Oink.

[Wumbo]

Coming this spring.

[Old Man Jenkins]

This will be simply oink. I know it.

[almy]

Oink in spin-offs and lits makes me think there's a pig rpg

[So Sejima]

based off of the one time characters statement i bet.

[Cha]

I bet it will be about a handsome pig.

[SpongeOddFan]

I bet it will be about a handsome pig.

[Wumbo]

based off of the one time characters statement i bet.

1000 points for Tortellini.

[So Sejima]

yes!

[Wumbo]

Episode 1: Eh Be Dee, Eh Be Dah, Life Goes On, Brah

Porky Pig sits at his writing desk. He contemplates his recent visit to the doctor's. He went there to see about his stuttering problem. Alas, nothing could be done. He puts his head in his hands, wondering if there will ever be a cure.

Sylvester the cat saunters into the room. "Thhhhay Porky, why the long fathe?" he slobbers.

"Well, Sylvester, I just can't seem to find a cure for my stutte-be-dee-ba-stu-ba-dee-da-ba my problem!" Porky replies.

"Aw, don't dethpair, Porkthter," Sylvester says. "I'm thure they'll find a cure for your condition thomeday. Jutht like they'll fikth my lithp."

"Well, I'm glad you think so, Sylvester," Porky replies, "b-but I'm afraid it just simply will not happen."

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Porky gets up to answer it. "Ya-ba-dee-ya-ba-da-ya-ba-yes?"

"I have a package for you, Mr. Pig," the deliveryman at the door says. "Says here that it'll be the cure to all your problems."

"Well, Mr. Deliveryman, sir, I don't know about that. B-but thanks anyway." Porky Pig takes the package, signs where necessary, and shuts the door. He stares at the box for a second. "N-n-now just what could be in here that will solve all of my problems?" He decides to open it up. There's a note and a vial of liquid.

Porky stares at the contents in disbelief. "Well, they really did waste a lot of packaging on this," he mutters. But he picks up the note and reads it anyway. It reads,

Dear Porky,

I hope this note and vial find you well. I know I sent you off earlier this week thinking that you would never find a cure for your stuttering. That was foolish of me. As your doctor, I should have tried my absolute hardest to find a cure for you. Well, here it is. In this vial contains the serum that will finally cure your stuttering problem. In fact, I guarantee it will take all your troubles away. No charge. Consider it a gift for the stress I've put you through.

- Dr. Acme

Porky looks over the note again in disbelief. "Really now?" he wonders. "W-w-well, w-w-what won't they think of next?" He takes out the vial and stares at it. "I-I wonder if this really will solve all my p-p-p-problems," he ponders.

Sylvester walks in. "Whatcha got there, Porkthhhhther?" he slobbers.

"It's a vial from my doctor, Sylvester," Porky replies. "I-I'm j-just not sure what I should do..."

"What'th it for?" Sylvester asks.

"Well, you see, th-th-that's just the thing. I don't quite know!" Porky replies. He reads the note again. "Well, it's worth a try, anyway." He downs the vial in one gulp.

Sylvester looks at him quizzically. "Well?" he sputters. "How do ya feel?"

To be continued...

[Old Man Jenkins]

Why haven't I read this until now?

[Wumbo]

Because you were building up anticipation?

[Old Man Jenkins]

Well, it oinked off.

[Wumbo]

Episode 2: Get a Leghorn Up

 

Sylvester looks at Porky quizzically. "Well?" he sputters. "How do ya feel?"

 

Porky smiles. "I feel... great!" he answers. He then realizes, "Sylvester, I'm not stuttering anymore!"

 

"That'th great, Porkthter!" Sylvester replies. He then gets an idea. "Thay, do ya think that potion would work on my lithp?" he asks.

 

"Well, I really don't know. It's worth a try!" Porky grabs the vial and dumps some liquid into Sylvester's mouth.

 

Sylvester swallows it. He then licks his lips. "Wow!" he remarks. "That tasted good!" He then realizes, "Porky, I don't have a lisp anymore!"

 

"Wow!" Porky replies, astonished. "I guess that potion really does make anyone's troubles go away!" Suddenly, Porky hears a knock at the door. He walks up to answer it. It's Foghorn Leghorn.

 

"Well how, I say, how ya doin', Porkster?" Foghorn greets.

 

"Greetings, Foghorn!" Porky replies. "Notice anything... different?"

 

Foghorn ponders for a second. "Well, I say, I notice something different about your speech impediment. Namely, that there isn't one!"

 

"Yes, and it's all thanks to this potion-like substance!" Porky replies, holding up the vial.

 

"Yeah, and it also helped cure my lisp!" Sylvester adds.

 

"Well, boy howdy. That potion seems to work on anything!" Foghorn remarks. "Say, mind if I take some home to Egghead? He hasn't been feeling the greatest lately. Greatest, that is!"

 

"Well sure, Foghorn." Porky gives him the vial. "Just being it back to me, since it is in fact mine."

 

"Shore, Porky!" Foghorn replies. "You count, I say, you can count on me!" He leaves.

 

Porky shuts the door behind him. "Boy, Sylvester," he remarks. "It sure is great that my doctor discovered this medicine."

 

"Yeah!" Sylvester replies. "Just think of all the people it could help!"

 

Meanwhile, Foghorn is walking through a desert, smuggling the potion under his wing. "Here, I say, here you go, Mr. Coyote!" he bellows.

 

"Shhh! Keep it down, you fool!" Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius whispers. "There's no point in concealing the formula if you don't keep it down!"

 

"Sorry, boss," Foghorn whispers, as best as he can. "So, where's my money?"

 

"What money?" Coyote replies, looking disgruntled.

 

"The money you said you'd pay me for helping you out," Foghorn replies.

 

"Oh yes, the money..." Coyote ponders.

 

Foghorn nods triumphantly, until Wile E. Coyote grabs him by the neck. "Guh! What, I say, what's the meaning of this?" he gasps, as Coyote holds him down.

 

"I just thought that, maybe instead of payment, you'd like to try the formula as well," Coyote grins. He pours some down Foghorn's throat and lets go.

 

Foghorn stands up. "What have you done?" he demands. "Why, I have a right mind to..."

 

But before Foghorn can punch him out, Coyote brings up an Acme Impermeable Wall. Foghorn punches the wall and breaks his wing. Coyote uses this time to run to his secret hideout.

 

"Tomorrow I'll see if this potion really works," he tells himself. "And then... it's finally time for this dusty old coyote to win." He laughs evilly.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Ah, I always get a kick whenever I read Foghorn talking. Can't wait for more !...eventually.

[Wumbo]

Episode 3: Bugs in the System

 

Sylvester wakes up the next morning. He slinks into Porky's room. "Morning, Porky," he says.

 

Porky still appears to be asleep. "Porky?"

 

Porky snorts, and Sylvester chuckles. "Porky, you're snoring again."

 

Porky rolls over, looking dishevelled and squealing. Sylvester is shocked. "Porky?"

 

Porky jumps out of bed and scurries downstairs on all fours, squealing all the way. "What happened to Porky?" Sylvester wonders. "Why is he acting so weird towards meeee-ow." Sylvester drops down to all fours and starts licking his paws.

 

---

 

Wile E. Coyote wakes up late in the morning. He walks over to Foghorn Leghorn, who has been transformed into a regular chicken, still with the broken wing. "How are we today, my little rooster?" he asks.

 

Foghorn jumps up and down, clucking, but stops when he puts too much strain on his wing. "Now, now," Coyote says, patting his wing ever so lightly, but just enough that it hurts. "We don't want to hurt your wing any further. Could stop you from stopping my plan. Not that you're bright enough to figure out my plan anymore anyway." He laughs sinisterly.

 

"Ehh, what's up doc?" a familiar voice remarks from right behind him.

 

Coyote turns around to see his long-time nemesis, Bugs Bunny. "Ah, yes. It's the rabbit," he remarks. "Thought you'd show up to torment me once again, did you?"

 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Bugs insists as he munches a carrot while leaning on a lever connected to an Acme Boot-O-Matic. A boot springs up and hits Coyote right in the face. Bugs looks down at his mistake. "Oh, you mean like that," he realizes.

 

Coyote wipes his face to make his snout full again, because cartoon logic. "Yes, like that," he grumbles. "But actually, there is a way you can help me without getting eaten! Right away, anyway," he continues, mumbling the last part.

 

"Well, I'd love to help you, doc," Bugs replies. "But the fact is, I'm already busy today. I have carrots to eat, you know?"

 

"Carrots?" Coyote remarks. "Mr. Rabbit, help me out and I'll give you a lifetime's supply of carrots! Which for you, won't be that long," he mumbles.

 

"Well, that's an offer I simply can't refuse!" Bugs shakes Coyote's paw. "It's a deal," he confirms.

 

"Excellent!" Coyote rubs his paws together and laughs evilly.

 

"Uh, doc?" Bugs asks. "Why the evil laughter? What's so funny and sinister at the same time?"

 

"Oh, nothing!" Coyote clears his throat. "It's an affliction I have. Which is precisely what I wanted to discuss with you, as a matter of fact. Come with me." He leads Bugs to his secret lair, where he has a bottle full of the potion. "Now, being a genius, I'm sure I'll have even more glorious ideas in the future. But for the time being, this is my best creation yet."

 

Bugs opens the bottle and sniffs it. "Well, it smells good. But what exactly does it do?"

 

"Oh, that's what's so divine about this creation!" Coyote gushes. "It does whatever it needs to do."

 

Bugs arches an eyebrow. "Aaand what exactly does that mean?" he asks.

 

"A cough? Cured. Bronchitis? Cured. Measles? Cured. Chickenpox, cured, dry skin, cured, hiccups. cured! It's the catch-all cure for what is ailing you!"

 

Bugs eyes the potion. "Well, that's pretty nifty," he remarks. "So what do you want me to do with it?"

 

"Well, while I am a super genius - it says so on the door - I am a terrible salesman," Coyote admits. "That's what I need you for, Rabbit."

 

"Uh, it's Bugs," Bugs corrects.

 

"Bugs, of course," Coyote corrects himself. "You're going to help me sell this product."

 

"And that's when I get the lifetime supply of carrots, right?" Bugs asks hopefully.

 

Coyote chuckles knowingly. "Oh, quite the eager beaver, aren't we?"

 

"Rabbit," Bugs corrects.

 

"Right, rabbit." Coyote clears his throat. "Anyway, yes. I'll make you a deal, uh, Bugs. Sell one bottle of Coyote's Cleansing Elixir to everyone in town, and that lifetime supply of carrots is yours."

 

"Now, hold on a second, doc!" Bugs exclaims accusingly.

 

Coyote, suddenly nervous, tents his fingers and begins to sweat. "Um, yes?"

 

"How do I know you even have a lifetime supply of carrots?" Bugs eyes him suspiciously. "I wasn't born yesterday, ya know! Show me the carrots, or the deal is off!"

 

Coyote shakes his head sadly. "You know Bugs, it's a very poor business where no trust is evident," he laments. He sighs. "But if you really want to see the carrots, they're in this room here." He opens a door to reveal a room full of carrots.

 

Bugs' eyes pop wide open. "Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!" He jumps around happily, then suddenly stops, racking his brain. "Sheesh. Been spending too much time around Daffy. Okay, Mr. Coyote. I'll sell your merchandise so fast, you won't believe your eyes!"

 

"Excellent," Coyote replies sinisterly. "I'll show you where it is."

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

I didn't know this was a Looney Tunes literature! I love it Wumbo!

[Wumbo]

Episode 4: Quack

 

Wile E. Coyote opens up a large cupboard filled with bottles of elixir. "Here we are, Bugs." He wipes a tear from his eye. "My pride and joy."

 

"No offense doc, but save me the waterworks," Bugs insists.

 

"Of course, let's get down to business," Coyote replies. He points to a bicycle with a basket. "This is how you'll be delivering them. Fast enough, but not so fast that you risk spilling the merchandise."

 

"What if I go over a bump?" Bugs asks.

 

Coyote glares at him. "All right, then," he says. "You can go on foot."

 

"No need to get defensive, doc," Bugs replies. "I'm just sayin'..."

 

"Out!" Coyote orders. "And don't come back until you've sold every last drop of my creation!"

 

Bugs packs up the bottles and skulks out. "Yeesh," he mumbles. "Maybe he needs some of this stuff for his temper."

 

"Excellent," Coyote grins after Bugs leaves. "My entire plan is coming together, and the best part is, that inane rabbit is a pawn in it!" He laughs evilly, then hears a familiar sound:

 

"Beep beep!"

 

Coyote's ears perk up. "Roadrunner?" he says hopefully. He rushes to the window where he heard the sound. Alas, it is only a man honking his horn at an old woman to get off the road. Coyote sighs. "How silly of me."

 

He walks over to a picture of himself and Roadrunner. "Where has the time gone, old friend? We used to be the ultimate film stars..."

 

We see flashbacks of Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons. "You'd run, I'd chase after you," Coyote remembers. "We had such fun during that time. And oh, the fame... everybody knew our names."

 

We see Coyote and Roadrunner walking down a red carpet with flash photography everywhere. "We were an inseparable duo. Until the accident."

 

Back to present day, Coyote walks over to a folded newspaper on a stool. He unfolds it to reveal the cover story: "ROADRUNNER KILLED IN TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT".  He sighs. "I quit show business that day..." He walks around his secret lair. "For years I've tried to come up with a formula, a machine, anything to bring you back! But alas, it was to no avail." He suddenly snaps out of his nostalgia. "But I talk to only myself. I wonder how that rabbit's doing..."

 

---

 

Bugs has already sold half his supply, and is walking to Daffy Duck's house to make another sale. He knocks on the door.

 

Daffy opens it with a scowl on his face. "What's up, doc?" he says sarcastically.

 

"What's up yourself, Duck," Bugs replies. "Hey, I got a new job selling these bottles of formula. Wanna buy one?"

 

"Pfft! Knowing you, I'll probably sprout a sign on my back saying 'duck season'!" Daffy scoffs.

 

"No, no, no. No tricks," Bugs maintains. "I wouldn't risk that for a lifetime's supply of carrots."

 

Daffy raises an eyebrow. "A lifetime's supply of carrots?" he questions.

 

"That's right, doc," Bugs sneers."I do this task, and a lifetime's supply of carrots come my way." He licks his lips. "Just thinkin' about 'em..."

 

"Hold on there, Gluttonbunny," Daffy stops him. "Why should I help you achieve your goal?"

 

"I'm glad you asked, Daffy," Bugs replies. He pulls out an easel with a chart on it. "As you can see, people who have used this product have seen their happiness increase by 500%."

 

"I'm a duck," Daffy scoffs.

 

"Oh! Well in that case, let me reveal the second chart!" Bugs rips off the piece of paper, revealing a second underneath. "Your ducklike qualities allow for a 70% increase in happiness!"

 

"Is that so?" Daffy appears interested. "But how does it do this?"

 

"You got an ailment, duck? Well, this is the cure!" Bugs holds up a bottle. "No matter what kind of sickness you have, this bottle right here is sure to cure it!"

 

"Well, I have been a little itchy lately..." Daffy ponders.

 

"Cured!" Bugs replies. "All you need is this bottle." He waves it in front of Daffy's face. "You know you want it..."

 

"All right, you've convinced me," Daffy replies. "How much?"

 

"Ten bucks," Bugs replies.

 

"Ten bucks?!" Daffy sputters. "You're out of your fleabrained mind if you think I'm paying ten bucks!"

 

"Okay, fine." Bugs rolls his eyes. "Just fer you, I'll make it 11."

 

"Deal!" Daffy grins as he hands Bugs 11 dollars, but as Bugs walks away, he realizes what just happened. "Despicable," he grumbles. He looks at the bottle. "Well, down the hatch." He drinks the entire bottle in one gulp. "Say, that stuff's delicious!" he remarks. "I need more."

 

He runs outside, tossing the bottle behind him. "Hey, Bugs? Bugs?" he calls out.

 

Bugs looks behind him. "Oh, geez. He's quicker than I thought," he mutters. "Well, time to make like a rabbit." He takes off.

 

Daffy runs up to where Bugs was, but doesn't see him anywhere. "Aw, nuts," he groans. He walks back inside, where he notices the label on the now broken bottle.  He puts the pieces together and reads it. "Coyote's Cleansing Elixir," he reads. "Well, maybe if I find him I can get some more. But where to look?"

 

He looks out his window, across the street, where a vast desert lies. "Say, don't coyotes reside in the desert?" he remembers. "Then again, I am a duck living in a house... but it's worth a try!" He ventures out into the desert to find Coyote. He then sees a huge sign that says "Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius - Secret Hideout".

 

"For a super genius, you'd think he would hide his secret lair better," Daffy mumbles. But he walks up to it and knocks on the door.

 

Wile E. Coyote looks through the curtain. He opens a slot in his door so he can see Daffy clearly, but Daffy can't enter. "Who are you?"

 

"Are you the coyote that made 'Coyote's Cleansing Elixir'?" Daffy asks.

 

Coyote narrows his eyes. "Who would like to know?" he asks suspiciously.

 

"Daffy. Daffy Duck," Daffy answers. "Mr. Coyote, sir, I need more of your elixir."

 

"Sorry, I'm fresh out," Coyote replies.

 

"You don't understand. I need it." Daffy's eye twitches.

 

"What I need is for you to get out of my sight," Coyote threatens.

 

Daffy bangs on the door. "Look, man. I don't ask for much! Just give me what I need!"

 

"Get out of here!" Coyote yells back. "And don't come back!"

 

Daffy walks away. "Oh, I'll be back," he warns.

 

Coyote walks away from the door. "He won't be back in time," he reassures himself. "He'll transform into a lowly non-anthropomorphic animal, just like the rest of them." He laughs.

 

But Daffy does come back with a sledgehammer. He bashes Coyote's door in. "All right, Coyote. You've chosen the hard way!" he yells, coming towards Coyote menacingly.

 

Coyote is worried now. He backs into a corner. "Please don't hurt me!" he says. "I'll give you all the elixir you want!"

 

Daffy stops. He smiles. "Really?" he asks. He puts down the sledgehammer. "Well, lead the way!"

 

Coyote leads Daffy to an empty room. Daffy looks around. "All right, what's the big idea?" He looks around. "Coyote?"

 

Coyote appears behind him with Daffy's sledgehammer in his hands. "Farewell, duck," he mutters. We see the outside of Coyote's lair, and hear a loud bang.

[Wumbo]

I let this get to the third page?! Well, that's just Oink.

 

Episode 5: To Be Anthropomorphic or Not to Be Anthropomorphic?

 

Coyote stands over a now-deceased Daffy Duck, sledgehammer in hand. He appears to feel some remorse, but quickly shakes it off. "He was interfering," he reassures himself. "Now, what to do with the body?"

 

He spots an empty closet and shrugs his shoulders. "It'll have to do," he tells himself. He puts on a pair of Acme Disinfectant Gloves and drags Daffy's body into the closet, shutting the door. Taking the gloves off, he dusts his hands together and declares, "That's the end of that."

 

Meanwhile, Bugs has just finished selling all of Coyote's Cleansing Elixir. He whistles as he walks back to Coyote's lair, awaiting his lifetime supply of carrots. He knocks on the door. "Okay Coyote, I did your deed! Now pay up!"

 

Coyote opens the door. "Ah yes, Bugs, is it?"

 

"You know who it is," Bugs replies, stepping in. "And you know what you have to do now."

 

"Ah yes, the carrots," Coyote remarks. "Well, come right this way and you shall get what you deserve."

 

Bugs gleefully follows Coyote to the place where he was shown the carrots before. Coyote opens the door and Bugs dives right in. But Bugs ends up landing on a flat surface, rather than the carrots he was promised. "Hey! What gives, doc?" he demands.

 

"Not me to you, it seems," Coyote replies. "You fool. After all these years, I can take you down just by promising you some carrots."

 

"You think you've taken me down, you wily coyote?" Bugs steps up. "Well, I've got news for you! This rabbit doesn't go down without a fight!" He gets up and fights Coyote.

 

"Now Bugs, is this any way to treat your employer?" Coyote asks, fighting back.

 

"Is this any way to treat your employee? Not paying me?" Bugs asks. "What are you planning to do, anyway?"

 

"What am I trying to do? Avenge the death of my friend, once and for all!"

 

"How are you going to do that?"

 

"By completely de-anthropomorphizing each and every one of you!" Coyote declares. "It's what the Roadrunner would have wanted. He could only communicate through beeps, and always was jealous of our abilities to talk. Well, he doesn't have to be jealous now!"

 

"What are you talking about?" Bugs demands.

 

"Oh, don't look so innocent," Coyote chuckles. "You had a part in this, too."

 

"I'll have no part in your awful plan!" Bugs insists.

 

"But don't you see, Bugs?" Coyote replies. "You're the one who made it all possible."

 

"You're crazy," Bugs insists.

 

"Am I?" Coyote replies. "Let's take a walk around the neighbourhood, and you'll see how 'crazy' I really am."

 

He leads Bugs to the first house on the block. "Now, who lives here?" he asks.

 

"Pepe Le Pew," Bugs replies. "I should know. He was my first customer!"

 

"Don't you mean your first victim?" Coyote sneers.

 

"We'll see about this," Bugs says. He knocks on the door. "Hey, Pepe! How's that elixir treatin' ya?"

 

"He's not going to answer." Coyote shakes his head.

 

"Why not?" Bugs asks.

 

Coyote opens the door to reveal Pepe Le Pew on all fours, looking confused. Bugs looks confused as well. "Hey, Pepe?" he asks. "Whatcha doin'?"

 

Pepe looks at Bugs, stunned. He then turns his back and releases a stench in his direction.

 

Bugs quickly shuts the door. "Pew!" he gasps. "What's gotten into him?"

 

"The elixir you sold him, I presume." Coyote grins.

 

Bugs is stunned. "You did this to me... and to them!" he accuses.

 

"I didn't sell them the elixir," Coyote insists. "You did."

 

"You made me do it!"

 

"I didn't make you do it, you blame-shifting bunny." Coyote tsk-tsks. "You were overpowered by your own gluttony."

 

"You tricked me!"

 

"Isn't this just what you want?" Coyote asks. "To absolve yourself from your misdoings, I am again playing the role of the bad guy? Well Bugs, maybe it's time you got yourself a mirror and looked at yourself. I may have given you your weaponry, but you used it. Why would you trust me after all this time?"

 

"Because... you..." Bugs tries to offer a rebuttal, but realizes he can't. "Boy, you're right. I shouldn't have trusted you."

 

"Now, don't despair too badly," Coyote reassures him. "There's always a way to pay for your sins."

 

"How?" Bugs pleads.

 

Coyote pulls out one last bottle of his elixir. "Maybe it's time to join your animal friends," he says. "What do you say? It's only fair."

 

Bugs looks uneasily at the bottle, not sure what to do. To be continued.

[Wumbo]

Episode 6: Rabbit vs. Coyote, Part 1

 

Previously on Oink:

 

Coyote pulls out one last bottle of his elixir. "Maybe it's time to join your animal friends," he says. "What do you say? It's only fair."

 

Bugs looks uneasily at the bottle, not sure what to do.

 

---

 

Coyote and Bugs still stand at Pepe Le Pew's doorway. "It's not that hard of a decision," Coyote insists.

 

"If it's so easy to do, why don't you do it?"

 

"Bugs, unlike you, I am not tormented by my deeds. I do what I need to do. Therefore I don't feel any remorse for the things I do, and need to offer no compensation. This is a battle within you, and you choose the path to take."

 

Bugs looks at the vial once more. He then turns to Coyote with an angry look on his face. "Yeah, this is exactly what you want, ain't it?" he accuses. "I'm not falling for your guilt trip, Coyote!" He throws the bottle down, which smashes on the ground. "You can't get rid of me that easily, wise guy!"

 

Coyote cracks his knuckles. "I see. Well Bugs, it looks like you've chosen the hard way to end this. What a shame. I always thought you were smart... Not smart enough to outmatch me, of course, but smart enough to know when to give up."

 

"Let me get one thing clear." Bugs grabs Coyote by the fur. "Bugs never gives up. And Bugs never loses."

 

"Then Bugs is a very stupid animal," Coyote insists, pushing Bugs away. "And Bugs will pay for his mistakes." He backs away. "I'll be back for you, Bugs. You will not stand in my way." He exits.

 

Bugs watches as he leaves. "I've beaten him before, and I'll do it all over again," he insists. "He'll see..."

 

---

 

Wile E. Coyote enters his lab. "I have to get rid of that meddling rabbit," he proclaims. "But how?"

 

He looks around his lab for something to use. He then spots a can of Acme Rabbit-B-Gone spray. "I guess that will do," he decides. He grabs the can and goes to find Bugs.

 

Meanwhile, Bugs paces around his rabbit hole, trying to decide what he should do. Suddenly, his home gets sprayed. "Aiee!" he yelps, jumping back. "What is this stuff?"

 

Coyote looks in, laughing evilly. "Goodbye, Bugs," he cackles. Bugs screams again as the spray reaches him.

[Wumbo]

Sorry guys, yesterday was crazy busy for me. But here you go, the series finale!

 

Episode 7: Rabbit vs. Coyote, Part 2

 

Previously on Oink:

 

Wile E. Coyote enters his lab. "I have to get rid of that meddling rabbit," he proclaims. "But how?"

 

He looks around his lab for something to use. He then spots a can of Acme Rabbit-B-Gone spray. "I guess that will do," he decides. He grabs the can and goes to find Bugs.

 

Meanwhile, Bugs paces around his rabbit hole, trying to decide what he should do. Suddenly, his home gets sprayed. "Aiee!" he yelps, jumping back. "What is this stuff?"

 

Coyote looks in, laughing evilly. "Goodbye, Bugs," he cackles. Bugs screams again as the spray reaches him.

 

---

 

Coyote jumps into Bugs' home, and inspects Bugs' lifeless body. He looks at the can of spray and chuckles. "I win," he states. He then proceeds to climb out of the hole.

 

But Bugs slowly wakes up and grabs Coyote before he can get out. "Guh!" Coyote looks back at Bugs, and is surprised to see him still alive. "But how?!"

 

"When have any of your Acme products ever worked in your favor, doc?" Bugs grins. "Read that label a little more closely."

 

Coyote reads the fine print on the label: "NOTE: Does not actually kill rabbits. In fact, this is a cooking spray and we just liked the name."

 

"Drat!" he exclaims, tossing the can behind him. "Let go of me, you infernal pest!"

 

"Not until you change everyone back!" Bugs replies. "And I'd also like that lifetime supply of carrots I was promised."

 

"Not a chance!" Coyote grunts, struggling to get free. He kicks Bugs in the face, making him lose his grip and allowing Coyote to escape.

 

"Hey! Get back here!" Bugs runs after Coyote.

 

As Coyote is running, he muses, "Well, this is a change of pace. Normally I'm the pursuer, rather than the pursue-ee. But I've still got one place I can hide out."

 

He runs to his lab, shutting and locking the door. Bugs bangs on it. "Open up, you wily coyote!"

 

"Hmm..." Coyote looks around. "If none of these Acme products ever work as planned, then maybe what I need is..."

 

Suddenly, he spots an Acme carrot. "Perfect!" He grabs it and opens the door slowly.

 

Bugs runs inside, looking around the lab. "I know you have something to reverse what you did somewhere... and I'll find it!"

 

"Yes, that's all very inspirational, Bugs," Coyote replies. "But what if I offered you a carrot?"

 

"No carrots until I reverse what you- what kind is it?" Bugs asks.

 

"Danvers," Coyote replies.

 

"Drat!" Bugs exclaims. "You've figured out my favourite! But... I won't eat it!"

 

"But it's so delicious, Bugs..." Coyote insists, waving it under his nose.

 

"Get away from me!" Bugs bats the carrot away. "I'm not going to sacrifice my friends for a stupid carrot!"

 

"I see," Coyote replies. "Well Bugs, you leave me no choice." He grabs Bugs by the throat.

 

"Get off me, you-!" Bugs kicks Coyote in the leg, causing him to let go and grab his leg. Bugs uses this opportunity to grab a vase and smash it over Coyote's head, knocking him out. He trashes Coyote's lab looking for any type of cure, but to no avail. "Come on, you wily coyote," Bugs mutters. "I know you've got something somewhere."

 

He then discovers something on a shelf, tucked in a corner. He pulls it out, finding a label on it that says "Acme Brand De-Anthropomorphizer."

 

"Perfect," Bugs says. "His own creation may have worked, but his Acme products never do." He runs out with it.

 

---

 

Bugs knocks on Pepe Le Pew's door. He then realizes. "Oh, right." He walks right in, finding a confused and scared non-anthropomorphic Pepe Le Pew. "Don't you worry, skunk," Bugs says. He picks the skunk up, and Pepe emits a foul stench. "Yuck." Bugs coughs. He force-feeds some of the liquid to Pepe Le Pew. Suddenly, Pepe turns back into his anthropomorphic self. "Um, Bugs? What are you doeeng?" he asks, confused.

 

"I was... just rejoicing in our friendship, Doc," Bugs replies, quickly putting him down. "Is that such a crime?"

 

"No, I suppose not," Pepe Le Pew replies. "But next time, you could just say how much you enjoy being friends with me, rather than picking me up."

 

"Of course," Bugs replies. "Well, I must be going!" He exits.

 

Pepe shakes his head. "What a strange animal," he muses.

 

---

 

Bugs rushes from house to house, re-anthropomorphizing all the animals he can. Finally, he makes it to Daffy's house. He opens up and looks around for him. "Daffy?"

 

He searches every room of the house, but can't find him anywhere. "Where could have that duck gone?" he asks himself. "There's no way he would be able to open a door if he was just a duck. Wait... he was outside when he was still Daffy. Did he go somewhere afterwards?"

 

He looks all around town for Daffy. "Daffy? Daffy?" he calls, increasingly desperate. He then gets an idea, his brow furrowing. “Coyote!” he exclaims, stomping to his secret lair.

 

---

 

Coyote comes to. He gets up frantically, looking for Bugs, but of course, he can’t find him anywhere. “Great,” he mutters. “He probably stole something and ran off.” He then remembers his Acme Brand De-Anthropomorphizer. “When have any of your Acme products ever worked in your favour, Doc?” he remembers Bugs saying. “Oh, dear,” he says, fainting again. But he is soon revived by a pounding on the door. “Where is he?!” Bugs’ voice blares through the door.

 

Coyote gets up, scared. “Who? Who? What do you want? Who’s with you?”

 

“I’ll sic my entire gang of friends on you if you don’t tell me where Daffy is!” Bugs bellows.

 

“Oh, no,” Coyote thinks. “The entire town is against me. How can I show them what I did with Daffy?” “Um, coming!” he calls. He frantically runs around, thinking of an idea. He then stops. “It’s time to be the bigger person, admit to my mistakes, then run like hell.”

 

He grabs Daffy’s corpse and drags it to the door. He then opens the door to find Bugs standing alone. Bugs looks at the corpse and is devastated. “Daffy?!” he cries. He then narrows his eyes at Coyote. “Murderer,” he growls.

 

Coyote pushes past Bugs and runs away, leaving Bugs with Daffy’s body. “Oh, Daffy,” Bugs says mournfully, trying to hold back tears. He glares off into the distance where Coyote ran off to. “Don’t worry,” he says. “I’ll get even. I’ll get even!” he yells.

 

He grabs a picture of Coyote off of a wall and runs away with it as fast as he can.

 

---

 

A police officer looks at the picture. “So, you’re saying that this coyote poisoned everybody in town that degraded them to non-anthropomorphic versions of themselves?”

 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, officer,” Bugs replies. “And he killed Daffy Duck.”

 

The officer hands the picture back to Bugs. “Well, we’ll try our best to catch this guy,” he says.

 

“Try your best?! Catch him!” Bugs insists.

 

“Well, I’m sorry, but we can’t make promises like that,” the officer apologizes.

 

“Why not?!” Bugs fumes. “What kind of police officers are you?”

 

“Hey, insulting a police officer is a federal offense, so watch it, buster,” the officer replies.

 

“It’s not a federal offense!” Bugs replies.

 

“Well, it should be.”

 

Bugs looks about ready to explode, but then he calms down. “Fine. Fine. Do whatever you want, I don’t care.” He sadly walks out.

 

---

 

Bugs is sitting at home, watching TV, flipping from news station to news station, hoping that he’ll find someone saying that they caught Wile E. Coyote. But to no avail.

 

Bugs sniffles back tears. “I’ll just watch something else, then.” He flips to a Storage Wars-like show. “Heh heh… that moose thinks he can outbid everybody.” He smiles weakly.

 

Suddenly, the program switches to a news bulletin. “We interrupt your program to bring you breaking news! A certain coyote only known as ‘Wile E.’ was taken into custody today by police officers. The coyote was accused of poisoning by an anonymous tipster.”

 

“Yes!” Bugs Bunny jumps for joy. “You’ll be rotting in there for a long time… doc.”

 

“No! No! Don’t go in there!” Coyote shouts on TV, desperately trying to stop police officers by ransacking his lab.

 

Bugs looks at the camera. “I guess that’s all, folks.”

 

RIP DAFFY DUCK 1937-2013