The Krusty Krab: The Years Before Spongebob

[Ron]

Page 3?

EDIT: Yay! ^.^

[Ron]

NARRATOR: Welcome...to the Season 4 premiere of the hit show....Years Before Spongebob! The show has once again been picked up for another season, this time with a season total of 15 episodes! YouÔÇÖll see your favorites, such as Marina, Squidward, Jim, Tim, and others! All...in the brand new season...starting right now!

NOTE: Years Before Spongebob is a family friendly show and all inappropriate language and scenes have been cut. The rating stays at TV-G.

Episode 45: Team Krabs

It was a slow...slow...SLOW day at The Krusty Krabs. It was also a scorching and sticky day.

ÔÇ£IsnÔÇÖt there a pool in Bikini Bottom?ÔÇØ asked Marina.

ÔÇ£Yeah,ÔÇØ Squidward replied, dripping with sweat. ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖve tried going there before. It wasnÔÇÖt pretty.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Why?ÔÇØ she asked.

ÔÇ£ThereÇÖs a bunch of freaking little kids! I got trampled when I tried to get an ice cream!ÔÇØ he exclaimed.

ÔÇ£How do we cool off then?ÔÇØ Tom moaned.

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs!ÔÇØ cried Tim. ÔÇ£Can we buy a pool!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£No!ÔÇØ he barked.

ÔÇ£How bout a new air conditioner?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£No!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Ughh....,ÔÇØ the staff groaned.

ÔÇ£Well hey,ÔÇØ said Jim getting up. He walked over to a random, dusty bookshelf in the corner. ÔÇ£Maybe we can play game? Fishopoly, anyone?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Boring,ÔÇØ complained Marmaduke.

ÔÇ£The game of Knife? ItÔÇÖs the life of a killer.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Nope.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Poops and Bladders? ItÔÇÖs like Chutes and Ladders, but much less popular,ÔÇØ said Jim.

ÔÇ£WasnÔÇÖt that game banned?ÔÇØ

Suddenly, the doors of the restaurant was opened and a team of 12 baseball players strolled in.

Mr. Krabs burst out of his office.

ÔÇ£Do I smell...,ÔÇØ he gasped. ÔÇ£WhatÔÇÖre you doinÔÇÖ here, Javier?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Well, Krabs,ÔÇØ said a beefy crab, sitting down. The chair creaked under his weight. ÔÇ£Me and my super fit and awesome team were coming here to see if you still had YOUR team.ÔÇØ His team of fat pedophiles sat down as well.

ÔÇ£WhatÔÇÖs he talking about, Mr. K?ÔÇØ asked Marina.

Mr. Krabs sighed. ÔÇ£I used to be baseball player.

Marina gasped.

Marmaduke gasped.

Tim gasped.

Jim gasped.

Tom gasped.

ÔÇ£Huh?ÔÇØ Squidward said. ÔÇ£Oh, sorry.ÔÇØ He gasped.

-------

ÔÇ£Yes, itÔÇÖs true,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£I was a baseball player.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£A ::dolphin noises:: one as well,ÔÇØ said Javier.

ÔÇ£Anyway...,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, disregarding JavierÔÇÖs statement. ÔÇ£I had the Krabby Kelps and Javier had the Jumping Jackers. We were rivals.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£So how come you stopped playing?ÔÇØ asked Marmaduke.

ÔÇ£Hold on, hold on! IÔÇÖm getting there,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£Anyway, I broke my back when I sliding to home base. I never played an inning again.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£So will ya take the challenge, old Krabby?ÔÇØ Javier said.

ÔÇ£I donÔÇÖt have a team,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, shrugging his shoulders. ÔÇ£Everyone from Krabby Kelps is dead by now.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Use these guys.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Us?ÔÇØ the crew said in unison.

ÔÇ£Or...are ya too much of a ::dolphin noises:: to take my ::dolphin noises:: dare?ÔÇØ Javier said. He made chicken noises.

ÔÇ£Fine,ÔÇØ sneered Krabs. ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre on.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£::dolphin noises::, Mr. Krabs!ÔÇØ Marmaduke said. ÔÇ£I suck at baseball!ÔÇØ ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre umpire!ÔÇØ

----

It was the night of the game. Tim was on the first and Mr. Krabs was at bat. Javier threw the ball and Mr. Krabs hit it. Mr. Krabs ran.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre supposed to run, Tim!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Huh?ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs crashed into him.

A few innings later, Squidward ran back to home base when he was on first.

ÔÇ£You go left, Squidward. Not right.ÔÇØ

In the end, Javier and the Pedophiles beat the living ::dolphin noises:: out of them. But, Mr. Krabs was happy when Javier had a heart attack and died.

-----

Back at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs happily served his customers crappy food. He had outlived his rival.

[Ron]

This episode of Years Before Spongebob is rated TV-G and all profanity and inappropriate scenes have been cut. Thank you.

Episode 46: Me, Anybody?

It was an ordinary day at The Krusty Krab, as usual. Everyone was completing their day-to-day duties when a limo pulled up out front.

"Who's that?" Marina asked.

"I dunno," Mr. Krabs said, peering through the window. A man in a black suit walked out and opened the door to the limo. A beautiful fish in a purple dress got out.

"Oh my god!" Marmaduke screeched. "That's Lindsey Blow***!"

"What?" Everyone was taken aback. "That's her last name?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Uh...is she married to Mr. Hand***?" joked Jim.

Marmaduke didn't get it.

"Cuz...blow*** and hand***...nevermind, you don't get it," Jim said.

The glass doors to the Krusty Krab opened and Lindsey entered.

"Hello, peasants!" she greeted them. "I am here to--"

"Are ya gonna buy somethin?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"Yes," she said. "One thousand Krabby Patties and a VIP pass to your lives."

"Sold!" Mr. Krabs exclaimed.

"Mr. Krabs!"

"Mr. Krabs!"

"Mr. Krabs!"

----

"Mr. Krabs, you can't give her a pass to our lives!" Marina said to Mr. Krabs. The gang had all crowded into Mr. Krabs office.

"Relax!" he said. "Yer'll be fine!"

"How long will she be here?" asked Tom.

"A month."

"A MONTH!?"

"A month."

"But...she's a ::dolphin noise::!" said Tim. "We can't live with her."

"Well deal with it or yer fired! Now get out of me office!" Mr. Krabs hollered.

----

Lindsey ate with her mouth open. It was disgusting.

"So...uh...Lindsey," Jim said, strolling up. "How are ya doing?"

"Good," she said, food spewing everywhere. "So how do you guys cook? Show me the fryer!"

"Okay...," Jim said. He led her into the back room and turned on the fryer. "See?"

She dipped her finger in the fat and screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed. "That ******* hurts! Why the **** would you ******** tell me to ******* do that you ****** ******** *** ******!"

"Uh....you did that yourself," he said.

"Yeah...hey, wanna have ***?"

"UH....what?"

"Kiss me!" She dove on top of him.

----

Squidward had just finished washing his hands when he walked into the kitchen to see Lindsey and Jim lying naked underneath a box of Krabby Patties.

"OH ::dolphin noises::!" Jim cried. "Look away!"

"OH MY GOD!" Squidward screeched, trying to look away.

"Who's that?" Lindsey said.

----

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to go," Lindsey told Jim.

"No!" Jim said. "You have to stay!" As much as he hated HER, he LOVED the way she *ucked.

"Hmm...."

And then they had *ex again and again and again and again. The following week, Jim broke up with her and went back to his daily routine.

[Ron]

IÔÇÖm done with censoring everything. NO LONGER A FAMILY SHOW. Now..

The following episode of Years Before Spongebob is rated TV-14-L-V-D for strong language, violence, and some inappropriate dialogue. Thank you!

Episode #47: Catholic Krabs

As Mr. Krabs drove to work, he noticed the Bikini Bottom Church. Tons of people were flowing out of it.

ÔÇ£Hmm...,ÔÇØ he grunted, trying to avoid the annoying people in the middle of the street. It then hit him. He got extremely excited, thinking of all the money. He ran over an old lady and arrived at The Krusty Krab. He raced in, sweating.

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs, take a damn shower!ÔÇØ Squidward sneered. ÔÇ£You smell and look terrible!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Is that how you talk to EVERYONE?ÔÇØ Marina asked, cleaning a cup. ÔÇ£No wonder youÔÇÖre lonely.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£You donÔÇÖt want vagina?ÔÇØ Jim teased.

ÔÇ£No,ÔÇØ Squidward said, matter-of-factly.

ÔÇ£Oh, so you want dick?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£I didnÔÇÖt say that...,ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£HEY!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs hollered. ÔÇ£I have an idea!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£When donÔÇÖt you have an idea?ÔÇØ said Tim, rolling his eyes.

ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖre turning into a church!ÔÇØ he exclaimed. ÔÇ£Squidward, youÔÇÖre the priest. Marina, you can be the ring-barer. Tom, youÔÇÖre--ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs, a ring-barer is for a wedding,ÔÇØ explained Marina.

He looked blankly at her. ÔÇ£Marina, youÔÇÖre the ring-barer, Jim, youÔÇÖre the communion guy, and Tim and Tom...you guys can be security.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Marina said. ÔÇ£WHY would you need security at church?ÔÇØ

Mr. Krabs stared blankly at her. ÔÇ£Okay, IÔÇÖm going to draw you guys as animals doing your jobs!ÔÇØ He pulled paper out from his backside.

ÔÇ£You have paper and crayons in your ass?ÔÇØ

He ignored it. ÔÇ£Okay, done!ÔÇØ He showed a picture of Tim as a squirrel. ÔÇ£This is Skim the Squirrel!ÔÇØ He showed another that looked like Jim. ÔÇ£This is Kim the Duck.ÔÇØ He showed another that resembled Tom. ÔÇ£This is Com the Dolphin.ÔÇØ Another that looked like Squidward. ÔÇ£This is Putty the Lion.ÔÇØ He showed another resembling Marina. ÔÇ£And this is Bitch-Dog.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Hey!ÔÇØ Marina exclaimed.

ÔÇ£I canÔÇÖt deny the truth!ÔÇØ

-----

Jim was standing on a ladder, putting a cross on the Krusty Krab. The building hadnÔÇÖt changed whatsoever; not even on the inside.

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs, you canÔÇÖt put a cross on a building and call it a church!ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£What? Are you insulting Jesus? YouÔÇÖre insulting God. DonÔÇÖt insult god. This is a house of God now!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

ÔÇ£No, itÔÇÖs a house of grease and grills,ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£And thatÔÇÖs a house of pancakes!ÔÇØ Tom said, pointing to an iHop across the street. Jim then strolled up.

ÔÇ£Okay, Mr. K, all done with the cross,ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£Good. Tim, go get some holy water from the grease trap,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre holy water is grease? But how--you know what, I wonÔÇÖt even nag,ÔÇØ Marina said, facepalming.

ÔÇ£You finally learn!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs congratulated. He walked inside.

----

It was Sunday morning. A bunch of people had showed up; they were eating Krabby Patties as Mr. Krabs had forced them to buy them in order to gain entry.

ÔÇ£Now,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£Welcome our head priest, Squidward Ballsack!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Tennis Balls---tentacles!ÔÇØ Squidward shouted. He walked into the cash register boat and opened up the Bible. ÔÇ£Our lesson today will be about whether Tom Kenny is a god or not. We will also be covering the book of Mustard in the Fry Cook-New Te---Mr. Krabs, who wrote this bible?ÔÇØ

He shrugged. ÔÇ£JUST KEEP GIVING THE SERMON!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Anyway,ÔÇØ Squidward continued. He was suddenly interrupted as three guys in white burst in.

Marina gasped. ÔÇ£The Pope!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Um, IÔÇÖm like, Josh Scarlet,ÔÇØ one priest said.

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm Superman!ÔÇØ the other priest said, ripping off his cloak to reveal of a Superman logo. ÔÇ£Um...IÔÇÖm sorry. My Mom said IÔÇÖd look cool.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£You stole all our Catholics,ÔÇØ the Pope screamed.

ÔÇ£Catholics are for everybody!ÔÇØ growled Mr. Krabs.

ÔÇ£What happened to you?ÔÇØ the Pope said. ÔÇ£Did somebody have their period on your shell?ÔÇØ

Mr. Krabs gasped. ÔÇ£All crabs are red, dipshit!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Not the blue ones.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£There arenÔÇÖt blue crabs!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£So why do you wear that little white hat? It looks like an upside down plate.ÔÇØ ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Bitch,ÔÇØ the Pope said.

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs it, get the hell outta my restaura--church!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£SECURITY!ÔÇØ

Tim and Tom rushed up.

ÔÇ£LetÔÇÖs go, buddy,ÔÇØ they said. They dragged the three out.

ÔÇ£See,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said to Marina. ÔÇ£THATÔÇÖS when security will come in handy in a church.ÔÇØ

[Ron]

Episode #48: SquidwardÔÇÖs Big Break Part 1

It was a sunny day at The Krusty Krab. Squidward was alone in the front room, looking at a the Teen Beat magazine.

ÔÇ£Joe Jonas is out of the Jonas Brothers! OMJ!ÔÇ he cried. Jim walked out from the bathroom. Squidward quickly shoved Teen Beat down and pulled up Wrestler Weekly.

ÔÇ£Wrestler Weekly,ÔÇØ Jim said as he passed back. ÔÇ£Excellent choice.ÔÇØ He entered Mr. Krabs office, leaving Squidward alone again.

ÔÇ£Phew!ÔÇØ he said. ÔÇ£That was close.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£What was close?ÔÇØ Marina asked, walking out of the girlsÔÇÖ lavatory.

ÔÇ£Uh...uh...I was close to death!ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£How, exactly, were you close to death?ÔÇØ asked Marina.

ÔÇ£I was about to drown!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Squidward...we live in the ocean. This is all water. We breath it. How do you drown? ItÔÇÖd be like humans drowning in air,ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£FUCK YOU, FUCKWAD,ÔÇØ Squidward shouted, flipping her off.

ÔÇ£Um..,ÔÇØ she said.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm...IÔÇÖm sorry about that,ÔÇØ he said, sitting back down.

ÔÇ£Okay, stop!ÔÇØ the judge called.

ÔÇ£Good job!ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£I did good?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Yeah!ÔÇØ

Jim walked out from ÔÇ£Mr. KrabÔÇÖs Office.ÔÇØ The three were in Barnaclewood, auditioning for a part in a play. Mr. Krabs had allowed them to go, only if they gave him $100.

ÔÇ£That was really good,ÔÇØ Paula Fishdul said, clapping. ÔÇ£I loved it!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Good, good,ÔÇØ said an incredibly attractive Ryan Seacrest. ÔÇ£Randy Jackfish?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Yo dog, I was really feeling that dog. Ya know dog, Jim was pretty good, dog, but Marina was like a mommy dog. What do they call those, Paula?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Bitches,ÔÇØ Paula said, clapping.

ÔÇ£Oh yeah,ÔÇØ he said. ÔÇ£Marina was like a bitch dog.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs it, thatÔÇÖs it!ÔÇØ she said, dropping her microphone on the ground. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm off!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Talk about diva,ÔÇØ Simon Bowell said.

ÔÇ£Anyway, I liked it, dog. You had a real dawg vibe, dog.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Thank you, Randy. We just might have to put in some titles in just so people can understand what youÔÇÖre saying!ÔÇØ He chuckled. ÔÇ£Okay, IÔÇÖm almost afraid to ask....Simon...ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Well, you sounded very nervous and--ÔÇØ

He was shocked when Paula smacked him.

ÔÇ£STOP TALKING SHIT TO EVERYONE!ÔÇØ she shouted, crying.

ÔÇ£But, but, thatÔÇÖs my job! IÔÇÖm a JUDGE!ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs it! IÔÇÖm with Marina!ÔÇØ She ran off stage.

ÔÇ£Well, two bitches have run off stage today! Will Marina come back? Who is to blame for Paula quitting? Tune back in after the break!ÔÇØ

It then cut to commercial.

ÔÇ£Wait, so did you get the job, Squidward?ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs asked. They were watching the audition on TV.

ÔÇ£Oh, yeah,ÔÇØ he nodded, sipping coffee. He waved around a blue ticket.

ÔÇ£So when do you go to Barnaclewood?ÔÇØ asked Tim.

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Next week,ÔÇØ he replied.

ÔÇ£You seem very relaxed about it,ÔÇØ observed Marina.

ÔÇ£Meh,ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£HasnÔÇÖt that always been your dream?ÔÇØ asked Tom.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖve always wanted to be a famous clarinet player. But acting is alright too, I guess,ÔÇØ he said. ÔÇ£American Idol comes next month. Now is just Acting Idol.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh.ÔÇØ

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2....

[Ron]

Episode 50#: I Married a Flounder

Business was extremely slow, so Mr. Krabs decided to hire a new employee...what he didnÔÇÖt know was that he was Indian. One day, the employee named Jashee showed up with a bride, an elephant, and everyone in his family.

ÔÇ£WHAT IS GOINÔÇÖ ON HERE?ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs exclaimed.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm having my wedding,ÔÇØ Jashee said, smiling. Squidward then walked in, late to work, and slipped on the brides dress. The bride fell down. Jashee screamed. Jim ran out with the cake. He tripped on Squidward and the enormous cake showered on everyone!

[Ron]

Episode 51: Klub Krabby

It was a typical day at The Krusty Krab when Mr Krabs, being the sweaty cheap ass he is, decided to take off an hour of everyoneÔÇÖs lunch break and call a conference meeting.

ÔÇ£Okay troops,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, pacing back and forth in front of them. ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs the middle of the school year and everyone is busy. Business is not doinÔÇÖ well. Any ideas?ÔÇØ

Silence. Deadly silence.

ÔÇ£Oh, so this is how itÔÖll be?ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£JIM! IDEA! NOW!ÔÇØ

Jim got up and started to walk out.

ÔÇ£Boy, whatÔÇÖre you doin?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£You said to go to Ikea,ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£Dammit Jim, I said ÔÇÿidea.ÔÇÖ Now sit down!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

ÔÇ£Oh!ÔÇØ Marina said. ÔÇ£We should repair all the cracks and scratches this place has!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs bullshit, Marina. This place is perfect!ÔÇØ

*Flash to cracks, flooding bathroom, enormous whole in the middle of the restaurant and rats crawling everywhere*

ÔÇ£Well...maybe we could try not serving crap?ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£Crap?

*Flash to kitchen overflowing with grease*

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs, our ketchup packets are one million calories per packet,ÔÇØ Marina said.

Mr. Krabs stood there. ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre point being?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs unhealthy!ÔÇØ she exclaimed.

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Marina, people want good food!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

ÔÇ£Good food doesnÔÇÖt have to unhealthy!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Anyway...back to the point, since Marina must fill this room with all her goddamn nitpicking,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£Any GOOD ideas?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£How about a club?ÔÇØ suggested Tim.

ÔÇ£As in a gentlemenÔÇÖs club?ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

Tim facepalmed. ÔÇ£No, Mr. Krabs. As in a fun, partying, liquor-serving club.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh, I see,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, stroking his chin. ÔÇ£So a strip club?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£No....,ÔÇØ Tim said.

Marina rolled her eyes.

----

After weeks of trying to get Mr. Krabs to understand, the Klub Krabby was open for business. And for Mr. Krabs, Jim ordered two sponges to his office.

-----

It was now one oÔÇÖ clock in the morning. The Krusty Krab was a wreck. Mr. Krabs was naked with two naked sponges at his side. A young sponge named Spongebob walked towards the restaurant and knocked on the glass.

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Hello? Can I apply for a job?!ÔÇØ Spongebob cried. He peered in through the window and saw the two naked sponges. ÔÇ£Mom, what are you doing with that crab?ÔÇØ

[Ron]

COMPLETELY forgot to post this. Enjoy!

Episode #49: SquidwardÔÇÖs Big Break Part 2

Squidward sat back stage, putting on some makeup. It was the night of his big performance; the judges sat, ready to watch Squidward and decide whether to give him an acting career.

ÔÇ£Okay, Squiddy,ÔÇØ he muttered. ÔÇ£Just stay calm...ÔÇØ

Suddenly, the door opened and a security guard let Mr. Krabs, Jim, Tim, Tom, Marmaduke, and Marina in. They were all chatting amongst themselves.

ÔÇ£Oh shit,ÔÇØ Squidward muttered, faceplaming.

ÔÇ£Hey Squiddy!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Sup Squidward!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What....the hell....are you GUYS DOING HERE?!ÔÇØ Squidward shouted.

ÔÇ£Coming to support you,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£Simon Bitchwad can be a real bitch.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖll kick his ass if you need us too,ÔÇØ Jim said, winking.

ÔÇ£What?!ÔÇØ said Squidward. ÔÇ£No, donÔÇÖt do that!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Why?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Huh?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£JUST LEAVE,ÔÇØ Squidward said.

ÔÇ£I paid five dollars to get here. FIVE HUNDRED CENTS! WeÔÇÖre staying, Mr. Squidward,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

ÔÇ£Ugh...,ÔÇØ he moaned. ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs over! ItÔÇÖs all over! My career is NEVER going to take off!ÔÇØ

(theme plays ÔÇ£Thank You For Being a FriendÔÇØ)

While Paula and Simon made out on the catwalk, an unwanted guest arrived.

ÔÇ£Oh no, dog!ÔÇØ Randy said. ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs Ellen!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh hey Randy! HowÔÇÖs it been? Do you still like dogs? I like dogs. Their so fuzzy and warm! Ya know, I used to have a dog, two actually, but they got hit by a truck and it was sad because there was blood everywhere and I had to pick it up. But oh well, alls well that ends well, eh dog? OH YEAH!ÔÇØ Ellen rambled.

Meanwhile, Squidward had locked himself in a room in order to practice his script. But sure enough, Jim broke down the door with MarmadukeÔÇÖs super hard head.

ÔÇ£Get....out!ÔÇØ Squidward screamed.

A few seconds later, the room was a mess. Marmaduke and Jim were running around, asking ÔÇ£WhatÔÇÖs this? WhatÔÇÖs that?ÔÇØ and touching everything.

-----

ÔÇ£WhereÔÇÖd a vending machine go?ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs asked a producer.

ÔÇ£What? Who are you?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm the friend of the star of this play!ÔÇØ screamed Mr. Krabs. ÔÇ£Now I demand that you give me a vending machine!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Sir, weÔÇÖre going to have to ask you to leave,ÔÇØ the producer said blatantly.

ÔÇ£I refuse,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, crossing his arms. Two security guards then picked Mr. Krabs up and carried him out of the theater. They passed Ellen.

ÔÇ£...and then I was like, ÔÇ£Hey, Yellow Curved Fruit ARE bananas!ÔÇØ IsnÔÇÖt that funny? I also learned that little green trees are broccoli and that that vampire blood is actually cherry flavored Kool Aid!ÔÇØ Ellen exclaimed.

-----

The play had begun. Squidward only knew his lines up until Act 4!

ÔÇ£To be or not to be,ÔÇØ Squidward recited.

ÔÇ£BE WHAT?ÔÇØ Tim screamed.

Squidward cringed.

ÔÇ£Now...where is my wife?ÔÇØ Squidward said. Silence. ÔÇ£I said...WHERE IS MY WIFE!ÔÇØ

Jim was pushed on stage, naked. He was pulled back, and then pushed out again, wearing a TIGHT tutu.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm here, husband!ÔÇØ He ran up and hugged Squidward.

ÔÇ£Oh god,ÔÇØ Squidward said. ÔÇ£I mean...hello...beautiful...wife..of mine.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs cracked up backstage. He ran through knocking the backdrop, curtain, and lining down. The backstage was now exposed.

ÔÇ£Who the bloody hell are you?ÔÇØ Simon said.

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs, you bitch!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, swaying. ÔÇ£WOah....way to much *burp* Vodka.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh my god! YouÔÇÖre cute!ÔÇØ Paula said.

ÔÇ£Vodka is so good. I remember before I was like, ÔÇ£What??!ÔÇØ and then--ÔÇØ Ellen said, but was cut off by Randy.

ÔÇ£Yo dog, that was funny, but dog, that was messy, dog. Do you dog understand?ÔÇØ Randy said.

ÔÇ£Uh...no?ÔÇØ Squidward said. ÔÇ£Maybe if you didnÔÇÖt say ÔÇ£dogÔÇØ every other word, I could understand. No one can understand you.ÔÇØ

------

ÔÇ£Well....you guys ruined my ONE chance at fame,ÔÇØ Squidward said, sighing.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs okay, Squiddy,ÔÇØ Jim said, slapping him on the back. ÔÇ£ThereÔÇÖs always American Idol.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖve been banned from American-Anything.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Hmm.....ÔÇØ

------

[Ron]

Episode 52: Squirrels! ÔÇ¿

A moving truck pulled up outside an enormous glass dome. Two plump moving fish got out and yanked open the open back door of the truck. They had just finished loading all the furniture and appliances into the dome when a red boatmobile pulled up from behind them. Two squirrels stepped out; one young and one old.

ÔÇ£There it is, Sandy!ÔÇØ the frail old squirrel said in a frail old voice.

ÔÇ£Well IÔÇÖll be darned, Mom!ÔÇØ Sandy exclaimed, smiling her bucktoothed smile. ÔÇ£It looks better than in the fliers!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Now you can invite all your boyfriends over, honey,ÔÇØ her mother said in her scratchy voice.

Sandy had a blank face. ÔÇ£Mom, for the last time, I AM NOT A HOOKER.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Then youÔÇÖre a prostitute.ÔÇØ Before Sandy could reply, her mom hopped into the red boatmobile and road off. ÔÇ£SEE YA, SANDY! CATCH YA ON THE REBOUND!ÔÇØ ÔÇ¿

ÔÇ£Mom, thatÔÇÖs my car!ÔÇØ she screamed. Sandy was angry; her mom had insulted her and now had stolen her car. Just an awesome welcome to her new town.

----

Sandy was exploring Bikini Bottom when he came across a rundown restaurant named The Krusty Krab.

ÔÇ£Well howdy!ÔÇØ she said, walking in cheerfully.

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£Ello there!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£Welcome to the Krusty Krab!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£You mean the Krappy Krab?ÔÇØ Squidward said, grumpily.

ÔÇ£Watch it, squidass,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs snapped. He turned his attention back to Sandy. ÔÇ£Are you here for our Help Wanted sign?!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThereÔÇÖs a Help Wanted sign?ÔÇØ Sandy asked. She hadnÔÇÖt seen one on the way in.

ÔÇ£Yeah!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. He scuttled outside and saw that there was no sign. ÔÇ£Aye! Who stole me sign!ÔÇØ

Squidward walked over and pulled a dust covered sign out of the window.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs covered in dust...,ÔÇØ Squidward said. Marina came out of the kitchen with Krabby Patties.

ÔÇ£Patties are ready!ÔÇØ she announced. She walked to Mr. Krabs and Squidward just as Squidward blew the dust. It showered onto the patties.

ÔÇ£Anyway, hereÔÇÖs a complementary Krabby Patty,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. ÔÇ£Only full price.ÔÇØ

Sandy recoiled at the sight of the dastardly patty and the disgusting and dilapidated restaurant.

ÔÇ£This restaurant is terrible!ÔÇØ she said. ÔÇ£You need to redecorate.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Hmm,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs thought. ÔÇ£How much would it cost?ÔÇØ He was actually considering it.

ÔÇ£Well...to fix this crapshack up...$3,000?ÔÇØ

Mr. Krabs jaw dropped. ÔÇ£Get...out...of me restaurant.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£GET OUTTA HERE!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs screeched. Sandy walked out, confused by the ordeal.

----

ÔÇ£Mr. Krabs!ÔÇØ Marina cried, after Sandy had gone. ÔÇ£What the hell was that about!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs called doing business, sappy!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said.

ÔÇ£You canÔÇÖt kick people out for suggesting ideas!ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£Go cry me a river,ÔÇØ the persistent Krabs said again.

ÔÇ£Ughh,ÔÇØ grunted Marina. She stormed away.

ÔÇ£See,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said to Jim, who was sweeping beside him. ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs how you deal with the ladies.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs why youÔÇÖre single, Mr. Krabs.ÔÇØ

----

Sandy sat at home, taking everything that had happened into account. Should she try to apologize and just get the job? She seriously needed cash to pay for the Treedome and fast. Sandy threw on her coat and rushed to The Krusty Krabs.

----

ÔÇ£So do you understand?ÔÇØ Marina said.

ÔÇ£She was gonna die!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs cry. ÔÇ£Now I feel like a bastard!ÔÇØ He thrust his head down and started to cry. ÔÇ£I need to apologize!ÔÇØ

The doors burst open and Sandy came in.

ÔÇ£I...uh...I---ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£No,ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said, leaving his office. He was sobbing. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm sorry!ÔÇØ He hugged her and cried into her arm.

ÔÇ¿

Sandy was confused.

[Ron]

Episode 53: I Like Green

Mr. Krabs gazed out of The Krusty Krabs window. He looked hung a single green shamrock in the window and then ran into the back room.

He scuttled back out, holding an ENORMOUS sign, baring the words:

THE ALL NEW KRUSTY KRAB SHAMMY SHAKE! ONLY AVAILABLE THIS WEEK!

He was happy with the new shake. He walked back into his office.

-----

The next day, an enormous, green building opened up next to The Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs went to investigate, clearly pissed off.

ÔÇ£Hello sir, welcome to The Shamrock Shake. We are not affiliated with McDonaldÔÇÖs. What would you like?ÔÇØ a rather bored, teenage employee asked.

Mr. Krabs scanned the menu of the shop and found it had one single thing...

SHAMROCK SHAKE

ÔÇ£Excuse me!ÔÇØ screamed Mr. Krabs, spitting in the employeeÔÇÖs face. ÔÇ£But me restaurant next door has The Shammy Shake! LEAVE!!!!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What is going on here?ÔÇØ An obese manÔÇÖs shadowed flew over Mr. Krabs. He looked up to see the manager trying to come through the doorway. He ended up getting stuck.

ÔÇ£Well...um...IÔÇÖll just talk from here!ÔÇØ the nasally manager said. ÔÇ£Now...what is going on?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£You be stealing me customers!ÔÇØ yelled Mr. Krabs.

ÔÇ£Sir, if you are here just to bicker, you can leave the premises,ÔÇØ the manager said, smiling.

ÔÇ£But I--ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£LEAVE THE PREMISES!ÔÇØ he demanded. Three beefy guards appeared. They beat up Mr. Krabs and threw him out.

----

Back at The Krusty Krab, the gang was dealing with the Saint PatrickÔÇÖs Day morning rush. Sandy and Jim were in the back, making Shammy Shakes. Marina, Tim, Tom, and Marmaduke were taking orders and serving.

ÔÇ£Rev up the grills! Keep them runninÔÇÖ non-stop!ÔÇØ shouted Mr. Krabs, rushing in.

ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖre working as hard as we can, Mr. Krabs,ÔÇØ Marina said, dishing out several shakes at a time.

ÔÇ£We need to kick those---ÔÇØ

Suddenly, it seemed like everyone in The Shamrock Shake puked. Everyone ran out, covered in green stuff.

ÔÇ¿ÔÇ£What the hell...?ÔÇØ muttered Marmaduke. They all rushed into The Krusty Krab and started to puke on customers. Suddenly, they were all mutating! Mutating into terrible, terrible monsters.

As they closed in on Mr. Krabs, he said a quick prayer. But God rejected him, as Mr. Krabs was cheap and mean.

Mr. Krabs was suddenly jerked awake...it was all a dream. A silly, scary, nightmare! Then the monsters rushed through his bedroom and ate him...

Mr. Krabs awoke again, in a dumpster.

ÔÇ£Oh...that was a dream!ÔÇØ Mr. Krabs said. But he spoke way too soon, as a giant Shammy Shake devoured him.

He then jerked awake, heaving. He was asleep at a Krusty Krabs table. A Shammy Shake was beside him.

ÔÇ£You okay, Mr. Krabs?ÔÇØ asked Marina. She was cleaning a table. ÔÇ£You just kinda passed out.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Yeah...IÔÇÖm fine...ÔÇØ

[Ron]

Episode 54: One Million Big Ones

Mr. Krabs flipped out of his hammock. His face smashed into the floor and he let out a groan.

"DAAAAAAAAAADDDDYYYY!" His daughter, Pearl, probably missed the bus again, which meant he had to drive her to school.

He groaned again.

"MR. KRABS! YOU'RE LATE! THE KRUSTY KRAB ISN'T OPEN!!!!!!" Spongebob's shrill voice echoed throughout his house.

He groaned again.

His alarm clock went off, late. Darn technology.

He groaned.

-----

Mr. Krabs entered The Krusty Krab and opened up, an hour after they advertised opening. His disgruntled employees followed, slipping into their own individual routines. Mr. Krabs entered his office groggily. He instantly lit up at what he saw. A suitcase sat open on his desk, a sign propped inside.

1 Million Dollars

"Barnacles, a million bucks!?!??" Mr. Krabs fainted.

-----

"Alright, I'd like to know who left me a million dollars!" Mr. Krabs scuttled out, announcing his luck to his five employees and one Marmaduke. The restaurant had been empty all morning.

"Wasn't me," Squidward said. "I hate you."

"Ditto."

"Me too."

"Yeah, I hate you."

"I wish you'd die."

"You're worse than Osama."

"Okay, okay, this isn't a roast," Mr. Krabs said, holding up a defensive claw. "But really... who left the cash there?"

"We just told you," Tim and Tom said in unison. "Don't you listen to anything we say?"

"I've learned to block certain people out over the years." He glances at Plankton, who is randomly reading "To Kill a Fishing Bird" on a mini chair by the register.

-----

So Mr. Krabs set off on a journey. A journey that took him from Africa, to Seapan, to Bikini Sideway, to Thong Central. He finally arrived back, sweaty and angry.

"WHO LEFT ME THE MONEY!?!?!?"

And Jim and Squidward burst out laughing.

"Mr. Krabs, it's Monopoly money," Jim giggled. "How could you not tell?"

Mr. Krabs, angry, reviewed his case of money and flushed with red. The money was indeed Monopoly. He felt stupid. More than stupid... idiotic, ignorant, arrogant.

"I hate you guys too," Mr. Krabs smiled.

[TJ]

Lol. Funny episode .

[Ron]

Episode 55: Mo L. Ester

The following episode of Years Before Spongebob is rated TV-MA-S for recurring sexual themes and is not advised to be read by young readers. Thank you.

It was a cloudy day in Bikini Bottom. It was depressing, in a way. And then a new customer came in, in the middle of a dead day. He claimed he was an investor, who wanted to invest in the Krusty Krabs company. Mr. Krabs eagerly accepted and invited the investor into his office. However, upon entering, Mr. Krabs was traumatized as he was molested by the investor, apparently named Mo L. Ester. Mr. Krabs kicked the investor out, and called the police. Several weeks later, he received a threatening phone call from Plankton, and then another threatening phone called from Old Man Jenkins. He was getting scared. And then, he got raped by his own mother!

Okay, okay. This is just... a TERRIBLE episode so far, so I'll just stop here. Mr. Krabs ended up waking up, and it was all a dream... except Mo E. Lester was next to him in bed.

Oh my god... this show sucks. o_o

[TJ]

The show doesn't suck, you just lost faith n it .

[Ron]

Episode 56: A Mystery Movie

The episode starts out with Mr. Krabs being bored in his office. He sees on his computer that there will be a Bikini Bottom Movie Competition. He goes out and tells his employees he is going to be making a movie. Upon further inspection, he sees Marmaduke has gone missing! He puts Jim and Marina on the job as investigators, an unlikely pairing. As they dig deeper, Squidward and then Tim goes missing! Tom is scared, and finally he goes missing! Jim and Marina realize they have feelings for each other, and kiss as the lights go out... and then there is a "AND THAT'S A WRAP, PEOPLE!" It's a familiar voice, and Mr. Krabs recognizes it: Plankton! He has been filming the whole thing, for HIS movie for the competition! Angry, Mr. Krabs chases him out of the restaurant.

[TJ]

Episode 56: A Mystery Movie

The episode starts out with Mr. Krabs being bored in his office. He sees on his computer that there will be a Bikini Bottom Movie Competition. He goes out and tells his employees he is going to be making a movie. Upon further inspection, he sees Marmaduke has gone missing! He puts Jim and Marina on the job as investigators, an unlikely pairing. As they dig deeper, Squidward and then Tim goes missing! Tom is scared, and finally he goes missing! Jim and Marina realize they have feelings for each other, and kiss as the lights go out... and then there is a "AND THAT'S A WRAP, PEOPLE!" It's a familiar voice, and Mr. Krabs recognizes it: Plankton! He has been filming the whole thing, for HIS movie for the competition! Angry, Mr. Krabs chases him out of the restaurant.

Are you intentionally trying to kill this show?

[Ron]

Are you intentionally trying to kill this show?

No. Is it against the law to post summary episodes...?

[TJ]

Well I hadn't noticed this show has two formats.

[Ron]

Episode 57: Twelve Past Eleven

It was a regular day at The Krusty Krab when the owner, Mr. Krabs, scuttled out of his office. He wore pink flower pajamas and smelled of onions and yawned. A stream of spit rolled down his cheek from his crooked mouth. His employees, well-rested and fresh, looked at him with an expression of horror drawn onto their faces.

"Mr. Krabs... did you sleep in your office last night?" asked a shocked Marina. They had known Mr. Krabs to leave work early, not stay the night. He was very irresponsible; had he had a change of heart?

"Yup. Twelve past eleven, actually," he said glancing at the clock over Squidward's work station.

"We can tell time, Eugene," the squid droned sarcastically.

"Glad you can tell time, Squiddy! But can you read worth a darn?" He chuckled heartily.

"Mr. Krabs, what were you doing in there all night?" Tim asked.

"Mr. Krabs, what were you doing in there all night?" Tom asked.

Tim stared at him. "I just said that..."

"I just said that...," Tom mimicked and rolled his eyes. Tim had been getting on his brother's nerves for quite some time. He was done, and now he was going to get on TIM'S nerves.

"Alright, back to work," Mr. Krabs said and stretched. There was an abrupt crrrrraaaaack and Mr. Krabs's eyes lit up in terror. He craned his head and saw his mangled back.

"MARMADUKE!" Mr. Krabs yelled. "WHY THE BARNACLE DID YOU BREAK MY BACK!?"

"Eugene, I'm not anywhere near you!" And Marmaduke wasn't fibbing; he was on the other side of the restaurant.

---

An ambulance came and whisked Mr. Krabs away. He'd left nobody in charge, so they all went home.

---

Four Weeks Later

Mr. Krabs rolled his way back to the Krusty Krab, having been limited to a wheelchair after breaking his ancient back.

The Krusty Krab looked to be millions of years old. Cobwebs covered the dilapidated wood and the cracking glass. The doors hung on their hinges, weak and tender.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" he yelled, and rushed inside. There wasn't a worker to be found. He looked around, angry and picked up the phone in his office. A nest of spiders had been wedged in the bottom curve of the phone and Mr. Krabs flicked it out with a frustrated claw. The phone rang and rang and finally the groggy voice of Squidward answered.

"Y'ello?" he answered. He yawned and then smacked his lips.

"SQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDWAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!" bellowed the crab. "WHERE ARE YOU!?? WHERE IS EVERYBODY!??! WHERE'D MY CREW GO!?!"

"Mr. Krabs, you've been gone for a month!" complained Squidward. "We all took a vacation!" Squidward hung up.

Eugene Krabs hastily called back.

"SQUIDWARD, IF YOU HANG UP ON ME AGAIN, SO HELP ME---"

"Krabs, I gotta go, my sister's having a baby."

"WHAT? You don't HAVE a sister!" But Squiddy had already hung up. Krabs called again.

"Stop CALLING me!" he screamed.

"Squidward...," said Mr. Krabs. "If you hang up on me again, I'll fire you."

Click.

---

"Nyanyanyanyanyanyanyan!" wailed Marmaduke as he danced to the Krusty Krab with his FishPod in one hand.

In his office, Mr. Krabs was dying from loss of money. Marmaduke entered and saw the boss and began to cry.

"Jesus, what're you doing here?" groaned Mr. Krabs. "You, Marmaduke, are one crazy fuck. You broke my back."

"I'm sorry!" Marmaduke moaned, bawling. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I really am! Oh God, I am a crazy fuck!"

"You are," Mr. Krabs said and looks at his claw.

---

Marmaduke was still crying, three hours later.

"Okay, okay," Mr. Krabs said and rolled his eyes. "Can you stop...?"

"I'M SORRY! I REALLY AM, EUGENE!" His crying had progressively gotten worse. Mr. Krabs didn't know why, considering Marmaduke really HADN'T done anything.

"Okay, well, I'll forgive you if you get Tim, Tom, Marina, Jim, and Squidward back here. Okay?"

"Okay, okay! Sure yes!" Marmaduke ran out, and two seconds later, Jim, Tim, Tom, Marina, and Squidward were standing before him.

---

A few months later, Mr. Krabs broke his back again and everybody cheered and left.

[Ron]

Episode 58: The Old Ladies' Murder CLub (Part I)

One day, an elderly woman named Louise comes over and applauds Jim on the well-done Krabby Patties. Louise reveals herself to be the older sister of Mrs. Flounders, and has finally tracked down the infamous spot where she died. Louise gradually invites her other old friends over and the Krusty Krab becomes a hot spot for elderly women. Mr. Krabs and Marina think tactics, trying to get them out. Instead, their failed plans only encourage Louise and her buds to stay. Over time, Louise becomes delusion after spending so much time. She wants her sister to still be there, and cannot come to terms with her death. Mr. Krabs, actually feeling sorry for her for once, sincerely apologizes and Marmaduke does as well, saying it was his fault and that Mrs. Flounders was one of a kind. The following morning, the crew enters to the restaurant to find a mysterious note. They follow the note to a rundown hotel where they discover Louise, who has committed suicide.

Episode 59: The Old Ladies' Murder Club (Part II)

A month goes by. The police have discovered that it was not a suicide, but actually a murder. The Krusty Krew is having a repeat of the Marly incidents. The old ladies that were friends with Louise decide to help the police and begin to investigate. After a huge investigation, they discover that there is a serial killer on the loose in Bikini Bottom! They race after the clues and they begin to get killed off one by one. Meanwhile, the gang goes overtime one night and while they are leaving, they come face to face with the killer. The police arrive just as the killer is about to kill Marmaduke. As the episode ends, Marmaduke states he would've been better off dead and how he deserves it.