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The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star


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Better late than never.

 

Patrick Eats the Leaning Tower of Pisa

 

(SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.)

SpongeBob: I can't believe that one dollar and eight cents we got from the lottery was enough to buy us a ticket to the Leaning Tower of Pisa!

Patrick: That tower is made of pizza? Hooray!

(Patrick eats the Leaning Tower of Pisa.)

SpongeBob: Oh, no! What have you done, Pat?

(An Italian security officer laughs.)

Security officer: Don't worry! This happens all the time! (takes out a walkie talkie) Drop in another tower, please.

(Another copy of the Leaning Tower of Pisa falls from the sky and lands in the place of the first.)

Patrick: Yay! Dessert!

(Patrick eats the second tower.)

Security officer: Who eats pizza for dessert? (takes out a walkie talkie) Another Tower of Pisa, please. Oh, you're out? Then drop in a Tower of Spaghetti instead.

(A Tower of Spaghetti falls on Patrick.)

Patrick: (under the tower) Aw, I don't like spaghetti!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Reunites With His Parents

 

(Herb Star and Maggie Star climb into Patrick's rock.)

Patrick: Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

Herb: Well, son, we felt guilty about never potty training you, so we decided to stop by here and see how you're doing.

Patrick: I'm doing fine!

Maggie: What's with the attitude, Pattitude? Ha ha! See what I did there?

Herb: Ha ha! Yeah! That's a great pun! Don't you think it's a great pun, Pattitude?

Maggie: Ha ha! It's just as funny when you say it!

Patrick: I don't get it.

Herb: Well, you always were a little slow, but that's okay. We love you anyway, son. Now let's get you potty trained!

(Suddenly, Patrick wakes up in his bed.)

Patrick: Whoa! What a horrible nightmare!

(Herb and Maggie are on either side of Patrick.)

Maggie: Are you okay, Pattitude?

(Herb laughs. Patrick screams. What a twist.)

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Patrick's Fan Mail #9

 

(Patrick walks into SpongeBob's house.)

Patrick: Ready to go jellyfishing?

SpongeBob: Just a minute. I think I lost my jellyfishing net.

Patrick: Oh, too bad. Did you look in the closet?

SpongeBob: No, I...

(Patrick opens the closet door, and a bunch of mail falls out of it.)

Patrick: Hey, this is all addressed to me!

SpongeBob: Yeah, I've been getting your mail for the past month, but I keep forgetting to tell you. Sorry.

Patrick: No problem. (picks up an envelope) Man, it'll take forever to get through all of these fan letters! Better burn through them now.

(Patrick opens the first envelope and reads.)
 

 

Dear Patrick,

What is your favorite episode to star in (in the real series)

Sincerely,

Poofy


Patrick: The real series? What do you mean?

SpongeBob: I think he's talking about my show, Patrick.

Patrick: You have a show? Why didn't you ever tell me?

SpongeBob: You never asked.

Patrick: Well, Poofy, I don't know enough about SpongeBob's show to answer your question, so I'll just say it's whichever episode I get to eat mayonnaise in.

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)
 

 

hi Patrick!

you are really funny!

Dannicool2001


Patrick: Thanks. I get that a lot.

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)
 

 

dear Patrick. what whould you do if you and Spongebob whould stay with squidward?

Dannicool2001


Patrick: Hey, it's Danni again! I don't really know what I'd do, to be honest. How about you, Sponge?

SpongeBob: No idea. (smirks) Maybe we should test it out.

(SpongeBob picks up his shellphone and dials Squidward's number.)

SpongeBob: Squidward, can we stay with you?

Squidward: No!

(Squidward hangs up.)

Patrick: Well, I guess we'll never know. Tune in next time to see more of me and SpongeBob answering your questions!

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Patrick's Fan Mail #10

 

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)
 

 

hi Patrick

this letter is to Spongebob soo, dont read it!

(Patrick gives the letter to SpongeBob, who reads the rest of it.)
 

 

hi spongebob

how you doing today? im thinking to have picknic with my snail,Lola. do you and Gary want to go along with me and Lola?

from, Mandy or you named it, your little seaflower. ;)

SpongeBob: Well, Mandy-or-you-named-it-my-little-seaflower-wink-face, I appreciate the gesture, but my parents told me that I shouldn't go on picnics with strangers.

Patrick: Wait, she asked you to go with her on a picnic?

SpongeBob: She asked me and Gary to go with her and her snail, yes.

Patrick: Don't you see? She's asking you out on a double-date! You have to go! This is the perfect chance for you to come out of your yellow shell!

SpongeBob: (pauses) Okay, I'll go. But only after you finish the fan letters.

Patrick: Great! And remember: When in doubt, pinkie out!

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)
 

 

Dear Patrick,

What songs do you like?

~Toph

Patrick: I mostly like songs in the rock roll genre.

SpongeBob: Don't you mean rock and roll?

Patrick: No, rock roll. It's music based on the sounds of rocks rolling down a hill.

SpongeBob: Well, you learn something new every day.

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)
 

 

[spam deleted]

Patrick: I didn't know that snail mail was smart enough to delete spam. No offense, Gary.

Gary: Meow.

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)
 

 

Dear Patrick,

You Are Funny.


From,

Alyssa

Patrick: Yeah, I get that a lot.

SpongeBob: Come back next time for

Patrick: Hey, that's my line!

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Patrick's Fan Mail #11

 

(Patrick is still reading leftover mail at SpongeBob's house. He opens the next envelope and reads.)

 

Dear RICK,

You're a giant tubby.

Not sincerely, Gerald

P.S. You're going down.

 

Patrick: Hey, this is Patrick's Fan Mail! Not Patrick's Hate Mail! I'm afraid that I'm going to have to send you to the incinerator.

(Patrick throws the letter into SpongeBob's furnace.)

SpongeBob: I didn't even know I had a furnace!

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)

 

Dear Patrick.

Have you ever decided the least the most in under a certain amount of time?

-William

Patrick: Umm...ehh...uh oh.

(Sparks fly out of Patrick's head, and he falls to the ground.)

SpongeBob: Oh, no! You broke Patrick! I hope you're feeling good about yourself, William!

Patrick: Wha...where am I?

SpongeBob: I think that's enough letter-reading for one day!

Patrick: No! I cannot let my fans down!

(Patrick crawls to the pile of envelopes, grabs one, opens it, and reads.)

 

Dear Patrick,

Do you like Sandy?

Sincerely, Tropicaljackson.

Patrick: Yeah, I like her. Why wouldn't I?

SpongeBob: Patrick, I think Tropicaljackson wants to know if you like her.

Patrick: And?

SpongeBob: You know, like her?

Patrick: I'm not following.

SpongeBob: He wants to know if you have the hots for Sandy.

Patrick: Ohhh! Sorry, Tropicaljackson, but after burying my dearly departed ex-wife, I don't think I can ever feel that way about a woman again.

SpongeBob: You do realize that it was a lamp you buried, right?

Patrick: Of course! (to the camera) Come back next time for yet another installment of Patrick Fan Mail!

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Patrick's Fan Mail #12

 

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)

 

 

Dear Patrick,

How many rocks do you own? And if you own more than five,

do you pay the rent or the mortgage?

Sincerely,

MrScience12

Patrick: The only rock I own is the one I live under. I used to have a pet rock, but he moved to Hollywood to achieve greater things.

SpongeBob: Really? I didn't know that.

Patrick: Yeah, Rocky's very private about that stuff.

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)

 

 

Dear Patrick,

Do you ever hang out with Larry The Lobster?

Thanks,

Trainiax

Patrick: You're welcome. And no, I don't hang out with Larry. He hasn't been a big fan of mine since I visited him at his workout room.

(Patrick takes a barbell, bent to a curve, out of his pocket.)

Patrick: But at least I got a cool belly ring out of it!

(Patrick opens the next envelope and reads.)

 

 

Dear Patrick,

I am inventing a new smoothie, but I need some help.

So I figured, you're the guy to go to!

It's called "A SMOOTHIE (IN ALL CAPS!!)", so, can you help me make the ingredients?

Sincerely,

Suds47

Patrick: AAH! IT'S SUDS AGAIN!

(Patrick throws the letter in the furnace.)

SpongeBob: Well, that's wasn't nice. You could have at least helped him make that smoothie.

Patrick: Yeah, you're right. Oh, well! That's the last of the fan letters! I better get going now.

SpongeBob: Me too.

Patrick: Oh, yeah! (smirks) I almost forgot that you had that date with Maaandy.

SpongeBob: Yeah, yeah. You're the one who talked me into it.

Patrick: Good luck, and remember.

SpongeBob: When in doubt, pinky out.

(Patrick sniffs and wipes away a tear before leaving SpongeBob's pineapple home.)

 

Patrick: They grow up so fast.

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The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star #100

 

(Patrick's rock opens and Patrick walks out.)

Patrick: (yawns) What a wonderful day! Don't you think so, rock?

Ms. Gristlepuss: It's about time you woke up!

Patrick: Rock! You really can talk!

Ms. Gristlepuss: Turn around, you dolt!

(Patrick turns around.)

Patrick: Ms. Gristlepuss! What are you doing here?

Ms. Gristlepuss: I'm here to tell you that, thanks to the efforts of my Parents' Buzzkilling Council, your show has now been banned from the airwaves forever due to promoting childhood stupidity.

Patrick: What?

Ms. Gristlepuss: The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star is no more. You might as well start packing.

Patrick: Can't I at least answer one more fan letter before calling it quits?

Ms. Gristlepuss: (rolls eyes) Fine.

(Patrick takes a letter out of his pocket and reads.)

Dear Patrick,

Can you set this letter on fire?

Starflier


Patrick: Sure!

(Patrick takes a lighter out of his pocket and sets the letter on fire.)

Ms. Gristlepuss: Oh, my! Such violence!

(Ms. Gristlepuss faints.)

Patrick: I'm not cleaning that up.

(Patrick goes back into his rock.)
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Patrick Star Wars

 

(Pat Starwalker is sleeping on a rock in the middle of a desert planet when the robot Squidroid lands on the planet, waking him up.)

 
Pat Starwalker: Hello.
 
Squidroid: Do you know where I can find Obi-Wan Krabnobi?
 
Pat Starwalker: You bet I do! He runs my favorite restaurant: The Kelestial Krab!
 
Squidroid: Kelestial Krab? But "celestial" makes the soft "s" sound, not the hard "k" sound that would give such a name an alliterative appeal.
 
Pat Starwalker: I don't understand a word you just said! Come on!
 
(Pat Starwalker and Squidroid go to the Kelestial Krab, where Obi-Wan Krabnobi is handing out Krabby Packets.)
 
Pat Starwalker: Yum! Packets of processed, non-perishable food items! Just like mommy made them.
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Squidroid! What are you doing here?
 
Squidroid: Princess Sandra sent me here with a message.
 
(Squidroid presses a button on his chest, and a hologram of Princess Sandra pops out.)
 
Princess Sandra: Obi-Wan Krabnobi, I need your help.
 
Pat Starwalker: Wow, that princess is tiny!
 
Princess Sandra: The evil Darth Planktor is holding me captive, and he won't release me until you come and fight him!
 
Pat Starwalker: Don't worry, tiny princess! I'll save you!
 
(Pat Starwalker jumps into a spaceship parked outside.)
 
Pat Starwalker: (from inside the spaceship) Ooh, what does this button do?
 
(The spaceship explodes. Obi-Wan Krabnobi and Squidroid rush out of the Kelestial Krab and see an ash-covered Pat lying down where the spaceship once stood.)
 
Pat Starwalker: (coughs) Did I save the tiny princess?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: No, but you did blow up me ship!
 
Squidroid: How will we acquire another spacecraft on such short notice?
 
Pat Starwalker: You use a lot of big words.
 
(A large, pineapple-shaped spaceship lands behind Pat, and SpongeSolo walks out of it.)
 
SpongeSolo: Man, I cannot wait to try out another Krabby Packet!
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Hey, can I borrow your ship?
 
SpongeSolo: What's in it for me?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: (holds out a Krabby Packet) Free Krabby Packet?
 
SpongeSolo: (takes the Krabby Packet) Fine, but I'm driving.
 
(SpongeSolo, Obi-Wan Krabnobi, and Squidroid walk onto SpongeSolo's ship.)
 
SpongeSolo: So, where are you headed?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: The Death Bucket.
 
SpongeSolo: Really? Okay, it's your funeral.
 
(A hairy snail slithers out of another room.)
 
Squidroid: What is that atrocious thing?
 
SpongeSolo: That "atrocious thing" is Garebacca, my snookiee.
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Snookiee?
 
SpongeSolo: Yes. It's a cross between a snail and a wookiee.
 
Garebacca: Merowrowrow.
 
Pat Starwalker: Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: When did you get here?
 
Pat Starwalker: A couple seconds ago.
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Well, un-get here!
 
SpongeSolo: Too late. We're lifting off.
 
(SpongeSolo flies his ship to the Death Bucket.)
 
SpongeSolo: This is as far as I'll go. You three do what you're going to do, and I'll be back in an hour.
 
Voice: Leaving so soon?
 
(Darth Planktor appears behind SpongeSolo, startling him.)
 
SpongeSolo: Darth Planktor, sir! I was just escorting Obi-
 
Darth Planktor: Yeah, I know what you were doing.
 
SpongeSolo: I'd love to stay, but I've gotta feed Garebacca.
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Besides, you were here to fight me! Leave my friends out of it!
 
Pat Starwalker: You consider me a friend now?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: No. (to Planktor) You can have that guy.
 
(SpongeSolo and Squidroid go back into SpongeSolo's spaceship.)
 
Squidroid: I'm so worried about my master!
 
SpongeSolo: Chill out. He'll be fine. Wait, where's the pink one?
 
(Pat Starwalker is walking through a Death Bucket hallway when he notices Princess Sandra in a prison cell.)
 
Pat Starwalker: Hey, you're the tiny princess from before!
 
Princess Sandra: Are you here to rescue me?
 
Pat Starwalker: No, I smelled some roast beef... I mean, yeah! I totally came to save you!
 
(Pat Starwalker rips off the middle two bars of Princess Sandra's prison cell, and she walks out.)
 
Princess Sandra: Thanks.
 
Pat Starwalker: Why were you locked up?
 
Princess Sandra: Because I've been fighting against Darth Planktor's Galactic Chumpire with Obi-Wan Krabnobi.
 
Pat Starwalker: Really? Obi-Wan Krabnobi is fighting Darth Planktor right now!
 
Princess Sandra: Where?
 
(Obi-Wan Krabnobi is having a lightsaber duel with Darth Planktor on the roof of the Death Bucket.)
 
Darth Planktor: Face it, Obi-Wan Krabnobi! You lose!
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Not yet I haven't!
 
(Darth Planktor knocks Obi-Wan Krabnobi's lightsaber out of his hand and shoves his own lightsaber through Obi-Wan Krabnobi's chest.)
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Now I lose.
 
(Pat Starwalker and Princess Sandra run up to the roof just as Obi-Wan Krabnobi falls.)
 
Princess Sandra: No! You'll pay for this, villain!
 
(Darth Planktor picks up Obi-Wan Krabnobi's lightsaber and throws it through Princess Sandra's chest.)
 
Princess Sandra: Never mind. (falls)
 
Pat Starwalker: Tiny princess!
 
(Pat Starwalker takes the lightsaber out of Princess Sandra's chest and engages in a lightsaber battle with Darth Planktor. Pat Starwalker knocks the lightsaber out of Darth Planktor's hand then forces him to the edge of the roof.)
 
Darth Planktor: Wait! I am your father!
 
Pat Starwalker: Really?
 
Darth Planktor: No.
 
(Darth Planktor grabs the lightsaber Pat Starwalker is holding and turns around, throwing Pat Starwalker off the roof.)
 
Darth Planktor: Thank goodness this breathing suit comes with lightsaber-resistant gloves!
 
(Pat Starwalker tumbles right into SpongeSolo's ship.)
 
SpongeSolo: Good thing I got back when I did!
 
Pat Starwalker: SpongeSolo, it was horrible! Obi-Wan Krabnobi and Princess Sandra...
 
(Obi-Wan Krabnobi and Princess Sandra come out of another room.)
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: What about us?
 
Pat Starwalker: You're alive? How?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: I rescued Princess Sandra before you did, and using a Jedi trick, I made clones of us to keep you and Darth Planktor occupied as we rigged the Death Bucket with explosives.
 
Pat Starwalker: Wait, what?
 
(The Death Bucket explodes.)
 
Pat Starwalker: I never got to find that roast beef.
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Perhaps it was for the best.
 
SpongeSolo: Wait, keep ''him'' and Darth Planktor occupied? (points at Pat) How did you know he wasn't with us?
 
Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Because if there's anything I know about him, it's that he knows how to get lost.
 
(Everyone except Pat Starwalker laughs.)
 
Pat Starwalker: I don't get it.
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Patrick Does An Elaborate Disney Parody (Part 1)

 

(A young Princess Sandra is playing with a young Princess Pearl in a castle.)
 
Sandra: Do your magic! Do your magic!
 
Pearl: Okay!
 
(Pearl shoots ice out of her blowhole, causing it to snow inside the castle somehow.)
 
Sandra: Awesome!
 
(Sandra takes out a snowboard and slides through the snow.)
 
Pearl: (builds a snowman) I'll call you "Patrick".
 
Sandra: (snowboards past Patrick) He looks pretty stupid!
 
Patrick: I resent that!
 
Pearl: Wait, did you just tal-
 
(Pearl notices Sandra snowboarding off a large ramp.)
 
Sandra: Yee-haw!
 
Pearl: Sandra!
 
(Pearl shoots ice out of her blowhole despite the fact that Sandra would have landed safely in the snow anyway, and she accidentally hits Sandra in the face.)
 
Sandra: I have brain freeze! Literally! (faints)
 
(King Krabs runs out of his room.)
 
Krabs: What in Davy Jones' Locker is going on here?
 
Pearl: I froze my sister's head!
 
Krabs: Again? Alright, let's go to the trolls.
 
(Krabs and Pearl bring Sandra to the trolls.)
 
Krabs: We need you to fix Princess Sandra.
 
Head troll: Oh, Pat Starwalker's sister?
 
Krabs: No, we're doing Frozen now.
 
Head troll: Well, in that case. (waves his hand) Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo. She's fixed. Also, I removed all her memories of Pearl's power.
 
Krabs: Why?
 
Head troll: Because it's convenient to the plot.
 
Pearl: So she won't remember I have powers?
 
Head troll: Didn't I just say that? (points to the sky) Look! Images of you getting ripped apart by monsters!
 
(Pearl screams.)
 
Krabs: What the barnacles?
 
Head troll: What? I like scaring children.
 
Krabs: We'll be leaving now.
 
(Krabs takes Sandra and Pearl to the castle. After he locks them into their rooms, he sighs.)
 
Krabs: This traumatic experience will probably turn Pearl into an emotionally unstable recluse who can't even carry on a conversation with her sister. However, to soften the effect on both her and Sandra, I'll be there for them. I'll be there for them for the rest of my life.
 
(The next day, Krabs dies.)
 
Krabs: (as a ghost) That didn't work out how I expected it to. (flies to the great beyond) Well, I guess it can't be a Disney movie unless the parents are dead!
 
(Ten years later, Sandra and Pearl are at Pearl's coronation ceremony. Plankton, Duke of Chumburg, watches from the audience.)
 
Plankton: This coronation is a perfect chance for me to make good with the queen, after which I'll unlock the secrets of this kingdom and exploit its riches! (evil laugh)
 
(Plankton notices that everybody's staring at him.)
 
Plankton: What? Haven't you ever seen a bad guy before?
 
(Bishop Squidward places a crown on Pearl's head.)
 
Pearl: This crown clashes with my dress! (cries) Oh, no!
 
(Pearl accidentally shoots ice from her blowhole, freezing Squidward.)
 
Sandra: Well...that was unexpected.
 
Plankton: (gasps) She's a witch! Burn her!
 
(Fishes in the audience take out pitchforks and torches.)
 
Pearl: Who brings pitchforks and torches to a coronation ceremony?
 
(Pearl uses her ice magic to manuever around the angry crowd. Once she gets outside, she makes a helicopter out of ice and uses it to escape.)
 
Sandra: Dagnabbit! I've gotta to go after her!
 
Plankton: You, princess? But who will look over the kingdom while you're gone? I guess if there's no one else willing to do it...
 
Fish: I'm willing to...
 
Plankton: Shut up! I guess if there's no one else willing to do it, I will.
 
Sandra: Sounds good to me! (jumps on a seahorse) Giddyup!
 
(As Sandra gallops away on the seahorse, an eternal winter begins.)
 
Plankton: Winter? But it's the middle of August!
 
(Plankton ends up getting buried in snowflakes.)
 
Plankton: Not again!
 
(Meanwhile, Pearl is walking to the top of a sandhill just because.)
 
Pearl: (singing to the tune of Let It Go)
 
The snow glows white on the sandhill tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
While I freeze and suffer
Disney rakes in all the green
 
The wind is howling like this storm inside of me
That's the last time I try Plankton's "delicacies"
 
What was I saying? Oh right, this
Secret power I can no longer dismiss
 
I'll shoot out ice until I'm numb
Ignoring my kingdom
 
Let it blow, let it blow
And shirk my responsibilities
Let it blow, Let it blow
Then disappear for most of the movie
 
It's okay
Because I'll save the day
Now to create the mess
That I'll have to clean up soon anyway
 
(Sandra is riding her seahorse in Pearl's direction when a worm jumps out of a nearby bush and attacks them. The seahorse drops Sandra and flees, leaving Sandra to struggle with the worm alone. SpongeBob, who is pushing through the rising snow with Gary a mile away, sees the princess fighting the worm, and he rushes to help her. Sandra ties the worm into a knot before he can do so.)
 
SpongeBob: (panting) Are you okay?
 
Sandra: Yeah, but I'm out a seahorse. (notices Gary) Why does that snail have antler-shaped pieces of coral tied to its eyes?
 
SpongeBob: W-what are you talking about? Gary's not a snail, he's a reindeer.
 
Sandra: Ooookay then.
 
Gary: Meow.
 
SpongeBob: Anyway, where are you going?
 
Sandra: I'm going to the top of the sandhill to find my sister.
 
Patrick: What a coincidence! I'm going to the top of the sandhill to find my sister, too!
 
SpongeBob: Does...anybody else see the talking snowman?
 
Sandra: (gasps) Patrick! How long have you been out here?
 
Patrick: Since around the midsection of that terrible Let It Go parody. Why?
 
Sandra: Never mind. Come on, guys! We have queen to find!
 
Patrick: Oh, sweet! Which one?
 
Sandra: Which one? The only one capable of doing all this!
 
Patrick: (thinks) The Queen of Hearts?
 
Sandra: No! Queen Pearl!
 
Patrick: Oh, that was my second guess! What do you want to find her for?
 
Sandra: So I can bring back summer!
 
Patrick: Ooh, I love summer! Frolicking under the sun, feeling the warm sand beneath our feet, eating ice cream! I'm especially excited about the ice cream!
 
Sandra: How do you know so much about summer? You've only been alive for five minutes!
 
Patrick: Artistic license?
 
Sandra: Good enough for me! Let's go!
 
(Sandra, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary start walking toward the sandhill.)
 
SpongeBob: Is anybody going to tell Patrick what happens to snowmen under the sun? Anybody?
 
(To be continued...)
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Patrick Does An Elaborate Disney Parody (Part 2)
 
(SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandra make it to the top of the sandhill, where there's now a giant ice palace.)
 
Sandra: When was my sister an architect?
 
(They walk into the ice palace.)
 
Sandra: Pearl? Are you in here?
 
(Pearl walks out of her ice-room at the top of the ice-stairs.)
 
Pearl: Sandra? Patrick? Other guy?
 
SpongeBob: My name's
 
Pearl: Don't care. What are you all doing here?
 
Sandra: I'm here because I miss you. Patrick's here because he's the lovable sidekick.
 
Patrick: I'm lovable!
 
Sandra: SpongeBob's here because...why are you here, again?
 
(Gary crawls into the ice palace.)
 
SpongeBob: Gary likes the scenery.
 
Pearl: I'm sorry, but you all need to go.
 
Sandra: Why? We just got here.
 
Pearl: My powers are too dangerous. I don't want you or anybody else getting hurt.
 
SpongeBob: (laughs) Too late for that! You've already doomed us all with that eternal winter of yours!
 
Sandra: SpongeBob!
 
SpongeBob: Oh, were we transitioning to that?
 
Patrick: And I thought I was stupid! (takes a bite out of his carrot nose)
 
Pearl: I...doomed my kingdom?
 
Sandra: It's not that bad! All you have to do is bring summer back!
 
Pearl: I don't know how!
 
Sandra: Then we can do it together! (singing) 'Cause fer the first time in forever...
 
Pearl: (singing) I was a fool to think that I could ever be free!
 
Patrick: (singing) I can sing, too! Everybody listen to me sing!
 
Sandra: (singing) We'll reverse the storm, live happily ever after and all that.
 
Pearl: (singing) No, you'll only make it worse!
 
Patrick: (singing) I like ice cream!
 
Pearl: (singing) You can't control the curse!
 
Sandra: (singing) Yes, we can!
 
Pearl: (singing) No, we can't!
 
Sandra: (singing) Yes, we can!
 
(Pearl, at the height of her distress, shoots out icicles from all around her. One of the icicles hit Sandra in the chest.)
 
Pearl: No, we can't!
 
(Sandra falls to her knees, and SpongeBob rushes to help her up.)
 
Pearl: Please...leave.
 
Sandra: (coughs) We aren't going without you!
 
Pearl: Yes, you are!
 
(Pearl conjures up a large snow monster who picks Sandra and SpongeBob up and throws them both out of the palace.)
 
Patrick: There you are, sis!
 
(Snow Sam, the snow monster, turns around and smiles.)
 
Snow Sam: Little brubber!
 
(Snow Sam hugs Patrick.)
 
Snow Sam: Sorry, brubber, but mommy doesn't want visitors.
 
Patrick: Don't worry. I completely understand.
 
(Patrick kicks himself out of the palace.)
 
Sandra: Now what?
 
SpongeBob: Sandra, your fur is turning white!
 
Sandra: (looks at her hand) Well, what do you know? It is!
 
SpongeBob: I know just who to talk to about this!
 
(SpongeBob leads the rest of the gang to a valley full of rocks.)
 
SpongeBob: Meet my friends!
 
Patrick: Wow! You're friends with rocks, too?
 
Sandra: Uh, SpongeBob, did you happen to hit your head on anything when that monster threw us out of the palace?
 
(Suddenly, the rocks flip over to reveal that they're the trolls from earlier.)
 
Patrick: (sad) Aww. I thought they were rocks.
 
Head troll: What brings you to us, sponge boy and young troll?
 
SpongeBob: Gary's a reindeer, not a troll!
 
Patrick: I thought he was a snail.
 
SpongeBob: Anyway, I'm here to see if you can fix my friend.
 
Head troll: Ah, princess. How are you?
 
Sandra: Not... (coughs) great.
 
Head troll: (waves his hand) Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo. How about now?
 
Sandra: I still feel terrible.
 
Head troll: Oh, dear. She must have gotten stabbed in the heart. The only cure for that is true love's kiss.
 
Sandra: True love's kiss?
 
Head troll: Yeah, I know. How original.
 
Sandra: How will I find a true love to kiss?
 
SpongeBob: Don't worry! I have another friend who can help you with that!
 
(SpongeBob whistles through his fingers, and a few seconds later, Sebastian the Crab appears.)
 
Sebastian: (singing) Sha-la-la-la-la-la don’t be scared. You got the mood prepared. Go on and kiss the girl.
 
SpongeBob: Who? Me?
 
Sebastian: (singing) Sha-la-la-la-la-la don’t stop now. Don’t try to hide it how. You wanna kiss the girl.
 
(The trolls join in.)
 
Sebastian and the trolls: (singing) Sha-la-la-la-la-la float along. Listen to the song. The song say kiss the girl.
 
SpongeBob: She's a squirrel!
 
Sebastian and the trolls: (singing) Sha-la-la-la-la-la music play. Do what the music say. You wanna kiss the girl.
 
(SpongeBob runs away.)
 
Head troll: (to Sandra) He's just a bit of a fixer-upper.
 
(Meanwhile, Plankton is riding to Pearl's ice palace with an army.)
 
Plankton: Time to put an end to this infernal winter once and for all!
 
(Suddenly, Snow Sam jumps in front of the army and roars.)
 
Plankton: That is only ugly snowman.
 
Snow Sam: Mommy say it's what's on the inside that counts!
 
(Snow Sam swipes at Plankton's soldiers, knocking them off their seahorses. Plankton manages to get around Snow Sam and rides into the palace.)
 
Plankton: Come out now, you wretched woman!
 
(Pearl walks out of her room.)
 
Pearl: What do you want?
 
Plankton: We want to know what you did to Princess Sandra! Her horse came back to the kingdom without her!
 
Pearl: I don't know where she is, and I don't know how you got past my guard, but I suggest that you leave.
 
Plankton: You're the one who's about to leave...with me! 
 
(Plankton rides to the top of the stairs, avoiding Pearl's ice blasts. Pearl runs into her room, but Plankton jumps off his seahorse and ducks in after her before she can close the door. Plankton takes out a bow and arrow and aims it at Pearl. However, Pearl shoots an icicle at Plankton just as he releases the bow, causing the arrow to shoot up and slice through the rope from which the chandelier above her is hanging.)
 
Pearl: That could have turned out better.
 
(The chandelier falls on Pearl as Plankton watches from behind the icicle. Soldiers run into the room and find an unconcious Pearl on the ground with pieces of ice around her.)
 
Plankton: Well, what are you waiting for? APPREHEND THE GIRL!
 
(Pearl wakes up in a prison cell.)
 
Pearl: (sighs) I guess this is how it all ends.
 
(Pearl looks down at her handcuffs and notices that they're freezing.)
 
Pearl: Or maybe not.
 
(Princess Sandra walks into the kingdom with Patrick beside her.)
 
Fish: Princess, you're alive!
 
(The fishes cheer as Sandra and Patrick walk into the palace.)
 
Sandra: (sighs) I guess this is how it all ends.
 
Patrick: Don't worry, Sandra. I'm sure that SpongeBob and his snail will be back to see you one last time.
 
Sandra: It's a reindeer...a reindeer, not a snail.
 
(Plankton walks out of a nearby room and jumps at the sight of Sandra and Patrick.)
 
Plankton: Sandra! What are you doing back here and with a strange, starfish-shaped snowman?
 
Patrick: Hey, I'm not stra-
 
(Patrick's face starts to melt.)
 
Patrick: (holds his head in place) Who turned up the heat?
 
Sandra: You might be better off outside, Pat.
 
Patrick: You invite a guest into your home and immediately kick him out? I see how it is!
 
(Patrick, seeing that his feet have melted, slides out of the palace.)
 
Sandra: Ahh, this not-entirely-appropriate-for-our-time-period air conditioning system will make my final hours much more comfortable!
 
Plankton: Final hours? You're dying?
 
Sandra: Yeah, thanks to my sister's short temper.
 
Plankton: We actually have your sister in our possession.
 
Sandra: Really? Can I see her?
 
Plankton: No...
 
(Plankton jumps onto the thermostat and runs on it until the temperature's below freezing.)
 
Plankton: You aren't going anywhere.
 
(Sandra's fur becomes whiter, and she falls to the ground.)
 
Sandra: (weakly) Why are you doing this?
 
Plankton: Because I'm evil! Now to kill your sister and take over the kingdom. Been nice knowing you! (salutes)
 
(Plankton strolls out of the palace. When he gets to Pearl's prison cell, however, he only finds a hole in the wall surrounded by lots of ice.)
 
Plankton: She escaped!
 
(Plankton notices freshly made tracks in the snow outside of the hole. At the palace, Sandra is curled up on the floor, her fur completely white now, as Patrick walks back in.)
 
Patrick: It's feeling much cozier here! (gasps) Sandra?
 
(Patrick runs to Sandra and drags her outside.)
 
Patrick: I don't know how, but we're finding you a true love to kiss pronto!
 
(As Patrick and Sandra leave the kingdom, SpongeBob, who was heading towards the kingdom with Gary, sees them.)
 
SpongeBob: Patrick! Sandra! It's me!
 
Sandra: (turns around) SpongeBob?
 
(Plankton follows Pearl's tracks on a seahorse. When he sees Pearl, he springs himself off the seahorse's tail and lands right on Pearl's shoulder.)
 
Plankton: Not so fast!
 
Pearl: Get off me, you insect!
 
Plankton: I will, but first I've gotta tell you what happened to your sister.
 
Pearl: What did you do to Pearl?
 
Plankton: It's not what I did. It's what you did. She's dead because you went all Frozone on her.
 
Pearl: What? No.
 
(Pearl starts to cry, and as she does, Plankton quietly takes out a knife and gets ready to stab her. Sandra hears Pearl crying on the way to SpongeBob and Gary, and she turns around again, this time to help her sister.)
 
Sandra: Pearl! Watch out!
 
(Pearl raises her head just as Plankton brings the knife down, but the knife shatters on the impact of a frozen arm.)
 
Plankton: Well, this is awkward.
 
(Pearl blows Plankton away, and she's horrified to see that the frozen arm belongs to Sandra, whose body is now made of ice.) 
 
Pearl: Oh, no! (cries again)
 
(SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary hurry to where Pearl is.)
 
SpongeBob: We...failed.
 
(Sebastian swims in front of them.)
 
Sebastian: Not yet you haven't!
 
(Sebastian gives Sandra's frozen body a kiss on the mouth, and she immediately unfreezes.)
 
Sandra: Sebastian? You're my true love?
 
Sebastian: Sure, let's go with that.
 
(The eternal winter ends due to the power of love or something like that.)
 
Sebastian: (singing) Under the sea! Under the sea! You can't imagine how much we'll pay Disney in royalties!
 
Patrick: Summer is just as beautiful as I imagined.
 
(Patrick looks down and realizes that he's melting.)
 
Patrick: Well, that puts a damper on things.
 
(Pearl uses her ice magic to reconstruct Patrick as he was before.)
 
Pearl: You're now made of unmeltable ice.
 
Sandra: Is that even a thing?
 
Pearl: If I can build elaborate glacial palaces with zero construction knowledge, I think I can make unmeltable ice a thing.
 
Sandra: Good enough for me. Still, I can't help but think that we forgot something.
 
(Bishop Squidward, who is still frozen from before, watches the eternal winter end.)
 
Squidward: (muffled) Hello? Anybody out there? I'm really wishing this building had some time-inappropriate air conditioning right now.

Frozen.png

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

latest?cb=20161217015610

(Scooter, a pilot for the Resisty, walks into a village on a desert planet, where Old Man Jenkins is waiting for him.)

Old Man Jenkins: Do you have it?

Scooter: Like, totally, dude! (takes out a map)

Map: (singing) If there's a place you gotta go, I'm the one you need to know, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map.

Old Man Jenkins: Uhh...

Scooter: Don't worry, bro! It does that!

(Suddenly, stormtroopers rush into the village.)

Scooter: Oh no, bro! Map, get outta here!

Map: (singing) If there's a place you gotta get, I can get you there I bet, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map.

(The map digs itself into the sand as stormtroopers grab Scooter and Old Man Jenkins. The leader of the stormtroopers, an asthma-hound Chihuahua known as Ren, walks up to them.)

Ren: Where did the map go?

Scooter: Like, what map?

(Ren slaps Scoooter.)

Ren: You know perfectly well what map I'm talking about. The map that contains the location of Pat Starwalker!

Old Man Jenkins: Why do you want to find him so badly, anyway?

Ren: Because he's an eediot!

(The stormtroopers take Scooter and Old Man Jenkins onto Ren's spaceship, where they're guided to interrogation rooms. Ren takes a stormtrooper with him as he interrogates Scooter.)

Ren: I'll ask you one more time. Where's the map?

Scooter: I don't know, dude.

(Ren takes out oar.)

Ren: Wrong answer.

Scooter: W-what are you going to do that, bro? No, nooo!

(The stormtrooper watches in horror as Ren uses the oar to beat Scooter to a pulp. Once Ren is finished, he drops the oar and stretches.)

Ren: Keep an eye on him, won't you?

(The stormtrooper nods, and Ren leaves the room. The stormtrooper kneels next to Scooter, who is barely breathing.)

Stormtrooper: You okay?

Scooter: Why do you care, dude? You're nothing but a henchman.

Stormtrooper: No, I'm different.

(The stormtrooper takes off his helmet to reveal a fish underneath.)

Stormtrooper: Come on. I'm bustin' you out.

Scooter: Wha?

(The stormtrooper grabs Scooter and runs to the escape pods.)

Scooter: Why are you helping me?

Stormtrooper: Because I'm a good guy now. Just go with it.

Scooter: Can I at least get a name?

Stormtrooper: FN-1991.

Scooter: That name's bogus! How about I call you Finn? You know, like fish fins?

Finn: Ooh, I like it.

Scooter: Great! Let's get out of here!

(A passing stormtrooper sees Scooter and Finn getting into their escape pods.)

Stormtrooper: Hey there! Where do you think you're going?

Finn: Out of here!

(Finn shoots the stormtrooper with his blaster.)

Scooter: Like, whoa, dude! Did you just kill that guy?

Finn: Nah, he'll live.

Scooter: Really?

(Finn shrugs. Once Finn and Scooter are locked into the escape pods, the escape pods leave Ren's ship and start flying towards the desert planet.)

Finn: Get your parachute ready!

Scooter: You didn't mention a parachute, bro!

Finn: Oops.

(Finn ejects from his escape pod and opens his parachute. He watches as his and Scooter's escape pods explode on the planet below.)

Finn: Don't worry, Scooter. I'll continue fighting for you.

(After landing on the desert planet, Finn finds Scooter's jacket in the sand. He takes off his stormtrooper armor and puts the jacket on. He then walks to the nearest settlement, where he sees the map bouncing down a road with a female stingray.)

Finn: Hey!

(The map turns around and immediately recognizes Scooter's jacket on Finn. The map bounces towards Finn, and the stingray follows it.)

Stingray: Who are you?

Finn: My name is Finn.

Stingray: Like that stretchy guy on that Cartoon Network show?

Finn: We don't talk about that show here. How about you? What's your name?

Stingray: Rei.

Finn: That's just different enough to keep us from getting sued!

Rei: What do you want?

Finn: That map over there.

Map: (singing) I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map...

Rei: You can have it. The junk boss wouldn't give me anything for it. Plus, it's annoying.

Finn: Wait, you're a scavenger?

Rei: Yeah. What do you do?

Finn: Don't tell anyone...but I'm part of the Resisty!

Rei: The Resisty is still a thing? That is so 30 years ago.

Finn: Yeah, well we're back, and that map will lead us right to Pat Starwalker!

Rei: That's so cool! I wish I knew that when I took it to the junk boss.

(Suddenly, Ren's spaceship lands in the middle of the settlement, and stormtroopers start running out of it.)

Finn: Barnacles! We've gotta bounce!

Rei: We?

Finn: You don't think the junk boss won't tell on you? I'll keep you safe!

(Finn stuffs the map in his pocket, grabs Rei's hand, and runs towards a  shapeship shaped like a pineapple.)

Rei: Let go of me! I can keep myself safe!

Finn: Sorry, can't hear you!

(Once Finn and Rei are in the spaceship, Rei punches Finn.)

Finn: Ow! Is this the thanks I get?

Rei: Go bite whale bubbles!

Voice: Hey, hey! Can't we all just get along?

(Finn and Rei turn around to find the owner of the voice is a wrinkly old sponge.)

Rei: Are you SpongeSolo?

SpongeSolo: That I am, missy! What are you two doing on my ship?

Finn: We're escaping from Ren's men.

Rei: Correction: You're escaping from Ren's men. I'm an unwilling participant.

SpongeSolo: Ooh, a good old-fashioned getaway! Stay right here! I'll have the Millenium Fruit blasting off in no time!

(SpongeSolo runs to the cockpit, where Garebacca is chewing on a Snookiee Stick.)

SpongeSolo: Don't eat too many of those, Garebacca. You know what they do to your liver.

Garebacca: Merowrowrow.

(SpongeSolo flies the Millenium Fruit into space. An hour later, Finn walks into the cockpit.)

Finn: Say, where are we going?

SpongeSolo: To meet with General Sandra, of course! You have the map, right?

(SpongeSolo points to the map in Finn's pocket.)

Finn: Yeah, I guess.

SpongeSolo: Then we're right on schedule!

(SpongeSolo lands the Millenium Fruit onto a jungle planet. Resisty fighters surround the ship, and SpongeSolo walks out with his hands up. General Sandra, who is with the fighters, tells the fighters to disperse, then she approaches SpongeSolo.)

General Sandra: What are you doing back here?

SpongeSolo: I have something you may want.

(SpongeSolo motions for Finn to come out of the Millenium Fruit. After he does that, Finn gives General Sandra the map.)

Map: (singing) I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map...

General Sandra: Yep, that's definitely it.

(General Sandra notices Rei watching them from inside the Millenium Fruit.)

General Sandra: And who's she?

Finn: Just a scavenger.

Rei: Just a scavenger?

(Rei runs off the Millenium Fruit and starts chasing Finn around.)

Rei: Fight me like a man!

Finn: I want my mommy!

General Sandra: After you two are done with that, join us in the base!

(Finn and Rei follow General Sandra and SpongeSolo to the Resisty base. There, General Sandra types the coordinates of Pat Starwalker's location into Squidroid.)

Squidroid: You're taking me along?

General Sandra: Better you than that singing map.

Map: (singing) I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map...

Squidroid: If I could feel pain, I'd feel an extraordinary amount of it right now.

General Sandra: SpongeSolo, you and your friends have my highest respect. Please, take these honorary lightsabers as gifts.

(Three Resisty fighters give SpongeSolo, Finn, and Rei boxes containing lightsabers. Suddenly, the ground starts to shake.)

General Sandra: What's that?

(A fighter runs into the base, panting.)

Fighter: Stormtroopers are coming!

General Sandra: Barnacles! How did they find us?

(Ren enters the base with an army of stormtroopers behind him.)

Ren: Someone on the desert planet tipped us off, and after that, it was as easy as following a giant pineapple.

(Everyone gives SpongeSolo dirty looks.)

SpongeSolo: My bad.

Ren: Now, where's the map?

Map: (singing) I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map...

General Sandra: For once, will you shut up?

(Ren grabs the map and laughs.)

Ren: Finally! Now I can get my revenge on Pat Starwalker for getting The Silly Adventures of Stimpson J. Cat cancelled! "Oh, we can't have two shows about idiot sidekicks!" the network said. That was a weekly paycheck I'll never see again!

(Suddenly, a lightsaber goes through Ren's chest.)

Ren: Huh?

(Rei walks up to Ren and takes her lightsaber out.)

Rei: I'm in a building full of trained, elite fighters, and I'm the first person to think of this?

General Sandra: Well, you see, uh...

(The stormtroopers look at each other confused.)

Stormtrooper 1: What do we do now?

Stormtrooper 2: I don't know.

Stormtrooper 3: Hey, is that FN-1991?

Finn: Look at the time! We should probably get going now!

General Sandra: Come back anytime you want to.

Finn: Yeah, yeah! Whatever, let's go!

SpongeSolo: Give Pat my best regards, Sandra.

(SpongeSolo, Finn, and Rei depart and are ignored by the now-leaderless stormtroopers. General Sandra and Squidroid squeeze into a small spaceship, which they use to fly to a water planet covered with small islands. They land on an island, and after several minutes of walking, they find a now-bearded Pat Starwalker sleeping on a rock.)

General Sandra: Hello, Pat.

Pat Starwalker: (wakes up) Sandra? Squidroid?

General Sandra: It's time to come out of hibernation. We need you. The galaxy needs you. It needs...

Pat Starwalker: My silly adventures.

General Sandra: Your silly adventures.

(Pat Starwalker nods and picks up his rock, revealing M. Night Shyamalan under it.)

Pat Starwalker: Come on. We have some episodes to write.

M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist?

Pat Starwalker: (smiles) Just like old times.

(The episode ends on an iris out.)

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Patrick Celebrates Boxing Day

(Patrick walks into SpongeBob's house wearing boxing gloves.)

SpongeBob: What are the gloves for?

Patrick: It's boxing day! The day where everybody wears boxing gloves in honor of the Queen!

SpongeBob: I don't think that's how boxing day works...

Patrick: You callin' me a liar?

(Patrick punches SpongeBob in the face. Because he's a sponge, it simply leaves a mark that disappears after a few seconds.)

SpongeBob: Ow.

Patrick: That'll teach you to contradict me!

SpongeBob: Do you even know what "contradict" means?

Patrick: No.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Gets a Haircut

(Patrick walks into a barbershop and sits down on a stool.)

Patrick: Give me your finest shave, sir.

Barber: I can't.

Patrick: Why not?

Barber: Because you don't have hair.

Patrick: Yes, I do!

(Patrick raises an arm to reveal a large patch of hair underneath it. The barber faints from the smell of Patrick's armpit.)

Patrick: How unprofessional!

(The patch of hair turns around to reveal that it's actually a sea otter.)

Sea otter: Hey! Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep here!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick's Fan Mail #13

(A mailman walks up to the mail slot in Patrick's rock. Patrick suddenly pops out of it.)

Patrick: HI, MAILMAN!

(The mailman screams and runs away. Patrick's letter falls onto his face.)

Patrick: Hey! Words!

Quote

 

Do you like the booty?

Ponyo Fan 

 

Patrick: Well, fan of Ponyo, I'm not sure what "the booty" is. But I'm sure SpongeBob knows what it is! I'll ask him!

(Patrick goes to SpongeBob's house, where SpongeBob is studying for his driver's test.)

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. Sorry to bother you, but I got a letter asking if I liked "the booty". Do you know what "the booty" is?

SpongeBob: I don't know exactly, but I hear Mr. Krabs talking about it all the time. You should ask him.

Patrick: (sadly) Oh, man! More walking!

SpongeBob: Don't worry! I can just call him on my shellphone, late night when I need your love!

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob: It's a pop culture reference. Ignore it.

(SpongeBob dials Mr. Krabs' number on his shellphone.)

SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs? Patrick had a question about something in one of his letters that I think you'd know a lot about.

(SpongeBob gives the phone to Patrick.)

Patrick: What's "the booty"?

Mr. Krabs: (on the phone) Oh, yes. The booty. There's nothing in the seven seas I love more than the booty. I love touching it, holding it, smelling it!

Patrick: So, what is it?

Mr. Krabs: Money, dear boy!

Patrick: Oh, that's all it is? I love money, Ponyo Fan! Without it, how could I buy mayonnaise?

Mr. Krabs: What's a Ponyo fan?

Patrick: That's another question for another day.

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Patrick Goes to Pizza Castle

(Patrick walks into King Neptune's palace and is immediately stopped by guards.)

Patrick: Hey, is this Pizza Castle?

Guard: No, this is the castle of the ruler of the seven seas, the Great Almighty King Neptune!

Patrick: Close enough. Can I get a double olive

Guard: WE DON'T SERVE PIZZA HERE!

(Neptune, who is sleeping on his throne, immediately wakes up.)

Neptune: What is this I hear about pizza?

Guard: Nothing, sir. Just an idiotic starfish who will now be on his way.

Patrick: Not without my double olive, sausage, ham, and pineapple pizza!

Neptune: Get the man his pizza so I can go back to sleep!

(The guard sighs and takes a shellphone out of his pocket.)

Guard: (dials a number) Hello? Do you guys sell pizza?

Squidward: (on the other end) No, and we never will again.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Stinks

(Squidward knocks on Patrick's rock, and the rock opens with Patrick stuck to the bottom of it.)

Patrick: Hello, Mr. Squidward!

Squidward: What did I tell you about using my clothes line to floss your teeth?

Patrick: Dental hygiene is important!

Squidward: (covers nose) Barnacles, Patrick! What did you eat this morning?

Patrick: Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza.

Squidward: Anything else?

Patrick: I also had some of these fried oyster skins.

(Patrick pulls out a bowl of fried oyster skins.)

Squidward: FRIED OYSTER SKINS?

(Squidward faints.)

Patrick: I guess he doesn't want any.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Shuts Down the Government

(Patrick walks into the mayor's office.)

Mayor: Who are you?

Patrick: I'm a concerned citizen of the great city of Bikini Bottom!

Mayor: What's your concern?

Patrick: My concern is that a lot of bad people are coming into Bikini Bottom, and we need a wall around the city to keep them out!

Mayor: Well, that makes perfect sense! Don't worry, concerned citizen. I'll get you your wall no matter what!

(A week later, SpongeBob and Patrick are watching the Bikini Bottom News at SpongeBob's house.)

Perch Perkins: It's official: the mayor is shutting down all government activities until a border wall is built around Bikini Bottom.

SpongeBob: What idiot would shut down the government over a wall?

Patrick: (points to himself) This idiot! I'm the one who told the mayor to do that!

SpongeBob: Why?

Patrick: Bad people are coming in, SpongeBob. (points to the window) Like that guy, outside! He clearly isn't from here! (whispering) Probably from Rock Bottom, cause you know how those people are.

SpongeBob: That's our neighbor, Squidward!

Patrick: Really? He's a lot uglier than I remember.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Gets Snapped

(SpongeBob and Patrick are in SpongeBob's house watching the Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy when the actual Mermaid Man runs in.)

Mermaid Man: It's terrible, simply terrible!

SpongeBob: Mermaid Man! What's wrong?

Mermaid Man: Thanos...he's going to wipe out half of all existence just for the fun of it. I tried to stop him...but I couldn't.

SpongeBob: Where's Barnacle Boy?

(Mermaid Man looks behind him.)

Mermaid Man: He...he was with me. Oh, no.

SpongeBob: Do you think...

(SpongeBob turns around and realizes Patrick is no longer sitting beside him.)

SpongeBob: Oh, my Neptune. Where's Patrick?

Mermaid Man: (looks down) I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

(A few seconds later, Patrick comes out of the kitchen with a seanut butter and jellyfish jam sandwich in his hands.)

Patrick: Who's the old guy?

(What a twist!)

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