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Spin-Off/Lit Reruns

Jjs Goodman

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You know the drill; long re-run, so I'll just get right to it! / Sniz is looking at some of the previous, uncollected Legends from the half-season, and he says: "Last time, on Total Cartoon Legends; we were down to the Final Six! Spongebob and Yakkity both realized, their best chance for making it to the Final Four, was to make an alliance together! I never saw THAT coming! Meanwhile, because Po previously discovered that Yakkity was competing in order to make Yakkity's Grandma proud of him, was a far more noble goal than what Po was trying to accomplish; Po decided to sabotage his own performance during the challenge, by racking up penalty votes for himself! Interesting strategy, Po! In the end, Spongebob and Yakkity won Immunity and Reward! Po, with his Penalty Votes, ended up being the one to be eliminated! Now, we are down to the Final Five! Dudley, Marlene, Yakkity, Spongebob, and Buhdeuce! They have made it past 41 other contestants, but only FOUR of them will get to go to the Final Four! See how that works? In any ways, prepare yourselves; for a TRULY electrifying episode experience, of Total Cartoon Legends!" Olmec says: "And remember; Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise!" / Instead of the normal show open, it shows the remaining contestants in a montage of their moments from their own show, and on the "Total Cartoon" show, performing antics requiring a lot of energy, and often lightning during their antics; all to the tune of the Information Society's hit song, "What's On Your Mind (Pure Energy)". /

The Information Society sings: "It's worked so far, but we're not out yet. I wanna know what you're thinking! There are some things you can't hide! I wanna know what you're feeling! Tell me what's on your mind! Pure energy! Pure energy! Here I am in silence, looking 'round without a clue. I find myself alone again. All alone with you! I can see behind your eyes, the things that I don't know. If you hide away from me, how can our love grow? I wanna know what you're thinking! There are some things you can't hide! I wanna know what you're feeling! Tell me what's on your mind! I know I could break you down, but what good would it do? I could surely never know, that what you say is true! Here I am in silence, it's a game I have to play. You and I in silence, with nothing else to say! I wanna know what you're thinking! There are some things you can't hide! I wanna know what you're feeling! Tell me what's on your mind! (Instrumental Break) Pure energy! Pure energy! Destruction, Pure energy! Destruction, Pure energy! Destruction, Pure energy! Destruction, Pure energy! I wanna know what you're thinking! There are some things you can't hide! I wanna know what you're feeling! Tell me what's on your mind! I wanna know what you're thinking! There are some things you can't hide! I wanna know what you're feeling! Tell me what's on your mind!" / And the song and montage ends! / "The Legend Of The Lost Key of Benjamin Franklin!" / It is night-time, and Spongebob and Yakkity have returned from their vacation reward, into their hotel room. Yakkity says: "I'm so GLAD that my Grandma approves of you as a friend!" Spongebob says: "I'm happy that she THINKS of me as your friend! And...I'm sorry that I had to hear her CALLING you her 'BOUBALA'!" Yakkity says: "Oh, don't worry about it! I'm not the kind of guy who's ASHAMED of displays of affection like SOME people are! I actually wish more people were more accepting of WANTING affection! There's nothing wrong with being love and accepting love, as long as that love is healthy, and reciprocated by all parties involved!"

Spongebob says: "I know how THAT feels! It took me a LONG time to realize how not EVERYONE is going to like you or me, the way you and I WANT them to! In fact, it's pretty FOOLISH to think it ever WILL happen! People are going to think the way they WANT to think! And as long as their points of view don't HURT anyone else physically, mentally, or emotionally; it's perfectly FINE for them to think the way they want! I'm just glad that you have such a good relationship with your Grandma! It's not something that everyone is able to have!" Yakkity says: "Yeah, and I know there probably WILL come a day when my Grandma...won't be around anymore! That's why I came onto this show NOW, so I could make her proud of me while she IS around!" Spongebob says: "Truthfully, I think you already have; just by being the kind, caring, nice yak that you are, that you always have been, and probably always WILL be!" Yakkity feels a WARM feeling inside of him, and Yakkity says: "Spongebob, you definitely HAVE come quite a ways from needing EVERYBODY to love you, to realizing that it's more important to love those who APPRECIATE and reciprocate YOUR love back to you! And I just want you to know, I appreciate the genuine kindness that you have displayed to me! And I plan to always appreciate your kindness, by displaying it to others!" Spongebob says: "I think that might be one of the BEST things we can do for the world! Be KIND to others, INSPIRE others with your kindness! And even if it DOESN'T affect EVERYONE, those who ARE affected by it, will SHARE the kindness with potentially EVERYONE they know!" Yakkity sighs in contentment, and he says: "Yeah, that WOULD be a pretty great thing to do, and I WILL do as often as I can!" (Confessional) Yakkity is sweating, and he says: "Spongebob DEFINITELY makes a guy feel appreciated, even for things that he once saw as mundane! PHEW!!!! I don't know why, but I feel all SWEATY! It's probably my button-up fur!" He ducks out of the camera frame, and he gasps: "My ADULT FUR! It came in! It FINALLY came in!" Yakkity comes back INTO frame, only now his fur no longer has buttons on it! Yakkity sighs, and he says: "All these years, all I had to remember of my father, was the fur pelt he left behind! My Grandma made it into a sweater for me, until the day my adult fur FINALLY grew in! I guess, all this emotional and mental growth that I've experienced, FINALLY made my adult fur grow in! At long last, I'm a REAL yak!"

Yakkity looks at his old button-up fur, and he says: "No sense letting it go to waste, I think I'll keep it. It MIGHT come in handy someday!" / Spongebob says: "I believe Yakkity has ALWAYS had the potential to become a legend! I guess he just needed the confidence of someone like ME, to help him realize that potential was always inside of him! Yes, approval from others is always nice; but when all is said and done, you ultimately need to believe in YOURSELF, if you want to make your dreams come true!" (End Confessional) It is early morning, and Marlene and Buhdeuce are in the hotel lobby, discussing their next move! Buhdeuce excitedly says: "Can you believe it, Marlene?! We're almost at the Finish Line!" Marlene says: "Trust me! I've been anticipating this moment for quite a while now! However, this is the EXACT moment where we CANNOT let our guard down! After all, Kowalski; Gonard; Tigress; Otto; Zarbon; Jenny; Bulma; Po; Spongebob; and even I have tripped by being TOTALLY overconfident of our OWN skills before blowing it where it mattered the most!" Buhdeuce says: "And that's why it's a good thing that I'm teamed up with YOU; because you have personal experience of HAVING gone through such a thing before hand! Me? Not so much!" Marlene says: "Give yourself SOME credit! You've done a LOT better THIS season than you did in season three! That ALONE is a testament to how much you've GROWN as an individual! The end IS in sight! And that's why it's more important than EVER, to keep your mind focused, and follow through!" Buhdeuce says: "Keep my mind focused, and follow through! THAT Marlene, I can DEFINITELY do!" (Confessional) Buhdeuce says: "I feel as though I've been waiting for the LONGEST time, to prove to everyone else that I'm MORE than just a pudgy duck with a love for bread and hanging with his best bro, Sway-Sway! Despite all my skills, I NEVER felt as though I got to express ALL of my skills to the best of my ability on my own show! And now, I finally feel as though I'm FINALLY breaking through the stigma of my own show! I feel almost FREE of my OLD image! It's getting to the Final Three, that will make me feel as though I've completely SHATTERED the old image that no longer suits my needs!" /

Marlene says: "Initially, partnering with Buhdeuce WAS kind of a convenience for me! But now that I've actually SPENT some time with him and got to know him, he really IS a whole lot better than the show he WAS on, portrayed him as! In a way, he's kind of like MY 'Spear Counterpart', in that he's actually BEEN that skilled and capable all along, but never got the chance to properly express it! The hard part is, knowing that I'll eventually have to compete against him in the Final Three if it comes to that! But...I guess I'll cross THAT bridge if/and when I come to it, and NOT before!" (End Confessional) It is breakfast time, and the contestants are eating their breakfast! Dudley turns to Johnny Krill, and Dudley asks: "Johnny, do you have ANY idea how all the other contestants managed to get themselves into an alliance that DIDN'T involve ME?!" Johnny asks: "How would I honestly know? I didn't even last long enough as a contestant this season to even really GET into an Alliance!" Dudley says: "Well, I thought that perhaps, you could give me an HONEST outside out-look of the situation!" Johnny says: "Honestly, even if I did HAVE that kind of knowledge; I'm not allowed to share it with you. After all, as long as I'm employed by Sniz; I'm really NOT allowed to share knowledge that would give you an unfair advantage! Although, it's DEFINITELY a case of 'I Would Say It If I COULD Say It'!" Dudley says: "And I'm even surprised that you know the proper context of THAT writing technique!" (Confessional) Johnny groans, and he says: "Why is it, that whenever I HAPPEN to know something, it always comes as a gigantic SURPRISE to everyone?! A little funny the FIRST time, but the joke's REALLY old now!" / Dudley says: "I guess this is probably how Chameleon felt when HE had to go into the Final Five! I mean, I did get to support him; even if it didn't last long, but he STILL needed to get there on his own! But I didn't sign up with T.U.F.F. just to give up NOW! I will play until I can't play anymore! That is the creed, of a TRUE contender!" (End Confessional) General Barracuda comes in with the Gong, and BANGS it as loud as he can! Marlene sarcastically asks: "Could you bang that a little LOUDER? I think there were like two people in CHINA who couldn't HEAR you!" General Barracuda chuckles, and he says: "Don't tempt me! In any case, I came here to announce that Po WAS eliminated at the last Elimination Ceremony, in CASE you thought that was JUST a dream!" Yakkity says: "Trust me, we DIDN'T!"

General Barracuda says: "Be that as it may, Sniz has declared that breakfast time is over, and your presence is required at the Moat, INCLUDING Johnny Krill's! That is all!" Johnny asks: "Why would MY presence be needed?" Spongebob says: "The same reason YOUR presence was needed in the episode, 'Extreme Spots'; would be MY best guess!" Johnny says: "I sure hope so! I could DEFINITELY use a major boost in my popularity!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "Don't get me wrong! I definitely LIKE being a nice guy, but even a yak like me CAN have his limits, when it comes to General Barracuda's loud GONG banging!" / Marlene says: "Honestly? The only thing I can think of that's LOUDER than General Barracuda's loud Gong banging, is the sound of an F-18 jet fighter flying WAY too close to your home! Not a pleasant sound, I might add!" / Spongebob says: "If I'm being honest, my show is WAY over-due for another actual appearance by Johnny Krill!" / Johnny Krill says: "Now that there are just five contestants, this is the PERFECT opportunity for me to break out of just being an extreme athlete, and showcase my more INTELLIGENT side!" And Cosmo can be heard loudly LAUGHING off-screen! Johnny sternly says: "Don't laugh! I KNOW I would be able to beat you in ANY trivia challenge that YOU would participate in!" And Cosmo QUICKLY stops laughing! Johnny nods his head, and he says: "That's what I thought!" (End Confessional) The contestants head out to Moat, only to find conditions a little more STORMY than usual! As "Ride Of The Valkyries" plays in the background, Cosmo is seen holding a kite that HAS a metal key on it, while Sniz is blowing Industrial Air Machines, and has some automatic sprinklers turned on! Sniz yells: "This is PERFECT! Just one more step, and our experiment will be complete! Wanda, produce the LIGHTNING!!!!" Wanda actually SMILES, and she says: "I've wanted to do this FOREVER!!!!" Cosmo nervously says: "WAIT! Let's discuss this RATION--!!!!" But Cosmo never gets to finish his thought, as Wanda ZAPS the key with lightning, and it travels down and JOLTS Cosmo with 2,000 Watts or 200 Volts of Electricity, and Cosmo is BLOWN backwards, as he gets covered in charred soot! Sniz turns off the equipment, and he says: "It works! It REALLY works!"

Buhdeuce asks: "WHAT works; dare I ask?" Sniz says: "I'm glad you did! You see, I decided to re-enact the classic experiment that Benjamin Franklin performed with a kite and a metal key! By proving that lightning is attracted to metal, Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity!" Dudley says: "And I'm guessing that's related to today's legend!" Sniz says: "You guessed right! Olmec, tell us what today's legend is!" Olmec says: "Today's legend, is The Legend Of The Lost Key of Benjamin Franklin!" Spongebob says: "Wow! We're dealing with a REAL genius this time around!" Sniz says: "That's right! Not only did Benjamin Franklin help develop the United States Patent Office, he made quite a few inventions himself! But what ISN'T widely known about Benjamin Franklin, is that he actually helped POPULARIZE the sport of swimming! Therefore, crossing the Moat will actually be straight-forward!" Marlene says: "Except for the CATCH that follows!" Sniz groans, and he says: "Oh, why must you ALWAYS assume that we have a CATCH for these things?!" Marlene says: "Because you usually DO, that's WHY!" Johnny says: "To be fair, she's not really WRONG!!!!" Sniz sighs, as he is CLEARLY trying to keep his composure, and he just says: "Johnny, DON'T make me fire you! Look, ordinarily, we WOULD have a catch; except coming UP with a catch for the Moat Crossing Challenge for 26 episodes is HARD! And besides, we DON'T have unlimited resources, you know! I mean, TECHNICALLY; with Fairy Godparents we COULD, but that's not the point! The point is, we decided to give you a BREAK for getting to the Final Five! It might be the LAST one you get, barring the next Performance Review!" Buhdeuce says: "FINALLY! A REAL Moat crossing challenge!" General Barracuda shouts: "IGNORE HIM!" Sniz says: "Noted, moving on! In any case, you will cross the moat using nothing more than your own swimming skills; and be grouped into pairs depending on where you finish. And the reason why Johnny Krill is here, is because he will be paired with whoever finishes last!" Johnny says: "Which STILL makes me more relevant than General Barracuda ACTUALLY is!" General Barracuda angrily says: "Why don't you say that CLOSER to my FACE, if you're brave enough?!" Johnny SCOFFS, as if he can't believe General Barracuda honestly thinks that Johnny is THAT stupid, and Johnny says: "I'll PASS, Horatio!"

Yakkity says: "OOH, BURN!!!!" (Confessional) General Barracuda says: "I HATE it when I get BURNED!" / Spongebob says: "Benjamin Franklin might have been one of America's FIRST geniuses, but he's definitely STILL one of the best! It's probably why HE'S on America's $100 bill!" / Marlene says: "It's sad to know Sniz is REALLY unpredictable, when he actually gives us a straight-forward challenge! It doesn't happen as often as I would like it to, if I'm being perfectly honest!" / Johnny scoffs, and he says: "It would serve BOTH Sniz and General Barracuda right if the contestant I get paired up with, WINS this challenge with MY help to assist him!" / Buhdeuce says: "Originality, and tradition. For a show that honors Legends Of The Hidden Temple, they REALLY haven't struck a better balance between the two!" / Dudley says: "Well, this challenge will DEFINITELY separate the winners from the contenders, one way or the other! Time to find out which one I am!" / Yakkity says: "Normally, I'm not a fan of roasting! But against people who genuinely DESERVE it? I can DEFINITELY make an exception!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "All right! Contestants, get into your positions! And to help motivate you, we'll play Oingo Boingo's 'Weird Science'!" Johnny says: "Wow! Danny Elfman's old band! We're REALLY attracting big names to this show!" General Barracuda groans, and he says: "Oh, STOP talking like you actually KNOW who Danny Elfman IS!" Johnny angrily says: "Well, I actually DO; so I honestly WON'T!!!!" And General Barracuda actually looks STUNNED in a rare moment of defeat! Marlene says: "Wow! Did Johnny just 'Wow Cthulu'?! He's better than I thought!" Sniz asks: "How ELSE would Johnny be able to get himself DRESSED in the morning?!" And Johnny groans at THAT insult! Sniz says: "In any case, everybody get ready! On your marks, get set, GO!!!!" / While Spongebob, Marlene, and Buhdeuce all swim rather well, being aquatic creatures; Dudley swims slower due to only knowing the Doggy paddle, while Yakkity is actually HINDERED by his new adult fur, soaking up so much water! /

Oingo Boingo sings: "It's alive! It's alive! From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions? Weird science! Plastic tubes, and pots and pans; bits and pieces and magic from the hand! We're making Weird science! Things I've never seen before, behind bolted doors, talent and imagination! Weird science! Not what teacher said to do; makin' dreams come true! Living tissue; warm flesh! Weird science! Plastic tubes, and pots and pans! Bits and pieces, bits and pieces! Bits of my creation, is it real?! It's my creation, I do not know! No hesitation, no heart of gold! Just flesh and blood, I do not know! From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions! Ooh, weird! Weird science! Weird science! Magic and technology! Voodoo dolls and chants! Electricity! We're makin' Weird science! Fantasy and microchips, shooting from the hip! Something different! We're makin' Weird science! Pictures from a magazine! Diagrams and charts, mending broken hearts; and makin' Weird science! Something like a recipe! Bits and pieces! Bits and pieces! Bits of my creation, is it real?! It's my creation, I do not know! From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions! Ooh, weird! Weird science! Weird science! Weird science!" / And the song ends as the challenge ends! Sniz says: "Okay! The challenge is over! Marlene and Buhdeuce have once again come in first and second, so they will receive a Pendant of Life! Spongebob and Dudley will be paired together due to coming in 3rd and 4th! And Yakkity, you will be paired with Johnny Krill!" Dudley sighs in relief and says: "Phew! I really dodged a BULLET, there!" Johnny groans and says: "Ouch! Rub it in my FACE, why don't you?!" Spongebob says: "Don't give up YET, Yakkity! I believe in you!" Yakkity says: "I won't! It's not over, til it's over!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "Everybody ELSE is counting Johnny Krill out, but I won't! Anything IS possible, as long as you BELIEVE it is!" / Johnny actually smiles, and he says: "At least SOMEBODY has some faith in me! So, I am going to deliver my BEST for him!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "We got to take a break, and dry everybody off! But don't go away! Because we'll be right back with some MORE Total Cartoon Legends!" / (Commercial Break) /

After the commercials end, the contestants gather at the Steps of Knowledge! Johnny Krill looks around, and says: "Okay, I just want to get something out of the way. BESIDES Dudley and General Barracuda, does anyone ELSE here think I'm brain dead stupid?!" Marlene scoffs, and she says: "IMPOSSIBLE! Because to LITERALLY be 'Brain dead stupid', you'd have to be PHYSICALLY dead, FIRST!" Johnny scoffs, and he says: "Thanks for the vote of CONFIDENCE!" Marlene sputters, and she says: "Come on! I'm being SERIOUS! Could ANYONE who WAS stupid make it to the Team Merge during their FIRST time as a contestant?! I HIGHLY doubt it!" Spongebob says: "And just for the record, I've NEVER thought you WERE stupid!" Buhdeuce says: "Is there anyone you DO think of as stupid?" Spongebob says: "It's a rather small list. Master Coelaceanth, who's already DEAD; Invader Zim, and Dora due to the stunt she pulled this season!" Yakkity says: "In other words, the USUAL suspects!" And Johnny Krill plays a rim shot! Dudley says: "And ANOTHER thing; playing a RIM shot after such an OBVIOUS joke?! You would THINK you could come up with something a LITTLE more original than THAT!" Johnny sarcastically says: "Oh, I'm TERRIBLY sorry! And your GREAT original joke is WHERE?!" And Dudley just stares at Johnny in silence! Johnny says: "That's what I thought!" (Confessional) Marlene says: "Technically speaking, there ARE a few people who I personally think of as being as CLOSE to 'Brain Dead Stupid' as humanly possible, but I can't say who they are; otherwise, I'd RISK starting a FLAME war on the Internet!" / Spongebob says: "As far as I'm concerned, anyone who KNOWS as many tricks as Johnny Krill does, has to have at least SOME form of knowledge! It might be considered a 'Crippling Overspecialization', but it's STILL a form of knowledge!" / Buhdeuce says: "So, there are only THREE characters Spongebob thinks of as being stupid. Well, mystery solved!" / Yakkity says: "Wow! I just got my first HECKLER! You usually can't become a great comedian without getting at least ONE of them!" / Dudley groans, and he says: "Oh, WHERE'S Keswick to come up with a snappy retort when you NEED one?!" /

Johnny says: "I'm not sure whether I SHOULD feel flattered that not ALL the contestants think I'm stupid or not! I guess I'll split the difference and do the best I can to help Yakkity win this challenge, if at all possible." (End Confessional) Sniz finally arrives, and he says: "I trust everybody has had enough time to talk!" Buhdeuce says: "Personally, I don't know why you BOTHER to give us time to talk, especially NOW! There's only five of us left! SIX, if you count Johnny Krill!" Sniz says: "Well, for the purposes of this challenge, I do!" Johnny shrugs his shoulders, and he says: "Eh, I'll take what I can get!" General Barracuda says: "Anyways, you all know the purpose of the Steps of Knowledge. Listen to Olmec talk, answer his questions, get the LAST Immunity Pendant of Life by getting to the bottom and blah, the blah, the blah, the blah." Dudley says: "Um, you said 'Blah' FOUR times!" General Barracuda screams: "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!!!" Dudley winces in slight pain as he says: "YOW!!!! I never thought anything BESIDES a Dog Whistle could sound THAT loud!" Marlene sarcastically says: "TRY listening to Skipper bark orders through a megaphone. It's SUPER fun! By the way, I'm being sarcastic!" Yakkity sarcastically jokes: "Really? I COULDN'T tell!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "I'm just preparing in case I ever have to do a comedy roast of someone! I DO like to have as many options as I can!" / Marlene says: "OOH! It's not EVERYONE who can keep up with MY sarcasm! I am DEFINITELY keeping HIM around for another episode!" / Dudley says: "Seriously? General Barracuda SERIOUSLY didn't get hugged ENOUGH as a child! Bubble Bass' Mom, would you PLEASE hug General Barracuda a little more? Please and thank you in advance!" / General Barracuda says: "All my 'Blahs' are SUPER IMPORTANT!!!! Does NO ONE know how to infer things from the tone of someone's VOICE anymore?!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: In any case, BEFORE General Barracuda causes anyone ELSE to become deaf, let's listen to Olmec talk all about Benjamin Franklin's Lost Key!"

Olmec says: "Born on January 17, 1706 in Boston, Massachusetts, in what was THEN British America, as the fifteenth of seventeen children to his father, Benjamin Franklin would eventually be celebrated as an American polymath! As a child, his family could only afford to send him to school for two years, so most of his education was self-taught by the books he read! At the age of just 12, he began an apprenticeship under his older brother James as a printer! In 1729, Benjamin Franklin became the publisher of a newspaper called The Pennsylvania Gazette, one of America's FIRST newspapers to come from within America itself, and he even established the first newspaper chain in America, from the region of New England, to the Carolina region! Under Benjamin Franklin's tenure, The Pennsylvania Gazette as a means for him to express his own satire and brand of wit; as he created a whole cast of fictitious people that he would use as an alias! In 1733, Benjamin Franklin began to publish the noted Poor Richard's Almanack, under the alias of Richard Saunders, and until 1758, he sold about 10,000 copies per year! In 1736, Benjamin Franklin established one of the first volunteer firefighting companies in America, in the city of Philadelphia; and in the same year, figured out how to make paper money that couldn't be counterfeited as easily, and wouldn't lose it's value as quickly! But it was on June 15, 1752, that Benjamin Franklin conducted his famous electricity experiment! The legend states, that when Benjamin Franklin flew a kite that had a metal key on it during a lightning storm; the metal key attracted the lightning, leading Benjamin Franklin to discover electricity, and the fact that it could produce positive AND negative charges! Eventually, Benjamin Franklin invented the world's first practical Lightning Rod! Benjamin Franklin was also active as a statesman, diplomat, and political philosopher! As a leading intellectual of his time, Benjamin Franklin was one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, as a drafter and signer of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, and the first United States Postmaster General! Benjamin Franklin passed away from Pleuritis at the age of 84, on April 17, 1790. But his metal key was lost to the mists of time, until it found it's way to the Temple! You must retrieve the metal key, and bring it back here!" Sniz says: "Thanks, Olmec! Where can the Lost Key of Benjamin Franklin be found?" Olmec says: "The Lost Key of Benjamin Franklin can be found in the Mad Scientist's Lab!"

Sniz says: "All right! You guys know the drill, I'll let you get right to it! Olmec, take it away!" Olmec asks: "When and where was Benjamin Franklin born?" Spongebob rings in, and Dudley answers: "On January 17, 1706 in British America in Boston, Massachusetts!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Spongebob and Dudley move down a step! Dudley says: "Good job, Spongebob! A couple of more answers like that, and this challenge is in the bag!" Olmec says: "True or False; Benjamin Franklin was the fifteenth of seventeen children by his father?" Yakkity rings in, and Johnny Krill says: "True!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Johnny and Yakkity move down a step! Yakkity says: "SEE?! I DO know something!" Marlene scoffs, and says: "Big DEAL!!!! You had a 50/50 CHANCE of getting THAT one correct! Call me when you make a REALLY impressive answer!" Olmec asks: "In addition to being self-taught, how many years of school education did Benjamin Franklin get?" Buhdeuce rings in, and Marlene says: "Two!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Buhdeuce and Marlene move down a step! Buhdeuce asks: "Does Olmec ALWAYS asks questions in the chronological order of the information he talks about?" Sniz says: "Most of the time, he DOES!" Spongebob says: "Well, mystery solved!" Olmec asks: "At what age, did Benjamin Franklin become an Apprentice Printer, to his older brother James?" Spongebob rings in, and Dudley answers: "At the age of 12!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Spongebob and Dudley move down a step! Yakkity asks: "Is it JUST me, or are THESE questions TOO easy for OUR intellect?" General Barracuda says: "Well, to be FAIR; the contestants on the ORIGINAL Legends of The Hidden Temple were ALL about 10 to 12 years old! Leave it to COSMO to not take YOUR advanced intellect into consideration before this challenge!" Buhdeuce shrugs his shoulders and says: "Fair enough!" Olmec asks: "What newspaper did Benjamin Franklin become publisher of, in 1729?" Yakkity rings in, and Johnny Krill answers: "The Pennsylvania Gazette!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Yakkity and Johnny move down a step!" Marlene gawks in SHOCK and she says: "Okay, NOW I' starting to see his intellect!" General Barracuda sarcastically says: "Oh, SURE! Now that he no longer has to take orders from ME, NOW he finally decides to grow a BRAIN! Why does NOBODY ever respect me when I WANT them to?!" Spongebob says: "Well, I would SAY; but that would involve NOT being nice, and I don't like DOING that!"

General Barracuda says: "I'll give you points for honesty!" Olmec asks: "In what year did Benjamin Franklin begin publishing Poor Richard's Almanack?" Buhdeuce rings in, and Marlene answers: "In 1733!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Buhdeuce and Marlene move down a step! Sniz says: "Okay! This one's for the Immunity Pendant of Life!" Olmec asks: "On what day did Benjamin Franklin conduct his famous kite experiment?" Spongebob rings in and answers: "On June 15, 1752!" Olmec says: "That is correct!" And Dudley and Spongebob move down to the bottom! Sniz says: "Spongebob and Dudley did it! They get the last Immunity Pendant of the season! Which one of you wants to have it?" Dudley says: "Well, I know Spongebob will ONLY use it so he can nullify the vote he casts for himself, so I'll let him have it! That way, there's one LESS vote for ME!" Spongebob says: "Wow! Thank you, Dudley! That's really nice of you! I definitely have to think of something NICE to do for YOU in return!" Dudley says: "Just promise me you WON'T vote me off, and that will be enough for me!" Spongebob says: "Okay, it's a deal!" (Confessional) Dudley says: "If there's one thing I've learned from watching 'Spongebob Squarepants', NOT being nice to Spongebob tends to give you REALLY bad karma, while the INVERSE; being nice to Spongebob generally gets you GOOD karma, also tends to be true! Even if I don't make it to the Final Four, I'll probably get something REALLY good in exchange! Obviously, I have no idea of what it will be; but that makes it more FUN to guess at what it will end up being!" / Spongebob says: "I definitely owe Dudley a debt of gratitude! After today's challenge, unless I win at least two challenges in the remaining episodes; I won't be able to safely vote for myself! I wish I could safely SAY that Dudley was safe from giving ME the Immunity Pendant, but I highly doubt Marlene and Buhdeuce are going to reward HIM for HIS act of kindness!" / Johnny says: "I actually think it's a little too BAD the contestants only have to answer THREE questions correctly to win a challenge! I was willing to ace a HISTORY exam, if Sniz was willing to give me one!" / Marlene says: "I guess it's a GOOD thing Johnny got eliminated so early! Who KNEW that we could have possibly had to DEAL with a potential GENIUS?! There were ALREADY too many of them on THIS season as it WAS!" /

Buhdeuce says: "Johnny Krill DEFINITELY has potential as a future Breadwinner if nothing else! Just think of how our dynamic possibilities could be improved with a third member in our group!" / Yakkity says: "It definitely goes to show you, that you can't judge a character's I.Q. level, by ONLY the way they look!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Okay! It's time for the Challenge Arena! During the time that Benjamin Franklin published Poor Richard's Almanack, it sold about 10,000 copies per year, for about 25 years, making for about 250,000 copies total! For the Challenge Arena, your job will be to toss up to 250 copies into the basket at the other end of the Arena! One Issue copy will equal up to 1,000 issue copies! Whichever group delivers the most issue copies in three minutes will receive a Pendant of Life! If it's Marlene and Buhdeuce, they'll go on a Temple Run! Otherwise, we'll have to go to a tie-breaker question! And whoever wins the Temple Run, will get to go on a fabulous reward! General Barracuda, tell our contestants what they're competing for!" General Barracuda says: "In honor of Benjamin Franklin's services, for getting a Volunteer Firefighting Company in Philadelphia in 1736; our winner and a guest of their choice will get to go to Philadelphia, see all the historical sights, eat as many Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches as they want, and ring a replica of the Liberty Bell! Philadelphia! Ask NOT for whom the Liberty Bell tolls, it TOLLS for thee!" Dudley asks: "Who gets PAID to write all of General Barracuda's JOKES anyways?!" Sniz groans, and he says: "NO ONE, Dudley! He writes them ALL himself!" Marlene says: "Well, THAT explains a lot!" Yakkity says: "We ought to try to WIN that reward, Johnny! Do you have a good throwing arm?!" Johnny asks: "Did Benjamin Franklin establish one of the first newspaper chains in America? The answer to both questions is YES; yes, he did!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "It's too bad HE didn't get a chance to come up with a way to solve the Promethius Torch challenge at the BEGINNING of this half-season! Things could've turned out so DIFFERENTLY for his team!" / Johnny says: "The biggest reason I'm being smart NOW? Now that all the OTHER know-it-all geniuses aren't able to drown out MY voice, I don't need to PRETEND to be so stupid anymore!" (End Confessional)

Sniz says: "All right! Everybody get into positions! And to help motivate you, we'll be playing The Beatles hit song, 'Paperback Writer'! On your marks, get set, GO!!!!" / Unlike previous Challenge Arena's, no one contestant looks any better, or worse than any other! Even General Barracuda is having a HARD time actually keeping TRACK of the issue copies thrown! / The Beatles sing: "Paperback writer! Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book? It took me years to write, will you take a look? It's based on a novel by a man named Lear, and I need a job; so I want to be a paperback writer. Paperback writer! It's the dirty story of a dirty man, and his clinging wife doesn't understand; his son is working for the Daily Mail. It's a steady job, but he wants to be a paperback writer. Paperback writer! Paperback writer! It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style. I can change it round, and I want to be a paperback writer. Paperback writer! If you really like it you can have the rights! It could make a million for you overnight! If you must return it, you can send it here. But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer. Paperback writer! Paperback writer! Paperback writer, paperback writer! Paperback writer, paperback writer! Paperback writer, paperback writer! Paperback writer, paperback writer!" / And the song ends as the challenge ends! Sniz says: "Okay! The challenge is over! It's time to find out who threw the most copies! Marlene and Buhdeuce threw 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 182, 192 issue copies! Spongebob and Dudley threw 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 182, 200 issue copies! Yakkity and Johnny threw 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 182, 246, 249 issue copies! Yakkity and Johnny receive a Pendant of Life! That means Marlene and Buhdeuce must go up against Yakkity and Johnny to receive the final Pendant of Life in a Tie-Breaker question! General Barracuda, bring out the Gong Pedestal!" And General Barracuda rolls in the Gong Pedestal! Sniz says: "Okay! I'm going to ask you a question, and whoever gets it right, will receive the final Pendant of Life, and get to go on the Temple Run. Here is the question! True or False; Benjamin Franklin was a signer of the United States Declaration of Independence?" Johnny rings in, and he says: "True!"

Sniz says: "That is correct! Ordinarily, I WOULD say that Yakkity and Johnny are going on a Temple Run!...Except for the fact that Johnny is not ACTUALLY a contestant! Johnny has a JOB to do as a Temple Guard! SO; Yakkity will get to choose someone of his choice to run with him!" Yakkity thinks about it, and he says: "I'm going to have to go with Spongebob!" Spongebob says: "Awesome! But why?" Yakkity says: "Well, I think you're the nicest guy BESIDES me still in the challenge! If I want to take anyone on a reward with ME, it's YOU!" Spongebob says: "Thank you, Yakkity!" (Confessional) Spongebob says: "It's probably because I've never voted for him! I mean, I never WOULD if I knew for a FACT that I might not HAVE to! But since I don't, I won't make that promise since I don't know if I can keep it!" / Yakkity says: "Even if being a comedian will probably be my professional job, that doesn't mean that I still can't be nice to people!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "All right! Spongebob and Yakkity, will be going on a Temple Run! Everyone's fate will be decided after it is finished! Now, only the contestant who actually COMPLETES the Temple Run with the Legendary Lost Key will receive immunity! That being said, who's running first?" Spongebob says: "I'll run first! I already HAVE the Immunity Pendant of Life, so I don't need to win the Temple Run!" Sniz says: "Very well! Now, pay attention, as Map will reveal how to get through Olmec's Temple today! Take it away, Map!" Map says: "I'm on it, Sniz!" /

And Map's Visual Information fills in, as Olmec tells about how to get through the Temple! / Olmec says: "First, you will board a British Sailing Vessel! Smash open the correct case of tea, and head through the Wind Tunnel Bridge! Pull on the right kite string, and head up into the Lost Library! Pull on the right book, and head down into the Mystery Museum! Push down on the correct statue bust, and head into The Fire Fighter's Room! Ring on the correct bell, and head into the Shrine of The Silver Monkey! Assemble the Monkey in the correct order, and head into The King's Chamber! Smash the Clay Pots of King George III, and slide down into the Abandoned Armory! Use the cannon to blow down the Stone Wall, and head into Murky Swamp! Pull on the right tree branch, and head into the Mad Scientist's Lab, where you can grab the Lost Key of Benjamin Franklin! Spin the wheel, and head into the Spiritual Chamber! Push on the correct buttons, than make your way back through the Pit! Climb through the Vine Caves, and back to the Temple Entrance! The choices are yours, and yours alone! Good luck!" Sniz says: "All right! You two know the drill! So get into positions! Olmec, lower your gate, please!" And Olmec groans as the gate is lowered! Sniz says: "Let's put three minutes on the clock! On your marks, get set, GO!!!!" /

And as Spongebob takes off, Sniz narrates the action as he goes along! / Sniz says: "Spongebob boards the British Sailing Vessel, and a Temple Guard, right off the bat! Spongebob gives up his Pendant, now he's got to smash the right case of tea, and he's found it! Through the Wind Tunnel Bridge! He's got to pull on the right kite string, and he's done it! Up into the library! He's got to pull on the right book, and he's found it! Down into the Mystery Museum! Got to find the correct statue bust! Well, he's found a short-cut to the Wind Tunnel Bridge! And he's found the right statue bust! Into The Fire Fighter's Room! Another Temple Guard! Go, Yakkity, go! Onto the British Sailing Vessel, through the Wind Tunnel Bridge, through the short-cut into the Mystery Museum! Now he's in the Fire Fighter's Room! He's got to ring the correct bell! And he's done it! Into the Shrine of The Silver Monkey! It's Johnny Krill as a Temple Guard! Yakkity gives up his Pendant! Now he's got to assemble the Monkey! He's got the base and the stomach together! Now he's got to connect the head! And it connects! Now he's in the King's Chamber! He's got to smash the right clay pot of King George III, and he's found the key! Down he slides into the Abandoned Armory! He's got to use the cannon to blow down the Stone Wall, and he's done it! Into the Murky Swamp! Got to pull on the right tree branch, and he's found it! He's in the Mad Scientist's Lab! He's got the Lost Key, all the doors are open! Through the Spiritual Chamber, back through the Pit! Now he's got to climb up the Vine Caves, and Yakkity has made it out of the Temple with 15 seconds to spare! Yakkity, you get to take a guest of your choice on a reward to Philadelphia, who are you going to take?" Yakkity says: "Like I said, it's got to be Spongebob! At this point, I can't think of anyone better to take!" Sniz says: "All right! Well, first things first! We've got an Elimination Ceremony to attend to, and another contestant to eliminate by the end of tonight!" (Confessional) Spongebob says: "I'm glad that if nothing else, Yakkity gets to go to the Final Four; like he always hoped he would! I know his Grandma is DEFINITELY proud of him, now!" / Yakkity sighs in contentment, and he says: "So, this is what it feels like to become a TRUE legend! I've never felt closer to my dad, than I do right now! I know he'd be as proud of me, as my Grandma is right now!" (End Confessional)

It is night time, and the remaining contestants are at the Elimination Ceremony! Sniz says: "41 other contestants have been eliminated so far! That's an impressive streak for all FIVE of you! However, one of you will be joining the other eliminated contestants, when all is said and done! You all know the drill! Cast your vote for whoever you want! And this WILL be the last challenge you can play an Immunity Pendant, so I suggest that you USE it, Spongebob! And whoever doesn't receive a Chocolate Pendant of Life? They will be eliminated from the contest, and they can NEVER come back, EVER! With that being said, VOTE!!!!" And all of the contestants quickly make their choice, as to who they want to eliminate. Sniz says: "Now, it's time to--." Spongebob says: "Hold it! I AM going to put my Immunity Pendant to good use, so I WILL be playing it on myself, to nullify my own vote for myself!" Yakkity says: "Cool!" Sniz says: "The Immunity Pendant is real, that means all votes cast for Spongebob will NOT count! Now, it's time to reveal who is safe! Obviously, Spongebob and Yakkity! Next, Marlene!" Marlene says: "Yes!" And Buhdeuce and Dudley stare at each other, as they are the only ones left! Sniz says: "Contestants, this IS the Final Chocolate Pendant of Life!" And it just shifts back between Buhdeuce and Dudley staring at each other, as if WONDERING who will blink first! Sniz says: "And it goes to...Buhdeuce!" And Buhdeuce FINALLY blinks as if RELIEVED that he doesn't have to keep staring any longer! General Barracuda says: "Personally, I'd HONESTLY rather have Johnny Krill in the Final Four than BUHDEUCE!" Buhdeuce sarcastically says: "Let me guess, YOU hated MY show, to!" General Barracuda says: "Come ON!!!! 'Hate' is such a STRONG word! I'd say I have an, 'Intense Despising' of that show!" Marlene says: "Well, it hardly matters what YOU think! He's coming to the Final Four with me, whether YOU like it, or not!" General Barracuda says: "Well, I accept it! Doesn't mean I have to LIKE it!" Sniz says: "Just so long as you accept it, that's all that matters to us!" Spongebob sighs, and says: "I'm sorry you have to go, Dudley! I really thought you would get something, for all your trouble!" Dudley says: "Don't worry about it. After all, the day is STILL not over yet! Maybe something will come up!"

Sniz says: "Maybe so, but you STILL have to get geared up and into the Mine Cart of Shame! Your stuff is already in there! And Johnny, PLEASE do stand back from the flames THIS time! Those things are hot enough to weld together ANYTHING, no matter HOW long ago it was broken!" So, Dudley puts on his helmet, and gets strapped into the Mine Cart of Shame. Sniz asks: "Are you ready, Olmec?" Olmec says: "Ready, Sniz!" Sniz says: "Than 3, 2, 1, BLAST-OFF!!!!" And Dudley rockets down the Mine Rails of Shame, and through the Portal in the Mine Shaft of Losers! Sniz says: "And than, there were FOUR!!!! We are FINALLY to the FINAL FOUR! Yakkity Yak, Marlene Otter, Spongebob Squarepants, and Buhdeuce! Four different contestants from four different shows! While they're guaranteed a minimum of $40 million, only one of them will get the grand prize of $44.44 million in cold, hard cash! There's no telling what the quarter-finals will bring, but it will be a thrilling ride! So buckle up, for the next episode of Total Cartoon Legends!" Olmec says: "Racing for the gold, AND for the glory!" /

Stinger: Spongebob and Yakkity are at a local Philadelphia restaurant, eating some of the finest Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches that they have ever eaten! Yakkity says: "This is definitely the GOOD life! Fine food, fine city, a fine trip, and a minimum pay-out of $40 million to look forward to! We are DEFINITELY living what is called the good life!" Spongebob asks: "Don't you feel the LEAST bit guilty eating what you are?" Yakkity says: "Of course not! I KNOW for a fact that this place sources ALL its food from Nearburg and Farburg, courtesy of meat trees grown by Johnny Meatseed!" Spongebob says: "Maybe THAT'S where we get our Krabby Patty Meat from, I've always wondered about that!" Randolph says: "Well, you're right about THAT!" Yakkity asks: "Are YOU the owner of this restaurant?" Randolph says: "Certainly, I am! I've got to make a living for Dog's sake, don't I?" Spongebob says: "PHEW! Than that means, that nothing bad is going to--." (VROOM!!!!) And a Mine Cart enters from a portal, into the restaurant, and exits out the front door! Yakkity asks: "Was THAT who I think it was?!" Spongebob sighs, and says: "I don't know WHY we bother to wonder, anymore!" And they rush outside, and they see Dudley's Mine Cart run RIGHT past the ACTUAL Liberty Bell, and the fire WELDS the crack back together, before Dudley's Mine Cart finally stops! Randolph says: "AMAZING!!!! You've FINALLY repaired the Liberty Bell, and I LOVE it! I'm quite wealthy, so I think I shall give you a reward! How does $30 million sound?" Dudley says: "It sounds AWESOME!!!!" Spongebob says: "WOW, Dudley! Karma really DID pay off for you!" Dudley says: "I think that as long as you're genuine about it, than Karma always DOES pay off in the end!" /

Episode Notes: First time that someone who was partnered up with Johnny Krill, ends up winning the Challenge Arena, and getting to go on a Temple Run! Featured songs in this episode include Information Society's "I Want To Know What You're Thinking (Pure Energy)", Oingo Boingo's "Weird Science", and The Beatles "Paperback Writer". Final challenge of this season to use an Immunity Pendant. Dudley is eliminated in this episode, but the stinger reveals that because his Mine Cart welded the crack in the Liberty Bell, Randolph gives him a $30 million reward! Spongebob, Marlene, Buhdeuce, and Yakkity officially become the Final Four! Eliminated Contestants: 46. Kowalski. 45. Private. 44. Kaput. 43. Johnny Krill. 42. Haggis McHaggis. 41. Monster Krumholtz. 40. Aang. 39. Verminious J. Snaptrap. 38. Darwin. 37. Heffer Wolfe. 36. Judy Funny. 35. Sway-Sway. 34. Invader Zim. 33. Gonard. 32. Blonda. 31. Squidward Tentacles. 30. Dora the Explorer. 29. Tigress. 28. Otto Rocket. 27. Dog. 26. Zarbon. 25. Super Chum. 24. Kitty Katswell. 23. Jenny Wakeman. 22. Treeflower Fields. 21. Gerald. 20. Fee. 19. Harvey Beaks. 18. Daggett Beaver. 17. Pearl Krabs Barracuda. 16. Bulma Briefs. 15. Keswick. 14. Taotie. 13. Stimpy J. Cat. 12. Sandy Cheeks. 11. Larry The Lobster. 10. Wally. 9. Future Adult Rube Goldfish. 8. Chameleon. 7. Bubble Bass. 6. Po. 5. Dudley Puppy. The Final Four: Spongebob Squarepants ("Spongebob Squarepants"). Marlene Otter ("The Penguins Of Madagascar"). Buhdeuce ("Breadwinners"). Yakkity Yak, ("Yakkity Yak"). /

Personal Notes: Honestly speaking? I really had NO plans for HOW the Final Four was going to shape up this time, other than I wanted Spongebob Squarepants to get there. The rest of this season, was basically figuring out which contestants were going to be compelling enough to get to the Final Four WITH him! While Yakkity was quick to figure out (being the ONLY contestant who was ever IN an alliance with Bulma who didn't get eliminated BY her), Buhdeuce and Marlene were slower to catch on. Buhdeuce really only got his spark of incentive when he defeated Tigress, and he decided to keep the ball rolling, in order to prove EVERYONE who ever DOUBTED his ability to go all the way, SO wrong! Marlene was the last piece of the puzzle to fit in. Despite having eleven other contestants to choose from, I SOMEHOW wound up with Marlene being the BEST fit to go into the Final Four AGAIN! However, with three DIFFERENT contestants to go up against THIS time, things might definitely work out differently for her THIS time around! I hope you enjoyed reading this episode, as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers!

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I just know that I won't be able to comfortably fit my latest episode of "Total Cartoon Legends" (once it's finished), into one post; so I'll break it into two parts to make it more accessible to readers. / Sniz is looking at public domain footage of cars as they have gotten faster throughout the years, and he says: "Last time on Total Cartoon Legends, we were down to the Final Five! And while Spongebob was used to partnering up with Yakkity, and Marlene was used to partnering up with Buhdeuce; Dudley ended up being partnered with Spongebob, while Yakkity got stuck with Johnny Krill! But Yakkity, who SOMEHOW managed to survive being in an alliance with BULMA; somehow managed to SURVIVE being partnered with Johnny Krill as well! Not only that, but Yakkity actually WON immunity and a reward, in a challenge revolving around Benjamin Franklin! And that left Dudley Puppy, the only contestant without an alliance partner, eliminated from the game! Now, at long last, we are finally down to the Final Four! Spongebob Squarepants, Marlene Otter, Buhdeuce, and Yakkity Yak have all beaten 42 other contestants to get here! They are now guaranteed a minimum of a $40 million payout just for winding up in fourth place! However, only can win the grand prize of a $44.44 million cash reward! Things are about to get FAST, as the contestants will soon RACE for the gold, AND the glory; on a super-charged episode of Total Cartoon Legends!" Olmec says: "And remember, objects in the mirror are CLOSER than they appear!" /

Instead of the normal show open, it shows a fast-paced montage of Spongebob, Marlene, Buhdeuce, and Yakkity in all of their various victories against the other contestants this season, set to Steppenwolf's MEGA hit song, "Born To Be Wild!" / Steppenwolf sings: "Get your motor runnin', head out on the highway! Lookin' for adventure, and whatever comes our way! Yeah, darlin', go and make it happen! Take the world in a love embrace! Fire all of your guns at once and explode into space! I like smoke and lightning, Heavy Metal thunder! Racin' with the wind, and the feelin' that I'm under. Yeah, Darlin', go and make it happen! Take the world in a love embrace! Fire all of your guns at once, and explode into space! Like a true nature's child, we were born, born to be wild! We can climb so high, I never wanna die! Born to be wild! Born to be wild! (Instrumental Solo) Whoo! Whoo! Get your motor runnin', head out on the highway! Lookin' for adventure, and whatever comes our way! Yeah, Darlin', go and make it happen! Take the world in a love embrace! Fire all of your guns at once, and explode into space! Like a true nature's child, we were born, born to be wild! We can climb so high, I never wanna die! Born to be wild! Born to be wild!" (Instrumental Solo until the montage and song ends)! / "The Legend Of The Lucky Pocket Watch of Henry Ford!" / It is late at night, and Spongebob and Yakkity are arriving back from their reward trip in Philadelphia! Spongebob says: "That Philadelphia trip sure WAS educational! I definitely absorbed a LOT of interesting facts!" Yakkity says: "It's too bad Sniz wouldn't let the Fairy Godparents film anymore of our stay, there. That footage would've been really USEFUL to some people!" Spongebob says: "Yeah, but according to General Barracuda..." Spongebob MORPHS into a likeness of General Barracuda, and doing his BEST Mr. T impersonation, Spongebob says: "Listen, you FOO! There is simply NO audience for an hour long infomercial about the city of Philadelphia, and I PITY the FOO; who don't believe what I'm saying!" Yakkity laughs at that, and he says: "THAT'S General Barracuda, all right!" Spongebob morphs back to normal, and he says: "You SAID it! At least WE'RE the lucky ones! Bubble Bass' Mother actually has to LIVE with him!" Yakkity says: "Yeah; but SOMEHOW, they find a way to make it work!" Spongebob says: "I couldn't even BEGIN to imagine how THAT works out!"

Yakkity says: "My Grandma once told me some couples can only function LIVING like that! Personally, I don't see the appeal to it! Living like that would get DOWNRIGHT exhausting from MY point of view! Not at all ATTRACTIVE, if you know what I mean!" Spongebob says: "Well, it's not for us to decide how General Barracuda and his wife want to live, anyways! It's THEIR collective decisions, and they're the ones who have to deal with it!" Yakkity says: "Speaking of decisions, I suppose YOU'LL have to decide who you're going to take to the Final Three with you if you WIN this challenge!" Spongebob sighs, and says: "Yeah, IF I win! That's what it's all going to boil down to, isn't it?" Yakkity says: "You almost sound as if you don't WANT to win!" Spongebob says: "It's not that I don't WANT to win! It would be very NICE to win! But winning, means I'd have to see one more contestant being voted off, even if I'm not the one actually VOTING that contestant off!" Yakkity sighs, and he says: "I know what you mean. That's probably the biggest DRAWBACK about being on this show; even if you're not personally responsible for it, you STILL have to see at least SOME of your friends being eliminated!" Spongebob says: "And we have just this upcoming challenge and one more after that. I personally have NO idea how Private, Dog, Stimpy, Sandy, Larry, and Bubble Bass were ever able to DO it!" Yakkity says: "Well, you might ask MARLENE if she's up for it! She's the only one out of us who's ever actually BEEN to the Final Three before, even IF she didn't win!" Spongebob says: "True! And I remember her performance of Total Cartoon Action well enough. Even IF the moves she made weren't considered popular, she definitely did what she HAD to do in order to make it to that point! But...I don't think the cut throat approach is cut out for me!" Yakkity says: "Yeah, I wasn't a big fan of Bulma's approach, EITHER! But, you definitely can't argue with a LONG list of contestants that SHE had a hand in eliminating in HER seasons! Let's face the facts; SOMEONE might have to make a hard decision before the Final Challenge gets here. Do you, think I'll honestly be able to get to the Final Three?"

Spongebob says: "I couldn't say for certain one way or the other. But even if THIS is as far as you can get, you'll STILL leave $40 million richer!" Yakkity says: "That's true. But I don't see HOW either of us can compete with Buhdeuce who's turned into a metaphorical buzz saw, and Marlene who has the most collective experience out of all of us!" Spongebob says: "Well, I'm sure Buhdeuce had HIS doubts about being able to beat Tigress, and he STILL managed to do it!" Yakkity says: "Yeah, I guess you're right! We WON'T know if we CAN do it, unless we give it our BEST effort! And we have some of the best reasons for TRYING! You, to avenge your eliminated friends; and me, because I want to make my Grandma proud! Let's give everyone we're playing for, a performance they'll remember for a LONG time after this!" Spongebob says: "Agreed! It's time to play for ALL the marbles, and lay ALL our cards on the table!" (Confessional) Spongebob says: "It sure is strange, that near the end of this season, I've managed to find someone who in many ways, is similar to the way I used to be at the start of this season. I was utterly scared, insecure, and wanting so MUCH for everyone to like me! Over the course of this season, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone WILL like me the way I want them to! And...I'm capable of making irrational, rash decisions the way Squidward has. Those are short-comings that I've had to accept, and things that I'll need to be aware of even AFTER this season is over! But I know this entire experience has made me a better sponge, because I now know how to express myself properly, and not bottle up my emotions like I did in the past! And I owe it all to the help of my friends! I'm playing as much for them, as I am for myself! And I know they'll be cheering for me, should I make it all the way to the Finals! I must do my best for THEIR sake, as well!" / Yakkity says: "My father disappeared when I was eight. No one knows what happened to him. My mom wasn't able to provide for me on her own, so she gave me to my Grandma, my Father's mother, to raise me while she could find a career that would earn her enough money to raise me again! Even though my mom hasn't found her niche yet, certainly NOT from a lack of trying; I still love my mother, and regardless of what happens between now and the end of this season, I'll return home and give my mother the life she's ALWAYS dreamed of; and me, my mother, and my grandma will have a happy life for hopefully many MORE years to come!" (End Confessional)

It is early morning, and Marlene and Buhdeuce are having a meeting in the hotel conference room. Buhdeuce asks: "Marlene, how many eliminated contestants do YOU think, are surprised that I managed to make it THIS far in the game?!" Marlene THINKS about it, and she says: "Let's see...I'd say about, 24 of them!" Buhdeuce says: "That sounds about right!" Marlene says: "But regardless of your OWN personal victory, this is where a win for EITHER of us would be REALLY important to getting us closer to the Finals! After all, only ONE of us can win immunity now; so these next two challenges will determine whether or not YOU stay safe, based on how WELL you play the game!" Buhdeuce asks: "Do you think I should do my best?!" Marlene says: "It's hard to say. It certainly worked for Spongebob, Larry, Reggie, and Bubble Bass! But let's not forget, Dog basically got to share a win with Larry by sheer LUCK, and Patrick SOMEHOW managed to get to the Final Three in season three, without really MEANING to! In any case, I don't think I can honestly say what approach would be best for you. In the end, you have to figure out what's right for YOU, by yourself! It may sound a bit cliche, but there's a reason that information has stuck around for as LONG as it has; it often turns out to BE the truth!" (Confessional) Marlene sighs in relief, and she says: "I didn't jinx it! Against all odds, I made it to the Final Three again! Now, comes the hardest part of this season; seeing whether or not I can eliminate two more contestants! Spongebob is OUT of the question, he's WAY too popular! So, it boils down to how well Yakkity and Buhdeuce perform; in addition to my OWN performance! If Buhdeuce is going to the Final Three, he needs to EARN it by himself! Nobody else can do it for him!" / Buhdeuce yells: "YES!! I'm in the Final Four! I'm in the Final Four! I feel SO excited, I feel like I can FLY!!" And to Buhdeuce's SURPRISE, he actually DOES start flying! Buhdeuce says: "WAIT! I can FLY now? I can FLY NOW!!!! I never thought this day would come, but I've finally EARNED my Breadwinner wings! Sway-Sway says that all the TRUE Breadwinner legends get them someday! Now, I'm up there with some of the legendary greats! No matter what happens now, I can go home feeling like I've won my OWN personal victory! Nothing will change in my friendship with Sway-Sway, but now I know; that even if I have to solve a problem without him, I really CAN do it if I apply EVERYTHING I've learned, in order to do it in REAL life!" (End Confessional)

It is breakfast time, and the remaining contestants are eating their breakfast. Yakkity says: "The cafeteria SURE seems a lot more empty with just the four of us, now." Buhdeuce says: "It was a lot MORE lively when everyone else was here WITH us!" Spongebob says: "Speaking of 'Lively'; Marlene, how WERE you able to get to the Final Three WITHOUT feeling guilty about eliminating SOME of the contestants in season two?" Marlene says: "In the first place, at least NINE of those contestants were eliminated in ways that I either had no control over; or they would've been eliminated even WITHOUT my help! Secondly, I had a different mind set back than! I didn't think in a way that would insure my own PERSONAL popularity with all of the contestants! I just wanted to get to the Final Three! If I had known back THAN that I could do it WITHOUT playing the 'Flirt Card' at all, I would've done so! Of course, you've never HAD that problem! And if the reason you WANTED to ask me how I DON'T feel guilty about eliminating someone? The sad fact of the matter is, Spongebob; if you DO end up having to eliminate someone LIKE Bulma Briefs, than you probably WILL feel guilty about it! And that's perfectly NATURAL! I don't think that it doesn't MEAN that you DON'T care! The fact that you DO feel guilty about Bulma's elimination, is actually the fact that you DID care about her elimination! We all do things in our life that we might feel guilty about! I know how THAT feels due to TRYING to have a FAKE romance with Captain Retro...I'm REALLY not proud of that! But for what it's worth, it was more MY mistake than his! He was a NICE dog, and he didn't deserve to be led on like that! The point is, I've learned not to pull stunts like that anymore! I guess you could say, that a mistake doesn't have to BE for nothing; as long as you learn from your mistake and improve from it, than THAT'S what really counts!" Spongebob says: "Thanks for sharing that with me, Marlene. I feel like I can tackle the Final Four, now!" Marlene says: "Anything to help a fellow marine mammal!"

(Confessional) Spongebob says: "So, I'm not the only one who can feel guilty about something. I guess EVERYONE can feel guilty about something...especially if they're truly HONEST with themselves! But having that guilt isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you care, and you WANT to do better! And if you DO take a mistake that you've made to heart, than that's a sign that you ARE doing better, because it's only from learning from the mistakes that you make, that you can grow and mature into becoming who you are MEANT to be!" / Marlene sighs, and she says: "Yeah, I probably just HANDED a Final Two slot to Spongebob right then and there. But for me? It's better to know NOW, who I'll compete against in the Finals! And if it's someone who IS on good terms with me, that's just an added bonus from MY perspective!" (End Confessional) Johnny Krill walks in, but he doesn't have the gong! Buhdeuce asks: "What? No gong today?" Johnny says: "Well, you made it to the Final Four! You know everyone who GOT eliminated, and you're the last four left! Out of all the contestants on THIS half-season, you're the best of the bunch! And...we won't have a Moat Challenge, today!" Yakkity asks: "Why? Did Cosmo FORGET to put Chlorine in the Moat?" Johnny says: "No. General Barracuda says that the time has come to recap all the contestants the four of you have surpassed, in order to get to this point!" Buhdeuce asks: "So...are we NOT having a challenge?" Johnny says: "Don't worry, there will BE a challenge, AFTER the retrospective! So come with me, and let's get this over with!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "I never thought I'd see the day when Johnny WOULDN'T be excited about announcing the upcoming challenge!" / Johnny asks: "How could I possibly be excited? I have no personal STAKE in it!" / Buhdeuce says: "I guess Sniz wants to get the Retrospective out of the way FIRST, BEFORE we head into the challenge! Suits me just fine; it gives me MORE time to mentally prepare myself!" (End Confessional) Johnny Krill leads the Final Four contestants, and see Sniz on a car-sized treadmill, in the driver's seat of a red sports car that can comfortably seat four OTHER passengers! Sniz says: "Welcome, contestants! Or should I say more appropriately; Quarter-Finalists? You have gotten past 42 other contestants to get to this coveted place; so what better time to do a retrospective?!"

Johnny says: "You never did a retrospective during Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back!" Sniz says: "That's because there were only fourteen of you! And besides, the studio VETOED that idea! The point is, we're going to do a DRIVING retrospective now, for these four Legends who have proven to be the BEST of the legends!" Buhdeuce asks: "Can't I FLY?! Because I can do that, now!" Marlene says: "At this point, I'm not sure if ANYTHING can surprise me!" General Barracuda says: "Absolutely NOT, Buhdeuce! If it were up to ME, you'd get NOTHING; and LIKE it!" Yakkity says: "I heard of 'Telling it like it is;' but that seems a bit MUCH for MY liking!" Spongebob says: "You said it!" Sniz says: "In any case, we have a schedule to keep to! And the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can do the challenge!" Marlene says: "Very well. I CALL SHOTGUN!!" And she dashes to the front-side passenger seat before anyone else can grab it! (Confessional) General Barracuda chuckles, and he says: "I got to hand it to Marlene! She sees her opportunities, and takes them when she can! She definitely has MY vote for winning!" / Johnny says: "Well, I least I'll get a little bit of retrospective recognition this time around! It's better than nothing!" / Buhdeuce says: "It's sad that Marlene has grown numb to the surprises this show has to offer. At least I haven't!" / Marlene says: "If I'm going to do this retrospective, I WANT to be as comfortable as possible!" / Yakkity says: "General Barracuda is SO lucky he works on THIS show! I'm not sure if he COULD get work anywhere else!" / Spongebob says: "This driving thing is probably a PREVIEW of the challenge we're going to have! Leave it to Sniz to make a SUBTLE surprise, for a change!" (End Confessional) Spongebob, Buhdeuce, and Yakkity all take seats, with Buhdeuce getting STUCK in the middle of the back! Buhdeuce asks: "Hey! How come I have to get STUCK in the middle?!" Yakkity says: "Well, you do fit the BEST in the middle seat!" And Johnny Krill plays a rim-shot! Marlene asks: "THAT was worthy of a rim-shot?!" Spongebob says: "Take what you can get! It's going to be a LONG ride to nowhere, LITERALLY!" Sniz says: "Even so, I want EVERYONE to buckle up!" And everyone does so! Sniz says: "Johnny Krill, turn on the treadmill!" And Johnny turns on the treadmill, and Sniz begins driving the four contestants along a patch of scenery, that looks SUSPICIOUSLY a LOT like a "Repeat Pan" from an old Hanna-Barbera cartoon! Buhdeuce asks: "WAIT! Hanna-Barbera is allowing us to use one of THEIR old backgrounds?!"

Sniz asks: "Are you KIDDING?! Have you SEEN 'Teen Titans Go!'? Hanna-Barbera's parent company Warner Bros. is willing to do ANYTHING for money!" And while the Repeat Pan plays, the contestants see images of the former contestants that have been eliminated! Spongebob says: "There's Kowalski and Private!" Buhdeuce says: "How in the world were THOSE two eliminated first?!" Marlene says: "Two reasons, for not thinking out their whole plan through; thanks a LOT Skipper, and the fact that the Silver Snakes and the Blue Barracudas wanted to use THEM as scapegoats for failing the first challenge!" Yakkity says: "I can vouch for THOSE view-points! Your assessment is TOTALLY accurate!" (Confessional) Buhdeuce says: "I'm sure if Tigress had HER way, Spongebob and I would've been eliminated FIRST! Good thing the Green Monkeys got paired up with the Red Jaguars, and I was on the same team as HER!" / Marlene says: "Personally, I have NEVER seen the appeal of acting like a 'Leeroy Jenkins'! So why do SIX of the seven major guys I know of in MY life feel the need to act OUT like that?! Thank goodness for MAURICE to provide me with a SMALL, remaining bit of sanity for MY sake, as well as his!" / Yakkity says: "Trust me, there was no SHORTAGE of contestants back THAN, myself included; who felt it was BEST for those two to go FIRST! I mean, at least I managed to make it all the way here, so I don't see any OTHER way I might have made it here otherwise!" (End Confessional) Buhdeuce says: "There's Kaput and Johnny Krill!" Johnny shouts: "I'm also standing RIGHT here!" Sniz says: "You're still TECHNICALLY eliminated!" Marlene asks: "Any idea why THOSE two got eliminated?" Yakkity says: "It was simply a result of SO many plans clashing together at once! Tigress wanted Aang gone, Aang wanted Tigress gone, and Bulma suspected that BOTH of them had an immunity pendant, so she told Sandy to vote 'Someone inconsequential'! If I had KNOWN Johnny Krill meant THAT much to Spongebob at the time, I would've considered voting for someone OTHER than Tigress and Aang!" Spongebob says: "That's very considerate of you to say!" (Confessional) Marlene says: "Don't get me wrong; Kaput and Johnny Krill probably WOULD have been eliminated ANYWAYS even WITHOUT the 'Gambit Pile-Up'. The fact that it happened WHEN it did, just made it happen a lot sooner!" /

Yakkity says: "Come to think of it, the fact that I wasn't made AWARE of Bulma's plan, because I wasn't IN an alliance with her at the time; was probably a major factor as to why I got INTO an alliance with her in the first place!" / Spongebob says: "It's always refreshing for me, when someone ELSE admits that they've made a mistake! It makes me glad to know that I'm NOT the only one who makes them!" (End Confessional) Marlene says: "There's Haggis and Monster Krumholtz!" Spongebob says: "Poor Haggis, he was SO robbed by Aang!" Buhdeuce says: "Even so, he really didn't HAVE the stamina to compete with us! And it's not like YOU could think of any way for Monster to be relevant to YOUR team! If anything, their eliminations were basically MERCY eliminations for everyone else!" Yakkity says: "And all things considered, I was probably ONE of the contestants to benefit FROM them!" (Confessional) Spongebob says: "All things considered, if someone IS going to get eliminated; they should be eliminated on their OWN terms, not terms that someone ELSE randomly decides! Accident or not, I'm GLAD I was able to teach Aang a LESSON in respecting his elders; among OTHER things!" / Buhdeuce says: "I feel the only thing the rest of us missed out on, from Haggis being eliminated so soon; is that we didn't have more time to learn the tricks of a TRUE master actor!" / Yakkity says: "It's a pity Monster didn't stick around longer, we could've made for a very GOOD combination if we ever got to work together!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "There's Aang and Snaptrap!" And EVERYONE else, simultaneously says: "BOO!!!!" Johnny says: "It serves Aang RIGHT, only getting eliminated two episodes after I did!" Marlene says: "Of course, I don't think ANY of us would've EVER suspected that it would be SPONGEBOB who would deliver the Coup de Grace to Aang, possessed by Master Coelaceanth!" Buhdeuce says: "Yeah, how come you've never used your Super Saiyan 2 abilities AFTER that?" Spongebob says: "Come on! If I did that, none of you would have a CHANCE against me! I only want to use those powers in an emergency like THAT one! And it's sad that Snaptrap didn't REALIZE that he wasn't acting evil on his own free will; at least we made sure Anti-Cosmo got punished when we realized THAT truth!" Yakkity says: "I sure am glad for the fact that Spongebob is on OUR side!"

(Confessional) Johnny says: "Aang is LUCKY that Sniz decided to eliminate him by ejection, because I'm sure that every OTHER contestant; even if they didn't appear on THIS half-season, would've voted him off if given the chance! And I can safely say that, because I would've been just ONE of them!" / Marlene shakes her head, and she says: "It's sad how SOME people can let fame go to their heads! I just consider myself lucky that I'm not ONE of them!" / Spongebob says: "Will I ever use my Super Saiyan 2 abilities again? It's hard to say. All I know is that if I need to, I definitely will! Once you know your own true potential being THAT good, you NEVER forget how THAT feels EVER again!" / Buhdeuce says: "I'll admit, I was caught off guard by Aang when he attacked as a contestant! But if we were to fight NOW, I could DEFINITELY take him on!" / Yakkity says: "It's a shame that Snaptrap was only recently FREED from being evil. He could've been such a nice rodent contestant to the rest of us!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "There's Darwin and Heffer Wolfe!" Johnny asks: "Does anyone remember anything noteworthy about THEM?!" Spongebob winces, and he says: "Not REALLY, and I'M being generous!" Marlene says: "Well, it's HARD when you're in a contest with over 3 dozen OTHER contestants! I'm just lucky I was able to push my WAY out of that crowded field!" Yakkity says: "And I'm lucky that Bulma was willing to help ME through it!" Buhdeuce says: "And I'm lucky that Sway-Sway has been my inspiration since THEN, and continues to be so NOW!" (Confessional) Sniz says: "Well, there were bound to be SOME contestants that WEREN'T going to give us something to talk about; unlike a Bonnie Raitt song!" / Spongebob says: "Probably the biggest reason why I don't remember much about them, is because I was STILL dealing with some personal issues of MINE at the time! It had nothing to do with them, it was just something I had to go through!" / Marlene says: "I'm definitely LUCKY, in the fact that unlike Darwin and Heffer, I HAD a good personality to fall back on; while I waited for the field to clear up a little!" / Yakkity says: "Personally speaking, I probably went through MORE elimination ceremonies than anyone else! If I didn't have Bulma as a friend, I'm not sure if I would've lasted as LONG as I have! I definitely owe her at least SOME money, if nothing else if I DO win the big prize!" /

Buhdeuce says: "Even though I really don't see HOW Sway-Sway could've gotten through all the challenges that I have had to go through on my own, I still wish he could've at least had the CHANCE to go through them! At least I was able to go through them for the BOTH of us!" (End Confessional) Yakkity says: "There's Judy and Sway-Sway!...That's, STILL probably a bit of a sore spot for Buhdeuce; isn't it?!" Buhdeuce breaks down and cries: "Sway-Sway, you were robbed TOO soon! BAH!!!!" Marlene says: "Look on the BRIGHT side! Not...EVERYONE would've voted HIM off! Spongebob wouldn't!" And Spongebob says: "Of COURSE not!" Yakkity says: "Yeah, and Judy was ALSO taken out than, so she KNOWS what it feels like to be the first batch of contestants eliminated!" Spongebob says: "He's right! This is no time to break down! Sway-Sway WANTS you to keep going!" Buhdeuce dries his eyes, and he says: "You're right! I need to DO this, for Sway-Sway!" (Confessional) Marlene says: "Would I have voted off Sway-Sway if I had the opportunity to do so, knowing what I know now? Hard to say. All I know is, I have no way of knowing how the REST of the half-season would've gone down, had Sway-Sway not been eliminated than! For instance, I might not be here right now! And for what it's worth, Tigress was REALLY the one who handled MOST of the early eliminations back than!" / Yakkity says: "It's all a matter or perspective! You can't get hung up on the fact, that something bad happens to someone else you're REALLY close to! It's probably happened to a lot of OTHER people to! Besides, when you think about it; everything can actually be an OPPORTUNITY for you to grow and develop, in order to realize your TRUE potential! I...know it's not the BEST thing to say, but I feel that if Sway-Sway didn't get eliminated when he did; Buhdeuce might have never GOTTEN the incentive to go as far as he HAS! It...will be DIFFICULT to eliminate him, if he DOESN'T win immunity in THIS challenge!" / Spongebob says: "Honestly speaking? I think the world NEEDS more sensitive males right now. The fact of the matter is, not all; but far too many men throughout history, have been too detached from their emotions. They let their EGO control their actions, and therefore RARELY think about the consequences! But if you feel with your HEART, it's almost ALWAYS the right course of action to take!" /

Buhdeuce says: "Spongebob is right! I can't let up now, when I'm so close to the finish line! I got to make the last push, and go ALL the way across! That's what Sway-Sway would do!" (End Confessional) Marlene says: "There's Zim and Gonard!" Yakkity says: "Were there any two eliminations any MORE obvious this season?" Buhdeuce says: "I highly doubt it. The question was never IF Zim would be eliminated; but WHEN!" Spongebob says: "All I know is, Gonard didn't perform NEARLY as well in THIS season, as he did in his LAST season!" Sniz says: "Well, we never KNOW how things can change for contestants! Not everyone's game can improve, you know!" (Confessional) Sniz says: "Although, it would be kind of cool if that DID happen; for US anyways!" / Yakkity says: "Let's be honest; Invader Zim was like MINUS one contestant ANYWAYS! So, if you THINK about it; the Silver Snakes/Purple Parrots actually broke EVEN with HIS elimination!" / Spongebob says: "There were many ways this season could've gone down differently, had different contestants been on different teams! All I know is, for what it's worth; I'm glad that I was on the Green Monkeys for that entire time!" Marlene sticks her head in, and she says: "Me, to!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "There's Blonda and Squidward!" Yakkity says: "It's really Squidward's OWN fault he got ELIMINATED! If he had JUST swallowed his pride and APOLOGIZED to Spongebob in the FIRST place, he would've been able to stay on LONGER!" Spongebob says: "Well, I wasn't going to FORCE him to apologize to me! In the first place, it would've been INSINCERE! And secondly, it would've been WRONG! You can't just FORCE someone to apologize to you! Well, technically you COULD; but that's FROWNED upon in MOST proper areas of society!" Marlene says: "I know how THAT feels like! It took me AGES before I felt like I could HONESTLY apologize for what I did in season three, to Wally and Captain Retro!" Buhdeuce says: "At least Squidward's career has FINALLY taken off thanks to Blonda's help! Perhaps he can finally BE happy with his own life now!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "Yeah, it actually IS quite impressive for me to survive BEING on a team filled with SO many dysfunctional contestants! Even if most of my victories HAVE been 'Victory by endurance', it's still a victory that COUNTS!" /

Spongebob says: "It took me a long time to figure out that there are MANY different personality types in this world, and not every single one of them is going to be compatible with every other personality type in the world. Even so, I still think it's important that we all do our best; to try to get along together in the best way that we can!" / Marlene says: "I've started to be on speaking terms with Captain Retro again. As it turns out, he...had his own misguided ideas about love. He wasn't really so much in LOVE with me, as he was with the idea of me! He admitted that he unconsciously, projected his own idea of the ideal woman onto me; and I was willing to play into it, not realizing that it wasn't the right thing to do! I guess we BOTH had to grow up, and realize that he should love the TRUE version of a woman; and I learned not to go along with someone's IDEA of an ideal woman, because it's not healthy for EITHER of us in the long run!" / Buhdeuce says: "I think it's kind of weird how Squidward's career got so much BETTER after having BEEN a contestant on this show! Kind of like Sway-Sway. Apparently, he's having a successful career of his own! I've got to ask him more about it, once I get to see him again!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Hold it, time out! Turn off the treadmill, Johnny Krill!" Johnny says: "Oh, all right!" And Johnny turns the treadmill off, and Sniz slows the car down to a stop! Yakkity asks: "Why did we stop? Is something wrong?" Sniz says: "Yeah, something's wrong! For starters, I almost forgot to announce the challenge that we're going to DO after this retrospective is over! Olmec, tell us what today's legend is!" Olmec says: "Today's legend, is The Legend Of The Lucky Pocket Watch of Henry Ford!" Marlene says: "Oh! So THAT'S why we're using a car for this retrospective!" Sniz says: "Exactly! Unfortunately, I've got to take a restroom break; and I suggest you all do so to!" Spongebob says: "Good idea!" Buhdeuce says: "I'm flying there!" Sniz says: "You should all probably take a bathroom break, to. But don't go away, because we'll finish up with our retrospective, before we tackle today's legend; on today's episode of Total Cartoon Legends!" / (Commercial Break) / I'll break here and stop for now. Enough said, for now!

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As promised, here is the second and final part of the re-run for "The Legend Of The Lucky Pocket Watch of Henry Ford!" / After the commercials end, the contestants return to Sniz's car on the treadmill, to continue with their retrospective. Buhdeuce says: "Some quarter-final match-up THIS is turning out to be! I don't have Sway-Sway, Marlene doesn't have her penguin buddies, Spongebob doesn't have any of his friends, we completely skipped over the Moat challenge, and at the rate THIS episode is going, we won't have a Steps of Knowledge challenge! And that's something that Legends of The Hidden Temple is SUPPOSED to do!" Marlene rolls her eyes, and says: "Oh, what are YOU complaining about?! You're going to get at LEAST $40 million even IF you're eliminated in this episode!" Spongebob says: "I guess he's become like the way Tigress used to be. Her motto WAS 'No challenge, equals NO satisfaction!" Yakkity says: "It's safe to say that probably NONE of us would be here, if SHE was still here!" Sniz returns, and he says: "And it's on THAT note, that we're going to resume our little retrospective!" Marlene says: "That's good to know. I STILL CALL SHOTGUN!!!!" And she dashes for the front passenger seat AGAIN, and everyone else takes the same seats they had before! Buhdeuce groans, as he says: "I'm getting tired of this!" General Barracuda says: "I'm not! I get a good chuckle out of seeing YOU in MISERY!" Spongebob rolls his eyes, and he says: "Figures YOU would!" Yakkity says: "Lucky for US, he doesn't even FIGURE in these eliminations, so WE don't NEED to talk about him!" Johnny says: "At least they TALKED about ME! Who's laughing now?" General Barracuda says: "If the F.C.C. WOULD only LET me, I'd give THEM something to LAUGH about!" Sniz says: "Well, they WON'T; so you CAN'T! Anyways, let's get on with the retrospective! Johnny, turn on the treadmill!" And Johnny turns on the treadmill again, and Sniz once again resumes driving past the repeat pan of an old Hanna-Barbera cartoon. As they drive, they pass by MORE images of contestants that were eliminated!

Yakkity says: "There's Dora the Explorer and Tigress!" Marlene says: "The only reason I LITERALLY want to learn SOME Spanish, is to learn how to say the words 'Has-been' and 'Dumb-butt' in Espanol!" Spongebob says: "I don't know what Dora was THINKING, if at ALL; when she decided to pattern her game-playing strategy after Bulma's in season three! First of all, A; it didn't WORK! And B, with Bulma playing; she certainly wasn't going to let SOME teenager get away with something SHE couldn't get away with! Who would've guessed that it would end up being BULMA who ended Dora's hopes of trying to claim the $44.44 million?!" Buhdeuce says: "And I don't think anyone could've guessed that I would be the one to PERSONALLY eliminate Tigress and become a competitive force to be reckoned with!" Yakkity says: "You KNOW Tigress basically HANDED you that win on a silver platter ONLY because she was pregnant!" Buhdeuce says: "Irrelevant! A win's a win!" Johnny says: "I certainly won't argue with him on THAT point!" (Confessional) Marlene says: "In real life, Dora would've NEVER been able to stop Swiper simply by saying 'Swiper, no swiping'! I mean, why ELSE would he wear a mask?!" / Spongebob says: "Don't get me wrong, we probably WOULD'VE been able to eliminate Dora EVENTUALLY even WITHOUT Bulma's help; she just made it happen a lot faster!" / Buhdeuce says: "I personally don't GET why General Barracuda still likes giving ME a bad time! If it weren't for ME eliminating Tigress, none of the Final Four INCLUDING myself would look the way it does NOW! Or is it only ME that he has a problem with? Either way, there are FAR more important things that HE could be worrying about!" / Yakkity says: "Make no mistake, if Tigress HADN'T had the handicap she had, she probably could've turned Buhdeuce's FEATHERS into a nice down pillow! At least all of Buhdeuce's OTHER victories were his own!" (End Confessional)

Johnny says: "There's Otto Rocket and Dog!" Marlene says: "I don't know HOW Dog, a former champion, be eliminated with over HALF of the contestants still remaining in the competition!" Spongebob says: "Or how Otto, a contestant who gave Sandy Cheeks a run for her money; could get eliminated in the same episode as Dog!" Buhdeuce says: "Maybe they simply suffered from competition burn-out! I mean, Otto competed in four whole seasons! It's HARD to compete with the same edge you had in the first season of something you competed in! And Dog? He simply didn't exhibit enough self-control!" Yakkity says: "I can vouch for that! Compared to Dog, Dudley was the KING of self-control!" Johnny says: "I guess all that T.U.F.F. TRAINING finally paid OFF for him!" And Johnny plays a rim-shot after that joke, with everyone looking at him strangely. Johnny asks: "WHAT?! I'm allowed to make rim-shots after MY own jokes!" (Confessional) Johnny says: "In a Final Four with Spongebob, Marlene, Buhdeuce, AND Yakkity, I don't know how I STILL ended up being the Comedy Relief! Maybe I should do a MOVIE with Yakkity, if he's ever INTERESTED!" / Marlene says: "Honestly? The fact that Dog got eliminated a lot EARLIER in this season, compared to season three, made me MORE determined than EVER, to get to the Final Four and do a MUCH better job of being a contestant THIS time!" / Spongebob says: "Otto was probably one of the FEW contestants I would've been WILLING to actually vote off! He's never RESPECTED me during ANY of the times we were contestants together, and he actively AVOIDED speaking to me whenever possible! Come to think of it; I was BASICALLY competing WITH Squidward before I ACTUALLY competed with Squidward, if that MAKES any sense!" / Buhdeuce says: "Not everyone can do better in their second season the way I can! Although, both Marlene and Spongebob are doing better THIS time around, and they've been in more seasons than I have! I'll have to do my best if I want to beat THEM!" / Yakkity says: "If I could, I would TOTALLY have a dog as a pet! But Grandma says 'No, she already has to raise ONE wild animal in her house!" And Johnny Krill plays a rim-shot! (End Confessional)

Yakkity says: "There's Zarbon and Super Chum! By the way, I've never been let IN on Zarbon's dirty secret that Bulma shared with everybody else! Why DID Zarbon let Bulma boss him around in season three?" Marlene says: "Basically, Zarbon is able to transform into something SO ugly looking, it makes the boss of Dark Gaia from 'Sonic Unleashed' look downright pleasant to look at!" Spongebob shivers, and he says: "I sure am glad we never actually had to SEE it! And thank goodness that Super Chum was able to stop him! It's a shame he decided to quit, though." Buhdeuce says: "It was probably for the best. I highly doubt any of us, even WITH my video game skills, would've been able to stop him!" Johnny says: "And besides, I like all four of YOU as Final Four contestants BETTER; anyways!" Sniz says: "It's nice to know that you all have at least ONE loyal fan who is loyal to you!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "I hate it when Sniz uses STEALTH insults at our expense!" / Marlene says: "Don't get me wrong; I can TAKE stealth insults, but I PREFER to dish them out! And also, Skipper absolutely HATES it that I'm better than HIM at video games! He STILL has trouble just trying to beat 'Donkey Kong Jr.'!" / Spongebob says: "The only GOOD thing about Super Chum quitting, is I personally didn't HAVE to vote him off; even if I am technically FORCED to vote for SOMEONE at the end of every Elimination Ceremony!" / Buhdeuce says: "Seeing that I could fly now, I probably COULD stand a better chance against Super Chum now; I'm just glad that I don't HAVE to! See how that works?" / Johnny says: "Even I wouldn't be crazy enough to take on either Zarbon or Super Chum in a straight up challenge, and I do extreme STUNTS for a living!" (End Confessional)

Yakkity says: "There's Kitty Katswell and Jenny Wakeman! Or as they SHOULD be referred to, 'The Elephants In the Room'! I can't, in good conscience; even PRETEND that I can make a GOOD joke about that!" Spongebob says: "Me, neither! And that's coming from someone who's sometimes FORCED to do questionable things for the sake of his studio executives!" Marlene says: "Long story short; they both messed up! I'm just glad WE all have better HEADS on our shoulders! Well, MOST of us; anyways!" Buhdeuce says: "Are even YOU making fun of MY intelligence?!" Johnny groans, and he says: "Oh, don't always ASSUME that when you HEAR an insult; it's ALWAYS directed at YOU!" (Confessional) Buhdeuce says: "It's just in MY experience, whenever I DO hear an insult; it's almost ALWAYS directed at ME!" / Yakkity says: "Probably one of the only things WORSE than being a contestant who gets eliminated on a show of this nature? Not even being talked about AFTER the fact!" / Spongebob says: "It's sad when after TWO seasons, the only thing I personally KNOW about Kitty, is that she's stubborn with a rigid mind; and is willing to wear white boots even AFTER Labor Day!" / Marlene says: "The only downside with being partnered with Buhdeuce? He doesn't even know how to take a JOKE! He needs TRAINING in THAT department!" / Johnny says: "As far as I'm concerned? Marlene is RIGHT! And there are quite a NUMBER of people I personally know of, but won't list here; who fall UNDER that description as well!" (End Confessional)

Yakkity says: "There's Treeflower and Gerald! Treeflower was basically the first REAL contestant any of us HAD to eliminate in order to get here!" Spongebob says: "Although to be fair, at least she had a good REASON for LETTING herself be eliminated! She wanted to gain some respect back, and giving me an Immunity Pendant was her way of doing that! I just never THOUGHT that Daggett would be able to outlast her WITHOUT Norbert; even if it wasn't by much! Although, Gerald sure made a BIG mistake of TRYING to make Treeflower freak out for no GOOD reason! It serves Gerald right that HE ended up freaking out before all was said and done!" Marlene says: "In all seriousness though; if she didn't let HERSELF get eliminated, BULMA certainly would've figured out a way to eliminate her FOR us!" Buhdeuce says: "You said it! Instead of The Police singing about 'The King Of Pain', she would've been the QUEEN of Pain; as far as eliminations go!" Yakkity says: "She never even TRIED to eliminate ME!" Johnny says: "Only because she really WANTED your friendship, and didn't WANT to go through a repeat of what happened to her in season three AGAIN!" Yakkity says: "Irrelevant! The fact IS, she kept her WORD; and we all let her down by not trusting her!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "Basically, I feel like I owe it to Bulma to get to the Final Three now; so I can look her in the eyes and tell her that I'm sorry for doing what I did. Just like her, I am capable of making mistakes; AND learning from them! And I've learned that some people ARE able to change for the better!" / Spongebob says: "In terms of pure statistics, Treeflower is a VERY competent contestant! Gerald? Not so much. I wasn't really surprised when HE got eliminated!" / Marlene says: "The BEST thing about Treeflower being eliminated; is that BESIDES the QUIET that followed, Keswick was able to prove that he was MUCH smarter and more capable WITHOUT her interference!" / Buhdeuce says: "Even I have to agree with Marlene! Treeflower lasted a LOT longer than she had any real RIGHT to!" / Johnny says: "All I know is, if I had been in YAKKITY'S scenario, Bulma wouldn't have hesitated for a NANO-SECOND to eliminate me, and I can't even BELIEVE that I actually KNOW what a Nano-Second IS!" (End Confessional)

Yakkity says: "There's Fee and Harvey Beaks!" He waits for a while for somebody else to speak, but nobody does so! Yakkity says: "Why isn't anyone else talking?" Spongebob says: "Yakkity, you helped ELIMINATE two young kids who didn't DESERVE to be ELIMINATED the way they were!" Yakkity groans, and says: "Come ON! You can't put the blame ALL on me! You KNOW it was mostly BULMA'S idea!" Marlene says: "That doesn't change the fact that YOU went along with it, just so Daggett could STAY on for ONE more episode!" Yakkity says: "Okay, Fee IS legitimate; I'll give you THAT, but you can't fault me for HARVEY! He CHOSE to quit on his own! Nobody FORCED him to! If he WANTED to quit, he was perfectly in his right to DO so!" Buhdeuce says: "Come on! Bulma KNEW that Harvey LOVES Fee, that's why Bulma ELIMINATED Fee; so Harvey would be distraught and QUIT! Even I wouldn't have gone for such an OBVIOUS 2 for 1 gambit!" Yakkity groans, and he says: "Okay, FINE! I fell for the OLD 2 for 1 gambit to keep MY own team safe! Does THAT automatically make ME dumb?" Johnny says: "No, it just makes YOU complacent; which is arguably WORSE!" Yakkity gets an Anime sweat drop, and says: "I guess quoting a little Shakespear theater and saying 'What's done is done' is out of the question." Sniz says: "Pretty much!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "Oh, MAN! I completely FORGOT about Fee and Harvey! Why did this Retrospective have to bring THOSE two up, BESIDES the obvious reasons?! Do they THINK Fee and Harvey would've lasted much LONGER even without THAT double elimination? They certainly WEREN'T going to betray each other, and even if Harvey DIDN'T quit; he would STILL be MISERABLE without Fee for the REST of his hypothetical time as a contestant! If anything, I think Bulma actually did him a FAVOR in the long run by sparing him from that agony; right?! RIGHT?!!!" / Spongebob sighs, and he says: "Honestly, Fee and Harvey probably would've been eliminated EVENTUALLY with or without Yakkity's help! Doesn't make it any better to KNOW that, though." / Marlene says: "I'm not saying that I personally haven't done questionable things, because I have, but I DON'T eliminate children who haven't DONE anything to me yet! I have STANDARDS!" / Buhdeuce says: "Hopefully, that QUELLS the debate on who's the DUMB one! I.E., NOT me!" (End Confessional)

Johnny says: "There's Daggett and Pearl!" Marlene says: "Up until Pearl's elimination, all of the eliminations for representatives from 'Spongebob Squarepants' were pretty well spaced out! After her elimination? Not so much!" Spongebob sheds a single tear, and he says: "Yeah, it's sad to think about that. Although I am impressed Daggett figured out a way to NOT let Bulma have the last word on HIS elimination, and chose to be DEFIANT about it! That arguably was the beginning of the END of Bulma's ability to control the challenges in this half-season!" Buhdeuce says: "And I know WE'RE all thankful for that! Bulma's elimination from this contest was undoubtedly, the final piece of the puzzle to ALL of us being here!" Yakkity says: "Including ME! And fun fact, NINE out of TEN Australian children LOVE me!" But nobody responds to him! Yakkity says: "Come on! STILL nothing?" Johnny says: "They're STILL miffed about the fact that you had a hand in eliminating Fee and Harvey!" Yakkity sarcastically says: "THANK you, Captain Obvious!" (Confessional) Yakkity asks: "Is this Fee and Harvey thing going to be something I have to take care of in some way? Because I think I should be warned a MONTH in advance, MINIMUM; the consequences of eliminating two kids from a contest BEFORE I do that! If I had known that THIS would happen, I would've considered some alternatives!" / Marlene says: "I still find it WEIRD that Norbert turned down a chance of competing in THIS season, just so Daggett could do it! At least Daggett actually GOT smarter this season, so at least it wasn't TOTALLY for nothing!" / Spongebob says: "While I now realize that I was NEVER going to be able to take ALL of my friends WITH me to the Final Three, I still would've liked to have taken SOME of them! For moral and emotional support, if nothing else!" / Buhdeuce says: "The fact that I've already outlasted 30 more contestants than Sway-Sway did is nothing short of astounding to me! While I miss him dearly, I need to keep my wits about me; in order to make the final push to the Final Three!" / Johnny Krill chuckles, and he says: "Captain Obvious? THAT'S a new one I've PERSONALLY never heard of before, in relation to ME!" (End Confessional)

Yakkity says: "There's Bulma and Keswick, the former of who you ALL; including myself, voted OFF despite the fact that she NEVER went out of her way to target ANY of US!" And everyone's expressions FREEZE in STUNNED silence! Yakkity asks: "Doesn't feel so GOOD, does it? Being blamed for something that you didn't take the time to THINK about at the time you did it?" Marlene says: "Well, it completely defied LOGIC! Bulma never STRUCK me as the type who WOULD put a friend before her OWN needs! She never DID that before!" Spongebob says: "I thought she was LIKE Aang and Master Coelaceanth, that she wouldn't ACCEPT my offer of redemption even if I OFFERED it! So I helped shoot her down to AVOID feeling any crushing bitterness and disappointment in my heart!" Buhdeuce awkwardly says: "I really don't HAVE an opinion, I wasn't actually PRESENT in that elimination ceremony! I'm...mostly surprised she DID get eliminated when she did!" Johnny says: "You're NOT the only one! Keswick was to! And two of YOU eliminated HIM because you KNEW you couldn't beat him intellectually!" Sniz rolls his eyes, and says: "Like YOU could've beaten HIM intellectually!" Johnny says: "Irrelevant!" (Confessional) Johnny says: "For what anybody knows, if the challenges had been DIFFERENT; I could've TOTALLY beaten Keswick in any athletic themed challenges!" / Yakkity says: "Don't get me wrong; Bulma would've JUST been eliminated in another episode anyways, I just don't like the fact that she was eliminated in the way she WAS! See how that works?" / Marlene says: "Just for context, Bulma acting like an Altruist; is like Skipper NOT acting like 'Leeroy Jenkins'! A totally unexpected occurrence, and not at ALL likely in ANY realm of possibility and reality!" / Spongebob says: "The fact of the matter is, the only alternative I had to voting off Bulma, was voting off Taotie! And I would PREFER eliminating Taotie for something he ACTUALLY did! And since he hadn't and never DID this season, that only LEFT Bulma! I'm sorry!" / Buhdeuce says: "Honestly? Bulma probably COULD beat me in an intellectual challenge; so it's lucky for me that SHE'S gone!" (End Confessional)

Yakkity says: "There's Taotie and Stimpy!" Marlene says: "Nothing WE could've done about THEIR eliminations, they were completely automatic SIMPLY because they finished in last place!" Spongebob says: "At least Taotie was GENUINE about turning over a new leaf. He's a MUCH better good guy than he EVER was as a BAD guy!" Buhdeuce says: "You said it! Maybe he might be willing to help me take care of Oonski if he's up for such a thing!" Yakkity says: "I'd certainly be interested in watching that!" (Confessional) Yakkity says: "In addition to being a comedian, I'm planning on being a comedic writer, and writing my OWN books of material on comedy! I'm hoping to be taken SERIOUSLY as a writer; seriously FUNNY, that is!" / Marlene says: "I was a little nervous when Stimpy got eliminated. After he got eliminated in season 3, it wasn't long before I followed suit! Luckily for me, in that case; lightning DIDN'T strike in the same place twice!" / Spongebob says: "I truly believe that MOST people and beings are good deep down inside! After all, I feel like it's such a WASTE of time and energy to actively feel ANGRY about everyone all the time! It CANNOT be healthy for your heart OR soul!" / Buhdeuce says: "Don't get me wrong, Oonski is GOOD at what he does! If it weren't for him, I'm not sure if our show would've lasted even TWO seasons on air!" (End Confessional)

Johnny says: "There's--!" Than he STOPS when he remembers SPONGEBOB is in the car, and Johnny says: "Uh, I'm not SURE Spongebob is ready for the NEXT one!" Spongebob sadly says: "I'm fully well aware Sandy and Larry are the NEXT contestants we have to talk about." And General Barracuda looks at Johnny Krill incredulously! Johnny Krill says: "COME ON!!!! I technically didn't even SAY it!" Buhdeuce says: "Well, basically; they only HAVE themselves to BLAME for getting eliminated when they did!" Marlene asks: "Why do you say that?" Buhdeuce gets INCENSED at that comment, and he angrily asks: "WHY?!!! For every time they BELITTLED me! For every time they LAUGHED and called me NAMES behind my back! Do ANY of YOU have ANY idea what THAT feels like to have HAPPEN to you EVERY single DAY of your LIFE?!!!" Spongebob sighs, and sadly says: "Yeah, I do. And on behalf of Sandy, and Larry; I apologize to you. You're a real hard working duck, a true competitor, and a loyal friend to Sway-Sway. You...didn't deserve that treatment from them, and I'm sorry you had to go through that with THEM. I really apologize." Buhdeuce says: "It matters little whether YOU apologize to me; what matters is that Sandy and Larry apologize to me!" Yakkity says: "You mean, 'IF' they EVER apologize to you!" Johnny says: "To be fair, he's NOT wrong about THAT point!" (Confessional) Johnny says: "Because I'm obviously NOT a mind-reader! If I WERE, I would've been ABLE to avoid my elimination early on in this half-season! See how that works?" / Marlene's eyes are wide open, and she says: "WOW! I had no idea Buhdeuce was THAT angst ridden! Maybe I'm not giving Skipper full credence as to why he acts the way he does! I'll at LEAST consider it!" / Yakkity says: "Don't get me wrong; I sure HOPE Sandy and Larry apologize to Buhdeuce, but I can't guarantee they WILL!" / Spongebob says: "Wow! We're not so different, Buhdeuce and I. He's really had to work hard to get to this point, of being good enough for the Final Four. Marlene and I kind of take it for granted. If I don't win, I kind of hope HE does!" / Buhdeuce sighs, and says: "You have NO idea how GOOD it felt, to get all of THAT off of my chest! I feel SO much better now!" (End Confessional)

Johnny says: "There's Wally and Future Adult Rube Goldfish!" Marlene says: "They were the last double elimination, and the last two contestants where we couldn't have done anything about their elimination. They also finished in last place, through no real fault of their own." Spongebob sighs, and says: "At least they were able to leave together. I think they probably PREFERRED to do it that way!" Buhdeuce says: "Do you...think we'll be able to see Future Rube OUTSIDE of episodes in the 'Spongebob Squarepants' universe again?" Yakkity says: "Oh, if we're ALL still around; we'll see Adult Rube Goldfish AGAIN, in about 20 years!" And Johnny Krill plays a rim-shot! (Confessional) Johnny says: "By THAT time, I'll probably have appeared in at LEAST another episode of 'Spongebob Squarepants' if nothing else!" / Marlene says: "I hate to say it, but Buhdeuce was RIGHT; this retrospective is taking TOO long for its own good! At least the first one I went through was KIND of fun!" / Buhdeuce sighs, and says: "FINALLY! Someone admits that I'm RIGHT about SOMETHING! It's about TIME, to!" / Spongebob says: "Speaking of Wally the Rocket Monkey, I kind of wouldn't mind seeing what happened to all my old Sea Monkey friends! I hope they're all living a good life in Plankton's OLD Chum Bucket!" / Yakkity says: "It's nice to have someone who can accentuate your jokes with a good rim-shot! Maybe I'll hire Johnny to do that FOR me once this season is over!" (End Confessional)

Johnny Krill says: "There's Chameleon!" Marlene says: "I think it's sad Chameleon had to leave the competition only one episode after he got to see his relatives. That would be like ME getting eliminated one episode after seeing my mom!" Buhdeuce says: "So? It certainly didn't stop YOU, ME, or anybody else BESIDES Spongebob and Chameleon from voting him off in that Charles Darwin challenge!" Spongebob says: "Although, you DO have to admit, that it's kind of ironic; that the one contestant who has the ability to physically CHANGE his appearance whenever he wants to, was eliminated in an episode all ABOUT change!" Yakkity says: "Even I appreciate the irony of that! Although, I guess that's how often shows of this nature go; contestants often get eliminated when it is the most IRONIC opportunity arises, before it actually happens!" (Confessional) Marlene says: "It's not like I think that Chameleon WOULD'VE been a better candidate to get to the Final Four INSTEAD of me, even if he transformed himself INTO me; it's just that we couldn't very well ignore the fact that the potential of Chameleon being able to transform into ANYONE with any strength and ability he WANTED to have around! So, voting him off was our best viable option for getting to the Final Four!" / Buhdeuce says: "Speaking of CHANGES, I think it would be a NICE change if Nickelodeon would actually ACKNOWLEDGE the existence of MY show along with Yakkity's, and actually include US in any future racing and/or fighting games INVOLVING Nicktoons characters ONCE in a while! Just a thought!" / Spongebob says: "Another thing that I find ironic? The fact that Patrick's dad Cecil, actually seems to be smarter and kind of cooler than Patrick is!...Don't, tell Patrick that I said that!" / Yakkity says: "Actually, come to think of it; since I just got my adult fur, and Buhdeuce finally learned how to fly; it would be PRETTY ironic, and kind of a BUZZKILL, if one of US got eliminated RIGHT at the Final Four! If Buhdeuce gets eliminated, I may need to play on HIS behalf, as well as mine; mostly because it would be good karma which could help me out if I get to the Final Challenge!" (End Confessional)

Spongebob sighs, and says: "There's Bubble Bass, the last former champ to be eliminated this season!" Marlene says: "Technically speaking, he QUIT! And besides, the whole REASON he quit was to spare YOU from HAVING to vote him off!" Buhdeuce says: "Still, I never WOULD'VE guessed that out of all the contestants THIS half-season; Bubble Bass would be the one to win the Goddess Slot!" Johnny says: "Well, that's probably another example of 'Irony' happening there! Of course, it probably helped that he was eliminated in a challenge revolving around a lady who was and kind of is still considered a Goddess!" Yakkity says: "Again, QUIT; not eliminated! At least he helped Snaptrap to not be EVIL anymore, so I'm thankful for THAT!"

(Confessional) Spongebob says: "The one thing I admired most about Bubble Bass, is that he never seems to be too worried about his own image, either physically; or his reputation. Or if he WAS, he certainly never showed it to MY knowledge! It's nice to know that he's happy with who he is, and has a healthy outlook about it!" / Marlene says: "In a way, I'm kind of GLAD Bubble Bass QUIT! First of all, it saves ME the pain and agony of having to explain to Spongebob why I WOULD'VE voted him off! Secondly, as much of a motivator as he was for ME stepping up my OWN game in this half-season; I STILL think I would've found it hard to vote him off, BECAUSE of his personality; which is something I thought I'd NEVER SAY about Bubble Bass!" / Buhdeuce says: "Technically speaking, every single contestant this season was an obstacle for me to get past; but Bubble Bass felt like the BIGGEST! Maybe not physically, but in terms of how HE was able to go from Zero to 60 in just 14 episodes in the last half-season! Sure, I beat Tigress in the tenth episode of THIS half-season, but I don't think I REALLY reached my full potential, until I outlasted Bulma in the 18th episode of this half-season! And outlasting Bubble Bass was the ultimate PROOF of me reaching my full potential! Now, I just have to see if it can get me to the Final Three! I sure HOPE that it can!" / Johnny says: "In the last half-season, when Bubble Bass formed an alliance with me and Tigress, Bubble Bass certainly did his best to keep the peace between Tigress and myself! I didn't handle Tigress' demeaning insults to me very well. I...almost did something that I'm not proud of! But I am glad that Bubble Bass isn't holding THAT fact against me! I sure wish I could've been a contestant longer on THIS half-season, just to see how well MY skills fared against HIS!" / Yakkity says: "It really speaks volumes, about how someone can go from pulling a pickle scam against Spongebob; can eventually grow noble enough to quit his own game in order to motivate Spongebob to get to the end! It just goes to show you that ANYTHING is possible, as long as you believe it is!" (End Confessional)

Buhdeuce says: "There's Po, the Kung Fu Panda! It...seems kind of odd that despite the strengths of both Tigress and Po, they never MAKE it to the Final Three!" Marlene says: "Well, it's precisely because they DO have strength that contestants NEED to vote them OFF! Nobody could realistically stand a CHANCE against them! And I ought to know, having already MANAGED to outlast BOTH of them in season three!" Yakkity says: "The most ironic part about the whole thing, was the fact that Po was ELIMINATED in a challenge revolving all around CHINA! I highly doubt Tigress is going to take THAT fact well!" Spongebob says: "All I know is, the Penalty Votes he accidentally racked against himself, certainly didn't help HIS case any! Besides, the biggest reason he LET himself lose, was because he felt that YOUR need; Yakkity, was FAR more noble than his!" Johnny says: "Technically speaking, Spongebob isn't WRONG; you know!" (Confessional) Buhdeuce says: "Honestly? The only way I think I could LEGITIMATELY beat Po, is if I ate some of that Monster Bread that briefly turned me and Sway-Sway into monsters that one time! But since I didn't have any ON me; helping to vote Po off WITH his penalty votes against him, was my best and ONLY way for advancing in this game!" / Marlene says: "The main reason I was able to outlast Tigress in season three? She THREW her own game because it ALLOWED her to eliminate Taotie WITH her! And I outlasted Po in season three, mainly because he PHYSICALLY punched Zarbon, and Po racked up penalty votes! It's...kind of weird how both times I outlasted Po, was due to HIM racking up penalty votes. But...if it helps me get the win THIS season, I'll take it!" / Yakkity says: "Do and/or HAVE wild tigers EVER eaten yaks before? Personally, I don't know; and I don't WANT to know! That way, I can have plausible deniability when I tell tigers that I am NOT on their menu!" / Spongebob says: "All I know is, when I get the money to have control over MY show, you'll see Patrick, Bubble Bass and I be FAR more noble to Squidward; among other characters, than we have been in the past! It's just our little way of repaying Squidward for all the irritation HE'S had to put up with over the years!" / Johnny sighs, and says: "Realistically speaking, if there was ANY contestant I would've NEVER gotten past; Po probably WOULD'VE been the contestant who eliminated ME before he EVER got eliminated himself! The difference is, unlike Tigress; I can actually ADMIT my defeats!" (End Confessional)

Sniz says: "Last, but not least; there's Dudley Puppy!" Marlene shakes her head and says: "Honestly? If Keswick had been in Dudley's place for the Benjamin Franklin episode, Keswick probably WOULD'VE won!" Buhdeuce says: "I know what you mean. Energy, just doesn't seem to be a strength of Dudley's; the way that it is for Keswick!" Yakkity says: "I think it was kind of weird how it was only in THAT episode, I FINALLY grew my ADULT fur!" Johnny glances weirdly, and he says: "Wait a minute! That's no longer a COAT?! Doesn't THAT mean you're technically...?" Spongebob interrupts and says: "So what if he IS?! I didn't hear any of YOU complain about Kowalski, Private, Monster, Snaptrap, Daggett, Stimpy, Wally, Future Rube, or Bubble Bass! Besides, it probably often gets HOT with all that fur; so I THINK you can cut him a little slack!"

(Confessional) Sniz grabs a tablet, and writes on it! He says: "Note to self: NEVER make a retrospective recapping 42 or more contestants EVER again! You barely have TIME for anything else!" / Marlene says: "Honestly? The fact that some challenges either happen sooner or later, when contestants are or aren't around when it doesn't or WOULD appeal to their strengths; is more of the luck of the draw than anything else! And I ought to know; the last time I lost was mostly BECAUSE I was unlucky to have Bulma as an antagonistic contestant who wanted SKIPPER out, but targeted ME instead when I wouldn't just LET her!" / Buhdeuce says: "Honestly? I feel like the only eliminations that were emotionally hard from me BESIDES losing Sway-Sway, and mentally hard like eliminating Tigress; were eliminating Dog, Larry, Chameleon, Po, and Dudley! Mostly because, they were ALL contestants that managed to outlast ME in season three! So far, there remains only two contestants I have yet to outlast; Spongebob and Marlene! It definitely won't be easy, but I'm determined to give it everything I can, to get to the Final Three!" / Yakkity says: "Look; me being in JUST my adult fur would hardly be the WEIRDEST thing in my life! I know a talking pineapple, and I'm best friends with his anthropomorphic pineapple son!...Please, don't ask me how THAT works!" / Johnny says: "Look, so much stuff has HAPPENED this season; it's HARD for me to keep track of it all without REVIEWING it, since I wasn't even around as a contestant or an intern for some of it!" / Spongebob says: "I mean, even Plankton and the Sea Monkeys run around without wearing clothes; so it's certainly not a big deal to me!" (End Confessional) Sniz sighs in relief, and he says: "And FINALLY, mercifully; we are done with the Retrospective! Johnny, please turn off the treadmill!" Johnny says: "With pleasure!" And Johnny turns off the treadmill, and Sniz slows the car to a stop! Sniz looks at his watch, and he says: "Just as I feared, we don't even have time to do a Temple Run! But since we've GOT to do a challenge that revolves around Henry Ford and automobiles, we WILL be able to do at least ONE challenge from the Challenge Arena, and I THINK you will all be pleasantly SURPRISED by it! Follow me!" /

The four remaining contestants go to the Challenge Arena, to find a big racing track dominating the area! Sniz says: "Welcome to the Race Course! Our biggest, and most exciting challenge yet! Racing around a racetrack in racing cars!" Marlene sarcastically says: "Yeah, REAL original! I especially liked it when we FIRST did it back in season two for that episode that felt like it took FOREVER, much like THIS one!" Buhdeuce says: "IGNORE HER!!" Sniz says: "Noted, moving on! The object of this race course is simple, but NOT easy! You will have to complete three laps, while dodging ALL of the various obstacles that this season has thrown at you so far! Along the way, you will all have to pick up some of the legends that have NEVER been collected this season! The Broken Shackles of Harriet Tubman, The Lasso of Wyatt Earp, Blackbeard's Jolly Roger Flag, The Lost Fountain Pen of Mark Twain, The Lost Teacup of Lewis Carroll, The Lost Head Dress of Cleopatra, and The Lucky Pocket Watch of Henry Ford!" Yakkity says: "Two problems; first, how can you have MORE than one of the Legends for us to collect at the same time?! They're supposed to be...LEGENDS! Second; how are we supposed to drive AND collect these items? This isn't like a 'Mario Kart' game, you know!" General Barracuda says: "In the first case, it's because of...SHUT UP!!!! Do the words 'Fairy Godparents who can grant ANY wish' ring any bells?!" Sniz says: "And for the second case, we already took care of that problem a long TIME ago! I'm not sure if any of YOU remember, but before you came on this season; you were asked to write down the names of SOMEONE you would like to be partnered with you IF they were eliminated before YOU were! And since you're all here, it's time to RE-INTRODUCE them back to you! For Spongebob Squarepants, a squirrel, his wife, a scientist, and a really good karate fighter, give it up for Sandy Cheeks!"

And Sandy jumps back into the arena, and Sandy says: "Howdy, y'all! Did you miss me?!" Spongebob says: "You bet I did! I'm so GLAD you're going to be helping me!" Sandy says: "I won't be able to win the money myself, but I can really help YOU win it!" Spongebob says: "Thank you, Sandy! I won't let you down!" (Confessional) Marlene sputters, and she says: "Well, how was I SUPPOSED to know Sniz would bring back someone to help US compete in these last few challenges?! I'm not a MIND reader, you know! At least I had the foresight to pick someone REALLY good!" / Spongebob says: "Come on! I HAD to pick Sandy! If for no other reason BESIDES she is my wife, she will probably be the biggest and best vocal champion for me in these final challenges!" / Sandy chuckles, and she says: "I got a spin-off movie coming up! I got to get some practice in SOMEHOW!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "For Marlene Otter, a fish, a former champ, an aspiring hero, and a man who only averages FIVE wrong questions per round of 'Jeopardy', give it up for Bubble Bass!" And Bubble Bass floats in, with his bubbles to safely float him down! Bubble Bass says: "I'm SURPRISED you asked for ME back, Marlene! I didn't think I was YOUR type of contestant!" Marlene scoffs, and she says: "Well, I certainly wasn't going to ASK Kowalski or Private to be MY choice! They have WAY too much of Skipper's influence on them!" Spongebob, utterly stunned, asks: "MARLENE; you chose BUBBLE BASS to help YOU in these Final Challenges?!" Johnny Krill says: "Absolutely NOTHING in the Rule Books prevent her from doing that; it SAYS you can pick ANYBODY, regardless of what show they came from!" Bubble Bass says: "And while you know it's nothing personal, and I get nothing from it; I do plan on helping Marlene to the BEST of my abilities!" And Spongebob gulps nervously!

(Confessional) Spongebob says: "Why did MARLENE have to pick Bubble Bass?! I mean, BESIDES the fact that he was an ACTUAL former champ?! He's one of MY friends! How can I compete against ONE of my friends?! It's like those STUPID Fry Cook Games ALL over again! I wonder how come I've never competed in another one of those? I'm overdue, if you ask me!" / Marlene looks at the camera, rolls her eyes, and says: "COME ON! If you had the opportunity to do so, you would've picked a former champ to! While I'm certainly no slouch in the BRAINS department, having Bubble Bass' intellect to bounce off of is purely a safety guard, just in case Buhdeuce gets eliminated before the Final Three!" / Bubble Bass says: "I'm actually SURPRISED that Marlene wanted ME, more than Spongebob did! But, his loss might be Marlene's gain! It all depends on how much Marlene wants to win! And given HER determination, I reckon it's probably pretty healthy!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "For Buhdeuce, a duck, a fellow Breadwinner, a frog owner, and a man who flies a rocket van like nobody else can, give it up for Sway-Sway!" And right on cue, Sway-Sway comes flying IN his rocket van; lands it, and jumps out of the door to greet Buhdeuce! Sway-Sway says: "Buhdeuce! I am BACK in the game!" Johnny says: "It's only to HELP Buhdeuce win; you can't win yourself!" Sway-Sway says: "Irrelevant! The point is, I've been away from Buhdeuce for FAR longer than I wanted to be!" Buhdeuce says: "I know what you mean! I was wondering when I'd be able to show you MY ability to fly!" Sway-Sway says: "That's nice...WAIT!!!! You...can...fly?! Since WHEN?!" Buhdeuce awkwardly says: "Since just this morning? What's the matter? Surely YOU'VE been able to fly for a long time?" And a few moments of silence, with crickets audibly chirping, passes. Bubble Bass says: "Well, this just got...AWKWARD!!!!" Marlene says: "42 other contestants you could've picked, and you picked Sway-Sway?! He got ELIMINATED before the first Performance Review of this half-season!" Buhdeuce says: "He's my BEST bro! I always have his back! The way he always has MINE! My ability to FLY isn't going to change any of that!"

(Confessional) Sway-Sway nervously says: "How has BUHDEUCE gained the ability to fly when I HAVEN'T?!!! I was BORN a Breadwinner! My PARENTS were Breadwinners! My Breadwinner lineage goes all the way back to Umpteenth Great Grandpa BARE! What if OONSKI finds out about THIS?! He'd NEVER let ME live it down!" / Buhdeuce says: "How could SWAY-SWAY not have the ability to fly? Have I...actually SURPASSED his own abilities? I...never thought that could happen! I...suddenly don't feel as confidant about MY ability to win as I did before!" / Bubble Bass says: "It just goes to show you, that you should NEVER assume someone is able to DO something, unless you ASK whether or not they can do it FIRST!" / Marlene says: "I guess there really IS no accounting for taste as far as SOME guys are concerned!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Last, but not least; for Yakkity Yak, a lady, an inventor, a mother, and a person who has an intellect that BARELY fits into THIS studio, give it up for the one and only Bulma Briefs!" And Bulma sultry walks in, and a bunch of the guys in the audience wolf-whistle and applaud her arrival! Bulma air fist-pumps as she says: "YES!!!! I've STILL got it!" Marlene asks: "Yakkity, how on Earth were YOU smart enough to pick Bulma Briefs BEFORE you really met her?!" Yakkity says: "Well, why do you think I WANTED to be friends with her so much?! Even before coming on here, I knew her intelligence was pretty much unmatched by anyone else here; and I wanted Bulma to know that I understood that! Besides, I felt BAD about the fact I played a part in eliminating her! Keeping MY word by letting her help me, is the LEAST I can do to make it up to her!" Bulma says: "And don't worry your pretty little heads; I won't USE my ENTIRE intellect against you, it would make the game WAY too easy! And no fun for me! Besides, I think it would make the game VERY interesting, for ME!"

(Confessional) Marlene says: "Okay! Yakkity becoming friends with Bulma FINALLY makes a lot more sense! Good thing I picked Bubble Bass!" / Spongebob says: "I guess it's a good thing I picked Sandy! I'll definitely need HER intellect against Bulma's!" / Yakkity says: "I mostly wanted Bulma to be my friend, because I thought it would be my best chance to get closer to the Final Three! I never thought she'd become my friend for REAL; let alone sacrifice her own game to PROVE that point to me! Having her help me is STILL the best way I have for getting to the Final Three!" / Bulma says: "This will be QUITE interesting! I've never played a part in the Final Three before! Bubble Bass MIGHT have gotten the Goddess slot, but I could very well play a part in determining the WINNER!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Okay! You all have your partners, so here's how the race will work! Your partners will control your vehicle, while you each pick up one copy of the uncollected legends along the way! Oh, and DON'T get any funny ideas about trying to collect more than one copy! You will be magically shocked if you TRY it! The three laps are opportunities for you to collect these objects! If you can come in first, with at least one of each uncollected legend, you WILL win immunity, and advance to the Final Three! Otherwise, everyone else runs the risk of being voted off; so no pressure! Actually, make that a LOT of pressure!" Buhdeuce nervously asks: "Sway-Sway, we're cool about everything still; right?! RIGHT?!!!" Sway-Sway hollowly says: "Mommy?" Marlene says: "Personally speaking, I've seen manlier men TRYING on women's shoes!" Bubble Bass says: "You said it!" Sniz says: "Everyone, pick a car; any car!" Marlene says: "I call the Green one!" Spongebob says: "I pick the Blue one!" Yakkity says: "I get the Red one!" Buhdeuce says: "And WE get the Rocket Van! Come on, Sway-Sway!" Buhdeuce grabs Sway-Sway's hand, but it just slips RIGHT out of Buhdeuce's grasp! Buhdeuce grabs Sway-Sway's arm, and physically DRAGGING him; Buhdeuce says: "Sway-Sway, come ON!!!!" And everyone gets into positions! Johnny Krill says: "For immunity and entry into the Final Three, everybody START your engines! And to get you in the right mood, we'll be playing Tom Petty's song 'Love Is A Long Road'!" And everybody gets ready, except for Sway-Sway; who's STILL in total shock!

Buhdeuce groans and says: "Oh, why do you pick NOW to have a 'Heroic B.S.O.D.?!" And Buhdeuce starts the engine for Sway-Sway! Sniz says: "On your marks, get SET; GO!!!!" / During the racing challenge, while everyone else is having an easy time of either driving, or collecting the uncollected legends, Buhdeuce is having a hard time BOTH driving and trying to grab the legends, since Sway-Sway remains COMPLETELY unresponsive! / Tom Petty sings: "There was a girl I knew, she said she cared about me! She tried to make my world, the way she thought it should be! Yeah, we were desperate then, to have each other to hold! But love is a long, long road! Yeah, love is a long, long road! There were so many times, I would wake up at noon. Yeah, with my head spinning 'round; I would wait for the moon. And give her one more chance, to try and save my soul! But love is a long, long road! Yeah, love is a long, long road! (Instrumental Solo) Yeah, it was hard to give up; some things are hard to let go. Some things are never enough! I guess I only can hope, for maybe one more chance; to try and save my soul! But love is a long, long road. Yeah, love is a long, long road! Love is a long, long road! Yeah, love is long, long road, oh! Love. Oh, it's a long, long road! Love." And the song ends as all the contestants enter their third and final lap! / Buhdeuce says: "Come ON; Sway-Sway, snap OUT of it! I've only been able to collect THREE of these legends trying to also DRIVE by myself! If you DON'T snap out of it, I can't WIN if I have to slow down to collect these objects! What is YOUR problem?!" Sway-Sway finally SNAPS and yells: "Do you really want to know MY problem?! The problem is, I was born into a family that had GENERATIONS of Breadwinner abilities to my family name! I was always told that one day, by being GOOD enough; I would FINALLY earn my Breadwinner wings, and be able to fly like JENNY is able to! Than YOU; having no Breadwinner experience in YOUR family whatsoever, gets YOUR Breadwinner wings in only 27 episodes of this challenge despite the fact that I've been trying like CRAZY all my LIFE!!!!" Buhdeuce says: "But I thought it would make you HAPPY, all this winning that I've been able to do! And besides, I did it for YOU! The only reason I've ever done ANYTHING this season was in order to impress YOU!" Sway-Sway angrily says: "Maybe I don't want to BE impressed!"

And Sway-Sway ANGRILY kicks Buhdeuce out of the Rocket Van! But as Buhdeuce recovers, he sees that Sway-Sway is NOT really paying attention due to his anger, and is heading RIGHT for a TALL Palm Tree near the end of the finish line, and the ENTIRE studio audience, INCLUDING General Barracuda; runs OUT of the studio! Buhdeuce, in futility, screams: "Sway-Sway; watch out for THAT...!!" (GIGANTIC EXPLOSIVE BOOM!!!!) And an atomic-sized cloud erupts from the explosion of the Rocket Van, as it blows apart the ENTIRE studio, with the exception of Olmec and his temple; to smithereens! Buhdeuce weakly says: "...tree." As soon as the smoke clears, Buhdeuce and the others rush to where the Rocket Van exploded, to find a charred Sway-Sway, who has lost ALL of his hair and feathers, and EVERYTHING but his shorts! Buhdeuce asks: "Sway-Sway, are you okay?" Sway-Sway rhetorically asks: "Does it LOOK like I'm OKAY?!!!" Sniz cries, and yells: "Buhdeuce, look what YOU and YOUR partner have DONE to this STUDIO!!!! It's RUINED!!!!" Buhdeuce says: "But HE didn't mean it, REALLY!!!!" Sniz yells: "That's NOT the POINT!!!! The point IS, he damaged VALUABLE property, resources, and RECKLESSLY endangered the lives of EVERYONE at this studio! At this point, it doesn't matter WHO would have won the challenge; you are BOTH disqualified, Buhdeuce, YOU are ELIMINATED; and you WILL pay back the balance of EVERYTHING we'll need to FIX this studio during the next Performance Review!" Buhdeuce nervously says: "Okay, no problem! I mean, I AM getting $40 Million for coming in 4th place! How much do we owe you to repair this damage?" Sniz grabs a calculator, and he says: "Well, this studio was originally built in 1993, and NEEDS constant maintenance to keep our legends safe! Judging by inflation, and compounded rate of interest; to build this studio back to pristine conditions; you owe us..."

Than Sniz LOSES it and YELLS: "$35.6 Million dollars!" Johnny Krill adds: "And twenty-five cents!" Marlene says: "OUCH!!!! That leaves Buhdeuce with only as much money as I earned when I won third place on season two!" Sniz looks at the wreckage of the studio, and he begins breaking down, and cries! Sniz says: "Normally, this would be the part of the episode where we would send the eliminated contestant out of here, EXCEPT WE HAVE NO MINE CART OF SHAME OR MINE SHAFT OF LOSERS to DO IT WITH! So, we'll get everything fixed here. I promise everything will be set right; I just don't know WHEN! So, please stay for the last Performance Review of this half-season, and hopefully; we'll have everything up and running for the Final two challenges of Total Cartoon Legends! THE HUMANITY!!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!" And Olmec adds: "Where it's ALWAYS important to buckle up for safety!" / Stinger: At the Performance Review Studio, Eliza and Norbert are SURPRISED to see Captain Retro arrive! Norbert says: "Captain Retro, you've come BACK?!" Captain Retro says: "Mostly for this Performance Review and the last two challenges! I don't like to say this but...my 'Significance Sense' was tingling, and it told me that The Real Breadwinners; Monster and Heffer, might need some help in the immediate future!" Eliza says: "Well, they might. Sway-Sway DID leave to help Buhdeuce with the last few challenges. So the Real Breadwinners ARE going to need a replacement singer in the meantime!" Than Norbert suddenly gets NERVOUS, and he says: "Do you EVER get the feeling that something super BAD was about to HAPPEN?!!!" And at that moment, everyone FEELS the GIGANTIC EXPLOSIVE BOOM from Sway-Sway's Rocket Van hitting and exploding, from what is revealed to only be a few miles away from where THEY are! Eliza looks at the gigantic mushroom cloud, and she says: "Holy MOTHER of Darwin! Do you have ANY idea what CAUSED that?!" Captain Retro nods sadly, and he says: "Yes, I do! Jealousy is a very terrible thing, especially amongst best bros like Sway-Sway and Buhdeuce!" Norbert nervously says: "I sure hope Sniz's Insurance Policy covers THAT!" /

Episode Notes: Sway-Sway, Bulma, Sandy, and Bubble Bass, come back in this episode to help Buhdeuce, Yakkity, Spongebob, and Marlene in the final challenges respectively. Featured songs in this episode; Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild", and Tom Petty's "Love Is a Long Road". Sniz automatically disqualifies and eliminates Buhdeuce, due to his partner Sway-Sway, blowing up MOST of the studio by crashing his rocket van; forcing Buhdeuce to give up $35.6 Million and twenty-five cents of his $40 million; to pay to repair the damages. Eliminated Contestants: 46. Kowalski. 45. Private. 44. Kaput. 43. Johnny Krill. 42. Haggis McHaggis. 41. Monster Krumholtz. 40. Aang. 39. Verminious J. Snaptrap. 38. Darwin. 37. Heffer Wolfe. 36. Judy Funny. 35. Sway-Sway. 34. Invader Zim. 33. Gonard. 32. Blonda. 31. Squidward Tentacles. 30. Dora the Explorer. 29. Tigress. 28. Otto Rocket. 27. Dog. 26. Zarbon. 25. Super Chum. 24. Kitty Katswell. 23. Jenny Wakeman. 22. Treeflower Fields. 21. Gerald. 20. Fee. 19. Harvey Beaks. 18. Daggett Beaver. 17. Pearl Krabs Barracuda. 16. Bulma Briefs. 15. Keswick. 14. Taotie. 13. Stimpy J. Cat. 12. Sandy Cheeks. 11. Larry The Lobster. 10. Wally. 9. Future Adult Rube Goldfish. 8. Chameleon. 7. Bubble Bass. 6. Po. 5. Dudley Puppy. 4. Buhdeuce. The Final Three: Spongebob Squarepants ("Spongebob Squarepants"). Marlene Otter ("The Penguins Of Madagascar"). Yakkity Yak, ("Yakkity Yak"). /

Personal Notes: Part of what took the final part of this episode so long to write, was trying to figure out whether Yakkity or Buhdeuce would be the better character to take to the Final Three with Spongebob and Marlene. Ultimately, it came down to what would be the most shocking thing to HAVE happen; actually happen! Yakkity losing wouldn't be that shocking, as he had no one else from HIS series competing with him, and there wasn't much for him to lose by losing. Buhdeuce on the other hand; had to deal with the stigma of having BEEN on "The Breadwinners", finally GAIN some self-confidence by beating Tigress among other things this season; and when he EARNED his Breadwinner wings, unintentionally cause Sway-Sway to FREAK out when Buhdeuce had learned to fly, and he hadn't! Unfortunately, jealousy turned out to be the thing that was both Sway-Sway, and Buhdeuce's WORST enemy, as it LITERALLY blew all of Buhdeuce's chances of getting to the Final Three sky high! Now, only three contestants remain; and it is now ANYONE'S game to win or lose, as we enter the Semi-Final rounds of "Total Cartoon Legends"! I hope you enjoyed reading this episode, as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers!

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Since it’s Arcade Anarchy II and video games have had a huge of influence over a lot of my writing, I’ll be rolling out some reruns of the “Greatest Hits Collection” for the remainder of the event!



Ghost of Krustshima

Prologue: The Takeover

SpongeBob is seen pedaling atop his unicycle, navigating the wide open streets of Bikini Bottom in the dark of the night.

“Gotta be ready! Gotta be ready! Gotta be ready!” he repeats to himself over and over in a panic.

He pedals as fast as his skinny legs could, causing them to tear completely off from overexertion. He crawls back to the unicycle and stands it back up, steadily using it to balance his legless self back onto the seat.

“Darn! I knew I should’ve figured out a way to fit a leg day or two in the regimen. Why do all the plush compatible weight machines have to focus strictly on the upper body? I mean, really?! If they could invent Anchor Arms, then they should’ve invented Anchor Legs while they were at it. No matter!”

He spontaneously grows back the legs he just lost.

“I’ll just have to regrow them as many times as needed!”

And with that, SpongeBob pushes himself to continue on his way. He tries to gather his thoughts along the way.

Why? What does Mr. Krab want us to meet up for at this time of night? He can’t possibly be considering going back to 24 hours, could he? That experiment failed miserably by the end of it the first time. And who else besides Patrick would even want a Krabby Patty at 3 AM anyway? I sure hope those teenagers aren’t stalking him for jobs again. If that continues to be the case, we’d have to take a more direct approach in dealing with them this time around. C-Could this be another test for me and Squidward to prove our worth as potential Employee of the Month? Come to think of it, Squidward’s house was lacking that spark of life in the eye that is his bedroom window. So he must’ve already gotten a head start on me, the bastard! Ooh, if he somehow manages to break my streak, I’ll be left looking like a steamed vegetable! Only dumber! I can’t let it end like this!

SpongeBob furiously rolls up to the front doors of the establishment, pouncing off his unicycle to propel himself through the double glass doors. The unicyle collapses to the pavement as his hand makes contact with the doors.

“Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! I came as soon as I saw your name on the caller ID!” SpongeBob belts out.

“Mr. SquarePants,” greeted his boss, Mr. Krabs. “Your timin’ be a little off considering Mr. Squidward already beat you here, but I’ll just jot that down to the abrupt wake up call.”

“Mr. Krabs, if this is about the Employee of the Month award, let me just say that Squidward doesn’t always wash his hands after using the bathroom!” SpongeBob squeals.

“He what- NO. This isn’t the time for all of that! I’m afraid we have a far more dire situation on our hands, lad.”

“What could it possibly be, sir?”

Mr. Krabs hands SpongeBob his telescope, “Take a look fer yerself.”

SpongeBob takes the telescope out of his claw and peers into it.

“Aye. The Chum Bucket, boy.”

SpongeBob turns the telescope to face the Chum Bucket, all the way across the street. He sees bulldozers, wrecking balls and all sorts of other construction vehicles all posted up outside Plankton’s establishment. And it soon becomes apparent to SpongeBob that they’re actually laying siege to the place.

“Sir, you gathered us all here to celebrate this moment that’s been a long time coming?”

“I ain’t THAT cruel, boyo. Me and Plankton may not have always seen eye to eye, but past all that bad blood and animosity, he still is a dear childhood friend of mine. And he doesn’t deserve this. This business, the restaurant business, that tore our friendship apart now seems poised to threaten not only our livelihoods, but our very lives. It’s the goddamn Blandy Empire, lad. They’re here to take down and take over any remaining holdouts.”

“But you dealt with them. You told them that you declined their offer, right? Did both parties not part ways amicably?”

“That word has no meanin’ in the business world that Blandy hails from. He’ll tell you exactly what you’d wanna hear to your face before killin’ you in your sleep! That Blandy is brutal, relentless and with the sway he has to get away with *tugboat horn* like this, I dare to say even”

“Unstoppable!” Squidward interrupts. “Mr. Krabs, that fleet of Blandy’s isn’t just for show! It’s only a matter of time before The Chum Bucket falls!

“Sir, The Chum Bucket’s not that far away from us,” SpongeBob brings up with a hint of terror to his voice. 

“And Plankton boasts quite the arsenal, himself, and he’s STILL on the verge of losing! Just what are we supposed to do?!” Squidward wonders aloud.

“Plankton may be better armed,” Krabs admits. “but he doesn’t have a crew to make full use of it. We have weapons. We have a crew. We have a chance, a fighting chance. We just have to take that chance. The future of The Krusty Krab is at stake!”

The Krusty Krew that’s present suits up in their work uniforms and take up arms, each wielding a spatula that’s been forged with fry cooking and combat in mind.

We were but a crew taking on an army. Fighting to slow the invasion. Today, I die for my workplace. I die, for our customers.

“There must be hundreds of them.” SpongeBob ponders to himself as he surveys the fleet that’s attacking the Chum Bucket.

“Thousand, I hear.” A fellow co-worker chimes in. “It’s funny.”

“What makes you say that?” SpongeBob asks.

“Oh no, it’s just, all these years of working at the same place and I don’t believe we’ve ever been acquainted. I mean, I have heard of you thanks to your face being plastered all over the wall as a constant reminder of my inferiority.”

“I always assumed someone is usually working in my place on days that I’m not. I suppose you’re one of those people.”

“Indeed, I must be.” SpongeBob’s co-worker concurs. “Shame that we had to meet under such unfortunate circumstances rather than on, say, a company picnic or something.”

“Hm. That would’ve been nice! Perhaps we can have one when this is all over.”

“You don’t think we’re really getting out of this thing alive, do you?” SpongeBob’s co-worker asks, perplexed.

“We have to. How else is The Krusty Krab gonna rebound from such a cataclysmic battle?”

“Krabs really got you worked to death, huh?

“I believe it’s moreso having at least some shred of company loyalty, in my opinion! Maybe your face would be “plastered on the wall” at least once in your life if you had that same kind of conviction.” SpongeBob says, slightly offended.

“I’m just saying, I think you’ve built up enough seniority to amount to more than just a simple yes man.”

“Dahahahaha! And you aren’t? I mean, you’re here ready to lay your life on the line all the same.”

“I’m only here to collect that sweet overtime if, by some chance, I do come out of this in one piece.”

“Well, I can’t exactly argue with you there, uhhh,” SpongeBob leans in closer to read the name on his co-worker’s name tag. “Paul!”

“With all that said, it is really an honor for me to finally work by your side, Mr. SquarePants.” Paul says, bowing his head.

“The pleasure is all mine!” SpongeBob bows his own head in return.

SpongeBob leaves Paul’s side to report to Mr. Krabs, feeling a bit more empowered by his co-worker’s words.

“Excuse me, Mr. Krabs.”

“SpongeBoy me Bob! Just who I wanted to see.”

“Sir, are you entirely sure that all of this is really necessary?”

“All of this? What we’re doing right now? Of course, it is. You’re not having any objections now, of all times, are you??”

“No, of course not. I just wanted to see if you’re not getting cold feet!”

“Boy, this is my operation. Why would I have doubts about me own operation?”

“Well, now I know you don’t!”

“Well, I’m glad we could get that all squared then. Now that you’re done acting like a barnacle head, how’s about we assemble the front line?”

“Aye aye, sir!”

SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs assemble the Krusty Krab front line, made up of all the crew members and team members Krabs currently has under his employ. With SpongeBob on Squidward at both his sides, Krabs stares down Blandy Empire as the Chum Bucket gets completely overwhelmed. Krabs sheds a tear for his fallen rival.

“Aye. We will face death and defend our home. But most importantly,” Krabs takes a bottle out from under his armor, containing the Krabby Patty secret formula. “This. Me secret formuler. Blandy must never get his hands on this, at all costs. Tradition. Courage. Honor. They are what makes us. We are warriors of the Krabby Patty. We are ? The Krusty Krab ? 

 ? Come spend your money HERE! ? ” his employees all chant in unison.

The Blandy Empire finishes their destruction of the Chum Bucket, immediately setting their sights across the street.

“Mr. Squidward, go and ask to speak with their manager, arr.”

“Years of working this dead end job has prepared me for this very moment.” Squidward assures his boss.

Squidward makes his way across the street and approaches the Blandy horde without fear. When he gets there, he find himself surrounded by the construction workers that Blandy has contracted.

“Hello, I would like to speak with the manager of you peons!”

The grunts stand down, making way for their manager, a much smaller green fish in a dress shirt, tie and glasses. Beneath his warm, bubbly demeanor, Squidward could tell that this guy’s definitely killed people in his spare time.

“Hello, I’m Carl! And I’ll soon be the manager of this future fine establishment!”

“Not you!” Squidward says in disdain. “The one who ranks above you, the one they call Blandy!”

“Oh, I’m not sure if he would like that. Mr. Blandy is a very busy man as you can probably tell. Why, he’s working out the details to acquire this property as we speak!”

“I don’t give a sea urchins’ *seal bark*! It’s in his best interest right now to come out and hammer things out with us, because we here at the Krusty Krab have got some grievances to air with him!”

“It’s all right, Carl, I got out of my meeting much earlier than expected.” a voice coldly echoes out of the flames of the Chum Bucket. A pale green fish emerges, dressed in suit and with a mug in hand. He’s flanked by other similarly dressed business fish.

Squidward walks past Carl, brushing off him with disrespect. “I am Squidward Q. Tentacles; Head Cashier of the Krusty Krab, clarinet virtuoso and son of a father who hugged and loved me very much”

“Say no more, Mr. Tentacles.” Blandy interrupts. “I believe this moment makes for a golden opportunity.”

“For what, dare I ask?”

Blandy throws the contents of his mug all over Squidward. Carl hands him a match, which Blandy ignites to set Squidward on fire.

“To test out our new security system.” Blandy remarks.

Squidward screams in agony and flames engulf his entire body. This display of sheer brutality catches the rest of the Krusty Krew completely off guard. SpongeBob’s eyes wells up with tears for his fallen comrade.

“Krusty Krab! Do you surrender?!” Blandy bellows out into the dark, illuminated by the burning body of their fellow Krew member.

“Cowards without honor deserve no mercy,” Krabs seethes. “NO MERCY!”

And with those words, the Krusty Krew spurs into action in retaliation. Condiment sentries placed on top of the restaurant’s roof rain down on the Blandy horde. The delivery drivers are the first to engage Blandy’s forces directly, but they’re easily taken out of action by the might of Blandy’s bulldozers. The crew members on foot such as SpongeBob and Krabs charge onto the battlefield and engage Blandy’s Human Resources department and construction crew in bloody combat.

“Blandy has retreated!” Krabs yells. “We can’t let him escape our clutches!”

The condiment sentries help to keep the bulldozers at bay while everyone else fights on the ground. Heavy losses are taken on both sides as SpongeBob cuts through as many enemies as he can. He loses sight of Mr. Krabs in the chaos of battle, but he’s aware that his boss can handle himself. SpongeBob and his team of 10 crew members are gradually cut down to him and 4 others. 

“We have already lost so many!” Paul laments.

“We must keep pushing, Paul!” SpongeBob encourages. “Even if it costs us our lives! Just as Mr. Krabs commanded!”

SpongeBob finds himself overwhelmed with no one available to assist him until Mr. Krabs shows up again, handling multiple enemies all by himself, even cutting down some with his bare claws.

“I need ye with me, lad.” Krabs tells his star fry cook as he helps him back up to his feet. SpongeBob is deeply touched by Krabs’ faith in him. SpongeBob returns the sentiment by loyally following his boss back into battle.

A second Blandy fleet approaches the battle from the back, which takes a while to get noticed by the Krew members handling the sentries. They frantically struggle to quickly redirect a couple of the condiment sentries so that they can cover both fronts, but it takes up more time than they can afford. The fleet manages to penetrate the back walls of the restaurant, taking some of the restaurant down along with the sentries.

SpongeBob and company regroup with their leader right as Blandy reinforcements come for them now. SpongeBob and Krabs eventually manage to take out the remaining reinforcements as a duo. SpongeBob looks around the carnage, slowly coming to a grim realization.

“...We’re all that’s left…”

“There is only one path for us, Mr. SquarePants,” Krabs says, trying to get SpongeBob to refocus on the task at hand. “Find the head of the snake and cut it off. Then the body will flounder.”

“I’ll fight beside you ‘til the end, sir.”

“I know.”

The two navigate the battlefield, reaching closer and closer to the burning remains of the Chum Bucket. Karen can be heard screaming as Plankton’s Lab barks at the invaders inside. Both screams and barks come to an abrupt end as the sound of machinery breaking echoes through the halls. They enter the restaurant with caution.

“There. The leader.” Krabs whispers to his head fry cook, pointing out Blandy’s location in the charred remains of Plankton’s laboratory, swarming with Human Resources.

“Salvage what you can from this heap.” Carl commands on Blandy’s behalf. “Surely there’s something we can get some use out of.”

“I’m ready, captain.” SpongeBob reassures his boss.

“Aye lad, we end this. Together.”

The two pick their spots before making their final charge. Before they can reach their intended target, however, they are interrupted by the untimely detonation of some explosives fashioned out of chum.

“Oh, those will most definitely do.” Carl can faintly be heard saying in the smoke. “No wonder this place went belly up rather easily, it was practically a bomb factory! It’s a wonder how it was even able to meet health standards. Anywho, can’t let you go around using these bad boys.”

SpongeBob awakens in a daze, the first thing he sees is Carl about to take a crab mallet to Mr. Krabs’ right claw as Human Resources hold down the Krusty Krab boss. Krabs isn’t going down without a fight, and seeing this wills SpongeBob back to his one foot.

“Mr. Krabs…”

SpongeBob slowly goes to collect his discarded spatula that was blown out of his grasp during the blast. He feels a sudden sharp pain in his back as he reaches out to grab its hilt with the only hand he has. He feels another sharp pain and the another before finally collapsing back down to the floor. Arrows fashioned out of plastic utensils stick out of his porous skin. He fights off unconsciousness, holding his arm out desperately for his spatula, but it’s just too out of reach and he doesn’t have the energy to exert himself even more or to regrow his limbs. SpongeBob doesn’t even have energy to speak. All he could do is let out tears knowing that he let the Krusty Krab down, but most importantly, he let the Krabby Patty down. The shadows over SpongeBob’s face shows Carl’s bringing the mallet down.

Blandy and his fellow businessmen approach the beaten and battered Krabs, but not before grabbing hold of SpongeBob’s spatula and chop off part of the young fry cook’s head with it. 

“NOOOOOOO!!!” Krabs cries out.

Blandy motions for Carl and his boys to raise their adversary up from the ground. Krabs’ right claw is cracked and significantly flattened. Fury wells in the old man crab’s eyes as Blandy stops in front of him, bowing his head to Krabs.

“I am Norman, son of Howard, grandson of Oswald. As you can see, our family has been in business for quite some time.” Norman kneels, bringing himself down to Krabs’ level. He places a hand on Krabs’ shoulder. “Brother, you are a warrior. You are what I would consider to be a true boss, in every sense of the term. You fought your whole life for this, [b]gave[/b] your whole life for this business. You have won battles that lesser men called ‘unwinnable’, yes?”

Krabs refuses to even look Blandy in the eye.

Blandy takes out SpongeBob’s spatula and holds it out in front of him, “but while you were all sharpening your skills on the skillet and counting whatever money you’d consider to be profit, do you want to know how I prepared for today? I learned.”

Somebody hands Norman a copy of the Krusty Krab Training Video. Krabs looks up to see Paul standing idly behind Norman.

“I know your language, your traditions, which employees to tame, and, which to burn. So I will ask you once again, Krusty Krab, do you surrender?”

Krabs merely sticks out his chin while remaining silent. Norman rises back up, letting out an annoyed sigh. Blandy takes a moment to admire SpongeBob’s spatula again. He makes final use of it to take one mighty slash at the Krusty’s leader.

A couple hours pass. The Blandy Empire has already moved on to their next conquest. Despite the relative calm of the gruesome scene, screams of death and anguish can still be heard echoing throughout the battle. Ghostly wails bellow out as the sound of swords clashing ring through. 

A thick green fogs begins to envelope the scenery. Spectral laughter can be heard howling in the dead of night. Norman Blandy had stuck SpongeBob’s spatula into the ground right in front of the fry cook’s prone body. The laughter comes closer and closer. A large shadow falls over SpongeBob’s body. His remaining hand suddenly clenches into a fist.

“NO. My pickle… is not yours to take, yet…” He manages to mutter out.

The source of the large shadow places their grey flippers on the sea sponge.

Maybe someday the Ghost of Krustshima will rise again. Maybe.

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In celebration of its 10 Year (and two month) Anniversary, heavily inspired by Saints Row, here’s the prologue for the powerhouse ensemble: S(lums)BU! I’m rerunning it as it aired originally, so apologies in advance if it absolutely reeks of its time and era. This is about as far the anniversary celebration train will go for S(lums)BU, unfortunately. I don’t plan on doing some crazy ass anniversary project for it like I’ve done with a few of my other “legacy works”. With all that said, enjoy the trip.



Prologue - Wandering


SpongeBob was awaken by his usual alarm one morning and went about his daily morning routine. He realizes that he is once again running late for work and that the starving breakfast crowd will be causing all sorts of ruckus once he arrives.


"Darn, late again," he muttered to himself. "The customers won't be so forgiving of me if I keep going on like this."


He runs to the bathroom to take a shower but the water has been shut off.


"Gary, did you forget to pay the water bill again," SpongeBob yelled at the top of his longs.


Gary simply replied, "Meow."


SpongeBob makes his way out of the bathroom, deciding on just skipping a shower for the fifth day in a row. "Gary the Snail, I don't care if you even have outstanding debts to King Neptune, himself, it was your turn to pay the bills last month!"


"Meow," Gary snidely remarked.


"Hey, my restaurant does, indeed, make money! Don't you go slandering the good Krusty Krab nam-," SpongeBob suddenly stops himself as if he had realized something. "Oh dear Neptune, I'm turning into Mr. Krabs."




"You remark like it's a bad thing. Mr. Krabs, Neptune bless his pickle, was one of Bikini Bottom's richest men back during the glory days."




"You'll see one day when I'm on the cover of fancy living digest."


SpongeBob digs through his hamper of old, worn out and dirty clothes and just slaps on whatever he finds before heading out back to his garage. SpongeBob went out of his way to finally obtain his license since simply walking around on the streets have proven to be very dangerous nowadays. Violence and chaos could break out anywhere at anytime and the severely crippled police force simply let's most of these occurrences run their course, hell, some even take bribes to turn the other cheek. Crime is at an all-time high in the city of what used to be Bikini Bottom. When the Good Noodles and Krusty Krushers divided amongst themselves, the anarchy quadrupled and the carnage started mounting up. The teams were on the rise as innocent civilians trembled and crumbled in their wake.


"I don't know where I'd be without you, Boaty," SpongeBob asked himself as he began to wax off his boat mobile, showing off the many holes, dings and other body scars that adorns it. "Well, another day, another nickel. Really. Story of my life."


SpongeBob got in and started up his vehicle before heading out down the street towards the Krusty Krab 2. His neighbor and best friend, Patrick Star, rose up from his rock to quickly put his garbage out before the shots started ringing out, but took the time to greet SpongeBob.


"Hey SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way," Patrick exclaimed, waving at SpongeBob.


SpongeBob waves back and brakes, "But Patrick, I always go to work this way."


"You should be heading back home, man. I heard on the news that some messed up crap is going down at the Commercial District," Patrick warned.


"I have to make a living somehow, Pat. I can't just stay at home fearing for my life all day."


"Why not? It's done me wonders."


"Face it, Pat, nowhere's safe if you think about it. Not even your own home. Just ask Squidward," SpongeBob reminded before pointing at Squidward's burned house.


"Poor Squidward. He got it real bad."


"He was lucky enough to get out with his life. But those Choppers did take away something important to him, though."


"What?" Patrick asked with a curious look on his face.


"His clarinet," SpongeBob replied.


"Damn. Well, good luck out there, you're gonna need it."


"It's gonna take more than luck out there, Pat. Much more," SpongeBob said with a sigh before pulling out down the road again as Patrick ducked and covered under his rock.


SpongeBob continue wandering the road, wondering whether how good or bad his day may be today. It seemed so long ago that yesterday was his best dayever considering he got to work, made some dough and made it back again relatively unscathed. But each day brings a new challenge one way or another, and today seemed to be no different. After driving down the road for about two minutes, he saw a couple of figures out in the distance. There were 3 of them, all adorned in blue clothing. No doubt about it, they were Jellyfish Hunters. SpongeBob considered turning back now, but the Hunters had already caught sight of him and waved him down. Turning back now, could prove to be futile. With no other choice, he kept moving forward before stopping his boat next to them.


"Is there a problem down the road, guys," SpongeBob nervously asked, his voice obviously cracking from the pressure.


One of the hunters went up to the driver's window and leaned against the door, it was The Crad. "Nah, there ain't much going on down there, really. But there's plenty of business to be had right here."


"What do you mean," SpongeBob gulped.


"I mean this is a toll. Your tail fin has to pay the price to stroll on by."


"How much?"


One of the other hunters, Chrdrenkmann, came up by the passenger's side. "500 doubloonies ShitBob. Or are we gonna have ourselves another disagreement like your neighbor friend?"


Sweat began to run down SpongeBob's face. "Of course not! I mean, it's pretty steep, but-"


The third hunter pushed The Crad aside and hit SpongeBob in the head with what looked to be a clarinet. "BUTT NOTING," SOF shouted out. "you pat, you leave. got it?"


"I'm sorry, I didn't quite-"


Before SpongeBob could finish his sentence, The Cradslammed the hood of his boat with his staff to get SpongeBob's attention before sticking it at the sponge's face. "What he meant to say is that you either pay leave, or you can just leave in a fucking body bag!"


"But I don't quite have 500 doubloons on me, at thistime, of course but if you give me time to go back and-"


SOF plopped some jelly on the hood of SpongeBob'sboat mobile and proceeded to snort it up using the clarinet before focusing back to SpongeBob. "youshoulder came peppered."


"A lesson must be learned," Chrd exclaimed.


"Perhaps we should cut off his hand," Crad inquired.


"no we did last tim bit grew back," SOF reminded him.


Chrd grabs SpongeBob by the collar and pulls him towards his staff. "Then how about the head? We can fillet it into the ground and show everyone we mean business!"


Before things could get anymore grim, a couple of throwing stars nail the side of SpongeBob's boat. Crad let's him go as he and the other hunters turn to see where the stars came from. Right as they turn around, more stars came shooting their way but SOF and Crad manage to block them all with some well calculated counter moves with their staffs. The Crad pulls his staff at the Karate Choppers who made an attempt at their lives.


"Who you?! you elastic?!" SOF furiously asked.


The Karate Choppers; Metal Snake, Sabre and CDCB carefully approached the Jellyfish Hunters with their throwing stars and swords out. "Not quite," Metal answered.


"What in the hell do you pussies think you're doing here? This here's our turf!" Crad shouted out with no sign of backing down.


CD smirked and shrugged Crad's hostilities off, "And? We do what whatever we want wherever we damn well please."


"that's wht yo think. K?" SOF declared before charging at CD with his staff.


Sabre intercepts him and blocks his attack with his sword before going on the counterattack. SOF and Sabre went at it as CD charged Crad while his guard was done, kicking him against SpongeBob's car.


"Never keep your eye off your enemies," CD lectured before getting knocked in the head by Chrd's staff, disorienting him.


"Just you and me, then," Metal told Crad before flying at him with a kick. Crad dodge rolled out of the way as the force of Metal Snake's kick knocks SpongeBob's boat mobile back a little.


CD regains his footing and engages Chrd in combat as Metal Snake and Crad slug it out. Sparks fly as their swords and staffs clashed with each other. SpongeBob attempts to reverse back but his vehicle is stuck on brake. A stray throwing star barely misses his head before getting stuck on his headrest.


"Mother of pearl," SpongeBob shouted as a hail of bullets began to rain down around the hunters and choppers.


A good distance away, a couple of Spy Buddies stood on rooftops armed with some high-powered sniper rifles. The shots take both the Jellyfishers and Karate Choppers by surprise.


"Quite a situation we have on our hands here, Mr. Shin," Elastic Dog remarked.


"Most unpleasant, Mr. Elastic. Like when Gangnam Style became a thing," Shin replied.


They continue shooting, taking down both Chrdrenkmann and Sabre in doing so, as well as popping one of SpongeBob's tires.


"What's the meaning of this," Metal shouted towards CD as he went to carry off an injured Sabre from the battlefield.


"pick em up. We split!" SOF ordered Crad, leaving him to retrieve the injured Chrdrenkmann.


SpongeBob managed to get his boat mobile to reverse and peels back home for his life. A purple van full of Goofy Goobers pulled up behind the derelict remains of the original Krusty Krab, looking on as the two Spy Buddies continue launching their attacking.


"We can take them, I'm sure," Maxwell says half-heartedly.


"We should just hold back, this time. You know, let those idiots kill each other and all that," PatBack suggested.


"This is why no one here takes us seriously. We barely ever get in on the action."


"Are you that eager to die, Max? Don't be a fool trying to be some sort of hero."


A third female Goober appeared, "That secret Asian man looks pretty cute :3"


"Get your hormones in check, She-Shin," PatBack says with disgust. "Live to fight another day. That's our motto. Say it with me now."


She-Shin reclines back into her seat, still checking Shin out, "I just love the way he handles that gun."


"That's just disgusting," PatBack remarked. He reverses the van and they drive off back to their own turf.


SpongeBob returns home, his boat even more damaged by today's events. He hastily backs it into the garage and slams the garage door down. He sighs to himself, disappointed at not even being able to make it to the restaurant.


"All in a day's work....Yeah, right."



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Sorry it took me a while to re-run another "Total Cartoon" episode, but here is the latest one. I hope you enjoy it! /

The "Total Cartoon Legends Performance Review" sequence starts off as normal, but midway through the sequence, it gets cut off, and replaced with a music video, credited with being performed by "Captain Retro With The Real Breadwinners", and playing a song called, "We Didn't Start The Fire, Part II" (set to the same tune as the original one). / During the music video, as it shows Captain Retro being born and growing up, the technology changes onscreen to show the changes that happens within each year (for instance, the TV shown gradually gets bigger, turning from a two dial 13 inch with antennas, to a 54 inch HDTV), as it is mentioned. The years themselves are not sung, and are merely there for reference. /

Captain Retro sings: "(1985) Ronald Reagan, Mr.T, Gorbachev, U.S.A. For Africa, Nintendo and NES, Live Aid, New Coke, You Can't Do That On Television, Jeopardy, The Breakfast Club, Back To The Future, Danger Mouse, Super Mario Bros.; (1986) Challenger Explodes, Janet Jackson, Genesis, Aliens, Platoon, The Legend of Zelda, Alf, Cheronobyl, Double Dare, An American Tail.; (1987) Michael Jackson, U2, INXS, Pee-Wee's Playhouse, Prince, Donald Trump, George Michael, Wall Street, Full Metal Jacket, Moonstruck, Mega Man, Garfield And Friends, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Metroid; (1988) Who Framed Roger Rabbit, George Bush, Guns N' Roses, Rain Man, Super Mario Bros. 2, Paula Abdul, Nintendo Power debuts. We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it. (1989) Madonna, Game Boy, Pete Rose Scandal, Loma Prieta Earthqauke, Exxon Valdez, Berlin Wall falls, Field Of Dreams, Batman, Tom Petty, Do The Right Thing, The Little Mermaid. (1990) Jetsons The Movie, Tremors, Don Henley, Mariah Carey, The Simpsons, Captain Planet, Dances With Wolves, Super Mario Bros. 3, Tiny Toon Adventures, Final Fantasy. (1991) Beauty And The Beast, Ren & Stimpy, Chicago's got a winning team, Doug, Rugrats, Silence Of The Lambs, Nick Arcade, Nickelodeon GUTS, Sega Genesis, Super NES, Kuwait, Soviet Union Falls, Boris Yeltsin, Super Mario World. (1992) Aladdin, No Rain, Street Fighter II, Metallica, Nirvana, Weird Al Yankovic, A Few Good Men, The Legend of Zelda: a Link to the Past, Bill Clinton, Seinfeld. We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it. (1993) Star Fox, Jurassic Park, Crystal Pepsi, The Fugitive, Rocko's Modern Life, Trouble In Waco, Janet Reno, Mighty Morphing Power Rangers, Animaniacs, Legends Of The Hidden Temple, Secret Of Mana, The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening. (1994) Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Lisa Marie Presley, All That, Earthworm Jim, Super Metroid, Donkey Kong Country, Final Fantasy III, Video Game Ratings.

(1995) Playstation, Earthbound, Chrono Trigger, Unabomber, Oklahoma City, Pocahontas, Toy Story, Virtual Boy's a no go. (1996) James And The Giant Peach, Independence Day, Space Jam, Kablam, Super Mario R.P.G., Hey Arnold, Alanis Morrissette, Spice Girls, Nintendo 64. We didn't start the fire. It was always burning, since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it. (1997) Anastasia, Star Wars is back, Dora The Explorer, Hercules, Men In Black, Angry Beavers, Titanic, Mario Kart 64, Figure It Out, Backstreet Boys, Star Fox 64. (1998) Monica Lewinsky, Mulan, Antz, A Bug's Life, The Powerpuff Girls, Pokemon, Game Boy Color, Catdog, Dragonball Z, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. (1999) Mario Party, Super Smash Bros., Spongebob Squarepants, Rocket Power, The Wild Thornberries, Oh Yeah Cartoons, Toy Story 2, The Matrix, N-Sync, Vladimir Putin, Y2K A-OK! What else do I have to say?! We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it.

(2000-2022) Elian Gonzales, Britney Spears, Yakkity Yak, Invader Zim, Survivor, The Legend Of Zelda: Majora's Mask, Sheep In The Big City, George W. Bush, Game Boy Advance, Sega Dreamcast fails, Twin Towers fall, Nintendo Gamecube, Monster's Inc., Harry Potter, Jimmy Neutron, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Ice Age, Michael Moore, Bill Maher, My Life As A Teenage Robot, American Idol, Kaput & Zosky, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Finding Nemo, Return of The King, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is back again, Wardrobe Malfunction, Nintendo DS, The Incredibles, Camp Lazlo, Madagascar, Catscratch, Hurricane Katrina, Chicken Little, Kappa Mikey, Cars, Scooter Libby, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Nintendo Wii, Yin Yang Yo, Scaredy Squirrel, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Single Ladies, Kung Fu Panda. Begin Barack Obama, Up, Michael Jackson dies, Avatar, TUFF Puppy, Jimmy Two Shoes, Rocket Monkeys, Toy Story 3, Megamind, Despicable Me, Netflix, Nintendo 3DS, Marvel's Avengers, Fanboy & Chum-Chum, Sanjay & Craig, Bojack Horseman, Super Smash Bros. 4, Breadwinners, 2016 Election, Nintendo Switch, Harvey Beaks, Undertale, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Cuphead, Kamp Koral, Joe Biden wins, January 6 Insurrection, The Patrick Star Show, England's got a New King, Elon Musk buys Twitter; Rock & Roll or Console Wars, I can't take it anymore! We didn't start the fire. It was always burning, since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. But when we are gone, it will still burn on and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. We didn't start the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire! No, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it! We didn't start the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning! We didn't start the fire! No, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it!" /

"Performance Review: Legend Of The Finalists" / (Dedicated to Jason David Frank). / And the music video ends, and it pans out to show that it was being shown on a super-sized screen in the "Performance Review" studio room, with Norbert and Eliza present, and presenting. Norbert claps loudly, and he says: "A wonderful music video that we just saw by Captain Retro with The Real Breadwinners...well, TWO of them at least; backing him up!" Eliza says: "We know that it's a bit unprecedented, and unexpected; but due to events that have happened since our LAST Performance Review, we felt it was kind of necessary!" Kaput says: "You're talking about the big BLOW-OUT that just happened, aren't you?!" Tigress scoffs, and she says: "As IF it could POSSIBLY be anything else!" Norbert says: "Well, yeah; obviously!" Eliza says: "But before we get to that, we have to talk about the contestants who've been eliminated since the last Performance Review, MOST of whom are with us now!" Keswick asks: "Why do you say it like that?" Norbert says: "Well, Future Adult Rube Goldfish had to go back to his own time. For all we know, he may be only just NOW watching this for what is HIS first time, and getting to see how well he performed, among other things." Eliza says: "And Buhdeuce is too busy, dealing with having to help Sniz with the repairs needed to fix the studio that Sway-Sway inadvertently wrecked, and tending to the injuries that Sway-Sway suffered." Norbert says: "But for everyone else, here is what we've got!" / And clips of the previously eliminated contestants begin getting shown! Eliza says: "From Rocket Monkeys, it's Wally!" Daggett says: "Or as he LIKES to be called, Admiral Wally; his Smartness!" Fee says: "Smarter than YOU could ever be, THAT'S for sure!" Bulma says: "BURN!!!!" Norbert says: "From TUFF Puppy, Chameleon AND Dudley Puppy!" Eliza says: "From Spongebob Squarepants, former champion Bubble Bass!" Pearl asks: "I wonder when he will EVER stop talking about it?" Sandy says: "Oh, probably on the 12th of...NEVER!!!!" Norbert says: "And from Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness; Po!!!!"

And Tigress' face blanches into emotionless, and with dissonant serenity, she calmly walks to Treeflower, and Tigress whispers into Treeflower's left ear, and Treeflower screams: "Po did WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Taotie groans, and he says: "Saw THAT one coming from a MILE away, even without any access to whatever mystical scrolls the Furious Five have!" Gerald says: "You SAID it!" Monster says: "It's not like Tigress can realistically DO anything about it! She IS pregnant, you know!" Tigress groans, and she says: "Hoist by my OWN petard! The ONE petard I thought could NEVER hoist me!" Eliza says: "Anyways, now that we can recover from NEARLY becoming DEAF; it's time to reveal our FIRST surprise of the evening!" Norbert says: "Whether it's magic or merely a mundane reason, Captain Retro is here PERSONALLY, and is here to help us out! So, give it up for Captain Retro!" And Captain Retro flies onstage, and Super Chum asks: "What?! No song?" Captain Retro says: "I'm trying to NOT be THAT predictable anymore, I found out the HARD way that most people don't like it! Besides, I REFUSE to be a robot! No offense to Jenny!" Eliza says: "Anyways, we were all wondering why YOU didn't sign up to be on this season?" Captain Retro sighs, and he says: "Well, I always felt like maybe I was part of the reason why Total Cartoon Global Cruise wasn't as well-liked as I hoped it would be. Maybe I was TRYING too hard, or trying too hard to make what I thought would be a great season; without any thought as to what other people might want. I...let my ego get the better of me during that season, and it was only when Marlene finally STOPPED pretending to be infatuated with me, that I was able to snap back to reality, and let go of my ego. But...I guess it's TRUE what they say; hindsight is always 20-20, even for someone like me." Norbert says: "But you're clearly smarter NOW than you were THAN; wouldn't have been a contestant on THIS season worked out better?"

Captain Retro says: "Maybe, but I felt like there were already ENOUGH contestants THIS season without ME throwing my metaphorical hat into the mix! Besides, all of the contestants PROVED that they had this season under control, and they probably never NEEDED my help! At the very least, they didn't need my help THIS season!" Eliza says: "Anyways, are you up for helping us?" Captain Retro says: "Well, seeing as how the lead singer of The Real Breadwinners is otherwise...in disposed, at the moment; I suppose I must take it upon myself to sing whatever songs The Real Breadwinners feel like playing!" Norbert says: "Anyways, it's time to talk to our first eliminated contestant for tonight!" Eliza says: "While he may not be THE Missing Link between human's and primates, he's definitely proved that when it comes to evolution; he's NO monkey's uncle! At least, not yet!" Norbert says: "Give it up for Wally, the Rocket Monkey!" And Wally rockets in on a jet-pack, doing several loops around the contestants, and Tigress says: "He better not come anywhere NEAR my face!" Zarbon says: "Or MINE! But thankfully, I think that's the last thing on HIS mind!" And Wally finally settles down, and turns his jet-pack off, as he takes a seat on the couch! Wally says: "So, what kind of truth game do you have for us THIS time?!" And Eliza looks taken aback, and she says: "Well...truth be told; we were completely taken off guard by the explosion caused by Sway-Sway's Rocket Van crashing, and due to Sniz needing the resources to rebuild the studio that Sway-Sway wrecked; the only Truth game we're able to have THIS time is...Truth or Water!" / A picture of the blindfolded Statue of Justice is shown, until it gets swept away by a torrent of water! / Captain Retro says: "Wow! Another You Can't Do That On Television reference! If THAT isn't retro, I don't know WHAT is!" Norbert says: "You know the drill, if you lie; if you somehow mention...H2O; OR if we need a good laugh; you will be doused with a BUCKET of it!" Wally scoffs, and he says: "You're KIDDING about ME lying, RIGHT?! Do you have ANY idea of the types of dangers Gus, Yay-Ok and I have had to face on our journeys throughout space?! This will be a PICNIC in comparison!" And Heffer expects something to happen, but nothing does!

Heffer says: "Well, I guess that MUST be true! He DIDN'T get hit by any WATER!" (SPLASH!!!!) Eliza says: "Oh, did we forget to mention? The rule applies to all BENCHED former contestants as well!" Harvey says: "NOW she tells you!" Norbert says: "Tell us, is Future Adult Rube Goldfish really as wonderful as we all think he is?" Blonda's voice comes from off-screen, and she says: "He BETTER be; as his mother, I expect NOTHING but the BEST from him! Or at least, a REASONABLE amount of it!" Squidward's voice comes from off-screen, and he asks: "Is THAT what you're calling it now?!" Eliza says: "What an unexpected surprise! I guess they must have had a BREAK in touring! Finally gracing us with their personal presence, give it up for Blonda and Squidward Tentacles!" They walk on-screen, and in the audience, several women cheer and actually throw thorn-less roses at him! Squidward says: "They LIKE me, they REALLY like me!" Blonda says: "I remember when I first coached Sally Field to say THAT originally! So, where's OUR questions?" Norbert says: "You already HAD your questions when we did that Zoom interview with the two of you! Besides, it's a half-hour show; and we can't spend our time talking with YOU the way you WANT us to!" Dog says: "Tell it like it is, Norbert!" Squidward says: "I'm just wondering why Nickelodeon is fooling around with Spongebob Squarepants schedule? That show, and to a lesser extent, Kamp Koral and The Patrick Star Show; are STILL Nickelodeon's prime source of income!" Eliza says: "Dang it if I know! I obviously have NO vote in how Nickelodeon does THEIR scheduling! If I did, I'd be showing NEW adventures around the world with NEW animals!" Captain Retro says: "And I don't dispense any future information for just ANY reason anymore! Been there, tried that; I'm NOT going through THAT criticism again!" Blonda groans, and she says: "Fine! I can't believe we took a BREAK from touring, and I didn't even get to see Future Rube before he went back to his own time!" Squidward says: "At least you get to see Infant Rube and your husband again!" Blonda says: "True. I HAVE missed having THEM around! Let's grab us a seat!"

And Blonda flies to the top, while Squidward takes a seat near the bottom with his fellow eliminated contestants from "Spongebob Squarepants". Squidward asks: "Wait a minute; where IS Spongebob, anyways?!" Larry says: "Spongebob is STILL in the game!" Stimpy says: "And before you ask, he is NOT kidding!" Tigress' face blanches again, and with dissonant serenity, she walks to Squidward; whispers to him, and Squidward yells: "When did FREAKING SPONGEBOB LOSERPANTS BECOME SO COMPETENT?!" Super Chum is shocked, and he says: "Squidward!" Squidward defensively says: "WHAT?! HER words; not mine!" Darwin says: "Doesn't MEAN that YOU have to say them!" Snaptrap, from off-screen says: "And I, most certainly AGREE!!!!" Norbert says: "Wow! The surprises just DON'T stop coming! I thought he'd NEVER show up, but I guess Verminious J. Snaptrap has FINALLY decided to grace us with HIS presence!" And Snaptrap walks in looking happy, as he's no longer wearing the clothes that forced him to be evil! Keswick THINKS about it, and he says: "I think he looks BETTER without the Mad Scientist garb!" Eliza says: "So, what made YOU finally decide to grace us with YOUR presence?" Snaptrap says: "Well, now that Anti-Cosmo is no longer able to make me evil and crazy; I realize that the whole reason no of my plans to take over Petropolis, or WHATEVER insane plan I have had in the past; never worked, is because I never had the ability to think my plans through rationally! But now that I can think clearly, I'm able to see that what I thought was evil and cool; was really just crazy and DUMB! A crazy plan, is NOT better than no plan; especially if you don't know what to do NEXT! If you think about the consequences of any actions you THINK you want to do; if the potential reward is NOT greater than the potential risk, than it's not worth doing!" Norbert says: "Words to live by, Snaptrap!" Eliza says: "I heard that you are responsible for Dora STILL being grounded at her parent's house!" Snaptrap says: "Well, yeah! I HAD to tell on her parents! Legally, she's ONLY 15! And her parent's STILL have legal custody over her, no matter HOW rich she is!"

Wally looks dumb-founded, and he says: "Wow! I thought you two were SUPPOSED to be interviewing me?!" Norbert says: "Sorry! We got distracted by these unexpected guests! Snaptrap, we're going to have to cut talking to you short! Is there anyone you want to win?" Snaptrap says: "I really don't have any stake in the outcome, but I guess I'd like Yakkity to win; just because it would be the most unexpected outcome!" Eliza says: "Well, it WOULD be pretty unexpected! Please take a seat!" And Snaptrap takes a seat right by Keswick! Snaptrap says: "Don't worry, Keswick! I don't bite anymore!" Keswick says: "Yeah, but I think that Kitty STILL does!" Norbert says: "Wally, same question. Is there anyone you want to win?" Wally says: "It's got to be Spongebob Squarepants! If Future Rube vouches for him, than that's good enough for me! I'm going to root for Spongebob!" Eliza says: "Well, stranger things HAVE happened in just this half-season! Go ahead and take a seat!" And Wally takes a seat up with Darwin! Darwin asks: "You WANT to sit with ME?!" Wally says: "Hey! Us primates have to stick together, don't we?!" Darwin says: "I have NEVER felt more loved than I am now, excluding Eliza; of course!" Norbert says: "We've got to take a break, but when we come back; we will interview Chameleon, Bubble Bass, Po, and Dudley Puppy; and our former, eliminated contestants are going to have a say as to who will have an advantage in the final challenge that will soon be happening at the season finale!" Eliza says: "We'll reveal how THAT'S going to unfold, as soon as the commercials are over!" Captain Retro says: "And I can't WAIT to see how that happens!" / (Commercial Break) /

The camera opens up back on Norbert and Eliza, and it shows Captain Retro coming back to sit on the couch, but his face is covered with clean sink water! Wally asks: "Captain Retro, what happened to YOU?! You look as though you've just been through SHOCK treatment or something!" Captain Retro asks: "What's MORE shocking than losing a Nickelodeon icon from Power Rangers, and you keep EXPECTING someone to inevitably CLONE him and make the pain of the loss more bearable, but it doesn't happen?! So, you can FORGIVE me for the fact that I feel somewhat MORTIFIED that something THAT unthinkable; or at least, something that SHOULDN'T have happened for another 70 years, MINIMUM; actually happened! Something DRASTIC like that, should be WARNED about...ten YEARS in advance; PREFERABLY!!!!" Otto says: "WOW! I guess even Captain Retro can be caught off guard!" Zarbon says: "And NOT just by my beauty!" Gonard says: "Well, if it makes you feel any better, a LOT of us have felt the pain of loss in one form or another! I had to accept the fact that Bulma was already in love with someone else, and I wasn't going to change her mind about who she loved! Speaking of, why is SHE here; anyways?! I thought she was SUPPOSED to be with Yakkity!" Bulma yells: "Have you EVER heard of 'COMMUTING'?! We're ONLY a few miles AWAY from the currently wrecked studio, you know!" Heffer asks: "Does she ALWAYS treat EVERYONE else like a brain dead idiot?!" Blonda sighs, and she says: "Not EVERYONE, just life-forms she thinks are DUMBER than she is; which is ONLY mostly everybody!" Eliza says: "And I had to deal with the loss of what WAS my job on Family Guy!"

Dog says: "Trust me; you're really NOT missing a thing!" Daggett says: "I agree! I've NEVER been on that show, and I'M actually funny for the RIGHT reasons!" Taotie says: "I lost my wife to divorce." Stimpy says: "And I lost Ren...well, divorced him because he was mentally unstable." Keswick says: "Bottom line is, you can't keep everything around you, always staying the same; no matter how much you want to. I know this seems like a change you don't want to accept, but there will be plenty of other changes in life, and I know if you're patient enough, they'll be changes you'll be grateful for, and GLAD that they happened to you! So, you just got to take the bad changes, with the good." Captain Retro says: "I know, you're all right. Even the pain I feel right now will go away in time. It's just waiting for enough time to PASS, that's the hard part!" Norbert says: "Anyways, time to get back to our regular schedule!" Eliza says: "They might have gotten eliminated at different times on this half-season!" Norbert says: "But we're STILL interviewing them together, because they WANT to be interviewed together!" Eliza says: "Give it up for Chameleon, and Dudley Puppy!" And Chameleon and Dudley Puppy walk in together, holding hands, as they listen to the thunderous applause! Kitty says: "I don't think I'll EVER get used to seeing that, much like all those AWFUL FAKE pictures of ME on the Internet! It's NOT funny OR sexy, it has NEVER been funny OR sexy, and it NEVER will be funny OR sexy!" Tigress says: "FINALLY! Someone ELSE says something I can actually AGREE with!" Taotie says: "You SAY that like nobody has EVER said something that YOU'VE agreed with EVER before!" Tigress says: "Well, it certainly doesn't happen enough for MY taste; THAT'S for sure!" Norbert says: "Look, can we cut it with the bleacher chatter? We've got a show to get on the road, metaphorically speaking!" Chameleon says: "Thank you! And I just want to say, that learning about all the different legends that this show has presented us, has been a really enriching experience!" Dudley says: "I'll say! What other show do YOU know can run the gamut from the Promethius Torch, to the Lucky Pocket Watch of Henry Ford?! I'll bet the list is PRETTY small, that's for sure!" Eliza says: "Just like HOW important Kaput REALLY is to Nickelodeon; pretty SMALL!!!!" Kaput says: "Just wait until Season 6! Zosky will help me win THAT one for sure!"

Monster says: "Even I think that's highly unlikely!" Norbert says: "Agreed! Now, out of the three finalists; who would you most like to see win?" Chameleon says: "Probably Spongebob. He's probably only SECOND in shape-shifting skills compared to me!" Dudley says: "Tough call. I'd have to go with Yakkity. He's palying for his Grandma, and he's a really nice guy!" Tigress says: "A FAR more acceptable choice for a winner, THAT'S for sure!" Fee sarcastically says: "Like YOU'RE the best choice to decide what IS and isn't acceptable in this world?!" Tigress angrily asks: "Would you CARE to say that CLOSER to my FACE?!" Harvey seriously says: "We'll PASS, 'MASTER' Tigress!" Larry says: "I'm not sure WHY he used air quotes like that, and I'm not sure I WANT to know!" (Confessional) Harvey says: "At this point, the only thing I'd HONESTLY be willing to call Tigress a Master of, is being the Master of Misplaced Outrage! SERIOUSLY, there are FAR worse things she could be upset about than WHO actually wins this half-season, of this show!" / Tigress says: "I think Yakkity and Marlene know BETTER than to 'Let' Spongebob win! They BETTER know BETTER!!!!" (End Confessional) Eliza says: "Before they take a seat, Chameleon and Dudley have asked Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners to sing Jefferson Starship's With Your Love, set to a montage of their most romantic moments! Care to take them up on that offer?" Captain Retro perks up, and he says: "Absolutely! Anything for a Jefferson Starship song!" / The studio lights dim, a spotlight appears on Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners, as a montage of Chameleon and Dudley's best and most romantic moments during the course of this half-season, plays in the background during the song. /

Captain Retro (and The Real Breadwinners) sing: "Don't know what's happened to me since I met you. Feel like I'm falling in love since I met you. I got to know what you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, baby. It feels so good, whatever it is. Knew from the start it had to be you. You got my heart. I don't know what I'm gonna do with your love. Heaven sent a sign that sent you. I'm going out of my mind since I met you. I got to know what you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, baby. It feels so good, whatever it is. Whatever it is and whatever it's called, I know that it's you. I can't help gettin' involved with your love. With your love. With your love. With your love. Whatever you did to me; well, you sure did it good. My heart's filled with loving, and I knew that it would; with your love. Don't know what's happened to me since I met you. I feel like I'm falling in love since I met you. I got to know what you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, doing to me with your love. (With your love). What you doing, baby; It feels so good, whatever it is. Knew from the start, it had to be you. You got my heart, I don't know what I'm gonna do with your love. Baby, sweet baby." / And the song ends as the audience loudly applauds, the studio lights come back on, and Chameleon and Dudley take a bow. Norbert says: "Thank you both for the great montage, and thanks to Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners for a great song! Dudley and Chameleon, you may both take a seat!" And they both take a seat together close to Keswick! Tigress says: "Now THAT is TOTALLY unfair! THEY get a great LOVE song, and I get...WHATEVER 'Ride The Tiger' is SUPPOSED to be about!" Treeflower says: "Come on! Judging by the way you and PO have constantly lived life together; I thought THAT song would've BEST described YOUR love life together!" Bulma says: "BURN!!!! And I don't just say THAT about anything!"

Zarbon says: "I highly DOUBT you would if Captain Retro weren't here, to keep an EYE on Tigress!" Tigress says: "The MINUTE I'm no longer pregnant; WATCH out, Bulma!" Bulma says: "You'd have to get past VEGETA, FIRST! And good luck TRYING!!!!" Eliza says: "In any case, it's time to introduce our NEXT former contestant!" Norbert says: "He can't stay here for long, because he's got to go back to helping Marlene in the final two challenges; but he's a champion eater, a champion gamer, and has CONSUMED more pickles than he would care to admit, give it up for Bubble Bass!" And Bubble Bass floats in on his bubbles, and lightly sets himself down on the couch! Blonda looks at Tigress, and Blonda asks: "What? No snarky comments about HIM?" Tigress scoffs, and she says: "As if! Bubble Bass learned EVERYTHING he needed to KNOW about becoming a CHAMP thanks to ME! The likelihood that HE could've won without MY valuable skills and advice, is practically...NON-EXISTENT!!!!" Larry angrily says: "You know something, Tigress? You would've been NOTHING without Bubble Bass in the last half-season!" Tigress' face SOMEHOW scowls even more, and she angrily asks: "WHAT do you MEAN by THAT?!!!" Larry asks: "Who came up with ALL the good ideas in the last half-season? Bubble Bass! Who did all the degrading and important work? Bubble Bass!" Tigress asks: "Do you WANT to start something? Because I WILL end it! How FAST I end it, depends entirely on YOU! I CAN make it quick, but if you MAKE me end it SLOWLY...well, I can't guarantee YOU'LL enjoy it the way I will!"

Bubble Bass says: "You know; THAT was your BIGGEST problem in the last half-season? Always ASSUMING that you could solve ANYTHING with your fists if you JUST hit it HARD enough? But just remember; Po MIGHT be backstage, and if he HEARS any of what YOU have been saying; even I highly doubt he would WANT to stick around with YOU!!!!" Tigress says: "I am CARRYING four of his FUTURE children! Of COURSE he's going to support WHATEVER I decide to do, if for no other reason that he doesn't WANT them to grow up to have the same GOD Forsaken AWFUL child-hood that I did!" Bubble Bass says: "And THAT'S what EVERYTHING about you BOILS down to! You're STILL bitter that neither your dad or Master Shifu EVER let you do anything a normal, happy child usually gets to do; and because you could NEVER bring yourself to attack your dad or Master Shifu, you decide the next best thing is to become EXACTLY like your father was, and take it out on your children who HAVEN'T done anything to you! That's REALLY getting REVENGE against your father, Tigress!" Tigress, for ONCE in her life, looks absolutely stunned and SPEECHLESS, as if someone FINALLY identified the BIGGEST flaw in her life SO concisely, even SHE couldn't possibly IGNORE it! She sits down, and she sputters: "How could HE know the baggage I carry?! He's FRIENDS with SPONGEBOB LOSERPANTS!!!!" Bubble Bass says: "That's your OTHER flaw! You see Spongebob as the WEAK child YOU used to be, and you think that if you can JUST beat him up so UTTERLY and completely, you'll FINALLY beat your father, and win the love he's NEVER given to you before when; SPOILER ALERT, if your father REALLY loved you, than you wouldn't NEED to beat up a sponge who poses NO threat to you whatsoever, and he would accept you without the NEED for you to win ANYTHING!" Tigress says: "Well, it doesn't matter if you ARE right about that; because you KNOW as well as I do, that Spongebob could NEVER win against the likes of Marlene and Yakkity! Those ODDS are insurmountable even for HIS so-called skills! His dumb luck WILL run out before too long; just WATCH me turn out right!" Squidward asks: "Do you think you're ALWAYS right about EVERYTHING?!"

Tigress pulls out a BIG jar of coins, with a digital coin counter on it, and she says: "According to THIS jar, I am!" Pearl reads it, and she says: "Time's Tigress has been right: 46,392,817,645,327,164 times. Time's ANYBODY else has EVER been right BESIDES Tigress: 4 times." Wally says: "I'm surprised she even COUNTED 4! Where did THOSE come from?" Tigress says: "Three from Po, for his movies. And ONE from Bubble Bass just a little while ago!" Bubble Bass says: "And I'm PROUD of it, to!" Eliza says: "Well, I hope you're HAPPY Tigress! You just ate up ALL of the time we were GOING to use to interview Bubble Bass!" Tigress sarcastically says: "Oh, we wouldn't want to make Spongebob LOSERPANTS SAD, now WOULD we?!" Zarbon says: "Hey! Cut it out, or I SWEAR to Porrunga, I'll HIT you! Children, or NO children! You're WORSE than Freeza! You're...EVIL!!!!" Tigress boldly says: "Oh, YEAH?!!! Well, if I'm SO evil; why doesn't somebody try to STRIKE me with--!" And Zarbon ZAPS her with a lightning bolt, but she just STANDS still, as though she is COMPLETELY unaffected by the attack attempt! Tigress says: "Nice TRY, Zarbon, you JERK!!!! Next time, TRY bringing your A game!!!!" Zarbon gets an Anime sweat drop, and he says: "That...WAS my A game!" Bubble Bass says: "Enjoy yourself while you CAN, Tigress! It's later than you think! Oh, and by the way; even though I'm helping Marlene to win, I feel PRETTY confidant that Spongebob is going to prove you SO wrong; the IRONY of it will be JUST sickening to you!" Tigress scoffs, and she says: "PLEASE!!!! I would LITERALLY KILL one of my OWN nine lives before I ever let Spongebob LOSERPANTS ever win something that SHOULD be rightfully MINE!" Captain Retro says: "Watch your MOUTH, Tigress! It didn't do Bulma any favors in season three, and it WON'T help you here! If you continue down the path you're currently on, you WILL do it alone; and I mean ALONE!!!!" Tigress says: "Like I'd EVER NEED anybody ELSE'S help to win!" Captain Retro says: "That day may be coming, a LOT sooner than you think! And it will be to NOBODY'S surprise except YOU, that NO help will be given to you; when you FINALLY, inevitably need it!" Tigress says: "I don't NEED to be like Marlene and listen to YOUR predictions! Nothing, not even FATE controls me! I ALWAYS make MY own destiny!" Captain Retro nods his head sadly, and he says: "That's PRECISELY what I'm afraid of!"

Bubble Bass says: "Well, I'd love to stay and watch the inevitable fall-out of Tigress' RASH decisions, but Marlene needs me! Good luck with the REST of your show!" And Bubble Bass floats out on his bubbles! Norbert shouts out: "Thank you! And on that note, it's time to reveal something that will make even Tigress' fur stand on in; PO has been BACKSTAGE, listening to your ENTIRE conversation this WHOLE time, and has heard EVERY single WORD of IT!!!!" Tigress yells: "LIAR!!!! LIAR!!!! LIAR!!!! If Po WAS here, I would be the FIRST to KNOW about it!" Blonda smugly says: "Oh, you WOULD, would you? While I may NOT be able to live forever anymore, or even be able to have someone wish it for me; I can STILL use my magic for OTHER purposes! And I've USED my magic wand to MASK Po's presence in this building, EVEN from YOU!!!!" Tigress angrily yells: "LIAR!!!! LIAR!!!! LIAR!!!! No amount of MAGIC can stop MY skills! I PROVED that THREE times OVER in the Temple Run challenges!" Blonda says: "I knew FULL well that you'd CALL the Temple Run 'RIGGED' if you didn't NEARLY instantly win it EVERY single time you competed, so I purposely held BACK the defenses of the Temple's integrity every single TIME you ran, increasing it ONLY ever so slightly, so you WOULDN'T get suspicious! But know this, my magic could've STOPPED you any time I WANTED it to; I only DIDN'T because I KNEW your own POOR decision making would be far WORSE of a punishment than ANY magic I could've concocted!" Tigress angrily yells: "LIAR!!!! LIAR!!!! LI--!!!!" Po angrily yells: "TIGRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tigress' eye irises shrink down in horror, and all she can do is scream: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Daggett says: "SHEESH! And I thought TREEFLOWER could scream!" Tigress nervously says: "H...hi, Po! What an...unexpected...surprise!!!!" Po angrily says: "Blonda TOLD me she'd be keeping MY presence a SECRET from you so I could HEAR your unfiltered thoughts, but I NEVER would've expected that you'd have such an AWFUL opinion about Spongebob! What did HE ever DO to you?!" Tigress sputters, and she says: "He EXISTS!!!! He's the ENEMY!!!! I HAVE to BEAT HIM or FATHER will NEVER give me my--!" Po yells: "NO!!!! You CANNOT keep using YOUR father as a crutch to keep WEASELING your way out of your own HORRIBLE opinions about others! Master Shifu taught you BETTER than that! The examples of Master Crane, Master Monkey, Master Mantis, and even Master Viper taught you better than that! I thought that you would've learned to be BETTER than this by BEING with me, and THIS is the kind of stuff you honestly SAY about others BEHIND my BACK?!!!" Tigress says: "Those THOUGHTS were supposed to be PRIVATE!!!! You were NEVER supposed to KNOW about them!" Taotie says: "But YOU sure felt comfortable enough sharing them with the entire UNIVERSE that WASN'T Po, even ME!!!! And I thought I was supposed to be your sworn enemy!" Po angrily says: "Taotie is actually RIGHT, as shocking as it is for ME to admit! I would THINK that given the circumstances, I have been EXTREMELY patient and FORGIVING of your attitude up until now! But what you SAID about Spongebob, who has done NOTHING to you; is BEYOND the pale!" Tigress nervously says: "You can't POSSIBLY leave me, not now; not when WE have our WHOLE future ahead of us!" Larry suspiciously says: "Oh, so NOW it's 'WE' and not 'YOU'! Where was THAT when you were so SMUG and SECURE about yourself?!" Po angrily says: "Look, there are at least a MILLION other ladies in China who wanted ME; a million other ladies who would've THROWN themselves on the ground, and kiss my feet, as gross as THAT would be! But I denied EVERY single one of them, because YOU were the lady I most wanted to BE with! You might very well BE the strongest, fastest, and TOUGHEST female in the entire world; and while I would NEVER say you LOOKED like it on the OUTSIDE, but on the INSIDE; for what it's worth, I have NEVER seen ANY woman UGLIER than YOU are on the inside right NOW!!!!"

Tigress actually starts crying, and Po says: "You're LUCKY that Master Shifu taught ME so well! Many OTHER men in MY position; THEY'D--NO! Don't EVEN let ME go there, Tigress! I don't EVEN want to THINK about THAT!" Tigress cries, and she says: "What would YOU have me do?! Completely deny who I AM?! I've had to LIVE with myself and the way I behaved all my life! You can't HONESTLY think that I can just DROP it all, just like THAT; do you?!" Po sighs, and he says: "Of course not! But it's high time you STARTED! You are SUPPOSED to be Master Tigress! You're supposed to be able to handle ANYTHING! And I've NEVER known you to turn your back on a challenge; and I don't think you wanna start! Not now, not when you're SO close to having the life you've always wanted! Come on, Tigress! I can give you ONE more chance to PROVE yourself, but you HAVE to promise to LET whatever FEELINGS you have about Spongebob, your childhood, or your father go! You HAVE to start taking responsibility for your OWN decisions! I WANT to be a part of YOUR life, and I KNOW you want ME to be a part of YOUR life to! BUT; I'm only willing to do so if YOU can make an HONEST attempt to change and BE better than you have been! And I can only do that, if you HONESTLY mean it!" Tigress wipes away her tears, and she says: "Okay. I promise on behalf of our children!" Po says: "Don't say it on behalf of ANYONE! You SHOULD be able to promise on behalf of yourself!" Tigress' face blanches, and she calmly says: "Excuse me." She walks over to Taotie, whispers something in his left ear, and he screams: "OH MY GOD!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS DIRTY, STINKING ROTTEN, LOW DOWN, NO GOOD, BLIFFER BATTEN, TERRA MACKEN, COUGHA PLASTA, CLIPPER CLATTEN, HEFFER HATTEN, MERRA RACKEN, GLIPPER GOW, CRAIG McCRACKEN, NO-GOOD MACHIAVELLIAN THING!!!!" And the entire audience loudly "OOH'S" at that statement!" Taotie says: "Don't 'Ooh', at me! That's what Tigress WANTED me to say, since SHE didn't want to say it!" Tigress groans, and she says: "I...needed to get THAT out of my system." Po sighs, and he says: "Well, at LEAST it's progress! So, do you promise to do better?" Tigress sighs, and she says: "I promise."

(Confessional) Tigress groans, and she miserably says: "I'm DOOMED!!!! If Spongebob ACTUALLY wins, I'll LOSE!!!! If I over-react IF Spongebob wins, I'm DOOMED!!!! If Po LEAVES me, I'm DOOMED!!!! I call that a LOSE-LOSE-LOSE situation! And worst of all; I was SO desperate to not have Po be disappointed in ME, I PROMISED to behave myself! If I break that promise NOW...it would be the END for us!" / Po sighs, and makes a praying position: "Please, Master Oogway! PLEASE give Tigress the strength she needs to keep her promise!" (End Confessional) Eliza looks at her watch, and she says: "I'm dreadfully sorry Po, but I'm afraid you've used up all the time you COULD'VE had for talking!" Po says: "Don't worry about me, it's TIGRESS who needs the help; now, more than ever!" Tigress groans, and she says: "Right! I have to adjust the 'Times Anybody ELSE was right' to SIX for starters!" Norbert says: "But just out of curiosity, who DO you want to win; Po?" Po says: "Well, to AVOID any freak-outs, I'll play it on the safe side, and I want Yakkity to win!" Tigress sighs in relief, and she says: "Thank you. I NEEDED to hear that!" Po says: "You're NOT out of this yet, not by a LONG shot!" Tigress groans, and she says: "I know! This is going to be a TRILLION times worse than having to endure Tai Lung's attacks!" Taotie says: "Come on! Even with FOUR other Masters to help you fight him?" Tigress says: "ESPECIALLY even with four other Masters to help me fight him!" Eliza says: "However, we got one last surprise for you. To play us out on a montage of everything the contestants, both eliminated and remaining have been through, Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners will perform Jefferson Starship's hit song, Count On Me! Are you ready?" Captain Retro says: "Practically born that way!" Norbert says: "Than sing it, like you mean it! Let's end this episode on a HIGH note!" /

The studio lights once again dim, a spotlight appears on Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners, as a montage of the highlights all of the contestants in this half-season have been through, play in the background while they sing. / Captain Retro (and The Real Breadwinners) sing: "Precious love, I'll give it to you. Blue as the sky and deep in the eyes of a love so true. Beautiful face, you make me feel light on the stairs and lost in the air of a love so real. You can count on me! Count on my love! Count on me! Count on my love to see you through. Emerald eyes and China perfume caught on the wheel and lost in the feel of a love so soon. Ruby lips, you make my song into the night; and saved by the light of a love so strong. You can count on me! Count on my love! Count on me! Count on my love to see you through! (Instrumental Break) Woo, hoo, hoo, hoo! You can count on me, girl! (Count on me)! You can count on my love! (Count on my love)! Precious love, I'll give it to you. Blue as the sky and deep in the eyes of a love so true. Beautiful face, you make me feel light on the stairs and lost in the air of a love so real! You can count on me! Count on my love! Count on me! Count on my love! Count on me! Count on my love! Count on me! Count on my love!" / And the song fades out as the audience loudly applauds and the studio lights come back on! Eliza says: "Well, this wasn't the Performance Review we envisioned, but it was certainly interesting!" Norbert says: "Please stay tuned for the final two episodes of Total Cartoon Legends, the next time we come back!" Captain Retro says: "And we WILL be back!" /

Episode Notes: Songs performed in this episode include "We Didn't Start The Fire, Part II" (based on the tune originally written by Billy Joel, with new lyrics written by Jason Cantu, AKA yours truly) as performed by Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners; what was originally Jefferson Starship's "With Your Love" and "Count On Me", as performed by Captain Retro and The Real Breadwinners. Tigress is FINALLY given the ultimatum to either shape up and start ACTING like the force of good she is SUPPOSED to be, or Po will LEAVE her for good; which she promises to be, because she was SO desperate to NOT lose him! Eliminated Contestants: 46. Kowalski. 45. Private. 44. Kaput. 43. Johnny Krill. 42. Haggis McHaggis. 41. Monster Krumholtz. 40. Aang. 39. Verminious J. Snaptrap. 38. Darwin. 37. Heffer Wolfe. 36. Judy Funny. 35. Sway-Sway. 34. Invader Zim. 33. Gonard. 32. Blonda. 31. Squidward Tentacles. 30. Dora the Explorer. 29. Tigress. 28. Otto Rocket. 27. Dog. 26. Zarbon. 25. Super Chum. 24. Kitty Katswell. 23. Jenny Wakeman. 22. Treeflower Fields. 21. Gerald. 20. Fee. 19. Harvey Beaks. 18. Daggett Beaver. 17. Pearl Krabs Barracuda. 16. Bulma Briefs. 15. Keswick. 14. Taotie. 13. Stimpy J. Cat. 12. Sandy Cheeks. 11. Larry The Lobster. 10. Wally. 9. Future Adult Rube Goldfish. 8. Chameleon. 7. Bubble Bass. 6. Po. 5. Dudley Puppy. 4. Buhdeuce. The Final Three: Spongebob Squarepants ("Spongebob Squarepants"). Marlene Otter ("The Penguins Of Madagascar"). Yakkity Yak, ("Yakkity Yak"). /
Personal Notes: Sometimes, the reason why I have a hard time writing new episodes, is because I don't have the idea of how to finish it. Here, it was because I was in a deep funk because of the untimely passing, of Jason David Frank. I felt that the only real way I could write this episode, is by acknowledging it in universe. Yes, it's happened; and we can't go back and change it even if we wanted to. Maybe I didn't need to write it that way, but I know that by being honest about it; I feel more at ease continuing on with this series. It remains to be seen whether or not Tigress will be able to keep her promise. It all winds down to who will come out on top in the final two challenges! I hope you enjoyed reading this episode as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers!

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I was on a Desperados III kick when I wrote this about two and a half years ago (FUCK). This was originally supposed to be the first part of a trilogy in somewhat of an homage to The Dollars Trilogy, but I gave up on that idea pretty fast. It was the first thing I wrote post-Deathmatch so it holds a special place in my arteries somewhere. This is 2020’s “A Deadeye for an Eye”


Act 1: Frontier Justice

The sun rises over the sleepy town of Bikini Gulch, slowly illuminating the dreary jailhouse where Sheriff SpongeBuck SquarePants currently resides. He's awoken by the whistle of the morning train going clickety clack down the track alongside the border of town.

SpongeBuck: Hmm, morning already?

He gets out of his makeshift living quarters under the sheriff's desk. He then picks out his signature, family namesake square pants/shirt combo. A piece of his spongy body appears to be missing, but he simply hides it by slipping his clothes over it.  He then carefully places his hat atop the center of his head. He removes the custom made badge that the townsfolk gifted to him from the desk's drawer and cuts blood as he applies it to his chest once again, judging from the other other bloody poke holes in his shirt. He grabs the keys to the nearby cell before making his way towards it. He jiggles them about the cell door in a joyful, yet obliviously condescending fashion.

SpongeBuck: Howdy do, prisoner, rise and shine!

SpongeBuck unlocks the cell, grabbing a worn and used spittoon from inside. SpongeBuck empties its contents out onto the floor, leaving wads of chewed up copepods sprawled out on the floor. Some cleaner fish arrive to clean the copepods out before spitting them back up into the spittoon. All that got left over was Dead Eye Plankton, who laid on the wooden floor in a fetal position.

SpongeBuck: It's back to repaying your debt to this here society!

Dead Eye: Oh, come on! It's not like I killed anyone! 

SpongeBuck: Dead Eye, you outright murdered the last sheriff with the entire town able to corroborate that story.

Dead Eye: Damn! I should've at least thought that one out better.

SpongeBuck secures him with a ball and chain.

SpongeBuck: Now it's back to the floor mat with ya! Get along now, and maybe your little legs will carry you there in time for the lunch rush. Dahaha!

SpongeBuck grabs his bubble revolver and proceeds to lead Dead Eye out the office door, but they're greeted by the sight of the entire town already outside waiting for them.

SpongeBuck: Oh, wow! Well, top of the morning, citizens of Bikini Gulch! Don't any of you worry, the prisoner is currently in transport to the Krusty Kantina as we speak and he will arrive in ample time for all of you to get your sick kicks in! Rest assured!

Williams Krabs emerges to the front of the crowd.

William: As hearty as that may be, I'm afraid that won't be taking place today or tomorrow or even the day after that.

SpongeBuck: ...But, what about the next day?

William: Especially the next day, nor will it take place on any other anymore.

Dead Eye: Sheriff, not that I'm entirely against this, but what the hell are these yokels yammerin' on about?

SpongeBuck: Yeah, just what the hell ARE you yokels yammerin' on about?

Polene: Sheriff, the newly revitalized town of Bikini Gulch can only "rest assured" when it's finally been cleansed of a certain stank that has been stinking up the place for far too long.

SpongeBuck: But fellas, we already done tried everything to get Pecos to take a bath. Why, we even gone and passed a law ordering him to!

Pecos: *in the opposite jail cell* I REFUSE TO LET MY FREEDOMS BE INFRINGED ON! I'll rot in here all my life if I have to! And my body odor will only get worse with each passing day!

SpongeBuck: And it's already provin' to be ineffective, if I do say so myself...

William: Now that's a matter that shall be tended to another day, but today, we be talkin' about him, boyo!

William points over to Dead Eye.

Dead Eye: Watch where you're pointing that thing, boyo! I heard it's matin' season for your kind, don't wanna be sendin' out any mixed messages now.

Polene: We, as a people, have elected to exercise our Neptune given right to judge as need judging, jury as need jurying, and

William: Neptune forbid

Polene: Execute as need executing.

William: And the people of Bikini Gulch have decided that we're finally done with the games. It was fun while it lasted, but now that this town is finally firmly back on its feet, I do believe that it is high time that we send a message to any other outlaws out there looking to accost this town and its people for their own benefit!

Polene: We refuse to leave ourselves vulnerable ever again! And we'll get that message across by hanging that no gooder out for all to see!

SpongeBuck: What?! This is all a bit extreme, don't y'all think?

Kidd: We already got all our kicks in! Now it's time to put an exclamation point on that son of a bitch and close the book on this dark chapter of Bikini's history!

SpongeBuck: But Kidd, you too were an outlaw once, and then this town took you in when you were at your lowest; left for dead right at the entrance of town by your very own!

Kidd: Don't ever compare me with that piece of shit, sheriff! I know who I was and what I did, but who Kidd Rechid was and what Kidd Rechid did is nothin' compared to who Dead Eye Plankton was and what Dead Eye Plankton did! I may have ran with them Rechid boys, sure, but that was only out of necessity. Goddammit, I was only just their cook. I didn't go around killin' people, enslavin' an entire town. I made myself useful to this town and I earned my keep. He burned any chance he ever had of trust and goodwill ages ago, as far as we're all concerned.

SpongeBuck: But there's an official due process for these sorts of things now, imported straight from out east. Madtom, Former Deputy Pinky, surely you both would know!

Madtom: In my line of work, most, if not all, bounties I'd rustle in end up the very same; limp and grey to the bone at the end of a rope. It's the only due process I've ever known, and I don't think that's gonna be changin'. Not now, not for him.

Former Deputy Pinky: Now, speaking as the former deputy of this here town, I can at the very least corroborate that there is a due process of goin' about things that the east would like to see slowly implemented here, but the thing is, y'all; this may not be the east, but they ain't no better. The west is savage and brutal and a very long way's off from ever being tamed in the way that some would like. I know, I had to face off with some of the west's worst in my line of work. And I did my damnedest bringing law and order to this town alongside a great man that you all knew as well as I. A great man that Dead Eye Plankton, the worst yet that the west has to offer, took away from our undersea world. I don't know about y'all, but I personally can't stomach having to share the same town as the lowdown, dirty varmint who killed the man that made the ultimate sacrifice for all of us. A sacrifice that ultimately was in vain! With all due respect to you and everything you've accomplished in your short time here, Sheriff SquarePants, but I'm damn sure that the due process will very much be in agreement with us and would inevitably see to it that Dead Eye Plankton be wiped off the face of this here earth.

William: There is no place in the world fer someone as evil as him, let alone in Bikini Gulch. You were given that badge by the people to serve the people, Sheriff SquarePants. It's all part of the job, lad. You best get to doin' it right.

Kidd, Mad Tom and Former Deputy Pinky rips Dead Eye's chains out of SpongeBuck's clutch.

William: That's it, boys! Bring 'em to the haphazardly constructed makeshift gallows!

Dead Eye: Sheriff, you can't! You can't let them do this! This is a miscarriage of justice if I ever seen one!

The townspeople carry Dead Eye away to the poorly constructed gallows in the center of town. 

Act 2: Ride or Die Idiot Friend

SpongeBuck tries to get Dead Eye back into his custody, but members of the crowd cut him off at every turn. SpongeBuck races back to the jailhouse and unlocks the door to Pecos' cell.

Pecos: Finally learned to live with it, huh? I don't know what everyone else was goin' on about earlier, you seem to be the only dangum person in this town with their head screwed on right. And that includes me!

SpongeBuck: Now's not the time to be an idiot, Pecos! You have to help me bring some order to this town!

Pecos: Say no more, buddy! I will go out there and I will lay your life on the line!

SpongeBuck hands Pecos a second bubble revolver from the office's weapons cabinet.

SpongeBuck: Remember, we're just tryin' to calm things down real peaceful like. So intimidation is key in this scenario.

Pecos: Aye aye, sheriff! I'll make sure the first person I see gets the memo.

SpongeBuck swipes the weapon out of Pecos' hand.

SpongeBuck: On second thought, let's just mosey up on ol' Hopalong. It didn't look like he was apart of that mob.

Pecos: Either that or he wasn't given any lines.

They leave a trail of dust behind them as they hurry out of the sheriff's office. They run through the backs of the many buildings and small business that line up along the main strip of town, covertly navigating around the mob gathered all in the center. They sneak in through the back of the Krusty Kantina, where Hopalong is cleaning out the piano.

SpongeBuck: Hopalong! Boy, am I glad to see you in here and not out there!

Hopalong: And what brings the great Sheriff SquarePants into this dank establishment? Certainly not the service.

SpongeBuck: Hopalong, the town's gone and formed themselves a posse! 

Hopalong: Huh. No wonder it's a lot emptier than what's usual for this time of day.

Pecos: And they're really lookin' to do ol' Dead Eye in!

Hopalong: Well can you blame them? He did ran roughshod over the entire town for Neptune knows how long.

SpongeBuck: But the way they're goin' bout things just ain't right. We never had no proper trial in front of no proper judge, and I'm plenty sure that it's gonna be far from a proper execution. You're one of the most reasonable people in this town. Alongside William and Polene, the people looked to you when things were at their worst here.

Dead Eye's screams from outside began being muffled as William has him tied up and gagged. Hopalong sighs.

Hopalong: What'll you have me do?

SpongeBuck hands him the second revolver.

SpongeBob: We need to retake control, as well as Dead Eye, with as little damage done as possible. Nobody needs to be gettin' hurt out there, neither us or them. Not even Dead Eye. Once we got Plankton secured in a holding cell, I'll send a message on over to the bigger city in hopes that we can get him transferred over thataway, so's the proper authority can deal with him all proper and whatnot.

Hopalong: SpongeBuck, YOU are the proper authority around these parts. YOU should be the one to finish dealing with this.

SpongeBuck: But I can't!

Hopalong: And why not?

SpongeBuck: I just can't! I didn't ask to be given the power to decide who lives and who dies! I only ever came here for the fry cook job! Everything was all fine and dandy back when everyone was havin' fun stompin' the lil fella into the dirt! That wasn't too bad, felt like punishment enough if you ask me! I was expectin' there'd just be more of that!

Hopalong: Alright, look, if you really want my help with this, you best give me your word that you'll get Pigsty Star here to take a bath.

Pecos: No deal!

Hopalong: And not only that, but you will abdicate your duties as sheriff of this town from this day going forward.

Pecos: But this town wouldn't be where it's at now without SpongeBuck on patrol. Bikini Gulch would still very damn well be Dead Eye Gulch!

Hopalong: I ain't gonna act like I know exactly what this town needs, but today finally confirms to me that it does deserve better in the sheriff department. Now, judging from all that commotion going on outside, I reckon you don't have much long to mull over my terms.

SpongeBuck retreats into his mind to think things over as Pecos goes to bat for him. Pecos boldly states his case to Hopalong as SpongeBuck slowly tunes out all background noise.

SpongeBuck: As sheriff of the Bikini Gulch township, Hopalong Tentacles, I give you my word and I accept your terms.

SpongeBuck removes his badge and hands it over to Hopalong.

Pecos: WHAT?!

SpongeBuck: Pecos, you quit bein' selfish and think about the gosh darn soul of your town for goddamn once in your gotdang life!

Pecos: Selfish? You, of all people in this hick town, have the gall to call ME selfish? After I saved your life, brought you back home from the wilderness, motivated you to take a goddamn stand for everybody else?! You wouldn't be sitting pretty in that sheriff's office if it weren't for me! This town would still be under the boot of that tyrant if it weren't for me! You would've just been another statistic in a long list of people who were either killed viciously or worked into the grave by that bastard Dead Eye! The very same Dead Eye that you, for some Neptune forsaken reason, want to save! And then what, further endanger the town?! He could break out at any moment's notice! If he has people on the outside looking in, they would see to that all the more!

SpongeBuck: If he had any people, they certainly would've retaliated by now with all the stompin' goin' as of late!

Pecos: Or they could just be biding their time, waiting for the sheriff who got their man to slip up!

SpongeBuck: Well, then straight up killin' the damn varmint wouldn't exactly bode quite well for us if that were the case now, would it?!

Pecos: Well damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess! At least that way, we'll ALL be back in the same boat. I may be an idiot, hell, I know I am, but a friend? Well, I'll just let you be the judge of that, lawman.

Pecos goes behind the counter and pours himself a glass of milk, on the rocks.

SpongeBuck: Pecos, you just need to-

Pecos: You just need to leave me to my drink, please! It seems like it's all I really got left.

SpongeBuck: Well let's giddy up then, Hopalong, at least someone in this establishment knows what it means to be a good sidekick. And idiot friend.

SpongeBuck and Hopalong leave Pecos to drown in his sorrows and filth.

Hopalong: ...Come again?

With them gone, Pecos grabs his glass and takes a seat at the piano. The idiot cracks his knuckles before taking a crack at playing "Pine Apple Rag" on it. He soon finds that one of the keys appear to be broken before continuing on with his set.

Act 3: The Hanging of that dirty no good Dead Eye

SpongeBuck and Hopalong exit through the swinging doors of the Kantina, coming upon the crowd gathered around outside for the public execution of Dead Eye Plankton.

William: This has been, as you all know, a long time comin'. The Bikini Gulch Township has officially grown past this mad man. We finally know what it's like to be prosperous again after years of living in fear, of having the threat of death or worse hanging over our heads. After years of sleepless nights, after years of not feeling safe within our own home. Lindsey W. Plankton, the Minuscule Menace, former member of the outlaw gang they call the Golden Saddles. Guilty of murder, robbery, extortion, countless acts of atrocities against lawmen and the citizens they watch over. I say to you today, we will NOT tolerate these intimidation tactics any longer. For laying waste to this good town and the fine people in it, YOU WILL DIE. Personally speaking, I think a hanging is just too good for the likes of you. If I could have my way, I'd feed your sorry hide to a whale whole! But I can't even have that, because you made me lovely daughter cry herself sick, you merciless cur!

Dead Eye looks pretty proud of himself until the panic starts kicking in when Polene brings the noose over his head with glee. A shot is heard sounding off in the crowd, startling many of the spectators. SpongeBuck has his bubble pistol raised high overhead. Kidd, Mad Tom and Former Deputy Pinky each go for their own pistols, but Hopalong sends out another warning directed towards them. He holds them off from retaliating by keeping his pistol stationary at them, but they cautiously keep their fins hovering over their own holsters.

SpongeBuck: As the sheriff of your fine town, I order you all to cease, desist and disperse accordingly! William Krabs, unless you wanna share a cell with your old friend, Lindsey,

Dead Eye stares a hole through SpongeBuck.

SpongeBuck: I suggest that you cooperate and relinquish that dirty no good Plankton into my custody!

William: What do you think you're doin', sheriff? What you're doin' right now could be seen as an obstruction of justice!

SpongeBuck: Last I checked, Mr. Krabs, you made me the law of these here parts, yourself. So what YOU'RE doing right now qualifies more as an obstruction, the way's I see it.

William: Boy, you've done good for this town. A lot of good. More good in your first 20 minutes than any of us did in our entire collective time being here, I'm willin' to admit. We all stood down and did nothin', then we had to grovel and beg the first stranger foolish enough to step foot into our town in years to solve our problem for us. We owe you a great debt, SpongeBuck. And that comin' from me, says a mighty lot about the respect that I do have for ya. Allow us to finally do some good for this town! Afford us the chance to take back everything that he took from us! Give us the closure we need to finally do right by you. 

SpongeBuck: Y'all can do right by me by not givin' into your pride! By not turnin' yourselves into some vigilante lynch mob with no better morals than that barnacle there! Y'all don't want that kind of stain on your souls. You can free yourself from that shadow of your past if you just let him go and hand him over.

Polene: To Davy Jones with him, William! He wouldn't work up the nerve to hurt us if we don't comply, he can't even work up the nerve to execute Dead Eye after everything he did! Just kill the lil bastard and lets finally be done with it!

SpongeBuck: If you do, then you will force my hand and I will take you in Dead Eye's place.

William: Tch. Truss 'em up!

SpongeBuck nervously fixes his sights on William.

SpongeBuck: Goddammit, Krabs! That's enough!

Krabs signals over to Polene.

SpongeBuck: Don't get any closer!

Polene, goes to secure the noose around Dead Eye's head. SpongeBuck pulls back the hammer on his bubble revolver.

SpongeBuck: I'm warnin' you!

SpongeBuck's mind proceeds to go all over the place, eventually taking him back to his final days on the SquarePants homestead. The main household on the property had been set ablaze and bubble shots echoed through the moonlit night. A slightly younger SpongeBuck found himself face to face with a few of his family's attackers. A couple of them were stringing up each arm of a mauve brittle star to the ends of five sea horses. SpongeBuck had a revolver pulled on them, holding the hostiles at gunpoint.

SpongeBuck: I'm a sponge!

SpongeBuck's hesitation allows one of the hostiles to get a shot in on him, piercing his side. SpongeBuck gets dropped to the ground, which is damp with blood. Paying no mind to the damage just inflicted upon him, SpongeBuck looked back up at the hostiles, who called for the seahorses to each make their move. But alas, the noose is far too big and loose for the minuscule menace. 

SpongeBuck: ...Yes!

Dead Eye lets out a sigh of relief. He sways his head back and forth, causing the gag to loosen and fall from his mouth.

Dead Eye: Fools! Each and every goddamn one you! All truly deserving of one another!

SpongeBuck: Now back away from the prisoner real slow-like, ya hear.

William: You just do what you've gotta do, sheriff.

Hopalong: The only one who needs to back away is you.

Hopalong has his bubble revolver aimed right at the back of SpongeBuck's head. Hopalong brings the peoples' attention towards the badge on his chest, the very same one that the town had gifted to SpongeBuck. The very same one that SpongeBuck surrendered over to Hopalong just earlier.

Hopalong: As your newly appointed sheriff, I say that you are all well within your rights to deliver swift justice as you see fit.

SpongeBuck: Hopalong, you can't-

Hopalong pistol whips him, knocking the former sheriff down to the dirt.

Hopalong: Stand down, SquarePants! I told you that Bikini Gulch deserves better after all it's been through. I can't say for certain that I'm exactly what the doctorfish ordered, but I can at least grant the town this opportunity.

SpongeBuck: This isn't what I intended, Hopalong!

Pecos: This is *hic* exactly what you in*burp*tended, SpongeBuck!

Pecos drunkenly makes his was out of the Krusty Kantina, full of milk.

Pecos: I beared witness to the transfer of *hic*power myself! He, what you said, abcrunched the position over to ol' Hopalong *hic*here!

Polene: Well, that settles that then.

Hopalong: Today,

Hopalong pulls out a spool of piano wire out from his pocket.

Hopalong: he hangs.

The crowd erupts in applause as Hopalong passes the wire on from one spectator to the next, until the wire makes its way into the hands of Polene. She examines it closely.

Polene: This'll work real nice.

Polene fashions the piano wire into a mini noose and wraps it as tightly as she can around Dead Eye's scrawny neck.

Dead Eye: You can't do this! Aren't we supposed to be livin' in civilized times?!

Polene: Civilization went out the window the moment you stepped in, you little shit. I can't wait to see whatever life you got left in ya petter out behind that eye of yours. Then, and only then, will you truly live up to that name of yours.

Dead Eye: You'll regret this! I know people! Plenty of 'em! Enough to outnumber this entire town tenfold!

William: If you had those kinds of connections, surely they'd have act by now. You're more alone now than you ever were, Lindsey. It embarrasses me to think that we ever feared the likes of you. 

Dead Eye: Come on, Krabs! You love money, don't ya?! I gots money! Lots of it! And it can all be yours! I've even tinkered with a lil somethin'-somethin' that can fatten pockets more than you could ever imagine! Hear me out! Please!

William: PULL IT.

Dead Eye: NO-

Polene pulls the lever, dropping the floor beneath Dead Eye and causing the piano wire to fasten tightly around his throat. Dead Eye gags and gasps for dear life as he dangles helpless high above the ground due to his size. His eye begins to bug out, damn mear popping out of its socket. Blood vessels in his eye begin to burst, slowly turning bright red and then a deeper shade of crimson. Pink foam exits his mouth as the piano wire cinches deeper into the skin of his neck, the red stuff starting to seep out from where the wire is digging in. Another pop goes off and the piano wire suddenly snaps, dropping Dead Eye down to the ground below, right before he would have lost consciousness. Smoke exits the barrel of SpongeBuck's revolver, having made quite the difficult shot from his uncomfortable position on the ground.

Hopalong kicks the revolver out of SpongeBuck's grasp and restrains him. William and Polene jump down from the gallows to inspect Dead Eye.

William: Grrr, the hangin' didn't kill him...

SpongeBuck appears pleased with himself, having just managed to spare Dead Eye from a cruel death.

William: But that fall sure did.

And just like that, SpongeBuck could feel his heart sinking in his chest.

William: A fall from that height must've been like a 30 story drop to him. Not exactly as ideal as I imagined, but nevertheless, the deed is done. As you were.

Polene: That son of a- bring him here! I'll make sure it goes down right this time!

William clamps Polene by her arm, holding her back.

Polene: Let me go! He took our moment away from us! He-

William: As you were, Mrs. Puff!

William pushes her back a few steps, taking a few moments to stave her off of SpongeBuck a bit longer. She eventually directs her anger back towards Dead Eye, stomping his corpse before covering it with a glob of spiteful spit.

The crowd finally disperses, allowing SpongeBuck to get a much better look at Dead Eye's dead body, mangled and laying in a pool of his own viscous fluid and Polene's spit. Hopalong picks an unresponsive SpongeBuck back up to his feet and escorts him to the jailhouse, where a cell awaits and surely with his name on it. Krabs takes a moment to reprimand Pecos for his disorderly conduct.

William: Get this goddamn bottom feeder out of here! It's only right that those two idiot friends share a cell together.


William, Kidd and Former Deputy Pinky are seen at the entrance of town, currently in the process of of suspending Dead Eye Plankton's body from the newly constructed town sign.

William: Careful, boys, easy does it. I don't think it'll still be in one piece after another fall like that last one.

Kidd and Pinky manage to keep it hanging without a hitch.

William: Good work, lads! This oughta send a clear message to any new arrivals that Bikini Gulch is a town to be reckoned with! 

A tough-looking rough and tumbler crosses the train tracks and approaches the entrances, failing to even notice the microscopic dead body hanging over them.

William: Howdy, pard! This town sure doesn't seem like the kinda place to be causin' any trouble in, huh?

Rough and Tumbler: I sure hope it is.

William: Of course it is! 

Rough and Tumbler: Well, all right then. It looks a little too out in the open and vulnerable, is all. Just feels like any outlaw with a shred of notoriety can mosey on in at a moment's notice and completely take the place over solo without so much as a scuffle.

William: We were the ones that hanged that dirty, no good Dead Eye Plankton, don't ya know?!

Rough and Tumbler: Who??

The rough and tumbler just looks at them, genuinely puzzled, before continuing on his way.

Kidd & Former Deputy Pinky: ...

William: Just throw out that trash! It's startin' to give me a rash.


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Sorry for the delay in presenting a re-run, here's the latest from "Power Rangers: Multiverse Force!" /

(Cold Open)
Words flash on the screen, and they say: "Coastal Falls, California. Present Day, April 1st, 2179; 4:34 P.M."
From the perspective of the Thunder Rangers, the older Battle Fever Power Rangers, and everyone else, it's only been a few minutes since the main Power Rangers have entered into the Time Portal to go back in time to the 1980's. D.O.G., turns around, and he asks Omnus: "What I don't understand is, why couldn't WE have gone back in time to help Captain Retro and the others?"
Omnus says: "In the first place, YOU and Krash'ir were already ALIVE back than! We couldn't run the risk of you accidentally running INTO yourselves and causing a temporal paradox!"
Alpha 8 says: "And secondly, you KNOW that we need to have a Ranger presence here; just in case Queen Beryl or someone ELSE decides to start something!"
Patsy says: "I highly doubt THAT'S going to happen! From MY experience, the 'MAIN characters always end up doing EVERYTHING'; and I've CERTAINLY never done enough things in MY life to qualify as a 'Main character'!"
And at that moment, the alarm in the Command Center goes off! Queen Hedrian says: "Oh, why can't ANYONE ever have an 'OFF' day anymore?!"
Coop groans, and he says: "PLEASE tell me that what I think IS happening; isn't happening!"
Krash'ir (stuck in her Krystal form), turns on the Viewing Globe, and she says: "I'm afraid it isn't good! Some...blonde haired alien human has a gigantic squadron ATTACKING Queen Beryl's compound!"
Omnus says: "That's Queen Galaxia and her cohorts! But by all rights, they shouldn't BE here at THIS time, at this place!"
Coop says: "I TOLD you NOT to TELL me that!"
Samson says: "Well, that's NOT going to change the fact that they are! What should we do?"
(Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!)
Omnus says: "It seems like Captain Retro is contacting us! Alpha 8, patch him through immediately!"
Alpha 8 says: "Yes, of course!"
And Captain Retro's voice comes in, and he says: "Omnus, I'm in a bit of a situation here!"
Alpha 8 says: "WE'RE in a situation in OUR time, to! Queen Beryl's PALACE is being ATTACKED!"
The other Rangers hear screeching and honking in Captain Retro's reception, and Captain Retro yells: "WHAT?! By WHOM?!!!"
Omnus sighs, and he says: "Queen Galaxia, summoned by Dr. Maniac himself; PURELY to secure Queen Metalia out of SPITE against his former employer!"
Captain Retro says: "By all rights, Queen Galaxia SHOULDN'T be involved in this! Dr. Maniac must be planning something TRULY diabolic in relation to the Nazi realm!"
Queen Hedrian says: "He's HARDLY the only interested party! I over-heard Kaolite and Villuy talking with Queen Galaxia on my PRIVATE Pirate radio! Let's you hear ANY frequency, ESPECIALLY yours! Anyways, they're SIPHONING the energy that Dr. Maniac is using from his Wormhole Creator, to create a rift to access the Nazi realm! They're GOING to get RID of all the leaders there, and infect ANY remaining Nazi's, in order to have them be POSSESSED by Youma's!"
The other Rangers hear MORE screeching, and Captain Retro says: "Well, just have the Thunder Rangers deal with it until we're able to come back! Speaking of, where are the OTHER Power Rangers?! None of them have contacted me!"
Alpha 8 says: "I HATE it that you're asking me that! You KNOW we get HORRIBLE Internet reception for anything that happens PRE 1981!"
Captain Retro says: "Than you better hurry up and FIND someone! I have to PARK this limo!"
Queen Hedrian says: "I didn't even KNOW you can drive!"
Captain Retro says: "I'm NOT supposed to! I only HAVE my DRIVER'S permit, and I NEVER envisioned myself having to make my WAY, through such INSANE New York traffic! At least I've finally FOUND a parking lot! You would THINK New York City, even in 1979, would put their parking lots a LOT closer to their important BUILDINGS! At least I'll be able to park, and than I can--."
But than, the other Rangers hear laser blasters over Captain Retro's reception! Captain Retro says: "Oh, GREAT! I SO didn't need THIS distraction right now! Well; guess I'll just have to do what I ALWAYS do while playing the arcade version of Cruisin' World released in 1997; drive like CRAZY!!!! I sure hope Diane picked some good DRIVING music!"
And the feed between Captain Retro and the others gets cut off. D.O.G., says: "Well, Patsy; it looks like Captain Retro is counting on US, now. Looks like you're going to be a 'Main character' after all. Whatever THAT means!"
Scrappy-Doo says: "That means, you'll be needing MY help to, won't you?!"
Patsy says: "Well, seeing as how we're SHORT on options otherwise; we do!"
Omnus says: "I'm afraid we can't just DIVE into this situation!"
Queen Hedrian says: "Why ever not?!"
Alpha 8 says: "For all we know, this might be what Dr. Maniac WANTS! To get rid of BOTH Queen Beryl and the Thunder Rangers in one fell swoop!"
Omnus says: "And besides; I've only trained the Thunder Rangers for individual battles against monsters! They are not yet ready to fight a war for us! And Coop and Scrappy-Doo specifically, shouldn't ever HAVE to!"
Coop says: "Well, we've got to do SOMETHING to protect Core Earth. Don't we? It's what BlackHawk would want us to do."
Alpha 8 says: "I'm afraid that at this time, all we can do is WAIT for Queen Galaxia to FINISH attacking Queen Beryl and inevitably supplant her position! By that point, we'll have a better idea on what course of action we should take!"
Queen Hedrian sighs and says: "I guess what Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers sang in 1981 is true; 'The waiting IS the hardest part'!"
"Back To The 1980's Part III: I Saved John Lennon!"
(Dedicated to Jason David Frank and Seymour Stein).
When the episode starts proper, words flash on the screen, and they say: "Mysterious Void, Unknown Location; December 31, 1979; 5:26 P.M."
We see a big, blank, white void. A colorful, rainbow portal opens into the void, and Emperor Catton steps into it. He walks to the center of the void (even though since he's the only thing INSIDE of it, it's hard to tell WHERE the actual center is), and he looks up to the blank sky, and he shouts: "Chaos God Khorne, show yourself NOW!!!!"
The sky darkens to a sinister black, and a red, visual image opens in the sky, and the image of Khorne, the Chaos God himself, appears in it! Khorne hisses with a sinister growl, and he says: "Well, it SEEMS like your hypothesis that Dr. Maniac would come back to YOUR time was indeed, correct! It seems like I was WISE to entrust this IMPORTANT mission to you!"
Emperor Catton says: "Rest assurred, your highness; I don't take being TRAPPED in this MISERABLE Time Loop lightly! Always FORCED to live through a WHOLE decade and CHANGE, from December 31, 1979 12:00 A.M., to December 31, 1989 11:59 P.M.; always getting CLOSE to seeing a new decade, but ALWAYS sent back to where I started, all because of that STUPID technological BUG that Dr. Maniac placed within me! And WORST of all, none of the changes that I PERSONALLY make ever wind up making enough of an impact to destroy the bug on my OWN power! Luckily, with these Power Rangers running around; they should provide enough power for me to finally DESTROY the bug within me, and I can go to the Nazi Realm on YOUR behalf!"
Khorne says: "And YOU think you would do BETTER ruling that realm, as opposed to Queen Galaxia?" Emperor Catton says: "First off, I DON'T even know who that is! Second, even if I did; it would be irrelevant! Once I gain control of the Nazi Realm, my powers will be GREATER than anything that Dr. Maniac could invent! If Dr. Maniac thought he could DENY me the pleasure of destroying the Power Rangers ONCE and for all, he was WRONG! I plan on repaying his little 'Gift' to me; with DECADES worth of INTEREST!"
Khorne says: "Good! Just don't forget YOUR part of the bargain! You will KILL as many as you can in the Nazi Realm ONCE you arrive there! I will NEED the strength to defeat Radiguet once he arrives to try to FIGHT me!"
Emperor Catton says: "Radiguet; HE'S the one you warned me about, right?"
Khorne says: "The one and the same! He's no ORDINARY mortal if he can imprison T'zeen'etch, and utterly DESTROY Slaneesh! I simply can't ALLOW mortals with THAT much power to be running about, THINKING that he's STRONGER than me! Only I can decide who lives and DIES in this universe; and if YOU were to deliver the 'Coup De Grace' to Radiguet, I could see fit to making YOU the new Pleasure God of Chaos!"
Emperor Catton says: "Well, that all depends on YOUR ability to destroy Radiguet; doesn't it? Don't get me wrong; becoming a Chaos God does sound like FUN and all, but there's only so much time ONE like me can have before he becomes BORED by the whole concept of 'Living Forever'. It's HIGHLY over-rated in my honest opinion! I could care LESS whether YOU survive Radiguet's onslaught or not! Just so long as I get MY revenge against Dr. Maniac, and the Power Rangers as well!"
Khorne says: "Just SEE that you DO! I'd HATE to have to reveal where it is YOU truly come from! Lest you'd have anyone DISCOVER your...humiliating PAST!"
Emperor Catton says: "Rest assured, there will be NO need for that! I'll make SURE your trust in bestowing me the title of 'Emperor', and the ability to absorb the energy from the changes the Power Rangers make; will see ME finally overcome Dr. Maniac ONCE and for all! We're LUCKY that Dr. Maniac is so...PREDICTABLE with his plans! Thanks to HIS brainwashing of Pinkie Pie, Lettuce, Naruto, and FireHawk; they'll waste NO time trying to interfere with MY present! Which, will fit PERFECTLY into our plans! Those Power Rangers have NO idea they are SOWING the seeds of their OWN demise!"
Khorne says: "The Power Rangers are of little consequence to me. They are useful tools to us. No more, no less. When they cease to be useful, you can do what you WISH to them for all I care...provided you actually LAST that long!"
Emperor Catton chuckles, and he says: "I'll make SURE of that!"
Khorne's eyes narrow, and he suspiciously says: "We'll see!"
And Khorne's image disappears, and the blank void turns white again. Emperor Catton sighs, and he says: "Boring conversation anyways! I still have an ACE up MY sleeve! Khorne has NO idea FireHawk isn't even BRAINWASHED! Which...will be PERFECT blackmail material...for ME! Oh, well! Time to see what Lettuce has been up to!"
Emperor Catton puts his right arm forward, and he says: "Chrono Clock, ACTIVATE!!!!"
And a blue, holographic clock shoots forward from his hands, and Emperor Catton says: "Chrono Clock, REWIND!!!!"
And sure enough, the hands on the clock REWIND two hours, to 3:26 P.M.! Emperor Catton powers his power down, and he says: "Perfect! I MUCH prefer seeing the action from the beginning!"
And Emperor Catton shouts: "Void of time, show me Miami, Florida RIGHT now!"
And sure enough, a void opens up to show Lettuce (currently disguised as a human) landing IN Miami, Florida; and he's all dressed up in detective gear! Emperor Catton says: "Interesting MOVE, Dr. Maniac! What are you up to, making Lettuce into a detective?"
As if to answer his question, the camera focuses in on Lettuce's actions, and words flash on the screen, and they say: "Miami, Florida; December 31, 1979; 3:26 P.M."
Lettuce rubs his head and he looks around, noticing he's in some back alley, and he says: "Someone must have spiked my DRINK last night; I have no idea where I am...come to think of it; I don't even remember WHO I am! Where did I come from, and WHY am I dressed like this?!"
Suddenly, a guy bursts out from one of the doors, looking (and sounding) like an older Bob Hoskins before he passed away, and he asks: "Who's making that noise out...YOU!"
Lettuce points to himself, and he asks: "Who, me?"
The guy says: "Yes, you! You must be the new partner that New York City sent to my department!"
Lettuce asks: "New partner?"
The guy says: "Look at yourself! You've got the hat, the coat, the pants, the shoes; you even have your own magnifying glass! Oh, forgive my manners! I got so caught up in YOUR appearance, I didn't even introduce myself! I'm Eddie J. Valiant! Former top Toontown Investigative Detective and friend to ALL toons! Are YOU a friend of toons?"
Lettuce says: "I'm not sure if I've ever MET one...but if they were GOOD, I'd probably be friends with them! Strange, your name seems...familiar somehow. Like I've heard it SOMEWHERE before!"
Eddie says: "Well, I wouldn't doubt that. My legacy IS pretty impressive! But I am getting on in years! I'm looking for someone to learn the tricks of the trade from an old master! To take my place someday! Do YOU think you've got what it takes to do the job?!"
Lettuce asks: "Does it pay well?"
Eddie says: "In money AND respect!"
Lettuce jumps up and he says: "Than I AM your man for the job!"
Eddie says: "Good, than come on in, and we can get started on OUR first case!"
Lettuce says: "What case is that?"
Eddie says: "Security! John Lennon and Yoko Ono are SOMEWHERE in town, and Yoko Ono has called! She's been having these 'Premonitions'. She thinks SOMEONE might try to murder John Lennon after they finish working on their latest album! Not sure who would WANT to do that, but; it's our SWORN duty to make sure NO hunch is uncalled for! We must start our work immediately!"
Lettuce says: "Yes, sir!"
And the two of them go inside the Police Department! The action switches to Emperor Catton's perspective, and he says: "So, a person who shouldn't ACTUALLY exist in a real timeline, does; John Lennon and Yoko Ono AREN'T where they're SUPPOSED to be, and someone is ALREADY plotting to murder John Lennon? I guess THESE changes are better than nothing! But it's NOT enough! No, no; Dr. Maniac! Let's see WHAT happens when we throw one of MY monsters into the Mix! Garbage Duck, get your STINKY butt here!"
A monster warps into the void, looking like a cross between a Duck, and a garbage truck! Garbage Duck says: "My mission is to destroy whoever YOU tell me to destroy; nothing less!"
Emperor Catton strokes his chin, and he says: "Good! You know Pop Legend John Lennon? I'm sure you do. Former Beatle, wears glasses; married to 'Yoko Oh No'? You will go down in history as the monster who MURDERED the legend! Make it look like an 'Accident' if you have to; but I want him dead BEFORE the next year is out! He will give you NO trouble, I promise you that! And be sure to take out ANYONE who tries to interfere with your mission; no matter WHO that is!"
Garbage Duck says: "Never fear! My mission is to TAKE garbage, whatever it LOOKS like; and DESTROY it! You have my word!"
And Garbage Duck warps out of the void! Emperor Catton chuckles to himself, and he says: "Dr. Maniac, you might have gotten the jump on me with YOUR technological prowess! But you will soon find out that when you give someone ENOUGH time, they can find a way to GET revenge on you! You will RUE the day that you crossed, the EMPEROR of the Cat People! Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha!" /
The action shifts again, and words flash on the screen, and they say: "Outer Space, around Queen Beryl's Palace; April 1, 2179; 4:40 P.M."
Kaolite is flying around in a space ship, and she says: "The operation went EXACTLY as you planned, Dr. Maniac! Queen Beryl's Youma forces were no match for OUR technological superiority!"
Villuy also flies around in a space ship, and she says: "Unfortunately, the Thunder Rangers NEVER showed up! Looks like they DIDN'T take the bait!"
Dr. Maniac's voice comes through over the intercom, and he says: "Lousy Omnus and Queen Hedrian! UGH; they're SMARTER than I thought! No matter, we'll simply deal with them at a later time ONCE we have control of Queen Metallia! Now, storm Queen Beryl's Palace with Queen Galaxia! The energy's of Queen Beryl and Abaddon will be a FEAST to Queen Metalia once they are consumed!"
Kaolite and Villuy simultaneously say: "Sir, yes sir!" And they take their spaceships, and join the rest of Queen Galaxia's forces, as they begin landing around Queen Beryl's Palace! Inside, Queen Beryl and Abaddon are COWERING behind Queen Beryl's Throne!
Abaddon says: "The strike went WORSE than we thought! Our forces didn't even lay a SCRATCH on Queen Galaxia's army!"
Queen Beryl says: "This is INCONCEIVABLE! It's almost EXACTLY as though Queen Galaxia knew EXACTLY how to attack us, and how to CRIPPLE our defenses; leaving us with NOTHING! And where in the HECK are Kunzite and Zolsite when you NEED them?!"
Kunzite and Zolsite appear right beside them and grab them, and they laugh as they say: "We got you RIGHT where we want you!"
Abaddon yells: "TRAITORS!!!!"
Kunzite says: "ONLY to you two! Not to our TRUE queen!"
Queen Beryl yells: "Let us go right now, or I'll have you both DECAPITATED!!!!"
Queen Galaxia says: "I'm sorry, but you no longer have ANY jurisdiction here!"
And Queen Galaxia walks towards Queen Beryls' throne, flanked on both sides by Kaolite and Villuy, and preceded by a bunch of STRONGER looking Youma than the ones Queen Beryl used! Abaddon raises one of his arms, preparing to fire, only for Kaolite to say: "Spare your POINTLESS energy! Queen Galaxia's Youma have been given the Vampirus Fruit, a gift from Master Vile himself! The Vampirus Fruit BOOSTS their powers FAR above that of your AVERAGE Youma! They can take YOUR pathetic attack!"
Quen Galaxia and her procession stop right in front of Queen Beryl, and Queen Galaxia effortlessly lifts Queen Beryl up by the neck! Queen Galaxia chuckles, and she says: "I'm very disappointed in you, Queen Beryl! I don't think you even DESERVE the title of 'Queen'! Dr. Maniac told me that he practically GIFT-WRAPPED the Power Rangers for you on at least two dozen occasions, and you COULDN'T even dispose of THEM!"
Abaddon yells: "You LIE!!!! Dr. Maniac is DEAD!!!! Queen Beryl's Crystal Ball SHOWED us Dr. Maniac being destroyed by a combined Megazord Attack!"
Villuy says: "Dr. Maniac is NOT so easily DESTROYED!!!! Or did you not NOTICE that there was a certain PLACE where Dr. Maniac put all FIVE of his Psycho Serum's?!" /
And Queen Galaxia waves her hands, and replays a soundless replay of the action that happened on Planet Onyx, which Queen Hedrian manages to intercept! The Thunder Rangers, the elder Battle Fever Rangers, and Queen Beryl all see, that Dr. Maniac places all FIVE Psycho Serums into his HEAD, physically injecting ALL of the formula into his brain! Queen Hedrian says: "So THAT'S how Dr. Maniac cheated death!!!!" /
Kunzite says: "As you know, Queen Beryl; the Psycho Serum can BOOST a person's defense; but it can only go SO far! However, I did some research on the matter; and if someone were to place FIVE of those Psycho Serums into his brain at the same time, his BRAIN could survive an attack that destroys the REST of his body; which was Dr. Maniac's intention ALL along!"
Zolsite says: "Dr. Maniac HAD hoped to have you destroyed BEFORE he became the MARVELOUS machine that he is now! But since circumstances were beyond his control; he had to...adjust his plans. But you'd know all about that; WOULDN'T you Queen Beryl?"
Queen Galaxia says: "YOU were to use the FOUR underlings you were GIVEN to your FULL benefit! One of them were DESTROYED by the Power Rangers, and another you KILLED yourself; because you SOMEHOW correctly guessed that he would turn against you! Well, you were right! And because I'd NEVER want a prediction to be WRONG, I can REVIVE anyone that YOU personally had killed; ESPECIALLY Jaedite!!!!"
Queen Beryl yells: "You CAN'T!!!!"
Abaddon yells: "You COULDN'T!!!!"
Queen Beryl angrily says: "You wouldn't DARE!"
Queen Galaxia chuckles, and she says: "Can, could, and definitely WOULD dare! By the dark arts entrusted to me by Master Vile himself, I command the Underworld, bring Jaedite BACK to life!!!!"
And lightning shoots forward, and shapes itself into the Star Shape of a Necromancer, and blue flames erupt forth from it, and Jaedite rises forth from the flames! Jaedite chuckles and he says: "To quote a Thin Lizzy song; the BOYS are BACK in town! Now that I'm back with Kunzite and Zolsite, we will PROVE to you how much more efficient we are, at destroying the Power Rangers than YOU ever could have been!"
Abaddon says: "You can't trust Jaedite! If he's WILLING to betray Queen Beryl, what makes you think he won't eventually TRY to betray you as well?!"
Queen Galaxia mock yawns, and she says: "Oh, don't worry your UGLY little heads about that! Of course, you won't have much longer to worry about anything ANYWAYS! Your efforts to revive Queen Metallia were WOEFULLY inadequate; but your energies might be just the THING to bring Queen Metallia to FULL strength! PITY you won't be able to SEE her destroy the Power Rangers!"
Queen Beryl angrily says: "How DARE you!!!!"
Jaedite says: "You mean, 'How dare I?' Payback is...well to be honest; YOU, isn't it?! See you in the underworld! Oh, wait! No, I won't, because YOU won't BE there!!!!"
And all Queen Beryl and Abaddon can yell is: "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" As they are zapped with electricity, and zapped into the machine being used for Queen Metallia's revival!
Queen Galaxia says: "Thank you for securing me MY new throne! As a reward, I shall turn you into the TRUE Youma's, which Queen Beryl LONG denied you!"
And she uses her arms to produce blackish-red energy, and gives WINGS to Jaedite, Kunzite, and Zolsite! Kunzite and Zolsite bow their heads in respect! Kunzite says: "Thank you, our TRUE Queen! We will NOT disappoint you!"
Queen Galaxia says: "Oh, you WON'T! I'm SURE you won't!"
Zolsite says: "Just noticing, Queen; the machine says that no new energy has been received because of the addition of Queen Beryl and Abaddon! Is the machine malfunctioning?"
Kaolite says: "No doubt that Queen Beryl and Abaddon are trying to use all their resources to try to FIGHT against being absorbed! But they can't hold out forever; Queen Metallia will win in the end!"
Queen Galaxia says: "Of course she will! Villuy, contact Dr. Maniac at once and tell him Phase One of the plan is complete! He should tell us how to handle the Thunder Rangers and prepare for the eventual mechanization of Core Earth!"
Villuy says: "Soon, every last BEING on Core Earth will become machines; whether they WANT to be or NOT! A planet RIPE for the Youma to inhabit, with all our new machine SERVANTS at our WHIM!" /
The action shifts to the Command Center, and Alpha 8 says: "So THAT'S what Dr. Maniac's true goal has been this whole time! He's WORSE than Robo Rita!"
Omnus says: "I agree! You're just LUCKY Billy kept your blueprints and a back-up file of your memory so that he could rebuild you! Dr. Maniac is just like King Mondo and the Machine Empire before him! What on Core Earth could make a man like Dr. Maniac BE so sick, Sick, SICK?!"
Diane raises her hand, and she says: "Omnus, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with anything; but before I became incapacitated by Ego Dracula, a man named Dr. Rick Sanchez pursued a romantic relationship with me. But, I soon found out his TRUE intentions were...less than noble."
D.O.G.'s ears raise up in alarm, and he says: "Dr. Rick SANCHEZ?!!! That's the PURELY evil Rick, the man Dr. Maniac USED to be BEFORE he changed his name! My goodness, what did he do?!"
Diane turns her head away, and she CRIES into the chest of Dash Drew. Shiro looks at everyone SERIOUSLY, and she says: "He TRIED to sexually ASSAULT her, in the WORST ways possible!"
Dash says: "Diane told me she was able to fight him off. But; I'm not sure if Dr. Rick Sanchez took rejection very well, no matter how WELL justified it was!"
Queen Hedrian shakes her head, and she says: "Hell hath no fury like a deranged psychopath DENIED his SICK, wanton fantasies!"
Krash'ir/Krystal says: "And I thought some of my fellow DEMONS were evil!"
Scrappy says: "Most people I know AREN'T like that! Yes, there are SOME sick people like that; but not ALL of them are! We wouldn't be able to HAVE a functioning society if there were!"
Coop says: "I have NEVER been more disappointed in a villain's motive, than I am by Dr. Maniac's!"
Samson says: "You SAID it! He wants to kill every last biological being on Core Earth and transform them into robots just because ONE woman wouldn't allow him to have his WAY with her?! Boo-hoo-hoo; cry me a RIVER! I had bad luck for at least five seasons...of my life, at Camp Kidney; but you don't see ME freaking out like a JERK and trying to force at least HALF of planet's population into some creepy 'Hand Maid's Tale'; un-fulfillable fantasy for no good reason!"
Patsy says: "And me and the REST of the former Squirrel Scouts TRULY appreciate you for that!"
Omnus says: "Agreed. Having a relationship with everybody isn't ABOUT being the smartest, the strongest, or the toughest; or being SELFISH about thinking only about what YOU want! It's about being able to CARE about someone else's needs, caring about someone else's health and safety, and trying to leave the world a better place than it was before YOU arrived! And Dr. Maniac, has done NOTHING worthy of being able to HAVE someone be in a relationship with him NOW, or EVER!"
Alpha 8 says: "I'd better contact the other Rangers and find out what they're up to!"
And Alpha 8 pushes the Command Center's powers to Optimum Efficiency, to communicate across the time rift! A beep is suddenly heard, and Queen Hedrian says: "We've made contact with three of the Rangers! Alpha, you know what to do!"
Alpha says: "Right!"
And Alpha 8 contacts the Rangers, and he says: "Rangers! Thank GOODNESS the three of YOU are safe!"
StarHawk asks: "The THREE of us? Isn't everyone else safe?"
Queen Hedrian winces, and she says: "Well...Yes, and no."
BlackHawk asks: "What's THAT supposed to mean?!"
Omnus says: "Well, from what our initial Internet scan of the area shows, which is VERY hard to come by over the land-line connection; is that all the OTHER Power Rangers bodies are SAFE, but their minds have become altered...somehow."
Usagi asks: "But if THEIR minds have become altered, why haven't ours changed as well?"
BlackHawk asks: "And where in the HECK are Lettuce and FireHawk?!"
Queen Hedrian says: "Apparently, Lettuce and FireHawk didn't even ARRIVE in New York City at ALL! They're somewhere in Miami; as a cop and a drug dealer respectively, no doubt!"
Captain Retro patches in, and he says: "That seems about right. Anyways, I think the limo's been fixed up as best as it can be, so I'm coming over to Studio 54, now!"
Usagi says: "You won't have to deal with security, than; the way that I did!"
Omnus says: "And you three, along with Captain Retro, were protected by your unique natures. Captain Retro, due to his connection with the Dog Deity Clifford; Usagi, with your Cosmorpher; StarHawk, thanks to your possession of the Phantom Ruby; and BlackHawk, thanks to HIS experiences of having to go through the Demon Realm when he was six!"
Alpha 8 says: "As to why the other Rangers had their minds changed, we don't know that, yet! But, I promise you, that we WILL find out as soon as we can!"
StarHawk says: "All right, keep us posted!" /
Dan, who's been quiet until now, asks: "So, what part are we to play in this whole situation?"
Omnus says: "Well, we have a puzzle; and I've seen this kind of puzzle before. The question is, how do all the pieces fit together? We've only got some of the picture figured out right now; and if we want to get the right answer, than we need to see the completed picture!"
Queen Hedrian says: "I just hope that happens soon, our very present/future is at STAKE!" /
The camera shifts back to Miami, Florida in the past, which is noted by words flashing on the screen which says: "Miami, Florida; December 31, 1979; 3:33 P.M."
We see the inside of a recording booth, and in it, John Lennon and Yoko Ono are adding in their vocals to the pre-recorded instruments, to sing their eventual hit song: "Just Like Starting Over".
John Lennon sings: "Our life together, is so precious together. We have grown - we have grown. Although our love is still special, let's take our chance and fly away somewhere alone. It's been so long since we took the time. No-one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly. But when I see you darling, it's like we both are falling in love again; it'll be just like starting over - starting over! Everyday we used to make it love. Why can't we be making love nice and easy? It's time to spread our wings and fly, don't let another day go by my love. It'll be just like starting over - starting over! Why don't we take off alone? Take a trip somewhere far, far away. We'll be together all alone again; like we used to in the early days. Well, well, darling; it's been so long since we took the time. No-one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly. But when I see you darling. It's like we both are falling in love again; it'll be just like starting over - starting over. Our life together is so precious together. We have grown - we have grown. Although our love is still special; let's take a chance and fly away somewhere...alone. Starting over! Starting over!" /
And the tape recorder stops, and Yoko Ono (who sounds surprisingly LESS like Yoko Ono and more like Lucy Liu doing her best impression of Yoko Ono), says: "Well, I'd say that will be a top ten hit next year; won't it?"
John Lennon says: "I'm sure it will, honey. But what I don't understand is WHY you suggested we record HERE? Why not stay in New York City, which is familiar to us?"
Yoko Ono says: "Because BOTH George Harrison and I had a FRIGHTENING premonition! We DREAMED that somebody SHOT you!"
John Lennon asks: "Shot me? Who would WANT to SHOOT me?!"
Yoko Ono says: "If either of us KNEW that, we wouldn't have needed to hire detectives to look into the matter on such short notice! We're just lucky George Harrison was able to come on such short notice to look after Sean while we record Double Fantasy".
John Lennon says: "Yeah, good old George. I was just thinking, if Double Fantasy does well; why don't I go on tour with The Beatles again?"
Yoko asks: "After what YOU said about Paul in that song of yours; 'How Do You Sleep'?!"
John says: "Yoko, you weren't THERE for the truly hectic days of The Beatles; always running around and straining to hear yourself over MILLIONS of girls! You know, Paul and I both DREAMED of making The Beatles into the GREATEST rock and roll band in the entire world...I just never thought we would succeed as well as we did! And...after Brian Epstein died, we allowed our egos to get in the way, and we all said and did things we wouldn't have said had we had good management to keep our egos in control. But, I don't think Paul McCartney's Wings are going to last much longer as a band. George Harrison WANTS to make a new album with the rest of us again. And Ringo? He'd be HAPPY just to drum with us again! *I mean, the 1970's have been such a DRAG, haven't they? Let's try to make the 1980's a little better! Besides, I've been INSPIRED to get back into music again thanks to The B-52's!"*
Yoko Ono says: "I don't know WHAT'S so special about The B-52's; none of the women are even ASIAN, and they ONLY have the one album!"
John Lennon says: "For now. I'm SURE they'll create more! Besides, it's all about the inspirational process! The Beatles 'Rubber Soul' influenced Beach Boys 'Pet Sounds', which in turn, influenced The Beatles 'Seargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band'. The more we can make albums like that, the more happy it will make the rest of the world! That's what being a musician is all about, isn't it?"
Yoko Ono says: "You know; you're right. And I just want to state, for the record; I NEVER intended to come between YOU and the rest of The Beatles!"
John Lennon says: "Don't pay attention to the rest of the critics! You NEVER broke up The Beatles! Time broke up The Beatles, our EGOS broke up The Beatles! Really, The Beatles broke up The Beatles! And time can also put us back together!"
Yoko Ono says: "I certainly would like to see that, and see you spending many more years together with me!"
John Lennon says: "I certainly don't have any plans on going anywhere!" /
Meanwhile, outside of the Miami, Florida recording studio; a familiar blond haired man, known as Mark David Chapman, is seen lurking outside the Miami, Florida recording studio. He has a gun, and a communications device in his ear! Suddenly Dr. Maniac speaks into the device, and his voice asks: "Are you in place?!"
Mark nervously says: "Yes, but; this doesn't FEEL right! I shouldn't BE here! I should be in New York City, reading 'Catcher In The Rye', just like--."
Dr. Maniac yells: "I don't CARE whatever anyone ELSE wanted you to do! I WANT John Lennon to DIE, right here and now! Besides, you WANT to impress Jodie Foster; don't you?!"
Mark says: "She's STILL underage! Besides, what interest would I have in Jodie Foster?"
Dr. Maniac yells: "IRRELEVANT! You want a piece of immortality? This is your ONLY way to get it! Now, have John Lennon SHOT, and FOREVER be the HEARTLESS KILLER you were BORN to be!"
Garbage Duck says: "That's NOT going to happen!"
Mark looks at Garbage Duck, and says: "Who, or WHAT are you?!"
Garbage Duck says: "Emperor Anton WARNED me that Dr. Maniac would try to send YOU here; all because Diane Martin used John Lennon's music to INSPIRE her to beat HIM off!"
Dr. Maniac screams: "Diane was rightfully MINE!!!! MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!!!! And if I CAN'T have John Lennon killed, I will KILL EVERYONE on this MISERABLE planet, and it will be ALL HER FAULT!!!! Is THAT what YOU and Emperor Anton WANT?!!!"
Garbage Duck says: "That logic WON'T work on me, because even if you HAD your way with Diane Martin, something ELSE would've set YOU off with the SICK mindset YOU have! And besides, the other Power Rangers are GOING to release Emperor Anton so that he can HAVE his revenge against you, so I wouldn't count on seeing YOUR dreams fulfilled; now or EVER!!!!"
Mark asks: "What does any of THIS have to do with me?!"
Garbage Duck says: "Practically NOTHING! You're just a pawn in Dr. Maniac's schemes! And even if you weren't; somebody ELSE would've wanted YOU to shoot John Lennon for their OWN purposes! However, Emperor Anton won't be having that; not THIS time! And since you LIKE 'Catcher In The Rye' so much; I've got a book INSIDE of ME that I think you'll LIKE!!!!"
And Garbage Duck opens his mouth, and shoots out a FLAMING copy of the book, 'Catcher In The Rye', and it shoots RIGHT through Mark David Chapman's chest! All Mark David Chapman can say is: "Somehow...in a cosmic sort of way...I think I probably DESERVE this..."
And he falls over dead! Dr. Maniac, from the still function communication device yells: "Get up! Get UP!!!! Get UP, you WORTHLESS sack of meat and BONES!!!! UGH!!!! That's what I GET for entrusting a MORTAL to do SOMETHING right! Mortals can't do ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!"
Garbage Duck picks up the Communications Device, and talks into it and says: "You would KNOW, wouldn't you? Seeing as you USED to be MORTAL yourself!"
Dr. Maniac threateningly says: "You TELL Emperor Anton, that when I see him AGAIN; I'm going to TAKE the gun that SHOT John Lennon, and SHOVE it down HIS--!"
But Dr. Maniac NEVER gets to finish his thought, because Garbage Duck BREAKS the Communications Device, and stuffs it down his throat! Garbage Duck says: "A little obsolete for my tastes, but it's STILL a good snack!"
Than he hears a cop car siren, and he says: "Someone's coming! I better hide!"
And Garbage Duck transforms himself, into looking like an out of service Garbage Truck! Lettuce and Eddie Valiant soon arrive at the Recording Studio, where John Lennon and Yoko Ono rush out! Yoko asks: "What was THAT sound?! It sounded like SOMETHING hit the wall!"
Lettuce looks at the scene of the deposed Mark David Chapman, and he says: "I don't know WHY, but I think that guy looks FAMILIAR to me!"
All four of them look at the deceased Mark David Chapman, and suddenly, John Lennon starts CRYING! Eddie asks: "John, what's wrong?"
John wipes his tears, and he says: "I don't know. I'm...crying, and I don't know why."
Lettuce looks at the scene, and he notices something! Lettuce says: "He had a GUN on him!"
Eddie says: "Better put on my protective gloves!"
He does so, and he picks up the gun, and opens it up, and it's FULLY loaded! Eddie says: "This man was intending to use this gun for SOMETHING, and I DON'T mean BIRD hunting!"
Lettuce says: "But it looks like SOMEONE, or SOMETHING; got to him first!"
Eddie picks up the burnt copy of 'Catcher In the Rye', and sizes it up to the hole in Mark's chest. Eddie says: "It's a PERFECT fit! Somehow, someone was able to put FIRE onto this book, and fire it at such a velocity, it shot clean THROUGH this Man's body! I don't think a SINGLE vital organ was missed!"
Yoko Ono says: "EW, I guess Happiness really ISN'T a Warm Gun; is it?!"
John Lennon gets disgusted, and he says: "Don't REMIND me! I can't BELIEVE I was EVER in such a mood to record THAT song, even if I DID write it!"
Eddie says: "We ALL make mistakes, John. For instance, I once made a HORRIBLE mistake of hating every SINGLE toon, just because ONE of them killed my brother!"
Lettuce asks: "A TOON killed your brother?! That's terrible!"
Eddie sighs, and says: "Piano on the head. Funny for toons, DEADLY for humans! But, I eventually realized something. Hating an entire GROUP of people, or Toons, just because of something ONE of them did; doesn't make YOU feel any better, and it doesn't CHANGE what happened! You have to learn to make peace with what happens to you. That's the ONLY way you can move on, and become a better person, OR Toon!"
Garbage Duck says: "How about becoming a BETTER piece of Garbage?!"
Yoko asks: "Who SAID THAT?!!!"
Garbage Duck transforms back into his monster self, and he says: "I did! Listen up! Only John Lennon NEEDS to die today! Just STEP away from him and NOBODY else gets hurt!"
Eddie says: "Are you ANOTHER deranged Toon?! Judge Doom didn't scare or STOP me; you can't and won't, EITHER!!!!"
Garbage Duck says: "It matters little to YOU, what I am! And maybe I CAN'T scare you, but I WILL stop you! And if not the EASY way, than it's going to be the HARD way!"
Suddenly, Lettuce's communicator activates: "Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!"
John Lennon asks: "Is that a WATCH?!"
Yoko says: "No watch I know of makes a sound like that!"
Lettuce pushes a button, and Captain Retro speaks through the communicator: "Lettuce, don't hang up!"
Lettuce asks: "Who are you, WHERE are you, and how do you know MY name when I don't?!"
Captain Retro says: "I don't have time to explain any of that now! You're just going to have to TRUST me! You know those bracelets you're WEARING on your arms?"
Lettuce pulls back his detective shirt, and notices the Morpher he's wearing! Lettuce asks: "This ISN'T just a fashion accesory?!"
Captain Retro says: "It's a morpher that will give you power! John Lennon can NOT die here and now, you have to USE your morpher to save him!"
Lettuce asks: "How do I do that?"
Captain Retro says: "By slapping the two bracelets together, and saying; 'It's Morphing Time, Power of Jupiter; LIGHTNING!!!!"
Lettuce says: "I'll give it a shot! It's MORPHING TIME!" / Lettuce says: "Power of Jupiter, LIGHTNING!!"
Lettuce notices his morphed appearance, and he says: "Wow! This feels powerful!"
Eddie says: "You just CHANGED spontaneously! Are YOU a Toon, to?"
Lettuce says: "I'm not sure WHAT I am! But I know that I'm GOING to SAVE John Lennon!"
Garbage Duck says: "You think MORPHING is going to change anything? You'll only last five more seconds even WITH your morphed powers! That's why I didn't even BOTHER trying to attack you while you were talking! At least, this way will be MORE interesting for me! Now, why don't you worry about saving YOURSELF?! Emperor Anton says he picked up THIS spell by looking into the FUTURE, from a villain named Robo Rita, and this spell won't leave a TRACE of you behind!!!!"
And Garbage Duck shoots out a VERY powerful, black beam super fast; and in slow motion, Yoko Ono reacts, and says: "Lettuce, look out!!!!"
And Yoko PUSHES Lettuce out of the way, only to get HIT with the beam HERSELF, and she's pushed into the wall with the deceased Mark David Chapman, and they BOTH disintegrate into nothingness! John shouts: "NO!!!! Yoko!!!!"
Eddie yells: "You're going to PAY for that!"
Garbage Duck says: "Doubtful! And while I can only perform THAT spell once, I have OTHER tricks at my disposal!"
Eddie says: "As a GOOD cop, I don't LIKE to use fire-arms; but since you've left me with no OTHER viable option! I WILL!!!!"
And Eddie shoots his gun at Garbage Duck, but being a part truck with a super tough hide, the bullets just HARMLESSLY impact his chest, and fall off; looking really dented! Eddie says: "You didn't even dodge or FLINCH! This is WORSE than I thought!"
Garbage Duck says: "And here I thought COPS were supposed to be tough! But you bombed WORSE than Ed Wood's 'Plan 9 From Outer Space'! Speaking of BOMBS..."
Eddie's face blanches, and he says: "I know what's coming! Get John Lennon OUT of here!"
Lettuce says: "But I--."
Eddie yells: "Go, NOW!!!!"
Lettuce turns to John Lennon, and he says: "RUN!!!!"
And they run as fast as they can, and sure enough, Garbage Duck fires OUT a bomb, and fires it towards Eddie J. Valiant! Lettuce and John Lennon turn back to the explosion, and John Lennon asks: "WHY are so many people or THINGS trying to KILL me today?! I'm a NICE guy!"
Garbage Duck walks out of the flames, and he says: "You weren't always though. The way you neglected your FIRST wife and child, BARELY spending ANY time with them? Tsk, tsk. You weren't WINNING any 'Father And/Or Husband Of The Year' Awards with them!"
Lettuce angrily says: "And THAT gives YOU license to try to MURDER a man who sang 'Imagine'?! Well, why don't YOU IMAGINE me, kicking your BUTT?!!!"
And suddenly, Lettuce SOMEHOW powers up even more, as a battlizer, based on his old Triceratops Power, suddenly appears around him! Omnus' voice comes over the communicator, and he asks: "How is THIS possible?! Radiguet's involvement in the Chaos Realm should've rendered Lettuce's access to his OLD Triceratops' power impossible!"
Queen Hedrian says: "Because he's in the PAST! Radiguet hasn't DONE it yet, so his old Triceratops' powers can ADD onto his current powers!"
Lettuce says: "I don't know who's talking, but I like what's happened! So, Garbage Duck; you like FIRE-ARMS?! Well, I like the kind of Fire Arm you ONLY have to fire ONCE! Thunder Slinger, Super CHARGE!!!!"
And Garbage Duck says: "Oh, NO!!!!"
And the impact hits, and Garbage Duck says: "Forgive me, Emperor Anton! John Lennon...still lives!"
And Garbage Duck falls down, and explodes! Lettuce says: "Power down!"
Omnus says: "Well, I'll be! Lettuce destroyed that monster all by himself!"
Queen Hedrian says: "I guess all that training with Captain Retro and Windsor payed off!"
Lettuce demorphs, and John Lennon says: "That was BRILLIANT! You...saved my life. I...don't know how I'm going to repay you!"
Lettuce says: "You don't need to. Just...don't tell anybody I can DO that! I have to keep my identity secret! I'm...just sorry I had to USE a fire arm to save your life. It...seems kind of hypocritical."
John sighs, and he says: "First off, don't worry about it. I mean, who WOULD believe me even if I TOLD anybody? And secondly, I know that wasn't ideal, but you have to do what you must in order to save the day, don't you?"
Lettuce's eyes widen, and he says: "Oh, no!"
Lettuce rushes back to where Eddie is, but he's VERY charred, and very burnt, and NOT in a cartoon-like manner! Lettuce yells: "Eddie! Please! Don't DIE on me Eddie! This CAN'T be the end of YOUR story...of your life!"
Eddie coughs, and he says: "I...don't even have the strength to stand up! Lettuce, I don't know WHO or what you are; but you displayed tremendous courage saving John Lennon today!"
Lettuce cries: "It wasn't ENOUGH! I...should've been able to save you AND Yoko Ono, to!"
Eddie coughs, and he says: "Lettuce, some of don't GET to choose WHEN we leave; all we can do is to love the people we love WHEN we are together, and forgive one each other when we make mistakes! My...time may be ending. But you still have MUCH more time, to be the hero I know you can be!"
Lettuce says: "What should I do?"
Eddie says: "In my office, I kept a diary! Hack, cough, cough, cough! In it, I wrote down ALL the tricks and techniques a detective can use, to save the day! Some of them, are Toon techniques. So, you should hire a toon, to become your NEW partner...hack; cough, cough, cough!"
Lettuce says: "Eddie, don't LEAVE me!"
Eddie says: "The ones you love...will always...be in your memory. Even if you can't see us, you can always remember us. Our time together...was short, but I wouldn't change it, for...anything..."
And Eddie FINALLY succumbs to his injuries, and dies. John walks forward, and he says: "I'm sorry for your loss, and mine; to."
Lettuce asks: "What are you going to do? Your son, Sean; he...needs a mother."
John sighs, and he says: "It won't be easy. But, maybe I can try reconciling with Cynthia. Surely she wouldn't turn Sean out. And as for me, I need a little help from my friends. And, I know YOU have friends who are looking out for YOU, to!"
Lettuce says: "You're right! They MUST be friends! Otherwise, they wouldn't have helped me! And, maybe I can FIGURE a way to access those Battlizer powers again!"
John says: "I'm sure you will...whatever a Battlizer, is!"
Lettuce says: "That word...just felt right, to describe what it is I morphed into! You...better get back to your hotel and take care of Sean. I gotta get back to the Detective's Office! I'm going to have a VERY hard Detective's Report to fill out!" /
The screen changes to a cemetary in Miami, Florida, and words flash on the screen which say: "Cemetery, in Miami, Florida; January 1, 1980; 12:57 P.M."
Token caskets for the gravestones of Mark David Chapman and Yoko Ono Lennon, are lowered into their respective graves. John Lennon, Julian Lennon, Cynthia, Sean, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr are in attendance at the funeral; while a procession of Toons have turned out for Eddie J. Valiant's funeral, including Roger and Jessica Rabbit. And who of ALL people, should be singing AT the funeral, except Paul McCartney?!
Paul sings: "When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say live and let live. (You know you did, you know you did, you know you did). But if this ever changing world in which we're living, makes you give in and cry, say live and let die. (Live and let die). Live and let die, let it die. (Live and let die). You used to say live and let live. (You know you did, you know you did, you know you did). But if this ever changing world in which we're living, makes you give in and cry. Say live and let die. (Live and let die). Yeah, live and let die, let it die. (Live and let die)."
Everyone claps at the song, and Paul steps off the podium, and Lettuce gets on and speaks into the microphone. Lettuce says: "First off, I'd like to thank the Toon friends of Eddie J. Valiant, for using the 'Acme Instant Hole' Traveling Service to get the other members of The Beatles here on such short notice. And...I didn't know Eddie Valiant that well. I wish I did. He was a friend to toons, a good detective, a great brother, and had a loving wife and son. And Yoko...a lot of us have said things about her that we wish we hadn't. Some of us...blamed her for the break-up of The Beatles, and that wasn't fair to her. I know...that NONE of us wished that this is what it would take for The Beatles to get back together, or that we would have to end the 1970's with such a senseless death. But if it weren't for Yoko Ono, I wouldn't be here right now. Eddie once told me that some of us don't get to choose when our time ends, or how it ends. All we can do, is to choose to love each other as long as where together. And I promise, with my new partner Bonkers D. Bobcat; we will work together to END the senseless gun violence that took away the lives of Yoko Ono, Mark David Chapman, and Eddie J. Valiant, and work together, to make a safer environment for EVERYONE! Men, women, children, Toons, Whites, Asians, African-Americans, and any other ethnicity and race out there, should be able to feel safe and secure in the freedom that America can provide. Our founding fathers, did NOT write the Second Amendment with THESE kinds of fire arms in mind! How COULD they?! Our Constitution, is a living document! And it can be changed if there's a good reason to do so! It won't be easy! But I know with all of your support, and everyone else's support; we can stop such senseless violence now, AND in the future! And THAT'S a future, I know that MOST of us want to work towards, AND live in!"
And everyone cheers in applause, as Lettuce steps off the podium! Bonkers says: "That was a great speech, partner! And, I just want to say, I'm glad you hired me on such short notice!"
Lettuce says: "You were the only Toon that APPLIED for the job! Sure, you don't technically HAVE the qualifications right NOW; but I KNOW we can learn them together!"
Bonkers says: "Just one question, why did you say FIREARMS killed them? That's...not how they actually died!"
Lettuce says: "Well, it would've been a little HARD, and a little ALARMING to tell people how they REALLY died! At least this way, they can ACCEPT how they died, and be able to move on and heal!"
Bonkers asks: "What happens with John Lennon, and the other Beatles? Are they going to get back together?"
Lettuce says: "I couldn't say. All I know is, the answer will be revealed in time. ONLY in time."
To Be Continued...
/ *Actual quote attributed to John Lennon in our time line, as well.* /

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Long re-run ahead, so I'll just get into it. /

(Cold Open)
The episode opens up INSIDE of a cold, steel machine, filled with white light; and words flash on the screen, and they say: "The INSIDE of Queen Metallia's Machine, in Queen Galaxia's (formerly Queen Beryl's) Palace; April 1, 2179; 4:55 P.M."
Queen Beryl and Abaddon find themselves falling down WITHIN Queen Metallia's Machine (after being zapped into there by Queen Galaxia) and they suddenly start hearing the opening chords of Tom Petty and the Heartbreaker's "The Waiting Is The Hardest Part". Queen Beryl asks: "Is SOMEBODY actually expecting us here?"
Abaddon says: "I don't know, but I have GOT to find out what the rest of their playlist is like!"
Tom Petty (and the Heartbreakers) sing: "Oh baby, don't it feel like heaven right now? Don't it feel like something from a dream? Yeah, I've never known nothing quite like this. Don't it feel like tonight might never be again? Baby, we know better than to try and pretend. Honey, no one coulda ever told me 'bout this. I said yeah, yeah. (Yeah, yeah.) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The waiting is the hardest part. Every day you see one more card. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part. Well yeah, I might have chased a couple women around. All it ever got me was down. Then there were those that made me feel good. But never as good as I feel right now. Baby, you're the only one that's ever known how to make me wanna live like I wanna live now. I said yeah, yeah. (Yeah, yeah.) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The waiting is the hardest part. Every day you get one more yard. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part. Oh, don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you. Don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you. I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool. Don't let this go too far, don't let it get to you! (Instrumental break) Yeah, yeah. (Yeah, yeah.) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The waiting is the hardest part. Every day you get one more yard. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part. Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part. Oh. Is the hardest part. Oh. Is the hardest part. Oh."

And the song finally ends as Queen Beryl and Abaddon land softly on steel ground. Abaddon says: "If someone told me at the start of today that we would find ourselves WITHIN Queen Metallia's Machine, I would've LAUGHED my HEAD off!"
A familiar voice says: "You're not the ONLY one!"

Queen Beryl, in shock, asks: "Nephrite?!"

Nephrite enters out of the shadows, and she says: "So, you DO remember me?"

Abaddon says: "I thought YOU were dead!"

Nephrite says: "Well, my body WAS destroyed, but; I guess NONE of us read the FINE print when we signed our contracts to Queen Galaxia!"

Queen Beryl asks: "What do you mean?"

Nephrite says: "When one of us Youma falls in battle to the Power Rangers, it isn't just the energy we collect that winds up inside of Queen Metallia's Machine, it's our souls; as well!"

Abaddon says: "So, you've actually SEEN others fall down here, to?!"

Nephrite nods, and sadly says: "Yes. All of the Youma that fell after I did, wound up here. I've seen all of them try their best to fight off against Queen Metallia, but none ever succeed. Even trapped in here, she's MORE powerful than ANY of us could've imagined!"

Queen Beryl excitedly asks: "Powerful enough to help me get REVENGE against that LOUSY Dr. Maniac and that TRAITOROUS Queen Galaxia?!"
Nephrite says: "You don't GET it! Queen Metallia doesn't CARE about your need to get revenge against Dr. Maniac; she's not even ON Queen Galaxia's side! Her only allegiance is to HERSELF and HERSELF alone, she's just like Queen Bansheera from 179 years ago!"
Abaddon steps back in shock, and says: "But...our glorious quest to revive Queen Metallia. All the energy we collected. All the sacrifices that we've made. All the battles that we've lost. Are you telling me that all of that...was a LIE?!"
Nephrite sadly says: "I'm afraid so. Queen Metallia has played this game for the past 10,000 years now. From planet to planet she travels, sucking all the resources of a planet until it is barren and lifeless. In the process, doing this takes up so much energy, she needs to retreat to the safety of her machine, and needs to collect energy from participants she is able to sucker into helping her. No one who has EVER helped her before, has EVER gotten any reward from her!"
Queen Beryl angrily says: "Well, we're NOT going to take THAT lying DOWN! If Queen Beryl thinks she can get US, she's WRONG! We are going to FIGHT against her, and take the energy we gathered for HER, and make it our OWN!"
Nephrite says: "That's not a smart move! She's collected ALL the other Youma that fell in battle! Even with YOUR combined powers, the three of us are not enough to BEAT her!"
Abaddon says: "Not APART from each other; but combined, we just MIGHT stand a chance!"
Nephrite asks: "What are you saying?"

Abaddon says: "I have worked for and studied the dark arts of the Chaos Gods themselves, lest you FORGET that important fact! And I have studied a technique, that would allow us to combine our powers together into ONE super body! In this body, we would have ENOUGH power to take AWAY all the energy Queen Metallia has gathered so far, power it into ourselves, and escape from the machine! Hopefully, when we escape; we'll do so much damage to the machine; Queen Galaxia and her cohorts will NEVER be able to repair it!"
Queen Beryl asks: "Than what are we waiting for?! Let's combine, right away!"
Abaddon says: "It's not as easy as it sounds! These are VERY dark arts that I'm talking about! I'm afraid one of us would have to completely give up their OWN life energy, to make the super body for the others to inhabit!"
Nephrite sighs, and says: "I'll do it. I'm tired of living in fear, I'm tired of being afraid. I'm sorry I wasn't more use to you two when I had my body. But, I hope that what I will do for you now; will more than make up for it."
Queen Beryl says: "Thank you, Nephrite. I always KNEW you were the most LOYAL of my Youma!"
And then, they suddenly hear mechanical clanking and roaring in the distance! Abaddon says: "We better hurry! Those sound like the fallen Necron! Queen Metallia must have reprogrammed them to do her bidding!"
Nephrite says: "Than let's waste no more time! Just do me a favor and give a good thrashing to Dr. Maniac for me!"
Queen Beryl says: "We WILL, Nephrite! We WILL!"
Abaddon's body gets enveloped with a black Aura, as he starts speaking in a dark, forbidden tongue that mortals have not heard for millennia! Abaddon says: "K'haakalik mashak bala ta ma phlonok ka muk!" ("By the power entrusted to me by the Chaos Gods, empower us!")
And a white aura surrounds Nephrite, and Abaddon's black Aura starts surrounding Queen Beryl. Abaddon continues: "M'shennah im pe weck ga sen la muk gom!" ("What was once three, now make us ONE!")

And Nephrite's body turns transparent, and slowly evaporates into nothingness, and Queen Beryl's and Abaddon's bodies slowly find themselves being pulled together and MERGING! Queen Beryl says: "No turning back after this! Abaddon my love, come DIE with ME!!!!"

"Back To The 1980's Part IV: Miami Ice!"

When the episode starts proper, words flash on the screen, and they say: "Mysterious Void, Unknown Location; January 1, 1980; 1:00 P.M." We see a big, blank, white void. A colorful, rainbow portal opens into the void, and Emperor Catton steps into it. He walks to the center of the void (even though since he's the only thing INSIDE of it, it's hard to tell WHERE the actual center is), and he looks up to the blank sky.

Emperor Catton shouts: "Hey, Chaos God Khorne, I'm HOME!!!!"
The sky darkens to a sinister black, and a red, visual image opens in the sky, and the image of Khorne, the Chaos God himself, appears in it! Khorne hisses with a sinister growl, and he says: "Don't EVER address me in that manner again! What's your update?!"
Emperor Catton says: "Even BETTER than I anticipated! While Lettuce's sense of justice is STILL much higher than I would've liked, having forgotten the way history is SUPPOSED to play out DID work out in our favor!"
Khorne says: "Did it, though? You FAILED in your PRIME objective! You SAID you wanted John Lennon KILLED! You ONLY killed Mark David Chapman, Yoko Ono, and Eddy Valiant, Emperor ANTON!!!!"
Emperor Catton angrily yells: "DON'T you DARE address ME by my OLD name! Only my own MONSTERS are ALLOWED to call me that! 'Anton' was my old, LAME name! I don't GO by that name anymore ever since Anton Mercer came along, and with the help of Mesogog, made the name his own! Besides, the name 'Anton' reminds me of when I was young and naive! Dr. Maniac took advantage of 'Emperor Anton', he will NOT take advantage of Emperor CATTON!!!!"
Than Emperor Catton calms down and regains his composure, and says: "The truth of the matter is, my reason for TARGETING John Lennon in the FIRST place, was just a way to get under Dr. Maniac's skin and ENRAGE him! Now I'm in HIS mind instead of the other way around! Dr. Maniac is a DEADLY genius, but he's PRONE to 2-dimensional thinking! And THAT'S where I want him! While his mind process is STUCK in a 'Ms. Pac-Man' like maze, I'm free to roam in the THIRD dimension, and run CIRCLES around him! Besides, manipulating the Power Rangers to do what I WANT them to do, in order to free me, is my TRUE goal!"

Khorne says: "Well, I don't think we'll be able to risk DIRECTLY involving Lettuce in our schemes anymore! Even a BRAINWASHED Ranger, who STILL has a sense of justice; will NOT cooperate in this scheme of ours!"
Emperor Catton says: "Agreed! Not to mention, this, 'Captain Retro' BARKING about and seemingly AWARE of our moves! How does HE have access to the Akhasic Records?! It took me many times of trial and error stuck in this time loop to learn how to access those!"
Khorne says: "Even I don't know what the full story of Captain Retro is. He doesn't APPEAR on my 3-D representation on my Xanatos Speed Chess Set!"
Emperor Catton asks: "How could he NOT appear?! Anyone who is ALIVE, has a soul, has a brain, and has a heart; HAS to APPEAR on your 3-D representation of a Xanatos Speed Chess Set! And we KNOW Captain Retro has ALL of those qualifications! SURE, he's the avatar of the Dog Deity, Clifford, but even THAT shouldn't prevent you from allowing me access into his mind!"
Khorne says: "A dog, he may be; but he's an ELTARIAN dog, anthropomorphized with magic. And he's...immune to any brain washing powers. Not to mention, the Magi-Mother's has blessed him with her...magical protection and knowledge."
Emperor Catton says: "BAH!!!! Let him run around! There's STILL only ONE of him, and he CAN'T be everywhere at once! Especially not since he has to ensure that neither Dr. Maniac or us try to target Radiguet now! Do you think Captain Retro is AWARE of how Dr. Maniac is USING all of the energy being accumulated in this Time Rift as an attempt to speed up Queen Metallia's resurrection? Or that we plan to REDIRECT that energy into getting myself into the Nazi Realm?"
Khorne says: "I have no way of knowing! We can't CONTROL his mind, let alone see into it! Even ONE variable that I can't account for could make everything be ruined!"

Emperor Catton chuckles, and he says: "Don't worry your...well, to put it bluntly, UGLY little head! I'll manage Captain Retro MYSELF if I have to! You just make SURE the energy to get myself TO the Nazi Realm, is pointed to the RIGHT place, when the time comes!"
Khorne's eyes narrow, and he suspiciously says: "I'll see what I can do!"
And Khorne's image disappears, and the blank void turns white again. Emperor Catton sighs, and he says: "I'm beginning to see WHY Radiguet has such a GRUDGE against the Chaos Gods! They are SO...DIFFICULT to have to deal with! I'm LUCKY that in THIS realm, I can CONTROL when they CAN and CAN'T access this realm, let alone hear or see what I'm TALKING about! Well, let's see which Ranger I should target NEXT!" Emperor Catton puts his right arm forward, and he says: "Void of Time, show me Naruto!!!!"
And the void opens up, and shows not just one, but MULTIPLE images of Naruto getting beaten up by HOT rock and roll women of the 1980's! Emperor Catton says: "Looks like I HAVE gotten stronger! I used to only be able to see ONE of these images at a time! Let me freeze these images and view their contents more closely!!"
Emperor Catton pulls up one image, and he says: "Hmmm, Naruto getting beaten up by Pat Benatar BEFORE she got married to Neil Girardo? Hard Pass! Naruto getting beaten up by Belinda Carlisle, Jane Wieldin, and the other members of the Go-Go's? Fun, but NO! Naruto getting beaten up by Annie Lennox in between marriages? Nothing that I haven't seen before! OOH!!!! I haven't seen THIS one yet! Naruto getting beaten up by Joan Jett of the Blackhearts?! I've GOT to see this one!"

And Emperor Catton shouts: "Void of time, show me North Hollywood, California; May 17, 1980, RIGHT now!"
And sure enough, a void opens up to show Naruto (in his Blaze the Nine-Tails persona) holed up somewhere IN some sleazy hotel in North Hollywood, California; still dressed up in his tacky 1980's clothes! And Joan Jett is with him! Emperor Catton materializes a large bag of buttered popcorn and a large Diet Pepsi with no ice, and a comfy movie chair, and he sits down and says: "Boy, Naruto are YOU in for a WORLD of HURT!!!!"
And the action shifts to within what Emperor Catton is seeing and words flash on the screen which say: "Unlisted Hotel in North Hollywood, California; May 17, 1980; 5:26 P.M."
Joan Jett looks around at the rather...drab and QUESTIONABLE quality of the room Naruto has picked, and she sighs and says: "What I don't understand, Blaze, is WHY you chose to DRAG me to some hotel that even a Five and DIME store wouldn't advertise?"
Naruto scoffs and says: "Well, DUH!!!! It's all I can afford on the measly budget I get from performing with Miss 'DIVA'. Diana Manchot! She's all busy hanging out with Pop Star PRINCE, and he's made HER the lead singer of some BAND called 'Vanity 6'. She's gonna change her name to Diana M. and record some tunes! And until her first album and singles come out and I collect some royalties, this is what WE have to settle for!"
Joan Jett raises one of her eyebrows and says: "What do you mean, 'We'?"
Naruto says: "Isn't it obvious? I'm CRAZY mad in LOVE with you! I LOVE the work you did with The Runaways! Totally underutilized in MY honest opinion! But I could tell that YOU were a Star even back than! And when I heard that you just released your first solo album today, I KNEW that I had to date you!"

Joan Jett asks: "You ONLY want to date me because I'm an up and coming rock and roll star?!"
Naruto says: "Of course not! I want to date you because you're SMOKING HOT!!!! And smart enough to release an album on your OWN independent label!"
Joan Jett opens the hotel door to bring a suitcase of her's inside, and she says: "All right, I'll let you have a 'Turn'. But please note in advance; you ASKED for this! So don't come CRYING and RUNNING to me when this is all over! You GOT that?!"
Naruto says: "No, sir! I mean, 'Ma'am'! I mean...'Sir...ma'am...'."
Joan Jett says: "Just SHUT up and strip onto the bed BEFORE I change my MIND!"
Naruto IMMEDIATELY does what he is told, and jumps onto the bed, with Joan's head BLOCKING the viewer's view of what SHE is seeing! Joan asks: "Are ALL men as short as YOU are in real life, or am I just lucky?"
Naruto screams: "I'll get an extension once I get RICH, I SWEAR!!!!"
Joan Jett says: "Or, I could try some techniques of my OWN! Now please note, when you have consensual sex with Joan Jett, please don't forget the ACCESSORY B.D.S.M. Whip, Music, and other assorted ACCESSORIES!!!!"

And while the viewers don't see any of the naughty action, they STILL see Joan Jett inflicting TONS of physical pain onto Naruto as she whips, hits him with spiked gloves, kicks him HARD with 9 inch high heel shoes, and chokes him as HARD as she can without making him pass out, all to the tune of one of Joan Jett's own songs playing on Joan Jett's boom-box!
Joan Jett sings: "I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! You're living in the past, it's a new generation! A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do! And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! Oh no, no, no not me, me, me, me, me, not me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! Never said I wanted to improve my station! And I'm only doin' good when I'm havin' fun, And I don't have to please no one! And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! Oh no, no, no not me, me, me, me, me, oh no, not me, me, me, me, me. I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! I've never been afraid of any deviation! And I don't really care if you think I'm strange! I ain't ever gonna change! And I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation! Oh no, no, no, not me, me, me, me, me, oh no, not me, me, me, me, Pedal, boys! (Instrumental Break) And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! The world's in trouble, there's no communication! And everyone can say what they wanna to say, it never gets better, anyway! So why should I care about a bad reputation anyway? Oh no, no, no, not me, me, me, me, me, oh no, not me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! You're living in the past, it's a new generation! And I only feel good when I got no pain, And that's how I'm gonna stay! And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! Oh no, no, no, not me, me, me, me, me, me, me, oh no, not me, me, me, me, me. Not me, me, me, me, not me; NOT ME!!!!"

And the song ends as Joan Jett finishes redressing herself, and she turns to Naruto, and she says: "Well, Blaze; I can safely say that I've spent WORSE evenings than the one I've had today. I've spent a lot better, but I GUESS you got the job done as a 6/10. Try calling again in a few years if you ever get MORE famous, and I'm not ALREADY married!"
She leaves the hotel room, and the camera pans over to Naruto, and there's practically not a SINGLE space on his entire body (except for his naughty bits covered by a blanket) which isn't covered in cat scratches or blood, and in a daze, Naruto raises up both his arms and says: "Totally WORTH IT!!!!" /
The action shifts back to the Blank Void, as Emperor Catton pauses the action, and Emperor Catton says: "UGH!!!! Naruto is so UTTERLY stupid no matter WHICH woman he tries to date! He doesn't even GET that he LITERALLY just asked Joan Jett to TOTALLY sexually assault him! He's more of a danger to HIMSELF than he is to MY plans! I'm not even going to BOTHER reading HIS mind...if he even HAS one! Waste of precious time and magic, I'd say!"
Than a red alarm light fills the air, and Emperor Catton says: "WHAT?! That's NOT Khorne!"
Words flash within the void, and a computerized female voice says: "WARNING! UNAVOIDABLE moment in time!"
Emperor Catton says: "WHAT?! Are we at THAT point in history already?! This is where Dr. Maniac tries to make his move on Diane Martin! I don't WANT to watch it, but I suppose I've GOT to! Of course, since Captain Retro IS currently there, than Dr. Maniac might get more trouble than he bargained for!"

The void opens up a portal, and the red alarm light turns off. The action shifts to what is being viewed within the portal, and words flash on the screen, which says: "Diane Martin's Penthouse Apartment, New York City, New York; May 17, 1980, 8:41 P.M."

Inside Diane Martin's Penthouse Apartment, Diane is all dressed up in a pink dress, looking almost exactly like Marilyn Monroe did in "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend".

Captain Retro (still in his human disguise) is sitting on one of her VERY comfortable couches, and he asks: "What I DON'T understand is just WHY I can't know who it IS you invited to this late dinner you're having tonight?"
Diane says: "First off, you are a guest. And while I understand you have some importance of being here, the fact that you still haven't divulged any more information to me; gives me reason to think that you're HIDING something from me!"
Captain Retro, almost exasperated at this point, says: "I've told you 41 times already! This marks the 42nd! I can't TELL you about what the deal IS with me because it could jeopardize YOURS, MINE, and everyone ELSE'S future many YEARS from now! Think of it like the U.S. Government keeping secrets for SECURITY reasons!"
Diane says: "Well, I can't! I've LIVED through Watergate, so I THINK you can cut me some SLACK as to why I'm not so EAGER on trusting the U.S. Government!"
Captain Retro asks: "Did you ever even CONSIDER that there might be at least TWO WORSE administrations in the future than the one that CAUSED Watergate?!"
Diane scoffs, and says: "Let me guess, some VAIN, WHINY, NARCISSISTIC, WOMANIZING, SELF-LOATHING, SELF-IMPORTANT, XENOPHOBIC, BIG NAME, SMALL EGO, White Man whose ONLY reason for living is ROUGHLY proportional to the size of his I.Q.? I'd RATHER be DEAD before THAT ever came to fruition!"
Captain Retro groans in frustration, and he says: "Even in the PAST BEFORE I was technically BORN, NOBODY ever listens to me!"
Than Diane's bell rings, and she says: "Oh, that would be MY date now; oh, yee of little faith!"
Captain Retro looks bewildered, and he says: "Yee?! Haven't heard THAT word get put into rotation for a while!"

Diane opens the door, and while she LOOKS at the young 32 year old, brown haired man with loving eyes, Captain Retro's eyes look on in SHOCK, as he IMMEDIATELY recognizes him as a much YOUNGER Dr. Maniac, BEFORE he robot-icized himself! Diane says: "Well, if it isn't Dr. Rick Sanchez. Your reputation for punctuality proceeds you! Welcome to my HUMBLE abode! A modest little place; but when it comes to real estate, you can't beat the location or it's price!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "Indeed! Long live deep pockets! It's AMAZING how much happiness money can TRULY buy you, and how much it has brought me! Whoever FIRST sang that 'The best things in life are free', must have had HOLES in their brain!"
Captain Retro sternly says: "His NAME was Barrett Strong, and I don't think he ever DREAMED about the amount of money that YOU seem to worship!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez briefly twitches, but he composes himself, and he says: "You...didn't say there WOULD be any other guests here!"
Diane scoffs, and he says: "Don't MIND him! He is a guest I am keeping here because he has Diplomatic Immunity...or SOMETHING like that. And needs to STAY here until he completes his mission and can go home!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez raises an eyebrow, and he says: "Indeed. And is there ANYTHING that YOU know about ME?"
Captain Retro, still keeping his volume in check, says: "I know ENOUGH about you and what you're like! Have you even TOLD her about your little SIDE hobbies?!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez scoffs, and he says: "So, I LIKE to tinker with CARS in my spare time! What REAL man doesn't?! But MY, we have a BIG dinner ahead of us, so why don't you go to the restroom so you can fit it all in?"
Diane says: "Good idea! I'll go 'Powder my nose'."

Captain Retro says: "I went 15 minutes ago, I'll pass."
Diane says: "Make yourself at home, don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
And Diane rushes off to her personal bathroom, and closes the bedroom door behind her! Dr. Rick Sanchez chuckles to himself, and he says: "The moment I've been WAITING for my entire LIFE!!!! Time to become a REAL man the way my FATHER and Professor BIAS never SAID I could BE!!!!"
And Dr. Rick Sanchez heads toward Diane's bedroom door, but Captain Retro immediately stands between him and the door, and Captain Retro says: "Didn't you HEAR the NICE lady who invited you into HER house?! Don't DO anything she wouldn't do!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez, getting increasingly irate, but still TRYING to keep his temper, says: "In the Soviet Union, they shoot dogs down DEAD when they get old OR disobedient! You want to LIVE a long life? I suggest you MIND your OWN BUSINESS!!!!"
Captain Retro says: "Protecting other people from harm IS my business, and if you're as SMART as you SAY you are, you WON'T move another INCH towards the door!"
But Dr. Rick Sanchez IMMEDIATELY grabs the door handle, only to find that the door WON'T open! Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "Diane told me she NEVER locks the DOORS in her house!"
Captain Retro says: "Did you HONESTLY think I wouldn't take any precautions? If there's one thing I hate WORSE than people who are COMPLETELY intolerant of anyone else who ISN'T like them, it's PEOPLE who are WILLFULLY ignorant and HATEFUL to everyone else! And you treat THOSE statements like it's something to be celebrated, when it's the COMPLETE antithesis OF!"

Dr. Rick Sanchez suddenly laughs his signature Dr. Maniac laugh, and he says: "MWA, HA, HA!!!! My ALTERNATE self told me ALL about you, but seeing you in PERSON; you're even SMARTER than I ever could've DREAMED of!"
Captain Retro says: "So...you DO know I'm NOT from here?"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "Not even HERE, you're not even from this PLANET! As a matter of fact, you're not EVEN from this TIME! What gives YOU the right to interfere with MY plans?! And how DARE YOU INTRUDE ON A VERY PRIVATE DINNER?!!!"

Captain Retro scoffs in shock, and he says: "Private? PRIVATE?!!! EVERYTHING in a 14 billion light year RADIUS, INCLUDING black holes and the near vacuum of SPACE, COULD hear you!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez unleashes his trademark Dr. Maniac scowl, and he says: "Listen, you PATHETIC MUTT!!!! I was DENIED the chance to get the son I WANTED with Diane Martin ONCE, thanks to that LOUSY Dash Drew, and I'm NOT going to be denied again! I have PLANS to unleash the AIDS virus in a year, to wipe out the PATHETIC population of F--!"
Captain Retro sternly says: "Keep TALKING like that about Dash Drew and your MOUTH will be MINUS one TONGUE!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "That playboy dandy ROBBED me of the life that was RIGHTFULLY mine! So, I'm merely going to return the favor; and rob HIM and everyone else LIKE him of THEIR lives! NOBODY robs the life of a white man who should HAVE EVERYTHING HE WANTS!!!! And NOTHING is going to stop me from GETTING it! Do you want to know WHY?!!! Because unlike everyone ELSE in this PATHETIC universe, I am completely INCAPABLE of making MISTAKES!!!!"
Than Captain Retro's eyes suddenly turn COMPLETELY white, and with a seething red AURA forming around him, Captain Retro says: "YOU just made two! You talked about a Power Ranger with the INTENT of using a derogatory term about him, and YOU ACTUALLY managed to make me ANGRY!!!!" Captain Retro screams: "Kaio-Ken X10!!!!" /

Back in Emperor Catton's void, Emperor Catton gasps in SHOCK at what his void is registering! Emperor Catton says: "Captain Retro's powers are going UP?! Power level 90,000; 120,000; 180,000; 444,000; 530,000!"
And his energy read-out shatters, as if unable to handle anymore! Emperor Catton says: "He BROKE the scale! What kind of mortal HAS such powers, yet doesn't use them whenever he WANTS to?! Even I couldn't have predicted such a dangerous enemy for Dr. Maniac, let alone myself! I sure hope Khorne is RIGHT that he WON'T interfere with MY plans! That dog is worth MORE trouble than I EVER could've bargained for!" /

Back in Diane Martin's apartment, the Red Aura COMPLETELY envelops Captain Retro, shedding his human disguise in the process, and Captain Retro begins to mercilessly punch Dr. Rick Sanchez without giving him a chance to even ATTEMPT a punch or a kick! In desperation, Dr. Rick Sanchez pulls out a B.D.S.M. Whip, and attempts to STRIKE Captain Retro with it! At that moment, Diane Martin opens her bedroom door, and sees Dr. Maniac try to STRIKE Captain Retro, but Captain Retro MERELY bats the whip away. And Diane picks up the whip, and reads the writing on it. Diane says: "Property of Dr. Rick Sanchez MANIAC?!!!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez manages to break FREE from the punching and he finally yells his trademark Dr. Maniac scream: "NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! This ISN'T WHAT WAS SUPPOSED to happen at ALL!!!! All I HAD to do was to DESTROY every LAST bit of Beatles and John Lennon music in this household, so Diane would be completely weak and helpless while I had my WAY with her!!!!"
Diane looks up in shock and she yells: "Have your WAY with me?!!!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "It was to be my GLORIOUS DESTINY!!!! All those years of my FATHER saying, 'Oh, Rick, you're MUCH too weak kicking that football. Oh, Rick, you're MUCH too slow running in soccer. Oh, Rick, you hit that baseball like a sissy girl.' Or, 'Rick, why couldn't YOU have been born a red, hot-blooded athlete like I WAS'?!!!! I would've FINALLY proven MY father and Professor Bias wrong! And YOU...!!!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!!!!"
Captain Retro angrily says: "Sorry. But some things are MORE important than Historical Accuracy! And if there's a price that has to be paid, than I'LL pay for it when the time comes! Besides, there was NEVER going to BE a scenario where YOU got your way! You wanna know why?! Because there are SOME questions in this world that don't HAVE a solution to the problem!"

Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "LIAR!!!! EVERY problem has a solution! And if I can't FIND one, I'll MAKE one instead! And is THIS what you like?! Is THIS what makes YOU hot?!"
Captain Retro angrily says: "WHAT?!!!"

And Captain Retro begins to punch Dr. Rick Sanchez some more, until Diane says: "Enough of this! Dr. Rick Sanchez, IF that IS your real name; you are clearly NOT welcome in MY house anymore! If you VALUE what YOU call a life, you'll LEAVE this place and NEVER try to seek me out AGAIN!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "FINE!!!! But you're throwing away a MARVELOUS opportunity, the BOTH of you! The humans you swear to protect no matter what? They're all SCUM just like ME, maybe worse! We could've developed a NEW society, FREE from humanity's sins, and there would NEVER be any arguments AGAIN!"
Captain Retro says: "Even if your offer WERE sincere, do you REALLY think either of us would accept such an offer?!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "Quite frankly, no. You Eltarian dogs are loyal and just to the point of tasting like Diabetes! You know there's now only ONE fate that awaits YOU and Diane eventually; SUDDEN AND INSTANT DEATH!!!!"

Diane angrily says: "If you DON'T get out of here RIGHT now, I will kick you in your MANHOOD SO HARD, it will MISSHAPE every OTHER men's manhood, who is LIKE you, in this world, to be shaped just like YOURS!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez says: "Like I'm AFRAID of some pathetic SLUT'S--!!!!"

But Dr. Rick Sanchez NEVER gets to finish his thought, because Diane kicks him in his pelvic region SO hard, CRIES of men crying out in pain can be heard around the world! /

In Emperor Catton's void, Emperor Catton says: "No WONDER Zordon worried about too MUCH Pink Ranger Power! Just look at what Diane just did! Good thing I'm not from THIS world!" /

Dr. Rick Sanchez winces in pain and asks: "Are you QUITE happy now?"
Captain Retro says: "Like The Byrds once sang, 'I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better When YOU'RE Gone'!" Captain Retro zooms into the kitchen and grabs a bag of ice, and tosses it to Dr. Rick Sanchez! Captain Retro says: "Here, take this little parting gift of ours, and don't go away MAD; just go AWAY!!!!"
Dr. Rick Sanchez puts the bag of ice into his pants, and he says: "Very well! I'll BIDE my time!" Dr. Rick Sanchez, with his free right hand, points to Diane, and he says: "And as for YOU, my FINE lady; TRUE, I wasn't able to attend to you NOW as I would've liked! But just TRY to stay out of my way! Just TRY!!!! I'll get you, my pretty! And your mangy dog, TOO!!!!"

And Dr. Rick Sanchez leaves, and slams the door in anger! Captain Retro says: "What a TERRIBLE triple-decker, toadstool saurkraut sandwich, with Arsenic Sauce! The NERVE of that man, trying to make other decent men in this world LOOK bad! Power down!"
Captain Retro floats down, and Diane asks: "So...is this why...?"
Captain Retro turns to Diane and he asks: "NOW do you believe me why I SAID that I had secrets that I was trying to protect?!"
Diane says: "To be fair, in MY defense, I've never HAD to deal with deranged, maniacal doctors on a daily basis, or interact with anthropomorphic alien dogs!"
Captain Retro says: "Technically speaking, all Earth dogs are just Eltarian dogs that haven't evolved yet. Eltar is a planet that's had a lot more time to evolve than Earth has. And you're right, I wasn't thinking of that. It's...not always easy for me to keep other people's perspectives in mind."
Diane asks: "But why did you confront Rick Sanchez? I thought you weren't supposed to."
Captain Retro says: "Well, I suppose there's no point in concealing anything from you anymore. From my perspective, this is only a Time Rift. A copy of history. But, as I've already witnessed, a future version of Dr. Maniac, and this other villain named Emperor Catton have already made attacks on established history. And I THINK I know the reason WHY!
Diane asks: "But...if this is only a COPY of history...does that mean that I'm not REAL to you? That nothing that we do in this Time Rift matters?"

Captain Retro says: "Of COURSE not! You're REAL enough to me, and so is everything else that you do! That's the reason why I protected you! I couldn't BEAR the thought of Dr. Maniac trying to take advantage of you again! I wanted to give you at least ONE timeline where you were spared from his sadistic pain!"
Diane says: "You said there might be a price that you have to pay. What price is that?"
Captain Retro says: "It relates to the reason WHY Dr. Maniac and Emperor Catton are attacking this Time Rift! Both of them want access to a horrible place called the Nazi Realm, a NASTY dimension that makes what Dr. Maniac wanted to do to you, look like a Saturday in the Park; and I DON'T mean the 'Chicago' song! That's where I come in! While I can't STOP the Nazi Realm from being opened up, I CAN control who gets to go in it!"
Diane asks: "How does that help?"
Captain Retro says: "Both Dr. Maniac and Emperor Catton ARE bad guys, but in terms of evil, Emperor Catton is FAR tamer than Dr. Maniac is! If Emperor Catton gets into the Nazi Realm, my fellow Power Rangers can follow him and beat him there for good! But if Dr. Maniac, even as he currently is, gets into there; I don't know if the Power Rangers can even win!"
Diane says: "So, there WILL be more! I always hoped there would be, but now that I know; I know that I can face anything!"

Captain Retro says: "I feel it's only right to warn you, that as of right now; we're in uncharted territory. I now officially HAVE no idea how this version of history is going to play out, thanks to MY interaction! It's...not always an easy line, to try walking on both the side of justice, and historical accuracy. And...as far as the price that I'll have to pay? I'll probably be put out of commission for a while, after I have to direct the energy that will ensure Emperor Catton gets sent to the Nazi Realm. No EASY task, I might add! The Power Rangers will be on their own, fighting against Emperor Catton."
Diane says: "Well, there's no point worrying about that for now! You'll just have to deal with it when the time comes."
Captain Retro assumes his human disguise again, and he says: "Right! But for now, keep my identity secret to everybody else. I'm not sure if the REST of the world is ready for an anthropomorphic canine just yet."
Diane says: "Agreed!" /

The action shifts back to Emperor Catton's void, and Emperor Catton says: "What LUCK!!!! Captain Retro is going to put HIMSELF out of commission, just to make sure I get sent to the Nazi Realm! It seems like Captain Retro HATES Dr. Maniac more than he hates ME! Though to be honest, one can hardly BLAME him!" Emperor Catton scans the Void and says: "Hmmm, it seems there are no further issues with which I have to deal with in this year. Perhaps a little Chrono Clock action would...speed things up! Hands of Time, fast-forward to the next interaction that the Power Rangers have with Dr. Maniac!"

And Emperor Catton's Chrono Clock powers speed forward to December 31, 1982, at 5:00 P.M., with a void opening up to Miami, Florida! Emperor Catton pulls up the details of the void, and he says: "OOH!!!! Looks like Lettuce and Bonkers, those 'Miami Vice' wanna-bes, are hot on the trail of FireHawk, pretending to be a brainwashed Drug Lord! Was being the unruly Tomboy of the family THAT hard on you, FireHawk? Did your DADDY never love you, and your mother couldn't care LESS?! Showering all their LOVE on polite StarHawk while treating you LIKE you didn't exist? Trying to MAKE something impressive of yourself in order to impress them? I could care LESS about your PATHETIC Freudian excuses, but I think it's time to introduce you to MY army! And UNLESS you want me to divulge your sinister SECRET to Naruto and the other Rangers, I think it's an offer you can't refuse! Time to find out where you've been hiding!"

Emperor Catton zooms in on FireHawk's hidden location, to a FAMILIAR restaurant location called "Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria"! Emperor Catton says: "Ooh! CLEVER girl! Hiding in a restaurant filled with faulty animatronics that no one will enter once it's NIGHT?! And Dr. Maniac is the reason for the Animatronics malfunctioning in conjunction with William Afton! You're very cagey Firehawk, I'll give you THAT much! But I believe Lettuce and Bonkers will be on your trail soon enough, once I free ONE of the Animatronics from Dr. Maniac's corrupt influence! Now, which one of them should I pick?"
Emperor Catton looks through the selection of the seven Animatronics located in Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, and he says: "Toy Chica, I choose YOU!!!!"
The Void opens up with purple energy, and Toy Chica drops INSIDE of the Void! Toy Chica, with a voice VERY similar to both Vipera and Abby Little, says: "Huh? What happened?! One minute, I was seeing these two DERANGED scientists HACKING into my fellow robot's circuits...and than, nothing. And the next thing I know, I'm here! But who ARE you; and how did I get HERE?!"
Emperor Catton says: "Don't focus on me! You need to focus on helping your friends! Those two evil scientists are named Dr. Maniac and William Afton! They're planning on using your robot friends to attack innocent children, all as payback for William getting fired AND losing one of his own children!"
Toy Chica says: "Oh no! That's terrible!"
Emperor Catton says: "Not to worry! Things aren't ENTIRELY hopeless for your friends! The original programming for your friends is still buried within their data-banks, and can be reactivated by someone who is good at solving mysteries!"
Toy Chica says: "Well, that settles it! I have to help my friends!"

Emperor Catton says: "Uh, yeah; you do. And I can give you a little infusion of MY energy in order to help you fight off against ANYONE who tries to re-program YOU again!"
And Emperor Catton waves his hand, and a purple aura surrounds Toy Chica. Emperor Catton says: "So, now; the rest is up to you. I will send you to the police department where the well-known Miami detectives, Lettuce and Bonkers reside. They will help you to free your fellow Animatronics from the evil programming grip of those evil scientists! And just for an added incentive, tell them that you know where the Drug Lord FireHawk is! I have a feeling that they are WANTING to catch her!"
Toy Chica says: "Will do!"
And Emperor Catton warps her out of the Void! Emperor Catton says: "Dr. Maniac, you will soon find that there is NO plot you can come up with, that I can't use and turn into something that benefits only me! FireHawk may want to gain your trust to steal YOUR technology, but I'll see to it that she NEVER gets that far! Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha!" /

The action shifts again, and words flash on the screen, and they say "Miami, Florida; Police Department - ICE Unit; Where We Put ALL Criminals on ICE! December 31, 1982; 5:00 P.M."

In the police station unit, Lettuce and Bonkers are currently residing in there. Due to it being New Year's Eve, they are also the only police officers on duty! Bonkers says: "Man! I hate being stuck here on New Year's Eve! Of course, I'd probably hate being stuck here on any OTHER holiday! Why did YOU agree for us to stay here, while such fellow officers like Lucky Piquel and Miranda Wright get to live it up tonight for a New Year's Eve celebration?!"
Lettuce, now sporting an iconic 1980's blazer outfit, shades, and INEXPLICABLY a brown mustache, turns around, and says: "I TOLD you, Bonkers; Lucky Piquel's cases have been VERY hard on him during the time that he's known you. And Miranda is still...well; inexperienced for lack of a better word.  Besides, not only are we getting paid time AND a half; statistically speaking, we're the best CHOICE for an emergency in case something turns up!"
And just at that moment, Toy Chica bursts in! Toy Chica asks: "Are you the well-known police detectives Lettuce and Bonkers? You two have to help me!"
Bonkers sighs, and he says: "Why can't ANYONE ever come in asking to just help them get a CAT down from a tree anymore, or something like that?"
Lettuce says: "Oh, don't pretend you don't like getting into antics like THIS on a weekly basis? Besides, I make it a policy to NEVER turn down a request from a lady, even if it IS a robot!"
Bonkers says: "Well, nice to know that Chivalry ISN'T dead! But I bet she can't pass the Turing Test!"
Toy Chica says: "Okay, maybe it IS just my programming saying that I need somebody else's help! But SOMEBODY had to WRITE it, first!"
Lettuce says: "OOH, she's got you THERE; Bonkers! Anyways, how can we help?"

Toy Chica says: "My fellow Animatronics have been corrupted by two evil scientists! Dr. Maniac and William Afton! If we don't free them from their corrupted programming, they'll unintentionally HARM innocent children when they least suspect it!"
Bonkers says: "That's just TERRIBLE! But...how do WE know your programming hasn't been corrupted either, and you're just trying to lure us into a trap?"
Toy Chica says: "Use your head! If I was GOING to lead you into a trap, do you think I would have WARNED you about my fellow Animatronics' programs being corrupted BEFOREHAND?! Besides, the notorious drug lord FireHawk is hiding there!"
Lettuce says: "Ooh! She's got you two for two, Bonkers! Usually, I have to pay EXTRA for that! Of course, we'd be GLAD to help! Just tell us where to take you!"
Bonkers says: "Well, DUH!!!! The Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria right here in town! It's the only place she LOGICALLY could've come from!"
Lettuce says: "Bonkers, NEVER automatically assume anything! Even with Animatronics! I certainly try not to! Besides, I heard that some up and coming musician named Blaze the Ninetales is going to be the opening act for the Freddy Fazbear band tonight! We're not going to miss a chance to see a COOL musical act like THAT!"
Toy Chica says: "Than let's waste no more time!"
And all three of them rush outside, to get into their VERY cool police car! Bonkers says: "I just LOVE being a police detective! Punch it, Lettuce!"

And Lettuce turns the ignition, starts the car, and turns on a ROCKING George Thorogood and Destroyers song (that from their perspective, is only three months old and still brand new), "Bad To The Bone!"
George Thorogood sings: "On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered 'round. And they gazed in wide wonder, at the joy they had found. The head nurse spoke up, said 'Leave this one alone.' She could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone. Bad to the bone! Bad to the bone! B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-B-Bad. Bad to the bone! I broke a thousand hearts, before I met you. I'll break a thousand more, baby; before I am through. I wanna be yours, pretty baby. Yours and yours alone. I'm here to tell ya, honey; that I'm bad to the bone! Bad to the bone! B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-B-Bad. Bad to the bone! (Instrumental Break) I make a rich woman beg, I'll make a good woman steal. I'll make an old woman blush, and make a young girl squeal! I wanna be yours pretty baby, yours and yours alone. I'm here to tell ya, honey; that I'm bad to the bone! B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-B-Bad. Bad to the bone! (Instrumental Break) And when I walk the streets, Kings and Queens step aside! Every woman I meet, they all stay satisfied! I wanna tell ya, pretty baby; well, ya see I make my own. I'm here to tell ya, honey; that I'm bad to the bone! Bad to the bone! B-B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-Bad. B-B-B-Bad. Bad to the bone!" (Instrumental Solo to the end of the song).

Approaching the top of a freeway off-ramp, Toy Chica says: "My Restaurant is at the bottom of this off-ramp! Use the breaks and slow down!"
Lettuce puts his foot down on the break, only to find that it's NOT responding to him! Lettuce says: "Uh-oh! The break is shot! It must have broken after all the times we used the break to make a COOL entrance! We HAVE no breaks!!!!"
And they zoom INTO the air, screaming: "AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Until suddenly, just a few moments from hitting the ground, the car suddenly SPUTTERS and comes to a complete stop IN mid-air! Bonkers says: "Sorry, folks! We ran out of gas!!!!"
Toy Chica says: "Uh, that's NOT how your police car works!"

And in a "Puff of Logic," the car than drops the remaining few feet and hits the ground! Bonkers sarcastically says: "Nice going, BABE!"
Toy Chica says: "BABE?! Did he just call me, 'BABE'?!"
Lettuce says: "I don't know! I kind of blanked out while we were flying through the air!"
The three of them get out of the mostly intact police car in front of the restaurant, only to find Naruto as Blaze, Diane Martin, and Captain Retro still in his human guise! Captain Retro says: "Well, it's about time you got here, Lettuce!"
Lettuce says: "I recognize that voice! You're the one who told me of my name!"
Toy Chica says: "Wait! You MEAN you didn't even know of your name?! How did HE know?!"
Captain Retro says: "Well, first off; let me introduce myself! I'm Captain Retro, this is Diane Martin! We just moved here from New York City!"
Diane says: "I couldn't TAKE the traffic anymore! And the cold winters! Here, it's sunny skies and easy tans as FAR as the eye can see!"
Bonkers says: "Except in the HURRICANE season; in which case, WATCH out!"
Naruto says: "Isn't ANYONE excited to see ME?!"
Toy Chica asks: "And YOU are?"
Naruto sputters, and he says: "Why, I'm BLAZE the Nine-Tales! I'm the guy who made out with Joan Jett of the BlackHearts and LIVED! I'm the guy who does ALL the work playing guitar on Vanity 6's singles and albums! I'm GOING to become a member of heavy metal band Motley Crue SOMEDAY!"

Captain Retro says: "Well, EVEN if you do; you'll STILL never eclipse anything that The Beatles have done, are doing, or WILL do! You didn't RELEASE the multi-platinum "Somewhere In England" featuring ALL of The Beatles writing and singing lead on at least one song on the album! I just LOVE hearing John Lennon's duet with Stevie Wonder on 'Ebony And Ivory'."
Naruto asks: "Why would I WANT to be LIKE The Beatles?! I want to be my OWN thing! Why I want to know is, why is this restaurant CLOSED?! I'm supposed to be PERFORMING here tonight! I want to get my OWN label recognition and some SERIOUS gigs!"
Toy Chica says: "There are MORE important things in the world than YOU having a gig! You could HELP me rescue my fellow Animatronics!"
Naruto sputters, and asks: "How hard could THAT be?! Just stand aside; and I'll show you brute force isn't the answer to EVERYTHING!!!!"
Over the communicators, Queen Hedrian asks: "Uh, is he going to be okay?"
Omnus says: "Nope! Safe to say, he WON'T be!"
Emperor Catton suddenly appears on the scene, and he says: "I'm NOT all powerful, you know! Naruto's COMPLETE and UTTER Ignorance, Stupidity, Stubbornness, and inability to listen to ANYONE smarter than he is, which is pretty much everybody; is one factor in history that even I'M unable to change, EVEN if I wanted to!"
A blue void in time opens up; BlackHawk, StarHawk, and Usagi step out of it, and BlackHawk says: "FINALLY!!!! Someone says SOMETHING about Naruto that I ACTUALLY agree with!"

Naruto says: "First of all, the name is BLAZE! And you'll be sorry for doubting me!"
Diane opens up her STILL damaged Pink Limo, pulls out a BUNCH of popcorn and diet drinks for everyone else who can drink, and Captain Retro says: "TOLD you we would see a show!"
Diane asks: "Aren't WE going to help him?!"
StarHawk says: "It's better if Naruto tries it first! If we help him NOW, than he'll NEVER learn anything valuable from this experience!"
Naruto BRACES himself as if he's going to BREAK through the glass sliding doors of the restaurant, but than they INEXPLICABLY open by themselves, and the restaurant lights come on, causing Naruto to COMICALLY fall onto the floor! Naruto says: "COME ON!!!! Why DIDN'T it open for ME before?!"
An animatronic, white fox head winds in, and with an AMBIGUOUS gender voice, making it HARD to tell whether it's a male or a female, says: "Because we don't like YOUR kind, and don't like people who THINK they are BETTER than us Animatronics!"
Naruto says: "Come on! There's no NEED to act like that! You know, a SMILE would suit that PRETTY face of yours, better!"
But the white fox head just stares at Naruto blankly, and Naruto, talking louder, says: "I SAID, 'A smile--'!"
But Naruto NEVER gets to finish his thought as the White Fox head BITES his left hand, causing Naruto to leap back in pain! Naruto cries: "YOW!!!! 'SHE' bit me without saying a word! Even Joan Jett had better manners!"
The White fox Head says: "First of all, I, Mangle, am ABOVE such petty classifications such as 'Male' and 'Female'! I prefer to call MYSELF a 'Yes'! Secondly, when CREEPY, SLIMY, Narcissistic CREEPS like YOU talk to ME like that, my defenses act up; so BACK off!"

Naruto asks: "NARCISSISTIC?!!!"
Emperor Catton rears back in laughter, and he says: "Wah, ha, ha, ha! What a way for Mangle to turn the tables! What CRYPTIC creatures Robots are!"
Over the communicators, Alpha 8 asks: "CRYPTIC?! Is THAT what they're calling it, now?"
A familiar female voice says: "Stop all that RACKET!!!! Who DARES to open this restaurant when I specifically wanted IT--?!"
And FireHawk, dressed in GAUDY (even by 1980's standards) attire, steps into the light, and sees Naruto, and she asks: "YOU?!"
Captain Retro says: "If I didn't KNOW any better, I think YOU recognized that guy!"
FireHawk says: "Why wouldn't I recognize the GUY who played guitar on that one Vanity 6 song? How did it go? Oh, yeah! 'Making love until the dawn, making love to cherry bomb! Erotic city, come alive'!"
Naruto says: "That's ME, all right! SEE?! I KNEW somebody would RECOGNIZE me!"
Captain Retro says: "Statistically speaking, I suppose SOMEBODY has to!"
Usagi says: "UGH!!!! I can't BELIEVE Dr. Maniac's brainwashing made Naruto THIS dumb!"
Captain Retro says: "Oh, no. He's ALWAYS been THIS stupid! You just didn't notice because you were younger and your mind was more easily entertained by his CHEAP antics of 'Tomfoolery' and 'Buffoonery', not necessarily in that order!"
Toy Chica says: "Come on, Mangle! Let us THROUGH! I've got to help free my fellow Animatronics!"
A familiar voice comes from SPRINGTRAP, and William Afton's voice (which sounds a LOT like Alice Cooper's) says: "Can't let my FOX, do that!"

Bonkers says: "No WONDER Lucky and Miranda could NEVER find you! You were hiding WITHIN Springtrap! I'll give him credit, that's some SERIOUS dedication!"
Captain Retro says: "The voice of Alice Cooper in THIS timeline?! Actually, I can TOTALLY see it!"
Springtrap says: "FireHawk and Dr. Maniac are in the middle of making a deal! FireHawk gives Dr. Maniac all the drugs HE wants to perfect his robot mind controlling powers, and Dr. Maniac gives FireHawk all the Miami ICE that she wants! And by 'Ice', I mean 'Diamonds'! She plans on going back to her home-world to become the SUCCESSFUL sibling she has always WANTED to be!"
StarHawk says: "What?! You mean she's NOT brainwashed?!"
Captain Retro says: "Naruto; you know, somehow, 'I told you so'...JUST doesn't quite say it."
FireHawk says: "Go ahead, JUDGE me! Like you judge EVERYBODY else! You have no idea what it was LIKE for me! Having practically the SAME face as my SISTER does, yet being treated like I didn't even exist! I literally DIED once, and even THAN, my parents BARELY sent my sister a 'Sorry For Your Loss' card! That's when I KNEW that the only way I was EVER going to get THEIR attention, was by making SO much money, they couldn't POSSIBLY ignore me!"
BlackHawk says: "As your brother-in-law, I feel it only RIGHT to tell you; that you can't TRUST making a deal with Dr. Maniac! He's going to utterly betray YOU and THINK nothing of it!"
FireHawk scoffs, and says: "Well, DUH!!!! Do you think I would ever give him something ACTUALLY useful?! I gave him LOADS of expired prescription drugs, which should wear off right about--."

And suddenly Mangle starts to short-circuit, and collapses to the ground. Mangle moans, and says: "It...wasn't meant to last. It wasn't meant to last!"
Lettuce says: "Uh...I'm confused. Is FireHawk on the level, or NOT?"
Springtrap says: "I don't CARE! Either way, I'll take care of you MYSELF!!!!"
Toy Chica says: "STOP!!!!"
And right as Snaptrap tries to SAVAGELY bite Lettuce's head off, Toy Chica's Cupcake gets LODGED in Snaptrap's mouth! Electricity short-circuits from the cupcake, and a bolt HITS Lettuce, while another bolt DISLODGES FireHawk's power morphers, and they FLY into Bonker's arms, and ACTIVATE! /

Bonkers says: "Power of Earth! Air!" /

And Bonkers morphs into a MALE version of the black Ranger, but now the outfit also has SHINY Orange highlights on it, as if to mark Bonkers being the black Ranger! FireHawk says: "CURSE the Morpher's Memory! Lousy Eltarian technology! As soon as it finds a suitable user, it gives them everything they need to KNOW about becoming a Ranger!"
Captain Retro says: "I don't care WHAT your reasons for dealing with Dr. Maniac are! WRONG, is WRONG! And you are SO wrong for the Ranger Powers now! Even EBONY would be a better fit for the Black Ranger, now!"
BlackHawk asks: "Who is THAT?!"
StarHawk says: "Nobody important, BlackHawk!"
Lettuce says: "Hey, guys! I remember EVERYTHING!!!! That bolt brought back my memory! I...can't believe I got brainwashed by Dr. Maniac! And where's Pinkie?!"
Diane says: "I think you've got BIGGER problems to worry about!"
And sure enough, Toy Freddy, Toy Bonnie, Marionette, and Balloon Boy come out of their hiding places and join Springtrap! Snaptrap says: "Just as a little precaution, I installed my OWN backup system to supplant Dr. Maniac's, in case HIS got ruined!"
FireHawk says: "You can't be SERIOUS!!!! You can't hurt innocent kids! Do I STILL get my diamonds?"
Springtrap says: "NO!!!! Fool that Dr. Maniac was to trust YOU; but a bigger fool YOU were to not TRUST anyone BESIDES yourself, ESPECIALLY your sister and her FRIENDS, IF you ever THOUGHT of them as FRIENDS!"
FireHawk angrily says: "But Dr. Maniac PROMISED me a cut of ALL of his profits! He PROMISED me a freaking PERCENTAGE!!!!"

Springtrap raises his robotic arm, stops FireHawk from punching him, and lifts her up like a rag doll! Springtrap says: "Next time, get it in WRITING!!!! Nothing PERSONAL!!!!"
And Springtrap THROWS FireHawk out of the front window, and right into Emperor Catton's arms! Emperor Catton says: "I KNEW you would come to me!"
Captain Retro says: "Emperor Catton, if you value your NINE lives; put FireHawk down! She is OURS to deal with!"
Emperor Catton says: "Come on, why do you hate me? We BOTH want the same thing! We want FireHawk to taste the sweet, SWEET taste of justice!"
Captain Retro says: "I don't BUY that for a NANO-Second! And DON'T assume I hate you, just because you're an alien cat! And don't hate ME just because I'm an alien dog!"
Emperor Catton says: "You're all about justice, right? Very well, I'll PAY for FireHawk's sins on my OWN accord! Go ahead, take away one of MY nine lives!"
But before Captain Retro can even answer, Lettuce says: "Gladly! It's MORPHING Time!" /

StarHawk says: “Power of Mercury! Water!!!!” / Lettuce says: “Power of Jupiter! Lightning!!!!” / Usagi says: “Cosmorpher! Sailor Moon! White Ranger Power!!!!” / BlackHawk says: “Power of the Sun! Gold!!!!” /

Bonkers jumps in, to join them, and he says: "Look at us! Now we're BOTH Rangers!"
Lettuce grabs his hammer and he says: "I KNOW! It's AWESOME!!!! And to Paraphrase a Beatles song; 'Bang, bang; Lettuce's Silver Hammer falls down on your head! Bang, bang, Lettuce's Silver Hammer will make sure you are DEAD'!"
And Lettuce swings the hammer with all of his might, but to his SURPRISE, Emperor Catton's head SQUISHES with a cartoon sound effect, and than bounces back as if NOTHING happened! Emperor Catton says: "I'm impressed. You actually MANAGED to take away just ONE of my Nine lives!"
Usagi asks: "You mean...we got to KILL you EIGHT more TIMES?!"
Emperor Catton says: "And THAT was your ONLY free hit! I think I'm done with YOU guys, here! Do whatever you WANT with this restaurant, but FireHawk is coming with me!"
Captain Retro says: "No, wait!!!!"
But Emperor Catton and FireHawk disappear into a blank void without a trace! BlackHawk says: "Oh, no! He's GONE again! Somebody's got to put a TRACKING device on that...cat thing!"
Marionette suddenly reaches to grab the Morphed Rangers, and he says: "Did Springtrap say you could LEAVE?! We haven't even BEGUN to have a fight, yet!!!!"
And Marionette YANKS the other Rangers BACK into the restaurant, and throws up a FORCE Field around it so that Captain Retro CAN'T get in! Captain Retro says: "UGH!!!! I've been cut OFF!!!!"
Diane asks: "But you have a Force Field of your OWN! Can't you just throw it up to enter that restaurant regardless?"

Captain Retro says: "I would, but it looks like Dr. Maniac has already thought of that. That Force Field is designed to operate at the EXACT opposite frequency as mine! I can't get through no matter how much I want to!"
Diane asks: "But what about the other Rangers?"
Captain Retro says: "Don't worry about them, they'll be all right! They've gotten out of tighter spots than this! You brought the music I asked you to bring?"
Diane pulls out a cassette of Alice Cooper's "Welcome To My Nightmare", and puts it into a boom-box, and she says: "Well, I always do! But, why?"
Naruto says: "And what good will THAT do?!"
Captain Retro says: "You'll see! Because my music inspires the Rangers to save the day! And they'll be able to help Toy Chica save the other Animatronics!"
Captain Retro pushes the play button, and the action shifts to inside the restaurant. /

Toy Chica asks Lettuce and Bonkers: "Are you STILL going to be able to help me?"
Lettuce says: "We'll still be able to free the Animatronics, but under the circumstances; I'm afraid there's only one way we can free them!"
Usagi asks: "You mean...?"
Lettuce says: "That's right! We'll have to BEAT the evil programming out of them! It's the only way!"
Springtrap says: "Like you could EVER beat the evil programming of MY Animatronics!"
Toy Chica says: "WE are not YOUR Animatronics! Like we'd EVER willingly follow the commands of a CREEP like you! And I have these friends I can rely on! Don't MESS with them! Springtrap; welcome to YOUR nightmare!!!!"

And sure enough, Alice Cooper's OWN voice fills the room, as dark moody music fills the air, as Bonkers fights Balloon Boy, Lettuce fights Marionette, Usagi fights Toy Bonnie, StarHawk fights Toy Freddie, and BlackHawk fights Springtrap! Alice Cooper sings: "Welcome to my nightmare, I think you're gonna like it. I think you're gonna feel you belong. A nocturnal vacation, unnecessary sedation. You want to feel at home 'cause you belong. Welcome to my nightmare, whoa-whoa-oh! Welcome to my breakdown, I hope I didn't scare you! That's just the way we are when we come down! We sweat and laugh and scream here, 'cause life is just a dream here! You know inside you feel right at home here! Welcome to my breakdown, whoa-whoa-oh! You're welcome to my nightmare, yeah-yeah-ah! (Musical break, during which the Animatronics get beaten down one by one, until only Springtrap is left!) Welcome to my nightmare! I think you're gonna like it! I think you're gonna feel you belong! We sweat and laugh and scream here, 'cause life is just a dream here! You know inside you feel right at home here! Welcome to my nightmare, ooh-ooh-ooh!"

And the Rangers all simultaneously point their weapons at Springtrap, and to his horror, William Afton finds that he can't ESCAPE from Springtrap, as the mechanism has locked him in TIGHT! Springtrap can only sing: "Welcome to my breakdown!"(BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

/ And the song ends as Springtrap/William Afton is completely destroyed, and the other Animatronics whir back to life! Toy Freddie (sounding a LOT like Fred Schneider) says: "On behalf of the other Animatronics here, I want to thank you for saving us. I shudder to think what WOULD'VE happened if we had HURT anybody!"
Bonkers says: "No, problem! But you know, I thought YOU would sound more like Freddie Mercury!"
Toy Bonnie (who sounds a lot like Bonnie Tyler) says: "You're thinking of REGULAR Freddy! He's currently on loan at our Sister Location!"
Balloon Boy (who sounds a lot like Weird Al Yankovic) says: "At least NOW I can get back to my job of handing out balloons to everybody! WHEE!!!!"
StarHawk asks: "What about Marionette and Mangle? They look too badly beaten up to use anymore."
Toy Chica says: "We can combine their remaining working parts, and turn him into Toy Foxy! I'm sure the fans won't mind!"
Lettuce says: "Oh, my! In all our excitement, we almost forgot about New Year's Eve! What time is it now?!"
Toy Freddie says: "It's just about midnight!"
And sure enough, the TV turns on, and Captain Retro, Naruto and Diane rush in, to see the Times Square Ball dropping down! The Morphed Rangers take off their helmets, and Everyone says: "Ten! Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, ONE!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!"
Toy Bonnie says: "Welcome to 1983! I have a GOOD feeling about this year!"
Captain Retro says: "Well, with William Afton out of the picture; I have a feeling that ANYTHING is possible!"

BlackHawk looks through the restaurant, and says: "Well, if Dr. Maniac WAS here; he's long gone. No trace of him LEFT here!"
Usagi says: "He must have bolted it as soon as he discovered FireHawk deceived him!"
Captain Retro says: "He's not the ONLY one FireHawk deceived!"
And he looks to Naruto, who looks all depressed! Naruto says: "That woman...I don't know why; but I feel like...I knew her. I LOVED her! I thought she loved ME! So, why would she BETRAY me?!"
StarHawk says: "Even I don't know the answer to that one! I...know my parents didn't always treat my sister like they should; but FireHawk has NEVER been so aggressively...aggressive as she was today."
Lettuce says: "Well, WE will just have to ask FireHawk about THAT once we get to her, won't we?!"
Bonkers asks: "Did you say, 'WE'?! As in, 'All of us'?!"
Captain Retro says: "Of course! Not just ANYONE can be a Ranger! A morpher chooses its user based on how good, heroic, selfless, and compassionate they are! That morpher chose YOU, once FireHawk was no longer worthy of wielding its power! And Bonkers? I think you're the right toon to be the NEW Black Ranger!"
Toy Chica says: "And I want to personally thank you for helping me! I never would've been able to free the other Animatronics without your help!"
Diane Martin says: "Well, that's what Rangers do; pretty routine."
Naruto says: "Ummm, I'm STILL going to get paid for ACTUALLY showing up; right?!"
Balloon Boy says: "UGH; FINE!!!!"

And he hands Naruto a $20 bill, and Naruto sarcastically says: "Cool. An Andrew Jackson! I can TOTALLY retire! No WONDER The Beatles never take private gigs!"
And Naruto gets in his car and leaves!
BlackHawk asks: "Shouldn't have someone told HIM about being a Ranger?"
Captain Retro says: "The Akhasic Records says that the time is not right for him, or Pinkie Pie."
Lettuce says: "So, Pinkie Pie is around here somewhere?"
StarHawk says: "Well, she IS; but, you're NOT going to like what she is doing."
Lettuce asks: "Why? What HAS she been doing?!"
Usagi says: "Well...she's been making out with Prince...and NOW; Michael Jackson!"
Lettuce says: "Well...I was brainwashed! She's got to be, to! She'd NEVER make out with men who WEREN'T her husband if she WASN'T brainwashed!"
Toy Freddie says: "I hope you're right, pal!"
And just right than, the time void opens up. Captain Retro says: "Well, Lettuce. Looks like YOU'LL find out for yourself, soon enough! I wish I could go with you guys, but I've STILL got to take the long crawl! And don't worry about the Miami Police Department, I've already explained everything to Lucky and Miranda in a way they can understand. They can handle everything else from here!"
Bonkers says: "Thank you! And don't worry, I will make you PROUD of me, as a Power Ranger!"

And the other Rangers enter into the Time Void! Diane says: "Your friends certainly go a LONG way, and a long time, to ensure that evil is brought to justice!"
Captain Retro says: "I'm just glad they have a new ally they can rely on! One thing's for certain though, their mission is not over yet. They STILL have to confront FireHawk! I just hope Naruto will be ready for THAT...when the time comes!"
To Be Continued...

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News of Volition’s closure today hit me in the childhood (or teenhood). Gonna take this post to highlight the influence their Saints Row series had on some of my writing throughout the years. RIP Volition






We see SpongeBob and Patrick surveying the damage to SpongeBob's home as the fire crews are close to extinguishing the flames. In the distance, further down the road, a blue boat mobile pulls up as if surveying the disaster. Driving the vehicle is Person with Cha riding shotgun. Sponge Claus and Ooofy are seated in the back seats. They look on in shock and awe over what had transpired.


"Who the hell went and did that," a puzzled Ooofy asked.


"Was it one of the other hunters," Cha added.


Person squinted to get a better perspective on things down there, "It's awfully close to place we're supposed to shakedown."


"No way," Sponge Claus said to his fellow hunters. "We would've known. Crushing Mayhem would've briefed us on this shit. He wouldn't send two different groups to the exact same place."


"And that house wasn't on the short list," Ooofy added.


Sponge Claus clenched his fist, "Son of a bitch, must've been another team. Must be those Choppers, fucking snakes. Tying to push in our turf and take our clients!"


Cha, in an attempt to refocus the group, asks, "What do we do now?"


"I think-," Person lets out before being cut off by Claus.


"We do what we came here to fucking do, no questions asked!"


"Yeah," Ooofy concurred. "We can't turn back now. This came straight from Jelly, herself. And I don't want to have to deal with her when she's pissed."


Claus grabbed hold of his staff, " Besides, we need to remind these morons just who it is they answer to here."


They proceeded to peel off towards Conch Street as Patrick continues to restrain SpongeBob.


"Let go of me, Patrick! I need to make sure that Gary is still okay!"


"Look at it, SpongeBob! Look at it! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but he's gone! It's all gone..."


"Who, Pat," SpongeBob asked his friend as tears ran down his eyes. "Who would've done this? I may not have paid the bills, but I paid the protection money. Gary always told me he was in debt to the Goofy Goobers but I thought nothing of it. Why didn't I take him seriously?! Why Patrick?!"


"How should I know?"


"MOTHERFUCKERS," a voice yelled out from behind.


The sound of static could be heard as SpongeBob and Patrick turned around to see Sponge Claus, Person, Cha and Ooofy ruthlessly shock the already frightened onlookers and fire fighters into submission with their staffs.


"You dipshits shouldn't have messed with us," Sponge Claus continued.


Person finishes off a fire fighter, "This here is Hunter turf!"


Ooofy puts one of SpongeBob and Patrick's neighbors to death like an electric chair, "Don't you barnacle heads ever forget that! You answer to us!"


Cha catches sight of SpongeBob and Patrick. She blushes a bit after locking eyes with Patrick, but quickly retains her composure and points her staff at them.


"There he is," she cried to her fellow hunters.


They all charged towards the duo. Sponge Claus and Person knocked SpongeBob aside with their staffs as Cha and Ooofy takes Patrick down with a few shocking stingers from their own?


"Patrick-" SpongeBob tried to cry out before getting stung by Person.


"Shut your fucking piehole," Person barks before stinging SpongeBob some more. "That was for Hillenburg, you filthy piece of yellow-bellied shit."


Sponge Claus looks towards Patrick with a grin on his face, "So this is the schmuck that's got Jelly's panties all wound up in a twist? How disappointing."


Patrick tried pleading for his life, "Hey, I told you guys that I'd have the money by tomorrow for sure!"


Ooofy kicks him in the gut, "That what you told us the last three times. You should consider yourself lucky enough Cha gave you more than three chances."


"But I do have the money-"


"Then what difference is a few more hours gonna make," Person asked. "I suggest you cough it now or else your friend here is gonna lose more than just his house tonight."


"What? His virginity," Sponge Clause snidely asks.


"Fuck off," Person shoots back.


Cha begins to have cold feet and lowers her staff, "Guys, maybe we should give him until morning to pay his dues."


"Are you high, Cha," Ooofy asks with agitation. "He's had his chances."


"It's just that-"


Sponge Claus cuts her off, "Get over your little starfish fetish and get your priorities straight, Cha!"


"Yeah Cha, take your head out of the jelly and come back down to our level," Person added. "You're a Jellyfish Hunter. We give no second chance, let alone four."


The anger, pain and sorrow had reached it's boiling point inside SpongeBob and in a sudden flurry of rage, he knocked away Person's staff landed a few stiff shots to his body before roundhouse kicking him in the face.


"What the," Sponge Claus lets out in disbelief before charging at SpongeBob with his staff.


Claus swings his staff at SpongeBob four times, each blow being blocked thanks to SpongeBob's karate prowess. He ignites the stingers on his staff before lunging at the sponge, who manages to dodge it, causing Claus to accidentally sting a disoriented Person instead. Taking advantage of this distraction, he lands three calculated shots to Claus' gut, bringing him to his knees before karate chopping him square (ha) in the forehead, knocking Claus out.


"You damn pussies," Ooofy blurts out in disdain for her fallen comrades before pouncing at SpongeBob with a few shots of her own. 


She lands four good shots on him and decides to turn on the stingers for the fifth. SpongeBob catches the electrifying staff end with his bare hand, sending thousands of volts through his body before finally collapsing to the ground from the shock.


"Don't try and be a hero, fucking lightweight."


Before she could go for the kill, Patrick tackles Ooofy from behind, knocking the staff out of her grasp. He pounds her a few times before getting sand mushed into his face, blinding him. Despite this temporary handicap, he continues to keep Ooofy down, prompting Cha to finally intervene on her team's behalf and stings Patrick to the ground. She elbows him in the back for good measure and sits atop him, taking some pleasure in doing so.


Ooofy gets up and regains her footing before retrieving her staff. She batters up as if getting ready to bash Patrick's head in, "Now it's time you pay...in blood."


Cha, growing concerned for Patrick's well-being, pretends to get knocked off his back, allowing Patrick the opportunity to move out of the way as Ooofy went for the kill.


"DAMN IT CHA," Ooofy scolded before going back on the offensive.


She whacks Patrick a few times but the sound of sirens interrupts their scuffle as two cop cars starts rolling in from the distance.


"Crap, it's the fuzz," Cha warned to Ooofy.


"Damn it. Help me grab these two idiots. We can't take them on our own'" Ooofy ordered before knocking Patick aside with her staff. "Consider yourself even more lucky than you already were, for now."


Ooofy and Cha collect the fallen Person and Sponge Claus before taking off in their boat mobile right as the police arrive. One of the two police boats chase after the Jellyfish Hunters as the other police boat pulls up on Conch Street. A figure in deep sea scuba gear exited the driver's seat before tending to the wounded. When the cop gets to SpongeBob, he begins regaining consciousness. He catches a glimpse of the cop and recognizes who it is.


"...San...dy...," SpongeBob quietly asks before slipping out of consciousness again.


October 3, 2012, Goofy Goober's, Commercial District, 11:56 pm


Acidic Dragon and Ghost are siting at the bar, downing some root kelp floats and getting tipsy off it. PatBack approaches them.


"I hope you two dealt with that bothersome snail," PatBack asks them. "The superiors aren't gonna be pleased if we miss another pick-up AGAIN."


"Don't worry, Pat Man," Ghost reassures. "*HIC* We flew up in there and blew that put away! Acid was all up there with his dragon thing and I watched. You know, like we usually do shit, nah earn?"


"That's good to hear, a little too good," PatBack remarks before walking off towards the bathroom.


Acidic Dragon gulped down his ninth root kelp float and let's out a belch before asking, "What were we supposed to do?"


Ghost merely shrugs before motioning towards the waiter, "Oh waiteeeerrrr! Whose forum do I have to haunt to get a cold banana split around here?!"



Posted March 24, 2018

Plot: Fresh on his own and having mortgages and bills to pay, SpongeBob SquarePants finds himself swept up in a wave of crime after securing himself a dream job at The Krusty Krab. The Krusty Krew, captained Mr. Krabs, is waging a fast food war on three different fronts, and it's up to SpongeBob to help get the restaurant's name out there and secure control over Bikini Bottom, a city where hopes and dreams are made to be broken.

The Krusty Krew: The name given to the staff and employees at The Krusty Krab. Originally founded as The Plab Burger by both Krabs and Plankton in a joint effort to break Stinky's firm grip on the food market, a violent disagreement led to the former friends and business partners to part ways. The Krew is currently embroiled in a hellish turf war with The Bucketheads over control of Conch Street.
Likes: Money, profit
Dislikes: Plankton, Stinky's, losing money
Leader: Mr. Krabs

The BucketheadsPlankton's army, who he hopes will help him achieve world conquest by first conquering the fast food world. Once a business partner and friend of Mr. Krabs, Plankton splintered off on his own, eventually establishing The Chum Bucket as a major competitor to The Krusty Krab. The food they offer is to die from, yet they still somehow manage to turn a profit to fund their war.
Likes: World Domination, the Krabby Patty secret formula
Dislikes: Krabs, Stinky's, being thwarted
Leader: Plankton

The 3rd Street Stinks: Proprietors of the once "only place to buy a burger" in Bikini Bottom, Stinky Burgers. They had a stranglehold on the fast food market for years since the untimely closure of Rusty's Ribeye. Their control over the market was eventually challenged by Krabs and Plankton, who have both managed to chip away at Stinky's business in the years since. And with the arrival of the Fancy! restaurant to the city, Stinky has to do everything within his power to retain that control.
Likes: Unsanitary working conditions, making his customer happy, burgers
Dislikes: Krabs, Plankton, any competition

Leader: Stinky

The Fancy Pansies: The newest restaurant in town, they tend to cater more towards the city's elite. Having a strict no pants, no service policy, gaining entry into their restaurant is a feat in and of itself. Their leadership is a mystery to the competition, which makes them a wild card in the food market. Easily distinguishable by their long, fancy pants. It's nothing but fancy living for this lot.
Likes: Long pants, themselves, art house movies
Dislikes: Stinky's, others, superhero movies, knee highs
Leader: ???


Introduction: Help Needed

The scene opens up to SpongeBob leaving his house and strolling down the road in his "I'm Ready!" Stupor.

SpongeBob: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!

He runs past a couple of fellows trying to sell him something.

Salesman #1: Hey- Hey! Hey, kid! You look like somebody who would look good with some-thing!

SpongeBob just continues running past them, paying neither any mind.

Salesman #1: Well, forget you! Anything would look awful on a square anyway!

Salesman #2: That is exactly why people are onto us...

SpongeBob runs by a couple hooks near the road, laced with some live bait.

Bait: Hey baby, I can show you a good time! We can take things somewhere a lot more private.

But SpongeBob leaves her hanging, continuing to make his way down Conch Street.

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way!

Patrick yells out, obviously tripping on something.

Buckethead #1: Aw hell naw!

Buckethead #2: Man, fuck those Pansies!

Three Bucketheads are seen crowded around a Fancy! Restaurant flyer posted on the wall of the Chum Bucket.

Buckethead #2: Enis, you gonna let them fancy pants inbreds disrespect us like that?!

Enis: Shit, whatchu think?

Enis pulls out a green spray can and begins to tag and single eye over the flyer.

Three Fancy Pansies walk up on them.

Fancy Pansy #1: I do say, do any of you uncouth chum urchins have even the slightest idea of the crime you are committing?

Enis: Just keeping Bikini Bottom beautiful, is all.

Fancy Pansy #2: You do say?

Buckethead #1: Yeah, some dumbass high school grad came and shitted on our restaurant! We just cleaning it up-

One of the Pansies smacks the Buckethead in the face with a glove concealing a brick. All members of both sides come to blows, with Enis spraying one of the Pansies in the eyes with his spray can. SpongeBob runs in as the chaos unfolds, caught in some of the crossfire. Things escalate even more when a Stinky's food truck rolls up carrying three members of its own.

Stink #1: Stinky sends his li-spects.

The Stink pulls out a sub machine ketchup bottle and sprays both sides with it, who both proceed to fight back with their inferior peashooters. The Stink manages to kill both Buckethead #2 and Fancy Pansies #'s 2 and 3. Buckethead #3 manages to shoot The Stink in the head as he was busy reloading, but Buckethead #3 is soon overwhelmed by sprays of ketchup from the other two Stinks. Fancy Pansy #1, having escaped from the initial fight for a brief moment, comes back in packing a silverware rifle and unloads onto the Stinks' food truck. The food truck tries to speed off, but it's a big fucking truck, so it can't go too fast. One of their tires get blown out and the truck crashes down a ravine, exploding upon impact. Before the Pansy could celebrate, he's capped in the in back of the head by Enis, who's wielding a ketchup bottle. Enis notices SpongeBob and walks up to him, aiming the bottle squarely at him.

Enis: Remember this in therapy, pard.

Before Enis could squeeze the bottle, he's suddenly brought down by a stray pickle.

???: You okay, boyo? 

SpongeBob is approached by an old, sweaty Krab. With him was Squidward, who SpongeBob immediately recognized as his next door neighbor. Squidward was wielding the pickled flicker that saved him.

Squidward: Uhh, Mr. Krabs...

Krabs offer SpongeBob a helping claw and pulls him up to his feet, even offering his shoulder for support.

Krabs: This lad needs a patty, stat! And I need his money! $$$

They proceed to lead SpongeBob across the street to the Krusty Krab. Enis explodes behind them, a rather delayed explosive reaction to his fall, as they enter the establishment. Mr. Krabs drops SpongeBob onto the floor just short of the nearest table.

Mr. Krabs: You don't look so bad. I'm charging you for that labor, by the way. This right here is Mr. Squidward. He'll take yer order.

Squidward: The pleasure is all yours.

Squidward says with a monotone voice. 

Mr. Krabs: The street ain't safe anymore, son. We've got restaurants fightin' over money that isn't theirs, and you in the way. They don't care if you be a paying customer or not.

SpongeBob: That's funny, dahaha, I was actually coming here to inquire about a job!

Mr. Krabs thinks it over.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, don't tell  me you're actually considering hiring this simpleton?

Mr. Krabs: We be needing all the help we can get, Mr. Squidward.

Squidward: No, you need to take this dolt's money already and kick his tail fin to the curb.

Mr. Krabs: In a minute! Look son, Bikini Bottom's got a problem. Meet me in me office when you wanna be part of the solution.



The scene fades to black before fading back in to SpongeBob picking himself up off the floor. You are now in control of SpongeBob for the first time in the game world. Instructions pop up on the screen, informing you how to move SpongeBob around the restaurant with the left thumb stick. A prompt on the screen also introduces you to the HUD (heads up display), bringing your attention to the health bar and money counter on the upper right corner of the screen and the mini map on the lower left corner of the screen. Another prompt pops up, instructing you on how to replenish your health by consuming food items. Your health bar is shown to be depleted halfway from the events that had unfolded outside. You are instructed to go up to the register where Squidward is and order some food. There's quite a number things to choose from, but since you currently only have $5 in your wallet, your only choice is a Krabby Patty, which costs $4. Squidward hands you your food and has some choice words to say to you.

Squidward: Thanks for choosing the Krusty Krab. I'm sure your heart doesn't share the sentiment.

You health bar fills back up completely. A prompt pops up to teach you about mission mission markers both in the game world and on the mini map. Available missions will show up as a specific symbol on the mini map depending on who you're dealing with. In the case of Mr. Krabs, his mission marker shows up as the Krusty Krab sign on the mini map. In the game world, the mission marker appears as a maroon circle with the Krusty Krab sign floating above it. Walk into it to trigger and a prompt will pop up instructing you to "press X to start The Krusty Krew mission". You do just that to trigger the first mission of the game.

Help Wanted


SpongeBob is walking through the office door, closing it behind him. A number of Krusty Krew employees are already there, standing around and awaiting to hear word from their captain. 

Mr. Krabs: Front and center! Every one of ye motherfuckers know what we need to do. Those yellow bellied polliwogs be ridin' around, thinking they own this street! I don't care what establish be working for. Fancy!, Stinky's, Chum Bucket...no one's scaring me customers away from satisfying their taste buds. We're about to lock this street down right now!

Krusty Krew #1: Yeeeah, Mr. Krabs!

Krusty Krew #2: Krusty Krab Funfair all day, everyday baby!

Squidward: I'm surrounded by morons.

Squidward notices SpongeBob walking in on their meeting.

Squidward: What is HE doing here?!

Jim: Who the fuck's this guy.

Jim asks, pointing towards SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh, sorry! That was pretty rude of me! Hi, I'm SpongeBob!

Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward and I found em. He was on his way here to apply for a job before he got caught in some crossfire. I wanna see if he has his sea legs.

Jim: But Eugene, if he wants to wait tables around here, he's gotta bring something to the table first.

Squidward: He's right, sir. Everybody had to do it.

Mr. Krabs: Aye. You ready for this, lad?

SpongeBob: I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew!

Mr. Krabs: If we wanna bring the fight to these motherfuckers, we're gonna have to bring it to them hard. And if we're gonna bring it to them hard, we're gonna need the right hardware for the job. The last 20 applicants who accepted this errand all failed miserably. I want you to go and fetch me a hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, but most importantly, it needs to have turbo drive. If you pass this test, you'll be on the Krusty Krew.

SpongeBob: I won't let you down, sir!

Mr. Krabs: You'll need yourself a set of wheels. But seeing as how you ran all the way here, I be taking it that you don't got any?

SpongeBob: I...I don't even have my license, sir...

Squidward: AHA! AHA AHAH! What kind of functioning adult doesn't even have a-

Mr. Krabs: No worries, Mr. Squidward bikes himself to work every morning. I'm sure he'd be happy to lend you his.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you can-

SpongeBob salutes the old man crab and marches out of the office, much to the Krew's collective skepticism.

Squidward: You know, when I first joined, you just had me dish washing.

Mr. Krabs: And look at what good that's done us.

Squidward looks none too pleased by that comment.

Mr. Krabs: If we're to win this war, we need a REAL crew. Men who ain't afraid to get their hands real dirty! I've admired the balls on that lad the moment he first trotted right into the crossfire. He can be a real earner, that one.

Squidward: Well let me know when he winds up dead.



You find yourself spawned outside of the Krusty Krab, standing in front of the entrance. NPC's are walking out and about, both entering and exiting the restaurant. A yellow blip shows up on the mini map with a prompt telling you that the blip is where you'll find Squidward's bike parked at. Run up to it and another prompt will pop up, instructing you to "Press triangle to get on the bike. The same will also apply when entering motor vehicles." Pressing the X button will cause you to go forward, tap it repeatedly to increase your speed, press square to brake, and pressing triangle again while operating a vehicle will allow you to exit from it. An X mark pops up on your mini map, telling you of the location you must go next. Follow it. As you bike off the premises and come near the Chum Bucket, a prompt will pop up warning you about rival restaurants. It informs you that they will be hostile to any rivals on sight, but since you're currently still not officially apart of the Krusty Krew, they will leave you be for now.

You bike your way over to the nearby Barg-n-Mart, trying not to get yourself killed in a traffic accident on the way there. An X marker shows itself in front of the store, enter it and a prompt will pop up, informing you all about the amenities that can be found in the store. Food and even some weapons can be purchased here, but your main priority right now is to get the hyrdrodynamic spatula for Krabs. Enter the store. You'll be made to look around the aisles for the spatula you need. After looking through a good majority of the aisles, you be instructed to head to the register and ask for some assistance from the only employee working the registers.

SpongeBob: Excuse me, sir, but do you happen to be carrying any hydrodynamic spatulas complete with port and starboard attachments, as well as equipped with turbo drive?

Lou: As a matter of fact, we do have one more of those left in stock, but I'm afraid we already have it on hold for some fellow who works over at Stinky's Burgers. But, I would be willing to part ways with it now, if you're willing to pay.

But seeing as how you only have $1 left after replenishing your health earlier, you're prompted to attack Lou and take the spatula by force. You are instructed to press R1 to target an enemy, allowing you to see their own health. Pressing circle allows you to melee attack and hitting it three times will let you pull off a combo move. One of these combo moves is a devastating Karate Chop to the head, which you use to cut Lou in half down the middle. You can learn more fight moves as you progress through the game. Go behind the register and swipe the floating hyrdrodynamic spatula over Lou's two halves, but taking it automatically triggers the security system in the store to activate, shuttering down the front entrance so that you can't leave the same way you came in.

Lou's left half: Somebody get in here!

Lou's right half: And stop him already!

Unarmed security fish will run into the store from the back/stock area. Looks like you'll have to fight your way out, so take punch, kick and chop your way through any enemy that blocks your path. For the duration of this mission, you'll be allowed to take any food item off the shelves to replenish your health if needed. Make your way into the stock area, where you'll find that this where the stock character NPC's are stored.

SpongeBob: Ooohh, so this is where they all come from.

A little gamer humor. Before you can reach the emergency exit, you'll be approached by a security guard armed with a barrel. It does more damage than just your standard punch, so you are taught how to block using the square button to lessen the damage you take from an enemy's melee attack. Alternate between attacking and blocking and this will prove to be a piece of cake. Once the guard is taken down, you can take his barrel and use it as a weapon, but be warned that it will break after landing a few hits. Once the guards have either been disposed of or evaded, you can finally leave through the store's emergency back exit. 

Once outside, your wanted level will be at two stars, popping up below your wallet counter. Your wanted level tells you whether or not the police are on your tail fin and at what measure of force they're taking in apprehending you. At two stars, standard Bikini Bottom police officers will chase you more tirelessly, but will only use deadly force if necessary. You try to reach where you parked Squidward's bike, but it's already been taken into police custody. You can either try to lose the cops on foot or try your hand at jacking a boatmobile. If you go with the latter, you'll be instructed on how to effectively jack a boatmobile. Approach the car and press triangle, once inside, a mini game will start up where you'll have to blow a balloon and make a balloon animal out of it. It's more or less a brief QuickTime event. If you follow the instructions exactly, you'll be free and cleared to operate your first motor vehicle. Once on the road, you'll quickly find that SpongeBob's poor driving skills shows in his equally poor driving controls. Your Driving Skill Bar will pop up on the bottom right of the screen, showing that it is very low. Ways to make the bar go up, thus improving your driving skills, includes simply getting the behind the wheel more often and let SpongeBob progress at his own pace. You can also increase faster by attending Boating School classes, but that's an activity for another play session, your main priority right now is to lose the cops.

You can lose the cops either by simply leaving them in your dust long enough to deplete your wanted level, or you can simply drive over to "Captain Blue Knows What To Do!" which is owned and operated by SpongeBob's uncle. It acts as a garage shop that you can just drive in, where Captain Blue will give you some vague sage advice on exactly what to do to lose the cops. You proceed to drive in and the garage door closes behind you.

Captain Blue: Look here, Bobby, this is what you gotta do...

The garage will open back up to reveal that your boatmobile has been altered some. It could be a new paint job, it could random ass modifications like spoilers or a bike horn, it could be that your boatmobile now has three wheels or even a broken window or tail light or even an entirely new boatmobile (which can randomly be good or bad) because the "cops won't be on the lookout for those". With your wanted level now gone, try to drive safely back to the Krusty Krab sign on your mini map without attracting anymore attention. Drive into Krusty Krab mission marker outside the restaurant to trigger a cutscene.


SpongeBob barges back into Mr. Krab's office triumphantly. Squidward and Jim are also there.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! I've got the spatula you requested, sir!

SpongeBob hands the hydro dynamic spatula over to Krabs, who proceeds to inspect it for the modifications that he required. He sniffs it to make extra sure.

Mr. Krabs: I don't believe it. The boy's done it! With this, we can take what's ours!

Squidward: You're telling me one of those things actually existed?!

Jim: Really? Not bad. Color me impressed. I couldn't imagine the trouble you had to go through to secure this for us.

SpongeBob: A few minor setbacks here and there, but it was mostly easy peasy!

Squidward: My bike better still be in one piece!

SpongeBob: Heheheheh! About that...

Squidward: ohhhhRRR SPONGEBOB-

Mr. Krabs: Motherfucker, forget that piece of shit! With this, business will soon be soaring. As a token of my appreciation, I would like to present you with this.

Mr. Krabs has Squidward begrudgingly hand over an official Krusty Krew hat to his new employee.

Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the Krusty Krab, son. You've earned it.

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! I never thought this day would come!

Squidward: You and me both.

Mr. Krabs: With that hat comes great responsibility, boyo. You're a part of the Krusty Krew now. Your loyalty now lies to the Krusty Krab and all of its krustomers! But flying that hat around also brings great danger. Other businesses be frothing at the teeth to take out any and all competition! Ye best be careful out there. Wouldn't wanna lose ya too soon.

SpongeBob: I'll wear this hat with pride, sir. 

His eyes begin welling up.

Mr. Krabs: That be good to hear. I want you to clock in bright and early tomorrow. We be putting ya through some real training then.

Jim: But if this was "easy peasy" for you. I'm sure the orientation will be twice that.

Mr. Krabs: Now be on your way with ya! And remember, don't go attracting any unnecessary attention.

SpongeBob: Yes, sir!

SpongeBob runs out of the office.



Mission Passed!
Reward: Krusty Krew hat, +$10

You'll be spawned right back outside the restaurant. SpongeBob's pineapple home will pop up on the mini map next. This is, of course, where you can return home and save your game. You can either make your way home on foot, in the boatmobile you came back in or you can just jack a new one all together, but you will also run the risk of potentially triggering your wanted level again by doing so.

Once back home, you'll be greeted with a prompt informing you off all the things you can do in your humble abode. You can save your game by sleeping in your bed, you can heal yourself by running yourself through SpongeBob's wringer, you can mix and match SpongeBob's outfit in his closet and you can add to his wardrobe by buying more clothes and accessories, you can increase SpongeBob's physical attributes such as strength and stamina by training in his stuffed animal fitness room (but once you reach the threshold of how far his fitness room can take you, you'll have to move on to actual gyms to further increase SpongeBob's gains), you can watch randomly generated tv in the living room, and you can care for Gary in your spare time; feeding him, bathing him, grooming him etc. Gary will prove to be useful in future missions, so it'd be wise to get a good start on him now. You proceed to save your progress.


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I'm ready to re-run the latest episode of "Total Cartoon Legends!" I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it! / Sniz is seen driving in a car, and without looking at the camera, he angrily says: "LAST time on Total Cartoon Legends, an arrogant man who shall forever remain SWAY-SWAY, did the most HORRIBLE thing in the world EVER!!!!...Okay, maybe not the most HORRIBLE thing in the world EVER, but STILL pretty bad! After a brief trip down memory lane, it was time to collect the Lost Lucky Pocket Watch of Henry Ford, as well as some other Legends that we didn't get to collect during this season! But SWAY-SWAY had to go and RUIN it by over-reacting to the fact that Buhdeuce could now FLY while he couldn't, and he CRASHED his Rocket Van into a tree, WRECKING our VALUABLE studio, and damaging his OWN good looks! Thankfully, thanks to the fact that Buhdeuce was willing to pay the bill for the damages, $35.6 million and 25 cents of his $40 million prize, we hired a really GOOD repair guy, someone who former contestant Heffer Wolfe HIGHLY recommended, and we are FINALLY going to return to the studio, and see how EVERYTHING has been fixed! The Final Three has been decided! Spongebob Squarepants, Marlene Otter, and Yakkity Yak, with help from Sandy, Bubble Bass, and Bulma respectively, are about to put all of their knowledge and skills on the line, in the pen-ultimate episode of Total Cartoon Legends!" And from the studio, Olmec says: "It's going to be legendary!" / Instead of the usual show open, it opens on a recreation of an ancient mid-evil tapestry, and a scene of the remaining characters and their partners on it, as a familiar song from "The Sword In The Stone" plays in the background; the theme song for "The Sword In The Stone". / A Man sings: "A legend is sung of when England was young, and knights were brave and bold. The good king had died, and no one could decide, who was rightful heir to the throne. It seemed that the land would be torn by a war; or saved by a miracle alone. And that miracle appeared in London town, the sword in the stone." / "The Legend Of King Arthur's Lost Sword Of Excalibur!" /

The episode opens up on Sniz pulling up to the outside of the studio, were a very FAMILIAR one shot pig repairman from "Rocko's Modern Life" is seen at the entrance. Sniz parks his car at the car parking space marked "For Show Hosts ONLY", and turns off the car and steps out of it! The Pig Repairman says: "Well, it's about TIME you got here; I've had this place ready to go for you for quite a while now!" Sniz breathes deeply, still TRYING to get over his anger over what Sway-Sway did, and Sniz calmly says: "I...needed some TIME to collect my anger over what happened at the studio, but I think that I am now OVER it! I trust that everything has been put back in it's PROPER place?!" The Pig Repairman says: "Better than THAT; I IMPROVED it! You are going to LOVE what I've DONE to the place!" Sniz opens the Studio doors, and he says: "I'll be the judge of..." Sniz looks into the Studio and SCREAMS: "AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The camera pans out to reveal that the pig repairman has turned EVERYTHING except Olmec into a giant BATHROOM!!!! Sniz says: "You...turned my studio into a BATHROOM!!!!" Sniz runs into another room, revealing a bathroom and he says: "My kitchen is a BATHROOM!!!!" Sniz runs into another room, revealing a bathroom and he says: "My hallway is a BATHROOM!!!!" Sniz runs into another room, revealing a bathroom and he says: "My garage is a BATHROOM!!!!" Sniz runs into another room, revealing a bathroom and he says: "My Confessional is a BATHROOM!!!!" Sniz runs into another room revealing a bathroom and he says: "My BALLROOM is a BATHROOM!!!!" Sniz runs into ANOTHER room revealing a bathroom and he says: "Even MY BATHROOM is a BATHROOM!!!!" Than Sniz THINKS about IT, and he says: "Well I, guess THAT'S OKAY!" Sniz runs back to the Pig Repairman, and Sniz says: "There are TOO MANY bathrooms in this studio?!" The Pig Repairman asks: "What are you TALKING about?! You can NEVER have TOO many bathrooms!" Sniz throws a suitcase full of money at him, and screams: "OUT!!!! Out of my studio you SICK psycho! And take the STUPID $35.6 million and 25 cents I had to pay for you! I am giving you a PALTRY two stars for your service!"

Wanda poofs in, and she asks: "What's the SECOND star for?" Sniz says: "Well, he TECHNICALLY did do repair work!" And Johnny Krill plays a rim-shot! Wanda raises an eye-brow, and she asks: "THAT joke was WORTHY of a rim-shot?!" Johnny says: "I'm just going off of what the cue cards tell me to do. Besides, I get PAID by the rim shot!" General Barracuda says: "Now THAT'S job security!" Sniz says: "It's about TIME you got back! Please THROW this delinquent repairman OUT of HERE!!!!" The Pig Repairman says: "Don't bother! I'll see MYSELF out!!!! SHEESH!!!! Can't even do anything NICE for anyone anymore!" And The Pig Repairman leaves the building! Wanda says: "What are WE going to do NOW?! We can't POSSIBLY hold the last two challenges of this season with the studio...like THIS!!!!" Sniz groans, and he says: "I know, I KNOW!!!! Where's an EXPLOSIVE Rocket Van when you NEED IT?!!! It looks like it's time for Plan B!" General Barracuda says: "And just WHERE exactly do you plan to FIND a Plan B?!!!" The Studio doors open, and who should walk back in, EXCEPT FONDUE?!!! Fondue says: "The TRUE co-host of this series is BACK in business! FINALLY finished with my community service!" Sniz says: "Oh, look; see, there? It resolved itself! I trust you have a way OUT of this...dilemma?" Johnny says: "Well, if you ask ME; I've always been told that when life gives you LEMONS, you make LEMONADE!!!!" Everyone LOOKS at Johnny, and General Barracuda BLUNTLY says: "We are NOT making a challenge revolving around bathrooms or ANYTHING of that nature! We'll save THAT for a show that's otherwise utterly bankrupt and out of ideas, like how 'Teen Titans Go!' RUINED Cartoon Network!" General Barracuda turns to the camera, and he says: "It's the HARD truth, people; you got to LIVE with it!" Fondue says: "That was NOT my idea! We'll simply have to finish the last two challenges on location! Fortunately for you; I've already thought of TWO challenges that can be finished in the SAME country; Ye Merry Olde England!!!!" Wanda raises an eyebrow again, and she asks: "Is 'Ye' even considered an ACTUAL English word ANYMORE?!" Fondue says: "Who cares?! Everyone UNDERSTOOD what I meant!"

Sniz says: "Quite right! General Barracuda, get the other contestants and their helpers that we will be taking a...Wanda, has legal CLEARED us to reference Beatles songs?" Wanda poofs up a contract signed by Sir Paul McCartney and Sir Ringo Starr, and Wanda says: "I've got legal right HERE; YES!!!!" Sniz says: "Than tell the contestants that we'll be going on a 'Magical Mystery Tour'...but with an ACTUAL plot!" General Barracuda says: "Right! I just HOPE everyone is DONE fawning over Sway-Sway in sick bay! He has some NERVE, making ME of all characters SCARED for my LIFE!!!!" / (Confessional that's now a Bathroom) General Barracuda says: "I am SO glad I don't have to use a Confessional like THIS every day! I pride myself on being fearless and respected! Any guy or girl who makes me feel NOT like that, I personally have no use for! I am SO glad that neither he NOR Buhdeuce are in the competition anymore!" (End Confessional) Buhdeuce, the remaining contestants, and their helpers, are in the sick bay, worrying over a heavily bandaged, and still charred Sway-Sway, with the Sick Bay being the ONLY room in the ENTIRE place that wasn't TURNED into a Bathroom! Sandy shakes her head and she says: "I had a feeling; I had a feeling RIGHT from the start that being FRIENDS with a dumb-butt like Sway-Sway would be NO good for YOU, Buhdeuce!" Marlene says: "See? That condescending attitude of yours is precisely why YOU didn't make the final four this time, and Buhdeuce DID!" Bubble Bass rolls his eyes and says: "Even I would've known THAT fact, and that's coming from someone who used to constantly LIVE it!" Spongebob says: "Besides, we SHOULDN'T be putting Sway-Sway and Buhdeuce DOWN!!!! This thing could've happened to ANY of us!" Buhdeuce says: "But none of YOU own Rocket Vans; how COULD this sort of thing happened to any of you?!" Yakkity looks STUMPED, and he says: "That...is an EXCELLENT question, and I'll get right back to you as SOON as I figure one out!" Bulma says: "Statistically speaking, there are several ways this COULD'VE happened...none come to mind at the moment!"

Sway-Sway moans in pain, and he opens his eyes and sees Buhdeuce, and Sway-Sway ruefully says: "Oh, YOU'RE still here! Here to rub it in my FACE that you can fly and I CAN'T?!!!" Buhdeuce sputters and he says: "D...DON'T act like that! Do you HONESTLY think that I meant to be insensitive to you on PURPOSE?!!! I mean, I would have NEVER bragged ABOUT being to fly if I had ANY knowledge that YOU couldn't!!!!" Spongebob says: "Trust me, I know honesty when I see it." Bulma scoffs, and she says: "Puh-LEESE!!!! Do you HONESTLY expect ME to believe THAT?! You couldn't TELL if Squidward was being sarcastic to SAVE your life!" Bubble Bass says: "That's ONLY for the SHOW!!!! There's a HUGE difference between what he does on the show, and what he does in real life!" Sandy says: "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually AGREE with Bubble Bass on THAT point!" Marlene says: "Besides, none of US can ACTUALLY fly; but you don't see US acting all jealous towards Buhdeuce about it!" Sway-Sway WINCES at that comment, realizing that they have a point, and Sway-Sway groans, and says: "Oh...what have I DONE?!!! Buhdeuce, I...shouldn't have been jealous with you! The truth of the matter is, all the times we were cruising, doing our usual runs; even when I told myself that I was doing it ALL to impress Jenny Quackles; I'm not sure if I could've done HALF of the things I was able to do, without YOU to help me out! Only a TRUE friend would've done that; I'm sorry for not realizing it sooner!" Bubble Bass says: "I have to admit, the reason why I sometimes acted AGAINST Spongebob, is because I was jealous of his diligent work ethic! And instead of trying to build myself up, I tried to knock him down. I...realize now, that trying to knock someone else down, only brings YOURSELF down more! It never made ME feel any better about myself! It was only when I started applying myself to situations that I was able to turn my life around." Yakkity says: "In all fairness, Buhdeuce; you really SHOULD still be in the competition!" Bulma sputters, and she asks: "W...why would you even SAY that?!" Yakkity says: "Because all of YOU had prior experience to coming on here! I had no RIGHT to get this far; a newcomer in this game, with no strategizing skills and few talents to speak of. I coasted through MOST of this game by relying on your genius, Bulma!" Bulma says: "SEE?! SOMEBODY recognizes my genius!"

Bubble Bass says: "So did I, but you don't see ME making a spectacle of myself...unless I need to do it as part of my in-show character!" Bulma asks: "Do you EVER shut that MOUTH off?!" Bubble Bass says: "Look who's TALKING!!!!" Bulma sighs, and she admits: "Fair enough." Buhdeuce says: "Well, I never thought I would've made it as far as fourth place EITHER, especially without Sway-Sway! But you know the reason why I did? Not just blind luck and the right circumstances, but the determination to never give up on trying to achieve my dream! So I've lost my chance to win this season; it's not the end of the world! Did Marlene quit after only getting third place on season two?" Marlene says: "Nope! I auditioned for a chance to win on season 3, than I auditioned AGAIN for a chance to win on season 4B!" Buhdeuce says: "Thank you! And so, Yakkity; this is the perfect chance for YOU to prove to EVERYONE on this show, that you have as much of a right to be here as we did! You've come this far, now is your chance to go all of the way!" Yakkity says: "You're right, Buhdeuce! I'll do it not just for my Grandma, my mom, or my dad WHEREVER he is; I'll do it for you and Sway-Sway!" General Barracuda comes in and he says: "I hate to interrupt this little 'Love-Fest or whatever it is you call it..." Bubble Bass rolls his eyes and he says: "What are you TALKING about? You ALWAYS like to interrupt and ruin things like this!" (Bathroom Confessional) General Barracuda fumes, and says: "OOH, I HATE it when he's right about something and I CAN'T honestly refute it!" / Bubble Bass says: "I knew I had to have inherited SOMETHING from my dad...besides a snarky attitude that could give even the Nostalgia Critic a run for his money!" (End Confessional) General Barracuda says: "Ignoring THAT factually true statement, I've come to announce that hospital visiting time is OVER!!!! Sniz AND Fondue have got a challenge for YOU to do, and we'll be going to jolly old England to do it!" Spongebob asks: "WAIT!!!! You mean, Fondue is BACK?!!!" General Barracuda says: "If it up to me, I wouldn't have given him the time of day! But apparently, Sniz WANTED him back to do important stuff, so who am I to judge?" Marlene says: "Technically speaking, YOU judge a LOT of things!"

(Bathroom Confessional) General Barracuda fumes, and he says: "NOW I remember how Marlene made it to the Final Three the FIRST time; a sharp mouth, and a SOMEHOW even sharper wit! It's no wonder Skipper loves HER so; just about the ONLY thing he's ever done RIGHT in his life!" / Spongebob groans in frustration, and he says: "Oh, MAN!!!! If Sniz wants Fondue back, that means the next two challenges are going to be HARD ones, designed to get ME out and LOSE!!!! It would've been one thing to have LOST to Tigress, which everyone was expecting ME to do, but to lose to Marlene and ESPECIALLY Yakkity; I don't see how there could be a MORE lopsided disadvantage for me than THIS!" / Marlene says: "What can I say? I know what my strengths are, and I know how to utilize them! My strategy this time? Wait until everyone else is finished fighting amongst themselves, and see who is left! Against Spongebob and Yakkity, I don't see how there could be a MORE lopsided advantage for me than THIS!" / Yakkity says: "I'm not going to pretend that I don't know where I stand in this whole situation! Marlene, and even SPONGEBOB; have done so much work to get to this point! My biggest selling point was that I was smart enough to work with Bulma for as long as it was convenient and useful to me! But now; it's all up to me...somehow. I really don't SEE any advantage or disadvantage to this situation. Honestly? It COULD go either way!" (End Confessional) General Barracuda slow-claps and he sarcastically says: "Wow. Two for two AGAINST me; usually you have to pay EXTRA for that! Anyways, contestants and helpers are to come with me! We're going on a Magical Mystery Tour to England!" Buhdeuce asks: "Can Sway-Sway and I come along, to?" General Barracuda incredulously asks: "COME ALONG?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're LUCKY that Sniz was even willing to HEAL Sway-Sway for damaging the studio, even if he LEGALLY had to provide it!" Yakkity says: "But Buhdeuce is one of the biggest reasons that I've GOTTEN this far! I don't think that I WOULD be here without him! If THEY don't get to go, I WON'T go; than you'd have to EXPLAIN to Sniz and Fondue why they are SHORT one contestant at the Final Three!"

(Bathroom Confessional) General Barracuda fumes AGAIN, and he says: "OOH, I HATE it when a contestant does THAT!!!!" / Buhdeuce air fist-pumps, and he says: "YES!!!! Yakkity HAS it! He has initiative! I KNEW that it would show up eventually! He just MIGHT be able to pull out a win after all!" (End Confessional) General Barracuda groans in frustration, and he says: "Okay, FINE!!!! Bring whoever, and come to the bus! Please note that the studio of Nickelodeon and it's employers do not assume any responsibility for personal injury or loss of luggage!" Yakkity and Bubble Bass get Sway-Sway on a hospital wheel-chair, but Yakkity WINCES at the sight of Sway-Sway without feathers. Yakkity goes to the closet, and pulls out his dad's old fur coat, and Yakkity says: "I'm sorry, but that look will NEVER do! Here, take my father's old fur coat! It's not feathers, but it will at LEAST keep you covered until your feathers grow back!" Sway-Sway genuinely says: "Wow, THANK you! What did I ever do to deserve such good friends? And after I acted like such a DUMB-BUTT to?" Buhdeuce says: "We ALL make mistakes from time to time, but we DON'T have to let our mistakes define us; we can learn and grow from them!" Bulma says: "Except for ME, because I don't MAKE any mistakes, so I have to LEARN from the mistakes of others!" Bubble Bass says: "And leave it to Bulma to ruin what could have OTHERWISE, been a tender, perfect moment!" (Bathroom Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "I'm so glad I'm not the one hosting this show; balancing the comedy with tenderness, is a LOT harder than it looks!" / Sandy says: "I'll just be glad when this show is done, so Spongebob and I can focus on more IMPORTANT things, like my upcoming spin-off movie!" (End Confessional) Everyone runs out to outside the studio, where everyone is SURPRISED to see the ACTUAL bus from the TV movie of "The Magical Mystery Tour", and Sniz is dressed up like a tour guide! Marlene says: "Wow! You really didn't skimp on the budget! I hope it drives as COOL as it looks!" Sniz says: "I had Wanda detail it myself! I will NEVER trust Heffer with making a decision regarding repair jobs or anything ELSE again!" Wanda says: "And quite frankly, I don't BLAME you!"

Fondue says: "And I just KNOW Sniz has something VERY important for me to do!" Sniz says: "As a matter of fact, I do! Fondue, I want YOU...to take apart all this bathroom NONSENSE and return the studio to the way it originally looked!" Fondue looks aghast and he says: "But...a job THAT big would take up the rest of this SEASON; I'd miss out on the last two challenges!" Sniz says: "Well, don't look at ME!!!! I'd DO the job myself, but my hosting duties come first; and there's not enough money in the budget to accommodate YOU; and even if there WAS, there's not enough room in the bus!" Fondue says: "You mean I gave you the idea for the LAST two challenges, just to be STUCK with Olmec doing repair duty?!" Sniz says: "On the contrary, Olmec is GOING to be coming with us!" Sandy says: "Not to question YOUR logic, but HOW is a giant Mayan/Aztec/Inca stone head going to fit in the bus?" General Barracuda says: "Everybody, what's our go-to answer?!" Everyone BESIDES Sandy says: "Fairy Godparents who we can have wish for and grant any wish that we need!" (Bathroom Confessional) Sandy says: "Man, it's kind of LOUSY how we can have such a simple solution for what would OTHERWISE be an impossible PLOT problem to figure out!" (End Confessional) Fondue says: "WAIT!!!! Why don't we just have the Fairy Godparents wish the studio back to normal?!" Sniz says: "Fondue, these are WISHES; not miracles!" (Bathroom Confessional) Fondue groans, and says: "This is why the fandom CAN'T have nice things!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "In any case, we're NOT going to fit Olmec INSIDE of the Bus, Olmec is going to BECOME the Bus! Wanda?!" Wanda says: "I've always WANTED to do THIS spell!" And Wanda waves her wand, and Olmec's face magically becomes the front of the bus! Olmec says: "Come on, everybody; climb on for the Magical Mystery Tour! We're going to England, where we will do a challenge of, The Legend Of King Arthur's Lost Sword Of Excalibur!" Sniz says: "And lucky for ALL of you, there won't BE any Moat Challenge today; we'll be traveling over plenty of water over the Atlantic Ocean as it is! Everybody, climb on in!"

(Bathroom Confessional) Spongebob breathes a sigh of relief, and he says: "PHEW!!!! Fondue won't be coming for the last two challenges after all. I might be able to win this game after all! Please, don't let Tigress SEE this thing!" / Marlene says: "Fondue not coming for the last two challenges? Eh, tragic. However, I still have ONE advantage! Spongebob and Yakkity know NOTHING about how to handle a challenge that revolves around the final three; I'm the only one who DOES! I may not know what Spongebob and Yakkity can bring to this game, but I am NOT going to be caught off guard like I was the LAST time! I intend on giving it everything I've GOT this time!" / Yakkity says: "Fondue not coming doesn't change anything for ME in the slightest; the game could STILL go either way!" (End Confessional) Marlene says: "Right front window seat, called it!" Bubble Bass says: "Have that seat if you must; just remember, I'm your partner until the end of this thing!" Bulma says: "I don't think any of US will be forgetting that any time soon!" Buhdeuce shouts from outside of the bus, and he says: "Uh; would you PLEASE lower down the ramp for us so I can roll Sway-Sway INSIDE this thing?!" General Barracuda and Sniz just STARE at them with VERY dirty looks! Sway-Sway says: "They're...still mad that I...kind of...accidentally blew up the studio aren't they?!" Buhdeuce says: "And even AFTER I paid Sniz that money to FIX it! It's not MY fault the guy he hired turned out to be a total hack!" Spongebob says: "Ramp?! You don't need Sniz to roll down a ramp!" Spongebob morphs into a ramp, and he says: "You can roll up ME!!!!" (Bathroom Confessional) General Barracuda snaps his fingers, and he says: "Oh, MAN!!!! I forgot Spongebob could change forms like that!" Sniz pokes his head in, and he says: "YOU forgot one of the ONLY things that makes Spongebob a LEGITIMATE force to be reckoned with in this Final Three?!" General Barracuda says: "He has about 300 episodes in his main show alone! I can't keep TRACK of everything he's done!" / Bubble Bass says: "He should've asked me! I could've kept track FOR him! I do that out of necessity!" (End Confessional) Buhdeuce rolls Sway-Sway up Spongebob, and Spongebob says: "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"

Buhduece finishes rolling Sway-Sway into Spongebob and Buhdeuce and Sway-Sway simultaneously say: "Sorry, Spongebob!" And Buhdeuce says: "Jinx! You owe me a soda!" Sway-Sway says: "Oh, man!" (Bathroom Confessional) Buhdeuce says: "We're starting to speak simultaneously together again! We're making progress!" (End Confessional) Spongebob changes back to normal, and everyone finishes picking a seat, including Johnny Krill who rushes to join them! Fondue asks: "You're taking Johnny KRILL to join you instead of me?!" Sniz says: "Eh, he still has the rest of this season in his contract. I'm not one to break it and have to pay fines for having done so!" Johnny says: "Yes! I STILL have plot relevance!" General Barracuda says: "Which is about the only thing you HAVE got!" Johnny says: "Irrelevant!" Sniz says: "All right, everyone buckled up?!" Everyone does so, and Sway-Sway's wheel-chair gets strapped into place. And Spongebob asks: "Sandy, do you have any idea what's about to happen?" Sandy says: "Not really, but knowing Sniz; it's probably going to be interesting!" Sniz says: "All right, everybody; I'm really going to push the throttle this time, and see what this thing can do!" / And to everyone's surprise, the bus suddenly lifts up INTO the air, and launches straight forward over the Atlantic Ocean! Psychedelic color and imagery fill the inside of the bus, all while The Beatles' song, "Magical Mystery Tour" plays in the background! /

The Beatles sing: "(Roll up! Roll up for the magical mystery tour! Step right this way!) Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up (And that's an invitation), roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up (To make a reservation), roll up for the mystery tour! The magical mystery tour is waiting to take you away! Waiting to take you away! Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up (We've got everything you need), roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up (Satisfaction guaranteed), roll up for the mystery tour! The magical mystery tour is hoping to take you away! Hoping to take you away! Mystery trip! Aaaah... the magical mystery tour! Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up (And that's an invitation), roll up for the mystery tour! Roll up (To make a reservation), roll up for the mystery tour! The magical mystery tour is coming to take you away! Coming to take you away! The magical mystery tour is dying to take you away! Dying to take you away, take you today!" / And as the song ends, Olmec says: "We will soon be landing at our destination in England, please remain seated until the bus comes to a complete stop. We will take a quick break, and be back to perform our challenge, on 'Total Cartoon Legends'!" / (Commercial Break) / After the commercials end, the flying Magical Mystery Tour Bus circles around the English Countryside, until it lands and comes to a stop around the site of the Cadbury Castle in the English County of Somerset. Sniz announces: "We have arrived at our destination! All ashore who's going ashore, so to speak!" Everyone unloads off of the bus. Bulma looks around, and she says: "Uh, not to complain about your logic, but I THOUGHT we were going to Camelot!" Yakkity says: "Where you go to buy a lot of camels!" And Johnny Krill plays a rim-shot! And everyone looks at Yakkity weirdly. Yakkity says: "Come on! When ELSE am I EVER going to get the opportunity to use THAT joke?! I don't think anybody's doing a production run of 'Spamalot' anytime soon; at least, none that I have personally heard of!" Buhdeuce says: "You've got to admit, he has a point!" General Barracuda angrily says: "Shut up, you future duck roast! I'm in no mood for pint-sized PIPSQUEAKS who make MY life miserable, let ALONE USELESS ones like Spongebob Squarepants!"

Bubble Bass groans, and he says: "Here we GO again! Dad, just DROP your irrational hatred for Spongebob Squarepants already! It WON'T do you any good, and it is NEVER going to make you FEEL any better about yourself! TRUST somebody who KNOWS from personal experience!" Spongebob says: "Besides, you have no PERSONAL reason to honestly hate me. You shouldn't even HAVE a reason, PERIOD! Master Coelaceanth is LONG gone, and you haven't worked for him LONG before that!" General Barracuda says: "That doesn't mean that I can't HATE you on PRINCIPLE! You and your WEAK little body, YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!! You know FULL well that if it weren't for you BEING a popular character on a popular SHOW, you NEVER would've lasted as LONG as you HAVE! In any SANE universe, you would've been voted off the very first DAY!!!!" Bulma says: "And the only REASON Tigress didn't is because she didn't want to RISK getting voted off herself!" General Barracuda scoffs, and he says: "Like I ever would've LET her leave in a vote-off against Spongebob Squarepants! But if I had KNOWN that Spongebob was popular enough to last THIS long, I would've figured out a way to get rid of him sooner!" Johnny Krill says: "Lucky for us, YOU'RE not in charge of who gets to stay or NOT!!!!" General Barracuda unleashes a devious smile, and he says: "No, but I AM a master of getting wins for those that I most WANT to get a win! Tigress HATES you, Spongebob; she hates you ALMOST as much as I do, and I have put a CALL to her, to give her an offer she could NEVER refuse; I have offered her to give HER the win of this ENTIRE season, if she beats YOU in a fight, thus PROVING she is the BEST contestant in the HISTORY of this show! In other words, win-win for ME; lose-lose for YOU!!!!" Marlene says: "You're WRONG!!!! Tigress would NEVER intentionally do something to BREAK Po's trust and faith in her!" General Barracuda motions his hands, as if expecting to welcome someone, and he says: "And HERE she COMES!!!!"

Everyone looks to where General Barracuda is motioning, but no-one else is appearing! General Barracuda sputters, and he says: "What is WRONG with her?! Doesn't she care at ALL about the LEGITIMACY of contestants who are SUPPOSED to actually WIN this SHOW?!!! I said; 'HERE SHE COMES'!!!!" General Barracuda still motions, but he is STILL treated to nobody else appearing! Sway-Sway mockingly says: "What's WRONG, HORATIO?!!! Is everything NOT going the way you expect it to?!" General Barracuda angrily says: "YOU stay OUT of THIS, duck-meat; or I'll FIX you as WELL!!!!" Sniz says: "YOU will do no such thing; YOU are not PERMITTED to kill or personally HURT any contestant; even ones you PERSONALLY don't like!" Wanda poofs in, and she says: "And Tigress WON'T be appearing anyways! Read this copy of instructions she left for Master Crane!" Wanda hands General Barracuda a piece of paper with writing on it, and General Barracuda reads out loud: "Master Crane, please follow these instructions to the letter; lock me up tightly in the inescapable Kung Fu Training Simulation Room until the season is over. I have enough food and drink to last me for that long. And please, no matter how much I may beg or possibly threaten, do NOT let me out of that room for ANY reason until the season is over; the champion is decided, and I cannot change the decision in ANY way, shape or form whatsoever! I WANT to keep my promise to Po, by ANY means necessary! Sincerely, Tigress"?! Yakkity says: "Read it and weep; it looks like Tigress LOVES Po, MORE than she HATES Spongebob!" Sandy says: "And THAT means that Spongebob is going to get to play this upcoming game FAIR and SQUARE!!!!" General Barracuda ANGRILY says: "Oh, he IS; IS HE?! We'll soon SEE about THAT!!!!" And General Barracuda angrily stomps off! Marlene blows on her nails, and says: "General Barracuda is going to magically disguise himself as Tigress and fight Spongebob himself, CALLING it!" Buhdeuce asks: "How is he going to do THAT?! The Anti-Fairies are all in an inescapable, Anti-Magic jail! They can't magically get out, and nobody can WISH them out!" Bulma says: "But it IS possible that General Barracuda might have confiscated some magic of theirs! However, even in my WORST moments; I would NEVER touch THAT stuff! But why he's BOTHERING to antagonize Spongebob at this late venture of the game, is BEYOND me!"

(Castle Confessional) General Barracuda chuckles evilly, and he says: "Leave it to Johnny Krill to make someplace for contestants, and ME, to have a confessional for the last two episodes of this season! I have had $35.6 million riding on Spongebob LOSING this season to a more competent contestant; I.E. practically ANYBODY, and I'm NOT going to lose that bet, even if I have to take matters into my OWN fins!" General Barracuda reaches into the left pocket of his pants, and pulls out some purple, Anti-Fairy magic dust! General Barracuda says: "Anti-Fairy magic dust, ground by Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Poof themselves! With this brand of magic, it SHOULD transform me INTO Tigress herself, EVEN the use of her voice, just LONG enough for me to THOROUGHLY beat Spongebob and make SURE he loses this season! And given how Spongebob is SUCH a delicate FLOWER under SUCH overwhelming pressure, that shouldn't take LONG at all! Bubble Bass may not be interested in having Spongebob eliminated, but I AM!!!!" General Barracuda chants an incantation and says: "Darkness and thunder, I confess; turn this Barracuda INTO...!" And General Barracuda dumps the magic dust onto himself, and when the dust CLEARS, turns into the EXACT likeness of Master Tigress, and the actual VOICE of Master Tigress starts speaking: "Master TIGRESS!!!! You will RUE the day you EVER forced ME to magically disguise myself as a girl!" (End Confessional) Yakkity says: "We AREN'T just going to stand around and LET General Barracuda go THROUGH with such a crazy plan, are we?!" Sniz sighs, and says: "Even I can barely control what he does! Once he gets an idea into his head...you REALLY can't get it out of him! Why don't we all just 'Play along'? He's BOUND to fail at THIS plan just like he's failed at all his OTHER attempts at antagonizing Spongebob!" Spongebob asks: "How do you figure that?!" Johnny Krill says: "Hello?! Since WHEN has ONE of General Barracuda's plans EVER worked against you?! He schemes, he plots, he plans; you and your friends ALWAYS figure out someway to thwart him DESPITE his best efforts! You'll be FINE, you're ALWAYS fine!" Bubble Bass says: "And I'm surprised that I can't actually ARGUE against him, there!"

The magically disguised General Barracuda as Tigress appears, and says: "Maybe not, but I HIGHLY doubt you'll argue against ME!!!! I might have had to take a LONG way to get here WITHOUT taking a magical bus, but I still have WAY more than enough energy to beat YOU; Spongebob!" Marlene says: "CALLED IT!!!!" Spongebob, completely unconcerned says: "Oh, HELLO; 'Tigress'! Where's YOUR baby bump? And DON'T give me an answer that you'll REGRET giving because of political correctness!" General Barracuda as Tigress says: "A female tiger is on AVERAGE, pregnant for ONLY 93 to 114 DAYS; so my CUBS have already been BORN, Mr. Subpar Smartless-pants!!!!" Bulma winces, and she says: "OOH, technically not wrong; there!" Spongebob says: "Well, it doesn't matter whether or not you are or AREN'T who you say you are; because YOU have already been eliminated, regardless!" General Barracuda as Tigress angrily says: "Eliminated, my PAW!!!! I was forced to QUIT because of my pregnancy! But now that it's OVER, I'm ready to 'UN-QUIT'! And don't ACT like it hasn't been done! Sniz has allowed both Lil and Skipper to 'Un-quit', both of them TWICE!!!! Unless Spongebob has any objections, thus PROVING he's a COWARD and wants to run home, just a 'wittle' baby!" Spongebob defiantly says: "I'm up to anything YOU can dish out, cat!" General Barracuda as Tigress, CLEARLY didn't hear Spongebob, as the disguised fish shouts: "HA!!!! You see?! I TOLD you Spongebob would NEVER accept my challenge!" Buhdeuce says: "But--." General Barracuda as Tigress says: "I've told EVERYBODY that Spongebob always KNEW he never HAD a chance against ME!!!!" Sway-Sway says: "But--." General Barracuda as Tigress says: "This PROVES my point that Spongebob is a DIRTY coward, and I'M the one who DESERVED to WIN all along!!!!" Yakkity says: "But--." General Barracuda as Tigress says: "You have NO idea how LONG I've been wanting to stare you in the FACE, making you utterly AFRAID of me and RIGHTFULLY so, knowing that YOU could NEVER measure up against me--!" Bubble Bass angrily shouts: "HEY!!!! Spongebob SAID that he could HANDLE anything YOU could dish out!"

General Barracuda as Tigress initially STILL doesn't get it, and says: "Obviously! A sponge would NEVER have a CHANCE of beating--!!" Than the realization FINALLY hits like a snowball, and General Barracuda as Tigress, twitches, and angrily asks: "Like, WHAT; did you SAY?!!!!!!!!!!!" Spongebob angrily says: "I SAID, I am NOT going to back down from your CHALLENGE!!!! All my LIFE, I have been pushed aside and treated like DIRT from condescending bullies like you; but I am NOT going to be pushed aside ANYMORE!!!! You are going to find out what HAPPENS when someone like me decides to push BACK against you, and you are NOT going to like it!" General Barracuda as Tigress angrily says: "How DARE you disagree with ME?!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?!!!!!!!!!! Well, let me give you a little REMINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And General Barracuda as Tigress SLAMS his/her left arm paw as HARD as possible into the Cadbury Castle hill site, and the whole site, cracks, creaks, and CRUMBLES into nothingness into the ground! General Barracuda as Tigress smirks, and says: "Do you REALLY want to end up like THAT?!!!" Bulma, however, decides she's had ENOUGH of the charade, and she says: "I think it's time you DROPPED trying to PRETEND that you're Tigress, General Barracuda!" General Barracuda as Tigress, however, is unfazed, and says: "I don't have the SLIGHTEST idea what you're talking about! I AM Master Tigress! I am the STRONGEST, I am the SMARTEST, I am the FASTEST, I am the TOUGHEST, and by necessary extension and explanation, the MEANEST!!!! If I'm NOT who I say I am, than I HOPE Justin Bieber gets STRUCK by lightning!" Wanda magically poofs a TV set for General Barracuda to see, and a News Announcer on it says: "And in breaking news, after a long time of it NOT happening; Justin Bieber has ONCE again been struck by lightning!"

General Barracuda as Tigress BREAKS the TV set, and says: "That proves NOTHING!!!!" Marlene says: "Look, you still have time to AVOID a crushing defeat! WE know you're not Tigress, Sniz knows you're NOT Tigress, even SPONGEBOB knows you're not Tigress! You can STILL get out of this GRACEFULLY!!!!" General Barracuda as Tigress, twitches and gets REALLY angry, and says: "LOOK, if you WANT me to PROVE that I really AM who I say I am, than I'm willing to THROW down with Spongebob, RIGHT now! I could care LESS whether or NOT whether it's Marlene or Yakkity who WINS; I just want to make SURE that SPONGEBOB loses!!!!" Sniz says: "Well, YOU'RE out of luck! This is a final Three, and it's going to STAY a Final Three! Because there's NO amount of money, in the WORLD; that can make me change my--!" And General Barracuda as Tigress, pulls out a BRIEFCASE filled with $30 million in it, and Sniz instantly says: "MONEY!!!! Cancelling ALL thoughts of rational legal and safety protocol in my mind! I'm sure if anybody HAS any complaints, THAT should be more than enough to cover it! Besides, just imagine the RATINGS!!!! What are your conditions, 'Tigress'?" General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Simple. Since we all know that Spongebob knows jack-squat about King Arthur or ANYTHING regarding the Knights of the Round Table, we'll just SKIP the Steps of Knowledge and get RIGHT to the Physical Challenge! A Sword fight, between Spongebob, and me!" Marlene asks: "What about me and Yakkity?" General Barracuda as Tigress says: "I'm FIGHTING on YOUR behalf! If I win, you two AUTOMATICALLY get to go to the Final Two and figure out the champion for YOURSELF! If Spongebob wins, than HE has to CHOOSE which of his TWO good buddies he will HAVE to eliminate, which he will NEVER do, because he would NEVER hurt the ones he LOVES!!!!" Sandy says: "You are ABSOLUTELY crazy!!!! Spongebob would NEVER agree to such--!" But Spongebob glowing yellow, angrily says: "I don't CARE what your conditions are, I am NOT backing down from this CHALLENGE!!!!" And Spongebob once again transforms into a Super Saiyan 2!

General Barracuda as Tigress eagerly says: "That's it! How could you POSSIBLY lose to me, without the knowledge that you gave it your ALL, and you STILL couldn't win?!!!" And General Barracuda as Tigress TOSSES a sword STUCK in an anvil and stone to Spongebob, while General Barracuda as Tigress pulls out a sword NOT stuck in anything. General Barracuda as Tigress, says: "Oh, in case you're wondering, THAT is the Legendary Lost Sword of Excalibur! I'd figure I'd save Marlene and Yakkity the trouble of trying to find it!" Yakkity says: "Not that I doubt your ability, but you CAN'T just break the RULES like THAT!!!!" General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Actually, I think I've proven that I can! I'm richer AND stronger than everyone else HERE!!!!" Spongebob angrily says: "Richer, MAYBE!!!! But Stronger? Let's agree to DISAGREE!!!!" And Spongebob reaches for the hilt of the sword, in order to pull it out of the anvil and stone! General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Oh, did I forget to mention? Since in THIS version of the legend, Excalibur IS the Sword In The Stone, and 'Only the Chosen may wield'? Meaning an ETERNAL LOSER like you can NEVER pull it out! But, I'll still give you a customary ten seconds to realize your futility and run away. It will make the inevitable chase more interesting...for ME!!!! One..." But Spongebob grunts and groans as he attempts to pull Excalibur out of the stone and anvil! General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Two..." But Spongebob doesn't relent, and pushes harder AND tougher to get the sword out of the stone and anvil! General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Three..." Spongebob grunts as he is grasping to free the sword with all his might! General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Four..." Spongebob actually begins to wiggle the sword, and CRACKS begin appearing in the sword and anvil! General Barracuda as Tigress FINALLY realizes that Spongebob IS serious about TRYING to fight him, and says: "You're TRYING my patience!" Thankfully, at that moment, Po appears in the distance, and runs toward the scene, as General Barracuda as Tigress quickly counts: "Five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN!!!!" And General Barracuda as Tigress lunges forward, only for Po to grab the disguised fish by the tail, and Po asks: "What are you DOING?!!! We had an AGREEMENT!!!!" General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Stay out of my WAY, foolish pretentious PRETENDER; or you won't live LONG!!!!"

And General Barracuda as Tigress gives Po a left uppercut, and pins Po on the ground! General Barracuda as Tigress says: "I'm not just doing this for you, I'm doing this for ME!!!! We HAVE to prove that the STRONG are the STRONG and the WEAK are the WEAK!" But General Barracuda is totally unaware that Spongebob is actually FREEING the sword as light begins to shine on it!
General Barracuda as Tigress says: "If we let Spongebob win this season, do you have ANY idea what that would DO to the balance of NATURE?!!! Horses would ride cars, cats would mother porcupines, humans wouldn't even be the main stars of an animated sitcom! It would ruin EVERYTHING until there is nothing RECOGNIZABLE of the Earth we KNOW! Is THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!!!" Po asks: "Tigress, what's WRONG with you?!" Spongebob angrily says: "I know what's WRONG!!!!" And Spongebob actually MANAGES to completely pry Excalibur FREE of the Sword In the Stone, causing General Barracuda as Tigress to scream: "AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And Spongebob actually manages to swing the sword, causing General Barracuda as Tigress to quickly defend with his/her own sword! General Barracuda as Tigress says: "Im...IMPOSSIBLE!!!!" Spongebob angrily says: "Like I said, 'Let's agree to disagree'!!!!" General Barracuda as Tigress, dodges out of the sword-lock, and gets to a standing position! General Barracuda as Tigress angrily says: "I don't CARE if you CAN turn Super Saiyan 2, wield Excalibur, star in around 300 episodes, 3 movies, and potentially 2 more movies, you will STILL never be stronger than ME!!!!" Spongebob says: "Your complete, utter, and unwarranted arrogance has ALWAYS been YOUR greatest weakness! But, I will agree with you on ONE point; I HAVE never been ABLE to beat YOU in combat before...GENERAL HORATIO BARRACUDA!"

This causes General Barracuda as Tigress to go utterly BESERK, and he/she says: "I WILL PROVE MY SUPERIORITY IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!!" And General Barracuda as Tigress begins thrashing and slashing with his/her sword as hard as possible, but Spongebob keeps BLOCKING every blow! Johnny Krill says: "Remember when this show USED to be about contestants answering questions and finding lost legends?" Olmec says: "Sadly, I do." Marlene says: "How long can they possibly FIGHT like that?!" Bulma says: "Even I don't know! Stamina and endurance can only help you hold out for so long, eventually, one of them is going to have to give!" General Barracuda as Tigress says: "You've been a LOT more trouble than ANY sponge should be worth, but it will SOON be over NOW; you MISERABLE INVERTEBRATE--!!!!" But at that moment, General Barracuda as Tigress begins twitching, and nervously says: "NO!!!! Not now, not now! Not now when I'm so freaking CLOSE!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And at that moment, the Anti-Fairy magic wears off, and General Barracuda reverts back to normal!!!! General Barracuda, in his normal voice screams: "NO!!!! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and NO!!!! I was so close, I was so close, I was SO close; I was so, SO, STINKING CLOSE!!!! I didn't hesitate, I didn't mess around, I was the PERFECT warrior! And you're telling me I STILL couldn't seal the deal?!!!"

Sniz says: "Well, while I appreciate the great fight, the fact of the matter is; the FIGHT was SUPPOSED to be between TIGRESS and Spongebob! YOU are NOT Tigress, so YOU are disqualified! Which means, by the rules of your OWN deal, Spongebob is the WINNER with Immunity!!!!" General Barracuda sputters, and he says: "But...I wasn't ACTUALLY supposed to ACTUALLY lose!!!! There's just no way!!" Spongebob powers down, and he drops Excalibur, and he says: "So, WHO'S the coward unwilling to accept his OWN deal now?!" General Barracuda angrily fumes, and he says: "I NEVER go back on my word! You've WON your little game and your little Immunity; but play time is over for YOU NOW!!!! Now, you have to FORCE one of your friends OUT OF THIS GAME!!" Sniz says: "I'm afraid, General Barracuda is right! A deal IS a deal! And someone must be eliminated from this challenge!!!!" General Barracuda laughs wickedly, and he says: "I'll still get the LAST laugh! You ALWAYS HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE!!" And Spongebob gulps nervously! (Castle Confessional) Spongebob says: "What have I gotten myself INTO?!!! I knew I shouldn't have fought General Barracuda, but he was just so...ERRR!!!! Well, I've got ONE trick that might SAVE my friends! I just hope it works!" / Marlene says: "Seeing Spongebob fight against General Barracuda was SO awesome! But was it worth it? Spongebob certainly isn't going to keep someone like ME around, if he WANTS an easy win! And I highly DOUBT he'd be willing to break Yakkity's heart! I just NEVER thought the game would end THIS way!" / Yakkity says: "I highly doubt Spongebob is going to want to keep ME! He's known and been friends with Marlene for FAR longer than he has with me; and therefore, has a lot more to LOSE by eliminating HER! I seriously DOUBT he's going to risk breaking Marlene's heart! I just NEVER thought the game would end THIS way!" (End Confessional) The Contestants, their helpers, Buhdeuce, Sway-Sway, Johnny Krill, Po, Wanda, Sniz, Olmec, and a reluctant General Barracuda are standing around a makeshift campfire. Po angrily says: "You have a LOT of nerve magically disguising yourself like Tigress and trying to make her LOOK bad! You ought to be ASHAMED of yourself!"

General Barracuda scoffs, and he says: "PLEASE!!!! If I were CAPABLE of feeling ashamed of myself, I would NEVER admit that Bubble Bass, was in fact MY son; which I have!" Bubble Bass says: "I'm not sure whether to feel delighted or insulted by that comment!" Johnny Krill sighs, and he says: "Sad to say, General Barracuda has the same contract I've got. Sniz will let him finish the season before he decides what to do with him." Sniz says: "Well, I've just got to say, this episode went NOTHING like I thought it would! Don't get me wrong, it was interesting! But; I hope the next episode will go a lot more according to plan! Contestants; since Marlene and Yakkity will obviously vote for each other and cancel each others vote out, Spongebob will have the deciding vote as to which of his contestants he will eliminate. Once the choice is read, the contestant and their helper must hop on the Magical Mystery Tour Bus, where they will join the other eliminated contestants. That means they are out of the game and can never come back, EVER!!!!" And everyone looks nervously at Spongebob, who's looking nervous himself! Johnny says: "I have no personal stake in this thing, and even I'M nervous about the ordeal!" Sandy says: "Don't worry yourself, Spongebob will make the right call!" Bubble Bass says: "I hope so, otherwise, I'm going to miss out on the finale!" Bulma asks: "What about ME?! I'm the prettiest AND the smartest! I have EVERY right to be here, you know!" Buhduece says: "Like this season even REMOTELY revolved around YOU!" Yakkity says: "Exactly! I'M the one who's actually at RISK of being eliminated!" Spongebob says: "Everyone, just CALM DOWN!!!! I need to cast my vote!" Sniz says: "Right! Since we don't have our voting machine, Spongebob will write his choice on a piece of paper, and than hand it to me. You can use the Confessional to do your writing!" Spongebob gets up, and Sway-Sway sincerely says: "Good luck, Spongebob. You're gonna need it." General Barracuda says: "You didn't have to say THAT!!!!" (Castle Confessional) Spongebob looks around, and he says: "OH, PLEASE let this WORK!!!!" And he writes something down! (End Confessional)

Spongebob heads back, and hands Sniz the piece of paper. Sniz says: "Spongebob has spoken! And the next contestant, who will be eliminated from this game, IS...!!!!" And everyone tenses up in anticipation, only for Sniz to get a WEIRD look and say: "NEITHER?!!!" Sniz says: "Uh, Spongebob; you were SUPPOSED to write down a contestant you WANTED to eliminate!" Wanda says: "Actually, what Spongebob did was a perfectly LEGAL maneuver! There's nothing against the rules against him wanting to NOT eliminate EITHER of the contestants! And once the vote is cast, it's valid and unbreakable; EVEN for you!" Sniz is exasperated, and he says: "And here I thought, Spongebob NOT wanting to eliminate anybody was amusing. But now, it's become a hindrance. Obviously, that's going to have to be a rule patch for that kind of stunt NEXT season! Well, since I am SO generous--." And everyone else laughs LOUDLY at that statement, and Sniz says: "Don't know exactly why THAT is so hilarious, but get it out of your system; I have decided that it WILL be a Final Three after all!" Marlene breathes a sigh of relief, and she says: "Spongebob SAVED us, Bubble Bass! We're STILL in the game!" Yakkity breathes a sigh of relief, and he says: "I never thought Spongebob would save US, Bulma! We still get to play, to!" Sandy is exasperated, and she asks: