEATHMATCHES, THE OMAIRICAN DREAM HAS COME TRUE!

OMJ: And Omair is none too amused!

Omair: 

Jelly and Crushing embrace each other in celebration until this hits the soundstage.

???: Rebellion

???: Against

???: Cyber

???: Bullies

???: Team

???: RAGE

Three figures clad in black tactical gear make their respective ways through the crowd, hopping the barriers and surrounding the ring and everybody in it.

Jjs: Just what in Neptune's name is this?!

OMJ: It looks like ACS, three of them to be exact.

Elastic and Crushing make a hasty retreat as Jelly stands alone in the ring to once again fight to the death. ACS, JD, and Madcats enter the ring. ACS blindsides her with some Lemon Party before being tackled down smack dab in half by Madcatz

Madcats: MEOOOOOWWWWWW!

They all beat her down mercilessly.

Jjs: This is a 3-on-1 assault goddamn it! Somebody do something!

OMJ: How about you?

Jjs: ...Nah, I'm good.

Madcatz lets out another lions roar as ACS and JD pick her up and seats Jelly on his shoulders. They charge towards the corner ring post and impale her through it with a fatal Triple PayDay. Jelly's entrails spill out to the floor, a pool of blood spilling out along with them.

Jjs: STOP THIS! STOP THIS AT ONCE, YOU FAT, GUTLESS BASTARDS!

Jelly hangs motionlessly around the ring post as Team Rage put their hands together as a sign of unity.

ACS: Crash and burn.

OMJ: Get the hell up outta here and eat some twinkies or something, you heartless dastards!

The scene fades out as Team Rage stands triumphant in their deed.